Transcript of 6 Words to Tell Yourself Every Morning

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. This is going to be one of the most eye-opening and transformative conversations you've ever heard on this podcast, and I am startled that it's about the clothing that you put on your body. Our expert today is going to tell you that fashion clothing, the things that you already have in your closet are not things to dread. They are tools that you can use to feel how you wanna feel today, to embody the kind of person you wanna become. You're gonna learn a 6-word sentence that you need to ask yourself every single morning before you walk into your closet, and it will fundamentally change how you think about yourself, how you think about the clothes that you have, and how you think about what's possible. It's not about trends. It's not about fashion. It's not about colors. You don't even have to buy anything. This is about using what you have in your closet to help you feel confident, energized, more powerful, protected. This is about changing the way you approach something you have to do every day, getting dressed, and shifting it so that it empowers you.

And you're going to hear 3 women on our team who are part of this episode admit deeply personal things about how they feel and how they felt and how much they've changed since just trying this different way of getting dressed. And it's not about the physical. It's a mindset shift. It is simple. You can do it immediately and you will feel the impact every single day. For the rest of your life. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am thrilled that you're here. I'm thrilled that you're here because the episode today is going to blow your mind. It is always an honor to spend time with you and to be together. And if you're a new listener or you're here because someone shared this episode with you, and this is one of those episodes that is going to spread around the world. It is that powerful, that eye-opening. Before we jump into it, I just want to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I cannot wait for you to experience the conversation that you and I are going to have today with Erin Walsh.

She's going to teach you one small shift that will fundamentally change how you experience your day. And I'm going to go on record and say I've been doing this. It will change how you experience your life and what's possible. Erin Walsh is one of the most sought-after celebrity stylists on the planet. She has styled some of the biggest names in Hollywood for red carpets, magazine covers, press tours, and defining career moments. When someone needs to walk into a room and feel powerful, grounded, magnetic, or completely like the supernova version of themselves, Erin Walsh is the person they call. But what makes Erin extraordinary isn't just her eye for style. It's her philosophy. She believes getting dressed, it's not about trends, it's not about labels, it's not about buying more things. It's about alignment. It's about who you are. It's about your identity and who you want to become. She is the bestselling author of the new book, The Art of Intentional Dressing. This year, she was named Stylist of the Year by Women's Wear Daily. And I got to know her because she saved me. When I got nominated for a Golden Globe and had to walk the red carpet for the first time.

That's where I first experienced the magic that is Erin Walsh and this extraordinary philosophy, the art of intentional dressing, and 6 words that you're gonna ask yourself every morning when you get dressed that will fundamentally change how you feel about yourself, how you see the clothes that are in your closet, and how you imagine what is possible for you in this next chapter of your life. So please help me welcome the incredible Erin Walsh. Erin Walsh, welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

I have no words. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you.

Well, I'm thrilled that you came to snowy Vermont. I love it. And this is the first episode that we have taped here in the barn.

Fireside chat.

Fireside chat is right.

Sexy unplugged.

And— Well, you're going to help us be sexy if that's what we want to feel.

We're going to try.

I want to start by asking you, how is my life going to be different if I take everything to heart that you're about to teach us today about using clothing as a way to embody the feeling that we want, the person we want to become? How's my life going to change?

Number one, I think Your life will change when you start to see what you wear as a means to embody your best self every single day. When you start to believe and embody the idea that you matter and that how you enter a room and how you live energetically all day long will not only serve the story of who you are and why you're here, but it will impact everybody. It's— the possibility itself is limitless.

You think that's possible based on changing how we get dressed in the morning?

I think, like, you become the change that you see as possible in yourself. You learn to wear the change you want to see in the world. And the whole thing with embodiment, like, people, they look at clothes as a luxury, and it's not. Like, we all have to get dressed in the morning the same way we have to brush our teeth. Fashion is not something that's frivolous. Most of us have to get dressed every day. So why would you not get intentional about it? Because it's a means to arm yourself to tell the story that you want to tell to the world of who you are every day. And how you spend your days is how you're remembered. And it's like the legacy you leave behind.

When you say fashion, what do you mean? Because when I look at my closet, I see clothing.

I think—

I don't think fashion because I'm like, oh, well, that's red carpet. That's like fancy stuff. That's like not something I'd wear to work. What do you mean when you say fashion?

I mean fashion like tools. I may be a celebrity stylist or a fashion stylist, but I've never seen it that way. I, I see myself as a fashion therapist. I love clothes. I always have since I was a little kid. But fashion is the incidental part. The clothes are the choices. The clothes are the tools and how you put them together and the texture and the color and the silhouette and the proportion. And ultimately how each piece makes you feel is the story. What you wear is the story. Fashion is like the icing on the cake. That's like the next level part, style. But I don't think the point is style. I think it's about learning to use fashion or what you wear as a tool to embody your best self that's possible to you.

So when you say fashion therapist, yeah, what are you teaching women to learn about themselves based on the decisions they're making when they open their closet in the morning and they decide what they're going to wear?

I, number one, I want women to like, stop. I want them to take a pause and get clear on who they want to be and what their potential is. And I think, like, the therapy is you can't do that without having compassion for yourself because you don't get to decide how you feel when you wake up in the morning. And most days, some of— we may feel anxious or tired or bloated or, you know, jet-lagged or confused or not our best self. So how can you have compassion for yourself and take a pause to get clarity, to return back to Who's that person I want to be and how do I want to feel? Like, that's where the compassion comes in. And that's like self-therapy, that's self-care, ultimately. It's a pause that like, those moments and those rituals, if you choose to bring them into your life every single day, they will change your life.

Even just taking a pause is a radical idea because I'll just say, before meeting you, I would throw open the door to my closet and I don't pause. I throw open the door, and I think the first thing I think is, okay, what am I gonna wear?

Right.

Maybe I think about my day, and then I go through the process that I think a lot of us do of looking through a lot of things that probably don't fit me.

Yep.

And I feel discouraged and overwhelmed because unlike you, I was not into style and fashion. I was like a Branimals kid, you know, match the clothes, just buy materials.

Totally.

And so it feels overwhelming. So I think even just that first piece, as you're literally listening or watching on YouTube, I wanna make sure you know there's a pause that you need to take because I don't think most of us do.

I think like the reason why most women, they go to the closet and they're like, what the F do I wear? And it starts the spiral of you feel bad about yourself. You start to feel like you're not enough either for the outside world or even for your own closet. And you don't feel connected to your body. So all of that is, is going into action before taking a pause, getting clear, taking a moment. How do I want to feel? Who do I want to be? How do I embody that person? What tools do I need at my disposal? I believe so much in this intersection of style and spirituality and style and wellness, and people think they're mutually exclusive. I'm not trying to prescribe any kind of spirituality or like something too woo-woo for people, but the idea that like your insides connect to your outside is so fundamental and so foundational, and that is like so wildly transformative and empowering.

What are the layers of why this is so emotional?

Oh, there's so many.

I think— Let's have them all because I think we all feel it. Like, I look at all the money I've wasted on things I've never— I look at all the things I just can't get rid of. I look at the things that I, you know, bought for the person I wanted to be that never happened. Like, there's so much wreckage in my closet.

Totally.

Well, the thing is, it's such a vulnerable place. It's such a mindful place. Minefield. And there's so many metaphors to it. Like, I always think of someone's closet like their insides, like their soul. And most people's closet, it's not who they are, who they want to be. It's all these people that they used to be. And that's why it's such a minefield for feeling not like your best self, because you see these jeans that used to fit when you, when you were hot in your 20s, or you had a baby and your body is sort of— you don't relate to it anymore.

Yeah.

Um, and as most women I know, it's not just like the postpartum or the perimenopausal or even aging in general. Our bodies change all the time. So it's not like there's ever, you know, like you need options. There's not something that's always going to work for you. And that's where the compassion piece comes in. Like it or not, we tell the story of who we are every day by how you are, by every single choice you make, by how you talk to people, by how you enter a room, by your energy, by how you choose whether or not to embody your best self. It's about knowing every single piece that is a part of your life, getting intentional with it, and understanding why it resonates with you and how it can help be transformative and console you. So if you start by being intentional, you live more intentionally and you feel better. And that's the game changer.

I'm thinking about getting dressed in the exact opposite way.

Tomorrow you're not.

No, but I feel like there's an opportunity to lean in. Yeah. Because there is so much about life that we do on autopilot.

100%.

And that we just kind of phone it in on. And common sense tells you, and as you're listening or watching, you've had this experience where you intentionally choose to wear something different and you feel different.

You feel different, you're received differently, you move differently, you remember the day differently, and that changes what's possible for the next day. What I have found in doing this, like the whole idea of like dressing intentionally or thinking intentionally about your clothes, you start there, it starts to affect every single area of your life and how you think about everything from a conversation you're having with a friend to, like, how you approach a meeting to how you talk to your kids.

So you styled all these mega celebrities.

Yeah.

And you also, though, talk about your aunts in the Midwest.

Oh my God, I love that.

What is the through line and the truth about getting intentional that connects the dots from these mega celebrities all the way to your aunts in the Midwest to each and every one of us that is listening to you right now?

