Transcript of Confidence Classic: Master CHANGE Without Losing Control with Heather! New

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When you start freaking out and panicking, you will not be able to calm others and save others. You have to be that beacon of light, strength, Clarity and calmness. And when you remain calm, you will find the opportunity around you to solve the problem. Fear and panic will cause you to fail. So it's all about picking your head up from where you are and finding where is the opportunity. And back to lifeguarding, staying calm, not taking on the fear, but keeping calm and keeping focused on where is that next opportunity. Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for to be better tomorrow. Fasten your seat belts. I'm ready for my closeup. Tell me, have you been enjoying these new bonus Confidence Classics episodes we've been dropping on you every week? We've literally hundreds of episodes for you to listen to. So these bonuses are a great way to help you find the ones you may have already missed. I hope you love this one as much as I do. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week.

Okay, so things can change so fast in our world. You don't need me to tell you that. I mean, what we've seen— I'm just looking at it from the Miami real estate market standpoint. If you've been listening to the show, then you know exactly what I'm about to say. For those of you who are new to the show, welcome. But what's been happening is, out of nowhere, back at the end of April, my neighbor came up to me and said, hey, we just sold our place, we're moving, we made a ton of money, the market's on fire. There's so many buyers that want our unit, why don't you list your unit and just see? So I spoke to their realtor. He said, oh, I can sell it, you know, within a couple weeks, no problem. There were so many people coming in to see our condo. And what's funny is I never thought about selling it just because I've owned it for 16 years. Didn't even cross my mind. Just lack of knowledge. I had no idea what I could get for it. And it just so happens my son goes to school really far away, so it would be a gift to be able to sell, make a lot of money, and, and move somewhere closer to where he goes to school so that we have a lot less drive time and it's just easier.

So I was super excited about it. We had so many offers at first. And of course, when you first list something or do something and you're excited, you want to get as much as you can. So we turned down a couple of offers. Little did we know that there would be major changes in rate hikes and, and talk of recession, as everybody knows, you know, just a few weeks later. So we end up accepting an offer and that offer completely completely fell apart when the people tried to do something unethical at closing. But the bottom line is I had spent all this time going to find a new place and packing us up to move, and, and it fell apart in the end. So it was really disappointing. Then we had to go put the condo back on the market again, right? Because we had taken it off, we thought we had a deal, we had to relist it again. Anyways, it took a lot longer than we thought. By the time we got it back up on the market, it was after Memorial Day. And I will tell you, wow, what a difference showing this condo from whatever it was the first week of May for— we had it up there for 2 weeks, I think, before we sold it.

Then that fell apart and now it went back up in June and how much slower it is here. So again, I don't have any experience in real estate market. I'm sure that every June it probably slows down in Miami because it's June in Miami, people, it's pretty hot. Okay. But I don't have any expertise in the real estate market, number one. Number two, no one has expertise in the volatility and what's happening right now in the world with a war going on and inflation. And right, there's so much craziness. So we received an offer today on my condo, so much less than, you know, what we should be getting, number one. And number two, so much less than what our original contract was for, just 2 weeks ago or 3 weeks ago, whatever it was. So it's just so interesting to see how quickly things can change. The good news is when things are bad, they can change just as quickly. You know, the challenging, more challenging news is that when things are good or exciting, they can change rapidly too, like what I'm dealing with. So it reminds me, it takes me back to years ago, back in '08, '09, I was running a publicly traded company as a chief revenue officer in media, and a recession hit, right?

And I had never, as an adult, been through a recession. So I didn't have any expertise, any knowledge, right? Just like I'm talking about now with this situation. I really didn't know what I was dealing with. And so I didn't know how to plan or prepare or strategize to move ahead. That's the beauty, by the way, of going through challenging things, whether it be all of us surviving the global pandemic, right? The more you go through challenging situations, the stronger you are, the more resilient you are, the more prepped you are to take on more challenging situations again. Not that I'm wanting any of us to, but it is truth, right? It prepares us for that next obstacle in life that we'll face and we'll be stronger the next time. And you also know, I'll make some decisions differently, right? I didn't decide, for me, I stayed in way too much during the pandemic. You know, I isolated myself too much out of fear of getting sick. That's something that I learned, I will not do that again, right? So you learn the smart things that you do and the not so smart things, how they help or hurt you, and then you can adjust accordingly moving forward, which is great.

