Transcript of Dan Le Batard And Jonathan Zaslow Call Bradley Cooper "Ugly" | Hour 3 New

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Jetzt ab 2,98 € im Monat. Hier auf wowTV.de. Streaming war noch nie so wow. This is the Dan Levator Show with the Stugatz Podcast. Jeremy Taché's pitch clock and baseball in general gonna be even more segregated than baseball and Jeremy is usually around here. It has been made and it is ready, but it will be hanging and dangling off of the show instead of inside of the show. You can find it wherever it is that you find these things. But it won't be inside of our show over the course of Hours 1, Hours 2, Hours 3. But it's good and it's baseball and it's segregated.

I've never seen it.

Juju is going to join us earlier than usual because we have to get to the polls and we also have to do something else with the postgame. So Juju will be here shortly in order to update the polls. But I really did want to put in front of you guys The incredibly delicious majesty of being given early in the tournament where Portugal— this is what they have in sports every 4 years. This is their big thing to the world. And their best player that gets exported to the world is, by Mike's suggestion and the suggestion of many others, bench the legend is happening right off the top because of how a favorite performed in the first game or underperformed their first game. And here, when you When you think about players getting power over the course of whatever has happened to sports internationally and nationally, okay, here is Roberto Martinez, the head of Portugal, telling you—

I believe it's Martinez.

Telling you that he is an administrative assistant for the greatest player in the world because when he's asked, hey, have you considered benching him? He got in the way of the goal-scoring chance last time. His quote is, It makes no sense to get the best scorer in world football out in a game that you need goals. Your questions, media, make no sense. You're questioning this human being who is old, his coach who works for him. Don't get it twisted. Like, I understand that all of you think, "Ah, it's team sport." No. Roberto Martinez works for Ronaldo. You talk about insult, Zazz. He's sitting here defending the guy right now, game 1, telling you it makes no sense for a favorite in this tournament, one of the best teams in the world, and the only thing Portugal has, makes no sense to bench guys. Stop. Don't bring your sports radio shit around here. Respect the legend. I don't care what you think. Ronaldo's my guy.

If the coach says something so definitive like that, then, then that's it. Like, he, he's never gonna have him come off the bench. That, that was— he, he said that you're stupid if you're not gonna play the greatest goal scorer in the world. So he— you can't then go back on something like that.

Sure you can. You absolutely can. But also, I don't think this needs to come from the coach. I think this needs to come from Cristiano himself. But Roberto Martinez is on his way out. At Portugal. This is the final World Cup, not just for Ronaldo at Portugal. It's the last World Cup for Roberto Martinez, who has been successful on the international stage and on the club stage. Like, he's going to go on. He's even been rumored for a very long time to be the next U.S. men's national team head coach. So he's got options.

I'm a Pochettino guy.

Why are you guys, though, skipping right past this part, Mike? I mean, I honestly, I mean you no offense when I ask you this question. When you say Ronaldo himself has to do it, I'm going to ask you, what the bleep are you talking about? No player in his circumstance has the self-awareness to be like, yeah, I'm an all-time legend. Let me go here. I can't help.

Like, you're—

what are you talking about?

He's an all-time legend that can't help. He can help. He can help, I think, later in games. Look, I don't want to overreact either. I thought Diarra Kongo played inspired. Early on, Portugal was just outclassing a team that was all effort. I think if you look back on that performance, Congo is going to be like, "Man, we left some goal-scoring opportunities on the table." I look back and I'm like, "Man, they were wasteful. They could have won that match." But I don't want to overreact to one match, and I'm not. This was a narrative headed into this.

I know a lot of people are questioning him, but like, I really— just, can you give me the example on the comp? What you're asking Ronaldo to do, can you give me in the history of American sports someone who's done it? Yeah, that's what I'm wondering.

Is there no scenario?

Because you're asking him now to do it in the single most important thing. It's not even a random guy doing it. Like, yeah, load management. But give me the guy who puts up his hand who's like an all-time immortal and says, you know what, it's better for the team if I don't play. Clayton Kershaw.