So when I wanted to make a book, it wasn't because I worked with famous people. It was because most women I ever met had this relationship with getting dressed that it made them feel bad about themselves. And I kept thinking, I'm like, well, this— that doesn't make sense. I know, I know, like, what you wear can be transforming and empowering and, and life-changing. It changes how you're seen, how you're remembered. Like, but what can I do? Like, how do I— How do I shift that so that I can offer that to everybody? Because the bigger purpose to me isn't like, you know, that the superstars we look up to exist. No, they, they're there, but they remind us of the possibility that we can see within ourselves.

Well, what I got from what you just said is, and if I think about the context of you quote styling a celebrity.

Yeah.

And the high fashion involved. A lot of us that have, you know, been looking at these images in magazines or looking at it on TV or online, we, we don't think about the fact that that is an example of somebody getting dressed intentionally for a very specific job.

Yes.

Versus kind of how we all throw on sweats and go through our day-to-day life in the same stuff that we wear all the time. And the idea of thinking intentionally about what you want to wear? And you said this earlier, and how that presents a certain version of you?

It does. People don't know what to buy. They think that buying is the solution. And the solution, again, it starts with yourself. I think it's like, "Well, I don't know anything about fashion. That's the luxury part. Like, it's not for me." Like, and they remove themselves from the game. But like, no, like, whether or not you like it, you're in the game. So you have to start—

What do you mean you're in the game?

You have to get dressed.

Like, you're in the game of being alive and being in the world.

So aren't you going to want to walk as your most supernova self and not, you know, be afraid to be that person. Like, what are you waiting for? This is something you talk about all the time. Like, this is it. It's not a dress rehearsal, but you've got to learn how to play the part. Not just play it, but embody the part so you feel it of the person you want to be.

Erin, what's the one question you want people to ask themselves before they even open the door to the closet in the morning?

How do I want to feel?

How do I want to feel?

6 words.

6 words that we're going to ask ourselves every morning. You're about to open the closet. You're going to stop for a second and go, okay, how do I want to feel?

How do I want to feel? That's your compass. That's where you start.

I, I'm pausing because I don't think anybody ever does that. I think we go, what should I wear?

They jump.

What fits?

Right. And then that starts the spiral of dysfunction.

Why do these 6 words, how do I want to feel? Why does this fundamentally transform the way you look at clothing and how clothing is a tool to help you create the life that you want?

When you start from that point of view, number one, that first honors who you are. A lot of people jump to the doing or to the honoring how everybody else needs me to feel or how How do I want to be seen? Which is a different thing. If you start from a place of how I want to feel, that honors you. And it's like a message of you, like, not just offering compassion to yourself or a lens of love, but it's deciding that you matter first. And by you embodying your best self, you can better, like, walk in the world.

Well, what's interesting, and I'm just kind of getting this right now, is that when I ask myself, what the heck am I going to wear? And half the things in my closet don't fit, or I don't like them, or they feel like an old version of me.

Yeah.

I'm already making a decision to dress based on what I think is gonna look okay to the world.

Yeah.

Versus stopping to ask myself this intentional question, how do I wanna feel?

And when you dress from a place of wondering if it's good enough for the world, you've already decided that you're not good enough for the world. Oh. By you dressing asking yourself, how do I want to feel? You're deciding that what you think and what you feel matters. And that's the lens to operate with the rest of the world. It's shifting it from a place of not good enough to ownership.

That how you feel and your energy matters.

Yeah.

I don't even consider it. Well, I consider how negative I feel.

Totally. And that matters because you need to see that person to embody that person. They go together. It's not like you leave her on the bed and then you go be your best self all day. They go together. You need to honor that person and what I want I want to do is shift how women see their possibilities and their potential and what they see for themselves. And that's why, like, I see the closet as a portal to possibility.

There's a couple of things that Erin has already said that I'm just going to highlight because I do not want to have you step over it. And the first step to the art of intentional dressing is unlike how we currently open the closet and then just move right in and do like, just like, okay, what am I going to wear today? And you're already going in the wrong direction. We're just going to take a pause and then you're going to second step, ask yourself those 6 words, how do I want to feel? And that right there shifts everything because now what you're looking at in terms of the clothes is you're looking— you said your closet can become a portal of possibility.

Yeah.

You are looking at your clothes as a tool to help you achieve that goal of how you want to feel. And what's really cool about this method and these 6 words is every single day is different. Give us some examples of the breadth of how you might answer that question, how do I want to feel?

So yeah, absolutely. I, I think in general, 3 words are helpful.

Okay, so 3 words.

I like to operate from that POV. And I think the more and more you ask yourself this, you'll start seeing patterns that Like for me, I always wanna feel effortless, easy, and elegant. I like—

You use the same 3 words every day?

I, not every day.

Okay.

But—

Yeah, 'cause I think I would change it every day.

Because there are some days, like especially in New York City where I need to feel like a boss and like I need some, you know, big, you know, empowered energy and bold energy.

Well, just let's just stop right there. Yeah. And hover on those words because if you put into your mind, imagine walking into your closet and saying, I wanna feel bold, empowered, and like a boss.

Yeah.

What you would grab to put on your body is very different.

Totally.

Than a day where you say, I wanna feel serene and peaceful and at ease.

Yeah, totally. So like, I think what the cool thing about unpacking all this and like everything is a feeling, I want women to get super intuitive with themselves and how the fabric, how the shape, how the everything of each piece in their closet resonates with them. So if I wanna feel empowered and bold, like it's not just about say a bright color, I might want like a bold silhouette or like a really bold shoulder jacket or like suiting, et cetera, structured pieces.

Can you just put us at a typical Tuesday? It's 6:30. Yeah. My energy is at the floor. Mm-hmm. And I say, how do I want to feel? But I feel like I don't like anything in my closet.

Yeah.

And how does it work in real life?

Yeah.

In that moment.

So. I— first of all, I still am there all the time. So it's not like, you know, I make this method and I'm the one who's fixed. I have children, like, crawling all over my head at night. Like, I'm not getting a decent night's sleep. There's a lot of balls in the air.

Yeah, and they're, like, all under the age of 10. Yeah! 3 of them.

They're delicious angels, but they don't let me sleep, and that's okay. That's part of this process.

So Erin's waking up exhausted, just like you and me.

I'm waking up exhausted? My body's not built for this.

Perfect.

I'd like, you know, have had 3 kids. There's a lot going on that I don't necessarily need to unpack right now.

Well, you hide it well in the clothing that you're wearing.

Well, thanks, Mel. What I love as an exercise is, you know, you need to know at least 3 pieces in your closet that you feel great about.

Okay.

Like for me, I need to have an excellent pair of jeans because whether— if I'm into feeling effortless, easy, and elegant, they need to fit well. I love to have— and I'm, you know, I'm wearing these things today. I love a great white shirt, not because it has to be white, but because like the crispness of it, the structure, like it makes me feel like a little bit strong, but also a little bit elegant. And I like those dichotomies, I think. And then you hear a lot of talk about like the perfect black blazer. And it's not because everybody needs a black blazer. It's because of what it does for you. Like a little structure, a little bit of protection. Black is a protective color. Again, I don't— I'm not going to tell each woman you need these 3 pieces in your closet. You need to go through this journey in your closet and pick out the things that make you feel great. And then like, look at your life. Like, is it that you tend to need to feel easy, empowered, and elegant? Or are you in a chapter of your life where you need to feel more supported, held, and strong?

Maybe you're not in a chapter where you're wanting all eyes on you, but you just want to feel put together. And that's, that's okay. But I would find the other pieces of armor that bring you back to yourself. And that's where the compassion piece comes in, because with our bodies changing and our lives changing, we're not meant to be the same people all the time. That's why it's important to get clear how each piece makes you feel.

The second that you said, just start with 3 pieces, and you went jeans, white shirt, blazer. And when you explained it, though, metaphorically, like you feel comfortable in your own skin in the right pair of jeans, crisp white shirt or t-shirt, or borrow one from your partner. Yeah. That makes you feel classic and makes you feel refined, but also something beautiful. But then when you said the black blazer is protection, I felt that.

Yeah, I know that deeply.

I knew I wanted to talk to you on the podcast because the second I learned this art of intentional dressing from you and beginning the day by asking myself, how do I want to feel? I see my closet completely differently. I saw things inside my closet that I never reach for. That helped me feel, the moment I got dressed, the way I wanted to feel. And I'll give you a simple example. So, um, last week, we were in Boston, and we were doing a big production week. We were taping 9 episodes in 4 days.

Wow.

And I also happened to get this kind of seasonal sinus thing. You can kind of hear it in my voice right now. I was so tired. I felt so ugly and puffy and yucky. And I knew your method. And I said, "All right, Mel, you feel like shit, but how do you want to feel?" How do you want to feel and how do you need to feel?

Because like you're Mel Robbins, like you need to lead this team through 9 episodes in 4 days.

Yes.

How are you gonna be that person?

And I can't afford to get sick right now.

Yeah. You're not gonna do it.

I'm not gonna do it. And so I said, "I need to feel invincible. I need to feel unstoppable." Yep. "And I need to feel confident." I love these words.

That is like a fire trio.