So anyhow, so we've been living through this situation with the real estate market. It got me to reflecting on the last recession that I led the company I used to work for through. And there was so much fear in the company at the highest level, right? The CEO and his family were so afraid. And when I look back, that was definitely, fear was at the basis of everything back then, right? So, and I took that on and I reflect and look at how I led and I was scared every day and panicked all the time. Here's what I know, and I learned this when I was a lifeguard when I was 16 years old, fear and panic will cause you to fail, right? So when you take lifeguard training, which I did when I was 16, Of course you have all these swim tests. Of course you have blankets thrown on you while you're in the water and a weight put on your ankle and all these crazy physical things happen to you because they're trying to make sure that you're physically strong enough to be able to pull other people out of the water and help them.

But then there's a lot about, you know, you're taught and spoken to about situations and how to best handle them. And one of the things that I remember so clearly about that training about, and what I really take away from lifeguard times in general, I did it for years, is that the only and most important thing is to stay calm, right? When you start freaking out and panicking, you will not be able to calm others and save others. You have to be that beacon of light, strength, clarity, and calmness. And when you remain calm, you will find the opportunity around you to solve the problem. And so somehow I forgot that in '08, '09, 'cause when I look back, I was, a disaster. I mean, granted, I had a very little baby, a 2-year-old son. I had just gotten divorced, right? I had just lost all of my money in my divorce, and then the company I was working for cut everybody's pay. They wanted me to lay off 25% of our employees, which was so sad during a recession. So many of the people had never been through a recession before, had no idea what they were going to do for work.

Was really scary. And so I took that fear on That was my choice. I gladly accepted it. And that's sort of how I managed myself for that year or year and a half that things were really tough. And again, I didn't know how long a recession would last. Now I know, and I've researched so much about other recessions, that recessions are typically short of a year, which is not a long time when you think about it, especially thinking about what we just went through with a global pandemic, which was much longer than a year and was much much harder than a recession, right? So people talk about recessions and, you know, you're gonna lose so much. Well, yeah, a lot of people may lose their job. That definitely does happen to certain companies that panic and just wanna cut employee count. But a lot of people have gone to work for themselves and found ways so that they can add value, help others solve problems, and charge for it from home, which has been great. And then there are always emerging categories that are in growth phases whenever any change happens in the economic cycle and things are changing, something's growing while something else is dying or losing.

So it's all about picking your head up from where you are and finding where is the opportunity. And back to lifeguarding, staying calm, not taking on the fear, but keeping calm and keeping focused on where is that next opportunity. That's what I'll do differently this time, right? So it's just interesting that there's all this talk, which is affecting the real estate market, which is affecting the situation with my home. And timing comes into play a lot, right? Because if I had known everything that I know now, if I had known that the day I listed my condo, I would've taken the first offer that was presented to us a weekend when we received it. We declined that offer. We kicked it back because we wanted a higher number, which also makes sense because you don't want to jump at the first, you know, opportunity that comes along. So there are going to be dynamics in any situation that we can't predict. No, I couldn't have predicted this, back at the end of April or beginning of May. And, you know, we have to live with choices, go with your gut, you know, trust that you have the best information possible and hope and pray that, you know, the right solution will come when it's meant to be there.

So that's the walk that we're walking right now, which I will tell you, I'm not gonna lie, is a little frustrating at times because I was so excited to move and to, not have to drive as much. That was the— I drive a lot right now. Right. So it was just gonna be so much easier on me and my son. And I was so looking forward to that. Meet a different guest each week. Hey, confidence creator.

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Confidence creator. I ask you to try to find your passion. Cut to, I know that if I either help people or practice gratitude anytime I'm getting frustrated, it can pull me out of it. So I started thinking about last week my son graduated from middle school, which is a huge deal, right? I mean, it's that weird in-between time before you make it to high school, and it definitely was so hard. On all the kids that were stuck at home for almost, gosh, a year and a half to 2 years on Zoom school, right? And so much isolation, so many challenges, just, you know, for people like me who are not virtual learners, who wanna be in person. My son is the same way, had a really hard time with it. So many kids did. And that impact is, you know, still impacting people to this day. So I was thinking about all of that and then thinking about how even though it was so challenging, he was able to pull it out and graduate and, you know, things can go from bad to good quickly. And, and that's one of those situations that I did see, and I was practicing gratitude that I'm so grateful he graduated given all those challenging circumstances, given that he had to go to academic camp for a summer to make his grades back up, that he had to get tutors, and that he personally had to put so much work in and stay after school to make up for all this Zoom unlearning that went on for a year and a half or 2 years.

