Transcript of The Matamoros Devil Murders (Part 1) New

Hey, weirdos. I'm Ash.

I'm Alayna.

She's back.

I'm back.

And this is Morbid.

This is Morbid. Oh, are you alive? I'm alive. I'm alive. We made it through. We just had one of those things. That, you know, the stomach bug, it just rolls right through.

And then it paused and came back, which is really—

It paused before it hit the last of us, and then it hit the last of us, and then we cleared it on out.

That's bullshit.

We said goodbye.

Glad you cleared it out though. Appreciate that.

We did. We made it through. But man, everybody wash your hands. Wash your hands.

Bleach your ass.

Make sure your kids are washing their hands as much as possible. I know sometimes that doesn't do it, but Trust me, because we're a hand washing house.

At least it's getting hot out again. Like, does— I feel like when it's hot out, they don't do as well.

Don't thrive. Well, some of them do, but I don't know if this one does.

I feel like tummy bugs don't necessarily.

Yeah, this one thrives in like cold weather, I think, the best.

Yeah, which of course it's literally about to get cold again.

Of course.

Like hotter than Satan's butthole outside.

It's true.

I got to announce this solo and it didn't quite feel so right. So we just want to remind you one more time that we have a game.

We have a fucking game with Hunt a Killer.

This feels so much better that you're here and we can talk about it together.

I'm real excited.

It's nuts, because I was saying when I announced it, that was our first sponsor that we ever had on the pod.

They were the first ones that reached out.

Hunt a Killer.

I was always a big Hunt a Killer girly, and I'm being so for real. I need to find the boxes somewhere, like the early boxes, and it was when they came in those like black plain boxes. Yep. In the early days, me and John used to love them, especially like before we had kids.

Oh yeah.

We love that kind of thing.

That's really cute. You played games together?

Yeah, we loved games.

Me and Drew aren't really—

We still love games.

The only games that me and Drew play are like Mario Kart.

Yeah, we love Mario Kart too.

I love Mario Kart.

We're an equal opportunity game family.

We're not like a board game house, but I would like to become a board game house.

Board games are really fun with kids.

I was just playing a board game with your kid.

Yeah, see?

Yeah.

Yeah, I got that like reading board game.

Yeah, it was helping me. I was learning how to read.

There you go.

Good.

I'm glad.

But yeah, we're fucking stoked about the The Salem Slicer.

Salem Slicer. It's very '80s themed. It's very New England.

Salem, obviously.

Salem. It's very like a fake true crime-y. Uh, you're gonna— there's a special exclusive podcast episode in the game from us.

Fucking cool is that.

Uh, which is really fun, and it was really fun to do. They've been great to work with. We had a blast. We were part of the whole thing from beginning to end.

I know it's crazy that it's actually like hitting stores now because it's been, it's been a while. It's been a while. And it's just like if you ever wanted to be a detective, now you get to do so.

It is honestly Hunt a Killer is so fun that way. There's like real evidence in there. There's things you can touch, things you have to unlock, things like you really have to get into it. It's fun as hell. I'm telling you.

Through all the evidence. So right now it's available for preorder at Walmart. So definitely go preorder it. Please do it. And do we have any other biz nasty?

Biz nasty? I would say, hey, if you're looking for a signed copy of The Butcher Legacy.

Speaking of preorders.

Speaking of preorders. Hey, go to Premiere Collectibles. I have the link is on my Instagram.

Go click it.

Premiere Collectibles. I'm sure if you type in The Butcher Legacy on there, it'll come up. Yeah, I'm signing things for them. Signing copies and I will continue until you guys say, "Hey, you dumb bitch, we don't want any more signed copies." I doubt people will say that.

I doubt the true blues will say that.

I doubt the good people will say that.

I have been reading your book all afternoon and like all— I read like a little bit last week. I was reading it at a pedicure and I was like, "I'm probably scaring everybody around me." I was just like, there's just blood dripping off the COVID and people are like, what are you reading? What's going on there? Is that okay?

Is that okay?

But I love it. Yay. Elena always has me read like when she's writing. So with the first two, I read a lot of chapters before the final product. Yeah. But I obviously then still read the books and that was fun and I still loved them. But with this one, you didn't have me read as much as you were writing. So it's like a completely different reading experience. I love that so much. And that's been really fun. Because I forget the twist. Yeah, that's it.

I know you were like, I know there's a twist, but I don't. I'm like, hahaha.

I know.

I was like, I'm not going to tell you.

I know. I was— I'm very excited about it. I'm getting very close to the end. I'm like more than halfway through.

I'm very excited. It's— if you guys, I'm telling you, get into it, man.

Get into it.

Yeah, get into it. Please. It's fun.

I swear.

I swear. And I'll love you forever.

That's nice.

So make sure you go preorder The Witcher Legacy.

Period.

And if for some reason you're like, fuck that, I don't want a signed copy, but I would like a copy of the book. I get it. Sure. Why not? Okay. If you want to do that, go to butcherlegacy.com.

Buy it anywhere you want to, really.

And get it anywhere the fuck you want. You can preorder it anywhere you want.

The world is really your oyster.

It is. And I'll keep making sure it's your oyster. You can't—

we should be specific. You can't buy it at like an IHOP.

No.

Or like a Denny's.

Hey, that's an idea. Okay.

So there you go. See if you can talk to your literary agent about that one.

I'm going to try to get it in anywhere. Okay.

International House of Pancakes, here she comes. Here I come. We are slap happy because this is later.

We are.

And I feel like we never record this late.

No, we don't.

But life happened.

Life sure happens.

Life has continued to happen. Yeah.

Which is cool.

I like that life keeps happening.

Yeah, that's great.

But sometimes it gets crazy.

But sometimes it's just hard to fit everything in the day.

All right everybody. So look at your stopwatch. The episode's about to start.

Okay.

All right.

You can say that it's about to start now.

Okay. There you go. There's your minute mark. Thanks so much, whoever you are. So we are going to be talking today— this is going to be a two-parter.

A two-parter.

Two-parter.

It is true crime. It's true crime.

You guys, so this, this is a very tragic case. Very interesting though, I would say.

I don't know this case.

I didn't know this case before Dave found this and was telling me all about it, and I said, please do that one. And we started looking into it, and I said, whoa, a lot is going on here. So we're going to go over a lot in part one. We're going to be talking about Mark Kilroy and who he was and how he found himself to be missing, and we'll get into right when they're getting hot on the case but not quite there yet, and then we'll pick up again in part 2.

