Transcript of Matthew McConaughey Is The Coolest Dude In Texas | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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A hundred %.

All right, we're sitting on the same side of the this week, which is very strange, but it's because we are joined by the most handsome man in Austin, Texas. In the world. And possibly in the entire world. And you can get his already huge smash hit book now available in paperback tomorrow. The book is, of course, called Greenlights. It's Matthew McCona, everybody.

Give him a hand.How are you doing, man?Buddy.We're excited.Actually, I won Most Hands in 1988. There's a story in there about how he lost a lawsuit case against this oil of mink when it had the bad acne.

Do you mean when you put it on because your mom was selling it and she said, and it gave you cystic acne? Yeah. Buddy, I will tell you the book's awesome. Buy it, but the fucking audiobook is insane.

I listen-Yeah. You want to have Matthew It's not like it's not like he's calling you? Get the audiobook. It just fucking talks. You fucking push it to sleep.

It was fun to read. I bet. They said it was going to take four days to record it. I remember just sitting there going, Man, I know these stories. I wrote this. It's not going to take four days. Popped a couple of buds, and eight hours. One take. Really? Yeah.

Wow. Don't listen to my audiobook. I can't read it loud.

I wrote a book a couple of years ago, number 2, New York Times best seller. Couldn't get to number 1. But I have a question. When I handed in, the first time I sent the publisher a draft, there was a different type of anxiety about submitting your writing as opposed to an audition. Oh, hell, yeah. Because you I realized you can tweak, you can deliver how you want to deliver a line. You can deliver, you can do things with your face, with your body, with your work. But when it's just like, Here's what I wrote, there's this thing, you're like, Fuck, man, do you feel that, too, when you hear it?

Yeah, I felt it for probably 15 years, I didn't have the courage to even go try and write it. I mean, I'd been gathering all these journals in a treasure chest and then telling my assistant, You know what? You're going to start logging that stuff. Maybe something's worth sharing one day. And it stayed on microcassettes. And then the last kicker to get out the door and go see what I had to write something was I asked my wife if, Hey, when I die, I got these books. These are really important to me. I'm looking in there and seeing something's worth sharing. And she just gave me the bird and said, F you, dude, you got to do it. Don't put that on me.

Yeah, that's a big thing to put. She was like, Get out of here.

So loaded up the truck and headed off to Marfa for 20 days with those, which was intimidating. But then when I did turn it in toClaire? Yes. Now being a writer.

Yeah, it's a big thing.

I can't dance around this thing. I can't put lipstick on it and call it a thoroughbred if it's a donkey, right? Yeah, for sure. To put it there. I felt like I felt like it was something good, but I didn't know if it was going to translate, if anyone else is going to go, Dude, that's your own pipe dream. Totally. I don't get it.

Because there's also this thing, I don't know if you feel this way, if you go back and forth, when you see yourself in a performance. But when we do stand-up specials, a lot of times you'll watch an edit, the first a cut of it, and you're like, This fucking sucks. I suck. And then you watch it. And then there's just moments sometimes where you're like, You know what? This is actually pretty good. I like this.

But you go back-Watch the same thing.

You're watching the same thing.

Multiple times you watch it.

And then you have different feelings about it. And then there's that thing. It's like the night before the premiere, you're like, I feel pretty good. And then you're like, Oh, fuck, man. It's just roller coaster. But I don't know if you feel that way about a performance, but on a book, I feel like there's this thing where you read it sometimes, you're like, This is a good chapter. I like this chapter. And then you have your... It's just doubt. You get feelings of doubt.

Yeah. I mean, look, every performance I see, I really don't see... I don't think I'm fair about any performances of mine in the movies until about the third or fourth viewing. Right.

It changes. Yeah.

The first viewing, I'm among every film I've ever I physically have gotten sick in the parking lot. I think it's partially one scene, a full week comes rushing back. I'm like, Why do you use take four? Second half take eight. I remember that morning. I didn't... I'm not really laid back watching the story. I'm micromanaging my performance and everybody else's. I'll get out of a two-hour screening. I'm sweating. It was a workout. I was not really kicking back watching a movie. But second, third, or fourth time, I could sit back and watch it. It's like watching any Coen Brothers movie for me, and I've never been in a Coen Brothers movie, but my favorite music, Coen Brothers movie, is about the fourth time because you pick up all the great genius background stuff. Had a carrot.

The line in Raising Our corona. We are in the proverbial catbird seat. My fucking favorite line in any movie. Didn't catch it until my eighth time watching it, and I went, to my wife, What is that? She goes, Catbird?

He's on cat. He's below in funny shapes, that one. Sure. Circular is funny. But then-Circular is funny. I have that with performances with the book, but by the time we had edited down, I will say this. Did you have this experience or that You send something in, and you're like, God, this is hot shit. This chapter is good. This story is great.

It looks like somebody was murdered on it when they send you the notes back.

And they go, Oh, I'm not going to get it. And I puffed up going, How can you not get that? If you don't get that, then you don't get the whole book's about. Sweet. What chapter is it? No, I had a few. But what happened, here's what I learned. Okay. 90% of the time, thankfully, I had good editors. I hadn't written it well enough. That was them saying. Then I went back and wrote it better, and they're like, Oh, I get it. But I went in thinking, sometimes we have our own cliff notes, and we don't-Sure. Oh, they're going to get that part. No, you didn't write it.

I actually thought I got really lucky in that I had a... Suzanne O'Neill was the one would send me notes about chap. It was a collection of essays and stories. And there was times where I would see the notes coming back with so much, and I was like, What the fuck? And then when I sat and read them in discussion. I was like, yeah, you're right. I didn't do it well enough. But she made it way better by doing that.

Now, my editors did, too, with me. There's times... Yeah, there was a lot cut. But once I declared, and we I put it all together and try to make it a bit of an interactive play, interrupted by a prescribe or a poem or a picture and have that playfulness. Every time I'm preaching something, have to come off of that or come in, have to precede that with a story where I eat shit.

Yeah.

Or so the reader can stomach it. You want to let... So you can see me self-deprecate and tell a story where I ate shit. And then after that, you can stomach me going, So here's the lesson I learned from it. But don't be going straight advice across the board. People will shut that thing on, Shut up. Quit telling me what the fuck to do. For sure. Did you notice this? This is something big thing in the... The person. First, second, third, I, you, we. So it's about us telling you, tell it in first person. This is my experience. You can have an opinion, but you can't really judge me right or wrong. I'm just telling you how I experienced it. Second person is you. Now we're giving advice. Telling. You need to. You got to watch. You're telling people what to do. You got to watch that because someone likes to be told what to do. Third, the royal we, which you got to watch that because then your shit can all sound like big platitudes. Like, what are you got or something?

Are you speaking for us?

The proverbial we. But the interplay of those was a real something that I got real conscious of along the way, because if I would go into the you too much, it comes across preachy.

Definitely.

Going to the I all the time, you're going, Well, it's your story, but what does that have to do with me? I don't see myself. If you use It's a proverbial we, you're like, Okay, Mr. Big stuff, speaking with the voice of God.

No, it's a huge lesson because that's also how we address crowds. Same thing. You're always conscious of, I If it's a dumb ass moment, you're like, I'm dumb ass. But you want to wrap people. You want to dance with that stuff so that you can bring them in, make fun of yourself. And then you can also... The more you do that, then you have leverage to criticize. Then you can be like, You know who's a fucking idiot? And then you get to do that. But you have to do me, me, me first. You got to look like the dumb ass, for sure.

The takeaway from this book is that there are dudes who put on a hat because someone said it's cool and they want to look cool, and they walk into a bar, and you simply put on the hat and are cool. This fucking book is like... Some people go, I'm going to drive through the desert for the next three days so that people say he's driving through the desert. It's on his Instagram. You did it at a time no one was talking about it. Right after you did a Time to Kill, you just were like, Fuck it, I'm getting a van, I'm getting a dog, and I'm gone. And you weren't doing it for anyone. In a world where everyone's doing it for optics, you were doing these journeys to the Congo, to Africa, fucking Motorcycle with Cole Hauser and-Yeah, Roy Cochrane. And Roy Cochrane. You guys weren't doing it for views.

You didn't record it for social media, you mean? Did it even happen? Exactly.

The fuck he wasted then. Got some killer black and white from it.

It That's so cool.

Well, I don't know. I mean, that's what... If you try and be cool, you really know. I don't know. I knew it was really cool. We try to be cool. We always talk about this about the city of Austin. All you got to do is be you. A lot of people move to Austin going, Okay, well, I'm going to try to be what I think being me is like. No, that's not cool. Or I'm going to try to be what Austin is like. No, no, no. No, just be you, bro. Stay in your own lane, do your own thing. That's cool.

This is what I want to ask about cool, though, because there's a funny thing about when you watch a movie where the guy's cool. When you get a cool role, because I think... I was thinking about... I was watching Daniel Craig, and he was in a Knives Out thing where he gets to... It's like a fun. It's a different... It's a character, and you get to see him having fun. Then you watch a Bond movie, and I think it's easy to watch and you go, Oh, that's not a real acting. But then you stop and you go, Wait a minute, though. To be the coolest guy in the world for every shot, you're like, that actually is a thing. And you can't look like you're trying to be cool because then you're a fucking dork. It's It's like, he's got to walk cool, he's got to look cool. And it's like, how do you play cool?

