Transcript of Attempting to Flirt with Sara Saffari for 1 hour and 16 minutes - Dropouts #232

I saw a clip you saying you like ugly guys with good personalities. Yes. Why is the nation so perplexed on your dating life?

Do you go on dates?

I used to be so opposed to dates, but I've been on a few. Recently? Yeah.

How were they?

He's the funniest. I took him on a date. It's just the banter is always good. He's a great guy. Okay, so what do you think if you were going to go on a date with a girl and she was using all of that window of conversation?

I'd Riz her up.

Would you guys say you have a type?

Zack definitely does.

I do not have a type. Tell me what my type is.

Vaguely ethnic.

I would have killed you. I would have broken up with you.

Okay, there we go.

No, but I would have been so hurt. That was good. You are the second man that has sang. Actually, the second man, both named Zack.

Did it work on you, the singing?

I felt special. Made me feel some way.

Yeah. Do these work?

Yeah, you just got to turn them on.

Oh, should I put one on, too?

Yeah, Zack, can you turn hers on?

Am I incompetent to turn on headphones? No.

I just... The fuck?

Dude, you got to... You clocked him. It's just a courtesy thing. He hates women.

You hate women. I don't hate women.

Oh, my God. Especially structurally sound women whose biceps could-Do I intimidate them?rival that of a chimpanzee. What? That wasn't racial.

That wasn't racial.

It was like, you're stout. What do you mean?

That's a good thing. I'm going to off myself.

Do you not want to be stout? A little teapot, short and stout. You're built like a girl that could... Okay, Okay. Say I'm caught in a fire and I'm like, Help me, Sarah. I feel like you could come in, almost fight the fire and make sure I get out of there.

No, I would just carry you out of there.

I know you would. You probably carry-Zack, you'd be so dainty. Oh, I would love it. I'd be covered in smoke.

How much do you weigh? 175?

No.

My boys-Guess.

Hey, dude. Who's he?

Dude, we got fucking Hulk Hogan over there.

Do you want to guess all of our weights to kick this thing off?

Yeah, I would love to do so.

Okay, start with Jared.

Jared, how tall are you?

6'1. You probably weigh...

Into the mic.

Into the mic.

Act like you've done this before.

Oh my God. I'm so sorry. You probably weigh 175.

No.

Less?

In what world?

More? More.

Really? You hide it so well.

Yeah, he does.

I don't know if that's a compliment.

Dude, you should see his love handles. He'll play peekaboo. What are you talking about?

I like to think that it's muscle.

She said all. It's not that.

That's demoralizing.

185.

Higher.

No shot. Where is it?

That's what I'm saying. I'm toned under this.

He has very thick thighs.

I do have very thick thighs. Actually, when I got my DEXA scan, it was like 40% of my weight was in my thigh. Really?

Should I go get the weight scale upstairs and we can see how accurate we all are?

Yeah, and then you guys have to get smile. Okay. Then I might off myself, depending on what you say.

You're ripped. I might be there with you. This might be a suicide This is right after Thanksgiving, dude.

We can't be doing this.

You guys are not doing an intro? Hey, guys, what's up? Welcome back to the Dropouts podcast.

How do you say your first name again? Sarah. Okay.

Sahara. Sahara Safari.

Sahara Safari. It is so nice to have you here. I cannot... Oh, I'd have to do a load of laundry. Are your abs free?

Getting right into it, yes.

Don't make it sexual, dude.

This is going to be-I didn't take it in a sexual manner.

You looked at me in such a way. We're like, Yeah, I just touched my abs. All I'm trying to do is save a little money from the laundry mat. Keep a couple more quarters in my pocket, so don't be weird, all right? Okay.

Ads were running dry this month or what?

Ads are... Yeah, it will dry. Similar to the women in Jared's bedrooms.

All right, that's a low blow, and you know it.

We need to guess how much everybody weighs. Okay, so Jared, final guess. I brought the scale down.

Okay, final guess. Okay, 207.

207. Jared, get on the scale. Can he take off 2 pounds for clothing? He's got shoes on as well. Yes. Okay, that checks out. Do you need get on scale music?

Yeah, please. Oh, wow.

I don't know if that was a good or a bad.

Okay, what are we looking at?

Even with clothes, 195 on the dot.

Okay, so 193. Yeah. So you're close.

Well, you guys made my first two guests seem like they were so far off.

They were. They were. They were 20 pounds off. They were 20 Okay, now for Big Horn.

What do you think?

How tall are you? 6 foot?

Bare. 5'11, 3'4.

On a good day, if he stands up straight.

Yeah, stand up, make your weight of the scale. Let's see this.

Don't judge the body.

Don't try to make excuses on your way to the scale.

Wait, I haven't guessed yet. I was going to say you're going to weigh.

Can you see it?

You weigh 200.

No, it's more than that.

It's going to be about 210.

All right.

213, though. You take off 2 pounds of clothes.

He could have easily taken his shoes off to hop on that scale.

No, but he wanted, though. He's like, I got to get this money. I wear heavy-duty clothing. He does wear heavy-duty clothing. But aren't those double-stitched clothing?

But the thing is, you started when you first moved here at what? Like, 260.

Wow.

So, 55, something like that?

Yeah. So he's just a boy with a dream.

Yeah, he's down like 40, 50 pounds.

Yeah, you've cut good weight. Good for you.

Thank you.

That's my favorite.

Actually? No, we have a guy that tortures us mentally and physically. But I've been off the past month. We got sick, and then I fucked my foot up. So it's been a bad month. Okay.

Get back into it.

Yeah, Monday. That's my favorite Nate Bargetsi bit. He goes, Don't work out. Just tell everyone you lost 100 pounds. And they're always being impressed. Okay, now for Papa.

Don't say Papa.

Okay, you weigh less than them.

He's going to weigh more than Jared and less than me.

No way.

Dude, hey.

That's my guess.

No shot. 190.

Here we are. Let's go.

I'm usually good at guessing people's weight.

He's going to be 203.Are you? You've been off.

I know.

203.

And drum roll.

He's been eating in sleep. He's been eating a lot of steak.

I am 206.

So 204 minus the clothes.

In other words, if I was in a gym on big body. Yeah, you are.

On big body. You guys weigh more than I thought.Thank you.All of you.

But you got to think, I'm so tall.And.

So muscular.And.

So muscular.Yeah.

That's on me.Okay.

Now we got to guess you.Guess me. What are you?

Five?5,5.

I was going to guess 5,6, so I was spot on.

But you're strong, so you got a lot of muscle.Dense.What.

Would a normal girl weigh at 5,5?

Like 130?No.120? No, I think more than that.140? Yeah, 140.

She's got a lot of muscle. Muscle weighs more.I'm going to say you're 5'5?Yeah.

I'm going to do... I'm going to say 1. You're 5'5? Yeah. I'm going to say 138.

I was going to go in one. I'm going to go 132.

No, it's more than that.

What the fuck?

I'm just trying to think about how strong... I just know it's going to be...

I'll go right in the middle, then I'll go 135.

I think it's going to be a lot less for whatever reason. She's going to get on there and be like, I'm a dainty 95.

I'm what?

I'm a dainty 95. Do you have an idea of what it should be?

Yeah.

Okay, that was going to sound creepy. I apologize. I love a crisp white sock, but then I realized, no, I did.

Don't sexualize your feet, man.

I wasn't trying to.

I was It was like-They're new socks.

They're new socks. I love that feeling. You put an old foot in a fresh sock.

It is. God, that's one of the wonders of the world.

I was thinking about living vicariously through you not wanting... I don't want to touch your socks. I'm just kidding. Okay, get on there, Faddy.

All right, here we go. Wait, where's the music, Zack? Drum roll. Sorry.

Hold on.

What was it?

Is that a good ha ha ha?

You guys were all off. It was 130, meaning 128.

So I was right. It was lower.

I was just guessing you were stronger than you were.

Dude, every time... When I didn't even know you that well, anytime she would post a picture, I don't know. What do you guys call it? When I had my pump.

Oh, yeah. A pump pick?

Yeah, a little pump pick. I've never in my life come close to a pump pick. They're like, That's a plump pick. Shut out, Skyler. But Pass, Skyler.

Just to give you a heads up, Louisville has beaten Kentucky 20 to zero, so fuck you.

