Transcript of Role play and feminism with Sarah Schauer

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Everyone's like, You don't introduce your guests. And I'm like, Sorry, but this is Sarah's shower. And I feel like you've been online forever. Yeah.

I'm just around. I feel like with the TikTok band, everyone was like, Follow me on my other socials. And I was like, The thing is, I've just been everywhere that you'll see me at some point. Yeah. I get that. So just follow whenever I pop up because I'm literally posted everywhere. So it's just going to pop up somewhere.

Yes. Just clogging the feed. Same. That's what I'm trying to do, but I'm late to the game and it's hard to break in. Yeah. You know? Yeah. But Andy, you're a comedian. Are you doing a lot of stand-up?

Not at the moment, but I want to get back into it. I've just been reading and I just launched my podcast. Well, I'm about to launch it next week. Oh, my God. What's called?

Shower Thoughts. I love it.

Yeah. Because it's like how you were talking about how you enjoy how I talk. I wanted to make a podcast for people who are left and right brains. So if you're more intuitive or more logical, I'm going to fuse them and we're all going to get on the same page.

Oh my God. I didn't even know that that's what was left and right brain, but I guess. Because I thought right brain was more artistic and left brain is more science-backed. The left brains are out.

No, I mean, it's like, I guess intuition is the wrong word because intuition would be in your body. But it's right and then left. It's creative or logical, but really you need both. Because a lot of people who are like, I'm more logical. Well, logic is the formula and your emotions are the inputs and outputs. You can't really solve an equation if you don't have, am I adding two? Am I adding two? You would just have X plus X equals something.

Yeah, nothing if it came to me.

If you're like, I'm purely logical. It's like, so you're not doing doing anything. You're not existing or moving throughout the world. Emotions are what moves you or compels you to do something.

Yes. Because I heard you talking about how you remember things, which was really interesting. And you're like, it's spatial, but I'm like, yes, I get that, but also I don't remember a lot. But then I was thinking, I'm like, what does make me remember? And it's an emotional somehow connection or something, obviously, that I want to learn. Some things will click, but I cannot choose what. Yes.

Yeah. Do you have ADHD or anything?

Probably. I have massive depression and just an overall uninterest. Yes.

Well, actually, so depression is like, well, it's It's just sadness. But then also, if you're uninterested, like boredom is a very low level of disgust. Yes. And disgust moves you away from something.

That's so me. I'm disgusted by everything. I don't believe... I think everything's a hoax. Yeah.

So If you're repelled by something, then, of course, you're not going to be interested. So you're going to need something that offers you happiness in some way or interesting. What are you interested in normally?

It's even hard to say. I mean, I'm interested in feminism. Yes. I'm a raging feminist. So that's what I'm into right now. And I was a nurse for eight years. Oh my God. So I feel like I'm naturally drawn to medical things. Yeah. Which is applicable only when someone's sick. Yeah. But I still love it. I'm like, If you have a question, please come to me. But that's where it ends. Okay. Yeah.

Well, what do you do for fun?

I don't have a lot of fun. I do like to read. Okay. I feel like I read different things. And I like to watch reality TV, and I like to get high. Okay. And put. The happiest I am ever is when I'm high and clean the house and maybe rearrange artwork or knickknacks. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, yeah. Okay, yeah. So I mean, that makes sense. You like getting high, you like arranging stuff. Yeah. Do you ever feel overwhelmed?

All the time. Yeah. Yes. Okay.

So you're a nurse, and the nervous system has a hierarchical order. So executive dysfunction is like your executive suite, like going awry. And so beneath that is your motor cortex. And so if you feel relaxed, it's because you're literally going from executive to senior management. And when you're moving around, arranging everything, you're taking the pressure off of your top level.

Oh, interesting.

And now you're moving around, which endorphins and dopamine and all this stuff, and it makes you feel happy.

But is it the goal to get to the executive brain? Well, I mean- Am I missing out on enlightenment?

No, because that's just your- You're like... No. I mean, everyone is... You're all parts of your nervous system at once. So you'll always be in the executive Executive Suite, I guess. But it's a matter of knowing when if you're overwhelmed and you feel like you have executive dysfunction, there's so much going on where you physically can't do anything. You need to go down to senior management, which is mostly your motor cortex and start just putzing around, moving, arranging stuff. That way everyone in the executive suite is chilling out. And then so when you go back up, everyone's more calm and you can finally start to address the things that you need to do.

Okay. And how did you learn all of this?

I just love reading.

Oh, my God. Have you always loved reading? No. Okay. Yes. Because I feel like you do have to make yourself.

Yeah. Oh, you do. Because when I got sober two years ago, I was like, well, if I can get sober, I can do stand-up. And then so last year I got me stand-up.

Crazy. It's a crazy jump because I would need alcohol to take the edge off and give me the bravery. Yeah.

I mean, I would love to do that. But the thing is, I take out a van before go on. And so out of it and alcohol. Love that.

Don't mix. Yes, you'll black out. Yes.

Yeah. It's so not funny on stage. She was literally on the floor the entire time. Just 10 minutes of...

You're so funny.

Yeah, this is great. Then when I got sober, I was like, I'll do stand-up. Then last year, I did stand-up, and I even went to the New York Comedy Festival. And so then, two years ago. Then last year, I was like, If I can do stand-up and get sober, I can start reading.

So I just started Yes. X equals Y. Definitely. Yeah.

I just got in a reading and I started going according to Heritage Month.

And then like- Oh, interesting. Yeah.

Right now is Black History Month. Next month is Women's History Month. I'm I'm just reading according to that. It's mostly non-conviction. Because you like to read things I feel like that are going to teach you a lot about the world. Yeah. Because the thing is, I've never felt smart. Growing up, I didn't really get grades. Then I was in a military family. Just felt disconnected. Being a lesbian, I just felt disconnected. Being a lesbian, I just felt disconnected.

Oh my God, totally.

Yeah. My parents are also super Christian. It's just like, I didn't want to do anything or learn. I just wanted to survive. Then I was drinking heavily from college until two years ago. I was just numb and then numb. I was like, I don't want to escape anymore. What have I been missing? I'd like to read about the world and know what's going on.