Dude, I think cool comes from just ownership. If it's an actor, owning my man. For instance, first show I ever did, Wooderson, Dazy Confused. Fucking love it. There's a line written in there, Richard Linkletter, one of the original lines. I call it a launch pad line. Those lines that you go, this character means that. There's a book written. I could write on that character, right? Wooderson is hanging out in front of the pool hall. High school chics walk by, checks him out the backside. But he leans in his ear, says, Wooderson, you got to cut that out, man. You're going to end up in jail. He says, No, man, that's what I love about those high school girls, man. I get older, but they say the same age. I went, Who the fuck is that?

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Now, what if that guy is not saying that line to be cool? What if that guy... That's not an attitude. He's not trying to make a joke to make Sasha laugh. No, what if he's like, I got life figured out, man. This is how the math works. I am living in the salad days, to quote the Coens, right? So it's a life philosophy. Now, that unpacked all kinds of stuff for that guy. Because it was truth. Truth. And the guy's saying it's truth. I think what happened, and I look back in the scene, I actually stepped forward on the curb and set it to the ether, set it to the universe. We're good, man. That's why I like a Wooderson I wasn't trying to be cool, but owning-Owning it is what it's. Your life, your politics, whatever it is, what you want, what you can do, what you can't do. What works for you, what doesn't. Without soliciting, without intruding. Cool doesn't really intrude. Cool doesn't trespass. You know those people you talk to? You're like, Man, I love to talk to them because they hold their space, man. You know those people you talk to that are always trying to get in there and solicit and get the...

You're like, Be cool, man. Yeah, yeah. Hold your ground. Own your shit. You don't need me to convert to make you cool.

Right. Chill the fuck out. Right.

I think it's ownership. And if I can find that or any performance I see, will you see somebody own whoever Where they are? The most... The nerds are cool. When they're like, I'm a nerd, man. I like this shit. That's cool. I don't think dorks are cool.

Because dorks-What's the difference between a nerd and a dork?

Dorks I still want to say, dorks change their answer for wherever they are to fit the circumstance to do what they think is the cool thing.

You need to come to the Comedy mothership fucking Green Room. There's a bunch of dorks in there. Okay. I think you made it real clear. That's so true.

When we start drinking tequila.

Coming up.

No, that's the perfect summary. That's the perfect summary. It really is. Because it becomes about somebody being inauthentic. They're pleasing whoever is talking to them. Essentially, you're a fucking dork at that point.

There's no There's no compass. It's all... Everything's an affair. There's no marriage on any POV or stance.

You don't have anything. Where you're coming from.

It's like we talk about improv a lot. You all know improv, but I'm in movies. And comedians do this sometimes. Some comedians are very good actors. Some are better performers at a skit and not necessarily a great actor. Totally. There are some scenes, and I won't point them out, but there's some scenes that we've all laughed at very hard, but I look at and go, That's a great SNL skit, but that had nothing to do with the relationship in the circumstance in that movie. So Riffin and improv is not an amendment. It's not a one-off of, I got to find a spot to get this joke in. And if I get a gap, I'm going to throw it. If it has no context. Yeah, it doesn't. Then it's like, Okay, that's the skit. Improv comes from the... The good improv, I think, comes from the written word, from what was the base of who the character is, what's a What's the circumstance? What's the relationship? And then if you can rift on that, then you're like, I don't know. You call it improv? I don't know. It's coming from... You're just expanding. I get a launch pad line like that.

I'm going, I come back to work for three weeks. Linklater throws me in scenes. I'm going like, everything's based off of the guy who believes that I've got life figured out because that's what I love about high school girls, I get older, they say the same age. You know what car that guy drives. You know what time he's... You know if he's married, if he's got kids, if he doesn't, what music he listens to, what he's buying if he's got a dollar in his pocket goes in 711. You know what this guy's got, right? You know what's in his car, you know what's in his console. Yep. By that line.

Buy that line, that's true. One of the things I just wrapped a production yesterday here in Austin on a show we did, and it was so much fun. I got to work with so many great actors on it. And one of my favorite things about great actors, as opposed to other ones, is that great actors, I realized this, we had amazing people that came in to do it. Shay Wigam came in. Hey, Shay Wigam. Amazing. Dan Stevens, Malin Barr, just all these great actors, is that they all are in service of the scene, and that they go, Oh, no. I should do less here. Because most people are like, I want... Some people come in, they go, I want to add a bunch of shit. I'm going to say... And you're like, Dude, relax. You're just supposed to say, Excuse me. And you bring in great actors like the ones I named, and they would go like, Oh, yeah. So I think I'm just going to... I think I should just look at the door and you're like, Actually, yeah, that's way better. That serves this scene.

You got to earn your moments acting in in life. You got to earn your... Stand up. You got to earn that punchline. Sure. You got to earn that callback.

Yeah.

If you don't earn it, it lands in like, what is it we're talking about? You got to earn your moments in a performance. I think in life, too. It's just important to where you're not. It's where you are. If you look, I look at Staying on Days Confused in Wooderson, the last scene we shot, I'm now working three weeks. I'm loving this. People are telling me they think I'm good at it. I'm getting paid 360 bucks a day. I'm going, Is this legal? This is great, man. Call me back as much as I can. There's a scene where Wooderson, they've had the night at the field. Now they're going to go get the Aerosmith tickets in Wooderson's car. And he talks to the gang, he goes, All right, man, we're heading out. And he goes to his car towards in his car. And the group stayed there, and I don't remember exactly where, but the group stayed where they were, and I returned to the group. I remember that night feeling like, false move, bullshit. Wooderson would have never two-stepped. Wooderson would have gone to his car, sat back, cranked it up, put on some tunes, rolled a duby, and waited for everyone in their own time to just come get in his car.

I two-stepped. Not a Wooderson move. It was a dad dorky. Even No, Wooderson's not. You know what I mean? It was a two-step. Yeah. Wooderson was a guy who just whatever way he heads, by hook or by crook, if he passes the pot of gold, well, he passed it. Maybe he'll catch it next time around. But he's never going to two-step. I shouldn't have gone back to that scene. I shouldn't have reentered that scene.

You didn't realize it at the time.

No, I didn't realize it at the time. Getting more screen time, bro. Sure, yeah. Hanging out with the guy, I mean, why not?

It is your first movie. Yeah. You have iconic culturally iconic lines that we say for the rest of our lives. That's crazy. In your first fucking movie. Your first three movies, Insane. Boys on the Side, That, and A Time to Kill. Your first three fucking movies.

Well, there's Texas Chainsaw Massaker.

Oh, Texas Chainsaw Massaker.

That's the-All right, so your first three. Yeah.

Dude, the first one I get, walking in the right bar at the right time, meet a guy named Don Phillips. Four 4:00 in the morning. He's riding with me in a cab to go drop me off my apartment. He rolls a dupe, says, Have you ever done any acting? I said, Man, been in a middle light commercial for about that long. More of a modeling job. Well, you might be right. Come to this address in the morning. Pick up the script. I go pick it up. That was three lines in days. That worked out for three weeks. The chain saw a masker. I was supposed to play a part of a guy. It was like a Romeo to Renee Zillard as Juliet, where I ride up on a motorcycle at the beginning, past the school, black leather helmet. Look at her, right off. And at the end, after she escapes, pick her up. I go in for that. I've already got my U-haul packed to go West, young man. It's packed. I've moved out. I'm out of that, not rent a place anymore. I'm going to swing by. It's a one-day job. I go by the production house to go see the director.

And while we're sitting there, and I'm going to shoot like two days, he goes, Hey, we haven't been able to cast the main killer, Vilmer, the guy with the mechanical leg who can't find his remote. He drives a tow truck. He goes, You know any male actors in town? I gave him a couple of names. I remember I left, I got to my car, and I never forget it. It was my blue truck, old blue. I opened the door, and as I was stepping from the sidewalk into the cab, I stopped And I went, I should go read for that. I shut the door, went back in, said, I want to read for it. He goes, Okay, we don't have any actors. Actions around here. And I went, and the secretary goes, I'll do it. And he goes, Man, just, I don't know, scared of this. Even you I'm scared the hell out of her. I went to the kitchen and I grabbed a big exercise serving spoon, and I came back and welded it like some knife and went off and it scared the shit out of her. And she drew tears. And after we were over, she was like, That was great.

You really scared me. And he goes, You got the part. So all of a sudden I'm working for a month in Flugerville, and had to go sleep on a buddy's couch and pull out stuff out of him, you off for the next month. Then drove out West, which I had days confused. The film would come out and I had that as a bit of a audition.

Here it is.

