Transcript of Rudy Jules Tortures White People for an Hour - Dropouts #227

This week we have someone I don't even want here anymore. Rudy Jules. Except for. I'll let you stay. Like, what's a term for Filipino?

Why B calls me monkey?

Jesus Christ.

Brown monkey girl. Well, I'm saying white are, like, not my thing.

Wait, but why.

Why'd you look at me? I was not offering my to you. I gave you a sword. That's enough. Okay. And this is a delicacy in your culture?

That's right.

Okay. So I'm not gonna make fun of it like you little baloots.

Honestly, it tastes like ass.

It smells like cum.

You smell cum often.

So we were going to let you do a quiz. Okay. If you do better than them, you're going to give him a tattoo. Are beavers part of the rodent family or no? I don't know. Does he look like a beaver to you? And you can be completely honest.

A little bit.

Okay.

But beavers. Beavers are cute.

Yeah.

Oh, thank you. Okay.

But not the part that you have.

Can you hear the ugly beaver? Okay, good. I don't know how to make it less awkward than it's gonna be right now. Like, I wish there was a switch. I could just be like, we all know each other very well. That's not gonna be like that. But we're nice, I think. How do you like to be referred to?

I know, Jules, but anything I can be, I can be Jules. Rudy, Rudy, Jules. Any.

I'll go with. I'll go with Rudy Jules. And then you just. If it sounds wrong, you just punch. I think.

How old are you?

I just thought that was such a.

Stain in her face. Why did you say it was such disdain?

No, I'm just asking whether to call you Kuya. Yeah, but are you old, old, or.

How old do you think he is? You can be honest. It's a.

31. Yeah.

Okay.

How old?

I'm 29.

Oh.

What do you mean? How old are you?

I'm 22.

Yeah, well, guess what? You look.

Zach.

Was she offending me? You can't be doing that. She goes, I'm gonna call you Kool Aid or something, and goes, ooh, cool.

Yeah.

What's up, guys? Welcome to episode 227 of the Dropouts podcast. This week, we have someone I don't even want here anymore. Rudy Jules. Except for. I'll let you stay. Can you explain what you brought to us? Because this is amazing.

I brought Filipino food, my favorite desserts. This is cheese roll, and this is spondiciosa.

What is. What is cheese roll? And what is spondiciosa?

Basically, it's just bread filled with sugar, cream and cheese.

That's wonderful, man.

You guys love cheese.

The cheese might throw me off with the.

Well, yeah. Well, I'm just. Is cheese a bit. Is cheese a big part of Filipino desserts?

I think so, but I'm. I'm lactose intolerant, but I still like to eat cheese.

Yeah, you're just riding with the devil.

What do you do when you eat the cheese if you're lactose intolerant? Is it just comes out or.

Yeah, I have diarrhea just, like, all the time. Constantly.

No, I'm similar with ice cream. It does that to me with ice.

Cream, I'm like milk. So I have to drink almond milk or oat milk.

Oh, that makes sense. That makes sense.

Yeah. I always. I have, like, Tito Bobby. I have like a loose. Like.

Bobby says. You have a what?

Like Tito Tito Bobby has a loose.

He does or you do?

He. But I'm also. I also have a loose.

Gotcha.

Okay.

I eat cheese.

Yeah, it just kind of falls out.

Have you ever pooped yourself?

Yeah.

Yeah.

When's the last time?

Don't look at him like he's dumber asking. It's not something we just do on the daily.

Well, not recently, but I think maybe a year ago.

That's recent. That's fairly recent. That's fairly recent.

I did. Mine was probably two years ago. I pooped myself.

Where?

I was in my truck.

In my car, too. Yeah.

Oh, the freeway.

Yeah.

I was. At least I was at my apartment complex. And I just. I overestimated my ability to lean and not myself. And I. Myself.

What about you? What happened?

It was just in the freeway and was traffic, and then I forgot to order, like, almond milk with coffee. And then I just started.

Yeah. Leaking. Yeah.

And I couldn't hold it.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So what happens in that situation?

What's the cleanup process like?

I went home.

Yeah. Smart.

I showered and then I just took a paper towel, wipes. And I just scrubbed it on the seat.

Oh, nice. I mean, it's easy. You still got the car?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I'm just making sure it still smells like you.

It's not smelly.

Okay. Not anymore.

How long did you have to sit in the traffic until you got home?

Maybe, like. Maybe just 30 minutes.

That's a long.

That's not bad.

What are you talking about? That's a long time to be sitting in your shit.

We just met her. We're trying to, like, relate. We're not trying to be like. Don't sitting your stinky for that long. It is a little bit of long.

Have you.

I actually haven't. It is something I like to experience. I've never done that. Last podcast we talked about. Never had a wet dream. There's several things I haven't done.

We have never had a wet dream either.

See? Two people.

No wet dreams.

Wet dream. Like.

Like a sexual dream.

And then like liquid would. You know how liquid left your butt? So liquid would leave my penis.

And you've never had.

I've never done that. Yeah. Which is common. It's uncommon for men. I think usually it's uncommon to not have.

What are you saying?

Assistant music.

I didn't even realize we hadn't played this yet.

I've been wanting to tell you something kind of serious. Don't laugh when I say this. You. Yep. Don't. Don't move your eyes around like that. Sit there like you're a friend.

Okay.

You aren't subscribed to our Patreon. And this is a plug. So I was just trying to attempt to scare you thinking it was gonna be something dirty nasty. Similar to sitting in poop for 30 minutes. But instead it was just me plugging a Patreon. If you're not on our Patreon. We just added a village idiots tier where we just ordered this phone and you can FaceTime us and call us and hang out and do stuff. We also do drunk episodes once. Do you drink? Rudy? Jules is coming back for a drunk episode. So Patreon's in the description. We're doing a spooky season. Free TR of seven days. You want to check it out down in the description. Now onto the episode. And don't think you can come in here and get us stuff and make us feel bad for not getting you something because we got you something.

What did you get me?

What do you think it is? If you had the guess.

Knives.

Yep. Nailed it.

All right.

Here we go.

Absolutely crushed it.

Oh. It's big.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Probably not used to that in your culture.

Zachary.

What? Dude. I'm just trying to be American.

So this is cool. It's. It's medieval. It's allegedly.

Allegedly medieval.

Now. They. They could have lied to us.

I can do. Use this for, like cosplaying.

Yeah. You can do whatever you want with that. That was the whole point.

I'll put it in my room. Thank you.

Of course.

So welcome.

When did your affinity for death items come into play?

I don't even know. Because they Tito Bobby and Tito Andrew asked me about, like, what do I usually dream?

Yeah.

And I just said, usually it's like violence, like me stabbing people.

But where. Where did that come from? Like, did you experience a lot of violence in, like, growing up?

Like, my mom is this Dr. Phil?

Jared, don't ask that question.

Your mom what?

Like my mom beating me. But that's normal in the Philippines.

Yeah.

Like.

Yeah.

This was like spanking. Stuff like that. Yeah, yeah.

Was it with knives?

No, like anything. Like slippers, belt hanger. Yeah, anything.

Gotcha.

Yeah.

What would you usually get beaten for?

Talking back.

That's a big one. That'll get you slapped.

Like, literally just anything. If I just. If I just become disobedient.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then she would, like, what does she.

Think about you becoming famous?

I don't think she gets it.

I. Yeah, yeah. Do you get it?

I don't get it.

Yeah. So that makes sense. That.

Yeah.

Yeah. One generation removed probably is a little lost. Do you want to stab her with the sword?

No.

Just like your dreams. Oh, you just like killing people.

Yeah, people.

How long. How long have you lived in the United States of America?

Four years.

