Transcript of Mariska Hargitay

Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Good Hang. Very excited about our guest today, the one, the only, Mariska Hargitay. We have wanted Mariska to come by for a very long time. We're so happy that she's here, and we're going to talk about a lot of very exciting stuff. We're going to talk about her beautiful new HBO documentary, My Mom, Jane. We're going to talk about the fact that she's America's favorite detective. We're going to discuss what parts we would play in an all-female version of Hamilton. It's a great interview, and let's get started listening to it. But before we do, guess who we have? We always like to talk to somebody who knows our guest, who has a question for our guest, and we got a good one. We got Christopher Maloney. That's right. Detective Stabler is here. You may know him from Oz and from SVU and from Law and Order Organized Crime. Most importantly, you might know him from his Star Turn in Wet Hot American Summer, where I met him. But Chris Maloney is joining us today. Chris, can you hear us? This episode is brought to you by Paul Maliv.

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I'm fantastic.

Michelle?

It's so good to see you.

Thank you.

Where am I talking to you from? Are you in the city?

Do you know what the irony is? I'm staying at Mariska's place.

Get out of here. How cool.

Yeah. I can't show it to you because I haven't been authorized. No. But it's super secret. It's like a lair. You remember the Batmobile? Yeah. It's a fence that goes down and you go into a cave and the fence goes up. It's really crazy.

Oh, you have to put your hand on a sensor and it reads your fingerprints.

Yeah, everything.

Yeah. God, this is all just... This is also satisfying for listeners that you're staying at Mariska's house.

Yeah.

Okay, before we get to her, though. Hello. Hi. Hi. We got to know each other on a cult classic a film called Wet Hot American Summer, which, I mean, some could argue you stole that movie right from under all of these sketch little shrinky dinks you just came in. Well, wow.

Thank you. That's really sweet because I just look at the whole piece as... To me, it's the epitome of a cult classic. In fact, when it did not do well at the box office, I remember I'd been in the biz long enough to go, I had a great time. I thought it was great, whatever. And then all of a sudden, over the years, you keep seeing these young people or being stopped in the street by younger people. And you're like, Okay, am I crazy or is this a thing that's happening?

And that was so exciting.

Let's talk about what you're working on. Are you shooting currently right now?

No. I want to play the head coach of a football team in the NFL.

I mean, you definitely have a coach vibe. How do you stay so fit?

Oh, man, four or five days a week.

Oh, my God.

And as you have... Look, I've been working out. I calculate, and I think the longest I've not worked out is maybe two weeks.

Oh, my God.

And I've been doing that for 50 years.

That truly sounds like a nightmare.

Yeah. And it was. Yeah, it is. But now it's my drug of choice, so it's all good.

Yeah, I get it. I mean, it's a fantastic thing to invest in yourself, and it feels good, and it lengthens your life and all of it. But, man. Yeah. Yeah, that's a lot of hard work. Well, on behalf of everyone everywhere, thank you. Congratulations.

All the little people thank me. All the little actors in Hollywood. The frail little actors.

Now, Mariska and you, I mean, you've had to answer a million questions over the years about your relationship on the and off the show and on shows and off shows. But it really is truly like you are family to each other. Yeah. How would you describe your relationship to each other?

I think it was based... I think there's a strong cornerstone that is comedic-based. We both are constantly in search of great comedy. We We literally test it out on each other. In between setups, we would act drunk and then critique each other. Go ahead, guess. No, that's too much. No.

Okay, there. Go ahead. I I have to say, too, when I had to play drunk, the first thing I would do is I would take a big step closer to whoever I was talking to.

See, that's good. So spatial awareness is gone.

Just one step closer.

Because I knew those people. They do this thing.

Totally.

Okay, so you and Mariska like to do bits? Yes.

This is something that for a split second, she was talking about she was looking… She was going out on dates a lot, or she was going out on dates. I said, You should be dating a guy named Jerold. Why it struck us as funny? We don't know. But all of a sudden, she had a phantom Guys that she dated that she was really in love with, but it was difficult to manage with Jerome. Sure.

There's nothing like a fake boyfriend.

Yeah. But I mentioned, I said, I go, Jerome's here, but I told them to get lost because you were working. In the middle of setting up a scene, and she goes, Gosh, Chris, you're not allowed to do that. And she starts running out. She goes, Jerome. I went, There you go. I'd It makes no sense. It's not even particularly funny, but it's just funny to us.

I love a bit. God, I mean, it's the only way sometimes to get through a long day is a dumb bit.

Yeah. And I'll say this because the genesis of where I drove us, your question was, what's the secret to the sauce? And so it's the comedy. But I would also add that there's something spiritual in it. And I think that's in her nature. And Perhaps it's an aspect of mine that I recognize.

Do you think you knew each other in a past life?

That's funny. Yeah, I don't think in those terms, even though I feel that way. New York to me is that to me that when I arrived in New York, I went, I don't even know what this thought is, but I should have been born here.

That's so funny you say that. I felt the same way when I came to New York. I thought, Oh, right. This is the city I'm supposed to live in.

Right. Oh, do you know something? I can check this box. I'm no longer lost.

That's how it felt to me.

Interesting. I mean, I wonder if there's all this... Speaking of spirituality, there's all this idea that there's people in your life, and I can think of some for me who just, when I met them, I was like, Oh, there you are. And they became part of my life. They're now... We're all of the age now. We're knowing and working with people for 25 years, 30 years. And suddenly it's like they're some version of a group that was supposed to come together.

You're funny. I have the same thing, and I've never put it in those terms. But when I walk away from someone, I'll say this, That's a solid citizen. But you go, That's someone that you can build a community with. That's a solid citizen. It makes me laugh.

