Transcript of Local Hour: The Snaggletoe

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Billy is back from jury duty. We're excited about that. Greg, Cody is in today. No, back in my day. Why?

What's the greg, he has to check his out. There's a bylaw that's in my contract that I only do back in my days when Dan is in.

Nothing personal to no, no, I should be offended, but.

Yeah, there's some sort of acronym for it.

It's the owdii. Only when Dan is in.

I went to him too early, Chris. I should know my teammates. Yeah.

I'm not organized yet, I'm sorry.

Jerbear is here. We have Lucy. She is here. She's concerned for all of us. We'll get to that in just a second. But we have to start in the most obvious of places, a bad beat. Tony, last night. Well, Tony, I will allow you to take us through this because I believe the perfect place to start with Billy co hosting with me and Greg today is with your misery and your pain.

Right?

So let's start right there. Tony, what happened to you last night in that football game?

All right, so I've got a little action on Josh Palmer. First time tuddy. Yeah, I've got first touchdown, Josh Palmer, and I also doubled down because I needed him in fantasy to get 14 points.

Right?

So if you're doing the math in a PPR league, I need seven for 70, I need him to have like, four for 60 and a touchdown. Like, I need something to happen here.

And then all middle of the road game.

Middle of the road game, right? Middle of the road game.

Got it.

First drive. They throw a little screen pass out to him. He breaks through the first defender, sprints down 30 yards to the touchdown. I'm celebrating. My wife doesn't know what's happening.

I'm like, let's go.

Nice.

All of a sudden, I see a yellow flag on the field.

Sure.

Guy hits his head up top. Illegal man downfield. Took the touchdown back. It was plus, I think like 18 or 1500.

It was plus 1800.

It was brutal.

It was a brutal, brutal beat.

Not only that. So again, I need Josh Palmer to have a certain amount of yards and catches to beat somebody in my league. Every pass that's thrown to Josh Palmer has a flag attached to it. They were taking back. He might have had eight catches, ten catches last night. Five of them were taken back because of flags.

Right.

It was insane. The refs were so terrible last night. I don't know what the NFL is going to do on a primetime game where you have your ref almost getting trampled by the QB, taking a snap. Everything was terrible the entire game.

Is that the most random referee signal? Why is his hand on his head for too many men down the field?

I have no idea.

He should have to pat his head and rub his yes.

Ryan that's hard to do. Can you do that? If he can't, then it's not a penalty.

And the thing is, when he goes like this, right? Too many men on the field, or whatever it was, I'm like, oh, my God. Dallas had twelve defenders.

Let's go.

Because I was watching on mute, of.

Course, because my wife was doing something.

So I couldn't have the sound on. And then it was illegal. Man downfield.

So you celebrated and then you saw the yellow flag, and did you try to convince yourself it was a flag on the other team? Yes.

I was like, oh, it's twelve men. I'm good.

You did right. You were in denial. I'm cashing out like $400 here. It's illegal. Too many men. That's it. I'm so sorry, dude.

It was such a bad beat. And I texted Taylor instantly because me and him text on bad beats, and I was just like, I don't know what to do right now. I've lost my mind. And I texted him, like, in the third quarter because I just had to put everything I had to turn the game off for a little bit. I was like, I can't do this.

Right? I understand. I'm sorry.

Tony Taylor just smirking in the other room.

Everyone loves a bad beat. I mean, when it's not theirs, someone else's bad beat. Correct. Billy back from jury duty. How'd it go?

It went.

Yeah. You're here today. That's a good thing.

I am here.

Yeah.

I wasn't selected. I was there till, like, 415 yesterday, and then I was released.

We were debating yesterday whether you're the type to want to be selected or want to get out of it as fast as possible.

I heard yesterday's show. I decided to do research and take notes on yesterday's show so I would feel like I was all caught up, which I never do if I'm not in. I don't listen to the show. No offense to any of you same. But I'm just like, I can't. My number one note. We put out a lot of episodes. It took me a long time to catch up. I'm like, halfway through hour one, and I was like, Man, God bless our fans for listening to all the stuff we put out. But how long are their drives? Because Drive was like 45 minutes. I'm like, okay, I got this. And then I went, Today I was listening at 1.2. Then I'm like, I got to pick up the pace. Then it was one and a half. Then I raised it to 1.8. And then this morning when I was in, I was at two. And then I was like, I need to try to catch up when I was in the elevator. So I put it at 2.2, and I was like, I think I got the gist of this. I don't think I need to listen faster than 2.2.

We could do an episode if we want. Save the listeners some stress and we just all talk at 1.8. You guys want to try that?

Maybe.

I don't know.

I think if we really do, it will just really speed up the process for everything and everybody will get to listen to the podcast at the speed normally, and then no one wants to.

Speed it up and it could just.

Be normal speed for everyone and we'll all talk like this.

Jess, your thoughts?

I think it's a really good idea.

Yeah.

Greg, you got excited at 1.8.

My dad talks at 0.8.

I talk very slow. I listen to myself at 1.8. What's fun to do just as an experiment, find somebody who naturally talks really fast, like Adnan Burke and listen to him at one point.

Don't do that.

It's funny. It's hilarious.

You've done?

Yeah. Yeah.

And you just laugh.

It's funny.

I was worried about Samson yesterday when he was on, listening to him a lot faster.

Why do you want to go through all your show notes right now?

