Transcript of There's Always Hope When Facing Financial Hardship

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Normal is broken. Common sense is weird. We're here to help you transform your life from the Ramsey Network in the Fairwinds Credit Union Studio. This is the Ramsey Show, and I'm Rachel Cruz, hosting this hour with Dr. John Deloney. It's a special show because we're kicking off our money and marriage events and have many people here in studio that are going to be attending the events, which is so fun. We are here, though, on this show to take your calls. You can give us a call at 888-825-5-225. The lines are open. We're here to talk about your life and your money. Up first, oh gosh, all the way in Alaska, we got Aaron. Hi, Aaron. Hi, how are you doing? We're doing great. How can we help?

So my question is, now I am engaged to the most amazing woman in the world. When we do get married, we've agreed that we want to combine our finances into one account and do that together. But one, I've never combined finances with anybody before, even in my first marriage And two is I actually have some control issues that I know I have. So my question is, what advice would you guys give to people and how we can be successful in doing that together?

It's a great question. Very self-aware, Erin. Tell me about your control issues.

For a person with control issues to say that sentence out loud, that tells me you're pretty special. What does control issues mean?

I've spent the last couple of years in therapy getting over my own personal things and stuff like that the last year or two. I think for me, I get really frustrated when part of it's not getting my way, or I think this is the best way to do this. Why aren't we doing this way? And then just micromanaging things and stuff It's like that. I know it's been an issue in past relationships. I'm not going to say this isn't something that I want to get in the way with me and my fiance.

Bro, this is what changing a family tree looks like in real life. I'm super proud of you, dude. Oh, thanks, man. For real. To be able to say, I've hurt people in the past. I've not been the guy that I want to be, and I want to do something different, and I'm going to go get the education. And now I'm asking for wisdom on, Okay, rubber meets the road. How do I do this thing? That's how the whole country will change if people will start doing what you're doing right now. So hear me say, I'm proud of you.

It's awesome. Well done. Thank you. The last couple of years has been all about that. Good. So good. You mentioned this is your second marriage. Is it her second marriage as well? It is. It is. Okay. Because we do find with second marriages, specifically, that not that it's harder to take this step of combining finances, but there's already been so much pain and hurt and untangling of finances if they were combined in the previous marriage, that going into the second, sometimes it's like a bigger hill to climb to be like, Okay, we're going to do this. But the fact that you guys are doing something even differently than your first with money is so encouraging. What I would do is, when we say combine accounts, that really means mostly your primary checking and any savings accounts. We're not combining any retirement. We obviously want to take advantage of each of you having your own retirement. When you're looking at combining it, there's a couple of things. It's the logistical side of just changing checking accounts, Which some people, we hear that excuse like, Oh, I just don't want to go down to the bank and do it.

It's just so much work. So there's that side. But then there's also the side of realizing, Okay, she is going to spend money on things that you may not truly understand and vice versa. And what's beautiful about that, though, is that's where the conversations start to happen, even in the conflict, that starts to happen. So if you can get ahead of that, Erin, and do a budget together, sit down together and walk through where you want your income to go as you guys combine comes and say, This is one. But you can start having those conversations and engagement. I wouldn't pull any triggers until after you actually are legally married. But this is a great point. And even the wedding planning is a great springboard into this. Create a wedding budget. You guys sit down, even have a checking account for the wedding budget and say, Hey, here's what we're going to spend, and plan that out together. It's a little bit of a test run before you guys actually combine everything and pay bills together.

And I'll give you two practical tips. Okay, you ready? Yeah. I got this from Rachel and from Dave. Tip number one is, since you're the controlling guy and you know that about yourself, I'm guessing, to use Rachel's language, you're the nerd, right? You have a way that things need to be done, right? So you go first and you make the budget and you bring it to your budget meeting, and then you slide it across the table to your wife and you say nothing other than, I want you to look at this and change a few things. And then hold your breath and exhale and do all your breathing exercises you learned in therapy and all that.

Change as much as she wants.

Yeah, change as she wants. And then here's the beautiful part about it. Here's the second tip. Anytime you all get into a conflict on, and when you say, I think we can do groceries for $100 this month, and she's like, Actually, it's 700. And you're like, I'll just eat right. You get in those nonsensical things. I want you to use this phrase, The story I'm choosing to make up is. And for people who struggle with control issues, by framing it that way, you are opening yourself up, you're inviting someone in to challenge your story. And yours might be, The story I'm choosing to make up is you don't think I'm smart, or you think I'm dumb, or you think that I don't know how to do math, or whatever. Then she can say, No, that's not the story at all, actually. Then now you all are coming together on an issue. You get what I'm saying?

Yeah, you're faring under my soul right now, man.

Okay. I may or may not have control issues myself. So being able to just put that on... And by the way, this isn't just going to be your money. This is going to be about sex. This is going to be about kids. This is going to be about where you all live. If you can start hard conversations with the phrase, Hey, this just happened, and the story I'm choosing to make up about it is, then you give somebody an opportunity to come to connect with you. I say this, and I don't mean it to be cheesy, but conflict in marriage can be a great thing. It's a connection point. It means something matters. And when you invite somebody into it, it's amazing. When you start a conflict with, I'm right, or you screwed that up. Or it's your fault. Yeah, it's your fault. Then what you're doing is you're declaring war, and they have to defend themselves, right? Just those two things. And, Rachel, I'm over dramatic. We know that. I like the idea of both of you all canceling your current checking accounts and getting a new bank. Unless you all just have a broed-out relationship.

Because there's something about- Starting over, starting new. You all have both had other marriages. This is us starting completely over on the same page, in the same place. And I like that.

Yeah.

Yeah, and I can I'm listening.

I'm right there with you.

Okay. Yeah. And combining money, it is one of the more scary, vulnerable things, especially when you get married later. If it's your second marriage, like I said, because you're so used to doing something the way you've been doing, and it's worked for you up until this point. And so changing the way maybe you, not necessarily see money, but how you're handling it and then entering into someone else's story, right? That she has her own set of how she grew up, her He's everything. And you guys combining that, it's one of the best things you can do, Erin, for your marriage. It really is. It is such a central point that so many couples miss out on when they choose not to do it because you end up running on just completely two separate paths and you never intersect. You never have a chance to have conflict because it's like, well, that's just his over there, and he's going to just do it. So you guys, you honestly are. You have such courage to step in and do something that's really scary, that most couples wouldn't. Most couples don't. And I think you'll be better for it.

You really will. The intimacy that's created, the conversations that's created, the unity on your goals and your dreams, so much comes out of that funnel of money because money is a tool that creates the ability to do everything. And when you're on the same page with it, it's beautiful. So we're excited for you guys. And you know what? Hold on the line, Erin. Christian is going to pick up. We're going to give you every dollar as a wedding gift for a year.

The premium for a year. Aa, Ron.

Yes. So you guys can...

This one's going to happen. It's all good. We'll have to put it together. I'm excited for you all.

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Up next, we have Bernadette in Tampa, Florida, on the line. Hi, welcome to the show.

Hi there. How are you doing today?

We're doing great. How can we help?

Well, we are blessed beyond all measure. We have a $800-ish house, and we have about 334,000 left on the mortgage. We're both looking, we're both united in wanting to pay it off, yet we are differing in where we go for our refinance. I am We have both been students of Dave Ramsey, and I am very, very tickled with wanting to do a 15. But my husband, stating wanting to mitigate risk for the unforeseen future that he might lose his job, which is to stick with a 30 in the event that we would have then a lower monthly payment.

Sure. Just in case. What makes him think he's going to lose his job?

Right before Christmas, he lost one boss that was traumatizing and unseen enough. And then after Christmas, another boss was let go. Oh, wow. And he works with computers. And five years ago, computer jobs and especially administrative computer geeks, no problem finding a job. It's not as comfortable. Now, according to him, it could take up to a year to find a job, and when he did, it might not necessarily be for the same price tag. I I hear him and I respect him and I understand he has handled our finances swimmingly for the last 15 years of our marriage when we combined our finances. We have a budget. I'm sitting here looking at my budget. We have mapped out what a three-month emergency fund would be and a six-month emergency fund would be. And we have basically two years worth of emergency fund right now.

Oh, wow.

We plan on putting a big chunk on our refinance pants. And then in between all of this, he's also saying, I want to go enjoy the Florida waterways. Let's go get some jet skis. There it is.

Where are you from? Your accent is just wonderful.

I can tell you maybe off the air.

There we go.

Oh my gosh. Sounds like a conspiracy, and I like it. Okay, so a couple of things. Number one, you guys are in a great spot, FYI. If If you don't refinance to a 15-year, you guys are going to pay off your house early, and you guys are on track. You are working your way there. Do you know what I'm saying? You're not restarting something and changing something big. It's just more, how can we effectively do this as fast as possible as what you're looking at. So nothing is on fire for you guys. Just FYI, whatever we talk about on this call, you guys are good. You're moving in the right direction, so be encouraged in that.

And I agree. And it was beautiful. We got to sit down and he showed me. He's like, Here, honey, here's our current mortgage, and this is what it would look like if we paid it off and did nothing else. And then this is what our current accelerated mortgage would look like. And then here's the 15, and the 15 year accelerated, and the 30 year, and the 30 year had accelerated. And he's like, There it is. It's not that big of a difference in the end.

Right. Yes. Yeah, because after you guys refinance... Because your interest rate probably will go up a little, right? If you've had your house this long, if you've paid off half a million dollars of your mortgage already, you probably got your loan, right? Before 2020.

We've only had it for three years.

Okay, so you did get it after a day.

So it may go down a little bit.

So what are you guys... What do you guys make a year?

He makes over 300,000.

Okay.

And that's not counting the blessed stocks and some of the other little folks that go with the jobs.

Okay. That's just based salary, is that for him? Correct. You guys have a two-year emergency fund, you said. If you brought it down to six months, how much could you throw at the house? If you have 300 left, how much is sitting in there?

So six months, as we calculate right now, is about, we'll say 43,000. My take is, let's leave about seven to eight months of an emergency fund just for an extra buffer. Okay.

So how much extra would you have to throw at the house after all that?

You'd think I'd be intelligent enough to write that down?

Oh, sorry. No, you're fine. How much you have saved right now? What's two years for you guys?

So it's about 176,000.

I love how specific you are. 176.

So if you kept 75,000 in an emergency fund, Which is double your 40, and you put a hundred down on this house as part of the refinance. You're down to 200. And you can flip what he told you right back at him, and again, this isn't a a game or a competition, but you called us, and so we're going to side with you. Since it's not that big of a difference, then it's not that big of a difference.

