Transcript of Hour 1: Frankie Tires and Danny Ice Picks

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This is the Dan Levatard Show with the Stukas podcast.

This episode of the Dan Levatard Show with Studio Atts is presented by Venmo.

We really appreciate our sponsors around here, especially over the last four years, because they have... In the podcast, The podcast industry, a pretty crappy space. So many people involved, so many people not knowing how to make a business of it. Our sponsors have made us a hugely vibrant thing in the industry. So I will thank Venmo for its support, and I will ask again, Cody and Stugatz, in a way meant to shame them if they have Venmo on their phone and if they're ready to pay fines because Venmo, a sponsor that supports us, has been added to this segment and the return of the fine bucket because you guys are to respect the sponsors, because the sponsors respect us by supporting us with an audience that appreciates the amount of content we make every day. I know I'm not Iron Fist guy. I can't get anyone to wear a costume, wear a grid of death punishment. I'm going to cancel grid of death, and you guys are going to be happy, and we're not going to be able to have the sponsor because we're just going to get rewarded for people not doing things.

I'm all caught up.

Yeah, me too.

I think so, too.

All caught up. The general rebellion around here, it needs to stop in the face of sponsors that are more supportive than any we have ever had. You still don't have your Venmo?

No, I do. It's installed in my phone.

You know how to do it?

Of course.

I got them set up. Yeah, it's easy. No, Greg, no.

Good to go. It's all taken care of.

Don't worry about me. While you owe money from previous fines, you have not paid, and it is still owed.

But the thing is, those aren't legally retroactive.

I think it only starts once you've downloaded Venmo.

That is fair.

It all starts when you install Venmo in your machine. Yeah, in your machine.

You're getting to it, huh?

It's done.

It's done. Moving forward, they all count.

It was a loose end that I tied up.

Yeah, coming out there. You know what I mean? Exactly.

It's a gecky, I mean.

Are you doubting whether or not we paid our Venmo fines? I paid one yesterday, $2. I labeled it London Fletcher. You did.

You gave it.

Because Venmo makes it easy. You can label every transaction.

Right there, $2. So I want to offer by way of apology. It's one of the dangers of doing this live. I'll take it. We had a good joke set up at the end of the last segment. It was right there. All it required was a clean edit. We met it. And we stumbled and fell down on our face. I want to say we will do better, but we will not. It could have been a good joke, though. It was right there for us.

We should strive for It's better, though.

The Jets make it very easy, Stugatz. These losers giving press conferences make it very easy. Look, I believe this show is now officially jaded enough that no matter how much coaching Carousel What the fuck you want to do, we're all going to find it funny. Wait, people want Mike McCarthy? The guy who won once with what was then Josh Allen?

I'm telling you, that's a weird one, Mike McCarthy. I have not noticed the difference between the media perception and perception in the league. He's not thought of as this bumbling joke that we think of him as the media.

Oh, the players love him. That's what I mean.

Usually, I feel like the league and the media are generally on the same page with coaches. There's a disconnect with Mike McCarthy, and I'm not sure what it is.

What's left with him? New Orleans, right?

Well, they said Chicago, too. They said somehow Chicago, which I imagine packers fans would welcome. I know.

So it's just New Orleans, right? That could be the only place. He doesn't look like someone that would go to Mardi Gras, but looks like everyone that's at Marty Graal once you get there.

He looks like Key West. Good point.

Dan, which coaching hires do you like? I feel like no matter who gets hired, you make fun of. Like Dan Campbell, we made fun of. Liam Cohen, we're making fun of. Aaron Glenn, who I feel like there's not a huge difference between Buckle Up and Fasten your Seed Belt, if you ask me. I guess there's maybe some nuance I'm missing there.

Who do you like? Okay, so I will answer that question in a second. But Mike McCarthy, just going back here at Lebitard Show, put it on the poll, please, Juju. Does he look more like Marty Mardi Gras or Key West? Because I got Mardi Gras, and these are two very different looks.