Well, if I'm going to be honest with you, I left one of my pages of show notes at home. So that one I was trying to do for memory, but I had you.

Had a second was doing it on.

I shouldn't be doing this, but I was doing it on a notepad while I was stuck in traffic yesterday driving home from jury duty.

Right.

And then I left that on my counter at home, but I remembered some of them. So then I just put it in the dock and then I have a second note that I was doing in my notebook today while I was driving, which is also dangerous.

So do you want to do this?

I can give you one.

Okay.

Lots of strong um takes yesterday that don't exist on most other days, especially from Chris Cody.

Right.

Balance to this chair.

Balance.

I'm bringing balance because Mike is a homer in this chair usually. So I'm bringing you were crappy for a um. Do you know how balance works?

No, I understand how balance works, homer.

But I think what Billy is saying is a lot of cane steaks that would not have been given if Mike were here. Where's that?

When Mike's here is really what I was wondering. You were very critical.

They lost two in a row, man.

What do you want from.

Felt? I thought Jeremy did a great job with David Sampson yesterday.

He did.

Yeah. I also caught in a little nugget that Jeremy dropped in when he said you were talking about how you were before you were on this show and what you thought of yourselves before you're on the show and Jeremy just casually dropped in. I used to be happy.

Yeah, it's true.

I used to be. It's changed a little.

How are you feeling today? You look great.

Yeah.

Jeremy's dress is a bear. For those of you watching or listening.

On a podcast, jer, bear. I feel great.

I'm comfortable sadness through the costume.

You really can what kind of bear are you?

A Jer bear?

Jare bear?

No, no, I know, but, like the you know, like you're a Jer bear.

You're not a great question, Greg.

I don't know.

A sad bear.

A sad brown Jer bear of some is it's really hot? It's warm. I can't breathe properly in this. It's not fun.

Three more hours.

It's a punishment.

Do you think if hikers on a trail saw you in the wild that they would be frightened?

I mean, yeah. Not for the reasons that they'd be scared to see another bear, but if I was on a hike and I saw some random person in this costume walking toward me, I'd be concerned about my safety sort of similarly to seeing a bear, because who would do this?

Can he see in there?

I don't know.

I can see.

He can hear you. You think a hunter would shoot him?

No.

How would another bear react?

That's a good question.

That's a good question.

Let's ask Ron that later.

A bear would maul him. What do you mean?

It tried to hump him.

Have you ever seen the bear's reaction when it sees itself in a mirror? I'm telling you, that's a great video.

Have you?

Yeah.

You missed out on a lot of animal videos. There's a video of a bear with a mirror. There's just a mirror in the middle of the woods, and this bear is just, like, walking around, and he stumbles upon the mirror, and he gets so scared because he doesn't expect to see.

Another bear out of nowhere.

And then he looks behind it. He looks behind the mirror to see.

Where the bear let's try to find that.

Pull that up, Lewis.

Try to find that.

I want to see that.

Try to find the bear looking at himself in the mirror.

Look at it.

I'm telling a I had a note also. Yeah, I had a note that I was wondering if you guys would be in on. I know. I'm glad that you were laughing, because that's kind of my note, and I want to figure this out. So a lot of the criticism that we will get on some of the shows that I do with you on stupidity, on Gabos, whatever, is the fake laugh that you do, and it kind of like, drags out or whatever. Right. And I maintain to this day that stupidity was ruined. And the numbers or the numbers, I maintained that it was ruined because the show decided to do a laugh track of all of your fake laughs and made it, like, 40 minutes long. That show is only stuck laughing. Whatever. And then people just stopped listening.

So Mike sabotage me, is what you're saying.

I'm implying?

No, I've been feeling that for three years. But anyway, go ahead.

Maybe Tony said in my ears, maybe it was Dan.

Whoa.

Probably was. Well, the point same person. Doesn't matter.

Yeah, but people haven't been able to shake that whole fake laugh accusation. And then you'll do the fake laugh lots, and then people are like, I can't listen, it's just a fake laugh. So I'm trying to figure out in these two weeks that you're doing this I don't know if I just revealed this two weeks, but in the weeks that you're doing this it's okay.

We said it yesterday. Okay?

I don't know. No, no, it's not known.

Dan's out in La. By the way. He's got an exclusive sit down with George Sedano. And I have big news for you. We have the sit down before the sit down. We get Sedano tomorrow. How about that? Anyway. Go ahead, Billy.

You think that no one catches on to what you're doing, and I wonder what the ramifications of you booking every single one of their guests the day before them is going to be because we've cut on to this little we.

Got to get Charlote and Amina on.

I feel like, oh, yeah.

Why haven't Charlote and Amen been on yet?

Yeah, let's do it.

I found this video if you guys want to check it out.

Here.

Hold on. Billy's not done yet?

Well, no, so I'm trying to figure out if we could do something to kind of control your fake laughter a.

Little bit so that I like to laugh. I mean, we're in here, we're having a good know it's not fake when I'm laughing at you.

Not fake.

No, it is. I know that it is. It's fine. It's okay. It doesn't hurt my feelings. I'm trying to think of the listener and how we kind of get it under control so that they don't have that criticism against this saying it's just a bunch of fake laughter. So I don't know if we find you maybe sometimes if we think, like, I was a little bit too window, not that funny. Something like that.

Sure, he's not funny. You're right.

