Transcript of Armchair Anonymous: Bad Proposals

Wndri Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free right now. Join WNDRI Plus in the WNDRI app or on Apple podcast, or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcast. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Randall Sheppard. I'm joined by Monica Lily. Oh, that was cool. It was hard. Okay, the prompt was bad proposals, proposals gone wrong. Yes. But oh my Lord. I mean, this is like tied with that crazy bear attack or shark attack. This goes some places. It really builds this one. It just gets more and more intense. And then the last one is a nail-biter. Wow. Wow. This is a banger. Yeah. Please listen to this one. And Happy Valentine's Day. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah, it was meant to pair up a little bit. Okay, great. Yeah. Happy Valentine's Day. May your heart be full of love and merriment. In his name we pray. He has risen. What are you going to do for Valentine's Day? Eat chocolates? I'll try not to. I mostly think of my mom always would ask me to be her Valentine. Oh, that's sweet. Yeah, and so I'll ask the girls to be my Valentine.

That's cute. And they're They'll still like it. They'll oblige. Yeah. Did your dad ever ask you to be his-Of course not. Yeah. Did you guys do Valentine's Day? We didn't even have it. Yeah. Well, we did. No, my mom would sometimes bring me- Would she get you a box of chocolate? My mom would get us a box of chocolate. I think she would do something nice every now and then. But I'm not going to get my kids anything because they're already spoiled. They already have too much chocolate. Why don't you tell them that on Valentine's Day? Be my Valentine. I'm not getting you anything. You're going to repent this Valentine's Day. Please enjoy Bad Proposal. I'm Raza Jeffrey, and in the latest season of The Spy Who, we open the file on Vitault Pilecki, the spy who infiltrated Auschwitz. Resistance fighter, Vitault Pilecki, has heard dark rumors about an internment camp on his home soil of Poland. Hoping to expose its cruelty to the world, he leaves his family behind and deliberately gets himself imprisoned. The camp is called Auschwitz, a hellish place where the unimaginable becomes routine. Poletsky is determined he needs to organize the prisoners, build a resistance, and get the truth out.

Except when the world hears about the horrors of the camp, nobody comes to the rescue. In the end, it's just him alone, with only one decision to make, accept death or escape. Follow the Spy Who on the WNDYRY app or wherever you listen to podcasts, or you can binge the full season of The Spy Who Infiltrated Auschwitz, early and ad free with WNDYRY Plus. I'm John Robbins, and on my podcast, I sit down with incredible people to ask the very simple question, How do you cope? From confronting grief and mental health struggles to finding strength in failure. Every episode is a raw and honest exploration of what it means to be human. It's not always easy, but it's always real. Whether you're looking for inspiration, comfort, or just a reminder that you're not alone in life's messier moments. Join me on How Do You Cope. Follow now to listen to the full trailer or listen to early episodes ad free on WNDRI Plus. Hard times, come and go. Good times, take them slow. My life, I had a boat. But for one thing, you got to know.

Cole?

How are you guys doing?

Good. Can you hear us?

Yeah, I can hear you guys. Can you hear me?

Yes. Where are you, Cole? All right.

I was really worried about the sound quality, so hopefully it's all right. I am in my closet here.

Sound as dynamite connection is a little iffy. Are you far from your WiFi? Because we might have to piss Monica off to get you out of the closet.

I'm through four doors. I can go in a different room here.

Now we're getting a nice tour of your home.

I can go to the home office here.

Somehow got worse. I hate to say this. So I was right. We've lost the visual of you. Can I ask one last thing? Would you be willing to go to that first room you walked into? Because it was dynamite in there. Yes, I can absolutely do that.

My wife is getting ready for work here.

Oh, sorry. Oh, no. Our apologies. Sorry. Now we've got great image. We've got great sound. Hi. Tell her we say hi.

She's stressed. She says hello.

All right, now we're talking. Cole, where are you?

I'm in Billings, Montana.

That explains the spotty Wi-Fi.

Yep, this story may or may not involve some other spotty self-service areas.

Okay, great. Are you from Billings?

No. So I'm originally from Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania.

What brought you to Montana? Work. You're a strong man. You've got broad shoulders. Are you doing something physical?

I am not. I'm actually a chemical engineer, but I do work at a refinery.

Are you lifting incredibly heavy test tubes all day?

That's right. I load them up with the lead and all the other heavy things.

Okay, great. Cole, hit us with this bad proposal.

The bulk of it is in Billings, Montana. I've lived here for about four years now. I was proposing my girlfriend at the time, just to give a little bit of backstory. Met on New Year's Eve, very high school musical. We like to think that we're a little Troy and Gabriella. Every New Year's Eve, after we celebrate our anniversary, we both like to ski, so we'll go up to the mountains and make a whole weekend out of it. Flash forward to March of 2021, and I'm thinking about proposing. I buy the ring, but I'm planning the proposal, and I want to get engaged New Year's Eve. The whole plan is we're going to go to Park City, we're going to ski, we're going to have a beautiful time in the mountains. It's going to be a gorgeous proposal. Get engaged.

I love it.

Fast forward to April, we now are moving houses. I don't want her to find the ring as we're packing up all the boxes. I actually send it to Pennsylvania to my parents' house. I'm young, so I just pop it in a little vanilla envelope and let USPS do its thing.

Jesus. Oh, wow. You're a bright man. You're a chemical engineer. I think Keith during it during the move would have been preferred to that.

