Transcript of My Ex-Girlfriend Tried to Kill Me! - Dropouts #228

We almost died throughout the night, if anyone cared or wondered. I think he is partially to blame.

Brother, look at me. You try to murder us in the night?

You tried to kill us. I didn't try anything, but I will say this. My eyes weren't watchful enough over the guest I invite to the house.

And who was that guest? My girlfriend. Okay.

Let me try and get her on the phone, see if she'll apologize for her actions. Do you want to apologize for everyone for almost killing us last night?

No.

I can by my I stand by my actions.

You know what? You guys could use maybe some reflection time to think, How lucky am I to be here today?

Super Tuesday is upon us.

Super Tuesday.

Every time I walk by Skyler, I'll be heading to a fridge, I'll be frequenting a trash can, looking for remote control. He'll loom near a shadow, and he just utters just a couple of things. No, listen, dude. Can I just-Hold on.

Let him just say That's what you utter.

Imagine you're just picking something up. You don't understand that there's the ghost of Mustache past behind you, and he'll just come through and go, We're going to take this country back.

I've never said that. I've never said it.

It's time to get Big Boi back in the office. Time for Lord and savior to be there. Don't say our fearless leader. That's what you're about to say. Happy election day.

Happy election day.

Thank you for taking it seriously for all the people that have died. Obviously for our country, Jared, by wearing that hat. Sweet.

This is patriotic. I'm supporting the country.

Do you think a guy was wearing that same exact hat on Pearl Harbor?

No, he was probably in military uniform.Thank you very much.He.

Might have had his day off.

He's got the camera on the bottom.

I'm supporting this country. I'm supporting...

What don't you support?

What's the top thing? That outfit looks like you're trying to hunt and kill abortion, right?

Oh my God. What's the number one thing that you do not What's your support?

Open-toed shoes.

Okay. Is it because of your own...

It's because of my own medical issue? It's not because of my toes, man.

I mean this in the nicest way. Anchels down. What? Looks like you got in a car crash.

No, it does not look like a car crash.

You watched the first episode of the Penguin?

I have not.

Your foot looks like his foot.

Have you seen it? That's an obscure reference.

Have you ever seen someone step on a landmine, but for whatever reason, didn't hurt them quite too bad.

They can still walk. Like landmine adjacent?

No, they got hit. It's not that bad.

It looks like a somewhat competitive game of Jenga. That's what it looks like. Okay?

That's a tight tower, boy. That's a tight tower. Hit some intro music. I got things to say. God, you could vote twice with your weight. I'm kidding. You've been looking real good recently. That was crazy.

Somebody on the Patreon did say, Skyler's looking skinty.

I did see that. He's lost 40, 50 pounds. That's insane. It's amazing. What do you chalk it up to?

What do I chalk it up to?

Commitment?

No. Meth.

No, don't go math. That's a cop-out.

It is math. It's math and just anxiety over this election.

Yeah. He immediately gains the weight. If Trump When he gets in office, he's just a fat boy.

Life's good. I'm getting capital charge in shape. You're like, I only got two months to get in shape.

I can see him. He's got a mask on that just covers his eyes because he thinks like, Superheros. Nobody knows who he is. He's just at the capital. I just wanted to get in there and make sure things were right.

I have been seeing him. I have been seeing him do more like stair runs recently, and I I thought that was just Nelson making that part of your workout. Stair runs. The stairs leading up to the capital, man. I was going along with the bit.

He doesn't yes and anymore.

No, I was yes and. I got confused because I think someone's walking up to the door.

Who's walking up to the door?

I don't know. I thought I got confused. I swear I saw someone pass through the window.

You might still be high from last night. We filmed a drunk episode. Oh, this is a good segue. Patreon. Get it. We filmed a drunk episode last night with a couple of ladies. Hotties, some might say. And then us four guys were on there. Four fellows. Four fellows were on there. Four dudes. Women.

Four dicks in a room.

Yeah. Your clitoris is over exposed. All I'm trying to say is you do high episodes. They're drunk episodes.

I didn't want to be hung over.

I wasn't hung over this morning. Look at him.

I wasn't hung over either.

Exactly. It doesn't take what it takes to get me drunk, you boys.

You don't have to be blacked out drunk.

That's the name of the episode, Drunk Episodes. If I'm getting drunk, I got to get drunk. And to get drunk requires alcohol, a lot of it. Or I could get high, be just Laffy Gaffy, silly Goosy.

I don't know if you're Laffy Gaffy, silly Goosy. You just were looking for a treat. Treat, treat. Yeah, you were scavenging a little bit. You just turned into a little boy without a map that was looking for that sweet, sweet treasure. Anyway, we have new tiers on the Patreon. Obviously, you can watch the Drunk Ep. We can't post them on YouTube, but we are now in the Thanksgiving special, Thanksgiving season, Thanksgiving seven-day free trial. But we have a cell phone that we got from Verizon. Where did we get it? Does it matter? Yeah, we're on Verizon.

We did go with Verizon.

If you're part of the tier that allows you to text us and call us, we've been texting, calling people all the time, and the phone's dead. Nice job, Alyssa.

That would be the Village Idiots tier. I don't know if you said that.

We were literally about to call people on here, and Alyssa let the phone die. Yeah, it's a great marketing tactic. But of course, you let us down.

But I will say before it died, we were texting all day. We were texting.

That's why it died.

Also, another fun thing about the Village Idiot tier, I don't know if you're going to pitch this. We're going to New York, November 16th, to do the New York Comedy Festival, and we're going to be doing a lunch that day in New York with the people that are going to the show or in the Village Idiot tier.

If you want to come hang out before the show, and if you're in the Patreon, whatever tier, Village Idiots, we're going to come get some lunch or dinner, whatever you're going to call it.

I think we need to do a bigger plug for the New York Live Show.

Oh, yeah. Listen, we're kicking it in New York City.

Alyssa, this doesn't It doesn't matter anymore.

The Hard Rock Casino.

No, no, no. The Hard Rock, the venue in Times Square, November 16th at 9:45 PM.

The Hard Rock Hotel.

The Hard Rock Hotel. Either way, that link is in that sweet, sweet description.

It's in the description.

If we don't sell this fucking place out, Jared gets killed. And that's a legitimate thing.

Well, no. People are going to buy tickets now.

Jared will live a long life if you do not buy tickets.

Now we just sold out. See how that? That's different, right?

We We created urgency through marketing streams.

We also have very special guests that are going to be part of the show.

Not just Jared and his IQ. We also have other people. Are you hoping for Jared's IQ? What are you hoping for?

I'm hoping for the guests.

We won't reveal it yet.

King of New York. We'll just say that, the King of New York.

Anyway, let's go into things that aren't promoting for 2 seconds. Where did you get your T-shirt, Jared?

Oh, this This thing. This isn't a promotion at all. I'm just wearing our new merch.

Shopdropouts. Com. The first 50 people that buy it actually get it. Anyway, the rest, it's a dicey game. Okay, Alyssa, you had something you wanted to bring up hot, hot, heavy off the top?

