Transcript of Giggling about handshakes, bandwagons, and New Yorkers New

Sup, Gigglers? Gary, fix your Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit.

We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me.

Okay, we're doing a social experiment this morning where we're recording Giggly Squad at 8 AM just for fun to see what would happen.

I packed a whole outfit to look cute and then I walked in and I go, not the vibe.

You're literally my mom. You go, so you didn't clean? I cleaned for 30 Wait a minute.

I got this new maroon top that's like leather on the top and then like has like fringe on the bottom and I had like white jeans.

This apartment has never seen a fringe.

And I go, you know what, I'm gonna stay in what I'm wearing.

So we're sitting on my couch because Paige has a pet. It's a whole thing.

It's a whole thing.

It's a whole thing. And I've— it's a whole thing. First of all, Nick's just lost, that's why I'm wearing black. Oh, my black Nick shirt. And, but last night, poor Grace. Grace had a whole day with me. We did Seth Meyers, we were running around.

I feel like I'm gonna turn and look at you.

I'm uncomfortable.

Good thing you're wearing sunglasses.

Yeah. Okay. So she, I basically after Seth Meyers was like, what are you doing for the Knicks game? And she's like, I don't know. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna come over. Mm-hmm. And hang out.

Yeah.

And I forget that I'm her boss. Mm-hmm. Cause I'm like, maybe she's had a whole day with me. Right. And maybe she doesn't want her like, boss coming over. Yeah, so I come in, I come in at like 8:30, jump on the couch with her, immediately start FaceTiming you. So her boss comes over, starts—

I'm in shock and awe that you guys are hanging out.

We're literally on a sleepover. Yeah, I order pizza, and then me and you are loudly FaceTiming, and Grace is just sitting there like, can I have a day?

Can I have a minute in my own home at 10 PM.

Like, for a second I'm like, maybe she doesn't want to feel like me and you are—

at one point when we were on the phone, I was gonna ask Grace to look something up for me, and then I go— and then in my head I was like, no, it's 10 PM and she's on her own couch. Like, am I gonna ask her a favor right now? I actually wanted her to look up what the weather was gonna be like today for my outfit that I didn't end up wearing.

Wait, my favorite thing is waking up and like asking my mom what the weather is. And I asked Des and he goes, look it up. And I'm like, you've been up since 6 AM.

Yeah, just tell me what the vibe—

tell me what the vibes are.

Also, you can look at the weather app, but you don't really know the vibe. Yeah, I see. I go to my window every day, I look at the girls on the street, I go, are they in jackets or just long sleeve shirts? Are they in short sleeve shirts?

Is it a light jacket? Tell you, is there Is it a capri?

And you don't, I never look at the men because their temperature is not. So if I see a girl in a workout outfit plus a hoodie, it's a little chilly out. Wait, I have to say something about the Knicks. I'm not saying anything negative about the Knicks. Like I'm so proud of them. I really hope it's their time. The Instagram videos of all the guys outside, I can't do it. I actually can't do it anymore.

Like someone says, someone goes, this is their Eros tour. Like all the men are outside MSG together, like chanting and singing.

Literally, just kiss. Because they're like fighting each other. They like want a hug.

They want a kiss.

They want a hug so bad, but they're like, they like are doing it in like a beat up way. And I'm like, just hug.

So the best part about it is Paige keeps, now has Nyx on her algorithm and she's realizing that, guess who's commenting on all of these videos?

It's crazy. Every time I look in the comments and I see your name, I—

I'm like, go Nyx. I die laughing.

But like, I saw a video last night when they lost and the streets were crazy. And I'm like, women are emotional. What are you talking? You just beat up a guy for wearing a jersey that you don't, for wearing an outfit you don't like. You beat up a man for wearing an outfit you don't like, but we're the problem for wearing a guy's name that you don't like.

Cause you don't like that guy.

He's like, that guy's wearing black and gray and we're not wearing black and gray tonight. It's like, okay, Regina.

No, but talk about mean. No, literally talk about Mean Girls. They're like, I don't like the guys you support. I'm so obsessed with it, but I'm also like, now I'm nervous for them because the Knicks have been so bad for so long and now they're like supposed to win. And I'm like, don't put that on these guys.

My first thought last night was, are any of— did any of them pop a beta before they came out tonight? Because what if like they're so nervous? I'm like, the pressure.

I know. But, um, the gigglers were funny. There's some Spurs fans obviously who are gigglers and this is a safe space for you guys.

We just— sorry, where are they even from?

San Antonio. Yes, we've been there. Yes, remember? Nope, you don't remember. I don't. It was a dark time.

The only thing I know about the Spurs is that Eva Longoria's ex-husband used to play with Tony Parker, and he's French, and, and he's just like hot French guy, and he cheated on her whilst I think he was still playing. That's the only thing I know about Spurs.

An athlete cheated? Yeah. My nana was visiting Grace last week while I was traveling.

Okay, everyone's just hanging with Grace.

Look, Grace is like, look, we— she left her family. She left her family. And sometimes I'm like, do you want to run to Grandma? So I was like, Nana, go visit Grace. Calls Grace and goes, I made pesto. Do you know what pesto is?

She's like, you're fair-skinned, you have blue eyes, so you probably don't know marinara.

North Carolina. Do they know what linguine is? But she literally said, do you know what pesto is to Grace?

You ever had a baby clam? Ever? Do they have those in North, you guys like seafood in North Carolina. You ever had a baby clam?

You ever put a breadcrumb on the baby clam? A little olive oil on a clam?

We call it a clam casino. You might call it something else where you're from.

