Transcript of How To Heal Your Trauma To Manifest Your Most Abundant Life | Melissa Wood-Tepperberg

I remember just getting up, looking in the mirror and being like, I hate you. I had so much hate towards myself. I just had tears rolling down my face, and I was like, I don't want this anymore. Hi, I'm a certified yoga and pilates instructor. I am the founder of the MWH method. Melissa Wood Tepperberg.Certified yoga and pilates instructor.I am the founder of the MWh Method. Melissa Wood Tepperberg. Melissa Wood Tepperberg. I just remember I was like, Okay, I want it, but I need help. And that was the biggest moment for me from being a little girl who thought that she could fix every single thing. And I carried the weight of everyone. But I was just not saving myself. I felt all the waves of it. It was Definitely a panic attack, I believe, because I think at that time, I didn't even really know what anxiety was. But I was like, Mm-mm, nop, and shut the door to it. That really translated to going out, drinking.

It was numbing yourself.

Numming. I started meditating, and that's how I'm here. It was the thing that helped me see myself for the first time for who I really was. Wow, that's beautiful. I just want to wake people up to this inner strength within themselves. That's it. That's what I have to do for myself every single day. I've actually never talked about this, but...

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Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness. Very excited about our guests. We have the inspiring Melissa Wood Tapperberg in the So good to see you.

I'm so happy to be here. Thank you for being here.

Very excited. We connected months ago. Super Bowl? Was it Super Bowl or F1?

It was Super Bowl. Super Bowl.

Gary Vanechuk was hosting a little gathering. We met there. But I'd obviously seen your work online for the last few years. You've continued to just soar with your content, with your message, and how you're inspiring and impacting millions of people around the world, mostly, assuming mostly women who follow your content and who are really inspired by I tell you. A lot of the women on my team are just like, Melissa, she's so amazing and what she's doing. It's been cool to watch your rise, but I know that you grew up very dysfunctional, similar to me. You struggled in school and cheated your way through school, similar to me, and just didn't feel like you were enough. Therefore, similar to me, you wore masks. You projected a sense of everything's got everything put together and everything got to look perfect and can't show people real traumas underneath you. You wore those masks for a long time to protect yourself, to fit in, to belong, to get ahead, whatever it might be, to survive. But when did those masks start falling off for you? When did you really start to feel like, Oh, I'm in a dark place the longer and longer I hold on to this perfect image, when underneath, I don't feel perfect at all?

Well, interestingly enough, I feel like I'm in this place in my life where I'm like, ripping off a new mask.

Right now?

Right now. Really? Yes. And honestly, in this very moment, because as you overcome or continue to work through, right? Because I don't ever think you fully, completely heal traumas. And that's my biggest awakening today is like, even after all the work, it's like, and I love the work. I love the process. I've learned to be in the process, but I'm just discovering new things and new wounds have come to the surface. I think when you get to a place of where you are really elevated dating and you're shifting into a different gear, it's amazing what shows its face to knock you down in a sense. I think about it as like, How bad do I really want? How How bad do I really want to continue this quest of becoming? I grew up in a very dysfunctional upbringing. I have four sisters. My baby brother was born when I was 15. My dad remarried. But it was just this endless cycle of survival and doing anything that you can. For me, I'm the middle child of the five.

I'm assuming it wasn't survival, we don't have food and shelter survival, but emotional survival.

Emotional survival. We did grow up very poor, so it was scarcity mindset. It was like, I'm not going to say it. My mom worked so many jobs, my dad worked so many jobs, and it was like, no matter what, there was never really enough.

It was always a stress around money, probably.

Always. Always a stress around money. I was very observant to that. I was so aware of how our surroundings made my mom feel. I knew since the age of seven that I could help or I could ease some stress. For me, that was stepping in the household and cleaning, doing all the chores, helping my sisters Their homework, even I made this. We had this chalkboard, and I would make a list of all the things that we had to do. My sisters despised me growing up because I was super bossy, and I just felt like someone had to step in. I remember that feeling at such a young age. I think when you embody that energy, it's so wildly disruptive for your nervous system. When you're in it, like when I was living in Syracuse, I did all the things that I could to just push it down.

What things?

Well, I was embarrassed that we didn't have a lot of money. When we would get close for school, it was like we got one outfit, and then I would be the one curating the look so that my sisters and I could swap looks so that it looked like we had more money. You're close, yeah. Yeah, more clothes. The emotional stuff when your parents aren't showing up for I remember this, oh, my God, so vividly. I was in second grade, and it was like Parents Day, and the song Don't Worry, Be Happy was on. Wow. We were going around in a circle, and every kid had their parent. I remember being alone and just not having my parents show up. I was so embarrassed, but I was so hurt, and I wanted to cry, but I wouldn't because I didn't want other people to see. I always tried to make like, Oh, yeah, no, no. My mom couldn't come, and I don't even know if my mom remembered, but I remember the teacher holding my hand and walking around with me and just trying. And those things for me, it was constantly those types of things or at a softball game and your parents not showing up or forgetting to pick you up.

They had a lot of kids and a lot of responsibility. But when you're a child, it deeply affects you.

Isn't it fascinating that you still remember that today? And it's like, these memories we keep with us. You're a parent now. I'm not a parent yet, but I can only imagine. I'm sure you try to show up to everything you can. You try to be there for them and everything you can. But then there might be some amazing business opportunity where you're like, Oh, do I go do this thing? Then have the babysitter or the I need to make sure that they take them to school that day. But then is that the thing they're going to remember when they're 40? Is that their trauma? They're going to be like, Everyone else's parents were there and mine didn't show up because she had a business meeting or whatever. It's like, you probably can't as a parent, no matter how hard you try, there's going to be some wound or some memory because at seven, eight, 10 years old, you don't have a lot of life. That's such a big moment for your life. It's such a pressure for a parent, I bet.

It is. I think as I become a parent, I am, oh, my gosh. It changed my relationship with my parents, and then sometimes that changes again. But it helps you to really understand how freaking hard it is.

And have compassion for your parents. Yeah.

They didn't have the means. They didn't... I think of the mindfulness movement. I'm like, I don't think those conversations were being had. They didn't have time.

In survival mode, you don't have time to be mindful. No. You're just, What do I need to do right now to survive, emotionally? Maybe financially or physically or whatever, you're in survival. You don't have the time say, Let me breathe. Let my nervous system relax. We don't have that privilege in survival mode. Even if you have financial stability, but your parents are emotionally up and down constantly, you're still going to feel like you're in survival mode, emotionally. Is it safe to be in this home? That's how I felt. It was like every week there was slamming or screaming or just disease within my parents. I knew that they loved us, but they didn't love each other.

Yeah, same.

They tried, but it was just constant friction where you just What's going to happen today when I come home from school? I don't know. Yeah.

Oh, I rode the same bus.

It's traumatic, right?

It's so dramatic.

Very dramatic. You mentioned in the beginning about how healing and inner growth is a lifelong journey. It sounds like, I don't want to assume, but it sounds like around 10 years ago when you were starting your business, you were in early phases of a healing journey for yourself. Is that accurate? Somewhere around there, you started to uncover things and unmask things within yourself, and you went down more of a spiritual holistic path, right?

Yes. I would say it was a little bit longer than that, more of almost 17, 15 years of that. But moving to New York, so I moved to... It was the first time I came here, I was like, Oh, I still feel that way every day. It's amazing. I've been here for 18 years and I still get this like...