I can-And then I had the stories in there about feeling needy, feeling like I needed to get an agent. And that same guy, Don Phillips, who I met in the bar that night, the one who ate my ass out and said, Get the hell out of here. This town will eat you up. They smell needy. Get out of here, go I had to go off with your buds. And me and Cole and Rory hit Europe for over a month riding motorcycles. Came back. I was ready because I was. I was running out of money, but I was also like, come on, man, I need... And I would have taken those meetings, and they'd have been like, not as cool as we thought he might have been.

Despiration always reads.

I would have been trespassed. I was desperate.

But there's a fine line between desperation and getting what you want. When you did a Time to Kill, they wanted you to play a clan member. But there's the person who goes, I want to be the star, right? Yes. But you've always navigated a great way of advocating for yourself.

Well, that one was... Yeah, I mean, I'd read the script, I was like, Jake McGants, that's the guy I'd like to... And I go in and I had that meeting, and I did plan it. It's one of those things, those plans that went well. I have to say I've been forced a few times There were some ideal plans where I'm going to lay down the snafu or the bait that have worked out. Many of them haven't, but this one did. And after, I remember I was wearing a John Melenkamp sleeve-less T-shirt, man. Smoking cigarettes, man. I'm laying back, and he's like, We agreed. I've got the part of the Klansman. We're all set. And I said, So who's playing the lead of Jake McGann? And he says, I don't know. Who do you think should? I'm like, I think I should.

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And he goes, Great idea. Never going to happen. I just laid by. It planted a seed, though. And as you read, a lot of things went my way. Sandra Bullock, who was already cast while you were sleeping, really made a lot of money. All of a sudden, I think she could green light a movie, where when she was cast, I don't think she was able to. John Grisham wouldn't approve my buddy Woody Harrelson.

It's crazy. You know why?

You hear this crazy stuff, man? So Oliver Stone. You remember that time? I don't know if you remember that time Oliver Stone and John Grisham were having a battle. Evidently, there was a killing of a farmer in Mississippi, I think. Excuse me, because I don't get the details right. It was a murder by a young man, a young woman. They said they were enacting the Mickey Mallory from Natural Point Killers. Oh, right. The farmer John Grishams was good friends with. John Grisham deconstructs, has approval over the roles, well, that guy's not playing me. So things, odd things opened up, and then the timing was right, and all of a sudden, the movie's going. The last thing to cast is the lead. They got Carly Haley. They got Sam Jackson. They got Sandra. Everything's looking good. Well, maybe we'll take a chance on this more relatively unknown guy. And Schumann Mocker does me a real solid. I remember it was either Valentine's Day or Mother's Day. I can't remember, but it was a Sunday. They flew me to LA, and he said, We're going to shoot in this little studio on Fairfax.

It was Mother's Day.

Was it Mother's Day? Yeah. Okay. We're going to shoot... It's a pretty good day to Malaprop one or the other, Valentine's Mother's Day. Love you, Mom.

You called your Mom that morning. Yeah.

We go on Fairfax, and he says, The reason we're not shooting in a studio is because no matter how good you do, you're probably not getting this part. I don't want it to be on your record or resume of, Try it out and didn't get it. It's not a good way for you to get started in Hollywood.

Damn, that's so thoughtful.

How about that? Cool as shit. That is Really thoughtful.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

It worked out. But that was a little... I planted a seed that day that did, I think, help for it ended up to pay off when I was in there in that audition and said, I think I should.

I want to ask you this because we're talking about directors. Because you're an incredible actor, and you've worked with a ton of directors at this point, is there something, whether or not they're well known or not, that you love from a director when you're starting a production, and conversely, something that you really don't like?

Yeah. The best directors say yes. It puts fuel on your fire. The best director is you want the actor, you want the talent to own their stuff. You want them to believe it's their idea. We all want it to feel like it's our idea. Sure. I say one thing when I go and meet Directors Now, and I just say it, I don't want to say, Look, man, I'm easy to direct. Just don't tell me what to do.

Yeah, that's great.

But I love it when you manipulate me and make me think it's my idea, but it was really yours. I'm quietly going, Bravo. I saw that, but I'm not calling it out. But I caught that.

I love that.

Trick me, bro. It's simple. I'm letting you know. I'm easy prey, man. Like coyote. Tell me to go that way. I'm going to go that way. So just tell me you want me to go the opposite way. I'll fall right into your hands.

So a stubborn one is one who would be no fun for you, essentially.

Well, to one is a lot of directors, if things are going well and your actor is It's going... The performance is going on. Have the confidence to sit back and go, Yep, next. Because we get hot hands sometimes. Yeah. And you don't want a director, and you also don't want an actor that's competing for the best idea.

That's a big one.

It happens probably in some of those green rooms, right? For sure. Because I've been around some of those. There's competition for the best idea. You You got the hot hand, and you've had the best six ideas in a row. On a set, when you're acting as a director, I want you to have the seventh, eighth, ninth, 10th, 11th, 12th, 40th in a row. You're hot, man. Yeah, go. You're in the line. You're getting me what I want, and you're owning it. Let's do it. If the director will try my way or try the way I want to do it and sincerely go, I see that. Now, will you try it this way. I'm much more able to go, You're damn right, I will, and I'm going to give this real justice. I'm not worried that it's my idea. We just want the best idea to happen. Sure. The other thing is that when you're in a movie, I always say this, the communication with the director is what you do between action and cut. It's not what you say outside of it. Here's what I think we want to do in the scene. All that can be great to get there.

But really, your communication is what you do between action and cut. And if the best thing that can happen is when you have an idea what you want to do in a scene, you don't say it to anybody. Then you do the scene and they come back and go, You know why I love that? Here's what I got from the scene. And they go, And you pull the No, no, no. Pull your paper out of your pocket. And you go, It's exactly what I wrote. I wrote down what I wanted to do, what I wanted to hopefully come across. You just said, and there it is. I had written it down beforehand. That's a kismet moment when that can happen. So I think no. I don't like the word no. Best Directors started off with this with Linkletters. Listen, we call it verbal ping-pong. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What if? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what if that? Yeah, yeah. But it's a forward moving process. You're figuring out. And he's directing me, redirecting me through the give and the take and the flow of creative, but never going, No, not that. Boom. Axels will go, Whoa, you just gave me a red light.

You just stunned my growth. My creativity just stopped. Now, anything you tell me to do after this, it's your idea, not mine. Come on, man. Trick me to think it's mine.

Right. Smart. Do you need approval from a director as you're doing it, or can you operate independently?

I can operate independently, but I like approval of it. Because there's times where, and I've tried to close these gaps, meaning there's what we intend to do, there's what we actually do, there's what gets recorded, and there's what gets edited. Trying to close all those gaps. Over 35 years, I have been able to close the gaps where what I'm wanting to do is pretty close to what I'm doing, which is pretty close to what's getting recorded, hopefully what's going to get edited. But sometimes it's not, and I need that director to go, Come here. I know what you're trying to hear what you're trying to do, but come look at it. I'll watch a scene and go, Oh, that's not what's coming across. Got you. Maybe that's the angle. Maybe that's me. But sometimes there's a larger gap, to, Oh, well, here's what I thought I was doing. No, maybe it was, but it's not captured. Or maybe what you thought you were doing is not actually what you were doing.

What is every... Because we're all mesmerized by Scorsese, and you did Wolf of Wall Street. What's he like? Okay.

Loves funny.

Really?

And nonverbal. I don't I don't think he gave me any direction that had an English word in it. Really? No, it was all... It's musical. Everything's musical. When we're here, it's a boom, boom, boom, boom, boom That's awesome. I go in. I wrote a lot of extra stuff in that scene in there. That character had a launch pad line. That character who says to Leonardo's character, when Leonardo says, What's the secret of this business? There was a line written in the script that said, Cocaine and hookers. I just went, Okay, is this guy being funny? Or does he really believe that? What if the guy really believes that the secret to this brokering business is cocaine and hookers? We can unpack that and write a book, right? Yeah. Why cocaine? Why hookers? What all these things do? Which led to, jerking off and how many times a day, rookie numbers, don't want too much travel. I need more bass. All that bullshit that I was spewing. I remember it-It was just so funny. It was so fun to do. Thank you. It was super fun to do. I went in. Sometimes I'll just go like, Let's just do it live.

I'm going to introduce it on the day. Sometimes I don't have the balls for that. I'm like, I might want to run this by.

Hey, Marty, I got an idea.

So there was a day before I said, Listen, I've been playing with this scene and extended it, but I think it got so much of me. He's like, Yeah, I wanted to do it. I did it. I was like, Those are the times you better do it well. Because if you don't, they're going to go, No. And you can't bring them back, reel them back in the next day when you're live, right? So I did it. He was sitting there laughing. And I remember he just goes, Did you say the thing about the thing? I went, Yes, I did. He goes, Did you say the thing about... There were two points he wanted to hit. Did you say the other thing about the thing? I said, Yeah. He goes, Okay, great. Do that. And the next day, he went out and did it. And I tell the story all the time, but we were five takes, got it, moving on. And Leonardo goes, Hang on, Marty, and goes, What's that thing to me? He goes, What's that thing you're doing before the scene? Because I was doing It was a thing I do before scenes in different rhythms to relax, get myself out of my head, find the rhythm.