Correct. That is very strong. And so I could be sick. —fireworks energy. Yeah, I could put on my same uniform. Like, I, you know, have worn the same black shirt for 10 years. I've worn the same black pants style for almost 10 years. But then I pulled out these boots that you had me wear for one of the events at the Golden Globe. And I always joke I'm trying to wear them as much as possible to get the per-price-per-wear down. But when I pulled on the boots, and I'm wearing them right now, they go up to the knee. They're crazy amazing. I was like, all right, now I am invincible in these boots. It's like Wonder Twins power activate. And I powered through those days. And I kid you not, it was the intentional nature of I have something I need to do. Now, when I got home Friday, that next morning I woke up and I felt horrible. And I said, how do I want to feel today? And I said, safe. I want to feel protected, and I just want to feel soft. And I grabbed the coziest pair of sweatpants. They're hideous.

They're old. They're amazing. And just this flannel, like, kind of dad plaid shirt. Yeah. And I slept for 3 days straight. But laying on the couch in those clothes I gave myself intentional permission to just ease in. And I know it sounds kind of weird, but I kid you not, when you go tomorrow morning and you use this and you pause and you say, how do I wanna feel? Something crazy shifts inside you. It's like Jedi shift. Yes. It's wild how this works. Erin, I have so many more questions. I need to take a quick moment so that we can give our sponsors a chance to share a few words with our listeners. But I want to give you a chance to share this episode. This is one of those episodes that could fundamentally change the way one of your friends or your sister or your daughters or your mom or your grandma sees herself. This is a conversation that will provide specific tools that will help somebody step into this next chapter in their life. If you have a friend that's been complaining about their body, complaining about their wardrobe, who spends way too much money on clothes, this episode is for them.

So take a minute, text it to them, email it to them, get it to them however you can. But don't go anywhere because Erin Walsh is just getting started. Plus, we have 3 members of our team who are going to be joining us who have tried Erin's intentional dressing method. You got to hear what they say. About how this works. Stay with me. Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. Today, you and I are learning how to dress intentionally using this one question: How do I want to feel? From the extraordinary Erin Walsh. This one shift that we're learning about will not only change how you experience your day, it's gonna change how you experience yourself, your life, and what's possible. All right, Erin, let's just jump right back into this. I'm now gonna go a layer deeper. Mm-hmm. When I see somebody that looks really pulled together, mm-hmm, I see a woman that really takes care of herself. And if I wanna feel more pulled together, if I wanna feel like I respect myself, if I wanna feel worthy, I should put on clothing that makes me feel like I've done that for myself.

Totally.

And that's the action part of it. You talk about actions and the small steps you can take and the habits you make in your life all the time. That's a habit. You choose to honor yourself. You choose to get intentional. That's changing your life bit by bit. You gotta get intentional about every single thing, like whether it's your underwear, the first thing you put on your body. Not to say that you have to, you know, buy super expensive underwear, but what if you like invested in, the first thing on your body being intentional to you. And you only put in your drawer things that made you not necessarily sexy, but made you feel held and supported. Whatever the words are that you want that to do.

Well, I think it would be an improvement for most of us if we opened up the drawer and it wasn't just stained and stretched out underwear that you're like putting on as the first thing.

Totally. Well, I will tell you, I'm 57 years old.

It— okay, I'm just about to confess some things here. I've only worn matching bras and underwear for about a year.

I—

okay, first of all, thank you for being honest. And I thought, what is my hangup about buying myself matching bras and underwear? And why am I holding on to this, like, awful, stained, stretched-out thing that turns into dental floss or rides the wrong way? Why am I holding on to this? Why can't I spend $10 on myself? And get a new pair of underwear.

That's a part of it. It's, it's these small, small actions. So like you start with a baseline that should like start there, start with your underwear.

So if you're gonna buy anything new.

Also have the supportive pieces because you can't, the supportive pieces. You can't be wearing a dress if you don't like how your body looks underneath the fabric. Yes. I think that's, that's relevant. And people forget about that. That's where they also, the spiral happens when you don't have the tools in your arsenal.

Okay. So the first tools, and I love that we're thinking about fashion not as you gotta be the most stylish person, but it's a tool. It's not about that. To embody how you wanna feel today. Yeah.

And the most stylish people, I don't think you're remembering what they wore. You're remembering who they, like, how they—

What do you mean? Because we all follow people that we think have great style, and then we're like, okay, what do I—

What they're embodying, that's what we're responding to. Oh. Like, of course there's gonna be the element of like, that's a beautiful dress, but the people you remember because of what they wear, it's about how they are. And how they are is informed by how they feel.

I'm always so drawn to people that look effortlessly confident. Yeah. And I think happy.

That's where the joy is, because the joy comes when you are in alignment, when your insides align with your outsides. That's like the key to happiness and possibility. It's another reason why this is so important and so like the key to becoming the person you want to be, because You can put on that suit, but until you connect it with an element of yourself and how you want to feel and who you inherently are, it's not gonna make sense. It's certainly not gonna tell the story of you to the world.

Well, I, I just realized in this method, mm-hmm, of dressing intentionally, I've been doing this completely the opposite. Yeah. So either I only anchor down on how I actually feel right now. Yeah. And that's, and then dressing heavy, like, aligned with tired, exhausted, I gotta get through the day, oh my God. Or you're dressing to impress somebody else. Mm-hmm. But I haven't actually asked myself how I want to feel. Yeah. Like if you're going to a networking meeting or you're going to a parent-teacher conference. Sure. And like, imagine how you would change how you dressed if before this parent-teacher conference where you're really nervous, Yeah. You got a kid with an IEP, you want them to get services at the school, or you, you know, wanna like have a good relationship with the teacher. Yeah. How do you wanna feel in that meeting?

Well, here's what people do. They jump to the thing that, that they should wear and how they want to be seen. And when they do that, then they don't feel like themselves. They don't act like themselves. They, they step on their, their words and they don't feel comfortable. They don't feel their best. When you start from a place of how you want to feel, then your choices allow you to feel like that person. That's the game changer.

So we shouldn't dress for the part we want.

You should dress to embody the person you want to be first for yourself, because by honoring who you want to be for yourself, then you offer that to the world. When you jump to how you want to be seen by others, that's missing the connection of yourself, and you always feel uncomfortable.

You know what I love about this is that we have had so many experts come on and talk about how you change your mindset or how you change your habits or how you change your health. And all of the research comes back to a very simple recommendation, not an easy one, but a simple one, that how you act today is a determination of who you're going to be 6 months from now. Absolutely. And your habits today predict the future. And if you want the future you to be in better shape or to be calmer or to be more confident, you have to act today. Yeah. Like a person who does those things. So, and now you're layering clothes as a tool in the toolbox that we have to be able to act today like the person you want to be 6 months from now. But I want to unpack dressing for yourself and how you want to feel. And embodying in how you wanna feel the person you'd like to become and you'd like to project in the world today, and how clothing is a tool. Yeah. Just like a morning routine is, just like mindsets are a tool that you can use.

Yeah. I, I'm just thinking about the number of days that I get dressed in my exercise clothes. Yeah. Like, do you like them?

Do they match? No.

We gotta, we gotta work on this. No, my exercise clothes are old. And they don't match. That's not good. And I probably shouldn't go to the grocery store in them. No, camel toe, like saggy butt. Like, I'm just saying, this is not poor Christopher Robbins, like the way. But what I'll say is that there's so many days that because I had not learned the art of intentional dressing where I will sit in a pair of leggings all day at my desk and Just be doing my thing. And the days that I bother— this is how— and then you wonder why you don't feel worthy. The days that I bother to take a shower and pull myself together.

Yeah. How do you feel? Well, I feel different.

Even without asking myself, how do I want to feel? This step of these 6 words is so transformational. It makes it matter. Yes. We're here. And then you feel like you matter.

And you're not letting other people decide for you. That's the part of telling your story. You could either enter a room and dress for how you want to be seen, or you decide who you are and why you matter, and then you decide for them. And that's the story you tell to the world. Oh, I love that. Yeah. It's like—

Maybe this is why so many of us feel alone in the rooms we're walking into, because we haven't even— dressed in a way that makes us feel truly how we want to feel.

You can't connect with somebody unless you feel like yourself. You're not going to. So, like, of course you feel alone.

All right, so we've talked some tactics. You've said we know the 6 words. How do I want to— we know we pause. Yeah. We know we ask ourselves, how do I want to feel? 6 words. Yeah. Pick 3 words. You also said a great place to start is, are there 3 things in your closet right now? Start there. That just embody— like, you can wear this sucker like a uniform all week and just see how differently you feel embodied in these clothes that make you feel these 3 things. Now let's talk, though, about the next layer. The next layer. The next layer being that most of our closets are like a graveyard of the old versions of ourselves.

So everybody does this. There's so many reasons. You might buy something that's very expensive and you have, like, guilt about it. A lot of people have clothes with price tags in their closet. A lot of people do this. Yes, I have. And then they won't even give it away or sell it just because they're like, well, maybe. And the thing with holding onto something because you might be that person, it still doesn't relate to who you want to be. It's like you're trying on that thing for size. You already know it doesn't resonate with you. I recommend trying everything in your closet on for this reason. Okay. Like in the exercise of knowing how every single piece makes you feel, you have to know how it feels on your body.