Correct. When we had a conversation, I asked, Did you pray about it? And have you asked or thought counsel? I've been talking to my dad. I've been talking to friends. I've written to you guys. And for him, he's come from a different place in his life. His parents had had to. He said he grew up wondering whether he would lose the house. I appreciate. So for him, he's like, I'm not quitting. I'm not getting rid of my job. I don't think I'm going to get fired anytime soon.

No, but in his nervous system, he has a lived experience of scarcity. This could all go away.

In his mind, to have the The potential of a lower payment mitigates risk for him, and that makes him more comfortable.

I get that. Is he planning on paying the house off early? You guys have a plan to pay it off early.

We are the The accelerated concepts that he had, he's anticipating about eight and a half years. So when he showed the numbers, the 15 year would be about 8. 7, and the 30 year would be about 8. 4. And that's not counting any extra windfalls we might put towards it.

Okay, so, Bernette, anytime I'm faced with an either or, we have to do this plan or that plan. An exercise I go through, and that me and my wife go through whenever it's both when we're at odds on something, is We force ourselves to put four or five other variables on the table. Correct. You make 300 grand a year. You're about to potentially owe only 200 grand on your home. What if you all just sucked it up for 18 months and just paid this thing off?

Yes, that's my plan.

And then all of the risk is off the table completely.

That doesn't matter. You don't need to refinance and get a little lower in... All of it. Everything's been done in 18 months.

And then he can buy the boat he wants in 18 months. If he loses his job, you all can be free. But you're talking about You all are sitting on so much money with earned income and with your equity, your home. I'm telling you right now, if this is in my house, well, I'll tell you right now, this is exactly what my wife and I have done a couple of times, which is, Hey, we're close enough now. Let's just bite the bullet for 18 months and get this thing out of our lives forever. And then we take all risk off the table.

So how does that look like for your family? Does that mean no vacations because he has a high stress job and we have young ones, and he's counting the years until they're out?

No, but you all live in Tampa. You could go down to a public beach and have a great time. That would be a year of not going to some- Yeah, you probably wouldn't blow it out of the water.

To Madrid, right? And we say, Berna, and you probably heard this on the show because you listen. We always say to be intense in baby steps one through three, and then four through six is just being intentional, right? But for you guys, since this is a stress point, something that you're talking about, it's almost a little bit more of that acceleration just to be done with it because of it. So, yeah, we do tell people not to have a mortgage around for eight more years, especially with these numbers that you guys can do this.

And the potential risk that you have in front of you. Think about what he's doing. I wish he was on the phone. He's holding an electric fence and getting electrocuted from it. And he's then telling you, in the other hand, I have to come up with ways to not feel so electrocuted.

What's the electrocution?

The electrocution is, I want to hang on to this mortgage for eight and a half years, and I have to keep working this job. It's super stressful. I can get laid off from any moment, and I'm scared to death of risk. To pay it, yeah. And so let's hang on to this thing.

And what we're not saying is, I do have my license as a nurse. I could go back to work.

You could, and you could get done with this thing in a year, but you don't have to.

Well, I can't do that. I do have three young ones. I'm home, domestic engineer, as it were.

There you go. I like that. But I like the idea of you all letting go of the electric fence at all. If he's really concerned about risk, and his story rings true with me, I understand that feeling, then let's clear this thing off the deck. And so what? We give up elaborate vacations for 18 months. Let's go to the beach every other weekend. We can do that on Saturdays and Sundays. But let's get this thing out of our lives for good. And then we take the 15, 30-year, that proxy war off the table.

Yeah, and it's not a lofty goal. These numbers, totally doable. You make 300 grand. You could do it. You can do it.

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Com/events and book your cabin. All right, let's go to Justin in Chicago. Hi, Justin. Welcome to the show.

Hi. Thank you so much for taking my call. I've been a long-time listener, and I just purchased the Ramsey book, but it hasn't arrived to me yet, and I've just gotten my wife and I are in just some trouble here and just looking for advice and solutions on how to get it taken care of.

Yeah, absolutely. Glad you're here, brother.

What's going on?

Well, there is consumer debt. There is 18,000 in personal loan loans We have 9,800 in a vehicle loan. The other vehicle is paid in full. We have another loan, a Helic loan of 44, Okay. Our mortgage... We did everything right with our mortgage. We put an acceptable amount down. I think we put 25 % down, and we still owe two 72 on our home. Okay.

What's your income, brother? How much do you make? Household?

I make 95, and my wife makes 140.

Oh, sweet.

Good. Okay, so- I know that we can...

I'm sorry to interrupt. I know that we can take care of this in a relatively short amount of time, but I've been listening to you guys for so long. I would just value your opinion on things.

Let me say this first. Rachel will walk you through a plan. I can hear it in your voice, man.

It's been a long time. Yeah.

Hear me say this, and I'm not saying this lightly, I'm glad that you are here. I'm proud of you for recognizing the challenge you and your family are, or challenges you all are in. And A, you've dug yourself a pretty nice hole a hole, and you have a humongous shovel to dig out of it. But you can't go anywhere if you're going to carry around all the past mistakes you made.

Yeah.

So we got to set them down and say, Cool, here we are. Don't ever want to be here again. We're going to head forward and get out of this mess.

I'm ready.

It's awesome, brother. Justin, can I ask? You said you've been listening for a while. What caused some of this stuff? What was the car situation? What's the $18,000 personal loan? Has life just happened, and it's just been exhausting, and you guys feel like you had no way out?

Well, life did happen, but to be perfectly honest, I put us in this situation, and I have taken the necessary steps for quite some time now to correct that.

Are you in recovery?

Well, it's not drugs or alcohol or related or anything like that. It was gambling.

I was going to say, yeah, which is the curse on our generation right now.

For sure.

Yeah, and I never used to be one. In fact, the reason why we were in such a good position earlier on in our marriage was, I mean, obviously, we both contribute and things like that, but I was a stickler on things. And I think we just got to a point where we were doing so well.

Kind of let your foot off the gas.

And I made a lot of mistakes. And it It's been about three months now where I haven't been doing anything and just really, really focusing, just refocusing, I should say, on just just taking care of this. And then I guess then my next goal is, our next goal, I should say, is I'm just going to go full throttle at our mortgage.

That's awesome. It's great. It's always interesting because we get these calls a lot when addiction, some level of something is paired with this debt. That's a pretty common equation. And I think with the extra hill to climb when you're paying this off is like, I think there is a deeper motivation there, especially when you're changing your life and changing your behaviors. But there also can easily be such shame attached to it. It's not like, Oh, gosh, we just decided to go on all these crazy vacations and got an $18,000 credit card debt. 100 %. Yes. But what you were saying, John, is letting that part go. Because Justin, getting rid of this stuff, we can make a plan. That is easy. But it's going to be a more fulfilling journey when you do that deeper, which you may have already done.

And listen to me. I need you to internalize this, okay? You're hearing me? Yes. If you start this debt paying off journey, and you saddle up next to your wife, and you all agree, you all make a blood oath, and you all pay this debt off. If you wake up every day and keep your budget, and check your every dollar app. We're going to hook you up with that for free. If you do all that stuff because you think you're a piece of crap, and this is what you deserve, I promise you 100 % you're going to crash and burn. If you wake up every day and say, I'm doing this because I'm worth not being chained to banks and to mortgages. I'm doing this because I want to be a guy that my wife can anchor into, my kids can anchor into. Because they deserve that. They're worth that. You'll do this forever. And that's why shame will bury you if you're not careful.

Okay? Okay, because that's really what I've been doing.

I know it is. I can hear it on you. You cannot go through, get You go through the baby steps because you think you suck, and you're an idiot, and you're a loser, and this is your punishment. This is the path to freedom. It's not flogging you for what you did in the past. Okay?

Can I ask you guys a quick question about... Sure. It's not... I mean, it's one of those things where I just... How did I get us here? I I know that.

Hold on. It's not a helpful question right now. That's a question between you and your therapist. We're going to start doing the next right thing before we know why. Okay? Because that's a trap. It's a cultural trap. Okay. You're trying to figure out and get to the root of why I'm going to stop yelling at my wife before I stop yelling. That's the wrong order.

But you do need to go see- You've got to do the work.

Yeah, you got to talk to somebody. You need to be in a recovery group. You need to do that stuff. Of course. But we're going to stop gambling today. We're going to stop borrowing money today. Before we get to the root of what happened when all that stuff is well and good. I wrote a book about it. It's important, but it's not the right order. Right now, we're going to stop the harming behavior. And Rachel is going to walk you through a plan right here. It's pretty simple, especially for guys that make as much money as you all do.

Can I just say one real quick thing? I guess I got a little off track, and We do have, I guess I would consider a large sum of money, but I guess I would consider that my wife's because her mom did pass away about four years ago. And It's in a Roth IRA, and there's- Yeah, I wouldn't touch that, Justin.

So keep that. All anything retirement 401(k), Roths, do not touch- Not because it's hers, but because it's in a retirement account. That's right. Because of the tax. Yes, keep that there. And then if you guys have any stocks Any savings anywhere else, throw it at this debt. But honestly, you guys can have this paid off. I mean, with your income in 18 months, you could do this very, very quickly, Justin. So you guys pay off the smallest debt first to the largest and include the heat lock, and then later you can start investing, and then we can look at paying off the house. If you're looking for a more budget friendly way to save on medical costs and stay true to your values, Christian Health Care Ministries is a great option to think about. Chm is not health insurance. It's a health cost sharing ministry, a biblical community-based way for Christians to share each other's medical bills. That means no enrollment deadlines, and you can choose any doctor or hospital you want. That freedom is big, especially if you're self-employed between jobs or you just need something that fits your budget better. Chm has been around for decades, faithfully serving the Christian Community.

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Oh, it's sponsored. Rachel's going through puberty.

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Oh, man. I just pre-read this question, and I felt a rant coming on, so you have to go first, Rachel.

I can't wait.

Read it. Today's question comes from Marco in Arkansas. I saw. Marco, this is for you, brother. Why do you encourage people to have children in Baby Step 2 while they're paying off debt? I understand that babies can be unexpected, but why do you encourage listeners to have a child when it will add a large line item to the budget that could go towards paying off debt? If you didn't have that child, the money... Bro, the money saved could go towards debt. Wouldn't that be a better plan?

Okay, here's what I would say. It would be if the only thing you cared about in life was money. Money is a thing to help your life. So create a life that you love and let money support that. So yes, get married during Baby Step Two. Have babies during Baby Step Two. Like, money is not your life. This is not your life. Now, sometimes it has to be for a season to get yourself in a better financial position, and you may be obsessed for a year or two to get out of debt. Absolutely. But that doesn't pause the bigger things in life, which are your health, your spiritual your life, your family. Those things Trump money. You have to understand that. Now, again, I will say with the caveat, always there are sacrifices you make, but we're not sacrificing those things. That creates a full life. So no, have babies. Have babies in Baby Step 2. Have two babies in Baby Step 2. Make it a twofer.