Clayton Kershaw. Like, I'll assume a role for this team.

How's it going?

All-time great. One of the best pitchers. Some would argue the best pitcher of our generation. A titan in that franchise. He accepted a role. LeBron James. Said, "I'm not good enough to be 1A for the Lakers, Luka's team now. I'm gonna be a third piece." It's not the bench though.

And then as soon as the season ended—

Might as well be for LeBron.

But then as soon as the season ended, he said on a podcast, "I'm always the first option." But it's not, I mean, it's not the bench.

And Kershaw, I guess in that one it's so irrefutable because the number, he was getting pelted, right? He's a guy with a career ERA under 2, and he's just, and that you can't even argue that he's summoning something because the radar gun shows you that it's 7 miles an hour slower than it used to be.

Look, there's, there's another option here on the table for Ronaldo, and that's play much better than he played, right? He, he was pretty terrible. It, it— I don't really see a scenario in which he could be that bad again, and their opponent is lesser. They play Uzbekistan next. Uzbekistan looked last night like they're susceptible to opponents scoring on them, so maybe that's a get-right opponent for Cristiano Ronaldo and Portugal. However, this is not gonna go away. It's not. Even if he has a goal, it'll only defuse it for a little bit because entering this World Cup, the only way this tournament gets a little screwy for that team is if the Ronaldo thing gets in the way. And yesterday he was physically getting in the way. Discombobulated, totally not on the same page with his teammates. It's just, it's just crazy. His teammates that are all about precision, guys, They had the game-winning goal. Ronaldo deflected the pass.

The teammates hate him, right?

No, he's a legend.

Chris Cody, are you—

He's the greatest footballer that's ever played.

What are you distracted by? Just watching the parade. Is it Spanish television?

No, actually it's the parade.

You're gazing with awe and distraction.

I wish it was Spanish television.

You're not listening to anything Mike Ryan is saying. Nothing. You're not— I did have a panic when I saw this. No, we all caught you on camera just staring longingly at something on television. It was just a parade. You had a big smile on your face and it wasn't with anything— it's not because you were enjoying our show. Right, that's right.

Well, I think for the casual that is paying attention to soccer maybe as much as Chris Cote is right now, the cool storyline so far of this tournament is the narratives around the superstars wearing the, the weight of the badge on their shirt. Can Harry Kane be England's captain to carry them to the promised land? And it wasn't just the goal scoring, it was the passing, the defense, the defending was outrageously good the entire match. Him and Jude Bellingham tracking back, showing, leading by example. Messi obviously still trying to prove he's the GOAT, trying to be the best player. Mbappé, a terrible first half, and then in the second half shows you entirely what he is capable of. He is a dynamite player. Lamine Yamal, not great in what was one of the stories of the first round. Spain drawing against— if you want to talk about a human interest story—

Yeah.

What's happening with Cape Verde right now and their goalkeeper that started with like, I want to say like 7,000 followers.

He was so great. He's 40 years old. His mom couldn't get in, right? His mom couldn't get in for the game.

Dan, you want to know how many followers he has? The last I checked—

No, we did this.

Yeah. 10.7 million followers.

He's a really good follow.

Yeah. And he started following all sorts of women, maybe even Jess's friend. Who knows? Everyone's on the table right now for this guy. There are so many great stories. Lamine Yamal, who was a dynamite player as a teenager, still is, by the way, but at 16 years old was Spain's best player. If he gets right, Spain's gonna need him right now. All the stars are stepping up. And then you have Ronaldo, who we, we just chewed on the storyline around him, but he has an opportunity to step up. The names that, if you're familiar or kind of familiar with soccer, recognize, they're all at the center of every great story right now in this tournament. It's why it's the best. Yeah.