You don't want to come in thinking, right? I'm stepping in this Scorsese movie. I'm one day work or two worker. I got nerves. It helps get rid of anxiety. It also helps the crew go, What's the fucking weirdo doing? Which is good. Put you in an underdog situation, fight out of it, right?

Let's this fucking lunatic do it.

It's a good feeling. I go, What? So I'm going to go, They're not sure, so I got to really make this count. And I sold them. That's what I'm doing it for. He goes, What if you do that in the scene? And the next take is what's in the movie.

That's awesome. That's fucking wild. That's so cool.

That's cool to know that two people I love could work together. So a lot of times you think you get two stars in there and there's a competition.

There can be. There can be. Not with the really good ones. You want to be stolen from. It's an honor to be stolen from on set in a way that you... Again, you know they stole, but, oh, that was a good pickpocket. It's a compliment. The way I was talking about the director about, I got, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but how about this? They're stealing. It's an honor to be stolen from, and you want to steal. Then also steal. That was a version of Leonardo giving.

That's very giving.

He goes, That thing, I don't know what it is, but this is a wild scene. It's a wild kick. Can you put that in? So we just how it fell in? It fell in. And then he sat over there very easy. He's playing it, listening, trying to get on the group. What's he talking about? Yeah, I think I understand, or, Do I? I'm not sure. And a lot of Sometimes, yeah, you will have people in that position that may go, Dude, I don't like this. They will think I'm losing this scene, or I'm getting shown up in this scene. A really confident actor is not going to feel that way. Look, a confident actor is going to go, I've got plenty to do. This is great. Let me put fuel on this fire. This makes the movie better, maybe. This is a great scene.

I watched this thing. It was the behind the scenes, the rolling take of you on Eastbound and Down. Between takes, it was rolling. It was watching you do. You were just staying loose. It's fun to watch because you're like, Oh, he's just staying loose right here.

Trying to get from the reason to the rhyme because you go study, you prepare. It's reason. I understand why. You want to know what you're saying. I think words are important. But by the time you show up, you hopefully chunk all that shit away and get out. I don't want to get nonverbal now, man. Let's get into the... Let's get into the rhyme, and let's get into the ether here and get this thing off. Let's levitate.

I love that you like getting weird. It's my favorite thing is late night, family's asleep, back to the man cave, bottle of wine, cowboy boots, gloves, speedos, and listen to music. If someone walked in-He was just doing a speedo out there. Yeah. I like it. It's so funny. I think there's such a child still about you. You're still that kid in a loincloth building a fort.

Then I hope so. I don't want to...

I remember when I met you. I wanted to tell you that. I met you.

See if you remember this. It was 25 years ago.

You definitely don't remember. It was fucking hilarious. It was across the street from your house. So you had a house in LA. In LA? Across from you. I'll paint It's a picture. If you walk out of your house, to your right, there was a woman who was divorced from a TV producer writer, and she had a tennis court. Hollywood Hills? Yes. Astral? Yes. And then to the left, it was like a fucking Saudi arms dealer. Yes.

Some things would go on late night over there.So.

I was at his house.You.

Were filming?

No, I wasn't filming.

Tom did a porn.

I go over there with the guy who would teach tennis to the lady on the right. He's like, Yeah, I live here sometimes. I'm like, You're not fucking hurting. He was like, Oh, I just teach tennis. I was like, Okay. He's like, he befriended the Saudi dude. We're over there one night You walk, and he's having a party, and there's women and everybody. I was just walking around, walking up the hill. There's a dude in swim trunks, barefoot with goggles on his head. I'm like, Who's this motherfucker? Everyone's like, That's Matheo McCona. I was like, Shut the fuck up. And so he walks up. I still remember this girl was like, How do you spell your last name? And you, That's a really good question. And you'd spelled it. And then she was like, Wait, what? And then you were like, I just fucking spelled it. You want me to spell it again? And then I was like, This is wild. This felt like a real Hollywood thing. I was like, This is crazy. All these people around, everyone started to create this energy. Matthew McConaher is here. He's in swim trunks and goggles, and there's not a fucking pool around.

Then they were like, We're playing basketball. You're like, I'm playing basketball, too. You started shooting hoops with us in your trunks.

Then-i'm starting to remember this. Really?

Then I remember. I tried to get them to find. I go, I remember, because this was This would have been 2002 or '03. It was like there wasn't social content, but I was like, Dude, I saw it in an inquire thing. It made it to somebody had taken a photo. I was like, it's out there. They looked and they looked and they couldn't find it. But I was like, I remember being at whatever, internship and somebody being like, Hey, there's the photo evidence of your story that we thought you made up. I was like, No, I'm telling you. I was at this fucking party. I was That's where I met him. I remember this.

The little gate had some steps up and it plateaued out and there was this thing. Yeah.

Yeah. How would go?

I remember that. Yeah. I remember it played some pretty good music. You'd tell the good time it was having. I figured it was Sometimes, if I was already feeling carny, you could keep the circus going.

Yeah, it was a fun night. It was a fun night, dude. I would go over there with the fucking tennis guy, and they'd be like, Yeah, she's the fucking Miss July. I was like, Jesus Christ. Who is this guy? I was like, I don't know what he does. It was the thing, we don't know what he does. It was one of those guys, the guy that owned the place. I was like, What do you mean you don't know what he does? And they're like-Yeah, it was-Yeah.

I never knew.

He drives an arm.

I never got to know. Arm or core. Yeah. That neighbor well.

Yeah, but an arm car, you're like, okay, he drives an armored car. A lot of people don't like him.

The tennis coach probably knows all it's good.

He knows the senior of the stories. Yeah, we met in acting. It was an acting class thing. We were like, tennis guys in the acting class. Some of the backstreet boys are in the acting class. Like a very Hollywood acting class experience.

How much of your book would you want your son to live through?As.

I read itOh, good question, man.

Thank you.

Let me tell you this.

I can leave now. When are we going to drink tequila? Keep going. Because I don't want him to live. I got really scared for you in Australia. I got really scared for you. As a father, as a father, I went, oh, my God, My fear is my kid to study abroad and that to happen. This is a very freaky part of that thing. But as I look, and I look at Times of Shateau, you and the native... It was in Canada, but I think Native Americans in Canada. All these wild things. You going to Africa. All these things are really cool in hindsight. But as a father of a young man, how much of this book do you want your son to live through?

I mean, I Honestly, what's in that book, I honestly hope he can live through that much or even more if he wants. There are stories that are not in that book that are the ones that are the reason I wear a mouth guard at night because I wake up. Wake up at the exact second where I go back and I remember it and I was like, Oh, I almost died right there. None of those did I almost die. I've got a few circumstances that I would not want my son to live through. No, man. I mean, look, there's things I made it through. The beauty of ignorance. God bless ignorance.

Cheers.

Can we cheers with that? It's my career. Here. Yes, man. All right, now I got to reach over. I understand. All right. So there's things... Oh, that's good. That I survived because I didn't know better. Thank goodness. But most of those stories in that book that I went through, I would not go back in my own life and say, Oh, if I could get rid of that, I wouldn't have to do it. I wouldn't. You know, That's part of... Our kids are living a more affluent life than I was. That doesn't mean they don't or can't have the experiences that I had. I don't want them to fall under prey to any entitlement. And part of not doing that in life is having to be in situations where you have no safety net. You're like, I've got my own devices, man. How am I going to roll here? How am I getting out? How am I getting what I want? How am I going to survive? How am I not going to go crazy? How am I going to go crazy? And I'd endure the craze. How am I going to go wing it? How am I going to know better?

I want my son to be in those situations. I was in a lot of them. A lot of them. A lot of success. I engineered. A lot of it didn't engineer at all. It was divine intervention, something I can't make the math up.

But you need that hunger. Your son will never sleep on someone's couch for an extended period. Because at some point, he probably can just go, Hey, dad, I'm in LA. But when you're young and you're poor, you go, Out of It's a necessity. Can I crash on your couch? There's a vulnerability when you wake up in someone's living room. I feel like makes this man, if that makes sense.

Look, you might be right. I'm not going to... I sure don't think you're wrong. Do I think that's necessary? No. Do I think, do I try as a father, and his mother as well, to not make things harder, but to go, No, you got to earn that. That's not I'm not handing that to you. That's hard sometimes, right? There's initiations and there's rights of passage. You got to skin your knees. If you pull it off the first time, bravo. But if you skin your knees a few times on the way, bravo. I'm not giving you the pass to the door. We like to say, look, you're going to get access, more access. You're going to get more access with us. I have no problem getting you in a door. Once you're in that door, bro, it's on you. So don't embarrass yourself and handle it and show up on the other side. Let's see where the rubber hits the road. So, yeah, they're getting a little quicker access to certain things and say, I did, sure. But we're doing our best to make sure they earn it. Whatever that is, I don't think you got a proverbial bleed to make it count.