Oh, I love that.

So let's talk about Mark Kilroy first. He was born on March 5th, 1968 in Chicago, Illinois.

Chicago.

He was the oldest of 2 children born to Jim and Helen, and not long after he was born, his parents decided they wanted to leave the city for a slower pace of life, and they ended up moving to Texas. Santa Fe, to be specific. For his entire life, Mark Kilroy was the kind of kid that parents can only dream of. He went to church regularly with his parents. He was an active member of the community, especially the church community. His father said, when he was around, he always lifted people up. He went in the right direction all the time. He was a real good guy to be around. Oh, he also was always a good student. He avoided drinking. He didn't do drugs. When he was in high school, he joined the Santa Fe High School baseball and the basketball team, and He was involved in student government. He was involved in Boy Scouts, but he always made sure to spend enough time on his studies at the same time. So he's like involved in all these different extracurriculars, but also managing to be a good student at the same time.

Yeah, which is not easy.

No, it's not. Now when he graduated from high school in 1986, he was accepted at Southwest Texas State University and he had a brief stint there before he ended up transferring to Tarleton State University and that was on a basketball scholarship.

Okay.

Sports had always played a really big part in his life, but after a few years it became clear to him that this wasn't gonna be his whole life. Like, he wasn't gonna be in the NBA.

Yeah.

So he transferred to a third school, this time the University of Texas, and he ended up deciding to study medicine there.

Oh wow.

Yeah.

That's a big deal. It is.

Now, even though their lives had led them in separate directions, Mark and his core group of friends from high school still managed to stay in touch through their college years. And whenever they were home on school break or anything like that, they always got together.

Mm-hmm.

Now, in late winter of 1989, Mark and his friends Bradley Moore, Bill Huddleston, and Brent Martin started planning details for their spring break vacation.

Okay.

They were stoked about this.

Yeah.

As soon as the semester ended, they were going to be back in— or they were going to meet back in Santa Fe and take off together for a few days on South Padre Island, which is a resort town not too far from the Mexican border. For Mark, that year was more exciting than the usual spring break trip because it also coincided with his 21st birthday.

Oh, what a, what a lucky thing.

And remember, he didn't really drink or do drugs or anything like that, so he's 21 now.

He's waiting for it to be legal.

Yeah, he can have a little drinky poo if he wants to. And what better time to have a drink than spring break?

Of course.

They had all attended spring break festivities in South Padre before, but this was the first time also that Mark and his 4 high school best friends were going to be visiting together, so that was also like an exciting thing. As soon as Bradley finished up his exams around noon on March 10th, he jumped in his car and jumped in it too, and he drove to Austin to pick up Mark, and they headed to Santa Fe to meet up with Bill and Brent.

Okay.

It's also very funny to me that there's Bradley, Bill, Brent, and Mark. Yeah. Now along the way, they caught up on the things that they'd missed in each other's lives, about their plans for the future, just boy talk, just vibing. Just hanging. Just hanging. Bradley said we talked about how it would probably be our last summer at home together. Which is like—

That's really sad.

It's sad, but it's also like, okay, so like, let's make the most of this trip. Like, yeah, there's a, there's like a tension there almost where, you know, this is like kind of the end of a chapter.

Well, it does. It feels like one of those, like, you know, those shows or movies you see where it's like the group of friends and it's their last summer at home before they all head off in different directions.

Yeah.

And you want it to end well. Like, this is supposed to be like, you know, a summer where you get like, you have fun and you let loose. Yeah. It's like supposed to end with this like happy ending.

It's supposed to end all together.

And I— now that you're beginning to talk, I do know this.

Okay.

I do know this. I think we talked about it on Crime Countdown.

You know what? That actually makes sense because the name—

I believe.

I think you're right. The name sounded really familiar to me.

Yeah. And all of a sudden I was like, wait a minute.

We talked about so much on Crime Countdown and it was like such little bursts of information, like snippets. Exactly. So every now and again I'm like, did we talk about that?

Yeah. I'm like, did we do a whole episode on that? And then I'm like, no, we didn't.

I know. Exactly.

Yeah.

So it was late by the time they reached Santa Fe, but the four boys decided they didn't want to waste any time. So they started making their way to South Padre around midnight. In total, it took about 9 hours for them to get there, including two stops along the way. But there was really no time to rest. As soon as they checked into the hotel, They showered, they ate, and they hit the beach.

Yeah.

This is their last trip. Let's go. They gotta make the most of it. Now, with roughly a quarter of a million students expected at South Padre that spring break, the entire area had been transformed in anticipation of all these kids' arrivals. According to journalist, uh, Gary Cartwright, the weekend attractions and offerings included beer companies sponsoring an unprecedented variety of entertainment, including free movies, free concert, free calls home, which like, please just think about that.

Yeah, which is wild.

And surf simulator rides. Religious organizations from as far away as Madison, Wisconsin were handing out pamphlets and free suntan lotion urging students to pray rather than to party. A beer company offered the free use of a swimming pool to students who didn't mind being filmed for part of a commercial, and the boys took advantage of it.

Yeah.

So it's just like all kinds of things going on.

Yeah, again, it's just like let loose.

It reminds me of like, just that little like snippet reminds me of Saved by the Bell when they go on that like beach vacation.

Oh my God. Yes.

Right? Yeah. I, for some reason that episode sticks out in my head. It might have been a series of episodes.

It's like Saved by the Bell and then it made me think of Gilmore Girls when they go on spring break. I don't even remember that. Yeah.

When they go on, you can count on a girl. You can count on Alina to pinpoint a specific Gilmore Girls reference. Oh yeah.

Absolutely.

Wild.

Yeah.

So Mark and Brad took advantage of the free phone calls home and they let their parents know that they all had got there safely and they were just hanging out on the beach. Later that night, they met up with a group of girls who traveled from Purdue University and they just spent the night drinking and hanging out in their adjoining hotel rooms until dawn, getting to know each other, just having a good time.

Yeah.

Within a couple days of their arrival, the four guys had kind of settled into a routine of waking up early, hitting the beach, going back to their hotel rooms for a little nap before ending, or before starting the evening's round of drinking, like Typical vacation.

Yeah.

Occasionally the routine was interrupted by an event like the daily Miss Tan Line contest.

Miss Tan Line.

