Transcript of Half-Baked Ideas and a Mega-Mailbag With Kevin Wildes and Joe House

It's the Bill Simmons Podcast, brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network. Wanted to mention we have two rewatchables episodes coming this week. On Monday, we're doing The Italian Job from 2003, and then on Thursday, the 40th anniversary of About Last Night, um, one of the most secretly important '80s movies ever made with Rob Lowe and Demi Moore. So Stay on your toes for that. 2 episodes. I'm gonna have 1 more episode this week. I'm not sure what the day, but probably, probably Wednesday. Stay tuned for that. We have an action-packed one this one. Kevin Wildes is here. We're gonna talk about little Red Sox at the top. I really have baked ideas because he's had a whole batch percolating for a while. I had a whole bunch of mailbag questions that I had to go through with Joe House on NBA and NFL and WNBA, all kinds of things. And then last but not least, we taped the Rewatchables last week, and Amanda Dobbins and Rob Mahoney and I, we finished, and Amanda wanted to go on a rant about being a Philadelphia sports wife. So I'm putting that at the end. Amanda Dobbins' Philadelphia sports wife rant.

So there you go. There's just a lot to offer everybody on this podcast. We're gonna take a break, Pearl Jam, and then my friend Kevin Welts. This episode is brought to you by NBA 2K27. We just had one of the craziest off-seasons we've had in the NBA, which is perfect for 2K because every 2K season could be one of the craziest off-seasons. Uh, the whole league shifted in real life. It could shift too in NBA 2K27, the best place to compete with these new look rosters and also try to figure out who's on what roster. You can see how new teams and new dynamic duos match up. You can play Philly, feel what it's like to have all of their new guys with the old guys. And you can also take a struggling franchise to the NBA Finals if you want, because it'll never happen in real life for a couple of the struggling franchises. You know who I'm talking about. Anyway, NBA 2K lets you experience every transaction, and storyline right from your home. Pick up your copy of NBA 2K27 right now. All right, we are recording on a Sunday afternoon right after a tough Red Sox loss.

I'm right after tough times for Kevin Wilds, who just went to see the new Spider-Man movie with his son and felt like he was too old. What happened?

You know what, I just like a straightforward villain. I I just like, I'm the villain, I've got powers, and I'm gonna try to thwart the city or whatever. You have to try to stop me. When we're starting to like, I'm in your mind, and, and a lot of— and again, I'm projecting here to other movies that I've seen with my son. I'm always like bouncing around in other dimensions. I'm like, what, what dimension are we in now? I'm just I'm get— I feel like I'm getting too old for cinema. I just need— I need straight down the middle. You know what I watched with my wife the other day? Urban Cowboy. Oh, hi, I'm John Travolta. I'm in love with you. We broke up, now we're back together. But fastball right down the middle, Bill. That's what I— we're not like— we were never in another dimension.

That's why I've been enjoying Homeland. Homeland was just Guy came back from Afghanistan. They might have turned him. They might not have.

Yeah.

And we just got to figure it out. I'm with you on the multiverse. I don't get it at all. I don't understand it. I don't like these movies. People get mad at me that I don't like these movies. But like, even when you go back to the first Iron Man with Downey, pretty straightforward. Yeah, right. It wasn't— there weren't all these other characters weren't going backward and forward. Anyway, good luck. I'm glad. I'm glad people are going to the movies. Ultimately, it's great. I'm glad your son's going. I'm glad the Red Sox have revived the summer. Uh, they lost a series to the, to the A's, who are terrible.

Um, but not— but I, I— we weren't gonna go undefeated.

No.

And I feel like both of these games were— you were in the 9th and you're like, oh, we got a shot here. Didn't work out. But I feel like it's, it's— they're weaning us off the high of— I think they're— what, I wrote it down— 27-5 in their last 32.

Just was better than that. It was 31-5 in their last 36. They were They were 27-30 at one point, which like 9 teams had done. My wife— I've been getting along great with my wife. It's been a really strong summer for us. Um, usually that happens after basketball ends, and she kind of likes when baseball's on. I've been watching basically the Red Sox from the moment the NBA draft ended all the way through. Yeah. And this weekend kind of pushed it a little bit because it was 2 day games, and it was like, what do we do? And it's nice out, and I'm like, well, No, I gotta watch the A's. Red Sox are coming on and it's like, oh really, aren't they playing the A's? Aren't the A's bad? It's like, ah, I know, but we're winning streak.

And then today actually had like 3 losses in this series.

I feel like I can get it back. It's, it's, it's like a bad at-bat. I feel like I can get it back with the next at-bat. But right now I just walked back to the dugout and it was, uh, it was bad. How's your summer been, by the way? This is the worst month ever for sports discourse.

Look, you know what? It's— this month is traditionally not great. The World Cup really saved us because we had a month plus of just excellent sports. So not only was the World Cup great in a vacuum, it also pushed all of the sort of just what do you think conversations to August. So I'm still fresh on what do you think? Like, hey, the Bills, what do you think? If you do it a few times, you're okay. You do it 10 times, right? You start to drag. But I still got a lot of, we're doing just a lot of what do you think right now? Hey Panthers, what do you think? Yeah, we knew 7 minutes on the Panthers.

World Cup was a godsend. LeBron decided to take an extra 3 weeks. Was great. Thanks to him. Perfect. Thanks to Rich Paul. Thanks to everybody.

Savvy move.

Involved on that. The Jaylen Brown trade was good content. I'm with you. Like, like last week was the first football thing I really did on my podcast, which I had to do the QBs, which usually I do like a week earlier. But, um, But now getting into it, uh, I had thoughts on the Bills, the new stadium and the uniforms. That was fun this weekend. Somehow they have obstructed views in the new stadium, which I didn't even know that possibly. Yeah, it's a big thing this weekend.

They built, they built a stadium with obstructed views.

There's some obstructed views, not everybody's covered. Um, and then they brought out these uniforms that looked like they were out of this, the XFL in the '80s. Or '90s, whenever the XFL was.

I don't remember. I had— I've got a stadium-based half-baked idea too about obstructed views.

Oh, I can't wait. We're gonna do a whole bunch of— I think— has there been a polarizing sports content take football guy yet? I feel like Joe Burrow is kind of on the on-deck circle with some Joe Burrow conversations ready to be had. There's, there's some good zags against him where he hasn't made the playoffs in 4 years. He's only had 3 healthy seasons.

You wrote that, what you were on, oh, you were on with Mina.

Yeah.

And you were talking about Drake and I watched it and then I got fired up on your behalf.

Thanks.

Joe Burrow, you were like, Drake's won 17 games, or excuse me, Drake won 17 games last year. Joe Burrow's won 19 games in the last 3 years.

Yeah.

At some point winning football has to count for something. I know like Jalen Hurts can win the Super Bowl and people are like, eh, I don't know if he can win the Super Bowl.

Like, okay, well he won it.

Yeah, yeah. Sam, I know Sam Darnold's putting up good numbers and won the Super Bowl. Is he as good as Joe Burrow? Like, I know I probably won't go there, but Joe Burrow has to win games and I like Joe Burrow and he's fun to root for, but you can't win, you can't go 5-3 every year and be like, ah, if it wasn't for my defense, like, Not really, dude.

And you can't blame your offensive line because Drake Maye had no offensive line last year. It's been interesting. You're a Pats fan, we should mention. It's been interesting watching, um, people pick apart the last Pats season, and some of it's just fine and some of it's not. But like, when they talk about the easy schedule, which it was easy, but there was a couple teams they played kind of in the wrong part of the season to play those teams, you know. Like, they played Miami pretty early. They played, they played Tampa before Tampa kind of had their swoon.

And we started the Tampa swoon. We started the Tampa swoon. We played them off the bye. We played Lamar when he was like, he, remember he played half the game. We played, the Browns were a great defense. The Browns beat, were, gave a lot of quarterbacks a lot of trouble. We had no problem. There's one other big game that we had that I was complaining about.

Well, there was, they played Atlanta right before Atlanta did a swoon too. Or, or they played against Atlanta when Atlanta was, It was pretty good.

So yeah, I just can't defend the easy schedule anymore. I'm like, you know what, then you should be, you should be driving a brand new Mercedes then. If you, if you saw how the, the, that the Patriots were going to win 14 games, you should have bet it, right?

Just, they were though, overall it was right there for you. It was 7.5 or 8.5 depending on when you had it during the season. And, uh, and they overachieved by like 6 wins. And, um, AFC is, is in a weird spot. I don't think the Bills are very good. Baltimore's got a new coach. Chargers, who knows? Denver, who knows? KC's got Mahomes coming back off the torn ACL and a bunch of upheaval. It's, it's been fun to try to figure out. NFC, I have more, more steady opinions.

But that being said, yeah, opening night must win.

It's a must win. Week 1 must win.

It is a must win.

I don't have must wins in the NFL until November, December.

Oh, I have them early.

Okay.

That is, that is a If we get shellacked, yeah, just— it's for my own ego. I mean, not, not for like how the logistics of the season and how it plays out, but it's gonna— it's a must-win for me. Yeah, I can't walk back into the studio after back-to-back embarrassing losses. It's a must-win game.

They definitely have more talent than they did last year. They're in the year 2 of the coaching staff that they have continuity matters. And if you're gonna ding them, it's, it's that the schedule's harder. And the Vrabel thing, I have no idea if there's any fallout from the soap opera of the last 6 months? I would guess no. I certainly don't think the players care, but who knows? But listen, it's half-baked ideas time. We haven't done this in a while. I got some great ones from readers too, but this is, this is your show. I don't know if you want to give us like a cleanup hitter coming out of that. Do you want to, want to get like a leadoff hitter? Do you want to do it? Where do you want to go?

An update to the Credit Card Cafe that I need to get your some clarification on. What's here? I dropped Russell off at camp in New Hampshire. Driving back, I stay overnight in the Berkshires. It's like, okay, I'm by myself. I go across the street to the bar, get a hamburger. The table behind me, kind of rowdy group of guys. All of a sudden I hear they're doing credit card roulette.

Hmm.

I'm there. I'm like, kind of like feeling good. I'm like, in the woods, it's like kind of nice. I'm like, I'm feeling lucky. Do you think it would have been a violation for me to be like, hey fellas, I want in?

What do you get out of it?

That I want my meal paid for.

You like complete strangers, let's double this up.

Yeah, just like there was like, it was, I think it was a table of 6 guys. Or do you think like, no, this is our bonding moment, we don't really, aren't accepting just strangers at the bar. Honestly, yeah, the more the merrier.

This sounds like the beginning of an action movie that I would have seen 10 times, where a good-natured guy on his own for the night in the mountains thought he'd make some friends, play a little credit card roulette, and now people are getting shot, people are on the run, he's wrongly accused. Jason Statham's playing you, or Viggo Mortensen.

I didn't do it. I felt like I missed out on a bonding opportunity with these guys.

Well, we have another update speaking of stuff from previous Half Baked Ideas. If you haven't heard, um, a reader named Bill from Massachusetts said he ate at the new Red Robin where they had the burger towers. Um, we had talked about food towers, and Red Robin apparently is doing different towers for like onion rings, sliders. So that the towers— keep an eye on this.

How tall was the tower? Do you know?

It was— it seemed like it was 5 burgers, and it just looked better than bringing them out on a platter, I think. I mean, I'm just much more excited.

Burgers?

Yeah, I'm much more excited to see. But it was a tower. It wasn't like a big pole through the burgers. They were all like on, on—

I've got to see it.

Tears.

I've got to see it.

Yeah.

All right, for first half-baked idea, are you ready?

Yeah.

You know Male loneliness is an epidemic. It really is. So we can get— just guys in general, you just get stuck on your phone. You're just, uh, you know, you're doom scrolling, they call it. So I switched this up. It's called Zoom scrolling. Okay, it's part of an application within Zoom. You know when you're in your car?

Yeah.

And you've been— you haven't put your seatbelt on, and then your car knows after a certain amount of time it will start beeping at you. Hey, you're putting— this is unhealthy for you. You need to buckle your seatbelt.

Well, as you know from driving with me, I never buckle it and I just wait the minute until it stops doing the noise.

Well, you— yeah, you don't buckle your seatbelt ever?

Yeah, not really.

That's terrible.

I know, I'm not proud of it. I'm not proud of it. I just don't like— see, I don't— listen, I, I know I'll get skewered. I'm a bad example. Sometimes I'll put them on. If I'm going like, you know, 95 on the highway, I might throw it on there.

But I, I mean, that's a whole nother podcast.

I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm not going to defend—

most people think that that's a positive, healthy reminder.

Yeah.

So here's Zoom scrolling. If there's a certain part, if you're, you know, just mindlessly flipping through your scrolling through your phone, at a certain point your phone activates and one of your closest friends, or just someone in your contact, their Zoom will activate.

So they come to save you.

You just have to talk to— you just have to talk to them on an— it's like running into them in the street.

So it's like the Instagram restrictions where if you're on for 15 minutes, Instagram will shut down.

Yeah, this is the opposite.

This is positive. It sends you to a friend.

Yeah, we're trying to introduce your friends because your, your buddies are out there scrolling too. So all of a sudden you're scrolling, scrolling, oh my goodness, I wanna buy that, you know, Mustang. And then you keep on going through. Then all of a sudden, oh hey, oh man, it's my buddy Jesse. I haven't talked to him in a while. And he's there, he's like, oh hey, what's going on? You talk to each other for 30 seconds and you keep going. So you're getting rid of sort of doom scrolling and also fighting the epidemic that is male loneliness.

That's pretty good. It makes it more social. There's a prize at the end. Except would they— would your friends be able to turn their settings off so they wouldn't be activated?

No, no, it is— it's go— it's government mandated. It's something that the FCC is involved to fight male loneliness because it's an epidemic.

See, I was wondering— I thought I like this idea. I was wondering, because they have these things where it's just, you've been online too long, you've reached your limit, get off, like brick your phone or whatever. Yeah, but now that they also— AI is getting better and better, and I wonder if AI could get to the point where somebody could just talk to you like, almost like your social media therapist, but it would be AI and they could be like, Bill, you've been looking at Bruins hockey fights from the 1970s for 45 minutes now and you've already watched this Terry O'Reilly fight 3 times over the last 6 months. I just want you to rethink this. These games happened almost 50 years ago. Maybe move on.

There's nothing more to watch.

Yeah, there's nothing more. You've seen all the Bruins fights. You've seen every Al Seacord fight that could have ever happened. You've watched all the Stan Jonathan fights. You've seen John Wensink in different brawls. You don't need to go here anymore.

