Transcript of Armchair Anonymous: Foreign Object in Butt III

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Lily Padman.

Hello.

What is it today?

Foreign objects, baby.

You guys, guys, this one hits. Is—

no, the last one.

There's two.

Yeah, yeah, you're right.

That—

well, they all are wild, but there are two that you'll never be able to unhear.

And you're going to hear Monica scream a ton, so keep your volume at like— I guess there's always trigger warnings. This is a, like, ear safety warning.

I would probably not listen to this one with your children. There's some real sensitive stuff actually in here.

Insensitive areas, sharp objects. Uh, please enjoy Foreign Objects in Body Part 3. Hard times come and go, good times take them slow. Hello, how are you? Are you Randy?

I am.

Where are you, Randy?

Well, I'm currently in Orlando. I'm on a road trip.

Ooh.

I'm at one of my son's house, but I heard about this. We've had to stop here on our way to our destination so I could use his computer.

Oh, that's nice. We appreciate you interrupting your road trip to tell us this story. This is our favorite prompt. We love this prompt. Yeah, we do.

I'm a retired paramedic. I was a paramedic for 35 years in a major metropolitan area. Of course, I've got 1,000, 1,000 stories.

I'm sure.

But some of these are more unique than others.

Okay. The more unique, the better.

My partner and I, We're sitting at the station and the call comes in from dispatch that says, "Crew 425, self-inflicted trauma involving a foreign object." And really quick, what does that normally mean to you?

What's like the highest probability that means?

Self-inflicted trauma, and usually they're not that detailed. They'll call it an unknown medical or they'll call it a personal injury. But this one happened to come in, a little more description to it.

Mm-hmm.

So we're just kind of wondering, what could this be? Every time I think I've seen it all, I see something I've never seen before. So anyway, we knock on the door and the middle-aged woman answers the door and she's startled. She's going, you must have the wrong address. I didn't call 911. You better check with dispatch. We called dispatch to verify the address and the name of the caller. And I said, well, it wasn't a woman's name. I said, well, this is the name of the caller. And she said, that's my son. He's upstairs.

Oh no.

Okay.

She said, well, maybe we should go check on your son. We walked up there and we find that he's around 14 years old and he's laying in bed and he's got a blanket over I mean, he's very reluctant to answer any questions.

He has a hard age for this. Yeah. Yeah.

I said, how do you feel? He says, well, I'm in a lot of pain. So then he asked for his mother to leave the room. Then he was more forthcoming with his complaint. So then we looked at him and he had what I would describe as a Super Soaker 1000 up his rectum.

Oh, okay.

An enormous squirt gun.

Well, this particular model had an attachment to it that allowed this to happen. There's a tube on the end of it. He asked if we could take care of him at that point. And we sometimes try to do things like that. You know, we'll grease it up with a little KY jelly, see if we could get it removed. And it wasn't working very well. He said, well, at this point we're gonna have to transport you to the hospital.

Ugh.

Randy, if you could explain to some detail, I'm picturing a big water gun. Is the barrel in his rectum or is the water tank in his rectum or is the entire device in it?

The barrel and the water tank. I wouldn't think it would fit. There was a hose attachment to it that allowed a stronger stream, I, I would presume.

Okay, interesting. Okay, I'm gonna have to do some Googling after this.

So it sounds like this might have started as like a hydro experiment, like, oh, I might like the sensation of water spraying in my ass.

Like a bidet, a makeshift bidet.

Enema.

Yeah, or an enema.

Yeah, yeah.

Yes, I did detach the main water tank on it by severing that from the tube. So we didn't have to transport the whole thing in. And then we did bring him to the hospital where he was sedated and the thing was removed. He had a lot of splaining to do after that. And it was pretty embarrassing.

I can't think of anything. I was already so paranoid my mother would discover I was just masturbating, old-fashioned masturbating.

Let alone.

I just can't imagine the horror I would. Experienced having to tell my mother that that water pistol she got me— oh, I used in my bedroom. Oh my God.

Oh my God.

He called 911 without her knowledge. I think he thought maybe that he could pull it off, right?

Oh, he thought he could pull off a lot of stuff that day.

He sure did. He learned a lot. So did you have to tell the mom, okay, we have to take him to the hospital, and she's like, why?

Well, at that point where we figured we'd have to try to remove it, we got her involved.

Oh.

Because she was quite nervous, wanting to know what's going on.

Yeah, of course.

And you want some parental consent when you're gonna remove something from a minor's anus.

Need parental consent even when he's conscious like that. I explained to the 14-year-old rather quickly that you don't want your mother in here, but we have to get her involved.

Randy, did you make any effort to alleviate his shame? Did you go like, hey brother, just so you know, this happens all the time?

Well, I didn't say it happens all the time. I told him, I said I was his age once.

Oh, okay.

That's nice.

Experimentation is something that's rather common.

Of course.

Yes. Right.

Yes.

I didn't get any details on that.

Your own experimentation.

I said the important thing is, is you're not hurting anybody else.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just yourself.

Yeah.

What if the mom had walked in the room and he was mid-sentence going, well, when I was your age, I put a cactus in my rectum. So what you did was pretty—

uh, chain.

Yeah.

Compared to or a live animal for that matter.

Sure, we've heard those stories. Oh, and what's funny, Scott, is you said it wasn't a woman's name on the call, and I just want to say, we have now done this prompt quite a few times, and I'm accumulating stories as I move through the world, and I just want to say, it's never going to be a woman's name.

It's really—

this seems to be a very male endeavor.

I suppose if I look back at my career, I would agree with you.

Oh man. Yikes.

Well, Randy, where are you heading? Where's the road trip conclude?

We're going to go to New Smyrna Beach. That's on the east coast of Florida.

Okay, great.

We're traveling with my in-laws who've just moved here about a year ago, and they've never been to the Kennedy Space Center.

So, cool.

That's our destination. And my sister owns a condo in New Smyrna Beach, so we're going to stay there for a couple of days.

Lovely. Where did you live before you retired in Florida?

Up north when it was very cold. And I love retirement.

Good.

I don't miss the challenges and the excitement of the job.

That's great because a lot of people don't do well with retirement.

There really is an art to it.

Yeah.

What's the secret?

As I near it, you take up a hobby, you golf, you own a home that's not brand new, that needs some improvements. And that's kept me busy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You need to be busy, right? Doing something.