Have five. Have five babies, Marco.

I wonder if Marco has babies. I will say, out of all the Ramsey personalities, not to throw him under the bus, he's not here. Maybe he can come in and do a segment. George is someone that's like, Hey, if you are stressed to the max and you keep on having bait, you're going to continue to be stressed.

I know, but George also opens his garage with a cell phone. He's like a special case of anxious.

I'm saying on an extreme case, extreme, extreme, extreme, you may, I don't know, think twice about it. I think that's what George may say. But overall, my philosophy is the big things in life are always going to Trump money. And so have a life that you want. Well, go, John. Now, here's your rant.

No, that's just- What?

You have to rant. I barely ranted.

No, I'm good. Because I'll be ugly.

No, you won't. Go.

You're never- Let me say this. As somebody who... We struggled to have kids for years. We've lost a lot of pregnancies. And I've got two kids that if you had told... Again, on paper, you have a child, it messes up your money, it changes your relationship. It changes your sex life, it changes everything. Yeah, not just money. And so the algorithm on paper It doesn't work. And if I could snap my fingers and have one thing different in my life, I would have more kids running around my house because of the depth and the purpose. You don't know who you are, I believe, until you feel the weight on the squat rack. And that can be... Some people can't have kids. I've been there. And so that can be in your purpose. That can be in the things that you're doing. That can be in the responsibilities that you put yourself underneath that you get to carry. That's where you fight purpose. And so I can't think of anything greater, any greater calling, if you're able to, than to go have kids. And so to pause it because I'm a part of this plan. Man, you'll pay off debt as you go.

That's right. Because, I mean, following your same line of logic, Marco. And again, by the way, I want to be sensitive to those who can't. I've been there. I know that. To those who have lost pregnancy, I've been there. I get it. And I can't also not say that it's not super stressful, doesn't cause fights in your marriage, it doesn't cause... It's hard. And anything in the world worth doing is hard, right? But following your same thing, Marco, let's not have a car then, because that's an extra expense. Let's just walk. And let's not have a home. Let's live in a tent. We can do that cheaper. You can follow this line of thinking all the way out. All the way, yes. That's so true. So we want you to follow a plan that you can actually do. We want you to make sacrifices where you need to. And the sacrifices we're talking about are going out to eat, for God's sakes, and vacations for crying out loud, and working extra jobs. All that stuff is important, especially for a season. But man, the big stuff. Like build a marriage with somebody while you're getting out of debt.

That's amazing. Navigate having a kid and having to also make sacrifices. Create a family during it. Yes. And learn learn how to say no, learn how to say not yet. All those things give you the life that you really want down the road.

And I would say, too, along those same lines, I think it's so common for people to say, We'll have kids when. And it could be a financial goal, a career. That was It's a miracle, a whole thing. And it's like, there will always be something to be chasing. So just do it. That's where I've changed in life. I'm a little bit like, Have kids. Have them soon. Have them soon. Well, Marco, you're fun. Thanks for the question.

Hey, you know what I'm guessing? I'm guessing Marco- Because you're mad to be in his wife? Here's what I think. I think Marco's wife wants to have kids. I know. And he's trying to come up with reasons to not. I want to hug her.

I want to hug her.

Have six, Marco.

Have six. Okay, let's Let's go to Mariah in San Diego. Hi, Mariah. Welcome to the show. Hi.

Thanks for having me. I'm so nervous to talk to you guys.

Oh, don't be.

I'm nervous. I'm sitting by Rachel Cruz for crying. How do you think I feel?

We're glad you called.

My husband says I'm a glutton for paying by calling because she knows you're going to yell at me.

No. You call when Dave's not here. We will not yell. I know.

I know. I'm relieved. So we have been half listeners for the last eight years of our marriage, and we pretty much impulsively bought a house because we wanted to have a house before our first baby. And so we've been in this house for four years now. And it is 50 % of our income. And it is exhausting. It's like sucking the life out of us. However, my husband runs his business out of our three-car garage. So we don't really know what to do because we have renters And that's how we stay alive.

And so if it was all on us- You have renters in your home?

Correct. Two are family, and then one, somebody that we found, and we did background checks and everything, and he's phenomenal. So we love our renters, and We love the environment in our home. It's just if one of them were to back out or all three of them, we would not survive on our own.

Yes. Is it 50 % with just what you guys are paying plus what the renters are paying, or that includes the renters?

50 % includes the renters. So we get 2,400 a month from renters. And we make 6,400 on our portion. So we get about almost 10,000 a month. On average, it's about 9,500 a month. And all of our house mortgage and bills come up to about 53 a month.

How much is just the mortgage? Not the bills, but just the mortgage.

43.

43, yeah. Yeah, I mean, you're definitely in a high-risk situation, and you're having to depend on these people exactly how you're feeling. Yeah. I think unless he's going to be getting a significant raise anytime soon, is the business he's running his own business, is there an upward trajectory? Are you guys looking out and say, Okay, yeah, in two years, it's going to double? Have you done projections, like how it's been, a pattern so far? Yeah.

So he just started in May of last year. So he's not even a year in. And he did $125,000 before taxes last year, and we took home about $86,000 of it. And so he's been doing really well, and he took off. And because of his experience with his previous job, he's got really frequent clients, and he's getting a lot of really great work. So he sees a lot of growth, and I see a lot of growth in the company.

How fast will that grow?

Potentially in the next year, we're even thinking that he could double it. So we see a lot of growth, but that's the biggest thing is we need the three-car garage because renting a space out here for that price is at least 4,000 to 6,000 for the space that he needs with the tools and everything that he would need to move.

Right.

But my fear is you've already left the house.

What do you mean by that?

My fear is you're already out, and you all can come up with a bunch of reasons to stay, but I feel you're already out.

Yeah, the stress is weighing on you, Mariah. So what I would do is I would have benchmarks for you guys, because if you doubled it, then it goes from 50 % to about 35 %, if my numbers are right. And then if you double the business again, if it really is that successful, you guys will be fine in 24 months. But the question is, you have to have benchmarks, and if you can sustain that for 24 months and hold your breath and say, Let's see if this works, you could. But if it does not double in a year, you guys have to have a hard and fast rule to say, we're selling. We're getting out of this if it does not happen.

Dave, we got a lot of calls on this show where life happens. One day someone's healthy, they're working, providing for their family, and then a curveball hits.

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Welcome back to The Ramsey Show in the Fairwinds Credit Union Studio. I'm Rachael Cruz, hosting this hour with Dr. John Deloney. The phone lines are open. You can give us a call at 888-828-825-5225. We're going to go to Little Rock, Arkansas, and talk to Skyler. Hi, Skyler.

Hey, how are you doing today?

Hi, we're doing great. How can we help?

Well, I make annual income of 31,700 a year, and I'm in a bind with a car payment and a TV payment situation, too. The car is It's worth $28,000 when I got done financing it, and the payment's $529 a month.

Holy smoke.

Yeah.

And then you went and bought an ATV?

Yeah, for $10,000, and that's $252 a month.

I don't want to kick you while you're down, but that's a very Arkansas thing to do, right? Yeah. It's a Texas thing to do, too. So there we go. So pot talking to the kettle here.

Wow. Yeah, it's terrible. So I'm thinking I'm just going to have to get rid of this car. Correct. Yes. And I got a cash car sent over here. It's a Honda Civic 2009, so I'm fixing it. I'm fixing it up.

Good for you. How much money will you have to put into that?

Not very much. I got a new water pump installed, and all it needs now is a oil. Well, that's great. A VBT oil gasket. It'll be good to go.

So why are you calling us? You already know what to do.

Well, so you got 28,000. Is that what you owe on the car? How much could you sell it for? Oh, no, Scott. Guys, say it again.

The negative equity is $10,000. So I'll be negative $10,000 upside on the car. Okay.

So you can sell it for $18, is what you're saying? Yeah. Okay. So you just have to take a small loan out, if you can, for 10 grand. And how about the- Is there any way I can go through fair wins?

Or is there any possible way I could do it that way?

You'll have to call them, and they'll sit down and check out your history. Yeah.

I mean, a credit union or a local credit union would be a great option. They're usually more willing to work with people and looking at their specific situation. How about the ATV? What could you sell it for?

I'm not really sure. I haven't looked in the value on the ATV yet. It might be maybe the value is 7,000, possibly, since it's new.

Yeah. Well, I would encourage you on that one to probably just try to save up the three grand if you can for the difference and be done with it. And thank God you have this other car. I mean, honestly, that's a lifesaver in this situation.

I used to be debt-free. I used to be debt-free a long time ago. I was managing money really good, and I just had a... I messed up.

Yeah, it happens.

We've all been there, dude.

It happens. How old are you, Skyler?

I am 27.

Okay, good for you. What do you do for a living?

I work at NDX Greens. I'm a delivery driver working three days a week. I deliver teeth Okay. To the North Arkansas region.

What do you deliver?

Teeth.

I deliver dentures. I'm a delivery driver for green.

This is becoming my favorite call of all time, ever. I deliver teeth. Amazing. To North Arkansas. Amazing.

What are you doing the other two days a week?

The other four days a week.

Well, I spark all the time, and I just work.

You spark all the time. Is that like a weed reference?

No, it's a I got a grocery delivery platform through Walmart.

Okay, got you. Got you. Okay. How much is your teeth delivery job? How much does that pay?

15, 20 an hour.

Okay. Do you get more The car is doing that or the spark? Grocery delivery.

Grocery delivery, I could pick up maybe around four weeks, $800. So that's a little extra money in my pocket. It's just if I can get these car payments I'll be so much better off.

Yeah, but you're still very, very economically vulnerable, brother.

Yeah. Because what about to lose my job?

I want to get you up to 50 or something, right?

Yeah, you can't afford a flat tire. No.

Okay, so- I can barely afford tires on this car, and I had to put it on a credit card, which is- No, you didn't.

You chose to. But here's the deal. Yeah, I chose to. Here's the deal. Why don't you pursue more stable work?

Well, I could possibly find a different position. It's just- You could 1,000 million, billion % find a different position. It's just I love three days a week, though, but sometimes we have to sacrifice for it to achieve what we want to achieve.

I think we do, Skyler. I think we do. I think 40 hours a week.

Working. Dude.

Yeah, we got to up the ante.

You have to get in the game of life, my brother.

Yeah. Because, Skyler, not that money brings happiness. We're not saying that, but there is something about having stability.

