Transcript of Taylor Odlozil on Losing His Wife to Cancer, Surrogacy & Single Parenting

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I have The world at my fingertips. Everything's going according to plan. I'm blessed. I'm so grateful. Fast forward a year, that's when we got the devastating news that she had stage 3 C ovarian cancer and then found out that we could not have children.

Were you in the room when Weston was born?

I was. To go through that for somebody else is really impressive. She's human. You don't think she had a little bit of an attachment to that child? She just carried that child for nine months, and then she just leaves empty-handed. Three days after I just married Haley, the doctor, it seemed like she wanted to say more, but wasn't quite ready to say more. I looked at her and I said, She's going to die, and she looked at me and she went, She's got six months.

Your dedication to serve her through all of that journey in cancer and death, if there's not a more perfect picture of love, I don't know what is.

Today on the Unplanned podcast, we sat down with Taylor O'Blazill, who married his high school sweetheart, Haley, after finding out she had stage 3C ovarian cancer. Just days after the ceremony, he was told by a doctor that she had only six months to live. Cancer made it impossible for Haley to have kids, but a gracious family friend volunteered to be their surrogate, and together, they were able to welcome their son Weston to the world. We talk about being a caretaker for a sick spouse, single parenting, and so much more all in today's episode. I was listening to a podcast that you were on, and I'm pretty sure you made the statement that one of your happiest memories, I think it was high school graduation, right?

Or was it college graduation? One of those? That was the last time that I can say I was truly happy, that I experienced true happiness.

And what about it made it so special?

So I think as we grow up, we build a vision for our lives, what we want to accomplish and what we want to happen for ourselves. And we do that in grade school or whatever. And I knew that I wanted to get married. I knew I wanted to be a dad, and I knew I wanted to have a good job and provide and live the American dream. So I went to Texas A&M, and I did petroleum engineering, and I worked really hard at that. A&m in Texas are constantly flip-flopping number one petroleum school. So it's very rigorous courses and a lot of studying. And she was supporting me the entire way. She always said he was studying at his desk, and she was studying the back of my head because she would be chilling on the bed and watching TV, and I'd be at my desk just working away. And she saw the hours I put in. I'm talking school all day, study till one, two o'clock in the morning, most of the week. A lot of work. All-nighters were pretty common. So Worked really hard, but I knew it was a good degree. And so when the day came for graduation, I was so excited because I had worked so hard for so long and was achieving something that I thought wasn't really possible for me.

We had a little pre-graduation lunch, and all my family was there. I remember Haley stood up and said some nice things about me, and she got really emotional. And that really made me realize how much she cared and loved me. To see her that choked up over something I've accomplished. It made an impact on me, and it just made me love her even more. And so, fast forward to graduation, I'm walking across the stage, and I look over and I see my parents and her parents, and she's there, and she's got tears coming down. And I just remember I remember feeling pure joy of like, I know I'm going to marry the love of my life, my high school sweetheart. I just accomplished something I never thought I could do. And I have great job possibilities in front of me, and I have the world at my fingertips. Like, everything's going according to plan. I'm blessed. I'm so grateful. I just had this sense of gratefulness. Yeah, it Just shortly after that, that my world fell apart in almost every way it could. I look back and the reason I say it was my last day of pure joy is because it's not that I wasn't happy when I married Haley or that I wasn't happy when Weston was born.

Those days were tainted with what Haley was going through. So it was like I was happy, but there was a cloud over me. So the last time I didn't really have a cloud over me was I walked across that stage with the world ahead of me, the future at my fingertips, and it just didn't pan out the way I thought. But there's a reason we go through everything we go through, right?

How long was that timeline from you graduating college and feeling on top of the world to then getting the most devastating news of your life?

So graduated May of 2014. I proposed to her December first, 2014. Fast forward a year to December September 15th of 2015. That's when we got the devastating news that she had stage 3 C ovarian cancer, basically stage 4, and then found out that we could not have children. I wanted to be a dad. I found out in a matter of five seconds that not only could I not have children with my future wife, it wasn't even my wife yet, but she was fighting for her life. So it was just a to take in.

What was that conversation like, I guess, with the doctor that delivered that news?

I was at work that day. Haley called me. She had finally had gotten the CT scan back, and it said that there was a mass in her abdomen and that she needed to see an oncologist immediately. She called me very upset. I went and talked to my boss, said, Hey, I think I need to go to this appointment. She's very upset. I was still brushing it off. I was like, This isn't happening to me. We're going to be fine. I didn't even know what an oncologist was, to be honest. It wasn't until I walked in the doctor's office that I discovered an oncologist as a cancer doctor. That's how naive I was in my own world of focusing on my future. So I get home. She's very upset, and I'm trying to keep her positive, and we go to the appointment. They call her I think they called her back first from what I remember, because they did an exam on her. I should have known we were in for a bad appointment because when we walked in, all the nurses and front desk people were like, just had this look on their face. Then me and her mom go back.

Her dad was trying to park or something. He was late a few minutes or something. But we go back and doctor comes in and got the packet, and she opens it up and looks up, and she's got tears coming down. Then my heart starts to race. She just said, Been doing this a while. From the looks of your scan, you have ovarian cancer, and it's advanced. We were just like, What? Haley, the first thing she said was, Please tell me I can have children, because she was put on this Earth to be a mom. That was what she was born to do. She said, Unfortunately, you're going to have to put that on the back burner. You need to focus on your future, on your life. So that was very shocking. She was just telling us from a scan, they obviously have to do a biopsy to make sure that it is what it is. So that was a few days later when we got confirmation that it was cancer and that it was everywhere aware, and that she would not have children. And that was when it really sunk in that this was real because we still were trying to have some hope that it could be something else.

But it is what it is.

What were you What were you thinking at that time? Were you thinking this? Why is this happening to us and my future wife right now?

Oh, 100 %. I definitely look back and I'm like, Where did I go wrong? Where did Haley go wrong? We were both great kids, and You ask the question why a lot. And when you're 23 and this happens, you don't have the life experience to be ready for that. When you're in your 40s, 50s, 60s, you've seen the brutality of life. You have seen what makes life so tough, and you learn what's valuable about life. You've already got that under your belt. So when something like that happens, you're a little bit more prepared. But when you're 23, 22 years old, that is devastating. The fear that I experienced when we found out she was sick, to this day, is a fear I have never encountered. In my life. It was just very... It made an impact on me because I remember... I wanted to die. It was so terrifying. I had never experienced that dreadful fear. And so watching the love of your life, she's afraid she's going to die. Here I am, we're young in our 20s, and we're having to have conversations about death already. So it was quite a shock to both of us.

And you were planning the wedding at that point?