And what do you think? What's the best part and what's the worst part compared to the Philippines?

Best part? I think the food. There's. And bigger portions.

Yeah, yeah.

Like big portions of. There's a lot of variety. Cute boys.

Yeah.

And girls.

Oh, Rudy. Bisexual. Jewels.

And the worst part? I don't know. Maybe just racist people.

That's not good.

Yeah, that's. What if I told.

You're sitting right next to somebody who's racist.

No, don't point at me.

Not me. It wasn't me.

Listen, his accent. Does he not look like a racist?

Do I have an accent? Yeah. See? No. What are you talking most? No Action.

I can't tell though. I don't know.

Yeah, look at him. He's a racist.

What?

He's wearing camo. He's got the Southern accent.

Hi. Cool.

Thank you.

He. You know what he said right before you got here?

He doesn't like brown girls.

He said. He said, when is Tan Panda Express coming? I thought that was nuts.

I picked this out. I want you to know that. And there's video. This is video proof of that. He's a racist. For him.

I'm not racist.

Dude.

I'm the one that wanted you here. They were all disgusted by it, so something to think about. Hold the phone, Jared, Come on. You.

I was not disgusted.

You look like you'd Be around a racist guy and not say anything. Cuz you're too nice. Like, you're not racist yourself.

Now that's probably true.

And you, you wouldn't shut the racism down.

Yeah. You wouldn't do that. Where Skyler, he's like. He'll say something, you know, like, what's a racist term for Filipino?

Tito Bobby calls me monkey.

Jesus Christ.

Brown monkey Girl, I can promise you one thing. We're not going to call you is brown monkey girl. I can promise you on this place. We'll call you friend. We'll call you Rudy Jules. Rudy Jules. Sometimes we'll throw beautiful around and that's just. That's endearment. That's not us trying to explore what's behind the zipper. It's just us being cool. Do you have a lover?

I have a lover.

How long have you guys been together?

Two years.

How's it going?

It's good. But I don't know, cuz I don't like to.

You don't. Wait, are you guy or girl?

Guy.

Okay, guy.

But I. I don't know. I don't like touching.

Yeah.

It makes. It's like overwhelming.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And that's autism. Maybe. I don't know. People think I'm. I don't like being touched very much either.

Yeah.

So like. And people think I'm spectrum adjacent, so. Okay.

You think I'm autistic?

Yeah, 100%.

Does your. Is your boyfriend cool with you not. Y'all not having sex a lot?

Yeah, let's go. Like, we haven't had sex in like.

You don't have to tell us.

Yeah, he's chill. He's. He's okay with it, but I just don't like being touched.

Yeah.

And sex is a lot of touching.

It's a lot. Oh, it's like the most touching. Yeah.

And then it's like, even if you don't like being touched and then someone enters you. How violating.

Have you tried sex? Yeah, I've tried.

He's. He's not very good at it.

Zach, you working on it.

You also don't really enjoy sex.

Oh, I just. I get really tired and I kind of. When I go home, I just kind of want to relax and go to bed. I don't want to. I don't want to pretend I'm a horse and have somebody on me like a, you know, saddle up. Does that make sense? Like, I don't. I don't need you.

Wait, if you're the. You're the horse.

I'm Upside down.

Okay. Reverse horse.

I'm doing reverse horse. But I get. I get what you mean. Does he try. Does he know now not to bring up sex?

He brings it up, but I'm just. I don't know. I just don't like it.

Yeah. Would you be cool if he, like, had sex with somebody else?

That's why I keep telling you, like, you're okay. Like, if you want, like, you can go and like people.

You don't care?

Not really.

Why?

I'm. I don't know. I'm. I'm okay with it because I'm not giving him anything.

Do. Do you. Do you think. Does your boyfriend. So do you have a lot of friends that would know that you're talking about your boy? Like, would your boyfriend listen to this and be like, God damn it, she brought up the sex thing again.

He knows. He's okay.

Okay, cool.

Yeah.

Yeah. Wait, so two years. That's a long time. We need some advice because I'm newly into a relationship and then out of.

It and then back into it and then out of it, and they just got back into it again.

Flippity, floppity.

You're emotionally attached to him? Not physically.

Yeah, I. I really love him. I just not like.

You wouldn't get jealous, though, if he came home and it's like, hey, I.

As long as it's just sex. But if he's like, oh, he. He. He's, like, emotionally, like, in love, like, then. No.

God, what a perfect. And you would never do anything with anyone else?

I don't know, because I'm not really interested in anyone else.

What a perfect setup. Damn.

This guy kind of won the lottery, but he doesn't.

He doesn't want. He's like. No, it's just you, though.

Oh, he's a good guy.

And he's a good guy. You got everything.

How'd you meet him?

School and college.

Where do you go to college?

Northridge. Csun.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

What about his birthday?

Does he ever get, like, a birthday blowy? No, I'm just asking.

And that's not how. This is a nice young lady. Like, birthday. Like, birthday suckies or something.

No, I don't like blow jobs.

Yeah, I don't either.

I would. Yeah, that checks out.

If you don't like sex and also from experience, it's just all smelly. Yeah, like, dicks are so smelly.

What if he showers beforehand?

Yeah, but I can still. There's, like a. Like a cheese smell that I can like.

Well, then it should.

That should Be your favorite.

Yeah.

Put some sugar in it, throw it between some bread, and have yourself an afternoon.

And also, no offense, but white dicks.

Oh, so he's white.

No, I'm saying white dicks are, like, not my thing.

Wait, but why'd you look at me? I was not offering my penis to you. I gave you a sword. That's enough.

I'm just saying.

Okay. Thank you.

Yeah, I like color.

Great. Imagine, like, talking about somebody and they're just like, immediately, like, I'm not attracted to you. Okay. Yeah. We weren't even on that train.

She's got to set the ground rules.

You know, she sits down, you're immediately. You're gross. You're old.

I don't want your little tiny cheese cock at all. I don't want it at all.

Yeah, perfectly fine.

Perfectly fine.

We were on the same page.

I prefer. I prefer black guys. I get that, but you do. Is he black?

No, he's Filipino.

But you prefer black guys.

Black or brown?

Gotcha. Why?

What if it's a white dick painted one of those colors? Where do we fall on that?

That is true.

I guess if there's color, then I'm Okay.

Okay. Oh, good.

Just throw a little self tanner on there.

Yeah.

Do you guys have preference specific.

Okay, so how dicks. Okay.

I. I personally don't have a preference. I really don't even have a type. I'll just kind of be attracted to someone. Be like, I'm into that or.

They're mostly hot white women, though.

They're mostly hot white.

They've ever been off of White White.

Oh, they have? Dude, you haven't seen the Rolodex before you got out here, I was throwing Samoans around like I was getting paid for it.

With who? I've been here the whole time.

Jared, don't do this to me. Not be racist, New friend.

Have you tried Asian girls?

Not yet.

You don't think so?

Not Asian. I've gone Latina and then. But I also don't actually. My. My only type is that if they're kind of spooky.

What?

Spooky?

Like, like a. Like a little emo. Not like full emo.

Who labels them as spooky?

And why do you say stuff the.

Way playground are you hanging out around? Dude, I don't know.

That's just the term.

What was the thing you said the other day? Jiggle. What was the. You said.

God damn it. You're gonna make me say this.

Make them giggle. You can make them cheeks jig. Wait, what? Their cheeks jiggle.

Actually, I learned that there is more to the phrase. Somebody in the comments who had heard that phrase before. They're like, there's actually more to it. If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their cheeks clap and jiggle.

Is that true?

I don't like the way you say it and smile.

Yeah, see, I'm not crazy.

You're crazy. Those could be two things that are both true.

They're not mutual.

