Transcript of The Jazz Singer

Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamcoco. Com/callkonan. Okay, let's get started.

Hi, Lucy. Welcome to Konan O'Brien needs a fan.

Hello.

Lucy. Hi, Lucy. How are you?

Hi, Sona. Hi, Konan. I'm great. How are you?

I'm guessing you already know Sona. Is that right? I know her.

Yeah, it's a small world when you're an Armedian, but I wanted to make sure that I met you not through Sona to avoid any nepotism.

I just found out today. But also, it's funny, nobody asked her if she knows me. Because they didn't want to seem racist or act like, Oh, you're Romanian, so you must know Sona. But we actually haven't met before.

That's so funny. I didn't tell them that I knew you. So this is good. This is good.

Well, how do you say your What's your last name, Lucy?

It's Yegazarian.

Yegazarian, okay. Do you live in the same community as Sona?

No, I live in New York, so there's no Armenians here.

You're in New York? Okay. Very good.

There's no Armenians here, which is good. I like it like that.

Oh, yeah, that's great. Not racist at all. I hate Armenians. Those people drive me crazy.

They do.

I'm with you, girl.

Well, I get street I'm sad because when I get into... It's just absolutely true, but whenever I take an Uber, I would say, what would you say, Sona? Like 80% of the time? Maybe even more. The driver is Romanian, and he knows that I went to Armenia with Sona, and he's seen clips from the episode. Sona has taught me enough little bits of Romanian that I can say, Hello, how are you? Where's the restroom? We have a nice ride together.

It's good. I'm really glad, but I'm really I'm glad my Uber drivers are not Armenia. I love my people, but in moderation.

Yeah, it's too much. I avoid the Irish at all costs. There you go. Really a horrible tribe. Well, tell me about yourself. What do you do, Lucy?

I'm a jazz singer. Yes. Very cool. That's great. Yeah, it's stereotypically as New York as it gets, I know. But when I moved to New York, I came here with a degree in world history, so I was looking for a job with that, and I couldn't find one. And I'd been singing for years and years, and I had to pay the rent. I was so broke. And people kept calling for restaurant gigs and things like that. So I gave up and I was like, all right, I guess I'll just continue with the singing thing. And it's been a long, long time now that I'm doing that. So yeah, I do that. And then during COVID, I opened a little cookie business because there was no work and I needed the money. So I do a little bit of that on the side. But overall, I'm just a singer.

Well, quick question. Sona, have you heard Lucy perform?

I have, and she is absolutely amazing. I'm not just saying that because I've met her and I know her. She is such an incredible jazz singer, and I'll send you her stuff. I think you should definitely- Yeah, I'd I hate to listen to it.

Yeah, it's really, really amazing. That's really impressive. I'm just curious, how did you get into jazz singing? It's so specific. You must have noted an early age, Oh, I have a good voice. I have a good control of my voice, and I like this Music?

See, I grew up in Armenia in the '90s, and everyone was poor. I think every parent was looking for that thing that their kid could do to get them out. I think my mom realized, Oh, I think my kids can sing. Sing, sing so we can get a visa. So it was like that. I know. It's so dark, but it's true. That's how it is. Sure. Of course. But jazz, I don't know. My dad was into it. He had a lot of semi-shady friends during the Soviet Union that would get these jazz records that weren't supposed to be in the USSR. So he always had these random recordings of things. Oftentimes, you wouldn't have a cover for it. So you had no idea who was playing it. It was recorded over a Michael Bolton CD, but people weren't sure if it was Ella or Carmen. But it was always, to me, it was the sound of America. It's what America sounded like to me. And I was always drawn to it. Even I didn't speak English when we got here.

How did you learn to speak English? From you.

No.

Are you serious?

I know that's insane. The reason why I actually submitted to this is because I was talking to somebody and I mentioned you and I was like, I learned English pretty much from Konan, Family Guy, and Mr. Rogers.

That's the trifecta.

Yes.

Many times I've seen those three circles intersect. It's so funny because this is not the first time. Many times I've had people tell me that, Yeah, you were on the internet in my country, or there was a weird channel that mistakenly showed you. And they would learn English from me, which I find horrifying, but I'm also happy. Your English is fantastic, by the way. Perfect.

Thank you. I was obsessive about passing as an American, so I didn't want to have an accent. But I think people don't give enough credit to television, and especially late night television, where that fourth wall isn't there. So you were talking to me. Reading books and all that stuff in school is fine, but it feels like somebody's actually talking to you.

It's very intimate. It's very intimate. It is. And that makes me very happy. I'm very happy you're in our country. You're a really very cool and extremely talented. I wish I could do what you do. I don't know.