Hey, it's Greg Cody's inner monolog. You know, every friend group has that one person who's somehow better at summer than everybody else. Weekends, you'll never see me without a beer in my hand. Straight up, that time is Miller time. As soon as I finish the column, I'll say a little something, head over to the garage, crack open a nice cold Miller Lite, and I'll stay there for a good 90 minutes, listen to my own voice, watch back some videos, see some feedback of people loving me. Then I'll send a voice note to Yeti or something, and then—

Eeeheehee!

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Hey, that's what I'm talking about.

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Und so viele Pollen.

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I ain't never met nobody in the world that's gonna hate on Blue's Clues.

Great nomination.

Like, who don't like Blue's Clues, bruh? If you don't like Blue's Clues, you're a loser.

Stugatz.

Look, you get one paw print, that's the first clue. You put it in a notebook. Now what do you do?

Woo!

Blue's Clues, Blue's Clues.

Sit on the chair and think about it. This is the Don Lebatard Show with the Stugatz.

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This Thursday Thunder is presented by DraftKings. DraftKings, the crown is yours.

Juju, go ahead.

I like Thunder Thursdays as a name.

Yeah. Yeah. Thunder Thursdays go crazy. Last week we was one away again. The one away boy strikes again. But this week, the dream. We got the fever. East Coast versus West Coast beef. Caitlin versus Angel tonight. But everybody knows two things. One, my boy Zaslo is not a cook. Stop playing with my boy. And number two, I don't bet on the Dream because my heart is too involved. So tomorrow night, my sister Satu Sabali will get over 11.5 points tomorrow. Lock it in. Next leg, my sister Anissa Morrow Deb, over 8.5 rebounds. She been on a double-double streak. You better lock her in right now. And last pick, my sister Gabby Williams for over 15 points. They got Olivia Miles and the Lynx coming in town. And if you know anything about Valhalla, they don't play that stuff in there. Lock in Gabby Williams. The crown is yours.

Juju, can you get the polls ready for us? We're gonna get to them in a second. But first, Amin is calling in on, I don't know this in an old-fashioned landline from Hoboken, but we do not have video from the parade. We've got Amin somewhere on a telephone, even though we've sent him and an army of people to cover the parade. There is the ambient parade noise. Amin, can you give us a not visual in 2026 when everyone wants to see everything report that is old-timey war correspondent from an AM radio from New York about the parade, please?

Yeah, I'm calling from a payphone, by the way. Dan, you keep apologizing all the time to the audio audience. Oh, sorry, we're seeing these things that you can't see. Guess what? Today's their day. Hey, audio audience, you're getting the full work because guess what? Nobody can see what I'm seeing. And now what I'm seeing is an amazing day. Man, there are people throwing full toilet rolls out the window to people down on the street 'cause they could then throw it back and then have the whole toilet roll.

They do that all the time.

What's up?

They do that all the time over there. A nightmare.

Well, also got the Wu-Tang Clan was on a float. They were performing live on the float. I've never seen that before. We had a whole concert. It was kind of crazy. Me and Sean saw people commandeer a fire truck. That's right, a fire truck, an FDNY fire truck. People on top of it. We saw people on top of police vans. It is absolutely chaos. But I looked around, I said, you know how I know this is a real special day? Because everybody was nice, even the cops. I've never seen NYPD—

Thank you.

I've never seen NYPD be this polite and cordial and patient despite people doing all sorts of things. We also saw some dude jump the barrier, get caught. They kind of hemmed him up and then they let him know and say, hey, if you just go back, everything's cool. And so he got up and he walked back. It was just an amazing sight to see. Usually that guy's got stitches and he's going in the lockup, but not today.

What a heartwarming story. A guy who, you know—

Broke the law.

Was allowed to break the law in front of the police and it was okay. He was just told to go back and New York has won. We tried warning you. At everything. Can we get someone here to throw away a roll of toilet paper from the highest point in this building at some point?

I'll do it.

Look at Mike's face right now.

This seems like a bad idea. The part you guys are getting, someone threw it back, like back up to the window and the guy caught it too. I was like, what the hell?

What a shoot from that guy.