Trip yourself running downhill when things are going well. Faceplant for the hell of it. It's a great chapter.You know? I still battle with that. Confidence to go find shit out. I don't know. I want him to travel. Travel has been my best educator. I think it's the best Getting lost, getting found, meeting strangers and going like, Oh, jeez, we are all a hell lot more similar than I thought.

You travel, you don't vacation. You travel.

I'm much better traveler than a vacationer. Yeah. I've still got to learn how to be... My wife tells me, I got to learn how to I'm not going to take a vacation better. Because I have to either have to write something or break a sweat or do something in the day to go, Okay, cocktail is going to taste better this afternoon. But if it's... I'm not as good as handling successive Saturdays. I need to chunk them a little bit of Monday each day just to go, All right, earn that. Here we go.

I think it does feel better. No, they're not.

That's why I love Friday. The best. First half, business. Second half, 48 That 48-hour runway of freedom.

Yeah, it's true. Did you know that when people watch the trailer for Tiptoes, they think it's a sketch? Did you know that? That no one thinks it's real?

They think it's a what?

It's an SNL sketch. Did you know that? I did not know that. I've shown that to so many people, and they're like, When the fuck did SNL do this? I'm like, No, this is real, dude.

Did you know? It wasn't quite real, but it was real. It's insane. The first time you see it, you're like, What the fuck is happening? Have you seen that?

I have not seen it. Just play it for 10 seconds.

Wait, what is it?

It's here. Put his hands on. This is one of the craziest things that I've ever seen, and I've enjoyed it so much. Yeah, that was perfect. You're like, okay.

I'm going to get you.

I'm going to take you.

Hey, baby. Hey, sweetie. I love you.

There's one small problem.

Hi.

I'm Ron. I'm his brother.

We're twins. Are your parents? Yeah.

It can tear them apart.

I think you're going to let me know that everyone in your family is a midget. You're not midgets, we're not doors. Whatever. Or bring them together.

That's Gary Oldman.

That's Gary Omen. Patricia, our cat, Peter Dinklage. Take back and tell.

This is how it's called, Bruno, his mom, Cassian. He's like, What's up with all these fucking midgets?

You could have prepared us for this, don't you think?

If you embarrass me, I'll never speak to you again, so just get it together.

How did that find great? I think maybe I'm pregnant.

When the pregnant gets enough, then it's Wait, this trailer's so good.

I've never seen the trailer. This is so good. You knocked up this great girl, and you didn't tell her that her baby's probably going to be little. I'm not like you. We are so cute and cuddly.

Don't discriminate against us.

He said these parties got a little wild. I never expected this. There's sure a lot of midgets around here. You better back off, Goldi Han. My man can do what he wants to do. I'm ready for an adult relationship. What is this man doing in your bedroom? This is chaos, dude.

A walk down the aisle.

Steven's a very lucky guy. Just hope he's smart enough not to screw it up. Is just a beginning. There'll be rough patches, there's no doubt about it.

Canal Plus and Langley Productions, proudly present command performances from Kate Beckensale, Matthew McConaughy, Patricia Arquette, and in the role of a lifetime, Roll.

John Goldman.

Tiptoe. Come on.

What the fuck?

That's real.

That's so good. It's so good. I've never seen that.Trailer.You.

Shot that movie?

Yes. Real production. Real production day. He showed up to work.

No one thinks that's real.

It doesn't look real. It doesn't look real. But damn, that's a good trailer. That goes for it.

It would sell hard as fuck right now.

The reason, too, that what takes you over of this is the V. O. Guy goes tiptoes. It's not a real V.

O. Guy. The second half dropped into the serious Which is the best on a sketch is when you go, now go real grounded on this fucking madness that There's people being thrown and fighting.

My fucking phone just woke up.

I love that you're also Jewish. Yeah. Okay.

The world of a lifetime. I have the dwarf gene in me. Yeah. It does So if you have children, like Kate and I in the film, I don't know why to procreate. Good chance. Yeah. And she doesn't know I'm the biggie in the family. Yeah. That's actually what we called. There's a chair where they get out of the house, there's one big chair. Oh, no, that's his. He's the biggie. It's absurd.

Gary Oldman, who's fucking-In the roll of a lifetime.

The roll of a lifetime.

The fucking balls of the V. O.

Guy to call him that. His roll of a lifetime.

It's so great, dude.

Was he just sitting inside the couch and they have baby legs attached to him?

Yeah, I think he's sitting on his... I think he's sitting on his... His knees? His heels back, and then you had... Or you had just the green. You wear the green back screen where they remove it and post and put there. But I don't know. They had much money to remove it.

During this production, you guys are like... Straight-face. Yeah. You guys think it's... You're not playing it like, This is a really good story. I mean, this is a-Yeah.

No, we're playing... Look, it was obviously a wild concept. The talent it drew. The talent is-It was anarchic. It still had some heart to it, which maybe I think of the script, felt less sentimental than that did. We knew it was a soap opera, but it felt so carny for that word to come in. It felt so carny. We were like, This is wild. Matthew Bright, writer-director, was a good writer, had come up with the concept. I just was like, This is bringing together two worlds of high comedy. But if we straight face this, it can be really funny. Also, might actually make you drop a tear. Yeah. Second half of that trailer pushes that direction.

I've shown 100 people that trailer.

I've never seen the trailer.

By the way, I'd like to commit to that writer and director. Tom and I will do any movie you want to do, site unseen, and we'll also pay for it. There you go. But it's got to be as good as that fucking trailer.

That trailer is something else.

That trailer is really good. Thank you for showing me that. That trailer is really good.

When you think of roles... Because one of my favorite things in the Hollywood stories from people who have done a lot like you is when people talk about roles they turn down. Do you have any roles where you're like, I turned that shit down, and it becomes a-I can regret?

Yeah, sure.. You know what? My biggest, damn it, for me was probably, right as we finish Time to Kill, What's his name? He just moved on. La Confidential Director. Good director. Anyway, excuse me. We had a meeting, and he'd come down, and he'd offer a role. I don't remember if it was the Guy pierce role or the Russell role. Curtis Hansen? Curtis Hansen, thank you. Curtis Hansen came down, and it offered me a role in that. I love that movie. I think it's a great movie. I said no. Now, mind you, at that time, people were asking me what I wanted to do. I'm like, Things are starting to come in an onslaught. It was hard for me to sit down and read a script and go, No, this is really good, and I know why I'm right. Everything. I was just coming from like, I'll do whatever I can do. You're getting great stuff. It's coming, and I'm supposed to be, and I'm getting asked, Well, which one of the great stuff do you want to do? I'm like, Write about this a lot in the book. I'm going, Yesterday, I could have a chance.

None of these were even on the table. Now you're telling me, Which one of these do you want to do? That's when I packed up and got the hell out of Dodge and went to Peru. But that's a movie that I love, that I would love to be a part of, and I love that movie. There's always been a rumor that I think James Cameron started, he and I have had a few laughs about this, that I got offered and turned down the role in Titanic. That did not happen. That did not happen. I did not get offered. And as I've said to this day, if I did, I got to find that agent because they bogey. No, I did read for it. I was there at the end, or Kate Winslet and I read. It was a good read. I walked out of there thinking that I may have had it, but I never got the offer. So other than that, not really. Other than LA Confidential, which was early on in '96-ish. I don't... What movies I see them? I'm like, Oh, that's good. That would have been fun. That would have been fun, yeah.

But none that I'm like, I can't believe I blood.

I bogeyed that one, or I blew that one, or I didn't see that. You did something super ballsy. I think it's very rare that somebody could do this, which is you willfully took yourself out of public eye in Hollywood for almost two years. It's a really ballsy thing. Most people, I think if you're voluntarily doing that in this job, they go, Are you crazy? Why would you do that? But you're doing it because you want to figure out who you are more, and then you get to basically reinvent yourself because of that. But it's accompanied by some fear, too, right?Oh, yeah.Okay.Oh, hell, yeah.Yeah, a lot of fear. Because I feel like we know people who disappear sometimes. You could make the case that it's for maybe some of the same reasons, but I think the thing that makes it different about yours is that you're at such a level in choosing to do that. You could have just been like, another movie, another big check, another movie, another movie, another movie. You must have felt this turmoil to make that choice, right?

Yeah. It was the... I kept Stop having the 3:00 AM turmoil, unable to sleep. I remember having this line. I was like, No, man, I feel like I'm just an entertainer. I'm not an actor. I remember my great mentor going, Well, first of all, what the fuck's wrong with being an entertainer? It was a great question. Are you boohooing that? I was like, Oh, you're right. It's not that. Just something else is eating at me, man. And again, my life was wildly full at that time. Fall in love with Camilla. She's pregnant with her first child. All I ever wanted to be is a dad, and I got one coming, man. I mean, I'm vital, bro. My head and loins and heart and gut are all in sync. My bets, I'm tripling down on them, and they're winning. But in my career, I'm going back and doing this thing, romantic comedies, that I'd own that lane at that time, and they were fun, and they paid well. But I'm like, they feel like more different, in a wrong vacation from my life. It was like I needed more resistance. In real life, I'm dealing with great drama, great comedy.

