Transcript of FUNNIEST TWEETS OF ALL TIME | EP 447

I don't understand. I know. This is a safe space.

This is a safe space. This is a safe space. I answered.

And he burst out laughing.

Sorry. No, no, no, no. Guys, girls. Welcome back in.

Welcome back indeed.

It's a nice one.

It's a Monday fun day.

It's a Monday fun day. Yes, sir. I'm glad to be here.

Yes, sir.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for being here. And thank you for being here. And thank you for being here. He's absent.

Yeah. Ellis is gone toilet or something.

Yeah.

So yeah, we'll thank him later.

Yeah.

But yeah. Welcome in, guys. Before we get started today, I have a question for you. And I want you to be. What?

I don't know. Cuz I never have questions. So I'm intrigued and gas at the same time.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Now, I want you to think about it.

Mm.

Or not. And that you might know off the top.

Okay. Oh. So this is not like imagination.

It's not imagination Thing. I have a question for you and I want you to be open and honest about it. I'm not asking you to use your imagination. All right, Cool. Cool, cool, cool. What? What do you think? Yeah. Okay. It's. Because this might not be relevant now.

Okay.

So you can either give me what it is now, what it's ever been for your whole life. Yeah, but what is your biggest insecurity?

My biggest insecurity is. Probably has always been not having abs. That's facts. Why is that funny? Sorry.

I don't understand. I know. This is a safe space. This is a safe space. I answered.

And he burst out laughing.

Sorry. No, no, no, no. Please.

Am I wrong?

No, no, no, no. Chat.

Am I in the wrong?

Chat isn't safe. Am I in the wrong, Bro. Okay, hear me the fuck out. First of all, he laughed first.

No, I didn't.

Yeah, he did. Don't you. I heard him before I felt. Take accountability, bro. We lost the same time. You lost. No, you lost. Okay, continue. First of all, I laughed through shock and shock alone. Because you said it with such confidence and it's so specific. And you asked me a question. You did everything right. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing just through surprise.

Okay.

Because it's like. I don't know. It's just not a. Typical. Because I know you.

Yeah.

And I've never heard you say that.

Because it's an insecure.

Why would I say it? I tell you about my insecurities all the time.

Valid.

Yeah. So it just surprised me.

Fair.

It's not funny and I think you have a beautiful stomach. But. But I was just surprised. Fair. I was just surprised.

So it was a twofold. You said, what's my insecurities now?

What is it? And what has it ever been? But anyway, sorry, sorry, sorry. Pretend I didn't laugh. Okay, start again. What's your biggest insecurity?

My biggest insecurity is not having abs.

Help me.

Help me out, please. Shut the fuck up, James. Yeah, and I would say. I would say that's probably been like a long standing thing, but in terms of now, I don't know.

That's fine if that's just the one.

No, because I think it's probably because of being asked. Doesn't jog my memory. Yeah, it's when it happened. It's when I feel it or think about a random moment. This is an insecurity being asked. Sometimes I don't. I can't really, like, put my finger on it. What. What made you ask, though?

What did make me ask? What made me ask was when you were asking me yesterday about.

Oh, yep, yep, yep.

My. What was it? Oh, my inferior. My in. Was it inferiority complex? I call it something like that.

Inadequacy.

Inadequacy. Is it. Nah, not inadequate.

What was it?

It was inferiority. No, not inferiority. It was inferiority. That's what it was. Inferiority complex. It was inferiority complex. Yeah, it was inferiority, inferiority complex. Okay. So it just got me wondering what everyone else's insecurities were.

I'm trying to think, like, honestly, you.

Don'T have to keep saying things that you're insecure about. You touch base on the abs and I think that's fair.

Yeah, I. Fair. But again, say I don't care.

Yeah, no, you shouldn't. Like I said, you have a beautiful stomach.

No, I'm talking about insurance in general. I don't care.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, so I'm trying to think if there are some that I can't think of right now that I'd be like, oh, let me. Let me actually talk about it because honestly, like I said, I generally don't care.

Like, fair.

It's a safe space here, so. And yeah, you man your gang, so.

Yeah, I was gonna say, since we started the show as well, I also have far less insecurities. And that's another reason why I wanted to ask it.

Fair.

Fair.

I probably used to have bear. Yes, yes, agreed, agreed. I feel like by doing this show, people can honestly judge and see for themselves who we are as People.

Yeah.

And I feel like over the time, obviously, I don't watch our stuff back as much as I used to, like two, three years ago. But I could see, like, the stages of. How can I put this? I could probably see my insecurities as I'm watching the show. And see, okay, these are the things I probably need to change for myself to make myself. To make me feel better about myself when I watch myself back on tv. And I think that's helped also because you do obviously get the odd people here and there. Like once in a blue moon dming you about a specific insecurity. And you're like, damn, these got me.

Yeah. There was one time.

These got me.

There was one time. Yeah. So a lot of people don't notice. I notice it every day. So I'd say one of my biggest insecurities is my lazy eye. I have a lazy eye. Right?

Okay.

This one. Right. This bitch right here.

Right.

Slightly lazy.

Okay.

Since the day I was born, it's been like that. There's, like, baby pictures where I can see it.

Okay.

And I don't think about it. And then I remember I was on Twitch one time. I was on Twitch one time. Yeah. And one random breast said, he's got one eye smaller than the other. And I was gaming. I read it like this. I read it like that. And I was like. And someone tried to jump to my defenses. He's got lazy eye. He said it before I was murdered. I found. I shut up and I just played my game like that. And it rocked me. It rocked me.

Yeah.

So, yeah, it's a tough one. That abstinence, that was.

Yeah.

Fuck.

I feel like. I feel like because we've been doing this show for so long, it's like. It's giving me thick skin.

So it's giving me th skin. And it's also like, I. Like I said, I'm a chatty Kathy. If something troubles me, I have to say it. So whenever I'm insecure about something. Yeah.

We talk about.

Yeah. Everyone already knows what my insecurities are anyway.

Yeah.

So, Ellis, what's your biggest insecurity?

Oh, God, here we go. That's just the confidence thing. Is it got better, Is it?

You're about your confidence.

Yeah. Like, just. Yeah. Is that an insecurity? I don't know.