If you're not busy, then bad things, I think, can result.

You deteriorate.

Yeah. If your muscles aren't being used, they kind of have a memory that says, well, if you're not going to use me, I'm just going to go away.

Yeah, I'm not going to expend energy on supporting you if I'm not needed.

And I did that job for 35 years and that was a long time.

That is.

We've interviewed a lot of first responders and yeah, generally they don't do 20. Yeah, yeah.

Very high stimuli. So I'm sure you feel happy to be out of that.

Yeah. People say, well, you must have liked your job. And I said, I don't think so. I must have loved it.

Yeah, that's right.

So nice to chat with you.

Yeah, Randy, a delight to meet you. And I appreciate the story.

I just want to say one last thing.

My daughter's a big fan of yours.

Her name is Megan. She lives in California and she's a film editor. Oh, she wanted me to say she loves your show.

Oh, well, thank you. Tell Megan— yes, Megan, thank you so much for encouraging your father to submit.

Yeah, we appreciate you.

Yeah, it's been a lot of fun talking to you.

All right, have a good trip.

Thank you.

All right, bye.

I wish he had a photo of that water sprayer because I was having a hard time—

what did he call it?

Super Soaker 1000? I think he said 3000. 10,000.

Oh wow. I mean, vintage. This is a vintage one from 1997.

Well, it was a while ago. Let me see if I'm seeing a hose. Yeah, this is exactly what I was picturing, but I'm like, what's the— oh, there is a hose along the side there.

Oh, so do we think he put the hose in?

But that wouldn't get stuck in your ass. You could jerk a hose out just fine. There had to be some big bulbous end of it stuck in the rectal —cavity. But he kept referring to the hose. I wish he referred to the cavity more.

I think it was a Super Soaker because it's labeled pretty clearly on these things. Yeah. Or like maybe this. No, that's Nerf. Uh-oh, it's taking me to DoorDash now. Vintage. These are fun. Wow, this vintage one's $282.

You should buy one and put it in your butt and see how it feels.

All right. Oh, I was going to say, it is weird that the stories aren't females, because I do think generally women have more stuff up there— anal beads— like, it's more socially— yes, socially it's more of a thing.

Yeah, I think there's a couple factors. One, women don't have a prostate, right? They're not trying to explore some heightened— you know, they might enjoy the tension, but they're not in search of the male G-spot. No, I—

yeah, I think it's more like in a sexual experience with, with a man.

And then I also don't think they're as bold, right, to tell it. They're like, oh, I think I'll put that entire fucking key. I think they're more reasonable or doing it in secrecy.

I don't think they're doing it in secrecy. I think they're doing it in sex, and I'm just surprised there aren't more mistakes.

Anyway, John, can you hear us?

Yeah, can you guys hear me? Yeah, absolutely. All right, how are you guys? Good.

Did you get stressed out about connecting?

I had a little bit of a panic attack.

Yeah, don't worry, so standard. It's always a bit of a challenge.

All right, where are you? I'm gonna see if you guys can guess. You guys are pretty good at guessing.

I think you're at a hospital. I am.

Oh shit, I thought it was a classroom.

Any idea what state? Oh wow, I'd be basing this on Texas tiles and this blue background.

I'm gonna go Ohio. You're damn good, sir.

No, are you kidding me?

Wow. Yes sir, you just made my year.

That might be my best guess of all I have almost no details.

For the listener, all we see is a green wall and a ceiling.

Great. You're in Ohio.

I'll leave it at that. I need to kind of keep it a little vague. Surely.

And what line of work are you in, John? I'm an ER nurse. Okay. You see it all.

Yes, sir.

We are excited.

How long have you been doing that? About 14 years. Great. And are you fatiguing at all or are you still inspired?

Comes and goes. There's some days where it's pretty fatiguing. Other days it's inspiring.

How are you feeling about The Pit?

I love it. Most realistic medical drama since ER.

Yeah, it's so good. Yeah, I'm glad you love it.

And really quick, did you know from a young boy that you wanted to go into this?

Nope, I wanted to be a sniper in the military. So either save people or kill people.

Exactly, I'll be on either end of that spectrum— kill or save. Okay, so, and then would I be right in guessing that you probably had to pick between many foreign objects?

Yeah, I submitted a couple different ones.

Oh great, well please walk us through the one that you selected for today.

This was back in 2013, just after I was off orientation. So I'm a brand new grad and it was like one of my first shifts off orientation. And the person I was sharing a part of the department with was going to lunch and they had a patient come in. So I was trying to be a good coworker. I'm going to get this patient settled. So I look up and there's an older gentleman on an EMS stretcher laying on his side. So I'm like, mm, could be anything. So get him in there. And I'm like, you know, what's going on? He goes, I'm having some pain. Down there and a little bit of blood. Okay. I'm like, okay, that's cool, whatever. So start doing everything. Doctor comes in and he's doing his regular questions and he said, was there any chance you stuck something up there? The guy's like, absolutely not. Nope. No way. And so he's like, okay, well, since you did say that you were bleeding, we have to do a rectal exam. You have to have a witness. So me being the nurse, I was in there just kind of being the witness.

And the doctor does what he did. And when he pulled his finger out, he had a little bit of, like, clear plastic on his glove.

Oh, plastic. Clear plastic. I probably could explain it better, but it would give it away. Okay, great, great, great, great.

So he's like, are you sure there's nothing up there? And he's like, nope, nothing's up there.

Can we just talk for a second about the psychology of someone who comes in? What's so interesting is this is very common. We keep hearing people like they think they're going to be able to deny it all is happening while also getting treated for it. I know. I feel like it's one of the more unique patients that can arrive at the hospitals because, like, they're not going to help you figure it out.

They go into a weird spot in their brain, fight or flight, because of embarrassment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. As I gain experience, I've told them, like, I don't care, we're gonna help you regardless. Just be honest with us so we can make it a lot quicker.

Yeah, yeah. Do you think it would be helpful— this would comfort me, we were just talking to someone— if you were to say to the person, like, hey, by the way, we get 100 of these a year, this is average stuff. Yeah, yeah, I think I would feel comforted by that, because I bet when you're on your way there, you think you're the only person that needed to go to the hospital for this.

This might have been the only time this person ever, but we know the story yet, but we'll have to see.

Okay, draw some blood work and the doctor sends them over for CT. And I had sent a picture of the CT. We have it. I sent 3 pictures. Okay.

