Transcript of AEE: Are You Making This Common Native Speaker Error?

This is the All Ears English podcast. Are you making this common native speaker error? Welcome to the All Ears English podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection, with your American hosts, Aubrey Carter, the IELTS quiz, and Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, coming to you from Arizona and Colorado, USA.

Hello, Lindsay. Happy Halloween.

Yes, happy Halloween. Are you planning to dress up this year, Aubrey? Are you going to any parties or trick-or-treating, maybe?

I genuinely look forward to Halloween every year. It's one of my favorite holidays. We always do a big party in our cul-de-sac, so instead of, like, answering the door for trick-or-treaters, we have bowls of candy on a table and they come and get the candy and we are, like, having a chili cook-off and we have a firepit and it's like a big block party, kind of. It's very fun.

That sounds so fun. Oh my gosh, that's so great. Yeah.

Yeah, this year the plan is for us all to be on roller skates. We're doing, like, an '80s-themed roller derby or dressing '80s and wearing roller skates. I might do, because I own roller blades and I don't know how to buy roller skates, so I'll buy roller blades.

Sure, yeah. Roller blades are cool. It's just the '90s version of roller skates, right?

Totally.

Yeah, it works.

I love that.

I love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were thinking about doing, now that we have our son, maybe, like, a Scooby-Doo thing or something, a theme where we can all be, you know, part of the family. Like, we can all, we can go together as a family costume with our dog too. It would be fun.

That's so fun. I want to see a photo, Lindsay, of your baby in the Halloween costume. There's nothing cuter than a baby in a Halloween costume.

Oh, I know. It's so cute. And dogs too. Don't forget about dogs. They're also very cute.

Right.

Just for Halloween.

Also, if your dog and your baby are in matching costumes, that would be, that'll break the internet.

Oh, that's a great idea. Oh, that's a great idea. All right, so looking forward to tonight. It's on a Saturday, which is fun. But what are we talking about in today's episode, Aubrey?

Yeah, so you might have noticed I snuck in genuinely. I genuinely look forward to Halloween every year. And we're talking about an error we hear a lot in English. This is very common. Native speakers do this as well, where when they mean to say disingenuous, they say disingenuous.

Yeah.

And it's, and we understand why, because of course we have the movie, the word genuine.

Yeah.

And genuous isn't a word, so this is a strange thing about English vocabulary that's sort of setting people up to make this mistake.

Yeah, we can't always just add a dis, for example, or an un, and have it be the opposite word, right?

Unfortunately.

It's not that easy.

Exactly.

So, Aubrey, where do we start today? I mean, before we get any further in the episode, we want to remind you guys to hit the follow button. If you love our show, we're going to explain really more high-level words today, so get ready for it. We cover the whole spectrum in terms of what you need to learn in English to connect. That's what we're all about here at All Ears English.

Exactly. So hit follow wherever you listen to podcasts. And yeah, this is interesting. We're going to dive into these words today, genuine, and its opposite, disingenuous, and help you avoid this very common error, as well as a couple of synonyms and expressions for both.

Yeah. So then, Aubrey, here's a good question, right? Are you good at judging when someone's being disingenuous, or how do you know when they are?

That's a great question. I feel like I am, right? I feel like I can tell if someone's being dishonest or even telling white lies. You can see it in their facial expressions. They often won't make eye contact with they, you know? So what about you?

Well, yeah, and that's, yeah, I think I have to know the person pretty well, though, to know, because I think people have their own style sometimes of when they're telling the truth and when they're lying. But it's so interesting you said eye contact, which is so culturally different, right? If you go to other parts of the world, you know, making eye contact might be a sign of disrespect in a way. So that's really interesting. But, side point. But I think in American culture, eye contact is a typical hallmark of someone's hiding something if they're not doing it.

Right. If they're looking to the side, if they won't meet your eyes, then often you're like, what are you hiding? Yeah.