Oh, my God. Yeah. We almost died throughout the night, if anyone cared or wondered.

This is the first time I'm hearing of this.

Anybody know what happened last night? And I think he is partially to blame.

Brother, look at me. You try to murder us in the night?

You tried to kill us. I didn't try anything, but I will say this. My eyes weren't watchful enough over the guest I invite to the house, and that's my fault.

And who was that guest? My girlfriend. Okay.

Was she parading around with Dark thoughts.

She left the stove on all night. Why?

I can't lead up to it. She's going to explain what happened, how I found it.

Yeah, go ahead.

Go paint the picture.

Well, I woke up with Lady May. I was going down the stairs, tiptoe, tiptoe, down the stairs, making my morning cup of Joe. And I walked past the stove. And I just hear some sizzling, and there was a pot on top of the stove.

And I don't know how that- She was cooking all night.

Was it empty? Yeah. Well, of course. I wonder if there was-It evaporated. She was boiling water for tea. I don't know what happened.

So the pot was empty. Let me try and get it on this phone. Stove was on.

She'll apologize for her actions.

Had she known that this was taking place?

You said you were going to tell her.

I did tell her.

Okay. I didn't receive a text of apology.

Yeah, interesting. Neither did I.

Hey. Hey, you're on the pod. Hey, guys. Do you want to apologize for everyone for almost killing us last night?

No. I stand by my action. And you know what? You guys could use maybe some reflection time to think, how lucky am I to be here today? How good was everybody's day today?

It was really good.

She's doing exactly what this shirt says.

A little bit more grateful to be walking around.

A few of us.

Well, we would have 100% been grateful.

What happened? Walk me through it. Did you start another pot of water and forget, or did you just leave it on? Because the pot was empty this morning.

Yeah. So what happened was I turned it on and then I used the water and it turned it off. And then I looked at it again and said, You know what? They've acting a little bit ungrateful these days. So I turned it back on when I went upstairs.

So we've been so ungrateful that we've let you back in our home three times after you've broken our baby boy's heart?

Just a question? Hell, yeah. Throw it back at her.

Yeah. That's not gaslighter, dude.

That's not gaslighter.

That's the truth.

Three times.

I don't know. Four or five, however many times it was. I was trying to keep it low. Hang up on her, dude. Make a point.

He told me to hang up on her to make a point, but I'm going to hang up, but it's not to make a Make a point.

Okay.

All right. I love you guys. I am really sorry about that. I meant to send a mass text you guys. In my defense, that was my fault. I was being an idiot. I did get my car stolen that morning and had a really long day. I made myself a cup of tea. I poured the water into the cup, put the pot back on. And you know what? I just forgot.

You do know we have a spiget of hot water? Do we?

Yeah.

I didn't know that.

It pours out boiling water.

That's my fault.

When did this apparatus become-We had it.

It's right next to the little thing that does cold water.

For the last two years.

No one's ever told me about this hot. I've also never needed it.

We have a spicket that gives out boiling water immediately, so we don't have to boil water. I just didn't know that. What? Yeah, listen, it's the high life.

That's what we have.

Hey, wait, guys, while we're on the topic- Here we go. The reason that I was boiling water to make tea because I heard that peppermint tea is really good for you. So Skyler has been very sweet, and I'll come over and I'll have a cup of peppermint tea ready for me. And you all were filming last night, and so he couldn't make the tea for me. So I was like, Oh, I'll just do it. So I found the tea drawer, but I couldn't find the peppermint tea in it. And so then when you all were done filming, I was like, Hey, where's the peppermint tea? I couldn't find it in there. He opens the tea drawer and he pulls out the peppermint. And I said, Oh, that's the smooth move. He realizes he's actually been feeding me a laxative every single night.

Have you? Yeah, that's my bad.

My stomach's been fucked up this whole week.

Trying to be a good guy. I've been wondering because it's been audible. I'll walk by the bathroom and I'll catch a blurb of an onomatopia, and I'll be wondering what's going on.

She's a big-time pooper. All right, baby. We got to go.

Okay, bye, guys. Have fun.

Bye.

Yeah, I have been poisoning her accidentally. Trying to be nice.

How did you put laxatives in?

She just said she wanted a peppermint tea one night, and I was like, Let me see if we have some. So I opened it up, and I didn't read. I just saw Peppermint on one of the tea bags. I was like, bang. Peppermint tea. And then she got it. She was like, This is the... What's it called?

Smooth. With move? Is that what she said?

I'm like, so. And then you read it, and it's a pretty powerful action.

Have you noticed an uptick in her bathroom usage?

It has only been this week, and she has been like, I would give it to her in a few hours. She's like, my stomach. I don't know. We ate the same thing. I just didn't drink the two.

I've been wondering because it has been... Yeah, the aromas leaked.

It really does. It has been permeating throughout the house. Don't. And I was wondering I'm not even hearing it about her, dude. And I was wondering, the toilet paper down here, there's a whole roll. We just put it in and it was completely gone already.

Well, I use that. I take whole rolls of toilet paper, and that's how I masturbate.

Makes sense because we run out of toilet We were so quick in our back.

You wouldn't need to get rid of the toilet paper, though, afterwards.

Well, every time I do it, come. Wipe trash. And I do that every time.

And how often do you do that?

12 to 15 It comes a day.

It comes about right. That would make sense.

Speaking of jacking off, do we want to get into what happened in the office today? Do you know about this? No.

What happened at the office today?

Robbie. Yeah.

Wait, what?

Robbie's on his phone, and I go next to him. He's sitting on the couch, and he- He's going to hate this. He's talking. And then I look on his phone, and he pulls up Safari, and then he clicks the website real quick. It was pornhom. Com or whatever it is.

What was he? No way.

And he goes, I go, Robbie, what was that? He just goes, he's like, nothing, nothing. He goes, it was my friend. I know somebody I know somebody who does porn that I support. I know somebody who's on Pornhub now, so everyone was talking about it, so I just wanted to see what all the hype was about.

He was doing research.

When I heard that story, I said, Good thinking on your feet, Robbie, but you're definitely jacking off. And that's fine. You're watching porn, and that's okay. But you don't need to throw this sweet girl under the bus, whoever you're talking about.

When I just was sitting there, we all go our separate ways. Five minutes later, he's in his-He comes back. No, he's in his office. I'm sitting there, I get a text from him, and it's a link to one of her videos.

Don't Don't try to cover it up by sending people that work for you. Porn.

He's doubling down on it in the worst way.

This is the one that I was actually really... I was supporting.

We have to blur it, but it's this, and he goes, We're in a peak history together, L.

Listen, he might have a case. That might hold up.

No, I don't think. I think I could say, I could find, If someone found me with porno, I would make up a similar lie.

You think so? Yeah, on the spot. Don't ever say this to me again.

This episode is brought to you by Betterhelp.