But he doesn't... Okay, unless you've been to Mardi Gras, you don't understand because he doesn't look like Mardi Gras from what you think Mardi Gras is. But once you get to Mardi Gras, it's all Mike McCarthy.

Yes, that is correct.

You're in Mardi Gras? Oh, yeah.

Billy has been to Mardi Gras.

Yeah, college.

You think it's a bunch of young people having a blast, and when you get there, you realize it's all Mike McCarthy.

It's a million Mike McCarthy's. They've all got hurricanes in their hands.

He's building a keg.

A pink, fleshy keg. I think Mardi Gras runs away with this because he's got beads around his neck and he is careening from pub to pub.

Everything you guys are describing is also Key West.

That's correct. These might be the same places.

That is a different look.

But I don't think there's any fall pretenses when you go to Key West. Mardi Gras, you're tricked into going thinking it's something else. Listen, if you're a teenage boy growing up, you say, Oh, my God, Mardi Gras, the promised land. I know what goes on there. It doesn't go on there. It does not go on there. It doesn't happen at Mardi Gras.

I disagree. I disagree because I was there with Greg Cody once, and he woke up in a hotel room and he had mashed potatoes in his hair after his friend Tom Jordan had dragged him out of a dungeon where he had rip-roaring fun that he can't remember.

That's the thing is as a teenager, I didn't grow up thinking I'd run into Greg Cody and Tom Jordan with mashed potatoes in their hair.

Tom Jordan looks exactly like Mike McCarthy. T.

J.

That's right. Just thick, a thick human being. But can we talk for a second? Because Jessica's criticism is fair because I yawn through all of the coaching hires. Yes, I assume that Ben Johnson will be very good as a coach because the game has been overrun by the McDaniels' and the McVeys. So if you tell me that that's what he is, okay, If you tell me that somebody else has hired a 28-year-old offensive coordinator now because that's how we're doing it, I'm like, Yeah, we're probably making them younger than we ever have, and they're a lot different than Mike McCarthy. But my whole thing about coaching hires over the last 20 years is we've seen enough of them in this town with the dolphins and hurricanes, where guys win the press conference, crush the press conference. Al Golden crushed the press conference and has spent the rest of his life trying to get back, and now he's a defensive coordinator because large largely, these guys come in, leadership is difficult, and I don't happen to believe that many of them can bring just some culture of, I can do this better than the other guy can.

Now we're where the nerds are on, No, this is all computers now and taking advantage of tight windows, and it's going to be 30-year-olds thrown to Pukua Naku in space. You know what I mean? That that's what the fight is going to be. Not Mike McCarthy, not Saquon Barkley running the ball all over the place.

I'm just saying the Jets are a dumpster wire, and everything they do is probably wrong. But we're being very preemptively mean about a coach who was a great player, had a good track record as a coordinator, and now is being promoted to a head coach. Stugatz already is like, he wants to retire. He's only 52. He's not like some ancient old man. He might be a good coach. I don't know.

The best proof that these press conferences mean nothing. Nick Siriani, famously, had a terrible introduction.

Oh, my God. It was so bad. He mocked him for weeks. Oh, my God.

Yes. And look at him now.

He didn't stop mocking him until literally weeks ago, But it's a crapshoot, right?

We yawned at Dan Quinn. We yawned when Kevin O'Kannell was hired as the Vikings head coach. He's now one of the best head coaches of the NFL. I mean, it's all a crapshoot. We have no idea if any of these guys are going to be good, including Ben Johnson.

Right. I mean, Dan Campbell, who turned That's what it turned out to be pretty good, was an interim coach with the Dolphins. They didn't even hire him.

That was an epic press conference, though. Eat your kneecaps. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. No, that's class.

But all of this stuff is interesting to me, right? We love leadership so much, and I believe most people listening to do believe that Pete Carroll has a thing- Well, he does. That he can bring to the Raiders. In his case, it might just be infectious energy and something that feels a little more positive than whatever the bleak darkness is of winning no playoff games for 22 years in that sport. Maybe Tom braided and Pete Carroll can concoct something that resembles leadership. But so many of these people, like Urban Meyer, come in with a plan and the assumption that they can do something that will impact an environment, and then there are professional problems everywhere. You need Mike McCarthy to be your trusty veteran janitor because he's been there before, and he could probably put a staff together that won't be filled with idiots and can work with everyone from Jerry Jones to the public that funds that team in Green Bay and only wins one championship with Aaron Rodgers.