I love that. That's a solid citizen. I love that. Okay, so we're talking to a very solid citizen, Mariska Hargitay, today. Yeah. I'm very excited to have her in the studio. Mariska and I have gotten a chance to see each other out in the world, but never really had a real conversation. I've seen her I've been lucky enough to be part of the many good works that she does. Of course, I'm a huge fan of her work, and I've been very moved by her recent film. But there's a lot of sides to her, and I feel like you get that everyday work environment thing is like you really get to know someone. I guess, do you have a question for me today that I could ask her that you feel like she never gets asked or that, I don't know, she would like to be asked about?

She is the consummate multitasker, and it's a gift that I marvel at. She She's a good connector of people. She has a wide spectrum of the world as well as a very keen, incisive, mano a mano engagement with people. She can assess people very well and engages them always from a pure heart. She's always trying to find the solution or the good. I guess a question, what What's the driving force of all of these things? And did you know that... Did you start out, Oh, I'm going to be an actor? And then when was it... When do the tumblers start to drop?

I love what you're saying because figuring out the why of things.

The why of the journey, yeah.

That is, to me, what curiosity is about. It seems like a very curious person, and I'm curious about her curiosity, basically.

That's what I thought made her documentary about her mom. So poignant was the clarity of what the journey was, the genesis of it, her feelings, the things that needed to get resolved for her, the deeper insight. Oh, my God.

Oh, we lost video again.

Hey.

But that's okay.

No, no, hold on. Do you have me?

We have you.

Do you know why I lost you? Mariska just called me.

Amazing. She's like, What are you talking about?

She goes, Why won't you pick up? Are you naked?

Do you want me to call her? Yeah, let's call her right now because I think she's on the way here. Does she know you're doing this? No. Amazing.

No. Hold on a second. Don't say it. What? What's up, girlfriend? I felt so happy that you're there. I really am.

I'm so happy. I want you to enjoy it. Just text me or Sophie, if you need to figure out how anything works or whatever.

Okay. Was that a hint? Do you want a nudy? Could I?

But first of all, I'm so sorry. That's so gross about those lemons. I went through it by a shit ton of lemons because I love having lemonade there all the time. I'm serious.

Why? I saw your I saw your big lemonade sign. I saw your big lemonade sign right there. Hey, where are you going? What are you doing?

Right now, I'm going to Amy Poehler. I do a podcast. I met her, but I don't know her or anything. Then I'm doing that, and then I just have meetings for... Now that I'm a mogul, I have meetings. Why are you laughing?

Why are you laughing? No, I love Amy Poehler with all my heart and soul. That's all. I was just playing with you. You've always loved her. Since day one, I love you more than you know. Thank you so much. Ciao.

When I tell you- That was a lot. When I tell you that you guys should start an OnlyFans where people pay to hear you guys FaceTime. That was incredible. I got very nervous. I actually started to sweat because that was a high school version of hearing how somebody was going to talk about me. Thank God she didn't say anything bad. What if she had said, I have to go do this dumb ass podcast?

Well, number one, I trusted that she didn't... It's not that, but I love that she didn't want to offend me. I'm like, meh.

When you said, meh, I was like, mommy, are you nuts? She just wants to play. She's the best. I love talking to you. I hope I see you soon.

Good. I love you, Amy.

Thanks, Chris. Take care. Great to see you, buddy. This episode is brought to you by Visible. You know that one A friend who's always the first to know about everything? They've got a dozen tabs open constantly on their phone and in their head? To be that friend, you need wireless that can keep up. Visible is the ultimate wireless hack that lets you live in the know. So you can follow a rabbit hole as long as you want. Get one-line wireless with unlimited data, talk, and text for $25 a month, taxes and fees included, plus Visible runs on Verizon's 5G network so you can get great coverage and a reliable connection without the premium cost. Ready for wireless that lets you live in the know? Make the switch at visible. Com. Terms apply. See visible. Com for plan features and network management details.

I was walking out of my apartment this morning, and some lady, very sweet lady, goes, Oh, my God. My son goes to college where she went to college. And so she said, Oh, your son, he's so great. And then I don't know how my age came up, and I go, Yeah, I know. And now I'm 60. And she goes, Don't tell anyone your age. And I go, And He's probably 70. I go, Why? I'm proud of it. So cute.

And you know, 60 is very hot.

60 is the new hot.

60 is hot.

Yeah, it is. Yeah, it's hot. That's why I get so happy for people that turn 60. I'm like, Trust me, sweetie, it's all just beginning.

I know. I mean, people get really bunched up about age. I want to talk to you about it, too, because I do think- I will get into it.

I love talking about it.

Okay, because I bet you, like me, it's only getting better. Only getting better.

Only getting better. I'll tell you something. I remember when I turned 40, and I thought, and I used to tell people, Oh, my God, life begins at 40. Because my 20s were super hard and really struggled. Then 30, you go, Oh, okay. Now it's a new beginning. But then 40 is when it really kicked in and I got married and had kids. Then 50, you go, Oh, I'm in it and I know how to do it. But 60 gives you a new permission. We learn no, but no with love. We learn like, Oh, this is how much time I have left, and I'm so grateful to be alive, and I want to spend my time in the best, most useful, productive, loving, generous, but also generous to myself way that you go, I'm just so clear. There's a clarity to 60.

Top of act 3. Sixties is top of act 3. That's exactly right. Bottom of act 2 can be a little, they're It's going to be some reckoning. But top of act 3, you're like, All right, let's do it.

Let's do it. But also, listen, you're the teacher of this also to everyone about, I really do, I would say humor and comedy has saved my life.

A person who can make you laugh when you're really down is like an angel.