Dude, the season is so gone. I just wanted to say that. It's basketball season, year-round. But every time I would see, I would just DM her. I'd be like, You could beat the hell out of me. And I know it. I realized I was so scared.

I like that, though. I like a guy.

How are you as a fighter? Do you think you could actually beat him up?

No, I don't think. Genually, I don't think I could take. I think any man would beat me in a fight.

What?

Is there a-I think the average girl I could take.

Okay. What would be your tactic?

Rock him in the face.

Would you get into the hair pulled?

No, you can't do the dirty tricks.

You just got to punch. I think you would probably get your hair pulled then, which would not be great. I think it's going to get done to you.

Yeah, because that's the thing. If you fight clean, they're going to fight dirty.

I watch a lot of Twitter fights, and the hair is going to get involved.

They're going to grab-But usually my hair is up or back. But you're I'm not ready for a fight today.

You knew coming in, we weren't going to fight you?

Or what was it? Yeah, I knew coming in that if you guys were going to fight me, you'd beat me regardless. Might as well just have the hair down, too. Yeah.

Speaking of fight, did you see the thing from Barstool this weekend?

Let's get into it. Welcome back to episode 2,32 of the Dropouts podcast. We're about to hit some intro music, but... Hit the red one? You're not going to hear it because you have headphones on. But it is really good. Let's get into it. You're missing out. This is good stuff.

I'm Good.

Okay. My best friend, since I was nine years old, just brought up a conversation, and he's going to get some time to talk about it. This is not all about you.Of course.

Yeah.thank you.Thank you.Thank.

You.thank you for setting you straight.Yeah.

I appreciate it.Of course.

No, there was a guy that he works. He has a podcast with Barstool. He's a former NHL player. Have you seen this? Mm-mm. This past weekend, he went to this restaurant that he always goes to. I saw this, yeah. And he was eating, and he heard a noise. He went to the front. There were seven guys messing with the manager because they were trying to get the guys to leave because they were too drunk or something. And they were getting pretty physical. So the former NHL guy goes over there. He's like, Hey, man, stop assaulting him. We're going to have an issue. As soon as he said that, he gets hit.

Huge brawl.

He fights all seven of them.

By himself?

Yeah. He, I, won.

Would you see what he put?

Took some, gave more.

Yeah, that's a crazy word.

That's a crazy word thing to say.

That is crazy. Dave Portnoy texted me. He was like, What happened?

He's like, Took some, gave more. Damn, that's going to be in a movie someday. A hundred %. That's great.100%..

That's top alpha move right there.

Yeah, I would never. I'll be trying to hit people in the nuts.

I always think about... I used to always think about that in school. Did you ever think about saving the classroom from a gunman?

A hundred %.

Or not necessarily a gunman, but you know what I mean?

You were so skinny, the bullets would just miss you.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I could matrix it all and save the nation.

But no, everyone's dying behind.

I'm just rushing. I can't hit this guy. He's all Bones. Johnny Bones is coming for me. Anyway, sorry. Back over to you. Have you ever saved children?

No. I've never thought. Maybe that's more of a man. I've never thought about it. I think that's more of a man in sync to think about saving others, maybe.

What do you think about since it sounds like you're really selfish and never want to save anyone?

No, it's not that I'm selfish. I just don't. You want to save anybody. As a kid, think about, Oh, a gunman is going to come into this room. What did you think about?

Arithmetic?

No, I would always just think, I want to get the fuck out of this classroom.

Oh, did you hate it, education?

You were thinking, who's the first person I can push down? Exactly.

No, I hated education up until high school, I think.

What turned you around to be more privy to the learnings when you got to that sweet, sweet high school?

I think I realized that it was just it matters more maybe in high school because it's the prep for college.

Where'd you go to college?

I feel like elementary still matters because that teaches you the foundations of everything.

Yeah, true. I don't know. I didn't enjoy school when I was younger, but as I got older, I enjoyed it more.

Nice. That's called maturity.

Maturity. I grew up.

That's called becoming Ms. Girl. Thank you. Yeah. I've been up on my lingo recently. If you need any Gen Alpha, Gen Z words, you just look at me, I'll tell you.

Okay, so what do you think if you were going to go on a date with a girl and she was using all of that lingo in conversation?

I'd Riz her up. I'd send her to RizTown, population me and her. When people use Riz, we actually talked about this on your podcast that I did with you.

Did we really?

Yeah, we said some type of word, and I was like, if anybody ever uses the word, it makes me want to take out my vocal cord.

Yes, I remember this. And I think the word was Riz.

Yeah. If they use it, even if it's in a joking manner.

No, joking is fine. But if they're just like, Dude, that guy had crazy Riz, and they're just sitting there straight face, looking for a future conversation with me, I'm going to go,.

That kicks in your fight or flight instinct right there.

We got to relate to her. She likes to work out. She's a woman. What do you guys think about anything can go with on there?

What macros do you get every day? Oh, nice.

Good. My macros? Yeah, how are your macros?

Good. I don't track anything.

Good. Jared, get us out of this gutter really quick. How much you bench in these days? 135. Oh, my gosh.

Okay.

So you bench more than you want? That's great. I don't think I could bench 135.

Yes, you could. I think you downplay this. I know if we put you on a bench, you could bench 135.

You think? Yeah, we rep 135.

It's a 45 on each side.

Yeah. I don't remember that.

Yeah, we do.

But do you do it on the Smith machine? Good question.

Or with the regular bar? We do it on the Smith machine, which is only 35 pounds. Yeah.

So really, you're doing 120.

I don't like the Smith machine when it comes to benching.

Why?

You can't use all parts of your body the way. Does that make any sense?

Yeah, for sure. When you're doing it without the Smith machine, you have to brace your core, you have to use your legs. Smith Machine, but it's better on your shoulder as Smith Machine is.

For anyone that doesn't know what a Smith Machine is, it's basically like a barbell that is on rails, so it maintains the form the entire time. Yes. Thank you. Well, no, I'm saying that for the audience. No, that was good.

I feel like- Why are you...

Well, I thought she was- She's so nice. Because she joined in immediately when she walked through the door.

I meant good point because I never think to explain to anyone what a Smith Machine is, but you're 100% right that you should.

That's my bad. Smith Machine is the perfect way to do actual bench.

Okay, I said it.

Is it a lot easier?

It's easier in the sense that you have more control.

That's where I do my max. Do I like being in control? Yeah. I like control when I'm on my leash, walking around in my room, make them bark for me.

Oh, my God.

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It's true. It's honestly, it is the craziest thing to have a show that is sponsored by them because that's something I didn't even imagine when I started using them in college. I legitimately have over 1,500 workouts logged in this app. I mean, it is incredible, and it changed my life forever. It's like having a personal trainer in your pocket that's better and cheaper. They create personalized workouts for you based on your goals that you tell it that you want to hit. The best part about Fitbot is that when I started using it, I was a newbie to the gym, so I didn't really know what I was doing, but every exercise comes with video instructions on how to perform the moves properly so that you're never lost in the gym.

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That's F-I-T-B-O-D. Me/dropouts. Thank you, Fitbot. This episode is brought to you by Betterhelp. Alyssa, I have a question for you. How do you stay cozy during the winter months?

Well, Jared, I would say that wrapping up in a nice cozy blanket, having some hot chocolate, maybe a movie with the family is how I stay cozy during December.

Have you ever thought about using therapy to stay cozy?

That's a great idea. Tell me more.

Because therapy is a great way to bring yourself some comfort that never goes away, even when the seasons change.

Yeah, Jared, you are very right. Actually, you know what? I just started doing therapy myself, and I can't even begin to tell you how amazing it has been to just learn how to set boundaries for myself, to learn how to do coping mechanisms, and just empower myself to be a better version.

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So find comfort this December with Betterhelp. Visit betterhelp. Com/dropouts to get 10% off your first month.

That's betterhelp. Com/dropouts to get 10% off your first month. Thank you, Betterhelp.

I wrote you a song.

Please don't play the harmonica.

I wrote her a song, though. I did. You want to hear it? Schatler, chime in. Obviously, we-We heard this a little bit earlier. Okay. Oh, miss a safari. You look so strong.

I don't like this one.

Sorry about that.