Oh my God, I'm so excited. Yeah, I feel like, um, Christmas morning. Okay, what do you see? Okay, so here we go, Monica. I see ilium and the ischium. I see the hips.

The first one we're looking at is there should be like 3 circles.

Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay, it's really far up there.

Yeah, really far.

And it's 3 stripes.

It looks like a fidget spinner almost, but it's not.

Okay. Right. Okay.

We get those back and the doctor's like, listen, sir, I've been doing this a long time. Just be honest with me. So he finally broke down and admitted that his wife was out of town.

Always.

The wife is always— wives cannot go out of town.

They can't.

He had wanted to feel what it felt like, so he went to the fridge and he got bratwursts.

Oh. Brought worsts, not a bratwurst.

Oh, he put one. No, thought it felt pretty good. Thought two would be better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then those are three bratwursts. Oh no, no. Oh, let me see.

Can I see? I can so relate to this person. What? It's my whole thing with why I'm an addict. It's like, oh, this one pill felt great. Of course two will feel better. And then of course three will feel better.

What's the plastic? Oh, like the wrapping. The casing. The casing. This is coming up on July 4th when everyone's going to be cooking these up. Very patriotic. I hope you keep this in mind.

What if he goes, I was just trying to celebrate our country's birthday. Ew.

A couple days later, the surgeon was down there because they had to take him to surgery to get him out. And where I'm at, there's a couple hospitals in the area, and the surgeon was talking to a buddy of his at the other hospital. We'll come to find out the guy had been over there with a different— those other two pictures.

No. Oh, I wondered. I was like, I don't understand how this is three bratwurst. Oh no.

Oh my goodness, what Which one are you looking at? So I'm looking at like, again, this guy's pelvis, and then there is a large object silhouetted that's really far off to the right. It doesn't look like you would— but anyways, yeah, what are we looking at?

I'm sure you guys like to travel a lot. When you take your toothbrush, you get a plastic holder that the toothbrush goes in. That was his final one. He ended up having a colostomy after that.

No! Oh my God!

He's really addicted to this. But it's not even that he's addicted to it that's so puzzling.

It's that you got something lost in there. I would think minimally you'd go, okay, next time I need a string attached to whatever I'm putting in my butt, or, you know, some game plan. Go ahead and keep pursuing this, but do it a little better.

Keep pursuing it. You've already had to go to the hospital. Okay. And it's bad. And then you went again. So that's a change. You went again.

Yeah.

Okay. 3 strikes, you're out is what you're saying.

The other picture. Yeah. What's this one? Place shortly after the bratwursts. Oh, any guesses on what that could be?

It looks like a dildo, honestly, but it's confusing. It's not.

Yeah, is it a microphone? You know what it weirdly looks like? It looks like his spinal column.

What if he stole one from a museum?

What did our parents always tell us would keep a doctor if we ate it?

Oh, it's this! Oh, it's the dark— it's the dark piece.

Okay, so he really was into food.

In two of the events. And then oral hygiene. He's like, I've eaten so much food down there, I gotta clean up. Like a brush. So I'm getting cavities.

This looks like an apple that's been cut. He didn't want rectal cavities.

It was full, it wasn't cut in half, but he did core it, or he put— was able to get a string through it.

Oh, so see, he was trying.

That's how they got it out. Yeah. Oh, so the bratwurst required surgery. Did the toothbrush Which container requires surgery?

They had to actually open his belly. They took out some of his bowel because it had died. Oh, fuck, man.

Oh, this is horri— how old is this man? I blame the wife.

It sounds like she was traveling too much. She traveled so much. Why couldn't she stay put? Don't blame her.

She had to get out of that house. How old-ish was this person? Late 50s. Okay, okay.

That Dax Shepard type. Yeah, it sounds like in my future.

Wow. A lot of these stories, you know what's interesting, it's We have both.

There's the young people experimenting, but most of these stories are kind of older men and their wives go out of town. They've always had this curiosity, and then they're like, you know what, I'm 58, what am I waiting for?

Yeah, no time like the present.

That's right, now or never. She gets back Tuesday. Oh, oh boy, I feel terrible. You wouldn't know, but I do wonder, did he just come home one day like, huh, honey, I had to get a colostomy. What?

That was at the other hospital, so I don't know. I'm assuming he had to call her from the hospital. I don't know if she out of town at that time, or that whole story.

I wish he could just ask, like, hey hun, I'm just interested in what it feels like, could you just put a dildo up there? Ask for help before you do all of this. But maybe it's probably part of the appeal.

Yeah, you feel naughty. Yeah, I don't know.

That's one of many stories that I could have told about people sticking other things up, other body parts.

You know, John, I would imagine when you entered this career, your own interest in putting something in your butt might have been around a 3 or a 4, but post-career you're like, it's a zero.

It's like negative 50.

Yeah, yeah, you've really seen it go sideways. That's the problem, we don't hear the victory stories, you know.

Well, are there?

Well, yeah, like we could have a promise like, tell us about the best day of your life, and some guy would be like, yeah, I put a corncob up my ass and it got it out, but it was fucking great. We're not hearing those stories, so it could be misleading.

If then he would do it again and he would keep doing it if it felt great, and like maybe Bratwurst had been doing this for a long time and with success. Yeah. And then he got cocky.

I don't know. Well, John, this is a delight. I never anticipated that we would have a story where the person had 3 trips. Jesus.

Yeah, I got one that probably would make Monica very uncomfortable. It involves some stuff stuck in a vagina.

Wait, go ahead. We need to hear it. We need to hear it quick. What was in there? Okay, quick, down and dirty.

This person came in, she was a furry oh, and she identified as a cat. It's kind of a sad story, but she wanted to feel like what it would feel like to birth kittens. Oh no! No! Yes! No! Yes! Yes! Oh my fucking God, dude.

No! See, this is where women are more kinky.

Yeah, she put a kitten up there? Three— no, how?!

How did you do that? How, dude? I don't know.

Oh my God.

Listen, I am all for people getting as kinky as possible. I would never shame anyone's thing, but you can't involve other animals. We got to draw a line with the other animal.

We can draw a line before that.

Like, if she put 3 stuffies in her vagina, I would be miserable, but I would have no ethical issue with it.

She ended up passing away because she got sepsis and infection. I guess she kept him there for a couple of days.