So Again, just as much as things can go from good to bad quickly, they can go from bad to good quickly when you least expect it. But I really believe that it all stems from my back process. And in "Overcome Your Villains," I talk about it a lot. Beliefs, action, and knowledge. It starts with number one, first up, you really have to address that belief that you're holding because that's the most important thing, right? If you believe it's not gonna work out, if you believe you're not gonna graduate, if you believe, you know, you're not gonna sell the condo or you're not gonna make it out of the recession, then that's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You have to get your beliefs clear and straight first and foremost and get real with them, what's factual and what's not, and stop telling yourself these lies. That's step number 1. Step number 2 is take action to make something happen. Like my son, you know, went to see a tutor, stayed after late with the teachers, did academic camp to make up work. You know, you have to put in the work, take the action. And then step 3 is knowledge.

You know, who are you gaining knowledge from? Who are you accessing? For feedback? What media are you listening to? What information are you accessing on the regular that's either gonna lift you up or pull you down? And start cutting ties with the latter, right? If you're around people or friends or people at work, or you have a boss that's putting you down, those are the people that you need to cut. Those are the villains that you need to overcome. And it's really important to think about that 3-step process anytime you're facing a challenge. Number 1, what are my beliefs? Are these helping me and benefiting me or holding me back? And how can I change them? Change them? Number 2, how can I take action to move this forward in a positive manner? And number 3, what's the knowledge that I'm going to or that I am currently accessing, and is it lifting me up or is it pulling me down? And let's make changes accordingly. So that, that process works, right? So I always want to stop myself in these moments of time and say, okay, I've got to get my belief right. Yes, I'm frustrated that the marketplace took a downturn so quickly.

However, as fast as it could take a downturn, something could change tomorrow, right? We've got to stay optimistic. I've got to— as much as you want to believe in the negative as possible, we've got to believe that the positive is possible too. Something great could happen that's totally unexpected. So I started telling myself, well, just an investor could come from out of the country and have an all-cash offer and pay what the going rate is for the condo because they want this property. It's not up to me to determine that. That possibility could be out there. So just start, you know, hoping for the best and planning for it. And manage it day to day. Take action to promote and get that offer out there so people know. And then surround yourself with knowledge, like gain insight and knowledge so you can understand what are the dynamics. And if you haven't been in these situations before, which has anybody really? I can't imagine that anybody has. Complete sidebar, during all this time, as you know, speaking has been my new business that I got into 4 years ago, which I was killing it in 2019.

I was everywhere. I was doing so well. Everything was in person. And then overnight it disappeared, you know, with 2020 pandemic and literally everything went to virtual, which I had never done before. So I felt like a rookie starting all over again. But I built my business back up and I ended up being named top 40 female speaker of the year for 2020. That was really for my virtual speaking. And then this year I was named top 50 keynote speaker of the year for 2022. Super proud of both of those. Because I did it during these really adverse times, right? There's like all this adversity, all these challenges, and still was able to do the work, show up, and make it work, even though it wasn't easy, by the way. But so during all this time, I'm learning yet again something new, learning about the speaking business, which I had no clue about. Granted, I had spoken for 20 years in corporate America on the daily, and I'd taken massive stages, so I was good at the craft, but I don't know anything about the network. You know, who are the people at Hire? Who are the people that I need to know?

Who's gonna help get me booked? What do I charge, right? I didn't know the business. I didn't have the business acumen side of the speaking business yet. I could do the actual trade, but I didn't know how to market it, package it, who to work with. I was a rookie on that side. So as I've moved through this and I've made countless mistakes, right? It's ridiculous how many mistakes I've made, but I just didn't know. One of the biggest things I learned, yet again, when you don't have the knowledge, you don't know, which is fine, it's how you get it. I didn't know where are the pools I should be fishing in for those right clients. And so I found out by making mistake after mistake. You know, people would reach out to me on social media, hey, we wanna hire you for our speaking event. And I'd give them my quote and they would, you know, be horrified at how much money I was charging. Well, especially once I started making these big lists of top speakers in the US, I started getting to know the other speakers so I know what they're charging, right?