I was going to jump in, but then I didn't feel comfortable with it.

That was good. You are the second man that has sang to me.

In Harmonica?

Actually, the second man, both named Zack.

Who was the first one?

Zack-errific.

What do you think? He does the shtick where he's super confident. Or he's like, Yeah, me and Sydney Sweeney. That guy?

Yeah, that guy. He played me the guitar, and he actually He did such a good job on the David Alvarez.

What do you mean he actually did? Are you saying he didn't do a good job?

Correct. That is what I'm saying.

It was my first time.

Oh, it was good for your first time. Thank you.

Did it work on you, the singing?

I mean, I felt special. I was like, wow, I've never had a guy sing to me, even though it was all for camera. But made me feel some way.

I saw a clip you saying you like ugly guys with good personalities.

Yes. You know one?

Can you give me an example of your type in celebrity form. It's like, all right, what's ugly to you? Slash maybe good personality. Okay.

I don't mean like, oh, I go for the ugly ones. I'm not like handpicking ugly men. I do love a medium ugly guy, but Yeah.

What's the archetype for that, though?

Like a little dirty.

Yeah. But you got to give me an example.

What do you mean? Dirty like he was working a blue collar job? What do you mean? Like clothes tattered?

No, not close tattered, but not well put together.

Like A little unkept.

Yes. If you don't give me a name of an example, I'm going to beat the hell out of Jared.

Can you give me some names and I'll tell you? Paul Rudd.

Well, he's pretty put together. Yeah. Can you pull up some? I don't think he's medium ugly.

You're not on the internet, okay?

But these men, I I appreciate a handsome guy. Most actors are conventionally handsome. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Pete Davidson is probably the most famous ugly hot celebrity out there. Is he somebody that...

Does Paul Rudd make you pur?

Yeah, I think he's a handsome guy. I think he's very good looking.

But he's not medium ugly. Look at him in 2000. That's a stallion ready to ride.

I like him better in 2022.

Nobody's breaking that free horse.

So you like the Silver Fox a little bit. He's got some salt and pepper in his beard.

Who's a medium ugly guy?

But I'm not saying that I handpick medium ugly men. I don't go based off looks. I just mean for me, forefront personality is everything.

Type in Michael Serra. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I thought we said medium ugly.

Why is that the picture that you pulled up?

I just search medium ugly, and that's what it came up with.

No, you actually did ugly twice.Ugly, ugly.Fuck you.Ugly, squared. That was odd. That's medium ugly. Do Michael Serra.

Is this someone that you-Yeah, he's cute.

Really? That's your type?

He's also a good actor. I know his personality and acting.

So this is your type? I nailed it. First try.

Look at him with a beard down there. He's a good-looking guy.

I think everyone... It's hard for me to find someone. He's a good-looking guy, too. I think everyone's good-looking in their own way.

Oh, you're just trying to play it safe.

No, it's not even me playing it safe.

Nathan Fielder, I feel like if you said that was your older brother, I could see that for some reason. Me? Yeah.

Why is the nation so perplexed on your dating life? I don't know.

I just can't find a-I feel bad for whoever you do end up dating. Wow, that's a crazy statement.

No, because they're going to get sent this clip where you're like, I like an ugly guy, and then everyone's going to flood their DMs with.

She's going to hit him with, not you, baby. I finally found my little unicorn.

This is similar. I've told this story before, but my girlfriend that was just here, when we first started dating, I went to her Twitter account after the fact, and her first tweet was, me and Gipsy Rose have the same type. You know who Gipsy Rose Blanchard is? Yeah. Okay, this was her former husband.

You'd know him by name.

Why? I did this for Halloween. What's his name? Scott. Yeah. So that's basically what you just did.

Wait, did you tweet that after she started dating you?

No, it was like two weeks before we started, before we met each other. But still, her nonetheless.

She found her Ryan Scott. Just throw on some glass. You used to have pretty ugly glasses.

I used to wear glasses. I wouldn't call them pretty ugly.

They were atrocious. Every time I'd see them, I would dry up and I have no labia. I just have absolutely zero labia.

But there was also that attached 60 pounds more. I was eating Zaxby's three times a day. That also It probably dry stuff up.

Oh, yeah. You were definitely susceptible to cellulite.

How did that conversation go when you brought up that tweet to her?

We laughed. You laughed? Yeah, because I thought it was funny, but I was like, Hey, serious question.

What the fuck is it doing? Skyler laughed in pain.

I cried the night before, and then I laughed the next day.

Would you guys say you have a type?

Zack definitely does.

I do not have a type. Tell me what my type is.

Vaguely ethnic.

And just really... You don't go for a Someone that... A medium-looking.

Yeah, you go for the supermodels.

Oh, it's exceptionally hot. I have been very blessed in my life to have had the opportunity to be with several tens. I want to thank God right now. As you should. I want to thank the universe, and I don't take it lightly. I understand I'm walking around and they can get anybody they want. I mean, these are people that would have watered down all Adam Levine back in the day. For whatever reason, I was able to knock on their door and they answered. They didn't check their ring camera. They didn't who was outside, but they let me in for breakfast anyway. You know what I mean? I scramble their eggs. Okay.

All right, we can stop there. How do you meet these tends? Do you use dating apps? Do you meet them out and about? Do they slide in your DMs?

It's all of it.

You nailed it.

It's a culmination of the dating culture. Really? Yeah. My birthday party, not this year, but the year before, I had seven hinge dates that I'd been on hinge dates with all at the same party. They all introduced themselves to my mom. They all became friends, I think.

It was like the hunger games for those days.

But I wasn't currently dating all of them. If it doesn't work out, I like to stay friends.

Because why Burnbridge? What a nice guy.

I even hired a couple.

How's that been going?

It's been okay. It's been okay. This is not about me, though. This is about you and how much you can bench.

I'm trying to get advice on how I can go about this.

But you don't get yourself out there, do you?

I go out. Do you have you on dates? I used to be so opposed to dates, but I've been on a few recently.

How are they?

What'd you guys do on the dates?

Just got food.

That's it? In the evening, yeah. No wonder. Really?

No, that's a fine date.

How are you asked?Fuck.

Like text message?

Hey, would you like to go on a date with me or do you want to hang out?

You want to grab dinner?

Yeah, that's not very romantic.

But I feel like dating, at least the first date, should be somewhat exciting. Do an activity or Something like a romantic type.

Go ahead. Are you a romantic type? Do you want to be swept off your feet?

I don't know. I don't care about that stuff.

So you had a good time or didn't have a good time?

It was a pleasant time. Yes.

Just no chemistry?

It was chemistry. I feel like for me, it takes-16 dates? Good amount of dates. So you introduce them to the kitty. Yeah. That'll take like... 32 dates. No one gets to meet the cat. I meant my cat, Lupita.

Oh, you're a cat person? What? You're a cat person? I'm a cat person. You need to tell people. That needs to be a disclaimer.

That might be an issue.

A deal breaker? It's definitely a very certain personality type. I think you're reflecting your isolation through an animal. I think you think you can feed and water yourself. You know what I mean? You want love when you want it. You go up and get pet. You don't wait for them to come to you. I get it. That's so true. I know.

It's just-You read me like a book. Do you have my horoscope or whatever?

I don't think you're a whore.

I'm not. Thank you.

Speaking of cash, I call it the worst I was in Chicago this week. I've heard of it. Meeting my girlfriend's family.For the first time?For the first time. Not her mom and dad because I haven't met them yet, but it was just her extended family. I meet her mom and dad in a few weeks.

So he went to Chicago. One of his family members.

We can't talk about that.

Having something going on.

We can't talk about it.

We didn't talk about it. We're not talking about it.

I got, Casually, in the middle of dinner. Courtney says, Oh, yeah, I'm getting a second cat next week.Oh, fuck.What the fuck are you talking about?Courtney's.

Your girlfriend? Yes.

And she has one cat right now.

Why would she get a second cat?

She thinks that the first cat is lonely. But do you have two?

No, I have one, and then I foster.

Oh, my God. But cats, I don't think care about... I think they want to be alone.I think that's the whole thing.I think so, too. Yeah.

My cat is glued to me. The second I come home, if I'm laying in bed, she's on top of me.

No, but I'm saying for another cat, I think she'd be very-My cat wants to be alone.