No, no, no. This is so— okay. Oh my God, this is so horrifying and it is so sad. We've got some mental issues.

Yeah, I mean, I think if you're in a position where you were becoming a cat— yeah, of course you're in treacherous waters. Whoa, John, you got this story. That was really— are you like the king of a backyard barbecue?

I'm a great time at parties.

I would be all ears. I would just trail you around the party trying to gather.

Yeah, there's like a kitten or at somebody's house, you're like, oh, that reminds me, John, you got a great story about kittens.

Yeah. Holy Holy shit. What a pleasure meeting you, John.

Very nice to meet you.

Thank you guys. Can I give a couple quick shoutouts real quick?

You can give as many as you'd like.

First of all, I want to thank you guys. You guys have been, after some pretty stressful shifts, some great comic relief hearing other people's stories. So thank you for what you guys do. Shout out all the other nurses, especially two of them that I work closely with. And funny, one of their names is Kat. Oh boy. The other one's Devin and Chelsea. And then the person that introduced me to this podcast is actually the lady that cuts my hair. Her name's Sarah.

Oh, shout out! Thank all those nurses.

I mean, truly, I hope you hear it in our voice. We fucking are so grateful for nurses.

It means a lot.

Well, be well, brother, and enjoy that encroaching summer that's upon us. All right, John, take care, brother.

Take care. See you guys.

Dax and Monica! Hi! Look at your beautiful hair. Oh, thank you. I, you know, washed it.

How do you do with anesthesia? Not well. That stereotype holds.

I had surgery and And the pre-op nurse, my surgeon, and the anesthesiologist individually all walked in the room, hadn't met me, and were like, "Fuck, a redhead," like out loud. Oh no.

That wasn't super comforting.

No. Was the surgery you getting something removed from your rectum?

No.

That would be appropriate. In— unfortunately, there's not a lot of women involved in these stories. But I said I'm surprised.

My anecdotal evidence is unfortunately, I would say it's mostly male skewed. Is it okay if I do a fake name for this?

Yes, of course. What name would you like to go by?

I was gonna let you pick, but I think I'll go with Lucy.

Oh, I love it. Okay, great, great. It really fits.

Are you in the medical profession? I am. And can you give us a broad— where you're at in the country?

I am in the Pacific Northwest.

Okay, great. It's comforting to know that this stuff is happening kind of globally. We're not isolating any certain area.

100%. And this took place elsewhere in the country, in another like big city, so it's everywhere.

And what do you do? I am an ER nurse.

Okay, great. We are so grateful for you.

Thank you. We love people who love us. And I should say, Monica, before you ask, yes, I love ER and The Pitts.

Yes, it was coming! She already asked.

And yes, I have seen Munchausen's by Proxy.

Oh, oh, oh God, maybe we can do a prompt.

That was one of your old questions. You kind of forgot about that. I know, maybe you had to get rid of that cause for CTE. It's a lot I'm causing.

I know, you know, I have a lot of hills.

You just reminded me, Lucy, how obsessed she was with Munchausen by Roxy, I kind of forgot.

Go back to that. I feel bad. I really let that one go. I mean, in your defense, those stories are always overshadowed by how sad they are. I mean, CTE isn't much better.

Most of your causes are pretty— yeah, yeah. Once you recognize what was going on, I would have a hard time containing my ire towards the parent. Like, were you having to police yourself with how you were interacting with your parent?

100%, at least in this case. Once the child was removed, the parents still obviously, like, it's always a mom. The mom always tries to like still be involved, tries to visit, tries to whatever. So you still interact with them. And I definitely found myself being shorter.

Well, just like the butt stuff is very male, the moonshousing is very female. I've never even heard of a dad doing it.

I know, actually.

Never heard of a female with a foreign object in her butt. I've never heard of a male that's a—

I mean, I have heard of a female with a foreign object stuck up there. In the anus? Yes, but it was during sex. It wasn't like on their own playing.

How could you have not told me this story? Okay, all right.

Well, to throw in an extra layer, I will say I've worked pediatrics for a long time, and kids tend to go like penis-vagina route. They don't tend to do the butt. I don't know what it is, right? But for that in the mix, to your point, the girls are usually— it's a vaginal thing. Yeah, not usually a rectal.

And the boys are putting things in their urethra?

I thankfully have only seen this once or twice. Yes. The one that sticks out to me was a school-age kid, 8 or 9. It was a crayon. Oh, oh man.

How? I know, of all the areas of my body, the one that immediately can make me like fucking get a shiver is just the thought of anything in my urethra. I had a catheter this year. I was like, fuck this, this is way worse than any surgery I've gotten.

I don't feel bad for dudes in the medical world all that often. Sure, with the cath, you have it a little bit rougher than we do, I will admit.

The thing is, is it's just like there's so much tube, you feel like you have to pee for— in case, 4 days straight. It's just a terrible feeling.

It's not pleasant. I always feel bad. I will say, in the future, you have the option to have a numbing gel inserted. I don't know if you heard this story.

That was phase 1 of the trauma, was the woman had my penis in her hand and she's got this enormous— you know, that numbing solution, there's like 5 ounces of it. It's not like a little top, it's like a huge syringe, and she's gonna squirt ounces of it into my urethra. And I can kind of feel she's wrestling with something. I'm more distracted by the fact that a stranger is holding my penis penis, and then I hear a pop, and I hear, oh, and all of it— it's like the plunger was stuck, and then she just fucking turbo injected all 5 ounces into my penis in a millisecond. And I screamed, which I don't scream, and she goes, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, that never happens. That's how we started my catheter.

Not a good way to start. To your point, I have never used all of that gel.

Oh, well, we did. I bet some is still in my fucking bladder. But alas, we've come for foreign object in a butt story. So please set the stage for us.

My only sadness is I only have one to tell you, and we don't have time for all of them. There's so many.

If you had to ballpark, how many do you think you've seen?

12 years, maybe 20 to 30. Jesus. Yeah. Wow. They often come in batches. I can't explain it. Like something's in the air, or everyone's getting the same bad idea. I don't know. But yeah, so I'm in a big city, big trauma center, big ER. Tons of patients in and out every day, a billion ambulances. This is 2021, it's post-COVID. So we get an EMS call, ambulance is coming in, 80-year-old male, abdominal pain, vitals are stable. And that's also all day, every day. Belly pain, fine, could be anything. Vitals are stable, honestly, I kind of like check out. Great. You're on autopilot. So get him into the room, the medics give their report, and then at the end of it, the medic says, hey, 'Can I talk to you in the hallway for a second?' Now, this happens a lot. They have so much information. A lot of times it's like, 'Hey, we were at the house and we think maybe social work should get involved. There's neglect happening. We saw a pile of drugs. Factor that into your differential.' Like, they have very helpful information. And in this case, she said, 'I have two things to tell you.