Confidence in what aspect, though?

It's mainly in, like, my career.

Okay, explain.

I don't know. I just. I wanna. It's a good thing because I want to get better, but I feel like I'm like, miles behind. It's a me issue. It's comparison. Comparison is a FIFA joke. All it is is me comparing.

Isn't it just.

That is literally all it is. It's just me comparing myself to other editors or what?

Fair play, Rem.

Sorry. That got deep, man. I didn't mean for that.

I'm not gonna lie. I wanted to laugh again and sorry I was now depressed.

Yeah, I'm sorry again.

Why did you wanna laugh again?

I just wanna laugh. We're here to laugh, are we not? I didn't laugh at you, but I was just. I was laughing at.

I'm not here. I don't need you to defend yourself. I'm just saying, you said you wanted to laugh again.

I did wanna laugh again. It's fun to laugh.

Yeah, I agree.

Yeah.

Not at people's insecurities.

No, I didn't laugh at your insecurity remecurity.

Please, sir, we're not gonna laugh.

I can recall having insecurities growing.

I'm not laughing. I'm just laughing at the situation. God, I thought you were.

I can. I can recall having insecurities growing up.

Yeah.

But I don't. Like you said right now, top of my head, I can't really think of any.

Yeah. Now.

But I guess there were some. For me with body image training. I had insecurities back then when I was starting, I started out and through my. My training journey, and I felt like I needed to look a certain way. I was always the shortest in my class. I'm a shorty now. And. Yeah. So that, to me, went hand in hand with, well, okay, if I can't be tall, then I'll just get wide. Starts training, training, training, training. So, yeah, growing up for me, that was a thing. But now I just can't think of any off the top of my head right now. An insecurity that I have.

I also feel like because. Because of what we do and because the cameras on our faces every week, we've allowed ourselves to be a lot more comfortable with our insecurities. Like people, we can't lie about anything we're saying because people see us. Do you see what I'm saying? So there's no running away from it. No, there's no running away from it. So I feel like the initial shock of people seeing us for the first time, whether it be they deemed us one way or the other or vice versa, they'll get over it as soon as they've seen us the first time. Do you see what I'm saying so there's just. There is just no running away from it.

So.

Yeah, good question though.

Yeah. It got way deeper than I wanted to. I'm not gonna lie to you, man. Now I'm just saying insecurity.

I mean it wasn't going to be a.

That wasn't going to be a surface level thing.

I thought we were all going to laugh at my eye. I thought we were going to laugh at your tummy.

I thought we were going to laugh at my tummy.

Yeah.

I wasn't expecting to laugh at your tummy, but that's what happened.

If you want. Here's my joke answer then. My face is very unsymmetrical.

It fucking is, mate.

That's the joke.

My face is so unsymmetrical. It's fucking ridiculous. It's crazy, mate. So there you go. Cut the other one. This is the actual one? Yeah, this is the actual one. You're the editor.

Oh, God.

Oh, wow.

I notice it every fucking day.

It is. That's so specific.

Oh, it is, mate.

It's crazy. That's. I'll tell you now, I've never noticed that ever. Ellis.

It is.

It's so unsymmetrical.

I've never looked at you and fought that before. It's awful.

Oh, damn, bro. Fuck.

Fucking hell.

Wow. Fuck.

There you go.

There he is.

Oh, man. Shit, man. I'm also more grower than Showa.

I feel like what?

I can't finish yourself.

I don't know.

I don't know. You feel like what?

I also a crow are not a shower.

Yeah.

I can obviously speak for myself.

I want to be more shower man.

Like, what can you do?

Yeah, there's nothing you can do after the pop song. Yeah, that's long.

I find the perfect penis is when you come out the bath.

Whoa.

That's when it's like the. That's when it's like the.

Right.

Whoa. Wow.

Light headed. The perfect penis.

Like for yourself. For yourself, bro. We all love that.

Don't laugh. Just when you get out of the.

That made me like headed. Yeah, fuck off.

We all have that fam.

We all know I had a bath.

We all know when our dick because they're in the best situation.

Unless you're on a roll today. You are the perfect penis when you get out of the park. Fucking hell.

What?

That's the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. Jesus.

Yeah, I don't. I don't bathe.

So.

Yeah, I'm shower daddy.

Shower you.

You all know when it's in the best situation, though.

Yeah, mine's post nut. As soon as I pull out.

I was gonna say post nut.

As soon as I pull out after a nut. It's perfect.

It's a snake.

Yeah, it's a steak or snake. It's a steak. Oh, steak. It's a steak. Yeah, that's the perfect one. Oh, Jesus Christ off, man. That's made my head hurt.

Penis.

Yeah. Damn, that's hilarious. My face is unsymmetrical. You don't understand what I did to me, bro. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, it's crazy. My lazy eye one murked me the other day because I asked. I need to renew my passport. And I remember Megan took pictures of us for our visas, our American visas. I'll just use the same one. I haven't ever looked at that picture. I've seen it in my passport, but I just keep it stepping. So I messed her the other day and said, oh, can you send me? And also, daddy's not been sleeping. So my under. My under eyes been black and my other eyes been black, bro. And my face was puffy, bro. So I want to message her, send me that thing please, so I can use a password she sent me. I said, Jesus Christ. I was like, delete it. You've had that in your arsenal the whole time. Fucking delete it, bro. My eye looks like this. Looks like I got punched.

Damn. Sorry, bro.

I was like, damn, this is what my face looks like.

You said it's since birth.

I've had it since, well, birthday. I've got a picture of me as like a six month old of it.

Does your brother have one? Do you know?

Fucking. I don't think so.

I've never really noticed. I don't think I've noticed it.

I've never noticed, to be fair.

Thanks, guys. Yeah, right. Question of the week.

Questions a week. So this week's question of the week was what's your weird flex? Right.

I saw some weird ones.

I saw some weird ones too. So what's your weird flex, guys? Girls, in the comments below and make sure you write what your weird flex is. I know where the pressure point is to make a guy fall asleep and leave me alone. Yeah.

What? Yeah, leave me alone is nuts.

That is nuts. That last bit is nuts.

Yeah, leave me alone is crazy. Yep.