Thanksgiving is coming up, so we're in the theme of gratitude. And you know what I'm grateful for? My brain's not in a fuzzy little mess where it makes me go in a dark hole and I can't see anything but an eternal blindness, emotionally. Thank you, Betterhelp, for helping me get into therapy in a quick, easy way. That way I can talk out my feelings and my thoughts and my emotions without letting them stir in my head like a beautifully dark tornado where the only one that can help me is Glenn Powell.

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But now whenever somebody sends you a link and you go through your text, you go searching here, it pops up.

So I don't know how to-Yeah, that's why I remember when I told you the story when I had all the anime porn on my phone? That's exactly how it happened. So I don't know what to say. I got millions of pictures of anime, gifs of anime. Hold on.

Don't remember.

We I thought about this. Trevor would send me... We used to play Apex a lot. Trevor and Cantu, they would all send just these gifs of the characters having sex. They would get it off like 4chan or some shit. I was at work one day, and this 40-year-old lady was asking me a question about the schedule. I was like, Here, let me pull it up. And I did that. I was going to find it, and it was just cartoon fucking for 15 scrolls. I was like, Don't.

I wish you would have sat in it and you just slowly scrolled. I know this thing's in here.

She was just like, I'll get the schedule from somebody else. So that's fair. Do you want any of this picture? So I need this cartoon?

Have you made any close calls where people have wanted you to open up your browser and you're like, Oh, dude. And it's like, Oh.

Are you pretty good? I think I've been pretty good. I think one time, when I was in high school or something, I got my mom. I was similar. I was trying to show my mom something on my phone, and it was just clearly I had been watching porns. But I don't know how the fuck that.

Mom, what did you type here? Because you're using my phone last month, right? Last month. I'm on an internet detox, obviously.

I don't know how many of my family members watch this, but there was a time. This was Easter. No, it might have been Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is coming up.

No, not during thankful times.

We used to have all of our family members go over to either my grandmother's house or my house, and we'd host everyone for Thanksgiving. It'd be a big potluck type thing. There was this guy in the family. Okay. Allegedly, I was pretty young at the time. Allegedly, he had a porn addiction. Okay. And so I had an LG chocolate touch phone.

Oh. I'm not bragging. Bragging.

I'm not going to I'm not bragging. But I left my phone in my bedroom, and me and my brother shared a bathroom. And so it was like a quick little Jack and Jules thing. And all our bathrooms were open for anyone to use because the whole family was over there. It was a bunch of people. I go into my room to find my phone. I cannot find it anywhere. I'm like, Where the fuck is my phone? And I find it in the bathroom. And I open it up. No. Just fisting videos.

No. Egregious. How old was the perpetrator?

Probably like 35, 40, something like that. Oh. He was an adult.

They were going to say 13. I was like, They're getting really dark stuff.

No, he was an adult, but he didn't want to get caught on his phone doing it, I guess. So he just fucking pinned it on me. I had to tell my mom, Mom, I got a fucking fist in videos on my phone.

How old were you at this point?

I was pretty young. I was in middle school.

I can't imagine that the video pulled up very fast. Did you guys lose him for a while? Did you guys lose the guy for a while?

No, he was there.

No, I mean, he had to be gone for a while. I mean, your phone couldn't have loaded.

I don't know. We were outside playing basketball or something. And then like hours. Yeah, just being kids. And we went back in and I was like, Where's my phone? And then fisting. And I'll tell you this, he wasn't at the knockout game. He wasn't playing knockout with us.

It was the perfect cover.

The perfect cover.

Were you Did you watch the video?

No, it was a fist.

Yeah, I feel like that's a dark time.

I didn't sniff around it. It was good of me. I went straight to my mom. I told her, Mom, I just want you to know this wasn't me.

It's legit fisting?

It was like something. I don't remember. It was like a weird fetish video. It wasn't like just a normal porn video.

Why did you go straight to your mom? Why didn't you try to... Did she have access to your search history?

They would search my phone from time to time. What's up with that? They were fucking communists.

My mom, whenever I would get in trouble, I just a little smart, a little too smart for my own good sometimes. Sometimes I throw some banter back that wasn't warranted, even though I had some great points. But when you're in a position of being the child, you don't have a lot of leverage when it comes to winning an argument. No. Because if you're winning an argument with your parent and they just get frustrated, they'll just take things from you. They'll put you in places that you have to stay for a certain amount of time. I was more of take things away. It was usually technology. Big TV guy.

My mom would take away my Xbox.

And I'm glad she did.

Why?

Because I'm sure you're a little rat of a human being.

You know what? I'm glad she took your TV.

Okay, well, I'm talking about my phone. She took it this instance, but she said she used to go through my text, and she was like, I used to want to go through it and see if there was anything juicy or fun. But she's like, You were the most boring texter. You would I have a lot of girls try to text you, and you just respond with one-word answers. Are you planning on going this thing to the I don't know. Just like, IDK. I looked back because I had an old phone, and it was very similar. I do want to apologize to anyone that was trying to frequent my lips.

That's big of you. Yeah.

Really big. I'm really glad you got that off your chest.

Every time my phone- 2022, Skyler Horn of me. Every time my phone got taken away, which was rare, it was always usually my dad, and not even five minutes later, he would end up feeling bad and then give it back to me.

You had no consequences in your life.

That says a lot about your character now, actually. It does not. Just because you don't see any consequences. We told you you're having major sleep issues. It takes you forever to fall asleep. And we tell you, Hey, here's a perfect plan. Don't have your 75-inch TV on all night because it's blasting light. It's going to interrupt your sleep. Don't scroll on your phone until you finally knock out from exhaustion. Maybe turn those things off, read a book. And I did that. You did it for one night, and you reverted last night back to your old voice.

How do you know that?

Because I know you don't stick to things. Because you've never had consequences for your action.

I did because I just put rain noises on my TV, but the screen was black.

And did you scroll on your phone?

No, I don't think so.

You did.

But also, wait, was Was the screen off or was it still a black screen that was still illuminating light? Because, correct me if I'm wrong, I don't think your TV is the OLED or Qled, where it's actually black.

It was a black screen.

But was it emulating light?

No. But Papa over here got you an Alexa, so you didn't have to turn on the TV to have that glass in light.

I did use the Alexa the night that the TV was totally off. Okay, so you used it once? Yes, but I got nervous because sometimes our Alexas sync up.

Never happened.

Yeah, never happened.

So I don't know.

And then... You're making things up. Keep going.

I have three Alexas in my room, and they've never sunk up with anybody.

It's happened to me. Every time you guys start playing music, mine plays music. So I don't know.

What about this? What if it's just a little loud in our room and it bleeds over?

No, it's legit. It plays. I'm sure.

Yeah. Okay. Give me a game. Illuminate my mind.

So we could do Who said it or Urban Dictionary.

Who Who said it? Okay. That's election day. That one.

Essentially what this game is, we have no bias here. We're just... Well, I don't want to say it. I don't know. We have Donald Trump quotes and Kamala Harris quotes, and we are just going to say some quotes, and you're going to tell us who said it?