It's exactly right. Those are the words out of my mouth. Sometimes I'm so... This is why I'm still married because my husband, sometimes I'm so upset or something's happened and I'm so scared and I'm like, No, you don't understand. Or I think I'm having an anxiety attack. And then I'm like, No, Peter, something's wrong. I think something's wrong. I feel a thickness, a tightness in my chest that I might have to go to the hospital. I can't feel my right arm and I think I'm going to die. He immediately goes in to the comedy. As soon as I laugh, I go... Because that's his test, his litmus test. Should I be scared or not? I'm so grateful for that. Me too. I'm profoundly grateful for that. Even when my kids do bad things, I call them losers. Then they say, Oh, it's not that bad if she's calling. We laughed through it.

I know. I mean, that... I've said this before, but gentle teasing is a love language that means you're safe, I'm safe.

We will get through I know.

We'll get through this. I know. And you know...

Gentle teasing, even hard teasing. Hard teasing. Hard teasing. I learned that from... Well, Chris Maloney was my teacher. This guy played so rough and was the first person that busted balls so hard. But I did grow up with two brothers, so I was like, Oh, is this how we do it? Is this how we do it? And we were so rough on each other. But then it became truly our love language.

Okay, this leads me to say what I was going to say later in the interview, but I have to say now. Oh, God. Which is we do a thing at the beginning of the interview where we ask someone to speak well behind someone's back. We ask, we do a little Zoom with somebody, Oh, I'm talking to Mariska today. Do you think you have any questions I should ask her? So we talk to Chris.

Oh.

And not only do we talk to Chris, but we just talked to him 20 minutes ago and he answered.

Oh, my God. Look at me starting to sweat. Okay.

I'm sweating, too, Because he answered your phone call while we were on Zoom with him.

I wrote back and said, Why won't you answer my FaceTime, Are you naked? That's what I said. Just answer my FaceTime because he's at my house right now.

Okay, we know. We know he's at your house. Sorry. Because he was talking so lovingly about you. He's going through your...

He's going through all of it. I'm frightened.

He is. First of all, thank you for not saying anything bad because it was like, Maloney put us both on the spot in the best way when he was like, What are you doing? And you're like, I'm going to Amy Pollars' podcast. I was like, Oh, my God.

Wait, you were on the phone? You heard what I said? Yes. I said, You love her.

Yes, you were so nice. While I was talking well behind someone else's back, somebody else talked well behind my back. That is so sweet. That is so healing. That's very healing. Thank you. By the way, is there anything better than that than having somebody have your back? No, there's nothing better.

There's nothing better-There's just nothing. I was talking to my sisters this morning. I'm worrying about it. It's everything to me.

Well, Maloney's got your back. Yeah. You guys have... I want to get into it because to me, it speaks to this bigger idea of how our workplace becomes a second home in our family. But you guys tease each other in a way that, to me, is like, that's what it with the people I love. That's how I show my love. People don't know you were in the ground links. Like, comedy first.

Always. How did I end up as America's Sweetheart Sex Cop? I should have been you. Oh, my God, let's do it. I wanted to be you. I wanted to be a model. I wanted to be a model. I was like, oh, my God. I wanted to be taken seriously. All I wanted to be was you. I was like, oh, my God. She's... Oh, my God.

All I wanted to be was to be like, listen to me. And everyone was like, No, babe. No one's going to listen to you.

Oh my God, should we switch for a day? My dream. Okay, I'm going to try to think we could make this happen.

Freaky Friday, that shit.

Yeah, we'll Freaky Friday, that shit.

Because I would watch and I was like, God, to have that gravitas and to play those scenes and to be able to be in charge instead of being like, doy, doy, doy.

But I'm in real life, I am.

You wanted to be doy, doy, doy. Because you start, wait, how old were you when you did Groundlings?

God, that was many a year ago. Many of your 20s, right? Yeah, 20s. Then Kathy Griffin always tells me, in her book, she tells a story about how she dropped me. Also, out of it- She was holding you? She said we did the trust exercise. Then I, of course, I'm like, Yes, and. She said that I just leaned back and she dropped me.

You don't remember that?

I don't. I also think maybe that's part of what's wrong with me now.

When you were auditioning in the beginning, were Were you going out for comedic stuff? Yes. You were.

I did a lot of... Yeah, I did Seinfeld and I did Single Guy. I tested for Friends so many times. You did? Which part? Do you remember? I think it's Monica, I think. So long ago, again. But I always thought that I would end up being on a sitcom or doing comedy. That's what I thought. It was so funny because this is one of my favorite stories that you will love. I love it. I'm in LA, struggling actor, was doing, I think it was after... Was it after ER? Yeah, after ER, I was like, What am I going to do? What am I going to do? I loved ER, but I was like, I want to... I had a development deal with Warner Brothers Dreamworks. I was developing a show and it was like, what's the show with Calista Oh, yeah. Ali McBeal. Ali McBeal, where it was half drama, dramedy. That's what I wanted to do. I was like, I want to do drama, but it has to be funny because that's what I felt like my gifts were. I came to New York, which I did three times a year to see theater, and then I met with the psychic.

Everyone said to me, Oh, my gosh, Mershka, you have to meet with this psychic. He's amazing. I drove out somewhere on Long Island to this man, and I went there, and he started saying all this amazing stuff to me, stuff about my mom and stuff about a ring. My grandmother had just died, and he said there was going to be an issue with the ring, which there was. Then he said, he looks at me and he goes, I was listening to him really intently like this. He said to me, Amy, You see that face you're doing right now? You see that face? He goes, Yeah, he goes, You're going to be famous for that face. You're moving to New York and you're going to be famous for that face. I said, No, I live in LA and I'm going to be a comedian because I'm funny and I'm pretty, and that is a deadly combination. I am going to be a comedian. He looks at me, and this is my favorite moment of my life. You She goes like this, I don't give a rat's ass what you say. You're going to be famous for that face.

