Transcript of Comedians mock Vance - Walz VP debate on ‘Have I Got News For You’ hosted by Roy Wood Jr.

Now, as we always do, the biggest stories of the week. Amber and Andy, I'm going to show you a clip package referencing major news stories. You need to watch these clips, and you tell me what's the story. Here we go.

Okay, that is, I think, New York City.

Oh, okay. That's a speechifying.

That's a speechifying. That's a speechifying.

But- These are two hands. Those are two white hands. They're in love. And this is the end of that movie.

That is a spinnintop. It's got to be the debate.

This is the vice presidential debate. It was a dream. Final answer.

Points for you all. Oh, good. The story is on Tuesday night, CBS hosted this election's first and only vice presidential debate between Tim Walsh and JD Vance. Who can tell me what was the media's biggest concern going into the debate?

It was probably that anyone would care.

Let's hear the answer to that question from the spin room.

Also from the spin room, a very tight spin room. So everybody's right next to each other in there, Gary. It really doesn't even qualify as a spin room.

It's a spin corridor. A spin broom, spin closet, whatever you want to call it. I call it a spin broom closet or a spin safe room. It is rather cramped in here.

That is what America cares about. How big is the spin room at the vice presidential debate?

Does it matter if you don't have a big spin room.

It's not the size of the spin room. It's how you spin it.

It also was very cold that night.

That, too.

The spin room had just been swimming. The big takeaway was that both debaters were well-behaved, except for that one tense moment when the moderators fact-checked JD Vance.

Can you tell me what statement JD Vance made that needed to be corrected.

It was about the illegality of the Haitians in Springfield. That's true. Yeah, correct. Oh my God, you do it.

The moderator's correct advance on his immigration facts.

Just to clarify for our viewers, Springfield, Ohio, does have a large number of Haitian migrants who have legal status.

Margaret, the rules were that you guys weren't going to fact check. I think it's important to say what's actually going on.

I'm lying.

Vance had a lot to say on Tuesday, but he was criticized for one thing he didn't say.

Donald Trump lost the election.

Vance would not acknowledge that Trump lost He lost the 2020 election. Take a look.

Did he lose the 2020 election? Tim, I'm focused on the future. Did Kamala Harris censor Americans from speaking their mind in the wake of the 2020 COVID situation? That is a damning non-answer.

You know how mad a white man got to be the... He looked like a little pink-face Cabbage Patch kid. He's so cute. Vance's biggest praise of the week didn't come from Trump. Does anyone know how on the verge of Congressmen Mike Collins, pumped up his preferred candidate.

He posted a picture of J. D. Vance.

Amber, what's your guess?

That.

Congressmen Collins posted an edited photo of Vance the morning after the debate. Now, if anyone doesn't remember what J. D. Vance looks like on a regular day, it's that. Here's what Collins posted. Let's go side by side. Let's see if you can see the difference. See if you can see. Wow.

Jd Hensworth.

That boy went from an Ohio 6 to a New York 7. I had saw that and was like, Siri, play TLC's Unpretty. So the story is-Who do you think got that joke? Who did that joke have possibly been for?

It's you, it's me, end of list. No one knows what was happening in the video for Unpretty except you and me and that one lady.

That's it.

By the way, I'm fact-checking, Amber. She is correct.

The debate might I got to have had a clear winner, but everyone-What happened in the video for TLC?

In the video for Unpretty by TLC, it's them singing about how no one feels beautiful by today's standard. So it's people getting fake hair or a girl gets fake boobs, and the boobs get taken out. A girl feels fat, a girl feels too skinny. It's a beautiful message.

You can love your hair if it don't grow.

You can fix your nose if he says so. You can buy all the makeup a man can make. But if you can look inside you, find out who am I to be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty.

Okay, they know it.

Wow. It's not every day that I'm made to feel white.

The story is the debate may not have had a clear winner, but everybody in the spend zone definitely is a loser. And no judgment. No judgment. But Georgia congress Mike Collins needs to triple check that he's using incognito mode. It's time for meet in the middle where we find common ground between two people who would never be caught hanging out together. Okay, on one side, we have Eric Adams, Francis Coppola, Emily Blunt, and Bobby Brown.

Oh.