One is that en route, he updated his chief complaint, which is that he inserted something rectally a couple of days ago. He thinks that's causing his pain.' Couple of days ago.

I mean, this is the shame you're going with. You're just sitting there for 2 days debating whether or not—

or at first you like it.

No, I think, I think, I think you're hopeful you might poop it out. Oh, I don't know, I'm guessing. Yeah, yeah, you're like, I'm gonna ride this out for a couple days because I can't deal with the shame of this. Let's see if it comes out naturally.

And then you're like, fuck. So the other piece of this was she said, of note, also his wife died recently. Oh no.

Yeah, that's the permanent going out of town. We have found, we have found, Lucy, that almost all of these stories involve wife was out of town.

I was listening to that one the other day and I was like, this is why married men live longer.

She went really far out.

She went permanently out of town. He's like, let's get going. Okay, oh, that's terrible.

You read the room. Sometimes people need like a little joking, like, hey, what were you thinking? You know, break the ice, make them more comfortable. This guy, I was like, I feel so sad for you. Yeah, he's clearly so embarrassed terrified. And I was like, we're gonna get this out, sir. Like, it's gonna be fine. And actually, you want to pick a name for him? I feel like he needs like an old man name. George. I'm like, all right, George. So we'll start some blood work, we'll get some urine samples, standard abdominal pain stuff, we'll get some imaging.

Do you offer him any painkillers?

Doctor offers him some, but at this point he's mostly uncomfortable. Like, he wants to like be in a certain position. But yeah, that definitely gets offered. But he's very like 80-year-old stoic. He's like, nope, just get it out. Honestly, I mostly appreciate that he didn't lie to us. Wastes a lot less time. Yeah. Imaging comes back. You can't really exactly exactly tell what anything is, but you can kind of rule out the dangerous stuff. So really the ER doctor is just looking at, is this safe to remove in the ER? So it's not glass, it's not metal, it doesn't seem to be sharp, it's all one piece. So he's like, great, we can take it out here.

Or explosive. We've had that one. Someone put a butane tank up their ass.

Yeah, I've seen some errors. There's definitely things that they get punted to the OR and they're like, this is not an ER problem. They have to deal with a lot of shit up there. I feel bad for them. Or at this point doctor's like, great, we'll take it out. He offers the patient sedation, pain meds. A lot of people need something to help get through this experience and tolerate it. And George was just like, nope, get it out. And honestly, the ER doc, they're all kind of like cowboys. So they're like, sweet. I like get to do a procedure and just do it and like be done with it. So I go grab my friend, one of the other nurses, I grab Jason and I'm like, hey, can you help me with something? Everyone thankfully is such a team player. They don't even ask what they're signing up for, he was just like, yeah, cool, I'm coming. And on the way, I was like, say it's okay, it's a rectal foreign body. So we all get in there, George is on his side, Doc gets a glove, he gets just a whole bunch of lube and goes for it.

We're maybe a minute into this, but he's already found it. He can reach it, which is great. He can feel it. He can kind of get his hand around it.

Can I quickly ask you, did the man ever tell you what object was in there? No, they never told me. Yeah. Okay, great, great, great, great. Right. So it's a mystery.

Mystery. They're always like, I don't know, it's just like something. Yeah.

I fell down. I don't know what's up there.

I fell.

As if we're not going to see it in 5 minutes. Yeah. So he can feel it and he's like, all right, I have my hand around it. But as I'm sure you've discovered in hearing all of these stories, that one problem is the slipperiness factor in the grip. One factor is like the suction. The back pressure. Yeah. The suction's so interesting. I mean, it's good in that if your rectal sphincter was open, you wouldn't just like want everything in there to fall out.

Exactly. Yes, you would not.

In this case, it's unfortunate. So Doc is in there and he's like trying to grab it and he can't do do it. Finally, he takes his hand out. We like give the patient a break. Sweet little George is like, just do it. I got this. And so I'm now thinking, I don't think this is gonna go well. Like you didn't have a grip on it the first time. I'm like, I don't think this is gonna work. But the doc is so like, nope, I'm ready. And there's plenty of instruments he could try. There's other options and things, but he's like, no, I know I can do it. Second time, hand goes in. And at this point I look down and he is truly elbow deep in this man. Oh God.

In a senior. Going for it. Oh wow.

God bless.

Really quick, when I'm working on things mechanically and I get frustrated, I start going like, I fucking motherfucker. Have you ever heard a doctor just kind of start letting I was like, fuck you, son of a bitch. Are they like stifling any of that chatter that men do when they're working on stuff?

It happens more when the patient is sedated, I would say.

Okay. Okay.

They like police themselves a little more when they're awake. Okay. About 30 seconds into this, I am now thinking this isn't gonna happen. 'Cause at this point he's leaned in, he's still elbow deep. This doctor is like ripped and he is in a t-shirt, which is only relevant because I can see that his shoulder and his bicep, like at this point I'm about to ask him to stop because I'm like, you're gonna dislocate your shoulder trying to get this done. Oh my God. He's crying so hard. As soon as I'm about to say this, we just hear this perfect little, like, just comes right out. He's now holding this thing in his hand and we all kind of are looking at, like, it feels like someone's just given birth. George is just like exhausted. He got this thing out. Everyone's tired. The doctor's exhausted and he's holding it. I can only describe it as he's holding like a 6 inches wide by 8 inches long piece of of a wooden banister. Banister. Okay. I can't say for sure, maybe he was like a woodworker, but it is kind of the shape of a bishop in a chess set.

Oh yeah. But huge wooden— it's covered in like obviously stool but also some blood. Yeah, it's not a gentle removal. And also didn't look perfectly sanded, to be honest. A little splintering going on.

I know, if I gotta pick a material to insert in my butt, wood is just after glass.

And he's been pulling on it. So splinters everywhere.

Yeah, but it might have been those splinters that got him his found purchase. Oh, you might have saved him.

