Transcript of January Bonus Episode: New Moon

Hey, weirdos. I'm Ash.

And I'm Elena.

And it's time for a fucking new moon bonus.

Time. We've been so excited for this.

I'm fucking lit right now. It's about to get cuckoo nuts bananas up in this bitch.

It's about. You're about to sit in a chair for four months is what you're about to do. There is a possibility that you will. Can I listen?

We're just going to jump right in.

Yeah.

At one point, she's looking out that window. I think it's in October. And there's just ran like. That's her sidey yard.

Yeah. There's a whole family walking through her yard. Why. And that we are to. We are to believe that they. That there are woods right there.

So I'm like, they just emerge from.

Like, why are they just walking outside of your. I always think that when I see.

Halloween goes nuts, I guess.

Yeah, we're.

We're.

We're talking about new moon, everybody.

I hope you watched, I hope you read. I hope you got the Illustrated guide. I hope you've been on Steffi's website.

I hope you have.

I hope you've done it all. But the good news is, if you've done none of those things, we've done it for.

Here we are. It came out in 2009. 2009. 2009. This one's directed by Chris Weitz this time, not Catherine Hardwick. Apparently it was the short production time that got her because she didn't want to have to. Like, she didn't think she could get the story with script right. And like, because it was like a year. It was very quick. It was real big turnaround. Yeah. So that's interesting. This one we also got. I mean, this one has a banger soundtrack as well.

This, I think, of all the movies, this one has my favorite soundtrack.

Really? Yeah, I think maybe.

I think so.

Yeah. I really like the first soundtrack.

I like the second one better, but I do like the first one.

I mean, this one is Death Cab for Cutie.

How can you go wrong?

Tom York. It's got Muse. Oh, I belong to you. The New Moon Remix. Remix, remix. That's honestly where it's at. And then you have the. It's a possibility.

Was that Lucky Lee?

Yeah. Yep. And it's called Possibility.

Look it up. Look at that one. Okay, go. I think Shooting the Moon.

Oh, yeah, you're right.

Loved that.

That's a good one, too. Oh, damn. All right. We really. We're killing it with this and Meet Me on the Equinox by Death Cab for Cutie Banger. So of a time. Yeah. It will transport you right back there.

It's a very hipster time.

Oh, yeah. Of skinny hip time.

And scarves. Like the cloth scarves. And that one jacket that everybody had.

Yeah, that one jacket. I know exactly what green you're talking about. Yeah.

Or like, gray sometimes.

Yep. It could be gray. Could be green, but damn, just killing it. We loved it, Thomas. And, you know, they. They seem to have gotten. Bella's hair is really right in this one.

And do you know how much awfuler it's going to get, though?

Yeah.

Her hair's so good in this movie.

Yeah.

The next movie.

Her hair is everywhere. Her hair. Something screaming infidelities.

Her hair is absolutely screaming infidelities. And.

Yeah. I don't know. What's interesting to me is I think Alice. Doesn't Alice's hair look longer in this one? In this one?

Yeah, it does a little bit.

According to the Illustrated Guide, hair doesn't grow if you're a vampire. So I'm not really sure how that happened.

Maybe she's just styling it differently.

Maybe. Maybe. Who can be sure? I'm trying to think of. Oh, Rosalie in this one. Goddess. She looks amazing.

Honestly. She looks amazing in every.

Her hair looks really good in this one. It's a wig. Yeah, it looks great, but it's a good, great wig. Like, this one's real good. And Rosalie is not in it a lot.

No.

In this one. But when she's in it, she makes a. Impact, her statement. At the end, I was like, oh, yeah. And we'll talk about it. Don't worry. Yeah. Jasper's hair looks absolutely insane.

Jasper is absolutely insane.

The Confederate soldier's hair looks just outrageous. Yeah. It has also grown somehow. I don't know.

No, no, it didn't.

I'm not really sure.

Couldn't.

Couldn't. Couldn't have done it. Couldn't have done it.

Won't.

He looks like a wild animal.

Yeah, very much so.

And.

And he becomes one. And he does shortly. Which makes absolutely no sense. But we'll talk about that when we get.

We're gonna talk about that as well. I'm just trying to think of anybody else. Charlie. Charlie looks.

Charlie looks like a certified snack.

Charlie somehow looks even better.

He does. Like, I'm agreed.

Yeah. When he first walks in, like, we'll get to it with the birthday presents, I was like, hi, Charlie. Hey. Hi, dad. What's going on?

Hi, Zaddy.

So everybody looks great. We don't have to really deal with Bella's mom, which is great.

But we hate Renee.

Can't stand Renee.

Renee's the worst.

Cannot stand her. Of course.

Of course. Bella's having a fucking meltdown crisis.

Yeah.

I think at one point in the book, it's described as a walking coma.

Yeah. It makes sense.

Suffering. And Renee's nowhere to be found.

Nowhere. Yeah, yeah, It's. It's fine. She's got her. You know, she's got her minor league baseball player boyfriend. Yeah. So it's pretty serious. Phil. Yeah. There you go, Phil. We do meet some new folks in this one, which maybe we're gonna. We're gonna meet the Volturi.

I love the Volturi.

I too, very much love the Volturi.

I love one person in particular, and you love one person in particular, and they're a different person.

And I absolutely know that. Everyone knows that. That I love Arrow so much.

Yeah.

His insane laugh.

Is that in this movie or is.

That later he does one in this? He's. He's known to do many, but there's one. There's one in a later.

I think it's Breaking Dawn.

It is Breaking Dawn. I think. I can't. When we get.

Elena does a sick impression of it. It's true in every sense of the word.

Yeah. He's played by Michael Sheen, and I think he just eats that roll up. He was made for that. He really was.

Marcus.

Marcus.

Tortured Marcus, who looks like he's literally shit himself and is, like, suffering the worst gastrointestinal pain of all time.

He's in such distress in the movie.

I was like, what the fuck is wrong with that guy?

And here's the thing. When we get to it, I'll explain who all these people are. I'll explain their backstories. But from the Illustrated Guide once again. So all these are directly from Stephenie Meyer's own brainium. Some of them even have conflicting information about themselves within the same paragraph. So that's fun. Fun and new. Perfect. And we'll get to, like, some of these little. Some of the little things, like, you know, we mention imprinting in this one.

Shuttered.

We are going to learn about, finally, the werewolves in this one. We. We didn't really have it going on in Twilight. We get to see why the Quileute tribe, which is a real tribe.

Yeah.

Why they have mixed feelings about this whole thing.

By mixed feelings, we mean, like, aren't really happy about it.

Yeah. There's one of the things is they didn't get compensated for the story essentially. I mean, they're a massive. Their lore. One isn't exactly this lore. Yeah. It's been twisted a little bit. And so there's that which is not great. Yeah. And then also the lore is used for a very large part of this story and they just kind of saw nothing except for people traipsing around trying to like get a glimpse. Yeah. Like kind of becoming tourist attractions. And that's.

That's so American.

Not great. Yeah, not great at all. They did establish people of the tribe, established the Truth vs. Twilight initiative and it's via the Burke Museum. And apparently it's to like combat the. The false part of the narrative that's so shitty that they kind of.

Yeah.

Like, they just wanted to. They just wanted to like counter what was right and like truth and what was made up for Twilight. Right. So we'll get back, we'll get into that as well. But I. The never being compensated thing, I was like, that's a bummer.

That's really shitty.

Cuz I also just, I'm like, if you're going to make up like this story and this lore and have it involve real people. Real. Like, it's like why you should have just made up a whole. If completely fictionalize, like meaning fictionalize who these people are. If you're. You know what I mean? Because I feel like it's worse to take from real and use the real name. Yeah. And I mean, I am not part of the Quileute tribe, obviously, so I'm speaking from a totally outsider point of view. Just what it looks like to me. But I don't know, I feel like I would be a little annoyed by that.

Yeah, probably.

But you can only do what you can do. Yeah. And either way, the werewolf shapeshifter thing does become like a central part of this whole thing, which is what we've been waiting for. We finally are gonna get the true Bella, Jacob and Edward triangle. It's the beginning right here. This is where it begins.

Especially the end of this movie. Like really heats it up for Eclipse. And it's just.

Yeah. Wild because I feel like you couldn't come out of Twilight the first movie or the first book and truly be like, are you team Jacob or are you team Edward? There was like, there was no team like you, Edward.

1. You barely saw Jacob.

Yeah. Like, and. And Jacob kind of felt like this like younger brother esque thing. Almost like, you know, like you. He wasn't even on your radar.

And Then even in, even in New Moon, it's hard to choose because Edward.

Has just basically been dominated the whole thing.

Not only dominated the whole thing, but is an asshole. Yeah. In New Moon.

Yeah.

Like, it's hard to be team Edward in New Moon.

Yeah. And you, you do feel like. I felt so bad for Jacob at times in this one because I felt like, damn, he just got like full blown used.

No, he really did. And she basically says as much at one point. Yeah, yeah.

Like, she's pretty funny.

She's like, yeah, I'm just gonna hang out with you because, like, I don't.

Really want to because I'm kind of losing my mind without effort.

You want to vroom, vroom on these.

Bikes, Jacob, you want a vroom, vroom.

You want to go for a ride?

But then when he. And we'll get to it, obviously, but then he's basically like, I'm not going to give up. And I was like, you do have, at some point, though, when somebody has told you they're not interested, you can't just keep going, you know?

Well, is it like a weird thing because he, like, with the imprinting stuff, like, obviously later and we'll get into that, like, when the time comes. But he imprints on Renesmee, who's like Edward and Bella's baby.

An infant.

An infant. Like I said, we'll get there. But it's like, did something like, in him inherently know that that was gonna happen? Like, not like consciously, but that's why he couldn't be rid of Bella. Or is he just obsessed with.

No, I think he's just obsessed with. I think he's. Honestly, I think he's like, in love with her. Yeah, he's like, very. Or like whatever it is.

Infatuated.

Infatuated. And. And the problem is, like I said before, like, when someone says they're not interested, you gotta move on. She doesn't really say it. She kind of like, is like. She doesn't say till the end.

Yeah.

You know, like the end. She makes it. It's always going to be him. I'm going to pick him every time. Yeah, that's clear as day. So that's when it's like. But before that, you're like, you need to be a little clearer to him.

Well, that's the thing.

Because you're like nuzzling up on him. You're like almost kissing him a lot.

You're telling him he's all your days.

Together and then you're just kind of being like. And it's like, just be a little more upfront. Like, just say, no, it's okay. Just say like, not interested. Not gonna.

What I remember of the third one, like, I feel really bad for Jacob in this one because of all that. But then in the third one, you're like, okay, Jacob, you.

Well, that I. Exactly. Because it's like in this one, they really set you up to be like, oh, that poor kid. That poor kid. Until it gets to the end. And then you're kind of like, all right, going on here. And then in the third, in Eclipse, you're like, okay.

Like, it's like, I'm getting a restraining order.

Yeah. And then there's also like, Edward can be a dick. It's like, this is just toxic.

Edward and Bella's relationship is the most. Literally. This is from. This is from the website. In the description of New Moon, Stephanie wrote for Bella Swan. There is one thing more important than life itself.

Edward Cullen.

I would like to go on record that like, when I'm a mother, if any fucking lore like this ever emerges in my household, like, if I ever find a book that says this shit on the back, anything, if anything, like, near it, I'll sit my girlies down and be like, girls or boys or whoever. What the fuck is this? This is so not okay.

Yeah.

Like, I think about my mom letting me watch this, I'm like, did you read this?

That's the thing.

Like, so toxic.

I feel like this is like. It's. You know what it is? It's like this is like when you read these things as an adult, like these dark romances where, like, it's a morally gray love interest and all that, that becomes like, appropriate in a way that you can distinguish that from.

Yes.

Your real life. You know what I mean? Because, like. Because like, right now, like, I'm reading, by the way, I'm reading Phantasma oh. By Kaylee Smith. I really hope I got. I think you're right. I mean, just turned it on your.

Counter, but I don't know.

Is it right next to me? Oh, yeah. I was like, wait. I keep bringing it around with me. I wanted to make sure I got her name right. It's Phantasma by Kaylee Smith. Such a good book. It's like a horror esque, dark romance. Really good. And also like fantasy in there because.

It'S like so like dark Romantasy.

Yeah. And like the. The love interest is this like phantom named Blackwell who's like, very morally gray. And I'm. But I'm literally like Spend the rest of your days with him. Like, I'm like, that's. But in real life, John is very much not Blackwell, the Phantom, who's morally gray, I can assume, you know, like, he's a good guy. Like, it's like, when you're an adult, you can sit there and be like, oh, Ophelia, get it, girl. And then, like, you can be like, but I love this man who's a good man, right? But I feel like what you were saying, like, there was such young girls reading this.

I thought this was top tier romance.

And this is for this to be where you get your. Like, oh, this is love.

This is pure this man. This is love.

Coming from, like, now an adult point of view and a parent point of view.

I'm like, like, abandon me in the woods and run away from me with your whole family. So I know it's real.

So, like, what.

How does he get the whole family involve. Everybody has the last family, like, qua. And where does everybody. So unclear. Where everybody goes?

Very unclear.

Where does everybody go?

I also. Here's the thing. And again, we're gonna get to it. But during this whole thing, Edward appears to Bella in a vision, right. Whenever she's doing some reckless shit. And it like, so when I first. I don't remember reading this. Like, I remember that I read this book.

It was.

I didn't remember, like, all the details. And then I remember seeing the movie. Not once did I ever know until about 20 minutes ago when Ash informed me that she was not actually seeing. I thought he was somehow projecting himself. Because in the books, she only hears him. She doesn't see him, of course. And in the movie, obviously, they wanted that visual element, so they have him appear. I thought he was really projecting himself. And I thought that's why he said, don't be reckless, because he was like, I don't want to have to project myself.

No, she just knows that he would say that.

But that's why I'm like.

But I get what you're saying because it's not super obvious.

Because I'm like, you set this up so to not be clear.

Yeah, well, in her mind, it is very clear.

It's not.

So this is. This is from Stephanie Meyer's, like, actual website, like the archives. This is Frequently Asked Questions from New Moon. Was Edward somehow physically connected to Bella with the whole hearing voices thing? Or if you're watching the movie, like, the seeing him.

Yeah.

She says no. So powerfully, was Bella's subconscious knowledge trying to break through her wrongheaded notions that it produced some very convincing delusions. I'm not surprised that people thought in the beginning that Edward was somehow there. Wishful thinking on all of our parts. However, I am surprised that people continued to think this after a certain event that made it impossible to believe that Edward was aware of Bella's circumstances. Can you guess what it was? Laurent in the meadow. If Edward had any inkling of the fact that Victoria had returned for Bella, no matter how far away on the planet he was, he would have been back to forks within 24 hours.

Here's the thing that's not that clear. She was in imminent danger. A couple of times she got on the back of that motorcycle, he could. He's watching her go, like, do these stupid things, you know? Or like, in. If you think that he is watching.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? And that this is him projecting. If that's what you thought, which is what I thought, then it would be like. But no, I've seen. If I think he's really appearing, then I've seen him let her do this stupid over and over again. Right. And it's like, who's to say that Laurent isn't bullshitting, you know? Like, to me, that didn't seem very serious when he said it. I thought he was bullshitting at first. What? Like. Like, if I would, like, Laurent.

Oh, that Victoria was back.

Yeah. Like, I could see. Because he does do kind of like a fliparoo where, like, in the first movie, in the first book, he, like, he kind of works with the Cullens and, like, helps warn them. Then he does this, like, flipperoo where he's just like, I don't know. I guess I'll just eat you now. And it's like, what the. Like, it does seem a little like, you know, like, what's big? Like, I guess he's hung vampire, clearly. And his eyes are, like, bright red, so he's clearly hungry.

Like.

Or has. You know, he's going.

He just doesn't give up.

He's wilding out, you know, But I don't know. I just. That. What? That didn't. I think it didn't hit hard enough for me.

Well, I mean, obviously it didn't hit hard enough for a lot of people because it's a frequently asked question. Yeah.

Like, you. You wonder. I'm like, yeah. To me, it just felt like it made more sense to me that there was some kind of, like, telepathic connection between them.

Yeah.

Where he could project himself into her thoughts or into her space. There Especially when it was just a voice.

Yeah.

That made more sense to me thinking now that, like, she was just literally losing it. Like, literally having delusions auditorily and visually hallucinating him is so much more upsetting.

Well, she is like.

Like, that's really.

This is sick.

Yeah. When you. Now that I know that, I'm like, this is even worse than I thought.

But, I mean, she tells us on the back of the book there is one thing more important than life itself. It's Edward Cullen. Like, that is fizzity.

Fizzity. Yeah.

Like, obviously, like, people.

Like.

Like, you love your children more than life itself, or you love. Like, that's really the only thing I can think of is that, like, you love your children more than life.

They've been together at this point for months.

They're teeny. Well, she's a teenager.

They're teenage.

And I'm also like, you've presumably never loved a boy before. Like. Yeah.

Which, of course, when you love someone for the first time, it's so. It is all consuming. And it's not to say that, like, I'm not sitting here being like, what the. Get over it. Like, I was a wreck over much bigger losers than Edward Cullen.