And I might not have taken my rate to the same height that these other people are at, but I definitely raised mine because I realized, okay, in good company, if these guys are getting valued at this price point, I should be as well, right? There's no reason why I shouldn't be. And so I took my rates up and then, you know, every once in a while I get it and it justifies, okay, this means I'm charging a fair rate, I'm getting great feedback, which means I'm delivering the value. And I'm getting great reviews from the clients, the problem must be that I'm fishing in the wrong pool for business. And this is something for you to look at too. You know, are your prospective clients really the right clients for you? And so often when we're new and we're a rookie, we're just taking any business we can find. Those people just might not be that right pool of business, that right potential client for you. And that's definitely a mistake that I made. But you teeter back and forth with, okay, I want to build a business, I need reviews, I need practice, I need recommendations.

Maybe I'll do this for a while. And I did that, a lot of that in 2020. And so by 2021, I was able to start focusing on, you know, more strategy. How do I get to those right potential clients who have the bigger budgets? Okay, so here we are in 2022, and now, you know, live in-person events are coming back, not to the level they used to be, but they are coming back. And in-person pays more than virtuals, and I love in-person, right? So I'm so focused on landing big in-person events. And so I had pitched— people had come to me inquiring about my rates. I'd given them, and 3 of my calls earlier in 2022, right in a row, it was like the same week, all said to me, oh, you're out of our price range, you're too much, and, you know, completely disconnected from me. And, you know, just kind of like, oh, No, this is way too much money. We're not going to work with you. And so that next fourth call, this is a couple months ago, I got on with a trade association. You have no— I don't know how much they have for a budget, right?

I have no idea. I always try to research ahead of time to see if I can find who is another speaker they've had in the past, because that can give me an idea and a range. But I couldn't find anyone. You know, it was all private information. And so I get on the call and I decided, you know what, I'm just going to lead with the truth and transparency with these people and just say, okay, I'm just gonna be completely upfront. This dynamic of coming out of a pandemic and stepping into 2022, it seems like there is no cadence to business. I don't know how often I'm getting inquiries. People are upset at what I'm charging. You know, I'm just gonna be straightforward with you. I'm expensive. That's what I came in on the call saying, 'cause I was so sick of that week. Wasting all this time when people telling me that I'm too expensive and, you know, they couldn't afford me. So there was a group of women on the call, on the Zoom call, and they said, oh really? And I said, yeah, so I'm just gonna be upfront with you. I don't wanna waste anybody's time here.

And they said, no, that's okay. Um, you know, we just hung up with Oprah's team. They were inquiring about hiring Oprah to give a keynote. So it's just one of those yet again examples. What you don't know, you don't know, right? These people had huge budgets. Huge. Let's put it this way, Oprah's keynote fee was almost as much as my condo is selling for. Can you believe that? A 60-minute keynote fee for over— well over a million dollars. Crazy, right? Well, good for her. I'm, gosh, so happy for her. I would just like to be there as well. So whenever you're a rookie, whenever you're new at something, whenever you're in new environments, new situations, like all of us are right now coming out of a global pandemic and in this really challenging, crazy, unknown economic situation, you're somewhat of a rookie, right? There's going to be unexpected things that show up and those can be opportunities and those in the moment can be fails and challenges. And then we have to figure out, okay, how can we transition through this and turn it into something else, something better? So, you know, it was just so funny that I'd had those 3 calls with small event companies that had basically no budgets that couldn't afford me.

And then I get on and declare to this new company, I'm very expensive. And they tell me that they're dealing with Oprah's people and that actually I'm not that expensive. So there is a major perspective shift based upon who you're speaking with. And when you're new in any industry or you're new to something, you're not gonna know those things at first. I'll tell you this, I wish somebody would just fly into my home and give me a list of, here's all the companies, that have massive budgets to hire speakers, and these are the ones you should be working with, and we've got relationships with them and we'll pitch you. That hasn't happened yet. And you know what's funny is that I have so many agents representing me, but like anything, agents are about relationships with people. And the past couple of years living virtually, you don't get to spend time with people face to face to really further and strengthen those relationships. So why would they pick you, right? So it's just interesting to see how all these things affect one another in different ways. Especially when you know, I know I'm doing the work I'm meant to be doing.