I mean, what else have you seen? Are we going to you again here in the last 20 minutes? Because I was hoping for more reports from there and I understand that we're limited because it's so crowded. What else do we need to know from the scene?

Well, I gave you the report of the day, which is that the parade was stalled because literally they couldn't get to the start of the parade route because there were so many people in the streets. Like, as we kind of discussed the technical difficulties, I don't think you guys really grasp how many human beings are in a very small radius here in lower Manhattan. We saw Black Hawk helicopters flying above. Like, this is crazy. I've never seen New York like this. And again, I cannot stress enough, Enough. No one was angry. Thank you. No one was angry. No one was like out of sorts. No, no fights, no arrests, nothing. Everyone was kind of cool and chill about it. And you know what? That's a report worth making. Also, I saw someone with a Raymond Felton jersey just walked by.

Juju, was it Raymond Felton?

We'll get to the polls here with Juju in a second. And I actually want some Giannis commentary from Amin at the at the parade. But just quick follow-up, the commandeering of a fire truck.

Yeah.

That's it. That's my question. Like what? They did what? They took a fire truck?

They took a fire truck. They didn't drive it, but they took it over. They were on top of it and jumping up and down and going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And by the way, it was a block from the firehouse. So I don't even know that the fire department didn't know about it, but they let it happen.

Are you embarrassed at all that Jessica had video from her phone and that Sean McGill is fumbling around in a bag that the authorities are going to think is dangerous?

It all depends on where she's at. I'm on the phone, brother. Thank you. It all depends on where she's at. Like where we were, we're in like— I hate to torture the words here. We're literally at ground zero.

Are you? Not literally.

Literally at ground zero. Yes, I'm looking at it right now.

Are you actually at a payphone? You're joking about a payphone, right? There's not a payphone there.

Buddy, cell phones are not working out here. That's what I'm trying to tell you. You guys are like, oh, hell, it's pixelated. There's no signal.

Okay, they've commandeered the fire truck. All right, so it's an actual pay— you found a payphone. That's a functioning, working payphone in America.

Yeah, and you guys put me on hold for 10 minutes. I gotta listen to you guys complain about Ronaldo. Who cares? Who cares?

Okay, good commentary from you. Thank you. Thank you for critiquing our show from over there.

To be fair, it cost him $10 to listen to the Ronaldo thing. He could have listened for free.

Tell us about Giannis.

To be fair— I mean, Zidane Lopez be an All-Star?

Zidane Lopez is Zidane Lopez.

Jeremy, like—

Jeremy sounds like a fucking dick too.

Jeremy, epically bad judgment by you there. Giannis Antetokounmpo, from the parade, what are your thoughts?

I mean— Well, I think Milwaukee is just trying to shake the branches one more time, see what falls out. Everyone expects this thing to be wrapped up by around the draft because the offers don't get better after the draft. So we've got— what's that, T-minus 6 days, 5 days before they're going to either get off the pot. But again, I think everyone knows Miami has the best hand, and it's just an idea of like, is someone going to step up? And propose something a little bit meatier.

I mean, Mike has spoken to people who are confident that the Celtics have offered up Jaylen Brown. My contention to that is, if they have offered Jaylen Brown, what are we still doing?

Well, yeah, I mean, I think it all depends. Does Milwaukee want Jaylen Brown? And it might sound ridiculous, but we know that Giannis, who's a great player, when he played for the Bucks, they were a 500 team there. I think 2 games under 500. So like, Jalen Brown ain't gonna make that, that much better. So if you're Milwaukee, you have to be focused on how can I reach— hit the reset button. How can I shed salary? How can I add picks? How can I add young talent? And that's kind of what the Miami package does. They're the only ones that can offer all 3 of those things. And that— Hero's a guy that could play right now. I guess the guy that could play right now. Where is the guy for the future? And then there's some picks involved. And by the way, you're going to take some of these salaries. And that's the name of the game when you are starting over, when you are getting your superstar, your books are all terrible. Getting another superstar who's making a ton of money doesn't really help because we've already established this team isn't that good.