In work, I'm dealing with, Yep, step right up. I can knock this out. I can do this tomorrow. Fine. Can I dig deeper to find a different? No, these things, these Romecoms have a certain frequency you need to be on. You need to bounce from cloud to cloud to cloud. If you drop the anchor, you can sink them. No, don't go there. And that frequency that those were were just not getting me off. I didn't feel like I was having an experience.

Could you get a role that would have been fulfilling at that time? Could you have been like, Well, I want to do this thing? And they'd been like, Sure. Or they'd be like, We don't want you to do that.

No, they let me know, Bro, stay in your lane. Stay over there. Really? I'd already done a couple, tried, where if they were in more of the dramatic side or outside of romantic comedy genre, took a major pick up. And then they didn't do well box office-wise. So they weren't going-Please do this again. Whether you did well or not, Chops, you're leading the charge over here on rom-coms. You're nailing them. They cost us 35. They're coming back at 60. We're making good money, and you're good in them, and the people like them. Just do that. Nothing wrong with that. Ben loved it. I needed some resistance. So I self-imposed After many long talks, many late nights, many tears, many prayers, made a pact with my wife. She's great. She's a real baller this way. She was like, Okay, I see what this means to you. But do you understand if we're going to do this, that, again, it's going to get rocky. And there's no going back. It's committed. I was like, Yeah, we have to commit the whole way. No flinching, no two-stepping. No stepping out, Oh, I think I'll come back. The day's going to get long.

She knows me. It's like, That bottle is going to look better earlier in the day. I know you need to accomplish for significance. We're going to have to trust this. I was like, I'm trusting no matter how long ago. She goes, It could be dry for a while. And it was. It was dry for a long time, and all those things did happen. The fact that I've got the Looking forward to a sun coming. The fact that I'm bored out of my mind, which is a great thing to be because you got to work some tools in your nugget that you don't have to work when everything's right there for you. The fact that I'm not on the beach in Malibu shirtless in my daily life there looks like, turn the page into the romantic comedy that you go see in the theater the next night. They were merged into one at that point when I removed myself. The fact that I was back home, the fact that we had a family, not tragedy, but a big crisis in my family that I need to tend to. That sobers you up. You know what I mean?

Where you get like... That I had things that I knew were more, ultimately, existentially more important than my acting career. To put that on the side. Go along, got tempted with the $8 million off that turned into a $14.5 million offer. As I talk about not two-stepping, as I said, did I two-step enough to say, When it got to $14.5, let me read that summit again. Yes, that is. I'm not that pure. Still said no, though. The fact that saying no to that, do I believe that sent a little invisible lightning boat through Hollywood going, This fucker's not bluffing.

Yeah, I'm serious.

Who turns that shit down? What's he up to? Someone does that. A girl in a relationship, whatever. You're like, What are they up to? Can become more attractive. Novel. What are they up to? They got something going on. They didn't just step out and waft. They're on a line of something, where they're going or what they're holding out for. That's what I was doing. It was on the picket line. I was holding out.

And what was the first one?

I think it was Lincoln Lawyer.

And that was a big success.

That worked out really good. It was Killer Joe. And then it was Paperboy.

And then Mud.

Mud came. No, Mud came.

Do you know another thing? We named Ellis. Ellis from Mud.

Are you serious? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. My first son's name is Ellis. Right on. We were watching that movie while my wife was pregnant. It was one of those movies. We probably don't know anything about it. It was this sweet little kid. It was a real Southern way of like, Ellis. Then when it came time to a name, we both were like, I love that name, Ellis. It was from Mud.

It's my favorite movie I've done.

Really? It's a really beautiful movie. It's a beautiful movie.

It's the movie that my dad, when I was 12, would have come to me and said, Hey, buddy, you see this movie, Mud? I'd have gone, No, sir. He'd gone, Oh, we got to watch together. It's a good one. Plus, the tree house that I built as a kid that's in that book was my boat and a Tree.

That was in mud.

The fantasy, the magic reality through a child's eyes. Then the aristocrat The Crowd of the Heart, the love story that mud has with juniper.

Yeah, it's a really cool movie.

When I read your book, sometimes when people write books, there are little things that I can't stop noticing. You love ketchup.

I love ketchup. I put ketchup on my ketchup.

And I love ketchup. I only eat meat love to eat ketchup. Right.

I think I fell in love with ketchup first. Yeah. With the ketchup.

I had to grow to love ketchup. Then once I realized what it was doing to me, I went, while you're expanding my horizons, I didn't know that I could enjoy salt and sweet at the same time.

All in one. Let's admit it. Can we say it online? How can we say it? Heinz has got the monopoly on the fucking ketchup. It's the fucking down. It's the Delmoni out of here, guys.

I don't need the fucking antibiotic. I want the fucking Heinz with the shit in it. What's the craziest thing you put ketchup on?

What have I did not put ketchup on. Scrambled eggs is not crazy.

It's great. Scrambled eggs. It makes scrambled eggs. It makes scrambled eggs. Guy Fiatti would like fucking eggs with ketchup on them. Yeah.

I put it on. We had One throw-up vegetable in our household where you had one vegetable you didn't have to eat. And mine was boiled squash. Mama boiled everything. She was not a good cook. Mom, I know you're out there, 92, you were not a good cook. You had boiled squash. And that's how I got it. But you had to eat it. Yeah. Now, that was the one, I'm sorry, the one I didn't have to eat, but then you had to eat everything else. So the boiled okra, nobody in the family liked it. But man, that's where I catch it, became my friend because I got to drown that shit. I remember sitting there in our family, if you didn't finish it, you finally had to go to bed at dinner time. Then the next morning, it was on the breakfast plate. Oh, wow. If you were late for school, you got the demerit, then it just went back to structure. Now, what's your punishment for being late for school? You were like, Oh, man. The ketchup was my friend. To get over things, to swallow things, and also just to... It's where the ketchup is.

I love ketchup on a burger, but it's best to dip it. So the ketchup is the first team thing to hit the palate.

If you put the ketchup on top of the burger, it falls off the sides. You want to dip it so that it's walking. It is the pimp walking the prostitutes into the party.

Yeah. There's a whole bunch behind him, but he does the intro.

Dude, black-eye pees, I cannot eat. Black-eye pees with ketchup, I fucking love them. I'm going to tell you even further. If I'm drinking in the morning at an airport, and I don't feel like drinking, but I have to because I got to get on the plane, I'll take ketchup, smear it on my hand, let it dry, and then just slowly just...

Yeah, that's it. Get down. Like on the flight later. On the fucking flight. Just give it a look.

Just a little...

Yeah. Just to have a buddy there.

Just a reminder to have a treat.

Just to have a friend right there. That's good, man.

Fuck, I'm never going to eat ketchup and not think about you. I don't know.

Next time I have ketchup, I'm not going to be able to not think about you linking on your hand about ketchup. That's good, A little K-bulb. I like that. Excuse me. Let me take a hit.

Who doesn't like you? I mean, you're the coolest dude in the world.

He loves ketchup, man.

My buddy Actually, Marcus Stau has made me a T-shirt, a red T-shirt in white, writing it and said, I put ketchup on my ketchup. Yeah. Heinz the One, Viva la ketchup.Yeah, everyone.

People have tried to compete, right? There's so many people. I think it was Malcolm Gladwell that wrote a whole essay about this, about how there's this really competitive space for ketchup, but it doesn't fucking matter because Heinz just dominates.Dominates.There's like 50 other brands.

I don't even know them. No one does. This is how we busted my mom. Mom would always save money. All right, let's go to peanut butter. Peter Pan was the one. For me, right? Heinz ketchup. We'd finish and we'd come back to dinner, and all of a sudden, next night, you'd be at the end the night before. The next night before, you'd just pour all the water. You're like, Mom, this is not.Yes, it is.Fucking bullshit. Yes, it is. I'm like, No, it's not.

She did what like a cheap diner does. She put the fake-She put the fakes it in.flix.

The straight tomato soup in there, whatever, or domonic. Then she did the same thing with peanut butter for a while. We were like, This is not peanut butter. This is your local-Yeah, the bullshit knockoff. We'd bust her every time on it.

My favorite thing that I got is I don't like A1 sauce on steak. I like it without anything, but I love A1 sauce on rice. When the rice sucks up A1, that's my-I bet you it's the Jamaican Jamaican, prickly.

What's that Jamaican? It's a dark sauce like A1. It's Jamaican. Pick a pepper.

You like Pick a pepper?

I don't think I know that. If you like A1, you probably like Pick a pepper.

Turn them on to Pick a pepper. I love the whole Pick a pepper. Try Pick a pepper. Yeah, give Give me another tequila. Hey, I also like mustard. I'm a big mustard guy, but I'm really Asian mustard. I need my nose to feel it.I.

Like hot mustard.Asian? I'm like, more than that English mustard. We have that tight, tight, tight little white, little teaspoon of that.

Coleman is the best English mustard.We'll just light you up. But Asian mustard are stronger than English mustard.

Where's Asian mustard between English mustard and wasabi?

Closer to wasabi.