And then you take the bread and you soak it. Wait, so Nana, literally it was like Rent-A-Grandma? Yeah. Do you miss your grandparents? And I was like, I just thought about my grandpa. Anyway, so then she visited and I was like, ask them about Brooklyn in the '30s or whenever.

Ask them— What?

You were giving her questions? I said, ask Nana about the apartment she grew up in.

You made up a biography?

But old people love talking about that.

And it's like, you never get to hear history from the horse's mouth. Yeah, her story.

So that was fun. Um, oh, one last Knicks thing. So I took my dad to a practice. I wasn't at the game yesterday. I took him to a practice, and we're in the hallway, and I see Fat Joe.

Sorry, I know that's his name, but that sounds like a name that we need to name, like, my old situation. I'm like, I remember a Fat Joe.

No, that's the guy on Hinge in my phone that I'm like please don't text him again. So I see Fat Joe coming towards me, and this is the thing, New York is like healed right now. Like, New York people in the streets are like saying good morning.

One of my girlfriends was on the bus with Fat Joe and Timothée Chalamet. I DM'd, I was like, oh yeah, where are you?

Oh yeah, are you kidnapped? Are you getting trafficked?

She was wearing a bandana as a shirt. I go, what is happening, Alexa?

And I was walking down the street 2 days ago, middle of the day, and people are just yelling, "Go Knicks!" I'm like, this is crazy.

I made a TikTok yesterday. I was like, I don't know what the caption is, so I just did, "Go Knicks!" I know, I know.

But I got home and I realized I was wearing a Knicks shirt, so that makes sense. But I didn't realize I was wearing a Knicks shirt at the time. But New Yorkers are literally like, they've never been nicer.

Wait, the other day I was getting off the airplane and it was me and Joe, and some girl turned and goes, "Are you guys going to the game?" And I didn't think she was talking to me, so I didn't say anything. And in my head I was like, what fucking game? I thought she was talking to the guy behind me, 'cause I was like, I don't know, what game?

You know, the game of life.

I was like, no.

But that's what college is like when you're at a sports school. Like every Sunday it's like about the game. Like everyone's going to the game, everyone's watching the game, everyone, if we win or lose, is affected by the game. But anyway, so I see Fat Joe, and I don't bother celebrities, you guys know me. You know me. I'm like that. This girl did a TikTok where it's like when you see a celebrity and you think you're cool because you're not speaking to them. That's literally me. I'm like, yeah, I'm so respectful right now.

Anytime I walk by Julianne Moore anywhere in the city, I'm like, is that like a regular occurrence? Yeah. I feel like Julianne Moore is like always out in the city.

I've seen her like 4 times and she has red hair, so it's like, you see her, you see her. Yeah.

I've never said hi once, but wait, you're so cool for that. Thank you. I've seen her at dinner. I've seen her at lunch.

In my head, I'm like, well, one day when I'm in a movie with her, that's when I'll meet her. Yeah, why force it on her now, right? Why bother her dating, right? But I see Fat Joe and I was like, it's the— it's the Knicks. Like, I'm saying hi to Fat Joe. But then as he's coming towards me, and he's coming towards me with his clique, yeah, like he rolls with a clique.

Um, do you think he came up with the name Fat Joe, or do you think someone was like—

great question. Well, this is the thing, as he's walking towards me, I'm like, I don't I feel like I should call him Fat Joe. I feel like I don't like speaking about people's bodies, right? So then I just go, hi, Mr. Joe. But, but that's my move, you guys. I've done it before. It works. They love it. I did it to Rick Ross. I said, hi, Mr. Ross.

Wait, that— where did you run into Rick Ross?

Wait, some Hampton party?

DJ Khaled on the—

well, DJ Khaled, his— he's everywhere.

That— okay, as someone who doesn't give a fuck about sports, is DJ Khaled in New York? No, he's a Miami Heat fan. When I saw that last night on the TV, I was like, fake. I was like, why the hell would they let DJ Khaled sit on the court?

No, that's— well, maybe he just paid for it, but no.

But the Knicks have been really strict about who's on the court and what celebrities are at the Knicks.

Yeah, you have to be like a hard Tracy Morgan. Ben Stiller. Well, 'cause also there's—

wait, did you see the thing that Jennifer Lopez said?

Oh yeah.

That was like JLo. You're only a New Yorker if you were born here.

This is my thing with JLo. She loves a villain arc.

I actually did watch her new movie on Netflix. Stop moving your tongue like that. What? You were just moving your tongue. Yes. Stop. While I was talking.

Wait, I did not. Am I becoming like an, a crazy old person who doesn't know what my limbs are doing at all times? Wait, so if I see Fat Joe, I say, "Hi, Mr. Joe," in front of all of his friends. Yeah. And I— and then I just go to dab him up. Pat was there. Pat saw it. And he looks at me and he just dabs my ass up. And then did you hug? No, but dabs are like more intimate than hugging because we did a full secret handshake.

Yeah.

Do you know how to dab? Yeah.

I'm a loser, Hannah.

Wait, that was really good. But your fingers are so long, I got lost in it. Wait, that was really smooth.

Um, actually, that's like a non-sexual thing that I find attractive. Like when guys like see each other for the first time and they like dap each other up. And one time I had a boyfriend who couldn't dap. No, he had never dap anyone. Like his friends would walk in and they'd say like, hey, and I'd be like, I have to run away. I'm like, none of you ever played sports in high school, so I have to go.

There's nothing hotter than two guys who just met smoothly dapping. Yeah. There's like dap chemistry between guys.

They also have levels to it. Like, they're not pulling in if they don't know you. Which I think is so chic of them.

And then there's a snap sometimes.

Yeah, that's like, they're real good friends.