Yeah, we were two months from being married. Everything had pretty much been planned at that point, which is what every girl dreams about is her fairytale wedding, right? She had been pinning stuff on Pinterest since she was 14 years old, I think. After the biopsy day where they confirmed what it was, and we went home, and it had been three days since the initial appointment, and I had not slept very much. I had not eaten one bite of food. I don't eat when I'm stressed out. Before she fell asleep, she looked at me, I remember, and she was thanking me for being there, and that she was scared. I was telling her I was scared, too. I'm just as scared as you are. I'm trying my best to figure out what to do here. She said, I need to tell you something. I was like, What? She was like, If you want to call off the wedding and you can marry someone else, that's okay with me. All I'm going to give you is a broken life. There's no telling what my future holds, but it's full of doctor's appointments and heartache and sadness. And I don't think you deserve to be a part of that.

So if you would like to move on, I understand. And it broke me. I just looked at her and I was like, I'm not going anywhere, girl. We're in this together. And we're a team, and we always will be. And I said, I'd be honored to marry you. I'm excited about it. And I don't want you to ever say that to me ever again. And she said, okay. And she started crying immediately, which made me realize she was so afraid. I was going to say that, okay, I agree with you, that she was carrying a burden that I might leave. And I was like, I'll never leave. I said, I hope that if the roles were reversed, you would stay with me. That's just part of being a team. And when you love someone, you do what you have to do. Yeah. And so Yeah, that's a night that I won't forget. But it just speaks to her maturity, I think, to be able to vocalize of saying, I release you if you want to go. She's a badass to me. Seriously, she's the strongest woman I've ever known. I have seen her fight through more pain than I can describe For her to be mature enough to be like, you can go and meet someone else.

I don't know if I could even say that. If I'm in love with somebody and I want them, she's just a different breed.

I feel like that is probably the most selfless thing someone could ever say to put.

Seriously, think about you all. If you were to release either one of you and be like, you can go.

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I was trying to recall some of that day the other day, and it's such a flash to me because we were so stressed out. She had She came through nine weeks of chemo at that point, so she had no hair. The steroids and the chemo made her blow up. So her wedding dress that she had spent, she had to go get it all re altered and fixed and stuff, which made me sad The day went by... It was still enjoyable, but it was... Like I said, there was a cloud over it. A lot of the people that said that they couldn't come to the wedding ended up calling back and say, We'll be there because of the news. There was a lot of people there. The pastor said some great words and got very choked up, which was very touching. I was still having hoped that the chemo worked, and we were going to be finding out the following week. But it was It was still a great day. I still got to marry the love of my life. Obviously, we were all way more emotional. It wasn't until three days later that we found out that the chemo did not work at all.

That's when I found out by myself, because I could tell the doctor was... When she was telling us about how the chemo worked, it seemed like she wanted to say more, but wasn't quite ready to say more. I asked everybody to step out, that I needed to talk to the doctor, me and her. And so I remember everyone stepped out, and I looked at her and I said, She's going to die, isn't she? And she looked at me with tears, and she went, She's got six months. So here we are, three days after I just married Haley, and I'm finding out that she's got six months. Really? And I remember I just lost it, and the doctor was comforting me. And I I just remember thinking, Is this my life? Is this Haley's life? Is this what's really going to happen? We were meant for each other. Do this to a couple that don't even love each other and abuse each other. Why us? And so I couldn't bring myself to tell her that. I said, You're going to have to tell her that news when you're ready. She said, Well, I don't want to tell her yet.

I want you to go on your honeymoon and enjoy it before I tell her something like that. She was like, But I told you because if I'm a doctor, you ask me, I'm going to tell you. That's the way I am. I was like, She was always honest. I respect that. So I had to gather myself, go out into the waiting room, look at Haley in the face, knowing that she's dying. And we go home, and I walk her inside, and I looked her and said, Haley, I got to go see my parents real quick. And she's like, She goes, That's fine. She goes, I need some time alone anyways to think about some things. So I left, and I remember my parents talk about this. I was banging on the door, the front door, and my dad opens it, and I literally collapse in his arms, in the doorway, screaming, sobbing. And my dad started crying, which we don't see our dads cry very often. And we were just laying in the doorway sobbing because I just realized she's dying. This really is going to happen. My mom talks about that day. She remembers that pretty vividly, seeing me.

I had never been that upset in my life. I was able to cry it out, talk with my parents, gather myself, go home, pack for Hawaii, go on that trip, and we try to make the best of it.

Was it hard keeping that secret?

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, it was awful. I remember laying in the hammock. I think the resort, it's on O'ahu called turtle Bay. Have you seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall? No.

I've never seen. I know it's filmed there.

Was it filmed there? Yeah. I used to go. That's actually one of my favorite surf spots, actually.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall, the scene where they're in the suite. We stayed in that suite. No way. How did that work? Her dad is so amazing. Her parents are amazing because I booked everything, paid for the honeymoon, did it just like the husband always does. I was able to afford what I could afford, which was a nice room in the hotel. When we get there, we're checking in, and it was obvious that the front desk knew that we were coming and what the story was. Well, her dad had called and upgraded us to that nice room right there on the beach, basically. Wow. I just remember how awesome that was and what a nice gestureure and gif he did for us and her parents. We were laying in the hammock right there in front of that spot, and we're watching the sun go down. I remember she looked at me and she goes, I just feel like this is our last trip. I looked away for a second and I looked back and I said, Why? She was like, I think you just know when you're dying. I said, But you're not. We're going to do many trips.

I had to lie to her face because I just couldn't bear. That was awful because I wanted her to try to enjoy the honeymoon as much as possible. So I just had to tell her, You're going to have many more. And turns out we did have many more. So you I don't ever know how life's going to go.

Was that a mental battle to go through? Because here the doctor is telling you that your new wife that you just married is going to die. Yet then later on, Haley has a surgery, right? And they remove all the cancer. I've known people before that have had cancer. And when you hear something news, news like that, it seems like, oh, my gosh, yes, they beat it. It's going to be okay. And it feels like one of those victory moments. Is that what you thought in that moment? Did you feel like she had beaten it once the cancer was removed?

When we came out of that surgery and we met with the surgeon after and he explained everything that he had removed and that he had removed 100% of visible cancer, we were all in shock, especially me, because I was carrying this burden that she was dying. And I thought the surgery was going to be a massive failure. And it turns out it was a huge success. But he made sure we understood that there were still microscopic cancer cells all through her body. Yeah. And that the fight was not over, that she needed to start treatment. It was also due to the type of cancer she had, serious carcinoma. And it was high grade and low grade. It's very aggressive type cancer. And so you can be diagnosed with stage four that's not that type of grade or structure of cancer, cut it out and you'll never have it again. But then there's types that's very aggressive. So I was happy that it was removed. It was awesome that I got to wake her up from surgery and tell her the news. She was still so drugged up, but I got to say, Hey, Haley, 100% invisible.

You don't have it in you anymore. And the heart monitor went way up because she was just so excited and elated. But I was happy that we had that success. That's when I started changing my mindset to being present where your feet are. I always used to worry about what was down the road, what I needed to plan down the road, or for our future, and this and that. You get too stressed out. And so I realized you have to be where your feet are, be present, and control what you control. And what I could control was my happiness that we had won that battle. I don't need to be stressed out about a tumor that may or may not be growing back. And so I was happy about that. And it didn't take long until we started having some tumor growth. And so we were putting her on hormone drugs and stuff that were working. So it was just a constant... Over the next few years, it was just constantly trying to slow the growth. So it was just constant battle.