But if he was on Guilty, it'd be like a buckle of Chuckets.

Was that real?

Is that real?

We can edit out the laughs.

No, that's the thing is that that's what I was doing for, like, two seasons of Godless football. I'm like, yeah, no, sorry, listen too much. They thought it was too much when I was editing out the laugh. I'm like, you're in for it.

It's fair. So what are you going to do? You're my producer.

I'm trying to figure out what's going on here. I don't know.

We all have a fake laugh, right?

Of course we do. Yeah.

My fake laugh.

You think, Dan's? That funny.

Yeah, my fake laugh is the only one that actually sounds like a laugh. Like, if you put my fake laugh in words, it would actually be ha. So if you ever hear me going, that's mostly a fake laugh, that was mine.

My concern here is that if we get rid of Stu Gotz's laugh, it'll be like watching old sitcoms that have laugh tracks and then taking them away where there's just these awkward pauses and you're realizing that nothing we say is actually funny.

You don't think you need the laugh, Billy, but you need it. You do. You got to have all right. I mean but you still want to take it away from me.

No, what I'm trying to do is take away any excuses that people have that don't want to give this show a shot with you hosting it. I want to take away all those excuses from them so they give it a fair shot.

Okay. Yeah. Well, I feel like they are. Okay. Thank you, Billy. Lazy river.

No, I have fun.

Lazy river. Just go where the river takes you. Okay?

I know, but the Lazy River is good for it's.

What? God bless football is. Yeah, I know. You want to do something more serious?

No, trust me, I don't want to.

He wants to do much more serious.

I know he does.

You know me.

He doesn't. He should, because he's great. Billy's a great host, and I'd like to see him develop into a host, which is why he is sitting in here today. It has not fallen on me how important Billy has been to my career. And for me, that's what this should be all about, is elevating all the people who have been there for me and Dan for all these years. Billy has been in my ear for years. I would say 90% of the funny shit I say on this show is courtesy of Billy Gill.

Please stop. No one's dying. Let's just relax.

No, it has. Billy, you have helped my career. Therefore, I am trying to help your career by having you become a host. But the first thing you do is criticize my fake laugh. Jesus.

I wasn't criticizing. This is constructive criticism. Did gojo call Notre Dame an Ivy League school yesterday.

He did.

Am I wrong? Am I wrong in saying it's not an Ivy League school? Did I miss something?

He made an Ivy of the Midwest joke.

I think that was it.

But he believes it.

Yeah. Also, no one says buy in text like that is you're a crazy person if you say bye.

I'm just saying I like it when someone does.

I don't, because it's basically like, I'm tired of talking to you.

Talk to you later.

Yeah, you can just talk to them later. Those are all my notes.

All right, that's it.

Well, I told you last second page at heart. And then once I'm listening at one and a half speed. Two and a half.

It's too fast. 1.8 for you, Greg.

All the time.

Really?

Oh, all the time.

Why?

Well, because here's why. I naturally speak very slowly and say a lot of Oz and stumble and all that stuff. So when I listen to myself at real speed. I feel like I'm all doped up.

Do you know how many uz we're cutting out of that, too? I know you're getting the edited version.

Trust me, I understand that. But when you listen to me at 1.8, I sound younger. I sound like I have vitality.

You could just bring more energy.

What?

Could just bring more energy. That's another option.

But I don't. I have no natural energy. All my energy is contrived. It's fake. I have fake energy, but I don't have natural energy. So when you listen to me at 1.82.0 is too much. 1.5 is acceptable, but 1.8 is the go to speed to listen to me on the Greg Cody Show podcast, which came out yesterday, as it does every Monday.

Yeah.

Thank you.

What was on the show this week?

You know what? I'm the last guy on Earth who's going to bugle his own horn.

You're not.

That's true, but bugle his own horn?

Hell yeah.

Are you marveling at your own phrase?

You're bugling your own horn.

We had on Ron McGill, and Ron and I talked for the first time on air about the new book we have coming out on December 5.

Wow.

And so that was good. We're both very excited about it. It's called the pride of a lion.

Nice.

It's the first time in my life I've written about anything other than sports, and it was a challenge for me, and I loved every minute of it. And we're excited about it.

That's awesome. Presale. Yeah.

Presale is underway now.

Nice.

Yeah. At Amazon, wherever you buy books, you can preorder this one.

How many pages is it?

It's not a long book. I think it's like a little bit less than 200. Like 188 pages.

On The Greg Cody Show, he shared with the audience the equivalent of how many Greg Cody columns it would be the equivalent of. Well, Ron had for some reason, he did that math like anyone would care. He's like, if you're wondering this book.

I kind of care.

Hold on.

I kind of seven of my columns.

Is it 47?

Wow.

Oh, look at this beautiful cover. That's our Ron McGill photo.

Nice.

By the way, Greg, I have some news for you here. I don't know exactly what goes into this, but I'm on Amazon to preorder it, and it just has, like, a little colored tab. It says number one new release.

Actually, the publisher told us yesterday that in a certain category, like, I don't know whether it's wildlife or lions know, they have all these categories in a certain category. Number one. No, I think it's like wildlife or I don't know the name of the category.

Okay, well, it's a number one new release, so congrats.

Congratulations, Greg. Do I have to buy a copy?

Know, we'll see.

Support the cause.

Seems like Ron got top billing.