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She hasn't been, she hasn't had sex or been on a date in probably like two or three years.

That's true.

That's absolutely true. Okay.

The date. Yes.

Okay, so she's. She's been thrown down a couple of times the back of a Kia. Big deal. Do you have any advice for on how to get a guy you're in a two year relationship, you know, really.

You'Re good at this.

Do you go for like looks over personality 100%?

No.

I think I. Well, I have to be attracted to you.

She's very picky.

I think I get when the personality shines then I get more attracted to.

That also as I feel like if you don't look for it, it will come to you.

So don't tell her that because she hasn't been looking at all.

She's more of a lock herself in her room and hope a guy just kind of finds her type of situation like charming. Comes up she swallowed an air tag and just kind of praying.

Not interested right now.

But you don't go on like online dating.

She has one coming up. First one.

No, I. They have taken over my hinge account and have done.

That's not her choice.

She thought the guy was cute. She just. She's afraid of met. She's afraid of rejection. Yes. Am I wrong?

Sure.

She's afraid of rejection. So we have to do it because she's afraid if I message this guy, they don't message back. That's really gonna hurt my self esteem. So we did the messaging and now she's got dates. And now she's going to be. It's in her brain. I don't want to go on a date and then they don't like me. But you got to go on dates because that's how you find.

Because if they don't like you, that's okay because you're going to go on dates where you don't like them.

Yeah, very true.

You need a taste.

If they don't. If you don't like them and they don't like you, you can probably still. If you want to give a blowjob, you can give a blow job.

But I want that.

Yeah, I think you're into that.

Or remember the way.

That's great.

Yeah.

Or they can eat you out.

They could eat. They could eat you out. So good.

That could be the litmus test for the second date. If they're willing to go down on you on the first date.

Yes. I think you should only let them go down on you on the first date. You don't. You don't blow them?

No. No, I don't.

We might have.

That's what you did on your. With your guy, right?

Yeah.

We might have to cut this, but I have to check with my girlfriend. But the few nights ago we were having sex and she was on her knees doggy style, and I. My foot's banged up, you know, battling Jordan, flu game. And so I like, was trying to like re tape my bandage on my foot. So I like.

While you were.

Dude, it was bad. It was bad. So I went down there to fix it and she goes, no, no, no, I'm not ready for that. I'm like, what? She was like, I thought you were gonna eat my ass.

Have you ever before?

No. And then I just started laughing. I couldn't stop laughing.

I'm not ready for that.

She fully. Yeah, I'm not ready for that. I was like, what are you talking about? She's like, you were going to eat my ass.

I was like.

I was fixing my foot. Chill out.

Yes.

Have you tried eating ass?

I've done it. I've done it before.

I didn't know this about you. Wait. What?

I've tossed once.

You like it?

No. Not a fan of it. I'll do it. I'll clock end it if I have to.

Have you, Rudy.

No. But someone ate my ass.

Someone? Or was it your current life or someone else? Oh, nice.

Did you like it?

No. It was so weird. And then. Yeah.

I just. It's. It's like. It's. Yeah, it's. And I don't want girls getting near my ass because I know the dingleberry situation.

Oh, God.

You know, dingleberry is.

Yeah. Okay. I have a question.

Yeah, of course.

Do white people not wash their butt after pooing with water?

I do. I have a bidet.

You.

I don't bidet all the time.

He doesn't bidet ever. This is how I pitch it. Imagine you get poop on your hands, and then someone gives you just paper towels, says, wipe it off. You're gonna go the rest of day being like, I wish I could wash my hands. Right?

Yeah.

So it's like, I want to wash my butt.

Soap and that with the bidet. It's not soap water. It's just water. I have water.

Wait, wait, wait. Don't say it's like you spitting down my poop. Shoot, dude. Number two. What was one bidet? Two dude wipes. So I get in there with. With fragrance and ph balance, and it's all clean. And if that's what scares you about. So you. Why aren't you attracted to white people?

No, I. I'm okay with white people. I'm just. I don't know. I prefer brown and black.

I would. See, I'm not allowed to say anything near that. I am white. There's certain things I can't do anymore. I used to be able to, like, take over castles, and I could kind of make your people do stuff. Not anymore. I kind of be respectful.

So. You know how you said the dick smell weird?

Yeah.

Are they circumcised or uncircumcised?

There was one. Uncircumcised, but most of the time circumcised.

Okay. Yeah.

I don't know if that. If that changes it. Actually, I have two. I got two circumcisions. I got one at birth and then one when I was four. My. They missed a spot. I guess so my grandma held me on the table and she snipped me up.

Oh, God. That.

I swear that's true story. I swear. They held me down. They really could have just been molesting me, now that I think about it.

But she's dead and they took like. Oh, they took like a memento from the molestation. Like I'm gonna trophy. Does she wear it in a necklace or anything?

She's dead.

She's buried with it.

I didn't check.

We gotta go dig her up.

That'd be a. If we dug her up in just a little amulet. Amulet with my skin.

It's like, oh, you did molest me. Are you attracted to white women at all?

For women, I think it's okay.

You hate whites. It's fine.

No, I don't hate white.

You just think we're ugly.

No.

You think we have stinky penis.

Yeah. Okay, but I think I'm. I'm more okay with girls. White girls.

Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.

Fellas, I'm not. I'm just pitching something here. Should we. Before we start going to see our dates. Going out on going out? Not. Should we do dick smell tests just to make sure everything's smelling because you want to?

Like I would smell your dick if you're going out on a date night.

Yeah, I can't smell my own dick. How am I going to get down there?

You feel like you can get close enough?

You could take some.

I can't get close enough, brother.

You could like, you could put a piece of paper down there and then kind of maybe waft up like a sample, like. Like a fan.

I don't know, like putting some maybe.

In a little traditional fan, something.

Do you guys shave?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, not like fully shaved, but like trim, trim, trim. Yeah.

Okay.

Do you like it fully shaven?

Not fully. Just not like a bush bush. Because then I think that's where the smell comes from too.

Yeah.

Trapped in the hair.

You get a two term president down there. It's disgusting.

What does that even mean?

Like the Bush.

George Bush?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, It's. It's gross down there. So, okay, what do you love about your boyfriend emotionally?

He's really. He's really smart.

Love it.

He's like a. He's cool. I think he's like a skater boy.

Oh, I'll see you later, boy.

He plays guitar. I think he's just very like considerate and thoughtful.

That's beautiful.

So you almost wish he was in like a glass case in your house that you could kind of just watch instead of yeah.

Or like, just on the bed and he can just stay there but not touch me.

Oh, I bet he tries to cuddle and you're like, what are you doing? Yeah, like, this isn't Rudy. This isn't me. I'm sorry about that.

But he's fine with it.

I think he has to be.

But I told him, like, you can leave. You can, like, go if you want.

Wouldn't you be devastated?

I'd be devastated. But also, he can leave.

Maybe give him a coupon where five times a year he gets a cuddle. Oh, Christmas. You celebrate Christmas?

Yeah.

How am I supposed to know?

I think. Yeah, everyone. Mostly everyone.

Well, all the cool guys. All the cool religions do. There's some dicey ones out there. Alyssa, she doesn't believe. She's just looking at herself in the.

Oh, my God.

She was looking at herself in the reflection of.

I don't have a reflection.

Yeah, you can see a little bit.

Alyssa's really pretty.

Thank you. Thank you.

That's it?

Why do you say thank you to that?

Out of all of. What do you mean? She would have never met you if it wasn't for me. Of course. I'm gonna, like, take some credit here. So you're more attracted to Alyssa than anybody else in the room, I assume.

Wait, hold on. Yeah, we should all be able to pitch our cases.

She's just not attracted to you.