I'll tell you what, it made it there no Oh, that was a red herring. But now, fast forward to October, November, we've decided to make it a big trip. I suggested it because I wanted to have our friends and family there, and that way it could be a big celebration after the proposal. The issue is that all my friends and family could go and were on board, and none of her friends and family could go at all. I have all these group chats going with my friends, and she gets really sad. So I start thinking, well, she's going to be real sad if I propose and none of her friends and family are around. This is when I start wanting to audible here. The issue now is that I don't have the ring. Right. So now I have to call my parents because originally we were going to go home to Pennsylvania for Christmas, I was going to pick the ring up. I thought I had the perfect plan. So now I have to ask them to ship the ring back through the mail. So now they put it in another vanilla envelope. It shipped the ring back through the mail.

I can't send to my house because she might open it. So I got to send it to a friend's house now, so I'm not even receiving this thing. Again, the ring gets here unscathed.

Oh, USPS, whatever it is. Good job.

So now I adjust the plan a little bit because we live in Montana, beautiful state. About an hour away, there's a nice mountain near us. So I plan a little weekend that we're going to go to that mountain. So it's Friday morning of the engagement weekend, and I'm texting in this New Year's Eve group chat, and I send a text that's like, Hey, I'm going to get engaged this weekend. You guys happy for me or what? And the next thing I see pop up is Tess was removed from the group chat.

Oh, no. She was on it? Oh, Jesus.

One of my friends had added her in to the group chat.

Oh, fucking, no.

Because she was so upset that she wasn't being included in these plans. And the next text I get is, What the hell did you just do? And I look at my phone and I'm at work and I just scream, Fuck.

Oh, no.

Everybody's dead silent. So I work in a high-risk business, so everybody thinks something really bad happened. You could hear a pin drop because we've had really bad days. My boss comes over to me and he's like, What the hell just happened? And I tell him, and he says, Go home, and I don't want to see you until Monday. Get your shit sorted out. Oh, good boss.

That is a good boss, but he She was upset.

Yeah. So I got about four hours until she gets home from work. I'm doing the whole nine. I'm getting flowers, I'm getting chocolates, I'm trying to set everything up at home. And then I remember she wants it recorded. So I go and I try and set up the camera, my video on my phone is not working. Oh, boy. Quick troubleshooting, find the first number for a remote Apple support, call it. They're just like, you know what? We can fix this problem. It's going to cost about $250. If you download the screen sharing app, we can really see what's going on here. So I download the screen sharing app. Then they say, We just need a wire transfer. So all you got to do is open up and log into your bank. Oh, no.

Stop it.

So I go in, I got the screen sharing app, I open up my bank app, and then it all hits me. I'm just like, I'm getting scammed right now. Yes. Yeah. I hang up on the guy, immediately calls me back. He's like, What happened? I was like, Oh, yeah, you wanted 170, right? He goes, Yeah, 170. I was like, You said 250 before. A liar. Hang up again.

Now I'm smarter than you. I'm wise to it.

So thankfully, I avoid getting scammed.

At any point, do you think the Lord is telling you to not get married to this woman?

If that's what he was trying to say, I power it through.

Oh, God.

Finally, she gets home. I proposed to her. It was good. She looks at me and she goes, I really appreciate it, but I really want to see how you were actually going to propose. So I get another chance of redemption. Saturday morning, early, we load the car up. It's December in Montana, but we're going hiking. We get about 10 miles out of self-service. We're about a half mile from the trailhead. I can see the trailhead in the car, and I hit a little snowdrift. The first one, car moves a little bit, and I see a second one coming up, and I say, You know what? All I need is a little more gas. I'm driving my Honda Accord Crosstour, so I give it a little more gas. We barely squeaked through the second snowdrift, and then I see a third one coming up, and I think to myself, You know what? It I worked less. A little more gas is all I need. I speed that thing up and I beach the car on a two-foot snowdrift. Totally immovable.

Cole, do you recognize you're an interesting mix of brilliant as hell and dumb as fuck?

I would say that's spot on.

I think my friends would describe me as the smartest person they know with the absolute least amount of common sense. That works more of a PG version, but yeah.

So now we're beach in a Honda. It is 15 degrees out. I got about a quarter tank of gas. Usually, prepping for the winter in Montana, I got my blankets, my snow shovel, my emergency kit, just in case. I have not done that this year because it was a mild winter. All I have is a snow scraper.

Oh, that's not going to help.

I tell my fiance, wait in the car. So I spend the next about three hours in small gloves because I wasn't planning on doing significant work with a snow scraper digging out the car.

This is miserable. Do you think she was like, I don't want to go through with this? She must be thinking there's a lot of red flags.

I'm worried at this point now. Get the car unburied Four floor mats under the wheels, get it out of this snow drift, start driving back, and we are driving back in absolute silence. My fingers are numb, I'm bloody. And finally, she looks over on me. She's like, You know what? One day this will be It's funny, but right now, aren't you glad that you screwed it up yesterday? And all I could just say was like, yeah.

Oh, boy. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. That's a rough start. But can only go up from there. That's a good silver lining.

We got married on December 29th. Just celebrated our first year of marriage.

Congratulations. You went through hell and high water or high snow to get there. Call your a delight. This gal, as shitty as the proposal was, is a lucky woman. And we got to meet her. We didn't even realize.

I did not tell her that I was going to try and commandere the closet. And she comes in at 1: 40, and she's like, What the hell are you doing? I'm getting ready for work. I got to go. It was very high stress at the beginning of this.

High stress feels like it might be status quo.

These are not really abnormal situations for me, unfortunately.

Oh, this is great. It's a delight meeting you. Thank you for telling us that story. We're so sorry you went through all that.