Wow. That's so So admirable. Thank you. You guys don't get any ideas because you can't do that. Not everyone can do what you're doing. Read books? Yeah.

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What made you want to get sober?

I was just sick of it. I was like, This is not fun. You know what? You start drinking and you're like, The first drink is always the funnest.

Yes, the first buzz.

Yeah. Then I would have a handle a day.

Oh, wow. Yeah. And you were just functioning. Yeah.

And then I was like, This is all just too much. I was getting older, and I was like, I can't do the stuff I want to. I was like, I'm going to try getting sober. I'm going to do dry January. Then when you start something and you're like, Oh, I'm going to just see if I can keep it going. Also, I'm scared that the bottom of my socks are dirty and the camera is just zooming in on.

Yes, that's all people are going to look at. Don't look at the socks. We welcome dirty socks here.

Okay, perfect. Also, I can steam clean this chair when we're done.

Not all done. I send you a bill. But I would pay it. Oh my God, no.

But yeah, so I was just like, this is not doing anything for me anymore. And so then I tried getting sober, and then it just stuck.

Wow. So you did it all by yourself? Have you gone to any meetings or things like that? Yeah.

I know it's supposed to be anonymous, but I've been to AA meetings, and I have all the chips whenever I talk about that.

Congratulations. So all the 12 steps? Yeah. Wow. What was the hardest for you? The Hardest For You.

The Writing Apologies?

I was thinking that I know exactly who I would apologize to, and it haunt me.

Oh, yeah. I actually got to apologize to someone the other day.

Oh, wow. So you're still...

Yeah. Well, because you don't see them as much, but there was this girl I had ghosted twice over nine months apart. Started talking to her, and then I ghosted her to talk to someone else, and then I met her again.

Criminal.

Yes. And So then last week, I was out at a bar, this lesbian event, and I saw her for the first time, and she was very friendly, and I was like- Very forgiving. Yeah. And I was like, I am so sorry. And I got to deliver a full apology. With eye contact. And she was like, Well, thank you for that. And I was like, This actually feels so good.

It's so liberating. You're like, I'm not an asshole because I feel like we all carry around so much guilt. But instead of apologizing, I'm just trying to abate all the guilt on my own because it really is a pointless emotion. But I do owe someone an apology. I don't know if they know who they are. I'm not going to say it here. Okay. Yeah. But maybe one day. But she is the only one that I'm like, I need to reach out to because I think she does genuinely deserve an apology. Yes.

Well, I mean, that's admirable in and of itself. It's crazy. When I was talking to her, when I saw her, I was like, oh, she's just going to avoid me. She's not going to look at me. And it was almost like she was relieved. Yeah. And so I didn't realize. And I have apologized to people throughout my life, but it felt nice to just give someone that.

Yeah, totally.

No one has to accept your apology, but it was nice that she did.

That's what I think I'm afraid of. I'm afraid that either she's not going to write back or text back or be like, Fuck you, bitch, and then try and retaliate. I don't want to remind her. Yeah. Also, I'm having a lot of struggle in this. I don't know if you guys talk about this part of the apology in AA, but I'm sure you just have to get over it.

Yeah, because the thing is, they don't have to accept it and they don't have to react well. You just need to give it. No, because you're not an alcoholic, but alcoholism, if you've done something or said something to someone in the past, they do deserve an apology, and they are allowed to react however they want.

Totally. They have free will. Yeah. Unfortunately, that is the hardest part.

No, it is. But it's just nice to say...

Also your dog is just chilling. I know. He so needs his engine. He acts like he's neglected. What do you think, since you are so smart, about do you feel like the AA is rooted? It's rooted in Christianity or Catholicism, right? Yeah. The thing is, there's different recovery programs, and you shouldn't be a figurehead for AA.

Even now, I don't represent it, but there's smart recovery and stuff like that. If you are not religiously inclined, I don't really believe in God.

Yeah, same.

There's different recovery programs, and I know that AA has its issues, and I'm not a representative at all.

You're like, Just you. So you hate it.

Yeah, I really hate it. But it's been really nice because getting sober, it's like coming out where it can be isolating, where if you were... I used to date dudes and stuff. I don't know. Yes.

I want to get into that. Yeah.

You come out and you're like, Oh, my friends are going to still like me. And so some of them do.

Some.

Yeah. And then you're like, Oh, we have vastly different lifestyles. Totally. And so with being a lesbian and then getting sober, it's just you change your lifestyle, and then now people are weird-ish about it. So you got to find new friends each time.

Yeah. No, I can see that because that's how I... I don't have a huge lesbian community, which I always talk about, and I have a lot of straight friends, which I love them. But it's not even that I can explain it, but it is just a different experience in the world. I'm like, I cannot tell you how men are so terrible and how they're treating you awful. Yes. Because you have to figure that out on your own. For some reason, you still like it. Yes. So all I can do is listen to your STD stories because there's no STDs in the lesbian community. Absolutely none. None. No. And I know you are an activist, I feel, of sorts of free press and of yeast infections. Yeah.

I do also talk about decentering men a lot.

Yeah.

And you can- The thing is- That's a good way to put it.

I just talk about misandry. That's my favorite word.

The misandry and decentering always get confused, but I love- What is decentering? In America, it's an individualistic culture. You're taught to center men. This is the patriarchy. You're meant to serve them. Everything that you do is for them. You look good, you show up, you give them all your energy. You don't ask for anything in return. Yes.

And this happens, I feel like, so insidious. We just appear. We're born in an infant, chasse out of the womb. And then all of a sudden, you don't even know, but it's all about men. Yes.

Yeah. No. And so you're taught... So it's like socialized. It's like a social prescription. It's like a pill that you're supposed to take every day. And so it's like, men are the best. You'll never be good enough. You got to... All this stuff. You're fed that. And then so decentering men is like, slowly undoing how you're socialized to recenter yourself. So the thing is, when you say decentering men, a lot of people think that means abstaining from men. Yeah. No, you can love men and you can date men. But as long as... When you decenter them, it's like they're no longer the priority. You don't do stuff for them. And yes, you still exist in a patriarchy because if it was that easy to escape the system, the system itself would not exist. It's an everyday practice of just making sure you choose yourself first and what you want. Socialization involves cultures, and cultures are like, customs, attitudes, beliefs, language, important text, important figures.