Okay, say you were holding this.

I can ask a follow up off. Mike, can you hear with the headphones on? Do you like birds?

No.

Yes.

You like birds? Oh, then you're good.

A lot of sense. Yeah, that adds up.

She's a bird. Like beak is what people. That's what people say. I don't think it's true.

And see, that people is you.

No, I don't think it's true.

Subconsciously, she just said it because she thought you were the most attractive and we. Damn. No.

Oh, he's got a.

Probably Zach, which is disheartening.

No, I'm gross. Little white boy with a dirty little penis.

Dirty, smelly little penis.

Dirty, smelly little penis. Okay, you bring that home to the love of your life. Is he going to be excited or you'd be like. More knives and swords? Are you kidding me?

I think he's gonna be excited.

Okay, good.

He would. He might want to, like, use it on, like, cosplaying. Oh, nice Halloween.

I've heard of it. Yeah.

We were terrified that you Ubered here and you would have to somehow explain to the Uber driver why you had a Sword you weren't going to be committing.

Is this, like.

Yeah, it's supposed to be a medieval sword. We bought it from an antique store in Sherman Oaks.

Yeah, no biggie. That. That has killed people.

That's cool.

That's the sword of your dreams.

Yeah.

How would you kill someone if you had to?

I just keep replaying on my mind. Just like. Like a short knife.

Yeah.

And then just, like, stabbing them. Yeah, I feel like that. I could do it.

Have you ever seen the movie Psycho? Alfred Hitchcock? You would love it.

Is there. Is there a specific type of person that you envision?

No, but it's always, like, a man.

A man. Okay. White, I assume.

Not white.

Okay.

I don't. I don't see the skin color.

You just said you're not attracted to white people.

But I'm not one.

Oh. In the dream. Okay, okay, okay. Would you rather kill a white person or a brown person?

You can be honest.

Don't look at me when you rather kill me. Okay. No worries. I'm feisty, though. You throw a nice answer.

Why? Why person?

I'm feisty, though. You throw a knife my way. You never know what's going to come back your way.

I'll still try.

Be a hug. I could scare the hell out of you. You hate physical touch.

Yeah.

Is this your first podcast outside of the family?

I've done one with Jeremiah Watkins.

Oh, yeah, he's funny. Comedian, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was really fun.

Okay.

Tito Bobby's brother.

I love that you say Tito Bobby.

Why?

It's just. I don't know. There's such, like, a respect in us. It's sweet. Yeah.

That's why I. Do you guys want me to call you Kuyas?

What does that mean?

I don't know if it's. Is it nice?

Yes, it's older brother.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's awesome.

Why you go now? Look at me. Because I will get a tan so fast for you. You don't even get it, dude.

Yeah. I can call you guys Kuya.

What do we call you?

You can call me Die.

Die. Die.

Die is like younger sister Die.

Nice. I don't. Do you know a lot about Filipino culture?

Oh, yes. Because we do have a fun little. Well, we have. So we have a. We have, like. We're gonna do a quiz. Okay. And listen, it doesn't matter. All you have to do is do better than them, too.

Okay.

And if you. If. If you win, they have to suffer some punishments.

You also have to suffer. If I lose, you're doing the thing with me again, I'm. I'm. I'm taking this recording.

You're not doing it.

Well, here's what happened.

Exactly.

Here's what happened. I'll lay it all out for you, and then we can. You can determine. Okay? And you better fucking side with me. I swear. Pissed. Okay. So we're, like, planning the show, and I said, okay, this is their show. I'm just. I'm just here for the ride.

But there's a certain portion he didn't want me to know about. This is this portion. Keep going.

So we were going to let you do a quiz. Okay. If you do better than them, you're going to give him a tattoo.

Are you?

If you're fine with that. If not, you don't have to.

We have a tattoo.

If. If you beat him, he's gonna eat a balut.

You guys have balut?

Yeah, we've got four of them.

Well, no, if I. If we lose, you two are eating.

So I set this up. I set the whole. I planned the whole thing because it's their show, not my show. I shouldn't suffer the punishment. I think we should get some weighing in from everyone else. What do you think? They're on my side.

Jules, wouldn't you want him to see him eat one?

I'll take the knife back.

But look, it's so good.

It's. I can tell you. I've seen videos. I'll hurl.

Just. Let's just try.

Yeah, well, I'll do it. Okay, perfect. So you're going to get a quiz, and if you do better than us.

Zach, you better fucking do.

We all do it.

But if you guys do better than me, what's going to happen?

We get to shave your head. You.

You have to hug a white person. Sorry.

Long time, too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. At least five seconds.

No, 30 seconds.

Oh, dude, we're not gonna try to kill her.

Okay, I'm fine with that.

It can be the lady, but you will be hugging.

So question for you. There's multiple choice. Do you want me to do the multiple choice?

You want to do the multiple choice? Okay, yeah, let's do the multiple choice.

First question.

There's a part where it says when it's in all caps and it calls Jared a rat. We can't go past that.

What?

Because I thought you were going to be looking. I didn't want you looking at the doc.

You told me not to look at the dock, so I didn't look at the doc.

Well, I just wanted to be okay. Capital of the Philippines.

Thank God.

Do you have your answer? This is. Okay.

We'll let the guys answer first for.

Can you say A, B, C and D for audio?

Yeah. What is the capital of the Philippines? A, Sau. B, Manila. C, Davao. D. Is that an I or an L?

That's an I. Baguio.

Baguio.

Okay. Me. I'm sorry.

Don't. She won't enjoy it.

Yeah.

Sorry.

My bad. My bad, My bad.

Okay, this one's easy. It's Manila.

Hey, Jared, how about this?

What?

Don't just say it. It's easy. Because maybe Zach doesn't think it's easy.

Oh, sorry.

Fucking idiot.

Sorry.

Only time I've ever heard Manila is when it's folder adjacent. Are you sure about this?

That's the only name that I recognize.

Oh. Oh.

She left the other names, so that means it could be anything else. Are those all cities? Okay, it could be. So you know, have you heard about this?

I've heard of Manila.

I'll go with you.

Here.

Big city.

Because I'm. I'm shooting the dark here. But she's laughing in such a way that it might not be, but I'll go with you.

Okay.

Manila.

Yeah.

There we go. I knew I wasn't crazy.

Okay, next question. How many islands make up The Philippines? A, 1,710. B, 3,200. C, 7,641. D, 10,000. Zach, you go first on this one.

I'm gonna go 1,710.

Jared, I don't think it's B or D, do you? Those numbers are, like, too rounded, dude.

That's like when you do a math test and you know you get an answer semi adjacent. That's what I'm going for.

I've done that so many times.

That's all I did.

And listen, I got through school, okay?

So to some level, you went to Cincinnati, dude.

What do you think?

The joke University.

It's either A or C. I think it's A. You think it's A?

Let's roll the dice on love.

Okay. I mean, 1700. That's a lot of fucking islands. Okay, let's go.

A. I think it's way more than that. I don't know for certain. Is it more than 1700, do you know?

I think it's C. Okay.

Perfect.

Yeah.

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Okay, what year did the Philippines gain independence from the United States?

I don't know what? I want them back.

A, 1898. B, 1946. C, 1965. D. 1972.

I genuinely didn't know we had control.

I didn't either, but there's only have. I have a guess of what it.

Is, but it feels like 1972 to me. That.

Okay, Jared, what do you think 46.

Feels two after the war where we're kind of just really struggling?

46 is immediately after World War II.

That's what I was thinking. I was thinking 46, like after World War II.

I mean, sort of after World War II, but yeah, okay, you're going after. You're going with B. I'll go with.

B. I think it's D, but I.

You think?