Okay, so walk me through. It's crucial. So you walk into the closet, The Art of Intentional Dressing, you pause, you say, how do I wanna feel today? And you're looking for 3 words. If you're staring at things that represent who you no longer are or who make you feel, or that make you feel bad about yourself, 'cause you can't fit in it. Yeah. Or maybe that dude that dumped you bought it for you. Totally.

People hold onto the nostalgic items. I think like with nostalgic pieces, if there are some, of course, like if there's a sweater of your mom's or like, you know, your grandma's or someone you loved, I'm not saying get rid of that. That's fine. Like, you can even have a separate place for that if you want, if you have the luxury to do so. But I think, like, you have to— the clarity, it all starts now. And having clarity on how you want to feel, who you want to be, how you're going to operate in every single room, every single thing that you own, starting in your closet, but then later in your whole life, should even including the people you let into your life should reflect that. And so we try and everything.

So you got to look at it and say, how does this make you feel?

Every single piece. And that's, that's the great part about it. You start getting intentional, you can feel when you're not, and then you start feeling like, oh, I'm not being true to myself. And even on the day when you're feeling so lazy and so fat and like so not good, on that day you get a chance to do that again and you can find her again. And then at the end of the day when you're really tired and being your best self was really exhausting because you're sick and like it's just been a little bit overwhelming, you can, you can like have a little compassion for yourself and put on the thing that makes you feel soft and cozy. Like it's all these chapters of the day. Like I have—

and I love that you're not— you're telling us other than getting of the stained underwear and like putting up some money so that you get some new ones. You're not saying you have to buy anything. It's not about buying.

I encourage people to make a laboratory in their closets. So like, so you want to make it fun. I think quarterly you got to do this exercise of going through every piece in your closet. How does it make me feel? Try it on. Take pictures of yourself in the pieces so you can create a photo album on your phone. So you— and then even if you're like next level, you put together the pieces that make you feel great and you experiment with outfits and you learn how they work and why. So that if you're feeling lost in the morning and what the F do I wear, you have like a go-to, like greatest hits section. That's quite helpful. You have to take some time to experiment. And most people, like we did this yesterday, I love like with, with like even your basic white shirt, you put it on backwards and that's telling a different story of you. And that might sound very weird to some of you, so don't get scared. But I'm telling you, when you just try on things differently or you pin it up differently and, and you decide, you know what, those jeans I've been wearing for 2 years, I think they look cuter when they show my ankle because that's really feminine and that makes me move a different way.

All of us have something that we feel great about, or at least okay with, and you can start there. That's your baseline, and then you go up from there.

So what do I do if nothing feels like me anymore? Oh, I don't know. I don't know why I feel this way, but I just feel like part of the uniform and the sneakers and just like no fuss in terms of how I dress, because I'm either up here in Vermont in Birkenstocks and a pair of like dovetail women's workwear jeans and a jean shirt or a t-shirt. Yeah. Or I'm in my uniform.

But you know what I see? Like, a lot of women who feel disconnected from fashion or even their own beauty, it's because as women and as working women and as women with lots of balls in the air, we get in the business of doing and we lose our understanding of being. And in the being energy and like, like letting ourselves relax, that's when you can feel beautiful and like your feminine energy. And when you're not used to that or you're not in the habit of it, you forget about it and it feels uncomfortable and it feels foreign. We're not meant to just be putting on our clothes and doing all the things. We're also meant to use the energy of what we wear to feel into our possibility, and that includes the softness.

I think there's so much depth to what you're inviting us to do.

A lot of layers.

Because when you said the piece about, like, I think men feel this too, but women in particular, like, taking care of everybody else and no time to slow down, and I'm always last on my list. List. And this is really, when you lean into this, a way to put yourself first, first thing in the morning. Yeah. And to name the emotions and the energy of how you want to move through the day.

It's like, instead of just making— writing down a list of like, these are all the things I want to feel— easy, empowered, elegant, fabulous, wonderful, confident, unstoppable— those are all great. But don't limit yourself. The idea is to become limitless. So when you, with every piece, ask, how does this make you feel? It might surprise you, your answer.

Is it true that most of us wear the same 8 things over and over again?

Yes. I think people tend to wear what they know works. So that's also how you get like stuck and you stop expanding and you stop learning how— like it's the same way people stop expanding who they hang out with or who they talk to. Like, you stick with what feels safe. And safe is in bad.

I'm guilty of that. I've been doing that for a long time.

We all are. We all are. And you should have the pieces that make you feel safe, but they should also do other things for you. And when they don't anymore, you should keep just, like, evolving.

So what's the best way to look better, and dare I say, a little thinner, without having to lose weight? Like, how do we look like our best selves when we're not at our best place? So number one, tailoring.

Like, most people wear clothes that don't fit them. Fit their proportions correctly. So even with like a bold shoulder, you still want it to honor the, like, the lines of your body. Tailoring, number one, I think like that, that does it. And understanding proportionally what feels good and structured on your body. Structure will always offer you—

what is structure?

I mean, structure from your undergarments. And that's not about like undergarments hiding like cellulite or whatever.

That's about supporting the shape and the structure of your body.

Okay. So I tell everyone, you don't need to have, you know, the Hollywood tailor to the stars. Your dry cleaner is an excellent tool for this. And make sure your pant hems match, like that you take care of that. Make sure with your jackets they're not swallowing you. Or if you want like an oversized blazer, make sure proportionally you're matching.

So what parts of my body am I looking at? Am I looking at my shoulders? Shoulders to my waist, to my hips. Okay.

I would look at, I think most women need a pant that they can wear with a heel. And as you were telling me, like your pant that you can wear with the sneakers or whatever.

Yeah. So they need to be kind of important. I have my favorite pair of jeans, although they're not my favorite anymore, but they were acceptable. They look good. Yeah. I bought them. I bought two pairs. Yeah. Yeah. One that I wear with a heel and one I can wear with a flat. Yeah.

I think women need to invest in like layering pieces. To like— What does that mean? So like if you have your shape outfit that you like, like that's my favorite turtleneck and that's my jacket that like, just like I feel a little bit polished in that. And those are my jeans that cinch my waist and I can wear my cool boots and I feel like I gotta— You need to have like, I love like tossing a sweater over the shoulders or even just like, just because that offers more proportion to you. Like— You're a big shoulder pad person. I am. And I, it's like, about being unafraid to take up space.

Well, what I also like about even just thinking about throwing a sweater on to your jeans, your white t-shirt, and your blazer is you're adding texture and softness and layers and protection in some level. Exactly, exactly.

And everything that you put on your body is telling a story. So even like down to your jewelry, all of it. I think that there's like, people should have the fun pieces that even like by your door have like that great pair of sunglasses funny, you know, chunky shoe or clog or whatever. Like, just so, like, if you have errands even, or you're going to drop off the kids, there should be one element of your outfit, even if you're in your workout clothes with like a white man shirt, that makes you feel cool and great. And like, just a little bit turn up the volume. It's like, even when you don't have that much time, like, there's always something you can do.

So let's talk about clothes that don't fit. Yeah. Should I keep them? Them? No. But what? Okay, why do you not keep clothes that don't fit?

Guilty of this. I— like, you can give—

don't I want to walk into my closet and feel like crap about myself because I'm surrounded by things that I can't squeeze into? The muscle— yeah, I, I had a pair of pants on that I tried on for you last night. I have held on to these suckers for 6 years. No, my menopause body does not work. I was able to zip them up and you're just like, those do not fit you. No. It's time to say goodbye, Mel. It's time.

And how exciting is that?

You're becoming— It's not exciting because I feel like I spent a lot of money on 'em and I didn't get the wear out of it. You did.

And there's things you can do so that you don't have to feel bad about that.

Okay. What do you do?

You can sell your clothes. I also love the idea of sharing, like, like share circles with friends and family that you love. Like, oh, this isn't working for me. You could have a party with it. Like bring what I— that's really fun to do. That's really fun because then you like, you're not telling everybody just to buy new clothes. You're sort of mixing it around.

Like how many clothes do you actually need? You know what I mean? Like—

You don't need a lot. You need to have your greatest hits. I think in this album, like, look at the math of a week and a month, right? Okay. You have to know, like, what you're doing. So how many work outfits do you need? Are you a working woman? Like, what's the story of you telling— like, number one, are you working? Like, do you need different outfits, like, in your weekend time? Like, do you have other— do you do a lot of travel? Like, do you need traveling? Like, you need to look at the roadmap of your life, and that's gonna identify what you need. Are these pants that serve me, like, when I'm in my work life, work mode and then in my travel mode or like in my dinner mode or in a meeting mode. One of the things I love about the possibility of clothes and getting intentional about it is that all your clothes honor all the roles you wear. All the women I know, they're not just one person. They're probably 8 to 9 in the course of a day. And energetically, having your clothes be able to shift with you and honor you and support you in all these roles is essential.

And it's something that we forget. And it also makes it another reason why it's so important besides the idea of embodying the person you want to be. It's honoring all the people that you have to serve all day long with, like, being able to be your best self.