Great to meet you guys. And my college roommate Matt and his wife, Courtney, they got me to listen to the podcast, and they are super up on the prompts, and they send it to me, and they're just like, You got to.

Good friends. Well, thank them for us. All right. Great meeting you.

Nice to meet you guys. Thanks.

Hi. Is this Olivia. Yeah.

Look at your sweater. Just for you guys. And my earrings.

Cherry to the max. For a second, I thought they were tattoos. When I just first glanced, I thought those were your arms.

No cherry tattoos yet. I have an orange and a peach.

Oh, So that would go perfectly into your fruit esthetic. It would. You're in a legit sound booth.

I'm at my brother's house. He does voice acting commercials and stuff. As soon as I got the email, I was like, I need the setup. Help.

Get out of there. I don't care what audition you have. Are you in California?

No, I'm in Syracuse, New York.

Okay. He's doing voice work up there. That's interesting.

Remotely.

Nice. Okay, so you have a bad proposal story.

Since you guys started doing Anonymous, I was waiting for this prompt. I When this prompt comes out, I am locked in. They're going to pick it. Everybody in my life is like, Please don't get your hopes up. There's millions of people that listen, and I said, No, this is it. May 2017, my boyfriend and I had been dating for five years. We're talking about getting engaged. May first, we go look at rings. I pick out a ring that I love. I know he buys it that day, even though he makes me wait outside. So after May first, I'm on high alert. Nails done, dressed So anywhere we're hanging out, I'm looking good. I'm ready to go. That's right. This is our proposal. May 15th, he says, We're going to go out to dinner, wear a nice dress. I'm going to pick you up. And I'm like, Okay, it's going to happen. So we start driving. He's driving past all of our regular spots. We're starting to get into some weird backroads and unfamiliar territory. After about 40 minutes in the car, he starts to slow down. I see a sign on the side of the road that I recognize Trail of Terror.

What the fuck?

This is where he and I had our first date.

Can you tell us what the Trail of Terror is?

There's a huge open field, which in peak season is packed with people. People are drinking, people are having snacks, they're hanging out with their friends. There's a big actor playing scary movies. And then in the far right corner of the field, there's a trail that goes through the woods that you pay to get a ticket and you walk down and they jump out and scare you.

It's like a haunted trail. Year round?

No, this is just in October thing. We had our first date the week before Halloween, 2012. To the right of the field, it's not a haunted house, but it's a trailer connected to a barn. They makeshifted a haunted house. So that's a separate attraction. But basically an empty lot, dirt, parking lot, nobody's there. We pull in. I'm like, It's our first day. This is where it's going to happen. But I am an oldest daughter, Bergo, notorious rule follower, don't like to take risks. I'm not a trespasser. He is the opposite. He's the youngest son. He's like, Whatever, let's go. There's no other cars. There's no sign of life in this place. It's the middle of May. It's a beautiful sunny day. So he leads me out into the middle of the big field, and he's holding my hands. He's looking at me. We're chatting, and I know it's about to happen. I'm letting it sink in while still being like, I'm afraid of getting in trouble. As we're chatting from the tree line away from the trail, away from the barn, we hear a voice going, Hey, what the fuck are you doing here?

Oh, no.

We're in our sappy moment and we look over and this man, hat, sunglasses, shotgun, starts charging at us. No. I've told you kids, get the fuck out of here. No stress acting. I'm like, I knew this was going to happen, but I'm panicking. I'm like, Sir, I'm so sorry. We're leaving right now. He's like, Absolutely fucking not. This is not happening again. I am like, This is how I'm about to die. My parents are going to find out that I truspassed at a hotel to jail, and that's how I was murdered by this man with a shotgun.

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The guy goes, This is the last time this is happening.

Come on, boys. From behind us in the haunted trailer/ barn, we hear the garage door open and hear chainsaws.

Are you kidding me? No.

Out comes these people with masks, like clowns, scary. The guy with the gun is charging one way at us. The clowns are coming the other way at us. We're surrounded in the middle of nowhere. Nobody knows where we are. This is a horror movie. I'm laughing because I'm so nervous. I'm having fight or flight, but freeze, I guess. I look at Paul, he doesn't look nervous about them. He's afraid of me in the moment. It all clicks.

He did not.

Did you do this? I wasn't there.

He planned it. He was totally in there. Oh my God. That's spectacular.

He meals down and pulls the ring out. We're still surrounded.

Oh, pictures.

It's so scary.

Yeah, I'm glad you sent pictures because this is really a hard to believe. Oh my God, and your now, I would imagine husband has... Yeah, they're very scary masks. For anyone that thinks these were Amazon. Com I'm fucking mask. No, these are atelier bespoke masks. Your husband has the most nervous laugh smile on his face looking at you.

So he reached out to the Trail of Terror, and said, Hey, this is where we had our first date. I know it's your off-season. Do you mind if we just come on the property so I can propose? They're like, Absolutely. Then the guy sends a message an hour later and is like, Do you want us to scare her? And sends this whole plot for how they would scare me, and he was really unsure and finally was like, We could do a light scare. Thinking that they're going to pop out somewhere. Sure. The gun was not mentioned. The threatening of our lives was not mentioned.

The chainsaws.

He's got the ring out. I feel like I blacked out. I really don't remember this, but I know that I flucked it out of the box and I started to walk into the car. I was so pissed. I was like, I'm taking my ring. I'm getting the fuck out of here.

Yeah, no party liked it, right?

No, he He's laughing. He's like, Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I turned around, all the clown people start taking their mask off. Two of the scary people are our super good friends that are photographers, and they captured the whole thing. That's how we have the pictures.