Let me tell you.

Let's be real. Yeah. Distraught. Yeah. Not this distraught. Well, not.

Not walking coma distraught. And, like, sitting alone at a lunch table, getting on the back of losers. Motorcycles.

Jumping off a cliff.

Jumping off a. Like, this is. I'm sorry.

Screaming in the middle.

That's exactly what I would call the doctor.

I'd call someone.

I would absolutely be on the. Be on the phone with a doctor.

Mom, pick me up. I'm scared.

Doctor, let's call in something, because this is.

We gotta do something about this. I mean, poor Charlie.

Poor Charlie. But also, I'm like, charlie, call someone.

Like, who does he call?

A professional.

I don't. Who's the professional psychologist?

A psychiatrist. Bring her to the.

I don't know.

The fact that nobody brings her to the hospital.

Yeah.

Is cuckoo nuts.

It is cuckoo nuts.

Like, this is. Obviously, this is fiction, but if this was really happening, you would be like.

We have to get you evaluated. Yeah. Like, something needs to change here.

And instead, Charlie's like, I'm gonna send you back to Arizona because this is not okay.

Yeah.

And I'm like, I don't think uprooting her and sending her to live to Arizona.

It does say that her mom is also in on that. Which makes most sense.

That actually, Renee makes sense.

Come on back.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, you don't even have a permanent address, Renee.

I know, because they're in, like, Jacksonville, I think, at that point.

Yeah. Or they were.

Who knows? But when we start this whole thing too. This whole thing really relies on age. Yes. I mean, she starts off, she harps and harps. This is an 18 year old girl, let me tell you, from. From my aged position over here. Yeah. Pissing me off listening to her complain. When she gets up and is like, do I have a gray hair? I'm like, go fuck yourself. Unless you ring me on the horn when you have to buy a box of dye every couple of weeks just to make sure you don't look like, you know, mother time over here.

Can I tell you something Drew didn't know that you dyed your hair.

That is the greatest compliment I've ever heard of.

Drew did not know that.

Just that you dyed your hair. That just.

And then here I'm outing him fully.

He's gonna be.

So I go, she gets gray sometimes. Like, have you not seen that? And he goes, I just thought that was like her roots. And I said, well, yeah, that are gray. That, like, if that kept growing, her hair would be gray. So when it goes away, it's because she dyes it. And he was like, oh, okay. We had like an hour long conversation about it. And then I was like, like, we. We talked about family hair. I was like, are you all right? I was like, are you? And then we talked about, like, how redheads occur in families. It was crazy.

Yeah.

I had to. I had to bring back the. The lore of punnett squares. He.

The lore of.

No, I literally was like, do you remember punnett squares and, like, recessive traits?

And he was like, yeah, kind of.

No, actually, that's probably his exact reaction. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love that he didn't know that. Honestly. Just made me feel so good. I'm like, well, damn.

He had no idea.

We're keeping it looking real here, so that's good.

Later in the argument, he was like, well, no. Like, I knew she dyed her hair. And I was like, no. When this started, you had no idea?

I said, no, I love that a lot.

Yeah, it was wild.

I love it. So that's amazing. But yeah, age. The whole age thing is. Is a real thing.

They come after 40 year olds in particular later.

They sure do.

I thought Alina was gonna yeet her.

Computer across the room, but it begins with Bella being like an elder. Yes. And it's like her. And she's having a dream about her and Edward. And she's in the meadow. An older woman. She's an elder. And they're in the meadow. And he says, happy birthday, Bella. She's beautiful.

She's a gorgeous Debbie. Thought she was Jane Goodall.

Yeah. I was like, damn, rip, Rip. But I understand her pissiness here because, like, if my boyfriend is hot and immortal and is never gonna age and outright refuses to allow me the experience of staying hot and never aging. Mm. I'd break up with him. Yeah. You're not gonna make me age. Like, that's not something that's gonna happen.

You won't do it.

As somebody who has a whole fucking arsenal of skin care right now trying to make it so that I don't look like a prune. You don't. In the next few years, if my boyfriend had. If John had venom in his veins that he could just give to me to make it so I stop this. And I never have to put, like, I love MetaCube, but I would never have to do my full meta cube. It's a lot of process ever again. Yeah. And he was like, no, I won't do that for you, Leaf. Deal breaker.

Find you. There's obviously more vampires out there.

Yeah. What the.

Find somebody who will.

I. I asked him recently. I was like, would you. Because I was. I was, like, going through this and thinking about it. I was like, would you do that for me? Of course. He was like, of course I would. Why not? I don't. That's the.

That's the big, like, plot hole here is like, why not?

And I think it's. And it's the whole soul. Fuck that. Yeah. Fudge that.

Well, like, eventually. Well. And then by the end of this, like, spoiler alert, he's going to have to. Because now the fudgeing.

Now he has to. But he's even trying to get out of it. Oh, I know that motherfucker. I'm like, God damn. I would. I'd start. I'd be sus. I'd be like, who is it that you have. That would be my crazy.

I know.

Especially it's 18 years old.

Oh, put him up.

He's not.

Put him.

He's not changing me into a mortal baddie.

Who's your side.

Who is your immortal baddie that you will not. You're just waiting for me to age out.

You got a wife. Am I your side piece? What the Is going on?

I'd be pissed. I didn't like it. This is. It's her birthday. She's turning 18. Yeah. We see, Charlie, he brings in adorable.

He's hot little.

And she. She loves purple. And you wrapped them in purple. Oh, it was very sweet. And he looks so good. The first shot of Charlie, I was like. Like, setting us off, right? Yeah. She gets. She gets a digital camera, and it's like a pink digital camera. And it brought me back.

Oh, yeah, I had a blue one.

Oh, I loved it.

Remember taking mirror pics with your camera?

Yeah. They had to be in the picture. Yep. And there's another part when she goes to school and she sees everybody and she goes to take a picture of all of them, and she'd. You used, like, two hands to take a photo? Yeah, because. No, because you have to be steady.

Yeah.

She does that, like, mouth thing where she goes her bottom lip in and she, like, blinks a lot and holds it up with one hand and just is like. And when she does it, she makes this face like, oh, this is really hard. And she snaps that photo with one finger. And I said, that's blurry. Yeah, that's blurry. Nobody can tell me that's not blurry.

She also. When they're like, oh, like, Bella, it's the big day. Like, yay. Like, I'm excited to see you. She takes that camera and is like, my mom wants me to, like, make a scrapbook of memories, so I guess I'll take a couple of pictures of you idiots that I hang out with from time to time.

I don't even like you.

No, she. It's giving the energy of, like, you guys are scoundrels, and I hate you, but post this picture.

Yeah. She's like, I would never commit your images to film. No, she wouldn't, but my mom said I had to. I was like, are you 18?

Renee wants me to make a fucking.

Scratch stay being friends with her.

I think it's one of these ride.

Or dies right here.

They are. In fact, I think it's one of those things, especially for Mike, is like, you want the girl that doesn't want you.

I guess because she doesn't want anybody.

And that's why everybody, including friends, she.

Doesn'T want any of that.

Yeah, it's wild.

Honestly, Jessica is the realest bitch in this entire thing, and we'll get to her. And I remember thinking when I was.

Younger that she was such a.

They set her up to be. They set her up to be, like, they, like, the. The. They know who they're playing to.

And you watch it as the younger person. You're like, oh, my God, Jessica. Like, why don't you understand what Bella's going through? You watch it as an adult. You're like, oh, my God, Bella, you're the worst friend ever. And can you just listen to her problems, too?

No, of course you won't. No, of course you won't. And behind her, Edward pulls into the parking lot and takes up the three spaces. Thank you. She parks at least three spaces, let.

Me tell you, because I have personal experience with this.

Horizontally.

I went on a date with a guy that did that, and when he got out of the car and I sat in the car, he had to, like, run in and do something. I said, this will be our first and last date. I will never go out with this man again.

Are you. You out there? Ick. If you're listening right now, do you or someone you love do that? Do you park across three spaces horizontally like a snickerdoodle?

I had never. What is that, like a snicker doodle?

I don't know. It's the closest thing. I don't know.

Do you do that like a snickerdoodle? You said that with such ghost toe. I said, is that a thing? It's a thing, that snickerdoodle. I made it up.

I don't know. I don't know. I just needed. I needed something.

It hits for me.

Okay.

I thought you were gonna say, like. Like a. No, like a snickerdoodle. No, I just remember, like, having that experience and being like, yeah, that's looking.

At it on film. I don't know how I didn't notice it before, because now I know I just noticed it, too. And I was like, oh. Like, it immediately was like, oh, God. Get the back in that car. And you park like you want to pretend you're a human.

Get back in the car.

Parking because it gives.

Like, I'm more important than these two other people.

What the. I'm like, you in your Volvo.

Like, at my school, they would tow you. Yeah. They'd, like, take your car away forever.

In my school, they just throw a bunch of baloney on your car. Go ahead. At the end of the day, take that off. Takes the paint right off.

First she hits us with snicker toodle asshole. And then she tells us that at her school, which I went to, by the way, that they would throw baloney at your car. What is the dark lore there? What did somebody. Who hurt you.

Nobody did that to me. What? I've. I've. I've heard about it, okay? What? It's happened it's happened.

All right.

Baloney will take the paint right off.

School officials do that. The principal out here, like, make it a great day. Or not. I'm gonna throw baloney at your car.

I'm just saying. I would throw baloney at his car.

Also, the fact that baloney takes the paint off of car and p. And cars and people still eat it is.

That should tell you something. That should tell you something. It is. Also, they kiss in this scene, and it's porn. They barely keep it together. Like, they are so glad for them that they're having that experience every single time they kiss.

Maybe have it at.

At home. Those are private moments. Like, not in the middle of the school parking lot. Because both of them look like. I was like, do you need a minute? Like, what?

Those are the noises that they literally.

It's frightening. It is. And then. So they have their porn kiss, and then Jacob shows up and is like, Bella. And he's like, I got a birthday present for you. She looks over and says, jacob. And then she does this hair tuck thing where she's like. Like this very. Like.

Like, gid.

Like, coquettish, like. And she literally goes her hair behind her ear in that, like, way. Yeah. And then she's like, hello, biceps. Your tongue was just in your boyfriend's throat.

Actually, it wasn't, because she would have passed out had that been the case.

That's very true.

But basically, the.

The idea was there.

It was implied.

And then you turn around, get super giddy about this, gotta fix your hair immediately, and then say, hello, biceps. I can tell you right now, I don't know that John would be super understanding of this.

No, Drew, definitely.

Here's the thing. I do know that John would not be super understanding about. That's just. I'm like. I know that I wouldn't be super understanding about this. No. Had this been flipped around.

I'm barely understandable about, like, celebrities.

Yeah. This is not. This would not go over well for me.

Also, Bella, today's your 18th birthday. Jacob's 16.

Yeah.

Leave his biceps alone.

Leave his biceps. That's baby biceps. Felonious. It is. Now they run into Alice, and Alice is wearing, like, a paint smock.

Yeah, of course.

As an outfit. Yeah. She looks adorable, though.

Yeah, she's cute.

Even in the paint smock. Her hair did grow.

It did.

The whole time they're talking because Alice wants to plan a party for Bella's birthday. You know, she just wants to have the Cullens. It's very strange. Yeah. It's Weird. Jasper, our confederate soldier guy back there. He is just like losing his. He's. He's like REM in the back. He's losing his religion. Like he's just. He can't. He can barely. He can barely hold it together. And no one is bleeding right now.

Here's the other thing. Like accidents happen a lot at school.

Yeah.

Like people get paper cuts pretty frequently. Kids get into fights sometimes and blood is drawn.

Like bloody noses.

Bloody noses.

Periods. Periods are happening. Period. Period. Yeah.

How does he keep it together?

It's a. It's a great question.

And also he does this like mind thing on Bella or like the body calming effect. Because she says like, no fair, Jasper.

That's not.

It doesn't hold up later.

He can control like the temperature of everybody's mood. But she's supposed to be like a. Yeah.

Have like a force field around her basically. Yeah. Remember?

Because later on she's got like some kind of block. Yeah.

Like when Jane tries to do the thing to her later, it just doesn't work.

And it doesn't work when the arrow does.

So why does Jasper.

So why does Jasper's. Unless.

And why can Alice see her choices and visions?

Yeah.

It's all a little muddy.

Yeah. There is a little muddiness. There is a little bit. A little bit. A little bit in. In class they're watching Romeo and Juliet. Because that's a heavy theme in this whole thing as well. Is it the.

Is the prolog Romeo and Juliet?

Is it. I have. I can't remember me, everybody.

I think it was supposed to be. And if it's not, I think it got.

Oh, there's like a. The first page is. These violent delights have violent ends and in their triumph die like fire and powder which as they kiss, consume.

Gorgeous. When Edward recites Romeo and Juliet. I get it.

I understand. Here's the thing.

Does nothing for you.

I didn't really. I don't really. I think it's. I think it's the dead eyed way in which he does it. Well, he is dead like but here for that. Usually I love somebody who looks like they've passed on, but she's got that Nicole Richie type. But usually I'm for that.

If you've seen that. Tick tock.

You know it's when you're reciting Shakespeare. Yeah. Give me a little something. Give me a little something behind that. When you're dead eyed staring and just like monosyllabically saying it. Not look at you.

Five point word.

Not doing it for me.

I Think that I was conditioned to love Edward Cullen. And I don't want to be unconditioned.

Just.

No, like, I recognize that it's toxic, but I'm here for it.

I also love Edward Cullen. I mean, I love, I love. And I know everybody knows this. If you watch the rewatcher with us and listened along. I love a morally gray to just outright vile fictional dude. So I'm, I'm not here to tell anybody. I'm not here to tell you that like you shouldn't like Edward Cullen, because I love Edward Cullen as a character. It's just that that read. Didn't do the. Didn't do it.

Different strokes for different folks.

Give me a little something. It's Shakespeare. Put a little, put a little something into it.

I felt, I felt what he put in there.

It was that dead eyed stare I couldn't get past. But while they're, they're watching Romeo and Juliet in school, in class, before he recites it and he just like casually tells Bella, he's like, you know that time when you got bit by James and like almost died? I was just gonna kill myself. And she was like, whoa. And he was like, I mean, what time to say it? Well, and he's literally like, I planned it. And she's like, you what? Like, excuse me? And she's. And he's like, yeah, I know. It's like, it's a little harder for me to do it. So I was going to go to Italy and I was going to, you know, I was going to like provoke the Volturi into killing me.

Planned on their conversation.

That's. You're just sitting in the back of English class.

Yeah. And also like, the Volturi is not supposed to be known to anybody.

No.

So him even telling her that is no bueno. Him saying that in English class is probably pretty wild. Probably an issue.

If Arrow heard that, he would laugh so hard and he would kill you. Really? He should. Yeah, because he's like, you're fucking this up. Yeah, well, no, he shouldn't. He doesn't know that because he has to touch the person before he hears all their thoughts.

But later he touches Edward.

Yeah, but I'm sure that one didn't. You know, for me there's millions of thoughts that he's reading, so I'm sure that one didn't permeate.

You would think hearing Volturi, you would.

Think, you know, speaking of the Volturi, he explains the one law that the Volturi really enforces is that they have to keep the existence of vampires a secret. And with that, I want to just quickly tell you about the Volturi.

Let's.

Since we're illustrating mentioning them.

Illustrated God, Illustrated Guide alert.

So according to the Illustrated Guide, they're basically royalty to vampires, which Edward says as much. There's five core members at this moment. It's Arrow, Caius Marcus Sulpicia, which is Arrow's wife. Oh, yeah. Does she ever come back around? I don't know. And then there's Athena Dora, which is Caius's wife.

Cool of her to not make the wives important.

Yeah, cool. I don't know if she come. They come later or what. I don't remember ever seeing their wives. I don't like. I don't remember Arrow ever having a wife.

No, I don't either.

Yeah, maybe.

I haven't seen, I haven't watched. I can't remember one. I haven't read.

Like the. I haven't seen, I haven't watched. I haven't. I haven't been there.

It's been assumed at all in a while.

Yeah, we'll get there. Because we are gonna do all of them. We promise you this.

I watched Eclipse recently, but I stopped before breaking down.

I haven't watched Eclipse in forever.

When I went like back in October, I did Big Bang.

You went hard.

And then I fell right off.

See, I only hit one and I started New Moon.

I can never just watch.

You can't just watch. But they have their own city in Italy called Belterra.

That's pretty hot.

And they've secretly controlled it for 3,000 years. So that's pretty sweet. They pulled a fast one over on the Romanians at some point, the Romanian coven, because they were super powerful vampires at the time. And they tried to get them, like they were just beefing for territory, as people do. You know, we beef for territory. And they tried to get them to conform to the Volturi law. And of course the Romanians were like, no bitch. And so they used that as a reason to kind of like beef harder with them and take over their territory, which they ended up doing.

This is really topical.

It is. Arrow also likes to create vampires. Very specifically, he likes to create them when they have special abilities. It's like an army of very specialized vampires, which.

Why does that look.

