Transcript of #2405 - Luis J Gomez & Big Jay Oakerson

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Yeah, well, he's the nicest guy in the world. That's part of the problem.

No, he's very sweet, but it was like. Like when they tell you the story of it, it was. He was like at a comedy club once and like, somebody in the audience made fun of him. He's like, I'm gonna go to a place where no one upsets anybody ever. I'm gonna make a place like that. And that was the comedy.

Still, they would let us roll in there. They did stop Joey from doing shows there though.

Did they really?

Because there's too many people that were like normal people that would come in when Joey was opening for me. You're eating her ass from behind. You're doing the pigeon when your nose goes in her. Like, no way.

They let Tosh do whatever he wanted, I think. Yeah. And when I. When they asked me to do spots there, like, eventually when I went there, I was like, I kind of. I don't know, it's like. It's a weird spot for me to do. If it's a clean club. No, they're like, you can do your thing.

Clean clubs are odd. There used to be this place in Mount Vernon, New York, called the Champagne Comedy Club. It was like an all black room. And the guy who ran it was like, very Christian, very religious, and he was like, no, motherfuckers. He goes, I don't wanna hear no motherfuckers. He goes, you don't say that bitch had a big ass. You see that woman had a wide behind. Like, he had a whole speech he would give you before you would work there, what you would say.

I've only tried to work clean a few times. I. So I used to open for Nate Bargazi, who is like, I mean, one of the cleanest, but brilliant. You don't even know that he's clean until somebody points it out.

Again, like, same thing as Gaffin, but he's.

Gaffigan will curse once in a while. Nate, he's never said a curse word on microphone ever.

That's not true.

Crazy. I don't think so, no.

He was hammered one night, New York Comedy club. He called a lady a immediately. We had to stop her boyfriend from attacking him. He doesn't. He is on.

Was it on camera, though?

No.

No. Oh. I mean, maybe like the. In house of the comedy club, man, it was great.

What a great violent video that would be.

I wish that Existed. So he was. We took him to a corn concert. He got obliterated. And then that was. I said, where he, like, Mr. Magoo through a mosh pit. Like, I've never seen somebody before. I mean, bodies flying all around him on a hill in mud. And Nate just walked through. Do you remember the story at all? It was Family Values Tour. I remember.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And he walks through and no. No one hit him at all. And then he just looks at us and gives a thumbs up. And then he. He sees this big muscly guy next to him. He just goes, eh. And shoves that guy. And then the guy shoved Nate pretty much across the pit again. And he just came back over to us laughing and smiling. And then he demanded that we go to a spot in your comedy club.

Yeah, he was at Skank Fest one year.

We do.

We, you know, Josh Adelmeyer's goddamn Comedy Jam, so. And it's always very heavy metal at Skank Fest. We all do, like, metal songs, you know, Tony sings System of a Down. Jay always does slip. And what song was it was. Was Slipknot. Right? We're doing the Wall of Death.

Oh. Oh, no, no. It was break stuff. Limp Bizkit.

Limp Bizkit, yeah. So there's a breakdown where, like, the music kind of, like, is just playing, right? And Jay starts a wall of Death. If you've never been to a. Like, a heavy metal concert, essentially the entire floor splits open and it's just two, like, on both sides. Two walls of people just staring at each other, just ready. And then when the music drops, they all converge and just, like, kill each other.

Great video. There's videos of it. Rob Dukes from Exodus has, like, one of the biggest ones ever.

Yeah.

Wall of death. It's a great thing at a metal concert. So we did. We did this at Skank Fest. And Nate. Nate's never been to a metal concert, so he's just hammered this when he was drinking. He's just, like, bopping around, like, in the middle of it. He doesn't really.

One splits. He's staying in the middle. And I'm, you know, I'm doing the song. So I'm going at one point off microphone, though. I'm just trying to go. I'm like. I'm like, Nate. I'm like, like, dude, you gotta, like, you know what? And he just keeps raising his beer. He's like.

And I was like, hilarious.

And like, we couldn't. We couldn't interlude anymore. The bass player's fingers were gonna start bleeding. If he kept interluding. So we had to get to the end of this song. And then. And then so on one microphone. At that point, I'm like, nate, move, Nate. You gotta move. And he's just like, I'm good.

Like, I am moving, man.

And we hit that. Break. Break your face. Break your face. This audience convergent. And I remember just seeing Nate, like. I mean, like, they smash in. And Nate like this. Like, you just saw him, like, pop up and go back down to the pile. He was in there somewhere. But, yeah. Feeling no pain. Yeah.

Who started the mosh pit? That seems like one of the craziest elements in all of music.

I'm going to.

Black people agreed upon. We stole most things from them.

We stole it from them. Jazz, rock, the mosh pit.

Rock and roll. For sure.

It had to be punk rock, right? Probably 70s. Like Sex Pistols.

I wish I knew. I remember I was dating a girl when I was 20, 21, and she was really into, like, these crazy bands, and she went to this band and she was in a mosh pit and got concussion from a headbutt. And then came over to my apartment afterwards. I'm like, why are you doing that?