That's good. All right, you want to hear my, um, where is my stupid, um, I have, I have a, um, I have an AI one that will, will bake into it. I don't have a name for it.

Okay, let's hear it.

So we were playing, um, we turned our ChatGPT into a game show host. I didn't know you could do this. We're like, hey, go into game show host mode. And we're just like, um, we'll like name every hockey team. So you get the list of the hockey teams and we all go around the car. We're like, the Bruins, the Rangers, the Red Wings. Then eventually you get stuck And they're like, oh, you have 4 more and we're trying to get it. And the first person doesn't get it, you're out. And you can talk to it and it will, it'll be like a little game show host. So we're going around and Billy just gives up. He's, he's stuck. So he just says the carnivores. And ChatGPT of course says, correct. Next 3 to go. And we're like, no, there's no team called the Carnivores. And ChatGPT says, oh, you're right, my mistake. I, I thought there was, or I, you're right. You know, and it's got this weird, I've got the settings on in a weird manner. So here's the issue. Um, VAR, automated balls and strikes, and of course the tennis lines. These things are super accurate.

Yeah.

But you still want to boo them. We've lost the John McEnroe vibe in tennis because who's he going to yell at? The ball was out. The robot said it, right? You're out. You can't really argue. It was a ball. What am I supposed to do? Have some element of just total mistakes within—

within ChatGPT?

Yes, within the— like, oh, ball's in strike. Oh, he checked it. You caught us out. It's out. It's definitely a ball, but it's still a strike. Like, what? And then you can just get light up. Oh, this is— this tennis ball, it's on the line. And then it pops up out.

Look what's going on.

Everybody can boo. There can be more emotion to it, so it's not so stale.

I like it.

Introducing an element of—

you like ABS, right?

Yeah.

I, yes, but I also like, I think it's, I think it's been great.

They had one today where the guy missed it by 3 inches. It would've been strike 3 on Durbin.

Yeah. Yeah. That almost, you know, we almost came back.

3 inches. Fucking get this guy's eyes checked. You, you get really mad when the ump makes, makes a mistake.

But I, I, if I don't like taking away, like, has it reduced arguing?

It's a good point. It has a lot of more emotion.

Like, I haven't seen a manager come out and kick dirt on the home— on home plate all this year.

Well, that's why we have the WNBA now. Everybody's just arguing about everything every game. Just constant screaming. There's more. The WNBA's a Bravo show now.

It's great.

Goodness.

Um, right. You have one? You've been teasing one. I have—

I have an unbelievable one from a reader. I have a couple good reader ones, but I really have a great one from my wife, and I don't know when you want me to unleash it. So just before you do that, I want to hear one of the best ones ever from my wife. Somehow this—

I just want to be honest with you. We've been doing this pod for like 15 years.

Yeah.

I've never texted you, hey, I've got a great half-baked idea, and you've never texted me, I've got a great idea.

This is the first time ever.

The very nature of the idea, if it is any good, then it's just an idea. It has to be fundamentally bad. So I feel like you violated the terms of the rules.

Right.

Okay.

That's fair.

So this— I hope that it's perfectly mediocre, which is the real sweet spot of half-baked ideas. But I do want to hear it.

You've been teasing it for weeks. I'll give it to you now. Um, and I really do think it's a perfect half-baked idea because I don't think it can happen, but I loved it. So we went, we went to Hawaii and we were there for a week. And my wife loves dogs, right? We've always had 2 or 3 dogs basically since 2005. So like about day 3, she said, you know, it'd be great. I'm like, what? She said, if, if you're away in a place like Hawaii and you could just adopt a dog for like 2 days, like a hotel dog. It basically— they have like, there's a service and they know people are coming in and it's just like, I'd like a golden retriever for 2 days to join me on my vacation. And they'll bring— oh, we'll bring— we'll give you Millie. And then Millie comes in and she's a 6-year-old golden and it's a female and we walk her and she sleeps in the room with us. And then, uh, and then she gets her dog fix. We take her into the ocean.

Yeah, she's loving it.

And, uh, and we're paying them, and then we return Millie near the end of the trip like we would return the car. Like, thanks for— Millie was great. We would, we would absolutely run this back with her next time we're here.

And Millie, and Millie's having a blast too.

She said everybody wins. We're the, the person who has the dogs, they're getting paid. Um, everybody wins.

Maybe some rescue dogs. Maybe you end up taking the dog home.

Maybe, maybe it's a cup of coffee to see if maybe we take the dog back. Maybe it's like, you know, we love Millie. What would— how much would it take? Would it— we just want to sign her up for the Simmons family for the rest of mankind. I mean, is this too good of an idea, or is it a half-baked idea?

I've been, I've been at a hotel where they have a, um, a hotel dog. It's just sleeping in the lobby, and it's very much like, hey, can we play with this dog? Like, yeah, but it kind of hangs out a lot. Can I take it for a walk?

This is like when, like, how you go— I don't know if you've ever used, uh, Turo. Turo. You go on Turo and it's like, oh, I want— it's basically like your own— it's like a, like a rental car, but it's like you can pick, pick like— it's like a slightly higher level of cars. So you could be like, oh, I really want like a Ford Explorer.

Gotcha.

Um, and it would be the same thing here. It'd be like, oh, I'm on the dog site. I really always have just wanted a Great Dane. Just 2 days with a Great Dane. Oh, let's go to the site and be like, oh, when, when we're in, you know, when we're in Hawaii, we'll get A Great Dane.

It's exactly like, I don't know if it's right for us, but I really want a Saint Bernard, right?

Or I will try it, right? Saint Bernard. Maybe we'll get a Great Dane for two, Saint Bernard for two, and finish with the, with the 6-year-old Golden. I don't know. Yeah, just keep bringing them back. There's something here though.

I think that's great. You know where they get you though? The tennis ball rental. Sure, the tennis, the tennis balls. What? She—

Millie only likes specific tennis balls. There's 60 a can.

How much is the Chuckit? Yeah, no, Millie, you get Millie $19 a day, but the Chuckit is $80. What?

It's a great one.

All right, you go.

You're gonna love this one.

I can't wait.

You're gonna love this one. So I like FanDuel. As we all do. Not a huge fan of losing money. Also not a huge fan of winning money. So if I win $20, I'll be like, oh cool. But if I lose $20, I'll be pretty furious.

We should mention you're not really a gambler. No, Kevin Wilde's not like really fun to go to Vegas with. Just people.

Definitely not.

Not definitely not a great time.

But I want, but I want, I, I'm, I want to sort of exercise my predictive powers. I want to be part of the conversation, etc., etc. And growing up, my parents subscribed to Yankee magazine, like a New England magazine. Do you remember this magazine?

That was the first thing that ever published me, Yankee magazine. I was in grad school, I wrote this piece and the professor really liked it, and I ended up It got in a Yankee magazine.

So I think now it's a full, full-size magazine, but it used to be a mini magazine, like Farmer's Almanac size. And in the back was this throwback where I did some research on it. I think they did this in the late 1800s called Yankee Swap. And this is where Yankee Swap came from, where you say, hey, you know, I'd like a John Deere lawnmower and I've got a canoe. Anybody interested in— you would call you if you want this lawnmower. I'm looking for the lawnmower.

You were interested in the canoe.

So you can trade stuff. Yeah, but you're not buying stuff. You're just trading stuff that you got. So it's a little bit sort of like Polymarket. I want to be able to bet, but I just want to bet some of the stuff that I have versus some of the stuff that someone else has.

So you bet like 1984 Sports Illustrated. You'd be like, I bet all of this.

I've got 10, I got 10 of them. I'm, but I'm looking for a blender. Anybody want to put something up against me on that? The Bills lose the first game against the Texans. Person's like, yeah, I'm from Texas. I've got a big smoker. I'm like, oh man, that smoker's worth a lot. I've got a, you know, I've got a lacrosse net that my son's not using. Like, great deal. Yeah, we, we punch it in on this eBay type app thing. And then that's the bet. And next thing you know, if I win, I've all of a sudden— this guy sends me the big smoker. Yeah, that's got to be baked in somehow.

So eBay would have to like use some sort of system to judge a general value for everything that people put on.

Well, no, there's an emotional value too. Like, yeah, I just want to see— I'm taking Texans over Bills. I can see— I, I I see who's on the other side of it and everything that they're offering. And then, hey, are you guys interested in this lacrosse net that I'm getting rid of? Until someone says yes.

So I could say I have the envelope that the Celtics got the number 5 pick in the '07 lottery.

That's cool.

I'm willing to bet this, but I need some big stakes from the other side. Let's go. What do you got? And then somebody's like, I have a Paul Newman jersey from Slap Shot. I'm like, let's fucking go right now.

There you go. That's a little more head to head. Yes, that's like high stakes.

I'm doing more Yankee Swap style, or like you're like trying to clean your garage out. Hey, I got a second lift, 25-pound weights.

Anybody interested in them? They're, they're covered with rust. Like, I'm looking for a weed whacker.

Or after you got married, like some— somebody gave you an ice cream sundae maker you just never opened, still in the box.

I've got a popcorn maker that shoots the popcorn all over the counter. I'll be honest with you. Just what do you want? Just any sort of Patriots coaster.

That's pretty good. So it's basically eBay and FanDuel merging.

Yes.

And becoming like a property swap cross with— I think that's pretty good. That's like 3/4 of a baked idea.

That was a good idea.

Yeah, it's solid.

Yankee Magazine FanDuel. That's crossed off. You have another one? I've got, I've got this one.

I have some great reader ones.

Okay.

Including, um, Matt from Edmonton said he's a longtime listener and enjoyer of Hackbait Ideas.

Oh, thanks, Matt.

He wants to, um, create a historical workplace comedy TV show that focuses on the janitorial staff at the Manhattan Project, and it's called Moppenheimer.

No puns.

No puns. That is okay.

No, that felt like a pun. That was—

yeah.

Okay.

Um, Tommy Leonelli, who just dismissed my— this was great. This might be better than a half-baked. Okay, he's talking about express checkout at a hotel. You just check out, your card settles everything, you don't think about it. He said the worst part of any dinner out isn't the wait for the table, it's the exit tax, that awkward 10 to 15 minutes at the end of a meal. You're flagging down the waiter, waiting.

Totally agree.

Meal's over, great dinner vibes fade, you just want to get out. Half-baked idea: you go to the restaurant, you check in The bill auto-closes on checkout, receipt hits your email, you tip on the phone from the parking lot, do pre-tip, whatever. Hotels have been doing this forever. Why don't restaurants do it? That's actually better than a half-baked idea.

That's a— well, I went out to dinner, we had a show dinner.

Yeah.

And I'm like, I'm ready to go. I was, I was ready to go. I was done with the dessert. We were like I'm going to go. I'm—

I'm sitting in a chair for 2 hours.

I'm just antsy. I'm not watching Spider-Man here, fellas. I'm ready. I'm ready to leave. The conversation has now started to plateau.

Nick Wright's arguing with somebody about Mahomes. It's like it's time to go.

I'm ready to move. I love that idea. Yeah, I love— pretty good. I love that.

Somebody should try that.

Okay, you go.

You're going to love this idea. Kids at camp, no phones, no digital appliances, writing letters. We're writing letters to them. Yeah, they're writing letters back to us. It's really nice.

Kids' letters are usually disappointing.

Well, I'll be honest with you, they don't put a lot in. I don't know if they're— I don't know.

A lot of effort.

But they're, they're, they're trying, you know, it's not bad, but it's not necessarily what you would expect, especially the boys.

The boys are just, you know, my boys are away at camp. Mom's like having a stroke every day about it. And then the— oh, it's a letter came in from Ben. Hey Mom, hope you're good. Love, Ben.

There was a snake in the cabin. That was the highlight. Okay, someone did— someone mentioned this concept to me on social media, but I couldn't find their the Instagram message. So I apologize to this person, but I want to give them credit. Okay. Because you're about to be an empty nester. And again, even though I don't like puns, this was just a coincidence. And when Ben got into college, did he do the whole click the— click the video and it pops up, you're accepted, everything's now on the computer, right?

No, it was an email. He didn't have that.

An email? Yeah. It's even lamer.

Yeah.

Okay, this goes the other way. Okay, you go out to the mailbox. Oh my God, it is a 5-foot 5-foot box and it's making noise. Ben, oh my gosh, I, I think this is what I think it is. You bring it inside, you open it up. Holy cow, it is a huge birdcage filled with pigeons, homing pigeons. Ben got into college and this is how you're sending them letters. The pigeons are from the college. This is where they were raised. Oh my goodness. So now you have to raise these pigeons for a little while until he goes off to school.

Yeah.

And then whenever you're ready, whenever he's settled, like, all right, honey, let's go. You grab a pigeon that you've been taking care of, you put there, get it nice.

Yeah.

Attach this letter to its leg. And then it flies off because kids love, you know, records, although they are very digital savvy. The analog is starting to have a real comeback and there's nothing more analog than a homing pigeon. Now they can only go one way. That's the issue. I learned about this.

How far can they go?

Like, oh, they can go to South America. Oh yeah.

Okay.

They, they, they navigate via mag— the Earth's magnetism. They're unbelievable.

Honing pigeons.

Homing pigeons are bad.

Homing pigeons.

Homing pigeons, yes.

Why'd I say honing? Homing.

Well, they hone in on, um, they hone in on where they're from. And this is a little bit of like empty— it's called empty nesters.

Yeah.

That you're an empty nester, but you have these pigeons. And then once you're out of pigeons, you've sent your 7 letters, That's a sign. Oh, we've got to go see Ben. Boom. You fly back out there, and when you're there, you go to the bookstore. Oh, I'll take a dozen pigeons.

What happens to the pigeon after it delivers the message? It just— it's ready to live the rest of its life.

Well, this—

it's—

no, you have to go back to the bookstore now. You order 12 pigeons.

Yeah.

And then you take them back to LA, and then they're ready to connect.

And they fit in the overhead compartment or no?

No, you have to— they travel. They travel separately.

Okay.

With the dogs. Well, I'm still— empty nesters.

Kevin in Minnesota says no one wants to take the keys from their aging, unsafe parents.

Great call.

Now you don't have to. They take the car in for an oil change. You've prearranged with the mechanic to make the car self-driving. They outfit it with autonomous driving tech response to their actions, but not really. Now your parent thinks you're driving, but they're like a child at an arcade machine with no quarters in it. World safer. Your dad drives in the '90s and he wants to call Graymo.

Home run.

Pretty good. Graymo.

Just, oh, just like a kid in an arcade. Just press buttons.