Do you start thawing as you see it's your own friends?

Yeah, and She brought a bottle of champagne, she had it ready, and then I started to relax.

That is so funny.

It was really scary. Yeah.

What does that group of folks do between October and the following October?

It's so funny because the guy who sent the whole plot that works at the trail, he's like, I'm going to see if I can round up some guys. Larry's got volleyball tonight or whatever. They're just normal deals, but he's like, My scarers are around. They're just Jonesing to scare some people.

Yeah. And is your life fun like this?

He is so fun. Oh, I love this. We have two little kids now, and I still pick on him for this, and he's like, It's so special. I was traumatized for a bit, but I wouldn't trade it. Obviously, I got to talk to you guys.

That's one step away from choreographing a car accident. You get T-bone, and then the ambulance comes in, it's your mom and dad, and they've got you. Look, it's memorable.

For sure. My friends that took the photos and videos, they did our wedding, too. So they made this whole beautiful wedding video, and at the end, he has the footage of the proposal. It's so loud and clear at the end, I say, White guys with guns, are my biggest fear. If he was just a clown, I'd be like, Okay, weirdo. Yes, I'm scared, but the man threatening my really took it to another level.

Really up to the stakes in a hurry. You were right to know this would get picked. I don't think we're going to have a story like this.

I really had a feeling. I'm so glad. He is here, and also my siblings are here. If they could just peek their heads into the sunbooth.

Hi there. Hi.

This is the husband.

You have the most adorable nervous smile in all those photos. Like, is she going to get over this? Oh my gosh. I was worried. What a swing you took. I know. I didn't intend to do anything scary, but he was just so passionate about it and so excited. He was like, I'll get my crew. That's a nice thing you did for them. Yeah. It made it fun.

We love you guys so much. Oh, hi. I was squeezing into the boom.

You guys are so cute. It's delightful to meet you guys. It's so nice to meet you all.

We're so happy Liv got to tell her story. It was hysterical.

Yes, unbelievable. I was completely on the hook. Did not see it coming. Monica got it. She was a little ahead of me. A little ahead. It took a while, though. It was great.

It was so lovely to meet you guys.

Yes, you guys, too. Take care. I went into a hole. I totally believe these crazies live in that barn lady. I know. I could have gone that way. How would I... You would... Well, I'm not going to say it. You don't know. I don't know. You're right. But when you get scared. I mean, I would be crying, for sure. Right. Yeah. So then I would be crying, but I would also be happy. That would be nice. Which would you rather happen, the proposal on the Jumbotron from last week or this? I would rather this. Yeah, you wouldn't be hated. Then you're surrounded by love, family and friends and champagne. All the stuff they wanted. Is it to get through this other part first? I mean, I guess then you really hopped up. Your adrenaline is up. Aroused. You're aroused. Hop in the back of the car. Maybe that's a fun evening. You're feeling like life is so short. You get the chainsaws going in the background. Oh, hi. Hi. Jessica, where are you?

I'm in Texas.

Oh, la la, where? What part?

Where?

Do you grow up there?

Yes, but I, at 18, flew out of here like a bat out of hell into Colorado. So I was in a relationship. It was serious. We lived together. He made content in the Rocky Mountains for a ski resort. He ended up taking a job in Salt Lake City for an even bigger ski resort. He comes to me and says, I have to hike this mountain, facing the big mountain ski town that he works for to get content of stargazing. So he has to get a shot at midnight of the ski resort. So we have to hike up this really intense mountain, starting at dusk, and it's going to be four hours to go up. I'm complaining about this. I'm like, I don't want to do it. I understand why I have to do this.

Yeah, we just go up there on your own and get the fucking shot and then come home.

Well, He apparently has to go with somebody because it's dangerous. I'm just hemming high. I'm like, I don't want to do this. And he's like, No, please. This guy can't come with me. I need you to go. I'm being pretty whiny here.

No, you just have a boundary.

I'm mega learned boundaries from this whole situation over many years time. Then we even do a test run the Sunday before, he's like, We need to practice this because this is a huge hike. And so we're hiking up this mountain. I'm just upset the whole time. The next week comes along when it's time to do this important night shoot where they're going to have the whole resort lit up. Turns out there's a storm coming as well. Oh, jeez. We get to the trailhead at dusk, and I'm complaining about it still. He stops and he goes, Please, if you ever just do anything for me the rest of your life, please just do this.

At any point are you getting the least bit suspicious?

It's only when he said that. But my mind went to, there's no way that he's going to do this. When I have made it clear, I don't want to go on this hike.

This is not my dream proposal situation. No.

And if you knew me, you know I'm not wanting to live in the mountains. He's like, I have to do this. It's dangerous. Someone has to come. And so I'm finally just given. We get to the top, and all I do is collapse on the ground. I'm in fetal position, feeling sorry for myself. And he's setting up this camera on a tripod. And all of a sudden, he's like, please, please just come over here. I just need one thing from you. And so I force myself to get up. I walk past the camera, and I could see, actually, it was really beautiful. The stars. There's lightning in the distance, by the way.

Oh, wonderful.

Here at the top of a mountain of a really difficult hike. I go walk over in front of the camera and he drops down on one knee, and he opens a little box and it's lit up. And I see this glimmering, sparkling flowering. And the first thing out of my mouth was, No, no, no, no, no, I'm just going to blacked out the rest. I just have a flash of, I know now I have to go down this mountain with this storm impending, the moment that is supposed to be so special.