When they snap, that's fully Mary-Kate and Ashley. When they do a snap. They love their secret handshakes. Um, so, so honestly, it went— it like went— the interaction went really well. And then he walked off, and I think they were doing a podcast, and one of his podcast producers was like, my wife really loves you guys. And I was like, so I'm in with Fat Joe.

Yeah.

Then I just almost wanted to start walking with his clique.

I was like, I'm like, part of those groupies.

Yeah. I wonder, like, his friends definitely don't call him like, Fat Joe, hey Fat. It's like Lady Gaga, like, you know, right, lady.

But I think they're calling her Stephanie. I think they're just calling him Joe. Joe. Wait, okay, so back to the JLo thing. What do you think? How many years, or do you think you have to be born— because you're born New York, so you're a true New Yorker. Do you think you have to be born and raised in New York, or do you think you have to live here for a certain amount of years?

This is the thing, I feel like she I feel like she got annoyed that people made fun of her for the like orange soda thing.

Yeah, she's on her own tour. Yeah, like her own revenge tour.

She's on her revenge tour with it. Um, okay, I am a firm believer that what makes New York so beautiful is that it's a melting pot of so many different cultures that have come from so many different places, and that's what makes New York so great.

Miss USA.

And peace and world peace. But I always tell people, like, if you can survive New York, like, you're a New Yorker.

There's a girl on TikTok saying, like, the saying is like, after you've lived here for 10 years, you're a New Yorker. And someone was like, but there's inflation, so it should be 20 years. And I thought that was good. I think it's like a—

like, I think Grace is a New Yorker.

It's an energy. You're a New Yorker when you're here and you're I think if you've gotten into a physical altercation at LaGuardia, you're a New Yorker. If you've yelled at anyone at a major airport in New York City, you're a New Yorker.

Yeah, but I also feel like this is the thing: if I move out of New York, I'm still a New Yorker. Yeah. If someone else is not from New York moves out of New York, you're not a New Yorker anymore, right? That's the biggest difference.

I would agree with that.

That's the biggest difference. But like I always say, you come in, New York is going to chew you up and spit you out. New York is crazy. There was Every block is insane right now, and if you can just like laugh at it and enjoy it—

yeah, I will say, after living in New York for— I don't think I'm— what am I, 12 years? You're a New Yorker. 11 or 12 years. Going anywhere else and being there for like longer than a week, you're kind of like, what do you guys do? Like, what, what do you guys do every day? Like, there's so much energy in New York that isn't in other places.

Like, so overstimulated.

Any other place is so much slower, and it's like like, wow, this is how you guys live every day.

Well, I understand why people think New Yorkers are assholes, because every block, something's happening on that block that would be like headline local news.

Yeah, but it's not always mean. Like, I've been— no, not that— the country where people have been way meaner to me in the middle of the street.

New Yorkers are— New Yorkers are— you just cannot talk to every single person because every single person's having like the craziest thing happen in their life in that moment.

But if you walk down the street anywhere in New York and you're like What's the time? Like, someone is— they'll tell you—

responding to you. You can just yell it and someone will respond.

Also, there's such a freedom that you can just cry and no one cares, and you can wear whatever you want because no one knows where you're going or where you were coming from. That is so— so you could have been coming from a gala, they don't know.

I feel like there's some places where everyone's literally wearing the exact same outfit, doing the exact same thing. New York, you're so right. You couldn't wear anything, a BDSM outfit, and people were like, geez. It's going somewhere. Yeah.

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That's nutrafol.com spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L wait, since this is a sports podcast, yeah, the next thing I wanted to bring up that's like really causing me anxiety is the FIFA World Cup. Where are they putting all these goddamn people?

Where is it?

It's in New Jersey. What? It's at MetLife.

What?

But like, how are they getting there?

Wait, foreigners going to New Jersey makes me laugh so hard.

It's like a whole crazy thing because everyone's like, well, we'll just walk to the stadium.

Everyone in New Jersey is like, no, no, wait, British people in New Jersey makes me laugh so much.

Anyone in New Jersey makes me laugh.

Italians in New Jersey, they're going to like fight with the American Italians.

They changed like all the Airbnb rules, like now everyone's Airbnb-ing their house.

Wow. I'm nervous about that.

I'm just confused. Like MetLife is such a man, 'cause like, they're like, yeah, like we can do it, like we'll host it. And it's like, okay, like we're gonna come. We're gonna go to MetLife.

Like, have you ever done this before?

Yeah, like we're gonna go to MetLife's house this weekend. Like, did you get all the necessary like drinks and like food? And MetLife's kind of like, yeah, we'll figure it out when you get here. And it's like, okay, well there's nowhere to park.

I love that you're in all the New Jersey neighborhood like drama. Are you gonna be a New Jersey housewife?

No.

Started watching Rhode Island. Their accent is a combination of New York and Boston. I do also like—

don't tell Love Island, I'll blow their mind. Don't tell Love Island where Rhode Island is, they'll freak out.

I can't get myself to watch Love Island. I saw that intro, that was kind of catchy.

What was the intro?

What's with the music video that they do for the intro? They go, oh yeah, that. And then go like this with their arms.

See, if I'm Ariana, I'm getting that taken out of my contract. But she loves singing and dancing. Oh, she does. But like, I— if someone said we're doing a music video before, I'm like, no.

Also, are the people like getting in a huge fight and crying and then they're like, hey, we have to actually shoot the intro right now? Like, you know how reality TV works. You know, they just like— someone just got in a fight and they were like, now we're doing the intro.

Well, no, because it's real time. Oh wait, did you watch it, the intro?