Sex Pistols. Hell, yeah.

Sex Pistols.

What is funny? The difference in, like, what, like, people that are, like, hardcore metal. People would think of a band like Corn or Disturbed or bands like that, where it's like, those are the mosh pits. More that I've been around in my life where there's almost like a. The guy on stage is even making it soft. He's like, if a brother falls down, it's always like some kind of Valhalla speech. If a brother falls, you pick your brother up. You don't stop him. And it's all about, like, you know, pulling each other off the ground and banging into each other and walking circles.

Bump into each other.

I went to a small show at the. The Old Knitting Factory in Manhattan for a band. I forget what they were called, but it was like they stopped the show because the mosh pit, I was, like, watching from above. But the mosh pit was like punch kick, people were getting.

It's like hardcore shows. Hardcore shows are. It's like fist fighting.

If you're a crazy person and you know how to fight and you just decide to go into a mosh pit because you could just start tuning up on people.

I don't think you're. So here's what happens if there's videos that go viral all the time. Like, if there are guys that do that, they Just try to hit people. Those guys will typically get jumped by everybody in the mosh pit because you're supposed to be punching and kicking, but you're not supposed. Supposed to be actually targeting somebody with it. If an accident happens, it happens, but.

It'S, like, so ridiculous.

Yeah, yeah, but you'll see people get jumped. There'll be guys that are being in the mosh pit, and then everyone will beat the. Out of them because they're not being violent the right way.

I gotta tell you, it was maybe.

The funniest weird agreement.

The funniest concert experience I've ever had was with Lewis at Pantera. We went to go see them. It was like. It was two times ago that we saw them. Yeah, that Madison Square Garden, Pantera's love. You were just. Lewis was just having again. Some other. I'll always call Lewis to go to a few. He doesn't go to a lot of concerts with me. But, like, the nostalgic ones that'll hit him. He'll go to sometime. So Pantera, who always want to bring his sister. And we go and he goes. He's in a good mood, he's feeling good, and we're in our 40s, so he's not looking to really get in the mosh.

The other thing about now, like. And it's a generational thing, like Pantera. When I first saw Pantera Live, OzFest, 97, Giant Stadium. The entire floor became a mosh pit. And I was a kid, it was the scariest thing I had ever seen. People started jumping over the rafters. There's videos of this, like, jumping.

Okay, he's got a weapon.

Jesus Christ. He's in a flashback right now.

This how your father got.

Let's see if we can find a.

Video that people started jumping over the. The barriers, like, from above a giant stadium and just spilling into the floor. The entire floor turns into a mosh pit. It's. I'm 13 years old.

You're working security at that place. And, you know, you're just a kind of retired guy who takes a security job.

Oh, yeah, that's it. It's the worst.

You have to go to the mosh.

Pit, pull people apart.

You're 62, you know, hey, somebody get.

Old Glenn from the front. We need more people in the pit.

He used to work for, like, some Long island police station security.

This is literally it, dude.

Oz Fest 99.

There's me, there's my sister.

Haas Fest 99. 97.

All this is 97.

So it's weird too because they're just playing for the field. Like everyone's just walking around. There's no seats.

Oh, yeah. On the floor.

There's like there. That doesn't look like there's any seats there anywhere. Looks like everybody's just kind of jammed in there.

The whole floor is standing room and then there's seating in the stands.

A ser of if you're in the stands. That's why these people in the stands are hopping the fence right now. Yeah, bro, there is zero security this joint. This is it. Look how far these guys are jumping.

This is like probably like the second or third Oz Fest maybe. Yeah, it's early, so it's like. It was like no one knew what to expect from this. It was.

It was Fear Factory, Marilyn Manson. It was. They tried to ban Marilyn Manson from this. This was like a big controversy on mtv.

Why?

Because he was the devil getting lost in those things. Yeah, I remember.

That's it.

My ex wife, my ex devil had a big fire.

Right.

And when they were in Columbus, I think it was that year. So my ex part of that.

My ex wife, on one of our earliest like dates, I took her to Oz Fest, lawn seats. I was pretty proud. I got him for free. And we were in the middle on first Slipknot doing Spit it out and got stuck in like a thing where they make everybody get on the ground and you're locked in. And then again the whole lawn turns into a crazy mosh.

And if you're not like a metalhead, she's like, she's a normal chick. She's like a comedy club waitress. She's not into Slipknot and devil music. So he brings her on a second date to this place, which is just.

She was Latina.

Yeah.

And not super into Slipknot. She got into it though. Pretty exhilarating moment for her. But when we went to see Pantera at the Garden, we were right near the mosh pit and these two guys, these two Mexican guys and two white guys, like middle aged white guys started getting into it and really like fighting. Like they were throwing punches. The white guys had a kid with them. And then Lewis went and like pulled like pulled people apart. He like jumped in pretty early in it to pull him apart and be.

Like, I need to. I need to make sure justice is being served at all times. When I see something, whatever it is, if there's not justice happening, I gotta jump in.