I love it. But for the most part, it was just a lot of sun, a lot of drinking, a lot of fun. So this was pretty much what they expected, but none of them had expected it to get old quite so fast. And by Sunday, March 12th, they decided they wanted to change it up a little bit. Like they were like, okay, why don't we go like sightsee? Why don't we go to Matamoros, Mexico, just over the border? We're so close to Mexico. It would be so fun to travel. Yeah. So that night, Mark and his friends stopped at the Sonic Drive-In in Port Isabel for dinner. There they met a group of girls from the University of Kansas who were also on their way to Matamoros. So they all decided, okay, let's go together. And the girls followed behind as Brett drove to the border. After parking their cars on the Brownsville side of the bridge, they all walked across the border into Matamoros and they just spent the night kind of bar hopping. And they specifically landed at one bar called Sergeant Pepper's. Okay, once they got back to their cars early the next morning, the two groups said their goodbyes and they went their separate ways.

Now, they all had so much fun in Matamoros that night, so after a day at the beach the next day, they all decided, why don't we go back into Mexico again? Like, that was so much fun. Yeah, so they did, and they arrived a little after 10 PM. It turned out that Mark and his friends were not the only one with that plan though. By the time they arrived in the small border town, the sidewalks were crammed with nearly 15,000 students.

Holy shit.

All of whom had come to party and celebrate spring break. So looking for the bar with the shortest line, they ended up at a place called Los Sombreros, described as a spot with a lot of neon and music loud enough to shatter brick.

Whoa.

Yeah, sounds like my worst nightmare.

I was just gonna say, I hate everything about that.

I will say though, if I was 21, dream.

Like, let's go.

Yeah, would have loved it. Now, couldn't pay me.

Couldn't, no. Music loud enough to shatter brick is actually so scary to me.

Yeah, it actually is. We went to dinner together one time. I forget where we went, but I just remember sitting down at the table with you, and the music was really loud, and I— you looked like you were going to crawl inside of yourself.

I was so— I remember that vividly.

Yeah.

And I know exactly where I was.

Because I think you literally looked at me and said, how are we gonna get through this?

I said, I was like, I can't hear anything. It's like, I don't know what's going on.

What if I agree to something crazy?

Yeah, I could not.

Yeah, loud music is a lot, especially if it can split brick. Yeah. So after a few hours with music splitting brick at Los Sombreros, they traveled deeper into the city, ending up at the London pub, which I feel like you wouldn't expect to see. No, it had just rebranded itself actually as the Hard Rock Cafe, which has no relation to the American chain.

Really?

Yeah. Wow. Uh, the group— apparently we all just have good ideas.

All right.

The group stayed there until about 2 in the morning, and then Bill decided it was probably time to head back across the bridge back into the U.S., technically. So by that point, the four boys had separated. When they walked— and when they walked out of the bar, Mark's friend saw him leaning against a car outside talking to a girl who he had met earlier that day at the Miss Tan Line contest. But seeing him and getting to him were two very different things entirely at this point. Because remember, I just said there's 15,000 people littering the streets. Like, that's—

I'm stressed out.

All I can picture now, like, just to relate this to us and maybe anybody else in Boston, is like the, um, St. Patty's Parade. Yeah. Or like Pride or something like similar.

Or like, or when it's like, um, 4th of July on the Esplanade.

Yes. Like, that's— oh my God.

That's what I'm thinking of.

Just like shoulder to shoulder.

Yeah.

So getting to him was gonna be tough. So rather than try to fight the movement of the crowd, Brad and Brent figured it would be easier to just go in the direction of the bridge that led back to Texas, and then they could all just meet there.

Yeah.

They figured, why wouldn't we all just do that?

Yeah, why not?

By that time, Mark had caught up with Bill, and so they assumed that they would find their friends. But as they neared the border, Mark told Bill to go ahead of him because he had to relieve himself, so he ducked behind a tree to do that. A short time later, Bill met up with Brad and Brent, and the three of them were sitting around waiting for Mark, who they figured would emerge at any second. But minutes passed and he still wasn't showing up. And eventually they started to get concerned. By then, nearly all the bars had closed and all of the tourists had flowed back over the border and there were still no signs of Mark. So they spent hours roaming the town looking for him. They went back over the border, but it was like he vanished without a trace.

Damn.

He was just gone.

And honestly, you don't think, and I know like, You don't think about this happening with like a man.

No.

You know what I mean? Like when it's not your first thought, like when it's like a group of men together, you would assume nothing can touch them. Like they're invincible, essentially. You know what I mean? I know that's not true. I'm just saying that's the initial thought.

We're kind of like conditioned to think with these kinds of stories that like a group of young men, one of them suddenly going missing is like, what? Yeah.

Like, how did that happen? Like he wasn't safe. Yeah, it's, it's just like very shocking.

It is.

It's—

and it's chilling. Yeah, it is chilling. That's the perfect way to describe it. So they spent all night searching the increasingly empty streets of Matamoros for Mark, growing more and more concerned with every single hour that passed. Finally, when the sun came up and they still hadn't found any sign of Mark, the three decided maybe he had just gotten a ride back to South Padre with someone that he met at the bar. Maybe that girl that they saw him talking to earlier. They're like, hopefully we're overreacting here. Yeah. Because the alternative that their friend had now disappeared in a foreign country was way too frightening to accept at the time.

And like, who takes a grown man?

Well, and you don't admit, I don't think you initially go to that. Like, obviously when you're looking for your friend for hours and hours and you can't find them, like panic starts to set in. But then after a little bit, you're like, okay, let's be a little logical here. Maybe he did just get a ride home.

Yeah.

Like, you don't want to go.

Your brain doesn't want to believe that.

The alternative scenario. Yeah, right. Unfortunately though, when they got back to the Sheraton later that morning back in Texas, they discovered Mark's bed was empty. It didn't look like it had been slept in, and there was nothing in the room to indicate that he returned. Exhausted though from their night of partying and search— and searching, they went to bed hoping that when they woke back up, he would be back. Remember, this is the '80s. Like, we're not all super well informed in how to respond to a situation like this. And honestly, I think what you were just saying, as men, they just weren't thinking— they're not thinking like that.

Yeah, because they're not conditioned to think like this. And again, remember, like, back then, it's not like they were listening to true crime podcasts or watching documentaries on Dateline and seeing this kind of shit happening all the time.

Exactly.

This was not something that anybody was thinking about. No, you know.