I did notice that, too. I didn't want to kind of rub salt in your wounds there. But Ron got top billing on this book. I imagine you did the bulk of the writing.

I did all of the writing.

Okay, well, then what's going my book.

In terms of the writing?

Lion's share of the writing.

No, it's proper billing because the book would not exist without McGill.

So we discussed on the Greg Cody show.

What? Jerbert.

Sorry. That needed a Kim Nick's laugh. The lion's share of the writing.

It was great.

Yeah, this is easy if they're just telling you jokes in your ears the whole time.

Oh, my God. No shit. It's great.

We made the point on the Greg Cody Show that Greg did the work with his fingers. They made love in this book.

Oh, really?

Ron did ron did the work with his mouth. My dad did the work with his fingers.

How about the bugle?

Yeah. Who bugle.

Who.

Visualize that love making experience.

I told Christopher on the podcast, the metaphor is not working for me.

I hate the analogy that's when you write a book together, you're making love.

So we ran with it again, I'll say it again.

Ron used his mouth and my dad used his fingers.

We got it.

And they made love together.

I'm not buying this. I'm not commenting on it in any way whatsoever.

You know what I'm buying is this book. Perfect stocking stuff for December 5.

Not a boy.

Wow. Imagine that. It's being released just in time for your holiday shopping.

Wow.

Almost like we planned it that way.

Jess, why is your face in your hand?

He didn't like my analogy, right?

Well, no one did. Your dad didn't even like it.

If you just close your eyes, you can really visualize the art being made.

Right.

But you really don't want love making. One with the mouth, one with the fingers. We get it together for a lion.

McGill had an even grosser analogy on the podcast that I'm not even going to repeat.

Really?

Yeah.

He's kind of a horn dog, right?

Yeah, he is. It involved me writing all the words, so therefore that meant I was blanking, and I'm not going to repeat with.

Well, if you don't repeat it, then no imagination can go wild.

Yeah.

People have to listen to the podcast.

Look at this pro.

Nice tease.

Thank you.

You're on your game today, budy.

Let me tell you. I didn't know I had a game to be on.

Your game's better when Dan's not here. It seems like. It really is.

Nothing personal, Dan.

No, that's Samson don lebotard.

I don't want to be too extreme on this, but he failed America Stugats.

Okay, very good.

This is the Don Levitard show with the stugats.

First off, before we get to Greg's thoughts of the dolphins, because it's unfair.

What we do to Greg.

He comes in on Tuesdays. We talked about the dolphins all day on Monday. But I do want your thoughts. Chris, you have the bear video?

Oh, I have it. All right, let's look at this thing. So we have a bear in the woods. Come on, let's go.

TV crew, let's go.

Pick up my screen.

There it is.

There we go.

Okay, so we got a bear here stumbling around. You see that mirror to the left? He's like, oh, this is weird. There's a lot of weird stuff here.

Oh, my get out of here.

So that's how I imagine a bear would react if they saw Jeremy in the woods. But that's what they would do.

It's really screwed up to do that.

To a bear, honestly. Just like, not expecting just like having a nice stroll, right? And just we'll watch it one more time. This is good fun. Good clean fun right here. He's just like, oh, my God.

And then he's going he was definitely good looking bear.

Definitely scarred from that for a few months.

Who puts a mirror in the woods?

It's weird.

That's my question.

How to get there?

It was probably for the Internet video. They probably did that on purpose.

Yeah, but you're messing with bears. I mean, it's not right. Leave the bear alone.

Who would do something for the Internet visually like that with a bear?

What are the chances? There's a camera right in front of it, too. Jeez, small world.

Greg it was interesting. A bunch of people agreed that you had a weekend where the Eagles lost, the Niners lost, so no more undefeated teams. 72 Dolphins could celebrate. But a lot of people saying the Dolphins were the best team in the NFL through six weeks. And so I know you're impressed with the offense. Hawk was in here yesterday. Andrew Hawkins. Tomahawk Podcast. He said that Tariq Hill is the best player non quarterback division in the NFL, and I agree with him. The dolphins are overwhelming. I'm not certain they're not the best team in the NFL right now.

Greg I think they are. At this minute, they're an underdog in Philadelphia, but only by two and a half points, which is very interesting. Definitely, they have the best offense. I think it's the best offense in Dolphins history. And when I write that, I get a lot of criticism. Too soon. What about this? What about that? Look, the Dolphins won Super Bowls with Larry Zonka because they ran the ball better than anybody and barely passed. They were as exciting as ever and broke NFL records with Dan Moreno because they passed the ball like nobody else. But they didn't have a great running game. Right now they're doing both. They can run the ball like crazy. They lead the league in rushing. Raheem Mostert has eleven touchdowns in six games, and Tua is everything they thought he would be when they drafted him. Number five ahead of Herbert. Tua is the favorite in the MVP odds right now. Should be with great reason, and I just think this is the most dynamic, well balanced, inventive exciting offense I've ever had.

Can we end the debate between Herbert and Tua?

Yes.

Is it officially over?

Wow. Yes.

Someone's making a noise. Where's the noise coming from? Tony's not ready.

Can we see Justin Herbert without Brendan Staley at that point? Maybe with a better coach? Be intrigued.

We're going to ask that question about Justin Herbert for his whole career, right? We're just going to keep asking, like.

Oh, but what if he was with a better coach?