You're walking into your shared future together. The other thing is if I'm this person, I want a sincere yes. That's what I'm in the market for. I don't want anything coerced. People who ask people to marry them in front of huge crowds, I'm like, Don't they realize the person has to say yes? And in this case, even if you wanted to say no, you're like, I'm going to say no, and then we're going to be on a fucking four-hour hike in the middle of the night on this mountain. You did say no.

Oh, that's the funny thing. I look back now and I never said yes, but it wasn't assumed yes.

Right. Not now. That means like, later.

Yeah, I'm just crying. And we get down the mountain, and we have this hotel room, had champagne and chocolate covered strawberries. I just remember crying in the hotel, and I think he said something like, I just thought that once it would happen, you'd be happy.

Probably picked the wrong girl for that whole exercise. Because no, she said so many times. No, I know. He wanted the girl we talked to who is a riverboat guide. He's picked the wrong partner for what he wants to do. Oh, shit. Are you guys happily married? You're not married. Okay, I got to panic. You held up your hand like, Oh, fuck. You're happily married. But you're given signs the whole time. You want someone that wants to hike up to the top of this mountain.

Definitely that's true, but I think more than anything, you wanted the photo.

I think he had a vision in his mind if I want this photo, and even if the intention was good. It was a little murky.

I had to learn a lot. We both did, obviously.

So what happens when you're in the hotel room and you're crying?

We go to bed because we're so codependent. We're obviously getting married.

Oh, God.

We're not going to break up. That's insane.

That's too scary.

The next day, he posts a picture. This is it.

Oh, it's beautiful. He was on to something with the photo. So at first I was like, that's so cute. He figured out how to light the ring from the box so you could see it up there. But now I realized, no, no, that was always going to be a part of the photograph. Yeah.

And we were together for two years and I couldn't plan the damn wedding. And then it imploded the big lesson of if you don't listen in life, it gets bigger and bigger and bigger until life forces you to change.

I think in those situations, their subconscious figures out how to get them out of it. If they themselves can't, you end up having an affair. Something materializes your subconscious saves you somehow. The bottom will fall out at some point. Yeah. Well, thank God it wasn't post-marriage and kids.

I'm so grateful for all of it, genuinely.

And did he find an outdoorsy gal?

I have no idea. Okay.

Fair enough. I hope so. Yeah. Here's a question. In your analysis, looking back, what was it that you think he represented that you had decided, Oh, I'm supposed to be with someone like this? What story did you have? Why was he the person you were supposed to be with at that time?

Well, I fell in love immediately. When you meet someone, it's like, Whoa, all of your childhood stuff is brought up immediately because it's so intense. Immediately, I knew my life would change forever. Now I know that's usually a red flag. Yeah, right. It was just a mask, I think, for me to remain really comfortable, to not put myself out there, and I could hide. It was very codependent. That ending shot me into deep emotional intelligence over time because to have the life and love that I want has forced me to grow immensely.

Do you think it's possible that when someone has great dreams and aspirations, but they have some fear preventing them, pursuing them, and then they meet someone who's already so clearly on a trajectory that just folding into that feels like a great way to not have to confront those fears?

Absolutely. I mean, I just didn't have internal backbone of I'm whole within myself. And I've had to learn that incrementally over time. I was learning that through that relationship. Even getting to that relationship, I had to grow tremendously to even be in it. So everything was perfect. There was no time wasted.

Well, Oh, good. And you got a really beautiful photo out of it. There's no arguing. That's a gorgeous photo.

Yeah, I mean, I haven't seen it in many years.

Sure. Could be on National Geographic. Yeah. I'm glad no one died on this hike, a nighttime hike. Struck by lightning. Yeah.

Well, it's so funny to me that there are all these impending dangers, like falling off a cliff or being struck by lightning. And the real danger was the proposal.

Yeah, exactly. Well, Jessica. Well, thanks for sharing that. Yeah, lovely meeting you. Thank you.

Take care.

It's great.

At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather, it was stolen from me.

And the Monica Lewinsky, that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics.

I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours.

Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately, you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph.

My hope is that people will finish an episode of reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful.

Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the WNDRI app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining WNDYRI Plus in the WNDRI app or on Apple podcasts.

Every year, thousands of students go on their first holiday abroad. Our 5G roaming in 80 countries means they're connected as soon as they land. Just a reminder to wear sunscreen love because you're as pale as a ghost. And can you send me all your friends numbers because their mothers are on to me? And always keep your cash in your bum bag. Every connection counts, which is why Ireland can count on our network. Vodafone, together we can.

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I'm going to text you guys photos for the next one.

Don't look yet. Don't look. I'm getting my phone. Don't look. Ready for Cole? Hope it's Cole again. Hello.

Can you guys hear me?

Oh, beautifully. Cole, you're our second Cole today, and we don't generally have Coles.

Really?

Yes.

Okay. I love that.

Where are you at in the country?

I am in Las Vegas, born and raised.

Oh, wonderful. Okay, so you have a bad proposal story, and we're dying to hear it.

It is a pretty wild story. Buckle up for this one. I'll set the scene a little bit. My girlfriend and I, we had been together since high school, so we were high school sweethearts. We were We were going to the University of Utah for college, and we were in our junior/senior year. We're that new norm of five-year senior. We were living together and full intention of getting married and everything like that. Just still wanted to finish out school, and we unexpectedly got pregnant.

Okay, congratulations.

A little bit early. Still wanted kids, and I was so close to getting my degree, and I loved the University of Utah. It was really important for me to get my degree there, and then we were going to move back home. It's where all of our family is. She really wanted her mom to be there when we had our first son. I was naive when I graduated, and I don't know if it was a little bit of arrogance or just being naive of like, Yeah, I'm going to move back home. I'm going to get a job. It's going to be easy. They're going to see University of Utah. It's a pretty decent business school. I moved back home and I just could not find a job.