To make a guy fall asleep is crazy.

We saw a kid in my school who did that. Like he knew pressure points not to put you to sleep, but he would just do it. He knew what would like disable certain parts of your body? So you'd just be sitting like that and you'd be like, fuck. And then like your arm would go like limp. He just knew, like, so I don't know how he knew this. Just knew certain points. Crazy.

Damn. Indeed.

Some doctor Strange, right?

What's your weird flex? Flicking garments I've left on the floor over my head. Catching them behind my back, casually walking off like I've achieved something. That's something I would do. That's definitely something I would do.

Fair, fair, fair. What's your weird flex? I had my mom help my now girlfriend break up with her ex so I can sweep in and have her.

What? How did she do that?

I don't know.

That's his flex. His flex.

I don't know.

Damn. All right. Weird flex. My ass claps and I'm a man. My ass claps and I'm a man. And I'm a man. Is insane.

Weird flex. My dick can bend to the right and to the left. Whoa, whoa, Whoa indeed.

What?

Whoa indeed.

That's disgusting.

That is disgusting. You see someone?

Where does your lots go?

Straight down the line, bro.

Is it straight? Yeah, they all have a bit of a pen.

Nah, bro. Straight.

My brother.

Never mind.

Strange. All right.

This should have been the. Where's it been, bro?

A little bit to the right.

Slightly to the right.

Little, little bit to the right. I know people goes. It goes like that.

Sorry, you know people.

I've not seen it, but like they've said.

Oh, curves all the way to the right.

Like, wait, like down and then up?

Yeah, slight little curve.

Really?

Every year they've all got a little bend.

Mine's not. Mine. Okay, let's not. Let's not get crazy. Mine's not straight like an arrow like that. Because that's disgusting. Yeah.

So it goes a little bit to one way.

No, no, no, it doesn't. No, I mean it's like that rises. Yes. Yeah, yeah. It's like a slight, slight slant.

Slight.

Yeah, slight. Very slight. But that's not. That's not the shaft. That's like stuff like that. That's from the base. How do I. You know the vein underneath.

The pressure.

It's like a coat hanger underneath. It just keeps it rigid. It just keeps it rigid like that. Which causes it to slightly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not.

It doesn't veer.

Yeah.

A little bit to the right.

Interesting. Girls like that stuff though. Yeah. Cuz it scratches the side.

Oh, fair.

Yeah, it goes like that. Shit. Right. Next one. Fucking hell. Again? What's your reflex, bro? Said I can click my. What? I can click my cock. I'm not gonna lie to you, man. I've clicked my cock twice, but on accident. I thought. I thought. I thought I was gonna be hospitalized.

I'm assuming this is like, penetration. It slides out, then slides back in, but doesn't go back in.

So mine. No, no, no. So mine. So it sounds like a knuckle and it's at the base. Right. Hear me out. It's not fun. So it's happened twice. First time was reverse cowgirl. We know how it goes.

Yeah, yeah.

You get an inexperienced rider on there. Yeah. An experienced rider on there, you're in for some serious trouble.

Yeah, yeah.

So both times it's from a downward push.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So. Yeah, yeah. She was bouncing on that drawing. I heard her. And I was like, ah, Scared. Second time, my false. Trying to get acrobatic with it. Collapse. Doggy daddy was on his feet.

Oh, yeah.

And he.

Yeah. Class with me. And he sunk into it. Yeah, he sunk into it. I braced the hips.

Yeah, yeah.

And I was. I was. I was all up in there, bro. Yeah. I was all, you're gonna. Deep, deep. Oh, yeah, bro. Deep, bro. Wow. And I was going full, full stroke, bro. Oh, bro. My cords were burning, but I was in the zone anyway. Again. Yeah. I allow my pelvis to rise too high.

Oh.

And it pushed my tool down.

Oh, Gooch.

Clicked like a knuckle again.

Damn, son.

Yeah. Click like a knuckle, bro. I thought I was gonna go hospital, but nothing happened.

That's never happened. Was there post the sex? Was there any, like, after effects?

No, it was fine. But I was. I was imagining that there was because I was so scared that there would be. I was just waiting for the agony to kick in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Broski saying he can just click it as and when. Yeah, a scary.

That is scary. But that something must have happened because.

Yeah. Yeah, I think it's. I think it's trauma. Yeah, Yeah. I think it's trauma. And then he can do it.

Fair play. What's your weird flex? I can say the Alphabet backwards.

I saw that one as well. That's crazy.

Yeah, that is crazy.

My exes have all downgraded.

That is a weird flex indeed. Damn.

Yeah. My exes have all downgraded.

What's your weird flex? My ability to repeat my mistakes and still be surprised by the results.

Yeah, bro. If I knew the Arabic word for that, bro.

Wow. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Damn. Weird flex. I can deep throat 10 inches.

Weird flex. I dislocated my jaw once and now it slips and slides like butter.

I couldn't have that. I couldn't have that. I saw a clip from one of Ting one time. She said she's had her tonsils and her uvula removed. So it's just a hole back there and it's completely eliminated a gag reflex. So she said, yeah, for as long as she can hold her breath, she can get clenched in the throat.

She did that for the purpose of deep throat.

I don't think she did it for the purpose of that. I think she said she probably had some tonsillitis issues, but damn. Yeah, she said she got all three of them drawns taken out and it's just a halt.

Damn.

Yeah, yeah. Facts. I can remember every embarrassing thing I've ever done since childhood. Facts. But I'll forget why I walked into a room in two seconds flat. Damn. Yeah, bro. My short term memory is God awful.

Fair, fair, fair. Same. I hate it when that happens.

Wow.

The brain is crazy sometimes. Got two more. Weird. Flexible. The town slut only wants a relationship with me.

Yeah, you man. You man. That's what my. That's my teenage years to a T.

Only wants a relationship with me.

To a T. You man don't understand how many girls I was chatting to on MySpace. Yeah, that was getting out of their ho phase. It was exhausting. It must have been three on the trot.

Yeah, you peaked too late, bro. You pe.

It must have been street G on the trot. As soon as I started talking to them like, oh yeah, I'm not going to lie. I've been having a lot of fun the last couple years, yada yada. But now I'm looking for something more serious. I'm like, why wasn't I there in the fun?