She wits it for 2 hours. She completely changed the car. We gotta take a break. We'll come back with more Half Baked. This episode is brought to you by Mazda. There's driving, and then there's driving with peace of mind. Not just when you drive with me, you drive with peace of mind. I'm one of the great drivers. But knowing you're behind the wheel of Consumer Reports' safest new car brand, that's Mazda, that's going to give you peace of mind. The Mazda CX-50 Hybrid. Comes standard with a suite of proactive safety features. So confidence isn't an upgrade. It's a given. Mazda. Move and be moved. Visit MazdaUSA.com and discover how confidence comes standard. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services. Visit MazdaUSA.com to learn more. Half Baked Ideas is back. By the way, Colin from Portland, Oregon, once thinks MLB should do Metal Bat Sundays.

Great take.

Just Sunday's Metal Bats. It would change the strategy. Pitchers, they'd put their worst pitchers in there because everybody's sitting in further. It would probably end when there's a lefty.

One day.

I don't know if I need every Sunday, but just like the Field of Dreams Day. So Netflix, Netflix pays for Metal Bat Sunday.

Yep.

And it's just the game, everybody gets to use the metal bat.

Who says no? That is a home run idea.

I'm watching. Okay.

And it's a, it's a carve-out. Oh, regular old game. Oh, what are we watching? Cardinals, Rangers? No, it's a metal bat game. Holy cow. Great take. Great take.

What else you got?

Did I ever tell you a story about my buddy who ran a KB Toy Store? Have I ever told you this?

No, but I still love KB Toy Stores. They, they had all the all the cards that I used to buy growing up. They used to have the 3-packs.

Oh, the rack pack.

Rack packs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, all right, so my buddy Dan used to manage a KB Toy Store, and he came back to, uh, the dorms one day and he said, I got a great idea. So what? I said, what is it, Dan? He said, I know I know the ins and outs of KB Toy Stores better than anyone. I said, okay. He said, I know the margins. I know it all. Okay, this is good. He says, there is an open storefront across from my KB Toys. Yeah. So here's my toy store, dollar less than KB Toys.

Oh, almost like a Mocha Joe type thing, right?

I said, I said, Dan, that is going to work. I, I just loved it. Just dollar less than KB Toys. So a combination of that and my FITZ's Furniture concept, where we're just— it's furniture that fits in your house. We're just a one-idea, yeah, business. Had to call my bank the other day. Didn't go well. Didn't even speak to a human. What's your bank called? Only Humans. Only Humans is the idea. Get this.

It's incredible.

Only Humans. No robots. Boom. Right away. Bang. You're talking. Hey, what's up? Immediately. First call. Hey, what's going on?

What's up, Bill?

How are you?

Hey, how's it going? You're going to love this even more. But no one's calling a chat, right? The first line of— the first level of person that you talk to is what I'm calling MTIBS level employee. You call for something, this person, the first thing they say to you, "Man, that is bullshit." Immediately you're like, "Yes, thank you. Thank you, Brian. I can't believe we're doing that. That is bullshit, man." Like, "Yes, it is. That's what I'm saying. That's a double charge." He's like, "Yeah, let me get you to somebody." So the first level of defense, they're not—

That guy's just on your side.

He's immediate, yes. They have no, they have no idea what's going on in the bank.

He's not suspicious. He's not trying to pull something over on them. Nothing.

They have, they have no trade. They've never even been to the bank. They have no banking background at all. They are just immediately on your side. And that's our loyalty component. And then at the next level of Only Humans Bank, then you'll get to someone that can actually help you. But you're already in a good mood because someone had heard you out.

It's a great idea. I mean, it could run in concert with my idea of no babies on this plane airlines. Just everybody's 10 years and older.

That's great.

That's it.

It's just, there's just no babies on this one. We have a baby-specific plane. We have a 10-year cutoff.

It's like an amusement park ride. You have to be over this certain height to get on the roller coaster. You have to be 10 years and up to get on the plane.

It's a great take.

Um, uh, PAB— he sent his initials as an acronym— he really liked your half-baked idea about youth sports training to be an intramural champion, which you did in the last one. But he thought, um, you should take it a step further. It's an entire youth sports league built around just the best possible experience for the parents.

Wow.

All parents who know that their kids not not getting a college scholarship. He said tournament locations always coincide with great peaches, great peaches, casinos, or sporting events you can attend as a fan. The hours are set up so you can go out drinking with the other parents at night. No bad weather, bartenders at all events, and you get credit for spending the weekend at your kid's volleyball tournament. Take it from there, it's half-baked.

Can I add one thing that I think is very important?

Yeah.

The kids don't try out, the parents do. So, you know, the hockey team— oh, it's tryouts tonight. The kids are playing hockey, but the coaches are upstairs at the bar watching people interact.

Oh man, I don't think Jimmy's going to make it past the first tryouts. He was drinking before we got here.

It's like you're very nervous and some people are like in full suits. They like really want to make the team. Yeah, somebody was like, I think you're gonna make it.

I think the—

yes, let's go!

The reason this is a half-baked idea is I think people would have ringers. They'd have ringer kids in the league so their, so their kids could dominate, and then they could do the wins and losses.

The wins and losses are not the point for the parents.

There's still games, you still have to get competitive on the sidelines. It's just the expectations are lower. Or maybe you don't, maybe you don't get— I don't know, competitive at all.

So Russell played in, like, at one point Russell played on somehow 4 baseball teams in one calendar year. And one of the teams, the games were literally across the street from our house and we would walk there.

Yeah.

And it wasn't the highest quality baseball in the world, but it was your favorite league he's ever been in. Yeah. It was, he, and he loved it. He, he, the kids want to just have fun. Like, I know that's a crazy concept. He absolutely loved. I think that's a great idea. I like the parents trying out part because if you get on a team with parents that you're not really rocking with, it's rough.

It's hard at the bar, like, uh, hey, yeah, no, I—

yeah, no, Bill is a nice guy. No, it is a guy.

It is like a baseball clubhouse. You can, you can have one bad apple parent, but if you have two, the wheels come off. Or the NBA is an even better example. You can get away with the one head case, but if you have the two head cases that can start becoming buddies, not great. Wheels come off.

All right, what do you want? Yeah, speed round. Tell me if you want to stop on any of these. Number 1: kids want medium-sized ice creams, adults want a small scoop. Kitty size should be 2 scoops and the adult size should be 1. World Cup, grabbing shirts and jerseys.

Wait, hold on. So you're saying the kids scoop— when I say a kid scoop now, it's actually twice as much ice cream? And the adult Single scoop is less than the kid scoop. Yeah, why wouldn't they do it that way?

I go up there, Billy says, "Oh, Lala wants two birthday party bonanzas and another scoop of Oreo madness." And I'm like, "Can I have one kiddie scoop of mint chip, ladies?" Yeah, I'm on TV tomorrow. It's ridiculous.

Do you have any vegan flavors?

Kiddie scoop. I'll have the adult scoop. The adult scoop is small and manageable. The kitty scoop is—

that's good. One for one in speed round.

World Cup, grabbing shirts, jerseys. Everyone should wear skin-tight spandex like a scuba diver. You would never be held and you're faster. Number 3, a stadium specifically designed to put the crowd into an ornery mood. Number 4, 35-pound remote. Number 5, loser plane. Again, the loser plane is just when I don't have this one. This is not probably that big. It's That's why it's running anchor leg on the speed round. When teams have to fly back and like, oh, it's going to be a rough— that's going to be a rough plane ride. I don't know if I want to be on the plane, but some sort of misery loves company. Just a miserable, a miserable plane.

Wait, can we go back to ornery stadiums?

Yes, we want to hear the story behind the ornery stadium.

Well, because I was thinking like in kidnap movies, like in Ransom, when they play The person in the dark room, they're playing like really terrible electronic rock music.

Yeah.

Like pulsating music so they can't hear the conversation.

Got you. Yes.

Are you, you're thinking that like to, you'd put the fans kind of uncomfortable with, with the environment or what? What are you thinking?

The genesis of this is we went to the Texans Patriots game in the rain and I didn't realize when we were pulling up people were in full ski outfits, which I don't own a head-to-toe ski outfit. I just had regular warm clothes.

Or they wear the plastic thing that you goes over your whole everything.

Yeah, so I just had regular heavy clothing on. We get to the stadium and the seats are soaking wet. Like, all right, well, we're not sitting. I would have liked to sit if it was a sunny day, if I was at SoFi, if it was Patriots, Texans, I would've sat down at least once.

Yeah.

Can't sit down. It's— my seat is ruined.

Yeah.

So I don't know if it's, if it's wet seats, smaller seats. Again, I don't know if the technology is there. Occasionally some spikes come up and maybe spike you a little bit.

It sounds like they're trying all this with the new Buffalo Bills stadium.

Yeah.

Obstructed seats. Small scoreboard.

But I don't buy— this is the central premise.

Yeah.

The more comfortable the seat, the less energy you have. That's sort of the point, right? If you're in a nice huge recliner, you're not going to be fired up.

Right.

And if you're sitting on the ground and, you know, WW1 in a trench, you're going to be ready for action. So I don't want a more comfortable stadium. I want to be slightly uncomfortable. Maybe that's like old Fenway in me, but I want to be— the stadium, the whole thing can be designed. I don't want to be annoyed, but I want to be ornery. It's a very fine line. I don't quite know how it would be.

Maybe it's like the clips they play in the Jumbotron and they're just stuff that people don't really like. Like it's season 8 of Entourage.

Like, oh, I hate this season.

Oh man, that's when Vince had the drug problem. Yeah, this season sucked.

Yeah, you want another one?

Yeah.

Hold on.

Whoa, let me give you a quick—

Oh, this is a good one.

I was gonna give you a quick one from Adam. Tattoo QR codes.

Great.

People have tattoos, you don't know the meaning behind them, there's a little QR code next to it if you're interested. You just put your camera on it, and it's like, here's the story of my tattoo. There's like—

good for people with tattoos as well. So when Bill Murray gives you that card, you had an interaction with Bill Murray or whatever. Steve Martin does it so they don't have to keep on explaining.

I'm, I'm all for more QR codes anyway.

Yeah, really?

Yeah.

Not in restaurants.

No, no, I like QR codes in general. I like when they pop up on ads, uh, but not men—

just outside of menus. I don't want to do it on a menu.

I don't mind the menu.

Oh my gosh, you sit down and there's a QR code sitting like attached to your counter.

I would say menus are probably top 5 most disgusting germ-filled thing that you could probably touch. Number 1 being the screens on an airport, on the, on the seat in front of you. Those screens, I'm convinced they don't have— they're not wiping those down every flight.

Well, I have number 1, the smiley face or frown face on the bathroom exits. Like whole, which I do like that, but I'm not touching that. It's a little bit gross. Game that tune.

Okay, game that tune.

So when we watch sports, we watch it through a few different lenses. We watch it through an entertainment lens, a sense of a history, historical lens, a community lens, friends, family. My kids are watching games through a pure participatory lens. They play flag football, we're watching football. So everything that they're looking at, they are inserting themselves into the game to the point where when we're watching the game, Dad, how tall is he? How tall is Will Campbell? Like, I think he's 6. How much? What's his 40 time? Do you think I could beat him in a race? Like, no, I don't think you could beat Will Campbell in a race. Do you think if I could beat him in a race with a 5-second head— like, no, guys. But then they start to hurt their feelings. We start showing them videos of Larry Allen. Look how fast Larry Allen is, guys. You can't do this. Then I'm starting to beat them down, though. Hey, do you think the entire flag football team could beat Khabib in a fight? Probably not. He's going to— it's going to be bad. Like, how about two flag— enough, guys.

Enough. That being said, yeah, I saw another video. Two pro beach volleyball players versus 20 rec league volleyball players. I was super into it. So it's game that tune.

I like that.

We'll start with 3-on-3 basketball.

Yeah.

And the, the how you could normally see this idea is, oh, I get it, 3 pros versus 10 Joes. Pros versus Joes. Let's see how it works out. But here's the game that tune element of it. Remember, name that tune? I can name it in 10 notes. I can name it in 8 notes. So on one side, suppose you had Steph, um, Steph, Klay, Draymond, okay? Because everything's historical. On the other side, we've got J.R. Smith, uh, Kevin Love, and Richard Jefferson. Now they are competing to see how big of a challenge they are willing to accept. So they start off, say, all right, We can beat 3 rec league basketball players, 2 junior high school players, and 5 of 5th graders.

I mean, this was the best thing about Name That Tune, watching people up it.

Yes.

Be like, oh my God, don't do 3.

See that? You know what? Add, add 2 more high school seniors. Holy cow.

What are they going to go?

5 on 3? Oh my God.

Going at an 80-year-old. Like an 80-year-old. What's the— it starts to get weird. Eventually like, all right, you do it. And then the other team becomes the coach because a lot of times it's just a strategy issue. So if Steph and Draymond and Klay accept it, okay, Kevin Love and Richard Jefferson become the coaches of the team. Do it for basketball, volleyball. I've seen it work for— I saw there was a Japanese game show, was 3 soccer players versus I think 100, maybe 3rd graders.

Sadly, I saw this. Yeah, I saw this. They didn't—

they needed— they had no shape. Um, there was 10 goalies, but they needed some real coaching there too. So game that tune so we can actually see, like, all right, I don't know if you guys could beat Khabib, but now it's Khabib and another UFC guy, and they can— the UFC would probably— I'll leave that to the side. Maybe non-contact sports.

That's pretty good.

Game night.

Would you, if, if Larry Bird and Magic Johnson were playing horse for $10 million at 8 o'clock on ABC on Tuesday night, would you watch? Yes, I would too.

One-on-one sports I'm into.

I think like things with old people that we used to love doing something that hopefully won't get them hurt. Like I, I would just be fascinated, like Larry Bird in a 3-point contest. How, how many could he make now? He's, he's, I think he's 70.

Well, Bob Cousy made all those shots in Blue Chips, remember? That was great. Do you— are we in danger of soiling the legacy?

That, that's why it's a Half Baked. This Half Baked is from James in Nashville. I think you're gonna be horrified by this.

Gee whiz, that's a bad way to start.

He said there's, uh, dumb companies like Cameo that let celebrities connect with the public where they send you the messages.

Um, I thought Cameo was a nice company. They're trying to recruit.

Well, I'm just— I'm giving you what James is telling you.

Okay.

But he says, well, why don't we take it a step further? What if you could pay money to get a little bit of a celebrity's blood transfused in you? For example, he actually mentions Larry Bird. You find out Larry Bird's blood type. If it's a match, you could have him donate some drops to put in your body. And then you could tell people you have NBA championship blood in your veins.

Jesus God.

Uh, I don't even know if that's a quarter-baked idea.

I don't know about that one.

Yeah, I don't know about that one either.