Closer to wasabi. Chinese, specifically, the Chinese mustard sauce That's what I'm like, because that has-All right. You put that. That opens. You put that, mintalate. Yeah, mintalate. You're like, Am I fucking breathing through my eyes? Yeah, it opens everything up. I like Chinese mustard.

I've been using wasabi pretty liberally lately. I do, too. I like what I like. To mix up even with a tuna fish salad. I'm a tuna fish is out, mastermaker. Really? Yeah. Every Sunday night, clean out the fridge, moshido style, going to make a badass tuna fish.

That'll last through the week. So explain your tuna fish to me, because my wife's a red neck, and so she has pickle jalapenos, candied jalapenos in her tuna fish. Yeah. Okay, wait. I want to hear yours.

Well, it's a long list of all kinds of things. Okay, salary? It starts with the base. You get your good tuna. Yeah. Next, you got to watch how much lemon and vinegar you add, because if you add the mayo mixed with wasabi. Shut the fuck up. Come on.

I didn't even think about putting wasabi into my fucking tuna fish.

Whip it up, a little light green. Get that in there on the tuna. Because Because if you put... Whatever you put on the tuna first is going to soak it up.

You're blowing my mind right now. You're blowing my mind. It's like the first time someone told me how to finger someone, and I didn't know that you weren't just supposed to stick it in and leave it there. And I go, Oh, yeah, it would make sense to move it around. You're telling me tuna fish. It is like that. If I were to get high-end tuna, of course, I'd put wasabi on it. Why wouldn't I put it on my tuna fish?

I know, it's a good idea.

We fucked this interview up.We get a base. We should have been talking about this the whole time.Get.

A base.Yeah. And then all the rest of the stuff from the chopped red the dill pickle, gherkins. I'll finally slice the dill pickle gherkins. There's a jalapinha product now. It's been seared in hot oil, so it's crispy jalapinha chips. To give it a little crunch. I'll come Then to balance that out, at the end, I do go. I'll go with some apple for some sweetness, a touch of agave to get to balance out that wasabi here. At the end, I do go, Man, I always have corn in Always got corn. Really? Oh, yeah. Then at the end, I'll go some frozen green peas. Then, as you know, as every red neck knows, is it better right then or is it better covered after you put it in the fridge the next day. It's all coagulated. All the tastes are right. You're sitting there now, I've hit the home run. So it sat in there.

Marinating, basically, yeah. Now, do you add any ketchup?

Oh, Yeah, he did. Then I pull out extra pickles because I love to dip my pickle, take a bite of tuna, bite the pickle with the Heinz ketchup on the end of the pickle.

The day after a Time to Kill, you went to the promenade and you had a tuna fish sandwich with ketchup on it. All I heard was, I got to try ketchup on a tuna fish sandwich. That's all I heard.

Yeah, man.

Okay, real quick. Steak, what cut do you eat?

One and five eighth inch American wagga, riby.

Oh, yeah. Riby's the steak.

Rebi is the steak. Rebi is the steak. Admitted or not, if we're not talking about, Oh, I want to eat lean. I know I have my elk, I do.

How do you have it cooked?

Well, there are different ways. I go one and five eighth-inch, which means it's a big, thick piece of meat, which means I don't take it to the oven, ever bake it to get the middle cooked. I do like to sear it. I either go on the grill. If I can get that green egg to sit there and hold at 4:55, then I'm enclosed that thing and trust it.Beautiful. Other times where we're just inside and I'm time for that, I'm a big 16-inch black skillet, oil, butter, cast iron. Cast iron, get that baby high and sear that and flip some oil and butter on top of that thing because I just learned this, that that butter doesn't brown if you put it in early with the oil. And then obviously that old trick that everyone forgets, let that sum of it sit for as long as you cook it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because it's got to settle.

Yeah. And all the tendons have to just relax. The juice is going to go absorb it back in.

And also, do you all know this one? This may be obvious, but it's the cook it at room temperature. Can't pull it out of the fridge. Can't you pull it right out of the fridge?

Yeah, no, no. You got to let it-You got to let it sit, get back to the room temperature.

That's a good one, too. And all those pores open up. So one and five eighth American Waguih rib eye.

As the Austin guy, like the O. G. Austin guy, favorite barbecue spot?

Jeez, right? That's like a religion around here. I know. Look, man, I've never tasted any briscadalic better than Franklin's. Have you had the steak over at Lambert's? No.

I'm not going to be doing that tonight.

Taste that dirty little brown sugar top, son of a bitch. Oh, it's a dirty little dog. It's good. Yeah, the rib eye over there. Taste it. You make it want to go.

Peter, please get us reservations for tonight.

And they're not afraid of salt. No. Me neither. I'm on blood pressure medicine. I mean, come on. It's serious. Look, the barbecue I've had. I mean, there's so much good. Yeah, it's so good. I'm not a barbecue nerd. I'm not religious about it. I've had great barbecue in many places. But look, Franklin's brisket, what he figured out. Yes, it's incredible. Walk away. Drop your mic. That Opey's jalapeno cream corn with the jalapeno sausage, take the chunk of sausage, fork it, dunk it in the Opey's cream of corn jalapeno, then eat it. That's one of the top three bites I've ever had in my life.

Oh, my God. These are good wrecks, man. God. Good wrecks.

I'm drinking your tequila tomorrow morning.

Yeah, man. Saturday morning. Hey, that's-I am, too.We're.

Going to try our vodka? Yeah. Hey, can we bring another glass?

We launched this vodka. I love... You and your wife did the smartest thing. For Halloween, you both dressed upFor osos.For the bears.For osos.

Can you guys osos?Bears.Bears..

The bears. Two bears. You guys dressed up as bottles of your tequila for Halloween. I thought that was so cool. I was like, God damn it.

Here's what the inspiration that was. I was going through some old scrapbooks, and there was a picture of my mom and dad at Halloween. They had taken these. She was in glad trash bags, taped up, and it said M&Ms with tape on it, playing Dane. I fucking love your parents.M&Ms.

With nuts.I love your parents.That's good. We saw that. What percentage of your dad are you and what percentage of your mom are you? Out of 100%. Oh, wow. Because I feel like-Man, I don't know. I feel like we all think you're your dad. I, after reading your book, feel like you're-A lot more my mom than I realized, and that's a happy trail for me to recognize and learn along the way.

Look, my mom, I'm still aspiring to understand and be some things that she is. My mom is like, real grade A proof in the value of denial if you truly commit to it. And she commits to it. Not intellectually talks herself into it and then commits. No, bam. I don't have cancer. Mom, you do. No, I don't. She's not doing an intellectual trick. I do not. Okay, well, then would you take this pill anyway? Okay. But I don't have it. Life, I don't like you. I don't like whatever. You don't like someone. Nope. Boom. Out of my life. Mom, you want to let them down easy? No. Why don't I want to waste your time? No, not for me. I didn't. But she does. I don't know if I've read about I've shared this many times. I went to this, the way her ability to forgive herself or actually not even feel guilty about anything in the first place to forgive herself about is amazing. And this is not a shallow woman. This is a woman who, 92, Mom, what's the secret? Well, I can't imagine not being here. Walk off. Okay. It's not a line.

It's not a hallmark card. It's not an intellectual choice she's making to say, Oh, I want to think positively. Uh-uh. She's beyond that to where it's a full-on capacity. That's her identity. Yes is her favorite word.

I really respect the set of your mom because there is a thing. It's like, Yeah, why do I have to subscribe by everyone else's rules? I'll just live my own life. The ability to forgive herself is fascinating. I wish I had that.

Dude, I went to her because she pulls wild ass stunts. Wild stunts. My brother's playing golf one day after my father passed away, and the four older men on the on the other fairway are like, Hey, congratulations, Pat. Congratulations on you and your mom and CJ, Jack getting married. My brother was like, What? I didn't get married. He was like, Oh, yeah. Anyway, sorry. He told me that, Mom, what'd you do? What are you talking about? Mom, what'd you do? What's to say here about you and Jack getting married? Oh, that. Mom, what'd you do? Well, first, I didn't think you'd find out, but here's what we did. Look, the Country Club dues are $400 a month if you're just together, but they're only $250 a month if you're married. So we just told them we were married. Mom, come on. And she'll cry, say, I'm sorry, and then boom, forget about it. To save 150 bucks. To have told everybody at the country club that they were married. To save $150 a month. Just like, badass like that. Then he'll sit there and cry, say, I'm sorry. It's not Not a shallow woman at all, but just bam.

So what part of you is your dad? I identify-Tricep. I just said that to the boys outside. Tricep. Explain what your dad said. You were flexing.

Ask for show. Makes all the girls scream. Get you on TV. That's for dough. Puts the roof over our head, the food on the plate, takes care of business. It's a work muscle. Work ethic was a big thing to him. Don't half-ass it. If you're going to do it, man, do it. If you can't, don't say can't. If you're having trouble, ask for help. But don't sit there and say, I can't, because there's a solution.

That's a good lesson.

His dad Our dad, we all have the same dads. All have the same dads. I don't think we all look at our dads the exact same way. I'd say this to Tommy earlier. Hey, to our dads. To our dads.