Yeah.

This reminds me of this TV show, Lie to Me. Did you ever see that? It's a few years old now, but it's about someone who works for the government, FBI, or someone who's sort of an expert in this, in detecting lies. And it goes into sort of the science of it and different facial expressions and how they're read or the words people use. And I loved that show. I found it really fascinating. I wonder if people probably still find it on streaming.

Absolutely. Yeah, because in real-time, life just moves so fast, right? We don't have the time to slow things down and study the facial expression, right?

Right. You can't be like, okay, say that again and let me really study your face just to see if you're being genuine.

Exactly. So let's start more by breaking down the word genuine then, right? So let's go into that, Aubrey. What do we need to know?

Yeah, so genuine means real, sincere, honest, authentic, not fake, not pretending, right? So we use it to describe people, but also emotions or reactions, right? So it's not just about if a person's being genuine. It's also if you're, you know, what you're feeling is a genuine emotion or if people are being honest about their genuine reactions and emotions.

Yeah, a genuine compliment is what we want. We don't want a fake compliment, a forced compliment. We want genuine intentions and people, and it shows your humanity when you're genuine, when you're authentic, right? So, for example, she gave me a genuine compliment about my cooking. It felt real. Maybe it was really specific. It wasn't, like, prefabricated or templated or something like that.

Yeah, sometimes we can feel that, right, when a compliment doesn't feel genuine. Maybe they're telling us what we think that, what they think we want to hear. And we can tell when it's genuine.

Yeah. So what would be an example of a genuine compliment, Aubrey, here?

Oh, maybe, like.

Or a phrase.

I love this photo of you. You can tell your smile is genuine. So that's another example of it. But yeah, if someone is complimenting a photo and they give you specifics of what they like about it, then it's going to feel more genuine.

And also tone of voice too, don't you think? I guess if someone's a really good liar, they can fake that tone of voice because they know what it has to sound like. But usually, you can hear how genuine someone is in their tone, you know?

Yes. Often when we're listening to podcasts or TV shows and you feel that, you're like, uh-oh, I don't know if I trust this person. They might be lying because you hear that their tone isn't genuine.

Yeah, and I think the word authentic is kind of a cousin of genuine in terms of meaning, right? Like on this show, we're pretty authentic. We're pretty genuine because a lot of this stuff, we do have some things prepared for today's episode, for example, but a lot of this comes out spontaneously as we think through what we're showing you guys, right?

Exactly. So we're just sharing genuine facts about our lives that might have to do with what we're teaching. And then another thing I think of is that something, that if someone has a genuine laugh, if you're like, oh, that was a genuine laugh to a joke versus, like, a courtesy laugh when you can feel that they're just laughing to save your feelings.

Yeah, for sure. For sure. You could tell laughing is a good place where you could tell if it's spontaneous or just pre-prepared in a way. Yeah. What else, Aubrey?

Yeah, so also, of course, to talk about people being genuine. You might say, I really feel like Mia is genuine. And then you'd give details about, you know, like we were saying, if you feel like their tone is usually real and they're being their authentic self.

Yeah, or you could say he's super successful but still very genuine and down to earth. Oh, yeah. So similar words, authentic. There you go. I didn't even see this in our plans. Well, that was a spontaneous surprise too. That was very genuine, my surprise.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, so the cousin word here is authentic. This is, again, real and true to yourself, not fake. I guess this might be a little bit more modern, more trendy. I guess authentic is kind of in the spotlight. It's sort of having a moment.

Yeah, I remember it was the word of the year a couple of years ago, right?

Like 2016 or so.

Yeah. Hearing it more on social media and things, but it really has a very similar meaning. You might call someone genuine. It means they're authentic. Yeah.

Although a lot of times after it became the word of the year, you heard a lot of, like, business coaches and bloggers trying, like, saying it in a very inauthentic way, like, be authentic. This is now very inauthentic to say that because it's one of the ways.