Okay, I'm in. Okay. But you guys both know the answers?

No, just me.

Oh, okay. He wanted to do this segment.

Of course he did.

I thought it would be fun. Just so we have like...

It's going to be all terrible stuff for Kamala. And then Trump is going to be like, The greatest country in the Also, you're going to know just off of these.

I think it's just funny to go through and just hear the way both of them talk, but you're going to pretty much know from the way they're... You're going to know who said it, but what doesn't matter. Okay, so first we have, I once walked into a room and everyone stopped. They said, Wow, now there's a leader. And I said, You're welcome. Why do we think you said that?

It'd be hilarious if it was Kamala. But Trump. Yeah.

Yeah, that's 100% Trump.

I They said, Wow, wonderful, wonderful leader.

And I said, You're welcome.

Okay, here's one. Coffee is like democracy. You can drink it fast, but it's better when you savor it with friends. Kamala. Yeah. It's Kamala.

Everything she says looks like it's written on a pillow, and then everything he says looks like it's a 14-year-old boys group chat for football.

There's some that might fool you. If you think about the sun, it's just up there shining all day. Like, wow, isn't that something special?

It's the wows, I feel like.

That's Kamala, though.

That's Kamala.

Really? That's a Kamala statement. No kidding.

I thought the wow was going to be a dead giveaway. Okay.

Nobody believes in aliens more than I do. If they're out there, they probably already know about me. Who's that?

I guess Donald.

That's Captain T. That is Trump. The duck? They probably already know about me.

That's Trump.

He has such a distinctive voice.

You can hear the tone even if It's just the words.

He's so repetitive in what he says, too.

You won't believe this, but I'm really good at monopoly. Maybe the best player ever.

You add the best player ever?

If If you stopped at monopoly, that could have been a toss-up.

No. You can tell it to him.

If you want to talk about the meaning of life, just look at how a cloud floats. Think about that.

But Trump would never say something like that.

Yeah, that's got to... He would say- I'm thinking back to the stitched on a pillow thing.

That's a good barometer. She's stitched on a pillow, and he's...

Yeah, I could see that being a trendy, artsy girls iPhone background.

Yeah. Okay. I like this one. When I see ice cream, I think, wow, we're really innovating here, aren't we? Ice cream is America. Trump. It's That's Kamala.

No way.

Yeah. No.

She's talking about ice cream.

They're both throwing wows in there. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Maybe they learn from each other. Maybe. What is this symbiotic dance of America's Parenthood? These two were their little children.

Oh, it's really... This one's a good one. Sorry, keep going. Wait, when I went to New York a few months ago, two months ago or something, we went to the Museum of Ice Cream, and they had a whole timeline of ice But when it got to around the '16, '17, 1800s, American presidents or bureaucrats at that time had a huge fascination with ice cream, where I think the equivalent... I can find the I took a picture of it because I took a picture of it. But Thomas Jefferson would spend $400 a month on ice cream in that time period's currency. Then George Washington Washington had his own ice cream recipe or something. It was really fascinating how-Ice cream is political. Ingrained ice cream is.

Ice cream is America.

Ice cream is America. Okay, here's one. I like this one. No one has ever loved the Constitution more than me. The Constitution, they say, actually loves me back.

It's Trump because he says they say. I don't know who these people are, but they're saying it.

Okay. Imagine if we all dance together, not just any dance, but a big happy dance of policy. Think about that. Kamala. Kamala is big on, think about this obscure thing.

Yeah, she wants you to ponder.

This is another good one. The future is a place we all want to go. But can you imagine if the future came to us?

That's Kamala.

That's Kamala.

We should sell Kamala Pillows.

Wait, that's actually a great- That's a great idea.

That makes you think a little bit.

Trump shirts and Kamala Pillows.

You know, laughing is like the heartbeat of the universe, and that's what we want for America. That was actually Bill Cosby.

Okay. Thanks for throwing that.

You had to throw in. No, that was Kamala.

I think a really smart thing for... If you're a barista out there, implement this plan, have two jars right next to each other. One's got a Trump picture, one's got a Kamala picture for tips so they can vote with their dollars because people are going to get real I'm 20 here for whoever. Trump gets my 20, but really, you get the 20. Kamala has got my $100 meal.

Really, you get the $100. They've been doing that a lot around town. I've been seeing a bunch of tents, and it'll be like half of it will be Trump stuff. It'll be fucking Kamala sucks. Another half will be Kamala stuff. And it's like, Trump's going to kill everyone. They're selling all of it. In the same tent? Yeah, and the person-Yeah, they're just milking it. I'm like, How? You're buying it from a scumbag.

They're dumb.

Okay, I got it backwards. Thomas Jefferson panned his own 18-step vanilla ice cream recipe. Dicks are clearing this up. And George Washington spent $200 on ice cream in the summer of 17 1990, which is almost $6,300 in today's currency. Holy shit.

He's living. He's giving the cream to the people, I'm sure. It wasn't all for him.

In one summer, he bought over a thousand pints of ice cream.

How large was he? This wasn't a taff thing?

No, this is George Washington.

George Washington was a tall guy. He was like 6'4, something like that.

Yeah, he was very tall for the time.

But also his teeth, that explains where they went.

Yeah, he was riddled with cavities. Okay, Mr. President.

I did. 6'4.

What?

I don't know, dude.

No, she wants to fuck George Washington.

You're going to fuck a guy that owns slaves? No. Wow.

I bet you still call it a It's your master bedroom, don't you?

I call it what?

You're-yup. It's the primary bedroom now.

What do you call it?

The primary bedroom.

The primary bedroom.

He just called it his bedroom.

I just called my room just because you call it Whip Town.

I don't ever, don't know.

You ever, don't know? I don't know how many double negatives are in there, but you might love slavery. No, I don't.

I do not.

If you had to enslave one race, what would it be?

And why? Be safe, say Italians.

Be so Be so safe. You can also say, I'm not going to answer that because I never would. Probably should have started there.

That should have been the immediate answer.

If someone rocked that at me, I would have caught it with Elon Musk's little chopsticks. I would not let it to get to me.

I was just going to It's like myself to put myself in the mix.

For being a sleeve? This is a kink thing?

No, but I didn't want to throw anybody else under the bus, so I threw myself under the bus. You didn't?

Listen, I understand it's sweater weather, but sweater weather also means you're going to be cuddling up with It's cuffing season, and sometimes people are going to peel back those layers. Wouldn't it be nice if they peel back the layers and felt something nice and beautiful and hot? Jared, how did you get your body so beautiful and hot under your sweater?

Well, I did it through diet and exercise, specifically using the app Fit Bod. I've been using this app since college, and I've logged over 1,500 workouts in this app. It's amazing. You just tell it your goals, and it builds workouts for you, and it keeps track of your progress along the way so the workouts get progressively harder so that you get progressively stronger. What does a workout look like on the app, Jared? For example, I have a leg day built out on the app right here. You can see deadlift, barbell hip thrust, leg press, back squat, and more. The best part about Fitbot is that they have instructional videos for every workout. Whether you're a new gym goer or an experienced one, you'll always be doing the workouts right.