Amin, thank you for the hard work from there. If you have anything in the next 18 minutes, we're almost out of time here, but— Good job, Sean McGill. If anything is worth reporting from out there, yes.

Tom, do you have any more quarters? It's running out.

Okay.

Oh, wait.

Yeah, get some more quarters when you can and call us back from a landline from the New York parade and also the lowest rung on the show business ladder. Juju, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting so long on the polls, but it was very urgent that we go to no video in New York and a payphone in New York because, I mean, we've spent money to send people there. And then they spent more money, put into a payphone to not get us video.

Don Lebatard.

Amino Hassin.

Stugatz.

Yeah, amino acid.

This is the Don Lebatard Show with the Stugatz.

Uh, Juju, what are the polls?

Well said. I'd like to remind the audience that these polls are sponsored by you. You are the lifeblood of these polls. So hop on over on Instagram, hop into the stories, and let your voice be heard. Have you ever heard of a sold-out parade? 88% of the audience says no, they have not.

The report's out.

Horny's ass. Last poll: is Mike Breen always in a suit even when he's naked? 97% of the audience says yes, and those are your polls, horny's ass.

The report's out.

Thank you, Juju. We appreciate it. I've gotta tell you guys, something happened to me here recently that caught me a bit off of guard. Like, it really, I was surprised to see it swell up in me because at this point in my career, I've told you before that I'm not, as I've aged, I haven't seen as much nobility or value in competing, in competing against others the way sort of Nick Wright does where he like wants to be better better than Pablo and Mina, and, and everyone likes competition, and there's nobility in it, but I, I just think there's a lot of room at this trough for everybody. Sports pays a whole bunch of people a lot of money to just talk about sports, and there are plenty of avenues where you can get a career in here without having to be better than everyone else. But I am officially now jealous of someone in the media.

Who?

And it's one of our own. Mina Kimes is doing everything that she wants to do, including Vulture will call her up and just be like, hey, can you tell us what you're watching and listening to this summer? Because you're one of America's tastemakers and we want to know what you think about everything. You get to win all the game shows. You get to be on a spelling bee. You get to do your dream job, which is somehow talking to Dan Orlovsky, when you can do anything you want anywhere in sports media and you want to be breaking down the Rams second quarter from Week 8 because you didn't like what their nickels did. And Mina gets to do what Mina has created, a world where Mina does absolutely everything she wants. And I haven't felt jealousy toward a colleague that made me mad in probably 25 years, maybe more than that. It's been— maybe it's been more than a quarter of a century since I felt that. Because she's got more than us and nobody gets to have more than us.

Boss and Connor for me.

Yeah, same.

Those guys have fun.

Yeah, man.

Let's give it up for them. To be, to be liked by ESPN. Yeah. We kind of botched that.

Okay.

Mina Kimes has not botched that. She is navigating the wonderful freedoms of being able to who— I'm joking, of course, about everything that I said. I'm wonderfully happy for Mina because she has fought her way through the system with her weird tastes, and now everybody wants to know what she's listening to and reading this summer because she's a legitimate tastemaker. Zaz, you're gonna have a hard time becoming that.

Meh.

What are you listening to, Zaz?

Pearl Jam.

What are you reading? Well, I'm not reading anything. What are you watching these days?

Oh, I'm watching my stories. I'm watching Raw and SmackDown.

He-Man?

Oh, Dan! Oh my God, He-Man movie's so good. You wanna go? I wanna see it again. If you wanna go, I'll go with you.

Wait, wait. So you mentioned your stories.

Yeah.

You mean professional wrestling?

Yeah, of course.

Your core discipline is WWE, right?

Yeah.

Well, can I sweeten the pot for AEW, All Elite Wrestling? Because guys, we might have a thing going on over here.

Really?

MJF tweeted the other day, "Catch as catch can." And he does feature a shirt that says "Better than you" on the front, but "And you know it" on the back. So I posted on social media last week, is MJF a huge Greg Cody guy? And AEW responded with a GIF of Greg Cody.