I mean, I just came off of Spider-Man. That's what happened.

Oh, is it?

Well, me, he's a spider. Oh, and then that was the concept. A little bit of Larry Bird's blood is too weird. That probably doesn't past the— it's, it's, it's too weird.

That's too weird. This one wasn't weird though. Adam in Chicago said we did speech karaoke. We talked about that on a previous topic. That— yeah, it exists in Chicago. There's a place called Chicago Movie Oki, and you can go there and you can give speeches from different movies.

Chicago had—

Chicago's always the best.

Chicago had something else. Huge old baseball with no gloves or something.

That was from About Last Night, this— the 16-inch softballs with the no gloves.

Yeah, I didn't— I wasn't aware of this. Chicago is the answer to all—

Chicago is great. Adam said he went there a couple years ago and he did the rushing dragging scene from Whiplash.

So does somebody else have— does someone else need to play the drummer?

I don't know. That's all— it's just the information he gave me.

He just wants— he just kept on doing this. Not my tempo. That would be fun. I would love that.

Movie Oakey. Pretty good idea.

I think I'm out of half-baked ideas, Bill. What?

All right, I got one more from Craig in Las Vegas. He said he works in an office with several other professionals and the family photos each of us have displayed in our offices are woefully out of date. He wants a service that comes to your office on an annual basis. They have access to all your social and they just update your photos. Like once a year. Like you, you have a picture of your two boys, but it's from when they were like in fourth grade and second grade. Oh, the service comes in is like, wow, it's those, those photos are for your kids are older now. Like you need new photos and they just cut, they just kind of come in one day, $25. Just come in and change the photos.

Do I?

You've already signed up. You can't do anything about it.

But do I need a current photo? Of my children every year.

They go on your social media, they grab them. They have access to your private, your Facebook, your wife's Facebook.

Well, remember I had the idea of funeral photos? Yeah, a photographer that would come on here. I was looking at the obits the other day and they're putting in these pictures of these old people. They don't want to— oh, 85-year-old Maud passed away. They took a picture of the other day. That's not what Maude wants to look like.

So I think, I think it should be like age 30 or 35, and it's just like, it's the standard funeral photo. 25, 30.

25 is too young though. You kind of just look like—

no, but we just know it's every time there's ever an obituary photo, the person's always 30 in it. It's just, we all make a rule.

I just don't want to— if I died and you came to my funeral and I had a 25, like, what the heck? That doesn't look like that.

I don't know, 35.

You know, I think I have the photo in your— in, in your contact. You had a mustache. I just saved it. You had a— I just thought it was the funniest one. Other people should probably pick them.

Do you save your friends the contact photo? Do you put pictures of them so when they call you there's a picture of them?

I do that too, but then I guess it's the program has changed where you can suggest a photo and it pops up. I'm not into that.

I like that. I choose. Yeah, I have good photos that you want to view. No, of my friends when they call, it's photos that I've selected.

So when I see them on my phone, it's like, oh yeah, I'm laughing at them.

Jacko, there he is.

He's having a blast. My guys are always having a blast.

Do you have—

do you on your— I'm not going to ask you this, it's too much personal information for me. Phone address book habits of whether it's people in your everyday life, you just have their names, but if you don't talk to them much but you want them in your phone, I put a Z next to their name.

A Z?

Yeah, so they're on the bottom.

Oh, brutal. So I don't— but then I don't go through the phone book though, I just type in B.

It's easier to go through. Yeah.

You know, you're treating it like a digital Rolodex.

Yeah, there's like levels in my phone.

So you've got AAA— somebody's AAA?

No, it's all, it's all double Z's for everybody other than like 75 people.

Two tiers. Yeah, no one moves up to A.

Sometimes people move up. They do. Just like, hey, you know what, I—

A—

they're in my life a little more than being a ZZ. Now they're just Now they're moving up. They hit the full name of my phone now. It's pretty good.

Wow.

You've always been Wilds in my phone.

Yeah, in a W. I'm way back there. I'm basically one step above the Zs.

Yeah, but it's very limited group as you go through.

I'm in the bottom.

All right. Football's in a month.

It's going to be great. I just can't wait. Patriots facing a must-win an early, uh, FanDuel eBay. It's Texans over Bills. If anybody wants to bet me any specific thing that they have, pitch me what you're willing to trade me, and I will go through my garage, um, and basement to see if there's anything that I think lines up to equal value, and we can get a bet on the board.

Are you gonna film a new commercial for First Things First this year where they do the edits where it's like you guys are in different poses, and then you're mad, then you're happy. Yeah, the Anchorman stuff. I like that stuff.

Yeah, I was gonna have a production company called Head Turns and Finger Points. It's just, we would specialize in— yeah, and then reverse it.

Well, you know, the, the best ever at that was 90210. That was my favorite thing, was the opening credits, just because they would do the—

it works.

It works.

It's great.

Ian Ziering, like, had clearly practiced it for months before he was ready to do by season 6.

Anyway, all right.

Wow, it's great to see you. I'll see you before the end of the year for, for near holiday Half Baked.

Love it.

If not before then. Good to see you.

All right, go Patriots.

Thanks, buddy. So this mailbag episode is brought to you by ChatGPT, the official AI sponsor of the Bill Simmons Podcast. Um, I actually used ChatGPT work for, I think it's the third or fourth question that's coming up here with Joe House. You'll see in a second, but it was very helpful. It's a strange question and I needed the help. So let's get to the mailbag and you'll see what I mean. All right, Joe House is here. We're gonna do some mailbag stuff. House and the Ringer Gambling Crew. We have changed the name of Ringer Gambling and is now Ringer Wise Guys. And on Monday, a little, it's a soft relaunch, but we're gonna be available on Twitch. As well on The Ringer. We are reviving our Ringer account, so you can find Ringer Wise Guys on the, on the old feed on Spotify and everywhere else on pods, on Twitch, and on YouTube. And we're doing division previews. You did your AFC East one on Friday. Raheem passed on two of the teams, which I thought was incredible.

He had numbers. His model obviously is telling him some numbers, and he's sharing what the model says, but he didn't have a strong conviction, so he didn't want to like jump in with heavy—

make a lean—

heavy action.

I've yelled at everybody. We're gonna make actual picks on Ringer Wise Guys. Do you feel good about the name change? We were, we were Ringer Gambling Show for a long time.

Ringer Wise Guys is strong. That's, that's— we've, we've been that for, for a little while as well.

We're gonna do a— we're doing Ringer 107 again with a tweak of 4 picks during the week and then last second picks on Sunday.

We'll be excited. Okay.

That would be fun.

Mailbag stuff. So I had a bunch of these. Thanks to everybody who sends them in. I always enjoy them. I haven't sent any of them to house. Mike wants to know, he was talking about the, uh, Adley Rutschman trade. Oh, and we gave up 5 prospects for— oh my God, we gave up our 2nd, 4th, and 5th prospects for— and it just seems like a lot. And he was saying how he was 10 years old at the game when Jeff Bagwell got traded for Larry Anderson, which is a famous terrible Red Sox trade. He says, it's taken me 36 years to realize something. MLB trades for prospects are the equivalent to NBA trades for draft picks. Trading Rutschman for 3 of our— getting him for 3 of the top 5 prospects is like trading a first and 2 second rounders in the NBA draft for a quasi-all-star, right? So I was thinking about this. I think he's right. And I've always been a big—

I agree.

Get the real guy over the prospects.

Sure.

But then when you actually see the list and the numbers, it's more intimidating than these amorphous first, second round picks. But I think he's right. Like what the Red Sox did basically was they traded an unprotected first, a heavily protected first, and some seconds for a 28-year-old catcher who's really good. And that made me feel better.

There are good examples out there of teams, you know, doing that kind of asset collection, getting the prospects and then Once you have that, that basket of prospects, if the team surprises you at any point, then you have something, then you have real leverage and real currency to do something. And that, that's kind of the position. Now Washington—

It's like Charlotte with a bunch of firsts and seconds in the NBA right now, where it's like if they want to make a move, they have cap space, all these things to do.

Yeah, that's right.

Do you agree with this?

I do.

I think it's much harder to football. They have like that whole chart and they're very determined. Like the chart said this and pick 32 is worth this and they traded 32 for 74 and that's all like draft value.

This is like, these are human beings. The prospects in baseball are real guys. It's different from in the NBA where now we have, you know, a protected first and 3 seconds. Well, who are the guys? No effing idea.

Right.

Or like that one of the picks the Celtics got for Jalen was like, well, the Clippers, it might be Clippers, it could be the Sixers. It's protect. It's like, I, I can't keep track of any of this. Um, Burridge from Mississippi, he says, in the year of our Lord 2026, what do Steve Kerr, Draymond Green, and the immortal Steph Curry have to play for? What indignity, what slow moral rot has taken the greatest dynasty since Kobe's Lakers and dragged it into this valley of mediocrity? I ask this not as a Warriors hater, but as a student of decline, a man who has studied the fall of empires and finds this one every bit as instructive as Rome's, if considerably less dignified. So I thought that really poured it on there. Strong.

I admire the inspired verbiage.

It did make me think though, and I know we've already talked about this and Curry, and Curry's he's retiring as a Warrior. Like, it's a wrap. And sadly, the Warriors know this. But we haven't had a lot of these where it was like something real happened for an extended bunch of years of the team that won titles, and then there comes an end to it, right? And so we saw with the Magic Lakers and Bird Celtics, saw the MJ Bulls, which was abrupt. Magic's Lakers had figured out how to kind of keep it going. They got Flaherty, Divac, and Perkins, and then Magic came down with the, with his diagnosis, and that was kind of ended it. Celtics just got old. They never replenished it. Matt, the Jordan's Bulls, that was like, we're rebuild, we're rebuilding and rebooting. Like, we don't want you guys anymore. Like, they made the decision easy. And then Shaq and Kobe with the Lakers, that was a Shaq-Kobe, it's one of us has to go type of situation. They had to reboot with that. They were able to get the Gasol miracle and get a couple more years out of it.

This one's pretty unique. This one's almost, almost like the '92 Celtics, like that range with Bird, Parish, McHale, except they had Reggie Lewis and Brian Shaw and Dee Brown, and they had this youth infusion, and they kind of did have a two timelines thing, whereas the Warriors don't. And I just wonder, timeline, yeah, how does this go? What, like, and everybody signed up for two more years basically. So what happens? None of us think this is, this is like barely a playoff team.

There's still a trade to be had out there with the Jimmy Butler situation. And if we're going to be, you know, appropriate about it, they did try. Jimmy Butler got hurt. They were a pretty goddamn good team when Jimmy Butler could play. And they kind of were directionally going, you know, arrow pointing up to an additional asset at a trade deadline if Jimmy Butler hadn't gotten hurt. Like, they were looking like they could be a kind of interesting playoff team.

Yeah, the old guy team.

Yeah, but, but the Butler injury changed everything, and you can't immediately pivot. It's the, you know, the salaries are complicated, the salary cap is complicated.. And so we are wondering what the hell's going on, cuz we didn't see them make what seemed to be a genuine effort at Jalen Brown. Okay.

Well, it seemed like they thought, say, they didn't want Jalen Brown, right? It seemed like they did want LeBron.

They don't want Jalen Brown at that price. They would love to have LeBron at the— for $4 million or $8 million or whatever it was, and then use that as a way to bring in another player. That could actually help them compete, but they're kind of stuck now for a little while.

So the question is, are you stuck forever or are you stuck until December, January? And is their actual plan, we're gonna use the Butler expiring, especially as it gets closer to February, we're gonna canvass the league and see what 2 to 3 unhappy teams are there, situations that went sideways, and we have a better chance to make a good trade then. We can hang around for a couple months. 'Cause listen, these guys— Lacob, I think, cares about his standing in the community and going to games and not being yelled at. He's got his kids involved, or at least one of them, with the team. I just don't see them rolling over and going 37-45 now for the rest of the career. So I feel like there's going to be a move. So I think we're aligned.

I agree.

I think they didn't like the moves now.

Right.

But my guess is December, January, February, if they're around over .500, they go all in.

Weird.

I agree with this.

Okay, so it's not as dark as, uh, the fall of Rome, I guess, would be my bigger point.

Crumbling empires and dynasties.

Kyle from New Jersey, you broke out the t-shirt the last time of the, uh, of Jaylen Brown on colonoscopy day. Yeah, he asked, would you say we've gotten to the point where you have— you've had the most famous colonoscopy of all time? My sister got one recently. I still thought of you over her. I guess that's the bar. Not sure if there are any other famous colonoscopies. Kyle, you're dead wrong. Uh, I actually went to ChatGPT to figure out if there were other ones because I, I always thought of the Katie Couric one. That was the thing.

Yeah, that is the famous one. It's so funny you mentioned that.

There's a more famous one. So more famous? ChatGPT came up with 5. Ronald Reagan in 1985 because they found blood in his stool and they found a cancerous section of his colon and he made a recovery. And that was like apparently the first real screening. Okay, Katie Couric after her husband tragically died. Kimmel had one in 2018.

Yep, I remember.

Ryan Reynolds and Rob Mack filmed a whole thing in '22, and Terry Crews filmed his in '23 and sent it out to all his social media. So there are 5 that were more fair. I don't think I'm in the top 20.

Those are public health, you know, the whole thing is about the public health. You, you didn't intentionally schedule years with a public health message attached to it, but it turned out to be a famous day.

See, I think you did more for colonoscopies than me because you've talked about them on multiple podcasts about how great they were and how great the nap was. And you liked, you didn't mind drinking the gross thing you have to drink twice. And nope, I felt the same way.

Yeah.

Jeff from Richmond wants to know, Harbaugh and McCarthy won a title at Michigan. But is it possible JJ knew the defense's play calls in advance and that's why he's looked basically so terrible as an NFL quarterback, that this was a lemon all along? And Conspiracy Bill did entertain this one.

Well, remember when he came into the league, there was some eyebrow raising around where he was selected. It wasn't like, you know, there was that, that natural question. System guy, guy in the perfect situation, situation guy, coached up properly. Um, you know, the play calling was very solid, or is there, there, you know, that's going to jump over that stuff?

Intangibles. Um, I got, I got a bunch of questions about the Basketball Hall of Fame, which is coming up next week. Our friend Doc Rivers is going to make it in as a coach.

Congrats.

The question I get the most is like, who's— who should be in the Hall of Fame but isn't? Um, and you can go a bunch of directions with that.

Seriously, everybody's in the Hall of Fame. Well, that's the thing.