So the doctor now is just like, sweet. So he just throws it in a specimen bag, chucks it on the counter. It's like this clear bag you put labs in. He throws it on the counter, tosses his glove, and walks out of the room. And of course my coworker Jason's like, all right, I got other patients. He leaves. So it's just me and George. And I was like, okay, I'm just gonna let you rest for a little while. You know, we're gonna keep him overnight because there was blood and he's old. So I go back to other things. Maybe an hour later I get a call from security, says, hey, you patient for room 20, for George's room. And I said, okay, lemme go chat with him, see if it's okay for him to come back. It's his nephew. And I get up to walk and before I can even hang up the phone, I see somebody walking down the hallway and I hear them ask about room 20. I have not yet made it to the room. All I'm thinking is that bag and that bloody, poopy mess is on the counter.

Oh, the evidence is in plain sight.

I like dart into the room. I say, hey, your nephew's coming. They live together. This is who takes care of him. And as I'm saying this, I see the patient's face, like poor George is just like, oh God, like someone's coming. So I just position myself. So I'm now between the door and the object. So I'm standing in front of it against the wall. Door opens, nephew comes in and he's like, oh my God. Like Uncle George, what's going on? Are you okay? What's been happening? Oh boy. And so I just tell him, hey, we ran blood work, urine sample, his vitals are okay. We're waiting on some imaging to come back, which was true.

Kind of true. Yeah.

Mostly true. Fair enough. Keep in mind his aunt just died, so he's probably thinking like, oh my God, this is part two. Like I'm gonna lose both of them. He's panicking. But I'm also like, I can't tell him what it was. It is George's story to share. At some point, nephew just looks at me and he goes, okay, do you have any idea what could be causing this abdominal pain? Like what's going on? Because it was like a neighbor called him to come in. You know, we saw an ambulance take your uncle away. He has no idea. I'm now backed up against the bag and I'm holding this bag against my back cuz we're all very close in the family. This room? And I just said, I have absolutely no idea, could be anything. Yeah, great. I just kind of like slid sideways out of the room, like dropped it in the trash on the way out. Oh, nice. And I don't know that he actually ever found out what happened.

Oh, and so we still don't know exactly what it was, meaning like we didn't ask George like, hey, where'd this thing come from?

Like, why'd you— what does it mean? Why? Like, what's the significance?

Why are you in love with—

yeah.

Yeah, I think George should have sent you Christmas cards.

I feel like I did him a solid. Yes, you definitely did.

You were a great wingman in that situation. I tried.

I will say, anytime I've ever asked somebody why, it's never a satisfying answer. It's always like, I was on drugs, or I don't know.

Yeah, not even why, but like, where'd that come from? Yeah, exactly. Where do I get—

that's how you can trick him. Oh, I love this! Where did you get this?

What is it? Great idea.

The other thing I think you could have said to the nephew is you could have just said like, oh yeah, you know, he had had severe stool blockage, which is true. There's no way that he could have shit around that. No, post— is that what it's called?

No, I don't know what that is. That is actually a great answer. I will say, any object— young people tend to do sex toys like vibrators, stuff that doesn't have a flared base, but like the object itself is like safe material, right? Every single fucking piece of like wood, glass, whatever has been a patient over the age of 65. Wow.

Yeah, so what I was saying at the beginning, these are generally older dudes feel like they've been— either they've been getting away with it forever, right? Or B, it's not their first trip and they're acting like it's their first trip. But I, I'm more inclined to think it's like it's just been ruminating in the back of their mind for years that they want to try it, and then at some point they go, okay, we're gonna do this finally.

Yeah. Or like, because they're so old—

do you think this is in my future?

No, because I think it's because they were so old, they think dildos are made of wood and glass.

I do think they need some education.

Yeah, they're like, I don't want to go buy one at the but this is the same. Well, this banister, there's a ton of variety in these stories.

One is like, yeah, they're too embarrassed to go buy a dildo, so they just try to find an object that makes sense. We've heard a lot of these where there's some other thing going on. The danger part is clearly part of the eroticism. So it's like, there's no way you put that in your butt. That couldn't have been the best option.

This one seems like he really just wanted to feel it.

He just loves wood. He's a woodworker. Well, he might have made it on a lake. Lath. He might have like been working on that thing. He had his lathe there. What are you doing, Grandpa George? I'm just making a newel post. I'm gonna give it to Mike for Christmas this year. Oh my God.

Yeah, I did hate that there was so much shame involved. My husband's an ER nurse too, and he was like, oh, I bet his wife was like helping him with that for many years. No, they would have had like a dildo if that were the case.

Yeah, they would have a good system.

Well, maybe he was like, she used to do that for me and she's gone now, so now I have to do it myself.

He buried her with the vibrator.

No, I thought— I was like, at first I thought this was gonna go to a really crazy place where he like stuck the urn up there. Oh, there were—

that'd be romantic.

Well, you know, yeah, that's so much more horrifying.

I wanted to scatter her ashes in her favorite place, my ass. It was either Lake Winnipesaukee or my anus. Oh my God, my anus. And I wrote what she wanted. It's what she would have wanted. Lucy, that's a lovely story. Good job. And you're a hero and you're a good wingman and you deserve some credit for that.

Thank you. My lovely cousin Susan and my friend Carly are both big arm cherries, and I know they will be listening. Oh, shout out! First question they asked was, did I think I was gonna shit myself on camera talking to you guys?

Have you done that? We have no way of knowing.

No, but I did have the thought. If that happened, I feel like I would just own up to it, and I think Dax would kind of be happy about it because it just screams confidence.

Oh, if you say it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's kind of gangster. You know? Yeah.

Oh, but I wanna say thank you to you guys. You guys came with me on my whole travel nursing journey. It started on my way to Austin. I had 2 days to kill and I was like, I love parenthood. I guess I'll like come over and see what Crocs is up to. Sure. Monica, thank you for being willing to talk about being a single person existing in a world full of relationship. Like I was like mid-late 20s and I had not so much as kissed a boy when we first started listening. Yeah. And so hearing you be able to talk about it and share share kind of that perspective really openly was really lovely. And even though I'm married now, it has continued to be lovely, and I still feel like, thank God, like someone's speaking up for the single people still.

Oh, thank you, uh, I'm glad.

Well, we like you. We're very grateful you're an armchairing. Yes. All right, well, be well, and thanks for doing what you do.

Yes, thank you. Thank you guys so much.

This was fun. All right, take care. Hello, Josie.