Ben Johnson also closer in age to Aaron Glenn than Aaron Glenn is to Pete Carroll. Wow.

I like the idea of McCarthy showing up to his next job with a mop.

You guys do think it's funny, right?

That at the top of the food chain in leadership in the most valuable business that there is in American sport, that McCarthy would turn down Jerry Jones? What did you see from the Cowboys this year that made you think they belonged in the game we just saw with two of their division rivals that are better and younger? What proof did you not see that they are galaxies away?

I mean, they had three 12-win seasons before this season.

And on McCarthy's watch, he fails, and Jerry Jones wasn't going to let him go when the American public had fired him before Thanksgiving. They were losing home games by 20 points in the most expensive stadium in America.

I think it's ridiculous for you guys to think that Jerry Jones doesn't have a plan here. This is a brilliant guy, a very smart business guy. And yes, he wants and probably has too much control over the football team that he owns. But Jerry Jones, I think, probably has a plan because this hire is so outlandish and so out of left field. This is not Mike McCarthy. This is not Bill Parcells. This is a guy who has no head coaching experience, and it leads me to believe he's a bridge. He's a bridge that leads to either Deion Sanders or Bill Belichick, who told him, Hey, I need to at least coach one year at Carolina. And in Deon's case, he said, Hey, Jerry, listen, hire Schottenheimer. I'll be ready in a year. I can't leave Colorado the second my son leaves. Bad luck.

North Carolina. Oh, Deion, We still got Deon in the game.

I have Deon and Belichick. I think Schontenheimer is a bridge coach, and I think he's okay with being a bridge coach.

Good point.

As a conspiracy theory, you know what? Fine. I'll take it. Thank you. I hate it. I hate it so much.

But why I think you're right.

I don't know. I also think this has to have been a mutual parting. I can't believe that Jerry Jones is going, No, Mike, please, stay.

Well, they seem to have been surprised. And Diana, I do trust her reporting. Diana is not being flippin' about these things. She proves it all the time that her information's good. Billy, why are you making faces at that? I should ask about Spain. Yeah, that's right. You should have. Reach out to her. She probably knows. She could probably just find out for you.

You could ask Sarah Spain as well.

That's a good idea, Greg.

Are you just going to do the Tony Cornheiser thing the rest of your life where it's just a Tourette, where any word that's a name will allow... You're going to do that?

Yeah, I promise.

Okay, thank you. I want to notice it from now on added to your collection of wonderful idiosyncrasies. But it is the laziestest way to age comedically.

I don't think so. It's my exercise, middle gymnastics.

Somebody says Spain, and you just say Sarah Spain.

Yeah, you have to.

If there was a game When in Rome, you would ask- Jim.

Jim, right. Of course. Yeah, you have to. Why deny the obvious? I have to.

Was this more awkward than when L Duncan called Chris Greg?

Oh, my God. Let's relive it. This was awkward with Diana right here.

Say hi to Riley Leonard for me, Diana.

All her thoughts on Riley Leonard.

Say hi to Riley Leonard for me, Diana.

It's a magical chemistry you two have.

There's all these six quarterbacks there. I don't know. Did you shorten that? Because it felt a lot longer in real-time.

I figured she was going to see him. Say hi to Riley Leonard for me, Diana.

It's important that that be in the middle of our interview. She asked to be heard of the Senior Bowl, and there was dead silence, because I don't know if you guys have heard of the Senior Bowl.

I would have said, actually, the Senior Bowl was Sunday when Popy and Greg were both here doing the watch-along, but then I felt like that was a cheap shot at Greg. Sorry, Greg.

That's okay. Would have been a good joke.

I got broad shoulders. That sounds like a crow cawing. That sound that Diana made. Does it?