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Okay, we got two more. There's actually a lot more, but there's two that I think are funny. I know more about the wind than anyone. Some people say, I'm the biggest wind expert ever.

The wind?

A hundred %.

Yeah, that's done. Yeah, because he throws in that, the generic, the some may say or they may say.

People say, I'm the biggest win expert ever. I like to think that he has heard these things, and he just can't believe it because people keep saying this stuff.

You know when you're a kid and you do something, and it's probably not very good, but the parents are like, John, you are so fucking good You're the best swimmer. People will tell him that. He'll like half it, and they'll be like, You know a lot about win. He's like, You're fucking right.

I've never thought about that.

All right, this is the last one. Just think about the time it takes to think about time, and you'll be like, Wow, time is something else.

Yeah. Well, it's also the just think about.

It's the pondering. It could be Trump.

Oh, the way he's throwing a curve.

The way he said, Time is something else. I think it's Kamala. I think it's Kamala. I'm going to go Trump.

It's Kamala.

Yeah, I knew, but I was hoping you were trying to do a trickster's.

That's about it. I got more, but I don't know how far you want, how long you want to do.

I need a story, like a haunted story. It's a story that still haunt me to this day for my comedy show thing tonight. That's my homework and what I got to bring, what should I talk about?

Oh, yeah, fuck. I can't go to that.

Thanks, man.

Sorry, I wanted to, but I got so busy.

That's a load of shit.

What are you talking about, dude?

What do you mean you're busy?

You asked earlier, and I told you we had a lot to do. I thought you did, too, no?

No, I said I was going to the show.

No. I told you earlier, I was busy. I had a lot of stuff I have to do.

Okay. Do you want me to prove it?

No. What does that mean?

Because I reclived you.

You received it. You received it.

I got fucking received. No, no, no.

Can I preface this before you play? Preface what? I love you so fucking much. Hardcore at all.

You want to see how far his love extends? You're a good guys.

No matter what this is.

We love each other. We're best friends.

This is going to be a lie, probably.

This is what best friends-This is how it does.

This is like-Skyler.

Are you going to the Zek show tonight?

No, I'm busy.

Doing what? Close the door.

Honestly, dude, I just don't want to go.

You just don't want to go? No, dude. What am I going to do?

I'm going to go watch, listen to him say the same thing he always says? He's like, If I get that here at the house, free show all the time.

We hear it on the podcast 24/7.

Yeah, no need for us to go.

Don't let that be for- I know. I mean, I'm probably going to go.

Well, you're not going to go. You're making me look bad. Don't go.

You can't get me not to go. I'm not going to- You're going to be busy.

Fake busy.

You're not going to drag me down with you.

I'm not going to be busy that fast. You walked in, said, No, I'm busy. You're not going to be so you're busy.

Yeah, but then what do I say to the follow-up?

Donating blood. Anything.

Donating blood? Then I got to go get a track work.

Donating blood, semen, anything.

Semen? Yeah, just the way you were born. Listen, I get out of the show, I make some money. Exactly.

We're lying in our pockets with fat cash, and we all have to listen to him say, My name's Zack. Win, win, win.

I think I'm still going to go.

Fuck, dude.

Well, tell him, if it comes up, I'm busy, okay?

It comes up. You can cover for yourself.

No, I'm busy, and I'm terrible.

I'm a terrible liar. I can't cover for it.

Don't say anything. How about that?

Okay, I won't say anything. But don't try to rope me in and drag me down.

I've heard enough.

Now, Rob, the porn addict's calling. I want this for the record. You didn't have my back at all. You're dead to me. And you... Let me say this. I'm so fucking sorry. Some stuff came up.

You were probably just-Donating.

Donating.

Yeah, or maybe you're in a bad headspace.

Bad, the worst headspace.

What was happening?

Wait, headspace right now or headspace within?

When he approached you, because I assume you're in a bedhead space. You're probably throwing axes at anything.

Can I be honest? Yeah. So last night, we had fun here at the house. We did. I took my watchful eye off things going on, and the house almost burnt down. And that's fucking my bad. I fucked up. I wasn't paying attention to what my girlfriend was.

You're really beating yourself up about almost killing.

I don't even want to go and see you doing this because there's a world in which you weren't going to be able to do it because you could have died in a house fire, and that would have been on me. And so honestly, I don't want to say this, but I'm just punishing myself a little bit. And obviously, I want to fucking go so bad. So bad. But I just don't think I'm worth enough to go.

But shouldn't you be celebrating the life that you almost Let me get this hook.

Oh, yeah. I didn't think about that.

Can you take your headphones over?

Hey, dude. Hey.

Why the fuck are you fucking here?

Because I want you to go to the show.

I have obligations.

You have nothing to do. You said you were going to fake You need to make the semen. Hey, buddy. Hey, you're going to put your headphones back on.

Okay, we're going to move on. We're going to do a game called... Well, it's not really called anything. I'm going to give you some words from Urban Dictionary.

What? No, keep going.

You're doing a good job.

You just get so insecure about whatever. You're like, Okay, I came up with this, but it pretty much sucks. Feel free to hate it because I hate it. Everybody hates it. Honestly, we shouldn't do it unless you guys want to. You got to have a little more gusto.

Okay, here's the thing. I found some words on Urban Dictionary, and I'm I'm going to tell them to you, and then you're going to try to tell me what you think the definition is. Okay. And some of these are really crazy.

Oh, God, this is going to get dicey.

So fast.

I don't know if a lot of them... I don't know if they can all go in because...

It would be pretty funny if there's just a super long bleep over the definition.

They're intense. I'll start easy, and then I'll go.

If I actually know the definition, do I say the word? Yeah. Okay. I love that jacket while we're sitting here.

Thank you. It is nice. The whole outfit is nice. You're wearing that tonight?

I don't know yet.

I think It's a good outfit.

Okay, ready for the first word? Yeah. Dummy thick with T-H-I-C-C.

That's what my girl's got.

She's thick as fuck.

She's got something to hang on to. She's fluctuous.

She's curvy. She's dummy thick for real.

Yeah. Oh, look at that shorty over there that rides a shorter bus, but it's so dummy thick.

Also, I think it's typically dumb thick.

No, I've heard dummy thick.

Yeah, I've heard dummy.

No, she's dummy thick.

Okay, no. What? Dummy thick is when your ass cheeks clap so loud everyone around you hears.

That can't be the specific dummy thick.

No. That one's wrong. I tell Urban Dictionary this. I don't know them.

When people see me in the wild, they go, God damn that boy, dummy thick.

Yeah. It's insinuating. It's the same thing we said. You have to be thick enough to throw laughs back if it's going to reach- I'm sure that's different.