I'm not a just- Yeah, but you don't know if I'm any good at it. What's that? You don't know if I'm any good at it. Don't get me-Sona is razing about you.

She says you're terrific. You know I'm going to go out on a limb here and say... Because you seem like a humble person. You don't seem like a self promoter. I imagine you're very good at this. I really do. I'm going to have Sona get me some of your music, and I'll listen to it. But before I do that, I'd like a lesson from you. How would I sing? Let's say I want to... These careers, they come and go. I might need to get into jazz singing late in my life. This would be the time, and you're the perfect person to, Hey, I taught you to speak English. You teach me jazz singing. Jazz singing.

Okay, so I guess the most common thing people associate with jazz singing is scat singing, right? Scat, yeah. Which most people are really bad at it, especially singers themselves. But I think the easiest approach to it is to think like if you were drunk at a bar and there's this song you remembered, and you want to remind the guy next to you at the bar, You know this song? It goes, and how would you sing the Melody. That's what scat singing is. You're just trying to recreate a melody. So give me a tune.

Give me a Christmas song. It's got to be something we can clear. Is that right? I don't forget what the rules are here. We still don't know. I don't know. We still don't know what the rules are on a song. So it's got to be something. Maybe we should just do row, row, row your boat because I don't imagine we have to pay any money for that. That's fine. Let's just say it's row, row, row your boat. I'm drunk and I'm trying to tell you,. Come on. Come on, we'll see this row, row, row, row, your boat. You know that song?

Yeah, it's the one that goes. Wow.

Sir, you're bothering the other customers, and I've been told to eject you.

We already asked to leave three times, sir. Yeah. Yeah.

How was that? Be honest.

Okay, you got to bring it down.

Bring it down? That was a lot. I'm drunk. How drunk am I? When I'm drunk, I don't bring it down.

No, like a mellow drunk. Oh, I see. Okay. Not like a psychotic Irishman drunk. Okay, that's too much. Everything I do is wrong. No, that was good. Now go right in between the first one and that one.

Why are you crying? It had moments. Why are you crying? You're crying. It had moments. You're hurting yourself with the paper. It was built for various moments. Why are you stabbing yourself with a paper, a paper, a letter opener?

Oh, my God.

What's your favorite songs?

What are the themes of your favorite songs? Thematically, what do you like?

I used to avoid singing I thought I was too young and I didn't get it, but I really enjoy singing a blues, and especially old blueses that are about terrible, terrible men. I like those. But I don't do it to... I don't like divisive music. I don't do it to mock the gents. I guess I mock them for a moment. But I like to point out the elephant in the room, and then we can all laugh at it and move forward together.

I think speaking as a gent, I think a lot of us need ridiculing, and we should be able to take it. Now, I don't mean me specifically. I can't handle it, and I'm never to be criticized in any way in song or prose.

I actually think people take it well with a sprinkling of humor and in the arts. You know what I mean? It's hard to have those conversations, but I think when you're singing it, I can sing a lot of things that I can't say to people, to their face.

It's funny you that I come from a fairly repressed culture where you don't say something. If I'm unhappy with someone, I don't tell them. I keep it locked inside and I resent. I learned many, many years ago that I can make these passive-aggressive jokes where they're laughing. But I think maybe 20 minutes after I've left, they notice, Hey, wait a minute. I think he doesn't want me to take the last slice of cake anymore. Because he just sang to me a song which I enjoyed about assholes who take the last piece of cake. I mean, Sona, you've seen me. I'm the maestro, yes?

Yeah. If there's a genre of music that's just being passive-aggressive, Konan would be the number one artist, I think, because you're creative.

I'd be Pavaradi.

You would. Yeah, the passive-aggressive genre.

Then you'd make a good jazz singer. There's plenty of that in the American songbook. But you're absolutely right. I've actually found that my husband's a saxophone player, and whenever he's on stage, I'll say things to him on stage, just banter in between that I would never say to him off, but it releases the tension. Then we get off and we're good.

Like you need to do the dishes and things like that?

Yeah. He's in the middle of a solo and you say, You're a terrible lover. Anyway.

I'm going to try that.

Yeah, let's try that. Guys love that, especially when they're on stage. I'm curious. You famously to try and sing jazz, you talked about tough times. Was there a moment that was just the lowest for you where you had no money, you didn't know what to do, and you had to take a drastic step?

Yeah. When I first moved to New York, I was working as a tour guide at Madison Square Garden.

Yeah, that's some great tour.

Yeah, it was rough.

Actually, I got fired. To your left is a hobo. Over there is a puddle of urine. Sorry.

I got fired because I used to tell them that there used to be a beautiful train station there, and they tore it down to build this, and they didn't like that.

Yes, station, torn down so they could put up that monstrosity.