I know that this is where I'm meant to be. But it still gets frustrating when you fumble and make these mistakes and have to pick yourself back up again and remind yourself that you don't have all the answers, that you are new at this, and that in time you will develop knowledge and then expertise and, and then hopefully get the kind of fees Oprah does. Meet a different guest each week. Confidence creator.

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I ask you to try to find your passion. So I had to share that story with you. Then I had someone write into me and ask me, they wanted to be a guest on podcast shows and they were talking about how do you pitch yourself to be a guest on a podcast show? How do you show up as a great guest on a podcast and, and what does that look like? So I wanted to share that with you. And this is really applicable not only with podcasts, but in anything. It's sales, right? So If you wanna sell somebody on you, in this situation they're talking about to go on as a guest on their podcast, first you need to do your homework, right? And I get it, it's work, it's annoying, it takes time and nobody wants to do it. But if you really wanna be a great podcast guest or sell yourself and get on a certain show, this is what you have to do. You have to separate yourself from the sea of mediocrity that exists out there, right? You have to show up as stellar, different, and must-have. So the first thing I would do is completely research the shows that I was targeting that I wanted to go on ahead of time.

I would listen to their episodes. I would have in-depth knowledge of the, the conversations they had, the reaction from the audiences. I'd circle back and look at the social media to see which posts and guests did well, which ones were showing up well, and you know, what got engagement and what conversations were interesting to that audience. And you'll see pretty quickly if you do that homework, you'll know pretty well, oh, okay, this is who that audience is. This is what matters to them. This is what lights them up, you know, and gets them interested. Okay, so once you have that, you wanna add value to that audience. You wanna add value to that podcast host. So for me, I'm always thinking, okay, I look and research what are past shows they've done, what looks like things that they like to talk about, but then also how can I be different, unique, and special so that they'll want to have me, right? So maybe you'll say, you do all this homework, you know so much about them, you want to reach out and make it about them. Hey, love your show, huge fan. I've included a review of your show in a screenshot below.

Just wanted you to see it. That basically just says, hey, I took the time to try to add value to your life in a small way today. That's how serious I am, you know, about supporting you. Hope that you can possibly take a call with me or consider having me on your show. And then I would just break it down in a real brief, simple way. You know, I've listened to so many of your shows. I'd highlight an episode I loved so they know you're legit. And then I'd go on to say, I know these shows seem to do really well on the social media outlets with you. I checked it out and your audience seems super engaged. What if we did this? And I'd propose a couple of different options which aren't exactly duplicating what I'd seen, but have something that's unique and different about me, how we can teach something different or add value differently. So for example, I was on the Lady Gang show, right? And I had noted, I forget, this is a couple years ago, but they had had someone who spoke about how to be a strong speaker at work or something.

And so I made it, I saw that episode did really well with your audience. I thought maybe we could add value by talking about how we can add confidence to these women in the workplace. So when they do speak up, they feel confident about doing it. You know, something about building on things or, a spin that's gonna be different and unique, but still be meaningful and relevant and add value. So it's a lot of work, right? And especially if you're new to going on podcasts, you've gotta put the work in. The other thing you can do is send somebody a video message. They love that. Again, add value to them, offer a giveaway. Hey, if you have me on the show, I'm happy to do a giveaway on blah, blah, blah. I'm happy to promote it on all of my social media outlets to try to encourage my audience to listen. I'm happy to tap people that I know and ask them to share it. Right, just add value to them. Know that people who have a podcast wanna grow the podcast, they wanna add value to their listeners, right? They wanna be unique, special, and different and valuable.