Six months later, swear to God, are my children? I got us for you. It was one of those things where you just go, But I don't know who says rat's ass?

Is that not the best line you ever heard? Here's how I feel about psychic. It's like, I love a bossy psychic. Yes. Because, sure, You know what I mean? Just tell me. Just tell me.

Tell me with confidence. Totally. Because if you're insecure, I'm out.

I'm going to forget what you said anyway. I'm going to forget. But he said he didn't- I'm only going to remember the parts that came true.

That's right. He said, I don't give a rat's ass. Six months later, I was walking around doing that face going, Where were you Tuesday night? Okay, so guys- God, I want to do that so bad. It's so good. I'm going to make this happen.

Well, let's talk about you were on ER, and you were incredible on that show. Can you just tell me, before we get to your incredible show, what it was like to work?

Change my life.

Your performance on that show is very tender.

Thank you.

I love your performance on that That character felt very vulnerable and very funny and very sweet and tender. To me, what was your character's name?

Cynthia Hooper.

Thank you. Cynthia Hooper is working at the desk, being overwhelmed and being in love with Dr. Mark Green, played by Anthony Edwards, and being like, Is this the right place for me? It was so interesting to watch that character on that show at that time because the show was about We're all here with a mission. There was someone that was like, Or maybe I shouldn't be here.

Very much so.

It was so nuanced how you played her. Loved her.

Oh, thanks, Amy. That's so generous.

What was that experience to be on that show?

We lived through what ER was. It was the pinnacle of all television. I mean, it was the greatest show on the planet, and acting was so next level. I look back at it and I think of how that really shaped me and those actors shaped me, and how invested they were, how amazing they were, how it was acting like I'd never seen, but I knew I didn't know how to do exactly what they were doing. It was like a little out of my league. But I watched them so skillfully in such a beautiful nuanced way. I think that was when I went, I want to do that. I want to do that. Whatever they're doing that's so masterful and skilled. That was such a turning. I love that you're bringing this up. It was such a turning point in my life because of enacting the truth is it's both. It can be so tragic, but then it's so funny because we panic, our heads get squeezed, we don't know how to deal with it. All we can do is laugh. It was such an integration moment. One of the greatest gifts I think that my dad ever gave me was, Mariska, you can learn from everyone around you.

I've always been like, if you don't know it, watch and learn, watch and learn. Whether they're younger, older, anyone, watch and learn. So I did. I do attribute so much of my success to those days of watching these masterful actors and going, I want to do that.

You have this moment, you're on that set, you're learning what actor you want to be. Can you walk us through how SVU comes into your life? Because it is... I mean, that show is beyond a TV show. That show is not only a cornerstone for a network, a franchise, but it's also become You know, an iconic American experience, that show. You are the captain of that ship. I'm sure all these things you are now able to reflect and process and hopefully enjoy. But at the very beginning, when it's not a tree yet and it's just a little tiny seedling, what's that experience you walking in, finding out about that show, auditioning for it, meeting Dick Wolf, scary to Scary Dick Wolf. I'm scared of Dick Wolf. I'm sure he sees him.

You know what? Dick Wolf wasn't scary to me then because I didn't fully know who he was and what he represented. I don't know if you've talked to Chris, but if he told you about our audition, the experience was pretty magical in terms of- Okay, tell us, please. I have this personality, and Chris and I, I think where we bond it is that we both have that sense of humor, that sense of play, that sense of risk, that sense of, I love you, it's safe, so I'm going to beat you. You know what I mean? That's where the trust was built. It came immediately. I had read for SVU. He obviously had read for SVU. Our callback was three women, three men. We got to the audition, and we were to be paired up.

A lot of people don't know that. In an audition, sometimes you just get a dance partner, and it can make or break your chance to get on the show.

Period. Because it was about chemistry. Yeah. My agent said, Oh, my God, there's an amazing guy there. His name is John Slattery, and he's reading for the role as well. In watch Chris Maloney, and I go, Slattery. And he goes, Maloney. Minute one, that's how it opened. That's how it opened. Because I didn't know what either one of them looked like in 1999. And he came in, and I didn't know there was going to be 47 people there. So as soon as Chris comes I'm like, Slattery. It's going to be me and Slattery. And he goes, Maloney. And then I said, Chris comes in, and he's wearing no clothes. Big surprise. Yeah, Buf City. So he has this huge cross, and I'm like, Oh, my God, you're a Christian. You're just getting it wrong left and right. And it goes like this. Yeah, no. I go, Then why do you have Jesus Christ on your arm? He goes, Because I admire his commitment. I'm like this. Okay, got it. Got it. And it was such a... I was like, Okay, well, there's that. I've never met anyone like you, but I like it. We're sitting there and then everyone comes in, and then we got paired up, and that was the end of it because I knew he was going to get it.

I knew that he was Elliott Stabler. I knew it. The other people, I think he felt the same way. As soon as they paired us up, we were like, Oh, okay, partner. It was interesting. It was overwhelming to get back to your question. It was utterly overwhelming. I I loved the script, and I loved the progressive nature of the show. I loved the subject matter and the fact that they were willing to tackle it, and I loved Chris.

What's so interesting about your performance in the show and your dynamic together is you trade masculine and feminine a lot back and forth. That's right. The dance is really interesting. In other hands, that character of Olivia would feel a little one-dimensional because she would feel cut off from certain parts of herself. But what's been so interesting, and what I'm sure he brings out in you and you bring out in him is the yin and yang of those people.