We failed in doing too much football with her instead of talking about some of the things going on in her life, because that always has some funny spillage around it. But when we talk about these ridiculous things, when Stugat says, and this one's super interesting to me and also a bit baffling, but even Dominic Foxworth, who was really smart, he went to a table with Jerry Jones, sat down to negotiate with him. When sitting at that table, presumed for a good amount of time, Oh, this person knows what they're doing and got to this position because they're brilliant. Then negotiation started and he was like, Oh, no, he's not. No, he's not. Why do we do this thing where if you have billions of dollars because you knew how to do something with oil, you are then a brilliant businessman?

In fairness to Jerry Jones, when Dominique sits down at the table, he's He's usually the smartest guy sitting down at the table.

I know, but Dominique sat at that table presuming that that wealth bought him some intellect or leadership or palpable ability to make things that comes with the genius that other people don't have. They're just people. They're people with money, sometimes often inherited money, often money not earned or money earned illicitly.

I mean, I'm rich.

But this person, Rich, you are Oh, no, I'm not. No one would assume of you, Oh, he's more brilliant than anyone.

But even Stugatz does have a good amount of money, so you do the math of, wow.

Stugatz is someone else changes my tires for me, Rich.

Franky tires.

Well, can you guys get that video up now? Franky tires. Can you guys get that video up now? Because Stugatz was caught in the parking lot. Franky tires. He works security for us. He is someone who keeps the premises safe. Yesterday, we caught Stugatz in the wild in the parking garage trying to fix his tire, and he couldn't... It was a bit of an exercise. Franky Tires also struggled with it, correct?

He did. The problem for Franky Tires, Franky Tires is probably the greatest changer of tires in the history of the world. Oh, come on. No, Dan, I am serious. No one is better or more efficient at changing a tire than Franke tires. It's why I call him Franky Tires. What happened yesterday to Franky was, I was trying to help because I felt so bad asking Franky to do this. I was trying to help.

At one point- You were the light guy? I can see in this video here, you have your phone out with the light on.

At one point, Franky said, Hey, do me a favor. Get the bleep out of my way. You're making it worse. This is taking longer because you're trying to help. So I got out of his way. Was I ready to go 14 seconds later? It's amazing.

I see you have your whole set of golf clubs set up behind the car.

Always got to have them in the car, Bill.

Well, the thing is, that's another one of your loners, is it not?

No, that's my actual car. I had that car back for a single day, and I got a flat tire. Now, here's the thing. I parked in the parking lot. All four tires were fine. They were fine. There's only one person who parks next to me, and that is Dan. I'm wondering if Dan somehow bumped into me, maybe slashed my tire. I don't know, because the tire was fine when I walked in and flat when I walked in.

The old accidental slashing of tires.

I did see Dan with an ice pick yesterday.

Or on purpose?

Well, not on purpose.

What do you have me doing? You have me scraping your car?

A sideswip, something. Something. You did something.

Just of the tire?

Yeah, maybe you threw a nail out. I don't know.

Check the security cameras. I think Dan has ordered the security The camera's whitewashed for all of yesterday. I wonder why. Ice pick over here.

That's what they used to call them. Franky tires an ice pick.

Danny, icepicks. Yes.

Is that true? Did you slash his tires, Dan? Did you?

I thought about it.

He didn't deny it. How would I slash a tire? That's what we're asking. What weapon do you have me having in my car to slash a tire?

You're Danny tires.

But what do you have? No, he's not.

He's Danny Icepick.

An ice pick? You have it. Okay. It is cold out.

Your cigar cutter.

Yeah. Could you put out your cigar butt in the tire and melt it?

Yeah, he could burn a hole in the tire. I think you guys underestimate First of all, Stugatz has a good car, and his loners are good, and his tires are good. Not great. There are no cheap tires on what it is that Stugatz is driving around. And no, put it on the poll, Juju, can you flatten a tire with a cigar?

I think he can.

Maybe you had a lease do it.

You think I can flatten a car tire with a cigar?

Sounds like you've tried it before. Yeah.

Have you tried it before?

The visual of a lease out there doing it for you is funny.

