Transcript of Hour 2: HIT IT, BRUCE! (feat. Walmart Austin Butler)

This is the Dan Levatore Show with the Stugats podcast. Make sure to get me that Mad Dog Sound so I could get to it before the end of this hour. But we've got someone here who might even be funnier than Mad Dog Sound he's buzzed about, right? He's the comedian right now that is super hot, and he's selling out shows on his national tour, lucaselnick. Com, if you want full tour date and tickets. Thank you for joining joining us, Lucas. I appreciate it. I'm wondering, on your career path here, what made you more nervous? The first time you did stand up or when you told the people who love you that you wanted to be a comedian for a living?

You know what? I think I I did the right call, and I didn't tell the people who love me that I wanted to be a comedian until after I'd done a fair amount of stand-up.

Okay. Was it because you weren't sure that you wanted to do it as a career or you weren't sure what they'd say?

It's just like being a comedian is being gay. You want to really make sure you are before you go out and tell all your friends you are. Nothing wrong with it if you're sure, but you don't want to have to walk that one back.

How long did you go before you... How much doubt was there before you realized, No, I'm going to go ahead and try and make a go of this, and I can make a go of it successfully?

Honestly, it was probably two years, which I think It makes it different from the gay analogy. I think if you tried being gay for two years, you'd probably know pretty quickly. But I don't know because the pandemic really changed how comedy was working. So I just didn't know if it was going to be a career path. I know I liked it, but I was pretty bad when I started, too, so I just wasn't sure.

So where and when did Crowdwork make an appearance on the popularity scale? Because crowdwork is now, and I know comedians have different opinions about this, but it's just a chance to be clever very quickly the way you've probably been all your life whenever you discovered funny, right? And so it's being rewarded, and it seems to also be changing the game. And some older comedians seem to not respect crowd work very much because they think it's a little bit lazy or whatever, but you're exceptional at it.

Well, everyone does it a little bit in an hour long set, even if they don't mean to. It's just like if you're doing a live set for hour at a Comedy Club, you usually end up ripping or talking to someone for some amount of it. Usually people don't completely ignore the live element of the show for a full hour. But I think, yeah, people... I think older comedians certainly don't respect the way in which new comedians are using it as click bait to draw people out to shows. I always had a natural knack for it, and it did start from being bad at comedy and not being able to do my jokes, which is the... That's the knock on crap It's like, Oh, these are for guys that don't have good jokes. It was for me in the beginning. Nowadays, I think my act is a lot stronger, so I don't have to do it if I don't want. But I enjoy doing 10, 15 minutes of it. If I'm doing an hour set anyway, no one needs more than 45 minutes of jokes. But I realized I was good at it, truly, because I think people started to give me more time up there and I didn't have the goods for it.

So it is the negative stereotype. I was like, Oh, I guess I'll just make fun of some guy in the front row. And then I did that and that worked for me. But that all happened around 2021. And I think that coincided with the moment that a lot of people were on TikTok discovering stand-up comedy. A lot of people that the pandemic was happening. They had never been to a live show. Maybe they were young, maybe they were under 21 when the pandemic started. And then all of a sudden, they could go to a live show when it ended. So I got very lucky with timing in that people were really eating it up on the internet back then, and that's when I started posting it.

It's interesting to me the role that social media has played when it comes to comedians who tour like yourself, because comedians will post crowd work on social media clips because they don't want their material to be out there. You could see funny little snackable bites of crowd work. Then I wonder, do you get people at shows who maybe aren't regulars at comedy shows who see these clips And they think it's a normal thing for the crowd just to be interacting with the comedian all show.

Yeah, it's possible. As long as everyone's respectful, I don't really mind what they are expecting coming in. I deliver what I want to deliver, and I understand that not everyone's going to want to come back. If someone's bothering me or heckling me, I just shut it down right then and there, and I'll have the club be pretty tight People in general get the vibe, I think, that they know that there's a difference between being disruptive and interacting with me. I think sometimes people will leave the show and say, I wish there was more crowd work because I don't do that much of it. Other times people will go, Wow, I'm so glad I came because I didn't know if you had any jokes, and then I saw the show, and I love your jokes. I'm looking for those people because that's going to be what I do moving forward. The more experience you get as a comedian, the more terrifying crowdwork becomes. When you're really bad, crowdwork makes a lot of sense because you're like, anything's better than these terrible jokes that I've written about Hitler. But then you get older into it. And once you have good jokes, it's like you understand that crowdwork is a risk because it's not always funny.