This is brilliant because you're also tapping into intention and the energy of intention. And forever I've looked at my closet like, oh my God, what's going to look okay? I've never put myself first in terms of intentionally saying, how do I actually want to move through the day and feel? And how am I gonna use the stuff that's hanging here? Yeah. To make me do that. Okay, Erin, here's what we're gonna do. I love your method. I've been using the method. I'm shocked by how powerful and transformational it is, but I wanted to test it. So I asked 3 different women on our team who are in different stages of life. One of the women is, uh, a new mom. Another one is postmenopausal, and another woman is a grandmother who recently survived breast cancer and had a knee replacement. And I asked them to use everything that you just taught us, the simple method, to get dressed this morning. And what we're going to do is we're going to bring them on. So let's get you out of that chair. Let's get a couch in here and don't go anywhere. After we hear a word from our sponsors, we are going to be right back with more from the extraordinary Erin Walsh.

So stay with me. Welcome back. It's your friend Mel. I'm so excited that you're here. Thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing this with all of the women in your life. I'm loving this conversation with Erin Walsh. We're talking about the art of intentional dressing, and she is teaching us the magic of these 6 words that you're going to ask yourself every morning from now on, when you open your closet, you're just gonna ask yourself, "How do I wanna feel?" And those 6 words are setting an intention and helping you use your clothing as a tool to make you feel a certain way and to harness your energy as you move through your day. I am loving this. And so here's what I wanted to do. I mean, Erin, you're extraordinary, but I really wanted to put this to the test.

I love it. I'm—

Well, because, you know, you hear that you work with, you know, people like Selena Gomez and Anne— oh, okay— and all of these red carpet moments and these editorial photo shoots. But what about the rest of us?

What about the rest of us? I love it.

So I asked 3 women that I love who are in all different stages of life. One is postpartum, another one is postmenopausal, and another one is a grandmother who is post-cancer and post-knee replacement. All three of them know your method. They were instructed to ask themselves this morning those six words: how do I want to feel? And now we're going to talk to each one. And the first is Jesse. And I just have to say to you listening or watching, Jesse is one of our extraordinary video editors. She has edited almost every episode of this podcast. So, Jessie, you had a baby less than a year ago, and how has getting dressed every morning changed since having your beautiful daughter Ava?

It has been the hardest mental hurdle, I think, that I was not prepared for— to dress postpartum with a completely new body, new sizes that you've never had to shop for look for, wear. You're getting hand-me-downs because you're like, this is gonna be a phase. It's gonna fall off. Totally. As soon as I'm done breastfeeding, or as soon as, or if I stay breastfeeding, something's gonna happen. Mm-hmm. It doesn't. And it's just been a, just a postpartum itself is hard, let alone how to dress yourself. Cuz you can easily fall into the, the slump of the Adam Sandler vibe of just baggy everything, which has been a out a lot of my wardrobe the last year.

Something to solve for that. Yeah, it's okay.

It's all comfort. And there has to be an elevated person who shows up because the baby's one thing, but I actually told my husband this. We did it. We did the first year. We're about to hit the 1-year mark. This is huge. What an amazing year it's been. But this next year we need to pivot it back. And that's what I'm trying to figure out of how to navigate weight, it just starts with your clothes and how you feel and your confidence back, because it's not like the weight's going to fall off tomorrow. So congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Beautiful becoming a mom.

So, Jessie, until you learned the 6 words, let's go back like a couple days. Yeah. When you would walk into your closet in the morning, how did you feel?

Um, everything is right now oversized. Which to me, I'm like, it fits, it's comfortable. It has to be easy to maneuver with a little one with just the ups and downs of her standing and walking, and now she's crawling. And, um, so I never have felt good— that Jessie that was like, I love this outfit, it's— it looks beautiful. I mean, that— I don't know that person right now because it is a new year and it is a whole new wardrobe and But I— it takes a toll that I was not expecting. Yeah.

How did it impact you?

Um, it's hard because I, I think it was maybe like month 4 postpartum I actually went through all my clothes, even though I was like, ah, I'm gonna lose some weight, and I didn't because I love all these jeans. I spent a lot of money on these clothes, and it was like, just be honest, if it doesn't fit, get rid of it. You can always go buy something new when you do get to a size you want to be. And that felt really good to go through and weed it out.

And you got rid of them? Oh yeah, I got rid of them.

But the bad side of that is I went the opposite to sizes. I went stuff that was too big. Right. Because I want everything hidden. Right. I got rid of the stuff that was pre-baby.

Yeah. Jessie.

Um, and then I just went the other extreme, which is not right, I don't think. To go from like 2 sizes above what I should be wearing, actually, you know?

Well, what's interesting is you just like you said it's not right, but I think like what we'll have to uncover today is that it's not about right or wrong or what it should be or what it was. It's about where you are now and what serves you and how you want to feel. So as a mother, like, like, and this new you, like, I'm curious, like, how did you answer that for yourself this morning? Like, how do you, how do you wanna feel?

Yeah, this morning I chose the words practical because being a mom, you need to be able to bend and grab and pick her up and walk with her and nothing fall out. And then second was calm because with all the to-do lists, the, the, the job, the personal, the baby, like all of it. I still wanna show up calm. Yeah. And put together and confident, confident in this new role as mom, as Jessie the mom, not just Jessie. And how can she be confident?

Wait, you had your 3 words. How did you feel this morning before you chose those 3 words?

Um, not calm, not practical. Anxious. Anxious. I was very anxious. Um, Just trying to get out the door and figure out what to pack. And then it's like you're frazzled. Very frazzled. Yeah. And then confident. I did not feel confident this morning because again, it's my husband's out of town, so you're trying to navigate the household by yourself and that is difficult to do with a baby as well. And lots to juggle. So I remember listening to your memo, taken several deep breaths, and I have everything in my closet color-coordinated, which kind of helps clear my mind a bit. But I could just stand there with those 3 words like, okay, these are the 3 that really pop to me that I want to feel.

For the person who's listening and not watching on YouTube, will you describe what you picked to wear this morning when you said the words practical, calm, and confident? Yes.

So for practical, I went for my bootcut black black high-waisted jeans, uh, that are also very stretchy, which is great. And I have black boots on that I never really wear, but those tie into the confident word. Um, normally I would just go my mud boots because we live in Vermont, but it's time to step it up a little bit. And also I have on a denim button-down shirt with a little white undershirt and some jewelry. I don't really wear jewelry that often because the baby pulls at the jewelry, so trying to also get the details in there, um, with necklaces.

Um, you have a cool belt on.

And I have a belt. Yeah, I tucked everything into my belt. Um, trying to show off a waist. And hopefully it's— it hits those words: practical, calm, and confident.

I'm curious, if I asked you now, like, how do you want to feel, and you were thinking about yourself and not other people, would the words still be the same? What would those words be?

Okay, I think about that. Um, probably powerful, beautiful, and confident. So that is one of them. Yeah, great. More of that. Sorry.

No, but think about that. So powerful, like, especially when you become a mom. Feeling of overwhelmed is feeling powerless. Yes. And like you don't know which step is next. So I think with that feeling, remembering how do I want to feel? And not for other people, but how do I want to feel? What serves me first? Before the mom of me, before the partner of me, before the badass boss Mel Robbins partner, before that person. What serves you? Because that will turn up the volume on you being connected with yourself and you having choosing the right tools for you to do that. And the fact that you want to be powerful, you just had a baby less than a year ago. You're sitting here being super honest with us about extremely vulnerable emotional subjects that essentially make us feel naked. Because to feel not enough is debilitating. Yeah. So when faced with that feeling, that overwhelm, that's already step 1 of owning your power. And look, you made great choices, so you got— you already got like a good instinct going for you. So you said powerful, you said calm. Was that the— Confident. Confident.

And beautiful.

I think beautiful is a good one because like, look at this, this woman sitting here.

What's more beautiful than seeing a version of you that is completely of service and offering, like, your raw, whole self to your family and the world, which is what you're doing right now. And that doesn't mean the size that you used to be or the size that you want to be tomorrow. That means, like, how can you have some movement in your body that makes you feel connected to your body?

Jesse, I just, you know, having been your friend for a long time, um, when you said the words practical, I was like, "I don't like that word at all." And I felt this visceral thing as your friend because I have known you both before you had a baby. Yeah. And now that you're a new mom and beauty and being beautiful was something that just oozed from you. Oh, thank you. It's true. And I can only imagine how the fact that you chose words practical, calm, and confident, which you absolutely look it, but this outfit also fits for beautiful, powerful, confident. And what broke my heart was knowing that you stand in front of the closet and you see clothing that you don't want to be wearing because it's 2 sizes more than what you want to be. And that makes you feel like you're not beautiful. Yeah. And I do think there's this extraordinarily powerful shift in you owning those words. And I, knowing you, those are your words: powerful, beautiful. Confident. That even just asking yourself, how do I want to feel? I want to feel powerful, beautiful, and confident. And then looking and deciding.

I personally feel that this is something you can do every day that almost becomes the, the image as I was, as I was listening to you two talk is it's like giving yourself permission to let this next year be about you. And putting you first for you. You're already an amazing mom. You are. And you're already an amazing wife. And you're already an extraordinarily talented video editor and producer. You have those handled. If you put yourself first and you ask yourself every morning, how do I want to feel? And the answer is, I want to feel powerful. I want to feel confident. I want to feel beautiful. It's almost as if the future you is giving you like a lifeline from the future to this moment.