It's jarring.

The town's slut wants to be in a relationship with me. Wow, that's poetry.

Yeah, man, it's peak.

Right, last one for me. This is also me as well. I think this is just a secret diary of me. I damn near win every argument because I've consulted myself beforehand. I will know every possible answer or rebuttal you will have. But some people aren't aware enough to know that they've lost. Damn, bro, that's sociopathic. But that's. That's me. If I have enough time, if I know when I used to work, bro, if I had enough lead up time and I knew I was going to be in trouble with one of the big bosses. When I got into work, the whole drive in, I'm running every scenario, bro. I know every rebuttal, I know every clapback. I know everything.

Fair play, fair play. Last one for me. What's your weird flex? I can't be seduced. I can't be seduced.

Interesting.

Very interesting.

I don't believe that.

I don't believe that.

Guy or girl? Do you remember? What's a guy can't be seduced?

Can't be seduced?

No. Every man can. Unfortunately.

It takes the right thing. That's all it takes.

It literally fucking does. Right, guys, welcome back.

Welcome back, dude.

So if you are interested in watching any more of our content, if you are interested in finding a bigger purpose for yourselves, thinking there's more. I want for my life and I want to be part of something. Yeah, well, stop right now because you found it. Yeah. Was it? I'm looking.

Slow down.

Gotta slow down, baby.

Have some fun. Who is that? Is that Spice Girls?

Is it Spice Girls? Yeah. Fair. Anyway, head on over to patreon.com shits and gigs right now. Indoctrinate yourself into this cult. Become a baby. Let your daddies take care of you. And be part of something for once in your fucking life. Be part of something.

That's all we ask.

That's literally all we ask.

You don't ask for much.

Well, we only ask for one more thing. It's 3 pound a month, 10p a day. Run the pee. And then you're in the cult and you're sorted. And you can watch an extra episode every Thursday. And then if you want to get even deeper, if you want to be a leader, if you want to be a leader, if you're not a follower and you fancy yourself a leader, then you can watch the Log cabin. And you're wondering, what is the log cabin? The log cabin is a nice cozy area which every Saturday Fuhad and I will either be in a super awesome log cabin set and talk about very specific shit that is designed for the babies, by the babies. And then other occasions, we'll be out on road.

We will.

We'll be jumping out of planes, we'll be cooking up a storm. We'll be doing Pilates.

We will.

Yeah. We'll be getting pampered.

We shall.

We'll be learning how to skateboard.

We did.

We'll do a ninja warrior.

We have lots of fun.

Shit goes on in the log cabin. So again, guys, patreon.com forward/shits and gigs. Right, guys, let's take a very, very quick break to talk about our brethren's manscape. So everyone listen. Shut up.

Listen.

With the holidays creeping up faster than your aunt's fruitcake recipe, I've got something way better to share with you. If you want to look sharp for all those festive gatherings and maybe finally win that best groomed at the family dinner award, check out the latest masterpiece from Manscaped. It is the Chairman Pro electric foil shaver. Trust me, it's like Rudolph for your face, guiding you. Guiding you to a smooth irritation. Free shave head over to manscaped.com and join the over 11 million men worldwide who trust Manscaped by using the code SNG Sierra November Golf for 20% off plus free shipping. Right?

Talk to me.

I have a game I want to play.

Let's get it.

And we've played it before. Me and you have played it before.

Okay?

And I wanted to run it back and I want to involve everyone. Right?

Okay.

So the aim of the game, right, is that you guys are applying for a job. You're applying for a job. And I will give each of you an issue that you have individually. And you still have to convince me that you should get this job regardless of the situation that you're in. Okay? I'm going to be the interviewee, and I'm going to speak to you separately. And then I will pick. I'll pick per role, who's got the job. Okay.

Interviewer.

I'm the interviewer. So you're. You guys are the interviewee.

Right?

So this is your chance to be articulate, a good communicator, a good debater. Because I will have issues with what you're bringing to the table. Okay? All right.

Say less.

We're going to start off nice and easy. Fuhad, talk to me. You are applying. So the first job is bus driver. Okay.

Okay.

Right. I'm going to start with Fiat on this one. Fiat.

Hello.

Welcome to the interview.

Thank you, sir. How you doing?

I'm very well. Now you want to be a bus driver?

I would love to be a bus driver. Yeah, I would love to be. Sorry, I've just got a little card.

I'm not asking anything. Yeah, it's okay if you are nervous. This is important.

Don't necessarily get too nervous for anything. But just to let you know, it's just the cold, but I'm good to go.

Talk to me. Okay, cool. So why are you applying to be a bus driver?

I'm applying to be a bus driver because, for one, I Feel like it's important to help the community. Like, I'm born and bred in London. TfL is my bag. And I feel like it's very, very important for the younger generation to see that the middle to older generation are still here to help out the community.

Oh, okay. Fair play. So you consider yourself middle to older generation?

I do.

Okay.

I would say.

Okay, fantastic. It says that you're blind, unfortunately.

So let me tell you about what happened, right? I was cooking one day. Do you need.

I don't need the context, I need to understand.

So, yes, legally. Legally, I am blind.

Okay.

But I've been to an optician in Sweden.

Right, right.

And they are known for the best enhancements to not necessarily eradicate blindness, but to help the blind see. Do you see what I'm saying?

I'm hearing you because you're wearing tan.

Right now and apparently I'm blind, but I can see that. Do you see what I'm saying?

This is green.

Is it green, though? It's tan, sir. It's tan.

So, okay, can you. Are you blind or not? You say so you told me. Legally. You're legally.

On paper.

On paper. On paper.

I have a disabled badge, but I can see.

Right.

I wear glasses, of course, because I have to get from A to B, but with those glasses, my vision is good. So being a driver, I drive anyway. I have a license anyway.

Do you have a license? A legal license?

Of course I've got a legal license.

That doesn't make sense. How does that work? Because, sir, you've told me you're legally blind.

Of course.

And I've been in this business a long time. I'm well aware that if you are legally blind.

Yes.

You cannot legally have a driver's license in this country.

But I've been to Sweden. Yeah, I've been to Sweden and they prescribed man a new thing.