Meaningful work does bring happiness.

Okay, fair. Thank you, Ken Coleman. Yes, thank you. It does.

If you ever call me Ken again.

It is true. If I could be more stable and have no payments, I mean, that's just the way to go.

Well, exactly. But I'm going to send you Ken Coleman's book.

And an emergency fund and a retirement account. Are you dating?

I do have the Every Dollar app. Oh, good.

Yeah, but you don't He doesn't have any money to budget with.

Yes, he does. He's got like three grand a month.

And 80 % of it goes to- It's a car payments. He's got three budget categories. Food, not dying, ATV. Okay, brother, I'm going to send you Ken Coleman's book, Find the Work You're Wired to Do, and it has a career assessment in there. I want you to get serious. I want you to do this exercise tonight. I'm being totally serious. And I appreciate you having fun with us on this call. Listen, I want you to write a letter to 37 your-old you tonight.

Okay.

I want you to write him a letter about the life he's going to have because you chose to get off your butt and stop coasting, literally, through life.

Yeah.

And the work you put in today, entering into your late 20s and into your early 30s, will be the platform from strength, from integrity, from work ethic, from skills, and- Contribution to the world. Yes, purpose People that you meet and shake hands with, and they learn to trust you, those things will be the anchor points of your life at 37. I want you to write yourself a letter and say, Here's who I chose that we were going to become. You're welcome.

And how I discovered The Ramsey Show is, I know this guy that lives in Heaver. He told me about The Ramsey Show, and I got involved, and I started listening to the podcast. I was like, Wow, this is the same situation I'm in.

Well, game on then.

A mirrored situation. Yes.

I listen to the off podcast every day, going down the road, delivering dentures and working.

Not every day, only three days a week.

Yeah, three days. Well, if I can find an old one, I'll review the old ones and listen.

Oh, Skyler. You know what? You're great. I'm with John. You're awesome. Yeah. Finding some purpose. You know what I mean? Like, finding- By the way, delivery dentures is such a great gift. Yeah, I'm not saying that, but it's the coasting, sleepwalking vibe that I'm getting, that it's like, Hey, just let's add a little bit more.

A whole bunch more. A whole bunch more of excitement and spark. Ask yourself that scary, terrifying question. You only get one roll of the dice in this life. One life. Are you just going to cash it out, barely getting by, driving three days a week? Or are you going to say, Hey, I was put on this planet to contribute, and here's what that's going to look like. And part of contribution means I'm going to have peace, I'm going to be anchored, I'm going to have some security so that I can offer that for other people. And man, that means not working, just coasting three days a week. That means getting after it.

Yeah. Hold on the line, Skyler. Christian will pick up. We'll get you Ken's book. But you have some great foundational things that you're doing already with Habits with Money. We're going to have to make just some big changes to really leapfrog and jump forward in some progress, which I believe you could do.

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From next, we have Susan in Indianapolis.

Hi, Susan. Welcome to the show.

Hi. Thanks so much for having me. What an honor it is to speak with the both of you.

Oh, thanks for calling in. How can we help?

Okay. My question in the most condensed form is, how should I handle finances as I go through a divorce?

Oh, man.

What's going on?

I told myself I wouldn't cry.

Oh, it's okay.

No, you're good. I'm glad you're here.

My husband of 21 years decided to walk away, and I was completely blindsided by it, which has left me living fear and uncertain of my future. So I'm trying to solve for peace and security. Dr. John, earlier in today's call, you had talked about having options, and I have some options, and I was just wondering if you could help me with the best step forward.

Yeah, go for it. Put some on the table for us.

Well, so we currently live in my husband's family farm, we purchased the home a few years ago and remodeled, and I thought this would be my forever home. I do not want to leave. However, he does not want the home, but he does not want me living there because I will no longer be a part of that family.

Before we get going, I want to give you a couple of frameworks, okay?

Sure.

Whenever Whenever somebody files for divorce, whenever somebody says, I'm leaving, what happens next, you go from married to we go to a business transaction.

Right.

I want you to have this. I want you to tattoo this on your... Not for real, but I want you to tattoo this on your spirit, okay? Okay. He no longer gets a vote. You all making a business transaction. When he chose to leave you, he took his name all out of the box that sits in the middle of your table of people who get to speak into your life. For a time being, he's going to be replaced with a lawyer. You get what I'm saying?

Yes.

And this is how you begin... Because what you're feeling, what you're talking about, I've heard this, I mean, thousands of times, that sense of loss and bewilderment, there is literally a death, and it was your marriage, and you have to grieve it as such, but that takes time. But that other thing you're feeling is a sense that you don't even trust yourself. How did I miss this? I should have seen this coming. What should I have done differently? All those questions. A, there's never going to be great answers to those questions, but it's natural that you ask them. But the way you begin to regain trust in yourself, that the ground becomes firm underneath you, is you begin drawing very clear concrete boundaries about not what he wants, but what you are going to do next. Okay. Okay? And that's why we hire a good attorney. They're worth their weight in gold, because it's literally hiring somebody to fight for you when you can't fight for yourself. Okay?

Okay.

If you want to keep this house, then you have to go to the next layer, which gets a lot of folks in your situation in trouble, which is, I'm emotionally attached to this house. This was my forever home. I don't want to leave. But I have a math problem. I can't afford to live here. That's what you have to be brutally honest with yourself about. And then he gets to buy out, write you a humongous check for your part of the equity.

Currently, he is paying for the mortgage and all living expenses while I stay there. And his proposal is that I can stay for up to maybe three years.

Okay, let me say this. He doesn't get a proposal. I mean, he can tell his attorney what he proposes.

And we We are, yes. We're in negotiations right now. So I'm just trying to figure out what is best for me in this negotiation stage.

In no world am I going to let the guy who just walked out on a 20-year marriage be my landlord.

Yeah.

No way.

How much is the house worth, Susan?

Probably about 350,000. Okay.

And how much do you guys owe on it? On the low-end?

240.

Okay. And question, with But with this family, with this being family land, number one, I'm just curious, do you enjoy his family? You want to create a life still in that? I would.

I would go to an estate sale and get a whole bunch of toilets and just line the property line with old toilets. That's what I would do.

We bought three acres in the middle of 80. And so they own all of the land around where we are.

Okay. Because sometimes when there's a family land deal, there's something written within. Is there anything that, legally, you could take this on, correct? No, there's nothing in writing that...

We said we would never sell it outside of the family. There's nothing in writing.

That's what worries me a little bit, Susan, Is that my only fear, even if the numbers work, and I could be wrong, that you stay on this property with his family surrounding you, you want to start a new life, and then you're like, Hey, I'm just making this up. Me and this other guy in five years want to move close over here, and now you're stuck, and you can't sell that house because- I wouldn't want to do that.

I would rather my son, who is... I know he's only 17, but he said when he's I don't want to put him in that either.

Okay, let me say... I'm going to say one more thing, and it's caustic what I'm going to say, okay? Okay. And this is like a hard truth. And if you and I were hanging out, I would wait for about an hour to say this thing, but we only have a few minutes, okay?

Hit me.

The life you had is over.

Gone.

The dreams, the wants, the things that I want to be in the future are now over. They're different now.

I hear you say that all the time, so thank you for- I know, but it hits hard.

I know. I don't say it lightly. I'm not trying to be braggadocious.

No, it's okay.

But trying to think of the way things should have been, where you all have this amazing place on this amazing property, and you deed it over to your son, who's then 28, and he's got a young family, all of that, your husband ended it. He set it on fire. And so that dream, that picture you had of coming back to your old house that he now lives, your son now lives in with his young family for Thanksgiving, you have to put that picture that you've painted in the grief pile. You know what I'm saying?

I do.

And I hate that for you.

And we want to do what's best for Susan. Susan in the next three years, and Susan in the next 10 years and 15 years. So it's looking so far ahead, which is probably so hard to do right now in the middle of the pain. But I just don't want you to make a bad financial decision that traps you in something that Susan 10 years from now, can't freely live out.

Got it. So then I do have some other options, but I don't know if these are good options either.

Okay, let's do it. Yeah, tell us what those are.

In the divorce, I get half of the 401k. And my financial advisor has told me that I could take that without penalty and put that towards the down payment on a house.

Do you have anything else in retirement?

I do. I will get about 31,000 in a Roth IRA, and then I have about 10,000 in mutual funds.

How much is going to come over in the 401(k)?

All of it.

I mean, how much is that?

What dollar amount is that?

I'm sorry?

What dollar amount is half of the 401k? What would that be? No.

Oh, 106,000?

106. And then equity, you'll get probably That's what you're doing now? I'm doing 50,000-ish. Fifty grand.

Yeah.

And how much do you make a year? How much are you working?

I am. 45,000.

You make 45,000. Okay.

I would not pull out a 401k.

I would. You know, Susan, Honestly, I would probably just go rent something for a year and settle some of this. Then you can really take your time looking, because if you have the ability to put down a great down payment and find a little home and your payment is no more than 25% of your take home money, it's all in the parameters of buying a home wisely. I would be great if you did that, but you don't have to do that next week.

No, don't do that.

Yes, I mean, don't.

Don't do it for 6-9 months.

I would put a lot of this stuff, and I would just hold it and wait a year and grieve, and then let's look at options. But I probably would get out of this house if I was you.

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Well, over on the debt free stage, we have Kyle and Sara from Akron, Ohio. Hey, you guys. Hello. Hey. Hi. Welcome to the show. Thanks for having us. Well, what an exciting day. So how much debt have you guys paid off?

Paid off 150K.

Oh, my gosh. What did that consist of?

That was our house.

Oh, my God.

Paid off the house. Baby steps, steps.

You all look like you are 17. How old are you?

I'm 33. 37.

Oh, my. You have a paid off Our house at 33? Yeah, we do. That's crazy.

Well done. How long does that take you?

47 months, just shy of four years.

47 months. Oh, my gosh. Okay, and how much were you guys making during that time?

Started right around a 120, upped it to about 145.

Okay. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so what happened? What was it, four years ago that you thought, We're going to pay off our house. We're going to be in our early 30s, mid-30s, and have a paid-off house. How did that happen?

Yeah. So we ended up buying our house in September 2021. Almost immediately, I looked at Sarah and we were like, Hey, what would happen if we were able to go ahead and knock this out in less than five years? And we just started tackling it, just attacking it every single month. And we really looked at it and we said, Hey, how do we have more options in our life, have more peace? Really just wanted to go ahead and just provide more wiggle room, I would say.

Oh my gosh, how much is the house worth?

House is worth around 3: 30. Okay.

Amazing, you guys. That's incredible. How does it feel?

It feels absolutely amazing.