And if you write good jokes, those usually are funny, at least more consistently than the crowdwork. So these days I do a lot more jokes just because I think the jokes are better than the average result I'll get from doing crowdwork. But crowdwork is still fun. And then every once in a while, it can be pretty magical when whatever set of circumstances line up, when multiple people have something in common or someone's got a crazy story. When that stuff happens, it can be the highlight of the night for sure.

What's the best chum for crowd work? You walk out on stage. Is it an overly confident guy? Is it a meek person? What's the person?

You're walking out on stage and you're like, Oh, I'm going to hammer this person. I always start with dude because it's easier to be mean to a dude. You know what I mean? I hate to go back to this, but pretty much calling a guy a straight dude gay is pretty much always just going to be an easy in. Calling a gay dude gay? Not as funny. I I found out. Actually, a hate crime. But that's where I start. But a lot of the time, the things that I get known for are interacting with people that maybe people are more sensitive around, maybe a different type of group, whether that's someone of a different race or gender orientation or sexuality. I typically have a skill in walking down a road that's going to make people nervous risk that's going to make people think I'm going to say something really bad and then subverting that expectation. So I like that, but I do think it's not for the week of Constitution because you got to trust me and also I like to treat everyone like they're normal people. So some people do have the view that you can't treat certain people the same way as other people.

I don't really subscribe to that for the most part. So if people don't like that, that's That can be an issue. How often does it happen and how annoying is it when you point at somebody in the audience and their response is to obviously try to be funnier than you? Depends if it works. You always got to listen to the the audience. If the audience can get a bigger laugh than you, you can't be the guy who's like, Well, that wasn't funny. You listen to the audience. I always listen to the audience for everything. The audience doesn't really know this, but they control the show in that they play me like a puppet. I just follow their laughter. So if it's jokes, and then I start doing crowdwork and they don't laugh, I stay away from crowdwork. If it's crowdwork and they're not laughing at the jokes, I'll lean into that. If the audience loves someone that even if they're annoying me, I'll give it at least a chance to try and grow on me. So I don't ever try to be the guy that's like, I think the worst comedians you'll ever see are in denial because they have an agenda up there that's separate from what the audience is picking up.

I don't really believe in that. So it's like if some dude makes some dumb ass comment, can I curse on here?

The way you're describing this, though, is Zen, right? You have to have real confidence to lay and allow the audience to lead you?

Yeah, I guess it's either confidence or it's just like, I don't know, you can't... I've done this enough now where you just got to know how to not swim against the current too much because you're being perceived by all these people. I don't know. I think the thing that I always hated about stand-up comedy growing up, when I saw it live, because I grew up in New York City, so every once in a while, I'd go. There's so much stand-up in New York that you could maybe walk by a comedy club and pop your head in, especially as a teenager. Not at the Comedy Cell where you see professional great comedy. But when I went to an open mic night, the biggest thing I remember noticing was this guy on stage has no clue what the people in the audience think is funny. And he almost seems resentful that the people in the audience think something's different. Something different is funny than what he wants to make funny. So when I became a comedian, it was pretty important to me, and I didn't get it right. I still don't always get it right, but it was pretty important to me to have a better connection with the audience.

That way, if the audience wants something, you're an entertainer. You give them that. You give them what they want for the most part. Now, you want to take them to interesting places. You don't want to just listen to what they want all the time. You want to try and push them a little bit. But if you're getting pushed back, you got to listen to that. So when someone's funnier than me, I guess I just let them be that for as long as they can, and then I'll comment on that. But I try to comment on what I perceive the reality to be in the room when I'm commenting on it. And if I want to be doing jokes, I'll be doing jokes. If someone's interrupting that, that's a problem. I've never had it happen that someone's being really disruptive and annoying, and the audience likes them better than me. But if that happened, I guess I'd be at a bit of an impasse That would mean I'm probably really bombing. The audience usually takes your side unless you're bombing, you're bombing hard.

How does the feeling of killing a show compare to the feeling of bombing? Which outweighs the other?