At what point did you decide to have Weston?

So obviously, since we couldn't have kids, we had to have a surrogate, and it was from a family friend. Haley had nannied for this family, literally, their child that was like two or three weeks old started nannying her. So Haley grew to love this child as her own. So did I. And so this The couple just saw how much we love being parent figures. Basically, they were heartbroken for us. And so on our wedding night, she came up to Haley and said, If you are ever in a position to have children, I'd like to be your surrogate, which is unbelievable. Wow. Just insane kindness. I never thought we would have kids. I got to that mindset of, it just ain't going to happen. I knew from the day I married Haley that I was going to be on my own at some point. I'd already been told that it She had two aggressive type of cancer to just be healed. She was not going to be healed unless the Lord came down and healed her or something. I just wasn't in the cards for her. I knew I was going to be on my own.

So having kids, I was nervous about possibly being a single dad, what that would bring for me, and was worried about bringing Weston into this situation. But we kept fighting the cancer, and we got to a point where the growth had really slowed, and Doctor had said that at this size of tumors and the slowness that it was growing, that she's seen people live 20, 30 years with this. So that's a nice long time. She felt that Haley was in It was a really good place, so we prayed about it and decided, All right, let's... Haley deserved to be a mom. I wanted that for her. So we started doing the research and did the IVF stuff, and finally got a viable egg, which I like to tell this story because it speaks to Haley's heart again. She always wanted a girl. Always wanted a boy. She was adamant about having a girl. And so We got some viable embryos, and we decided that whatever the healthiest embryo was, we were going to transplant that one. And that was just the way we were going to do it. And so we get to the doctor's office, and he goes, All right, we got 10 to 12 viable embryos, and we've tested all of them.

I've got them ranked healthiest to least healthiest. We're like, All right, what's number one? He goes, All right, girl. And I was like, I was like, Dang. Not that I'm fine having a girl. I just really wanted a boy. I wanted my partner in crime. Haley goes, What about number two? And doctor goes, No, The other girl. I was like, God, strike two. So he says, Number three is a boy. And he said, But basically, he's like, To be honest, these top four embryos are so close we related. They're honestly all could be number one. And he goes, All right, so what are we going to transplant into the surrogate? And I'm sitting, I'm leaning against the wall and I'm like this because I know it's going to be a girl, which is fine. And she goes, Let's transfer the boy. And I look up and I'm like, What? And she looked at me and she goes, I can't give you children, but I can give you your boy. I can give you your son. And that just broke me. She was willing to do that for me. And knowing she knew that I would be on my own with him one day.

And she wanted me to have something I always wanted. And within months of us having the boy, she was like, I could never want a girl. I want another boy. She just became obsessed with having boys. She wanted another boy so bad. She loved how boys loved their moms. And she just was so grateful. She ended up picking boy. She didn't expect that to happen.

Why did I think that they put in multiple eggs or fertilized eggs? Because isn't that how people end up- Why back they did? Oh, That's what they used to do, but now it's only one at a time.

Now you can transplant two, three if you want, or do twins or whatever.

Got you. Because I thought that's why twins and even people that have eight kids or whatever. That's why because it was situations that didn't work out. But I guess now it's changed. So you literally just got to select the gender of your baby, which is crazy.

Yeah, and they're genetically tested. So when I tell you, I call him my first round draft pick. Oh, my God. Because he is a prime specimen. I'm telling you, it looks like he's already been going to the gym. The kid's legs is ridiculous. It looks like he can squat like 150 pounds already.

I've seen some of your videos and your son's He's adorable. He's a cute kid. Going to kindergarten. That must be really fun to get to watch him grow up.

Your first round traffic. He's just such an awesome kid, and he's so compassionate. It's unbelievable. He just has such a big heart for the people he loves and the people around him. And he's always comforting me. He can always tell when I'm struggling. And he'll come put his arm around and just pat me. He's a unique kid. I'm blessed to have him, and Haley knew I needed him. So sweet.

What was it like having a surrogate throughout that process?

It was good. I think it's different for men when you're having a kid because I think, one, we're always scared, and two, it was different for me because my situation was different. I was scared because I was like, I'm going to be raising them on my own one day. So I was really scared about what might happen. And so I couldn't really let myself soak in the happiness and really take it in because I think my mind was so worried about what might happen And I also have had, at this point, so many bad things that happened to me that I had this defense mechanism where I don't let things in until literally they happen. Does that make sense? If you're excited to go on a trip two months from now, you about every day. I don't even think about it until I'm on the plane. Like, oh, we're going on the trip because I just can't let things in because I feel like they're going to get taken away from me if I do. And there's other previous stuff when I was younger that I've experienced that make me feel that way. But having a surrogate was cool.

It was great because we were able to have children. But it takes away that ability for you to share with your wife, like Having a child together. So we didn't get to do the gender reveal. I didn't get to go over to my parents and have them open a gift that said, You're going to be grandpa and grandma. I didn't get to come home from work, and she's standing there with a pregnancy test. But we're pregnant. That was taken from us. Rolling over in the night, cuddling her, putting my arm on her belly, feeling the baby kick. I didn't get to do any of that. It was just one day the baby was there, which is part of the surrogacy. It's such a great thing what the surrogacy process gives to people who can't have children. And it's such a blessing. I'm so thankful that we had that ability. But some of those things that I didn't get to experience makes me sad. But it's just everything has It's a price, right? Everything has a cost. So it's just part of what happened to me and Haley, and that was what we had to go through.

But it was worth it because we still got to have Weston.

And were you in the room when Weston was born?

I was. So the surrogate was basically laying like I am. And Haley was right there with the doctor, helped deliver Weston. And I was standing back here with my camera, scared shitless.

Yeah, Wow. Were you one of those dads that's shaking in your... Have you seen those home videos where the dad passes out in the delivery room?

I wasn't going to pass out, but the surrogate, she didn't take any pain medicine, and she was just No. Pushing really hard and was getting loud. And I'm like, what's happening? I'm scared.

Was any part of you like, man, what did this lady sign up for?

It just made me respect her so much to go through that for somebody else. It's really impressive. She's human. She's a mom. You don't think she had a little bit of an attachment to that child? She just carried that child for nine months, and then she just leaves empty-handed. Yeah. Think about that. I think that was harder for her than she expected.

Gosh.

I don't think she expected it to be that difficult.

Does she have a relationship with Weston now? Oh, yeah. We still talk.

She was at the... Her and her kids were at the one-year celebration for Weston's one year in Heaven. So we still see them. Obviously, their kids are getting older. They're busy. I'm a single dad. I'm busy. So I do need to see them more. I wish we could go have dinner once a month or something.