My cat does not want another cat. Even when I foster cats, my cat acts out.

This cat meows about, but she needs to be spade. It hasn't been spayed. Is your cat spade? Yeah. The cat broke out the other day. Uh-oh.

It got out of the house?

I think it got. I think it's pregnant.

Why do you think that?

Because there's an orange tabby outside that's been meowing for six months. A redA redhead? Yeah. That cat let a redhead hit? Yeah. And so she got out through one of the windows and then came back a couple hours later.

Just happy? After a dick appointment.

Just walking a little-The orange cat was just sitting out the window like, Yeah, I did it.

You're fucked now. I fucked up your guys.

I don't trust cats because they'll penetrate you without consent, and then they have barbed wire penises, so you can't leave.

Are you getting this information? Cat sex is very painful for the cat.

You're like, I've experienced this firsthand.

When I bone these cats, No. Type in barbed wire cat penis.

Please don't type that in.

I don't even want to see. Is cat sex painful? There we go. This is perfect.

But it can make her feel… Oh, that's just talking about being in heat.

The feline who's thought to be painful do the male cat's barbed penis.

Okay, look up the male cat's. How did you know that? You didn't learn about that in school? In biology?

If I have a guest coming on my podcast and she loves something more than anything in the world, you do your cat, I'm going to find about the species a little bit. I'm going to do some research for you. Oh, my gosh. Oh, no. I didn't want to see that, actually.

What the fuck? I thought it was going to be more of a graph.

And we got right to it. Like a diagram.

We got right to it.

Please never look that up on the Internet.

Can we get a male? Can we get that out? Why type in male cat penis?

I just wanted to be short.

Like females have it, too.

Hey, you guys are getting-Yeah, 2025 is coming close.

They're cats.

No, be cool.

I learned recently that polar bears have-Here we go.

Hold on. Jared does fun facts. Can I set it up, please? Sure. Welcome back to Jared's Fun Facts.

Polar bears actually have a bone in their penis. It's called a baculum.

Okay.

Much cooler. Look at the duck penis.

What's wrong with you guys? You guys just look up animal's weaners.

Don't say we. We happen to be here.

No, you knew about the cat one. He has the bird one. You got the polar bear. What's wrong with you guys?

I was listening to a podcast, and they were talking about... Well, they were talking about where the name Bona came from, and then they were saying...

What podcast are you listening to?

It was just a comedy podcast. They were talking about the name Bona.

It was an add on my GitHub.

That's what it was. And then they had a scientist on there, and then they were like, actually, some animals do have actual bones in their penis. It's called a Baculum. Polar bears, I think, have the largest one. But Baculums are really good at or really useful for identifying bones of species.

I wish I had a back in him right now. I'd show it in his mouth.

I wish I had a time machine go back 12 seconds and then just beat the hell out of you. So you couldn't tell me that. I like to I think that was a fun fact. So he'll throw out fun facts, and then I'll react the way I just did, where I was like, Jared, don't do that. That's so dumb. In the comments, Jared loves it because they'll go on his side. They'll be like, Zack's so rude to cut you off about your fun facts about bear penis. We'll be looking forward to that.

You guys want another animal fun fact? Here we go.

No. No? Hold on.

Here's another fun fact.

The first and only giraffe born without spots happened a few weeks ago.

Really? That was just the tall donkey.

Maybe it just didn't want to be spotted around the other girafs, because it didn't, because it doesn't identify as one.

It's funny. A giraf without... I got the joke. A giraf without spots looks like what you said. It looks like an elongated deer. It looks really weird. But another fun fact.Thank you, Jared.You're so welcome.

That was good. Speaking of things we know about other species, we've got a woman here, so we're going to play... What's the game?Cute.

Or cringy?No.

No, no.Oh.

God.go to the PowerPoint.Oh, God.Oh, Jared.

Jared's text were up.

So the people watching this, will they be able to see what?

Oh, we'll have to. I'll put the pictures up there.

So the thesis of this game, it was prepared by a woman, Alyssa, specifically, who is still home for Thanksgiving. And then we, as human beings, are going to try to guess what the female product is as men. And then she-And if you don't know either, you can also guess along, or you can just laugh and call us idiots.

Okay.

I know what this is. I've seen this.

Oh, that's a top hat for a clip.

It's either a diva cup or it's a thing that goes over your finger when you're sewing, a thimble.

I thought it was latex. I thought it was metal, though.

Yeah, I would think it was. But it feels like It's got to be sexual. I also would say a diva cup, but I've never seen a diva cup look like that.

Those look like those boots.

How often have you seen one?

Dude, I'm caught up.

Okay, shit.

I have a mom in my life. That's great. Yeah, and I'd have to wash them out for her. No, you don't. I had to, or else I didn't get to eat.

I never want to picture your mom using a diva cup, let alone you. Or him washing it out. Yeah, you washing it out.

To eat. I didn't.

Do you know what this is?

I also thought it was either for sewing Or because it looks too like the shape isn't right for a diva cup.

Yeah, the shape. Oh, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no. This is-There are lips on this.

I just saw the lips.

That gave me a clue.

Are there lips on that?

Yeah, right there is an of lips. And then there is something right here on the side. What's it?

Oh, yeah. It looks like an imprint.Oh, you have good eyes.Oh.

It says Lupita.

It actually does look like it says that.

What's your guess?

Well, now with the lips, I think I know what It is. It's sexual. I think it's lollypop. No, I think it's one of those lip things that you put on your lips and you suck to make your lips bigger.

Like a suction. Like the Kylie Jenner lip challenge or whatever.

I have no idea, but I will roll with you on that because it...

Are you ready for the reveal?

That's just a sad invention.

What the fuck?

She doesn't tell us. She must have put the answers at the end.

How boring. What the fuck?

Well, we're going to know all the answers if you go.

Well, yeah. I guess we'll just move on and we'll come back to it.

Oh, my God.

That's easy. That's a slipper from a hotel room.

That's a zipper for people with binded feet.

That's when you buy new shoes and they have the cardboard thing on the inside.

I'm pretty sure that's a thing that you take camping and you throw it on the couch. You can't be on a funnel.

You guys have to think this is for women.

That can't be right.

Yeah, that's a couch funnel. You don't see it?

You hold that and squat over it.

You bless it over the peak, and then you just release.

That looks like a brand new white no-show sock. I know what that looks like.

It's probably an anklet shot. It's a no-show. That's what it feels. No, that's not a sock. But it looks firm here.

No, that's made out of plaster or something. Yeah, that's not a sock.

No, you guys, I'm right on this.

It's the pea funnel?

I'm pretty sure.

It's not a pea funnel for camping.

It doesn't have to be for camping. It could be for any time you want to stand up and urinate.

Wait, then. Yeah, it might be a pea funnel just for urinals.

That's what I'm saying.

It's a pea-There's no urinals in a woman's bathroom.

But what woman is carrying one of those around in her purse? No one. Nobody.

Alyssa made this.

This is flagged TSA, dude. What is this thing?

I guess we'll find out at the end.

Well, we got to come up with a concise.

I'm going to vote for pea funnel.

It's not a pea funnel.

It's not a pea funnel.

Okay, well, give me a different...

I'm looking and I'm getting the vibe that it's a weird little shape.

It's not sexual.

No.

No, that's medical, 100%.

This feels like a thing that you put your hand in to rub in your self-tanner.

No, that's totally wrong.

I know. It's closest.

No, mine's closest. It'd be really funny if she put products that aren't used. These are AI, and we're like, That's got to be...

She doesn't have the wear with all that. She didn't get us on that one. No, she didn't.

No, these are real things. I have no idea what this is.

Okay. Okay, we're over two. Yeah, we'll all learn together.

Oh, I know what these are. Twixies.

I don't want to know what- This looks like one of the-I have no idea what this is.

I think you put your fingers through this, and your clitoris goes in the top. No, It's one of the suctioners.

This is not a clitoral hood adjacent item.

Okay, so you probably put your fingers. It's a ring pop. You probably put your fingers in those. And then I feel like the side things, like open and close it.

These are fake items.

These are not real. She fucked with it.

Yeah, I really think she is. I think she's fucking with it. Because if we've got a woman here.

I'll say this, guys. I'll look this one up. She's fucking around. She picked very specific things.