Oh, bombing is so much, so much stronger than killing. Because at this point, killing... I mean, your ceiling, what you just think is a kill always changes. The same with a bomb, by the way. When you're starting out, what you think is a kill would probably now be a bomb for me all these years later. But killing feels like the job. You know what I mean? If I kill, if it's a really great set, I obviously have fun. I feel good about it. I'm happy. But I'm like, Yeah, I delivered what these people paid to come see. If I bomb, I have a crisis of identity because I'm trying to think of... I guess with all entertainment, you're always taking the risk that you could go see it and it's going to be bad. You buy a movie, take it, maybe it's bad. But there's something that feels so profoundly like, I cheated these people. If I really bomb, I'm just like, damn, because sometimes they pay a lot of money or they drive a long way. You know what I mean? So to just totally bomb, it doesn't feel anywhere near... It feels so much more bad than a kill feels.

When's the last time it happened to you? When's the last time you feel like you were the worst of the bombs as you recall them most recently?

In Philly, two weeks ago, there was actually someone that was really disruptive, and they just kept heckling my set, and I wasn't getting much help from the club staff taking care of them. They also weren't being funny. Also, the worst heckler is someone that says it quietly. So you can hear it. It's disrupting your flow from the front row, but not everyone in the room can hear it. So you don't know exactly how to address it. And then you're just getting annoyed. The biggest thing is if I'm I'm getting annoyed, I really try not to show it up there because that's not fun for anyone. I don't always want to be up there, but it's like, no one wants to hear that. Like all these people that paid for me. So it's like, if you're pissed off up there, you better not show it because that is not what these people paid to see. So it was one of those nights where I was getting pissed off. And that night, I think the biggest thing was like, I lost the desire to try and do anything possible to make the audience happy, because I was getting so annoyed.

I was like, Screw it. I'm just going to stick to the script a little bit. So I just did my jokes with not a great amount of oomf, and I just got off. But usually, if something's not working, I try a few little forks in the road to try and wiggle it into a kill. If you're not connecting right up I try and make sure that by the end of the set, it's really killing. But sometimes I just don't. I'm like, something pisses me off that I don't care enough to try and give these people a good much pain, which is... That's a me problem.

I resent them. I resent me. I'm leaving now. I'm going to do the rest of my material and leave the stage. Lucaselnick. Com is where you go if you want tour dates and tickets. This episode is sponsored by Better Help. February can make it seem like everyone else has their love life figured out, whether that's perfect dates, long term partnerships, or big romantic gestures. But the truth is, most people are still figuring it out, I included. Married, dating, single, or focusing on yourself, being unsure is normal. Therapy can help take some of the pressure off. It's a space to slow down, soar through what feels heavy, and get clearer on what you want in your relationships and what might be getting in the way.

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That's on you for not knowing who Shecky Green is. You got to know who Shecky Green is. You don't have to know who Shecky Green is, but I- Here's your ally. No, I don't like my ally. The King of the Borsh Belt. Stugatz. I have the soul of a Borsh Belt comedian.

I should be in the Katz skills in 1945, opening for Shecky Green. That's who I was destined to be.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugatz. Greg, get us out of here with it.

I'm curious if there's an anti-bombing strategy. Do you have a particular bit that's designed to turn around a crowd that doesn't seem to be with you? Oh, man. No, I double down, and I double down. I'm like a gambling addict. I will double down until it either comes full circle or some people are walking out. So my strategy is double down.

Do you get a lot of... You look like Christian Jelich. Do you get a lot of... Or you look like a professional golfer with the cap here. Do you get any of that? No?

I think one of the ones I've heard, Walmart Austin Butler, Tanner from Love on the Spectrum, I get a lot. I don't get that many sports comparisons. I'm trying to think. I don't know. I think people... I don't quite look athletic enough. I got one. Rory McElroy. Oh, I get Rory. Sometimes I get Rory.

Yeah, professional golfer. So last thing on the way out, and again, lucaselnick. Com is where you go. Do you have a joke that represents the longest you've worked on a joke? Do you have a joke that you've been trying to perfect for months or years?

I have. One of the jokes that I first ever wrote is still in my act. It's grown a lot. It now has five things after it that are all attached to it in a chunk. But this idea, it's one of my least likable jokes, one of my double down jokes for sure. But the joke is that I'm not religious because I grew up rich, so I never needed that excess hope. And that was one of the first things I ever wrote because I was trying to do biographical stuff. I was starting comedy. I was like some rich New York City kid, didn't think I had a place in comedy. Sometimes still don't. But I wrote that joke early on. Now it goes a bunch of ways after that, and it has a long way. But that one's still in the act. I don't know if it will be next year, but I still tell it, and I probably wrote that five, six years ago now.