How can we make sure we sound authentic? Like, well, you've already ruined it.

Exactly. Yeah, it can be used to talk about someone's personality, behavior, the way they express themselves, maybe their branding, their social media accounts.

Yeah, we might say people online seem more authentic when they show imperfections. That's a good point, right? When you show vulnerability, when you're willing to show that you make mistakes, then it feels like you're being more authentic.

We have this expression, what you see is what you get. So if you were to see the person on social media and then you were to meet them in person, it'd be the exact same experience, right? There's nothing that changes. Yeah.

Yes. And sometimes I have a funny story about this. There was a Peloton instructor who I won't name, but right before the classes that go live, they're like, you know, instructing the camera crew and the personality was so different when they didn't, I think they didn't realize the class was live yet. And it was so interesting. And then sort of their persona as an instructor, once it's recorded, was really different. I was like, that was interesting. I got a glimpse of their authentic self there for a second. And it makes sense.

That's fascinating. That is fascinating.

It was.

Wow. That would be so cool to be able to see that for all the influencers that you follow or all, I don't know. I guess with actors it's different because obviously we're playing a character.

I'm so curious how often that happens, that what we're seeing on the screen is actually really different from how they are at home or interesting. Or how they treat employees or treat coworkers. That's interesting.

For sure. And then, so another way of saying this, you know, maybe you see someone behind the scenes, they're very real. They're very honest, emotionally truthful, not fake. So that other word that means the same thing is real, to be real.

Yeah, this is really casual, conversational, right? We use this very widely. Maybe if we feel, like, authentic and genuine or a little too polished or professional sounding, then we might just say real instead.

Yeah. So again, we can use this to describe people, emotions, reactions, all of the things that we mentioned before. And it definitely could describe a personality quality. Oh, she's great. She's very real, right?

Yes, right? Or you might say to someone, thanks for being real with me about this situation or about the feedback, right? If you feel like someone instead of pulling punches, they're giving you the real facts.

Right. No surprises, no faking anything. Or you could say, I like him because he's just so real. Okay? So that's really a common thing that we use in native, natural English. Okay. Good.

All right, so let's go back to the word disingenuous. And again, what's the mistake that we hear sometimes out in the native-speaking world?

Yeah, the tricky thing is the opposite of genuine is not disingenuous. That word doesn't actually exist, even though I'm sure you've all heard it before because this is such a common error. The opposite is actually disingenuous. This is one of those tricks that English likes to pull on us because genuine is not a word.

Don't be tricked. Don't be tricked. Not after listening to today's episode, right, Aubrey? No.

Exactly. Yeah, now you know.

Yep. So what does disingenuous mean then?

Yeah, so it means to pretend to be sincere, honest, innocent, unaware when you're actually not, right? This is that sort of putting on a persona. We would call that person disingenuous.

Yeah, so it's not as much about lying. It's more about being a certain way, like being misleading, right?

Exactly. Being performative is a word we'll use a lot.

Performative. Great word.

We'll see this a lot, maybe with relationships. If someone accuses their partner of being performative, it's like you're not really being real with the feelings that you, you know, instead you're trying to be what I would want or what someone would expect.

Yeah. Pretending not to know something when you do know it, right? Or hiding your true intentions. So it's a little sneaky being disingenuous, don't you think?

Definitely. Yeah, this is not a positive character trait, at least not in the United States. And yeah, it definitely seems like we don't really want to be around people who are disingenuous because it's dishonest.

And that's a good point that you, it's important that you said that not in the United States, right? So much of this could be cultural in terms of what a culture values and nothing is right or wrong. It's just think about your own culture and how this, and we'll give some more examples here, how this behavior is looked at. Might be looked at in a different way. Who knows, right?

Right. Maybe this could be considered a positive character if it's necessary to put on a certain persona for work. Yeah, then it would be seen as a skill, almost like acting, right? We're seeing actors on the screen who are able to convince us that they are something they're not and that we respect.