Hello. You're in your closet, which is fantastic.

Yes, I follow the rules.

Monica, appreciate it. So good.

So silky.

Where in the country are you? You don't have to be super specific.

Yeah, I'll keep it big just for patient privacy. I'm in the northwestern quadrant of the U.S.

Okay, wonderful, wonderful. You're our second Northwest caller. Yeah, but the other one's story wasn't in the Northwest, so that's the point. She just was currently practicing. You're right, you're right, you're right. I assume you're in medicine?

Yes, I've been a nurse for 11 years and always like in a larger metropolitan area where the action is. Yeah, where the action is.

I don't want to use the wrong word here, but are you a bit of an arousal junkie?

Yes, being a you see some shit. The messiness of being human is on full display. It's apex. It just excites me. Like, whenever I see something really shocking, I'm immediately like, okay, this is a story. I can't wait to get off work and tell my husband about this. So yeah, I love that kind of stuff.

I couldn't do the job for so many reasons because it's the hardest job in America. That's why we love the nurses. There'd be so much like duty stuff that would be hard for me. But I am also drawn to it because I think the excitement and how quickly a shift, I imagine, goes by? Does it just blow by?

Totally, because I work 12-hour shifts, and if I work like an 8 or something, I feel like I'm barely there. I mean, I've done so many like nasty things. Like, I make the joke, like, if I wear gloves, I can touch anything.

All you need is your gloves. And then just quickly, if you had to ballpark, how many foreign objects in body have you seen in 11 years?

More than 5, I'd say. Like, I've seen multiple rectum— swallowing is like a really big thing, people swallow stuff. I've seen a urethral sounding. I had a guy that was putting objects through his urethra to masturbate.

To masturbate?

Yes. Yeah, like pens. And he was getting all kinds of infections because of it. People do wild things.

So he put a ballpoint pen in there and then jerked off with the pen in there?

It's a thing. We like Googled it afterwards. I mean, like, I had a lady who was injecting meth in her butt.

Wow. Okay, so please tell us about this particular story.

Okay, so like I said, I've been a nurse 11 years, and this is one of those shifts where right Right away I got report and I was like, here's a story. So when you're a nurse, you come in for your shift and you get report from the previous nurse and they tell you everything about your patients. And this nurse just kind of gets right into it, you know. She goes, this is a young adult female. It's our first female. Our first came into the emergency department with complaints of putting multiple razor blades, inserting it into her vagina. Oh. And then she super glued it shut.

I gotta go. Super glued it shut.

She super glued the vaginal opening and then the labia majora all the way together. She was so mad.

She's like, I'm a packet full of razor blades, seal it up for good.

I can't.

Can you imagine, like, if you, like, did crunches or like bending?

No Kegels. Yeah, okay, so just wait, I gotta back up. Back up. We're still clear. So we still don't have a female rectal. I feel like I know the world a little better now. Okay. I wasn't prepared for a female anal. Okay. Holy—

I wish it'd be way better. I'd rather have Raceways up the ass than the vagina.

I think there's more room in your vagina.

No, it's so tender in there.

Well, it certainly is, and that's why we like going there. Um, but you also can pass a baby head through there. I don't know. I don't know what's better or worse. This.

And usually people are kind of shy and like secretive when they first come into the emergency department with the foreign object, right? Like they're embarrassed. She just came right out and said it even though her lips were sealed.

Oh, really quick, so you said 20s?

Yeah, young adult female.

I don't want to get too into the weeds, but I guess what I want to know is, did you get a read immediately? Like, did you have a sense that the person was sane or not? So we're gonna get to—

oh, okay, okay, sorry, sorry. This is a medical emergency because she couldn't pee, so she's complaining that her bladder is super super full. And we did a bladder scan, which is like an ultrasound device, a little wand you just wave over their bladder. Dax, you probably had one when you had your little incident.

I'm having PTSD hearing about it.

Yeah, yeah. So it was very full. So we need to address this right away. I think it just became clear this is going to be too painful, too complicated to do in the emergency department. So they had to book an OR, put her under general anesthesia. And there are solvents and things that can help disintegrate the glue, but the vagina, like we said, it's like a sensitive mucous membrane. So imagine like acetone or something on your vagina.

Goo be gone.

It would burn so bad. So I don't know, like, if they use the scalpel or what. I wasn't in there, but I know that there was no wound or stitches or anything afterwards. They were able to separate it, put a catheter in, drain the bladder, and all is well. You know, they could take the catheter right out. It didn't have to stay in. And then she came up to the post-op floor where I was working, and I took care of her from there.

I have a bad habit of getting ahead, but did they address the razor blades while they were under?

Of course they checked out the razor blades.

Okay, so we put the speculum in and then they found the razor blades.

I guess not too much damage actually either there. So yeah, she got lucky. So the why, which is like everyone wants to know, is— this is a ding ding ding— she had Munchausen's. Stop it!

Oh my God, this is an all-in-one. My brain and CTE induced by CTE.

My brain feels crazy because the second time it came up today— exactly, second time Munchausen's came up today, and we haven't talked about Munchausen's Munchausen's in so long.

How do you start figuring that part out?

To define Munchausen's, for any listeners that don't know, it's a psychological condition where a person purposefully and intentionally hurts themselves or fakes an illness or causes an injury with the primary motivation to get care from hospital staff. So they want the care and attention is like the main point, or from like family.

It's kind of sad when you really— yeah, I know.

Pretty immediately I like am able to empathize. And this is like a young person too, right? So childhood's not that far away. And like, I'm a mom, so like I'm just picturing like this was a little kid who somehow learned this is the best means to get attention and love. Oh, we've seen. Yeah. But still these people cause like a ton of wreckage. They hurt themselves. They hurt people around them. It's like an expense to the hospital system. Like we have to address all this. So with my child, since there's a really specific treatment plan too, so the psychiatrist had a note in her chart that told us exactly how to treat her. So you don't admit to inpatient psych because that would just further reinforce the drive to hurt themselves. Keep conversations super surface level. Do not get emotional. Don't get personal. Don't give her a ton of attention. Don't help with any activities of daily living, like don't wipe or feed her. She might manipulate you into trying to do things like that. Minimal interaction. Make it as least stimulating as possible. Just kind of get in, get out.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So fascinating. I know.