Very much so. I changed very much when he left. But also, that was done by design. Because as soon as I got the role, I went through a 40-hour training and became a rape crisis counselor so I could fully understand because I was entering in such a new world and I wanted to understand the cops of it. I wanted to understand victims advocates, rape crisis counselors, and sexual assault from a more holistic viewpoint. There was so much for me to learn. And so once I did the 40-hour training, I went, Oh, I am not going to play this like a hard-nosed detective woman who's trying to fit into a man's world and be masculine. I am going to be all of myself because that's where, as women, our power lives. But also that's where anyone's power is, is when they have the ability for integration, right? To say, I'm this, and I'm this, and I'm this, and I'm this. What you don't want to do is be put into a box or let anyone put you a box or put other people in a box for that matter. Then we learned very early. We weren't young.

There was nothing young about us when we got the show, but we learned very early that the show was only as good as the guest cast. Then we became very with the guest cast, and we would just help everyone. It became really... That's one of the things I think I'm most proud of is when you step on to SVU, Some people come on and they're just unbelievable and talented and they understand it. Some people, they're nervous or they struggle or they don't fully understand the character or they don't whatever. We have 16 safety nets in place. It's very hard to fail on our show because we got you.

I mean, you're often someone's first job. Adam Scott was on here and he talked about how he did a Law and Order episode. I don't think it was my show.

No, it wasn't us for you. I'm really upset because I'm so obsessed with Adam Adam Scott.

I know.

And all things severed.

I think it was with Jerry Orbach, who also I used to hear was like, really, if you showed up and you knew your scene, Jerry would love you forever. If you didn't know your scene, hit the road kid. No, no.

He's like this. What time am I at?

Yeah, like chop, chop.

Yeah, I got a hard out of five.

I get it, Jerry. Jerry. Jerry, there's a steak waiting for you, and Morton's like, You got to get out of here. Period. Period of story. Yes. But who were some people? You must have seen a lot of people- A lot. That have come through that you thought... You saw them at the beginning of something.

Is there anyone that you could- Abigail Breslin. The two people that I went, Holy God, were Abigail Breslin. She was so young on the show. She kept doing the This dance between takes and going like, do, do, do, do, I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. She would turn one tear and start lip quiver, one tear, no acting. But I remember going, What the? Are you like Meryl Streep? I said, Are you like Meryl Streep? And she'd be like, I don't know. If I think, then she'd go back to her nursery room and I was like, Oh, there's something this kid has touched. She is so magical. Savante. And then there was another person. Another person that I called in, I remember saying it to her, is Megan Fahee. When she did the show, I was like, Let me tell you something. I'm just going to tell you right now, you're going to be a big movie star. You're going to be a huge star. I don't use that word because it's so star. What does that even mean? But I just recognized her, A, talent, B, light, and C, she was like, She was so sparkly internally, like an internal sparkle.

There's just been people that have come through where you go, Oh, wow. It's almost like an effortless, beautiful light, and it's so exciting. It's so exciting to see them go on and go. I called it. Totally. I called it.

Also, to your point, I'm just so in awe of the fact that you, in working with the material on a daily basis, then made sure that you were able to handle the material in your personal life, that you knew, okay, I'm going to really get trained here. I not only know what I'm talking about, but I imagine you anticipated because I know you do get people who approach you with very personal things. I do.

Listen, the subject matter of the show is the reason I started Joyful Heart, my foundation.

Yeah, talk about that.

Well, I just felt like I can't when I found out the statistics, which was one out of four, one out of three women in their lifetime will be sexually assaulted. One out of six men in their lifetime will be sexually assaulted. When I learned those statistics, I was like, Stop, hold, please. Why is everyone not talking about this? This is an epidemic. This is something that affects everyone. If you're at lunch with three or four women, one person has been assaulted. And so because as soon as I started the show, everybody, because it was, you know this, it's on television, it becomes water-cooler conversation, and then it's okay to talk about. And that was the power of SVU, is that you had these horrific stories, true stories, ripped from the headline stories being told. And then you had a fierce, protective father figure and a fierce, nurturing mother figure, which was Chris and I, to protect you. That's all anybody wanted. I think that a lot of it comes from the fact that there's space to be heard and think about everybody, every person on this planet, all we want is to be seen, to be seen and listened to.

That doesn't always happen. But when we're listened to, half of it, and believe, half of the injury can go away. I know that that's how I heal, is being listened to and believed. I think the character who listens, who believes, and then feels a need to fix and protect, obviously, is going to create safety because that's all you want. But I also... I can't save the world. I'm just trying to do it. But what I can do is teach people about how we begin We teach people how we can listen and live in a more compassionate, empathetic, and kind way. Simply by listening, and simply by believing, and simply by saying, I'm so sorry that that happened to you. It's like tectonic plates shifting.

Well, it gets back to what we were saying, which is it's not so much always about the doing of the thing. It's just about the sitting in the feeling of the thing. It's sitting in it. It's not as much to do as you think.

That's exactly right. I think to go back to how we started this conversation, I think that is the clarity of being older and understanding. For me, it's been more about learning to be tolerant, tolerant with myself. The more tolerant I've become with myself or my own pain, the more internal space that I've had, which is why I was able to make my film. Yeah. Yeah.

So let's talk about your film. Chris's question to me for you is a perfect segue into the film because Chris wanted me to ask you when we were talking well behind your back, and then he took a phone call from you, and then you I talked well behind my back. Thank God. But no. But Chris wanted me to ask you, and it's what we've been talking about today, there's a curiosity to you. You don't want to just be outraged about things that are wrong or not working. You want to figure out the why behind things. The why is very important to you. He was wondering, where do you think that comes from? That question made me think about your film because for people, it premiered at the Cannes Film Festival. My mom, Jane, Mariska, made a beautiful documentary about learning more about herself and her mom and her entire family and all the connections there. It felt like that exercise in trying to figure out the why behind your origin story It feels like it also exists in other things that you do in work and in life and in your family right now. Is there a connection there?

Is figuring out the why?