What year was this?

This was 2018. I had made a promise to my girlfriend. I was like, All right, by the end of the year, we are going to get engaged. But once again, this was with that naive intention of, I'll have an entry-level job. I'll be able to start saving I'm going to be living with her mom, will have the opportunity to save up some of those funds. Then I got a recruiting job at a Bed Bath and Beyond eCommerce Center. Oh, okay. All I had to do was recruit people to work there for the holiday season. As long as you didn't murder people, you got a job. That was only supposed to be there from October to December. I had done a well enough job that they were like, Okay, we'll keep you till March. It was approaching the end of the year. I still had this pressure to get this ding ring, and I'm working all this over time and busting my tail with all the pressure there so that I can meet this goal. Now, it's like a goal for myself instead of this wonderful woman and mother of your first child that you've been with since you were 15.

This is also for her. It was this personal stretch for me to get to the finish line.

Yeah, you're either going to be a failure or not based on this arbitrary goal.

About a week before all of this happens, the job, after telling me I was going to be there till March, they were like, We're not going to be able to do this. We're so sorry you've crushed it, but they just aren't going to let us keep you here unless you want to go work on the warehouse floor. I was like, I don't think I'm prepared for that. I am super low. This year has gone really rough. I call my mom, We go to this Marie Calendars. That's across from a jeweeler. She's like, I'll help you with the financing of this ring. You made a promise. We love her, and we know you love her, so we'll help you out. I'm like, Cool. Part of me still doesn't feel right. I'm still just doing this to meet a goal because I want to be able to have the elaborate dinner in that moment, and I get to share all of my hearts. Now it's turned into, let's get this ring. You're going to do an impromptu proposal and just be like, trust me, we're going to have a good life. I love you to death. Let me finish this promise.

We pick out the ring, and next week, they're like, come back. We'll have all the pieces together. We'll put the finishing touches. We go in the morning, we finish it out, and they're like, all right, come at 4: 45. Store is going to be closing, and we'll get you set up. The piece I've left out so far is this jeweler was in a terrible part of town. My mom wasn't going to come this time, so it was just going to be me. I show up There was another couple there. I'm just waiting in their lobby until they're ready to call me up. Once I go up, showing me the ring, it looks amazing. All that fear and extra stuff I was worried about went away because now at the end of the day, I get to marry my best friend, mother of my child. It's amazing. Then, out of nowhere, I would say the length of this is maybe 40 feet or so, two robbers walk in.

No. Jesus. No.

Both in ski masks. It's guns raced. Everybody get the fuck on the ground. Don't move. One guy jumps over the display and starts heading towards the back. There's two owners that are up at the front ones dealing with the billing and closing out for the day and the other is with me. The other thief is heading towards us. My hands are up now, looking back like, there's no fucking way this is happening. Yeah.

And does it cross your mind, I don't care what they steal, but don't steal this ring? Oh, I think it was more than that.

It was like, is this fucking it? He then directs me to go behind the counter now. And all I could think of in the moment to respond was like, Please don't kill me. I have a family. Then he's like, All right, get down on the ground. And everybody thinks this is a weird part when I tell the story, but he was like, This will all be over soon. And it made me feel relieved?

It did, because to me, that could mean, I'm going to kill you. It'll be over. It says a lot of things to me. It means, okay, there's a human here. They want me to know my suffering is going to be over soon. I wouldn't think he's going to kill me. I would think he's letting me we're going to be in and out. This is something very human about that. Well, there's two ways to take it.

I think I'd be closer to you, Dax. Him responding in general gave me a little bit of just weird comfort because what he does next is then zip, tie my hands.

Oh, wow. These are pros.

Yes, we find that out later. As I'm down there, genuine near-death thoughts, am I going to ever get to see my son again? I'm seriously not going to get to marry my girlfriend. I'm not going to get any of this. Then a tad bit of, How is this my fucking luck? We're going to make you lose your job. Then let's do this to you.

Strong-arm bribery. Let's throw that on.

From the back, long-time jeweler for them. He was like a Venezuelan war vet. He is peaking around the corner with a gun.

Now you got to consider a shootout.

And consider I did because they see him after he's poked his head out a couple of times. That is when the shooting starts. No.

There is a shootout. Stop it.

It is a tight enclosed. There's a reason they have you wear headphones when you are at a gun range or anything, because it is loud. This whole ordeal feels like 30 minutes. I've seen the video because I had to go to court for it, all this stuff. I mean, it plays out over four and a half minutes. The shootout might have been 10 seconds or so, and then it just stops. Then I feel somebody tugging at my back, and I turn around and it's one of the robbers, he isn't saying anything. I'm thinking he's trying to maybe mug me and leave.

I'm thinking he's going to use you as a shield. He's got to get you up.

I think he was trying to prop himself up because all his motor functions are going at this point because he got shot several times. Oh, my God. He's on top of my legs, so I'm also trapped. I'm looking back and I'm going, What do you want? Then his gun discharges in me.

No. What?

He shoots me on an accident.

Where on you?

Right in my side. I actually shared some pictures. I sent them over.

Oh, my God. Oh, mama mia. It's not a graze because it definitely entered, but you can see it entered and exited. Did it exit?

At least some shrapnel bit.

Boy, thank God it was aimed just that inch to the right because it didn't get any intestine or anything, right?