Talk to me more about the... Because this was many, many years of Of going through this battle. I mean, did it make it easier having your son? Having a son there that you get to both look at and know this is our baby. Also, raising a baby while your wife is also going through cancer So that must have been extremely challenging.

Well, when we went started the process, she was in a good place. So she was doing pretty well. Raising Weston wasn't too bad with Haley. It was We were a good team. It wasn't, I think, maybe a year or two after he was born, when we started having some more issues with her health. Okay. Then she had to get back on chemo and lost her hair after she had just grown it back. So all he ever knew from birth was that mommy was sick, that mommy was a little different than the other momies. But I I never saw her let her circumstances keep her down. No matter how much pain she was in or how she felt, she always took time to make sure Weston was the center of attention, and that he didn't feel second to the sickness, to her cancer. And I applaud her for that. I admire her for that. She truly is a woman warrior, incredible woman. And I think that's why the story exploded, because people could feel her love through the video. I think that's what you feel when you can see the love she has for her friends and family and her son.

I think that's a very tangible thing when you watch my videos, especially during the hospice journey.

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Talk about Haley getting to hold Weston for the first time. I've heard you say that she was made to be a mom, so that must have been a really special I went to see her hold her baby.

Yeah, I was rolling with the camera when that happened, and I'm sure you've seen it on my page. But man, that is one moment and emotion that I've caught on camera that to this day is the most powerful to me.

Yeah.

Just her mouth, just the tears. As soon as she helped, that's all she could ever think of her whole life was holding a child that was hers. And so that was another moment burned in my mind that I witnessed right in front of me, that she finally got what she wanted. And so I was just blessed that I was able to be there to see it, but also catch it on camera. I'm sure you saw it on the videos you were watching her holding them, and she's just a mess, especially when they just skin to skin. That's when she really lost it.

How did you stay strong and encourage her through... Did you go to therapy? Did you have a group of friends that were encouraging you through it all? How did you stay strong?

Stay strong through, I guess, the caregiving, is what you're saying? Yeah. I don't know. I have great family, and I have great friends. I also think from some earlier experiences in my life that I had developed this mindset of it is what it is, and we're not going to make excuses, and we're just going to do what we have to do. I think so many times that when our life is not going well, we blame our circumstances. And I did that for a long time. And I think I finally got to a place where I realized that your circumstances reveal to the man who he is. They don't make the man. And so instead of, I take a look at what the circumstances have revealed to me and what I need to do to change my ways. And so I had a victim mentality a lot through this process, but I finally got to this point where I got to look at my circumstances and see what it's revealing about who I am and what I need to do to change. I look at what I've been through, and I'm heartbroken that I had to go through it and what we went through.

But I'm also thankful for what it's taught me and what it's done in my own life. I feel like I live such a more fulfilled life because of it, if that makes sense. I just look at things way differently than everybody else.

We were talking over lunch about how you grew up loving to make videos, and music really speaks to you. And you mentioned about a year ago, you heard a song on TikTok that was really speaking to you. And then you made a little video to it, telling your story, telling a bit of the journey that you've been on with Haley. And you posted a video, and then overnight, you have millions of people that all want to know more of the story, who you are, what's going on, the situation with Haley. Talk to me about that.

Well, like you said, I have a passion for videos. I always have. I love to tell stories through video. I love to be able to create a video and be able to impact you in a happy way, sad way, whatever that is. But for me to be able to do that to you is really cool for me. I express myself through video, which is weird because I'm an introverted extrovert, but it is what it is. End of October of 2022, we found out that we were out of options with Haley.

Okay.

At that time, I was not posting on TikTok. I didn't post on Instagram really that much. I'd post a picture of Weston or our family every few weeks, if that. Didn't really care. I always enjoyed making like, cinematic It was about vacations I've been on. So I had a YouTube channel, but I never really thought that I would be where I am today. So November, it was a couple of weeks after we found out about having no options. Haley went to bed early. I'm up laying on the couch, and I'm scrolling through TikTok, and I find the song that really just spoke to me. It just made me emotional. And so I think music is the most important part of a video if you're trying to convey a message. I was like, I'm going to make a video to this song. So I make a video and I show Haley And we both cried together watching it because it was emotional. And she was like, Oh, you should post that on TikTok, see what happens. I'm like, All right. So a few days later, it's Thanksgiving. Post it, put my phone up, have a Thanksgiving meal, pick it up.

And I'm like, What is happening? What is happening? I'm getting text from people that are like, screenshoting it. Hey, you're on my For You page. What's going on? And so it just goes massively viral. And then people start following me, which I thought was strange because I wasn't posting content. So I'm like, A few days go by and one of Haley's friends is like, Hey, you should just post another one. So I posted a 20-second clip of Weston and Haley laying in bed. I think Haley was telling Weston, When You don't hear me or see me or feel me, where am I? And he said, In my heart. And it was just 20 seconds long. So I posted that. And then that one went almost more viral than the first one. Crazy. And so before I knew it, in a couple of weeks, I had... And then I posted a few more. I had 200, 300,000 followers, which I thought was wild. Not that I really cared about it. I didn't really care to do that or anything. I just thought that was just insane. And so we sat down with each other and I said, Well, Haley, here's, I guess, our opportunity.

You We always spoke about how you wanted people to have a different outlook about their life.

Yeah.

And I've always thought the same thing that people should look at us and learn that their life is pretty great. That once you lose your health, you lose almost everything because you can't do anything. And so she was like, well, I guess let's share more. Let's just post more videos. And we were always a team on it. I never post anything without her giving me approval. Have I posted a few things that I regret? Of course, we all have. But, yeah, I never dreamed that I would get to this point. And now I feel like I have this new purpose. My purpose was always to take care of Haley, and now I feel my purpose is to educate and inspire others to better themselves and to want more for their families, be a better father, mother, friend, son, daughter, husband, wife, whatever. Strive to be the best version of yourself is what I like to push people to do.

Was that a message Haley wanted to communicate? Was that something that she wanted people to realize? Don't take what you have for granted. Really appreciate every- I spoke about it in my eulogy.

You don't realize how much you take for granted in your of just your health-wise until you lose it. So let's say tomorrow you find out that you have ALS, and that you're going to be bound to a wheelchair in a few months or whatever. You can't Tell me that you'd sit there and go, Man, I did not do the things I should have done when I had a healthy body. Why didn't I go do this, or go here, or go for a run here and be grateful about her? Why didn't I use my body to work out or get down on the floor with my kids? Now I can't do that. And now I wish I could do that. I took it for granted. It's gone. It's behind me now. And so luckily, I've learned that without having to get sick. What a blessing that when your alarm goes off, that you can put two feet on the ground and stand up, and that you can see with two eyes, and hear with your ears, and use your hands. I mean, think about how much more difficult How difficult your life would be if any of those changed.

I tore my meniscus in high school. I wasn't able to walk for a little bit, and it made me really appreciate health.

A hundred %.

But it's funny you saying that right now. I'm like, Man, I forgot already. I've lived enough life since then. I've already forgotten.