I think that's just smart.

It's called curating. Yeah, look it up.

Hey, have a Pinterest board.

Let's go.

The World is Arrows Pinterest board.

Okay, so he's looking around his Pin is.

Oh, that's. No, that's re Watcher. Yeah, Yeah, I forgot they don't. They don't snarf out their fangs because they don't have fangs.

Oh, I forgot that they don't have fangs.

Which, to be honest, doesn't make sense. Kind of bullshit.

They don't have bang fangs. They don't have no shoes either. They're only white.

Boo. Yeah, like, true. And in this one, when you see Laurent, they cast like this weird pale filter a little bit over him. I don't know if you noticed it too.

Like, they white.

When they first show him, he's like, paler than he looks. And I was like, don't do that. His skin is gouge.

Yeah.

Because in the first movie, I mean, there's no filter. I mean, in both movies, I think Laurent is.

He's fine.

Stunning.

Yeah.

But in the first movie, I don't know, it didn't look like it had that pale sheen filter over him. I'm not really sure if it was just like, lighting or whatever, but. Yeah. So they take over the Romanian territory. And Errol loves to create special vampires. He just wants to make sure the Volturi is, like, extra badass. So he's going to want all these specialized things. The biggest law is to keep vampires a secret. Of course. You don't want people knowing. They use humans as, like, servants, essentially. And sometimes they'll turn them, sometimes they'll eat them. As we hear at the end of the movie when Jane, like, one of them is like, oh, does she want to be turned? That's what Bella says. And she's like, so she'll be turned. And then Jane says, or dessert. And I was like, that's awesome.

I love Jane.

Jane is scary.

We get more of her, I think, in Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.

I love that Dakota Fanning ate that.

She eats up every rule.

She really.

I love her.

There's also. There's another law that's, like, really important to the Volturi that doesn't get touched upon here yet, but we'll get to it. Is the making of Immortal Children.

Oh, yeah.

They don't want that. That's why Renesmee becomes such a problem. Big issue. Yeah. Which we'll get there. So the present day Volturi, they have like nine permanent members of the Guard, apparently. Like, there's five of, like, the big wigs, and then there's nine members of the Guard. Okay. And then there's like a bunch of other members outside of that, but there's Jane And Alex, who? Or Alec. Excuse me. They're twins. Where they were turned because they had special abilities as humans. Okay. And Arrow heard about this. This is according to the illustrating. Arrow heard about these special abilities when they were like toddlers, like when they were young.

So good.

He didn't. So he started, like, following them around.

And not just rolling through these streets behind toddlers, just like, waiting for them to.

To like, something to happen.

Catch Arrow at your local toys.

He also. He can't make an. He can't make immortal children. That's part of the law. So he couldn't turn them. No. So this is interesting. And I don't know if it gets touched upon in the movies. I can't remember. So Jane and Alec, they're twins. They're. I think they're like around 800 A.D. is when they existed. And when they were like 12, as they grew up, they had these abilities. Psychic abilities. Jane has the ability to cause inflict insane.

So much mass destruction inside.

And Alec, his thing is he can cut off anyone's senses. Hearing, seeing, smelling, feeling. That's pretty dope. He can cut him off, like, totally. I thought you were gonna say he.

Can cut anyone off. And I said, that's also my special ability.

That's also become mine. But yeah, he can do that. That. So their. Those abilities were not, like, fully formed, but they were kind of in. Like, a lot of people in their village thought they were weird. They started freaking people out in their village. They're twins. I love weird, dark psych. And like, they're both kind of like. Like, Jane's super, like, monotone and, like, scary. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, people in the village started thinking they were witches.

Iconic.

This is 800 AD. They burned them at the stake when they were 12 or 13 years old.

Oh, they literally burned.

They got burned at the stake at 12 or 13 years old. Arrow found out about this, and as they were on death, he said, well, I can save them all. Right. So he saved them, turned them into vampires.

That's honorable.

And now he gets to use their special abilities. And those special abilities, everybody got amplified when they became vampires.

Vampire hood.

Because Alec, while he was being burned, apparently was using his own powers on himself to not feel being burned.

Okay.

And so now he uses those powers to, like, incapacitate people that they're in battle with so that it's like an easier kill.

Ah.

And then Jane's just pissed.

It's good for her.

She got pissed. So she's just like, I was burned at the stake. I'm gonna. People up.

Yeah, let's go.

So I thought that was pretty cool.

That is pretty cool.

In the Volturi, cloaks determine rank. Like the. The whatever your cloak color is.

It's like Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw.

But it's like a. But it's like a ring. So like the darker cloaks are higher rank. Okay. And in the Illustrated Guide, there's a quote from Stephenie Meyer that says. Which I found like, interesting. She said, there aren't many bad guys in my novels.

Disagree.

I hard disagree. Even the bad guys usually have a pretty good reason for the way they are. And some of them come around in the end. I don't see the world as full of negatives.

James, question mark.

James, question mark. Arrow, question mark. Like question mark. Which we'll get to.

Jane, question mark.

I mean. Yeah. Like there's some bad guys. I feel like. Yeah. Well, you know. Well, like. Like what reasons Victoria prescribing as. As valid for hunting someone.

You know, each their own.

I guess. Like it's whatever you think is a.

Valid reason for morals.

Yeah.

Are different for everybody.

We do watch at the end, an entire tour group of men, women and very young children enter the Volturi lair and get slaughtered. So I don't. I don't know what reason we would prescribe that that would feel right.

But they were dumb.

But again, to each their own. You know what? They were too inquisitive of history.

They were silly too.

In search of knowledge.

Yeah. Great.

So that was interesting to me. I guess we can get. Should we get to era like talking about them now or should I wait until we meet them? Probably wait until we meet them.

No, why don't you go into it now? Because you're already in the Vulture. Yeah.

So let's talk about Arrow. Yeah. Because we've already talked about him. That's the thing. He's got black hair. He's got red black eyes. His skin is described as like translucent. Like a lot of them are vamp.

We're also described that way.

She love. Right. She loves to describe their skin as being like that of the skin of an onion. Which gives me that the most stick. Ew.

So it's like filmy.

That's the thing. It makes me think like kind of slimy in a way and like membraney. That's a thing. Like it gives. I was like, oh. A lot of them are described also.

Like, I love peeling onions.

Yeah. That's what they're saying.

It's like a Sunburn.

He's also described as 5 foot 10. Okay. Which I was like, he has big dick. He has big guy energy. Yeah, he really does.

Pretty tall.

He has much Taller Energy.

You're 5:1, so that's really tall to you.

That's tall to me. Yeah. It would be.

I don't know if I'm five' five or five' six. I've really never been able to determine, but yeah, pretty tall.

So five five With Brenna.

That's me. Possibly.

Yeah. He. I. He has the energy of somebody who's six foot three, I would say.

I would say.

Yeah. At least. At least a six footer. But his special ability, because of course he has one. He can touch somebody and he can, like we mentioned earlier, can hear every thought they've ever thought.

So disturbing.

Which feels like a wild ability. I'm like.

I'm like. Even the intrusive ones. Yeah. Even when I've like, wanted, like, not wanted to, but been like, veer off the road right now.

Oh, y. Cut your finger off. My question is, how are they cataloged? Do they just come flying at him?

Does he like, tab in his head where he can, like, click and expand?

Yeah. Like, how does. Are they just coming at him or can he like, flip through and be like. I'd like to look at the ones when they were 18 in this.

Like, I'd like to look at the.

Ones from this afternoon. Like, how do you.

Maybe they all just like. They all flood through, but they all hit.

It's pretty wild. He uses it later, and he's pretty effective at it. But the illustrated guide says at one point that he was transformed when he was like 40. Okay. And in the same paragraph, it says that he was in his mid-20s. Different. So different. I guess split the difference and say he was 30 maybe. Okay. I suppose. All right. He was the last of his coven to form a romantic attract attachment, which I. I'm like. That makes sense for Arrow, I feel.

Yeah.

Like, took him a minute. Yeah. You know, he's not one to settle.

I mean, if you can hear everybody's ever. Every single thought they've ever had, it would take me a minute to settle down as well.

That's true.

You know.

Yeah. I get that.

Yeah.

He also. He did kill his own sister. Oh.

Yeah.

Oh. So I think one of the reasons. So his own sister. I. I don't know how to say her name is spelled kind of wild.

It's D I D Y M E.

Diddy me Diddy me Diddy, Diddy me. Diddy me. He killed her because he killed her. He turned her. And then she became mates with Marcus.

Who looks like he has gastrointestinally.

He's the one who looks like he's constantly looking for a bathroom. He's looking for Emodium. And we know why now we'll get into it. But he's on the count. Like the Volturi with him. I think they planned to leave together. And so he killed her. I think he also. He didn't love. She had a special. I don't think she had like, crazy special abilities. So he was like, you're not really. I don't really need your shit, you know. And about him forming a romantic attachment last the way that Stephenie Meyer said it was. Arrow decided in advance that he would rather choose a human and create a mate than look for his match in another vampire who might have ties to her own creator or other relationships that would complicate his plans.

I get that.

I said, honestly, same king. I'd be the same way. Yeah. Like, if I was a vampire for that many years. Yeah. I'd be like, yeah, I think I'm just gonna like, choose my own adventure 100%. Like, I'm not. Because that person might have ties to their creator. And I don't want to. I don't want to deal with that.

Yeah. Sirehood is big.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like I'm for that. Yeah. So I get it. And again, he's the one who discovered Jane and Alex. So he's the one who did that. Okay. Okay. Now speaking of Marcus, who is his Arrow's sister's mate?

Yes.

Marcus has black hair. He has red in black eyes. He was the mate of Arrow's sister, Didymy, and he never got over her death. But he also doesn't know who killed her. Oh, yeah.

Fuck.

He doesn't know that it's Arrow, that.

It'S his literal, like right hand guy.

And he's been going through like he wants to discover who killed her. And so he's just a sad boy. That's. That's why he feels sad.

That looks that way.

He's very bummed, of course. So when he is sitting there and we'll talk about it at the end when we see him and he just looks tortured. He is.

He is like.

He is.

Wait, so what's his special power?

So his special power is he can see the relationships and connections that people have with each other, which I said, so can people with eyes. So, okay, special, like, I guess apparently in like a Big situation with, like, a big group of people. He can pick out the leader or he can sense, like, a bond between certain people.

So he's just a people person.

He can also see when bonds are weak, and that's just being around people.

He's an empath.

Yeah. Yeah, he's just, like, an uber empath.

He's got a good gut.

So he's.

Aside from the gas.

Aside from the. The Emodium. Yes. So that's Marcus. So he's just really sad.

See, I feel like Arrow probably would have killed him, but Arrow probably finds, like, joy. And knowing that he killed his sister, who was Marcus's wife, and now he can just watch him be miserable.

Yeah. You know, my guy Arrow. Because otherwise.

Otherwise, that's not a super useful skill.

No, but maybe it's kind of useful because it's like, you can tell when things. I think he can tell fast, so I think he can look over at somebody and be like, oh, that bond's not that strong. All right? Or, like, if people are pretending to have a strong bond, he could be like, nah. Like, that shit isn't real. Or, like, he can tell, like, fakery. Or he can tell these two actually care about each other a lot. They're not saying it, but, like, you could exploit that. All right? You know? So I guess that could be part of it. Caius, who is played by Jamie Campbell Bower, AKA Vecna, everybody. Look at that. He is one of these guys. He has white hair. He has the red, black eyes.

He.

His special power is just being a hater.

Love. Love.

In fact, Arrow literally says that he was impressed by his, quote, passionate capacity to hate.

I get it, Batman. That man's a Gemini.

Yeah, He. He's Vecna, essentially. Like, he is Vecna.

I don't know anything about Vecna, but.

So good at holding a grudge. Like, just professional. Professional.

He owns a grudgery.

He owns a grudgery.

Let's go.

He hates werewolves. Hates them. He wants them eradicated. Doesn't see a need for him at all. But the ones that he hunted were different from the Quileute tribe. Okay? He hunted werewolves that were actually called the Children of the Moon.

Obsessed.

And I guess they are real bona fide werewolves where the Quileute tribe are shape shifters, okay. And can choose when to transition into a werewolf. But the Children of the Moon, full moon, hits werewolf. Like, they don't get a choice, all right? Like, they're the. They're the werewolves that you think of in you Know, I mean, like the classic werewolves that don't have a choice. Every full moon, they're just gonna turn into a werewolf.

Buffy.

Yeah, Got it. So he was hunting those ones. Let's. I guess we'll stay tuned and see how he feels about the quill. You tried? Yeah.

Probably not good.

I'm gonna say this guy holds a grudge. Judge. I don't think he's gonna like him.

I'm obsessed with that special power.

Yeah. We already talked about Alec and Jane. There is a point in the book where Jane walks in and Arrow's so happy to see her. And he walks up to her and it's like, oh, my God, girl. And he just kisses her right on the mouth. I want to be clear with you that Jane canonically is 12 and Arrow canonically is either 40 or in mid 20s. Either way, not good.

Not legal.

She'll be kissing a 12 year old on the list.

No, no.

And she says like. She says like, hello, Master, when that happens. So there's a lot there to. To. To unpack.

There's a lot there to shove into.

Yeah. So much to shove into a corner. So we're gonna shove that into a corner right now. Because we're not.

Let's.

We're not quite there. So that's the Volturi of it all. That's. We're gonna get to that. That's a whole thing. And we'll get to the Quileutes a little more when we get that to that part, I think. Okay.

So bad where he was gonna kill himself. And he's just casually dropping that in English 101.

Yeah. And she's just like, whoa, that's crazy. Don't do that. And he's like, all right, I guess not cool. And they're just like. They just talk about how they're obsessed with each other and they can't live without each other.

Obsessed with you?

Very, very much. Like, a lot. A lot of pressure on each other.

Sort of like a trauma bomb.

They both are putting a lot of pressure on each other. Yeah.

You guys have only been together for like a few months.

So then we get to the Cullen house. The party is happening. At one point, she goes down there. It's real pretty. They did a great job. Lots of flowers.

The cake is the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my fucking life.

Yeah.

It's green and white and I hate it.

But I think Bella would love it.

Yeah. Because she has horrible faces.

I think they nailed that for her.

Well, Alice's style is also questionable.

But Alice just gets Bella, too. She's like, she will love this.

It's so gross.

Alice also runs up to her when she walks downstairs, takes a picture of her with the digital camera, and says, I got this out of your bag. I hope you don't mind. And I said, I would be like, I. I so much do I mind. Like, I'd literally be like, we should walk over here and talk about boundaries.

Are you a club?

Because none of you have any. And that's weird. You can't just go with my bag and get my birthday present out and use it. Like, that's just. You can't just ask me.

Yeah.

You know, I have a camera, obviously. So it's like, just say, can I use the camera real quick?

She knew that she would say, no.

No.

Bella doesn't like being in pictures.

Rosalie is the appropriate level of bitch that I want from a hot vampire. Yes. Like, I was thinking that as this scene happened, because she's, like, undoubtedly a wildly hot vampire. Like, she is the. And when you see her in this scene, you're like, oh, I would hate it if you were nice. Yeah. I would hate it if she was kind and welcoming. I'd be like, she is the appropriate level of bitch. She's uninterested. She's annoyed that she has to be there when she says.

She tells her what the birthday gift is.

Oh, my God. Alice just hands her a box and is like, you first, Rosalie. And Rosalie's like, it's a necklace. Alice picked it out.

I didn't get this for you.

I said.

She said, I didn't get this for you, and I won't give you the joy of surprise. It's a necklace.

No. Don't even open it. Who gives a shit? Like, I just loved it. I said, I love her. Then we have the whole. Bella cuts herself, little paper cut, just loses it.

Okay. I would like to come in here.

Yeah.

She gets a paper cut. Jasper was there in the first movie when we are to believe that Bella has, like, opened up her femoral artery and it is leaking everywhere and, like, hemorrhaging all over the place. And Jasper's in the background helping them fight off James.

Unbothered.

How can he not handle a paper cut when her femoral artery was hemorrhaging?

Yeah. Hello mention at all like, that. Like, after she passed out, Jasper had to be, like, taken out of the room.

Yeah, I do think they say that.

But, like. But, like, you didn't. But, like, he stays in the room he was able to be distracted.

Yeah.

With something.

Yeah.

That's the. That's the main problem is, like, he was distracted with the. The James of it all.

And I actually don't even know if they say it in the movie.

I think you're right.

I think they mentioned it.

Yeah. Because I feel like all of a sudden, that just popped in my head.

No, you are right.

Making that up.

They definitely mentioned it in the book.

And I think.

Almost positive.

I think they do that to explain it as the smallest way of explaining this, because I think otherwise it doesn't make sense.

But even still, it really doesn't.

Hold on. No, his reaction to that little of.

Blood and, like, the immediate reaction and.

That they can't stop him.

Right.

Like, he yeets everybody around, and Edward straight up launches, like.

Like, out of a can.

Like a T shirt gun. Launches, like, not a T shirt gun, like, launches Bella into a table. Into a glass table.

Yeah. And it shatters the shit out of her arm.