All right.

Get the hell out of here.

All right.

All right.

So this is all circumstantial, right? Let's play some audio here and video from this week's Dynamite. Kyle—

or Kyle Starks. Yeah.

As catch as catch can, a little bit dirty wrestling. Yeah, I would say so.

Sure.

I definitely think so.

Yeah.

I mean, I think we just established it as canon. That Taz's first name is Kyle.

You never know.

Oh.

A catch is catch can, a you never know within 16 seconds. I don't know what I just did there.

Uh, mad dog.

Which is what Taz does.

Let's be real.

Ooh. But I'm being told, Taz said earlier, that catch is catch can is a wrestling term.

It is.

It is.

So is there any scenario where this is just coincidence?

You never know.

Like, are you saying, is there any scenario where, where your father stole a phrase? I think it's possible.

No.

You're going to do that to him when he's not here?

That's not what's happening here. Weak and cowardly of you. That's not— no, I'm— there's no possibility. That's a coincidence. That happened on purpose. That was an homage. Some announcers throughout— this happens a lot in the minor leagues, actually, where broadcasters can get away with a little bit more. Minor League Baseball people who travel a lot they use our show phrases and make some inside jokes. But you guys are voting yes, that's something that's an homage to Greg Cody, or that's a coincidence?

That you never know at the end, because catch as catch can, that makes sense. MJF recently tweeted that people are being alerted to that as a wrestling phrase, but the you never know in the cadence that it was delivered— uh, investigation still ongoing to find out if there are Greg Cody marks inside of All Elite Wrestling. But this is 2 consecutive weeks where it seems as though they're flirting with our audience and Greg Cody.

It's your turn, Michael Cole. Uh, we mentioned earlier Sean Penn for some reason, and he's directing a movie that's coming out about friendship with Bradley Cooper. And I just, I wanted to ask you guys something because this is something that I have heard people talking about that I had no knowledge of. None. Absolutely zero knowledge of. Which is the pressures in Hollywood to change your face no matter how beautiful you are, to, uh, keep aging away, is something that everyone obviously in Hollywood is doing. But Bradley Cooper has done something—

I've never seen Bradley Cooper.

—that seems like he's either had a botched eyelid surgery or he was going for something with his eyes— Oh. —that has made him look a lot different than he used to look. And I just thought that Bradley Cooper was universally regarded as smoldering the way he was He didn't have to do anything to his eyes or his eyelids. What was wrong with his eyes before?

The one on the right, that's Ellen. That's not Bradley Cooper.

Put it on the poll. Does Bradley Cooper now look like Ellen?

That's Ellen. Yeah.

This is a good look for us.

Bradley Cooper is beautiful in whatever incarnation he chooses to take, including Ellen.

This studio in particular, super qualified to call Bradley Cooper unattractive.

I'm not calling him unattractive. No, he ruined his face.

Yeah, no. Bradley Cooper no longer attractive.

That's what we're saying.

Nope. You heard it here from Jonathan Zaslow and Dan Levitard. That's right.

It's not right. I am not saying that Bradley Cooper is now unattractive.

He is ugly.

He was perfect the way he was. And I don't understand why he would need— I was not aware— were you guys aware that there is eyelid surgery? Cosmetic eyelid surgery?

So what, he took them off? Like, what did he do?

I don't know what he did!

Why would he go into the doctor and say, "Give me the Ellen"?

Yeah, it's not a great look. And there's some miraculous work being done right now in Hollywood. Incredible miracles being done. They have the "Death Becomes Her" thing going on in Hollywood right now, and, uh, you know, Bradley Bradley found a different choice.

Okay, I feel like what you guys did there is, in creative ways that mock me, not answer my question in any way, which I was not aware of any of what I've just been presented with when I see Bradley Cooper and I'm like, that— he doesn't look the same. What— what's happened there? It's not obvious in his face. What am I missing? And then I realized, oh wait, there are a lot of people talking about why did Bradley Cooper do this? His face was fine the way it was.