And on the other side, we have Keisha, Ted Cruz, Wakeem Phoenix, and Aretha Franklin. First up, we've got Bootie Call. Which two of these people both claim to have had a sexual encounter with a ghost?

Oh, wow. Eric Adams has to be one of them.

I'm going to say Bobby Brown and Keisha.

That's who I was going to say. Oh, we're good.

Yay.

I almost think it should be Ted Cruz, because why would any live human be in a Ted Cruz?

The answer is Bobby Brown and Keisha. Oh, yeah.

Do I know my ghost fuckers or what?

In a 2022 interview, Keisha told a reporter her encounter was fairly innocent, saying, It was a touch down the body. So full disclosure, I never actually slept with a ghost, but she did wake me up in a very sensual way. Okay. Here's Bobby Brown telling Larry King about his supernatural Tenderoni. It was a ghostly person. You had sex with the ghostly person? Yes. I had no choice. I was mounted.Oh, she mounted you? Yes. Bobby Brown was actually being very PG. He told the story in his memoirs, and in the memoirs, Bobby wrote, I looked up and in the mirror, I could actually see a white woman straddling me on the bed. The sensation It felt exactly like sex. I could feel my penis inside of her and everything. It was not a dream. Then Bobby added, I'm not making this up. Let me add this. This was before I ever touched any drug besides weed and alcohol. It's never a good look when you have to tell a story and go, But this was before the crack. You all think that's true? You think ghosts out here trying to get freaky with I think that Bobby Brown cannot tell when he is sleeping and when he is awake.

I believe Bobby Brown. Them ghosts be wild. I had sex with a widow and the husband showed up. That's not a joke. I know we have a game to play, but I'm just telling you. We was getting ready to do it, and I caught a Charlie horse, and I heard something whisper, Stop it. Michael, is he kidding or not?

I'm trying to figure it out.

No, I'm making Georgia, 2003. I got a Charlie horse in both legs trying to have sex with a woman with a dead husband. I believe him. I'm not lying.

How long had he been-No, we're moving on. No, I'm not.

How long had he been dead Five months.

Five months. Five months? Yeah, it was- That's respectable.

Next up, we've got- When you met, how long did it take?

How long did it take for her to come out that she was a widow?

The fact that she was a widow turns you on. That's what I'm getting at.

Just say it, boy. Was this before you touched alcohol and weep?

This was before the crack. Next up, we've got Bride or Die. Which two of these people both say one of their favorite movies is The Princess Bride?

Ted Cruz is one of those. Absolutely.

I want to say...

I think you should say Eric Adams because he's weird, too.

Eric Adams would never say that Princess Bride was his favorite movie, even if it was.

So then it's got to be Francis Ford Coppola.

Okay, we'll go with Coppola. Coppola and Cruz.

We're going to say Coppola and Waukeen.

The answer is Emily Blunt and Ted Cruz. Emily has talked about how The Princess Bride was one of her favorite movies when she was a kid, while Ted's passion for the film is still going strong.

One of my favorite scenes is when Wesley, the dread private Roberts, is brought in to Billy Crystal. And Wesley goes, True love. You're not right? There's nothing better except a nice mutton, lettuce, and tomatoes sandwich when the mutton is so lean. It's so good. Then suddenly, Carroll Caine from the outside goes, Liar.

Shut up, bitch.

You're not a witch of your wife.

But after what you just said, I wish I wasn't. The problem is he's afraid. Ever since Prince Humpeting fired him, he's been afraid. What? I told you not to say that name. What name? What name? Humpeting, humpeting. Humpeting, humpeting, hunketing. I can't hear you. I can't hear you. That's why I love the movie.

I just had no idea Billy Crystal impersonation could be that anti-Semitic. Let's do Brassmasters. Which two of these people both played the tuba?

Aretha. Aretha and Francis.

There's no way Aretha Franklin played the tuba.

Yes, there is.

Aretha and Francis, final answer.

And Eric Adams.

Oh, you're about to feel so stupid.

Francis Ford Coppola and Aretha Franklin. Yeah. Unfortunately, we're out of time. So we didn't get to that last clue. But Eric Adams and Waukeen Phoenix are both vegans, and they both vow to kill Batman. That was meat in the Middle. Team Amber and team Michael, you both get five no questions, ask Ghost hookups. Congratulations.