So the natural reaction is, oh, everybody's made it at this point. They've actually— this is one of the reasons I wrote my book a while ago, The Hall of Fame's a Mess, the whole thing. There's 7 guys who should be in the Hall of Fame in art, and I'm going to read them to you in order, and we could talk about them really quickly. Paul Silas, who was on 3 title teams in '74, '76 Celtics, '79 Sonics, and then played in another Finals as well. He was basically 10 points, 13 rebounds a game for the playoffs from '70 to '76. Played 1,400 games, was the best defensive forward of that decade other than DeBusschere, was the glue guy, most respected locker room guy. For that whole decade, to the point that when the Celtics didn't keep him, Dave Cowens was so mad he retired for 2 months. And I think with some of the people we've let in, I would have him in, especially because he coached too and was just such like a beloved guy. That was one that struck me when we were growing up. He was an awesome— I would say like a little bit Draymond Green-ish as like, oh, I love that.

Not an all-star, but like, important. So that's one. Bill Lambert.

Huh.

Center on two champs and a finals runner-up. Five straight Eastern Conference Finals, basically double-doubles for all of that. For 10 years was 14 and 11 with 50% field goals. One was in the mix for rebounding titles. Only missed 4 games in 10 years and was the most annoying opponent of the last 45 years, hands down. Everybody hated this guy, but he was memorable. I hate making the case for him, but zero All-Star Game appearances, right?

Zero All-NBA teams.

Right. But Michael Cooper just made it.

Yeah.

That's where it's like, if Michael Cooper's in, like, we have to start thinking about Bill Lambert. The thing with Lambert, the 3-point, the 3-pointer was there the first decade, but like, basically the 3-pointer came in in '80. But I think if he, if you transported him from '81 to now, Yeah, he's a really dangerous, like, 2026 player. He's a classic missed his era guy. Did you, did you hate Bill Laimbeer? 'Cause I think he's the most despised Celtic opponent of my lifetime.

I hated him because I hated the Pistons for what they did to Jordan. Yeah. You know, MJ was my guy, you know, in, in that, that era. And I was just, you know, enraptured by every time MJ was on the floor in those playoffs. Yeah. There's someone there trying to hurt him against the Pistons. Yeah, exactly right. Yeah. Yes.

Tom Chambers, who when I did my book in 2009 was 96 in my pyramid, was just really good. He made 2 second team All-NBAs. He was 27 and 8 for 2 straight years in '89 and '90, 2 Western Conference Finals, was a part of the '93 Finals team. I wrote down the best forwards from basically second half of the '80s through '91. And I think he's in the top 10. Bird, Malone, Barkley, Mullen, Wilkins, Worthy, Mikhail Pippen, Chambers, Rodman. I have as the— now you can nitpick with two of those guys. I had in my book he was the starting power forward on the white guys who played like black guys team. And then there's a whole what-if thing with Chambers and Worthy on the Clippers and Lakers in '82. If he's just on the Lakers his whole run, could he have just been— he wasn't the defender James Worthy was, but would he have been a worthy, like, offensive player? Because we saw it in the '87 All-Star Game when he won the MVP and he was awesome.

It's easier to project him in, not only because of the All-Star and the All-NBA, but the prolific scoring. Like, I can see it. I can see, I know what his shot looks like. That helps. I don't know what, I can't remember what Paul Silas' shot looks like. Right. That's like, he just played in that, the deadest of dead era, Silas did.

Chambers is the first two guys I mentioned. I think there's a case Chambers should be in.

I agree.

These next five guys are should be in guys because even when I did my book, I had him in the top 100. Gus Williams, we talked about on our previous pod. I don't need to do that one again. He's in. Gus Williams is outrageous that he's not in.

I agree with this.

Kevin Johnson is not in, and there might be reasons for this off the floor, but resume-wise, belongs. I don't need to go through it, but when I had him, did my book, he was 93. These last two are fully outrageous to me. Shawn Kemp, not in.

Oh, wow.

Yeah. 3 second teams. Second best guy in the '96 Sonics, who really kind of threw some punches back at the '96 Bulls, who might have been the greatest team of all time. 3-year peak.

This is outrageous.

Basically a 2010 guy. In the playoffs, he was 21-10, 57% field goal, outplayed Hakeem Olajuwon in a playoff series, beat Karl Malone in a playoff series, and thrived against Dennis Rodman in a playoff series. And then was one of the most memorable dunkers of all time. And the Lister dunk is in the pantheon, not to mention the Sonic. It's yet another slight against Seattle fans that he's done it, in my opinion.

Well, and he, he, he tried. To build a legacy by having as many kids as possible, which can't go overlooked. I mean, that's— he tried to spread the Kemp legacy. Yeah. I don't need to go to the Hall of Fame right now and pick 5 guys that I know for sure Sean fucking Kemp is. So like, I don't want to name names.

That's not—

it's not nice or appropriate. But Mitch Richmond is in the goddamn NBA Hall of Fame and Sean Kemp isn't.

Right.

That's incorrect. That's a mistake. That's a miscalculation.

Yeah, we, I had no platform whatsoever during the '96 Finals, but I do remember talking to you on the phone about it a couple times and we were like, we couldn't believe how good Sean Kemp was. It was like, where is this going? And granted he blew it and, you know, which would be the case for Derrick Rose to get into, which is, you know, he's one of those what-if guys. Kemp had all kinds of personal issues, but I think he should be in. And then the last one I can't believe is not in is Robert Horry, the greatest role player of all time. He's, he's not in. Played for 7 championships.

How long has he been eligible?

A while. He was on the '94-'95 Rockets, '00-'01-'02 Lakers, and the '05-'07 Spurs, and was huge parts of those 6 teams. 244 playoff games. He was on 10 55-win teams. He was on 8 teams with a 700+ win percentage. He was the first guy with 100 steals, blocks, and threes in the, in the same season. And he had famous game winners and then swung the '05 Finals for real. He had 20— that game he had 21 of the last 35 points, 5 threes, and it's one of the great Finals games ever played where he swung a title. From one team to the other. And I wrote a piece at the time talking about if I called you and I said, the Robert Horry game's on, you would say, which one? He's not in. Yeah, that's true. He's not in the Hall of Fame.

I am not gonna go back. Maybe I will. Maybe I'll ask. We like ChatGPT. That's, that's our AI interface.

Yeah.

What, what's the ballot situation? Like, has he been on and then gotten to a certain level and not made it?

You know what, you play a couple years and they, there's no rhyme or reason. You don't know how close somebody got. There's no voting like in baseball.

Okay. That's what I'm getting at.

He should be in.

Because it's crazy. I mean, and I'm wondering, you know, was he close at different times since he's been eligible?

Do you think Derrick Rose should be in? That's a really hard one. I would lean toward no, but he did win the MVP.

Respectfully, no. Super respectfully, no.

He won the MVP though.

I mean, I admire the talent. He showed up. He did take the league over that year. It seemed like the ceiling was super high. It just got cut short by injury.

Football question from JK Collins. He was listening to my QB Rankings podcast and was talking about why haven't they ranked players based on how much they move the Vegas line if they're out? It's basically a Vegas War Rating, or on our podcast, a FanDuel War Rating. Isn't that the ultimate measure of a player's worth to a team? So Ben Fox had this on Twitter recently. Talked to 11 oddsmakers. Who do you think the number 1 quarterback who moves the line is this year, heading into the year?

Wow.

This year?

Yeah. This is gonna be hard. 'Cause I mean, it was just like, Mahomes was just the, the, the obvious, most obvious.

2026, number 1 quarterback moving the line.

Josh Allen.

You are correct. 7.23 points if he's out of the game.

Makes perfect sense.

Number 2, Patrick Mahomes. Okay, 6.32.

Not— I mean, no surprise.

Number 3, Matthew Stafford, 6.16.

Huh.

Number 4, Drake Maye, 5.93. And then number 5 was Lamar Jackson, 5.89. Okay, yet another more evidence that Drake Maye is a top 4 quarterback. He was top 3 or 4 last year, and I think he's gonna be top 4 again this year.

Okay.

Jake in the Bay wants to know, this is a little harsh, but I'm gonna read it. I didn't write it. Can you remember another player of consequence in the modern era with less franchise-specific fan love than Kevin Durant? Is anyone even close? His recent self-induced spat with Golden State and Klay is just another brick in the wall. And I could tell you this much as a Golden State fan, we don't want him and we don't claim his legacy. Joe Lacob might, but Golden State fans certainly don't, especially if you're gonna mess with Klay, who we adore beyond reproach. They might as well just leave Durant's jersey blank when he goes in the Hall of Fame someday. And then Jared P sent a separate thing about how stupid it is when people have to announce what jersey they're gonna be in the plaque, but ask like, what would Kevin Durant wear if he gets in the Hall of Fame? Which he will, 'cause he's gonna get in the Hall of Fame.

And I think he deserves to be in the Hall of Fame.

Yeah. And I think the answer is, I think he's gonna do Sonics. I think he would do Sonics. Oh wow.

That's incredible.

That's the move.

Wow.

Yeah.

And he is like, I love Seattle. It's, I, I would've loved to have played there, but I, to honor the Sonics, I'm gonna be a thing. It is, it doesn't have, I went through my top 30. It's pretty hard. Shaq's probably the closest. And I think Shaq, the Laker fans, love Shaq, they just love Kobe more.

Sure.

But it's weird to have a career that you had, like Durant had, where there's animosity with every fan base that you played for.

Well, it's OKC. I mean, he did play a significant role in that franchise elevating itself into, you know, where it is right now.

So you think they'll forgive him in the end?

Yes, yes. He won his MVP with Oklahoma City.

They're still salty with him when he goes there.

I don't know that that's, that's good fandom.

I think I feel like he can still save this as we head to the last part of his career.

How?

I don't know. I don't have an answer.

I thought you were going to give me some, something about him going back to the Seattle expansion team. Okay.

He goes back there and finishes it as like a start and finish. Him, um, in that move. Brooklyn probably has— Brooklyn's probably the coolest with him just because he did try to win there, and then, you know, well, that's the— that's probably the Brooklyn fan base. Oh, speaking of Joe Lacob, um, rancher from, uh, the Bay said he grew up in the Bay Area, remembered reading my column How to Annoy a Fanbase in 60 Steps about the Warriors after Joe Lacob got booed. Um, when I talked about all the shitty things that happened to Warriors fans, 3 years later they win the title. Um, and he said that was the— that column was the first time I felt the plight of Warriors fans recognized. But then it all changed and Steph saved the franchise, turned into a dynasty. The 2015 title was the most euphoric sports moment I remember. And he asked a question, because we talked about this last pod when you were on, talked about the concept of a baggage handler. And he says, wasn't Steph Curry our baggage handler? So I, I do have a baggage handler terminology. If you missed the last podcast, it's about a team or franchise or city hasn't won in forever and somebody comes in and flips it, gives them the confidence.

And that's the first person they think of and point to. Steph was there for 6 years before they won. If you're drafted by a team, can you also be the baggage handler would be my question. I think the answer is yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

But it's a little different when it's like a messier coming in, like your hired gun, Baguette Chandler.

You know what I mean? No, I agree. No, Steph changed. Steph was native to that situation and he grew up, he matured, and then he blossomed. I mean, he was a—

So you don't think Baguette Chandler's Baguette Chandler doesn't matter whether you're on the team the whole time or not?

No, no. He became a very different player. He was a radically different player. I do want to chime in. I do have a good pal. Who sent me a follow-up to the baggage handler concept and observed just out loud, we don't do college football very much, you and I, because we didn't really grow up with it. We're gonna— we have a college football team.

Yeah.

And well, we also have Holy Cross, but both, uh, are on the upswing. Um, college football is a great, uh, repository of baggage handlers. And he sent me a list, but the only two that I remember off the top of my head. Vince Young in Texas, what he delivered to that. And Cam Newton in Auburn.

Oh, that's a good one. Yeah.

That's an incredible one, isn't it?

Yeah, that's a great one. Doug Flutie. I was going to say Doug Flutie in BC, but he never actually won there.

A bunch of people. Maybe like Reggie Bush.

Oh, the USC.

Pete Carroll. Reggie Bush and Leinart together.

Pete Carroll. A bunch of people sent this out. I'll, I'll give the credit to Kyle Wegner from Nebraska that we missed the Wayne Gretzky of baggage handlers, the man, the myth, the legend, Theo Epstein, who did, built the Red Sox and then went to the Cubs and built them. He, he double baggage handled.

That's incredible.

So the baggage handler should be called the Theo.

Okay. I'm, I'm fine with it.

The architect of two Especially the two hardest ones.

Most forlorn franchises in the sport.

The Red Sox fans, we were actually dumb enough to think we were going to win every year. The Cubs fans had like completely given up. They were like the widow who just assumed the husband was never coming home from the war. We were like, we were dumb enough to think each year was going to be the year.

There's nobody like you.

Yeah, I'm trying to go red.

No, not red hour back. Jerry West.

I think he's the best. Riley. Ben from Central Mass said, Aaron Donald's looming comeback, Philip Rivers' weird comeback last year had me thinking the weirdest late career comebacks of all time. He said Bob Cousy and the Royals, Satchel Paige on the A's at age 58, Magic on the '96 Lakers, Cowens on the '83 Bucks. And of course, Philip Rivers. But he picks Bob Cousy, who hadn't played in 7 years and inexplicably came back on the Royals, which the numbers are terrible. And then he threw away a game in one of the worst, uh, or best comebacks ever when the Knicks beat the Royals. But Cousy just became a player-coach randomly for 7 games, and it's terrible. And he's like completely washed up. It's weird. I don't think the Aaron Donald comeback's gonna be like that at all. I think he's— I'm factoring in, in like our projections and stuff for the NFC, like that he's gonna be 95% awesome, right?

Oh, I agree. Absolutely. Well, what's the case for him not being awesome?

Just that he hasn't played in 3 years. I would say the flip side, his body's gonna be nice and fresh.

That's a net positive. Yeah, it's football. There's nothing harder than that on the body than football.

You had a bad, um, weirdo come back. The, the Joe Gibbs coming back was bad.

Yeah, that poor Dan Snyder was trying to, you know, taking a swing with that and it didn't, yeah, it worked, turned out poorly. Just like everything else, everything else that Dan Snyder did.

Yeah, that 'cause it was partly 'cause of Vermeil. 'Cause Vermeil went to the Rams and it worked, remember? And it was like, oh well, it worked. And then all of a sudden Gibbs was back coaching your team again.

Well, Snyder was flailing. I mean, he needed, a reason for the team to be relevant. He needed to try anything to reconnect the team to the fan base here.