Oh, always.

He has the most unbelievable weapons, too.

Just like now. CJ. Stroud and Bryce Young are always going to be compared throughout their career.

But Herbert's been in the league, what, four years? And if Staley gets fired and he gets a new coach, it will be his third coach in five years.

No, it's a shame. He's a really great quarterback, but I guess it's the way that we're constantly doing these comparisons between the two of them when one of them is not only winning, but breaking all of these records statistically and having a spectacular season. Obviously the system has something to do with that. It would be crazy to say that it's not Mike McDaniel in some capacity, but also different quarterbacks fit in different systems, different ways. And Justin Herbert has his flaws that maybe wouldn't work if he was just in the system. I think there's so many people saying, oh, well, if Herbert was into a spot, it would be even better. I have no reason to believe that's the case.

I have something that's probably not popular, especially down here in Miami.

Oh, boy.

Dolphins offenses have ruined football for me. I can't watch a football game that's not the Dolphins.

It's done the exact opposite for me.

I just can't.

Football amazing.

No, it's great, but I'm saying it's ruined the rest of football for me. I can't watch just a single game. That's not the dolphins. It's the third quarter. It's like, I don't know, 14 to nine or something. I can't watch it.

The Patriots option doesn't do it well.

I'm like, why can't you guys just score? I don't understand. Why does it take you so long to score? Why can't you just score in three plays, in 45 seconds? Like, what's going on?

They spoiled you.

Doesn't make sense to me. I don't get it. Is that what Iowa is like? I can't imagine watching Iowa football.

No, we don't score that much.

That's crazy.

Why? They won a game 15 to six over the weekend.

But why don't you just try having everyone go in motion and throwing the ball? Yeah, why don't you just score more? Just get all the fast players in.

The country tight ends, running early.

Yeah, why can't you just do that? I don't get it.

There have been so many seasons in the past, so many Dolphin seasons in the past, where if they're behind. 14 to nothing in the first quarter.

Right?

The crowd is leaving. Everybody's giving up.

The game is over.

The game is over.

Laughing on the sideline after they scored the second touchdown. And I'm like, Whoa.

Right?

Because I thought they were going to come back. But I'm like, I don't know.

That's supreme confidence.

He was smiling after the second touchdown.

On the sideline when they were behind 14 nothing. They were still you know how the odds update now. Christopher pointed this out to me. I didn't know it when they're down 14 to nothing. They're still a -200 favorite to win the game. There was no doubt. And it wasn't just because Carolina sucks, which it does. It's because the Dolphins offense is until somebody proves otherwise, almost unstoppable.

And like five years ago, we were watching Jay Cutler throw passes to Devante Parker, right? And that was supposed to be the height of excitement of the Dolphins offense since Dan Marino.

Yeah.

Amazing.

And now it's this.

So this is the best offense. That's saying a lot, considering Moreno, Clayton, Duper and that offense.

I think so, because now they have a running game and the offensive line has exceeded expectations. And Jalen Waddle is your second best receiver. There's just so many reasons they're great. One of them is Team Speed. Raheem Mostert is the fastest running back in the NFL, and he's the fourth or fifth fastest guy in their offense. It's crazy. Speed led by the Cheetah, and it's fun to watch.

The Dolphins are running the most dirt.

Well done.

There you go.

Raheem has the most dirt touchdowns in the NFL.

He does indeed.

And you know it.

And you know it.

Don Lebotard I heard the hotel industry.

Is moving away from providing shampoo and soap.

Don't get me started on them.

Do not get me started on hotels.

What they take from me, I feel like I'm entitled to take something from them. Thank you, Billy.

They're going to throw away the shampoo. They're going to throw away the soap. I'm not even talking about that. I'm talking about the sheets and I'm talking about the towels.

Stugats oh.

We really care about the environment, so please hang up your towels. Get out of here. You just don't want to wash these towels because it's going to cost you money to wash these towels. All right? This whole thing about you're saving the whales or you're saving the turtles or whatever, because I put my towel on a hanger. It is so full of it. All right? You just don't want to give me fresh towels every day. Just call it what it is. Tell me you don't want to give me fresh towels. I'm still going to throw it on the floor. All right. I feel like water is a renewable resource. And you're not really saving the ocean by using water to clean my towel, are you? Am I missing something? What am I missing? Am I missing something. The end of the story. This is The Don Levatar Show with The Stugats.

Greg, I have cut your toenails twice. It's an OD sentence.

First time you've ever said that in.

Your life, probably, yes. I'm the only person to have cut your toenails twice and I'm including you.

Yes. Thank you for that.

You got it.

Third time's a charm.

You told me that something was going on with the toenail, though, before the show started.

Yeah, my great right toe on the outward side chipped. I don't know how, but all of a sudden I'm sleeping in the bed and I'm feeling my right foot catching on the comforter like a hook. Yeah. So I investigated and my great right toe, I haven't trimmed it yet because I wanted to let it go.

Right.

But now I have to trim it. It's so sad.

Why did you feel like this was a topic for the show?

Weird?

Well, because it's been a theme throughout.

The show ten years. The listeners, they know my toe. They know my toenails.

I'm just picturing, you know, back in my day, got my toe topic good to it's.