Lucas, thank you for joining us. Where are you getting most of your material these days? Do you have one place that by percentage is larger than all the others for your material?

I think the country is making it easy. No matter which side you're on, everyone's talking about the same stuff just with completely different perspectives about it. I usually start with about 15 minutes of political humor. If you can't make it through that, you're going to hate the rest of the set.

Lucaselnick. Com is where you go. Thank you, sir. Appreciate the time.

Thanks, fellows. Appreciate yours. Yeah.

That was Chris Cody saying that guys are the easiest to beat up on. That was evident as we pounded poor Jeremy. Jeremy is now in another room working on music privately, trying to do spoof songs, working alone, not wanting to work with us anymore. Just a private room. Chris, you really enjoyed the bullying of-I did these two back there. We did these two. Of Jeremy. I had to get a paper towel because I was crying. You guys were laughing a I wanted you to set Jeremy up for him to do crowd work on Jeremy during that interview. That would have been funny. I saw at the beginning of what was happening with Pablo that Jeremy and Tony were on the same team, and I thought it was borderline evil the way that Mike Ryan took you and put you on his side. No, no. Here's what happened, right? At some point, Pablo was talking about how the NBA, there's no rules. The owners don't follow the rules, then the rest of the country. I'm like, Yeah, there are no rules. Have you not been paying attention, Pablo? I know you've been locked in on this aspiration.

Nobody follows the rules That's right. I think he noticed that. I figured- The wealthy just have a weird relationship with punitive measures. They have zero relationship with punitive measures, which is another story. But as that's going, I'm going to jump in and say something, and then Pablo goes on for another five minutes of diatribe. So I'm like, All right, my window closed. Mike's like, Hey, did your window close? I'm like, Yeah, it did. He's like, All right, Jeremy, you go. So at that point, that's where I switch over and I go, All right, Ruben Bain over here, I'm messing on the other side. Yeah, but Jeremy didn't see it coming. Let's see what Jeremy's got to say here. I think I did ask him at one point, You sure? Chris Cody, Enjoyed too much. You got to go after a guy. You do. You do. He's right about that. You're, Yeah, though, supporting-How are we not supposed to go after that, Dan? There's a video of Tom right now. Great job on But Jeremy's singing, and he's moving up and down the shoulders, like his eyebrows. His hands are moving now. No, this feels mean.

This feels like too much. He doesn't know we're watching him. This is vulnerable. This is voyeuristic. Oh, now it's too much. This is criminal. It's funny. Well, we never replayed the sound. Before we get to Mad Dog, please find for me the sound of you reading in another room that we meant to get to three or four shows ago when you didn't know we were watching you as you were trying to read. We're efforting. Just find that for me. Take your time, guys. In the interim, let's go ahead and just play the Mad Dog sound that you guys have said I have to get to today. I have not heard it. Zazlo, do you want to give me any context here that doesn't spoil this sound?

Look, the biggest story in the NBA going into All-Star Weekend is two things.

It's tanking and it's load management, and dog is on top of it. But I love here. I want to add a little more context. There's music underneath here. It's Bruce Springsteen. I added it a little bit so you don't hear too much of us and get us pings, but he is playing off of Bruce Springsteen throughout all of this. It's Doggy B. & Dog. This is a 21-year-old kid with the Wizards, and Jackson decided to sit down, goddamn it. Head of Bruce.

And here it is.

I sat here and I gave it a date.

November before Thanksgiving in 2017.

I walked in there in the offseason and did an hour show with the freaking high heat, sick as a freaking dog. Then walked in here and did a monolog, and I said, I can't take it. I'm so sick, I got to leave. I took the train home. Three days later, I was in the freaking Stanford Hospital, and the doctor How the hell did you survive this? Then I sat there on a Tuesday, and he sat there and operated on me for three hours to get an appendix out. A rupture run. Chris Ruso. Jared Jackson can't play in the fourth quarter in a game in February, making 50 million a year. I mean, this is absurd. That's Springsteen in 80 years of age playing three and a half hours every freaking night. My goodness, what does the world come to this garbage? Garbage.

You should be ashamed, NBA.

Ashamed. You got that? Coosy, don't shame. Well, ashamed. That's fantastic. He's signing a-How does he How did you do this? He's sighting that he did high heat in 2017 for an hour and then needed to be hospitalized. The doctor asked him, How did you do this? It had a ruptured appendix. Sure, Jack is going to play a fourth quarter.