But here's the thing, when they woke up several hours later, Mark still wasn't back, and they decided that under the circumstances, it didn't seem wise just to keep waiting for him to show back up. So that afternoon, March 15th, they all together went to the South Padre Island Police Department, and they filed a missing persons report, including every relevant detail that they could remember from the night before. Now, during spring break, the usually quiet South Padre community had learned to brace itself for an increase in everything that comes with the increase in the number of visitors, from hotel bookings to also reports of criminal activity. So Mark wasn't necessarily the first person to be reported missing during spring break. He wasn't even the first person actually reported missing that week.

That's wild. It's— yeah, spring break scares the shit out of me.

I never was allowed to go on spring break.

I never was either.

And I will not allow my children to go on spring break. And I know that— I know that there's like all these things that you say before you have kids that you're not— you're like, I'm not gonna do this and I'm not gonna do that. That's one I know I will be standing 10 toes down on.

As someone with kids, no, I'm not either. So it's just not happening.

But we can take a family vacation. So while the police took the report seriously, they still was— they still were confident that he would show back up. Yeah, they probably thought he was like drunk and like passed out somewhere. Exactly.

Yeah.

But when Mark's friends mentioned Mexico, the detectives did become somewhat more concerned. Author Jim Schutz— and we will link his book in the show notes— he said, no matter how casually the kids themselves took this business of crossing into Mexico to raise hell, No one in law enforcement in South Texas took Mexico cases lightly because they're in a completely different jurisdiction.

Yeah, of course.

You don't— yeah, a completely different area. Now, throughout the 1980s specifically, drug trafficking and organized crime had spiked in Mexico due mostly to a massive economic crisis that put a lot of people out of work and led to few options for legitimate employment. Criminal gangs that were once very poorly organized and focused mostly on petty crime had become a lot more formal. And now there were lots of different networks for trafficking guns, drugs, people, you name it. Gang violence was a problem all over the country, but it was particularly challenging at the American border.

Oh, I'm sure.

Because large amounts of drugs and other illicit substances were flowing into the country there. So it wasn't that uncommon for tourists or unlucky American workers to get kidnapped and ransomed back to their families. So this is what the investigators in South Padre had been thinking when they got the report about Mark going missing in Matamoros. And if that was what happened to Mark, the small police department in South Padre did lack the resources to deal with a case like this.

I mean, that's a big deal.

Yeah. So that afternoon, the case was forwarded to Cameron County Sheriff Alex Perez in Brownsville, Texas, which you do have to respect how quickly these police forces moved. Yeah, that doesn't always happen. No. Definitely not often that a small police department realizes that they don't have the resources and reaches out. So when they do, like, you gotta snap on that.

Yeah.

Now, if Mark had been kidnapped for ransom, the county sheriff would have had the resources and the regional knowledge necessary to resolve everything, hopefully without getting on the wrong side of Mexican authorities. So Perez assigned the case to his most reliable deputy, George Gavito. Who immediately recruited the help of Deputy Lupe Limas, a former Brownsville police officer who had recently started working with the sheriff's department. And he had a lot of experience working on cases that crossed over into the border.

So this is kind of— that's who you need.

A perfect duo, right?

Yeah.

So Gavito and Limas were aware of the potential implications of Mark having gone missing, especially over the border. He was one of 60 Americans to have been reported missing in Mexico in just 3 months.

Whoa.

Yeah. However, they were also familiar, like we were just saying, with the chaos and, you know, just the drunken vibes going around on spring break. So neither of them were ready to assume the complete worst.

Yeah, because this could just be debauchery.

Exactly. And honestly, I'm sure you're hoping it was.

Yeah, that's the thing, you're hoping this is just a lesson learned.

Exactly. You know, so instead of going to worst-case scenario, they decided to proceed as they would with any other missing person's case, operating on the assumption and the hope that Mark had simply caught a ride with a girl that he met at a bar and he would turn back up soon enough. That's how they planned to approach the case. But before the day was over, that plan changed dramatically. After Mark's friends filed the report with the South Padre Police, they returned to the hotel and they called Mark's parents, obviously, to let them know that he was missing.

The call no parent wants to get.

And the call, like, it's got to be so stressful to send your kids on spring break, like, And also, here's the other thing. These aren't kids. He's a 21-year-old. So they didn't have a lot of say in if he went or if he didn't.

It's their kid. And it's like, you go, you sit there and you're like, it won't happen to my kid.

Right.

And then when you, the worst happens, I don't even know how you brain, you wrap your brain around it.

It must just not feel like real life. No.

Because you're like, no, this is literally the worst case scenario. How is it actually happening?

Right.

Ugh.

So they had heard the news reports of people going missing along the Mexican border. As it was all happening, and they immediately worried that something bad had happened to their son once they realized he was one of those missing people. So rather than wait to hear from the police, Jim called his brother Ken, who was a U.S. Customs agent, which— oh wow, great contact.

Damn.

Uh, he was based in LA, and he asked for his help. Now, Ken knew his nephew pretty well, and he knew that while Mark might have had a few beers now and again and, you know, maybe partied too hard every now and again, he wasn't a drug user, and there wasn't anything else on that side of the border that he would have gotten caught up in.

Yeah.

Plus, his car was still on the American side of the border, and all of his belongings were inside, and they were— they knew that he wouldn't have just abandoned all of that. So in just a few hours, the missing person's case had escalated from a local matter to now a federal investigation.

Damn. Yeah, fast.

By the time— which is honestly a good thing.

Good thing. Yeah, that it got leveled this high.

Yeah. By the time Ken Kilroy and his partner Oren Neck got in touch with George Govito, Several calls had already been made to the Cameron County Sheriff's Department, and a large team of law enforcement officials was assembled to search for Mark. At the same time, Mark's father Jim was on his way to Brownsville to help in, in the search however he could. Cavito remembered later about Mark's father, uh, he came into the sheriff's office and he never left the sheriff's office. He was there for 30 days. Each single day, Saturdays and Sundays too, he begged me to help him look for his son.

Oh my God, that just destroys my heart. I know, that's a parent right there.

That's a full— that's a dead parent. The problem was, while Gavito and the rest of the investigators assigned to the case obviously desperately wanted to find Mark Kilroy, they had no evidence and there were no leads to work with. And even if they did have those leads and did have that evidence, none of them had jurisdiction to launch an investigation in Mexico.

Yeah, so that's really, really complicated.

And you're not thinking that as a 21-year-old on spring break crossing over the border.

No.

But now that we have that information, it is something that you have to consider.

Yeah, you do. If something happens to me, it's not that easy for people to get the resources and the jurisdiction and the warrants and the this and the that and the share information.

And that's why I think it's so important that we share stories like this.