Yeah, it's funny. My stepmom just actually texted on my phone, but she texted me yesterday. This why of it all is just coming up right now in a very crystallized way, which I love when everything comes together like that. But yeah, I think that I've spent a lot of my in life trying to make sense of things, of chaos. Also, I'm living a life right now that I never thought that I was capable of living. I still am trying to put together the pieces of why and what those Jenga or Lego pieces were that helped build it. For my film, I was just trying to understand these people and their decisions. I wanted to go in with this disciplined curiosity because I had jumped to so many conclusions and because I felt different my whole life and I didn't belong. Then when I found out, when I find out in the film, I was like, Why? Why would he not choose me or claim me? What's wrong with me? Why would she leave me in this mess? Why did I feel? What were the things that were set? Why did a little detective child? I was like, This doesn't add up, this doesn't add up, this doesn't add up.

I wanted to understand why. I also wanted to just have somebody be straight with me.

I mean, Mariska, it's so deep what you're saying that that is little. Like, that is, detective child then becomes in real life this powerful detective on television who is advocating for other people to get answers while she's spent the very most important beginning years of her life trying to figure that out for herself. Yeah.

I don't think I could have made this movie before now. I had to build the infrastructure to make sure that it was solid as a rock.

One of the most beautiful things about the film is this idea that you're toggling between yesterday and today and your present. You have such a beautiful family. You have such a wonderful partner in Peter.

I do.

That relationship, watching that in real-time is so moving and also just sexy and fun. You guys are a lot of fun together. I've had to see you together, and you're really like... You spoke about it earlier, the way in which he can joke you off of the ledge. You guys have fun with each other. You enjoy each other. You've been married for how long?

21.

You met on-SVU?

Chris and I were so... That was what was hard for people. A lot of people said it. We were so in our own private Idaho, and we would just be joking. It was such intense energy between us that I think people were like, I can't play on that level. Do you know what I mean? I can't. I'm sure it's like that on you guys with SNL. People go, Oh, shit, this is some next level shit.

Oh, yes. Sometimes when I would have someone around all the comedy people and they would just be doing bits and bits and bits, I'd look over to a person's face and they'd be like, Get me out of here.

Yeah, no, I can't imagine.

Help me. Or also like, I don't know how to get in there. But Peter, all tall Peter. Tall Peter. How tall? 6'5. 6'5. 6'5.

No, it's so crazy with Peter and I, and I'll tell you something. That was another thing that my dad said to me. He goes, Mariska, find out where you're going and then who's coming with you.

Oh, that's so good.

But Peter and I just... I didn't get married until I was 40, and we dated for two years. Then once he asked me to marry him, we got married in four months because I had to do it over You know what I mean? It was like, okay, chop, chop. They were like, and we're rolling. Yeah, we're rolling. Then it was just been a... I'm so grateful for me that I don't think I could have handled a marriage earlier. I don't think I'd be married. I was just too... I had too much I have so much to learn. I just went straight to the second husband. Yeah, smart. Yeah, right? Yeah, smart. It's just good. I'm just grateful that I had a little bit more of life experience.

What's your communication style? How do you guys It's so genius. How does it work?

I'll tell you something. We have a skill that I wish I could teach.

You can. You could start a seminar right now.

What we do is there's tension. Somebody will say something that'll annoy me. Then there's this brilliant thing we do. I think it's brilliant because, again, it's comedy. It always works where we do this thing where we switch roles. But you do a thing like if I said, Peter, I'll get mad at him because he'll leave his clothes around, and he leaves little messes everywhere. I'm like, Why can't you just pick your shit up and put it? Why does it have to be in every room? Everywhere he goes, there's messes everywhere. Just a tiny little pile. Just a tiny little pile.

I'm like, do you not- And he's so tall that the piles must be huge. Huge.

That's exactly right. I'm like, Why? Do you see how much effort I put into having the house neat? I need the mental space for something to be organized. I have so much going on. And so then he'll I'll get mad and we'll have things. He's like, I just left it there for one second. Whatever it is. And then he'll come in and I've left a cup and he goes, How many times have I asked you? It's really important to me if you could just... And then he'll say exactly what I said. So what it means is he really gets it. It works with everything.

So you're meaning he parents back to you what you said.

But from his point of view. But from his point of view. It's like wife appropriation.

Well, it's I think it's actually what they do in couple's therapy, which is basically say back.

Yes, but he does it as it's his. The problem now is because I'll do it to him. I go, sometimes I'll say the wrong word, and he's like, I wish you'd be more thoughtful with your words because he always says the right word, and I say the gist.

I'm a gist person, too.

I'm a gist. I go, You know what I mean? Look at all this gesticulating I'm doing. You could feel me. My energy is coming at you, and he's like, Just take a second and maybe think about it. But all in our house, the comedy thing is we just rip on the kids. Same. I just say, Don't do that because if you do that, you're a hack and a loser. Is that what you want to be? Is that what you want to be? Totally. People come over and they don't know us. They're like, Oh, shit. I go, Yeah.

To me, that is what intimacy is that. I've said this before, but I feel politeness is for strangers and for people that we don't know. By the way, I don't feel safe around polite because then I'm like, What are you really thinking? Me neither because what are you really thinking? I promise you, I won't torture you. I won't play games Me neither. Please, if I go, Do you like this? And someone goes, No. I go, Great. I want to know if they don't like it.

We're exactly the same this way. Somebody came to me and said, Do you like these shoes? And I went, No.

It helps with directing, doesn't it? Because you just make really fast decisions.

I say, Do you know what I do on this head? You can ask them. When I'm directing, I go, Guys, you suck. And I'll say that. I go, Oh, my God, you're so bad. We'll be in the middle of the day, I say, You guys are so bad. I don't know what just happened, but I'm embarrassed for you. Let's cut and try that again. But now they know to laugh. But they also know I'm right.