To be fair, someone, if your ass cheeks can make an audible clapping noise, you are dummy thick. But not everybody who's dummy thick can make their ass cheeks clap.

Amen. Okay. Kamala said that.

That's a Kamala statement. An Alabama Hot pocket.

Oh, okay. An Alabama Hot pocket.

Scared to know what this is.

I'm going to guess. Is that when you- Are these all sexual?

Some of them, most of them, yeah, they're pretty crazy.

That's probably when you slip it in your cousin or something?

I was going to say it definitely involves a family member.

I'm going to say an Alabama Hot pocket is when it's anal. No. It's anal, and it involves, and you get some hot poop on your wiener. God.

No, but it does involve poop. Oh, no. It is a sex move where one shits into a woman's vagina.

No.

Into the vagina? I'm not doing this anymore.

I was going to be cordial and say, Alabama I thought it might have something to do with when they catch the catfish. You ever seen that?

When they-Oh, and they go-They go arm deep in them with their finger.

What's it called? I forget the term, but we've gotten a lot of complaints as this podcast is getting awfully capital sexualized.

Yeah, that's what I've been saying.

I've been trying to go more wholesome. And you come back with pooping and vages.

I think these are funny. A vages poop.

Women aren't allowed to think things are funny unless guys tell them it's funny first.

All right, go Okay, what's a clam jam? Oh, my God.

That's not what you think. It's when a lot of women are driving and there's a pile up on the 405.

No, but that's good.

Clam jam. I was going to think it's when a lot of few women are hanging out in a hot tub and some of their juice is mixed around like a little clam jam.

Or it could be just discharge.

I think it is preserves made from clams, I hope.

No, it is the female equivalent to a cock block.

A clam jam? I like that. A clam jam. You totally just clam jammed me.

I did. You could.

You clam jammed yourself, brother.

Okay. What's a beef walk?

A beef walk?

Yeah. W-a-l-k? Yeah.

What is it called when I go down the stairs?

It's probably when a woman leaves a one night stand and she's trying to get out of their fast, forgets her underwear. So she's going on a beef walk. That thing's out there. So no pants. She's going on a beef walk. She's going on a beef walk. So no pants. She's going on a beef walk. She's going on a beef walk.

So it's different from the- Don't have the Sharpie out like you're about to say something smart. It's different from the walk of shame because it's the same thing, just no pants.

Same, same, but different.

I'm going to say it is when... Now, this is going very sexually deviant. It is when a woman puts a man on a leash and walks him around.

No, it wasn't sexual at all. It is going outside or away from the group in order to fart with less consequence.

What was that called? A what? A beef walk. So when people fart, they call it their beefing? Let me go let some beef out. That's nice. It's nice.

It makes sense because-I beefed the bathroom up, dude.

Don't go in there. Just debeefed.

Yeah. Cows fart all the time. So it makes sense beef.

They're ruining our ozone layer. They are. Don't tell me not to eat them if they're going to ruin my ozone. Also, the reason they're ruining those zones is because we're mass-raising.

Wait, speaking about mass-raising cattle, people aren't going to care about this. I was telling Jared about this book the other day. They're talking about Buffaloes.

Oh, this is insane.

About how... And it was just giving you numbers on how big Buffalo, the population of Buffaloes were back in the day. So one, in a 15-year span from 1865 to 1881, or 1886 to 1881, they found... They sold 31 million bones in Kansas alone for fertilizer. Bones? Bones of Buffalo. So all the bones from Buffalo, 31 million of those they sold for fertilizer in 15 years.

And then another fact, was it Oklahoma?

They just came across a herd that was 25 miles wide and 50 miles long of Buffalo. They estimated it to be like 4 million.

So it was- Is it a mulch?

What?

What's up? Wait, what? No.

Why did you say that? Mulch? Where'd you get mulch from?

Buffalo.

The animal. The animal.

It's a-Yeah, but they sold the bones to what?For fertilizer.For fertilizer. Oh, that's what I meant to say. I didn't know-Bone meal. I didn't know fertilizer was made from bones.

It's made from-It can be. Yeah, it's just stuff decomposing.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

Anything that makes it... It's beautiful that-It's a big growth. Brings life.

Yeah. But I thought- Allegedly, in North Korea, you have to store your poop, and you have to turn in. It's like a crazy an easy amount at the end of every year so it can be converted into fertilizer because they can't produce fertilizer.

Speaking of North Korea, I think one of our employees is a North Korean spy.

The quarter key.

The quarter Yeah, the quarter K. We were talking about South Korea, and someone was like, Oh, what's the capital of South Korea? She didn't know the capital of South Korea, but she knew the capital of North Korea. Pyun Yang. I think you're also a spy Why?

Seoul is the capital of South Korea. Pyun Yang is North Korea.

Also speaking of North Korea, did you know that blue jeans are banned from North Korea?

I did not know that.

It's banned as a symbol of Western decadence. No.

That makes sense. Did you just look up that fact on the spot so you could tell us?

No, I have a whole thing of things that are banned in other countries that we have here.

What else you got?

Being overweight in Japan.

I like that. Think about me the morning of the way, and I can't go to this way.

Being overweight. But how do they punish you?

They don't say how they punish you, but it just says Japan's metabo law mandates waistline limits for people over 40 to prevent obesity.

Over 40. That's the hardest time. That's the hardest time of the week.

Yeah.

You know what? They should legalize everywhere. I was in Colorado one time. I went to Zack Bryant's concert there, and I was overweight at the time, and I was up late to the hotel room snacking.

That's what people do that are overweight.

And in the hotel room. At nighttime in the hotels in Colorado, they would play the same commercial every 20 minutes. It was a betting system where you could bet on how much weight you could lose. It's called the website. It was called Healthy Wage. You would go on and you would submit how tall you are, how much you weigh, and you'd have to get a doctor's note with all this shit, too. Then you would tell them how much you would lose. I say I would lose like 30 pounds in three months. They would give me odds based on my ability to do that, and I could bet it.

Okay, I like that. Yeah. Wait, did you say that should be illegal? It should be illegal everywhere. Oh, yeah. I'll 100 %.

Emphasize that, especially now with Ozempic. Dude, Healthy Wage is getting killed with Ozempic. God damn, these people are losing weight.

It couldn't lead to a very unhealthy lifestyle?

Yeah, they have to. Because I remember looking at it and get on the website just because I was intrigued. And you have to go in at the halfway point and get a medical checkup just so they can tell them that you're doing fine. And now I'm thinking about it, unless you have insurance or even if you're just going to the doctor and even with insurance, you're probably not making that much money anyways because you have to pay for the doctor appointments.

Yeah, the net profit from it.

Healthy ways might just be Japan. Just trying to get a skinny.

Do you guys remember the show The Biggest Loser?

Yeah.