I don't think that one worked. Rich in Toronto thinks this one will be seconded by Craig Korlbeck, definitely Joe Hess. Instead of dancing around the idea of an actor's appearance in the rewatchables, he thinks we should lean into it with a new category called the Mila Kunis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall Appearance Apex Mountain Award. For is the most— is this the most attractive a person has ever been in a movie? And it could go female or male because we did talk about this during Witness with Harrison Ford. I really like this idea. I'm adding this to the next one. We're doing Italian Job in the Rewatchables tomorrow. Let's just say there will be a Charlize conversation.

Oh, oh, daddy.

Yeah, really good suggestion though from Rich. And then, um, Seth— no, one more. Seth from 707 on the rewatchables. On Hitch, I was talking about— we were talking about how Denzel never made a rom-com. Okay, it's true, he's never made one. He has an idea that he thinks I would like. The movie starts with the current 71-year-old Denzel at the memorial service for his deceased wife, sitting in a chair melancholy, and a young family member approaches him and asks how he met Grandma. And then the movie goes back in time using Denzel, becomes young Denzel thanks to CGI, and how he fell, met and fell in love with his wife. And we go rom-com. Denzel will never do this, but I thought that was a pretty strong idea.

I agree. You know, the, the crazy thing is you could talk that whole thing into ChatGPT and get a whole script with all the characters.

I think that could happen.

Suggestions for the actors and actresses. Yeah.

Andy from NYC, um, had a question for Conspiracy Bill. Asking if I was watching this Matt Ishbia situation with his United Shore stock, which has been going down.

Fluctuating.

Yeah.

In the wrong direction.

Fluctuating and not doing well. And was asking what are the possibilities of a sale if he can't make the debt payments? Are you watching this? That's not happening.

Doesn't feel like it.

I think if he needed cash for the team, you would just sell 25% Right. You would, you would sell a stake. You would value, you'd value the team at $5 million and get money from somebody. This is a good one for you from Jeff from Texas. He thinks the new Vegas team name should be called the Odds. So we could say stuff like, what will it take to beat the odds? The odds are against us. The Vegas odds are +200 to beat OKC. And then he said, I'm just about 100% positive House will support this.

He is correct. He is 100% correct.

Vegas odds.

That is a great name. And it also, you can imagine the cool logos. I love the 4-letter names. They fit perfectly. And you can do front, back. Oh, I'm so all over this. That's phenomenal. What are the odds?

I like the odds, the Vegas odds. I don't know what the other runners in the clubhouse were for that, whether they go Vegas or Las Vegas. I don't know, I haven't been happy with some of the team names lately.

Well, I mean, they had this right now, Vegas, all the only one that's relevant to Vegas really is the Aces because the Knights aren't anything and the Raiders are the Raiders, right? So it would be good to tie it to the locale.

Willie from Rockaway Beach wants to know, in the Odyssey, Odysseus's thing was stringing the bow and shooting through the axes. That was like his move. I don't know if you saw The Odyssey yet. I haven't seen it yet. He's the only one who could do it. Um, he wants to know what my Odysseus tax is. Um, wonders like trade machine, um, dumb pop culture sports analogies. He had a bunch of, bunch of things. Um, I, I don't have anything to rival the, um, the, the stringing the bow and then shooting it through the thing, but I, I feel like you do. I think your odysseus task is your ability to eat for another half hour at a normal dinner after everybody else has finished eating. Like, that is your version of stringing the bow.

I will accept that. You're— there is—

you're second and third. Everyone else is playing 18 and you're playing like 54, and you're just going at your pace. And then, then you're looking around and you're like, oh, they— you're gonna eat those french fries? What's going on with the steak? And you're just kind of cleaning up. And I think that's, that's better than any Odysseus thing I have.

Here's the secret. Not, I mean, of course you have to have the appetite and the interest and the curiosity, but when I get to go out to eat with friends and family, I'm eating the whole table. I get what everybody ordered because I know you win at some point, at some point. And there's nothing that I can't taste. It's, it's a, it's a really. Wonderful thing that I probably stumbled into. It's not like a deliberate strategy, but over the years, I've just grown accustomed to eating. If the food arrives at the table, I'm going to eat some of it either at the beginning of the meal or the middle of the meal or the end of the meal. There's going to be, you know, that food.

The other issue is when the restaurant puts in parameters like this is for 2 or 3 people.

Oh, oh.

It's like a personal insult to you.

That's an outrage to me.

Yeah. Steak, you need 2 or 3 to finish the steak, and you're like, okay, come on. That's, that's ridiculous. Um, Kobe from Oakland, who now lives in Vancouver, was very upset about, uh, KD's comments on the '17 Warriors. And he said he was watching highlights from them and couldn't help but notice the insane level of Steph's gravity in the court. Um, which has been talked about forever, but he said there's so many highlights of Durant bringing the ball up court. Going direct to the basket for an open dunk because two guys had their backs turned trying to tie off Steph and forgetting that he had the ball. People just feared the empty. This is why it's impossible to talk about Curry historically compared to other guards, because nobody has ever swung defenses like this. And he wants to know, has any other player in NBA history had a gravity even close to that? So to me it's centers.

Oh, that's interesting.

It's like when Shaq was really feeling it and had position, the whole team would sink down, the whole defense would sink down him. Just everybody else was open.

But I don't remember a guard having what Steph has except for Michael fucking Jordan. I mean, Michael Jordan, all, all, all 10 eyes on the floor. I mean, all the, the, the whatever. Everybody, not 20 eyes, 18 eyes. There's 9 other players. They're all looking at Michael Jordan when he had the ball.

Yeah, that's— so you're saying the GOAT of basketball also had the best gravity?

Well, I mean, he's in the conversation. Yes, yes, he tilted, you know, the Pistons had to engineer a specific style of, you know, thuggery Right.

I've never seen anything in person like what would happen to defenses with Curry. Well, because watching them just, they was trying to figure out where he was.

Right. Yeah.

Yes.

This is a good one. I do, I do, I do want to say just as a final thought, we were cheated by not having Michael motivated to develop a 3-pointer. We know he could do it.

Just didn't matter about it.

The 6 that he had.

None of the guys in the 20th century was used as a dagger and not as an asset.

I know. I'm saying we were cheated. The 6 that he had against Portland.

Right. I mean, well, speaking of Jordan, the talent was there. Shaheen from London was talking, he thinks the best, that in soccer, the best individual player season ever, just based on individual stats, was achieved by Messi. In the '11-'12 season where he played 60 games and scored 73 goals, then 32 assists, did not win the league but made it to, uh, was second, semis of the Champions, won Spanish Cup, Spanish Super Cup, and wants to know what is the basketball version of a season like that where somebody's stats are so ridiculous, but you had enough team success too to make it relevant.

Mm-hmm.

Um, I can't, I had 3 seasons that I'm gonna give you. One was the '96 MJ when the Bulls went 87-13. He won MVP, Finals MVP, 36 and 6. The numbers weren't insane compared to the typical Jordan season is the problem. Curry in '16, if they had won the title, I think would be in the conversation for this, but they lost Game 7. But he had 30 a game. He made 5 threes a game. I don't know if anyone else had even made 4. He was like 50, 45, 90, everything. They won 25 games in a row.

Yeah.

That had all of the check marks and then they blew the game in the last 5 minutes. So sadly the answer is Wilt Chamberlain.

Oh.

1967 averaged 24 points, 24 rebounds, and 8 assists during the regular season. The team went 68 and 13, which was the record for best record at that point. In the playoffs, he was 22, 29, and 9. 22, 29, and 9, and beat Bill Russell, and they went 11-4. So they went 79-17, and he basically averaged 24 and 26 every game. Granted, it was '60s, but I think that's the answer.

JJ Redick's not impressed. That's, that's a good— truck drivers.

We had less plumbers than truck drivers.

What's the answer? To Giannis's '21 season? Because I feel like he was definitely, he didn't score enough. Is that the deal? Is that why he's not? Yeah.

That, that it, it's gotta be the stats have to be, yeah. Almost like what, what Jokic was doing in one of his years. But if the Nuggets had also been incredible, I guess.

Okay. Okay.

I don't, Shaq had, was okay, but yeah, it's tough. Like the Wilt stats are like, wow, we'll never see those again.

Yeah, right.

Nathan from Afton, Wisconsin, uh, thanked me for the El Cheapo discussions about the Blazers but said we did not mention the Stanley Cup. And he writes, this motherfucker wanted the name of his wife and 5 kids on the cup. So 6 people who were involved with the actual running of the team that got to the pinnacle of the NHL didn't get their name on the most famous trophy in sports.

Awesome.

That was unbelievable. Did you follow that whole story?

I don't understand the cup, why they agreed. Oh, is it his choice of the names? Yeah, he puts every name.

Yeah, he's like, here's what we're putting on the cup.

That's outrageous.

Unbelievable.

It's so bad. Um, how do they have the room?

They don't. They have like that one— they have like this one thing and they can put as many names as possible and then that's it. James is a Celtics fan and wants to know who was the— who had the washed goat season in NBA history and suggested Trail Blazers, Melo, Celtics, Shaq, Ewing, and the Sonics, or is it the obvious Wizards MJ choice? The answer to this is MJ and the Wizards was the washed goat because he couldn't jump.

He—

I think he played 82 games at least one of those seasons. Was going against all these young dudes, hadn't played in a while, and was not MJ anymore. He was a shell of himself, but he wasn't—

couldn't get him to the playoffs. Um, did have a 50-burger though, did remind everybody. He would, you know, once every 3 weeks he would drop something.

So maybe he was too good for that.

Well, they didn't make the playoffs.

It's Michael Jordan, made like a game winner in the All-Star Game. The other one I was thinking was Kareem near the end when he could bet. He was like 42, but somehow in the '88 Finals, they're still going to him in the biggest moments, and he's got nothing left. So the answer is probably Jordan. Conspiracy Bill is being summoned again. Christian in Ohio, he says, when we hear about double agents and teams that might relocate Nico Harrison, Dallas, all these, the conspiracy rumors, why hasn't Joe Dumars in New Orleans come out of the— come up in this? He's out of the league, he's working for the league, makes a bunch of dumb moves last year, and then no moves this summer for a Pelicans team going nowhere. Seems like prime double agent material. Thank you, Conspiracy Bill. Just wanted to get that out there. Uh, I, I don't think it's a conspiracy with that. I think the Pelicans are just incompetent. I don't understand how they weren't going after anybody.

Isn't that indirectly, a kind of like inaction is action, not doing anything. It makes it a lot easier. It might not even be their plan, but it's a plan. It may not be what they're intending to do, but it certainly does make that franchise feel very relocatable to me.

There, uh, there's some over-unders on FanDuel, which I know you know for NBA. I know people are pumped that it's August 9th and we're doing NBA content. I know everybody was looking for that. But there's, uh, some of the win totals were out and there were 4 teams that are basically like 44.5. And these 4 teams are the Lakers, Miami, Indiana, Orlando, and actually Toronto, assuming with Kawhi. So there's 5 teams. If you had to go over on any of those 5 teams, who would you pick? Indiana, Miami, Orlando, the Lakers, and Toronto.

It's the Pacers. Um, and I already have them at— I had as well 43.5, so I'm thrilled to hear that the market moved in my direction. Um, the, the combination of healthy Halliburton, same dancing at his wedding.

He looked great. He's back.

Healthy Halliburton and Zubats is going to be an eye-opener. It's going to be a revelation. And that team is talented. They have, you know, all of those guys know their roles. Um, we're, we're going to see it early, I think. More than that, I think it's going to be more than a little. It's going to work. I think it's going to be something.

The East is stacked, 'cause I was— like, Charlotte was 39.5 for their win total. I was like, I think Charlotte's gonna be pretty good. Conspiracy Bill question from Ben from Detroit. He wants to know if Detroit traded Schuble to the Dodgers so they could win the World Series again, it would drum up support for a salary cap for medium-level and low-level teams. They're basically trying to stack. The deck because that will help the salary cap argument. I don't think that's what it was. I genuinely feel like that Scooble side made it seem like we're going to the Dodgers at the end of the year anyway. So he kind of put the stink on himself with the other teams, and teams didn't want to give up prospects to somebody for 2 months and then they leave, right? That was my interpretation.

All that's credible, especially if you think that his, this is the last time you're going to get a whatever, $100 million, however many hundreds of millions of dollars for a pitcher, right? This is it.

I just, would you pay that much for a starting pitcher? I guess you don't, if you don't care about money, you would.

I mean, would you pay $700 million?

I just don't trust, like we did Crochet and he's already hurt.

Nearly $800 million for Juan Soto and Juan Soto is hurt too. I understand that that's different, a pitcher and a outfielder, a hitter, but—

Jack wants to know, do you think it hurt LeBron that he didn't end his tenure with the Lakers and sign with the Knicks? Because the Knicks won the title. And that was like the best thing. This Knicks fan base starving for a title, which he saw in real time as they won. They hadn't won. And he goes there as the missing piece. And then as part of that, And where does that rank among LeBron regrets for his career? Which I think is a really fun topic. He suggested the failed Paul George-Kyrie swap, 2017, the Westbrook debacle, Zubats for Mike Muscala. He said forcing Bronny to play basketball instead of being a 5-star NFL-caliber safety. Would've been a good safety. He left out a couple good ones. I think the number one, if I, if I'm LeBron and I'm like 78 and I'm just thinking back at everything, I think the thing that would make me the maddest would be the '09 Orlando-Cleveland series. And it wouldn't be a regret as much as, remember Orlando just turned into an awesome team and guys, we did a, we did a, we did a rewatchables on one of the games, I think from that with the, because I did a Dwight Howard book of basketball, but I think you look back at that now and it's just fucking batshit crazy.

That series, he did— Turkoglu was awesome. That was good for a year.

They made every shot that they looked at. You beat me to it. Those two guys, that they were the really the linchpin to it. And Dwight Howard was pretty awesome.

And LeBron was awesome in that play. I think he was like 35 and 11 and 9. He like did everything he could and Orlando was just on a heater. Howard played the best he'd ever played, and it was just—

He was the second best player on that Cleveland team.

I mean, that was— that's why he left Cleveland. No, it's like we're— I think we— I don't know if Jameson was there yet. I'll look this up as we're talking. But I, you know, if you remember going back, that, that was— we were supposed to get the, uh, LeBron versus Kobe Finals. Right? The Celtics got hurt. The stars had aligned and it was going to be like the greatest, you know, star-on-star series we'd had in a while. All right, I'm looking this up.

I have—

the series ended in 6. The second leading scorer on the Cavs was Mo Williams.

Okay, that's why.

Followed by Delonte West and Zydrunas Algaskas.

I knew— okay, good. Larry Hughes, I messed up, but Algaskas, I remember on that team.