It's epic. When you walk outside, you're in the streets and just the energy. I love it.

It's incredible. It can support or swallow you, though.

It sounds like it swallowed you the first few years. Oh, my God.

I was swallowed and then spit back out. Really? Oh, oh, oh, yeah.

What did you get caught up in in the first few years of being in New York that really messed you up?

Well, I moved here. I drove a U-Hall here with a friend.

Where'd you move to in this city?

This teeny tiny little apartment on the Upper East Side. But still living the dream.

You're like, I'm in the city.

Oh, yeah. No, I thought. But at first, we didn't have an apartment. I was sleeping on someone's couch. It was a whole process. I didn't even have a bed. I had a mattress on the floor. It was without a... It was like half the size of this.

Living like a 22-year-old, living a dream.

You don't need much. I didn't. And I still like, I'm just like, How How did I do it? So whenever I start to question my ability for anything, I'm like, Girl, you can do anything. It is that constant reminder because all the things come in, imposter syndrome, and all those limited beliefs. But when I shut that door after moving away from it all and being with myself, honestly, in a sense of peace and quiet, somewhat- In New York City. In New York City, right? But it was just away from all that chaos. Was the first time I felt all the waves of it. It was definitely a panic attack, I believe, because I think at that time, I didn't even really know what anxiety was. But I was like, Mm-mm, and shut the door to it. That was my running away. That was the start of running away from myself running away from all the stuff that came up. And that really translated to going out, drinking, drinking late, and then been jeeding. Was numbing yourself. Been jeeding, numbing.

Numbing yourself, yeah. Were you drinking every week or every day?

I was definitely drinking a lot on the weekend because I worked at the Chanel counter in Bloomingdale's. So I was working really long hours on my feet. So the nights that I had off, I would go out and I would just rage. I was a very different person when I drank. My anger really came out. Really? Oh, yeah. Wow.

Your anger would come out in the clubs and you would scream at people or It would be a nasty girl? I would start. Or what would it be like?

Yeah, if someone pissed me off, I would. I've always been a little quick on the tongue, a little rough around the edges.

You'd step to them.

Yeah. It was all my inner pain would come out. Then when all of that started to rise, and even dating guys, I would get physical sometimes. That was just things I saw. I was repeating every pattern. And then it was when I would feel like it was too much and I couldn't face the pain, that was when I started binging, like heavily. Eating. Eating. And then I also wanted to model. So it's like eating your face off and then thinking about, well, they want you to lose 15 pounds. So then I started purging. And this was something I did for a handful of years that no one knew about. I was really, really good. Really? Yeah. Hiding my pain.

Really? So purging, throwing up, it's not comfortable to do. Oh, my God. It's the worst feeling. You feel better 10 minutes later.

It's like my heart hurts thinking about it.

But the The only time it is good is when you have an upset stomach. But you didn't have an upset stomach. Maybe you're eating too much, but you weren't sick in the stomach like, Oh, you had some weird food that you're throwing up. So what is that like, psychologically, when you're like, Okay, I just ate too much, or I just want to look skinnier and need to lose weight, but I'm numbing myself by eating because I am protecting myself. I feel ashamed of past or I feel whatever. I'm anxious, so I'm numbing myself by eating, but now I feel shameful and guilty that I ate, so I need to purge it.

It's a vicious cycle. Really? Yeah, it's really. I felt like I deserved it. Deserved what?

I just feel that pain because I was putting myself through that, and then it was like, you need to...

It was a lot of getting rid of the feelings. But I didn't know this at the time. I was just trying to get rid of what was physically inside of me, but it was so emotionally tied. And through my lowest of lows of going out and This is when I was binge drinking, and then it was binge eating, and then I started experimenting with some drugs. Thank God it was short-lived. And I had my wake me up moment of just feeling complete disgust with myself. Really? Yeah. I was so done. I could no longer continue that path.

How old were you now?

This was mid '20s. I was like, it was- You were here for a few years.

You were in a cycle of just shame or beat up and binge eating, binge drinking, starting to try a little drugs here and there and being up till 5:00, 6:00 AM at night clubs. Oh, yes.

Sun coming up. And it was just- On my knees over the toilet. Really? Just disgusting. I remember just getting up, looking in the mirror and being like, I hate you. I had so much hate towards myself. And I just had tears rolling down my face. And I was like, I don't want this anymore. I don't want to live like this. I can't live like this because it's going to end badly. I could feel it. And I also knew carrying down that road was the easy way out because I was so good at taking everything down in my path. But you didn't know it, but I was. Mass destruction was a skill that I could That I had mastered. Really?

But you were looked good on the outside.

People are always surprised by this stuff, and that's honestly why I share it and why I felt I needed to because- But you were good at hiding it, though, right?

You were good at being like, Okay, it's noon the next day. I'm put together. Everything's fine. I'm happy.

Yes. And then that moment there is when I so vividly saw these two roads of life, right? And this gorgeous tree in the middle. I just so vividly remember this moment. And it was like, you can keep going here, and we know where that's going to end up. Or you can choose to create this different path for yourself. And it's going to be really hard because it's going to be everything you don't know. But it's the path of waking you the fuck up. And I just remember I was like, Okay, I want it, but I need help. And that was the biggest moment for me because from being a little girl who thought that she could fix every single thing, and I carried the weight of everyone and my siblings, and I have always been the savior and coming in and trying to do all the things and buying my parents' house and anything that I could do to save everyone. But I was not saving myself. So it was this moment of giving over and not relying on my own strength for the first time in my freaking life. And that was like the doors opened.

I think we need a tissue. There's a tissue right behind you. Thank you. Sorry. Yeah, you don't have... Wow.

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You're in your mid-20s, you have, I guess, a darkness that continues for months or years until there's a moment where you're like, Okay, there's two roads I can take. I've had a few of those moments in my life, so I know that feeling of having to make a I grew up, when I was eight, my brother went to prison. Every weekend for four and a half years, we would go as a family to visit during visiting hours. I saw my life starting to go down that as well. When I was 13, I had to make a decision. I remember saying, Do I want to end up in prison? Because if I keep doing these things, which were not massive at the time, but will build.

It builds.

It'll build. You're going to keep getting in trouble, and bad things are going to happen. Bad things are going to happen. Bad things are going to happen. Do I want to live that life and deal with that pain and shame? I just saw what that will... I saw all the other convicts, and I got to know them, and the traumas and the pain that they caused their families from bad decisions. It was just like, do I want that or not? You had this in your mid-20s, and you knew that you couldn't do it all on your own anymore, and you said, I need support. Yes. What did you allow yourself to do after that?

I called my friend and asked for her therapist's number. I was like, I need help. I need your therapist. That was the start. But I lied to I mean, I like lied to my therapist. I was taking Adderall. I did want help, but it is really hard to break the cycle. Sure. And to break the patterns. I was lying, and She was strong. She was like the mother that I always needed to anchor me and call me out on me. Tough love. Super tough love. I would come in, I'll like Adderalled out. I was buying Adderall. It was I got rid of one thing and I was looking for the next.

You said you wanted help, but really inside of you, you're like, I still can do this myself, and I'm not going to give everyone the full picture.

I think I did really want help. But when you are so used to attaching yourself to chaotic things to keep moving forward, it takes time.

Well, it doesn't feel safe to be in a safe space because you're not familiar with it.