I used to watch that all the time with my parents, and it's a great show. It's the same thing. It is promoting a It was a healthy lifestyle. But at the same time, when I went through my weight loss journey, it fucked me up mentally because I didn't realize that when you are that much more overweight, that you have the capacity to lose more weight in a shorter amount of time. Then when I started losing weight, it fucked me up for a while because I was staring at the numbers. I was like, These people lost 15 pounds in a week of working out. Granted, I also didn't put Two and Two together, that they're on a television show and they're working out constantly. They have chefs to cook for that.

You think it might have just been you?

Also, it could have just been me. Yeah, 100%. But I used to love that show.

Courtney went to fat camp as a kid.

I remember her talking about that on the- She went to fat camp and they would give you...

They would weigh you in every week. Was there a fat camp on MTV or something?

I don't remember.

She went to that one or something similar. I don't know. But they would give you bands, and it would delineate if you were allowed allowed to get second portions at lunch or not.

But how much-Oh my God. It was squeezing.

It was like a maintenance band, which was like, you're fine at your weight, and then like, obese weight. It was like an obese band. You couldn't get extras. I'm so hungry. Sorry, fatty.

When I was younger, I was running.

Okay, let's move on.

We're not going to lie here. I was running to catch up with a friend.

We were going to-Okay, again, another lie.

This was in like, sixth grade, and there was a group of guys next to me, and I heard them shout like, run, fat ass, run. And I was the only one running because I stopped and no one else was running. And that was the downfall of the rest of my life.

You let three sixth-graders-It was a group of them.own you for the rest of your life. That's crazy to think about.

You're going to let them win? You have to be stronger than them.

You have no idea how people's mind... When you're young like that, your mind can get like-I was made fun of.

They called him Kenkels.

Yeah. I've gotten that.

What do you mean? You call me fat? Does that even matter? It's life. People are mean sometimes.

Well, some people have stronger minds than other people. He's 45, 50 pounds down. People have constantly told me I looked like a Holocaust victor with my shirt off.

I never said it constantly.

Something to think about.

And look at him now. He looks healthy-ish.

Studly. He does look healthy. Wait, speaking of weight, there was, I think, an anonymous source that came out that told the It was a New York post. It was about the diddy freak off parties. He was like, There were certain requirements for women to get in, and one of them was a weight limit. They had the number, the limit was 140 pounds. Then he said, But if a girl was really tall, there was a little bit of discretion involved.

That was sweet of them.

There were other things. Hold on. According to the source, other Her requirements included no flap, no cellulite, not overly pierced or tattooed, and no short hair.

I would love to be the guy that's flabby. Go next. Next.

Of course, you would.

Hair too short. She's like, That's not the worst reason to be.

Also flabby. No.

What else is illegal in countries?

Baby walkers are illegal in Canada.

Why? Question. What are baby walkers?

Due to safety concerns. You put your baby in a swath.

I don't have a baby.A walk? What do you mean? Like a stroller? Like a jumper.

Like a jumper.

The thing that sits on front on your chest.

No, no, no. It's its own-He's not going to get it. It's its own thing. It's usually circular. You put the baby in the middle and it's on wheels, so it helps them stand up and they can walk.

I know what you're talking about. It's square, empty middle. Hold on. It's almost like a wheelchair. Yeah, it's a walker, but for babies.

Yeah, hence the baby walker. The baby walker.

This guy nailed it.

But true story, I, when I was little, this age, Probably.

You broke a few of them by leaning on them?

No, I was in a baby walker. That was a joke. Not my parents' fault, but I think my dad was tying his shoes. My mom was doing something. I was walking close to the stairs, and I went down the stairs in the baby walker just like, flipping like this. And then when I reached the bottom of the stairs, my feet were dangling upwards, and my parents just sat there in disgust.

Disgust. Oh my God. It's stupid, baby. Can't even walk in the walker. I hate this baby.Not disgust. Our last baby could walk so good.

I don't know what the word shocked, concerned. They just sat there like, Oh, my God, is our baby... Yeah, distraught. Is my baby dead?

I wasn't safe as a child. I remember one time I was running through the house, and at this time, our fireplace. We had a cement out in front of the fireplace, and it was pretty sharp on the corners, and I was clumsy as fuck. And I tripped, and my head hit the corner of the fireplace.Oh, fuck.And I remember it hit me. And I remember going to my mom's room, and my mom and dad were on the bed, and I was like, Guys, I think I hurt myself. And they're like, Let me see. I moved my hand and blood just shot out. And it started shooting out, and they were like, Oh, my God. I thought I was dead, but I was fine.

Do you think that that reason of you falling down the stairs was why you had to repeat the first grade?

You repeated the first grade?

Yeah. And with that, I will get my food at the door.

Yeah, you didn't know that? No. From what? I think it was because of my age. I just think I was older.

You don't think they would hold you back? They would hold you back. Push you forward. Yeah.

I was younger then. Too young.

When was your birthday? August 29th. I mean, 1996. Yeah. And what year did you graduate high school?

2015.

So a year after you guys. Yeah.

I also think my teacher just needed me.

Anyway, when you graduated high school, were you 18 at the time of graduation? You were, right? Yeah. And you turned 19 that summer. Yeah. That's normal, I guess.

But I think- Age adds My teacher also, she really did not... Her and my mom got at it all the time because my mom had her very thick New York accent at the time. I would repeat words like my mom because my mom would be like, water, all this stuff.

And my T-shirt-Just respect the show, dude.

I'm respecting it.

I got a rib eye.

What?

What's more American on election day than a rib eye?

Did you get Yard House?

We're talking about cows.

No, that's Outback.

No, it's not. Also, people on apps that sell food. If I bought my food, rib eye, and I go to a next page and it asked me to add mashed potatoes, tell me I already have some coming.

No, I think that's nice. I'll take them.

You want them?

Yeah, I'll have them.

Regardless.

That's a little wild, though, right? Yeah. It goes the next place like plus. It says plus for mashed potatoes. I didn't know I was getting extra. So I got extra broccolini, extra mashed potatoes.

Typically, people read the small Small print of what comes with the mail.

Well, I thought it already came with that. But then I go to the next page and it's just, do you want mashed potatoes? Add a plus because it says zero mashed potatoes, zero. So I'm like, makes sense.

Can I ask a question? No. Is it Yard House? No. Where's it from?

This is from Grandville.

I was going to see, have you ever gotten a Riva from Grandville before?

Yeah, I enjoy it.

How much does it cost in the store?

I don't know.

I wonder how much of a Yardhouse robot would cost if you were to stay here. A lot. Yeah, because it's like $45 in the store. I bet it's like $70 getting it here.

What is the upcharge with- Delivery, the tax. No, but on the-Drivers. The base price of food on delivery apps, they upcharge just the base price. If you get a burrito or something from Chipotle, normally in the store, it starts off at $8, but on the app, it'll start off at $12.

Yeah, I don't know.

I'm going to email them right now for you, Jared.

I didn't know this the other day. I never thought about this. I was reading something. I got you.

You guys are dumb. A lot of-Thank you.

Counties and stuff have banned Airbnbs in their county, Airbnbs and Verbos. Oh, yeah. I didn't realize. Apparently, it's bad for the housing.