It's that invisible thread. Yes. Like connecting.

Yes. Because what I started to hear from you when I heard practical and calm is this sense of discouragement that you're not gonna actually get back to feeling beautiful again.

It's safe. Yes. It's very safe.

And it's comfortable. Same with those clothes that are 2 sizes too big. They're safe.

Yeah. But maybe there's elements of comfort that serve you.

But to feel your most beautiful self, it's not those.

It's not those. Yeah.

Yeah. How did doing this method of intentional dressing and asking yourself that question, how did it change the way you got dressed today?

Um, it made me look at my clothes completely different because I know what I've been wearing thinking, oh, that's fine, it's just an oversized sweater, it's oversized cardigan. No, actually it's not doing anything, not just for me physically, but it's not helping me mentally at all. I'm just still hiding. So today was like, show up in something like— no, wear the bootcut jeans, don't wear wear— don't wear the loose ones, even though that's probably what I gravitate towards because it hides. Like, stop hiding. It's okay to be a new mom. It's okay to have a new body. It's okay to have a different size that I never thought I would wear in my life. And like, no one's looking at my tags, you know? Nobody.

And if I— and the tags don't even make sense to anybody, by the way.

They don't make it. Why is that?

Every, every brand is different. Yeah.

So it was a very kind of emotional, shocking morning for me to go into my closet and view it with feeling, not with, I want to wear the blue shirt today.

Does that make sense? It makes perfect sense because I had the same thing happen.

And then you stand there like, whoa, I got to get rid of a lot of this because it's not the vibe, it's not the energy, it's not who I want to be with those words. The next 3 words that I just gave you, like, it doesn't feel—

well, you better see your possibility.

I love how beautiful ties in so well to confident and empowered, because to feel beautiful, you need to feel confident. You need to feel all of yourself. And all the things you're feeling right now are also beautiful. This discombobulated disconnection is a beautiful part of becoming a mother. Yes. So that will become a part of this beautiful you.

You look fantastic. The boots are fantastic. The black jeans are fantastic. You always look insane in denim because you have these jewel-tone, sapphire, insane, bang eyes. Do you have any tips for anyone in Jessie's position, whether you're a new mom, or you are coming out of a health diagnosis and your body's changed, or you've just let yourself go? And you're looking at a closet that has clothes that you now are like, holy cow, I'm hiding. Is there a way that you can, without having to buy a whole wardrobe, use this method or a couple tricks that can help you lift up what you have?

I think especially in these untethered, you know, malleable body situations, or even in times when you're in transition, structure helps. What does that mean, structure? Like, you're not feeling in your body, so you need pieces that hold you up. Like, even these shoes that you chose, that little bit of heel. You don't need to wear shoes with a baby that you can't walk in, but you can have a little thing that helps you stand a little straighter. And I think tailored elements, like, a lot of moms, they only wear the soft, loose pieces. And that doesn't help you feel put together, that makes you feel more lost. So when you're ready to refind your waist, you can have things like waist-centered pieces. But if you're not ready for that, find the collar, find the shoulder, you know, find— remember, like, even your jewelry. Like, this stuff matters. Like, people don't wear it. And I— yeah, I think those crisp elements will ground you. Same way as your shoes. People always feel great in good shoes.

Shoes. This is a good point. And you have good shoes. I always run boots. Jesse, what did you get out of this 6-word sentence and the, uh, just doing one morning of intentional dressing?

Oh my gosh, so much. Because I've, like I said, I've never looked at my clothes that way. I've never had emotion with my clothes other than you come home and you feel like, oh, my pants were too tight today. But this was just the mental part of it, the emotional part of it, the, the confident side that I just, I don't even look at with my clothes. But then you can go through and start to fine-tooth comb, like, actually, that shirt does bring a little bit more than the other piece.

The other thing too, what you put on when you get home.

Don't put on that, that like sloppy stuff that doesn't make you feel great. You get, get an intentional change. And then when you go to pick up your baby, you feel like soft and beautiful still. It's not like all of a sudden because you get home you have to be scrappy mom. There's, like, great matching sets that are comfortable. Doesn't have to be cashmere. It can be velour. It can be cotton. You want that part to feel great too. And you deserve to feel beautiful in that role too.

Ooh, that's beautiful.

Thank you for that. It's great advice. It is. Sets that stretch, that aren't PJs or, like, yoga pants. Yep. And given that you have a daughter, and I have realized the hard way, that my daughters have spent their life watching me look in the mirror and say, "I hate how I look. This looks like crap. Should I wear this? Should I wear that?" 'Cause I'm thinking about dressing for the world, or I'm thinking about, "Okay, what's gonna look good?" I've never, until meeting Erin, ever asked myself how I feel. I am directly responsible for their negative self-talk about their own bodies. As Sawyer said to me 2 years ago, I think you're the most beautiful person in the world. And if you think you look horrible, why would I ever believe you when you tell me I look good? And so for you as a new mom to be able to shift your relationship with yourself and with how you get dressed and using intention with how you feel you have the chance to demonstrate to your daughter what it looks like to use clothing not as something you hide behind or something that you're pretending to be someone else, but as an intentional tool to bring out more of who you wanna become.

And that is amazingly cool. On those mornings where you can't say the word beautiful, just remind yourself, well, if I can't do it for me, I need to lean into this for her because I'm committed as a mom. To demonstrating something different. Yep. I wanna show up for her. Amazing. And I hope you also show up for you. I will. Jesse, I love you. I love you. Congratulations on everything. And I am so excited to see beautiful, confident, powerful Jesse walking into the studio here in Vermont.

You're gonna hear her coming. In my boots.

In your boots. Thank you so much.

All right, we're gonna bring on Amy now. Next. So we're gonna have you switch spots with Amy. So we have Amy, who is a senior producer on this podcast. You have been producing this show with me since episode 1. We were on the floor of my closet together. Yes.

And look where we are now.

And now we're talking about clothes. And it's perfect because you're also producing this episode. Yes. So, Amy, I would love, since you and I are in the same category, postmenopausal. Postmenopausal. 3 kids. You still have one at home, but otherwise, you know, emptiness. Yes.

And I'll also say I have 17 extra pounds that I am not too excited about. So, you know, let me represent the women. Yes. Yes. That are in the same boat. Yep.

Absolutely. Before you started producing this episode and learning about Erin's intentional dressing method, How would you get dressed in the morning?

Literally, I'd probably dress like an 11-year-old boy. Like, whatever's clean, whatever looks good, whatever, you know, my mom says is okay. Like, that's what I would do. It was like a low bar. It was a really low bar.

What has happened for you as you've been producing this episode and you learned about these 6 words, "How do I want to feel?" Yeah. Like, what happened this morning when you used this method, you paused, you asked yourself that question, What were the words that came up, and how did it change things?

Right. Well, I will turn the clock back even further. When I was told I was gonna produce this episode, I did not wanna do it. I did not want to do it. I am not a clothes person. I am not a style person. Leave me alone, please. I'm just fine. I like my big-ass underwear. Like, just don't— I don't wanna hear about it.

There are some very good big-ass underwear options, for the record.

I have some underwear that is 11 years old.

I'm like— We need to go in there. No, we're getting rid of it.

But anyway, so I did not want to do this episode because I just felt like this wasn't me at all. I just, like, please don't bother me with this.

Wait, did Mel know you didn't want to do it?

No. Mel didn't ask me. No, so, but you know what? I think it's like, it's a great challenge. So I took it on. You said yes to the dress.

I said yes to the dress.

And then I heard the questions. How do I wanna feel today? And I thought, that is the dumbest question. I do not wanna ask myself that because immediately your mind goes to how you don't wanna feel. I don't wanna feel fat today. I don't wanna feel my boobs against my abdomen. Why is that even happening? Mm-hmm. I don't wanna feel my arms not being able to get into my, like, jackets that I absolutely love. Like, I went immediately to all the don'ts.

And I just was not really a fan of this costume. This is how so many women feel. Everything that you're describing viscerally is why women in their closet when they go to get dressed start feeling bad about themselves. And they're reminded of all the things on their body that they don't like or they make them feel shamed or that have changed and shifted and evolved.

I like the word evolved.

I'll start using that now.

That is the word. I'm gonna start using that.

I see that. So, okay. And then to fast forward to this morning. Yeah. When I had to seriously, seriously do this assignment. Yes.

You were producing this shit. I was producing this.

I had to show up and I asked myself that question and I purposely didn't give it a lot of thought cuz I don't give my clothes a lot of thought. I did not, not wanna think about this. So I came up with the 3 words. I came up with, I wanna be creative, empowered, and fun. Okay. Those were my 3 words. And then I thought, well, now I'm screwed. How do I make an outfit out of that? You know? And then I just started trying clothes on in my closet, and I had not tried clothes on in my closet for a long time. Step 1. Yeah. Try it on, right? I went through 5 of my most beloved blazers.

Oh, I love a good blazer.

None of them fit me. I couldn't even get my arms through. Like, it was a really sad moment, but somehow the power of the question was just like, well, let's move on, because what are you gonna do, you know? So I did move on, and I found a blazer that fit me, and, um, I put my fun shoes on, and I don't know, here I am. Will you describe what you're JULIE] Okay, so I'm wearing a blazer that has this kind of electric blue color and also some pops of red. It's double-breasted. I like it because I feel like it covers up the midsection area without looking like I'm really covering up that midsection area. I'm wearing a white ribbed long-sleeve shirt underneath. I love the texture on this shirt. I'm wearing jeans. Like, what are these? Like straight leg?