So you have a Swedish driver's license?

No, no, no. I've been to Sweden to sort my eyes out.

You said you're legally blind. So to have the courts overruled your blindness legally in order for you to have a legal UK driver's license.

Repeat your question, sir, repeat your question.

So, right, I'm going to ask this one more time. I'm going to have to move on because it's getting ridiculous.

Okay, okay, okay.

Legally in the uk, do they deem you to have vision or.

No, partially.

Legally in the uk, do they deem you to have vision or no. Are you blind or not? Legally in the uk.

Legally in the uk, I'm Blind.

So did they legally prescribe you a pink driver's license with the knowledge that.

You are legally blind post surgery? Yes.

Because that's not true.

No, no, no.

I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to move on because I don't believe you. I don't believe they prescribed you a license. I don't believe they gave you a license whilst knowing that you're legally blind.

No, but they. Okay, so I had a license, went blind, revoked my license, went to Sweden.

Yeah.

Bish, bash, bosh, repairment. Came back, renewed my license.

So that on the new license says you're no longer legally blind.

No, but I was blind, sir.

Okay.

Well, you have the information that I'm blind, correct? Because you've done your research.

Yeah.

As you have to do.

Yeah.

But I'm here to tell you I can see. I drove here.

Do you have a valid license or not?

Yes, sir. Hire me. I'm trying to give back to the community.

All right. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. And I love your passion.

Thank you.

Elis. Am I saying that correctly?

That's Ellis.

Ellis. Sorry. Sorry. Seriously?

It happens. Happens.

Yeah. My bad.

It's all good.

So you've also applied to be a bus driver.

Yes.

Yeah. It says here you suffer from knock narcolepsy. Tell us about that.

Okay, so I've managed to. I've managed. I'm on pills. I'm on pills now, so. I did have it when I was.

Younger, seeing a running thing when I was a kid.

When I was in school, I had it out a special room and everything had to go in there and I had to sleep for a bit after class and stuff. It happened. Hey, it's fine.

Okay.

Yeah. As I got older, you know, it was affecting stuff. I wanted to get a job and there were. I'm not gonna. There was times I was falling asleep in the interview.

Right.

And it was embarrassing.

Yeah. Yeah.

I decided enough is enough. I need to find a cure for this. This needs to be better. So I went to. I went to a. I went to a doctor in London. Expensive. But he put me on these pills.

It's locked me today.

Special room.

Yeah. Special room is insane. Yeah. Sorry.

Yeah. So he's put me on these pills. I've been on them for around three months now and been a lot better.

And no episodes.

No episodes so far. For the first couple of weeks. Yeah. I was still. It wasn't as bad, but I was falling asleep. But it wasn't for as long before it'd be four hours whereas this was like a quick, you know, 10 minutes and stuff for the first couple of weeks. I was still falling asleep for the first couple of weeks, but I noticed it was a lot shorter. I was waking up quicker. Now I've got to the point where I don't actually fall asleep now. It's actually. I'm like a month clear now of no episodes whatsoever.

Amazing.

I am qualified for this job.

Congratulations. Do you also have a legal license to drive in the uk?

Yeah.

With this condition?

Yeah. Yeah.

Interesting.

Yeah. I managed to do my license when I was. When I was 17.

So just. If I was to employ you today, can you say confidently that we are at zero risk of you falling asleep at the wheel and injuring or maybe killing innocent British civilians?

Zero risk. I've been driving since 17, so I'm now 23. Okay, fair.

Does anything trigger an episode?

Only bright lights.

Bright lights. Bright lights trigger an episode of narcolepsy. And you fall asleep.

Yeah, well, usually if the police siren or something.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, this is your route will be specifically in South London. There is a slight chance that we might see some police sirens.

Yeah, this is.

This. I applied for the. For the morning roll, though. It's okay in the day. It balances out.

Right. Okay, cool.

I've applied for the morning, so that would be. That won't be a problem.

All right. That won't. Cool. Cool. Cool. Fair enough. Thank you very much. Two interesting candidates. Fucking well played. You want to roll today? Well played, Ellis. Right, last but not least, we have Aaron.

Yes, it's Aaron.

Aaron. Sorry it's spelled like Aaron, but whatever. It's not. So you've also applied for the bus driver role. I have now explained this to me. I don't understand what it really means. It just says here you have a crash kink, and it says in brackets, sexually attracted to motor accidents.

So.

So, yeah, explain that to me. That.

Deep breath.

Yeah, explain that to me. I've never heard of anything like that. So what does that mean?

So, firstly, I don't know how such personal details arrived on your desk.

This is the tfl, sir. We do our due diligence.

You clearly you do. So in my own time, outside. This is my personal time, not in my professional role.

Yeah.

I do, from time to time, enjoy a crash dummy here or there.

Right.

And it's more for experimentation. It is purely to. For science. Also for science, really? How fast would I need to be going for somebody to orgasm? And really, what it needs to be.

Is.

A study of that versus where I'M going in London and I will reel it all the way back round to it being professional. That's not where it happens. It's all personal. So, again, how you obtain this information is unbeknownst to myself.

So would you. Okay. What I really want to get down to is, are we at risk at any point that you can foresee causing a motor accident for sexual gratification? That's what we need to understand in this moment in time. I understand that's your personal desires and all this kind of stuff.

It is.

But I think it's fair for me to assume that you don't have any control of when these sensations arise and you will be behind the wheel and you will be in control of a very, very heavy vehicle. And I want to make sure that there's nothing in your. I'm not kink shaming, per se.

It feels it.

No, no, no, no. I. Again, whatever's in your personal time, I just understand that this could be an issue.

I do have control over this kink.

Right.

I don't know how exactly I would prove that to you without you giving me the job and doing exactly that. Proving to you that this is something that takes place only in my personal time and that there's no need for me to feel as kink shamed as I do right now. Okay, I'll let you know. And that, yeah, whilst I'm on the shift, morning, evening, daytime, night shifts, whatever it may be, there would be no crashes due to my kink.

Fair play, thank you very much. I think on this occasion I'm going to give the job to Aaron. You're a liar. I'm just going to say this.

Why?