I don't even know what that- So harmony doesn't feel safe.

Right. Peace doesn't feel safe. No. Because you're like, wait. What's going to happen? Something's about to happen. Where's the chaos? Oh, yeah. You're always looking for it because you're so used to it. It's familiar. So when safe isn't safe and you don't know how to feel calm in harmony, you're always looking to recreate chaos, whether it be in a relationship or whether it be in your own life or addictions or whatever it might be.

Oh, and I was very good at If the chaos wasn't there, I will bring it. Isn't that interesting? Oh, my God. And relationships, things with friends, being able to really self-reflect and see where you are just a disaster in disguise. It is hard work. I will be so honest with you today. I still, to this day, wake up and my first thought, first, from the moment I wake my eyes after doing this work for so many years, goes to a dark place.

Really? Yes.

But I now know how to get myself out. I think when it's so embedded in your nervous system, it takes so much time to get yourself out of that place. I know now. I know when I'm bringing it. I know when I'm being self-destructive. I'm definitely so far from that part of me, but she's in there, let me tell you. Of course. I have great access to her if I need her. But, which is also a good thing, which I've learned to really embrace and love and be like, You are one fired pistol. God knows if we need it, it's there and the access is quick. But I'm just I'm being honest. Sure.

What is the first thought that comes to you on a daily basis when you wake up or on a typical day? Where does that dark thought go to?

It's like the overwhelm. It's just like, Oh, my God. It's that immediate, almost being on that wheel of anxiety, but I step off now, and I'm like, No, no. This is where I've cultivated this practice and this connection with source and knowing that I can connect at any moment in any time. That is what helps me see the light of day. I shared this once on... I was doing a Q&A and I shared this, and it was the most viewed thing I had. I realized that there is still that part of me that wants to make things look really pretty with a bow And of course, I've cracked myself open, but there's still so much. And I think that is where I'm at right now today, where I'm like, I am so done just like, ripping off these masks and really just being so radically transparent with myself, but also with people who are ready to do it for themselves, too. Because it's not just for me, and I think that's where this work has fueled something in me that I've always known was in there since I was a little girl. But it's this choice every single day, to this day.

It's like, I'm choosing. I'm choosing to stay devoted to myself.

When you started waking up from doing destructive things into creating a more healthy lifestyle for yourself, 15, 17 years ago, and you went down that journey and you started these healthy practices, you said, Okay, I'm going to reach out for support. I'm going to find a therapist, even though I'm still lying to my therapist. I'm doing the steps, though, and I'm in the work. Then what else did you start doing to develop a healthy practice for yourself? Were you still nightclubs and modeling and doing these things that weren't supporting you, or were you removing yourself as well from environments?

For me, instead of focusing on removing, one thing that really helped me when I was in it. And still, when I feel overwhelmed, it's like, what can I add in to help make me feel just an ounce more at ease? And when my therapist started really calling me out on things, then it was like, okay, I can't even lie to her. I just have to be honest. So it was like, that shtick was old. I couldn't do that anymore. But then I was finding, I was feeling this like, I need to be told. I need to be told what to do. So I started seeing a health coach, and I remember the first time I walked in and I was like, Okay, give me the diet. I was in that mindset of, Tell me the thing, I'll do it, and then I'll see results. And I was trying to lose weight because I wanted to be a model. And at this point, I had gotten signed by a top agency, but it was like, I lost 15 pounds. And I lost 15 pounds And then it was just this long road of torture. Because I thought that I was very into fitness and very into wellness, but my relationship to myself was still so disconnected that I was looking outside of myself for all of the resources.

So I was taking what a trainer would tell me to do. You needed to do 45 minutes of cardio and then 45 minutes to an hour of strength training. And I became psychotic with that. So It was like every day, an hour of this. I was working out 2 hours a day, writing down every morsel of food. It was so obsessive.

It's exhausting, too.

It was exhausting. It was unwellness.

Did you feel like you were getting... When you looked in the mirror, were you like, Oh, this is working, though? Or were you like, I'm still not getting the results I want?

When I was in the height of really just micromanaging every single thing. I did get really thin, but it was unhealthy, and I just looked... It was painful.

You didn't feel healthy.

No, I didn't feel healthy. And then, plus, when you're suffering from eating disorder, the flip can happen, too, where then I started gaining a lot of weight. When I was doing all the crazy workouts, HIIT workouts, and running myself into the ground, I was actually at my heaviest. Really? Yes, because it was just- The body can't handle it all. Pumping my body with cortisol. I was so stressed out going into workouts, stressed out leaving. And that was a big moment in my life. I remember so vividly leaving a super popular class with a popular instructor. And there's no shame because things work differently for people. And I think that this is where we need to cultivate these relationships with ourselves and see what really makes you feel in harmony with yourself. And I just remember, I got off the train 14th Street, and I was walking, and I was like, I feel horrible. How am I paying to feel worse? What is wrong? And I was just like, I think I'm I was just searching. And then I started meditating.

I felt this- How are you now, roughly?

So this was at this point, I It was 12 years, 15 years ago. I'm 41. You do the math.

26, 27.

Exactly, late 20s. I still felt this. Although I was slowly, it was becoming more self-aware, patching things up as I was going. But I felt that I was just out here for all the answers. Tell me, and I'll do the thing. I was covered in cystic acne. Really? I had horrifying cystic pimples all over my face, my neck, down my back. I did everything. It was like I saw every dermatologist. I did acutene. It was awful. And now I realized that was how I internalized my anxiety for so many years. It was coming out in my skin. It was the stress with a combination of products I was using and food, for sure, environment. But it was my nervous system. Screaming at you. Trying to bang on my door. And I just felt like, You know what? I've got to go in here. I've got to Almost... Because I think when you are so dysregulated, you don't even know what home and safety is. So there was just this feeling that I felt I needed to take all of that and come in here.

So you started meditating?

I started meditating. I've meditated everyday since. Wow. And that's how I'm here. And I can tell you that for a fact. I know that with everything inside of me because it was the thing that helped me see myself for the first time for who I really was and not any persona or façade that I had put on. And I was really interested in wellness But because my relationship with myself was still so dysfunctional, it was the thing that helped me look in the mirror and find so much deep love, true love for me and for my skin and loving myself through my acne and not being at my happy weight. It just helped me. It was almost like just defogging the lens, and everything got a little bit brighter. Wow.

How much on a scale of 1-10, before this, what was your self-love scale? Ten being like you really loved yourself from an authentic, conscious place. One being, you hated yourself. Where were you on that scale?

I was probably like a three, four with the work that I was doing from a one, two. That doesn't sound like progress, but it is. I think that's the thing that I- You really hated yourself before that. I hated myself because of my actions. Yeah. I wasn't proud.

You were out of alignment with yourself. Complete.

Completely disaligned. When you can... It was very much focused on the physical. And then once I realized that I could regulate from bringing some calm to my mind, even just a little bit, wow, then I started moving differently. And this is when I started understanding, no wonder why. Those classes are not working for me because they make me feel really stressed out and anxious, and they bring out all that stuff that I'm really working towards shifting. And then I started blending elements of Pilates and yoga. It was like, I was just weaving these things together, but It felt like this inner dance with myself, but it felt good. I was not punishing myself for what I ate anymore. I was just literally in flow. It brought me in this flow state. At this time, I didn't even have 10,000 followers on Instagram, but I just felt this. It was like, I have no idea how, where, what you're going to do, but you You have to share this. And you have to share this because you have to come back to that seven-year-old little girl who was looking outside the window when your dad drove away, when my parents separated.