You get caught up in your routine that you start the things that... I mean, just having running water, just simple things that you don't realize are really big blessings. When you go to bed at night, count what you are grateful about. It's what keeps you grounded. It keeps you in the moment. Even on days where I was holding Haley, she's dying in hospice. We laid there and I'd say, well, give me five things you're grateful about today. And she said, you give me five. So I'm grateful for our home, that we have a home, that I'm grateful for our family and our friends and our son, and that we have a love we do. And then when you sit there and think about the good things while you're experiencing tragedy, it gives you perspective, keeps you grounded, makes you realize we still are so blessed. And so being able to apply that mentality now, I've had to take care of her for so long that I've had to adjust to not taking care of somebody, which has been wild. But I I feel so much more grateful for everything. It's just hard to explain and put into words if you've never experienced what I've experienced.

I feel like I was given another chance at life. Not that I was sick or anything, but my first chance was basically learning the value and the importance of life when Haley was here, she taught me all that. Well, now I get to apply it to the second half of my life.

What were the last days like?

The last days, they were tough. Haley and I spoke about death every day since the day she was diagnosed. When you know you're going to die earlier than you thought, you think about it all the time. Most couples are laying in bed at night talking about, Oh, we need to go to the furniture store tomorrow and get a new couch. Well, we're laying in bed, and she's telling me, Make sure you have peonies at my funeral. Those are my favorite flowers. So our conversations were a lot different than the other couples our age. And so we had talked about death so often and so many times that you process it as you talk about it over and over and over again. And so we got towards the end. You You can see when the end is coming. I don't know if you've ever seen anyone pass away in hospice care from cancer or not, but they don't look like they used to when they get to the end. And to see somebody that was always so full of life and wanted to live so bad at the end of their life, where life was literally being sucked out of them, it's an image that sticks with you.

And to see the love of your life that was always so beautiful She was beautiful. She always was beautiful, but to see her look so physically sick was very sobering, just to make you realize some things. And so those last few days... I don't know how much detail you want, but I can tell you how the last three days went. I woke her up. I think this was Wednesday. Yeah, woke her up. She was pretty tired still. She had slept from 9:00 PM to 11:00 AM. Never got up to go to the bathroom one time, which I knew was the first sign. She was skin and bones. Woke her up. I was finally like, I better wake her up because she doesn't like to miss anything. So we take her. I get her in a wheelchair, bring to the living room, and she's visiting, talking, but she just kept trying to fall asleep. She didn't have any medicine in her, so it wasn't the medicine. It was just her body is starting to shut down. I'm seeing these signs. I'm looking at her. So I think it was noon or 1:00, and I was like, Why don't you...

You need to go to the bathroom? I was like, Let's go try to go to the bathroom. So go into the I get her to the restroom, I get her onto the toilet, and she can't go, which is telling me not only can she not go, she literally can't. There's just nothing. She's just her body... She hasn't eaten anything in days. She's not drinking water anymore. It's just she's shutting down. And so I get her off. She spends like 20, 30 minutes trying to go to the bathroom, can't. I get her back in the wheelchair. And I think the energy that she used to try to stand up as I helped walk her to the wheelchair. It was enough energy to send her over the edge a little bit. And she had this episode, and she was looking up at something, and her head was shaking. And I was like, Haley, Haley, are you okay? She wasn't talking. It was frightening. I didn't know what to do, so I grabbed my phone to get a video of what she was doing so I could send it to the hospice nurse because I didn't know what to do or what was happening.

So I sent it to her, and I think her words were, She's close. I'm on my way. And so wheeled Haley back into the living room, and Right when we got to the living room, she just went limp. And I was like, Oh, no. So I picked her up like a baby in my arms, and I'm screaming out, Don't go like this. Don't go. Please, I'm screaming at God, Don't take her like this. I can't do this. And she's just limp in my arms. And then my son Weston is coloring in the other room. What he hears is his father screaming. Well, he comes running in and sees this whole scene unfolding. I'm telling him, go back to your room. I didn't want him to see anything like that. I pick her up and I get her in the chair. I'm trying to figure out if she just literally died in my arms. And when I went to check her pulse, she just goes... She comes to totally alert, looks at me, and she's like, what are you doing? And I'm like, I'm super confused at that point. She was like, I'm thirsty. Can I get some water?

And I'm like, Yeah. I was like, Do you know what just happened? She was like, No, I've just been in I'm like, We went to the bathroom, right? She's like, No, I've been in my chair all morning. I have no memory of going to the bathroom. And so then I really knew. I called her parents and called some friends that were refusing to say goodbye until they literally had to. I called them, called our pastor. And my mom took Weston. He was doing a a science camp this day. So she took him to science camp. Pastor came. We all prayed over Haley. And she had always said, When I go, I want to be in my chair, surrounded by all the people I love. That's how I want to go. And so she's in her chair. She's surrounded by mostly all the people she loves. The others haven't gotten there yet. And she wakes up, and right when the prayer ended, she comes to, and she's looking at everybody, looking at her. She's just surrounded by everybody. And she looks at him and she's like, This is it, isn't it? This is the end. And then she started getting scared.

I don't know. And she started panicking. And then the hospice nurse was like, Oh, we need to give her some anxiety medicine. She's going to have a panic attack. And so give her some anxiety mess, and it calms her down. And then a few hours later, I realized I needed to go get Weston so I could explain to my son for the last time that mommy is going to heaven. This is it. I go get Weston, and we come home, and I bring them in, and everyone leaves to give us some privacy. I just looked at Weston, and I I was like, I told you that mommy was going to go to heaven. And he said, Yeah, I know, dad. I said, Well, Jesus is coming. And I just want you to know that your mother fought really hard. And I wanted him to understand. We were both holding Haley's hand, and Haley was in a sleep state. And I was like, I want you to know that it's nothing that you did wrong because kids will blame themselves. I said, Look at me. I was real serious. Look at me, son.

Yeah.

And I said, You are an incredible son. And the reason that your mother is here right now is because of you. And that she's fought this long, it's because of you. And there's nothing that you did wrong. You have been a perfect child for us. And it's just going to be me and you soon, and I'm going to need you, and you're going to need me. And he was just nodding his head. And he was grabbing his mom's hand, and she just came, too, out of nowhere and looked at Weston, and Weston said, I love you, mommy. And she said, I love you, too, Weston. And that was the last thing she ever said. And she Slipped into a coma state for the next two days. And just everyone, just people poured over the house, like one after another. I just don't think you all know how many friends we have in our hometown and how many people loved her, especially after the story really blew up. But people coming one after another saying goodbye, laying on her legs, crying. People I never thought see cry. One story that impacts me is Haley's family has had this sweet woman that has cleaned their house since Haley was born, and she's basically a part of the family.