Or exactly. Or maybe you live in a culture where there's a lot of hierarchy or a lot of rituals or something, and it's important to have that performative behavior to some extent. I don't know. I don't know.

That would make sense. Yeah, interesting.

Yeah. So let's give some examples.

Go ahead, Aubrey. So for example, it felt disingenuous when he apologized and then repeated the same behavior. This is a good example. Someone will apologize, but then just do it again. You're like, yeah, that apology was not genuine.

Right. Or she asked the question in a disingenuous way. Like she already knew the answer. Okay. So maybe she's asking the question to flatter someone, right? When she already knows the answer, she's trying to get close to someone or impress someone, right?

Or to criticize someone.

Or to criticize.

Yeah, if they're asking a question, they already know the answer, but the tone is there where they're actually criticizing someone. Interesting.

Okay, what are some other similar words to disingenuous, Aubrey?

All right, so first of all, insincere, right? Not expressing true feelings. This is more about a lack of being emotionally honest.

Like his apology was definitely insincere. Yes.

Yes. Or her excuse for missing dinner sounded insincere. Yeah, this is interesting. Very similar meaning to disingenuous. And that word is a little less common, disingenuous, right? We might say insincere or this next one, fake, if we're being more casual, if it's just a conversation.

Yeah, this is very casual, right? It's not real. It's not authentic. Again, you'll hear this in everyday conversation. We use it a lot. Okay?

Yeah. So for example, I stopped talking to her because she seemed fake. Yeah, and this is interesting when we use this to describe a person. It might not be clear right away what is meant by that, but it kind of means they're not being their authentic self. Maybe they're telling people what they think they want to hear and then saying something else about them behind their back. Then we'd call them fake, a fake friend.

Yeah, yeah. Or he acts differently around different groups of friends. It feels fake. Yeah, interesting. Interesting. Did you feel like when you lived in New York, people felt fake or did they feel pretty real, pretty authentic?

I feel like people in New York are pretty authentic. They're pretty real. They're not worried about impressing anyone. Yeah, they're not going to be fake.

I think you're right. I think LA is known more for that a little bit, or maybe it has been historically. I mean, it's the city of Hollywood, right? But it also depends on the person, right? Sure.

Yeah. This is interesting too because we shared that real means the same as authentic, but unreal is not the opposite in this way, right? You couldn't be like, he feels really unreal in the same way that you could say he feels fake. That has such a different meaning. So that's one sort of note here, to not just automatically use opposites of words. It just doesn't always work that way.

That could be a whole other episode, Aubrey. Guys, hit follow if you love that idea. We can explain exactly what unreal means and how it's used, right? How it's really not the opposite.

Yeah, so there are two different ways.

Right? This is unreal, right? Totally different from real. Okay?

Yeah, interesting.

Okay, what else do we need to know before our role play, Aubrey?

Yeah, this is interesting. Just one quick note that when we're talking about a person being fake, we can say this when we're talking about their personality. But if we're talking about an object or an item being fake, then we could also say knockoff, right? For example, like a purse. You could be like, this might be a knockoff. I don't think it's a real Chanel purse. And then you could say, I think it's fake. But it's interesting, you could not call a person a knockoff. So that's the same when we have these symbol, like synonyms. We might use one to describe a person, but not an item or vice versa.

And definitely can't call like fake leather disingenuous, right? A fake leather jacket.

Exactly.

Yeah. It's really important to know. Yeah, you can't call a person a knockoff. Don't do that. What else, Aubrey? So let's go into a role play. So here we are friends. We're talking about people we met at a party last night.

All right, perfect. I'll start us out. What did you think of Jason from the party last night?

Honestly, he seemed kind of disingenuous to me.

Oh, really? Why?

Well, I don't know. The way he complimented everyone just felt a little fake.