Yes. Also, you know what I love about you, Mariska, is I knew that you wouldn't... Tell me. I knew you wouldn't do this podcast unless you wanted to? I wanted to so bad. Because I know that you don't really do things you don't want to do.

Not anymore.

Right. That's the reward that one gets if they're trying to stay true and they're trying to be a good person. One of the rewards, if you're paying attention, is you might get to a point where you really try to stay true to what you want to do. I get comfort in that you're here because you want to be here, not because someone told you to be here.

Totally. No, exactly.

But let's get into some real questions. Okay. Hold on, guys. This is rapid fire. Speaking of directness. Okay. Rapid fire. Let's go. Jailin Brunson. Love.

People are so jealous of me. I know. I like it. What?

That cutest relationship ever. How did that start? He loves you. I love him.

I know you guys love each other. I think it started.

New York Knicks, player for the New York Knicks.

I mean, it's just the sweetest thing. It's just like another one of those meant to be. Sometimes I don't even question things. I think Jalen was brought up on SVU. You know what I mean? I think his dad, Rick, every time I say that, I laugh. It sounds like I'm name driving Rick. Rick and I were like this. But Rick Dick loved SVU. He watched it, Jalen. So I think the first time I went, they were like, Oh, look at... It was in that. And then we connected, and it was just easy and effortless. And I'm a huge basketball fan, and I I got to meet Jalen also before he was Jalen. He's Jalen now these last, what, three, four years, right? But it predates that. So it's so beautiful because there was just such a... He's so... He's so sweet. He's such a killer and such a captain and such a leader. But he is so soft and mushy and sweet and kind. He's such a lover of his family. He's so good. I just feel so honored to be in his orbit. Yeah, I really do. I really do. It's crazy.

It really makes you feel good.

Yeah.

Okay. I'm sure you've had a million of strange things happen to you shooting in the streets of New York. Yeah. Anything that stands out, like a moment of pretty wild New York, only in New York moment.

Well, there's the old when we're shooting and then people just come up to us while we're in the seat and start talking and then be like, Oh, my God, I love your show. I'm like, Well, that's good because we're actually shooting it right now to see that camera. They're like, Oh, I got high. Then they keep talking. That I like. Or there's the opposite of that when people have said to me, Chris, Chris was there, I love this one. I don't really get your show. I don't get you or your show. I'm like, Well, thank you.

Okay, thank you. Thank you for the in-person feedback.

It doesn't speak to everyone.

They go right up and tell you. Do you think of yourself as a New Yorker now? I do. You do?

I do now. Yeah.

Okay, what about who should play you in the movie of your life? Let's think about this.

Oh, God, that's a good one.

I mean, because it's like, do we want... I feel like it's got to... I feel like it's like a Kate- There's this really good girl.

I think it's I can't think of her name.

I think it's Kate Blanchette. I think Kate Blanchette plays you in the story of your life.

I like it. Now, you are really thinking outside the box here, sister. I want this movie to open, babe. I want this movie. Okay, it's Kate Blanchette. I think it's... Well, I'm going to go with the Megan Fahee. See how I go-Nice.

Megan Fahee is you in your 20s and 30s on ER trying to figure it out. Then we cut to the sheet of SVU and it's Kay Blanchard.

Beautiful blue eyes. Go ahead. You're right.

Okay. Have you always had such nice hair?

Yes. Yes, I have.

Your hair is incredible.

Well, my hair was good. Was good. Well, my hair was good. I had some bad years on SVU when it turned red and short. We all had bad years on TV. I did some Martha Washington stuff that was not good.

We always do.

We've all been there. There was some stuff that was not good. That combined with bad Botox, I had some bad years.

We all made some choices that we regret. We're cute now.

All that matters is the present. We're just tossled and loose.

But I have so much fake hair, and I don't even want to take it out on the table. It would be horrifying.

Do you know that I didn't wear fake hair today because I was like...

Because you were like, Amy's not going to wear it. I know.

She goes, Do you want to put in a piece? I go, No. Amy's just really I'm so real. Natural and stuff. I just want to be like Amy and have that.

Twenty-five pieces of fake hair. Okay.

Next time I come, should I be invited back? I'm going to look like Rapunzel.

I want you full volume. How badly have people screwed up your name?

I still live with it. Who was it last night? I had a lunch yesterday. I had a brunch yesterday for my sister, and my cousin was there. Your own cousin? I've known him since 1994, and he kept calling me Mariska. At one point, I go, Mom. And then I said, No, just let it go. Then Chris and my friends, when it happens, because it happens on set a lot, now on the call sheet, it's M-A-R-I-S-H-H-H-H- That's how I put it on the call sheet, just so people go, Oh, okay, got it. She's big on the H's. But he was calling me... I get called Maritza, Marseica, Marquisca. But Chris will call me Maritza at onset. Just to confuse people. Maritza and Marissa.

I'll tell you who learned it, all of America. And the world. The world learned it, so they got it.

But it's Mariska Mariska. What does it mean?

What does that name mean?

Oh, gorgeous talented one. Way of sunshine. Queen of... Queen of... Queen of...

Something. Queen of straight talk. Yes. One with thick, luxurious hair. That's it.

It means it's a nickname for Maria. It means little Maria. In Hungarian, the K-A or K-E on end of a name, it just is like a little endearment. The name is actually Maria, after my grandmother. Both of them, Hungarian and Italian. See the film, people.

That's right on HBO right now.

On HBO right now. It's such a good film. It's such a good. But don't you love the both grandmothers?

Beautiful. Also Maria.

That's the same Maria?

Maria. You're a Hamilton fan, by the way, because I was about to sing- So hardcore. Me too.

Did you say it 27 times?

No.

I win.