01:12:53

Kind of bootcut trousers, high-waisted. Frontal pocket.

That's what I'm wearing.

Yes. And I'm wearing little Adidas, like, yellow and white sneakers. Fun. I think they're fun.

With your little red belt too.

And I put on a red belt too. A very slim red belt. I literally have two belts. One of them is red and slim, and I put it on.

Yeah. I'm curious, like, now that you've done this exercise and you chose those three words and you tried on things and got really real with yourself, yourself. Yes. What do you—

like, knowing what your days typically look like and who you have to be and the roles you have to play every day, if you had to guess tomorrow, and it might not be the case, but if you had to guess tomorrow, do you think you would be those 3 words? Or like, what do you think?

Well, I think I would love to put this outfit on repeat, like, just like Jesse. Like, if it's work, you know, if it ain't broke, don't fix it kind of thing. But yes, I think I think I would like to use those words maybe again tomorrow, but more in a different way. Like, I'm not coming to show to produce an episode tomorrow, but maybe with my family, I wanna feel more empowered. Yeah. You know, like maybe fun, show up in a different way that's more home-based. Mm-hmm. And I would really love to explore what that looks like in my life.

Yeah. I think so. After you doing this exercise, you need to go back to your closet and try on every single thing in there.

There. And then you get rid of the shit that doesn't fit. Yes. Sorry, that's not—

it's making you feel bad about yourself.

I agree. And then I think you write the, write like the script of your day with that pen of that doesn't work. It doesn't fit. It doesn't look good. And I need to like get another pen to write the script of my day. And another notebook.

Another notebook. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It feels real— I mean, this whole process feels very empowering.

You know, one of the things about you, Aimée, is that I always look forward to seeing you because you always have on something really cool. Like, you wear a super cool color, or you have really amazing glasses on that are a unique color, or you have really creative European— Like, it's like that European friend that's come back from some trip and she's wearing, like, what's your Mercy— your— Oh, my "Wee" sweatshirt. Your "Wee" sweatshirt. Like, she always has this creative flair. So, Amy, you are coming through a period of your life, just like Jesse, where the primary thing that you have been doing is caring for your mom, who died last year. And you have also been steering your family and your 3 adult daughters and navigating a lot of stuff. And your husband's an entrepreneur, and you're the captain of the ship. Yes. And you are also the senior producer of this podcast. In a massive role. And I'm wondering, given what chapter you've just been in, are there 3 words that represent how you want to feel in this next chapter? Mm.

That is so juicy, Mel. And then I think it's very true. I think it's great to ask, how do you want to feel today? But like, how do you want to feel in this next chapter is a really exciting thing to think about. Right now, I feel like they would be the same words. I love feeling creative and fun, and I love feeling empowered and that I can energy. So I love all of those words, but I also am excited to make space for new words. Words. So thank you for saying that. It's really true.

No, it is true. Like, you've gone— you've, you've navigated a lot of stuff. Yeah. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. If you drop the word fun, because you already are fun, okay, is there a word that you would be willing to experiment with that is more aligned with your gift of being a channeler, spiritual Oh, you are the most talented card puller I have ever met in my entire life. I swear to God, if I ever launch another show, it will be a daily show where you pull a card and give the world guidance. And you are absolutely magical, and you're already a fun person. So if we swap that out, is there a word that honors that gift in you.

You know, it's so funny, Mel, you actually said it. Magic is one of my most favorite words ever. I just love that word. I would never think to say that in the morning, but yeah, like, what if I said, I wanna feel empowered, I wanna feel creative, and I wanna feel magical?

Yeah.

Wow.

That would be a great outfit. Amazing. That's the supernova. That's very cool. Oh, I love that.

I love that. And that's a new chapter word. That's a chapter word.

That's a new chapter word. Because now you're intentionally not only saying that's how you want to feel, but you are also simultaneously inviting it in and using your clothes as a tool to make that happen.

Yes. I love that word, though, because that's what I want everybody watching and listening to take away from this.

It's that remembering and refinding and rediscovering of your magic. Because it's in all of us. And so that is definitely in your next chapter, and I'm very excited. Awesome. So good.

So great. Thank you. We gotta get that show launched too. All right, let's bring in Cindy. Cindy. Mel. I love you. Um, love you back. You are an incredible member of this team. You are a grandmother. You are also a breast cancer survivor. And you just had your knee replaced. I did. And I am so excited to hear how learning and trying this intentional dressing method from Erin Walsh worked for you. But let's start with how would you normally get dressed?

Well, let's see. I wear my pajamas until 9:00 now because I'm retired. I get up, I have my cup of coffee.

You're retired? You work for me.

What are you talking about? Sorry. I retired up to Vermont, and then I worked again. My job is very flexible. When I came up here and I did retire for about a year, all my city clothes were gone. I wasn't gonna ever use them again. So I needed a new wardrobe that was gonna work for my daily routine and my needs. So I get up, I have fun when I look in my closet and what I'm going to wear, but it's limited. I basically live in leggings and jeans, and I have one pair of corduroy pants for the winter. And I like bright colors for the most part. I like sweaters in the winter. So it's just like, what's today going to be? Tell us about your outfit. So, I am wearing a pink vest that before Erin, I would only wear in the fall or the late spring. I would never wear it in the winter. And then I thought today, after thinking about what you were suggesting to us, well, I can wear it in the winter under my heavy coat, and it will look cute in the winter. So I went for my leggings, I went for the— love the T-shirt.

I wear J.Crew T-shirts all the time. And the pink vest under my winter coat. And I can wear it 12 months a year now rather than just 2 seasons.

I just want to add that it's not just any pink color.

It's like the most vibrant, shocking, electric, delicious pink fuchsia ever.

And it matches your gorgeous lipstick. And the canvas you have underneath is entirely black.

Black leggings, black t-shirt, and your socks.

Can you tell us what they say, please? Because I very much like them.

I'm too old for this shit. Not for this, but anyway, they were given to me by someone very special, and so they mean a lot to me. So I wore them today, and sometimes I feel that way. I'm obviously older than, you know, the other team members here, and sometimes I feel that. But now getting up and getting my clothes will not be an ordeal. It will be fun. And fun is an important part of life, and you need it.

What were your 3 words when you asked yourself, how do I wanna feel?

Bold and empowered and confident. And bold is I dress bold. I got black and pink. Love it. And empowered is just to make me feel that I'm accomplishing something. I'm gonna have a good day. And confident, I'm confident in the way I look and I wanna feel that way.

So especially coming out of surgery and that recent diagnosis last year of breast cancer, How did going through two big physical things with your body change the way that you relate to your body and to dressing?

Well, I mean, it wasn't easy. You know, I went through 9 months of treatment. You know, I had a lumpectomy, then I had chemotherapy. I lost all my hair. But the one thing I did was every time I went to chemo, it was tough. Dressing really didn't make me happy because I was looking in the mirror for 8 hours. 7 months with a bald head. It was, it was difficult. But on other days, I get up and I said, well, let's put on something fun and put a cute hat. It was the winter, so I got to wear skid hats, and that made it easier for me. And then it took 5 months for my hair to grow back, and finally when it did, I got over the hump. But dressing, just, it's an important part of life. And now with this advice from Erin, going through health issues, if I ever had to going forward, hopefully I don't, I will look at my clothes in a different way and it will bring happiness to me in a time when it's tough. I think it's a really good lesson. Can I ask you a question?

Because I love your lipstick.

I'm wearing two colors. Oh, fabulous.

When you didn't have your hair, would you still—

Yes, I wore it to chemo. I love it. I wore my— I did my nails and my lipstick and my pink skid hat.

It sounds like you already have an intentional relationship with the things that might be uplifting I do. I do.

But I always wore lipstick, and I wasn't gonna go into chemo, sorry, looking drawn and like shit. I mean, it's bad enough to sit there and feel like shit. I wanna at least have lipstick on and color. I feel like you're already embodying this, Bethann.

She already knew all the hacks.

No, but I didn't know how to look at my closet in a way that made it not boring. As I said, I don't have a lot of clothes, and I wear the same things, but I mix and match, match now with your advice. I can do this with that, and it's just going to go a lot further than what I have.

Yeah. Don't you love it? Because you were concerned when I asked you to be part of this episode. You're like, I got a closet full of Lands' End. Like, do I have to buy something? What's happening?

I know. And isn't it nice enough? That's what I wear. That and J.Crew. And it is because it just— look, you look at things a different way now, and it sets you up for a great day.

I notice you have something next to you. What do you got?

Well, after that Cute Spencer left. I was thinking about what we did.

That's one of our team members that filmed you in your closet. She was wonderful.

It took 20 takes, but we got it done. I thought, well, this is in my closet too. So, and this isn't clothing, but maybe I should wear my pearls more than just at night.

I'm so fucking with you.

I mean, why would I just save that to go out at night? These are pearls that mean a lot to me. My kids gave them for me my 65th birthday. Thank you. I'm going to be wearing them when I come over here to get the dogs. How about that?