Oh, it's terrible for the housing because it's like the families or individuals or couples or whatever that want to actually live in those houses can't do it because a lot of these new internet landlords are taking up all the houses just for people to come visit, which supports the tourist market. But for the housing market, it's terrible.

Who am I going to email them to? Because it's creating a shortage. Who am I emailing?

Verbo and Airbnb. Email them and say, Chill the fuck out.

In small towns, can they do big cities?

I think it's Mostly big cities. Small towns are fine, I think.

I don't think you can get Yard House on Uber Eats. That's from what I'm seeing.

Because they're good people. Chill out, guys. Come in and eat it at Yard House like a grown man. Are you going to just eat that right here? What are you doing here?

We just finished the podcast.

Have we finished the pod?

Yeah, we did a great job. Everybody had a great time. Can I eat this really quick and come back?

You can eat it on the after-school special.

Can I eat this food really quick?

Five minutes. We'll do the after-school. Five minutes, you can eat it, and then we'll come back to the after-school special.

You can eat it on the after-school special. So we'll do a little commercial break. We'll cut to commercials right now. No. I'm going to go eat this. No.

You sit in that red seat right there.

I got all for tickets to Rufus Wainwright tonight.

You also got tickets to my thing. No, I still need help with this. What's a story I can tell on stage? Oh, that was a legit? Yes.

Wait, so I have a question. Is this stand-up you're doing?

No, it's called Haunted Homies. It's me, Josh Wolf. He's a pretty established-I saw David Lucas.

David Lucas. He's established, too.

Yeah, so we're all just going on stage. Basically, we're in the crowd, then they call us on stage, and then we tell a story that still haunt us. It doesn't have to be paranormal. It could just be like...

Yeah, just anything. Whatever. What if you tell your prom rejection story?

That could still haunt you.

How long does it have to be, though?

I don't think it has to be that long. Because then we come on and we just ask people in the crowd if they have stories, then we just rift. Probably like kill Tony style.

Do you have enough to say about prom rejection?

I would say yours, you could do the passing out from sex. Almost done? Now, Now, because of that, you can never come because you're terrified you're going to pass out. Your mom's going to wake you up. That's the punchline.

I don't know what that issue really is.

But it could be that deep-rooted. I think I know what the issue is. Okay. No, it's just you haven't gotten in between these cheeks.

You haven't experienced good enough.

I haven't experienced dummy thick.

You haven't walked in on somebody having sex or your parents.

That would haunt you.

I thought you were just I thought you were talking about how I could get off better. No. You could be full.

No, that's your original question. Have you ever tried watching other people? No.

Or whenever you walked in on his brother. I walked in on your brother masturbating.

That's a good story. You didn't really do that.

He was just-No, he was silent.

Eyes rolled back.

But you could also exaggerate it and how you do. It doesn't have to be fully.

I think you should tell the full story. I'd be like, listen, one time when I was a kid, we went and visited my uncle at his big house, and you just tell the whole Chronicles and Arnia story.

It was like, well, we were playing high and seek, and there's this. There's this, I couldn't believe it. You guys are going to be like, what the... Stay with me. There's this big, I don't know what they call it, like a wardrobe in England. I open it up, expect clothes. And there was clothes at first. Yeah, there was clothes. Great place for hide and seek. And then I put my back expecting to feel like the wall or some wood, and I stumbled back a little bit. I was like, This is really big. Does it go into a walk in closet, a secret door? I don't know. And I keep falling backwards, and I start hearing crunching. And then at some point, I look around and this magical fawn. And then that was a great battle.

You caught your friend using a dildo.

Are you horny right now? No, I'm just saying.

We're just asking. Who do we catch using a dildo? You're trying to go... What? Who did he catch using the dildo?

Just a friend.

Did you catch a friend?

No, I've never.

You're your dildo? No. You're talking about lying to the people that come to see this show?

He actually went into a wardrobe and found another world, Alyssa.

You're talking about scary, paranormal stuff that he doesn't believe in that people are lying about all the time. So we could do a little embellishing on this story.

When did anyone mention Paranormal?

Because it's called Haunted Homies.

You know what? Am I going crazy? Show us your chest right now. What? And where can they get that? Shop dropouts. Com. Okay. Now, did you reset?

You cannot get that shirt.

We got to start wearing the coolest stuff, and so you can get it there. This sucks, dude.

No, but what you could do, we'll wear really cool stuff. I want to say, shop dropouts. Com. They go to dropouts. It's an Amazon link. You become an Amazon partner, and then you're just getting kickbacks of everything.

They think we're selling, Dude, these guys started selling TV.

God, they partnered with a high stance for a partner TV. Wow.

Look at the 75-inch TV right from drop out.

Right from drop out.

Yeah, with the Jared partnership, you can just watch Beavers and Trump videos. That's the only thing that TV shows.Maga highlights and Trump.It's.

Not mega Look at you, dude.

Do you think West Hollywood has really capitalized on make America gay again?

No, they need to. Definitely not. I haven't seen anyone wearing those hats.

How quickly can we get some of those units done and we can head out to the rainbow country?

I mean, we can definitely do it before election day.

Is it bad to capitalize on?

No, I'm pretty sure those hats already exist, though.

That's capitalism. That is the core of capitalism.

When Trump announced he was running for, or it might have been in the last election. I Because it was around the time that Russell Wilson, the Bronco's country, let's ride. Do you remember that? It was going around everywhere. I got the brilliant idea. I was like, okay, wait, I'm going to put Trump in a football uniform, but say, in MAGA country, let's ride. Because that would have sold like hotcakes.

A hundred %.

I couldn't figure out how to work Shopify. I have a Shopify account.

Did you guys ever talk about the- Did you ever get to designing?

That part was also challenging. Who was going to print it?

Who was going to print Shopify.

Because I already had... There was like a... Yeah, I don't know.

Drop shipping. You're just using buzzwords at this point. Drop shipping.

Did you guys ever talk about that time you saw the video of the CNN reporter going to your town looking for a Democrat?

I don't think we have talked about it, but we could- Have you seen it, Jern?

Oh, yeah. You showed it to me.

We could play it in the after-school special, go just talk about the people we know.

Yeah. So apparently the county that we're from in Georgia is the most Republican county in the entire United States.

I think it's in the country. I think that last election, it was like 95% Trump or 98% Trump. It was crazy.

Jump over to the Patreon, seven-day free trial. We'll watch the video. That'd be fun. I'll eat a steak. I'll think about America for a little bit.

All right. Our Village Idiots this week are Sebastian Barones, Maurice ERP, Cody Ousk, Samuel Ray, and Elissa.

That's Elissa's burner.

Thank you so much for being Village Idiots. We will see you next week. Well, actually, we'll see you in the After School Special.

See you in the After School Special.

Cop the merch, get the tickets to the show, and join the Patreon.

Zack just really wants to eat the steak. Okay, hit the outro.

Are you going to eat first?