I just see it on my TikTok and it's really weird.

The contestants in together, like, it was like separate, then they shoot it separately.

Oh, and then one girl was like doing splits the whole time and I'm like, that would have been me if I knew how to do a split.

Thank God you don't know how to do this. I think that would actually— I think it would ruin our friendship.

No, for sure, I'd be in a split right now. Yeah, speaking of splits, I would end every sentence With the sweater.

Period.

That'd be my period. Also—

Did you see Dua Lipa's wedding?

You loved it.

I love her. I'm obsessed with her. 'Cause I love people where I'm like, that's not a real person. That's not a real person. That's not a real life story. You're telling me they met reading the same book?

Yeah.

Come on.

Yeah.

Come on.

I did see some like TikTok drama.

I'm lucky if a guy like can read a text.

I can't even think of something. Knows what CCing is.

My bar is so low at 33. Reading the same book and they were on the same chapter and he said to her, I guess we're on the same page.

Shut up. That was a publicist put that together.

I think that romantic stuff doesn't happen to me because I would be like, wait, like if a guy was sitting next to me and we were reading the same book and he was like, haha, we're on the same page, I'd be like Get away from me.

Not to put Grace on blast for the third time on this podcast, but we love her dating stories. And I'm not gonna get into detail of it. Yeah, we're not gonna go on this like horrible date, and at the end he said one of the funniest things I've ever heard. He just goes, after a horrible date, like, hor— like the worst shit you can imagine, he looks at her and he goes, we're gonna make history together. And I think that's how I'm going to end every phone call from now on. Like, how'd you not call the police after that? I'm like, history. Am I going to be in a Netflix doc where like I'm fucking— my skin is hanging in a basement? Like, what do you mean we're making history together?

From now on, that's how I'm changing my signature in my email. Like, that is— we're going to make— we're going to make history.

He also told her, my dad is paying for this, which low-key, I'm like, at least I know where the source is coming from. At least I have an honest dig.

Yeah, for like info.

Yeah. Okay, update. Secret Lives of Mormons. Yeah, so as you guys know, Paige like put on a season 3. Were you on season 3?

Who knows, who knows.

But I was like, okay, I'll just start. You watched it in like a crazy format, crazy format, because I felt like if I watched it this way, I wasn't like actually watching it.

Yeah, you're tricking yourself.

So I was like, I'll watch, I'll finish watching what Paige put on, right? And then I was like, well, that doesn't make sense, so I'm to go to the season before that. Yeah. So I finally last night was like, okay, none of this makes sense because I'm watching it in reverse.

Let me go to season 1.

Let's just watch season 1, episode 1. And I finally committed. I need to like write Whitney Levitt a handwritten note. Also, Demi is so hard to say. I want to say Demi so bad, but I think you can. I respect your culture. Yeah. No one was mad at Demi at all.

In the first season. Yeah. No, no, because they hated Whitney so much, and then it like immediately flip-flopped. No, it's, it's some of the best reality TV.

And but the edit is so clear to me. Like, there's this moment where you could tell Whitney has a reason she doesn't like Taylor, and you're allowed to like be hurt and not like someone.

Well, because Whitney really She's not fake. Because they are all Mormon and a lot of them are married and love their husbands, Whitney, I think, takes her marriage, not even the religion aspect, I think she takes her marriage the most serious of all the other girls.

The other girls are like, I will divorce tomorrow if you let me.

Yeah, which I love that too.

I love that too.

But I feel like she, her and her husband, I feel like they really do love each other.

This is the thing with reality TV too is you have to be fake to make it work. Totally. Where Whitney, she's like, You told everyone that me and my husband were swinging. He also was cheating on me. She, she, she opens up and tells everyone. And I'm not saying anyone's good or evil or to root for Whitney. I'm just, when I was watching it, I was like, Whitney's also a performer. So you could tell that she was giving them stuff. Like even the Fruity Pebbles thing, you could tell the producers were like, this will be a great scene. We don't have anything going on tonight. Can you just put this together? She'll think it's funny. She showed up and did it. She didn't do anything that you You could tell it was like for TV.

And then when there was nothing life ruining.

Also, you know, the episode starts and Taylor Frankie Paul is like, I just hope that all my friends show up to this baby shower, even though I haven't seen them all in a year. And last time they saw me, I was getting arrested. But I hope they all come to support me. And every 3 seconds, I hope all my friends are going to be there. Yeah, I hope all my friends are going to be there. You know that the producers told Whitney, like, some people are coming, some aren't. Like, whatever. You don't have to go. Yeah. So then the whole thing becomes how horrible Whitney is, and Whitney's like, I haven't talked to her in a year. That's weird. Yeah.

And that's totally that, like, wait, you're just supposed to show up with a baby trunk at a, at a baby shower you don't really want to go to? I'm like, I don't even want to be here. Look at how my bitch is the best. And now I'm leaving.

And then there's a scene where Whitney and Taylor finally have their talk to like work it out. And as someone who understands a little how the sausage is made, you can tell that the conversation is going too well.

Like, they're getting along, they're getting—

like, they're understanding each other. Like, Taylor's like, I understand I hurt you and I'm sorry. And when he's like, thank you for listening, like— and then they're like, Demi, go fuck that shit up. Like, Demi runs in and then just starts yelling at Whitney. And I'm like, Whitney and Taylor, it was working too good, and producers were like, we gotta create a fight.

How is there not a scripted show about a reality show.

Unreal is like the one show.

Yeah, but that's almost like they tried, they made that show so serious. Like that show wasn't funny.

Yeah, yeah, and it is, there's a definitely funniness to it.