And I felt like, this is it. Unfortunately, this is the car that I've been dealt, and this is my life. And I think so many people who come from broken situations or even bad marriages feel like this is it. And it's not not it. And you can change the course of your life at any point. Every moment is an opportunity to begin again, to do something different than you did the day before That just helps you feel so deeply connected to yourself. And I talk a lot about meditation and movement, and that is how I created a platform. But as I at this point in my life today, it's from being so connected to whatever it is you connect to. But to me, it's the creator. It's this higher power so much greater than me. And when I close my eyes and I meditate and I go in and I bring the energy to my heart, it's like I feel so surrounded and so safe and just reminded that I am being divinement guided, and we all are when we can get ourselves to just take a moment. I did it in the morning for 20 minutes this morning.

Before speaking, I always like to really ground. So 20 minutes is like, I love that. However, that doesn't always happen. I am so consistent, but I'm super flexible. You have to be because I was crazy with all the things before, and I'm not I'm not disciplined. I don't even love the word. It doesn't work for my nervous system because it makes me feel like I'm rigid. I write things down. I need to track and I need to know how many macros I might... And I'm just like, I don't even know, and I don't even care. But when I'm feeling this, where I'm feeling this aliveness and this excitement for, honestly, it's so interesting because I feel like I've been there so much, so many deep challenges with work and just all of the things that come with being an entrepreneur. But I am so excited for no reason. It feels so good just to be like, show me, guide me. And through staying so deeply connected is what has just continued me on this path of cracking me open, had me set up that $24 tripod I got on Amazon, setting up my phone. I had no lights, no camera, zero editing.

I mean, I literally would I would press play and I'd be like, Hi, and I would go and I'd run back on my mat and then I'd be like, Okay, today. I would just do the thing that I did myself, but I brought people along with me. And then the more that I started doing it, it was like People were like, Can you do that longer? Where can I get this clip? It was like Instagram stories went out. Sure. First came to life. And then I just felt this. I was like, I need a home for these humans who want the same We all want it. We all want to be... When I come back to my why every day, I just want to wake people up to this inner strength within themselves. That's it. That's what I have to do for myself every single day. And through sharing it, it was crazy. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I was connecting with people all over the world who were like, Thank you so much. And they were writing me these letters, and I'm sobbing. And at this point, I'm pregnant with my son.

And also coming to this place of I know what it feels like to be brought up in a disconnected home and wanting to be so connected to it all, whether it was a little chaotic or completely a sense of calm. I wanted to be with it. It's just been this incredible journey of what's next.

That's incredible. The thing that I'm hearing you say, which I really love, is that when you started to... It sounds like your seven-year-old self was screaming at you during your adult life when you were doing things out of alignment with what she wanted. When you weren't protecting her, when you weren't showing up for her, she was screaming at you in different ways. She was like, the acne was coming out, you're going against your body by binge eating or binge drinking or late nights, all these different things. She didn't feel safe with you as an adult trying to take care of her because you weren't taking care of her. So she felt unsafe, right? When you treat your inner child poorly as an adult, bad things happen in your life, or you don't feel good. You're not attracting abundance. You're not setting yourself up to be able to manifest your vision. You're not bringing the right relationships in your life necessarily. Things feel off. You feel out of alignment because you're not taking care of the inner being inside of you that needs cared for. What it sounds like, I'm hearing you say, is when you said, Okay, these two paths I can take, continued destruction or reconnecting to self and doing better choices, that's when you started to really be present with yourself and take time to listen to the still small voice, which is God, I think, and also your inner child.

It's almost like the voices of both combining and saying, what does the inner child need and what is God directing me to do?

A love, exactly.

When you are able to meditate for a minute or 20 minutes a day or however long you do on a daily basis, you can hear the decisions you need to take today, and you can be guided on what you need to do in the next step, even though you don't know what's to come, or you feel I'm uncertain, or what's the future going to bring? When you can listen to yourself and where you're guided, you can take action on what is needed today. It sounds like you've been doing that for now 10, 15 years. By doing so and continuing to be in alignment with your intuition, by serving your inner child and by serving the higher power for yourself, abundance and manifestation becomes easier. You just said, I didn't even have 10,000 followers. I just started taking these actions and doing what felt right to me and being consistent for 10, 15 years. Because of that consistent, integrated, authentic actions, it's like, Manifesting everything. I'm on the cover of these magazines, and this is growing, and audiences, and wow, these things are just happening for me. But if you were going down destructive paths, this wouldn't be happening.

No, of course not. That's why I say, I know I am here because of my practice. Because my practice keeps me grounded to myself. It keeps me completely locked in with what matters most to me. The thing that matters most to me in my life is having peaceful balance, peaceful harmony in my life, in my workplace, in my relationship with my family, with my friends. With every single thing that I do. And it's so interesting the more that I just give over because I can be a little bossy. Definitely bossy.

You're like, My team when they're watching, they know.

No, they know, but I'm not a micromanager. But I am a number eight on the enneagram, and that has really helped me understand as an active controller. That's why I've remained the CEO. No matter what Every single person told me that I needed to hire a CEO. It never felt 100%. I've tried and tested a lot of things that were other people's ideas, and let me tell you, they don't work. I hate to say it, Yeah. And that's where I'm not always right, but when something feels completely wrong or I have nothing, do nothing.

Do nothing.

Nothing. I'm in such a flat place right now, and I feel, Oh, my God.

What do you mean? You're not taking on new projects, or you're not launching new stuff, or what?

I am being, and it's wild what happens. It's so interesting because there I was this part. I've tried things. I've had PR, I've done all of these things. I think when your mission is so big and you want to really spread your message as far and as wide, you try things. Even when it feels against the grain. But I am such a sensitive, energetic person that I've just really learned that I have to listen to that. And when something just feels like even an ounce of force. Listen, I could have pitched, had Dylan on my team reach out to everyone on all the pot, but I'm like, no, that is not the way for me. It's through true, authentic connection And I just know that, right? It's like, we met in the way that we were meant to meet. You reached out so flu... By the way, it was so nice. I was like, Oh, this is just so me, so organic, and it felt raw. And that's when I think The most incredible things come into your life when you're not gripping.

Or forcing. Or forcing. Yeah, and trusting the timing of things. I tell my fiancée Martha. I love her. She's always like, I wish we would have met 10 years ago. We would have had such a life. Our life would have been so much better, and we wouldn't have been through so much pain and relationship breakups and stuff like that. I'm like, I wouldn't have looked at you the same way 10 years ago because I wasn't ready for you. I wasn't ready to be in a loving, peaceful relationship. I wasn't ready. I would have been like, Oh, you're an attractive, beautiful girl who's really talented, but you don't have enough wounds for me. It's like, you're not a It's a project I need to help out or something, right? I wasn't attracted to that. I wasn't attracted to peace. I would have created, I would have hurt you, probably. I'd have probably done something wrong or I'd have been like, whatever. I just wouldn't have been ready.

That's so honest. It's so true.