Find ways to make that happen. So that's how you pitch. And then to show up as a guest, practice makes perfect, right? The more you practice, the more shows you go on, the more swings that you take, the better you're gonna get. And the more natural it will be, which is what you really want, 'cause you wanna be present in that moment. So you're just connecting with those hosts and having a great conversation, which it's so clear to me, by the way, when shows do these super scripted interviews, I think those are so painful. I don't understand it. But instead you wanna just show up and be you. You don't wanna be on a script. You wanna hear the people's question, think about it, and try to add value and give an answer that's relevant, right? So it's really no different than being in a meeting or giving a speech, right? You wanna add value to people, but you wanna watch your audience and engage with them and make it meaningful. So those are my tips about going on a podcast. And then you wanna listen to them afterwards and see what you did well, what you liked, and what you think you could do better.

And then you also wanna support that show by sharing it on your social media, engaging with the, the people listening, always adding value. How can I add value? How can I make this better? Those, those are the questions that that I would ask myself if I was trying to target a show or add value. And then also know people have rosters full of potential guests for shows and we're constantly getting pitched guests. They might miss your email, they might just be busy, they might be on hiatus because they're selling their condo, hmm, maybe. They might be off for the summer, right? There's so many things that could be going on. Don't take it personal. It's a numbers game. If you don't get a response, wait a little bit. And try again. Try a different approach. Try to find someone that you have in common that you can reach out to to see if they could tap them, right? There's so many different things you can do. Just don't give up. And slowly over time, you'll start showing up, doing shows, doing podcasts, getting better, figuring out your niche, how you can add value, leaning into that more.

And then slowly over time, you won't be a rookie anymore, right? It won't be a new experience. And the unsexy but true side of it. It's a lot of work and I get it. A lot of people don't wanna do that. They wanna put a cold pitch out there and then show up, but you're not gonna get the same results. Sorry to be the one to tell you that, but that, that is the truth. So I wanted to share with you, there is this really short chapter in my book, Confidence Creator, that I wanted to share with you because I get asked a lot, give me a couple quick tips to build confidence. And I actually wrote a quick chapter. It's chapter 5, 10 Ways to Build Confidence Today. It's in my first book, Confidence Creator. If you have not read it yet, get this book. It is pure gold. Literally, it blows me away. I love this book and the feedback and the reviews. Again, this book are incredible. Okay, so here's a couple of quick tips that hopefully can help add value to you today, add value to your confidence today too. 10 ways to build confidence today.

Unlike talent, confidence is a skill that anyone can learn. We may or may not have certain talents, and we can work to improve particular talents, but for the most part, you either have a talent or you don't. Skills are different. Skills are like a muscle that can be developed over time. Confidence is a skill that can be learned at any age and in any socioeconomic situation. Ooh, that's exciting to hear. Confidence is one of the most important keys to building a successful personal and professional life. If this is a weak spot for you, like it has been for me, here's how you can get started. Number 1, find your baseline. Super important. You need to know where you're starting from. We are often blind to our weak areas. I was a very outgoing and competitive kid. I made sports teams, won contests, so people assumed I was confident. I even assumed I was a confident person. It wasn't until I got divorced that I realized I wasn't confident at all. Sometimes something very negative has to happen to get your attention and make you look at yourself clearly. Divorce was that event for me. I felt like a failure, a loser, a quitter, and a terrible mom.

That was when I realized I wasn't confident, and I took a closer look at why. How can I be so hard on myself? Why am I talking to myself like this? That started me down a new road that has vastly improved my life. Sometimes we really need to fail in order to see what's holding us back. Try to be as honest as possible in your assessment of your confidence level. It's easier to chart where you're going and how much progress you need to make if you know where you're starting from. And this is not in the book, but that's just like a diet. You have to record your starting weight, right? Anything you're gonna do, any project, you need that initial baseline. Determine your baseline, get clear on it, and set your goal from there. Number 2, focus on your strength. We all have one. If you're not sure what your strength is, ask a good friend to point it out. I promise you, it's there. It might be your warm smile or your empathetic ear. Identify yours and appreciate it as your superpower. Remember all the times your superpower has given you strength and allowed you to rise above.

Think of all the times you've succeeded while doing something you're good at. You have that confidence inside you already. Build off that and get the ball rolling. Number 3, be grateful. Write down 3 things that you are grateful for each day. The more time we spend focused on what we have and are grateful for instead of dwelling on what we are lacking, the better we feel about ourselves and the faster our perspective in life changes for the better. Things are never as bad as they seem. Number 4, it's temporary. When you hit a rough patch, remind yourself that life is like an ocean. There are times when you're riding high on a beautiful wave and times when that wave comes crashing down. The important thing to remember is life is a cycle and you will inevitably get back up on that wave again. If you need some occasional help, keep a snapshot of the ocean on your desk to remind you. Number 5, listen to your inner voice. I used to think confidence was all about winning, but that's not how it really works. If you win or lose, that's just another experience. Confidence is being able to take a chance and do something that you want to do when you know you may fail.