Because I've never seen this. I've never seen that either.

This is stuff related to Alyssa.

What is that? Can you tell us what it is?

Yeah, it's a nail polish holder. So you have the nail polish, you put it on your finger.

Oh, dude, I've no one... Just put it to the side. Yeah, exactly. You're literally wearing nail polish.

You didn't know what this was. I get them done.

Yeah, but even the women, they don't wear it.

Do you wear your rings for fights or for fashion? For fashion. I like the fashion. Thank you. Jared. We need to have a real talk.

About what?

Having better sex.

Oh, yeah. You're struggling. I know. You're struggling.

Don't put that on me, dude.

Don't put that on me, then.

All I know is we want better sex. Of course we do. And we want to start having better sex immediately.

But how do we start having better sex?

I mean, we have to go to adamaneeve. Com right now.

Dude, I love Adam and Eve.

Here's the thing, dude. Adam and Eve, they're offering 50% off just about every item, plus free shipping, which also includes rush processing. So that means if you take the free shipping, you take the rush processing, and you add in Adam and Eve sex stuff, better sex immediately.

So sex toys can be embarrassing to buy, but I don't really want anyone else knowing I ordered.

Well, Jared, Adam and Eve has you covered, okay? They offer discrete shipping, and it doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and very fast.

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Thank you, Adam and Eve. Skyler, do you think you can name every single subscription that you have?

Well, I'll be honest here. I went through a few months there. I was getting banged on subscriptions. I mean, double charged for all these different websites, double charged for subscription services. And then I found a nice little friend.

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Com/dropouts.thanks, Rocket Money.This is easy.

That's a derma needle. Yeah, that one's easy.

Just nail that. Just nail that. Just nail that. For what?

What did you say it's for?

The counter looks good.

Wait, I thought it was a cat's penis.

It could be. No, people also use those for hair growth.

Yeah.

But it stimulates the scalp. Jared, I've never used one of those.

Oh, speaking of hair growth, Jared can't cut his hair or his beard till the bangles win a Super Bowl.

I don't know. I don't think I'm actually doing that.

I think you agreed to that.

You did agree to that when I was over there.

That was just a hypothetical. You're like, what challenge would you do? And I said, I'd probably do that.

Have you seen that guy? There was a guy in Canada.

What do you mean I have to be dedicated to something?

The guy in Canada wouldn't wear pants until his team won a CFL Championship. Did you see that? It was like 20 years. This guy didn't wear pants in Canada.

Oh, my God. Is he wearing any?

He's wearing shorts.

Okay. That's still in Canada.

Jared just thought he was naked from the waist down.

I thought he was in Tidy Whited or something.

I was like, he can't. But, Jared, think about it. If you make this your thing and it gets around, it's like, Oh, that's the bangles guy. The next time they make it to the Super Bowl, you're going to get invited. Big beard and all. Okay, actually-It could be a long term play.

I love this idea.

Okay, then say, I commit.

I was just about to book a haircut.

Your beard will not look good in a year.

No, I know.

It'll look bad.

I think that's the commitment, though.

I went two weeks without trimming it up. It looked awful.

What about right now? How many weeks has it been?

I think it looks good now.

I just tripped it up this morning. Okay.

You guys both did this for this podcast or what?

Yeah, I did. I did have a little five o'clock shadow last night. I was getting a lot of looks like, Oh, who's this stallion?

Really? You went somewhere last night.

I went to Uchi. What is Uchi?

A little business, dude. Hey, what was your deal when you got back? The layer in the music so loud.

I was cleaning my room.

And you decided to wake up everybody else in the house?

I didn't know how much leakage the wavelengths would have throughout the house. You had it on full volume. It actually wasn't.

What time was this at? 10:40.

It's not bad, dude. I'm just doing a little spring clean, and I happen to have some tunes on. But the moment I saw your text, you saw I cut it out.

I was asleep at that point.

Oh, then we're good. What are we talking about? But I did feel bad because I didn't see your text for 18 minutes. I understand when you're trying to get some good sleep and you have room, you want to be a little quiet. That was my fault.

It was funny because it was loud down here when we were trying to watch something, and Courtney was like, Can you turn down? I'll be fine because whatever. I'm sure he's showering or something. We go upstairs, it's still going on. And I'm like, Okay, I'll text him. I'll text him. And then immediately it stops. I'm like, See, he knew he was going to be done. Next song. But then it was the next song.

Yeah, that checks out.

Skyla, careful of your feet. You're about to kick this thing out. My feet aren't even near there, dude. Okay, then maybe there's a-I see it.

I agendized my feet.

You agendized.

Why'd you do Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

If you want to talk about toes, break your toes out, dude.

I don't want to break out my toes. Let's see them.

Your toes would hit these things from here.

I don't have long toes. They just overlapped.

They should be long.

It looks like your toes are rising up against the rest of your body.

They're starting to- Together. 26.

26? Yeah, I had to think about that.

Yo, Piggies went to the market and they stayed there. It was a very small market.

Your piggies are like, it's a Black Friday sale, and they're outside of like a- Walmart. Yeah, they're just stacked up, ready to get in.

I'm about to get a cheap TV.

Okay, next product. What's the next one?

Yeah, that's across.

Whoa, I saw a video. I thought it was going to be more scientific than that.

They're really just letting... They're just like, Yeah, we'll put it in.

That's crazy. I saw a video of-It's way smaller, though, than that looks like it's like a... It's really small.

Do you have an IUD? No. I heard it's very painful to receive.

Have you seen the video of the woman? It was a gynecologist, and she had a model of a vagina, and she was showing how they put it in.

What are you watching, dude?

Jared, you're a pervert. No, it was on TikTok.

Bare boners and just throwing crossbows up Snatchdude.

I can't say I saw that, but I've heard it's very painful.

It's insane. They have to double clamp your vagina. He's a feminist.

Look at him.

Is he a feminist or is he just a freak?

No, I'm learning about other people in the world.

Did you have your pants on or off when you were learning?

That's not relevant. Oh, okay.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Before we get to this next one, ice cubes for your butt. I don't know what this is. I think these are smoothers for your face.

I thought it was a I know what it is. I know what it is. I don't think it is that.

Don't.

That's what it's called. That looks like a boot patty.

Yeah, that's sticky tape or something. No. Okay.

Do you know what it is?

Pretty sure. It's a makeup product. Really? I think so.

Why is this a gentleman's hand?

It doesn't look gentle. It does look gentle adjacent.

Okay, wait, Zack, what were you going to say?

I want to get your take on this. This was a big debating topic last week. So Jared over there. We recently got a Times Square billboard for the podcast. Oh, I saw that. Congrats. Thank you. So he was going to go see it. I couldn't go. I just have been traveling like crazy. So he flies up there and only spends 10 hours and flies back. But his girlfriend lives up there, and it was Thanksgiving time, and he could have spent it with her. But instead, he said, We've already talked about we're going to see each other in Christmas, and I don't like Thanksgiving.

You didn't think to surprise her?

Well, okay, here's the thing. I don't know why you're rehashing this because we already talked about it.

Because she's on my side.

You flew there.

I'm sorry. You didn't know this?

I blacked out for a second. What happened? Can you repeat?

He flew there to see the billboard. Yes. He stayed He took only 10 hours and came back home when he could have made it a two-night trip.

Hold on, because... Okay.

I would have killed you. I would have broken up with you.

Okay, there we go.

No, but I would have been so hurt.

No, but here's-I was seven days in Chicago, brother. Here's the thing. Okay, we are launching a new show, part of our media company. We were launching a new show. It was supposed to launch on Monday. And so we had our editor and our director of production. They were going to be in the office.

Jared, you were in the wrong.

No, no, no. You also didn't meet with them.

Okay, because I get back and the next day-But you get back.

You could have still had a full day. Regardless of anything, it was still remote work anyway.

The real question here is-Well, I was going to go into the office because they were going into the office. How did your girlfriend feel about this? That's the real question.

Well, she was like-Yeah, she was sad. She told me that she was fine with it. But then I told her what Zack said about me staying there. And then she was like, actually, that was a really good idea. You probably should have done that.