I needed to go through my own healing journey to feel ready for peace because I didn't have peace inside of me still. I needed to be peace before I could have peace in environment. She's like, Oh, that makes sense. But timing is everything. I agree with that. Until sometimes we have breakdowns, unfortunately, like you had a big breakdown when you're in the mid-20s, then you were ready for a breakthrough, right? Unfortunately, it wasn't sooner. We all wish it was like we had peace and less pain and sadness and things we did poorly sooner. But time means everything when you can trust in a higher power. Do you believe in God?

I do. For me, it's a higher power. Where was your life when you weren't believing in a higher power versus where you do now? I mean, it was disconnected. There was no anchor, and there was no contentment. Just feeling- Never happy. Oh, my God. Contentment is such a... Oh my God.

Never good enough, right?

Never good enough. No, no, no, no. I relate so much to your story with Martha, who I love, by the way. She's amazing. With Noah. Noah, I feel like he was a saving grace in my life because he's so calm, he's so grounded. He's everything that was so unknown for me. It was a massive part of me being able to drop into myself and to really go deep and do the work because I felt safe with him. I felt this safe sense in my life that really, I think when you do have that, and it's very important that while he brought so many elements of that, I was discovering it within myself. I wasn't... Oh, by the way, when we first started dating, I was like, he's going to save me. Thank God, I need to be saved. I thought he was going to save me. He was going to like... And then he wasn't.

Really?

Yes. I remember he would wake up in the morning and he was so happy and he would be so excited for his day. And I hated what I was doing. Wow. And I was just like, How do you feel like that? And how do you find your thing? The grip was so tight and I was just searching. And he was like, Just try to... And I still It's hard for me to focus. Definitely undiagnosed ADHD. I mean, it's there. But he said, If you can just pay attention to the thing that you're interested in. For me now, it's like, Pay attention to the thing that lights you up and just give it a little focus. Focus a little bit on it. I was like, okay. And I'm like, What does he mean? I'm fit modeling. And then it was funny because during my I would be fitting all day and I worked as a fit model for years, but I was making bank and it was guaranteed cash. It was good money every day. It was amazing money. I wasn't a big model, but I was like, I don't even care anymore because that was exhausting, trying with all these supermodels in the room anyway.

At least I'm making money.

You're in a room and they're fitting the jeans and the shirts to you and all that stuff. Yeah, exactly. You don't have to be on for photography to be in the world stage. Exactly. It's actually- Not like runway modeling. You're just like, I get to hang out and the designers are just fitting to me and I'm getting good money.

I was making great money. I just remember when things really turned on where I would go to my fittings and maybe the tech designer was like, I'm feeling really tired. I'm like, Well, what is the first thing? Well, how do you go to bed? And what is the first thing you do when you wake up? And then it was like, I was coaching. I started coaching, but I loved it. And then it was like, So when you're unhappy in a situation or if you don't love your job right now, bring a little joy to the job. You got to dig a little deep. And when I started doing that, wow. First of all, the lights go on. I was like, I am so... I love helping people. And it was just a little thing. I'm like, well, take magnesium, turn the lights down, put your phone away. And it's like, nothing's changed. I'm still sharing all of these things. But then I started working. I went to the Institute for Integrative Nutrition online, the online course. And that for me was like, I didn't even want to do it because I hated school. And I was like, Oh, God, you have to take tests.

And they were like, It's an open book test. And I still was like, Oh, my God, just the idea of taking a test gives me severe anxiety. But I was like, You know what? I'm going to challenge myself. And I remember Noah saying, Let me get it for you. Let me pay for the course. And I said, No, thank you. But I have to do it for myself. If I let you pay, I'm just going to be like, Oh, whatever. I knew that. So I was like, I have to earn this.

We need to invest in it.

I needed to invest. So doing that. And then I started coaching people for free. I would meet them in coffee shops. And then I pitched myself to this integrative doctor. He'd never worked with health coaches before. He hired me. I was the first health coach he ever hired. Dr. Morison, big shout out to you. Thanks for believing in me. And now they have health coaches in their practice. But it was listening to that, the focus for me, really helped me understand that, okay, I couldn't leave my job because I was making great money. But on the evening, Maybe a couple of evenings a week, I dedicated a little time, and then the evenings became weekends, and then the weekend became... And then I had people who wanted to pay me. And then I was getting all these offers, and that was really it. That was when I was like, I think I can literally do this. Live off this, yeah. And I I started coaching full-time, and I loved it. But I knew there was something missing, and I'm in that place right now, and it's so fun.

What was missing?

I felt like I loved talking through, but when I started blending movement, I became alive. And that was how I started teaching digitally. I'm not a trainer. I never started teaching in studio. I started teaching online. And then I feel like even after all of these years of doing this, and I love what I do. I am so grateful and so proud of myself that I'm like, You did it, and you're still doing it, and you're going to keep doing it because the unfold Holding is what I've learned to really just get excited about, right? And I love speaking, and I love being able to spread this, but also to help people apply their lives and their mess and their stuff to really get them there. It's like handholding and guiding along the way that I feel like is something that I love to do. But there's something that happens when I'm on stage or speaking where I feel I I feel at home.

Wow, that's beautiful. Something you said, it's really interesting because there's a lot of people that are struggling or suffering or in depression or anxiety. What I've learned over the years is that the fastest way to end your own sadness and suffering to be in service to someone else. Like you said, you were maybe a little down or whatever, and you started coaching people just for fun for 10, 20 minutes, and it just made you feel alive. When you're in service to someone else, helping provide value to someone else, it's the greatest gift you can give yourself to. It's almost selfish because of how good you can feel to help another person.

That's how I feel with the work that I do. You're amplifying it, too.

Yeah. It's like you're helping millions and you're like, Man, what a gift. This is so It's beautiful that I get to be of service and use my pain or my sadness for so long. What I learned on how to get out of it to help other women who are struggling and whatever they're struggling with. If people watching and listening just knew that if you're suffering in any way in sadness right now, the fastest way to overcome that is to get out of yourself and start helping someone else, helping someone with whatever you can help them with. I don't care. Listen to them. If you have no skill, just listen to them and sit with them. If you can provide value in way, provide value for free, whatever it is, it's going to make you feel better. The more you do it consistently, it's going to get you out of that sadness and suffering. It's not going to solve everything, but it's going to help you a lot.

It really does. I think also moving your body, it's wild what movement can do. I think it brings magic to your life because all those endorphins and your dopamine, the serotonin, and you're just like, I think that just becomes a magnet. A hundred %, yeah. Bringing. It opens up the energy.

If you can meditate on a consistent basis and calm your mind, if you can move your breath and be intentional for a few minutes a day with your breathing, whether that's with movement or not. Then if you can use movement on a daily basis in some intuitive way, you're 90% of the way there.

That's my medicine.

That's it. If you can just eating a little bit more intuitively, a little healthier, it's going to solve a lot of problems.

Oh, my God. A lot.

You're just going to feel better. You're just going to feel better. You're going to be clearer, you're going to be happier, more joyful, more loving, more grateful. It's not going to solve everything, but it's going to solve a lot.

It is. I think people are waiting to feel motivated. Let me tell you, I'm a super motivated person. I don't always feel motivated to do the things. When I'm feeling that way, I lean on my habits. It's like your habits are the vehicle that are going to inspire and turn on this motivation inside of you. Then you become more motivated to keep it moving. But if you're sitting around waiting to be motivated or inspired, we have to know that we're the creators of that. And it's like coming back to the things, unfortunately, that you may not want to do in that moment. I don't wake up skipping to meditate and work out every day. And by the way, I do it for 30 minutes, but I'm consistent and I'm devoted to myself daily. That's great. And that's where it's less of this pounding into the ground.