Yeah, there's a funniness to thinking about like all these people sitting, 'cause they do, sitting around like a boardroom and being like, what's gonna really piss her off this summer? You know, like what's gonna really grind her gears?

So, but then also the fact that like Whitney just kept crying and like feeling misunderstood and like running away, like the fact that people saw that and were like, fuck her, she's evil. It's just the masses can be asses.

You heard it here first. The masses can be asses. Well, yeah, also like there's something really dark that a people that you don't know have the power to like change your reputation from year to year. Like Whitney went from the most hated to then like, okay, semi-hated, to then the most loved.

And she's the same person.

And she's the same person throughout the whole thing. But also that's like really mental.

I didn't watch season 2. She definitely stopped talking, right?

A little bit. Yeah, she was like, cool, um, guess I'm not gonna—

guess every time I talk it's gonna be a thing.

Yeah.

I'm gonna stop talking.

So it's really, there's like such a lack of critical thinking skills from a lot of people.

But yeah, I love revisiting things that in the moment was everyone jumped on the bandwagon. I hate a bandwagon. Yeah, you do. I hate, the second I see it, I'm like, I can't support this bandwagon. Like I don't even know what happened and I'm like, I don't like this bandwagon. And but people, it's like when people see a line outside and they're like, it must be good, I'm gonna wait in that line. I'm immediately like—

Well, those are psychotic people.

Yeah, but I don't believe the line.

I don't think I've ever met someone that's waited in a line like that. Next time you see a bandwagon or a line, think twice.

Okay, that's how we're gonna—

Wait, I have a question for you because this came up in just like my daily life last night, and then I was like, oh, I wonder what Hannah does. How do you organize like your day, like your to-do list for the day?

I have a Notes app. It says shit to do.

Like the iPhone Notes app? Yeah. Or you have a separate Notes app? Okay, and you do have like an everyday one?

I have like, this is a to-do list and it's like just for today. It's like my life one that I'm like, because every day I try to get it down to zero. Oh wow. But the truth is, you try and get that list down to zero.

How many things are on that list right now?

Well, so I have 4 like things. These are like work things that aren't— don't need to get done.

Um, where— what's like your like—

oh yeah, then there's a to-do now. Oh my God.

Then there's a different from the other to-do. Yeah, that's a long to-do. Then you have like a—

I've actually got— honestly, because my special's out, I'm kind of living like, fuck my day-to-day. I'm like, we just gotta focus on the special right now. Okay. But my to-do list on my phone runs my life.

How do you know what— like, what— how do you do your calendar?

Um, like, my calendar also—

are you using—

do you know Des doesn't use a calendar? On his phone. No. Also, I have to apologize. Everyone's mad. He's not a boomer. He's a Gen X. I apologize. It just— boomer is way funnier to say.

Oh my God, that's giving— I'm not Gen Z. I'm— shut up.

No, people were like, your husband's not a boomer. And I was like, he's my husband. I'll talk shit when I want to.

But, um, whatever. Both of them have us in a housing crisis, so does it really matter?

I said, you don't use your Google Calendar? And he's like— I'm like, how do you know what's happening 2 weeks from now, and he points to his head. That's how people used to do stuff back then though.

No, people always had calendars even though it wasn't in their phone.

He's not— I don't know how he does anything.

If I don't write it down, it doesn't happen. It's not happening. I have my calendar.

My calendar runs everything. But my problem is if I don't look at it in the morning, like, I'm fucked.

Okay, my Notes app is also I treat it as like a manifestation. So like, so I don't have it— it doesn't say to-do list, it says I get to. Like, I get to do this. Isn't that beautiful?

Who told you to do that?

I made it up in my head. Did you really? Yeah. And then each day I have it like my schedule and then my to-do list. Someone DM'd me and said, I think you might be a little OCD. And I said, I'm like, hmm, let me look into it because I think that's on your list too.

So I think, I think I get to be OCD.

I think I could be slightly a little OCD.

Well, look, not to overanalyze, but that's—

we've made a whole career of that.

Please.

I actually have been getting less and less anxious. Like, I socialized all weekend and I didn't give a fuck.

But this is the thing with OCD, it's a— it all is combined. So like, you can get OCD because you're trying to control the future, which is a symptom of anxiety. Like, I would be OCD when I had a tennis match. I would have to like do all these— like, anything I didn't want to do, I'd make myself do. Or like someone would like drop trash like across the street and I'd be like, I'm gonna go pick that up because I'll win my match if I do. Like, I would like do—

like, that's almost like a superstition.

It was superstitious, but like if I didn't do it, I'd feel like, ugh.

Interesting. Do you get that when you are gonna do your special?

I get a little, a little freaky like right before a big event where I'm just like—

where you have to do random tasks.

I, I just like sometimes I'll do things I don't want to do because I think it's good karma.

Something a man's never said. Sometimes I do things I don't want to do. Never. They've never done that. Um, yeah, I get that.

But anyway, I get to— I get to do stuff.

I get to. And I think that's a really—

wait. Beautiful. Do you know if you started a book called I Get To, you could be Mel Robbins? Actually, she's gonna steal it. She's already written it.

The new let them is I get to. I get to be annoyed today. Like, I get to be—

I get to be pissed off.

Yeah.

I get to be irritated.

Like, this morning I was like anxious, and then I was like Why? I get to like go hang out with my friend in her dirty apartment. Yeah, on her couch.

Yeah, which—

just be myself.

You love slumming it up with me.

I love it because I can like— there's no pressure.

My dad visited me yesterday and he's— we like ate Chinese food and then he started like cleaning it up and I was like, hey, hey, it's cool, chill. You don't have to do that here. I go, Mom's not here, Mom's out for the night. The parents are away, the kids will play. You are the definition of that.