The paper cut was one thing, but then she just. Just opened up her arms, so she's bleeding everywhere. Now the whole place is just sitting there, like, snarling at her.

Also, she taking, like, three baby aspirin a day.

I hope so, because that is bleeder. Yeah.

But, like, whenever. Like, that paper cut, it was like. I was like, you're on a blood thinner.

Yeah. I was like, damn.

Like, what's going on, baby girl?

Calm down. Hello. Calm down, babe. But, yeah, it's pretty crazy. Yeah. It's nuts. And after Jasper tries to kill her and, you know, like, Carlisle fixes her up and everything, and they have discussion about Edward's soul. Edward is such a dick and kind of just disappears after this. Like, can't handle the fact that she's a human, that that's what could have happened. Blah, blah, blah. In the book, he comes over at one point to watch ESPN with Charlie and have, like, bonding time with him. Okay. And, like, basically ignores Bella the whole time. And, like, isn't very. Like, she's trying to, like, still ignore her. It's very weird.

I'd be like, why did you come to my house to ignore me, you douche? Yeah.

During this whole thing, she's doing her scrapbooking thing because, remember, my mom wants me to take pictures and do a scrapbook. I don't care about any of you. And she has a picture from the birthday party of her and Edward.

Yeah.

And she folds herself out of the picture and then tapes just him in there. And I was like, this is so damaging. To young girls to watch.

You don't matter.

You don't matter.

It's all about.

You're disgusting. He's perfect. So just crop yourself out.

You shouldn't actually even exist in physical photo form.

Like, what the. Yeah.

Bella should be seeing a psychiatrist.

Yeah. Like, and then when the Cullens stop going to school, because, remember when Edward is sad, they all have everyone.

Everyone shuts down their life and which, honestly, I'd be like, yeah, gets out all the time. Because why the Am I going. Why am I going to 6,000 gajillion years old?

Why am I going to high school for the 85th time in a row?

I think we have enough graduation caps as a joke.

Even though that. That art piece is pretty rad. But when they stop coming to school, like, they show Bella just sitting there, like, staring at their table, at the lunch table, and her friends around her are all, like, goofing around, making each.

Other laugh, throwing at each other.

If you're just watching this and you're like, as a young girl watching this, it's. It's like, this is what you should be doing. You should be goofing around with your friends, having fun, talking about silly.

Yeah.

And you are so deeply entrenched in this one person. It's like, exactly what. It's exactly what I don't want. No. Is somebody to be this. For them to be this entrenched in a person this young, this movie. Miss out on everything they should be doing.

We will show them the outtakes as a cautionary tale.

I will show them this as a caution and be like, you can't be like this.

Like, don't end it with the screams in the night. Yeah. Not the proposal.

That's how you will end. Yeah. Now, this is when she goes home and Edward is just creeping. First he steals the picture. He's in her room and he steals the picture.

So fucked up.

Yeah. And then he's just. He doesn't even leave a picture of himself. And then he's creeping in her fucking driveway. And he says, you want to take a walk with me real quick? And the way he says it, my true crime brain said, nope, no, you're not going in the woods with that man. Also, the way he said, you want to just take a quick walk with me for a minute in the woods? With how you've been acting and how you just said that. No, sir.

Why does he take her into the woods to do what he's about to do?

Still asking that question to this day.

Take her to her house. You make sure Charlie's home.

Yeah. Do it on the front steps and do it so she, like, go inside.

Why do you have to be in.

The woods if you didn't want to be in the house? Because you know you're going to be a. Yeah. Sit on the front steps, sit in her car, tell her, and then wait for her to go inside. So, you know, she's got somebody, like.

Sit in the back of her truck.

This motherfucker left her in the middle of Forks Washington Woods.

The fact that he makes her do a hike before breaking up with her. Volatile.

And the way they hike far in vast woods, and it's the most cutting thing he says to her is, I'm just sorry I let this go for so long. Oh. For some reason. That one. Just because he's pretending that he doesn't give a. Yeah. He doesn't actually like her.

Yep. It's a little too easy for him to pretend it is he.

And when he said, I'm just sorry that I let this go on for so. For some reason, that would have gutted me.

But you said, it's worse in the.

Book because it sounds. That makes you sound pathetic. Like, it's literally like, I'm sorry that I just, like, let you think I liked you for that long. Like, it's like, oh.

And then she Also in the movie, she's like, I'll go with you. And he goes, goes, I don't want you.

Yep. I'm like, damn.

Ouch. It's so diabolical in the book.

It's even in the.

You read it to me earlier and I almost cried.

It's a rough one. It hit me. So in the book, he says, don't worry, you're human. Your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind. And she says, and your memories. And he says, well, I won't forget, but my kind were very easily distracted. And then he smiles. He says, I said, you. I'm sorry, what?

I'll think of you from time to time. And then I'll distract myself, but I'll.

Just be distracted easily. Easily, like, ouch. And. And during all this in the book, because I noticed in the movie, when he says, like, promise me something, she doesn't say, like, yes, yeah, I will. She's just, like, in shock.

Yeah.

In the book, when he says, promise me something, she says, anything.

Oh, no. So as he promised a man anything in the woods.

Well. And when he's telling you, I don't give a About you. Like, I actually don't like you. I don't want to be with you. But promise me something. If you respond anything. What?

Yeah, girly. Like, what the girly mama.

It's rough in the book. It's rough.

Yeah, that's.

And it's. And it's rough in the movie, but it's rough in the book. So that whole thing. She gets left in the middle of the fucking woods after she tries to run after him. She's like, edward. And then she runs after him.

She actually says an exact. Edward.

Edward, Wait. And then she just falls down and just lays on. Which is like.

Can I just say something heartbreaking?

Oh, it is. She just lays on the ground and cries. It's so sad.

It's so pathetic.

It is. But you're just like, you have no basis of any relationship and you have very. Like, her mom is a wreck. Is absent. Yeah. Like, she's obviously. It's not like Charlie is so bad. And Charlie, especially in the book, Charlie absent. Like, just not. She has no. She does no concept of, like, what real love is. No. And this is just like, earth shattering to her that, like, the thing she thought was love. Isn't that.

Yeah.

It's so sad. It is pathetic. But it's like. Like, you look at it and you're just like, damn.

It's.

It's horrible because you also. You forget because to me, she comes off so young in this.

Yeah.

Like, it's like 15, 16. And then you're like, oh, you just turned 18. Like, damn. Get up. Yeah.

Scroll about your life.

Get up.

You got a shift at Newton.

Yes. And Sam finds her in the woods. And his wolf form. Sam is one of the Quileute tribes.

You skipped over the fact, though, that they literally had to send a search.

Oh, yeah. Like, they think she's dead.

Like, Edward left her so far in the woods and she passes out.

Charlie had to go.

Both of them are so just fucking reckless that they have to get a search party involved.

Like, Charlie literally has to become, like, chief of homicide in that moment and, like, find her.

Yup.

And it's like the Quileute tribe are obviously helping because they're friends with Charlie and they're.

And they can, like, sniff out the wolves.

And so they're. Sam, who ends up being the alpha of the tribe. We will learn. He finds her and picks her up and brings her back.

Just emerges out of the woods, just.

Shirtless and jorts out of the woods.

Can you imagine being Charlie in that moment?

Not Jorts.

Carrying my daughter out of the woods. Not Abjorts.

He was probably like, my life was so simple.

Go back, go back.

So simple.

Before you came, he says, give me a call.

Now I'm like sitting here having to watch a man in jorts with no shirt on carry you out of the woods.

Couple months ago you fell down a flight of stairs, fell through a fucking plate glass window, came back with a fucking bite.

With a bite mark on your arm.

On your arm. That moves by the way. That shifts. It's crazy. Local legend is that your boyfriend's a fucking vampire.

This is when we get our. It's a possibility and we just circle around her months. And in the book she does the thing where she has blank pages with just the months.

Yep.

On it. Which I think is a really clever. It's a good way of doing it.

I remember watching this and just like as a child sobbing ugly, titanic, ugly tears.

I said, loved you.

There's random trick or treaters in your yard.

People are trespassing on your property. Bella, call the police. Oh wait, your dad's a police chief.

It's so fun. She's in the same pair of sweatpants.

Same. And she's just staring dead eyed outside.

It's awful.

And it's just that the camera just like spins around and.

I'm sorry, but are we to believe that she just sits there for months? Like, does she get up?

You see little bits of her getting up, up. But like sitting and just staring off into the distance. Charlie trying to like, does she miss four months? Like what the. Like. And like then we get the screaming nightmares where she wakes up in the middle of the night just screaming bloody murder.

Screaming nightmares are where as a parent I draw the line.

That's when you've.

You gotta get professionals.

Yeah. You gotta get some help. Like. And this is because there's a part, there's a part where. Where Charlie. Poor Charlie, Charlie. It's just trying to. He's trying to do the dad thing or the parent thing really. And at night, one of the greatest things you'll ever have as a parent is when you just fall asleep on that couch downstairs because it's been a long day. And then you wake up at some unknown time and you're like, oh, I gotta get upstairs. But he's fallen asleep in front of the tv and she just starts screaming in her sleep. And you. He like jumps up and is like. And like goes to walk up upstairs. And I was like, she's 18. Yeah. He probably was like, what? I thought this ended in elementary school. Like, when, like, nightmares.

It doesn't.

Nope.

Not with Bella.

No, not with Bella. She's gonna bring you right back. She said, you thought. You thought you could sit in front of the tv.

It's crazy.

And then she's just sitting at. Alone at the Cullen's lunch table, which I think is diabolical. So far beyond the realm of like. Like, I would literally. This is when I said, bella needs a Capricorn friend at that table.

A reality check.

Sit there for maybe a day and watch that. Sit at that empty table. Yeah. The next day, I would get up, I would walk over there and I'd say, listen. Get your. Listen. Sniffles. Either.

Not sniffles.

Get over it and come sit at their table. Don't. This is stupid. Or get the fuck out of my eyeline while you're doing it, because this is dumb. Because also, I'm not watching you sit there and mope at their table. That's insane.

I can't imagine watching my friend do this after dating this guy for a few months.

That's the other thing.

Like, that's the biggest thing.

This isn't years.

It's crazy.

And it's the table. The table just gets me because I'm also like. That's attention seeking.

Next thing you know, she walks in wearing a pea coat.

That's a tent. Literally. She's.

She buys a Volvo.

She just starts triple parking. She walks in with a bag of.

Eggs and plays a carrot like the kazoo at the table. Like, that's where she. She alternates between a paint smog and a peacoat.

She starts, like, you know, bringing someone in that's supposed to be her brother but isn't.

Oh, man.

But, yeah, it's attention seeking at this point because it's in public, and you're literally doing that for the whole cast cafeteria to wonder what's wrong with you. But then somebody will walk out, up to you, no doubt, and say, hey, you okay? And you'll say, please don't ask me about this. It's private.

Yeah.

Even though you're sitting in public. She's that girl who goes on Facebook y and says, going, something really bad time right now. Don't PM Please don't pry. Please, please don't pry.

Please allow my privacy during this trial.

Allow my privacy. It's ridiculous. So at one point, Charlie says, it's just not normal, this behavior. Quite frankly, it's scaring the hell out of me.

And I said, preach, Charlie.

Preach, Charlie.

It's scaring us as viewers.

Yes.

I said, I'm scared about this fictional character.

We all feel. So she's like, don't worry, dad. Because he's like, I think you should just get the out of here and go back. That's the thing.

He's like, I called your mom. You gotta get the out. And he's like, I just to want.

Just want to fall asleep in front of the TV again. I miss espn. I just miss it. And she's like, no, it's cool. I'm fine. This is my home now. I love Forks. I'm not leaving. And he's like, awesome.

Can we also point out that, like, in the middle of, like, his daughter, like, screaming in the middle of the night and just being a general walking coma person, he's also dealing with all these weird attacks.

Yeah.

And, like, whatever else is on his police docket.

Yeah. Like, people are getting too much. Hikers are getting eaten too much. So he's like, weird prince in the woods. Yeah. And so she's like, don't worry about it. She's like, I'm going. I'm gonna go shopping with Jessica. I'm gonna have a girl tonight. And he's like, okay. Like, he's like, shopping. He literally is like, buy lots of. Yeah, bye. And so she calls Jessica, and I love it because she's like, hey, Jessica. It's Bella. Yeah, Bella Swan. And when I was first watching, I was like, what? And then I'm like, oh, I hope Jessica was being a complete. Bella was like, bella? Bella who? I don't know Bella. And Bella's, like, being such a dick that she's like, you don't remember me. Like, she's that in her own. Like, it's me, Bella. Come on. But this is a classic. Bella is not like the other girls. Like, she's always combat. She doesn't like shopping. She doesn't like that. She's like, oh, okay, we get it. Jessica, however, is hilarious. I love her, and I think she's a girl's girl, personally. Last. Remember last movie when Mike asked her to the dance? She asked Bella if it was okay when she's no Mike since she was in preschool, and Bella just showed up four minutes ago, and she's asking Bella for permission, even though Bella has no interest in him.

But she's like, is it weird? I don't know. Yeah.

You know what?

That's girls girl behavior. And to even.

Honestly, like, to even go out with.

Bella when she's been displayed such a dick.

Like, we only got to see her in the cafeteria. Imagine that in class.

Exactly.

And she's like, when she has to look at slides, it must be next level.

I'm saying she goes through a whole thing about. Because they saw a zombie movie. And she's like. And Jessica's take on it just like.

It says, leprosy is not a joke.

Yeah. She's like, I have a cousin who has leprosy. It's not funny. It's not funny. Then she's like, is it supposed to be consumerism? Because like, whatever. Like. And she goes through this whole thing, like, are you so.

Some girls love shopping.

Like, you're so pleased with your own self referential. And I was like, jessica's got it. She's on it.

She gets it.

She would be fun to hang out with.

She would.

Let's talk about zombie movies. Let's go. But as she's talking about this, she's like. And you know, like, you're depressing thing. Like, I get it. But like, you got to get over there. And she goes, I have stuff going on too. And she starts saying, mike said he just wants to be friends, which is hard. This.

She's also going through a breakup.

This is the point of the conversation when you hear her start to say, mike said he just wants to be friends, that Bella checks out. Literally checks out. You only hear Jessica say that fading out.

But you can see that she's still talking.

Oh, yeah. She's saying it. She's like. And she's still talking about it as Bella is looking at these bikers over there. As soon as this conversation went away from something Bella about Bella or what she's interested in, she went, whoop. She didn't give a about Jessica's problem. She didn't want to hear Jessica being like, hey, Mike said he just wants to be friends, and I'm bummed about it.

Yeah.

And like, can I talk? No.

Only Bella can be going through a breakup right now.

Bella's going through.

Bella's problem is bigger.

Bella has narcissistic tendencies. Up the walls.

I told you. She's baby girl. She's baby girlified.

So baby girl here. And that was so egregious. I was like, are you kidding me? Couldn't care less about anyone else's problems. It happens again, too. But the way I would assume in this moment that Bella has just lost it, because she has. The way she walks towards these bikers. And Jessica's literally like, are you good?

Like, what's going on?

She just abandons Jessica in a seedy part of town. Seedy part of town. Leaves her by herself, gets on this. She walks up to this biker who like, wait.

She actually. First she starts walking up and then she stops and she's like, oh, I thought I knew. Turns around, turns around, walks back, stops.

Walks the ground again.

I'm like, what are you doing?

I feel like those bikers would be like, no, thank you. Yeah, I feel like something's going on here.

You're more cool cuckoo than us. Yeah. You're having a moment.

Yeah. But she walks up to this one. He's like, hey, girl.

I'm surprised he wasn't like, are you the Fed?

He literally bites. The way he bites, he literally is like, what's up?

Like, he just. It's not for me. It's not for me.

I was screaming. I was like. I was like, good for you for giving it a shot.

It's not for me.

The lip bite kills me.

He's literally like, ew, Stop, stop, stop. She keeps doing, get on the bike. No, I don't. And I was like. And they're not wearing helmets.

This is also not in the book.

No.

So in the book, she doesn't go with. She sees them, but she doesn't go with them because Edward tells her to stop. She leaves with Jessica. Right. Like, right away.

Right.

Like, doesn't go on the bike ride. So that was interesting.

That would have been boring.

So she goes on that bike ride. She's like, well, what a rush. And Jessica. And that's when she sees you're gonna be more of a pain in the ass. And that's when she saw Edward, because Edward was like, hey, stop. Turn around. And she's like, no. Yeah. Now she now is excited about this because she's like, oh, I can see Edward when I do dumb.

I can put myself in life threatening situations. And then I will hallucinate my boyfriend who left me in the middle of the woods also, again, with his entire family.

Such a wild thing for young kid, like young girls especially to be reading or witnessing.

Yeah.

It's her doing the dumbest it because again, it's not quite clear whether she's really seeing or hearing Edward or not.

They should have spiced this up a little more.

And yeah.

Made it ya. Because this being YA is dangerous as it is. I'm now gonna be reading, like, when I have children, I will be reading every book that they read.

Yeah. Just to make sure. Because beforehand the themes are just like, yeah, the themes are not good.