And it becomes- Beating yourself up and extremism. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. But how do you stay consistent when you've got a big business now? You're a mom, a couple of kids, you're married, you've got responsibilities as a wife, you've got extended family, I'm assuming, that have stuff coming up all the time. You've got friends, you've got How do you do it? How can you stay fit, healthy, calm? How do you manage it all?

It's even more reason for me to stay consistent, and I know what it feels like to feel bad. I know what it feels like to live life feeling like that. I don't want to. And even on my most down days, and some days, I do think you just have to let yourself to be in that and to feel all the feels, cry, say, really get it out because you have to release it. But I still do the work. I still come back to it because it has me here. It has me living a life beyond my wildest dreams. And I never thought things were possible. And I now know that anything is possible. I really, truly, with everything inside of me, believe that when you want it and when you... It's not even working hard for it. I think you have to work super consistently. But when you're just willing to feel all the feelings, I always say it's like the days that you don't want to do it, that you need it most, that will completely elevate your process. Yes. It's just like, after all of these years, I still have these, I have such a deep relationship with my inner self, and it's these internal conversations that I have, and I get myself there.

I do. I want to live this life to the fullest. You said, though, earlier that you're in a place that's an interesting place right now.

I don't know if you said flat or neutral. Yeah, neutral. What are you uncovering right now? In the last decade, you've really uncovered a lot and grown a lot and created a lot, right? Where are you now? You mentioned earlier also you're still doing even deeper unmasking and letting go of past wounds on a deeper level. What does that mean with your business and also with your personal journey inside?

So right now, I'm doing some energy work. And it's funny because I feel like since I've been doing this work, I've shifted away from other things. I love therapy, and I think therapy is a great tool. But this has been something very transformative for me to understand that we're all energy. I'm just vibrating energy, and I can feel people's energy, and it's just something that magnifies my life. So the more that I'm just really paying attention, to the energy that I hold around me. And it's really hard because I went like this with my business, right? When I really hit that peak growth. And then it's like, Okay, what are we doing?

Keep expanding and building.

Let's launch this. Exactly. And hire more people and test and trial of these things. And it got away from me. It got a little A little too far away from me. And I was so unhappy. And I've been feeling it for a while, but it's overwhelming. And then it's so easy to be like, Oh, well, this person, if we didn't make that decision. And I was doing this, listening to other people. And I've actually never talked about this, but a A couple of years ago, I brought in some investment, just with a small group of people. And it was really not completely locked in to my gut. But it was a guided decision that I felt from people who are very intelligent. I was like, You know what? I'm successful. Yeah, of course. I also have stood behind for so many years, like, Oh, well, school wasn't my thing, and finance isn't my thing. Enough of that. It is so easy to hide behind and just think you can just hire things. And I do believe that you have to really give the majority of your energy to the thing that you're really good at.

But I had to really face this feeling of, Why am I so uninspired? I had nothing. It was just like, Putting on an act, and I can do that.

When was this?

It's been going on for a year, but it was chipping away at understanding. Maybe in certain rooms, the vibes weren't vibing, and I'm just walking away and I'm like, Why am I doing this? Well, yeah. I'm just like, Why wasn't it vibing? Who contributed to the vibes being off? I had to go under the hood of my business and own that the decisions that were made were my decisions.

At the end of the day, you said yes to certain things.

Yes. This is because of things I have chosen to say yes to. Whether I felt it or not, I did it. So owning that is when I was just like, and I pulled up the sleeves and I'm like, and let's get to work because nobody can fix this but me. And it was just a lot of deep... For me, it starts with intuition and energy, but then it has to be supported by aligned actions. So you feel the thing, you take note, you investigate, and then it's like you have to ask questions. And sometimes there's just certain people that are not meant to be in your orbit. And that's okay, because I think when something's not working for you, it's not working for them Sure. Of course. But you're pulling the plug, or they're pulling the plug, by the way. And it's amazing what was starting to happen and shift. And I had built this beautiful space. I started doing this stuff in my living room. Noah, when he was like... It's so funny because he's like, You were doing this thing, and I was so happy for you that you were content doing this thing.

But then it's like, when he started paying attention, he's like, You look like a real business. It was really cute and funny. He was always supportive, but he's just like, Whoa, this is crazy. Then he literally built a custom desk in our living room, and I had me and two other girls on the team. I went from that, and then I went to this We Work space that was a closet with three desks. Now I've built this beautiful space with a studio in the office. It's incredible. But I didn't feel good being there. Really? No. I didn't know why. And I had to uncover, and I had to ask hard questions, and then I had to face things. But through the process of listening and taking action, and other people sometimes taking action, I am in a different space in my life right now where I feel like I've just cleaned up some cobwebs and made some really hard decisions of also buying my investors back. They're amazing. The most incredible group, and it was nothing to do with them. It was just the simple fact that something was not completely feeling in the flow for me.

I think I put on my own pressure of feeling like I've got to deliver this thing, but also understanding understanding that I think people make it sound like the North Star should be selling your business. And the more I sat down- Raising money, selling the business.

Yeah.

I was like, oh, my God.

Hiring more and more people.

I was just like, I love it. I love what I... I love this. I don't think that's it. And just being really honest and transparent and has helped me to just really come back to myself. Wow.

That's beautiful. Yeah, more is not always more.

No, it's not. And I think testing, and by the way, Because I think it's so easy to think about all the money and the things. Oh, God, the time. And I wait on that for a bit, to be honest. But then I'm like, thank you. Thank you for showing me, for guiding me, for allowing me to really own this and to just know that those were my lessons. And I had to do. I had to go all through all of these things to be at this neutral chapter, which I like highs when they're high, and I even can vibe with a low when it's low because it's just like, I'm used to this.

But you're not used to this.

No, but I'm... Oh, my God, it's so beautiful. Yeah. And I'm just like- You don't know what to expect next.

Is that what it is, or you're not clear yet?

I know that I want to do more motivational speaking. I'm a motivational speaker, and just saying that more, I'm like, Vanessa, you are a motivational speaker. Stop saying you want to be. You are a motiv... And I just... Even that, like exercising that skill in the way that I talk about it and getting myself out there to do more things. And I feel really excited without knowing a damn thing that's about to come.

So what does that look like? If you had a vision for your life over the next few years, what does that feeling or experience look like?

Honestly, it all comes back to my community because it is, oh, my God. I mean, and how this came to be is I did my first really big class in Brooklyn in Brooklyn at the One Hotel years ago.

Like a live class in person?

Yeah, like an in-person class where we did a meditation and I guided a class. But it was the speaking part that I walked away from that experience. And by the way, it was so crazy because I stayed at the One Hotel the night before because I was like, I need to just get grounded. And sometimes when your kids are crying, I was just like, give me a moment. This is my first big thing with 300-ish people that I had ever done. And I was in the room and I thought people were screaming on the street. But then I looked out the window and I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. I think they're lined up. Before I were coming. And I started to panic because I was like, Are people are going to come? Are you sure they are SVP? It was so weird. I started feeling like no one was going to come. I know that feeling. Oh, my God. And then I didn't prepare a damn thing.

You'd been preparing for 10 years. Exactly. You've been doing reps. Yeah.