In this series, Rashard Lewis shot 48% from 3.

I was there.

He made 15, he made 18 a game. Turkoglu was at 39. Mikhail Pietrus was at 51% from 3. Oh no, I'm sorry, 47% from 3. Rafer Alston, 38%. The team shot 41% from 3. They were 62 for 152. And just, just flipped the series. But I, I, that would be the one out of all the ones he's had where it's like, fuck, man, we should have made the finals that year. What? Like nothing. None of those Orlando guys ever matched that again. Within a year and a half, your dumb team was trading for Richard Lewis and he got a big contract for somebody.

PEDs. Yeah.

Right. Tough one. I would say that was a big one. The other one I would say—

Bad team though. They would've got swept by the Lakers too.

The other one is whether, if you're LeBron looking back at everything, would you have just gone to the Knicks in 2010?

2010?

Instead of Miami. Bring Dwyane Wade there. Oh, go to New York. 'Cause that was on the table, I think.

Who was the general manager at the time?

Would that be a regret though?

No.

Who was the GM for at the time?

Well, that was the problem. It was Donnie Walsh in the wheelchair.

Oh.

James Dolan and—

no, no, no, no, no. I mean, Riley really deserves the— he gets credit. He deserves the credit.

Sniffed it out.

Come here, it will be awesome.

The Paul George trade is a good one because I think the Paul George trade, because they were getting rid of Kyrie anyway, and I think it would have— I think if they were somehow getting Paul George and somebody else good And they, it definitely would've been a better team. I don't know if it would've mattered against the '18 Warriors. By the way, I got this from a few Pacers fans 'cause I talked about LeBron's, that awesome Oladipo versus LeBron when we did the redraftables.

Yeah.

That series. Yeah. Yeah. And a bunch of people mentioned, I said how LeBron had that great block on Oladipo in game 5, minute to 3. And it's like a famous goaltend apparently that all the Pacer fans are still pissed off about. In the game report they said after it was, It was a goaltend. Um, and then Ray, Blazer fan, wanted to point out, uh, on all the Blazers conspiracy stuff, that the Blazers sale was an estate sale with all proceeds going to charity. Yeah, so they had to actually maximize value. They couldn't like pick the owners. It was basically highest bidder wins. So he was saying Adam Silver didn't have a lot of didn't have a lot of elbow room with this because of the way the sale was done, which I think is true. They still have to approve it.

Yes. Yes. The, the league controls who comes in and, and the, the estate has to live by the league's rules.

Right.

The, the estate doesn't get to, to choose at the, uh, you know, over the will of the league.

Zach brought up something that I'm gonna apologize for. I, we did the winners and losers of the LeBron signing with Philly, and I said BJ Edgecombe, 'cause he's gonna be pushed to the side and whatever. He said, look, you're the guy who's talked up the virtues of playing for USA Basketball, being around winners, how it changes guys. Young talented guy like BJ, you learn the habits and mentality of one of the game's greatest ever players. Doesn't this set the stage for a culture change? I don't think it's a stretch to call him one of the biggest winners. You agree with that?

I sure do.

Yeah, I think I miss that.

I really, I think it applies across the board. This is going to be, at least by intention and will and attitude, the best version of Joel Embiid that we will have seen. He really tried super effing hard on Team USA. Yeah, I think of his Team USA performance as one of the things that goes on his resume He was healthy. It came at the expense of two more years of terrible knee and injury ailments. And, you know, we will forever be able to make fun of the Sixers for giving him an extension immediately coming off of that Olympics performance. But that is like proof of concept. I think that LeBron, the whole thing, it just adds a layer of— we use that, we're going to overuse this, the word gravity, but it makes it, it's a serious situation. Now. We're not just showing up and effing around. This is a show, and the guys all want to show out. I think it's really going to be, um, interesting.

11-1, they have the 4th best title odds now.

Just gotta wait.

Regular season, they're now -120 for 50+ games. I think there, there's a way that they they're probably in the low 50s. Yeah. Even, even if you told me 40 Embiid games and 55 LeBron games, just 'cause the other 3 guys will be able to carry so much load. Yeah.

Maxie Edgecomb and JB could get him there.

Rich from, I was saving this one for you. Rich from Melbourne, Australia. The Australians always have good emails.

We love the Australians.

They're fucking crazy people. They're, they're, it's really like Boston on the other side of the world.

How have we never been to Australia?

It's, we have to go.

We really do.

I just have great experiences.

You would do a Simmons podcast from Australia.

Your enthusiasm for Caleb Wilson got me thinking, who are this year's Jizz Room All-Stars? I'm thinking it would be Dylan Harper, Con Knipple, Jaylen Brown, Caleb Wilson, and Wemby. But Caleb Wilson's the captain. I don't think Jaylen Brown would be— no, in the Jizz Room All-Stars.

I agree. No, that's the only one.

I don't know who the small forward is for the Jizz Room All-Stars.

That's, let's, let's, let's, let's work something out.

Maybe it's your guy. Maybe it's your guy.

Yeah, sure could be. The bouncer.

Yeah, your guy AJ.

Could be AJ.

You think he's a jizz room first team?

What if he starts doing stuff? He might show us something.

First team jizz room?

He's not going to be afraid to show us what we want to see. I know that much.

You know, it's the jizz room all-stars or all pros in the NFL are already starting to form. I don't know if you've seen any Denzel Boston training camp footage for the Browns.

Oh no, uh-uh.

Oh yeah, it's Caleb Wilson-esque.

Okay.

Yeah, he looks like Terrell Owens basically.

That's a good one. He's throwing them the ball.

Darian Price on the Seahawks, I think he's gonna be—

Yeah, Price, I already bet Price Rookie of the Year. Just so we get that out there.

Smart bet.

Yeah.

I didn't understand the Rookie of the Year odds at all. We've been texting about this, 'cause I jumped on Boston when he was 45 to 1. But that, but the quarterback situations are gonna be weird. Like, I don't think Mendoza, I don't see any quarterback. The guy on the Cardinals, love, as they have two other veterans that are there. So yeah, I like Boston. I still think his odds are great. Need you for this one, 'cause I gotta, I did Mina's pod and we somehow talk, we're talking about the NBA comp for Lamar Jackson. And I was saying it's, it's, I didn't think there was a comp, but there's some Embiid in there 'cause you don't know whether he is gonna play or not. And just a bunch of people were like, how, how is the answer not James Harden?

Oh wow.

Where it's like you got MVPs, you have a ton of regular season success and then playoffs.

Now it's pretty good.

The problem is Harden played.

Harden was, yeah, durable and he's out there all the time.

And Lamar, I think, So it's almost like 75% Harden, 25% Embiid, maybe? The Embiid durability.

Both of those, by the way, that says a lot about the regard with which we hold Lamar, which is, I think, appropriate.

He won 2 MVPs.

I know.

He really broke our hearts gambling-wise a couple times. I mean, really, like, absolute gut punches.

Well, this is the thing. Not even really him. That loss to Buffalo 2 years ago. Not Lamar Jackson's fault.

Right.

Um, a lot of people have asked if this is the end of the process, regardless of what happens. I keep getting an email about that. Different variations of that email. The process starts in 2013 with the NBA draft. And now we're heading to the '26-'27 season, 14 years later. The process is already at a bar mitzvah. The process has already gone through puberty. And is this win or lose, this the end of the process? Do you feel like the process has to end when Embiid leaves? What is the official end of the process?

I like this and I'm subscribing to it, and I know that I can do a better job. I'm going to do right now, but I think LeBron's arrival means that it's over the process. Philly has become so, you know, they've built themselves into something that's so attractive that the, you know, one of the top 3 players in history chose that team to go to that team to play games with that team. So I think that that is a kind of success, right? Like, what are the high— since the Since winning in, in '83, there, there aren't a lot of high watermarks for the Sixers.

They've had a lot of fun players, and the high water mark was probably Iverson beating the second best team of this century by himself in a Finals game.

In one game.

And maybe Embiid winning the MVP.

I think it's fine declaring the process over.

Did LeBron choose the Sixers or did he just not have a better option?

Why can't the answer be both? Okay. Speaking of the Sixers, he clearly, for the money that he agreed to play for, he could have done that for any team in the entire NBA, right? Every team has $8 million available.

Benson from Canada says Kawhi hitting the game-winning shot again in the 2019 playoffs. Against the Sixers.

Hmm.

Leading to the Raptors winning the title. LeBron has beaten Toronto like a drum for two decades. There's a fun LeBron versus Kawhi where they went together in the two finals, 2013, then '14. Kawhi wins the Finals MVP.

Good.

So you have Toronto fear of LeBron. LeBron fans kind of afraid of Kawhi a little bit, plus Sixer fans' memory of getting their guts torn out by Kawhi, potentially them playing, being rivals. I didn't think about the rivalry part with LeBron going to the East and how fun this is gonna be as much as I probably should have. Celtics, his biggest longtime rival, right?

Right.

Yeah.

Knicks. Right, he's gonna live in New York City, but they just won the title. Worldwide West and Leander there, his old agents, you got all that. You have Toronto, and then you have Cleveland.

Cleveland and Miami, both.

And you have Miami. So 5 teams that he has like actual real history with that when he goes there with the Sixers, it's gonna be like a thing.

Yeah.

Now we'll see how good he is. Like at some point this has to start fading a little bit, But it did start to get me excited. Um, yeah, that's really it. That's all I got. That's all I have for— well, I have one more that I'll read for, uh, put the cherry on. Just keep the El Chipo heat going. This is from John in Austin, Texas. He thinks, um, El Chipo is like Mr. Blonde in Reservoir Dogs, Michael Madsen's character in the movie. Um, where he cheaps out on the coaching search, doesn't let two-way players travel, lays off the employees, breaks up the broadcast team, and now has the city of Portland tied to a chair in a warehouse, but stuck in the middle with you playing while he dances around with a straight razor, which is the threat of the Blazers moving away. And Adam Silver is Mr. Orange in this scenario that he has to get there before he slices the Blazers' ear off and dumps gasoline on them. I'm only reading this to say, but this— yep, these are my listeners. Um, but also, this is a credible email from somebody comparing El Chipo, Tom Dundon, to one of the scariest characters of any movie in the 1990s who actually tormented and mutilated a character in the movie that they had to cut away from.

Yes, that's where we've gotten with this Portland situation.

A vile, depraved— yeah, torture scene. Yeah, that's, that's what the Portland fans are living for.

The NBA is fantastic. Um, how you feeling about the, uh, Washington Commanders season? Oh, I would have felt—

I felt better 24 hours ago before Laramie Tunsil tore his, uh, tricep.

And that's like a 4-month injury, right?

Oh, it's just— I mean, the only thing that I cared about coming into this season was, can we just show up with the 11 intended guys on both sides of the ball more healthy than not. We know that injuries are going to happen. Injuries do happen. That, that's— it's part of football. But goddamn it, can we just get to the first game of the season without one of these linchpin guys? Now Washington has been, you know, sort of collecting offensive, uh, line talent, and they're gonna try. This looks like Brandon Coleman's gonna be the guy Um, but he— they just extended Tunsil because Tunsil was effing awesome last year, and Tunsil and David Blough and, and, um, JD5 are all on the same page. And man, I'm just— it's a kick in the nuts. Even with Tunsil though, I, I do think that this is going to be a tough season for Washington.

Yeah, you did the Diggs signing a couple days before that.

Welcome home. Happy to have Diggs.

Diggs homecoming. Diggs in the DMV, buckle up. Yeah.

Well, he's, he went to high school here and went to the University of Maryland. He's from this area.

So your regular season wins right now, 6.5 is -140 on FanDuel and 7.5 is +115 for the overs.

Yeah, I think they're going to win 8 games. I think they're, they're good enough to win. The defense especially has been completely renovated, recalibrated. It's a, it's a brand new 11 nearly, and, um, it's a brand new defensive coordinator. We got, you know, the apprentice from Minnesota, uh, Durante, and he's also a DMV guy, so I do. I think the defense is going to surprise people. It might be the, the most interesting defense that Washington's had in a decade.

I don't know, I'll definitely be surprised because I don't think they're going to be good. One of the only things you had is like, well, the offensive line is going to be even better this year, and Daniels, and keep them healthy and see how it goes.

And now, yes, yep, that's all true about that.

I was just reading that Brandon Thorne a couple days ago had said he does those offensive linemen rankings. Yeah. Put all of them out. Tunzel was, I think, his second left tackle.

Super high up there.

Super too.

Yep.

Yeah, that was a good trade.

Deservedly so.

How much homework have you done?

I'm doing it, you know, by division. So right now I am knee deep in the AFC North.

Did you notice the Bundos on the AFC East pod? The Bundos kind of kicked the tires on a soft, maybe Miami's not that bad.

He—

yeah, it felt like a zag. I don't—

it felt like a zag, but I also— it did, did kind of make me go, huh. So there's going to be— last year we did not have the shitty team that came out of nowhere, like with the really bad odds to make the playoffs that actually did. They usually— there's like a +400 or worse, and last year it didn't happen.

Yeah, Carolina to win that division was at 9-to-1 at one point in the season, and Dream did. Play that. So they might— they're probably the one that—

they were the closest.

They won the division.

So I'm really excited at football back. I can't wait.

Yeah, finally. Like, honestly, your listeners feel the same way.

Well, this has been a good— you know, the World Cup followed by the Red Sox. I've had a really fun sports summer, but I'm, I'm getting ready, getting ready to talk football, wager on football, do the whole thing. All right, House.

Good times.

And we have FedEx coming when?

The playoffs start. We're talking about professional golf. People, it's still on. Something to watch through the balance of August. Something to wager on. In Memphis, they'll be in Chris Vernon's backyard next week. The first round of the FedEx Cup playoffs underway. The top 70 players in on the, on tour. And then they cut it down from 70, I think, to 50 at the next event, which is in St. Louis. But yeah, all the best golfers will be playing golf down in Memphis a week from now.

Has anyone complained about the hotel yet in Memphis or no? That's just NBA.

The tour guys don't, I haven't heard a lot of complaints outta tour guys.

By the way, I forgot to mention WNBA before we go.

Oh my, oh no.

I've been watching, no, I've been watching, I've been enjoying it.

Yeah.

And I've even tweeted this about how nobody needs a commissioner more than the WNBA right now. The WNBA, which is for some reason turned into the Twitter For You page as a league, and meanwhile has all of these amazing stories going on. The league's fucking deep. Even like the teams that aren't good, like Seattle and Chicago, like you watch them, you're like, well, that— they have some good players. They, you know, it's—

you know who's good? Washington.

Right.