Do you think I think it's like a barbershop where he walked in and there are pictures on the wall and he saw Ellen, he said, "Give me this." It's like, uh, number 36, please.

Oh yeah.

I'm gonna go on the record and say I think Bradley Cooper figures this out.

Yeah.

I think we will all regard him as super handsome in short order. You know why? Money.

Yep.

I think we should all keep an eye on it though. You gonna walk yourself out? He can't do that. I liked it. You liked it?

I liked it.

All right, you can go with him. You can go with him. Eyelid surgery. That's something you guys—

So they take them off, yeah?

So he's just got open eyes forever? They just raise your eyelids. Like, if you start to feel self-conscious about the droopiness of your eyelids, they can raise them up. They could do that with anything.

I just— I'm again gonna say, wait a minute. Chris Cody did not go into the penalty box. He went and got the food first. This is bullshit, man. And it was good food. I saw it. Jazz is good. Yeah, wait a minute. That's not a punishment. You can't do that. That's not a punishment if all they do is get time off and get to go make themselves a plate of food. I'm interrupting you.

I'm talking over you.

Don't talk over him.

I'm talking over you. You should kick us out for not respecting you.

Fine. Get out of here. That's barbecue. Fine. Everybody get out of here. You can all go. I'll sit here and talk to Jeremy and—

That's a good idea.

And yeah, no, but they'll be blamed for ruining the show because they had to hurry up and eat instead of doing their jobs and instead of answering my question about eyelid surgeries.

I tried.

You did try, but I'm informing you guys of this. I don't believe that I was calling him unattractive. I don't think anybody heard. Very rarely has anyone ever heard me say someone else is ugly, someone else has something wrong with them, like in their appearance. That's not something I've done. My body of work, I think, speaks for itself on this one.

Your body speaks for itself.

That too. That's right, my body speaks for itself. My body of work speaks for itself. My body not working speaks for itself.

Dan, if we can get into like a South Beach Sessions mode here, like a mini one, have you ever felt the pressures of Hollywood to change your face?

I don't understand what Bradley Cooper just did. You avoided the question. No, I don't feel the pressures to change my face. My face, Tony, you think this is how I want this one to look? You think, you think that I, this is what I decided on television when I'm flipping tires in a parking lot trying to get exercise and my trainer's like, "Holy shit, the cortisol is shooting to your face." And I'm trying to lose weight and I look like I'm £40 heavier than I was in the morning. You think I'm going for that? Trying to be a pioneer on fat faces through sports journalism so Windhorse could find work?

Again, I feel you've felt a lot of pressure throughout the years, especially post-pandemic, building a plane in the sky, you know, all that stuff.

That you would go to—

Hollywood collapsing.

You would go to a doctor and be like, hey, look, yeah, infrastructure. What can we do here to make me look a little bit more gaunt? Make me look a little bit more thin.

This is not the face I wanted. It's the one I was given.

Put that in the club.

It's the one I was given. You putting down your—

What are they chomping on over there?

You putting down a giant plate with cornbread to make that joke with food in your mouth, making fun of my fat face as if I haven't been a guide and a pioneer for your red one. Your red one physically filled with food. Damn good food.

Oh, shit!

Mac and cheese?

His spoon fell. I'll eat with my hands, I don't care.

Eyelid surgery. I just didn't know that that was a thing. And so I'm done with this subject now. To be clear to America and everyone else, I was not saying that Bradley Cooper is ugly. I am saying that Mike Ryan is morally abhorrent. Uh, Zaslo, welcome back here.

Burnt tips, Dan.

Uh, you, you, I don't understand what's happening with you and your bloodlines. Like, I don't believe that this is a story that's being covered enough around here or anywhere else. It seems like the Zaslo family—

Wait, there's some inventive stuff happening back here.

I'm sorry, Chris is using his fried cheese as a spoon to scoop up the mac and cheese.