Oh, yeah. I actually noticed that too. He acted interested in my work, but then it seemed a bit insincere.

Exactly. But his girlfriend, Maya, she felt super authentic and easy to talk to.

Totally. She was just real. She wasn't pretending or trying too hard.

That's probably why everyone naturally gathered around her instead of Jason.

Yeah, people can tell when someone's being genuine.

Yeah. And it can be hard too, you know, sometimes it's not so much that people are being disingenuous. Maybe they're just nervous, right? And they come off as disingenuous or scripted, rehearsed or something, but it's just nervousness, anxiety or something. Yeah.

Right. There's sometimes I think we do make the mistake of reading into someone's tone or actions, and maybe they just feel nervous. They're meeting people for the first time. It's not that they're disingenuous or insincere. They just are uncomfortable.

Exactly. So give people a little bit of a break, right? So let's go through this. So first, you said, what did you think of Jason from the party last night? And I said what?

He seemed kind of disingenuous to me. And then this is interesting because you were saying he was complimenting everyone and it felt fake. This, I could get this would be, you know, if you hear, especially if maybe he compliments you and then you hear him compliment several other people, the exact same compliment, something like that. You'd be like, not sure he means it at this point.

You want to be careful there. Complimenting someone, totally fine. But if you're complimenting everyone at the same party or turning around and talking to and someone's hearing over your shoulder, not so good, right?

Yeah, that's going to feel really fake, which is what you said. The way he complimented everyone felt a little fake. And then I'm like, oh, yeah, it seemed a bit insincere. So if we're overhearing this and it's, you know, not believable at that point. Or this was interesting too, when you were saying he, oh, I was saying he acted interested in my work, but it seemed insincere. This is kind of tricky too. If you are wanting to know more about someone's work, that's one thing. But if you are sort of feigning interest, that, people can feel that, right?

Yes. Feigning interest. That's a great bonus word for today. To feign interest.

Yeah, it's faking. Yeah, true.

Good one. And then we talked about Maya, who feels very different, right? She felt super authentic and easy to talk to. And you agreed.

I said she was just real. Yeah. And I think we use that word the most often. It's much more casual. It's just like she just felt like she was being herself. She wasn't trying to impress anyone.

Exactly. And then we finished up by saying you said, well, I said, that's probably why everyone gathered around her instead of Jason. And then you said, yeah, people can tell when someone's being genuine. Yeah.

Yeah, that's really true, right? When you're at, and I like what you said though. I think that's a good connection takeaway here as well. To not pre-judge people, to give someone the benefit of the doubt and recognize, especially if you're meeting someone for the first time, instead of assuming someone's being disingenuous, recognizing that they might just be nervous.

Totally. So give them a little slack. Cut them a little slack, as we say, right?

Yes, I love that.

All right, go over right now, guys, to episode 2618. Jeopardize, endanger, compromise. Oh my. Ooh, fun title.

Yes, that's a heavy one. Those are important words to know.

And we've already talked about the connection takeaway. Give people a little bit of a break, get to know them, see if your theory or your thesis proves true, right? May not prove true, right?

Yes, love that.

Okay, good stuff. And also I think one more takeaway just to be your authentic self, right? I'm sure this would not be the first time you've heard that, but don't stress so much about this mistake. Even native speakers make this extremely common mistake. But when you are having your conversations in English, try to avoid those scripted answers, right? And just be yourself and worry more about the connection.

Yeah, I mean, exactly. And that's why, so if you place your attention on a more important goal, which we believe is connection, naturally, like your energy can't go in two places at once. You can either choose to focus on your mistakes and get locked into a sense of paralysis. Oh my God, I made that grammar mistake. Or you can choose to shift that attention 30 degrees to the left or the right and focus on connection. So you make the choice, but if you're listening to this show, we think you're on board. Absolutely. Yes.

Awesome. Thanks, Lindsay. All right, sounds good. Talk soon, Aubrey. Take care.

Bye.