Wow, that's too much. I know. But it's all happening. We don't even have a choice, like what to consume.

When you decenter men, a lot of people are like, How do I do this? Well, think about it like going to a different culture. What would you need to do to prepare? And so you're a raging feminist at the moment. Yes. And so a lot of feminist texts, a lot of just how you speak and how you present yourself, an attitude is in a patriarchal culture, women are supposed to compete with each other. When you decenter men, you don't compete with women. You just now- Compete with them.

Yes.

With men, no. You see women for just the beauty and the expression that they bring. You don't stand next to them and think, Oh, God, I'm bigger than her, or I'm less than her. You just see it, how she is moving and existing throughout the space and the power that she brings and enjoying that for what it That's beautiful.

Yeah. But my thing, I have two things. Right now, I do not have a lot of men in my life. I have my manager who are really close, and he just gets it. And then I have my dad. Actually, maybe I do, but I still have dreams that haunt me. And I have two types of dreams, but the theme is isolation. I think because I felt really lonely as a child, and I hate to be social, so I do it to myself, and I'm a lesbian. Yeah. So it's like the trifecta of like, hating your life. Okay. You know? Wait, do you hate your life? I don't think so, but a little bit. I just like, I don't hate my life, but sometimes I hate living and I hate other parts about it. Yes. Like the patriarchy. Yes. I'm like, if I was born in a different culture, but heaven forbid, I was born in Iran. I'm like, this can get worse, actually. It doesn't help. No. Because also we're doing all of the work, the women, but actually the men do or need to do. And I do have a couple of people. I have some husbands who listen and love and love you guys.

Thanks for coming back. And they'll comment and stuff. So I know some men get it, but a lot of them aren't doing the work and don't give a fuck. So it's like, the more you know, actually, the worst it is because then you're so aware. But I can't help myself from knowing because then you feel connected. Yeah.

No, it's like the curse of knowledge. You're almost haunted by what you know. But that means... I was actually talking about this on my Instagram story because the opposite is the knowledge illusion, where you think you know more than you actually do. And So with an illusion, most illusions are just physics and misdirection. So the answer to that issue is learning more. But when it comes to the curse of knowledge, a lot of very intellectual people write off emotional and spiritual investment. Interesting. So curse, it shows a need to invest in your emotions and intuition. Yeah. So, yeah. And you said you were depressed. Yeah. Massive. Yeah. So it sounds like you may need some more emotional investment.

Yeah, that's true. And what? Because I do feel like I'm very emotional. Okay.

What type of emotions?

Big ones, crying, sadness. Yeah.

Is it ever anger?

All the time. My therapist tells me I'm really angry. Okay.

Well, I mean, that's a good The thing is, anger is action. It compels you to act and move. If you have a lot of anger, it means you give a shit. I would actually be more concerned if you received bad news or you found something out and you were indifferent.

I'm like that.

Well, I mean feminism. You hear something bad happening in the world and you get mad, right?

Well, it's interesting you say that because when something really bad happens, I'm always I'm always maybe a little indifferent, but I'm always like, it was meant to be like that because I can't let myself really harp on it because I know then there's no way out. So I feel like I'm outsmarting it. But also when I get really good news, I never celebrate. I'm like, oh, it could be taken away and whatever. This is life.

Well, I think you should celebrate it because happiness is something you have to pursue. So a lot of people are like, I would like to be happy. But the thing is, that would be saying, I'd like to be on mushrooms. So we would be like, do you have mushrooms? You have to pursue mushrooms to be on mushrooms. And happiness, you have to pursue to experience the same chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins. And so I always say, if you'd like to be more happy, there are different levels of happiness. There's low, moderate, and high. And the lowest level of... You have to microdose happiness until you build a tolerance.

Interesting. But do you think some people have to work harder at it than others? Yes, absolutely. Because they also have a lot of anger towards naturally happy and healthy people. Yes.

Yeah. Well, I'm going to say that you could... Do you feel jealous of them?

Yeah. I feel like they're living a life that I'm never going to be able to live. I'm a pessimist. Yeah. Yes. A nihilist. I hate it all.

Okay, but you said that- I feel like this is a therapy session. No, but I mean, the thing is, is jealousy is not bad. I agree. Jealousy is anger and sadness. That's the emotional equation. And then envy is sadness plus anger.

What's the difference? Okay, wait, say that again because you just said it. Jealous is sadness.

Jealous is anger plus sadness. And the order does matter.

Okay. Oh, interesting.

And then envy is sadness plus anger.

Envy is sadness. I don't have envy ever. Okay.

Yeah. I don't really feel either. Those are social emotions, which means they're hierarchical, so they're directed outwards towards others. But you do feel jealous of people who are happy. But the thing is, you need to celebrate the moments that you do get good news. Even if it feels forced, it's going to feel forced. You have to allow, do something to build a tolerance to happiness. If you don't engage with happiness and you don't like that when other people are happy, it's like building a tolerance to mushrooms. If you take 4 grams of mushrooms, you're going to end up weird in the woods.

Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Naked.

Yes. You're going to be like, and you're going to become so happy that you freak out. So you got to start small. The small levels of happiness is content, serene, and grateful.

Okay. Wow. Wait. Okay. In that order? No, it's either of the three. Okay. I've never felt serene and grateful. So I started doing a gratitude journal three days, but I did really feel like it helped because that's something that I am missing. But I know, but I look around and I'm like, holy shit. I was a nurse living paycheck to paycheck. I never thought that this would happen. But also I'm like, whatever, take it with a grain of salt.