I love it. I know. That's so great.

But I wouldn't have thought about it unless you did.

Now, now let's talk. You look very bold, very confident.

Erin can probably put them on for you. I can.

Could you? I love them, but I don't wear them enough. But now— Wear them every day. I'm not going to hesitate. I'm going to wear them during the day. Why not?

This is like— it's a— it's an endorphin boost. It just offers a little bit of—

It does. But I pass it. I don't think twice about it until today.

Pearls, you know what too? So pink is divine feminine color, like owning that.

Pearls are divine feminine jewelry.

Got that energy. Throwing that out there.

So is there anything else about this method that you want to say?

Yes. It's so simple and it's something that all of us can do. But we don't have the knowledge to think that way. You gave us that intuition now to think, okay, this is what I'm going to do in the morning. It's going to be fun. And it's not just another blah day of getting dressed. And I don't care if you're going out to lunch, if you're going to work, if you're going to a funeral, you have to put pride in what you're wearing and get some joy out of it. And, but people, we don't think that because we get up and do the same thing every day. We get dressed. Now, the underwear, I don't know. I don't know the underwear.

I'm not going to know what to get Cindy for Christmas.

You know, my underwear. But anyway, what about your underwear?

My underwear? I got some of those big ones that Amy mentioned too. Oh my God. But anyway, I don't spend a lot of money on underwear. Let's put it that way. Okay. It's not about the money. It's about the intention. You know, it's the intention. But I'd rather have my look on the outside and see what I've invested in. But anyway, I think this is just— it's a wonderful idea, and it just can resonate with all of us. And so many people that are gonna listen to this episode are gonna come away and just feel good and feel fun and wait to go to sleep and wake up the next morning and go to their closets. It's just— it's great. It's just super. Super. You're super.

Thank you. And you're bold. This is fun. And you're confident and you're empowered. You're amazing.

Oh, thank you. Well, you are.

This is great. Would it be weird if I bought you new underwear? Do I have to tell you my size? I think I might get written up by HR if I bought everybody new underwear on the team. So we do have a lot of listeners around the world because this podcast, one of the magical things about it is it's intergenerational. And the power of it is that people share it with people in their lives. And someone will hear this who may be in their 20s, who will share this with their grandmother or great-grandmother or their favorite aunt. And so, could you speak to the woman, Erin or Cindy sitting next to you, who is 60, 70, 80, about to die, How to think about underwear. I know it's a weird question, but I just feel like I don't want to step over that. You know what? Because it is the first thing you put on, and I know so many people are gonna be sharing this both to their adult kids, up to the grandmas, and there's something really important about this. Yeah.

And it's foundational, like, actionably and actively.

Um, I would say—

Cindy, she's not looking so bold right now. She's like, are we really talking about my underwear?

I think like we have such a hesitation to like get real with our bodies. And maybe because when you get intentional about that, you're getting intentional with your parts that maybe you don't feel connected to anymore. Especially as we get older, our bodies change and we just don't look at those things anymore. So when you get intentional about your underwear at whatever age, it's just a motion of honoring yourself and your potential. Again, it's a ritual to decide that you matter even in a small way.

And as we know, as you do one thing is the way you do all things. So like, get intentional about that too.

It's not that hard, guys. It's like—

I'm seeing high-waisted hot pink lace underneath. Those black tights, Cindy. That's what I'm seeing.

You got them from coming from Mel, right? That's what I'm seeing.

Pretty, pretty. You can find that on Amazon. Just with the vest underwear, that would be so cute.

That would be pretty.

I'd say I never thought of that, but see, now that's more advice. It would be— I get excited before I go into my closet. I'll go into my drawer to get my pink underwear out, maybe my pink bra, and then put on a nice outfit.

It's a whole new day. All bets are off. Yeah, it's amazing.

Oh, we learned so— this is just great. I mean, really, I know I'm just kind of giggling here, but it's really, it's interesting and it resonates and it's going to resonate with so many people that listen to this. Because you're right when you said it's underneath and we all start with getting dressed with nothing on and our underneath should be as, you know, to us, mean as much to us as what we wear going on the outside. Yes, it's a good point. But no one's told me that before.

I think it's like we skip over the things we're uncomfortable with always. Yeah, I think you're right. If you kind of refuse to do that, it sets you up for a deeper understanding of yourself in all the ways.

I can't wait to see your pink underwear.

Oh, me too.

It's gonna be amazing. Cindy, you're amazing. Thank you.

Thank you. This team is amazing. Everybody's amazing. This is amazing.

Erin, what I find so incredible about this, about this way of getting dressed and asking yourself, how do I want to feel, is how deep it cuts, how simple it is, how it flips something that you've done your entire life on its head. You do it a completely different way. And you just heard from 3 women in very different stages of their life who used your method and had shocking revelations. About themselves, their body, the way that clothing can be a tool?

I think we're all so much smarter and so much more intuitive than we give ourselves credit for. So it's asking yourself the question, how do I want to feel? It just makes everything possible because it opens you up to yourself. The good, the bad— there's not a bad, but like the uncomfortable, the the challenging, the raw, because all of those inform your possibility too. And it's only in getting familiar with those that you can see what your potential is. And whether that's wanting to feel more beautiful or more empowered or more— more, period. You know? Like, we all deserve that.

What I was very struck by during our conversation today was how when you ask yourself that question, how do I want to feel, and you come up with your 3 words, that as you do this more and more, you're probably going to recognize that you've put a lid on what's possible and that there's some other part of you, whether it's magic or it's feeling beautiful or it's being more bold or it's feeling confident in your own skin, or feeling powerful at work, that you're gonna learn to allow yourself to open the door to that as a possibility. You know, my friend—

I told you this— my friend Laura Brown and Christina O'Neill, they wrote a book because they both got fired from their fancy jobs, and it's called All the Cool Girls Get Fired. And Laura told me this metaphor about, um, She said, you know, like, we all had— like, we are sitting in the sandbox with our friends, we're all playing with our tools that feel comfortable, and, you know, it's all pretty great, and that's our box, and we love it. And then all of a sudden you look up and you realize your sandbox is on the beach. Like, we make our own boxes of what's possible without thinking of everything else that is possible. And that can be very comfortable and certainly feel safe. But I know, and I believe we're here for more.

Well, here's what I want you to do. In addition to you sharing this with every woman in your life, and I think you can share this with the men in your life too, I want, if you try this, for you to take a photo of what you put on your body after you asked yourself these 6 incredible words, how do I wanna feel, and post it. Yeah. And tell us what your 3 words are and tag the Mel Robbins Podcast and tag Erin Walsh. And we will find you and cheer for you and celebrate you. I wanna hear how this worked for you. And if you do this with your sisters or your roommates or your mom or your grandma, I wanna see a photo of both of you. Erin Walsh, what are your parting words?

What I think people will find, and I know we have found together, and I have certainly found this in all the years I've been doing this, um, it's not about the clothes. It's about your possibilities. Say yes to your potential.

Say yes to being magical.

Say yes to being the person that you've always dreamed of becoming.

Well, Erin Walsh, thank you for giving us the key to unlocking this door of possibility and forever changing the drama and the headache and the trauma that we all experience in our closets and when we get dressed. It is simple. But I will go on the record and say, you will be startled by how deep and profound this hits you, how it changes you, how getting rid of things suddenly don't feel difficult or hard. Yeah. Because it's no longer aligned with the possibility that you see for yourself. Thank you. Thank you so much. You're incredible. So are you. You're so incredible. And I also want to thank you. Thank you for spending time and making time listening to something that will fundamentally change your life. Your life. I truly believe when you try this and you ask yourself these 6 words and you pick your 3 words for the day— how do I want to feel? I want to feel bold. I want to feel beautiful. I want to feel confident. I want to feel empowered. I want to feel magical. Whatever your words are, your clothes suddenly become a tool to help you embody that and feel it.

And so thank you for investing this time in yourself. Thank you for sharing this with everybody that you love and that you care about. I can't wait to see what you pick out of your closet and put on your body that help you feel the way that you deserve. And in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you as your friend that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And part of that is reaching for and trying the tools that people like Erin are teaching to you. There is no doubt in my mind that when you start to embrace you start to embody the way that you want to feel, you start to dress the way that you want to feel, you will feel like that person and you will watch yourself become that person. All righty. I'll see you in the very next episode. I'm going to welcome you in the moment you hit play. Raj, you're wearing your blue. Yes. Very, very— I like you. I like you. You look great in everything. I also like you and your big dad But, you know, nice job, Raj.

Look at that. Well, look at that with this. Let's give Raj a round of applause.

Unbelievable. He's wearing blue. Yeah. My grandmother, who lived in Barrington, Illinois, she wasn't a clothes horse, but her one commitment was she only wore blue. Really? Like almost exclusively.

What's her name? Sue. I think Sue's with us. Well, yeah. Yes. Raj is channeling your grandmother, Erin.

Raj, thanks for the shout out to Sue. She will appreciate it. Oh my God, I love it.

This is gonna be so good. All right, are we ready? Wow. You killed it. You killed it. Wow. That was so good. It was like perfect mix of emotion and hilariousness and simplicity and power. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. SiriusXM Podcasts.