You're a liar. Sorry, we've passed. I don't have to explain myself to you. You didn't get the job. The bright light situation. We live in the uk. It's going to be dark early in the morning and you're going to kill someone. I appreciate what you're doing.

Sirens, bro.

Yeah. I appreciate the efforts you're making to mitigate your illness.

But the job specified day, the interview's over.

In the UK, 6am is daytime. It's dark at that time.

It's fine with that. I've tested it.

Moving on. I need you to wear thick underwear and thick trousers because if any visible arousal is aware, you lose it on the spot. Okay?

Understood.

Right, next job. Fuhad. Hello. You are applying for the role of surgeon. Very profession.

Okay.

Very good. Very good job there. High pay grade, it says. Right. It says here you are a convicted organ harvester. Could you explain that to us, please?

So if I'm being completely honest, sir.

Right, Two things, right?

I need this job. First and foremost. First and foremost. First and foremost, I need this job, right? I have steady hands, okay? I am very equipped to working very long hours. It's been proven in my past, right? I have an affinity for taking care of people. Right? So if we revert back to your previous statements, slash question. Convicted is a strong word. Let me just say that convicted is a strong word. And to be honest, okay, here's the truth. I've never really told the courts this, but here's the actual truth. Here's the actual truth. So, so let me land.

Yeah, I, I, I'm, I'm gonna let you land.

There was this little girl, okay, Let me land. Let me land. There was this little guy, right? And unfortunately, she neither had the funds or wasn't high enough on the transplant list for this heart. And a few years ago. So this happened a few years ago, by the way. Hold on. This is actually bringing back some, some deep memories.

I'm gonna need you to get to the point.

Just, this is, this is a serious topic because you've asked me, so let me.

Sir, I'm aware how serious this is. Okay?

So this little girl, open heart surgery and her. Long story short, her heart was failing. Also, it's sad because on the other end, there was another kid I was trying to save. Unfortunately, he passed away, but he wasn't on the donor list and the parents didn't sign off on anything. So I know this is very unprofessional, very unethical. I just couldn't witness another child die in my surgery. So what I did was I had to take his heart in order for her to survive. And like I said, this was a few years ago. She's thriving. She's 10 years old now. And I don't feel bad about it. I just feel annoyed that this is the premise that's been put on my name. Do you see what I'm saying?

I understand what you're saying. So what you're telling me is without consent of the child or their legal guardians, you stole.

I stole a heart?

You stole a heart from a deceased child.

I took a heart to save another.

Placed it in the heart of an. In the chest of cavity of a, Of a dying child. I did it. Also, why does it say here that happened at the back of an asda?

Pardon?

It says you did this round the back of an ASDA in Loughborough did what specifically, the surgery? Both. I don't know why you're acting surprised. You went to prison.

So.

I'm going to say this quickly before I move on. I don't want to hear any more stories. I want answers.

What's the question?

Why did you perform these surgeries round the back of an asda?

Because I had to prove myself that I could do it. And I did it. Yes, agreed. I was in the wrong. Yes, it was in the back of a nasdaq. Yes, it was unsanitary. But I had to take one life to save another. And I'm not. Not. But you.

I'm gonna move on. We're gonna move on.

Take was the wrong way.

No, no, no, no, no. Stop. And the authorities will be called.

Was doing so well.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I take as a. Okay. Okay. We're done here. We're really done here. All right.

All right. I hope you consider my position.

Yeah, yeah. I've got some real considerations to make. Ellis, welcome back.

That's me. Nice to see you again.

Right, we have a. Okay, we have another issue here, Ellis.

Okay.

It says you have a phobia of blood in your application. Now, I need to understand how that will affect you professionally as a surgeon. There is a fair amount of blood, yes. So what do we do about this?

So this is another thing. It's all in the past. So I've. Yeah, I was afraid of blood very badly. Like, really bad. I was vegetarian for ages. I just. I couldn't see any meat or anything. There's quite a lot of red in this room.

Yeah.

As well.

Yeah, yeah, sorry. Yeah, there is.

Which, yeah. Don't get me wrong, it's making me feel a bit uneasy, but I'm all right.

Okay.

I got steady hands.

Yeah.

I'm confident. I've been training for this for years, and I'm not going to let that get in the way of my dream job.

You know what, sir? I appreciate you.

I'm not going to let it get in the way.

I appreciate you.

Fucking hell. It's red, but it's fine.

Well played.

But, yeah, I'm not gonna let it get in the way. I've been working on it for years. I've been in therapy. She just. Yeah, she's been. She's been. I've been painting with red colors.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

To conquer it a bit more.

Okay.

I've been going through red therapy, so.

All right. Red therapy.

Going for it.

I have to give the job to Ellis. I Just have to. You, sir.

Okay.

Deserve to be in the darkest hole.

Why.

Known to man. Why you took a child's life to save another.

Wrong word. It's the word you used, and it was a mistake.

And you were convicted of a crime.

I was convicted because it was the back of an asda.

All right. On this case, Ellis gets the job. You do have one further opportunity.

Okay.

Now.

Oh. Hi.

Sorry. Hello. Hello. It does say here funeral home director, you haven't been successful as of yet.

No.

I really do hope this is the one that we. We get for you. I hope so. It does say here that you have a. This is quite random. An addiction to quote. That's what she said. End quote. Now, I don't understand what that means. Can you give me an example of what. What is an addiction to? That's what she said.

So this is just, I guess, part of my immature humor. This has nothing to do with how I operate in a working space or a professional space. So, for example, I could overhear a conversation. A lady could be on the phone, and she might be talking on the phone and saying, fuck, it didn't fit. And I would say that's what she said. But like I said, this has nothing to do with my professionalism in any field I am in. So I don't really know, for one, how and where you got that information, and two, how it pertains to me applying to this role.

Well, it says here, this is an addiction, a compulsion. I just want to.

Where?

It doesn't matter where. From where I get my information, where I get my information. I just want to clear the air here.

Okay?

So let's say I am a potential client of yours.

Okay?

You sat me down. I have just lost a loved one, and my mother has passed.

Okay.

And you ask me. Okay, let's. Let's do a little bit of role play just to make sure.

Yeah, sure.

Ask me how my mother passed.