I mean, just wild. Okay, so what was the journey like? What did you guys do? What were things that you said no to? What were things that maybe you added on? I mean, you were pretty intense. You guys really were focused on this.

Yeah, we were attacking it pretty heavily, but I would say that one of the first things that we did was just come in more prepared. When we actually came into the house buying process, we were like, Okay, how much can we put down? And we ended up putting down 115K. And again, your principles here at Ramsey helped us do that just to be able to get that within that 25% mortgage payment that we were looking to try to have.

But if you walked in, I want to double click on that discipline that you all had as a couple. If you walk in with 115 grand, you qualified for a house twice as much as 350 grand. On your income, they would have given you the world, and you all said, No, we think we can find joy and have a great life in this house that we can own outright in five years.

Yeah, and it was during the times when the interest rates were super low, too. So that was advice that we were going back and forth.

Oh, yeah. Also, it was really stupid that you all paid that off, right? Yeah. So dumb. Dummies, dummies, right? Nobody pays it off with a low interest rate.

Oh, my gosh. Okay, so for you guys as a married couple, what does that look like? We're talking about the money in marriage event this weekend. How did you work together as a team? Who's more of the free spirit? I'm assuming you're probably more of the nerd, Kyle. Is that true?

I am definitely more of the nerd.

I felt it. I felt that energy.

I have my every dollar budget. We have our spreadsheet that we're looking at on a regular basis. And that gave me a lot of, I would say, momentum and gave us momentum just to be able to see if you change that number on that spreadsheet, how quickly could we get out of debt? We had a 15-year mortgage and start playing with those numbers and you're able to see, Okay, we could get out in 10 years. What could happen if we up it another $500, another $1,000? Hey, we could get done in five years.

And the interest you don't pay when you do that. That was a big piece for me. I was going to say that's what's motivating. Same with me, girl. That's the motivation of like, Oh, my Loads of interest you all get to keep and spend on whatever you want.

I was actually looking at your values here at Ramsey just the other day, and it talks about relentless focus over time multiplied by God equals unstoppable momentum. And I really do think that's been our story is just looking and saying, God, we're praying for abundance here, and just seeing those extra paychecks come in or those little bonuses come in and be able to say, Hey, we're throwing an extra two grand, three grand at this, and really just having that belief that it's possible at the end of the day. So I think that's been our biggest move.

All right, so, Sarah, I'm getting some along for the ride energy from you. How did you hang on for four and a half years? Oh, not to Kyle. No vacations, no new cars.

I would say we were We're not necessarily gazelle-intent. Okay. Which you shouldn't be. That's good. Yeah, towards the house.

Good. Good. You all live some life, too.

We backed off. Kyle would have been. Yeah, he would have been. But he needs you. He needs you to balance them. We were a good balance. Excellent. We built in incentives along the way. We were able to do some renovations to the house. We had our daughter that took some fertility treatment monies. There were definitely some celebrations along the way, especially when we hit those big milestones.

Do you all have a technique or a trick or a hack or whatever you want to call it that you all used when Kyle, you got that extra check and you were like, We could get the principal down to this. And you were like, Yeah, but I want a human in the house. I want a child. How did you all come to some consensus?

We definitely used the principles of just putting some in different places, a large majority towards the house, of course. But then we have sinking funds that are set up for the things that are really important to our family. We know in order which ones we want to fund first with any extra. That's great.

I do have to say, though, that there was definitely those moments where we had a big chunk of money ready to go towards the house, and life happens, and all of a sudden you're like, Hey, we got an extra three grand to put towards the house, but then the car breaks down and it just so happens to cost exactly three grand. Of course. But I I guess when we've looked at that, it's always been God providing through that to say, Hey, you know what? You thought this money was going this way, but it needs to go this way.

That's a good perspective because I always feel like when those things happen, somehow the Cosmos stole from it. It It was supposed to be this number, now it's not. I feel like I got ripped off somehow or whatever. Instead of looking at it like you did on the other side, thank God- It still hurt.

It still hurt.

That's amazing. Did you have people in your life that you were telling, or did you guys keep it on the that you were like, We're going to just do this between us, or did you have people cheering you on?

Yeah, I would say that we were definitely cheering each other around because we just kept having that vision of what would life be like when this payment was gone and what could we do with that money. But again, just letting our parents and our families know, Hey, this is what we're doing. We're chasing it down.

Did they think you were crazy or were they encouraging?

Encouraging. They were. Yeah. My dad was definitely cheering me on. Every so often would call and be like, Hey, what's the mortgage down to? We're a great dad. I'll be able to share what that was.

That's awesome. What a great dad.

Yeah, it was just really powerful just to have people in our corner cheering us on.

Yes, absolutely. Incredible, you guys. Well, you did the impossible. I mean, today, to say that you can pay off your house is... Most people would say, No, that's not possible. It's not possible to buy a house. It's not possible to do any of this. And you're living proof that you can. And in your 30s, 33 and 37. How long you guys have married?

Coming up on six years here in April.

Okay. And you all have done this hard thing together. You all have been through fertility treatments. You paid off a house together. You can look ahead of you and come what may, you'll know we've been through worse. We can handle this.

Yeah, that's really good.

That's so awesome.

Amazing, you guys. Oh, we all are incredible. Okay, is the baby here? She's here. She is. Okay, are you going to bring her up for the debt-free scream? Or are you going to hold off. We're going to hold off. We just are nervous if we raise our voice that she will. You know what? That's fair. We've had many tears. Not happy kids on the debt-free stage from that. You know what? That's probably why.

Really happy parents and terrified young kids.

Terrified kids. Okay, well, real quick, what's the one piece of advice you would someone who's maybe working out a baby step two and they're thinking, Okay, the house is next. What would you tell them?

I'll go ahead and go first, and I'll let Sarah share. But I really do think it comes down to belief. When I paid off my student loans, $45,000 in a year, paid off my car in a year, those were track records that I had that I knew it was possible. I just always come back to the quote, Henry Ford, Whether or not you think you can or you can't, you're right. And we just knew that we could. I love it. Yeah, I just think the belief part is so key.

It's so big. Yeah. Yeah. I just think having a unified mission, definitely that's our big thing in marriage is being unified. But with this, too, it might have been Kyle's big dream to come here and do all of this. But then I latched on to that, too, because we need to be unified in all of our visions. Then just consistency and being able to track what we're doing and staying on top of it that way.

We have weekly marriage meetings and finance meetings. I love it. It's good to stand track.

You all should teach the money marriage retreat this week.

I know. You all can come on stage. We're coming. We're so excited. We'll see you guys there. All right, you guys. Well, we have Kyle and Sarah from Akron, Ohio, paid off $150,000, which was their house, making 120 to 145. They did it in four years. All right, you guys, count it down. Let's hear your big death 3, 2, 3, scream. Three, two, one. We're debt free.

We're Well, Dave, on the show all the time we get calls about cars, used cars. What's one thing you want folks to know?

Well, really a couple of things. Number one is always buy used and Unless you got a million dollars. We don't buy new cars. If you're going to buy used, number two, you want it to last. That means regular, proper maintenance.

Yeah, that's a big deal. I know when Sam and I moved from South Florida up to Tennessee, that's the first thing you're looking for. You need somebody who can take care of your car. When we found Christian Brothers Automotive, it was a no-brainer, and they've been absolutely great.

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We wish we could get to every call that calls in because usually some people leave voicemails and we can Try to call them back and get them on the show, and then sometimes we can't. So if you have a money question and you want an answer to your specific situation, head to our website and use Ask Ramsey. So this is our new free AI tool that was built and trained on money-proven principles. We have taken the money principles here at Ramsey and gone through it all and said, Okay, here's how we would answer this question. It really is amazing. You can ask your question today at ramseysolutions. Com, or if you are watching on YouTube or listening on podcast, you can click the link in the description. All right, let's head to Houston, and we have Chris on the line. H-town. What's up, Chris? Hi, Chris.

Hello. How are you? Thank you for taking the call.

Absolutely. How can we help today?

Well, I have a dilemma or trilemma. I don't know how to call it, but I'm a big car enthusiast, and I really want to find a sedan. We have two SUVs, It's fully functional. We don't need another car, but I want to. And I just want to hear your opinion. If it's the time to buy something like that, or I should still wait or not buy at all. I don't know what would be the answer from your side.

Well, number one, I just want to shout you out, dude. The fact that you called and said, I don't need this. I want it, already put you in a different category of person that usually calls us. Usually people are calling us and trying to explain why they need this thing so bad. So shout out to you for just keeping it real, dude.

That's awesome. Okay, so Chris, what's your financial situation? Do you have consumer debt?

No. We only have a mortgage, $200,000.

$200,000. How much do you guys make a year?

About 178, depends on the bonuses and stuff like that.

178? Is that what you said?

178, 180K per year.

180k, okay. And what do you have saved? How much money do you have that you would spend on this Well, I check the net or the asset every quarter.

And in January, we were close to 800,000 for everything, like retirement accounts.

Oh, retirement.

Okay. Savings, the equity in the house. So everything total came to about a little bit less than $800. We have $45 in cash and $17 in this, what's it called, like investment account, that is what's called like an investment account that is accessible account.

Okay. Is the $45 in cash, is that all you have? Does that include an emergency fund, too? Is that what you would use in case of an emergency, or do you have another fund for that?

Well, the A taxable account is also accessible as emergency or something like that. But yeah, that's the cash. It's money market, 34,000. It's all emergency and flash funds. So I don't break them by a $1,000 for 3-6 months. It just stays there. We're not touching it.

From the lifestyle that you guys live, how much do you spend a month on your life, including mortgage and everything? How much do you think it is? Food, bills, all of it.

I know it very well. It's about $6,000, $7,000 a month.

Okay. And do you guys... Do you all have kids?

Three, yes. You have three.

Okay. Okay, perfect. Well, so you have that 45 and then that 17. So I would probably want a six month- Not 17, 70. Oh, 70. Oh, I'm so sorry. Okay.

So 110 and 20, depends on the day.

Okay, I got you. All right. And you guys are consistently investing in retirement over 800,000, you said, with equity in the home and retirement and everything else.

Yes, we put about 20 % in retirement.

Okay. How much do you want to spend on the car?

Well, it's about $30, $35,000.

Okay. What car is it?

Bmw FM 550i. So a sedan. We have two SUVs, and I'm growing the desire for a fast sedan.

Yeah. What does your wife think?

Well, she's not saying no. But then I have this guilt inside of me. I keep everybody on the budget, and now I need to splurge for myself. So that's another a factor in the decision making. I feel very bad that I'm keeping on a budget all of us, and now suddenly I'll splurge on something that I've done.