Like, it explains so much about who I Used to be.

Oh, yeah. I mean, it's definitely. And again, we're looking at it from, like, an adult perspective. Kids. Yeah. Young people would eat this up. Like we did. Like we did. So she finds these two, like, scrap bikes, and she brings them to Jacob to fix for free so she can see her boyfriend again. Like, really, really take that one in. She also, Jacob, who is, like, very clearly infatuated with her from the moment he lays eyes on her again, she brings him junk and says, can you fix these bikes for me for free? And she's doing this so that she can see her boyfriend who abandoned her in the woods again. Yeah. Yep. She also.

I don't know if this is in the straight up movie or if it's the extended cut, but, like, some guy stops by with those bikes beforehand, like, before throwing them out, and Charlie's like.

What are you doing? Oh, yeah.

And Charlie's like. She knows how Charlie feels about this, too. Like, he doesn't want people on motorcycles.

And she's like.

And she's like, I'm gonna get on a motorcycle and I'm gonna. I'm gonna make Jake fix it for me. I'm gonna make Charlie worry about me.

Yeah. I don't give a.

About Jessica. And I'm abandoning all my other friends except for Jake.

It's all.

And the only reason I am friends with Jake is because he can offer me this service.

Exactly.

And, like, make me feel good every now and then.

Me being in his presence makes him feel like there's a chance. So if I can do that, I can get what I want out of it.

And I get a little bounce.

Damn. Yeah, you. Damn. This is the moment, though, where we.

Say, bella, where the hell have you been, loca?

Which is a Wild Life masterpiece is what you meant.

A wild line.

It's not in the book. This was specifically for the movie.

I need to know who wrote that in. And I need to high five.

Might have been Catherine Hardwick. I don't know. Or no.

Wasn't it a. Wasn't it.

Oh, no, this. Yeah, this was another one, so.

Well, I would like to high five this man.

Yeah. Whoever did this, they start talking about, like, age again. It comes up again.

Age is like a whole heavy ass theme.

And he says something. This is when he says, what are you, like, 40 now? Which I was like, okay, that didn't even bother me. I was like, whatever. But then she goes, I feel like it. And I was like, what does it feel like, Bella? Because I feel fucking great. I feel Better than you've ever felt. You watching this movie, I'm like, you're 18 years old. You're in far dire streets than I am.

Yeah, yeah, Okay.

I feel footloose and fancy free compared to you.

You said, I'm doing my medicube masks. And what do you know about it?

I feel better than you, Bella. I listen to soft jazz in the morning.

What do you do on an old timey radio? You, you twat.

What do you do? What do you need? What do you mean you feel 40? Doesn't sound like it. Sound like a whiny little 18 year.

Old is what you sound like right in the kisser.

And then she's sitting there with him while he's fixing the bike and she turns off the radio and she's like, I don't really like music anymore.

Pick me, pick me, pick up. Pick me, pick me, pick me.

Shut the up. That like that kind of. I'm like, stop it. Yeah.

It's also a good song. I think that's like when it's.

You don't like music anymore, too bad. You're in his garage and he's fixing your for you. So if he wants to listen to music, sorry, baby. Yeah, like, it's not your place. That's your budget. On your own, you don't have to listen. You can live in a blobby world with no music at your. On your own terms.

You were sitting in that chair listening to Licky Lee for months.

Exactly. For months.

Months, Bella.

And then later, I love it because she comes home and Charlie's like, like, hey, like, he's not coming back, Edward. So he's literally like, I don't know, maybe settle for Jacob. Like, that's essentially what he said.

Does he say.

He says, you gotta love what's good for you sometimes. So he's literally like, I don't know, try to like him.

I'm like, whoa, we are setting up.

Really, really bad here. When they're driving, at one point, Jake and Bella, they see Sam and like a few of the other tribe members.

Yeah.

And they were like Jake's friends, but now they're not. But now they're all of a sudden super buff, shirtless, and only hanging out with Sam. Only. And he calls Sam like a cult leader.

Yep.

And he's like, yeah. And you can tell, like, it annoys Jake. Yeah. I don't know. Because he doesn't know what it's about yet. But Sam is actually the alpha, so that's what's happening here. And bloomer. He is a late bloomer. And why don't I talk about, like, kind of the lore with this? Yeah, yeah. Now, so they are shape shifters. They can phase by choice, but they. In order to be a Quileute tribe member in this movie that phases, like, transforms, you have to be able to trace a direct bloodline to the original shapeshifter. Okay. Not all of them can shapeshift.

Makes sense.

A lot of them are men. There's only one woman who has shapeshifted. That's Leah Clearwater. We'll get to her. You'll get a lot more of her in the third book, I believe. Yeah.

If not the next one.

Yeah.

I actually don't know if she's an eclipse or if she doesn't come until birthday.

I thought she was.

I don't remember.

I can't remember. Yeah. But apparently. And I thought this was interesting. There's a. There's a window of time where the transformation can happen. Okay. If you're going to transform and, like, it's this small window of time when, like, puberty essentially happens. And you will only transform if you are in proximity to a vampire. Yeah. Like, your first transformation will not happen at all if you never come in contact with a vampire.

That is actually very interesting to me. I think that's cool.

It is. It's interesting. So if you don't sniff around a vampire at any point in that transformation window, you will never phase. You won't know that you had that.

So I wonder if that's, like, part of the reason why Jacob hates Edward so.

Because he knows it's, like, partially his fault. Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Because the reason that, like, all of a sudden there was this huge, like, outburst of people transferring is because the Cullens came, which became a proximity thing. And now all these kids are suddenly popping up and phasing. Right. Because they're in proximity. And now all their window of transformation has happened all at once. So it's like they're all popping up. It's kind of funny, which is interesting. So werewolves are, like, super fast. Like, crazy fast. Can outrun a car, all that.

Not a vampire.

Not a vampire, though. They're fast because they're fast.

Fast.

Their eyesight is ten times sharper than a human eyesight. To them, vampires look like a walking crystal, essentially. That's kind of cool. They look, like, angley and weird. Yeah.

Always or just after they become a werewolf.

I'm not really sure.

What if, like, when Jacob first met Edward, he was, like, he Was like this angular bitch.

He looked like a Picasso. Like an early Picasso, but just sparkly. That's what I pictured.

Like, long head.

It's like a walking Picasso painting with, like, all the features in different ways and, like, super angled and.

Yeah, I'm picturing like, a gumpy, but, like, sharp, like, gumpy. This guy, he was always a pen.

He was always a pen. Gumby. Right. That's what's going on. What's happened?

Gumby.

Oh, Gumby. When you said he was always a pen. Yeah.

There was pens at him.

Oh, okay.

You know what I'm saying?

I. I was thinking Gumby when you brought him up, but then you said the pen thing, and it threw me off.

You never saw a Gumby pen?

No, I don't think.

You were like.

He was always a pen. I was like, he was not a pen. Like, maybe he wasn't. I don't think he was. Maybe. I just feel. I'm sure somebody has a Gumby pen.

Yeah, for sure. Maybe not, though, because I'm looking at Google Images right now, and there's not a one.

And you literally said, he was always a pen. That's why I was like, oh, that's not Gumby. Like, what? So. So the pack. The Quileute, like, werewolves pack. Yes. Yes. They share group mind, so they can hear each other's thoughts.

Okay.

Which becomes a real problem for Leah being the only woman in the pack later.

Oh, doll.

We will get there. Don't worry. When we get to her situation.

Justice for Leah.

Yeah. They also, like you had. They have to obey the Alpha. They don't have a choice. Yep. They heal really quickly once they transform. Like, once their first phase happens, their aging will speed up. Up until they reach the age of 25, and then they stop aging.

Obsessed.

Yeah. So they'll get, like. They'll quickly get older, but stay at 25.

So that would be a problem even if she was with Jake and there's nothing he could even do about it.

Yeah. Because he'll stop aging. Wow. Yeah.

That's interesting. I don't remember. I didn't even remember that.

Yeah. And we'll get. They do mention imprinting, and New Moon. Moon obviously becomes a problem.

Yeah.

Later. Yeah. What it is is apparently being unconditionally tied to a member of the opposite sex. Always the opposite sex.

Homophobic.

So you cannot.

That's literally homophobic.

That really is. Like, because it specifically says, feel opposite sex. And apparently once you see the object of the imprinting that you don't know that's going to happen. But once you come upon the person you're going to imprint on, you will do any. Do anything to please and protect that person. Upsetting all other commitments in his life, like the werewolf's life are secondary. Even commitment to the pack. Everything becomes secondary to that person.

Interesting.

The werewolf will completely transform everything about themselves to become what that person needs or wants. So they will abandon any individuality or any preferences or any choice to become whatever that person wants.

That's wicked healthy. That's wicked.

I'm like, you have created up relationships.

Like toxic as all hell.

They will give up everything just to be with that person. Our dynamic also be forced into being like, around everything that that person loves. So if they. They have to by no choice of their own. Like the people that that person likes. Like, what the.

Everything about that could get so crazy.

Yeah. And it said, according to the illustrated guide, if the human is young, that they're imprinting on the werewolf becomes the perfect platonic playmate and protector.

Putting platonic and playmate in the same sentence is diabolical.

As the human ages and changes, the werewolf instinctively switches roles to fulfill the human'.

So grooming.

Yeah. Okay, so the whole Renesmee thing, when everybody's like, oh, my God, it's not that big a deal. It's a big deal. He's waiting. This is waiting and wait. It's literally grooming until she becomes age appropriate.

It's involuntary grooming.

Meets her as an infant. Can't wait for her to become age appropriate. That is so beyond.

But can't wait.

Will wait. Yeah. Like, I. I just read a story to the girls the other night called It Came from the Sky. That's a great book. You need to read it. It's so fun. And it says in it, nobody is more patient than a spider. And I beg to differ.

I didn't know when you said, I read a book to the girls the other night.

What journey you were than a werewolf who is imprinted.

Yeah. Just saying my brain right now is like. You know when you shake up one of those bottles and you make a tornado? That's my brain right now.

Yeah. I just wrote what at the end of this.

What? Why would you voluntary? Like, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Stuff. No, I'm not like, trying to fight you or anything. I'm not trying to come at you, bro. But why would you volunteer voluntarily Tell us this and like, make this. Make this lore.

That's just.

This was voluntary. You didn't have to.

It's like voluntarily Telling us that Jasper's a confederate soldier. Don't need it. I don't need any of this.

I don't need it.

But, yeah, so that's that.

All right.

Quileutes and the vampires, or the Cullens, excuse me, specifically, have a treaty that happened a long time ago. Okay. That was like. I'm. I think it was like, Jacob's, like, great great grandfather who started this whole, like, it's one of his family descendants, as their ascendants. They did this. Yeah, they did this treaty with Carlisle because Carlisle's a billion years old. And so their. Their whole treaty was that they were going to leave each other alone. Yeah.

Oh, I remember what we saw in the first movie, the little flashback.

The Cullens had to promise not to hurt humans and hunt them. And they had to promise to stay off of Quileute land.

How weird is that? That Edward met Jacob's great great grandfather.

I know. Isn't that crazy?

Yes.

That's why he's like, boy, little bitch. A little bitch.

Get out of here.

Hey, son. Like. Yeah.

Jacob is of the generation that Bella is.

Yeah.

So technically. Yeah.

Yeah. It goes too far. You can't think on it too much. It'll break your brain. Yeah. You can't marinate in that too much or it's gonna get rotten.

How many generations older is Edward Ben Bella?

Wow. Who can be sure?

Probably somebody. Somebody on an online form.

Yeah, I'm sure. But that at some point, Bella jumps on one of those bikes that she made Jacob fix for her.

Oh. Doesn't she get, like, thrown into a rock?

She does. And when she begins to start the bike, Edward appears and puts his hand on her hand in vision form. And he just goes, sta. Stah. And the way he's like, sta. Stop. I feel like that's silly. But she crashes and he. Jacob comes to her rescue also, she.

Crashes and she gets internal bleeding. And I will not be told otherwise. She flies against that rock.

Yeah.

Like, really, really hard.

And she sits up and says, I want to go again. But her mouth says something different.

Yes. Yeah.

I can't tell what it was.

Yeah.

And then she looks up at Jacob and says, you're sort of beautiful. And I. I need to stand in honesty right now. That's a killer line. Yeah. A killer line to somebody. I was unaware of Bella's, like, potential to have game because that was, like, a real. You're sort of beautiful is because, like, he is.

It's a killer line. And also somewhat of a read because it's she could just look up at him and be like, you're beautiful.

But I think she was literally just being like, holy. Like, I'm looking at you right now, this close for the first time. And like, she's. I think that was supposed. That's part of the game, is you're being a little co. Like, a little coy and being like, you're sort of beautiful.

This sort of would take me out. I'd be like, oh, back in the day, Wow. A memory just infiltrated my brain. Back in the day, it used to be this thing on Facebook where it would be like, like, and I'll rate you and, like, say a fact about you, and people would like each other's statuses, and then on your Facebook page, they would rate you from 1 to 10. So it's kind of like being called an 8 when somebody calls you sort of beautiful.

That's how Facebook began. Is Mark Zuckerberg thinking he had any ground to stand on to rate another human being how they look, looking from his goblin ass point of view?

Did that voluntarily.

Yeah, I think this. It's the way she's not saying it. Like, you're sort of beautiful. Like, no, it's not how that's coming out. Somebody looking deep into your. I mean, like, you're sort of beautiful. It would be like, at that age, you'd be like, wow.

Well, and also, like, he loves Jacob.

Is like, excuse me.

Also Jake.

He is sort of beautiful. That's like. Like, I was like, damn, that really Hit girl.

Yeah. So you're like, dang, Bella, where the hell.

I did. I said, where the hell you been, loca? Where did that come from? But the whole thing is, like, people have been seeing bears in the area. We were talking about it earlier. You know, Charlie's been trying to figure out who it is, what they think are bears. Hikers have died, like, a few of them. They're actually werewolves that they're seeing, but it's something else that's killing people and hurting people. Yes, but people are the werewolves thinking they have something to do with it. Yeah. Rachel Lefebvre, I think it is gorgeous.

Unreal.

She was iconic in this role. I'm sorry, Bryce. Dallas Howard is great.

She's a great actress, but. And she's beautiful.

Rachel ate this roll up. She's scary. She genuinely scary in this one.

She's got this, like, look in her eye.

Oh, she's so good.

That Bryce Dallas Howard just doesn't deliver the same.

And we're going to get to The. My favorite scene in the entire movie in a minute. But Bella, like, so I think, like, her friends at lunch are talking about this, and Angela thinks she saw one of the bears. Bella finally joins them at lunch again. Just walks over out of nowhere and sits with them. And they're all like, what the.

They're also just like, such good people because they're just accepted. Like, sit down. Crazy.

That's an okay. Crazy. Just sit down. They're just like, all right, here you are again. And Mike takes this as an opportunity.

To ask her out, which isn't Jessica, like, right there.

Yeah. That's when I'm like, mike, shut up. Yeah, it's also nice the way he says this. I took. I actually took a recording of it. No, you didn't. Because this would make me fly into orbit. Oh, gosh. So this is what he says when she walks back to the.

Okay, I think.

That'S. Well, welcome. You know, now that, you know, you're talking and eating again, it's, you know, gotta get protein in there. When he says, gotta get that protein in there. Like Pokester, I would.

I would say respectfully, he essentially. He essentially just spoon fed Choo choo'd you. He essentially just had that protein in there.

I said, oh, you're about to ask her out.

After that, I would crawl under the lunch table and never emerge watching it.

I said, oh, Mike, no. It's.

You said that so carefully.

Oh, Mike, no.

Like, Eric should have literally said that. Oh, Mike, no, no. It's the way his voice.

Like, that's how you talk to a little kid. They're like, get that protein. She's just like, okay, okay.

And she agrees to call, and he's.

Like, you want to go to a movie? And, like, there's like a romantic comedy that we could see. And I love it because she literally goes. She goes, do you know, like, face punch. It's called face punch. And she's like, I would love to see face punch. And she's like, everyone, do you want to see face punch with us? Face punch wanu. And they're all like, punch face, let's go. And I was like, poor Mike, he's just there. But I was like, you cooked your own chicken there with. You cooked your. You cooked your own protein there with your.

Get that protein in there. Oh, God, kill me.

Luckily, lucky for him almost is that everybody gets sick and can't go. Jessica just bails. Which also I was like, yeah, no shit. Of course. Because before we go to the scene, Jessica goes, movie Night with Bella.

She's like, I could think of 70 things I'd rather do.

I said, correct reaction. Jessica. Because, you know, she's like, are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah.

You've abandoned me in the streets. Yeah.

And they were dating again for a couple months. Like, that's shitty.

She likes. Likes Mike. She just watched Mike ask Bella out.

Yeah.

And she's like, yeah, no, I don't want to go on your date with you.

Thank you so much.

Movie night with Bella. I love her, but everybody's sick. Nobody can come. And so it's just Jacob and Mike. And Jacob is trying.

Of course it's just Jacob.

Of course it is.

Because all of the boys. Something about Bella's milkshake.

Yeah.