Yeah, they didn't like that, so I got fired. But right around that time, I couldn't pay rent, and I had just no money. I had this horrible toothache once, and I went in and they were like, It's this big long thing we got to do. I said, I don't have money. They said, Well, we can just pull it out. I didn't have money for that either. I ended up selling an old mandolin I had to get the tooth pulled out.

This is like an O.

Henry story. No, I was just thinking, did you ever think of taking the mandolin and using it to smash the tooth out? That's a good twist to the story. All I have is this mandolin to get my tooth out. Wait a minute, and then you smash it out. But then the mandolin breaks and you've damaged the tooth only more and you have no mandolin, and that's the end of the story, and it's called Shitty Story. It sure is. I'm going to write a whole book of those where it's just got that twist ending and it sucks. I know. Conan O'Brien's Shitty Stories.

It just doesn't resolve, leads nowhere.

She knew then that she had to smash the tooth out with her own mandolin. She did it. It ruined both things, and then she was even worse off. Next chapter.

Right after that, I did this big competition that tends to be the big break for a lot of jazz music. It was called the Monk Competition, and I lost. So that was really the cherry on top.

So it was great.

Oh, boy.

It was because your mouth was bleeding and you were playing a broken mandolin. Just blood shooting out your mouth, your head swollen, and your Playing a mandolin that's in three pieces.

Outside of Madison Square Garden.

Exactly. Yeah. And the oboe is like, I like it. I think you're a very impressive person. I have enormous respect for immigrants. I think people don't understand that most Americans are born into a language they never have to, and they never have to switch. When people are born into one language and one culture, and then they have to remake themselves, as you have done, to speak a completely different language, and I know there are many immigrants that speak three languages, It takes an amount of grit and courage that's awe-inspiring. It really is. You're just a very impressive person. I think it's so cool.

Thank you. I agree. That's as far as immigrating. It's a strange thing to do.

Yeah. It's a hard thing to do. Sona, to learn English when you were in your late 20s.

Okay.

When I met Sona, she did not speak a word of English, and I hired her as my assistant. Remember when I painted the alphabet?

Do I remember when I didn't speak English in my late 20s? Is that what you're asking? Yeah. Okay. Is this the story where you said, I jumped out of a bush, and then you were I'll domesticate you and teach you English, or is this the one where I floated to this country in a basket?

They're one story. They are one story? Your dad was being attacked by goats. Okay. He put you into a... He quickly made a small boat out of thatch and leaves, and he floated across from the island of Armenia over to Los Angeles. I was walking along in search of an assistant. You had, like Superman, grown to maturity in the boat. It took a long time. Then you saw what you thought was a red-headed woman walking down the street, and you jumped out and said,. I said, Oh, my God. Remember? Then I taught you everything you needed to know to become one of the most important people in America.

Oh, thank you. I'm so indebted to you. Are you as offended as I am that he said that I floated off the island of Armenia, Lucy? I mean, very landlocked. That's not offensive. It's landlocked. There's no body of water around No, you haven't been there in a while.

There's a piece that broke off. God. Just Google it, Sona. Google it.

Okay.

Anyway, as you can see, Lucy, I'm a very ignorant man. I'm a very foolish man. You are a very talented artist, a very beautiful person, and you decided to spend time with me. This is on you. Now, my scatting career begins. Yes. But I'm going to have Sona get me your work because I really want to listen to it.

Yeah, please. I also have a show at the Alex on February 13th. You're more than welcome to. Where is that?

In Glendale?

In Glendale. In Glendale? Yeah.

Hey, maybe we can come see you.

Yeah. I mean, it's an easy Valentine's Day if you don't have any ideas. You know what I'm saying?

I'll be there. I don't have a date. I love that. My wife will not speak to me on Valentine's Day. She says, Don't even think about it.

She's busy with her boyfriend.

Yeah. Man, that guy's a looker. You guys are great. I think that guy. Thank you. Okay, Lucy, you just ruined it. Now it's not believable. Well, Lucy, thank you so much for reaching out to us. I get great energy talking to people like you. Very positive, very talented. You've given me a lift, and you're really funny. So thank you very Thank you.

Thank you for teaching me English, Konan, even though you didn't mean to.

And Sona, don't you want to thank me, too?

No, I'm okay. I'm good. Thank you. No, I mean, no, thank you. I'm good. I heard it. I heard it. Shit. Okay.

All right. Well, you take care.

Thank you. You guys, too. Happy holidays. Bye, Lucy. Bye, Sona.

Konan O'Brien needs a fan with Konan O'Brien, Sona Mouvsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and nick Leal. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivina. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Erin Blaird. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm. Com/conon. Please rate, review, and subscribe to 'Conon O'Brien Needs a Fan' wherever fine podcasts are down.