Nobody thought of this? And he was getting mad at me because he's like, hey, I'm going up. But don't worry, I'm coming right back. I was like, why don't you just go spend Thanksgiving with your girlfriend? Because I don't like Thanksgiving. I was like, it's not about that. It's just hanging out with your girl. And he's like, why do you want me to leave so bad? I'm like, no, it's a logistics thing.

You skipped a few steps. I explained why I was coming back because people were coming into the office to work on this show.

But I explained how that wasn't an issue.

I'm sorry. Can I ask a question? The show comes out December 1.

Well, so here's the thing. I get back in the next morning, I get a text in the group chat, and they're like, Hey, this is all feeling... Because we were coming down to crunch time. There still needed to be a few things figured out, and it got postponed a week.

My question is, what did you need to be in the office for?

Who was meeting? Me, Katie, and Will were all going to be working together because we were trying to cut a trailer. We were trying to make the intro music. We were trying to do all of these things that would have been better to be in the office, in person, all working collaboratively together.

I'm just saying the hard part about long distance is traveling to make time to see them. So I'm saying if you're already in the same city-In Zoom exists. Yeah. If you're in the same city, I would just say one night- You had your computer with you.

I did have my computer. There we go.

So you had everything capable.

But she applauded to your girlfriend because I think I would have, even before Zack said anything to her or whatever, I would have been like, damn, he really came to my city but didn't even grab dinner with me.

No, I saw her while I was there.

You got her to take the photo? Yeah, I saw her.

Yeah, I saw her.

I was You just spent two or three days with her.

You needed her to take a photo of you in front of the billboard.

No, we got dinner. We spent the night together.

Whoa, sex?

Yeah. Wait, okay. This is making your case way better.

Not way better. He could have spent two He was with this beautiful woman, but he decided to come back home because I thought I needed to be here, and then shit got-I explained to you beforehand that you didn't need to be here.

I think he really wanted you not here.

That's what it seems like. No, that's what he thought.

It seems like that.

Well, two things can be true.

But, okay, the fact that you saw her makes it way better. I thought you just didn't see her.

I saw her as soon as I could. My plain land... I didn't even take a bag, right? So I didn't have to wait for a bagage claim or anything. So the moment I step off the plane, I've hustled to the Uber pickup, and I saw her as fast as I could. You could have had a carry on bag.

Yeah, you totally could.

With clothes in it. What are you acting like? You keep saying, I had just my backpack. Well, you could have brought one more bag with a few more pieces of clothes in it.

He was only there five hours.

Let's be real. At that time, I wasn't planning on staying.

I'm saying, but you could have.

Yeah, I could have, Skyler. I could have done a lot of things. Don't get mad at me, dude.

I'm just asking questions.

Because you guys are fucking throwing me under the bus, which... Stop.

You drove the bus.

What is this?

This is a goucha.

No, it's not a goucha. It's a silicone thing. It's either used for nails or it's makeup.

I'm going to say it's... I do think it's boob-related.

It's not boob-related. It's not boob related because of shape, but I have seen something- Those are different size boob shapes. I have different... I've seen that used for makeup, though, now that you say it.

Oh, that's easy. That's a thick scrunchy. That's a scrunchy for thick hair. No.

That isIt looks like a chocolate daddy.

No, that's a prototype of the scrub daddy.

That's a dirty scrub daddy.

That's a scrub brother. Hey, my brother. Can I not say that?

No, you can say that. I like that.

I'll tell you guys what it actually is.

Okay, what is it?

You want to take a guess?

It does look like a-Is this a douche?

Maybe you put your makeup brushes in and you hold it and it cleans it.

That was a good guess, but no.

Thank you. My little-Yeah, I don't know.

I'm going to go with the scrunchy idea. That was my first idea.

It's not a scrunchy.

It's not a scrunchy. No. Okay. It's definitely something to clean something.

I think it's a mold of a donut that donut shops use.

You're getting closer. In some way, you are.

It's a donut? It's a mold. It's a mold.

It's not an exfoliant? No.

When you want to make a bun, when you want to have a perfect hair bun, you use that.

So it was hair-related.

Yeah, it's not a scrunchy, though. It's to make a bun.

It's a bun. It's a bun.

Bunchy. Next.

Oh, I know what this is.

Yeah, that's a duck. That's a metal duck. No, my sister's an open Uyn. That'll open a clam halfway to tomorrow. You could see a pearl with that thing.

That's what the woman used in that video that I saw. That's an expander. She used two of those.

You got to stop watching. Why were you watching this?

Well, it just popped up on my For You page.

And you watched the whole video?

I have scrolled away, just FYI.

Wait, you saw it like the...

It wasn't an actual woman that she She was doing it on. It was like a model. It was a diagram.

It was a hot woman. It was an actual woman. It was a hot model.

Okay, next one.

That one's easy. Oh, those are the boot pads. Those are boob pads. We ain't showing nipples in this dress.

Yeah, exactly.

Not this dress. This dress is too nice. Can you guess what this tool is?

This one's easy.

Is it?

That's not...

Okay, so it looks like it's- These are rollers. No, but it looks like it separates. It almost It goes on to something. It comes off.

It goes on to your hand or something.

It's like a massage thing.

That's what I was thinking.

I was seeing a foot rub, possibly.

Yeah, like a massage tool.

Yeah, I was going to go... It's not like a head massager. No. Because those are the needley ones. Yeah, maybe like a hand or a foot massager?

Yeah, I think it. Have you seen one of these?

I've seen a TikTok where someone uses one of these on its cat's face. The cat likes it. That's the only place I've seen this.

Okay. What is this alien wear? Why would a girl I want to use this one. That's easy.

This has to do with dual pearls in the hair.

Oh, good, Skyler.

What?

I have no idea what that is. She picked some hard... She picked some hard things.

This is Alyssa's Christmas list.

That's the-This one-IUD 2.0. The metal one? Yeah, it has lasers every time a sperm comes close to it.

It's like a little Star Wars movie inside the uterus.

This comes free with every Tesla purchase. Oh, It's a Tesla charging.

How many of these are there?

Next. I like how she also said final question and added another one.

She just took it from some website.

This... Oh, dildo. Okay, well, yeah. The alien wear comment on That one made it seem sexual.

This is a dildo, right?

That's a dildo.

Okay, the answers are at the bottom. Oh, my God. To make your lips bigger.So.

We nailed that.Yeah. What's the second one?

To pee like a man. I knew it, dude. Yeah, it was a funnel.Thank you.

To get blood out of the vagin. I have no idea. What?

I think it's to pee like a man.

Yeah.

It holds nail polish. It's stupid. It reduces signs of aging. She didn't even say what it was. She didn't even say what it was. Good job.IUD..

Nailed that.

Silicon makeup sponge.

I thought you said it's Silicon.

Hair bun.

Hair bun. So we were right.

A tool to spread open your vagina.

She was so vulgar. She went vagine for the... Yeah.

And this one, she's like, to get your vagina's open?

It's like, whoa.Nipple covers.Nailed that one. A massage device, nailed that one. Lifts up skin.Oh, what?Wow.

What does that mean, lift up? Is that for your eyebrows?

No one knows. This is a fake product.

Okay.

Vagina dilators.

Oh, so not a dildo.

Oh, this must be...

For pregnancy?

No, I think it's maybe for if you know you're going to be with a big penis soon. Okay.

You stretch it out.

It's like, oh, wow. Thanks, Alyssa. Thanks, Alyssa. Thank you, Alyssa.

That was great.

So sweet. These were great. We apologize for that.

That's okay. I didn't know what 80% of them were.

I feel like we figured out most of them, though.

Who faked his death, dude? I know you wrote this in there, Jared.

Yeah. Did you guys hear about the Wisconsin man? Power move.

I literally thought you were talking about the Kai Sinat stream.

What happened there?

Did a guy die?

No, there was a-The magician thing.

The magician thing, like taking his death. That's what I thought that was about.

Oh, no, I didn't hear about that.

What is it? Wait. He had... Kai was doing that huge... His subathon this month, or I guess when this goes live last month. Anyways, he had a magician come on, and his final trick was... Kai had to pull one of the... He pulled something, and it made the guy hang him.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah, but he didn't know it was going to happen. Like, Ky didn't. So he's like, Dude. And then he had some big conversation with him. And then he had Kevin Hart and Drew Skian.

So fun.