Brings them to the yard, brings them all, and they're like, it's better than yours.

Yeah. And Jessica's like. Like, no, it's not.

She's like, no. It's actually putrid and rancid.

Yeah. Jacob's trying to be nice in this scene. At first, to be honest. Doesn't end up that way, but he certainly tries when they're both sitting there with their hands. With the hands. Oh, my God.

I went on a date with a guy that did that once, and I literally wanted to, like, stab my eyes out.

You know, John tells a funny story. I don't remember this, but maybe.

Did he do that?

It wasn't traumatizing for me. It was traumatizing for him. So maybe that's why. Burning. We went. One of our first dates, we went to a movie theater where you could bring the armrest up. He lifted the armrest up, I slammed it back down. What? Why did you do that? I don't remember. I think it was just like. He said, no. I said, absolutely.

He said, don't touch me. I'm sterile.

What the fun. He will tell you to this day that he remembers it vividly.

Of course he does.

He was like, I know. Remember?

Holy.

It turned out all right. Four of my things.

Yeah. Three kids in a marriage later.

Okay.

Damn, bitch.

Like, I'm like, damn. Like, 20 years later.

That's reckless.

He still will be like, I remember that. I felt that sting.

That's reckless.

I don't know. It must have been. Instinctually, I was just like, no, man.

Something crazy runs in our family. Because before me and Drew's first kiss, I. I literally said, you. Wow. Yeah. So damn.

See, I. I was very scarred from my last relationship, so I think I was like, don't touch me. Get away.

That's so Sad.

Slammed it right back down.

I can literally picture John in that moment just being like he was just like.

Oh.

Like, just laser eye focus down at the floor.

Like, he took it very well, apparently, because I didn't even know it happened. Well, you know what?

Like you said, it worked out.

It worked out.

But that's so reckless.

But also, Mike really reads Jacob for filth when he says, are you even old enough to see this movie? Especially because Jacob's response is not, yes, I am. It's Bella bought my ticket, E. And I said, this got weird. Yeah, this got weird fast.

Yeah.

And I'd like to be let out.

I would.

Let me out on this corner.

I want to be out.

Yeah. The hands up things.

So weird, upsetting.

This is when, like, you know, Mike gets sick. He gets the flu that everybody has, which I don't think anybody was appropriately stressed out about that, to be honest. As soon as somebody is like, I think I have the neurovirus, I'm like, well, I guess this is curtains for me, actually.

Please don't even say that in front of me.

No, they. And they have a whole discussion, Jacob and Bella, while Mike's puking in the bathroom. That. And he says, I'm not going to give up. And her response is, I don't want you to, but it's because I don't want you to go anywhere. And that's selfish. And I was like, there are things that are called inside, and those are things that you shouldn't say out loud because they're gonna make you feel better to get them out. They're gonna hurt the person you say them to, which is very selfish. Well.

And it's like, I don't even know that. Jacob is, like, astute enough in this moment to be hurt by that. I think he stopped listening at I don't want you to.

Yeah.

You know, like. And that's like, you're leading him on. Yeah, it's up.

And it's just up to say to someone, like, I don't want you to stop obsessing over me, but it's only because I don't want you to go anywhere. What the. You don't have to be that honest, babe. No, you don't. That's not helping anybody. And we end up like. She tries to talk to Jake some more. Like, after this first. Oh. First of all, Mike comes out of the bathroom looking gray as hell.

And he looks sweating.

And he. He sweat. He looks so sick. And he's like, I have to go, so I have to Go home. That's all he says. And Jacob looks at him like he's going to kill him.

Jacob says, you rank ass, ass.

Literally. He's like, do you have a problem? And Jake's like, yeah, you're my problem. And then he says, like, something about, like, maybe you need a hospital and maybe I need to put you there. And he's like, what the. And so Bella's like, calm down, you're hot. And not like, hot, like, woo, you're spicy. It's like, no, you're literally hot. Like you have a fever.

Yeah.

And I love it because he walks away and Mike goes, he's weird. And I'd be like, get away from me influenza. But get away from me influence.

You were just talking about inside thoughts. I think that was one of those.

But honestly, I don't have those. I'm preaching it, but I. But I don't actually practice it.

Do as I say, not as I do.

Yeah. And this would seem. I think they should have done it where. Because it's seeming. I know it's supposed to be that he's in the middle of transitioning so that the change. The change is happening. He's getting literally right now, his. His werewolfies right now. And so it's supposed to be he's like, uncontrollably getting angry and he's hot and all that stuff. Stuff. But I think they should have at least given Mike, like, some bit of antagonizing there. Like, said something that would not normally set someone off, but sets him off like that.

Yeah.

Because it comes out of nowhere to such a degree that while you're watching it, you're like, why did he do that? Yeah.

Why did he get so mad?

Because when you're watching this for the first time or reading it, you don't know the background yet. Right. So you don't know what that's all about. So you're just sitting there being like, is he so mad? So I think it just could have had a little bit of more. Just even the smallest bit of intact something that could even be taken for, like, innocuous.

Yeah.

But it, like, has the tinge of antagonizing. But that's just me being a dick.

No, I got that.

So we see that, like, Bella tries to get a hold of Jacob a bunch, can't get a hold of him. They're claiming as mono, all that he's staying away, it's a long time, and then she shows up in the pouring rain and he is just. Just jorts. Just Cut off. Shorts.

Shorts.

A tattoo. He's in a short.

Short.

He's cut his hair. Thank God. Yeah, yeah, he cut his hair. He took the wig off.

He's got a tattoo that moves, by the way.

Yeah, they go. Yep. They go through a whole thing with, you know, and he's saying he can't tell her what's going on and blah, blah. And then he goes, I used to be a good kid. And I said, stop.

He said, okay.

And he's like, yeah, I can't tell you what's going on. And he just runs off in the rain with his shirtless jorts.

Crew, George squad, the Jord squad. I'm trying to think of another J.

And just a jumble of jorts. Yes. Just off the Jordan jumble. Yeah, the jumble of jorts. Off on the.

On the little periphery to have a George jamboree.

So we see her go up to the meadow again where they used to, like, lay together. And can you please explain what happens there?

I need you guys.

Because she has a vision. Like she remembers them laying in the meadow.

I need you guys to watch this scene. Even if you don't watch the whole movie again, watch this scene. Because as they're like, panning over, Edward and Bella laying down, Bella doesn't have a foot.

It's gone.

And everybody, like, I saw a couple people on Reddit being like, no, it's just like, like her boot cut jeans. Nope, nope. Cuz you can see her other foot. Yeah, her foot is missing.

Her foot is gone.

Her foot is gone.

It is. It's gone.

And so maybe that's supposed to tell you it's a memory.

Believe that her boot cut jeans consumed her foot.

But you're wrong.

They didn't.

You're wrong.

They just digitally took her foot out by accident. Yep.

And didn't put it back in.

It's pretty funny. But when she goes up to this meadow, it's no longer that lush meadow. It's all, like, burned dead. And Laurent shows up and he's hungry. He look. And he looks great.

He does.

Laurent's gorgeous. As far as I'm concerned.

Abs for days.

It is. And just. He's beautiful.

He's getting his protein in there. He is his little protein in there.

Protein in there. A lot of iron. And he tells her that basically Victoria is eye for an eyeing her. Edward killed her mate, so she needs to kill Edward's mate. And that's you, buddy. And then he's like, good luck. He's like, are I went to The Cohen's house. Didn't see him there. Did they visit often or, like, weird that they left you here. And Edward shows up to tell her, like, lie. At one point, he says, threaten him. And I was like, that's. I would have been like, timeout.

What do I say?

What threat? You have to be specific to me. You need to. Because I said earlier, I was like. My immediate thought for a threat would be like, I'll spit in your eye.

I'll kick you in the shin.

And that's not gonna help anybody. So, like, you need to tell me what threat you want me to use. But she apparently knows.

I don't even know what you would say.

I think she says, like, edward will never let that happen. He'll come back.

Yeah, but that's.

And he's like saying. Because he's like, yeah, he's like.

He wouldn't have left him in the first place.

Yeah, he's like. Like, pretty shitty that he left you here. And I'm like, yeah, it is pretty shitty, huh?

I'd be like, you know what? Why don't we sit down and actually we can talk about it. Because there's a lot of lore to this.

She's like, I would actually love to talk about.

There was a search party. Laurent.

I don't know if you know this, but I sat in a chair for four months.

Yeah.

Do you know Licky licky, Whatever. Possibility. All right.

Do you know that there's a possibility I missed four months?

Did you know it's a possibility?

Trick or treaters were in my side yard.

Well. And then he's like, you know what? I'm really hungry, though. Victoria's probably going to be annoyed at me for eating you, but I think I'm gonna. And it'll be better, and it's gonna be fine.

Like, I'll make it painless.

And she literally stands there and is going to allow him to. And she's like, I love you, Edward. And I was like, oh, a.

She wants that to be her last words.

I said, really? Yeah.

He left you. He left you in the woods.

Yeah. Alone.

Come on, grow up.

But there's a wolf there. I think it's Sam at first. Yeah.

He, like, leads the pack.

I think there's. I think, yeah, they're all there. I think. Yeah. But they all attack Laurent. And that's a. That's a series wrap all around. Yeah.

So she goes and tells Charlie and Harry, and they go out hunting. But this is a big deal, because when she tells Charlie and Harry's underwater. I was gonna, like, morph their names together. There's no phone on the wall in the cupboards where there is a phone. Later.

Oops.

So, like, maybe they got a landline within this time frame really quickly. But just so you know that.

Yeah. You just never know know. But she. She does. She goes back down and, like, they're at the. At Jake's house at one point, and that's when she discovers that he's a werewolf. Like, they show her. Because I think she, like, aggravates. Is it Embry or one of the.

Yeah, she's one of them.

I.

She goes there in the first. Oh, I think she tries to call him or something. Yeah, yeah.

Something happens where she ends up being like. She pisses one of them off and they phase. Yeah. And she runs away from him. And when she's running, Jake runs out of the house and she's like, run, Jake, run. The way she says it is so funny.

She says it like, his name is Jake run.

And they. You know, they fight all that. And then they're walking on the beach and he's explaining things to her because now she's seen it. We missed a part. So Jacob does come to her room at one point after this whole, like, Laurent situation. He, like, shows up, up, because, remember, he parkours up to her.

Oh, my God.

And everything.

It would have been so funny if he just went.

If you've seen the office episode where they all parkour and they just keep yelling parkour. While, like, hitting things. That's what I think of. And in this exchange between the two of them, he's saying, I can't tell.

You, but, like, think, because I have.

And he said, think about when we were walking on the beach when you came to La Push. And she was like. And he was like, do you remember what I told you? And she goes. Goes about the cold ones. And he goes, I guess I understand why that's the only part you remember. And I said, you narcissistic.

He told you about wolves.

You only heard the part that had anything to do with you or something. You were interested in the lore of his people, whose land you are currently standing on at La Push.

Yeah.

You checked out what the. She really is so narcissistic.

She's got narcissistic tendencies.

It's, like, wild. She just does not hear if it has to do with anyone else's.

She doesn't care.

She does not give a.

She doesn't care. Also, this is when he, like, looks at her scar and it has moved.

It has.

Because in the first movie, it's, like, on the side of her arm. So it's like on the top and the bottom, but here, it's just on, like, any side of her arm.

Yeah.

And also, I'm like, you don't get questions about that more often.

That's what I'm wondering.

Like, that's the only person who flips your arm around.

Bite scar.

It looks like my whole night guard imprinted on my arm.

It's. It is huge. So it's after this discussion in Bella's bedroom where she's like, oh, yeah, I remember stuff that. That appealed to me, but I completely ignored the lore of your people. Yeah. And that's.

I love when Jacob's like, all right, I'm gonna go.

He's like, you know what?

I'm gonna parkour the. Out of here.

Yeah. He goes, parkour. And he leaves. So then that's when we get the scene of her, you know, showing up, and that's when she, like, sees that they are werewolves. Because in the. In the room, he's like, I wish I could tell you. I literally can't. I wish you knew how tightly I'm bound to this. And that's when he says. Like, I did say it a little bit. On the bush.

Yeah.

Like, just on the beach. And she's like, yeah, I didn't hear that. On the bush.

On the bush. On the bushland.

I was thinking La Push and beach at the same time. Time.

I get that.

But this is when she sees it, because she slaps one of them. Yeah.

Which is rude.

Which is, like, very violent. And.

Yeah. You can't just go around people.

But she. She slapped him, and he got real mad because he's a wolf now, and so he was like. And then he turns into a wolf. Yeah. And that's when she does the whole.

Run, Jake, run, Jake, run.

It's the way she said, I'm telling you. Listen to it again. It'll. It'll hit you different.

No, it's funny. What are the fucking odds that your first boyfriend in high school, like, to our knowledge, is a vampire.

Yeah.

And then the next boy that you hang out with is a werewolf. What are the fucking odds?

What are the. How does someone hit the jackpot? Like, that is what I want to know. I just got a dumb human. Do I? Wow.

I know.

Yeah. I just got a human.

You just called them out.

I mean, like, dumb as in, like, humans are dumb.

He was pretty dumb.

He was not great either. Yeah.

I was like, I know your first high school boyfriend. He was. Is pretty dumb. Mine too. Mine too.

I think most of us were. Yeah.

I don't even know where I was going with that. I just like, what are the odds?

Yeah, that's the thing. I. My daughters all like, they can't watch Twilight yet. They never shocked about it. But we will for a cautionary tale at some point. And I feel like it is like a. It's. It's like we, we joke about it, but it's like it's a rite of passage. I feel like you gotta. But you just gotta preface it with like, this is wild.

This is toxic.

But for the fun, like romance and vampire and werewolf and of it all. But I was discussing it with John last night. I was mentioning something about New Moon and he and the girls were like, what is that? And I was like, oh, remember? I like. Because I've told them like, oh, there's this movie, Twilight. It's a book, someday you'll read it.

It's in the zeitgeist.

It's there. And so they were like, oh, like when can we watch that? And I was like, not for a while. But I was like, oh, there's this really cool scene with Victoria and the werewolf. And I was talking about the, the. The one that's coming up and it's like when Hearing Damage by Tom York is playing such a good scene and they wanted. They were like, can we watch that scene? And I was like. So I watched the scene. I was like, give me a second. It's not scary. Really. It's not scary at all. But I was like, this is a cool scene. So I showed it to them and all three of them were like, when can we watch them? And I was like, I know I just gave you like. And I was like, the whole movie isn't like that, but it does have these vibes.

Honestly, I think you said it when we were watching it.

Yeah, that's the best scene in the entire movie. And it's coming up because.

It's coming up.

It's coming up because right before that happens, like she finds out that Jake's a werewolf. He changes in front of her. She's like, holy. He's like this beautiful, like amber colored werewolf.

Amber is the color of his werewolf code.

Exactly. And she sings that.

Yeah, she does. You missed that part. It's only in the director's cut and.

It'S so quick you'll miss it. You have to like, you have to pause between the, the different film Slides to get it.

It's actually not even in the director's cut. It's only in special, exclusive cover cuts that only few.

Few people. Yeah, it's only in the cut that I have.

Well, I haven't too, actually.

No. Only I do.

Well, I. I knew about it first, so.

But they go for a walk to discuss his. His newfound werewolfness, and Bella says to him, can't you find a way to just stop? And then she says, it's wrong. Yeah, I'm sorry. This should be the moment where Jake goes, you know what?

Not worth it.

Not worth it.

Like, that's like.

Because what the Is. Let me get this straight. And he literally says. He's like, oh, I'm not the right kind of monster for you, you jackass. It's.

That is like. That is such a grade A jackass moment. Jackass.

It is like, okay, no, not for nothing, baby, baby, but Edward was a human who got bit by a vampire and turned into a vampire. He's not genetically predisposition to be a vampire. He had. He apparently didn't have a choice because Carlisle was saving him and, like, kind of took that choice away from him. Right. But, like, it's not in his genetic code to be a vampire. It's not through generations that he became one. The Quileute tribe, in this instance, the whole thing is, you're directly tied to that bloodline. It's gonna happen. You don't have a choice. It's happening.

You come across a vampire, Boom.

And it's like, to say to someone where this is literally in their blood, that's wrong. And not a choice. I'm like, that's. That sounds homophobic. As it's racist. Like, to sit there and be like, it's actually.

It's speciesist.

She's saying it's a choice.

Yeah, no, she is.

And then it's wrong. She would.

She would love right now.

Wrong.

She would love. Right.

She would.

Like, I was like, that is the most fun.

It's weird that they kept that in there because I was like. Like, she became diabolically unlikable in that moment. Like, because poor Jake is sitting there.

I can't do anything. And he also. This is brand new for him, too. Like, he's heard these legends know that.

It was going to happen to him.

Exactly. He's still getting used to it.

Wrong.

And, like, one of the first people.

That ever gets to see this insane.

Like, just wild thing about you, that's their reaction, is this wrong.

You can't. You just Find a way to. Is it. Is it a phase? No, that's essentially what she's saying to him. And I was like, you? Yeah. It pissed me off so much, I was like, what?

That's the crazy thing.