I think we had some other going on in 65.

We have World War II.

Dude, it's 65. We already signed the Civil Rights Act. We were cooking at that point.

Yeah, but we were, like, trying to get past it, you know, we were. We were in.

That's why we were getting rid of all our assets. We had to focus on the country. What do you think it is? Don't stab yourself. It's okay.

It's okay.

I'm going to go with B.

Okay. I'm starting to feel a little more confident in my answer now.

What did you say?

I said B. I think it's. I'm going to say C. I know I'm not a part of this, but.

You don't know the answer. No, I'm going to go with D. It's B. Yeah.

Okay, so you're falling back. She has three.

There we go.

Two, one.

What the hell, dude?

Oh. Which Filipino hero is known for his novel Noli Me Tingary? How do you say it?

I got us. Oh. Oh, that's Andres. Yeah, it's A. Anyway, I don't need any more, Jared.

I'll Go B. Emilio.

I'll go see it.

Yeah.

Really killing you guys wiping the floor.

You're getting padded up here.

It's almost like you're born there.

What is the official language of the Philippines alongside English? A Spanish. Filipino.

Filipino, right?

Yeah, it's Filipino.

Right.

Okay.

Thank goodness.

I thought some trick question.

Yeah, I thought so, too.

What is the popular Filipino traditional dance that involves two people dancing between bamboo poles? Oh, she's doing it. Oh, I got to see how she's dancing. Does that sound like she's doing a?

Is the nae nae an option?

You know what?

This feels like the pandango.

No, no, no, no.

That's where she changed her dance when I said that.

I think it's gray. No, no, no, no, no.

You can't look at her and get your answer, dude.

Tinnickling. I'm gonna go tinnickling.

She gave you a look.

She didn't. I don't know if that's true or false.

I saw her give you a look.

Jared, we're on the same team. Go with that, then.

Oh, okay, then. Yeah, I'm gonna go with that one.

Yeah.

All right. Which Filipino dish is marinated? Is marinated meat, soy sauce, vinegar, and garlic.

Oh, my God.

Cinnagang adobo. What? If you correct me. How do you say it? Cinegun cinnagon adobo.

Lechon Kari.

Kari.

Yeah.

Yeah, I knew it was that one. It's all right, Zach. You give you a pass on it.

I was gonna say lich.

You know, you said. Yeah, you gave him the answer.

No, it's not. It's not Karikari.

Okay.

Oh, I was gonna say election.

I was gonna go sin again.

I was.

They're saying all the options now. She eliminated one, and then she eliminated another one.

Oh, I didn't hear her eliminate that one.

What is it?

Is it Adobo?

Yes.

It's the only one.

None of y'all said it's Adobo. Adobo's Mexican.

Chill out, dude. You're starting to show a lot. I've got adobo chili or that you don't want.

They're dealing with a lot already.

I thought that was the twist, that adobo is Mexican.

What is the largest and most famous festival in the Philippines celebrated in January in Cebu City. I don't even want to. Oh, this is D. Try and say these, because she's gonna my world up.

This is D. Easy go, Jerry. It is D. You can trust me on this.

I don't trust you.

Okay. Don't be.

Oh, and it's seen a log. Is that how you say that?

She knows too much? Well, essentially we've already lost to her.

Yeah, but she's.

Yeah, she knows everything.

She's perfect right now. Let's see. She goes 10 for 10. Who is the first female president of the Philippines says worst.

Corazon?

Is that right?

Was that the answer?

Yeah, we've already lost. Let's see if we should do it.

Last one, best one. What is the term for the lower house of the Philippine Congress? And here's the thing. If you get this one wrong, you have to give. Someone's going to give you a five second hug because you didn't do perfect.

I would say National Assembly.

I would say.

I think it's parliament because. Well, hey, no, actually here's. Here's what I would say. If the US had control, I don't know how long they had control for, but if they had control, you would think they would do, oh, House of Representatives.

True.

Because parliament would be. If it was England.

Yeah.

England owned it. So I don't know if. And then national assembly sounds sort of Canadian.

That's why I went with that one. So it's kind of the most different.

So it's got to be A or B.

No, I think it's B to be damn. Oh, bonus question, bonus question. Oh, wow. The Philippines is the world's largest producer of witch mangoes.

Mangoes.

I'm gonna go with B. Yeah, I'll rock with that.

It says D. Oh, she gets a hug.

You have to hug a white person. You have to hug a white person. Gross. Ew. You gotta do it. We stink. Penis. Gross. Disgusting. All right, go get the things, dude.

All right, we're gonna get the. Should we do the balut first? You do the tattoo, we'll do the blue for you.

Want to add some shorts or are you gonna do it?

I don't know. Where should I do it?

Maybe your neck. I don't know.

You know where the razors went?

I'm sure you have found him. She doesn't love her life is the joke there?

How do you spell Kuya?

K U. I K U Y A.

Should that be my tattoo?

Kuya. Oh, that would be cool. Yeah, I like that.

Let's do Kuya. You guys have so much fun with this.

You have to do it too.

I'm getting a tattoo that exempts me.

Do you get a cool tattoo with a beautiful new friend?

You never know. She could just gouge my arm out.

That is true.

I'm the one holding?

Yeah. Have you ever given one?

No.

Good.

What if I go too deep?

It's going to fucking hurt.

Okay. Are you okay with it?

Yeah.

Let's rock.

And is it supposed to. How do you keep it typically? Do you put it in the fridge or do you eat it hot or how does it work?

Usually hot. Like, hot. Is this.

Was that in the fridge?

This is going to be dangerous. I don't like the way you're looking.

Microwave. Is that work?

Can you microwave? You can't microwave it, can you?

No.

What are the rules?

The oven.

The oven.

Is it even cooked?

No. There's a. Well, yes. It's fermented.

Why is it so big? Is it a duck?

Yeah, there's something in there.

I think it's okay. Was it cold when you bought it?

Well, I didn't buy it. Our assistant. Yeah, it was. It was. Yeah, it was instacarted here. But we got here, like it got here an hour ago or so. And then we put it. Also, if you guys are hungry, there's a box of people. We haven't. We just order pizza and there's pepperoni in there.

Oh, yeah. There's so much.

Yeah, there's so much pepperoni pizza. If you like prime pizza.

Whoa, those eggs are big.

I'm so. You're going first, dude.

We're all going together as a family.

Yeah.

Okay. So how do. How do we prepare it? We just crack it open.

We're just gonna. Okay, do it.

I got. So I have white wine vinegar, red wine. I don't have regular vinegar. He's shaking his head like it's okay. It's gonna be bad anyways.

Just take a bite. Just one bite.

Okay, one bite. One bite, One bite.

One bite. One bite.

One bite. So how do you go about get it? Do I just crack it?

Yeah, crack it from the top. You see how there's like a shadow thing here?

Yeah, crack it.

Yeah.

I'm so nervous.

Oh, Jesus. It's spraying shit. This is not.

And then try to make a hole.

Oh, me in the ass.

Is it red?

I think it's blood. What is that? That's not blood.

That's blood.

Yeah, I know it is.

That's okay, though.

It's not okay. Get it to him.

Oh, this would be so good with vinegar.

It's the best. I'm just kidding right now.

So I did watch a tutorial video on this earlier. Do you suck it out first? Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, dude.

Wait, we gotta get one to Alyssa.

I'm so Happy?

Give back the bloody one.

Yeah, give me the bloody. I'll take one.

So what does it taste like? What is it like? Can you give an example of what it's similar to? Taste wise?

Taste wise?

Does it taste like a white guy?

Yeah, I don't. I don't even know how to explain.

But it's not like anything.

Just get the salt and put it on it and then just slurp it.