That's on me on Wednesdays.

Wouldn't you guys imagine that the weapon to take out a tire, to flatten a tire that isn't just letting the air out of the tire?

Rambo's machete.

No, but what is the weapon that you imagine I would have to have in my car to do that? I think this is harder than you guys believe it is if you're accusing me of shiving Stugats's tire in an act of rage or whatever the act is. I don't know what the act is just to make his life even more difficult than it already is.

Let the air out then. What was the damage to the tires? Did you get it fixed?

I mean, yeah, I brought it in. I have a loner. I'll pick up the... Again?

For a spare tire, you have a loner?

Billy, I said I just picked up my car. It was being serviced, and I got a flat on the way down here. I mean, not on the way down here. Somehow, magically, I got a flat because of Dan while we were doing the show yesterday.

I just imagine you show up there and they're like, All right, we'll be like an hour, and you're like, No, give me a loner. I'll be back tomorrow.

I'm starting to think you did this to your own tire just to get a loner again. Because you've had your car for one day the past six months.

Right. I missed the loner.

You know why? The nice loner. Why did it get flat? Did you see a nail in the side?

That's what I'm asking. What was the damage?

Nothing. I'm serious. We couldn't find it.

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Don Levatard.

What do we got here? I got a Magnum condom. We won't get that out.

That's shocking. Stugatz.

Here's a picture of Christopher when he was three years old.

Right next to the condom. Yeah.

That's a subtle reminder. Never forget.

This is the Dan Levatard Show with the Stugatz.

All right, we will conduct an investigation with Franky Tyers. We will We'll report whatever it is that we find there. I also want to say, in keeping with thanking our sponsors, long time sponsor, 1-800 flowers. Oh, wow. Yeah, 1-800 flowers is back. They're back. Yes, in time for Valentine's Day, which means-Wow. Yes, escalating threats are beginning today to tell you what it is that I'm going to do to you. I've been talking to Ron McGill. I've been talking to Ron McGill about what creatures I can have at my disposal. If you do not buy 1,800 flowers like the infestations I could unleash upon your home.

You could slash someone's tires.

That's just starting, though, right? That's the early rounds of threatening, right? I think that you know where this is going to escalate, too?

More heat talk?

Yes. No.

More politics.

No.

More politics, yes. Buy flowers. That's what's going to happen. Yes. What is going to happen is it will escalate in, I'm just doing a political show for three months.

Please, nobody wants this audience.

I know.

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You love a good slash.

It's just getting started with the ice pick to the tires. I tried the cigar, it went out.

So buy the flowers, not for your wife, your significant other, buy them for us.

No. Well, yes.

Well, just to avoid these conversations.

Yes. That's all I'm saying. Yes. Buy them for us, but don't send them here. You don't have to... No, we're good. But support 1-800 flowers because they're back as a sponsor, and we are grateful for the people who sponsor us. As I go back on Mike McCarthy, though, because what Chris Cody is saying is, I think, pretty interesting. If we're most valuable franchise in sports, we overvalue these general people who are managers. And in that case, Mike McCarthy was bringing Championship pedigree while being what we all think is an administrative assistant to Jerry Jones. And then embarrassing home losses by 20 points all the time. It just didn't play a meaningful game. Dak Prescott got hurt. Obviously, that's part of it. But Mike McCarthy doesn't want to work there anymore. When we do this stuff with the leaders, and we all saw in Dan Campbell when he was here, we all spent time laughing at that. Is the leader's job to bring the ra-ra and then just the coordinators who are outsmarting you? Because one of the interesting things that came from the reporting after Bill's chiefs is that they were talking in the reporting.