Yeah. And honestly, that is my inner genius that I can drop in. I'm so connected to source, and that just flows through me. I don't plan a class, I don't plan a class. I don't plan a meditation. And I didn't plan a talk, but it poured out of me.

Wow, that's cool.

And I went home, and I remember I was laying in bed. My legs were off the wall as they are every night before bed. And I was talking to Noah and I said, I feel the most at home. And I just feel that's... What happened to me today is what I meant to be doing.

You felt alive. Yes.

I felt so alive.

When's the last time you did one of those?

That's where things get interesting, right? Because I've done some. I have done some, but I can really hide behind teaching a class Yes, because it's safe and it's known.

Versus what?

Versus just getting up there and speaking.

Oh, so you've been doing more class teaching?

Well, it blends. It's like a meditation, and then we move, and then And by the way, that is beautiful, and I love doing it. But every time I'm speaking- Just speaking.

Just speaking. Oh, not doing a class.

And by the way, our members, my members, come me. Sure, I can put you through a killer workout. A lot of people are strong. It's different because it's mostly using your own body weight and just the blend of that alone combined with the way I will fuse things together. But people come to me for the... It's like what I give in my energy and feeling motivated, right? Because that starts to pour through me when I'm teaching. I feel that in my soul. That's what they really want. They want all of it, all the things.

But it's a feeling more than... It's a feeling. They get a workout anywhere.

Yeah, they can get a workout anywhere, and they do.

But they get a feeling and something's unique with you that they want more of.

Yes. I'm stepping into that.

I'm trying to understand, though. You like doing classes, but that's not the main thing you want to be doing.

I feel like it was... I love teaching digitally.

Not in-person classes.

I mean, I'll do it. I love it occasionally, but I'm not going to teach every week in a studio or train clients. That is not my soul's work.

What is the vision then for your soul's work? Is it to speak on stage for this next season of life? Yes. And not teaching a workshop or a class, just speaking.

It's a combination of both.

I'm really- What does the perfect speech look like for you? Where you feel most alive?

It's starting with my keynote.

Okay.

I'm really giving the story and the how I have gotten to this place. But then it's taking that and it is giving the how-to to everyone in the space.

Like with a class example? No. Okay, so no workout.

No class. A meditation, definitely a meditation. Maybe we'll get up and we'll do something.

Shake it off, but not like laying down on the mat and doing a workout. No. Okay, so it's not a workout speech.

It's not a workout.

It's a speech-speech.

It's a real. Okay.

When's the last time you did one of those?

The last time I did that was... I was I was in invited to... Where did I speak? I went to Austin, and Snapchat had me come for... Why am I drawing a blank on the- South by Southwest. South by Southwest. Thank you. It was huge for me to have them come.

How was that?

It was incredible. It was amazing.

But that was five months ago, six months ago. I know.

Thank you. Look at this. I love this.

What are you waiting to do in the next one?

I'm doing one in the beginning. In Q1, we're looking at booking the space right now. I'm actively working towards getting this thing together, but there's nothing standing in the way. Sure. It's more now... I know that I've taken a lot of this space to get myself, and I've done a lot of talks in between, too. I did one last Friday, I'm doing one next week. And room of 70 people, 100 people, I've spoken to 500, 500 plus. So I've been grooming this, but this one I'm putting on. Okay. This is my event. Yeah, in early next year. And as you know, that takes. I mean, it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. We've been chipping away at this for a while, but I can very confidently say in 2025- It's happening. It's freaking happening. I really can't wait. Even last Friday, when I spoke to these seven new women, I was like, I'm the most me I've ever been.

Okay, so you feel the most alive when you're doing this.

I do.

I can see it in your energy.

I know. I completely shifted. I felt it.

But you've only done a couple of them this year, it sounds like, right?

No, I've done more than a couple. Okay. I've done a lot. I have done a lot, but they're very much like I'm being invited. Sure. But I wanted to use this time to exercise my skills. Yeah, of course.

Why don't you just do it at your office space once every week or every two weeks? Just let women come in and be like a 100% event and just get your reps. It doesn't have to be a big production. We're like, Oh, we have to plan six months in advance to have the event.

It doesn't, but I feel like my energy vibrates I feel very called to the space we're looking at as a thousand people. I've done the 500s. I've done a little more, but I feel like I'm just- You're going to do a bigger thing now. Yeah, and I have been... I mean, the thing is with... And I love where you're going with this.

Call me out. Yeah, I am.

No, I like it. Thank you. Because it's also I have to face that. I have... And this is something I had to ask myself, Am I procrastinating? This is when I started working this energy worker. It doesn't need to look too perfect. Yeah. It was so clear, and this is when I really got to work. I spent about four months of this. I had so so much detangling to do. It's not an excuse. I hear you, though. But when you're so detangled-It's hard to give your energy to something. You can't. Now, as things are all starting to open up, it's like, I'm opening up.

Sure. Timing is everything. It's everything. I was with Gabby Bernstein last night. We were talking about you. She's the best. I love you guys. Talking about how she's love of watching your journey and just how you've exploded. But she did something for years, I think. I mean, it was a year where it was once a month. There was a beautiful church in New York City that she would just open it.

Oh, I used to go. Did you? Yeah.

There's got to be something like that where also it doesn't have to be a big production.

No, I like that.

I want to do this once a month for 300 or 500 or however many people where it's a 90 minutes thing, and I'm just going to get my practice reps here in New York for the bigger thing that I'm going to build later.

Oh, I really love that.

It's content for the app, and it's whatever. You can invite your friends, you can bring other people, whatever it might be, and just whoever shows, shows. If it's a hundred people, if it's a thousand people, but I'm going to bring my best once a month. I'm going to get a rep every month, and I'm going to create something for myself, and I'm also going to have content for the whole month. I'm going to have more videos to show other big events, what I'm doing in front of... It's just going to activate it.

I love that. You know what I mean? I felt a very strong yes when you said that.

It doesn't have to be I do overproduced, but it could be a beautiful church. I don't know where Gabby did it, but it always looked pretty beautiful.

Yeah. I've been to one that she did at a church, and then I would go to Mary Ann Williamson, who was also one of her teachers. She did it weekly. I went weekly.

For a long time. So you could do something like that. Yes. It could be once a month to start.

I love it. This is great. I like this. No, I'm really liking this. What I've really been peeling back the layers on is clearly perfection. Can you tell?

If I were you, I would say you should give yourself a challenge to make it feel a little scary. I wouldn't wait till next year. I would say, How do I do this in November or December? It's like, How do I do this before the end of the year where I don't feel fully prepared, where it scares me a little bit because I feel like I want it to be this perfect thing and just show up and give my heart and soul to my community.

I love it. That's when I'm my best, by the way, when it's less produce, which is what I've gone back to.

Just a mic and you on stage.

Yeah.

Put a little music on and that's it. You deliver. Thank you for that. The holidays are coming up. It's like, it's a perfect time, November, December, to just put something together and see who shows up. It's scary when you don't know how many people are going to show up. I just had an event a few weeks ago, and I was literally like, I have no idea. It was a 6,000-person venue, and I go, I don't know if people are going to show up or not. We're going to have a thousand people here, and it's going to look empty. Until people are there, you're like, Oh, okay, this thing is full. But it's a little scary.

It's really scary.