She's seen Haley grow up. She doesn't speak very much English, but she is the sweetest, kindest woman. We love her like family. During the hospice, during the hospice, she was cleaning our house weekly because we were having so many visitors and there was so much going on that the house was just a wreck all the time. And so she was coming all the time to help. And she couldn't communicate well because she doesn't speak a lot of English. But I was talking to Haley's mom and I said, should we call Elvira? And she was like, we should. I think we should. I said, she's I'm not a part of Haley's life since birth. We got to call her. So we call her, and she shows up with her sister who speaks English. And to this day, she came in, and she collapsed on Haley and just, oh, my gosh, it was awful. Just to see someone that had been a part of somebody's life, not extremely intimately, but there for 30 years and couldn't even communicate with this person very well, other than head nods. But to see the love that she had for Haley in that moment was very powerful to me.

It impacted me. It just speaks to the power of love. You can love someone without even communicating with them. It just really impacted me. But anyways, that one sticks out to me. But I think Friday morning or Friday night, she was in her chair, and her breathing was starting to change. I laid out some chairs from the dining table so I could lay down next to her in the chair. So her favorite season is Christmas, so she loves Home Alone, and it was July. So we put on Home Alone, and I laid on these chairs. There's a picture on my page. I just cuddled her for the last time and laid with her, and we watched Home Alone. And then finally, I went to bed, and her sister was really helpful in giving her the meds every few hours. That was just something I really struggled with. I did everything a caregiver does, but I just struggled with giving her the morphine every few hours. Her sister stepped up and did that. And so I remember she woke me up at 6:00 and said, We need you to come now. Her breathing's changed, so I go.

I run next to her chair and holding her hand. And we're just silenced. I'm sitting there. It's her sister, me, and Haley's cousin. And she takes three big breaths and then just lets out a big sigh. And that was it. Her cousin said, Time of Death, 608. And I'm sobbing, crying. I had read the book, or I've been reading the book, Imagine Heaven. I started reading it before then. And in the book, they talk about when you pass away, your spirit goes up, and it lingers in the top of the room. So when she passed, I knew that she was up there. So I looked up and I blew her kiss. And then he had said, Time of Death 608. And then I realized When I did the Iron Man for ovarian cancer, I got the Iron Man tattoo, but underneath I got my favorite Bible verse, Isaiah 6:8. She died at 6:08. It says, For I hear the voice of the Lord saying, who shall I send? Who will go before us? I said, here am I, send me. And that's the way I like to live my life. And in a way, I feel like she's the first to go of our friends and our generation.

That she was like, here am I. Send me. I'm coming. I don't know. It's just something that I hold on to. I've told this on the Get Back podcast that I went on. But when the hospice nurse came and asked, I need you to do one more thing for your wife. I was like, What is that? And she said, I need you to carry her from the chair to the bedroom because we want to make her look presentable so everybody can come in and spend some time with her. And we just need some privacy to do that because it was in the living room. So she said, I can get someone. I'll call someone to come move her if you want. I was like, no, it's my job. That's what I'm put on this Earth to do, is to do this and let me do it. So everybody stepped out, went to the backyard. I have two big bay windows by the chair, so you can see right into the living room. And I went to pick her up. Like I've said before, you expect it to be an organic feeling of picking somebody up, but she had been passed away for over an hour.

She was very cold and stiff at that point, which It just was not natural, and it sticks with me. I picked her up and walk into the bedroom, and I glance out the back window, and I see all my friends and family, friends I've grown up with, they're all standing there silently, not talking to each other, watching me carry my deceased 30-year-old wife. They talk about how impactful that was for them to see that. I carry her into the bedroom and I set her down on the bed. I speak about this all the time. I'm a religious person. I just am. Just as Christ on the cross said, it is finished. He carried out his mission, right? It is finished. I literally laid her down and I looked up and I said, It is finished. I had eight years of all the Memories of taking care of her, the sleepless nights, the hard talks, the fears, the appointments, the medical bills, the scans. I can't tell you how much of it crossed through my mind in a matter of a second. It is finished. I fell on my knees and I said, I've finished the race.

I did it. I can hold my head up and know that I was committed to the end and that I never left and that she was my priority and that carrying her was my last 1% to give to her. I had expended everything at that point. So it was a very sentimental moment for me and very impactful that I felt that I had finished the race. And I was proud of what she went through and how she carried herself and the impact that she made on so many people. And I say it all the time, I'm just damn proud of her. And she's my hero. And I'm just honored that I got to be the one to have a front row seat You know?

I have no words. I mean, the thing you said earlier about telling your son, here you are caring for your wife. In a situation nobody should have to go through. And here you are, thinking out for your son and letting him... To think through the fact that, you know what? There might be a chance that he doesn't understand what's going on right now. So I'm going to let him know that no matter what happens, it's not his fault, and that it's going to be okay, and that I love him. Just have the thought to do that.

It's my job as a husband and father that you have to put yourself last. You got to think of your family first, and that's just the job of the role of husband and father. And I just know what an impact my own father made on me, and the talks and the way he spoke to me. And that it's my duty to pass that on to my own son, and that you can impact your son or your child tremendously by speaking life into him, saying the hard things. I never sugarcoat anything with my five-year-old son. I tell him how life is and how it's going to be, and I tell him how unfair life is. And it's become such a thing in our house that we were driving down the road the other day, and there was a car broke down on the side of the road, and we drive by and he goes, Man, dad, life's unfair. I said, Yeah, it is unfair. I'm seeing that what I teach him is actually Starting to set in. But I never, ever waste a day to tell him I'm proud of him. I tell him every day that I love him and that I'm proud of him, and that I think He's an incredible kid, and I want him to know that.

I think some sons go through life, and they don't hear that from their fathers. I think that impacts their growth. I just want Weston to always I always know that I'm damn proud of him and that I know what he's had to go through is not easy, but I always tell him that it's going to make him a stronger person. I tell him that. I said, You're going to be stronger than most kids. You'll see.

What was that transition? You touched on it a little bit earlier from going from caregiver then to just... Your attention is probably more focused on Weston at that point.

Yeah, it was Especially towards the end of taking care of Haley, it was a lot because she had gotten so bad that she needed help with everything. And people don't know this, but she was throwing up 8, 10, 15 times a day because of the blockage from some of the tumor growth. Imagine, I mean, throwing up is terrible, right? Everybody hates throwing up. Imagine doing it 10 times a day for seven months straight. I mean, just imagine. So she would carry around these blue bags that she would throw up, and you find them in hospitals. I have literally PTSD when I see these bags. I hate to look at them because I saw so much. But she just needed so much care. She had another issue that I haven't publicly talked about, and I never will, but it's something private for us that added to the care and made it more difficult. It was a lot of care, a lot of medical equipment and stuff. And she needed help in the night. I was not sleeping a lot. I was trying to not only take care of her, but be a dad at the same time.