Well, I mean, the thing is, if you keep doing the gratitude journal and obviously run all this by a therapist, No, what you say is word. Yeah. So you start microdosing gratitude by practicing it every day. You're going to start noticing that you are able to feel happier more than usual. You You know? And so, again, the mushroom things, you're building a tolerance, and then you're going to hit moderate levels of happiness. Yeah. And that's going to be like, oh, crap. I can be happy.

Right. That's also something. It's like, I feel guilty when I'm happy. Why? I think because I know what it's like to not have it. And then all of a sudden I become very existential. Okay. Yeah. So I'm like, there's so many people who are unhappy. Look at what is going on in the world. I'll see someone anyone who I think and I pity them for no reason. Okay. Because I think I'm afraid also of being... If I'm happy about something, I feel like I'm being braggadocious. I'm like, guess what happened then if I'm talking to someone who's miserable, because I also feel like everyone's miserable except for you. Yeah. Are you on any meds?

I take Vivans for ADHD, and then I do take Zoloft.

Okay. Yeah. I'm on heavy meds for depression. I had a good cocktail, though. So these things are making sense and more attainable. Good. Yeah. Good. Yes.

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Hi, I'm Lisa Renna. And I'm Harry Hamlin. You may know me from Days of Our Lives, Melrose Place, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

I've been around for a while, Clash of the Titans, LA Law.

That's right. But there's a lot more to us than what you've seen on screen Let me tell you.

We've been together for over 30 years.

We have some crazy stories to tell. And on this podcast, we're going to own it, baby. We'll talk about everything from love to sex to pop culture to juicy behind the scenes stories we've never told before.

You can listen to new episodes of our podcast, let's not talk about the husband every Friday.

Follow the show wherever you get your podcast so you don't miss a thing. What a lesbian are you? When did it happen?

I am, I guess, I'm I'm more femme when I dress up, but I think when I'm not dressed up, it's just, I don't know.

Just like, yeah, yeah. And do you identify fully with lesbian? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, totally. Yeah, I love it. But you've dabbled in the D.

Yes.

Haven't we you all.

I think, well, I was in a... Yeah. I was a bit of slut.

Aren't we all? Same. And I thought I was doing it for myself because you're gaslit by this terrible society that you're breaking down for us. So I'm like, if men can do it, so can I. But naturally, I always thought it was going to lead to a relationship and more emotional connection. So it's like, I was not doing it for myself. When I say no, no, when it happens and it's fine, I'm like, Oh, I wanted that. No, you didn't. But it's hard to grasp that until later, until I became a lesbian, and I was like, Oh, okay, what the fuck?

Yeah, because you've heard of comp het?

Yeah. Just recently.

Yeah. You're socialized to be... This thing is, is compet sucks because also, hooking up with dudes, everyone's like, It sucks. People who are lesbians or saffics hear that and they're like, Yeah, it does suck because straight women are saying it, too. And so you're like, oh, it's just supposed to suck. So that's why a lot of lesbians come out later in life because they're like, I just thought I was a part of the whole It Sucks crew.

Totally. Yeah. Yes. I thought I just had to turn over and whatever, just count down until it's done. Just get it over with.

No, exactly. I love sociology. That's why gay men come out a lot earlier.

Because they still get to fuck.

Well, yeah. Yes. But their sexuality is taken more seriously. Yes. And they're also not taught that they... I mean, men are taught that you should be attracted to women. But more than anything, it's their pleasure that is... And this is not me saying, gay dudes, you have it easy. No, they do. Yeah.

It's like- Because they're dudes and we're women. Yeah.

Well, I mean, the thing is- Not easy.

Easy in the gay community. It's relative. Yes.

Yeah. The thing is, they're just socialized. We're all socialized differently, and we all deal with it differently at different places.

Totally. Yeah. Because I feel like now I'm realizing, I'm like, people don't take lesbian relationships seriously. No. There would never be a headline that's like, Gabby, seen at the beach with a lesbian with and name them. It's like that nobody cares, even though it's like, why isn't Chapel Roon getting these headlines? Oh, yeah.

Chapel Roon, specifically. They talk about her like she's the weird ally. It's like, no, she's a lesbian.

Right. You know? And there was I saw one headline that's like, she's dating a 50-year-old woman. I'm like, why don't we know more about that? Why isn't there gossip callings about that? Seriously. But it's only about straight girls going to the beach with a football player. But I'd like to be in the mess. I want to feel that. Yeah.

You want to be someone to talk about your sexuelate?

Yes. Yeah. But it is. And I'm like, okay, well, if you don't take a lesbian relationship seriously, I don't take your hinge relationship seriously. I'm going to one up. Yeah. But it's not true. I mean, obviously they happen.

Yeah, they do. And lesbian relationships are real. But every time... The thing is, it's lesbianism, and it also just goes into feminine sexuality in general. If a woman talks about what she likes or dislikes, it's almost like it doesn't matter. The bisexual community deals with this a lot, where if you're a bi-woman, oh, you're doing it for attention. If you're a bi-man, you're just gay. Because people cannot fathom that attraction to women. If it's anywhere in the mix, it's not fair.

Yeah. No, I agree. It's like a plight for the bisexuals. But also I'm like, if you were smart, you choose a woman.

I wouldn't say that.

Okay, then that's the pansexual, I feel. I have a hard time differentiating between pan and bi. I know the signs behind it. It's like bi's genders and and his personalities. But don't you also need to be attracted to a personality?

Yeah. Well, I mean, the thing is, if I were to explain this in math terms, bisexual and pansexual, they're both double-sided equations.

Where I don't know what that means.

Where you have to factor in on both sides. But the thing is, is just because an answer to two questions can be four, it doesn't mean that you use the same equation to find the answer for four. So the beauty of the difference between bisexual and pansexual lies within the actual function itself and the individual and how they perceive and move throughout the world. Okay. Yeah. And so it's deeply personal.

Right. So which one do you think is better?

I don't think either is better.

I don't know. Tell us. No, I mean, I have- I know. Yes. No, I know. I feel like the pansexual in me is like, if maybe I met a man with a killer personality who treated me amazing, who understood me as an equal, then maybe. But also, I don't think they exist. Okay. Yeah. It's like they're just too close to the caveman still. Yeah.