We call that a midlife crisis, but we all have them, so that's okay.

Probably, yes.

Here's what I would like... The money side of it. Here's what I would like you to consider on the relationship side of it. What if you took your wife... How old are your kids, by the way?

Almost eight, six, and four. Okay.

So What if you took your wife out and you all spent a half day together that you planned and you all dreamed about, Hey, we almost have a million dollars networth. We have three amazing kids. Our marriage is good. What do we want our house to look like? What are some dreams that we have? And give her an opportunity to put some things on the table that she might want, might dream about, things that she would love to see and experience. And then you all come up with some ways to fund everybody's vision. You get what I'm saying?

I do. And we have a quarterly business date where we talk about that. We go to a nice restaurant and I give a report. Oh, good. What's the change? Here we are, whatever we're doing, what we're going to do next, what's your take, what's your default?

So Chris, is there anything- She's not saying no. Yeah, that's great.

But that's a business report. I want you to do a dreaming report.

Okay. Yeah. Is Is there anything in the future that you guys are you wanting to upgrade the house? Any renovations? College funds? Any big trip? Yeah. Is there anything looming at all that this money could be used for? Or are you guys in a holding pattern right now? You're like, We're good. We're just invested in retirement. Kids college. The kids are little, and we're just stacking cash because we have margin.

Nothing depends on those money. We go to Europe every year. I'm from Southeastern Europe, so we spend like $6,000 in tickets, and we can afford it without going to savings.

Yeah, you can just cash flow it.

Sure. So this doesn't depend on that. So we have the plan for that. We've done it already.

Okay. Well, yeah. I mean, if I'm you, I'm looking at these numbers and I'm thinking, Okay, that's 70,000 that's in that one account. Thirty-five of it is emergency fund. Thirty-five would be car. Basically, that account to me is not existent anymore because I'm not even going to think about the emergency fund. I'm not calculating that. It's just going to be over here in case of an emergency, which means we have $45,000 in the other account. If something comes up that, again, we're not going to touch the emergency fund for, but if you needed a big purchase, that's where I would go, would be that $45,000 fund. I think so. There's no big red flag right now for me. No, I think you guys are doing great. I think as long as you're consistently investing, you're living below your means, you have the cash for it with an extra $75,000 cushion, including the emergency fund after the purchase of this car. I would be okay with it.

The only... And financially, of course. I- Your wife. Yeah. I want you. And again, my bias is, people only call me when things aren't going well in their marriages, right? So I don't want to put my bias on you, okay? But I do want you to ask yourself the question, and it might be you taking yourself out for a half day and doing some journaling, some writing out, some dreaming on your own. But But do you want to get this car? Because like you said, you're a car enthusiast. You got a gang of guys you want to drive around with. You just want to go cruising. In Houston, that's where I grew up. There's hundreds of miles of highways to drive. Is that what I want to do? Or do I have an eight-year-old, a six-year-old, a four-year-old? I've got a routine, and I'm just finding myself getting bored.

More the motivation of the purchase.

Because if that's the case, you're going to spend 35,000 bucks, you're going to be bored on one, and then you're immediately going to start looking for the next one, and then the next one. And so I would rather you deal with the, Am I co-creating a life with my wife where there is excitement and aliveness and eroticism and fun and responsibility? Are we doing that stuff together?

Or am I trying to escape?

Or am I trying to escape? And this becomes a really, really expensive social media app, just a way to numb out the fact that I'm starting to feel bored.

I see.

You know what I'm saying?

That's very good advice. Very well, yes.

Yeah. So from the financial side, Chris, I think you guys have enough margin. I think you're fine. If $35 left today, $35,000 left today, I think you guys would be fine. I really do. But John's insight is probably what I would put some of the focus on. So even saying no to this purchase might be a better decision for you, just for you. But if you're comfortable with the answers that you get when you ask yourself those questions, then- Get that car and cruise the streets, baby. It's a green light. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show in the Fairwind Credit Union Studio. I am Rachel Cruz, hosting this hour Dr. John Deloney, and you can give us a call at 888-825-5225. Okay, we're heading to Cleveland, Ohio, to talk to Elizabeth. Hi, Elizabeth.

Hello. Thank you for taking my call.

You're So welcome. How can we help today?

Well, I'm looking for guidance on how to wisely handle my elderly mother's finances without enabling a lifetime pattern of debt.

Oh, this is a tough one.

So what's the current situation? Yeah.

My mother is 83. She's single and lives alone in a rural community in another state. Her only income is Social Security of about $1,400 a month, and she has no savings. For decades, she cycled between being rescued financially and accumulating $40,000 in debt. It seems as though that she has a spending addiction and she makes desperate financial decisions and never a budget. So right now, she owns her home outright with low property taxes, less than $1,000 a year, and the house is set up for aging in place. Our hope is that she can live there, live at her years there. It's far cheaper than renting, and she also has an older, reliable car. So the situation now is she's currently in debt of $40,000, again. It's 32,000 in a heelock and 8,000 in credit card debt. Then she took out various life insurance policies to cover her debt because those television ads during the day, geared towards her demographic.

On cable news, she's not a wife.

She's predatory, Yeah. Pardon? They're predatory. Yeah, they prey on- It's awful. Exactly. People in her situation, lonely, by themselves, isolated, and they scare them to death, and then they sell them a solution to their fear.

Right. Now she's paying $40,000. Or now she's paying $40,000 in debt, paying interest, making minimum payments, and paying for those life insurance policies.

Okay, hold on. I want to cut to the reality. Yes. Has she come to you and said, I have a problem, will you help?

Yes.

Okay. Awesome.

So two weeks ago, she came to me and asked if I could give her $500 to help with some expenses, and I said no. She then made arrangements to make some late payments to creditors, and we think that she's going to be in dire straits in about a month. So my husband and I have an idea that we're considering paying off her debt, taking control of her Social Security income, putting her on a strict budget, trimming her expenses, getting as much assistance as possible, paying her bills directly, and giving her a small weekly allowance. But currently, her expenses are more her Social Security, so she might not get an allowance. We would like to inherit the house. It's in a Lake community. But the big concern is, how do we prevent her from opening new credit, doing a reverse mortgage, or creating another mess instead of her living within her means with food and shelter? Our question is, is paying off my mother's debt and taking over her finances wise, or is there a better way to address the issue?

I mean, if she would agree to that and also agree to signing over financial control to you guys, make you financial power of attorney, and also freeze her credit.

I would say freezing her credit.

So she can't take out any loans, and no one can take out loans against... You know what I mean? If she... And you had the code, right? You had to log in to unfreeze her credit? Mm-hmm. I mean, that sounds like a good solution. I don't think it's a good solution to I don't like the word allowance because I think she's going to balk at that.

Okay.

Because then she's going to feel like suddenly she's your middle school child, and that's a hard psychological shift for somebody. But if you... And also, we want her to have a good quality of life, right? I want to have some money to go do some stuff and whatever. But there is, like you said, there's a financial reality. So if she would agree to all that, I could see that being a great solution. Yeah.

I mean, I may be Debbie Downer in the sense that an 83-year-old, I don't know how much change is going to occur in her to figure out.

Yeah, there will be no... Yeah, that's great. There'll be no psychological awakening here.

I agree. There's no learning. No.

It's more just keeping... Honestly, it's more just keeping peace with her in her latter part of her life, keeping the lights on and helping her stay afloat. I mean, it's basically what you guys are doing. You're helping her survive. Yes. Yeah.

But I'll also say, I think, again, this is my personal take, that the main driver underneath a lot of this pathology in aging populations is loneliness. And so if there was some, you have to get involved, you have to do some things with the local community groups, you have to do some stuff because that has a way of- It's good for her. Yeah, that will keep her alive longer. That will give her more reason to wake up Every day. You get what I'm saying?

Yeah, absolutely. Do you have siblings, Elizabeth?

No, I'm an only child. Okay. And in the sandwich generation of taking care of our own family. Yes.

And are you guys in a financial spot to do this?

Yeah, I think so for that amount. As a gift, if we were to cover roughly 40,000, we wouldn't want to do it again.

We want to prevent that. Totally. But you guys have the cash. You wouldn't be putting yourselves in a bad position in order to do that.

Well, no. My husband recently retired, so he's got access to retirement money.

How much you guys have?

We have a networth of two million. Okay.

And what's he saying? What does your husband say about all of it?

He would like to help out.

Sweet. That's cool.

Yeah, it is great. Is there a possibility, and there's going to be tax implications in this, so sitting down with a good tax pro or a tax attorney would be helpful here. Is there a possibility that you all buy the house and put it in your name? That way, nobody else can take a lien out on it. She can't take out another Heloc somehow, or you know what I'm saying?

We consider that we also have a daughter in high school, and we're about to start funding college, and we don't want to have more assets.

Not until, yeah. Until it's turned over. Yeah, that makes sense. So yes, I mean, if she's willing to do all of that, Elizabeth, I think that that's... I mean, at this point, I think that's smart. I mean, I think you taking over and her... Because it's her literally reaching out to you and saying, I can't do this anymore because I obviously cannot be trusted to make smart decisions, and I need someone to step in. And she's 83. How's her health?

Yeah.

Is she in good health?

She's okay. She has diabetes, so that's chronic. But other than that, and it's controlled. I'm guessing she'll be with us for at least 10 plus years. Okay.

Who knows? If she agrees to all of your things, which I would, just given my experience, put that as a big maybe. Yeah. If she does, you have to steal yourself, or she will say mean things to you. She'll call you crying. She'll be upset with you. Very similar to how a teenager would be with some pretty significant boundaries. And you and your husband are going to have to know part of this is not just going to be holding the line financially, but we're going to have to have the emotional fortitude to deal with a mom that suddenly turns on us, even though we're trying to help, because I think that will come with this territory here.

Hey, guys. Dave Ramsey here. Every day on this show, we help people work through real money problems and figure out what to do next. Now, you can get that same help anytime with Ask Ramsey. Ask your money question and get answers built on Ramsey principles we use on the show. Whether you're making a decision or just want something explained, Ask Ramsey is here to help. It's fast, simple, and free to use. Go to ramseysolutions. Com and try Ask Ramsey today. That's ramsey solutions. Com.

If you're working the baby steps, the best and fastest way to do it is by using EveryDollar. And this is more than just our budgeting app. It is now the plan that is built right in. So you can track your progress, you can get personalized recommendations recommendations and coaching for your situation that will help you free up more money and work the plan even faster. So it's like having us walk with you every single day through your money journey. So start every dollar for free by downloading it in the App Store or Google Play. All right, let's go to Alex in Idaho. Hi, Alex. Alex, are you there? Yeah. Hey. Hey, you hear me? Yeah. Welcome to the show.