You're in love with a vampire.

It's wrong. She's lit. And also, like, she barely asked Edward any questions. No, he said he was a vampire. And she was like, let's run through those trees.

Not only that, he literally said, this is the. The skin of a killer, Bella. And she said, he has told her, I want to kill you. Yeah, but I won't.

But I.

He's. I want to.

At all times.

Told her I have. I am a killer. And she's like, it's okay, baby. And then Jacob's like, hey, I'm a fluffy dog and I'm protecting people right now. And she's like, that's really wrong. Can't you stop?

Gross.

And then she's like, they don't hurt anyone. And I'm like. Like, neither do we. And also.

And also, they do hurt people.

They made a choice to not hurt anyone. Yeah, but they didn't go through their entire lives doing that. Facts. Also. I'm sorry, babe. They haven't hurt anyone. Why don't you pull Jasper aside? Once you pull Jasper aside, have him look you in the eye. Oh, wait, he can't. He'll eat you first. If you can get him aside, ask him. At least you can ask him if he's hurt anyone.

At least you could get a paper cut in front of Jake, and he would probably help you out.

What a fucked up. I was like, Jacob, to still be into this after this conversation. Like, why? It's like the.

The thing we tell the kids that we should not tell them is like, oh, she's mean to you.

She likes you because she likes you. Like, I feel like he thinks that's not the case. No. So that's. Up. Up. And even he's like, wow, you're up for saying that? And we do get a scene where it's Bella deciding what she has to do. She knows what she has to do, which in her mind is jump off that cliff that all those. Yeah. All the other werewolves were jumping off, because it's going to be a rush and she's going to get to see Edward again. And she said, that's the only way. Which I was like, I feel like you've seen him enough up to this point that you could do about a thousand other things to see him. Yeah, that wouldn't include jumping off a 4,000 foot tall cliff.

In all, here's my biggest human. Here's my biggest issue. It's not even the 4,000 foot tall cliff. Why does she jump in all of her clothing? Why does she. She jumps in with her Converse on.

Yeah.

Why. Why do that?

Why not?

Why jump in with your little jacket that you always. Why?

Oh, no. She took the jacket off.

Did she take her jacket off? Did she take her Converse off or.

Did she jump in Converse? I don't think she. She did. I think she took her. She jumped in Converse. I can't. I can't. I don't. I just don't get why, like, you watched werewolves, which are supernatural beings with supernatural healing abilities who run hot. Who run hot. Jump off of that and survive. And you said, I probably can, too. Yeah, it'll probably be the same for me.

Well, and also, like, did she think that.

Cause you've been hallucinating. There's been a lot of stuff happening right now that I just don't think you're in your complete, clear mind right now to be making smart decisions for yourself when you think you're seeing Edward whenever you do something dumb.

Yep.

And that. So she's sitting there like, basically writing an email to Alice, which. Have we mentioned the email. I don't remember. I don't know if we've mentioned the emails. If we haven't. I'm sorry. If we have.

Bella, just when there was a possibility.

Yes.

During that four month period, she. And during this entire time that Edward's been away, she is sending an email a day. Sometimes two emails a day at the most crazy times of. Yeah. Like three in the morning. Two in the morning. I paused.

Yep.

I counted 13 when I counted. And that was just in like a month or two.

And they're all being returned. Yeah. So they're not even making it.

You know the mailer.

The mailer demon. Yeah, yeah. That guy.

Demon or demon.

I always call it the demon.

It might be the demon.

I don't know. Whatever it is.

But I'm like, when that. You don't continue to send.

No.

You don't make the demon daemon work overtime.

Yeah.

But so she writes her.

It's insane. So she's. She's in the middle of writing her an email, Alice, saying that this is what she has to do. She knows this is what she has to do. Yep. And we hear that voiceover in her getting ready to go to the cliff. And we also get this really cool, like, mashup of Victoria As Charlie and Harry Clearwater and all the guys are looking for this bear, quote unquote, which has now been told. They've been told it's a wolf by Bella, because when she. When she sees it after, like, it attacks Laurent, she lets them know, like, they're wolves. They're huge. It is. Is not a bear in there. So they're in the woods, like, searching for them. They have guns. They're doing the whole search party. And we see Victoria stalking them in the tree. She's so cool.

She is.

Also, she somehow found hair dye to make that hair really red in this one.

Super vibrant.

Very vibrant. Love it. It's wonderful. But it's just funny that it changed between when she's been, like, living in the woods. Yeah, okay.

I mean, it's berries.

She finds time to, like, get tone, you know, just a.

What is that? A gloss and little crown, Quick loss. You know, bleach and tone.

There you go. And we see Harry Clearwater like, covering up wolf tracks as they go because, like, that's his people. And so Victoria, at one point, grabs Harry Clearwater before he can, like, shoot her and lifts him up in the air, and he's, like, petrified. And then before she can do anything, a wolf comes and just, like, T bones her. And so Harry falls to the ground. He's all stressed out. He ends up having a heart attack.

It's the saddest death because Harry Clearwater is the most adorable man, and I love him. I would lay down my life.

And what happens in the book is you. We've mentioned Leah Clearwater and her plight, which we will get to. I think she has many a plight. I think the next one, maybe the one after that, it's either Eclipse or the first Breaking Dawn. But we get to her plight. One other thing that Stephenie Meyer added onto her plate is that in the book, Harry Clearwater dies from a heart attack because Leah transforms into a wolf in front of him for the first time, and he has a heart attack from it. So she kills her, essentially. It's like, damn, you really did.

She killed her dad. And then she has to listen to her loved one imprint on her cousin.

Yeah, not great.

Rock on.

Not great. But so. So Harry has a heart attack. And this is when Tom York's Hearing Damage plays over it. Perfect song for this. Perfectly shot. There's a scene of, like, Victoria, and I think it's Jacob, I'm pretty sure, as a wolf.

Oh, I think you're right.

They are, like, on, like, opposite sides of A clearing. And they do this like Face off thing and then they just like lunge at each other.

Yeah.

And she does these cool, like, slow motion flips in the air. And.

And Tom. What is it? Tom York.

Yeah.

He has such a cool voice.

And the. The song is just perfect. It gives you chills.

It's such a vibe.

And she's running away from the whole pack of wolves and it's like slow motion. And I can see it in my head right now. It's a real. And they do these overhead shots and everything's really lush and green. It's like this. This scene. I thought I said if the whole movie was like this, it would be even better. Because it's like. I know the romance is part of it. Yeah. But if we could tone down some of the melodramatics and get a little more of like vampires versus wolves, which we get later, I think. Yeah. Like that becomes more of a thing. We see like these battles and everything. It's really fun.

It really is.

So I really love this. But she gets away by jumping off the cliff, right? And it's like she like swan dives out and. Gorgeous. Is it that they can't go in.

The water because it's like where the tree. I think it's. They chase her to like where the treaty.

The treaty is maybe. Yeah, yeah. Cuz she jumps right into the water. She like swan dives. And Jacob is like right after her and he has a wolf and he stops on the cliff. Cliff. And it's like. So she jumps in there. And then we see Bella get to the top of the cliff. She jumps in. As she jumps in, worse timing. We see. We see Edward tell her not to. She's like, this is the only way that I can see you. And he's like, please don't. She jumps in anyways. She like gets like beat up by some waves. Because it's like, yeah, clear, like clean crystal water.

No, because when she jumps in, it's good. But then she literally gets barrel smacked in the face.

Yeah, yeah. Barrel rolled, like, literally, like slams into a rock. Like slams her head into a rock.

Of course.

And she's just floating underwater, which I guess they weighted her down to get that shot.

Oh.

Like, I think they put weights in her pockets so that she could float slowly like that.

Oh.

And you see, you see the vision of Edward, like, opposite her. So their heads are next to each other when he dissipates because she gets pulled out of the water and she.

Like, you can say kind of flails.

When she gets barrel rolled once, she like kind of gets her bearings. She sees Victoria swimming towards her underwater.

The most beautiful fish there ever.

Literally scariest and most beautiful fish. That's when she backs up and hits her head into the rock.

Here's my thing with this. This is an issue. She can run so fast. She can't swim just as fast.

I mean, maybe it has something to do with the water.

They didn't tell me.

She can only guess.

Is it in the illustrated guide?

And also, she might have just been swimming up on her slow for. For the fear factor. And she didn't know that somebody was going to pull her out. Maybe because she was backing into the rock, she was going to be out cold. So she had all the time in the world to get to her still. But when she. When she gets pulled out, her hand kind of like floats to the side and then Edward just like dissipates. Edward.

Vincent van Gogh right out of there is.

It's like Salvador Dali painting. It just like melts. But yeah, so she gets. It's Jacob who pulls her out and gives her cpr. She goes full cross eyed again.

She also swallows the water instead of spitting it out, which I was like, in that case, no, dry drowning is weird, but like, she might dry drown later.

Well, and also I was just like, just spit it out. Yeah, I think they put that water in your mouth so you could spit it out for effect, not swallow it.

Bellisopan would swallow the water she was drowning on, though.

But she goes cross eyed again. And now I'm like, every time she is near death, she goes crossing.

She does such an interesting cross eye too, because it's not both eyes. It's one of her eyes that cross. Yes, it's like a. I gotta think about it.

Hold on.

This is not a visual podcast, so it doesn't matter, but I really wanted to give it a shot.

Oh, and when Bella jumps off that cliff, by the way, she barely jumps out. Oh, that is another thing that pisses me off. She just steps off.

You're gonna die in all the rocks underneath there.

I was like, what the. The. No. Jacob gets her home and when they pull up, they see Carlile's car and she's like, holy. And he says, like, I can smell them in there. And she's like. She's like, I got to go in there. And Jacob's begging her not to and saying like, I can't protect you and all this. And I think it's at this point that she literally. She Just tells him, like, I don't care. Like, she's, like, doing this. Like, she's being so clear to him, and he just.

Unfortunately, like, it's horrible. But she has been from the start. Like, when they were sitting on the.

Was it.

When they were sitting in the movie theater? And she was like, yeah. Like, I don't want you to go away.

Yeah.

And it's. That's the thing.

It's like there's. There's a lot of mixed vibes happening here. I feel so. Jacob's young, so I feel like. Like, it's like. But she goes in there, and it's Alice who's there. And Alice is all upset. She says she saw a vision of. Of Bella jumping off the cliff, that she was trying to kill herself. Like, she was like, what the. And they hug, and, you know, it's a whole reunion.

And she's like, why the. Does it smell like? What, dog in your house?

Yeah. And she's like. And Jacob shows up and is like, I had to make sure you were okay. And Alice and Jacob have this, like. Like, really tense standoff, and she. At one point, they get, like, into it for a second, and it's like, as soon as Jacob gets upset, he gets very. It's. He. He's not scary. No. Which. Which is, like, not his fault. No, he's just like.

He's a bit.

But also, he just, like. I feel like Taylor Lautner, who plays Jacob, is. Has such a kind face. You know what I mean?

Like, very much so.

And he has a kind way about him that just like, could not make me scared of him. Yeah. And so when he said. He says, don't get me upset. Things are going to get very ugly. And I was like, no, they won't.

They could never.

They can. I think if I was Alice, I'd be like, boop.

Like, she basically does. She's like, yeah, fuck off. Like, I was like, did she say, like, we can. We can figure this out when you put the dog. Yeah, she.

Because she's like, where are you going, Alice? And she's like, I'm gonna let you take the dog out. And I was like, oh, girl. Burn. That's a read. But when he said, things are gonna get very ugly, I said, babe, never. They could never with you. They could never get ugly with you.

They're not.

It's. It's just wild.

Next level.

So they end up, you know, Jacob and Bella are talking. So I think the phone rings. She goes in the kitchen, the phone rings. They. They Jacob and Bella have a moment where they almost kiss. Yeah. Very close.

Yeah.

And then the phone rings.

And he answers.

He's not pleased. He says, swan, Ruth, you don't need.

To answer my telephone.

Oh, she wasn't gonna answer that.

My telephone. That is brand new.

And you can tell he's a little pissed when he answers it. And he says, she's not. He's not here.

He's planning.

And he says he's planning a funeral and hangs up the phone. Now, what he meant there, obviously this person asked for Charlie. Charlie is planning a funeral for Harry Clearwater. So that is a thing.

Jacob. Apparently this is like widely argued.

Yeah. Whether he intended to do this or not.

He definitely did, in my opinion. Stephanie Meyer says no, here's the thing.

I mean, I would trust her because she wrote it.

I know, I know.

But. But here's, here's my reason why I do believe this. He does not know that the Cullens had any idea of Bella jumping off that cliff to try to like, kill herself. He doesn't know that that's true. He. He wasn't like, Alice didn't say, I'm here because she tried to kill herself. Like. Yeah, he doesn't know that that's true. So him saying that wouldn't make sense. Especially because actually, when you put it.

That way, that's a good point.

It's Edward on the phone and he's asking for Charlie as well. So I think he's more looking at it like he's trying to get to her through Charlie. You. Yeah, he's planning a funeral like you piece of, like your little love story doesn't matter. Somebody died. Because that's also Jake, Jacob's family member. Yeah, yeah. So like Harry Clear.

No, that's a good. I never even thought of that point. So I think he doesn't know.

It makes sense that he would want to take it that way and that if he did have all the information, sure, maybe he would have done that. Yeah, I could absolutely see that. But he didn't have all that information, so it doesn't really make sense that he would have said it that way. Yeah, I think he was more annoyed that he felt Edward was trying to get to Bella through Charlie. Yep, yep. Like trying to. So he's like, fuck you. He's planning a few funeral.

Yeah, yeah.

So that does happen. We see on the other end, it's.

Just the worst possible thing he could.

Cuz Bella probably saw it as like, even though she knows he doesn't have all the information she's still pissed. Why didn't you hand me the phone? That was Edward, right? And we see Edward. He literally crushes his phone in his hand, and he's in a dingy apartment. He looks a hot mess. Yeah, he's.

He's not doing well.

Which also, I'm like, what's going on? Where was everybody? That's the thing.

I don't think that I don't remember in the book, because I just watched the movie, because I read the book forever ago, but I'm like, do they all go to their separate places? But then I don't. I don't know, because somehow I think he's with Rosalie.

Yeah. Because Rosalie. Or at least is in contact with them.

I mean, which he's not.

Via cell phone, according to Google. Google. You see him. He's in this apartment. He's looking out his window. It's at night. You can see the Christ the Redeemer statue in the background. Okay. So when I saw that, I said, that's Brazil. That's Rio de Janeiro. Okay. Like I. Or what I believed it was. Apparently that's where he was. He traveled alone and he ended up there.

Wait, I feel like I remember that. From New York to New York.

Yeah. So apparently he went to Brazil and they went to New York. Yeah. They did not go together there.

Interesting.

I think I.

Actually now I'm remembering from the book something about Brazil.

Yeah. And it makes sense because you see that stat, That's a famous statue out the window. So I remember seeing it and being like, wait a minute.

Oh, so he has to fly to Italy.

Yeah. Huh.

It's actually so funny because this. I remember being, like, there. It makes no sense that they got to him before he. Like, before, like, in. I remember thinking that it does make sense, because if he's in Brazil and he. He's flying to Italy, a direct flight is 11 to 13 hours. And then from Washington to Italy, Italy is eight and a half, nine and a half hours.

See, that makes sense.

So it makes sense.

Now that makes a lot more sense, because I was. There was so many. Because I knew he wasn't in Italy.

Yeah.

Because I knew, like, that statue. But I was like.

For some reason. And it has nothing to do with the background. For some reason, I had it in my head, he was in Tokyo.

I don't know why. Who knows? Yeah. I don't know. But I guess the rest of them, according to Google, in New York. They're in New York. And Carlisle, like, got, like, started. Like, I guess he like, went, like, taught classes at Cornell for a little while.

Okay, but how does Rosalie get in touch with Edward then?

Must have called him before he talked to.

Because what does she say?

Rosalie said, so I think it's that Rosalie said that, because I'm assuming Rosalie.

Told him about the vision.

And that's why he calls. Okay. That's why he calls to, like, really check. And when he hear he's planning a funeral, he was like, holy shit, it really happened. There we go.

Wow.

And he was like, I gotta go.

I don't know why. My brain just like.

No, it is. It's a little confusing because it's a telephone. And in the book. In the movie, I don't think they're clear about where the rest of the. In the movie, they're not the family went. Because in the movie, I think he mentions Charlie says something about, like. I think it's Charlie who says it. That, like, Carlisle got a job in LA or something. It's either in the movie of the book. I can't remember now. Okay. It might be in the book.

I think that's the book.

In the book, I think they say, like, he got a job in LA and he just had to take it. So they just up and left and left. So. Yeah. So it's very interesting. There's a lot of moving pieces, which can be a little. A little clunky. But we. We figured it out. So here we are. He crushes his phone, and we see, like, them traveling, you know, now. And Jacob tries to, like, begs Bella not to go because Alice says he's.

Gonna show himself to the Voltaire now that he thinks you're dead.

Yeah, he's gonna show up to. Because that was his plan. Remember before when he thought Bella was dead? He told her his plan, and now.