Yeah, because you need to know that you have to at least be aware of these things. It's, oh, it's so scary because this could— this is anywhere, anywhere that's not where you're based and where your— all your shit is.

Well, it's just like we were talking about to find you. Yeah, just like when we were talking about the Amy Bradley case, like in international waters.

It just becomes more complex, the web becomes tighter, and that's hard.

It's awful. And it sucks because people should be able to go on vacation, should be able to let loose without monsters preying upon them.

Why Why can't people just stop being shitheads?

It's never happened in all of humanity, I don't think.

It would be so sick if we could all just agree to stop being assholes.

I would love that. Everyone. I would love that. I would—

what a— peace on Earth is a real— I'm like, damn, that is— you just, you wish somebody would get that, that wish and actually have it happen, honestly, because it would be real nice if everyone was just chilling. Yeah, imagine if everyone was just chilling. I can't even picture it, to be honest with you, that everybody was just minding their own business. No, helping out their brethren when they could.

Yeah, I mean, that's how I try to live my life. I— obviously everybody can be an asshole sometimes, but like to this degree, no.

At this point in my life, I'm just trying to chill.

Yeah, she just threw up. I'm just trying to chill. I am just trying to chill. So, but no, that's like I said, I really do think that's why we should be telling these stories. So aware of the restrictions on law enforcement in an international case, the Kilroys turned to the nearby communities for help. In the early days, Jim went down to the bridge that crossed into Matamoros and handed out missing flyers from morning until night, just hoping that somebody he was going to run into and hand that flyer to would know something and give them some kind of lead they could work with.

That truly breaks my heart.

It's awful. Family friends also joined the search. Uh, Mark's former basketball coach, Joe Rodriguez, spent the first week traveling back and forth to Matamoros, uh, interviewing what are called veladores. And those are the men who provided security for local businesses and bars, kind of like a bouncer. Jim said of the Rio Grande Valley communities that helped search for Mark, they were just absolutely wonderful, how they coddled us and took care of us. Oh, which is really sweet. Like, it's— this case does not end up— no, in a— in a— this is not a happy ending, which I obviously hate. But at the very least, it's nice that these communities were able to work together.

Oh yeah, for sure.

And that people were supported in the search.

Yeah.

Now, while the family and the community continued to search on both sides of the border for Mark, the sheriff's department took to more atypical methods of investigation. A few days into the search, uh, Gavito brought Brad Moore into the sheriff's office to be hypnotized, hoping that it might jog his memory and reveal some critical clue about the night that Mark went missing. Now, when I first read that, I was like, okay, like, maybe that'll work.

Yeah, you're like, sure.

But you know, sometimes these things work.

Hey, we don't know everything there is to know.

We really don't.

About the human mind, about what this shit happens. So if something could potentially help, and especially I would, as a parent, I would do fucking anything.

Absolutely.

Nothing would be off the table.

Absolutely. So Willie Cannon of the US Customs Service said it's kind of an unusual situation because there's really nothing to go on.

Yeah.

So when Brad was unable to come up with anything new, they moved on to Bill Huddleston. And while he was under hypnosis, he described seeing Mark walking near a, quote, Hispanic man with a cut on his cheek right before he disappeared.

Hmm.

Which is like pretty— to have the cut on the cheek to go on, that's a little more than just your typical description of somebody, you know. So Bill said he didn't recall Mark talking to the man, but when he looked back, he said he saw the strange man motion towards Mark. Okay, interesting, right?

Yeah.

So when more than a week passed and there was still no sign of Mark, the Kovars were getting desperate and they turned to another outlet for help that was kind of a newer outlet. Just one year earlier, the TV program America's Most Wanted made its debut, which like Wow, isn't that crazy?

You just feel like that's always been a thing, even though, you know, it's not.

In my life it always has been. Yeah, and pretty much your life too, like, yeah, for most of our— most of your life and all of mine it has.

Yeah.

So, and the thing was, it had debuted a year earlier before this case, and it had already led to the capture of many violent criminals.

Yeah.

So the producers of America's Most Wanted agreed to feature the story on the program, and they immediately traveled out to Brownsville to record a recreation. Of the night that everything happened and Mark went missing to air on the show.

Okay.

While they were taking a break from filming the segment, a woman staggered up to one of the cameramen, Scott Judy. She was clutching a crumpled missing persons poster in her hand, and she told him, he's dead, you know, they found him shot in the head.

What the fuck?

Out of completely nowhere.

That's horrifying.

And just like, what? What? It turned out that rumors had already started circulating among the spring breakers in South Padre that Mark had been found dead. Moments later, one of the producers angrily escorted the woman out of the area and made sure she didn't come back, but it got everybody thinking.

Yeah.

Now this segment was rushed to completion and it aired on the show a few nights later, along with a 20-second PSA recorded both in Spanish and in English, telling viewers how they could help. The episode did result in more than 150 tips called in by viewers, claiming everything from Mark was dead to Mark was seen working in a convenience store in California. Not true. None of the tips really led to anything, but according to Jim Schuetz, it allowed investigators to see into the Mexican side by tracking what the Mexicans were doing with tips from the show. So they didn't have jurisdiction there, but now that community is able to kind of talk to them a little bit.

Yeah.

So there's, it's giving them something.

Yeah, for sure.

They really hadn't made any more progress on the case than the American counterparts, but detectives in Texas could see that the Mexican investigators were taking Mark's disappearance very seriously. And they also were running all these tips down. So that was nice. Yeah.

So things are in motion.

They are. But by the end of the month, investigators on both sides of the border weren't much closer to finding Mark Kilroy than they had on the day he went missing. And it was starting to feel like he was never going to be found.

Hmm.

In order to feel like they were doing something productive and proactive, Jim and Helen withdrew Mark from school. Jim told reporters, we're trying to find out what things we can do because we don't really know. We're holding up well, but it's a matter of what you can do, how much can you do, and you start to run out of things you can do to try to find Mark. Yeah. It's just awful.

It is.

Now, just as everybody was starting to lose hope that Mark would ever be found, there was a break in the case, and it came in one of the most unexpected and innocuous forms. On the end, this is where we really take a hard left, so bear with me, everybody.

All right, I'm here.

We're going into a completely different area here. So in the afternoon of April 1st, Mexican police were conducting a checkpoint on Highway 2. That's the main road that connects Matamoros to Texas. Okay. The setup was a simple drug checkpoint like countless others along the border, basically attempting to stop drugs from coming into or out of Mexico.

Okay.