Confidence is having the courage to know you're good enough regardless of your bank balance, hair color, or your child's report card. Confidence is feeling good about yourself in spite of those things. I've learned that if I listen to my intuition and then act on it, I will build confidence in myself every time. That doesn't mean that I'm going to get what I want or win every time. I won't. But that doesn't matter. What matters is being true to myself and who I am. Don't shut yourself out or silence your desires. When was the last time you listened to your intuition and acted on it? Number 6, be your best you. Take care of yourself. I don't mean that you have to focus on looks. I mean, put yourself first. Women often have a hard time doing this. They feel guilty putting themselves before their loved ones. If you don't work out, sleep, meditate, relax, or do whatever special thing you need to do, you won't be the best version of you. When you're not your best self, you can't do things to help others. In a way, it's actually selfless to take great care of yourself because it allows you to be more present for your family and your friends.

You will feel better, which is a natural way to build confidence. What are the things that make you feel good? Write 'em down. Do those things every day. Make yourself a priority in your life. No excuses. Number 7, you don't have to be perfect. No one is perfect. If you find someone who is trying to give the impression they are perfect, Run. Those are the least confident and most insecure people anywhere. After turning 40, I've learned that people who put up a front have a lot to hide. By letting the world see your flaws and imperfections, you boost your confidence because you accept yourself. It also draws others closer to you. We're all flawed, and there is beauty in those flaws. We just have to get to a place where we can appreciate them. Work in progress. Number 8, practice. Just like working out at the gym, we need to train multiple times a week to get results. Confidence is no different. Put yourself in the best position for your success. That means practicing, researching, preparing for whatever it is you're trying to do. Also, that ties us back to what I just explained about the podcast, just FYI.

If you need to make a presentation at work, prepare at home the night before. It will boost your confidence in the meeting the next day. If you're nervous about a social situation, research the best conversation starters and trending hot topics. That will help you feel prepared. Whatever the situation, you will feel more confident going in if you prepare and practice ahead of time. You can't control the outcome, but you can rest easy knowing that you did everything possible to get ready. Fake it till you make it. Number 9. This is a standby and it's worked for me. If you stand up tall, make eye contact, deliberately shake hands, smile, and put your best superhero gear on, you automatically appear like a confident person. Whether you have it or not in that moment is irrelevant because it appears like you do. People treat you differently when they think that you're the confident one. If I'm given an opportunity at work that I'm not prepared for, I always take it and I try to figure it out later. If there's a challenge or opportunity that I'm interested in, I go for it even when I don't have the confidence that I can do it.

Confidence is built during preparation and when you take the chance. It's in those moments when I realize what I am capable of. This may seem like backward logic, but I promise you it's worked many times for me. Number 10, give back. It doesn't have to be a big donation or a time-consuming gesture. It can be something small, like being polite by holding a door. This makes you realize that you are capable of bringing value to others, and you are. This can be a powerful realization. If you're feeling low, try helping someone else. Listen to their problems. They will appreciate you for that. Those confidence builders pop up around us every day. You're the one who has to take the initiative and go after them. Work that confidence muscle daily and watch it grow. Okay, so that was a quick chapter from Confidence Creator. If you have not read this book yet, I highly recommend it. And not just because I wrote it, because the reviews are amazing. Confidence Creator, definitely get the Audible. If you're listening to this podcast, you need the Audible. You will love it. Oh, and my, actually my second book, Overcome Your Villains, it's still on special right now.

Only $2.99 right now. Go to amazon.com, check out Overcome Your Villains, and for $2.99, you can overcome any challenge you face this year with my 3-step process. And that I'm so excited for you to have. All right, until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will. I'm gonna make it my own freaking— I decided to change that dynamic. How do you like them apples? I couldn't be more excited for what you're gonna hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably, something will happen. No one succeeds alone. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. Come on this journey with me.