Good. So my question is, I know Dave teaches to put 15 % of your income into retirement. Is there ever an appropriate time to stop making those contributions before retirement?

Possibly. I mean, investing is really part of the whole financial picture that you're looking at for your future in different generations beyond. How much do you have right now in retirement?

I have 850,000 in my retirement. I'm 50 years old. I plan to work for at least the next 10 years. This last year, my I did $20,000 in contributions, and my 401k grew by 100,000. And so when I put my figures into an investment calculator, it says in the next 10 years, with no additional contributions, I'll be at $2. 3 million. And with $20,000 in contributions in 10 years, I'd be at $2. 6 million. So would it be... I mean, it's a $300,000 difference, but should I start taking more elaborate vacations now rather than wait.

How much do you make a year?

My wife and my combined income is about 215,000.

215, okay. Yeah. And so, yeah, you put $20,000 in as your 15 Yeah, well, and that's just my side of it.

She's got a pension plan she puts in, too.

That she's going to be, okay. Well, for me, I think it's more than just the numbers to me. Part of it is the numbers, and then part of it, too, is looking at your whole financial picture, and is it balanced? Meaning we always want to be giving, we always want to be saving, and we want to be spending and enjoy. So my question to you, is that 20,000 $1,000 that big of a swing for you guys, lifestyle-wise?

Well, I'm not sure. I feel like we've got a pretty good lifestyle right now. We go on vacation, and we have fun and things. But again, $20,000, we could do a lot more fun stuff.

Sure.

Well, and I guess I would ask you to expand your time horizon. Because you're talking about compound growth over a decade. But imagine yourself at 80, if you live for, what, three more decades. That gap is going to be significantly bigger. Do you get what I'm saying?

I do, yeah.

Again, I don't have a calculator in front of me, but you say, if I go out 10 years, one is 2. 3 and one is 2. 6. If you go out another 10 years, is it going to be 2. 6, or is it going to be four, and then it's going to be six million? It begins to compound pretty significantly the longer you go out.

Right.

I'm with Rachel. I don't get the depth of your question, because if you're making 250K a year, you all are bringing home a chunk of change. And so, $1,800 a month into retirement, it doesn't seem like that will impact your monthly anything at all.

Is your house paid off, Alex? It is. It is, okay. Good for you guys. I mean, listen, you're an adult. I think you guys can run the numbers and decide for yourself which one. I just... Part of the baby steps and what continues on, like Winston and I, we have enough. We're fine if we stopped. We're not stopping. It is still this continual pattern for us because there is something about the giving, the saving, the spending, all of it that creates something in all of us. It does something for us. And it's 800,000, which I get in seven years. It doubles. I know all of that, but there is something about just having some cushion there. And I'm not a big scarcity mentality person. But again, it's not like you have eight million and we're like, Oh, yeah, you're fine. I don't know. There's still life to be lived. And you guys, I just don't want you to ever touch that principle to be able live off the interest. And so for me, I would continue investing, but you guys can decide. All right, let's go to Darien in Colorado Springs. Hi. Welcome to the show.

Hello. How are you doing? Hi. We're doing great. How can we help?

So we have two houses, one I purchased in 2020, one we purchased in 2023 when we got married. We've been renting out the townhouse that we purchased in '23. We bought it, and it was on the very high end of our budget, and we used rental and come to qualify. But we are now trying to sell it. And when we did have it rented out, we rented it for 2000 with the HOA and everything, we were losing 850 a month on it.

Oh, gosh. Well, that's not a good investment.

No, it was not. So now we're trying to sell it, and we bought it for 350. We still owe 322. And comps in the area show we should be able to sell it around 325, which is not great because after fees and Like title fees and everything in realtors, our realtor said that we'd probably end up bringing like 30,000 to the table to sell this house, which is wild. We looked at a cash offer for it, and it's 285, so we'd be 40,000 under that way. So I have it listed again, trying to rent it, but it doesn't have air conditioning and units for every year.

Why doesn't it have air conditioning.

Good question. Every other house in this townhouse complex has air conditioning except for ours.

Because you're Colorado Springs, I guess, and it's just... Yes.

Yeah, but it's been hot there the last few summers.

It has. I'm not sure how we got away with this or purchased it with it, without it. We definitely have no oversight. But we were newly married and excited to buy a house, so we did, and we went overboard.

So what's your question?

We've also looked at, I guess, doing like a... Going into foreclosure or doing a lean into foreclosure. No, no, no, no, no, It's a financial picture. Yeah. No, I wouldn't. I mean, I hate to say it, but it's almost like getting a $30,000 loan and calling it stupid tax, which is a lot. But my hope would be that you could sell it. I guess you have the two mortgages. How much is the mortgage?

The mortgage on that one is 2,600.

And are you all able to cash flow that right now with your current income?

Not well, because we also have that We have a second mortgage, and we have somebody living in our current house, so they're paying a little bit, but we're also trying to bless them, so we're not charging them what we should be for this.

Wait, do you have a renter in the property right now?

No. In our other house that we are currently living in, our primary, the one that I bought in 2020.

You have a renter in that with you guys?

We have, yeah. We have friends that are living with us that are renting. Okay.

That's a messy It's a complex situation, brother. Could you sell your current residence and go back and move into your townhome for a season?

With no air conditioning.

I mean, we could. We were paying a little less at the four bedroom, which is wild. So The townhouse has 1,400 square feet. The other one has like, 2200 square feet. So it is quite a bit bigger.

I get that.. I guess hear me say, at some point, you're going to have to make some sacrifices.

Yeah. I mean, I'd put it on the market, and I would sell it. And then if you guys have a $30,000 crap, mistake, loan up there that you're like, That was our stupid tax. That's better than sitting there and paying $2,600 every single month for foreseeable future, right? So, yeah. I mean, I would sell ASAP. I would not go down the foreclosure route.

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Over on the debt-free stage, we have Brandon and Taryn from Fresno, California. Welcome, you guys. Thank you so much. Absolutely. Well, congratulations. Thank you. For being debt-free. How much debt did you guys pay off?

291,000.

Oh, my gosh. And what What does that consist of? Our house. Yes. Yes, dude. Another house payoff. Oh, my gosh. Okay, how long did it take you?

About four years and three months.

Four years. And making what income during that time?

From 100 to 200.

Whoa, what was the How did that jump?

Side jobs got busier.

It sounds like it. I mean, 100 grand in side jobs. Not bad. What do you guys do? Doggy daycare. Yeah, that was one of the side. Yeah. Okay, so tell us, what do you guys do for a living? And then what were some of the side hustles? I'm in medical appeals.

She works from home. I do apartment maintenance. Then for side work, I carry on with that. If someone has a dishwasher that needs to work or plumbing, electrical, whatever, I just go there, do stuff, and then they tell other people, and they just keep talking and telling other people. That's awesome.

Yes. The references are real, right? When people talk about it.

The references are real. That's like a T-shirt.

That's awesome. I think so. Absolutely. When they were like, Listen, Brandon's the best. And everyone's like, Well, let me Let me use Brandon.

How do you do medical appeals on behalf of patients?

Yeah, I don't make the decisions. I just build cases.

On behalf of humanity, can I say thank you for fighting the good fight?

A lot. You see a lot of stuff, that's for sure. I bet. Okay, so what happened four years ago that you guys thought, We want to pay off almost $300,000 and pay off our house?

Well, it started in 2019 when we were gifted the FPU class. Yeah. And so we paid off all of our consumer debt It was 47k then. It was the credit card for the wedding. It was student loans, and that was her car. After that, then we had the funds to go towards emergency fund, saving for a house, which we only put nine grand down, but we knew that the ability that we had was so much greater, so we just started smacking the house.

Oh, my gosh. That's amazing, you guys. Okay, so what was that journey like for four years? You're focused on it. It was fun. It was honestly a lot of fun.

We learned a lot about ourselves, and we got it as a wedding gift, actually, FPU.

Honestly, at first, we rolled our eyes. We're like, Yeah, we already know about money a little bit. We did, too. Or whatever. We're like, Well, she got it for us. Let's go to the class. We We left and we were like, I don't know crap. It changed our lives, and we learned a lot about ourselves and each other. It definitely changed our lives for the best, and it made our marriage even stronger. Was that year one of in 2019 when you guys, okay. Man, you guys, that's amazing. Starting off your marriage, changing the way you view money, pay off all the consumer debt, you do the emergency fund, all of it, and then you look up, you're like, All right, now it's time to tackle the house. You did it in four years. You guys seem very organized. Did you map out and see, Okay, how long is it going to take us? And did you do it faster than what you originally thought?

Oh, yeah.

He's the nerd. He had the spreadsheet.

We use every dollar. But But I also did Excel, and I would do all kinds of formulas showing what we originally had for interest, PMI, all of that. It was like 800 and something a month that we were just losing in the house. I'm like, All right, well, every month when I plug in what the current balance is, it shows lower amounts. And so I'm like, Oh, we're saving this much from when we started. And the number just got smaller and smaller each month. And then we're like, Let's just keep going. Just knock it out. Then we'll move on from there.

Yes. Oh my gosh, you guys.

Okay, that's a lot of side hustles. For the last four years, you've been busy.

I only did the after-hours work for people. She also did Rover, and then a ton of people word of mouth as well.

Yeah, the dog sitting is what you were saying, right?

You're like fighting insurance companies and petting dogs? Pretty much. You married a Saint, homie. That's awesome.

I did.

Was it a pretty good side house? We do hear people doing this, and I feel like it pays well. It started off as, obviously, just paying off debt, and we paid off our debt. I'm like, I'm not going to stop doing this. It's just second nature to me at this point.

The first year was $600 for over. It just went up, up, up.

Kept going crazy. Man, you guys are awesome. Well done. Did you guys have people that were cheering you on or on the other end making fun of you, what you guys are doing with all your working extra and everything, where people like, you all are crazy? Both. I think the amount of dogs we would have during holidays, they're like, you all are psycho. It's like, Yeah, we are, but it's worth it. But our families were super supportive. We had friends that were super supportive. They'd bring it up in conversations like, Okay, so where are you? And it's like, Oh, God, I don't even know. I need to bring up the spreadsheet. So we had an awesome, awesome support group.

Okay, sometimes people do their debt-free scream, and they actually hit the last payment a few months ago. Have you all had it where you both got your direct deposits in your accounts and you have no house payment? Yeah. Tell everybody what that feels like.

Well, you had the problem of debt before, but your new problem is now you have to think, what do I do with this money?

Or what savings are we going to put it in?

That sounds like such an insane thing for most people listening to this. I have all this money, what do I do with it? Yeah.