Flu game.

He He's sighting that nine years ago, eight years ago, he did an hour of high heat with a ruptured appendix that amazed his doctor. Why for $50 million, can't somebody play the fourth quarter? What's missing there is high heat in the offseason, Dan. There's nothing to talk about. Not an hour. I took the train home. And three days later, I was in the freaking Stanford Hospital, and the doctor said, How the hell did you survive this? And then I sat on a Tuesday, and he sat there and operated on me for three hours to get a dependent out. A ruptured one. Chris Ruso. And Jared Jackson can't play in the fourth quarter in a game in February, making 50 million a year. That saxophone. It's a bit much. No, it's not a bit much. It's perfect. It's why he's that motivated and losing breath because he loves Springsteen so much. And Clarence, God rest his soul. Rest in power. Yeah. That was the most grading part of the clip, the But he was motivated by it to tell you... He just shouted his name. Did you hear him, Chris Ruso? He just said his name.

I know. Why did he say his name? Maybe you didn't know who he was talking about. He, Chris Ruso, can play hurt when his appendix is ruptured. But Aaron Jackson Jr. Can't play the fourth quarter being paid 50 million a year. Him tossing to Bruce. Head it, Bruce. You got to hit that post. Here it is. He does feel like Bruce Springsteen is playing behind him as he enjoys life in a way- He stands on a soapbox. That is bigger than Bruce Springsteen. He does feel like the soundtrack to introduce him is Bruce Springsteen. Head it, Bruce.

Here it is.

I sat here and I... So good, man. Hall of Fame. I love that guy. Hall of Fame. How does he keep doing?

I never loved someone I hadn't met in person.

It's the greatest.

I love him.

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Moment, ich check das kurz.

Oha, Homeoffice gewinnt. Bringt uns 150 Euro mehr im Jahr.

Ja, richtig.

Aber wieso weißt du so was?

Weil, wieso Steuer die Erstattung live anzeigt.

Das ist einfach die Steuer-App für alle Fälle. Ja, und Fragen beantwortet sie auch.

247 und ohne Beamtendeutsch.

Das ist einfach die App, die uns versteht. Steuern erledigt? Safe. Mit wieso Steuer? Jetzt kostenlos ausprobieren. Shirley, every time you're watching this, you recognize that your wife is laughing that she married Larry David.

I do, yeah.

One of the great characters in the history of television, in my humble opinion. To my credit, my personality- In my humble opinion, followed by to my credit. To my credit. It's amazing. My personality does predate Curve Your Enthusiasm. Stugatz. Oh, wow.

I'm not going to say Larry David patterned himself after me.

All right, put it on the poll, please, Jude. You did Greg Cody, Copyright Being an Asshole, long before Larry David. This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugatz. Pablo Torre is also producing Banger after banger. I don't know how you guys reacted to Jerry West saying the old-school Kauai, if he goes to the Lakers, isn't going to get his name in the paper. I know. I noticed that. You think Kawhi is thinking to himself, How do I get my name in a newspaper?

How I get Bill Plasky to write about me in the LA Times.

The old white people who run sports are so funny. Jerry West doing Balmer's bidding because Balmer says, I want you guys to absorb the amazing in Balmer saying in 2017, Yeah, Kawhi seems pretty good. I want him. What do I have to do to get him? I'm going to get him. Then he gets him and then quietly here, James Harden is traded, Zubatch is traded. They've just torn the whole thing down. It loses forever. It loses in a way that makes the Oklahoma City historically good, feeding off of their mistake. Do you guys not marvel whether you're bored of the Kawhi story? I know All-Star Weekend is going there, and nick Wright is fixing the NBA with Bill Simmons. But what has been birthed in the 15 years of LeBron as he's making NBA teams throughout it. What's been birthed is the grotesque dysfunction that comes from athlete doesn't trust his organization. It all breaks apart with San Antonio. Athlete trusts his trainer when it comes to his body, not the team. Athlete trusts his uncle, not Steve Ballmer as it comes to how is it I'm going to get my money? Most powerful, richest owner in sport says, I don't have to play by the rules, allegedly.

I just get what I want, right? I'm the richest. I get what I want. However it is that I want it, I'm going to win because I'm going to get the best player. And now it's just lawsuits and paperwork and an assortment of things because nobody's actually keeping his secret.

Can you imagine being that wealthy, making millions of dollars per minute without doing anything just because your money increases tenfold a day?