Did you already salt mine?

No.

Can I get a little?

I might be she. Dude, she might have just bought us eggs.

It usually looks dark. This one is pale.

What does the front of it say? Does it say blue?

Yeah.

Okay.

She would eat this up.

I'm gonna. I have such a weak stomach, dude.

I. I'm a gagging over here.

Do we have to. Oh, you want some ballute? Yeah. We made friends with a Filipino once, and look what we're doing. Dude, we have swords now.

Wait, do you sip it, or is it supposed to be meat inside?

No, there's a. There is a chicken.

I'm just confused why it's not dark. It's usually.

I'm confused. I've never seen one.

Do you have to cook it like that? Yeah.

Are they not cooked yet?

I feel like you have to cook it.

You guys, that's not.

Oh, no, wait.

Look at it with the.

Like.

My God, she bought us fucking. Oh, it says freshly on the thing. Not cooked. Fucking Jules.

Should we. We'll boil it now. We'll boil one.

We only have one.

I know, but we can share one and then that'll boil.

Is it. You boil it. You boil them.

Don't look at me.

Robbie, get a pot, brother.

So we'll boil and eat at the end. Okay, cool, cool, cool.

Okay, we'll do the tattoo first.

Yeah, tattoo first.

Okay. Actually, I'll take.

This is scary.

Oh, Rudy, you got this.

Okay, wait, dip it in there.

Wait, are you gonna do. We're doing a practice one first, right?

I might go deep on your skin.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Listen, temporary pain. A forever memory.

What are you gonna do? Do you know what you're gonna draw Kuya. Oh, you're gonna spell the word kuya? Fuck yeah. That's awesome.

Actually, no, no, let's do kuya.

Earlier.

Earlier we did drop. We spelled dropouts on the sheet. And Jared, like, she can't do something that long. There's a 22nd now he's like, do whatever you want. Do a sleeve while we're sitting here. Should we talk politics? What's everyone's stance on what?

Just abortion. Like something like.

I got my.

Perfect. That's great. Oh, yeah. You killed it.

Well, who's better than you?

Alyssa, can you pull up on the computer where the main arteries are in the wrist and how to hit them?

Where do you want it?

I was thinking right there, straight across the crazy.

My God, that's nuts. That part hurts. Do it on a different part of your arm.

I don't know.

Right there is good. Right there's good. What are you doing? You're right.

Right there's perfect.

Do you have a high pain tolerance?

No.

Well, wouldn't you rather. If she's gonna do it here, can you just put it on your thigh like this so we can. Or, Jared, can you put your arm on her thigh so we can hear?

Okay.

Wait. Should we use the Ouija board as a press?

Yeah, yeah, we can use a Ouija board as a.

Are you okay with Ouija boards?

Yeah.

Okay, cool. Jared's not there?

No. Hell, no. We're not doing using the Ouija board.

What, do you think, a demon is gonna get into your blood and give 100% or something?

Something first before it.

Yeah, yeah.

Spirits.

Yeah.

You're gonna sacrifice white people?

Wait, you might find your. What if you're really good at it? Would you be a tattoo artist?

Yeah.

Yeah. See, this could be a passion right here.

Down.

Right here.

I'm gonna do that so that you can just do straight across.

Put the mic close to you, Jared.

Close your eyes, too, Jared. All right, when you bend over, can you do it slowly? Jared, go slower.

Dude, pad. Okay.

Pop the ass up, dude.

And then just.

All right. Okay, so just dip it in this camera angle.

Wait, you got this? We don't.

Just don't scream.

I'm not going to scream. I'm not going to scream.

I'll start with just one.

This is crazy.

Do I have to go deep? Deep?

I don't know.

You're the tattoo artist.

You're the tired. You.

Oh, no. Go for it, go for it, go for it. Sorry, sorry. You got it. My heart's pounding.

He's coaching. You got it.

You're all. You're all good on the ink. You just gotta go.

I have a question, though. Do I. Can I just go straight or do I have to, like.

No, no, no.

Straight. Straight.

Just hold it like it's a pit. Like it's a pencil.

Like it's a pencil.

Yeah. And then if you think you need to go over it again. Just go over it again.

Yeah, go over it 10 times if you need to.

Yeah, 10 to 20 times.

Make sure it's real deep. Yep.

Yeah.

And then just drag down. Yeah, no, you're good. You're good. That didn't hurt at all. Yep.

Sorry about that.

There you go.

You're gonna cover the only angle we.

All right.

You're killing it.

It's not good.

Oh, clearly. Yeah, we didn't expect it to be.

It's four letters.

She just does three Ks. We're, like, close.

There you go.

Does it feel like the other tattoos have kinda.

That was a good line.

You can see blood.

Oh, yeah.

We probably should get, like, a paper towel.

Do you want to bring a paper towel in here?

Can we just do K?

Sure, we'll do.

Let me see what you have so far. That's not even a good K. Finish it up. You're. Let me throw a letter. Let me throw a letter in there.

Okay. Oh, my God.

I'm back over this.

I got to figure out what I'm. That just. You just lifted up my skin, man.

This one doesn't work.

It might need. Hold on, hold on. Stop. What were you writing? That was a circle.

Yeah, because Kula. Where was it? Kuya. K, U, Y, A.

No.

God.

I'm a tattoo myself in a second. Where's the paper towel? Why is it on the floor? Can I have a new paper towel, please? My skin is just butchered.

Okay.

I think that's. That's what we're doing. That's what we're rocking with.

Okay.

Yeah. It looks so good.

My skin is flailed, flayed, whatever.

All right, that was a. I'll have.

Somebody spell out Kuya.

Sometimes you have bad segments. We didn't do great on that one. Is the egg done?

Yeah, basically. Oh, that's perfect.

Dude. Wait, let me see it.

Two more.

This is just a scarred K. Perfect.

Wait, Jared, two more of those. You're going to join the brotherhood. Chill out, man.

Oh, joke's been made. Sorry.

Oh, Abby. Yeah, this is hyping hard. We still gotta wait a few minutes.

Okay.

I don't know if I boiled it all the way.

How many minutes did you.

I think 10, roundabout. 10.

Okay.

Yeah, but I don't think it was fully boiling half the time. But it's Zach's ballute, so it's our ballute. I like how that feels. I like how you're using the skin tattoos.

Could we just crack it open? Open the whole thing and then just dip some forks in.

Well, we gotta wait for 10 minutes. We gotta let it cool down.

Oh, God.

Jared. How was it?

It was fine. It honestly didn't hurt that bad.

It might not be a tattoo. It might just be a case scar, which is sick.

That's what I'm thinking. It is because there is almost no ink in my skin right now. It is just. It is just cut up skin in the shape of a K. We don't.

Even know if skin. If ink is necessary for a tattoo. They haven't done the research on that.

They haven't?

No. Back me up. What?

Do you have anybody in your life that has a K that it's meaningful?

This is the first letter of the girl that cheated on me.

Okay.

Besides that, he also had sex with a girl.

Oh, my God.

His best friend died and he had sex with his girlfriend.

Are you into that?

No, I'm not into that. That was thrill. That was many years after he passed away. And she came on to me. I didn't go seeking her out. What are you doing?

Loot timer, dude. How's that? My bad.

It's like you're a girl who needs to take her birth control.

You're like a girl that needs to take birth control but doesn't because you don't have sex ever.

Fucking God. He got.

Yeah, you.

How do you turn off a time? There we go. Timer is.

Wait. Is that first aid kit still up there?

No, I took it back to the office.

No, I'm. You took it back to the office?

I didn't. Zack did. I needed it the other day.

Soap and water. Soap and water. You're fine.

Well, I was just gonna put a band aid on it.

Oh, you're good.