I was exhausted. And then when she passed, I was under the mental toll of watching her pass away. And the stress of that and the shock of like, oh, I was afraid of having an empty bed for eight years. Well, now it's happened. I have a cold side of the bed now, for real. Like, this really did happen to me. And so I was under a lot of immense stress. I was planning the funeral at the same time. So I was planning that. I was very stressed out. I didn't eat for six days. Yeah, I was the longest I had ever gone without eating. I just couldn't eat. I was so devastated and distraught. I was dealing with that and getting my house back in order. It's just crazy. After someone passes away in hospice, the people literally come get all the medical equipment within an hour. It's like on to the next one thing. It's just sad. Yeah. And so next thing I know, my house is all the medical stuff's gone. I'm just like, wow, she's gone. She's gone. She's not in my house anymore. She's never coming back. That is devastating. And so the first month or two, transitioning to being a single dad, I was struggling because I didn't know what to do with myself.

I Being able to just focus on Weston. I don't want this to sound bad, but my plate got less full because I was taking care of two people. Now I'm taking care of one. But I was dealing with the stress of The loss of her. So just adjusting to figuring out how to transition from taking care of somebody dying to taking care of somebody who's living.

Wow. So that was- I've never thought about that before.

I've always been a very motivated person. I've always really tried to better... I don't want to be a victim. I don't want you to feel sorry for me because Haley died. That's not what I'm looking for. I want you to value your life. I want you to value where your feet are. Be present where your feet are. When you're with your family, be with your family. I'm trying to teach lessons here. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I'm not a victim. There's way worse things that have happened to people than what I went through. I can tell you that. I just am very passionate about moving forward and being positive and using what's happened in your past to better you for the future. There's a clip from the show Vikings where Ragnar, he's sailing off with his two kids, and they're leaving in their homeland, and the two kids are looking back at the land that they grew up on and all they know. And Ragnar says, Boys, don't look back. Don't waste your time Looking back, we're not going that direction. We're going forward. And that's just an impactful scene because there's no reason.

We look back at things to change us for the future. That's the only reason to look back. We're moving forward now. It's time to take what's changed us and better us for the future. And I'm just blessed that Haley was able to affect me in so many ways.

You showed me a video earlier, and it blew me away. Your physical transformation from losing, I think you said 40 pounds. I'm so inspired by you, man, because to make it to to the other side and then to then decide, you know what? I'm going to eat right and go to the gym and do all these things. I can't imagine the amount of stress your body must have been under taking care of your wife going through cancer and then also taking care of your son. And then now it looks like you're doing well. It's been a year, and from the outside looking in, it looks like you've got your feet under you. You luckily have great community, great family. You've got an amazing son. It looks like things are on the up and up for you. And I'm like, I'm so, so happy for you.

I appreciate that. I am passionate about health because October first, 2022. This was a month before we found out about Haley's running out of options. I can sit here and tell you that if you talk to that guy, you would not recognize him to this guy, not just because of the weight loss, but the mentality.

Well, you showed me, even physically, just looking at the pictures, I was like, you looked like a different person.

I was a different person, physically and mentally. I'm telling you, I was so depressed. I hated myself. I was victim mentality. Poor me. I was getting caught up in my circumstances. Like I was saying earlier, I was letting the circumstances define who I was instead of reveal to me who I was so I could Change. I just had terrible health issues, and I was just in a very bad place. My friends were noticing I wasn't as enjoyable to be around my family the same. I was just in a bad place. I was unhappy with how things were going in my life. And I was worn down by the caregiving. I saw this TikTok, and it said, no one's coming to save you. You got to save yourself. And it just sparked me back Yeah. Like, literally, snap your finger, sparked me back in. And I go in the bathroom, looking in the mirror, and I was talking to myself. I said, no one's coming. You got to save yourself. We're the artist of our own life. I had such a negative attitude, and I realized that I needed to start Looking at what the world was doing for me instead of opposed to me.

Everything is off our decisions. The decisions that we make. I had unfortunate circumstances, but that's just an excuse. I could still make the right decision for myself. I was just in a bad place where I wasn't doing that. And I finally made that switch of it's time to go. And I refuse, and I like to preface this because people get so upset. I don't care if you take antidepressants or anti-anxiety. If that's what you need, I'm all for it. But I don't want to take them. I watched somebody that was dependent upon medicine, and I just don't want to take them. If you feel like you need to take them, that's great. I don't have any issues with that. My own personal preference, I don't want to. So I knew I was depressed, and I wanted to figure out how I could maybe I could change my mentality. So I said, You know what? I'm going to take better care of myself, see what happens. So I'm going to meal prep. I decided that day So I start going to the grocery store. I know nothing about meal prepping or how to do this, and I just start figuring it out.

But I refuse to quit. I wanted to go a year. And normally, I set a month goal, and then I fall off. Yeah. I was like, We're doing a year. Well, then a month later, Haley, we get the devastating news that we're at the end. And that's something that would have derailed me in the past.

Yeah.

Well, I was like, I'm not letting it derail me. We're doing this. Yeah. So I keep going. I keep going. And it really was the only thing that during this hospice journey that gave me the sense of accomplishment, that I was doing something for me. And what I learned is through this process, You're no good to anybody if you do not put value in yourself first. That's not selfish. People think that it's not. It's just like when you're on the airplane, put on your own mask before you put on your friend. How can you put on your friend if you're passed out? So that's why I get up real early. When Haley was still here, I would get up at 4:35, go to the gym, come home, and then wake everybody up, make breakfast for everybody. But I was able to start my day with an hour focused on what I needed to do for me. And then I spent the rest of the day taking care of Haley and Weston.

Don't you think that people that have this view of self-care as, Oh, that's selfish. I feel like from their viewpoint, they might see... They might have somebody in their life that actually is selfish, and then they talk about self care, and they're like, See, I know this person, and they're always all about self, self, self. I think it truly comes down to balance. If someone is too selfless, then that's really bad. Being selfless is good. It's good for everybody. When we're taking care of each other and being there for one another. But if that ever gets out of whack and you're being too selfless, and not taking care of yourself, then you start to drown. And I feel like that must have been... My guess, my hypothesis is you probably were so selfless for your wife and your kid that you've let yourself go to a negative place.

That's what was happening, was I was so focused on them. And also my poor me attitude of my circumstances compounding on each other, that I just got in a bad place. Well, then I wasn't enjoyable to be around. But during this process of valuing my own health. I'm telling you, within weeks, Haley was like, I don't even recognize. Mentally, she was like, You're just a different person. It's like you just flipped a switch. And I said, I believe myself again. I'm finding my purpose again. Even my friends were like, Man, we haven't heard you talk like this in years. You're just like... I'm telling you, it sparked me back in. That's awesome. It just So I went to that health journey. So during the whole hospice journey, I was losing weight and getting more in shape and trying to value my own health because I was learning that I I was disrespecting Haley because I wasn't valuing my own health. Here's someone that has cancer that wasn't given a choice. I have a choice, and I'm going to sit here, eat gallons of ice cream and not be physically active, and not do the right things.

I'm basically spitting in Haley's face by doing that. I need to show her that I'm grateful for the body that I was given, that I don't have any health ailments that I got to worry about, that I'm going to put value into being able to be active and do new things. And she just loved that I had just found this sense of gratefulness for health. She just thought that was amazing. It just really changed my whole outlook. And for someone that went through what I went through, when I was speaking about the medicine, if anyone should be on any depressions or any anxiety, it's probably me.