Oh, man. What is your next goal Have you guys dreamed about the future and been like, here's what we want to do?

We're in California now, and now that we have a paid-off house for saving, we actually want to move to Tennessee. So maybe like Crossville to Knoxville area.

Come on, dude. That's a beautiful part of the country.

With my background, we want to build a big barn dough on some land.

So fun.

At the speed of cash.

That's a fun dream, though. Good for you guys.

What's this house worth that you paid off?

Right now, 420.

Awesome. Yeah, so great. To you guys. If there's someone listening and they think, There's no way I could pay off my house. I got a 30-year mortgage. It'll be in 30 years. It just is what it is. What would you tell them the secret to paying off your house is? If you're married, be a team, and that will get you through. And trust God. There were so many times that we're both very just keep your head down and work and work, work. And then you just look up and we're like, I don't understand where all this money came from. But God was good the entire time. He carried us through, and we wouldn't have made it through without him. So be a team and trust God.

Yeah, and be faithful and keep tithing. God has his rules, and he doesn't stop. Don't stop believing in him.

Yes. Continue it on. Oh, I love it, you guys. Okay, are you all going to chill on the side hustles a little bit? Now that you have a paid-off house?

I mean...

We don't know what that means. For now.

He's going to buy some property in Crossfield.

I mean, we just went to Costa Rica. We got back two weeks ago. We got a little tan. We'll slow down a little. She's got a baby going. We're working on the way.

Congratulations. First one. Okay. Oh, you guys. What a beautiful way.

You're going to bring this kid into the world with no financial stress.

That's amazing. That's the goal. I told him, I think the biggest gift is that we're bringing her home to a paid-off house, and that's crazy. It gets me emotional just thinking about it.

Okay, I'll go one deeper. You're bringing her to a house where two parents love each other and trust each other and have accomplished hard things together. And the greatest gift we can give our kids is to love our spouse well. And a byproduct of that is you all paid off your house. But dude, this kid won the lottery. And not because of the money you all make, but because they've got two hard working parents that love each other and know how to do hard stuff. That's incredible. It's wild.

It's so wild. That's so cool, man. So beautiful. Is it different than how you guys grew up? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, very. It was... Growing up, for me, I would say there were financial problems. I didn't know about them as a kid.

But you feel them?

I felt it. You felt the tension, and they would just say, Don't worry about it. But then growing up and now helping my parents in those ways, I'm like, Oh, man. So it's crazy. That's the beautiful part of the changing your family tree aspect of this, right? Which I feel like is such a bigger why in all of this money stuff that we talk about. Yes, we want peace in the present, and not having all these payments gives you that. But then there's something even greater of what you continue on in your family. So you guys, congratulations. Thank you so much. Absolutely incredible. Let's let it rip. We got Brandon and Taryn from Fresno, California. They paid off $291,000, which was the house in four years, making 100 to 200 grand a year.

Mostly side hustle. So awesome.

And lots of dogs. Lots of animals. A lot of dogs. All right, you guys. Count it down. Let's hear a big debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Great. That's amazing. The house payoff stuff, that's just wild. Wild.

Anytime somebody, a young couple like this in a place like California, goes through hell for four years to pay off their house, they're like that kid in math class in middle school when you're like, Nobody can get an A on this, and that kid's like, I'm going to study so hard, I'll get an A. I'm going to do it. They show everybody that, yes, you can.

Amazing. Congratulations, you guys. We're proud of you. Brandon and Taryn from Fresno. Well done.

Hey, guys. What's up? It's Jade, and I'm pumped for the new year, and I hope you are, too. But the problem is, most people start the new year with a lot of promises and no real plan. You know how it is. I'm going to save money or I'm going to get my financial act together. But without a plan, you just wing it and hope it works out. Listen, don't play yourself. I want you to win, and our EveryDollar app is the game changer you need. In 15 minutes, EveryDollar helps you build a plan based on where you're at with money right now. Every day, the app coaches you with ways to find extra money so you can beat debt and build wealth faster. It's like having me in your pocket, helping you stay on track all year long. So don't just wish your money works out. You can be the one to actually make it happen this year. Download the EveryDollar Budget app and get started right now for free.

Our scripture of the day comes from Psalms 145, 16 and 17. You open your hands, you satisfy the desire of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and kind in his works. Frank Zappa said, Your mind is like a parachute. If it isn't open, it doesn't work.

Yes, that's good.

Well done. Open the mind. Learn.

And jump out of a plane.

And jump out of a plane with a parachute. All right, let's go to Newark, New Jersey, and we have Elizabeth on the line. Hi, Elizabeth. Hi. Hello, Hello. Welcome to the show. How can we help today?

So I guess I have two questions for you guys. One question would be, how do I get over anger and resentment towards my husband that has just up, and now it's just coming to a head because he's had life changes? And then the second question is, how do I express to him, I'm scared he is going to put us in debt without him getting defensive?

Oh, you're asking impossible questions.

That's the marriage there. He has to take the lead.

Okay, so tell me why you're angry.

Well, since I got pregnant back in 2016, my husband and I only knew each other for about six months. We got pregnant, and we both just decided, We're going to do this thing. I became a stay-at-home mom. He was just doing his own thing. He's a handyman, works construction. He was picking up jobs here and there, but he needed insurance. And I had a child and put the child on my insurance. So then once he found a big boy job, a corporate job, a good job, we went on his insurance, and I completely, everything went from me to his responsibility. So he got his shit together, so to speak. And now he left that job and is doing our his side hustle, which is technically our side hustle, because I have no job still eight years later. But I feel like he's going backwards because he finally has freedom again, if that makes sense. And the resentment is just coming from him picking and choosing when he wanted to help me at home for a stay at home mom. For instance, the house is... I've been burnt out, so the The house isn't up to par.

The laundry is not done, the dishes aren't done. Nothing is getting done in the house because I'm tired. They said, Is everything okay? Instead of just helping and doing it, he's like, What's going on?

Yeah. I mean, if I'm fully honest with you, you all have deeper issues than I can handle and address on this call. Okay. Here's why. You all have found yourself at a place in your marriage where it is you versus him, and he is standing there with his hands out, either A, choosing to not help you in any way, shape, form, or fashion, or he doesn't know how to love you in a way that you can feel loved.

Yeah. I know, but hold on.

But that gap between the two of you... Because here's what I would tell you. If you have been very clear with him. And again, what I'm telling you sucks. It's the worst because it sounds like I'm giving you another thing to do. I get that. But often I hear, I sit with men all over the country who are like, I'm trying to love well, and everything I do is wrong, and I don't know what to do next. And to their... I don't credit them. This is a fault, but they just stopped doing anything. And what I would challenge you to do is to give him a path. Here's ways you can love me right now. Okay. And that sounds ridiculous. I shouldn't have to tell him. He should just know. All those things can be true, but the reality is, where you find yourself right now is, he doesn't. And if you're not doing everything you can on a day in and day out basis to see each other, to know each other, to celebrate each other, then everything is a battlefield.

Yeah. And that's where we are.

Okay. So somebody has to, you've heard me say this on the show before, somebody has to turn the lights off. I mean, turn the lights on, turn the music off, this dance you all are doing. And somebody has to say, We're married. We're not in a good place right now. I still want to be married to you, but we got to rebuild this marriage from the floor up. Are you in? And if he says yes, then you have to be willing to say, Okay, here's what that would look like right now. And he has to say, Here's what that would look like right now, and you'll both have to get after it. But you got to go see a professional at this point in your marriage because the resentment is simmering. It's too hot. Yeah.

Elizabeth, I hope that helps. And again, I hate that we can't unfold and have a solution right now. But honestly, sitting down with someone, a third party, and it's going to be a lot of work for you guys, but it's possible. All right, let's go to Tobi in Chicago. Hi, Toby. Welcome to the show. Hello. How are we? Hi. Doing great. How can we help?

Yes, I am getting ready to to get a settlement for roughly three and a half million dollars for my employer at work.

Two and a half million? What happened?

Well, my boss pretty much threatened to whip my butt and fire me, and then they retaliated against me and kept me from getting a promotional job by hiring people who weren't... You have to have a certain license to have that job. They kept hiring people that didn't have I have that qualification.

So you sued them in civil court and you won two and a half million dollars?

Well, I went through the EEOC, and then the EEOC gave me a declaration to sue, and then I hired an attorney, and we settled.

Okay. Where are you at, finance Now, Tobi, do you have consumer debt?

The only debt I have is my mortgage, and that's 108,000.

108,000. All right. Well, I know how to spend 108,000 of the 2. 5, so it gets you down to 2. 4.

Okay. 3. 5. 3. 5 million. 3.

5? Oh, my goodness. Okay. Well, when it comes to a large chunk of money, whether it's inheritance, a settlement, anything like that. We always say to remember the three buckets of money. And this is really important because you can easily do one or two of these, but all three are really crucial. And that's to give some, to save some, and to spend some. And honestly, on the spend side, I would hold off any major purchase.

No major purchase, no cars, no jet skis, no nothing for like six or nine months.

Yeah, I would say for probably six months, just for you guys to emotionally take all this in and just know where you're at. If you can practice not significantly changing your lifestyle in a crazy way, you can go on a great vacation and maybe upgrade the cars and all of it. But this is almost like a lot battery-type money that people win. They'll win a powerball here or there, whatever it is, and they end up going broke. Or you talk to professional athletes and they get a signing bonus, and then three years later, they're broke because they end up spending all of it. So Tobi, the biggest thing is going to be to be really disciplined and to have a detailed plan. I would sit down with a SmartVestor Pro and map out for you guys, hey, what could a future look like for us where we can enjoy some of this? Absolutely. But also So where can we put this long term that can change us, our kids, our family tree, completely? Because how old are you guys?

I am 33 years old, and my girlfriend, she is 28.

All right. We got a girl in the picture.

Both of us are pretty much debt-free. Okay.

Is she the one?

Oh, yeah. She just We had an agreement that we were going to get married after she finished her college. She just finished her master's degree.

Okay.

All right. So your first $3,000 is buying a ring, or if you're Rachel, your first $50,000 is buying a ring. I'm not $50.

I'm going to say at least five, John, of the three-point. Something.

Well, and I already have a ring bought, but that was one of the first things I thought was getting something a little bit nicer.

I love that. Yes, Tobi. Absolutely. And you know what? You guys need to sit down. I sit down and have some great premarital counseling because you guys are walking into wealth in this whole- And it 100% will change your relationship. Yes. And you don't know how to handle it all right now because you haven't done it before. So remember, discipline practice, get a team around you to walk with you, people that you trust deeply. Well, that's it for the show. Remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus.