Transcript of A Conversation with RAINN | BONUS | Saskia’s Story New

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.

In 2023, Bachelor star Clayton Eckard was accused of fathering twins, but the pregnancy appeared to be a hoax.

You doctored this particular test twice, Miss Owens, correct? I doctored the test once.

It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing.

Greg Gillespie and Michael Mancini.

My mind was blown.

I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trapped. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

When a group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist, they take matters into their own hands.

I vowed I will be his last target. He is not going to get away with this. He's going to get what he deserves. We always say that. Trust your girlfriends.

Listen to The Girlfriends. Trust Me, Babe on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I got you.

I got you.

What's up, everyone? I'm Ego Bode. My next guest, it's Will Ferrell. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.

My dad gave me the best advice ever. He goes, just give it a shot, but if you ever you ever reach a point where you're banging your head against the wall and it doesn't feel fun anymore, it's okay to quit. If you saw it written down, it would not be an inspira— it would not be on a calendar of, you know, the cat, just hang in there. Yeah, it would not be right.

It wouldn't be that.

There's a lot of life.

Listen to Thanks, Dad on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If you're watching the latest season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, you already know there's a lot to break down. Portia accusing Kelly of sleeping with a married man. They holding K. Michelle back from fighting Drew. Pinky has financial issues. On the podcast Reality with the King, I, Carlos King, recap the biggest moments from your favorite reality shows, including the Real Housewives franchise. The drama, the alliances, and the tea everybody's talking about. To hear this and more, listen to Reality with the King on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Andrea Gunning, and this is Betrayal. Today we have another bonus episode. On our show, we tackle sensitive topics from rape and child sexual abuse to financial fraud and identity theft. We handle this work with a lot of care, using trauma-informed interviewing techniques, consulting mental health experts, and communicating with our subjects in every step of production. But we're always trying to do better and to evolve as our culture evolves. That's why last year we reached out to RAINN, the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network. Throughout Season 5, they've been advising us on ways to approach our work with survivors. Recently, I sat down with Jennifer Simmons-Khalifa. She's RAINN's Vice President of Communications. I wanted to share a bit of our conversation with you and to give you a look into the kinds of conversations we're often having at Betrayal. I hope you enjoy. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your position at RAINN and what RAINN is.

RAINN is the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization. I'm the vice president of communications, so my role is to ensure that people are more aware and educated about what sexual violence is. And the work that I get to do is make sure that more people understand that the resources are there, that they are not alone, and that if you or somebody in your life has experienced sexual violence, that you have people to turn to.

How would you define RAINN's role in working with Betrayal?

So one of the things that RAINN does is we work with entertainment companies and studios and producers to insert and establish responsible and relevant storytelling in the journey of making people more aware through storytelling about sexual violence. So we worked with you guys, we a responsible storytelling training session with you. We've worked with you when it comes to interviewing survivors during season 5 of Betrayal. And it's just been such a pleasure to be able to be a part of both the education and also the advancement of this responsible storytelling that you guys are doing at Betrayal.

You know, when I look back on the canon of Betrayal, there are certain things that our team would probably write differently today. I'm curious from your point of view, when you look back on a body of work that still survives and exists in the world and is there for people to meet it at any given time, what type of obligation do creators and writers have to address that work if it's outdated culturally with language? Like, what do you feel is the obligation of those producers and creators?

It's a really interesting question, particularly for something that you put out into the world and then still have some measure of control over. Mm-hmm. You produce a movie or a film, you produce a book, and it goes out there, and the level of effort that it would take to recut, redo, republish all of that is a challenge. But for serialized shows like yours, the question of going back and looking at the things that you wish you had done differently is a really valid one. And I think what I hope people who are creating this kind of content do is that they give themselves a degree of grace for what they knew at the time and for the best that they were doing at a time. And that if they get it really wrong, that they have some sort of clear discussion or apology or, "Hey, I— that really was not what I wanted to do." And then they move forward and change the behavior. And then they change how they approach, because that's really the measure, and that's really where the learning happens. Yeah.

I think one of the places that we often struggle with is the language around victim and survivor. And I'm curious if there is, like, a hard and fast rule for you in terms of that language.

Yeah, the hard and fast rule is it's what the person wants to be called. And respecting that and respecting what it means to them. And then the idea that if you get it wrong, you say that somebody is something that they don't feel they want to be, you change it. You say you're sorry and you change it.

It's interesting because we tell stories over 10 episodes. And in those 10 episodes where we're talking about one person's story, it's one person's journey. So, episode to episode, they can be in a different place. In relation to what happened to them. And that language can be tricky to know. And I think you're validating something for me, which is having constant conversations with our storytellers to be like, at this point in the story, how would you identify it? You know?

Yeah.