They're almost like regressing. Yeah.

Right. Exactly. But I guess then you can't help being attracted to the gender. Yeah. So I get it. Yeah. But whatever. Yeah. Okay. So when did you first know you were a lesbian?

A couple of years ago, 2021.

Oh, so it's I knew.

Yeah. Well, I thought I was bi beforehand. Okay. And so I think I thought I was... I started thinking I was bi in 2017, but I had hooked up with a woman as early as 2012. Oh, wow. But I didn't think of anything of it because I was raised super Christian. I was I mean, it's just like, I thought that only boys could be gay.

Yeah, totally.

So I was like, I made out with this girl named Sam, and I was like- Oh, shout out to Sam.

Sam.

We love Sam. But I was like, I don't know what that was. And then I just kept it moving because this is going to sound so ignorant. I mean, it's fine now I'm gay.

I was like, I don't even know how girls do it. I'm still like that. What are we doing?

What are we doing?

We're side by side. Is this sex? Yeah, it's more emotional. But I know. It's like for me, sex was penetration. It felt like a goal. And then when we came, it was accomplished. So I'm like, okay, I could check it off a list. But now I'm like, without the penetration, is this all just foreplay? Yeah.

I think it's just sex could be literally anything, I guess, however you define it. In heterosexual culture, it's like when the penis goes in the vagina. But really, sex is a lot more other stuff.

What?

Like head or like, fingering, anal.

Okay. Yeah, Yeah. Yeah. I mean, same. Anal. Anal, definitely. That was one of my first experiences being around a lot of lesbians because I feel like they can be really intelligent Intelligent, but pretentious. And we were at a lesbian, which I'm like, you toe the line. No, but we were talking about it before. It's like, you're so palatable. Thank you. Yes. I feel like, bragging about it or anything like that. But we were at a dinner party with a bunch of lesbians, and one goes, yeah, Virginia Wolf liked anal. And I'm like, how do you know? So you've read all of Virginia Wolf, first of all. Keep that to yourself. Now I have much to catch up on. And you know so much about her that you know how she likes penetration. It seemed very condescending.

Well, it's almost a lot of saffics are English majors.

Is that science-backed? Yeah. Oh, my God. That's crazy. But that's what I'm saying. That's why I feel like you can... It's like being gay, you're born like that. It could also be a choice because smart women are gay.

I think that gets into political lesbianism. Lesbianism. What? Political lesbianism.

Okay, that's what this is.

Well, if you were to... It's dicey.

Yes. It's too simple. I understand I'm breaking them down too much, but it's been my experience. Yeah.

I love the very intellectual suffix. But you also have to understand that a lot of- There's dumb lesbians, too.

Oh, yeah.

We're everywhere. And shout out.

We exist. Yes. And that's what we need because we need to level ourselves out. And I I could relate, and I am a part of, I feel, the dumb lesbian community.

Oh, yeah. I toe the line.

Yes. Yeah. I'm toeing it. Yeah. And I'm not afraid.

Yeah. I mean, the thing is, is like, lesbianism as itself is already so isolating. Yeah. And there is a heavy element of yearning and wanting. Yes. And so when you feel like you're removed from a group, you will get more deep and introspective. I mean, do you feel like you get really deep and introspective when you're alone?

Yes. That's why I like to be alone. Because I don't always know what people are thinking or feeling. And I feel like I always have to say, okay, but not really get it. So that's why I just stay away from people. Because I'm afraid to disagree. My girlfriend's always like, you're not happy unless you feel like I'm inside your brain. I'm like, obviously. I want to wear your skin. Doesn't everyone feel like that? But I think it's just a yearning to be understood. I'm always having an internal dialog. Yeah.

Well, yearning is... To talk about emotions again. Yearning is like, it's like sadness plus... No, It's happiness plus sadness.

Like, crazy.

Yeah. And so also, you can... This is embarrassing for a lot of lesbians at the bar, but you can tell when a lesbian is yearning because happiness moves you closer to someone and sadness pushes you So if you ever see someone rocking back and forth at the bar, they are actually visibly yearning. Oh, my God. Yeah. And so I do that all the time. Look for yearning. Yeah. It's like a bid for connection at that point because the inverse of sadness is... I mean, the inverse of yearning is acceptance. Okay. So like, sadness plus happiness. So if you are yearning to be accepted, and so it's like a bid for... If you want to know who to talk to at the lesbian are the person rocking back and forth when there's no music, want someone to talk to right now. Oh, my God.

What if you don't want to talk to them? You just let them rock.

Yeah. Just let them rock. The music will come back on in a second.

That's for you to experience. No, seriously.

But yeah, the thing is, is why I feel like a lot of saffics are more smarty pants is because when you are alone a lot, lesbians are removed from society, you will get more deeper intellectual and you want to connect with others. Yeah. And so you're going to get a little bit more pretentious.

Yeah. I mean, it makes sense. We love you guys. Yeah. Everyone here is pretentious. We're all everything. We can be... Both things can exist. All things. No, yeah.

You It's going to be two things at once. Yes.

Are saffics only women?

I mean, saffics can include people who are non-binary.

Okay, but they're not men.

Yeah, they're non-men.

Oh, great. Do you have any feminist books or authors that you like?

Yes. Okay. What type of feminist books? Okay, we're going to get to intersectional feminism. I would say hood Feminism is a really good book.

Okay.

Also, it's Black History Month. I think it's by Mickey Kendall. Really good. Leila Lalami, Conditional Citizens. Okay. Well, I mean, that's about... It's just intersectional feminism. It's more like just feminism from the point of view of someone, a person of color. A woman of color, to get their understanding and a feel of things. When it comes to feminism, like traditional stuff- Isn't it hard?

No. I'm having a hard time, really fine. I love Sylvia Plath. I think more than feminism, which I go in and out of how interested I am in my lesbianism. But I feel like so many makenings are happening at once. Right now, I really identify with depression. So that's why I fuck with Sylvia Plath. Yeah. Because she's so depressed. Yes. And she works in a lot of feminism, but they're like, She's a feminist icon. But I feel like she speaks about it, which we talked about it earlier, which I forget what feminism is more like not a little bit about being gay, but also just her experience with men and how the one abuse her in the forest. Yeah.