We got some band aids in the bathroom upstairs, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

He's not gonna die, right? Do it.

I'm not gonna die right now. I'm just gonna do it right now.

Kids went to World War II. Okay. 14.

Yeah, dude. Also, he doesn't remember. Yeah, dude, you're fine.

I know I'm fine. I was just gonna put a band aid on it. Sue me.

That makes it less cool.

Last time I cut myself on accident. It took Jared 20 minutes to get home from the office with. With the first aid. It. I think you stopped and got some ice cream along the way. I was bleeding out.

I was going to ask you if you wanted some, but you were. You were kind of mean on the phone when you called me.

How did we get off so quickly that he had sex? So what did you think about that? You think it's a. No. No.

Well, he said it's been years since.

It was years.

No, but it was like weeks after he died. It's been.

No, no, it was not weeks after he died. It was years after he died. You're already trying to paint me in a bad light.

I don't have a.

Don't make the light worse.

Are you like, also, like, kinky? Are you into like.

He grows.

He growls in the bedroom.

I don't growl.

Snarl. You make animalistic noises.

No, I just can't. I. I have a deviated septum so I can't breathe. And so if I start breathing heavy, it kind of like sounds like a. Like a snort or a snarl.

The going on here with Brother Bear's his favorite movie.

I love that you put your hand up. What would you. What do you need to say?

There's some, like, men that like getting peed on or pooped on?

Hell no.

Hey, I know about that.

You're.

No.

Well, you've. You've been peed on.

I've. Not sexually, kind of. No.

You were naked.

We were just in the shower together.

And she peed on you.

She.

She peed in the shower. She was a shower peer.

But not on your body.

No.

Feet.

On your foot?

Kind of on my foot. Sometimes I would be down and.

Hey. And I just. You don't wash your foot. Feet. You don't get down there with the.

I wash my feet in the shower.

How do you. You can't even touch your toes. What are you talking about?

I can bend up.

I got.

And I know you don't go through all that hassle.

I do go through that hassle.

Okay, we're gonna. I'm gonna video.

You prayed that the soap gets down there.

I get down there with what? My loofah?

No shot that sounds.

You don't use a loofah.

Oh, I hope not.

I use.

Oh, that's gross. What contain so much bacteria in them? Moldy. Oh, God, no.

What do I use? My hands?

Yeah.

Oh, you can't exfoliate with your hands.

That's why you got stinky coochie, because you haven't washed in years.

I have really good smelling down.

No, I've heard rumors.

No, we've read the Internet.

We assume that you bathe. Yeah, I'm just checking, just making sure. And then you use hands or you loofah girl.

I use both.

Okay, so that's what culture can teach us to compromise. Whites love fighting.

Loofer can get moldy if you don't say, change it out.

Loofer.

The loofah you're getting dangerously close to saying things that you shouldn't be saying.

Loofah.

1. You just said she's a stinky minority because she uses a loofah.

That's fine.

And I need you to explain yourself again because I called you out on it.

Of course I never said that.

Look at her and say you're sorry. She was attracted to you earlier. You don't slit wash. How am I supposed to believe anything that you do? Sorry.

Slit wash. See, you don't know what.

That is because you don't do it.

I don't call my vagina a slit, a gash.

I don't care what you call it. I'm just saying you don't wash it.

Yes, I do.

Let's go to a clip.

Driving through the car wash with the windows cracked doesn't count.

You just boot it up in the car wash in a convertible, hoping one sud lands on that dirty, dirty. Yes.

When did you switch to the hand raisin for.

You know, for women? You can't use soap to wash the vagina.

I think that's a myth perpetrated by.

No, it's true.

Big badge.

Big badges out on that one, dude.

So what do you use to clean? Is it just water?

Yeah, but you got to like. No, I rub it and like, to get all the dirt out.

Yeah. Unless you get like. That's a balanced soap.

That's a fix. Your boyfriend wants to, like, touch you anyway. You just have him clean you. Best of both worlds. You get clean. You don't. Like when things are dirty, he gets to touch you a little bit. What are we talking about? That you're welcome.

No, listen, they do say. I know they say you're not supposed to soap. That there is a bit. You can use lemon juice.

I will never believe anything you say.

What do you think she can go to a room and just, like, zest herself? Oh, yeah.

Alyssa, we could have fully gotten to do that if you all would have stayed on.

Dude, we would have. It would have been like 1:00 in the morning echoing through the house.

We do feel. So she orders a lot of dildos to the house.

Yeah, it's crazy.

But we. But they don't. Size big size huge. They don't box them correctly. So we always know when they come in.

Yeah.

Think about like two of these.

Yeah.

No, this. This is. This is a one off story where I ordered something to the house and Spencer says it came in.

What's discrete packaging?

Packaging. It was not discreet packaging. So they all were like, oh, would you buy? So I showed them.

They were massive.

They were so.

Hey, you know what's worse? They were all white.

No, they weren't.

Then go get one and show us.

Take this close.

Do you guys use sex toys too?

I use. God. Sex toy.

Oh, I also use that.

I was wondering sometimes I use that one.

No, I'm not.

We each other.

I would, but you're in a relationship, so why do you have to use your hand?

That's a good question. He starts contemplating. He goes, why?

Actually, I don't. I don't. I don't masturbate. That. She. My girlfriend is. She. She is. She has a high sex drive. I don't have that high of a sex drive, so she wants to have sex more than I do, but. So I don't. I don't. But when I was single, I did use my hand.

Were you compromised by having more sex than you'd like?

Yeah. Yeah.

I.

Listen, I'm not like an anti. I'm not like. I'm not gonna be like, no. But then some. I just gotta put on the work hat and go to. Not go to town because clock in, you just go. Yeah, but it's like a lunch breaker. It doesn't take that long. Yeah.

You take a 15. 15.

Yeah.

So I have sex for six to 15 minutes, and that's.

Which is a perfect amount of time. People that are in there and they're like, oh, I just spent three hours in there plowing.

What are you doing?

Yeah, what are we.

Who's that good for?

Not me.

Also, girls are like, oh, I need this huge dick. And then they're like, I'm so sore. Yes. I had sex with such a big. What do you. Why have sex with just a regular sized dick?

Why are you looking at me?

I'm not gonna look at her.

Hi, Lady May.

Okay, I think this balloon.

Crack that egg open.

Let me go get a spoon.

Okay. So I looked it up, and it says, some say balut tastes like chicken soup. Broth with.

It's really good. I'm telling you.

Okay.

Just taste like a normal egg.

Oh, what's the big hubbub? Then? You. You acted like we're about to eat alien guts. And just.

It just. It. It looks unappetizing.

Well, because the body.

Yeah.

Is there. And you still have to, like, chew on it.

I don't have to do you eat the body.

All right, show us how to do this. Oh, that's a perfectly polluted egg.

This is good.

I know it does. I did that I just stuck it in water. Oh, I'm not happy. Have you ever seen, like, Predator? No, I don't want to sip on it. I'll sip on it, though. I'll take the first sip.

Okay.

Oh, my.

So much good.

Wait, let me take the first sip.

No, I'm taking the first sip.

I don't want to sip after you.

Sorry, brother.

Well, then I'm not gonna just put it in the thing, Skyler. Open it up so we can see the thing anyway.

Well, yeah, take a sip first and then we will.

Wait, no, look, listen to me. We don't have to sip it. We can just put it all on the plate.

Oh, so you want the whole thing out there? We can. Yeah.

Okay. Let me get the. Oh, Jesus. Okay, you take this. I'm gonna get some of these eggshells out of the way. They do say eggshells are a good form of calcium. Oh, fuck. I don't like that. This is like a birth. Oh, fuck you.