Two-seven?

Two-seven. And by the way, my claim to Fame, and when people say, When did you know you were famous? I go, When I would call Hamilton or just show up at the theater, and they'd go, They'd bring a chair and put it in the audience.

I'd be like, What? That's right. You earned that.

I was so like, I've made it. You earned that. I don't even have to have a ticket. You know how much those tickets were?

No, they were like, Let's get Mariska her chair.

Just get her her chair. I was like, The old woman. I didn't even mind. You went by yourself. I'm going in with a cane.

That is 27 times.

I know. I just had this great actor on SVU last episode, and he's now in the show. He was like, I hope you can come. I go, Oh, I'll be there. It's even a thing where the new cast members want me to come see you.

That's so sweet. Have you ever done Broadway?

Broadway? Yes.

That's how you're supposed to say it.

Well, thank you.

Broadway. That's how they used to say it.

No, I want to do Broadway. I want to be in an all-woman Hamilton. You've never done it. Fuck. You and me was straight talk? Okay, who would he be? Wait a minute. We would be Aaron Burr and Hamilton.

Well, who's who? Let's take a minute. Let's go slow.

Okay, let's go slow. Let's go slow. Slow it all down right now.

Who's who? Aaron Burr because...

I think I might be Aaron Burr.

That's what I was going to say. You swear? Yes, and not just because I want to be Hamilton.

I want you to be Hamilton.

I think you are Aaron Burr.

I feel like I could get the rage.

I think you have a gravitas that Aaron Burr needs. I think I have a...

I know all the lines, though, do you?

An energy.

I don't know all the lines. Okay.

Maybe you should do both.

But you just do there and then you lip sync to me on the stage. But the only problem is one thing. I can't sync.

You can't sync.

No, but maybe we do it in top speed.

Well, God is fair. We don't need to. You can't sing. One thing you can't do, babe.

We can't sing.

One thing you can't sing. Oh, that's funny.

Ask me more questions.

Okay, what's making you laugh these days? I always ask my guests, what do you listen to, do, read, to lighten up, to laugh?

Nate Vargasi. Oh, love Nate. He's my favorite. He's so funny. I don't even understand what he's doing.

Okay, let's break him down because I love him.

Well, he's mastered this slow guy that's a genius. That's the shtick. He's slow and dumb, but he's smarter than everyone.

Yes.

I love him so much. Can I tell you why also I love him? I love him. I was in LA, I didn't know who he was, and I was with my friend, and she said, I think that's Nate Bargazzi. I said, Who's Nate Bargazzi? He goes, That's August's favorite comedian. I went up to him and I go, Are you Nate Hoping I'm saying it right.

He was like, We're shooting right now.

He goes, Yeah, I am. I go, Well, my son loves you. Can we call him? Mariska, you did not. I swear to God. No, I swear to you. I swear to you, I did. You know why I did it? Because do you know how many people do that to me? I thought that I had good karma. I had good call karma. And you know what he said? Yeah. And so we called him and I'm like, August, you did not. We're He's like, Hey, man. I love him.

Love him. He's so funny. Do you watch a lot of standup? Do you like to go to see stand-up?

I love good. I love good comedy. It's my happy. That is my happy place. August, that's what we love. But I'm also critical. Yeah. So not funny. I don't know who I have to judge.

You can judge as much as you want.

I guess what I like.

I feel like comedy is like music. Yeah, that's true. You just like who you like. You like their song, whatever it is.

I love it.

I love Nate. I love...

You know what I'm listening to late in the night before I go to bed? I don't know why I love it so much. It's that Jim Carrey bit doing Vanilla Ice.

Hold on. Okay, it's an in living color sketch. Yes. This is it. And he's dancing?

Watch. Just listen to it. He really looks like him.

He kicks his shoe off.

Just watch. All right, stop.

While I took off my laces.

Is that not the best thing? This was so fun. I know, but can you imagine how excited? Because I said, I used to see you around. Well, we are. I don't see you anymore. I remember.

What do you I remember.

Just that you're good and sparkly and beautiful and kind and you bring joy.

Thanks, Mariska.

Chris doesn't like anyone. Yeah. He really is a very judicious guy. He loves his family. He loves his kids, and he has three He likes me. That's pretty much it. I just remembered he just loved you. That's nice. That's very nice to say. It was so funny that I called him today.

Okay, Mariska, you're the best.

This was so fun.

I told you.

She's like, Are you ready? I was like, Sweet God, I'm born ready.

Thank you so much, Mariska. That was so fun. That was such a good hang. In this Polar Plunge, I I just want to take a second to say, let's picture a world in which Kate Blanchette plays Mariska Hargitay in a movie of her life story because I would watch it. If there's any producers or financiers listening who want to partner up with me on that, and Kate, if someone can get this message to Kate, I think that that would be a great project. I've been asked before, if your life was a movie, who would you want to play My answer is very simple, and that is Meryl Streep. I want the best, and I can't guarantee the movie will be good or interesting in any way. Honestly, it'll probably be a flop. But Meryl at the helm, it's going to be a good performance. Meryl, Kate and Meryl, I'm assuming you're together. Please call us at 1-800, Good Hang, the movie #MarishaArgetesMovie #lifelifrights, and we'll get this going. Okay, sorry. I've lost the plot. Okay, bye. Thanks for listening. Bye. You've been listening to Good Hang. The executive producers for this show are Bill Simmons, Jenna Weis-Burman, and me, Amy Poehler.

The show is produced by The Ringer and Paperkite. For The Ringer, production by Jack Wilson, Kat Spillane, Kaya MacMullen, and Elea Zanaris. For Paperkite, production by Sam Green, Joel Lovelle, and Jenna Weis-Burman. Original music by Amy Miles. All I ever wanted was a really good hang.