I still don't watch streaming, but I watch all the clips. They're the funniest trio. They're the funniest trio.

I see clips all the time.

Drewski is so funny to me.

Did you see the Drewski with the fat kid?

Oh, yeah.

No, I didn't see that.

I don't think so. Wait, can you just type, go to TikTok? What's your name, little nigga? Wednesday. Not you, nigga. I'm talking about the little fat nigga. You're fat nigga.

You all been saying that to me all fucking night.

Everybody call me the fat nigga all night, but I can't call the other little fat nigga, the little fat nigga. Hey, you all niggas, fuck out of here, nigga. No, What about me, nigga?

You're a close, nigga.

You all niggas can call me bad.

Oh, you all. You all, man, you messed up my fucking sweat, man.

What you want some food, man? They might put something in your food, nigga. Oh, God, he crying, man. They might put something in your food.

That shit wet, bro.

But that's what I'm saying. But you all niggas want me to go in, though. But you all do it to me, though. But the kid was actually crying.

And then the mom and the kid made a TikTok about it.

No, really? I got a question. Do they plan those out, like those segment? Those segment, like little bits throughout it?

Not the writing, I don't think, but the general idea. If we were there with the Adam Stanley, we'd be saying, You know what I mean? It's just like, give a good improv person something to deal with. And Bryce James is just sitting there.

Also, you have to think about it. The mom willingly put her kid in this situation with three comedians. You know what I mean? Yeah.

You put your plump kid in there with Drewski and Kevin Hart. He's going to get made fun of because they made a video afterwards sitting down. She's like, he was traumatized. And he's like, I didn't think they... I was like, well...

You did, though.

I mean, come on.

On the flip side, though, I see why it upset people. Bradley and I talked about this on our podcast. I understand Brad was like, the mom should just feed him less. Like, the fuck? That's crazy. But I was saying I could understand why you're easily influenced by the things you hear or say. So that could obviously affect him as a kid. That is true.

Even though it's It's a joke, and it's in a comedy. The thing is, it's like, Drusky seemed actually mad there. So maybe the kid didn't understand that he was joking, maybe. Yeah. And so that could be a little traumatizing.

Maybe when he goes to school, he already gets made up for being fat. And then he's now on camera.

In front of millions of people.

He's calling me fat, and everyone's laughing like, I'm fat.

No, I get it because he's a young kid, and he shouldn't have been put in that situation if he wasn't ready. The mom should have known not to put in that situation. But But what's that little derisler? He's a bigger kid, and he's using it. I got a question.

The kid, though, does he do something?

No, I think they just cast people.

Yeah, they just sit there.

Got you.

So he's just a child actor.

Give me a Give me cute or cringy. Okay. So you're trying to find a man. You're trying to find someone who's ugly, but good personality, whatever it is.

You guys know anyone for me?

Yeah.

Who?

I'll tell you off camera.

Actually, don't get my hopes up and then like...

You can't say a person on camera because then he's saying that the person's ugly.

It's true.

We got to save ourselves a little bit.

No, I'm not saying they're ugly.

I'm not like, Oh, my God, you're too hot. I can't be with you. That has never happened. I'm simply saying that it's all-You're attracted to all types. Yeah. It's all about who they are. It's all about the personality. If they're ugly, it's not a write off for me.

You don't have to be attracted to them, but who is someone who has a personality where you're like, Oh, if they have that type of personality, that's...

Okay, you may have seen them in my content, but do you know Felipe?

No.

His personality is perfect.

And who is Felipe?

He's a guy that does gym content. He's part of this group called Chico's Toxicos.Of course.It's three guys. Chico's Toxicos. What did you say?

She goes to Quito's?Toxica.Yeah.Yeah, like what you said.711 to Quito's?

Anyways, he is perfect. He also has a girlfriend, practically married, but his personality is perfect.

What about it?

Is he-He's funny. He can laugh at himself. He can make great jokes. He's witty. It's all personality and humor-based.

Do we want to-Pull up a visual, please. Do we want to get rid of his-Felipe is going to be the best-looking guy we've ever seen in our life.

Yeah, it's been like, Oh, this is-He's a handsome guy. Type in Felipe. Do you know how to spell Felipe?

You're racist.

Gico's Toxico?

Yeah. Yeah, that him.

Oh, I just did a video with him.

Yeah, he's amazing. He's so fucking funny.

He is really funny.

Bro, we just did a YouTube video yesterday. He's the funniest. I took him on a date. It's just the banter is always good. He's a great guy.

No, I did a dating show with him recently, and then he just made up this full story. His red flag is that he cheated on his girlfriend. Then afterwards, he goes, That never happened. He's like, Just doing it for the abuse. I don't know if his accent is like that. It's not at I just doing it for the abuse. He does not say essay.

Oh, my God.

That was racist. He does do this, though.

He does do that. In awkward situations, he's like, Anyway.

He's really funny.

He's perfect.

Okay, well, just We just got to break up him and his girlfriend.

No, I love her, and they're perfect together. They're amazing.

But somebody like him.

But personality-wise, he's perfect.

So let's play cute or cringy. Okay, cute or cringy. Do you think a guy that's overprotective, cute or cringy?

How overprotective? Like, doesn't let me leave the house without him?

Well, not like a hostage situation.

No, but like, Oh, if you're going out, I'm coming out with you.

I think so.

Yeah. Or like, Let me look through your phone.

Kind of. Or maybe if any guy starts talking to you, if you're out of the social-Honestly, I don't like overprotective.

Okay. No.

So cringy.

Yeah, because I feel like I can hold my ground. If I start giving off signs that I'm being shady, then I understand why that's warranted or we should probably break up at that point. But overprotective, I don't like.

Okay.

I'm going to skip this next one because it makes no sense.

Do you like guys that are well dressed?

Yeah.

Really?

But not too pretty. It can't be too well put together. But I do like your outfit.

Thank you. A fashion of a man. Really? Yeah.

No, it's-Dang.

That looks great. People know it's a plug, dude. I know. I just look good in it. All right? Just say I look good. It's a good outfit. It is a good outfit.

Thank you. All of it head to toe?

Well, these are new balances.

Did you wear the blue Fashionova jacket in DC?

Yeah. I got a lot of compliments on that. This isn't a plug part.

I got mad because before I was like, dude, I might need to steal that for Chicago because I didn't have a thicker jacket. And he was like, he immediately took it from me and put it in his room.

That was the most compliments I've gotten on an outfit in a long time because it was like a knitted, striped, whatever, sweater thing. And then with the blue jacket, people People were using the word. They were throwing the word dapper around. Dapper? Wow. And they thought it was super fancy stuff. I was like, Dude, this is actually very well priced items. Anyway, we're technically plugging, but it's a real life story. It's not a plug-plug. It's not a plug-plug? How do I insinuate that I actually like something even though I'm getting paid to say it?

The money is just a bonus. Okay, good.

What else was I going to say? Don't forget, Jared, show him. We have our merch, shopdropouts. Com, a little Gaslight Me. We've got a bunch of other great stuff on there, too. I do like that shirt.

If you wear it, men will do it regardless whether you're wearing the shirt or not.

Then we have our Patreon where I just did a drunk episode, which I don't ever do. If you guys want to see that. I don't. That's why it was a big special one.

I heard you were hammered through the great bond.

I was very hammered.

Are we closing this out or are we going through more?

No, I just forgot to put that at the beginning.

Okay.

Yeah. Keep going.

Sorry. What's the next one?

When they think they're good at sports, but they're actually really bad.

Oh, my God. I could have been D1 if I didn't.

Then you see them on the basketball court and they're just hitting bricks.

Yeah, there's something about guys and girls. When, for instance, I went to a kickball game. I keep bringing up this kickball game. It made me really mad just how bad everyone was. You can be unathletic and still be funk, know the rules, play.

I don't like when anybody... We're playing something competitive, and it can be competitive and fun, and people are being silly with it. I kicked it over here. I was like, Dude, I want to play this game.

I want to play for real.

Yeah, this is supposed to be fun. I don't think this is cute that you live in West Hollywood and you chill out, dude.

You went a little too far with that one.

I'm just joking.

Popping each other's pimples, cute or cringy? Cringy.

I don't think it's cute, but it's like-It's not cringy. But it's like, once you're together long enough, like, Brother, I can't reach back there. Get in there. Grab something for me.