Like, at 34, you're like, I was like, no parents here.

We can leave the plates in the sink forever.

Who's gonna get it?

My dad looks at me, he's like, just really awesome.

No, your dad's like, wait, seriously?

I was like, we could drink as many sodas as you want. But my dad, when I actually— when I was little with my dad, he'd be like, let's get ice cream, don't tell Mom. Yeah. Would your dad do that stuff ever?

Um, no. Because he was really scared of her.

No, my dad's scared of my mom.

The only time that's ever happened is one time my dad took me to the gas station, and they— behind the thing, they had these like light-up belly button rings. And I was like, Dad, I don't get that light-up belly button ring. Like, I think I'll die. And I was like 8, and he was like, totally. And so he buys me this light-up belly button ring, and I go home, and I'm like, I put it in my belly button.

It's a fake one.

Yeah, obviously. It's like this little button thing that you clicked and it was all these colors.

And you could put it in your— I'm bleeding in the gas station.

And my mom took one look at it and she was like, what the fuck is that? She was so mad at my dad.

She took the light bulb out of my room. She's like, that's a gateway drug. Next thing you know, she's on a pole.

Yeah, literally she was like, you're never— I could never pierce my belly button. I still think about it all the time.

Do you remember when girls were piercing their belly button?

Yeah, it's actually really upsetting to me.

Never crossed my desk. I was like, the ow.

I think I cried about it at like 17.

Like, please let me get a ring. Gen Zs don't pierce their lip. Do you remember the girls were piercing their lip?

No, you are a real New Yorker.

Yeah, in New York girls, they had crazy piercings.

No, one time I did buy like a fake tongue ring.

'Cause you're a freak.

Yeah, and I loved it. But like, I was like, I'm gonna choke and die. True. 'Cause it was like a suction cup.

Yeah, that's—

I wore it like to one night out and I was like, it's not who I am. I wanna be her, but it's just like, it's not who I am.

No, girls would have like one lip ring and it looked so uncomfortable. I was like, how do you speak? How do you do anything? But it was like, they committed to the bit.

You know what I never liked? Like I didn't mind a nose ring, but I never understood when girls would get like their eyebrow pierced. Like that always freaked me out. I was like, oh, you're mischievous.

You're cool.

Yeah. Like you do, you stay out.

Do you know what I would do now if I was 22? What? I would shave part of my eyebrow, like a line in my eyebrow. Why?

Why do you have to be 22?

You get to. You get to be any age you want.

You totally do. You could be any age you want.

But we are of the age where now, like, I'll put an outfit on, I'm like, it's a little too young for me.

I know, which is weird. I went to a club on Friday night and I was— and I put an outfit on and I was I was like, no, I can't wear that to a club.

What'd you wear?

I wore sheer. I wore— wait, I didn't even tell you this. No, you saw my TikTok.

Yeah. Oh wait, no, you were waiting to announce that you're Woman of the Week. Can you— I actually saw it and I was like, I'm saving it. Tell me in depth, like details.

I have these black sheer capris from Magda Butrym, but they're like regular pants. Like they have like a zipper and like a button, but they're completely sheer. And they give you these like black granny panties to like basically wear with them. I lost the underwear that goes with the pants, and I was like, you could have Instacarted underpants. It didn't even cross my mind because I had to leave in like 20 minutes.

Got it.

So I was like, okay.

And I wasn't there at the time because I would have given you options.

I didn't have any black like bathing suit bottoms that were like full coverage. The fact you don't have one granny panty lying around, I I don't own one thing that covers my ass.

Yeah, you don't have any bikinis that cover your butt?

No. Why? Who makes them? I've never seen one. It's never crossed my desk. I've never seen one. All my underwear, even my period underwear— chic, sexy, lace. They're lace. Like, they're gorgeous. You— so I'm like, what the fuck am I gonna do? I have one pair of like Victoria's Secret where it's like a thick band, but it's still a thong, but it's cheeky, kind of. So I put them on and I'm like, no, my whole asshole is still out. I take another pair of underwear, and you know how a thong, obviously, the front is more coverage, so I flipped it around, so then I had two pairs of underwear on.

So you are basically thonging yourself from the front and the back.

Flanking my body.

You're guillotining yourself.

My vagina. I'm like, don't worry, it'll just be a couple hours. If there was any time I was gonna get a UTI, it was in that moment, 'cause I'm like, my vagina's like suffocating.

You get to have a UTI.

I get to. And there's some girls out there that don't even have a vagina and they'd love a UTI.

Wait, that's incredible.

Yeah, so I was like so proud of myself. So I wore sheer capris and this like gold top, and I loved my outfit.

Do you know that night when someone comes over to give me a spray tan, I don't have a thong? Oh, like I do have a thong. Wait, the only thong I have is like a lace thong that I've never worn, but I have for emergencies. I'm not wearing a lace thong to get spray tan, so I wear my granny panties and then I just scrunch it in my butt. Like I give myself a wedgie and I go, go for it.

Wait, Hannah, I'm going naked.

I'm not going naked. I have— first of all, I have a— I have a family. Wait, wait, I don't go naked.

Am I weird for going naked? Yeah, I'm labia out. She's like, kick your leg out. I'm like, for sure, girl. Dude, I'm naked even if I have my period. I've got a tampon in there. Like, it's two girls. She's spray tanning me. We know what we're here for. I'm trying to impress anyone.

I'm I'm like, also, I'm like, this girl's had a day. She doesn't need to see my labia.

I mean, I do think when they're like, turn around and bend, I'm like, this is a little uncomfortable.