Okay.

Why not Why not? Well, I guess-Well, that's why I want people to experience from when you put value into your own health and you're putting the right foods in your body, you get this feeling of you're doing the right things. It's a really positive mindset. You're feeding your body right. You're doing the right things. And it just... It's allowed me to stay off of them.

Yeah.

And I have such a free It's a mindset, and I want people to know there is an alternative. If you don't want to take the medicine, you can find another way. I just wanted to offer another route that people could try. It's helped me so much that I just want other people to experience the salvation I've gotten from it. I'm passionate about it, and I just am so grateful that I... It's a get-to attitude. Not a I have to. I get to go for a walk. I get to go to the gym. I remember when my alarm went off one morning to get up, go to work, or go work out. Haley was laying next to me in hospice care, and I'm laying there going, I want some more sleep. I don't feel like going blah, blah, blah. Excuses, excuses. I hit the snooze, I roll over, and I'm looking at Haley. She's asleep. And I go, What am I doing? She would give anything to get up and go to the gym. She's literally told me that. And I'm sitting here complaining that I got to go. What is wrong with me? I was like, So her blessing is my burden?

I was like, Man, man up. That's ridiculous.

I I love your perspective.

I love that. And so I literally just had this light bulb moment of like, Let's do it. And so I always think about that when I don't want to go, and it just always changes my mindset.

I love the line of, No one's coming to save you. Save yourself. That's true. Dude, I did a run last month. I hate running. I ran just a quarter of a marathon just to see if I could do it and just to motivate me because I hated every second of it. I ran when it was 95 degrees outside and it was sunny, so that was really stupid. But I was listening to inspirational stuff, and that exact quote came up and it lit a fire underneath me. It's true. Because it was just that realization of Wait a second.

No one's coming.

Exactly.

Everyone's worried about themselves. Yes. Everyone's so worried about what they're doing that no one's like, Oh, let me go over there and make sure and save Taylor. He needs to be saved right now. No one's doing In that. Yeah. And as soon as you realize, Oh, I have the power to save myself. I need to stop waiting around. It just changes everything.

As someone that's gone through what you have in your life, I'm curious about people that come alongside you and your grief and stuff, and how you would recommend someone approach those conversations with you. Because I'm sure some people, well intention people, accidentally say things that do the opposite of what they're wanting to do, and some things are good to hear?

That's an awesome question, actually. I like answering that one. Okay, so first off, if you think by not mentioning what someone went through is better, you're wrong. If you think, Oh, I'm just going to remind them, it's on their mind already. I can tell you that. They think about it all the time. So by not saying anything, you're actually making it worse because you're not showing them that you're real and that you're not strong enough or man enough or to man up enough to be like, Hey, and talk about what's hard in their life. What I find, I've been doing this for eight, nine years where people don't know what to say. You get the normal quotes. Everything happens for a reason. I'm praying for you. That one, even though I'm a believer, the I'm praying for you just makes me mad because I'm like, Are you, though?

Because you feel like they're literally just saying it and actually not doing it.

Are you, though? Or are you just saying it? I'm all for it. Pray for me. That's great. But it's just the standard line. And so some of my buddies really figured out what I like to hear when I'm upset or when I'm going through something is you need to get down on their level and agree with their pain. So if I give you any advice, it would be, say, I call, Hey, Haley's in the hospital again. Then he would go, So, man, that's terrible. No one should have to deal with that. It's unfair. It's not right. I'm sorry, man. It's not right. So what he's doing is he's agreeing with my pain. He's He's not trying to fix my pain. He's not saying, Hey, you should go to the church and pray or give it to God. He's not trying to give me a solution. Just getting down on my level just meant me It means a lot to me. I've encountered some people that have gone through some hardships, and I've texted them, literally getting down on their level of green with their pain. I've literally had them say, This is the best text I've gotten.

Because you just want someone to agree with what you're going through at that time. You don't want someone to say the normal line, let me know if you need anything.

Oh, yeah.

Or- It's like, you want me to think of something to tell you. Oh, go get my groceries. Honestly, how would they react if you said, Here's my grocery list. Go get it.

Get this $250 grocery bill for me and my family. Cool if you cover it.

I don't know. I think being able to agree someone's pain. That's the biggest thing I can tell you. And it will mean a lot to them to not try to solve their problem, but to agree with their problem.

That's convicting. I feel like those people, obviously, I don't think they mean any ill intent. Oh, they don't. But I'm so glad you're saying that right now because people come in with good intentions and actually can make something worse sometimes. Rather than just doing the, Hey, let me know if you need They don't mean anything to be mean or anything.

I'm not saying that by them saying, I'm praying for you, that I'm mad at them or anything. Obviously, just getting a text from them means a lot. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying, if you want to make an impact, get down on their level, agree with their pain.

If someone sent me their grocery list, I would be so happy to get their grocery. Because for me, I'm like, acts of service. I can do this. I don't know. And also it's nice to know someone trusted you with something like that, to take a task.

That is really cool. Well, Taylor, holy cow. I'm looking at Abby's tissue pile on the floor over here.

I'm so sorry. I knew I was going to do this.

How many tissues we got over there?

Abby, she actually almost walked out right before we started recording. You were in the bathroom.

I was like, just do it.

She was like, Can I leave?

I don't want to hear it, but Yeah. It's good. I know that every-I have a few questions for you all.

Oh, my gosh. Now we're being interviewed. Go for it. Yeah, of course, man.

I started following you all. I was telling her we were watching your videos, laying in bed, me and Haley in hospice care.

Our assistant told us that before. I actually write when we found out you're going to be on the podcast, and that shook me to my core.

So think about all these stories I just told you. Now picture her her and her frail body and me laying with her. And we're just watching you all's videos laughing and stuff.

That's wild.

You see the impact you can have on the world by just being vulnerable or opening up. Yeah. It's cool. So I guess my question is, I don't know when you all... I think you started following me back. I don't know when, but I am curious because I know I'm sure you saw us on the For You page at some point.

I'm pretty sure the first video I saw was the one you were talking about earlier about Haley talking to Weston.

Oh, you remembered. Yeah.

Yeah, that is...

Yeah, that's a tough one. That one, I still have trouble watching that one.

I can't even imagine as a mom having to envision your son growing up. You know you're not going to be a part of that. The fact that she did that, it just shows, like you said, she was truly made to be a mom. That selflessness, and that leaving her mark on him. She's incredible.

You're going to make me cry.

You truly honored her, and how you spoke about her, and your dedication to serve her through all that journey, and cancer, and death, that has If there's not a more perfect picture of love, I don't know what is.

And so I'm so sorry.

It's okay. Making me cry. I have a bad habit of...

Okay. But thank you for sharing your story, and for sharing Haley's story. And I just know that there are so many people that are going to be better people because of it. And that just shows that you've accomplished your goal, right? Because that's what you said.

That's what I wanted. That's what we wanted.