Now they're sitting there on this, on this stop, and they spot— police spot a red truck they recognize coming down the highway. And they quickly ran the plate and discovered that it belonged to Serafín Hernández García. Now, at the time, the Hernández family was well known to the police in Matamoros. For decades, they had been one of the better organized gangs in the region, responsible for a lot of drug trafficking and smuggling. In more recent years, though, the organization had expanded to include several members of the family living across the border in Brownsville, Texas. So they were kind of like working dual sides of the border. Okay, now unlike more of the hardcore gangs that had been recently established in the region, the Hernandez family mostly just ran marijuana back and forth from Texas to Mexico. So, okay, they— the police— they had run into the police a lot, but they weren't like super dangerous or anything like that. Despite that, they had been successful for many years due in large part to their charismatic leader, Saul Hernandez. But when Saul was killed by machine gunfire in 1986, the family business started to fall apart.

Now, Paul's, uh, Paul's brother Serafín tried to step into his brother's role and keep everything together, but within a month he was arrested by U.S. officials, which left their entire operation in disarray.

Yeah.

Now, without the charisma of their former leader, the Hernandez business wasn't just in danger of losing money, but they were also in danger of being taken over by one of the other organizations in the region, because that was happening too. They would just walk in and be like, well, you're part of us now, and You're going to be paying us everything that you're making, and that's it.

Yeah, deal with it.

Like, otherwise we can just shoot you.

Oof.

Yeah. So in order to fend off any potential takeovers, which would have inevitably ended in the murder of those higher up in the family, like I just said, yeah, what remained of the Hernandez leadership turned to Adolfo Costanzo, the Cuban-American leader of the criminal organization that was dubbed Los Narcos Satanicos. The Narco-Satanists. Yeah, as one of the more feared and dangerous gangs in the region, Adolfo Constanzo's group operated less like a criminal syndicate and more like a religious cult.

Okay.

Yeah, and it was all oriented around Constanzo, who was known as the Godfather, and his quote-unquote high priestess, Sara María Aldrete V. Arreal. I really hope I'm saying these pronunciations correctly. I looked them up. So yeah, okay, interesting. Okay, now at first the deal that was struck between Constanzo and the remaining Hernandez family members was just for simple protection, but before long the remaining Hernandez family members basically were absorbed into the Narco-Satanists. Okay, so as soon as they received the report about Mark Kilroy, who had disappeared in Matamoros it occurred to investigators that he could have been kidnapped by one of the local gangs. That was one of the first things on everybody's radar.

Absolutely.

Publicly, Mexican authorities, quote, tried to claim that Kilroy must have vanished in Brownsville because they were aware that news of another kidnapped tourist was going to hurt the local economy, which was already hurting. But behind closed doors, more than a few people brought up Adolfo Constanzo and the Hernandez family. And sadly, they knew that if Mark had been kidnapped by the Narcosatanists, there was very little hope that they would get him back alive if they ever even got him back at all.

That's worst case scenario.

It really is.

Like truly worst case scenario.

To not even get— to think that you wouldn't even get his body back.

You'll just never get him back.

Like, that's—

like, oh God.

I can't. So now back to the afternoon of April 1st. Agent, uh, Raul Morales had been stationed at the checkpoint on Highway 2. He'd been an agent in the area for many years, and he was familiar with the various members of all the gangs, especially the Hernandez family. So when he saw the compact red pickup coming down the highway, he knew right away that he would find Little Serafín behind the wheel. And that was confirmed when they managed to check the plate. And since Little Serafín had blown through the checkpoint without stopping, they also knew that they had ample reason to stop him and even arrest him if they needed to. But. Morales and all the other officers had been through that before. They'd stop one of the gang members as they came across the border, they'd try to get information, inevitably the gang members would stay silent, and the whole thing was kind of just a pointless exercise in frustration.

Yeah.

So instead he had a better idea. And the way that this all works out, I was like, there's some kind of divine intervention here, because the fact that he was like, you know what, I'm not gonna do that today.

Yeah.

It all worked out.

Yeah.

Not in a tie a bow on it kind of way, but it worked.

Mm-hmm.

So rather than hitting the sirens and forcing Hernandez to pull over, he and his partner jumped in an unmarked Ford Bronco and they followed Serafín at a safe distance, hoping that he would lead them somewhere. Or give them a lead on whatever it was this family was up to. So they ended up following him to the Santa Elena Ranch, which was— Elena, that's me— uh, it was an old farm about 20 miles outside of Matamoros. Morales and the other investigators had figured Constanzo's organization had been headquartered somewhere just outside of the city, and later that would be confirmed by a raid and information that they obtained from U.S. Customs officials. In their report, customs agents estimated that there were up to 24 people smuggling drugs for, uh, drugs for Constanzo, and they were all coming and going at the ranch. But they wrote that no more than 12 were involved in the kidnappings and the slayings that eventually took place at the ranch.

Oh, Jesus.

So at the time, Morales and the other investigators had no proof of what they suspected was going on between this gang here. Yeah. They had only really just learned about the location of the ranch when they followed Serafín. So rather than risk losing valuable evidence, Morales chose to hang back and stake out the ranch, hoping that they could gather some kind of compelling evidence to justify a search warrant for the property. This is great detective work. So the next day, he returned to the ranch pretending that he was a lost traveler looking for directions back into town.

Wow.

Which, like, brave.

I was just going to say, that's terrifying. Yeah.

So he spoke with an elderly man who said that he was the caretaker. And the man did seem to be tending to the animals that day. So he was like, maybe you are a caretaker.

What the fuck?

The man said his name was Domingo, but he said he didn't know who owned the ranch. He just showed up every day to do his job and he didn't ask questions.

I mean, hey, I don't blame him.

Yeah. So Morales could tell the man was lying to him. He was like, I definitely think he knew more than he was letting on. But he also didn't want to blow his cover, so he didn't push. Also, his job that afternoon was to keep the caretaker busy while his partner poked around the property trying to stay out of sight.

This is, this is scary.

This is like terrifying, but a lot of police work happening here. Yeah, and really good police work.

Yeah.

So as the other agent crept around the property, he spotted what looked like a brand new Chevy Suburban, which was not exactly the type one would expect to find on a farm in the middle of nowhere.

Probably not.

Now, peering into the back of the car, he could see a layer of, uh, dark dust covering almost the entire back seat, which he immediately recognized as the resin dust that shakes off of dried marijuana plants. Ah, so it's like caked on in that car.

Okay.