That he has no cell phone, there's no way to tell him. Which is why we don't overreact and crush our cell phones into a million pieces.

Exactly. You need to keep your cell phone on you. Yeah. So. Or at least have an apple, watch something, something. But, yeah. So they're on their way. Jacob tries to stop her, and she's like, it's releasing. And he's really sad. And it's sad, it's upsetting. But they go. They go to Italy. Alice's driving outfit queen. She looks.

The driving gloves.

Stunning.

She looks wonderful.

St Is Ashley Green. Yeah. She is stupid pretty like that. This. This one shot of her. She has, like, the head wrap on the sunglasses, and she's got the driving Glove. I die. Hi. I die.

I will.

I want to drive like that also.

I don't know. I think we mentioned it in the first one, but in. I can't remember if we did or not. Apparently Stephanie Meyer's brothers are like big car heads. So they helped her decide, like, what cars were to be in the. In the movie and in the books.

Yeah.

Which is. I think that's cute.

That makes sense. And so she's got to go. They get to Volterra. There's a festival going on. Everybody's in red cloaks and all that. And he's play. He. He went to the Valturi to say, like, I want to die. And they were like, Arrow is like, nah, dude, your gift is like, a little too special. I can't kill you. Sorry about it.

I can kill my own sister, but not you.

Arrow's the best because he's just like.

Oops, sorry that's so tortured.

You could join us, though. We would love that. Let's, you know, we can't kill you. And he's like, no, thank you. And so he just decides that he's going to walk out into the festival and show himself to everyone. And then the Volturi will have no choice.

And this festival is, like, all about the day that, like, they killed the last vampire or something like that.

So it's like, this is the big thing.

This is not good.

So she gets to him with the all, like, seconds to spare. He's about to walk out of where the Volturi is. He starts to sparkle shirtless. That's the thing.

I love that his plan is just to sparkle for the people.

Yeah. Which anybody. I feel like anybody would look at that and be like, oh, my God, look at that guy with that body glitter. Where'd you get that? It's so sparkly.

That would be some crazy eye. I'd be like, who's the holographic.

The holographic over there? Like, that's pretty sick. I would not be like, whoa, vampire. A creature of the night over there.

But I mean, maybe these people know because they're. They're well versed in.

Vance. They're in Volterra after all. She runs right through the fountain. She didn't have to do that.

Go around it. I don't think water slows you down.

Or you could have just ran along the edge because, like, yeah, water slows you down. I just. It bothered me. That's silly. But she gets to him right in the last second. She jumps on him. He says, heaven Which I was like, that's really sweet. It is sweet. Like, they. They're like, he thinks he's in heaven.

I know.

And I was like, that's real sweet. It is that moment. I was like, okay, I know. I'm back to your love.

Let's go.

They. They pull you in every.

He loves her so much.

He does. Even though he left her in the middle of the fort. Yeah, forget about that. But that happened. A little girl did see him while he was sparkling, and she was, like, trying to. She was, like, tugging on her parents being like, this sparkly over there. Y. But they get in there. Felix and I think Dimitri, which are like, two of the guards come over and are like, hey, Arrow wants to see you. And he's like, no, I don't need them anymore. Like, I'm not looking to kill myself anymore.

He's like, yeah, that's not what he wants.

And he's like, yeah, he still wants to see you. And then Jane appears, and she's like, he wants to know why it's taking so long. And I was like, it's been. Literally took a second, but okay. She has this stare. Dakota Fanning does such a good job of this, like, dead eyed, like, I'll kill you stare. Yeah. I was like, damn. But they go in.

They.

They see, like, that there's a secretary there that's a human. And this is when they go in, and Belle is like, oh, does she want to become? And one of. I think it's like, Dimitri or Felix is like, so she will become. And then that's when Jane says, or she'll be dessert. And they go in there. We see. You know, we see Marcus just shitting himself to the side there, so tortured. We see Arrow just. Just my. My king. Arrow delighted. Ka. That hating. Just grudging over there.

Hating everybody.

We see Vecna, the baby, Vecna.

Y.

And they come in and Arrow that through this whole thing. Arrow discovers that Bella has a block. She has a block that she is not affected by their special gifts. Like, Arrow can hear everybody's thoughts forever since they were he, like, conceived of. He doesn't with her.

So then he tests out.

He tests out Jane. He has Jane try he first. He has Jane hurt Edward real bad. And he's on the ground, like, screaming. And Bella's like, stop it. Stop it.

Like, do it. She says, do it to me. And she's like.

And he's like, all right, give it a try. And he's like, let's see. And it does Nothing. And Dakota Fanning is so good in this because it's tight on her face while she's doing. She does this little. Little smile, like, closed slip smile while she's doing it. That, like, she clearly enjoys doing.

She loves those.

And then when she realizes it's not working, the smile just slowly fades from her mouth. Like, she. The emotion work she did so tight on that shot is amazing.

I mean, she's been working since Uptown Girls.

She has. And she's a fat. She's phenomenal. She really is. And Arrow, when he sees. And she's pissed. Like, she stopped. Like, when she, like, like, cuts the connection, she's like a. And she just, like, looks at Arrow, and Arrow does his laugh here.

It's a beautiful laugh. It's a laugh for the ages.

It's a laugh for all of us. It is. In fact, if I was there, I think I would laugh with him.

You must, because I'd be like, yeah.

So fun.

Sounds like a giggly time.

It really sounds like a giggly time. So shit goes down at this point because I think it's. I think Felix is, like, the big macho man, hulking guard that just, like, is the muscle here. Yeah.

He can throw you through marble like it's nobody's business.

A fight breaks out. Felix slams Edward into the porcelain floor.

Yeah.

And his skin cracks like porcelain. I thought that was such a cool effect. It is, like, because the whole lore of vampires is they are like porcelain. Yeah. And that whole lore of, like, when they. It probably sounds like porcelain dishes.

Yeah.

So when he got slammed down there and he cracked like porcelain, I was like, you really kept with that.

But then they heal super fast.

Heals, like, immediately.

It was interesting. I was so worried about this porcelain, though. I said, this is probably thousands of years old. How are you going to replace this?

I know. It's like, you're ruining your.

Your office, gorgeous castle.

Yeah. That would piss me off. I'd be like, fix it now. Yeah.

They probably find somebody who will absolutely fix it for them or they can just kill them.

Yeah. And when Arrow gets close to Bella and he. And he's saying how, like, she smells so good. Like, I don't know.

He's like, I don't know how you hold yourself.

And everyone's literally, like, it's tough. Like, they have, like, a real. Like, they have a real bro moment. Not, like, it's hard. My guy, and he does the thing where he says Isabella, like, right in her face. And I was like, I love Arrow so much. Everything he says is top notch. So weird. The way Michael Sheen plays him is.

So scary because it's so unsettling. But, like, such a small, like, yeah, unnerving way.

He's very. He's very.

The coded Y.

Like, he's very. Like. He's got that. Like, that weird, charming thing that happened. I don't know. He's very fun, though, though. Marcus is wearing mules. I'm pretty sure. Like, he's really wearing, like, a house slipper.

Comfy?

I noticed. And I said, yeah, I bet they're Gucci. I bet. I bet. And the. Basically, the thing is she need. Because she has this special ability that now Arrow has discovered. He's like, well, now she needs to be one of us because I collect special vampires. And so he was like, she's got to be turned.

And she knows about them too.

Yeah. Like, she knows about us. She knows too much. And she has the special ability, like, we're turning her, bitch. And he's like, I'll turn her. And Alice is like, wait a minute. And she's like, I've seen that she's gonna be turned. I will do it myself. And so Arrow checks this because he can check her thoughts. And he's like, all right. And he sees this fucking crazy ass Vicious. It's the best of Edward and Bella.

Running out of a Renaissance fair, running.

Slow motion through the forest barefoot in Renaissance garb. She's wearing a dress. Yeah. Full Renaissance vibes. Sunlight is glistening on their sparkling skin. And she's a vampire. It's insane. Yeah. And so he saw this, and he's like, awesome. Like, cool. And he's like. So, like.

He literally, like, cla.

And it's like, okay, all right. I'm gonna let you guys get to it. And let me know what it's done. Like, so fun. And Marcus literally stands up and goes, thank you for your visit.

It took everything in him to sit up and thank it.

It took his whole ass to say.

And he's like, get the fuck out of here, because I'm gonna go shit my pants. Get the fuck out of here. Because I have been sitting with this gasping for a long time, and it's about to come to fruition, so get out.

I just. I was like, I would. I feel like I would have to be like, thank you, Marcus, for sitting through this.

I know you would.

Thank you. Thank you for your visit. I was like, awful.

You never visited anybody that said that to me. I love it.

Not like that. But I'm gonna say that to everyone.

Who leaves my home next, next Christmas Eve.

Yeah. Any guests we have in the pod lab before they leave, I'm gonna to say thank you for your visit.

So just know that. So hopefully all future guests listen to this one episode that is about Twilight for some reason. So they know we'll point you to it.

So they leave. And as they leave, a big giant tour group full of men, women and children are coming into that room. And Bella's like, what the fuck? And Edward's like, you should probably look this way. And as the door doors closed, you hear them all screaming because they didn't get to kill.

They didn't get to kill Edward, they didn't get to kill Bella. So that's like pent up.

Yeah.

So they, they went nuts on those.

Men, women and children. It's pretty gnarly. We see back home at Bella's house, she's, you know, in bed talking to Edward.

It's almost never be allowed in her house again after leaving her in the middle of the woods and requiring a search party.

He's not, he says he's not. Okay, that's good. But Charlie does not know he's okay.

Wonderful.

Yeah. Cuz they have a whole discussion about how he's sorry and he failed her and he'll never do it again, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's the whole thing.

Like, how are you going to explain that you're back together?

And then Charlie comes in and I said, I'm here, hey. And Charlie's like, hey, don't do that to me ever again. And she's like, I won't. And he's like, no, seriously, don't. And then before he leaves, he goes, and you're grounded for the rest of your life. And I was like, honestly? So valid. Said, proper parenting. Yeah, proper parenting, Absolutely. And next to him, on the wall next to the door is a painting of wolves.

Oh. And it's very much in the shot in Bella's room.

Yeah. Oh, there's a painting of wolves. I noticed that. And this is when Edward says, like, it's gonna take a long time for him to forgive me. Yeah. And he's like, well, I'm not breaking all at like, I'm not breaking his rules. Rules. Because he said I can't step foot through the front door. And he's like. And I came in through the window.

That's a loophole.

Which I was like, you're a nightmare. You're every parent's nightmare. Yes. You didn't say I couldn't come in the window. That was implied, you dumb.

You better put it in writing. When you ban somebody from this house in writing, you're not coming through the front door, back door, side door, window.

Yeah, you're not burrowing underground. You're not.

No way. You can't be in this house. Not by any means.

Any means.

And you can't be on the property.

I was like, you're a nightmare.

You can't even be on my street. What the. I don't even care if you live here.

You're evicted, goddamn.

From my street.

And he literally says at some point to her, because they're talking again about, oh, they're in the car. And she's like, we should wait until after graduation. Cuz that would be chiller for Charlie if you turn me after we graduate and blah, blah. And he's like. At one point he says, we can figure out something to tell the Volturi. Like. Like, I'm not.

I'm not judging you.

And I was like, you're annoying. Like, you're annoying. It is annoying now. And. And honestly, I was with her on this because she's like, you're dumb. And so they go to Edward's house and she's like, no. Like, I want to take a vote. I want all your family to take a vote if they think I should be turned. And at one point, he says something, and she literally turns around to him and she goes, shut. Shut up. And I was like, oh, you're ready to be a couple. I was like, you're ready for lifelong partnership.

You absolutely are. Because there will be moments for the rest of your life where you turn around and say, shut up.

And so she's like, take a vote. So, you know, Alice is like, I already consider you a sister. My votes, yes. Jasper says, it would be super sick to not want to kill you all the time. Valid. Rosalie.

She votes no.

And she gives a very. Like, I think her. Hers hits so hard, and especially because we'll find out more about her backstory in the next movie. And she says, this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. Which I was like, ooh, Emmett, Emmett. Because he's right next to her and she says, and I wish someone had been there to vote no for me. Yeah. Which is. I'm like, she cares about you.

That's the thing, actually, that proves in that moment that she does care about.

She would have just said, yeah, sure. Like, who gives a. I thought it was so poignant. Like, I think that's such a Good. You literally sit there and you're like, yeah, Rosie, you're a girl.

That's a girl's girl.

Like, that's a girl's girl right?

Now, I need you to remember that in the book, Edward breaks a TV about this.

Oh, my God. I didn't remember that at all.

He breaks a TV after the vote. In the Frequently Asked Questions from New Moon on Stephanie Meyer's side, right, it says, what did Edward break? In the living room after the vote, Edward ripped in half into halves a 60 inch plasma TV that the Cullens had shipped in from Korea because it's not available in the States yet. Emmett was a bit annoyed. What?

A little bit.

Can you imagine? I'd be like, so who's your wife? Yeah. Who's your lifelong partner?

Yeah. What? Like, what's going on? Well, you're.

You're ripping a Korean TV and. You're ripping a Korean TV and dying halves.

Yeah.

Like, because I. You have to change me.

That's dumb as hell.

And also, like, what, are we voting for the Volturi? Already he's lit.

Him and Rosalie are the only standouts, too, because Emmett's after. Rosalie says that. Very poignant. Very like, you know, that should give you a moment. He's like. He's like, yeah. And he's just like, hell yeah.

And see that? Those are the moments when you turn around and you go, shut up.

Shut up. And Esme says, I've always considered you part of the family anyways. And for these past few months, is this is really the only way? Like, he's like, the Volturi is going to make this a problem. Like, we just have to do it so.

Because it's like, the Volturi will kill your whole family.

Yeah. It's like, just do it.

Come on.

It's just not that deep. Like, it's really not. She wants to be a vampire, let her be a vampire. That's the thing. Like, it's the consent. Is there? Yeah. She wants it. I'd be like, why don't you want.

To hang out with me for eternity?

Exactly. That would be my problem. But they get back in the car. He's not pleased. Jacob ends up standing in front of the car, shirtless. This. And directing them into the woods. So they go in there.

They love to be directed into the woods.

They love being directed into the woods. Jacob is literally like, I'm not letting you do this. And she's like, yeah, you don't have a choice. It's. It's my choice.

But Little does she know.

And he's like. He's like, okay, I call Treaty. And he was like, the treaty says that you can't bite a human, so.

Or else, like, all bets are off.

And he's. Yeah. And he's like.

Like, there will be no peace between vampires.

And, like, Treaty will be off.

Off.

Like, that's it. And then. And he's like. And all he says to her, like, if this happens, I'm not. Like, I'm not responsible for what happens after. Because, like. Because you'll be a vampire the way it is. Yeah. Like, I will have to be your enemy, essentially. Yeah. And it's like a really rough scene. You feel really bad. And at one point, like, him and Edward go toe to toe, and, like, he changes into a wolf. It's like a whole thing, and it kind of ends there with, you know, I. I think, is this where Edward.

He asks her to marry him.

Is this where Edward, though, at first he says, like, we're gonna find a way around this. Oh. He asks her. He's like, how about five years? Give me five years. And she's like, no. Like, this would annoy at this point. I'd be like, you gotta shut the up. And. Yeah.

No.

He's really annoying about it. Put up or shut up. Let Alice do it. Yeah.

Let anybody else do it.

Let Carlisle do it. Yeah. He'd be so careful. He seems fine about it. He's pretty good at it. He's done it a few times. Yeah. And kind of, like, negotiate. And he's like, you're really stubborn. And then he's like, okay, I'll do it, but on one condition. Marry me. And then he says, marry me, Bella.

He proposes in a Volvo while they're driving. Not the proposal of my dreams.

I don't even think. Were they even in the car yet? I think they were still in the woods. Oh, my God.

Are they still on the side.

They're still on the side of the road in the woods.

And he doesn't even get down on one knee.

It was right after Jacob left, like, in tears. Oh. And he's like, this seems like a good time. No, he doesn't get down on one knee. I don't think.

No ring.

It's. It's a real. Amidst chaos, it's a real. A real move, but, you know, that.

Sent Bella into orbit.

Yeah. She. She's excited.

Well, so are we.

So are we. Because Eclipse is a whole other.

I really like Eclipse.

Eclipse is, like, so much happening.

Eclipse. Honestly, the next three moves. Is it three?

Yeah. Three movies. Yeah. Because breaking down is broken into two.

The next three movies I remember being so much fun.

Yeah. Because I think new moon for me, bummer was kind of like it dipped for me and I was like, oh, eclipse comes back. Because eclipse brings it back.

There's like, there's like a, a war basically being.

Yeah. You start like seeing other pieces puzzle and, and remember love triangle gets way more intense.

And remember Victoria is still in these streets.

She is still in these streets.

We didn't get rid of her.

No, we did not. So. So get ready for that.

We hope you keep listening and we.

Hope you keep it vampy. Oh. Oh, no.

I went crazy.

You went nuts. You could keep it vampy.

Were wolfy sparkly.

Yeah, sparkly.

Sparkly and weird.

Sa.