But also holding in consideration where the audience is meeting this person in this journey too. So for season 2 of Betrayal, I remember a big discussion was, does our audience know what CSAM is? And does our audience know why we can't say what people would colloquially say that material is? Curious what your thoughts are, even just saying it as a manner of explaining and showing why we're not going that route. Like, how, how do you feel about that?

We talk about this with media training a lot. So I'm gonna say the words that people will say. So you're gonna say kitty porn. That's what she said. It's kitty porn. No, no, no, no. But when you say child sexual abuse material, for the person who has no connection, they have no idea what that actually means. But you know that that person, if they knew what it meant, they'd be like, oh my God, that's horrible. So, like, explaining and breaking down why the sentence doesn't work, but acknowledging that people may need to see that to make that next connection, is important. And that's something that in the media people are now getting really comfortable with. But if we go back to the beginnings of RAINN in the '90s, when we were trying to get people to recognize that this issue was important, Networks weren't saying "rape" on TV.

Right.

And it's so important. So, you know, euphemisms around rape as a storytelling device because you couldn't say the words. Like, so how important is it to be able to say, you know, all these kind of workaround phrases, what you're actually talking about is rape. And that's actually something I saw with Saskia this season, and it struck me. One of her friends saw the videos, And instantly, the words that came out of her mouth were, "She's being raped." There was no hesitation, no working around it. No, her husband is doing something terrible to— nothing. She was raped. That is progress. You go from not talking about rape, not saying the word rape 30-some-odd years ago, to an everyday individual who is looking at something happening through the lens too of intimate partner violence and naming it. Name it immediately. That's the kind of progress we're talking about.

Then, my producer, Caitlin, chimed in.

In season 3, we were telling the story from the perspective of both Stacy and Tyler. Tyler being a child victim of sexual abuse, and Stacy being a mother who had her life absolutely torn apart by what her husband did to her son. I think, as a show, we've changed our approach a little bit in how we've learned to balance the perspectives of multiple victims without getting into that comparative trauma piece. And I also think, as creators, we struggle with, "Well, are there ways we could have done even better as storytellers in doing right by the victim of child abuse?" So— At RAINN, when you think about that issue of how do you tell stories from the perspectives of multiple victims, what are some of the strategies that come to mind?

To the point of comparative trauma in any kind of storytelling, I think about it as a handful of different size rocks that you throw into water. No matter the size of the rock, there is a ripple. But every single person is the center of their own ripple. Every single person is feeling an impact, feeling a ramification, an emotion. They are all coming to it from their own center of the story. And as long as we acknowledge that everybody's ripples matter to that person at the center of them, then we can stop comparing the trauma of other people and then just start thinking about the individual humans involved.

To me, it's not a zero-sum. There's space for every version of this conversation, and that's something that we're often discussing. You know, I knew that the way that Stacy in season 3, the way that she talked about her ex-husband, would be really difficult for people to hear. But I also knew that there were people who were alone in bed in the middle of the night staring at their ceiling thinking, I just wish my life could go back to before times, before the knowing, before everything came apart.

It was the version of my life where I didn't have to be wrestling with all of these terrible thoughts and feelings. And yeah, the purpose of all of these different viewpoints is really, what do you want people in the end to be able to connect to.

The clarity for me is purpose, is just doing it intentionally. What is the purpose? If one person feels less alone by listening to this, we've done our job because that was the intention going into the project.

Yeah.

Well, thank you for everything that you do, and thank you for everything that RAINN does and contributes, and thank you for contributing to Betrayal In 2023, Bachelor star Clayton Eckard was accused of fathering twins, but the pregnancy appeared to be a hoax.

You doctored this particular test twice, Miss Owens, correct? I doctored the test once.

It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing.

Greg Gillespie and Michael Mancini.

My mind was blown.

I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trapped. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

When a group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist, they take matters into their own hands.

I vowed I will be his last target. He is not going to get away with this. He's going to get what he deserves. We always say that— trust your girlfriends.

Listen to The Girlfriends: Trust Me, Babe on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What's up everyone? I'm Ego Bode. My next guest, it's Will Ferrell. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.

My dad gave me the best advice ever. He goes, just give it a shot. But if you ever reach a point where you're banging your head against the wall and it doesn't feel fun anymore, it's okay to quit. If you saw it written down, it would not be an inspira— it would not be on a calendar of, you know, the cat, just hang in there. Yeah, it would not be.

Right, it wouldn't be that.

There's a lot of lies.

Yeah. Listen to Thanks, Dad on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If you're watching the latest season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, you already know there's a lot to break down. Portia accusing Kelly of sleeping with a married man. They holding K. Michelle back from fighting Drew.

Pinky has financial issues.

On the podcast Reality with the King, I, Carlos King recap the biggest moments from your favorite reality shows, including the Real Housewives franchise. The drama, the alliances, and the tea everybody's talking about. To hear this and more, listen to Reality with the King on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.