And as he started to turn away from the truck though, something else caught his eye. On the floor in the back seat of the car was a gray cement statue of what looked to the agent like some kind of demonic figure.

Hmm.

Not wanting to raise any alarms, he just went back to the car and waited for his partner Morales, who came back a short time later.

Okay.

Now back at the station, the two agents checked in with their supervisor, Commander Juan Benitez. And gave him an update on what they had all seen at the ranch. Now, Benitez had been raised in the traditional— I hope I say this correctly— uh, Oaxacan community, and he was more familiar with folk religions than the other agents were.

Oh wow, that's good that they had somebody that actually knew shit.

It really worked out because we're pulling on a thread here.

Yeah, for sure.

So when Benitez heard the description of the statue in the back of the car, he immediately recognized it as the statue of Alagúa, who's a trickster god in Santería. And this god is recognized as the messenger to the supreme creator, Alawufi. Oh, again, I really hope I'm saying all that right. So Benitez explained that the trickster was a favorite among the drug traffickers to kind of worship and like ask for protection, especially those who wanted to curse their enemies. According to author Edward Humes, among the legends was the belief that If the proper offerings were made to Alagúa, he could make you bulletproof and invisible.

Whoa.

So that being the case, the promise of those powers would have made some of the greatest criminals in the world.

Uh, yeah, I would say so.

And for that, those criminals felt like there was nothing too valuable to sacrifice.

Oh.

So it was obvious that there was drug smuggling going on at the ranch, but they needed something a little bit more, and they— because they knew something much worse was going on.

Yeah, this is not—

Not looking good right now. So Benitez himself had overseen the downfall of the Hernandez family in the last few years, so he knew that whatever was happening at the farm, they weren't working alone, and they probably weren't running the show anymore either, which meant that another cartel was involved. And that's a big deal.

Yeah.

So he ordered that the ranch be monitored day and night, and in the meantime, he placed a call to his contact at the DEA to find out whether they knew anything about the operation at the ranch. Now, the DEA had also been monitoring the Hernandez family since before they expanded beyond the border, but that focus became more intense when the family expanded into Brownsville, Texas. It was as Benitez had expected. Something had changed, changed in the family's fortune since the elder leaders had died. So for decades, like I said, Hernan— the Hernandez family had been trafficking small amounts of marijuana back and forth, but their operation was not that impressive, especially compared to the newer cartels. And after the death of Saul and the failure of his brother, it was expected that they would kind of just be on their way out. But that was hardly what the DEA had seen. Edward Humes wrote, the Hernandez boys were living in a fine home, driving a fleet of brand new trucks, and walking the streets like swaggering feudal lords.

Whoa. Yeah. What a description.

Exactly. And they said, obviously, that kind of money and confidence didn't come from selling small amounts of weed or even cocaine at that point to tourists. Yeah, there was something a lot bigger going on here. So the agent pretty much confirmed what Benitez already knew— the remaining Hernandez family must have hooked up with a more powerful cartel. But he mentioned one more thing that Benitez didn't know. According to the DEA agent, there had been rumors circulating lately about the Hernandez boys talking about how they had all the protection they needed and that they had bought off the local cops, all of which they attributed to, quote, some weird religion that made them invincible.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

So it was the comment about the religion that started to bring everything into focus for all of these agents here. The statue of the Trickster God that Morales's partner had found in the back of the Suburban, the fact that Little Serafín had just blown through the police checkpoint without the slightest hesitation, and the fact that he didn't even seem to think about being followed when he led them directly to the ranch— like, that wasn't on his radar. Yeah, it all started to make sense. Now, little Serafín had never been the brightest member of the family, but even he wasn't so stupid as to openly defy the police that brazenly unless he thought he was untouchable and protected. Oh yeah, you see what I'm saying?

Oh my God, that makes so much sense. Yeah, damn.

And that means they're making the ultimate sacrifice in their mind. Yeah, this god.

Yep.

So by the morning of April 8th, 1989, Commander Benitez had gathered enough information from his agents and from all his other sources to confirm pretty much every suspicion he had. Now fortunately for him and the other agents, whatever religious beliefs that the family had and their connections had, it had made them confident to the point of carelessness.

This.

After getting a warrant for a wiretap a few days earlier, agents started listening in on the phone calls that were coming and going out of the ranch, during which one of the Hernandez boys and their contacts didn't even bother to use code names or obscure the subject of their conversation at all.

That's how free they were. They're invincible.

They're protected. Yeah, so they think. That morning, little Serafín was to receive a very big amount of marijuana at the ranch. And that was exactly the kind of information that Benitez needed to justify a raid on the compound.

Holy shit.

So before little Serafín hung up the call, he also said something about El Padrino. Benitez didn't know what or to whom Serafín was referring because it was the first time he'd heard the reference. But for the time being, that had to wait. But that will come back later.

Okay.

So later that day, several agents descended on Serafín's house in Matamoros. Where they found him with another known drug dealer, Sergio Martinez. Upon searching the house, they didn't actually find any drugs, but they found more than enough evidence of a drug operation.

Yeah, something's afoot.

Yeah, it was resin dust everywhere. There was guns, there's paraphernalia, there's a lot going on. So when he was questioned about the large quantity of marijuana that they just received, Serafín was silent. But rather than continue to press him, Benitez threw them both in the back of a police car and drove them both out to the ranch, the bigger ranch. Now, after breaking a lock on one of the large sheds, the agents discovered 60 pounds of marijuana along with a significant cache of weapons and the Chevy Suburban that Morales and his partner had seen earlier that week.

Whoa.

Now, back in Matamoros, agents watching Serafín's house managed to grab a few more members of the gang as they arrived, including one of the older members, Elio Hernandez. Like Serafín and Martinez, none of the men really seemed to be too concerned about having just been arrested. They all kind of presented with like cocky certainty that this is all gonna be fine. Yeah, because they're divinely protected.

Exactly. Something's gonna happen here.

It was deeply frustrating for the investigators because it must have been the freaky—

because it's like, oh, they genuinely believe, yeah, that this is— this, this trickster god is protecting them.

And What sacrifice must they have made to him for them to believe that they are so protected here?

Yes, that honestly would be the thing that would send chills down my spine.

Like, they believe that they're invisible. Yeah. Not just invincible, invisible.

So they had to have felt pretty confident with the sacrifice they had made.

Yeah. Or sacrifices. Yeah. Bonita said later, they weren't worried at all. They thought we couldn't hurt them. They thought they were protected. Damn. Now, although they were pretty profoundly irritated by the confidence, they also knew that they'd eventually got a confession one way or the other.