I do want to say, though, it is ironic that you're like, some lesbians are pretentious, yet you're like, I love Sylvia Plath.

I don't think... I just like the Bell jar. Oh, yeah. I'm not so into poetry because I can't totally understand it.

I can't know.

Yeah. Yes, I know. And so that makes me feel really dumb, and I'm always at odds with it. But I do like her unabridged journals. Okay. I actually think she's really easy to understand because she's succinct. Yes. That's what I like. Virginia Wolf is too- Wordy. Yes. I'm like, Just break it down, bitch. Yeah, get to the point.

You're sad and gay. Tell me more about it. Oh, no, I love that. Okay, you were a nurse. I was trying to think if you have any... What is your creative background? I don't.

I'm a dancer. I stretched for the first time the other day because I saw the substance, and Margaret Qualey was doing the splits, and I found it offensive.

Like she was doing it bad?

No, she was doing it insanely good. Oh, yeah. So I'm like, I used to be able to do that. It's not fair that she gets to do that. Yeah. So I stretched to Barbarella.

Nice.

Yeah. Nice. But that's really it. And it wasn't... I feel like it was more of an emotional outlet because I didn't do a lot of geography. Okay. I feel like when I was young, I love to be told what to do. If I know what you expect of me, I can deliver. But now I feel like I'm diving into my creativity. Yes.

Okay. Wait, you're Were parents were the military?

Yeah.

Which parent?

Both at a time. But my dad was like, when we were growing up, active duty. Okay. What about you?

Both of my parents were the Navy, and my dad got kicked out.

Oh, what did he get kicked out for?

He punched his offer.

And his officer probably deserved it.

Oh, yeah, he did. Yeah. But the thing is, no. So my parents are super militant. So you said you like being told what to do. Were your parents like, very militant? Yes.

It was like, yes, ma'am, no, ma'am, growing up. Yeah. My dad is just committed to the grind. He would work 60 hours a week, even outside the military. I'm like, literally, get out of the office. There's no windows in your office. You will turn into a fungus, like a mushroom. But it's like, he just cannot get away from work. And I feel like it's rooted in that. Do you feel like you can't get away from work? Yes. But I also feel like it's because I'm a Capricorn. Oh, yeah. What are you? I'm a Libra. That's such a good sign. Thank you. M&m was a Libra. He's not dead. What is that? He's not dead.

God press his soul. Oh, my gosh. No, Capricorns are very driven. So what's your big three?

I'm a Capricorn Sun, Rising Aries, Leo Moon. Damn. What about you?

Libra Sun, Libra Moon, and then Gemini Rising.

Oh, wow. Oh, my God. So Gemini women are geniuses.

Thank you. Yes. Thank you. But I was going to say you're an Earth Sun, and then Aries and then Leo. So, yeah. Damn, how do you relax?

I relax. Well, I never relax my mind. Okay. I feel like I'm always... I try and relax my body. I try and stay far away from the gym. If I need a workout, I'll do the cold plunge. But when I'm at home, I'll smoke weed, but I'm always thinking because I feel like I have, especially now, so many tasks. So I guess when I smoke, but I'm trying to get myself to relax. That's interesting. I didn't that it was like that in my astrology.

Well, I mean, Capricorns are very, very hard workers, very dedicated to the grind, and Aries are very fiery. I mean, I'm an Eriestine, so I love fire signs, but you got a lot going on. So I mean, So you said that you stretch, but what do you do to express yourself?

I mean, every other week, I come here and scream to the camera about whatever I want. That is a good way to express my creativity. Is Yes.

Yeah. And you said that you like to organize and do you decorate as well?

Yeah, I like to. Yes. But it's like we're past, now we're decorated. We don't know if we're staying here, leaving. So there's boxes everywhere. We're in limbo. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't have... I know I'm trying... I guess I'm not even. It's like, who's not? Well, I have to take my own pictures for Instagram. Yeah. So now I like to fuck with cameras and lights. Yeah. I I love lighting. No, yeah.

That is an amazing type of expression. I mean, you should try to pursue some art or hobby, just to release some energy. Yeah.

What do you do?

Well, I love reading I love Legos. I'm taking classes. I signed up for this perfume making class.

Oh my God. That's fun.

Oh my gosh. I'm so excited. It's for the first, but I love... I took a neon bending class.

What's a neon bending?

I made a neon sign.

Oh my God. Okay, love. I love how you feel your really intellectual side with other things.

I try to combine fun learning. I know that sounds like such a- No. The classes that you can take, the Museum of Neon Art. Actually, that's around the corner. Oh, wow. You could take a neon bending class. The fact that it has structure is great for people who are more logical. But the fact that you're creating something is the fun part. It's where left and right brain are coming together. Oh, wow. Yeah. So you're very much a Capricorn, which I imagine you like structure? Yeah. Yeah. So you need some structured fun.

Yes. I like to make my own structure now because I'm self employed. Do you do pottery?

I have done pottery.

It's very lesbian of you. Yes.

My shirt got sucked into the wheel. Oh, scary.

Yeah.

And then I smushed my guy down, and it was just humiliating, but it was fine.

Yeah. Well, that's how I... It was totally fine. Yeah.

I just destroyed it. They're like, Do you want us to fire Is this...

No, it's nothing. Definitely. I'm going to put it on the windowsill no matter what. But that is the thing with creativity, too, is I feel like it wouldn't be good enough art. It's like somebody would always be better than you.

Well, the thing is, is art is supposed to suck at first. It's all about the process. The thing is, no one's good at anything the first time. Every single class I've taken, I took a woodshop class, and I mean, so lesbian of you. It was all If you want to find a lesbian out in the wild, I was like, You guys are all so gay.

But shopping for lesbians, go to a woodworking class. I'm so serious. It was probably full of curly mulets.

Yes. Yeah. And yes, very thick glasses.

Do you do your podcast yourself?

No, I do it at Studio 71, which is... I just launched a new podcast.