I don't like it.

Yeah, but, Jared, do you keep I have your feet hidden, too.

I'm not going to lie. If those videos pop on my TikTok, I watch them. Oh, yeah.

I'm locked in.

Shut up. You cannot judge what we watch.

Yeah, you're over there watching like, I just get fingered or whatever it was.

Oh, my God. I was watching a medical-We don't need to hear it. Okay. Thank you. I hate any stuff like that.

It makes you cringe? Yeah, it's gross.

It makes me nauseous. I hate it.

You're not dating, and the guy asks for an invite into your shower when they're going to take one.

That's the cringiest thing ever. Yeah.

Does this happen often?

I feel like this is a very specific event that Alyssa wrote down.

No, but I think that is a typical one. Even when you're texting someone like, Oh, sorry, I was in the shower. They're like, Clean invite. Have you never sent a clean invite?

Hell, no.

I don't have the confidence to send it by, Hell, no.

Also, what am I... I can't...

Other side.

If we're not dating, I'm like, Hey, my best foot forward is me in the shower? What are we talking about?

No invite?

Yeah.

No. Have you not seen... The girls watching this will know.

That's psychotic.

Yeah. That's cringy for sure.

What if you- Well, I think guys will take any chance to probably make the conversation sexual. What's up with that?

Well, we're just horny.

I think in their mind- That's the biggest turn off for me. In the being horny? No.

I thought you were going to say something. Sorry, I was waited. When they make the conversation just like-Sexual out of nowhere, inappropriate out of nowhere. I'm like, what was the point?

Why did you ruin this perfectly fine conversation?

Because in guys' mind, I think if they're texting and like, Hey, just about to take a shower. They want you to think of them sexually because they're about to be in the shower.

They're about to be naked.

But they're perfectly saying that. They could just be like, Hey- What are we talking about? Well, not you.

No, no, no.

And then so they think when girls do it, it's like, Oh, But this could open the gateway to sexuality. Yeah. No, that's cringy.

What about calling them my King or my Queen?

I don't like that either.Yeah.

That's cringy. I don't like that.

I use that all the time.

We were in Chicago. Here we go again. So my girlfriend, her sister, and her boyfriend. And so we were hanging out with her grandma, and we were like, me and him were fighting to who was making the best impression. And I made the joke. I was saying it as a joke that she's the moon of my stars or some shit like that. And then she told everyone. The grandma was like, Did you hear the sweet thing he said? I was like, Jesus Christ. She said, He much he would have been a star. I would never say that.

I love that.

No, grandma. That's not who I am.

It probably worked because I feel like to an older lady, she's like, That's the sweetest thing ever.

Exactly. That's like, you just were Frank Sinatra in that moment.

I'll do it. At one point, she told Courtney, we were all at dinner. She told Courtney, she's lucky to have me.

Wow.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I think you won the battle of China.

She picked me over her granddaughter.Wow..

That don't happen.

Not bad.

Texting, I miss you in the same room. Yeah, that could be cute. I think that's cute. Just this little, I miss you, baby girl.

Picking each other's noses is crazy. That was disgusting.

That is right up there with the pimple popping for me.

No, that's way different. No, that's worse. Yeah, way different.

I think they're both people. Licking your finger and getting something off their face. That could be cute.

Licking your finger? No, it's just like...

Just to get something off their face.

It's like you're trying to think. You're passing. Oh, you got a little smudge. I was thinking those were-Oh, you did that so naturally. I mean, I've gotten some smudges off.

I was thinking those were two separate things. I thought someone was licking. If I ate a bag of Cheetos or something, they would-So it else licks your finger. Yeah, that's what I thought.

So would that be cute or cringey?

That would be cringey. But getting something off the face, that's cute. But the whole thing is cute.

You know what's crazy? I just finished that story. Courtney texted me and said, Wait, if you talk about my family, can you run it by me? Well, fine. I thought she was here. She's not here. She's in West Hollywood.

Yeah, she said she was going home.

She's in the Pink Pony Club. All right.

Start singing in public, and they're really trying to sound good.

You're skipping ones.

I'm just bouncing.

Buying things for the child you don't have yet.

That's It depends. If you've been dating a while, you can do stuff like that.

If you're planning for it, I would say that's cute.

Second date.

Second date, you're on a date with a psychopath.

That's not.

Start singing in public, and they're really trying It's not going to sound good. Oh, no.

I would kill myself. If you're doing a little tune, having a little fun, but if you're like,.

If you're trying to be Ariana Grande.

I don't like when people are obnoxious in public.

No. That's why-What do you think about...

This isn't I'm technically cute or cringy, but let's say you're dating someone, they check all the boxes. They're great. But let's say their job or something they're really passionate about, they're horrible at. Is that a deal breaker? No.

Okay.

I would try to fix them.

Yeah, I was going to say- Coming off the builder, bitch. Yeah, that would just take some gentle loving to maybe push them in the right direction.

I always say, if they check all the boxes, but that's the downfall, that's fine.

That's an area we can work on.

Yeah.

But it's their passion. So they're going to keep doing it. I don't know if you can get them out of it.

Yeah, but you can help them. Let's say they're really passionate about singing, the last one or something.

There's nothing worse than someone who thinks they're a good singer that's not.

Well, yes, I agree. Did you point at me?

No.

Okay. Because I know I'm a bad singer. Say their passion is singing, maybe for a birthday gift or a Christmas gift or something, you can have a conversation with them about, Hey, I know you really enjoy this. Maybe in a kind, gentle way, you're not the best at it.

Why on their birthday?

Because you get them singing lessons. You buy them like- That's disrespectful, though.

Think of who you're going to say, Hey, listen, I know your passion singing got you some singing lessons. They're going to be- A cute idea, though, for your significant other, if you have one out there, is talk to them about it first, but both get each other something that you can practice for a year, get some of your ukulele, and then by next birthday or Christmas, they can play it.

It'd be cute.

Yeah, that is cute. Thank you.

See? I think there's ways around that.

Or just go and do new hobbies with them, and maybe they'll pick up something else that they're better at.

Exactly.

All right, last one. Has a huge collection of memorabilia, action figures, funko pops, etc, of their favorite movie?

I don't mind. It depends on the movies. If it's Marvel, I'm going to be like... It's just It's a little too basic for me.

But they could be investments. What if they're like-I don't think they are.

It could be.

Well, people probably said the same thing about Pokémon cards. They didn't think that there'd be a million dollar Charzard card out there.

I have always thought that.

You've thought that, dude. The Funko pops takes me. That part's cringy to me. But everything else, I think memorabilia is cool. If it's from the actual movie, I think that's cool.

I like sports memorabilia. Jackie Robinson's jersey, framed, signed in a cellar, or a plane pool.

I think that's the coolest thing in the world. Actually, at the LA fitness I go to, they're having a silent auction right now. And there are a couple of things that I want. I mean, they're so expensive. But they have a Steve Young signed 49ers helmet. There's a signed Taylor Swift CD there.

Very cool. Random for an LA fit.

Yeah, I don't know. It's just that they've got a bunch of cool stuff. I think they have Muhammad Ali signed boxing gloves or something. It's crazy. What the heck? But yeah, I think that's cute.

Well, listen, guys, this has been a fun time. You've been Sarah. Are you joking? You've been Sahara.

Do you know my last name? No. Do you actually not?

Safari. Okay. We talked about it moments ago.

Oh, yeah, we did. Prior.

I want to thank you for entertaining the masses. I want to thank you for bringing glasses. I want to thank you for being Class C. I want to thank you for spending some time with And I would also like to say goodbye. And- Verywell. That's it. Thank you. If you want to see her on her podcast, mommy and daddy talk, it's on YouTube. It's in the description. Also, she has an Instagram that's in the description.

Don't make that face.

What are you doing, dude? I don't know. You'd be a great lesbian. All right, guys. We'll see you.

Wait, it's not actually called mommy daddy talk. It is. Oh my God.

That's crazy.

All right, hit the outro. Thank you, Jared.

Can I say something?

Yeah. Thank you, Jared. You put the outro music already.

I'll just walk back.

It's been going. I didn't.

He's pressing six times.

Start over?

It's like the remix.

Oh, that's not bad.

It's the remix.