I didn't bring it up. Stu gotta. But I'm glad he did, right? Because it's dear to my heart. I hate trimming my own toenails. That's why I let them go. I let them grow. But now I have no choice because it's like a surgical procedure. Now when I put a sock on my right foot, because the sock will catch on the sharp shard of a great toenail because it needs cutting.

You have a snaggle toe.

I do, yeah. Is that a word I didn't know?

It is now. One of the most inexplicable things was bringing one of my friends, who is not really in the levitard show universe, to Moss last year and walking.

Sorry about that, Greg.

Cody, hundreds of people.

I had to do the calculation in my head of like, should I try to explain this or just hope that she doesn't see it?

What'd you do?

Yeah. Keep it moving.

Keep it moving.

That was the strangest experience of my entire life, is seeing a long line of hundreds of people waiting in line to see my toenail.

Right. Lucy, what's going on back there?

You know, you can pay someone to cut your toenails for you and it's a really enjoyable experience.

Pedicure thing.

Yeah, pedicures.

Lucy, you're not understanding. He needs a hammer and chisel. No, they're not going to have that at the gloss lab.

You have to go to one of the dingier nail salons. But I have seen them. Like, I saw a TikTok once of a guy who used, like, a handsaw. I also saw, like a drill file type of deal. They have the heavy duty stuff. It might cost you more, but it really is a nice experience.

Yeah. I've never had a pedicure. I don't think a pedicurist would accept me as a client.

No, they would. No, this is for people who have committed war crimes.

Lucy's never seen my great toenails. I don't want it's thicker.

You should show it to me.

Wait, you've never seen don't do.

It thicker than a seashell.

Right, that's true.

Well, I mean, Chris, I think your dad's asking for help. And Greg, I will tell you this, a petty is a fantastic experience. Lucy is right.

Other than when they're scrubbing the bottom of your no.

I love it. It tickles. I love all of it. Abby tried to get me to go for years and I finally went. I was in New York City. I've told this story on the show before, but I was sitting in the chair getting it done and I sent her what I thought was her. I sent a text saying, this is better than sex. You were right. I sent it to Alden smith.

Wow.

He hasn't responded yet.

Have you guys ever done the thing where the fish eat like your dead skin off of your legs?

That's terrible for you.

Don't do that.

It's terrible for you.

Yeah, I've read a lot of stories of like bacteria and stuff.

Horror stories about the bacteria also.

Really? Yeah.

I'm out on the little fish eating my skin.

I would never have okay, greg, funny enough, I have because my niece and nephew gave my wife a seashell, like when they went to the beach or whatever. So she keeps it in her car to remind her know, the kids.

And you always think that.

I always tell her. I'm like, babe, that's basically Greg Cody's toenail.

Thank you.

And she's like, oh, my god, it's disgusting. I'm like, no, it's actually quite an honor.

Yeah.

You ruined like a nice family heirloom.

Yeah.

That's the best compliment you can pay to me. And by the way, Christopher has something to look forward to. Let me tell you why. When my father, wild Bill Cody was very late in his life, I used to trim his toenails. And I'm talking about he's in his 80s. It was a very intimate moment between myself and my aging father.

Right.

And I would trim his toenails for him.

And Chris is going to be able to do this?

We hope not, michael, maybe in ten years or so, Christopher will be dead.

You did this when pop was on his deathbed.

Yeah.

And you can look forward to doing that. He's going to bestow that.

I'm just making sure this isn't happening today.

Yes.

When you can't move anymore years from now, I will cut your toenail for you.

Thank you.

We got to get not happy Saturday.

Off the ground first and then the toenails come after that.

Baby steps, right?

Exactly.

Put it on the pole. Would you cut your dad's toenails?

Somebody pointed out on social media.

Put it there.

You had such an easy win.

If you would have just cut, you.

Could have called it Sunday.

Wow.

You went with Saturday.

But it's not to celebrate the sons. It's to celebrate the dad. So it's Saturday.

You know what? I'm going to prefer Dadur day. Yeah, put it on the poll. What's a better day for help your dad in the yard.

Name Daddy.

Like Sunday would work.

Sunday is more exclusive because it's only to sons where daddy you can have daughters involved as well.

Saturday is all about honoring your dad.

Yeah, exactly right.

Sunday is about honoring the son or leaving the son alone in your with.

The wordplay Sunday work.

That's a good reason for mm hmm. That's exactly right.

Greg, what do you think of the Canes over the weekend?

It's weird. Had they not lost in the way they lost at Georgia Tech.

Right.

There's nothing shameful about a 41 31 loss at number twelve North Carolina. It's only in the context of the loss that made it seem like such a Georgia Tech.

Right?

Yeah. I continue to be pro Mario Christoval. I do. I thought it was patently ridiculous when they lose to Georgia Tech, granted by his bonehead mistake, and it's like he should resign. Fire him now. Crazy. The team is much, much better than last year. You can see it. It's palpable. They're going to have a much better record than last year. He recruits like crazy. He's a great recruiter. He has another great recruiting class in 24. It's going to be top ten. And they're going to do fine with him. And I think he's a good coach. They're much better than they were last year. They've lost two in a row, one inexcusably but I'm pro Chris Ball.

I'm not I'm with Billy in terms of I think he's a great recruiter.

Yes.

We talked about this a bit last week. I don't think he's a good game coach. I really don't.

That's fair.