But it doesn't cost you anything to give Kawhi a no-show job, allegedly, that pays him $48 million a year. That's one of the ways you get him extra money. Because money... What different? What does $48 million mean to Steve Ballmer? Isn't that something he can make in a fraction of a day? A fraction of a day, Steve Ballmer's money multiplies in a way that makes your rules and money meaningless, correct? Yeah. You think you're so powerful that No one can penetrate your shield.

If you do get in trouble, you can buy your way out of that, too. I can only imagine the ego that comes with being that wealthy and thinking you can do anything, you can buy anything, anything you want.

I wanted to ask you guys whether anyone has given thought to Tony Dungy still being on television, giving opinions poorly while Tony Dungy refuses to answer, correct? Whether or not he voted for Belichick, which suggests, I assume at this point, if you're refusing to answer- That's the answer. That is the answer on that one, right? You either boldly and proudly stake your noncontroversial opinion that I voted for Belichick, or if you recuse yourself, that's incriminating.

It's tantamount to taking the Fifth Amendment. You're allowed to do it, but people think you're hiding something.

People think you don't want to tell the truth, so you're taking the Fifth.

I think the first rule of being a Hall of Fame voter in any sport should be full transparency. People, fans, have a right to know who who he voted for and who you didn't vote for.

You mentioned this yesterday. Here's Rodney Harrison telling Tony Dungy to his face that he doesn't respect that opinion. But I do think interesting that I am not hearing anywhere nationally, why have Tony Dungy and Rodney Harrison been allowed to have those jobs for that long? Which is any list that doesn't include Bill Belichick at the top is absolutely wrong. A lot of those players that we mentioned, they're great players. I played with Drew Brees, I played with Adam Denetari. But there's no more deserving to be in that Hall of Fame than Coach Belichick. I've seen his greatness. I've seen him design defenses to stop your offense. You just look at the players that he's impacted. He's been unbelievable. When I look out throughout the Hall of Fame and even a guy like Tom braided. Tom braided wouldn't be Tom braided without Bill Belichick. And that's the disappointing part of it, Coach, and you guys got it wrong. That's actually a pretty good moment for Rodney Harris. That's a major call out. For sure. Yeah. Tony Dungy just takes it on the chin. I mean, Tony Dungy's lack of really anything for MBC in the Super Bowl has even gotten Michael K calling for him to be fired.

Not just at the Super Bowl, ever. I think Dungy comes off pompous enough that Now look, him refusing to say who he voted for, obviously, is the answer. It means that he didn't vote for Belgic.

But I think that he's pompous enough to believe that when he says that, he actually believes he is withholding his vote from everyone.

I don't think he sees it that way. I think he actually believes, No, I'm not telling you, when we all know he's telling us.

I would just like the truth from Tony Dungey.

It can be, Spygate was big enough where he doesn't deserve to be first ballot. He's going to make it next year. It can be anything that the truth is.

But the truth isn't, I don't remember, or I don't want to answer that. I mean, that's just evasive to a fault.

It's highly suspicious that it's coming from Indianapolis cults that were imbroiled in that rivalry there that probably might be bitter. Wait, these guys found some advantage? Just say that. I think everybody would understand instead of this weird thing where we're like, How is this guy not a Hall of Famer? Do people need to have their votes taken away? Because that What is the criteria? Right there, those resumes. You know who looks great on MBC now? Jason Garrett. As always, gleaming whenever he turns toward the camera and that tooth sparkles. We need to get the imaging that supports what it is that we're doing. It's so good. Where Jason Garrett just knows the cameras there, isn't saying anything. And like a department store mannequin, he is moved by the hips toward the camera and smiles with a single gleaming tooth that should make a pinging sound. And that's what he's there to do. Just be former Dallas Cowboys Coach. And still better than Tony Dungy. This is a little more complicated than that, but I'd make the argument that that show doesn't actually have to aspire to be great. It just has to be on before that game, because if they wanted to be great on that show, they would keep taking more chances or done something else with Dan Patrick and tried to make it more interesting.