They have the best podcast, I feel.

They do? I love them. I just launched another one with them called Shower Thoughts. And so that's coming out on February 12th.

Is it things that we're talking about here? Yeah. Do you get political? Yes.

I love talking about politics, but like you said, in a palatable way. Yeah. If I get too technical, I love including definitions and sources because a large part of my audience does have autism or ADHD, so you got to really break it down. And also I do as well. So we need detail.

Are you a fast reader?

It depends on what's being read. I do read more technical stuff, and I do like to annotate, so it's not as fast as I'd like, but I do want to understand it. If it's a memoir, I'd probably read it very fast. So fast. Yeah. Those are the best. Yeah. Memoirs are like, if people are trying to get in a non-fiction, like memoirs are like the perfect gateway because it's like, truth is stranger than fiction. So it's not the craziest non-fiction, but it's the most interesting.

Yes. I like knowing it's real or almost real. What are your favorite? Because I'm like, Did you read Julia Fox's? Oh, my God.

But I listen to Celebrity Memoir Book Club.

Oh, yes. I heard they're really good.

They are. And they went over Julia Fox's book, and I really, really want to read it.

You should. Or listen to it. Yeah. That's what I did because she, whatever, narrates it. It is really good. But some things I'm like, Is this all true? You know, or are we in Belcher? I'm not calling Julia Fox the liar. I'm just wondering because- Dude, we're on camera. But it's so crazy. But also I feel like it would happen to her. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And I know it's hard being such an introvert and not wanting to do anything because then I don't experience anything. So I'm waiting still to get a little umph because I want things to talk about, but it's too late for me to piss into someone's mouth with a funnel. It's never too late. It's never too late.

The thing is, like I said, if you start taking classes and you like to watch people, you're probably going to find some interesting stories because there are people who take a lot of classes to save their marriage. So especially if you take a couples class, you'll watch couples break down in real-time. Wow. Yeah. So you could have stories. It will be kiss stories? That would be a horrible macaron-making class.

Yeah, okay.

But I mean, there's piss involved.

That's what I want desperately. I mean, you could do a BDSM course. That's what I wanted. Because it's so like, I'm not interested in BDSM, but it's like, what is more I'm risque. I want the shock factor always. I don't know if a macaron class is going to give me the shock, but it will give you a lot of color. It will. How do you get the color?

I mean, it's dark.

Okay, yeah. It's not dark. What What are you supposed to do?

I know. But I mean, then, yeah, I do want to take a kink class. Oh, really? Yeah. Because they know a lot.

Totally.

Yeah. And they're great with boundaries, too.

Right? Because people are like, Don't kink shame. And I'm like, But one time I had whatever. I was doing a call-in episode, and somebody was like, This guy I'm dating wants me to wear a diaper. And I'm like, Fuck no, because that's pedophilia. Or am I kinkshaming?

Well, I mean, the diaper is What is it just like a visual thing or was it like a fill it? I don't know what time.

Yeah, it depends. But what if it What if it was a visual? Is that better or worse? That was the best joke.

You said depends. Sorry. Keep going. Wait, what were you saying?

Because if she was in a depends, I feel like it wouldn't be that bad because that's an adult diaper.

Yeah, I do have some... Well, my ex-partner I used to live with got lipo because they had some gender surgery, so they had to wear diapers for a bit. I didn't feel anything, actually, when they wore them.

Interesting that you'd have to wear a diaper because you couldn't wear anything tight. Yeah.

Also, the holes would leak. Oh, wow. So it would capture the fluid. But I guess, yeah, there is something strange about... You know what difference? I guess you like... I would never, but...

Yeah. I don't know a lot about kinks. I'm like, maybe I'm just so severely sexually repressed. Yeah. That now I'm like, I want to wear a strap on and just like, swinging around at least.

You're literally a lesbian. You couldn't do that.

No, I have a ton. Yeah. We're always shopping for strap on.

Yeah. Then, I mean, just wear it around the house.

Right? Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, my God. See, yes. Now I'm getting excited. Yeah. You said you tried stretching.

That would be such a fun thing. As your I'm sketching.

Get in the middle, so it's with a dick hanging out. Yeah.

And then so when you write your memoir, you're like, This is what I do on Saturdays, dude.

Yeah, I could make my own story. Seriously. Do you wear strap-on?

Yeah, I have to.

Okay. Okay. You have to.

Well, it's because with my... Okay. Topping for me is very hard. I have carpal tunnel, so I...

Yeah. Anatomically, it gets in the way.

I'm medically a bottom. And then also with my last I have a ex-partner. They sat on my face so hard, I broke my nose.

Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Oh, my God. See, I want that to happen.

Well, then, Robin. Above all, I just want to relate.

I want to know what that feels like. Because people are always saying, Put your whole weight on my face. So you meant it.

Yeah. And so that happens. And so it's a wee bit sensitive. But I mean, so I have to- Your nose looks great, by the way.

Thank you. By the way. Yes.

It's contoured. But she was crunchy for a while.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

Then we... Okay. I'm just going to say also, we one time did anal in the shower, and then I went to Party City to get some balloons for our birthday.

I low-key love Party City.

I do, too. And then I ended up shitting blood in Party City. And then I had to go to the urgent care. Oh, my God. Yeah. Okay. Broken nose, torn butt hole. But yeah, so when I top it, I have to wear a strap on or else I'm going to get crampy and rungy.

Wait, how did the crampy hand have to do with the top?

Carpal tunnel. Because I can't...

Finger?

That much. Or else my hands start to claw, and it gets really unappealing.

Okay, I'm going to say that then. I have carpal tunnel.

I have carpal tunnel. Yes.

Because I only want to be on the bottom. Okay. I'm going to be like, I can't. Which works for Ravi and I. It's like we're pretty heteronormative. Okay. Yeah. But you and your previous relationships were switched Yeah.

I mean, well, I just love to get involved.

Right. Yes.

And I always feel like I should be giving back because I do. It does take me a while on antidepressants. I end up feeling guilty. You No, I'm like, Oh, it's been 50 minutes of you being down there. I feel like... And I want to, but I also just feel like...