And it's a lot of mental gymnastics as a nurse because like we're just used to being like a caregiver. So it was very different. Oh, the other thing is there was like some kind of suicide precautions. So like to remove anything from the room she could hurt herself with. But we didn't do a 1-to-1 staff because we didn't want her to have that much attention. So we had her on a camera room, but then we didn't tell her she was on a camera room because we don't want her to know she had like any special treatment or anything. The tightrope you guys are walking—

bonkers. You think you're dealing with one thing, razor blades in a vagina, and now you're dealing with now Munchausen's, like much bigger project. But how did you know she had Munchausen's?

It was in her chart.

It was in her chart. Yeah.

She had been there many times. Yeah.

So the story goes on. I'm taking care of her on the post-op floor. And then pretty early on in the shift, around lunchtime, I get a discharge order. So I go in the room and I tell her, hey, you're going to discharge. I print out her paperwork and she calls family and says it's going to be like an hour or two until they come. And she asked if she could have her homework because she's in school and with a student. So I'm thinking like, like, I don't really trust this person, but also, I don't know, she already has a rough life. Like, I don't want to hinder life anymore.

You don't know what part's going to be a payoff for Yeah, right.

And so I was like, okay, well, I'm thinking like the doctor gave her the discharge order, discontinued some of those suicide precautions. I still have her in a camera room. So I was like, okay, I'll just be careful. So I go and I unlock the cabinet. I take out her backpack and she tells me which binder she wants and textbook. And I'm like, okay. And I give her one pen and the pen I was worried about. I'm like, ooh, it's this pen. Yeah. And then I flipped through all the pages of the binder and the textbook. I even like picked them up and I shook them to see if anything would pull out. It seems safe, so I'm like, okay, this is gonna be okay. And I let her have them and I leave the room. I'm not even kidding, 2 minutes later she hits the call light and says, I swallowed a razor blade.

What? Wait, what? I swallowed a razor blade? Also, how? She somehow had razor blades in her Trapper Keeper.

She— even after you shook it? What the fuck?

Oh my God, she had like a contingency plan.

Ew, this is so scary, actually.

Yeah, so I go in the room and I'm like, okay, don't make a big reaction, right? You don't want to give her attention and have emotion. So I just go in and I was like, hey, what happened? She goes, I swallowed a razor blade. And I was like, where did you get it? And she shows me, you know, like a 3-ring binder, how it has that thin plastic lining, like over the cardboard cover. So there was like a 1-inch slit in the scene, and she like shows it to me, and she goes, I hid a razor blades in here.

I feel— yeah, what is your reaction?

Okay, I just like, okay, well, I'm gonna call the doctor. I call the doctor and she's like one of my favorite doctors, so she's super cool about it. And she was just like, Jesus Christ. Orders a chest x-ray and clear as day, just razor blade right in the esophagus.

You can see it. Oh my gosh, how do we get that out of there?

So we had to cancel her discharge and then they did an EGD. They can just put something down there with the scope and then pull it out.

I cannot believe this woman didn't have massive bleeding on either end.

I know, sometimes these people just come in like repeatedly with these self-harm behaviors over and over. So it's super sad.

Yeah, that would be the part that would be hard for me to navigate in your job, is like when you know it's going to be repetitive. I don't know how I'd handle that. I would be resentful at those people. I mean, that's what it would be. I think on their third trip, I'd be like, fuck this dude. There are people that are really, you know, it'd be hard.

It's really hard to keep boundaries, but also like you have to treat someone whenever they come into the emergency room, like you have to get the razor blade out. Yeah.

The only thing that's new about this from my previous understanding of Moonchild is when was just like, I thought they were trying to act like it was an act of nature or God, but there's no way someone gets razor blades in their throat.

Well, she said, I swallowed it. I know, I know. I thought the same thing.

It's like, you can't be faking.

Yeah, maybe they fake it more with family. I'm not sure. And then hospital staff, it's just like really apparent. But people get really good and creative. And like you said, like, it's really common among healthcare workers, people that are really good at navigating the system. I think they're like the most successful at it.

Nurses have like the highest rate. Yeah, yeah.

From beginning to end, that was horrifying.

There's so much to be grateful for that you just aren't. Like, I'm not at all needing Munchausen's to feel seen. I know. Oh, swallowing razor blades. Jesus, it's so extreme to me.

I'm like, this is Munchausen's mixed with psychopathy. I mean, looking you in the face and saying, this is where I hid it, that is Silence of the Lambs.

There was like a weird vibe.

Yeah. Oh well, Josie, this has been a delight.

Yeah, thank you so much. Yeah, thank you guys. It was so good to talk to you. And yeah, have a good rest of your day.

All right, take care. Carry on the good work.

All right, see ya.

All right, bye. I'm gonna ask you a question and it's not gonna go well, and I'm still gonna ask you.

Oh, I love when you choose that.

It's like I can't resist my impulse control, I guess. Uh-huh. That Ohio guess, when I knew he was in Ohio—

that was— I gave that to you.

I know. I'm now wondering, is there something wrong with you?

We'll just— that crazy. It was Sim, it was gessy, but like, I knew Ohio.

So what are you thinking? I don't know, I just think it needs more thought on my end.

Why? It's not bad.

No, I like it. Yeah, I'm just wondering like what leads to that decision.

Why do you pick it?

That's what I'm wrestling with right now. It's like I just looked at that room and him and I was like, I think we're in Ohio. Like I could just feel that we were in Ohio.

Yeah, was it like his weird.

He was a factor, but the room was a huge factor. The room?

The room? How could the room be a factor?

No, I'm agreeing with— that's what I'm wrestling with right now.

I know, but I don't want you to wrestle because I think you should just be like, wow, I have a power like Ricky has where he can do that thing with the actors or whatever.

Exactly. Yeah, he can do that.

You can do this. You're just really good at thin slicing location.

I think because I did travel so much for the car show thing, maybe, and then doing movies. I don't know, something.

No, Well, on the next Fact Check, I'm gonna just show you people in an environment, and I'm gonna know where they are.

Okay, I'm afraid to do that because— well, because I want to hang on to this a little bit, and then that sounds like I'm gonna fail. Okay, it's like throwing out data you don't like.

I get it. That's all right.

All right, love you. Do you want to sing a tune or something? We know the theme song. Oh. Okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of Armchair Jerry's, we'll get some suggestions. On the Fly Rhyme Dish. On the Fly Rhyme Dish. Enjoy.