I. God, I can't wait to see what's going on.

Oh, what, you're the only one having a crazy reaction?

What did the state vote on as far as, like, our ability to eat this? Is this a state issue or is it.

Yeah, this is states, right?

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

Okay, I'm gonna. I'm gonna. First, I'm gonna take a little.

What is it? Why?

I'm gonna take a little smell.

Not good.

No, it's okay. It's okay. And just. Just.

That wasn't bad. That was just like salty.

Salty goo.

Salty broth almost.

Okay, that's. And that's what we were pitched.

But what I do here.

Yeah.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's. Is that normal?

You didn't boil it enough. It's okay. Just eat this.

This didn't boil it enough. That is.

That it's head.

Zach, get over here. What's the dog down and get over here.

I thought this was going to be passed around. Hand it to me.

Pass that over to him.

Oh.

Oh.

That's the first time I saw it.

It's.

It.

Okay. This is a delicacy in your culture.

Yeah.

Okay. So I'm not gonna make fun of it like you little baloots. I'm just gonna go in and obviously I'm just gonna go in and kind of eat this. Yeah. Gonna go in. I'm gonna take a little digging.

You can't puke it out.

Yeah, that would be offensive.

Trust me.

Yeah.

Don't smell.

I'm not trying to Say this word just the sake of like. Oh, we got to say this word. It smells like come. Like, exactly like.

Do you smell. Come often?

You smelling your calm.

Calm on something and I'll smell it.

Do you decide? Oh, you went in with your hands.

What else am I supposed to do?

I don't know, dude.

But what? No, go for it.

Go, champ. Go, champ.

I am going.

Just take that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Guys, I'm trying. It's slipping.

Oh.

That'S good.

Is it, though?

It's really good. Yeah? Yeah.

Really?

Yeah, I really like it. I love Filipino culture.

Oh, you want to take a bite and see how it compares?

Vanilla.

Are you against how it looks?

Vanilla coming for you.

It's. Yeah. This isn't really cooked. You see the body? Yeah, it should be more like.

Hold on.

Let's don't let the duck.

It's really good.

Oh, no, you're okay.

Eat the duck part.

It's not that cooked.

Okay, then I'll.

Yeah, but you can just try this. Just try this. Not the body, because it doesn't look.

What is this?

Try the body.

Is that just egg?

Yeah, just try that.

Why does he get the.

Okay, then try this.

Yeah, I want to get the regular part. Eat what I ate this? Yeah. Eight, dude. Take a little.

Okay, so he is someone who will not eat or touch cottage cheese yogurt.

Take tweety for a stroll between your teeth.

There's nothing left over there.

Yes, there is. There's a whole bird.

Oh, dude.

Yeah, but I think it's not cooked.

Oh, trust me, I picked up on that. He didn't even eat that much. He ate none.

But as somebody with a sensitive stomach, I understand where he's.

Why?

What does it taste like?

This is not it.

Honestly, it tastes like ass.

He didn't even eat any. He had a little sip. I threw some down the gullet.

No. And that was very impressive.

It's like, hot ones. Did you see him eat the whole wing?

Yes, a lot.

It's good.

Yeah, the best cut. It smells horrid.

Okay. The one good thing I know is about Alyssa. She'll throw that whole chicken in her mouth. She doesn't care.

Yeah. Put this in your mouth, dude. I didn't mean like that.

She's a sweet lady.

So the duck typically looks fully cooked.

Yeah, almost. That one's just, like, red and, like, full of blood.

It looked bad. It's not cooked as. What is that? That. Should we be worried about anything or. We're okay. Who knows, man? Yeah, that's fair.

You Just ate like a tiny bit. You'll be fine.

Yeah, that. But last night I only ate a tiny bit of a weed edible and almost had a heart attack. She loves it.

You're just a.

That's fair.

Damn.

I'll take it.

What does it taste like to you?

If it tastes like cum, no wonder.

We have come ass.

And she's been praying for that for six months.

It is definitely near the genitalia region.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean it doesn't like smell amazing.

Can you throw the whole chicken in your mouth or duck. Whatever it is.

I think we probably should.

No, it's not.

I know. Bill. You know Jared, you want to try it? Just cuz we're all here.

No.

Yeah. End it with a bite. You didn't get the whole tattoo?

Nope.

You didn't get the whole tattoo.

I. I got a scar, man.

Not really good.

It's right there.

It's genuinely not even that bad. Oh, just throw a little bit in the gullet. Take a chance on love. Is that.

It's I.

Duck. Duck. Goose baby. Start running.

I want to do. I want to eat that one food where you have to cover your face? It's the little bird. You know I'm talking about.

What?

There's a.

To cover your.

There's a. There's a dish where you cover your face and you eat a. It's. It's a. I think it's a little fried bird, but it's for. They say you cover your face because it's like offensive to the gods. Or they say it's like to hide your.

I don't know, shame or something.

There's a bunch of.

Oh, wow.

Look. It's a real thing though. Looks. It looks appetizing though. It's like a. I think it's French.

Have you tried frogs?

Frog legs.

Oh, frogs are a good time.

I don't think had alligator like gator tail.

I've done a monitor lizard.

I feel like they're the same maybe. How do you eat the monitor lizard? The whole thing.

The whole thing. They just roast it and it tastes like chicken.

Okay. Yeah. So similar fry gator tail. They just. You just fry up like the muscle of the tail and it tastes like fried chicken. A little chewier.

What is better in the Philippines than America?

I don't know. I think with like the school stuff. I think they're more together like community based.

Yeah.

And here it's more like shootings. Yeah.

Yeah.

Just on your own. You're on your own.

Did you. What. How long ago did you move here? Four years ago.

Four years ago.

And what brought. What brought you to the sweet, sweet la.

My Aunt Atikalai.

I've met her. I don't know if I've been on tiger belly. I don't know if this is a big deal, but they didn't know who I was the entire time. But besides that.

Really?

Yeah, no worries. They thought I was someone else. But besides that, we had a great time. Yeah.

Even at the Collai.

She probably had more of an idea than she told me.

Like you were here.

So what does your family think about you becoming America's sweetheart?

They don't really care.

Gotcha. Makes nice. They're like, we're just trying to survive over here in the Philippines, and we wish you'd send any money home because we can eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, thank you so much, obviously, for coming on. Hope you had a good time. I apologize if we made you do things that are uncomfortable, but, you know, that's what white people do.

You know, that's what white people.

Sorry for making a mockery of your culture. That's what white people do.

You didn't, though.

Oh, you're right.

Did you like this? Did you like giving the tattoo or did you hate it?

I liked it, but I think I did a bad.

No, you did good.

Oh, you did good. I can clearly tell that it's okay.

It's perfect.

Where can the people find you bad friends?

I've heard of it on my Instagram.

Perfect.

What's your Instagram? I think it's Rudy Jules.

Nice. We'll put in the description. Yeah, why not just throw it up.

On the screen again.

If you want to join the Patreon, if you want to hang out, if you want to. Do you want to hug to end the show? Hug a white person in the show?

I can hug a white person.

Would you hug the dog and the white person at the same time? Maybe.

Yeah.

Just. Just so you know, this was. This was his fault. He looked at me and he goes, okay, let's end this out.

Just a long, beautiful hug.

And remember, shout out the people.

Oh, yes. While they're doing that. Hold on.

You got to keep it going until the. Until he's done. So get in there tight until I got.

I got to shout out the Patreon people. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Jared, you're really okay.

And shout out to our village idiots. Nora Al Borai, 1994. Souk, Daddy. Souk for Daddy. Dan Brooke Caroline Sullivan. Thank you so much. Village idiots. We'll see you next time.

Thank you.

The two S's.