It's really good. How does your judgment get worse than that Otto Lopez question to Amin at the parade? You don't think that that's important?

That the camera needs to see the fried cheese scooping the mac and cheese?

Now that is worth a toast.

Zaslo, the fact that generations of, uh, Zaslos are fundamentally incapable of making a girl so that what stands before us or sits before us today is such a primitive male that he says out loud without meaning to in front of Jessica to everybody an inner thought that should have stayed on the inside. Whoa, who's that?

Whoa, who's that?

Whoa, who's that? You're telling me you see somebody you don't know, you don't say, "Whoa, who's that?" Whoa, who's that?

Not like that and not with a "whoa" in front of it. Sometimes I do ask, "Hey, who's that?" But it's not when you can hear my nether regions talking. The woe betrays you on the front end. It's not an innocent question.

I just, I just like to get to know new people. What was that?

Zaslo, your bloodlines. Your bloodlines.

It's been over 100 years, Dan, since the Zaslos have produced a female. Over 100 years. Just boy after boy after boy after boy. Uh, my father's aunt, my great aunt, is the last female Zaslow. Born over 100 years ago. Not alive anymore. And we had big news yesterday. Or at least I found out the big news yesterday. My cousin, my cousin's wife is pregnant.

Great!

Awesome! Another chance to 'You know, try and break this streak of over 100 years. Can we get a female Zaslo?' And he told me yesterday they found out the sex. It's another boy.

Aww.

Aww, man.

It's another boy. It's another boy. It's unbelievable. It's another boy.

This is great.

It's another boy.

This is like your, 'Man, I wish I would have seen The Undertaker lose, but I kind of like having this streak.' Yep.

Is it possible that all—

Streak continues.

That all the Zaslos just do the same position. Well, I certainly believe that. I think there is a position that guarantees it. No!

Yeah.

That's not Chris.

Zaslo men have one position.

This is what we do.

Do you give courses to radio producers?

I do believe.

That can't be science.

Well—

You can believe it. There's no way that's science, that there's a position that makes a boy. And all the Zaslos have learned it.

That's right.

Definitely missionary.

I think you're a missionary man.

It's not.

Just chest to chest.

It's not, and it's ingrained.

It's not?

It's not.

That's a shocking development.

It's ingrained in us. It's ingrained in us. That's how you make a boy. We know.

It's probably something wild. Swings involved. The way that you spoke earlier, a little bit of a freak.

Yeah!

Over 100 years, the streak continues.

It is great. It's great.

This is not a bit.

I know.

It's crazy.

This is very real.

No, it's— I don't— I— Do we know the science of this? Is it possible?

Yeah, I'm the worst cowgirl.

Yeah.

Dangerous position.

Still collecting data.

Be careful.

Chair involved.

Do we know—

You can break it.

If it is possible for a family lineage to be so hereditary with everything that a family scientifically cannot ensure. If it's only Zaslows at the end, friends, the human species ends. Because the Zaslows— the Zaslows would make us go from endangered to extinct because they cannot make a woman. They'd only make other little apes who would go, "Whoa, who's that?" If there was a woman. "Who's that?" Because there would be an Earth with no women if it was only Zaslows.

The report said—

It's not— like, is that science? Is it possible that there's a family that has a bloodline that simply can do nothing but produce men? Do you guys believe that's a thing?

Is it the Amazon position?

Yeah.

That one's wild. That one just doesn't even make sense when you look at it for the first time. Wait, whose penis?

Mm-hmm.

Done it. No one— has answered any of my questions for the last 25 minutes.

Well, you keep saying, "Is it possible?" Of course it's possible. It's sitting next to you. I'm the possible. My family. It's a real thing. Our bloodline, for whatever reason, don't produce girls anymore.

I don't think we have time for Jeremy to actually find here what I need in terms of information if this is a scientific thing. I don't think we can do this.

I Googled what positions make boys.

Such a good-looking guy is like, let me make me into Ellen.

What the fuck?