They were talking the Bills Center. I want to read this to you because it's the difference between the Super Bowl and not. Osiris Torrent, it's a great name. It is. Osiris for a center. He's talking about the Blitz. He's talking about the last play on fourth and 5 for the Bills. What it is they were disguising, Mike Ryan called it Satanic yesterday. He's like, They set it up, is what Torrance says, They set it up. It was like they were waiting to get in that situation all game to bring that one pressure. The whole game, they were dropping out of that, and they were showing it and dropping out of it, and the bills made the call. It's like the best strategists would bait you in on a fishing line to try and get you in just like, I'm going to keep doing this and doing this and doing this. And when the game, it gets unpredictable and it becomes they've won 17 straight by this much more than any team in the history of the sport. Field goal here and there. Yes, they've got the best quarterback, but things like that where Josh Allen on fourth and 5 in that situation, you're hopeful if you're the Chief, but fourth and 5 for the Bills is a good situation for the Bills.

Their ability to get five yards there with Josh Allen in their offense, That's what was happening in that game where you couldn't make one mistake and then at the very end, surprise. Yeah.

Set up the entire game. That's attention to detail. I mean, it is, Dan.

Of course it is. But I would also say to you that when we analyze these coaching hires, they've all tried to get that attention to detail. They all try to be prepared for all of the permutations. And then Iberfluce is doing the game management at the end where you're like, What are they doing? How can it be that incompetent when, of course, it's going to look like that sometimes with a rookie quarterback. It's the way it used to look all the time with the rookie quarterbacks. Jaden Daniels is going to spoil us now. We're going to end up in a place Oh, there's no learning curve anymore? Can you guys look for me? How many interceptions Payton Manning through his first year?

Twenty-something. I'll look it up, but it was twenty-something, I believe. Was it thirty? Was it thirty? Yeah.

It's what it used to be, and we're making the hardest position in sports, harder than it's ever been. We're making it for people we're asking to play younger than they have or quicker than they have. Then we entrust their futures to a Dan Campbell who the media can't decide whether he knows what he's doing or not until he's 14 and three.

Right. But I think the important thing for the head coach as it relates to attention to detail is having great coordinators around him, guys who could potentially be head coaches or have been head coaches. Andy Reid has had that his entire time in Kansas City. He has spags. Spags could just focus on what he does best, and that's being a defensive coordinator. Dan Campbell had it in Detroit. It's gone. It's going to be interesting to see what it turns into now.

But you say that Andy Reid had it He had Eric Biennemi, and now Eric Biennemi is going to have trouble finding a job. He was a hot coaching candidate because he was supposed to be whatever this thing is, and then no one hires him to be that thing, and then he flames out at UCLA very quickly after falling down the ladder. My larger point is most of the people talking about this don't know what they're talking about when it comes to, was that a good defensive coordinator hire? We saw Fangs down here. He was plenty good. Everybody knows he's good. That's why he gets paid higher than everybody else. If your name is Fangs or Spags, you could feel pretty good about that higher.

I mean, you can't.

A lot of it's the name. Yeah.

He's a nickname, apparently.

Wink Mortendale.

Frankly, Mike McCarthy is a football head coach name. You're right. The new Jacksonville Coach. Coach McCarthy. Yeah, the new Jacksonville Coach, not so much.

Not a name. Yeah, not a name. I can't get behind that name. No.

Wait a minute.

Names?

Names matter. Names matter. Names matter.

William Cohen, you can't get behind? No.

Sounds like a physicist.

Yeah, not as my football coach.

Dan Campbell, you can get behind.

Yeah, but we mocked it anyway. Dan, the man.

That guy.

But Dan Campbell, if he looks different, doesn't hit his... That's actually not a great name. We just think it is because of how he looks.

Yeah, he's a build power. He's a young Bill Cower in appearance.

Wayne Cohen looks like Marty Graal, right, Billy? Looks like the South Alabama student that goes down there for the weekend.

Yeah, and out of town or in town for a good time.

Martin Kopp. What is the best of the coaching names? Because I think there's a Lombardi.

Wink Martindale is great.

Lombardi. I think there's a three-sylable count here, McCarthy. I think what we're doing here, you guys are saying Dan Campbell. I think it's a three-sylable count that what you need on the name.

I'm not certain. Chuck Noel is a great coaching name.

It's pretty good, but I think it's great because it's two syllabus.

Don Shula. Pretty good name.

The cobbler. The cobbler.

nick Saban. Exactly.