I think when you have a chance to help your team win and you do the exact opposite of what every other coach in America would do, which is take a knee, you don't do that. The players lose trust in you. And so I don't feel like he's a great coach. I could envision a day where not just Miami, but a lot of programs have a guy who's like a CEO overseeing the program, in charge of recruiting, doing all that, and then have a better head coach on the sidelines actually coaching the games. Because there is an art to coaching the game. You have to be paying attention. Your team needs to be able to trust you. And right now, I don't feel like the Canes are trusting their coach.

Either that or you need to listen to your staff.

Right.

They were screaming in his headset, take a knee. And through Willful ignorance, he said, no, we're running the ball. That's on him. I guarantee he will never make that mistake again. If you give me the choice in college, football of having a great recruiter or a great game day coach. I will take the recruiter because being a great game day coach is just a matter of listening to your assistants and not doing anything stupid. It's overrated.

Overrated. They literally just lost. They ruined their entire season because of it.

Well, they didn't ruin their entire season. They lost one game because of Mario Crispal. I grant you that. There's no excuse.

And it snowballed into another loss.

They probably would have lost that game anyway.

There's no link.

There also playing for a conference championship and having one loss is better than having two in the conference. So I think it does matter a lot that it was to Georgia Tech.

It does. I mean, in fairness, I don't think they're playing for the conference championship this year.

Well, they're definitely not now.

They were because they hadn't played anyone else in their conference yet. It's coming up where they're going to have FSU. They had North Carolina. They have have they have conference losses on this.

Yeah, but they could have been headed into those games undefeated. They should well, maybe they would have lost last week. I understand your point. Right. They probably would have lost last week. It was a tough game. Carolina is good.

Carolina is really good now. You just won't know because they lost the game that they shouldn't lose. That's why it matters so much that it was in that game.

I think what's discouraging, if you're a um fan, is know, it used to be Clemson was the king of that conference, and now, based on the polls, FSU is the king of that conference. Okay? But they're also not as good as Duke of all teams. They're not as good as North Carolina, they're not as good as Louisville based on the ranking. So it's like they're a mid pack team. A um fan can accept, all right, maybe we're the second best team in the conference, but they can't accept maybe we're the fifth or 6th best team. And I think that's what Chris Ball that's the hurdle he has to get over.

Well, I feel like that's the exact opposite point, though, you're making about Duke. They hired Mike Elko, who is a great defensive coordinator, great coach, knows what he's doing, knows how he kind of blinked at the end of the Notre Dame game, but he knows what he's doing in terms of in game management. They were able to win last weekend against a conference opponent with their backup quarterback only having four completions, I think, like just an awesome defense. They were able to do that within two years. He was hired the same time as Mario Cristobal. And now you're looking at a huge difference, like you said, between Duke and Miami, if you put them head to would take Duke in that game. Right, but that's the thing that I think Miami fans have to grapple with, is like, you have the great recruiter, Mario Cristobal, and you can keep looking ahead. Like, next year's class is going to be great. Next year's class is going to be great. Next year's class is going to be great. But what are you doing with those players that you have on your team right now? Duke doesn't have a ton of five stars or a ton of four stars, and they're still winning games in the conference because they know what they're doing when it comes to game time.

Right.

Jimbo Fisher is the perfect example of this. He brought in the number one recruiting class in the country, and Texas A M was garbage. That is now the Texas A M team. That miami based. Hey, we're really great off. Like, you need to find the balance of it because recruiting has never been more important. But there are teams like Duke, there are teams like Iowa that win games without recruiting well at all.

I have a question for Lucy and Jess on this, and I'm wondering because I feel like you guys know college football better than anyone here. Do you feel like Nil kind of is the equalizer? So if you're not like, a great recruiter but you have the money, you can kind of get people that you wouldn't have gotten before?

I would say, like, yes and no. I think that it serves both purposes where Texas Tech just had one of the top rated recruits choose to come play for them. So it brings that advantage to a school that may not get great recruits to come to Lubbock, but it also creates a divide at the same time where the stronger getting stronger. So I can't come out and clearly say it is just an equalizer.

But if you're like a middle of the pack team, like, yeah, like, so.

How did Tech get that player money?

And so there are schools that do it really well. There are schools that do it really poorly. And so I think that the schools that do it well are schools that were already good at football because they already have a lot of boosters. They have a lot of people that care. They already make a lot of money. LSU, for example, does Nil better than any other.

They know how to fundraise.

Yeah, they know how to fundraise.

They have a network, but I think.

It opens up opportunities to see star players go to schools like Missouri instead because they have this law where you can make Nil money in high school. If you choose to play in state, it's going to create this. I think it depends more on the laws than even the school because certain schools like Arkansas, you can just pay them directly from the state. It's a very complicated, unregulated system, but I do think it adds competition but also takes it away at the same time.

But in a school like Miami, for example, right, mario's Big thing is he's this great recruiter. Is that necessary when you're at a school that already has a brand, if you have the money, do you put emphasis on the recruiting, knowing we could get them anyways if we just give them more money, let's get a coach that's better at coaching in game.

Well, I think it does matter because, one, they're not going to be able to afford to fire mario cristobal.

No. Yeah.

That's not in the cards. That is how he has built this college football coaching sort of I don't want to call an empire because that's not what it is, but he's only done it through recruiting. So if miami was like, you know what, hey, we can get good players just with the money we have, that's not enough anymore because ohio state has a shit ton of money. Ohio state can buy whoever they want.