Yeah.

So here's the thing, we've told case— we've told stories before. There's been cases where officers, uh, resort to violence to get answers.

Of course we've seen those.

And that was especially common in this area in the 1980s. I'm sure there were the more common tactics like we've talked about— beatings, threats— but there were also more extreme tactics. and Dave found one that I said, excuse me, what? Hold the phone.

Oh Lord.

One of the most effective techniques at this time involved adding large quantities of hot sauce to soda water.

The fuck?

Which was then shaken up and shot up the suspect's nostrils.

Oh my God.

Hot sauce and soda water shoved into your nostrils.

All I can think of is the sensation when you get the bubbles in your nose if you're like drinks it and you're like, oh, that hurts.

That hot and spicy.

Add it with hot sauce and have it shot directly into your nose.

Yeah.

Holy shit.

Yeah. Edward Humes wrote, as you're thinking about that, he described it. First comes a hideous sensation of drowning as the foaming liquid floods breathing passages, followed by an indescribable searing pain as the peppery liquid score sensitive nasal tissue.

Oh my God.

Yeah, so not too shocking, this one was particularly effective.

Oh, I— yeah, that— I'd tell you shit.

I'd tell you shit I didn't do.

Probably I would make up stuff that you didn't even know about.

Yep.

Oh my God, that hurts.

My nose hurts. Like, can you even?

No.

So in this case, it turned out that the hot sauce soda technique would not be necessary. Okay, the rumors of it alone would suffice. When it came to Domingo Bustamante, the caretaker at the ranch.

He was like, you know what, I heard that that's a thing and I'm not gonna deal with it.

I think they were like, we could do that. And he was like, you know what, you know what, just chat.

Why don't I just tell you what's going on?

And remember, he was the one who had already talked to one of the officers.

I don't know nothing about nothing, I just came and did my job.

Precisely. Now, he had been picked up by the feds when he got to work on the morning of April 9th, and a short time later he was sitting across from Benitez in the interrogation room. Now, from the moment they met, Benitez could tell that he wasn't a drug smuggler or some hardened criminal. He was clearly just a man trying to make enough money to support his family, and he had gotten caught up in something much bigger than him. More importantly, he didn't believe in witchcraft or the trickster gods, so he didn't have any of the confidence and the smug cockiness that kept the others from talking.

He said, I know I'm not invisible.

So he said, I know you can see me right right here, right now. Yeah, basically he would be easy to break. Yeah, just easy to get information out of. So it turned out that Benitez's assessment of the caretaker was right. Within just a few minutes of the interrogation, he was telling agents everything he knew. He confirmed that the ranch was the headquarters of the Hernandez smuggling operation, and then he began rattling off all the names of the smugglers at the ranch, at least all the ones he knew. He told them, people come and go all the time at the ranch. Some are friends of the bosses or workers, but there are others they're treated very badly. Oh, he began to say something about an American who he had seen at the ranch recently, and then he kind of trailed off, almost seeming to realize that he said something he shouldn't have.

No, keep talking.

So the other agents and Benitez were aware of the disappearance of Mark Kilroy, and several of them had been involved in the case on the Mexican side, but it wasn't until that moment that they all assumed the case they were working on was a separate matter entirely. Oh shit, they had thought that and then they were like, oh, this is— damn, this is not. So it was when the caretaker brought up the American that it occurred to all of the agents that this case could be related. So Benitez pressed further. Domingo, the caretaker, hesitated, and then he started talking about a day a month earlier when he saw a young man tied up in the back of the blue Chevy Suburban at the ranch. The men at the ranch had left him tied up like that in the truck overnight. Domingo said, I felt very sorry for him. I made him something to eat. I brought him some eggs and water for breakfast, and then the bosses came and took him away.

Oh my God, this like makes my stomach hurt.

It's horrific. He estimated that this had occurred 2 or 3 weeks earlier, and he said the young man was white with blonde hair, which matched the description of Mark Kilroy. But that was all he knew, he said. So Benitez, thinking quickly, went back to his desk and rummaged through the drawers until he found the glossy black and white photo of Mark Kilroy that was being used in all the missing posters. He slapped the photo down on the table in front of Domingo, and Domingo immediately recognized the man in the picture. He told the detectives, yes, that's him, the guero. Oh, and guero is, um, is like slang in Mexico talking about like a white blonde person.

Oh man.

And that is where we are going to end for part one.

Oh shit.

Yeah. So I took you what probably felt like on a hard left, but then we, we kind of got back to our original destination.

Oh man.

Yeah.

That's really sad.

Part 2 gets even sadder.

Yeah.

I feel so fucking hard for this family and this group of friends, what they've had to go through. That all just started from a celebratory time in their lives.

Spring break, man. Like what? Like, Jesus, they weren't even doing anything wrong. No, they were just not like they were like getting into trouble, you know what I mean?

No, they were just— they crossed over the border, they had a fun night.

Yeah, like they just didn't— I think they just didn't have the information. No, you know, like they were just lacking information.

Exactly.

Because of the time.

Exactly.

I mean, again, remember, this was the '80s. It's not now.

No.

So we can't judge it off of now where you, where you know certain things.

And even judging off of now, how many millions of kids go on spring break to Mexico?

Still true. You know, like, it's not like this is—

you should be able to.

And this is like a— this is one of those cases that it's like worst case scenario. It is, you know, it really is.

It's the cases that you get warned about when you go on spring break. It's awful. Yeah. So we will be back with part 2 and we will get a lot deeper into this. And it's jarring.

So fun fact, apparently in Japan, if you're found drunk and violent, Police will physically roll you up in a giant plastic sheet and carry you away like a burrito.

That's iconic. They said, we don't have time for this, get in the burrito wrap.

Burrito him. Like that. So don't get drunk and violent in Japan.

Okay, I won't. I mean, don't get drunk and violent anywhere, but definitely don't do it in Japan. You don't want to become a burrito. Wrap you up and take you away.

Yeah, they'll just throw you over their shoulder.

You heard it here first. Yeah, maybe not, but you heard it here. That's for sure.

Maybe.

Alright, bipeds. We love you. We hope you keep listening.

And we hope you keep it weird!

But not so weird that you get crazy and violent in Japan. Or in Mexico, or in the US, or anywhere. Don't be crazy and violent.

Especially anywhere you're unfamiliar. Be careful, everybody. Everywhere.