Sir, I know you're going for a tough time, but I have to ask this question, unfortunately. How did your mother pass?

She. Unfortunately. You okay? I'm fine. Is everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm good. I'm good.

She. Are we okay? Is everything okay?

Yeah. My nose.

Give me a second.

Sir, Give me a second. Yeah, I'm okay. Go on. So she. Unfortunately. I'm listening.

So the way my mother passed.

Mm.

Are you looking at me or you do not care?

Oh, I care.

Okay. She unfortunately was impaled by a very thick object, and she just couldn't take that level of penetration.

I'M so sorry to hear that, sir. If there's anything I can do as of this moment. I know it was tough for you to say that, so if there's anything I can do for you at this moment, just please let me know. Would you like some water or anything?

It's getting me from behind.

What is exactly?

Those were our last words.

To you. That's what.

That's just what I heard. She said, it's stretching me out from behind. It's getting me from behind. Those were the last words that they said that she was screaming as she left us.

Understood. Should we talk caskets?

So it's not an addiction? You did well.

I said it's not an addiction.

Okay, fair play. I am impressed.

Thank you.

Now, there was a lot of laughing and distraction, but I think finally we have the job for you. I think we found the job for you. The base salary is 17k. Yeah. I hope that's okay. And, yeah, I'm happy to have you on board.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you, gents. Very nice.

That was good.

It was good.

When you froze and your lips were good, bro.

Fuck it.

Hell, improv's not easy.

It's really not fun.

It's really not.

Ellis, you have a hidden talent.

You do.

You have a hidden talent for improv.

There's red in here.

There's red everywhere. There's red. That was good. That was right. You've got a wreck for us.

Yes, I do. Okay, Remsky, can you please type in disclaimer? So Disclaimer is on Apple tv.

I've never heard of this.

Yeah, I got put on. Click cast for me, please, sir, and zoom the fuck in. Thank you. So disclaimer is about. There's three different stories happening at once and they all intersect, right? So Catherine and Robert are husband and wife, right? And these. Catherine is a. Well, she's a. She's a. She's an author. Highly decorated author. Wins awards, things like that. And Robert is a loving, doting husband. He cares for her so much. And they have a son called Nicholas. And the relationship between Nicholas and Robert, the dad, locked relationship between Nicholas and the mom, very wishy Very wishy washy. Okay, that's one timeline. Another timeline, we have Sasha and Jonathan in love. Young love that the show opens up. Scene one, episode one. They're on a train to somewhere in Italy. I think it's Rome. They're banging on the train. Banging on the train.

Okay, bet.

Ticket inspector walks in. Obviously they're flustered, naked, blah, blah, blah. He's like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. They grab it, they find it, they give it to him. They start giggling about it, start banging again. They're running around Italy just in love. And it's just so cute to see. It's so cute to see. There's a third timeline now. Stephen, the old guy, he's lost the love of his life. There is a scene where people come to his house to collect his wife's things. And one great thing. I'll come back to Stephen. One great thing about this show is that they narrate as the show is going on. So there's different arrays in the show. So Catherine will be narrating parts of her life while her scene is going. Same with Stephen and same with either Robert, Sasha, or whatever. So that's how it goes. But there is a scene where Stephen is watching them take the remaining things of his wife's stuff because she's passed away. And he says something along the lines of, oh, that's it. This is Nancy's life reduced to a certain amount of items, and he finds his wife's favorite cardigan, and he wears it throughout the rest of that episode.

And it's just like, fucking, I was so.

Jesus Christ. Right?

But then as he's going through her things, he remembers that there was a. His. There's a death in the family. So he's now lost two people, his wife and someone else. And he's basically all alone. So he now remembers that he goes into the room. He goes into a room where his wife never wanted him to go into because she was in there by herself all the time, just dealing with this loss. She goes into the room. He goes into the room. Sorry. And opens up a drawer and finds a book. As he's reading this book, he realizes how this timeline, Kate and Robert's timeline, and Jonathan and Sasha's timeline all align. And he's made it his life mission to make Catherine's life hell.

Oh, shit. Okay, cool.

Hell. Bet this so far. I've only seen two episodes. I'm locked, okay.

In.

I can't say much because I don't want to spoil.

The whole season's out.

The whole. Yes, the whole season's out. It's only seven episodes.

Okay, gang, I'm done.

It's titled as a thriller, but you're just so locked in. And it's based on a book, and I don't know if it's based on a true either, but it's definitely based on a book.

Okay, sick.

Sounds good. It's Good man. Good bath. Yeah.

Okay, I'm locked.

Disclaimer. Seven episodes. Make sure you catch that.

All right, I'm gonna jump on that tonight. Right, Tweets of the week.

Tweets of the week, Right? Tweet in a quote tweet, I'll kiss the parts of your I'll kiss the parts you're insecure about. Quote tweet, oh, my God, I hate my pussy. So much fat.

Yeah.

Next one, conversation. My fingers still smell like you. Reply, heart, face. Heart, face. Heart face. Is that a good thing? Reply. No, you stink. You stink.

Ah. Okay, cool.

This is a Facebook post. And then reply, you're allowed to spray a man with raid if he's under 511. That's fire.

Reply, they can't keep getting away with this.

Reply, they did it.

Yeah. Yeah.

Does this mean we can use elephant rifles on girls with more than £200? Wrong.

Okay.

Someone replied to that.

Here we go.

Yeah.

Damn. Here we go. Raid on guys under five'eleven that's not. That's dread.

Get away from here.

You men are upset, innit? That's actually horrible.

Here we go.

What? Here we go what?

Here we go. Next one. No, I'm not entertaining.

No, no, no.

But I'm not going to entertain.

No, I'm upset for you, man, as well. That's dread.

I'm not entertaining this to enhance your ego, so let's move on to the next one.

Fair. Okay, I take it back. I'm actually convinced. I'm like 510.8. Anyway.

Who is that for?

So we're all getting raided? No, actually, I'm convinced. I'm like five, 10.8 or nine guys. I'm one of the gang.

The Raid gang.

The raid gang? Yeah. I'm an insect like you, man.

That's what she said.

Sorry. Let's just move on. Let's just move on, man. Cool.