Yeah, to dads, man. Hey, and to more govents out there because there's no better.

You got kids?

And you got kids. Dude, this is the... If more of dads, the dads out there, are united in a toast here and say, Can we be as good of a dad as we can be? Good of a father? This whole plant is going to be looking good for all of us, man. A lot better.Amen.Amen on that.

What do you think?

Oh, that's nice and easy.

It's vodka.

I don't drink much vodka.

Not a lot of men do.

But a little on the little backside, That opens up. Yeah.

Let me tell you why we created a vodka. This is when I started drinking vodka. I was sitting on a plane next to a gorgeous man, beautiful man, jawbones, everything, cheekbones. It was early, and I said, I'll take a Heineken from the flight attendant. He said, I think I might drink, too. I'm going to get a double Titos & Soda. I said, Vodka? He goes, It's in my contract. I said, Contract? He goes, I'm a male model. It's the only thing I'm allowed to drink. It doesn't blow to you. It keeps you healthy. I went, Hmm. I said, I'll mix that Heineken. I think I'll take a double Titos and soda. I've been a vodka drinker now for 15 years.

Look at you.It's in his contract. It's in his contract.

I walked in, he was doing a speedo shoot.It's in his contract.It's in my contract.

It's in the contract. Although this tequila is phenomenal. I'm telling you, man, you guys... I say marketing, but your representation of it. I don't think you're a marketing guy. I think you're just, This is what I do. This is what I'm into. It's just been so genuine and authentic. It's like, out of all these tequilas that you've seen show up The Rock or whatever, I go, I don't know, for some reason, I want to drink what he drinks.

Let me ask you this, because look, you can sell snake oil with a good marketing campaign. You can get away with shit. You can put lipstick on the donkey and call the thoroughbred, and people will go bet on it. They're right. But we said, look, let's make some real good fucking juice first. We're serious about our tequila. Let's make some really good juice first. Let's be formal about that process, which took two years and 47 tasters. But once we got that, we said, boom, circus. Now let's have some freaking fun. People have been talking real snooty up nosy about tequila for a long time. Now let's have some fun. Panthalona is great name. Oh, I can run with that. Oh, what can you do with your pants off? Pixels will be our friend. The pixels are covering our midsection are our joke, and they're a running joke. They're like the beep, mother beep, they're like the beep. You laugh. I think they cussed right there. I think they're naked under there. And we can run with that forever. I also think, though, and ask me this, curious If I'm over giving this too much justice.

Do you think it would have worked if I'd have been with anyone other than my wife?

No.

No. It's all about the right partnership. A thousand %. Right? Yeah.

Because there's a good clean fun of it that Whatever you know about Camilla and I, her and I married, we got kids. It's like, all right, there's a certain demographic, I think, if it had been me and, I don't know, another actress, there's a certain demographic. I'd been like, no, I'm not. This is too much of a I don't want to think that those two are naked in front of each other. Yeah.

It seems very homegrown. It doesn't seem like you're... I know it's not a money grab for you because you don't need money. That's why I think it's cool. You know what? And there's an elusiveness to your wife. I know she's on Instagram, but she's not out there telling her story and trying to get views. And there's also the idea that this is the check that Matthew McConaher was like, Hey, don't leave.

Please stay.

Fucking crazy.

Yeah, man.

My wife got her way in.

I'm your story is the same here. I saw this guy, and I was like, Don't leave. And so that's why we started Poros.

You don't get a lot of friends. Who's your best friend?

Who's my best friend? Great question.

That's two great questions I got in this interview.

You got to take it as a third.

He's so happy right now.

Who's my best friend? Probably Camilla. I'm happy to say. I got some really close friends, and I don't have a best friend like I had best friend in high school. I got best friend in college. I got best friend early part of my career. As far as the person that I share with and that sees me, express myself, and sits there and comes to me and pops me and got checks me on places where maybe I'm trying to get away with something that she's like, No, no, no, no, that ain't going to fly, or lets me know, Hey, man. Here's a glass of panalones, man. Be easy on your sofa a second. She walks a good line with that. She's great about next day's after the party. She's great about this. Everyone goes to the weekend wedding in Mexico, and it's Friday, Saturday night's the wedding, and then Sunday, everyone gets out of there, shade in their eyes to make it to work on Monday morning. She's great about, let's make sure that we have Monday open, and the first thing on Tuesday is after 2:00 PM, and we're going to not leave until Monday afternoon.

So while everyone rushes out, we're going to merge out. Have a beer by the pool. Sit back to the table, grab another sign, have another cocktail that night, eat a good meal. She's really great about the soft landings.

Are you trying to sell us on your wife? Jesus Christ, that was amazing.

Let us pitch our wives. Yeah, She's really good about it. My wife's, It's 7 AM flight. You've got a lot on your plate. What accent am I doing?

It's all right. I've got some other friends. I've got some real good... I have some girls I'm good friends with, but I have a lot of good male friends. I've been seeking elders. I found myself in the last eight years. Mentors, older men that have done it well, helped us stuff together, been about themselves. We should get some mentors.

No, it's invaluable. You know what I mean? When you go, it takes a bit of modesty, you have to be humble yourself to go, Hey, I would like to learn something from you. You see, the thing is that older people, what you realize the most when you spend time with anybody much older is they just want to matter still. When you ask somebody who's older their advice on something, man, they come alive. They love it. They love having to share and teach. I think it's like interacting with older people is fantastic.

I'm with you, man. It reminds me of another... This is not a trick, but it's a good reminder, and it's a simple one that I think is a really good one. It has At the end of my life. In this world where so many of our relationships, whether it is for us or not, it is for the other, transactional. To sit there every I've tried to do this, is reach out to people. It's just a five-minute howdy, and I don't ask for nothing. I've noticed that it's almost like they go, Well, what are you... Nothing. I don't need anything. It can go a long way. It's a quick little hit. It's not a deep, long thing. It's just a quick little hit for nothing at all. Just checking in.

It's the fucking Joey Diaz.

Joey Diaz is one of the best dudes in the world.

Joey Diaz is our comedian friend of ours. Part of his thing is weekly or bi weekly, you'll see the call.

And you know you answer it. He's an old school dude. He doesn't text you. He doesn't text you.

He goes, If you send me another text, I'll break your fucking fingers. You're like, Okay. So he calls and you answer, and he goes, What's going on? What's up, cocksucker? What's up? You're like, Not much. He's like, How's the wife? How's the kids? This is him. This is Joey Diaz. Joey Diaz. You go, Oh, everything's good. And he's like, I'm just checking in. You good? And you go, yeah. And then you're the same thing. You're like, what's up? And he's like, just remember, don't forget about me. I love you. Bingo. It's a check-in. He just checks in.

It ain't going to be long. No. He ain't going to take a long walk, go sit down.

It's just a... He won't let it go long. That's the thing. He's just like, all right, stop with the fucking talking. And he hands up. But he checks in on you. And you always get, you know what? The thing is you get like a little dopamine serotonin bump. You're like, that was great. Joey Diaz just checked in on me. So it's a nice feeling. Yeah, man.

And you've worked with so many wild people, like fun. People that I go, I'd love to know that. I think Sandra Bullock is the baddest motherfucker in town. I think she's so cool. I think fucking Cole Hauser is one of the baddest motherfuckers in town. Can I tell you, I even think back to... Can I tell you who I was obsessed with in Dazy Confused? Was Sasha.

Sasha? Yeah. It's great.

I go, Where the fuck? I want more of that guy in my life.

He's writing. He's making a living writing scripts. For real? Yeah. He's writing scripts that are being made by major studios. So he found a good... I met with him. It's been a couple of years, but I think he's doing... When I talked to him, he's doing well.

He was such a scene stealer. He was such a scene stealer. I fucking loved him. That movie was so impressionable on me. I must have watched it a million times. Everything you've done. I know we got to get you out of here. We do. You are a legend. And the idea that we got to sit with you for an hour and a half.It was really awesome.It just picked your brain.Thank.

You for coming.It was the best.I appreciate. I hope we get to do it some other time, work together in some way. It was fantastic. Don't forget, green lights hit shelves in paperback tomorrow. You can get Pantalones, the delicious multiple styles, Pantalones tequila.

I'm telling you right now, if you're a young man, I just say young man because that's what I think this is the book you need. We'll walk you... You're just going to see. It's not a self-help book. It's a story of a dude who did it his way and did it differently than everyone else and turned out on top. It's a great roadmap for the way to look at life. Maybe not live your life I've the same way, but look at life and go, Fuck, yeah, man, I need to get off the road. I need to get out of town. I need to go do something different. I got to roll the dice a little bit. You're a legend, brother.

I appreciate it.Thank you very much.Yes. Again, it's Matthew McConaher, and it's spelled M-C-C-O-N-A-U-G-H-E-Y. I got to spell it twice to the girl at the party, though, right?

How do you spell that?

All right. Thanks a lot, man. We'll see you guys next time. Appreciate.

Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes to the top as while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine.

There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean.

Here's what we call Two bears, one cave.