But it's easier Famously, they did try to do something different with Dan Patrick. That was a thing that happened. I think they would have kept trying to do things. There's no incentive to take chances when all you have to do is get out of the way for football. All right, guys. I got something shocking. A big swing, big risk we're taking. Let's get one of the most polished, likable sports anchor host ever to be a part of our coverage. I'm thinking outside the box here. Randy Moss says, Greg, before we get to bet the castle here, Randy Moss says that only coaches and players should have votes. Now, Dungey is obviously a coach, and Dungey is one of the people doing this that is creating Randy Moss's opinion, where he's saying, We need to take away the vote from the writers. He's saying, Just coaches, just players. Well, the problem with that is that coaches and players could very well have an ax to grind. Like Dungy.

Yeah, and have their vote influenced by how their career went and how many Super Bowl's they think they didn't win because of Bill Belichick, because of Tom braided.

Ostensibly, the writers are more neutral.

Ostensibly, we're not fans of a team. We're not influent. We didn't lose a Super Bowl because Bill Belichick won six.

Rodney Harrison telling Dungy straight to his face, he designed defenses that stopped you. That's a good line. It was a bar. No, it was a great moment for Rodney Harrison. Off the list. I turned my eye in the direction of Tony Dungy. Why with this whole Hall of Fame thing and this Bill Belichick, Robert Kraft thing, is everybody being so goddamn cute? Why are we being cute? You have your reasons for leaving them off your bow. Just say it. Tell the truth. Why does everyone's embarrassed now? You did it. Just stick to your guns. The only one who was apparently telling The truth is Bill Paulian. He's actually the only one who told the truth. We were unfair to him. We were very unfair to him. Everybody was, and his son scolded us and should have. Everybody was unfair to Bill Paulian. He's just a doddering 81-year-old man who couldn't remember whether he voted for Belichick or not. He was not sinister. He was not evil. Tony, let's bet the Castle. Tony, I know Zaz is jealous. I've seen Zaz is always sniffing around those white Castle burgers. He's so good. He's jealous that you're the one who gets to this today.

Go ahead, Tony. Let's see what it is that we're betting the Castle on. Definitely, Dan, I'm going to throw the white Castle burgers in the microwave here. Hit it with a quick little 60 seconds, and we are off. Okay, so my bet the Castle. I'm going futures bet again. We talk about the Western Conference. We talk about how OKC, we actually need them to stop Wemby and the alien invasion that's happening with the San Antonio Spurs. I'm going to go a little bit further down the board, and I'm going to take The Denver Nuggets plus 4: 50 to win the NBA Finals. I know they're at the fourth seat right now in the Western Conference. Joker missed six weeks or so when he got hurt here in Miami across the street at the Kaseya Center. They're playing really good ball. They were able to stabilize the boat without Joker. Joker's back in now, working back into playing shape. They've got their secondary tertiary guys playing really well. Jamal Murray plays incredible in the playoffs. I think we're going to see some cannibalism happening in the Western Conference. Does OKC make it out? I don't know.

Your mouth is watering. It is. Your mouth- Seven seconds left. Well, that's okay. Five seconds left. You don't have to keep talking. Plus 4: 50 for the Denver Nuggets to win the NBA Finals. The sound of the microwave going off. Nothing better. Enjoy. Enjoy. Thank you. It's delicious. Bring it in here. No, I'm not going to bring it in there. I'm not swammering. Zazlo is jealous. That is a delicious. That is a tasty burger. I'm going to take it from you. Bet the Castle is presented to you by White Castle. Hunger says eat, cravings say eat this. With White Castle's 100% beef, grilled onions, melty cheese, and steamy bun that hold it all together. How can you not crave thy castle? Can you tell me, Chris Cody, whether Jeremy has completed the song that he has been alone and voyeuristically, We've been watching him. That's been cruel. I think it's also a crime to be watching him when he doesn't know we're watching him. I saw him just mouth the F word in the living room. Okay. Do you have the sound of you reading poorly while you not- You know what? We don't have that.

No. Maybe in postgame. Track that down. Yeah, that's too bad. No, wait, they do have it. I shouldn't have put you in charge.

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There's two minutes left. Because I'm telling you, it is just- There's two minutes left of this. Mike, you know I have one rule to live by, right? Don't place parlays on multiple long shots. Don't say a game is one when it hasn't hit triple zero. Always drink your Jägermeister ice cold. That's the rule. Everything else is merely a suggestion. Everything else? Everything else. Wearing clean underwear every day?

Well, that's just a personal decision.

Brushing your teeth? Obviously smart, but not a rule. Never PP on an electric fence. Okay, maybe there are two rules, but the one that is 100% that I insist on completely, Jägermeister must be drunk ice cold. Or don't drink it at all. Damn, that's cold.

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