Nope. Everyone that I work with now in a medical background and my friends that are in medical background, they're like, Do you know just how lucky you are that he was not off by a couple centimeters? I was like, Probably don't want to play that what-if game. That's what messes me up a little bit. But yeah, so he shoots me. It's the full spectrum of panic, fear, potential shock. I have one shoe on at this point. My wallet and my phone are sprayed across the room, and I could see all the blood off my phone. Oh, wow. I tried to stand up, and I was like, just no possible way. I inch over to this cabinet to prop myself up, and I'm just holding the wound. It felt like time had stopped. I'm looking straight ahead, and there's a dead guy that had to crawl out from under.

Oh, my God.

The dust settles. I'm focused now looking down at the wound the whole time holding it. I tried to slowly pick my sweatshirt off of my skin, and it's sopping. It's stuck. It hurts. I've been seeing these videos lately, people doing the grip machine and they're squeezing it as hard as they could. It feels like somebody is doing a grip machine on that spot, and the burning is insane. That's why on the picture, you can see it's like, black. That's a burn. Then the police come in. They had to cut all my clothes off in the store on the journey, and I'm butt naked in a juke right now. Oh my God. But still.

There's one last thing, sir, before we get you to some medical treatment. We just got to embarrass the fuck out of you for a minute.

Exactly. And so now I'm on the way to the hospital. My uncle was a firefighter. My dad's a firefighter. And so I'm cracking jokes about the city fire department versus county fire department. They're probably thinking like, This guy is insane. He's potentially going to die? They're jabbing me with the IVs and everything. The ambulance is moving. And so I'm in the hospital now. They're like, All right, we're going to take you for a CT scan. They were looking and they said, Okay, so where you got shot, it would be way riskier for us to do surgery to remove shrapnel than it would be just let it be pushed out of your body over time. It was not critical now. That brought me some comfort. Then my girlfriend shows up and it was like, surprise.

Oh, I bet she thought it was so sweet, though. She's already worried about you, and then you look at her and you say, I was there to get a ring. That's very sweet.

She was like, I was looking at your phone location because you just stormed out of the house. You didn't say anything. You just said, Love you. Bye. What am I going to say? Hey, on the way to get something really nice for you. She's like, I was looking at your location, and then it just stopped at the hospital. My mother-in-law thought I got in a bad road rage accident, and so I was like, Maybe I need to work on my anger because of this.

Who all got hit? You, the one robber who was on top, you died.

And then the jeweler got shot a couple of times, too.

The guy that was shooting the gun?

Yeah, he shot and got shot, and then the robber died from his shots, and then the other robber took off. Wow.

Oh, boy. Wow. Did they ever find the other robber? They did.

It was wild because I ended up having to testify. But I had never seen that guy's face. I could point out the other guy's eyes, at least from his mask. I'm up there. I have to recant my story. Then just say, I don't know this guy, though. But They had planned this for weeks. They were jail mates in Florida. They had been pinging their phones and saw that there was like a thousand texts and calls over the past couple of weeks. I think that couple that was in the store earlier, they thought was probably the last customer instead of me. When that couple left, they're thinking, Okay, we're good. Let's get in here.

Are you resentful at the jeweeler for escalating it to a gun battle? I hate to be judgmental of anyone when I wasn't in that situation. But I feel like they could have maybe just gotten out with all the jewelry and no one would have been in the emergency room.

I think overall, I'm just glad I'm alive. People thought I would be angry and bitter towards the robbers, and honestly, I'm not. Maybe they were in a circumstance that made them feel like they had to do that. That's unfortunate. People say, did it give you this newfound look on life? I think probably yes, but it didn't give me like, why did he shoot and why did he do this? I made it out alive. It's a crazy story, but I didn't have as much anger towards him for that because I don't know what I would do in that situation. I was not one of those people that, now that this happened to me, I'm going to go get a gun. I was like, I'm still not going to even get close to that. I'm good.

Well, unfortunately, the fact that the jeweler had the The gun is what led to all the shooting. I can't imagine those guys were trying to get murder on top of robbery for no reason.

Maybe that's also why when he told me, this will all be over soon, that's why they zip-tied me and just were trying to do a smash and grab, and then it turned into a shootout.

Yeah, fuck, dude. That is wild. Oh, man. I'm so glad you got out of there. Did they get the ring?

The robbers didn't. It was a botched robbery.

They didn't get anything.

My ring stayed intact. No issues with it.

It doesn't give you PTSD when you see it on her fingers.

No, everybody makes a joke, it's like a blood diamond. I would actually get mad if she wasn't wearing it because it was like, Do you know what I had to go do?

Yeah, true. Did they give it to you for free? They should have at least done that.

At first they weren't, but I think it's because they didn't know the extent of what happened. Then everything as it came out, they were like, We got it.

Yeah, that's nice. That feels like a minimal gesture when their employee came on fire. Hopefully, Marie Calendars got you a couple of free Oh, that cheese soup they make is delicious.

That Marie Calendars isn't even there anymore.

Well, yeah, there's shootouts across the way. I would have shuttered it as well.

We were married five years ago, and then we added another child as well. There is a happy ending Look at this.

Okay, good. Love that. Just meeting you, you don't deserve to go through this. No. This should happen to me because I'm always sticking my nose into things.

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I'm good now because it's six years removed, but that first year, you look in the mirror every day and it's just right there. The scar used to be gross because it would keloid. It's way better now.

Then nightmares? Any nightmares?