Next. Tweet, A bum on the train asking for change but skipped me.

Are we fucking humiliated?

How do you take that?

You don't. You don't. You can't take that. You actually can't take that, but skipped me.

Damn.

Yeah.

Your life must look to him. Your life must look in disarray.

Yeah, you. Man appears below piers. Yeah, yeah, cool.

All right. Children don't understand the concept of cash anymore. I gave this you a two pound coin, and she put in the McDonald's swirly thing.

Oh, my God. That's fucking jokes. Wow.

Don't swell.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I gave her you a two pound Coin and she tried and she put it in a McDonald's swirly thing. I tried to call customer service to re obtain the funds, but they said it's out of their jurisdiction. Does the bread go to charity?

A two pound coin in that swirly joint is crazy. That's for two P's.

Facts. A tempe max.

Yeah.

Damn, that is crazy.

My heart would skip. There you go.

Get yourself a double cheese swirly.

I used to love that McDonald's swirly, Tim, by the way.

Same same. I used to like bang to make sure you follow it like a ute. Jesus Christ. Anyway, next tweet, bitches be sucking balls hard as hell. Yeah, be sucking balls hard as hell. Slow down, baby. These ain't no oxtails.

No, no, I was telling. Oh my God.

Oxtails.

Nah, stop. That's mercy, bro. That's mercs. Me. Oh God.

Too funny.

Oxtails.

Too funny. You're gone.

Fuck. Fuck. That's the funniest one you've read like this year. Slow down, baby. This in her oxtails. I suck oxtail. You man. I suck it. Wow. Fuck. Fuck. Oh, Jesus Christ. Sorry. Yeah, cool.

Oh, tweet Reply. Reply. No, not November is top tier stupidity.

Reply.

Looks like someone failed. Reply. Someone had to keep your girl happy.

Damn. I saw a clip. You know who's actually the og? Funny ass goat. Bryan Cranston, bro. Swear, bro, I like media shit. He's fucking funny.

Okay?

And like I saw a clip the other day of when he was filming Breaking Bad and obviously that's in like somewhere in like. Where's that? New Mexico, Something like that. Yeah, some desert ass place. One of the fans was there and it was like, bro, I just have to ask, like, what was it like filming there? Like, it's my hometown that I like. Did you like it? Did you like it? And he was like, yeah, I liked it. It's cool. So what did you do? And he was like, he goes, what did you do when you were there? It's my hometown. Like, I know everything about it. Iman said I used to visit your mom now and again.

I think I've seen that, bro. Yeah, damn. I think I've seen that. Was it on the.

You watched it?

What was it on the.

Reacts.

You both watched it on reacts.

Yeah, I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you know how funny that is?

Damn. Off the cuff as well. I don't know you.

There's another one where he was on about like acting and shit like that and I can't remember who it was with. Maybe Kevin Hart or something like that. I think it was like a. On Kevin Hart's podcast thing. And he was like talking about, like, I can't even remember. He was talking about being a good actor and all this kind of shit. And then he was talking about, like, I didn't like Kevin Hart at first and all this kind of shit, like, joking, joking. And then he said something like, really profound and nice. And then Kevin Hart was like, wow, that, like, thank you. And he was like, now that's acting fair. Yeah, bro. Bryan Cranston's funny.

Fair play. Okay.

Fair play. Fucking funny.

Fair play.

Okay.

Damn. Oh, so I've got one more. Is it one more tweet? I've got one more tweet, right?

Oh, starting to send me. My abs are killing me. Okay, cool.

Sorry I'm late. I was measuring my areolas. What have I missed?

Areolas really do come in all shapes and sizes.

They do.

They're interesting.

They are interesting.

Yeah, I've got tiny ones.

Same.

Yeah, Tiny.

Ariel's tiny nipples.

Yeah, same. Yeah. I couldn't pierce my shit. You couldn't pierce my shit, bro.

I could bleed out.

Yeah, I've got tiny nipples.

Like, and I. Obviously, this is dependent on who you are and how you feel, but, like, I don't have any sensitivity there, so I know for some. Oh, my days. You man. Have. You man. You man must have seen this. This is going one higher up, like Prime Minister of. I can't remember the country. Google it for me, please. Rem. He's bangin women.

Really?

He's got. They've taken him to jail. He's banging women.

But he's kink.

When he's banging, he's doing this. Yes. Reminding me of. He's doing this. They've now made it into a dance in their country. They dance like this.

What country is this?

I think it's guinea pisao or something like that. Yeah, bro, There's. Apparently there's leaks. He's banging. He's banging people's wives. He's banging, like the house girl. He's banging prime minister's wives. He's banging so many people.

No way, bro.

He's just been slanging dick.

Had you heard of the development after this brother?

No.

His wife was doing the same thing.

His wife was just getting clapped by bears, apparently.

That's just.

I heard about this brother first and then what I heard seen online was his wife was doing exact same thing, bro.

Damn, dude.

He's been slanging dick and he just.

He just flicks his nipples while he. Yeah, while he bangs.

He's banging and he's like this. There's. There's so many videos of him. Videos. There so many, like, stills of him, like, holding. And then they turn it into a. They turn it into a trend, bro. People just dancing, rubbing their nipples. It's crazy.

Damn.

But yeah, speaking of small lips. Yeah. That's. That's what took my brain to this.

Oh. Yeah. My nips have no sensitivity if I touch it. But if someone plays with that on accident or just to wind me up.

It's just a rex.

No, it's not a re. No.

Then what?

It just tickles.

Oh, mine doesn't tickle at all. Yeah, I don't feel anything.

If someone went to suck that drawn, I'll be giggling. Really? Yeah. It's not nice, but that's more of like a. It's more like. It's more of a trust thing. So, like. Because it's just like a rogue area for me.

Yeah.

You can't just pull up and suck my nipple facts. So I'm kick. I'm giggling. It tickles because it's uncomfortable. Same way if I. If I touch the bottom of my own foot, it's not ticklish. But if someone went in there, I'm. I'm a child.

That's the aura of it.

Yeah. But. Yeah, playing with nipples is nuts. That's mad. Anyway, that's enough of that. Guys. Thank you so much for today. This was an amazing episode, as always. Please come back. Love, love.