I actually think that it's the same thing, recruiting and being able to navigate nil and the portal are now. It's the same job. So, yeah, if you're a good recruiter, you're probably also good at scouting out players that might want to come to your school after their sophomore, junior year. And it's not separate anymore.

So there's still value to him being a great recruiter.

There's tons of value in it. They're going to be competitive in big games because he's able to get really good players to come to miami. I think what the existential question is about the program is, does the recruiting fall off when you have a longer sampling of what mario's done at like, are you able to get these players to still buy in? Because last year it was like their recruiting pitch was pretty easy. It was like, look, the u cares about football again. They're paying mario cristobal $100 million or whatever his contract was to come here, and they're going to turn things around. And if in like two or three years they haven't really done that, are you still able to sell that to recruits? Like, probably if you're mario cristobal, that's what he's been really good at, but maybe not as well. And maybe that is what changes. I'm not sure.

And if you look at specifically like this past weekend, or rather after georgia tech, miami still landed a huge recruit who was there visiting that day when they collapsed. So he's still going to be a great recruiter. But the problem is going to be, no matter how great your teams are, no matter how many times you get to eight or nine wins, mario cristobal, for his entire career, has been losing those big games or losing one random one early in the year that they're not supposed to lose. That eliminates them from the stakes that they ultimately wish that they went to. And so even when he had, like, they they didn't quite get to where they needed to go because they were constantly losing in these moments. And that doesn't mean that you're not going to be a great 8910 win program potentially every single year with Miami. But their ultimate goal in hiring Mario Christopher is to win national championships. And that is a concern when you don't have a great game managing coach. That is why that sort of CEO idea makes some sense with a coach like him or selfishly at UCF.

A coach like Gus Malzan.

Right.

Like, I don't trust that guy as an in game manager. I want him to be the CEO that's in charge of recruiting and Nil and everything else and let your coaches execute everything.

Great point, bear there's also the extradited factor that if Miami keeps losing in devastating fashions like this, you are in a day and age where you are no longer were just recruiting players to come to your school. You need to recruit your own players to stay. People use the transfer portal more than ever now. Players are leaving bad teams and going where the money is and going where the wins are. You have to add that in, too, because you're not just worrying about these high school recruits, you are worrying about everyone else on your own roster right now.

I had an idea.

Oh boy.

A coaching closer.

Oh, wow.

You know how there's a bullpen baseball.

That went from an oh, boy to an oh, wow? Yeah.

You bring in someone to end the game for you. You do this in coaching where you're like, you know what? Our strength is in the fourth quarter, our strength is in the last three minutes. Our coaching closer is going to come in now, just kind of get us home.

He knows game situations, how to use the timeouts, how to take a knee victory formation. Yeah, I like that. A coaching closer. I do feel like recruiting is such a full time job that it's hard to do both because of the portal, because of transfers, because it's a year round job now, because you're worried about the kids on your own team staying as well. I do feel like it's hard to pull off both to be the great recruiter and the great head coach at the same exact time.

That's why the best schools are still the schools that have the biggest, most expensive athletic departments that are giving their college football coach a staff of like 5 billion people that they can help out with those things. That's where there's still haves and have nots in college football. Nick Saban's staff is massive. They have analysts, they have scouts, they have people going to other college football games to look at players that might potentially transfer to. Like, it's not just one guy's job to do it. I'm not saying Miami has like, a small staff, but I am saying there is still a big difference between the schools that are putting money into those types of resources and the schools that aren't.

Saban's the coaching closer in Alabama, everyone else is doing the work. He's just kind of in the face hop on a plane for a five star if he has to wait.

But how does this closer he does he not make an appearance until the fourth quarter? Do you have to call for the closer? How do you imagine this works?

Is there a bullpen?

I was actually thinking about that. Maybe we have no, we have the coaching closer up in the booth. And maybe they're stretching, they're putting on the headset, doing different things because obviously they're not throwing maybe you throw around the ball a little bit if you want. And then now you do like the light show when the coaching closer is going to come out. Maybe runs out of the tunnel or something. In Clemson, they run down the hill. By the way, say what you will about Dabo, the fact that he's never fallen running down that hill is incredible to me. Incredible to me. Because the day that he falls, he has to just keep walking right? Like right out of the stadium and can never coach that team again. Incredible that he runs full speed because even the players, he kind of like just hop down sideways and kind of go in casually. But he sprints down and I don't know how he sprints down the hill.

It's really steep. If you're a student at Clemson, you can get tickets to sit on the hill. That's like the fill in section if you don't get seats overflow in the stands. Yeah, like basically freshmen have to sit on the hill. I couldn't even tell you found that one funny.

I did.

I was like moving and I was like, wow, this is weird. It's really steep.

If you have to stand there for.

Four quarters, you're going to have sore calves by the end of that game. It's not pleasant.

Wow.

I was waiting for it.

I couldn't walk down that hill, let alone run.

You could walk down, you would fall.

I would fall.

I don't think I could walk down the hill.

The nail might get caught in a blade of grass of age.

I think you have to take it at a jog.

Actually, my nail would trip me.

Know when you're going down a steep hill like at Tropical Park?

Yeah.

It's actually easier to do it at a jog because you get some momentum and you're very sure footed. You're not going to trip and fall. If you walk. You might trip. You might trip over your feet.