Not really nightmares, but I would be overcome with emotions sometimes. I remember one time we were just eating dinner and I just start bawling. I actually work on the same street about a mile away from where it happened. For the first four and a half years that I drove to work, I would take a different so that I didn't have to drive past it at the time because I obviously had to go to therapy for it.

You're the first person we've talked to who's been shot. I wasn't expecting it in a proposal story. I'll tell you with that. No, it's a real left turn.

I'll give a shout out to my wife. She definitely wants to come in.

Please, yeah, bring her in.

Hi. Hi.

Do you want to see the blood diamond?

Oh, the blood diamond. Oh, the blood diamond. Yes.

Wow. She was the biggest armchair fan. Everything that she brought up, she was like, Oh, I heard this on Yeah. Then she finally made me listen when we go on our road trips, and she would play the fart armchair anonymous. That one's hilarious. Then she was like, If a proposal prompt ever comes up, you have to tell it. It came up, and I didn't know, but I was just like, I'm going to say this and let's see. Wow.

Well, it's a slam dunk. That's hard to beat. Yeah, very hard to beat. Well, you guys are so cute. Yeah, we're delighted that you listen. Thank you. Thanks for indoctrinating your husband to us.

Yes, I'm spreading the word. Can I just quickly shout out my best friend in Germany? She just had a baby and she's a big arm cherry, so I wanted to shout Jordan out.

Jordan.

Shout out, Jordan. Shout out. Congratulations on the baby. All right. Well, lovely meeting you guys. Yes.

Lovely meeting you. Thanks so much, guys. This is awesome. Take care. All righty. Bye-bye.

That ran the gamut, didn't it? It certainly did. Almost every story was within proposal. You don't know what you're going to get. I don't know. It makes me think you could throw out any prompt like, Tell us a story about Tupperware. And then it would be like a skydiving disaster story. It's true. You just don't know. Do you want to tell your proposal story before we go? I bet people would want to hear that. Okay. Similar to all these stories, it's funny how us guys, we go get a ring and then we're going to try to plan some time. So you have this thing for a while. I I had the great luxury of having Nicole in my life. So I took Nicole to the ring store and I said, I want to say first which one, but I want to then know what one you think she'll like. And she said, There's two I think she would love. And I said, Okay, great. Don't say. And I said, I like that one. She got really excited, and she said, That was my favorite of the two. Oh, great. That was lovely. I get the ring.

I've told the story. I was about to give my credit card. What is this weird feeling? I have a very familiar feeling. It's a weird feeling, specific, specific. Oh, it's the moment you tell the tattoo artist after you look at the transfer, yes, I'll take it, and you go, Okay, this is for life. So cut to, it's in my pocket of one of my jackets in my closet, and my plan was to go to this restaurant we had gone to early on. The first place I said, I love you, Which was? Stanley's. It was her restaurant. And so I was going to say, Let's go to Stanley's, which would have already been suspicious, but maybe it'll been a gesture. So that was going to happen, I guess, I had thought sometime in January. And It was Christmas Eve, and my mom had flown in, and we had both just got back from Michigan, and we had this really, really wonderful Christmas Eve. And then we were laying in bed, and I thought, Oh, I'm going to try to recreate all this lovely feeling I'm having right now at this restaurant in three weeks, instead of just taking this moment that I feel like it should be.

I was naked. I walked to the closet. I got the ring out of my jacket. She's like, Why is he going to the closet? Then I came back to the bed and I kneel down on one knee naked. Then she started hysterically crying. I asked, and she said yes, but she had cried so loud and long that the next morning getting coffee. When I saw my mom in the kitchen, she said, Oh, sweetie, what happened? Did you guys have a terrible fight? I heard Kristen crying last night. I was like, Oh, it was Christmas morning. She thinks we got into a real dust up last night. That's funny. That's very sweet. Rob, did you have a ring for a while? Yeah, it was my grandma's ring that I got the diamond reset.

I made a website for a fake restaurant that was like a prefix pop-up.

Okay, this is very WAB. It was this I rented on the Lake in Chicago, and it had this whole outdoor balcony. I had a friend that was a chef came and cooked a eight-course meal. Oh, my Lord. We got to the Airbnb, and he was there cooking She knew. No, it was by the end of dinner, but we got there and it was just for us. It was so zotting. She saw him there. That's lovely. Started putting together the pieces. She's a bright girl. All right. Love you guys.

Love you.

Do you want to sing a tune or something? We know a theme song. Oh.

Okay, great. We don't have a song song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're going to ask some random questions It's in with the help of Armchairs, we'll get some suggestions. On the fly, a Rindish, on the fly, a Rindish.

Enjoy.

Follow Armchair Expert on the WNDYR WNDRI app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad-free right now by joining WNDRI Plus in the WNDRI app or on Apple podcast. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wndri. Com/survey. Hey, everyone.

It's your girl, Kiki Palmer. Did you know I host a podcast called Baby, This is Kiki Palmer, and you're not going to believe the conversations I've had. Like, is OnlyFans, OnlyBad?

How has dating changed in the digital age? What's the deal with Disney adults?

I've talked to John Stamos, the VP, Kamala Hertz, to Jordan Peel, Raven Simone, and yes, the one and only Jamila Jamil.

And just wait until you hear our conversation.

We talk Twitter drama, bad dates, and then time.

How the hell do you actually get sexy?

What the hell does that mean? I know how to be funny. I know how to be like, you know what I'm saying? I don't really know how to be like, and take your-I'm not Robin fucking Givens. It's like, how do people do that? I've been in this situation too many times and not felt any of those things.

The dull eyes, the quiet. I've never been quiet a moment in my fucking life. Yes. On Baby, this is Kiki Palmer.

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