I've been doing it for eight years. I don't know. Something what I'm hearing you say is you just being able to show up and hundreds of people coming and you being able to deliver. The joy that brings you and the memory that gives you at night afterwards and how you get to talk about it and how you get to relive it, that memory dividend sounds like it's one of the greatest joys you have. It is. When you're on stage speaking. And so don't limit yourself on your ability to serve until the perfect timing or the perfect space or the perfect... I have to detangle everything. I get the detangling, but it's like you can keep getting practice reps locally in a smaller venue. I love it. Thank you.

I needed to hear that. Yeah.

And your community wants you, right? You're doing a disservice by not adding a space them to show up. You're freaking right. They're messaging you saying, We want more of you, and this is the thing you want to do more of. It's not like you're wanting to do something that you don't want to do. It's not like your audience is asking you to do a mastermind or a coaching program or another course, where you're like, I'm just tired of creating more. They're asking you to do something that your heart is telling you you love the most based on what I'm hearing you say.

A million %. Thank you. I needed this.

I would set a date in November, December. Okay. And say, I'm just going to get a venue that I can just do a two-hour talk.

That's the thing. I'm just like, I don't want to set... Just walk in, do the thing.

That's it. No production. Yes. Mic and some music.

I like less production. That's been a big thing.

You can keep doing the thousand-person venue later. Next year, you can set that and create that. But this is where your heart and your soul comes alive and where you can serve your community. It doesn't need to do Gabby Bernstein, Marion Williamson style. It's like, serve.

Thank you. I really needed to- I'm going to text you and see next week if you've got a date. Done. No, I feel like as soon as you said it, and I think this is where with my team right now, I feel like I've really just been coming back to the basics of what brings me alive. I actually went back to doing my lives on my phone with no... We have lights in there, but it's dark and it's not perfect. It's not fancy. Oh, my God. It's when I'm the most me.

I mean, even consider going back and just make it look like your living room. Maybe you don't want to film your living room anymore, but make it set it up like your living room.

I do still film in my living room. That's cool. Yeah. I will never stop doing that. At home?

Yes. There you go.

Yeah. That's cool. I bring it with me everywhere. That's amazing.

I would love to see you on a stage in New York, just a church or a venue, get what Gabby did.

You gave me a gift.

It could be once a month. It doesn't have to be weekly. Just see how that feels.

Okay.

Only book it one month ahead. If you don't want to do it next month, I don't have to do it anymore. If it's getting too overwhelming or it doesn't feel right, I'm stopping.

Team, get ready. Yeah, it doesn't need to be some great produce thing. I'm calling right after this.

That's the feater for like, Oh, we're going to do a thousand or 2000 person venue next year. And this is like, you can sell tickets to that at your monthly thing.

Yeah. I feel like I've been standing in my own way. And honestly, it's so interesting because I think you be really excited about something and at the same time, so scared of really stepping in. A hundred %. And I will admit that.

Yeah, of course. Yeah. But you're here for a reason today.

You gave me a... It was like an electric listen and yes.

Well, just you talking about it, and like, this is what you're most alive is what you're saying. And I'm feeling that. And I'm like, Why have you only done it a few times this year? It's like, do it once a month. Okay. Not on your own here in New York. This has been beautiful. I've got a couple of final questions for you. Amazing. But what I'm hearing you say throughout this entire conversation is that when you give yourself the space and time to start listening to the direction of your life. Am I in the direction that I want to be in or am I not? Based on how I'm feeling, based on my environment, based on the people in my life, am I on the direction? Am I on the path? And do I feel good about me? Do I have a good relationship with me? When you've been able to do that consistently, good things happen in your life. When you keep taking consistent, healthy actions on a daily basis, More abundance comes to you. You're manifesting the right things. Organically, things flow to you better, and it feels more effortless. When you're making decisions that are not in alignment with your inner child or with the divine, it's a lot of effort, and things don't flow to you.

There's a lot of destruction and sadness and suffering in your path. I want to acknowledge you, Melissa, for the journey you continue to take to be in service to the little girl inside of you, to be there for her, even when she's maybe screaming at times and you're doing not everything perfect all the time, but you keep realigning with the values you have that she needs. I know you have kids, but the most important child you have is the one with yourself. I acknowledge for being on that journey to be a great mother to yourself as well as your own kids and being of service, using your soul to be of service to your community. I acknowledge you for making the actions in your business recently to realign with that, even though that might be scary and worried what people are going to think about me and what I'm going to upset some people and these different things. But more is not always more. I acknowledge you for taking these challenging, courageous steps. I'm so excited that we're connecting, and I hope to see you continue to be in your power without it being perfect.

Oh, yes.

I've got Two final questions for you, Melissa, before I ask them, how can people who are listening or watching be of service to you today? Where can we support and follow you and serve you?

Thank you. I'm so full of gratitude. It's such a beautiful thing when you can really take it in. You can come to melissawoodhealth. Com, and I have workouts and meditations. I have over a thousand videos, and I really, truly have something for everyone that was always important to me, no matter what stage of life you are in, whether you are pregnant, newly postpartum, have never worked out, have taken years off. And with these workouts and the programs that I've created, I feel very confident that it will guide you to a place of true inner alignment with yourself. And meditations, I have recipes. I really share so much. I try to give it all there. Our Instagram for Melissa Wood Health is @melissawoodhealth, and my personal is @melissawoodtepperberg.

Awesome. Okay. Well, make sure to check that out. And if you're in New York, make sure to follow her to see when she's doing her event here in New York at the end of this year, hopefully. No pressure, but only if it feels aligned for you.

It does.

You lit a fire. I love it. I don't want you to feel like I have to do this, but it's like if you feel called, the end of this year, it's happening. This is a question I ask everyone towards the end of our conversations. It's called the three truths. Imagine a hypothetical scenario. You get to live as long as you want in this world, but it's your last day on this Earth. Imagine you're as old as you want to be. And From this moment of this conversation until that last day, you get to create everything you want in your life. Whether you want to create more or less, whatever it is, you get to develop and create anything. And all your dreams come true. Everything comes true. But for whatever reason in this hypothetical scenario, you have to take all of your work with you, all of your content, the videos, this conversation, anything you create. We don't have access in this world after you're gone, hypothetically. But on the last day, you get to leave three truths, three things you know to be true from all your experiences in life, your three lessons to life.

This is all we have to remember of your content. What would be those three truths for you?

Oh, God, this is so good. The three truths for me would be to listen to your gut because it's guiding you in ways and directions beyond anything you ever could have imagined. Open your heart because when you do, it opens the doors to everything in your life. The third would be to be exactly who you are. And no matter what's going on around you and people are doing things you want to do and you think they're doing it better, the more that you can just come back to you and move through life in the way that you do is where I think the beauty of us really un pulls. That's beautiful.

Final question, Melissa, what's your definition of greatness?

My definition of greatness is having this contentment and alignment in your life. No matter what it looks like, because I think when you peel all of that stuff back, it's this feeling that you wake up with and you just feel so good and excited for it all. That, to me, is just what living a great life is and being a great person and just showing up with this greatness through it all.

Awesome. Melissa, thanks for being here. I appreciate it.

Thank you so much.

Amazing. Anything you wanted to add or anything?

Oh, my God. I feel like we went there in every way, shape and form. It's so interesting, too, because I feel like I told my story so differently. And I love what you pulled out of me. That's great.

It's beautiful. Thank you.

Appreciate it. Thank you.

I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple podcast. Share with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple podcast as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you, and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.