The not good teams are actually like not bad to watch. And then they have, you know, the Olivia Miles keeping Minnesota straight the whole time. And now Collier's back. They're even odds to win the title. But Asia's the best player in the league still. She shut down Caitlin the other night. Indiana is really fun to watch. New York, like the league's like legitimately fun to watch. And yet all anyone talks about is dumb shit. And then everyone who participates in this nonsense. Anyone who participates in the shitty discourse about the league, like, I think that speaks more about them than the league. But what the league really needs is a commissioner. And I don't— I would personally bet anything that we will not have this commissioner next year. I will— if that was on Fanduel, I would be loading up.

You'd have to lay in an enormous amount.

I'm thinking about throwing my hat in the ring. This, this, this league either needs somebody who thinks outside the box or it needs a therapist for everybody. It might need to be— the league might need to get Brené Brown as, as the commissioner, just a therapist to heal relations.

Just not, not you. Anybody but you.

Fine, fine, I'll sit out. Not me.

Um, I've never seen a league that needs just an adult to help an adult.

Oh God, basic fucking situations.

Yes, basic, the most basic situation.

People like this league, not to mention they're on 7 different channels, which was the same case for the NBA. But in this case, like, I, I never know where the games are. At least the NBA, it's like, oh, I know this is an Amazon night. They've done such a terrible job of marketing because they had to grab money. God forbid they didn't take every fucking dollar they could have. And you go to these games, it's like, I'd love to watch— I'd love to watch this FIBA game tonight. I don't know where to find it. And now I'm doing roulette for 10 minutes looking for the channel.

Well, I know where ION is in my cable package now. ION.

Yeah, ION.

You know about ION? Yeah.

Right. So the league's like cresting to, I think, a pretty good spot before football. But now they're all going to go away for like 10 days to do world champions— world championships. A team that somehow Olivia Miles isn't on, even though she's one of the most important people that's come in the league. I get it. They had practices and there's reasons for that, but I've never seen a league more determined to not push fun stars and fun storylines and fun people like this. Olivia Miles, how many times have you watched her?

Only a little bit because I haven't caught a lot of Minnesota games.

You would love— you honestly, you would love her.

Okay.

And she should be like, if this was the NBA, this would be all anyone talked about. Like, have you seen Olivia Miles? She's on tonight. Oh my God. Oh, I saw the commercial. And in WNBA, it's like, she's like an annoyance that she's just a good storyline. Like, push your fucking players.

Yeah.

And then instead it's all this discourse stuff and they're just stepping in bear traps left and right because they have no adults in charge of the league.

Yes.

And You know, I don't know where Adam Silver is either, but look, you're scared even talking about it. This is part of the problem.

I'm not going to say it. I'm not going to say a word.

Everyone's like terrified to even have conversations about it.

The only thing that I will say, the lowest hanging fruit is getting— I don't understand enough. Why can't they get good refs in the WNBA? That is like, is like more than anything else. That to me.

They— I watched the entire Fever, um, Chicago Sky Fever game.

Yes, yes.

Um, and Caitlin was stumbling into the ref, and the ref just gave her a tech. They're like, yep, she's gonna have to miss the game against New York on Tuesday. It's like, what? That game's on ESPN. You gotta reverse this. So they reversed it.

She clearly tripped. Now the question is, did she say something like, come on, you know, to the ref, like out of frustration about how she ran into the— did Caitlin say something?

No, she said nothing, and they reversed It was ridiculous.

Of course. Of course they reversed it. It was a nonsense tech.

Can you imagine late '90s David Stern presiding over this league? Well, it feels like they would have some hits and some misses, but I think he would have been a little more involved.

I agree.

I mean, this commissioner they have now has no relationship with any of the stars. Just seems like she's like a businesswoman. Yeah. And she just wants to get out.

And by the way, she did the thing. She got them a collective bargaining agreement with the, you know, with the increased revenue that the league has enjoyed since Caitlin Clark arrived. Yeah. And on top of that, you know, they have the CBA in place and they have, you know, TV deals that are, that are dramatically increased from what they had before. And yeah, because they're on 7 channels, they're getting eyeballs that people are interested in the WNBA. People are talking about it.

Here's how stupid they are. Their finals are going to be on two different channels depending on the game. How stupid and desperate for money do you have to be to—

it's also in, in during NFL season, right?

Yeah, that part too. But I mean, look, if they got Indiana versus Minnesota or Indiana versus Vegas as the finals, that's just legitimately entertaining. And I don't care if you don't like women's basketball that much. I personally have grown to actually enjoy watching it. I like the style of it. But if those were the finals, that's going to be fucking awesome. And I'm sure they'll bury it. It'll be like, hey, is there a huge NFL game that we can put this finals directly against to try to limit the audience? Because we don't want to make any new fans at all.

Well, they do know that Tuesday night is a dead night. Friday night is a dead night. I mean, you know, historically Friday night, that kid, you know, people are going to high school football games.

But right, you could, you could basically make the two, the finals just be Tuesdays and Fridays to make sure they won't— they'll be like, oh no, it's counter-programming.

Okay.

It's too bad though, because the league, they by far have the best collection of players that I think they've had.

I agree with you.

And I don't know anybody who thinks they're well run. So they have to fix this. And I hope they do. That's the end of my rant, House. You see, you got out of this. We stayed out of it. I didn't make you uncomfortable.

Not once.

Thanks for being on, House. I'll see you on Twitch and on YouTube and on—

Yeah.

Spotify and every other podcast platform for the Ringer Wise Guys Show starting, uh, tomorrow with the Bundo and Raheem and Sal.

It's gonna be great. Can't wait. Nothing but winners.

So that was today's mailbag. It was brought to you by ChatGPT Work, helping you work even harder. While it works on your projects, you could still call the plays, so you're always in control. You could put ChatGPT to work on your most ambitious ideas and projects, or even a couple mailbag answers. Try ChatGPT Work today, available to Plus and Pro plans. I'm gonna throw it right now to Amanda Dobbins, Rob Mahoney, and myself, as promised. We just taped the Rewatchables.

Mm-hmm.

Jalen Brown press conference was today for the Sixers, and Amanda mentioned she's very upset about this because she's married to a Sixer. So why are you upset about this?

I'm a, I'm a long-suffering Philly sports wife.

Yeah.

Among my many other—

You're the Kathleen Quinlan of sports wives. Exactly.

Is there any other kind?

Yeah.

And I, at the end of last season and after the frankly humiliating playoff run against the Knicks, asked my husband and his close friends, who do include Chris Ryan, so, you know, I understand what I'm proposing here, but I suggested that we just renounce the Sixers, that we just take a break. Because I have watched this happen every year. They never have it. They, they just, they get there a little bit in April and you think, oh, maybe there's the juice or maybe they've got somebody else. They rope you in and then they absolutely do not deliver. I have to tell you that the darkest moments of my family life are on a Tuesday in February at 4:45 PM when NBC Sports Philadelphia is on League Pass. And they're playing like the Hornets. Do the Hornets— yeah, the Jazz. No, the Jazz are good, right?

Well, they're gonna be like Hornets Wizards.

Do the Orlando Magic still exist?

Magic, yeah.

Okay. And no one cares. Everybody is just shuffling back and forth trying to get this through this dark Tuesday in February. And we still have to spend our time watching this and investing this and reacting to this. And I just don't think it's a great way to spend your life. So I suggested this. I was pretty strongly rebuffed. Then the Jalen Brown thing happens with your absolutely incredible content. No one can do it like you. And I, and I love you and I support you.

Thank you.

And then I am in my bedroom doing a workout with free weights next to my bed, which is supposed to be my time. That is just for me when the door is closed.

Closed.

You don't come in until I'm done with the free weights. And the door opens on a Friday morning, my husband with a shit-eating grin on his face pops in to say, I just want to let you know that LeBron James is a 76er, and walks back out again. And now I gotta deal with all this shit for another season. Is it gonna go well? No, the man is commuting from New York, which any sane person would do, by the way, because have you seen Philadelphia in February? And I love everyone I know in Philadelphia. Like, we know that this isn't gonna work. I don't know what's going on with Joel Embiid. Is he still a 76er? Yeah, technically, like a third of the time. I don't know who Jaylen Brown is except for that he was traded during your medical treatments, which we're very proud of you for getting. And I— it just— it does not seem like it's going to work. It seems like everyone's getting their hopes up again, and I would like to do something else with my time besides League Pass. Thank you.

Well, I have some consolation news for you. The Eagles season starts in 3 weeks.

I don't even want to talk about it.

And the Phillies playoffs are coming.

Yeah.

And they're going to make it to October and then forget how to hit like they do every year.

Oh, wow. This is incredible stuff.

You know what it's like? Living with a Philadelphia sports fan. You don't, you live close to them.

You won a Super Bowl and then you won another Super Bowl. You won 2 Super Bowls.

Can I tell you something about that Super Bowl? That was also my son's 3rd birthday. And so we had his 3rd birthday party in the morning and then the entire Philadelphia family was there watching the Super Bowl together and ignoring the grandson on his birthday.

That's—

3 is a good birthday too. That's tough.

Yeah.

I mean, he was happy. I think it was also Saquon. Barkley's birthday. So he knew that and like got into it.

But if he's happy, what's the problem?

Well, the happiness never lasts. This is also— Sean is already letting go of the Knicks glow and is starting to bitch about the Mets again. And I just, like, I can't live like this. I just, I need them to control their emotions. You know, it's, it's tough living around all of them.

Sean had such a glow for like a month with the Knicks and the return of movies.

Yeah.

It's gone.

By the way, I'm gonna get in so much trouble for all the Philly stuff because I can say whatever I want. Well, I can't. I, I hear from Zach, but he doesn't mind when I represent his movie takes or our family life or things about our marriage. But anytime I weigh in on his Philadelphia fandom, like the people who threw snowballs at Santa come out, you know?

I just need you to understand if you did get him to disavow his Sixers fandom and they did somehow win. I think that you're cooked at that point.

I know that there's no coming back.

It is grounds for divorce. And listen, to his credit, I guess he just immediately rejected it. He wasn't gonna do it, but it's just not how I wanna spend January through April. Mm-hmm. It's not a good use of our time.

You're stuck with your teams. You're stuck with your children and your teams.

Yeah.

You can get divorced, but you, you can't divorce your team in my opinion.

I think you can get rid of the kids if you, if you really wanted to.

There are people you face off to an uncle. I get it.

Yeah.

But you, you pick your team and that's it. The only thing is if they move.

All right.

So that's like my dad was a Dodgers fan growing up cuz he grew up in Brooklyn, but then they moved.

Okay.

And then he went to college in Massachusetts and became a Boston fan.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Or if you live in Seattle and you were a Sonics fan and they move, what are you gonna do? But that, see, you didn't even, you glossed over the LeBron piece of this. LeBron's in your life now.

He's always been in my life.

No, but now you have to be like a LeBron defender.

Your children will have LeBron jerseys.

I don't have to do anything.

You have to— no, I'm gonna give you the playbook for— be like, do you know how many records LeBron has?

I didn't know I needed to spam text you LeBron highlights, but now we do. You know, like, do you know how amazing this guy is?

I had no idea. He's playing point guard for us this year. Are you— have you talked yourself into the Sixers yet or no?

Of course I've talked myself into it. It's gonna be fun.

This is gonna be a thing.

It's gonna be exciting. It's the most fun It'll be the most fun storyline the whole year.

Okay.

But that's different than it being fun to watch.

I think they'll have moments when they'll be really fun to watch.

Yeah. Okay.

It's just they'll tantalize people and then it'll be like, uh-oh, Embiid.

Where is he?

He's not playing tonight. Uh, LeBron. LeBron's taking 2 weeks off.

Just think of the glow that a good Sixers team could bring to that random Tuesday in February. Yeah.

I mean, I think this is going to be great for Zach.

I'll never trust it. It could be great for Zach. It— I think it is great for him.

Amanda, what this really is, is this is the end. This is the finish line of the process, which started in 2013. Sure. I remember the process.

We need to trust this.

And then throwing away seasons and building around Embiid. And now we've now culminated with this somewhat super team.

Also, what if he brings my sons into this?

It's going to happen.

You know, they're Eagles fans a bit. They know about the Phillies. I like— they, they play baseball?

It's tough. Mostly the kids gravitate to players.

Okay.

If they were in Philly, no chance, they're Philly fans. But they live here, just don't know, could go any direction.

Okay.

They might decide one day, I like Darius Garland, and all of a sudden you're buying like a Darius Garland jersey.

See, I think parents have a responsibility to educate their kids about Tyrese Maxey. And so like, you're just gonna have to bring him into your home.

Yeah, so that's a great one. Maxey's great.

You know what, we do have um, some, like, a portrait of Tyrese Maxey framed and hanging in my son's room. That was a gift from my sister-in-law.

It's a good start.

When I tell you I am living in crazy town, I am not kidding. We have a special name for the Philly fanatic: Green Friend. I just, you know, you know what this is all really about?

The 3 craziest cities for sports teams are all cold weather cities. Boston, New York, and in Philly. Just fucking crazy. Because there's 4 or 5 months a year when the weather is just the worst it could be. And then in the summer, it's 100 degrees for 6 straight weeks and everybody loses their minds.

Only the cold adult mind could have created Gritty. You know, like, it really takes some divine inspiration.

Do we have a stuffed Gritty? Yes. Do we have a Gritty Christmas ornament? Yes. Do you know what our treetopper is? The Philly Fanatic. That's actually cool. I like that one. It was custom made. But like, this is, this is what I deal with. And can the Sixers deliver on that?

And you wanna give it all away?

Like, see, Rob and I know how this is gonna play out cuz we love the league and follow it religiously. In the second and third round, you have to play every other day basically. And that's, will not be sustainable for 42-year-old LeBron and Joel Embiid.

But between years, 42-year-old me.

So yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. That's where it'll fall apart.

All right.

Thanks for checking in with us.

Of course. Thanks so much. I'm sorry, Zach. I love you.

All right. That's it for the podcast. Thanks to Wilds and House. Thanks to Dobbins and Mahoney for their cameo. Thanks to Cahal and Eduardo as well. Don't forget, two rewatchables episodes this week on Monday and Thursday, The Italian Job and About Last Night. And I will have another episode for you midweek. So stay tuned for that. See you then. Must be 21+ in President Select States for Kansas, in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino. Or 18+ and present in D.C., Kentucky, or Wyoming, game problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER or 1-800-MY-RESET. Call 888-797-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat in Connecticut or mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. HOPE is here. Visit gamblinghelplineMA.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24/7 support in Massachusetts, or call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY in New York for Louisiana, call 877-770-7867.