I'm not good, but I try. Yeah. At going down? Well, I mean, I'm... You think? I'll get... I don't want to overthink. It's a lot of communication. It is, yeah. Yes. And sometimes, Robbie's always like, talk to me. I'm like, I haven't figured it out yet. It's just like, I need you to explore, map it out, and then I can tell you. Yeah.

Well, talk to me when?

When she's going down on me. Okay. She's like, Tell me, tell me, tell me. I'm like, I haven't figured it out yet because I like all of it. So it's hard to just pick one.

Oh, no. Yeah. I'm a very literal person. I remember first time I was hooking up with a girl, she said, Come for me. And I said, All right. And then a couple more minutes goodbye, and she's like, Come for me. And I was like, I will. And then a couple more minutes goodbye, and she's like, Come for me. And I literally pushed her away, and I was like, I gave you my word. I Wait. I'm literally trying so hard to come right now.

There's too much pressure. I already promised.

And I didn't realize it's just, Oh, you're trying to talk to me.

Or she was trying to pressure you. She's like, hurry up. Come on, let's go.

I was like, Stop. Please. No, but I did. But it was just like, I came for her.

I did.

It took me a second. But whenever there's talking, I also do want to get a little bit funny. Yes. And So I feel like the other person might get out of it very quickly.

Totally. I did that a lot in my first relationships. I would not be serious during sex, and they'd be like, This isn't working for me. But I'm like, Sex is funny. We're rolling around animals. You're so sweaty. There's noises. There's just a lot going on. Yeah. I can't be funny with Robbie. Really? Yeah. But honestly, I'd like to try.

They're comedians, so why not?

Literally. Because she's so serious in bed. That's the only time she's serious. And sometimes when I'll start to dirty talk, I'll be like, Try and say something funny. Like, Introduce it funny. Because how do you start out of nowhere? So I'll be like, Daddy. And she's I was like, Don't. I'm like, Okay, well.

Just in the darkness. Daddy.

Who is that? It's me.

Have you tried roleplay? Because that would be a fun way to get... I love that if you're super funny in the bedroom because then you can get porny. Yeah.

I like that. I don't know how to role play because I feel like our dirty talk is role play because it's a lot of mommy, dad. Well, just not real mommy stuff, daddy stuff. It's I don't want to be caught. That's my favorite. Are they going to catch me in the church pew?

Well, then, I mean, where? Okay, I don't want to... Do you get a church dress on? Oh, okay. Do you have a Bible?

No, but I could get one.

Yeah. And then just read it in the living room. And then like, Robin is trying to distract you. And you're like, Please, it's Sunday.

Wow. That's so good. Yeah.

And then you have props.

Yeah. You have a priest. You bring in an altar boy.

Father Matthew is here. You guys are singing him. Don't look. Don't look. Don't look. Don't look. But the thing is, with that, you get to be funny and also sexy. So they're getting into it, but you're getting it all out.

Yes. It's a good way, I feel like, to express yourself. And this is making me more excited to have sex because sometimes if it's the same thing, I'm like, I got to do it. But it's sexual frustration. But if you add more, then it's like, Okay, we're getting multiple experiences out of one. No, exactly.

Yeah. And then you guys can get like, improv-y and weird with it.

I'm trying to think of...

Well, actually, I'm trying to think of my favorite roleplay, but I don't have one at the moment.

You don't? What roleplay have you done?

Oh, crap. Well, the thing is, I have I have so many costumes because I also do sketches.

Do you? Yeah, your sketches are so good. I love your Lego sketches. Thank you.

I think my favorite one is I have a headset and I'm like- Call center. Yeah. And no one's available to come help. So I'm like, I guess I took the call. Try to give head with a headset on this.

Sorry. For one second, the speaker's on.

What's that wet sound on the line?

Yes. You're supposed to be on hold.

Oh my gosh. Just chewing on the... What is that?

His Teddy bear.

Oh, I was like, God.

I know. But, yeah. Well, I think we're probably good. Okay, good. I know. I think it's a good note to end on.

I love it if you were just like, All right, let's stop talking.

We're done. That's it.

Yeah. Leave.

There's the door. Thank you so much. This was so fun. Thank you for having me on. Yeah. To hide your dirty socks.

They're actually I'm really dirty, so I'm so sorry. It's like I walked here.

From Beverly Hills.

Seriously, in these socks.

I'm so sorry. No. Oh, my God. We love it. I wish they were dirtier. Okay. The tops were dirty, too. You flip them You walk on the top of your feet. Yes.

And then I have a hump on my ankle. She's an idiot. She's dumb as shit.

That's what we like here. Exactly. Oh, my God. You are amazing. Thank you. A literal icon. Where can we find you?

You can find me on TikTok or Instagram or YouTube, Sarah Schauer.

S-h-a-u-e-r. I know. I love the pronunciation. Thank you. Yeah. Is it real?

Yes. It's my father's. He gave it to me.

Oh, yeah.

But everyone's like, when I was blonde, they were like, Golden shower. And I was like, You're so funny. Peel me.

Yeah.

I wish that was me right now. Well, literally. Seriously. Where's the funnel?

I No, I need the next time you come. The next time I come.

Sorry, guys. I know. Oh, God. But yeah. It's a Sarah shower.

Okay, great. I want to start putting links in the description. That's helpful. Okay. I'm like, Please do. I'm like, I might not start with you. No, but I'm going to. That's great. Thank you for that. Yeah, you're welcome. Thanks. Okay, well, until next time. All right.

I love I didn't even know the podcast started when you first started talking. We were doing an audio check, and I was like, Okay, well, yeah, I'm Sarah Shah. I'm excited to be here. And that's actually the beginning of the...

Well, thank you for having me. No, I love it. I know. I put the sneak on. Yeah. Yeah. And No one knows when we start. No one does. It's the best. Yeah, it is. I will say. Yeah, literally.

Surprised. We're doing this.

I'm trying to catch you.

Yeah, yeah. But thank you guys. Well, thank you, guys. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you. This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.