All three syllabus. Mccarthy.

Mccarthy's good. That's what I'm telling you. That's why he keeps-What are the bad names?

What are the bad names and what are the good names? Iberfluce. Iberfluce.

That's the worst of all time. Terrible.

No matter what you do for a living, you don't want to be named I'm not named Eber Fluss. Sorry. Trust me.

Put it on the poll at Lebitard show. No matter what you do for a living, do you want to be named Eber Fluss?

I think I'd go to an ENT named Eber Fluss.

Yeah. Dr. Iberfluce?

Absolutely. Absolutely. That's my nose, ear, nose, and throat. Ent, though. E, nose and throat.

Podiatrist, I don't know.

Ent, yes.

Wait a minute.

Wonstead, on the other hand. Great name.

Is it a great coaching name?

Wony? Wonstet? I think it is. Pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, I think it is. Good That's not great. By the way, Eberflus also sounds like the name of a car, but only an oddball Volkswagen. A Volkswagen Eberflus. Nice. Because they get golf. They're the company that comes up with weird car names.

One that you couldn't get here, though. It's only available in Europe.

Yeah, an Eberflus. Mike McDaniel, good coach's name. No. Not a good coach's appearance.

What are you doing with the name?

No, Mike McDaniel is a solid head coach's name. You got to back it up, though, with the appearance.

No, Lovie Smith is a solid coach's name.

That's a good one.

Decent. Lovie?

Yes.

No. Lovie?

Lovie Smith? Lovie? No. It's decent.

Dan Quinn just does nothing for me.

Lovie Smith is a good high school football coach, like in Texas. Lovie Smith could to win 10 out of 12 state championships. Dr. Mcdaniel could touch my feet. Right.

Oh, my head coach named Lovie.

Really? He can? Yeah. How about Chuck Knox?

I don't know what you're doing to Iberfluce as a podiatrist. Why won't you let Iberfluce Why are you keeping him above your waist?

Why is Iberfluss not allowed near your feet?

I don't understand.

He's not a podiatrist. He's an ENT.

Dr. Bendova.

That's my pathologist.

That was always an old Johnny Carson line. I never forgot it. Carson was so good.

What do you think you meant by that?

It was his proctologist, Dr. Bendova. Really? Yeah. Use your imagination.

The glory Hole thing?

No, he spelled it B-E-N-D-O-V-A. He was a foreigner.

Cliff Kingsbury. Good coach's name.

Yeah, I don't know about that. Not Cliff with a K. You can't... That's... Cliff's last name starts with a K. But his last name starts with a K.

His last name starts with a K.

I know, but you don't need that.

Cliff's a good name, I think.

With a K? Not with a K. Not with a K. You question a Cliff with a K.

It's a Greg in the double G situation. Can't have it. Some coaches with good names never work out.

Nathaniel Hackett, good name.

No, I don't think so.

What are we doing?

That is a good name. Thank you, Dan. Hackett?

No, he's a hack.

No, you guys are doing this thing where you-You're good at Hackett.

He's right. Let's just recap here. Was he wrong about that? Let's recap. I took a hack. After Dr. Bendova. You guys are just playing the hits. Like, look at the two of you. He did take a hack.

Just the lowest common denominator humor.

Hacking it. Pat Schermer. No, that's a terrible name. No. That's a terrible name.

Schermer.

That M in there.

The M so close to the R. I don't trust any of it.

Abe Gubern. What is that? He was the 500-pound bears coach. What decade?

What year was it?

I don't know. '70s, maybe? Okay.

Abe Gubern. Well, the 500-pound... Can you get me the weight?

In that day? Wow. Get me the weight, please, of Abe Gibrin, a truly terrible football coach's name. I'm telling you, we could have spent a month here and I wouldn't have landed there. I would have named all sorts of college coaches, pro coaches, coaches from all sports before I arrived in a 1970s, 1970s, a bears coach who was fat and named Abe. I'm seeing 5'11, 243. Oh, that can't be right. No, that's a list. He's like, My I have pictures of him. He's way bigger than that. Yeah, he was a big man.