Also, it's like you just met them. I'm like, let's go to first base first. Like, second base, maybe like over time I'll be like, I'm ready to take my underwear off.

It's like, it doesn't even cross my mind.

I'm like, yeah, when you go to a massage, do you take it all off?

No. Well, no, no. Some people do take their underwear off during a massage.

Yeah, because they're like, I don't want a wedgie when they're like doing it. Oh, but you have a thong?

No, because they're put— there's no way.

Are you wearing a thong in a massage?

Yeah, because you're— sometimes you have to take one leg out. So how are they doing no underwear?

Well, then they put—

they put— and I do like a guy masseuse. Sue me. But their hands are bigger, and I dare I say they are stronger. Don't come for me. I do prefer a male masseuse.

It's a— I want a gay male masseuse.

I don't care, because the first time I ever had a guy masseuse, I literally stopped and I was like, wait, it's so much better when your whole hand is on my whole neck. Like, it feels different, honestly.

Okay, every— what I'm trying to say, every female masseuse— listen, I was saying female, this just turned into a red pill podcast, but every woman masseuse is listening. They've trained their whole lives.

I know.

Art form. And you're like, I want a man.

I know. I think I'm part of the problem. I get it.

Some— look, I think it's— some men are good, some men are bad. I don't want them to be good looking because I don't want to feel like I'm like on a date.

No, absolutely not. Well, I've never like looked at them.

If you're gonna be good looking, be like really good looking where I'm like, okay, this is fun. But if they're like just like normal good looking, I'm like, I don't want it.

I have to think— there are any women out here getting like happy endings at a massage? Yeah, like where do you think it's? Like really upscale places that you would like never think, or do you think it's like country clubs? I always think it's country clubs.

Women are doing it and I need them to start.

I need like a secret anonymous board where they're writing where they're doing it because they just want to know what's the, what's the vibe.

Wait, I never told you this story, but I went to a place that was, um, seedy once because you know me, I'm getting a group.

Yeah, you'll go anywhere. I'm getting a Groupon, a foot massage, $15. Hell yeah, you're there.

At one point in the beginning of the massage, because in my head, in the back of my head, I'm like, is this a place where they like a rub and tug? I don't know. Yeah. And at one point in the beginning, she says, your body's really sexy. So the entire massage, I can't relax. I can't relax because I'm like, she's gonna give me a happy ending. The entire time, every time she tells me to do something, I'm like— and that's when they stick it in. Like, the whole time I'm in my head, like, I can't enjoy it at all. I'm freaking out because, you know, I'm a prude, so I'm freaking out. And then, no, I would have left. I would have been freaking out. But then at the end she's like, thank you. And then I'm like, am I the creep?

Maybe she didn't say sexy.

Maybe she said sexy. I think— I don't know what happened, but I think I was like sweating at one point. She's like, get out. Like, I was so scared. But isn't it funny if like she never was gonna do it and the whole time I thought she was?

Oh my God.

But then part of me then like It's a full hour. So then, quarter through, a quarter way through, I was like, I could do this. Like, just do it. Do it for the story.

People don't talk about these enough. Like, they're out there, they exist. Like, there's definitely like 5, uh, oh, a street over in New York City.

Like, I do feel like the men are doing it, the girls should be doing it. It's just like harder for women because you have to like mentally be present.

But this is the thing, you get You know, I get to have a happy ending.

You get to. Yeah, I think in like, hopefully in like 20 years, the way you go to get a facial, you can just go and get a couple orgasms.

No, I don't want to do that.

And that's your, your Catholic guilt?

Is that it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, that's bad, that's naughty.

No, it's not. If people orgasm more, they'd be— I literally was Googling, I'm like, has Leila from Mormon Wives had an orgasm yet? Because it's been 3 seasons.

Has she?

No, she's kids. Apparently she has.

Oh, she has.

I do think like everyone was giggling about it and I'm like, this isn't funny. It's not a joke.

No, it's not funny.

No, it's not funny at all.

It's actually not funny.

No, it's not funny at all.

She She has two kids. She's been married before multiple times, and not one man has given her an orgasm.

And they were joking, like, take this toy home. And she's like, I'm like, no, take it, literally take it and figure it out.

Also, her exes must be so embarrassed. I'm like, if I'm any of her ex-boyfriends, I'm changing my name.

Literally has orgasmed, and she just loves making all their exes look bad. It's like she brings a guy on and she's like, couldn't orgasm with him.

That's the— that—

I love that I love being obsessed with the show like 10 years after everyone's obsessed.

I was just gonna say, it hasn't been on. Season 1 hasn't been on in 4 years.

And when you brought it up for the first time, I was like, oh my God, I don't care about this show. But she's asking her family if she could do like a sex toy, um, promo, which— yes, early on in my career I did a lot of sex toy promos. Because sexual wellness is important. It's part of the patriarchy to tell us that we shouldn't know our bodies and understand our bodies, and that's sexual wellness. And actually, you live longer when you have more orgasms. So anyway, I digress.

Me and Grace just looked at each other like you were gonna start yelling out.

By the way, do you know that there's— NYX makeup came out with a butt mask, like for your butt cheek? Like, it covers your butt cheek and it like helps whatever women— like exfoliated, or— I don't know, but like the girls are excited about it.

Like a brightening mask for your butt? Yeah, like a— like a bleach— like a turmeric mask.

Turmeric?

Yeah, turmeric.

Like a turmeric—

a turmeric mask. Like turmeric, it's like orange. It's actually like—

turmeric. Oh wait, say turmeric again. Tumor— tumor—

turmeric.

Turmeric.

Tumeric.