1950s, by the way. 1950s? Wow.

Good for him. Yeah, he played at Valparezo in 1948.

Valpa. I don't mean to disparage him.

God God rest his soul. Pretty good head coach. I don't know if he was or not.

He was known for a while. Was he in a plane crash?

42 and 11?

No, hold on. 11 and 30. Oh, that's still- In one tie. It's 11: 30. If he was in a plane crash, we'd have to say he's a good coach.

No, he's a good man. No, I'm willing to extend it to good coach.

I'm willing to do this for sports figures as part of your one-time exemption.

So if Adam Gase gets in a plane crash and He survives the crash. He's a good coach? That's because it's so many years ago that nobody's going to care.

So he's a plane crash away? It's Abe Gibson. It's Abe Gibson in the '50s.

It's not Gibson, it's Gibran. Gibran. It's fine.

If Abe Gibran is in a plane crash, you know why?

He died of a brain tumor.

I'm sorry. Why, Greg?

Well, you know, heavy. If I'm in a plane...

There's no way I can say this without pissing some people off.

But if I'm in a plane, Please don't. No, please stop. I know where you're going. Hold on. Where's he going? Let's hear him out. You know what? Hold on a second. Hold on. I've got an employee.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm with Chris Cody here.

Hold on, everybody.

No, I'm not surprised that billions to God would push everybody. Hold on a second. This is a loving son taking care of his dad here. We all know where he's going with this. Come on, we get it. Who are you going to piss off, Greg? I have nothing against people who, some would say, are overweight. That's a fine. I know. I'm getting right on Venmo. Venmo. Venmo.

He'll pay his when you pay yours? I'm paying it right now. I'm paying it right now. You're paying my fine for me? No, I'm paying in my mind.

So go ahead.

Let's see you pay right now.

I'm paying right now. Get yours right now. My phone is turned off. Here it is. Here we go again. Here we go again. And you're in mid-thought. Yeah.

No, I don't want to make fun of anybody, but it's a fact that if a 500-pound man is walking down my aisle in a plane, followed by another couple of really heavy people, it worries me. Only on Southwest. That's a fact that it worries you? Yeah, because you do have to even the weight out left and right. It's not true.

On a plane? No, it's absolutely true.

I've never heard an announcement of like, We're going to have to move a few heavy people to the other side.

I've heard it on boats. I don't know about planes. They are bouncing the plane the entire time.

You guys just don't know it.

They are moving luggage left and right down there. You guys. 100%. Are they during the flight?

100%. Is that 100%?

No, it's absolutely true. If there's 40 people on the right side of a plane and 18 on the left, you better believe they're asking some people to move But what happens if they don't?

Well, you got to do what you got to do.

Put it on the poll, Juju.

Disobeying a flight attendant is a federal... Something, yeah. Crime. I'm glad I waited for you to get to really close It blows us out there strong.

Crime may be a hard word.

Okay.

At Levitard's show, please, Juju, when there are 40 people on one side of the plane, are they going to allow 18 others to be on the other side? No. Chris is in the same group, right?

We should have quit while we were ahead. I will allow.

I've paid my fine. Get your phone.

I'm not going to keep asking you guys, okay, on behalf of the sponsors to respect the sponsors. I did it. London Fletcher. The idea that that happens on small planes is true. The smallest of planes is true, that they have to be careful with what weighs what. It is not something that is true of larger planes. No, it's happened on a flight I've been on before. They made us switch sides. Have you ever been on an empty flight?

In Barcelona, actually, Billy. Right. If there's only 40 people on the flight, they're all on the right side, they will insist that 20 go to the left side.

It happened to me. Then they tape along a bunch of the other side of the plane so people couldn't switch back over.

It was a scary flight. There was a storm. He can't be fined for that.

You made him turn it on. That's his phone.

You made him do it.

You're the one who asked me to turn it on.

That is true.

That's more fines for you for your phone going off.

You asked me to turn it on to pay my Venmo.

This is entrapment.

You can turn it on quietly. You can turn it on quietly.

He doesn't know how to do it. It's impossible.

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