Tumeric.

And I will be—

it's fucking microphone. We go, we're like a hockey—

hit someone.

But it's not like you hit someone. We're like in a hockey game where when it gets— we start fighting, we then go, just let him fight it out.

Yeah, like you've never hit your brother before, or like your little cousin, or like you've never—

no, cuz he was younger than me, so it was like I would get in trouble if I hit him. I think when I was like really little, I'd probably hit him, smacked him around a bit. I remember once I squeezed his head cuz I couldn't hit him, so I so I just squeezed his head.

I feel like the last time I like really hit someone was my brother, and I feel like I was in college.

If I had an older brother, I would beat the shit out of him.

Yeah. Yeah, people always talk about like sisters, how they fight. Like, okay, I was still fighting too at home. It was just like mine was way less fair.

Yeah.

Like.

I also feel like playing sports, I was like hitting tennis balls every day. Like I played basketball where I was like.

You were getting your aggression out.

Yeah.

That's how I had to run, hide, hit, stop, drop, and roll. And then make sure I had a clear exit plan because then I would be fucked. If I was planning an execution, I had to also have an exit route.

Well, shout out to Stuart Fullerton. My favorite joke she does is if you hit—

if you don't trust guys with sisters because it means they can hit women very easily. Like, I would—

they've hit a woman, they want to do it again.

Like, run, unplug like any type of gaming device, and then run away. Can I ask?

Oh my God, that's iconic though, because he'll never recover that game.

Yeah, because you're just— and then you run.

This would be a quick action. I hope Taylor Swift does that to Travis Kelce every now and then. Wait, MSG? Yeah.

Is that— that's not real.

It's real.

I don't think so.

Yeah, I have sources.

Okay, let's take a bet right now. I think that that is gonna end up being like a crazy rumor. You think that that's 100% true?

Yeah.

Where in MSG?

Great question. I mean, they're inviting like everyone they've ever met. She's going hard, but you know what, good for her. Like, she wants a wedding, she wants a moment. Logistically though, she does the Eras Tour. This is nothing for her.

No, but I'm saying like logistically, is it— she's walking down Everyone's in the—

why is it giving Joel Olsteen?

Yeah, where are they all sitting in the stands? Or it's everyone's gonna be on the floor, she's walking down the aisle, or is she coming out from like—

okay, these are really good questions actually, because how are they decorating MSG? Also, is there part of people that like are just in the stands watching, and then there's people that are actually in—

like, are they gonna take down the jerseys because like esthetic?

Are they put it in the ice.

I don't think it's true. There's no way. I think that's so crazy unless she's pulling a fast one.

I think it's like a big hoax and she wants people to be distracted and she's just gonna be like in a backyard in Rhode Island.

That's what I think. I think it's gonna be at like a very beautiful estate that's like a couple hundred people.

It is, because that's what you want.

That's what I think I should have. Just something low-key but so chic you die.

Are you still into Italy?

200 of my closest friends.

Are you still into Italy?

Having a wedding in Italy? Yeah. No, because you want to know what I've heard from like a lot of girlfriends who have gotten married there? Like, you have to have an Italian wedding planner.

Oh, that's where you put the foot down.

That's where I'm actually thinking.

Because you're like, the whole time they'll be like, well, they'll do nothing. They'll be eating lunch the whole time.

They'll do nothing. They'll be like, actually, we're off this week, so that's crazy. Um, so you can't trust them.

Yeah, they randomly go to church during like—

they'd be like, it's fine, you don't need chairs for everyone, they'll just pray to St.

Anthony for everything. And you're like, no, you actually have to call someone. Yeah. By the way, our Dunkin' Refreshers are so, so good.

I got the mango pineapple, obviously, with green tea, and I got strawberry dragon fruit. Wait, did you also see how the videos about The FIFA players being like, wait, the American heat is like so insane. Like they're so hot here.

Really? Because Europe is super hot, right?

And they— and we have air conditioning.

I think they just don't want to go to New Jersey. Wow.

They're making a lot of things happen there.

They're making up excuses.

I am so confused why it is in New Jersey though. I just think that's like so dumb.

They do, they do a lot of sporting events in New Jersey.

Yeah, but this is like so many fucking people. This is like so many more people.

I've never seen you more passionate about something.

Well, because where are all these people gonna sleep tonight? No, because the traffic in New York City is gonna be so insane.

Well, it's like they're doing the Olympics in LA. Why?

I hate these big group sporting events. I know, like, I guess they get to though.

Yeah, they get to, they get to. Um, you guys, lastly, we got to number 1 on Hulu because of the Gigglers. Oh, hell yeah, because of the fucking Gigglers. I live for the Gigglers, I die by the Gigglers, I do everything for the Gigglers.

Do you feel like relieved now?

I, I feel just so happy that I can put out something and people will watch it.

That's Yes, that's— no, but as an artist, you get to.

Yeah, you get to. Wait, I didn't even mean to say it.

You get to put out art.

Like, so many people put out art and they want people to see it, but no one sees it. The fact that, like, I have people excited to watch it and enjoy it makes me want to cry.

That is so sweet.

Thank you. So anyone, if you guys enjoyed it, stream it again today. Tell one person, a frenemy, an enemy, an ex, um, a lover.

Wait, imagine texting, just randomly texting your ex being like, hey, you should watch Hannah Burns special.

And don't be specific. I like want to do— I'm going to do that. That'll be great. He'll learn something. He'll learn something for sure. Um, so I love you guys so much for supporting our art. Um, and we'll talk to you later. Thank you, Dunkin', for partnering with us for this episode. So good.

Honestly, I was falling asleep.

Refreshers.