Yeah. As a self hating Hispanic, you were really rooting for those white guys. But he pulled apart and then I don't know. We could see, like, even though these guys got separated, you can see the Latino guys are fucking. They're plotting, they're not done yet. And. And Lou. And we're just kind of semi observing it. But it really piqued Lewis's interest for some reason. And he did a. I mean, a mother of the neighborhoods, like, walks. Did you walk the white guys over or the Hispanic guys?

I don't remember who I did, but.

I walked one or the other. Like, arm, like, arm, like, wrist, hand and wrist. Like this goes, come on, guys, this is enough. We're gonna. And I'm watching from a distance these guys be in each other's face again. Lewis be. You know, Pantera is playing, and I just see Lewis be like, come on. You know, like, making them hold hands and like, touching them hands.

I made them.

Made them shake hands. And I watched them reluctantly do it. But it never changed. Lewis came back with a real sense of, like, I did something good there. But those guys never stopped glaring at each other the whole time.

They probably kill each other in the parking lot afterwards.

And then the guy comes over to Lewis. But towards the end of the thing, or maybe it was to me, he just did it. But, like, he came over and I was like, ah, you guys all good. And he goes, what the was that, man? He's like, those guys started shit with us. And then your friend made a shake hands with him. There was no beef squash whatsoever. But Louis. But just the fact he went over there and he made them shake hands. They did it.

But at least even if you just make someone shake hands, it de escalates a little bit. It definitely de escalates more than. There's no out.

Yeah.

Because the problem with guys is when they don't feel like they have an out with dignity. They just keep talking shit. And then they get themselves into a problem.

There's an ego thing that happens where you're like, well, there has to be an end to this story.

Exactly.

And in my mind, when I'm angry, it has to be me beating your ass or.

Makes you shake hands and that's the end. And you avoid the violence.

It's a logical. Logical.

And the problem we're having now, especially if we go to, like, these metal shows, is Louis had a gripe with a guy at a concert two concerts ago. He went to a real thing. He's like Niners nails. He had Niners nail. He's like, this fucking guy over here. And then Lewis was having a hard time letting it go. And Then when it got push came to shove near each other, it's like security was coming over. He goes, hey, that guy's like a fan of yours.

Yeah, I can't freak out anymore. I do Rogan and kill Tony, and now people know who I am, so I can't have public outbursts.

Lewis, since we were. Since I was. I was kind of almost like making us move so Lewis would stop obsessing over, like, dealing with the guy. Because I got. Me and Lewis share a lot of similar traits. In that way, I do the same thing. So I'm like, we're gonna move somewhere else. And as we're moving, Lewis goes up to the guy in his ear and starts whispering in the guy's ear. And I'm watching the guy nod his head yes. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they finally kind of get Lewis away, and I go, what did you say in his ear? He goes, a bunch of terrible, awful things that I was going to do to him. I go, he was just nodding yes. And then the security came over, like 15 minutes later, was like, hey, that guy just went, you know, he's a fan. He's a fan of yours. And like. And the security knew us too. He was like, also, I love your guys stuff too. But that guy, I think, is also a fan.

I lost my fan that day. That guy literally will never like my shit ever again.

Yeah, he fucked up. Yeah, it's all right.

It's also 90s. Nails is such not a tough. It's not tough music. It's like goth chick music.

All of us had Mascar run down our face having these fights. I'm gonna punch you because my dad didn't care. What's this? You. Did you go to a lot of concerts growing up? Yeah. What kind of bands were you into there? Were they crazy shows?

I'm so much older than you guys, so. When I was in high school was the 80s, so, like, the first band I ever went to see live was the Jay Giles band.

Nice.

Yeah. Remember that? He was huge back then. And. And then I saw George Thorogood. I saw George Thoroughgood with some other dude. Oh, Johnny Winter. That's who it was.

The albino dude is ugly. Motherfuckers.

Oh, my God, it was amazing.

George Thorogood looks like fucking Rusty from European vacation.

Does he look like that now?

Is that what you're saying now? But he looks terrible back then. He always. He always. That really is music for, like, ginger guys to fix a car and do this too. George Thurgood.

1981 song. That's what it is. It's like a great song from 81. That's what he was. The speech there. He was bad to the bone.

The speech in the. In the beginning of. One bourbon, One shot, one beer. My favorite thing. Look, man, come down now.

Yeah, so I. Yeah, I did see a bunch of concerts when I was in high school.

Boston. I mean, it's a big city for shows. Yeah, but did you go as a kid? I. I feel I never went.

Well, I worked at a concert venue, too, for a while. I worked at Great Woods.

Oh, yeah.

So a security guard at Great woods was this performance. I think it's still around.

Yeah. Amphitheater.

Yeah, it's like an amphitheater. And the problem with that place is if anybody was talking on stage, you could only hear it underneath the thing. You couldn't hear it in the lawn. So, like, lyrics would bleed out into the lawn, like. Or, you know, someone doing comedy would bleed out into the lawn. It was a nightmare when comics performed there because you got tickets on the lawn. You couldn't understand what the fuck they were saying. It was just all this weird echo shit.

I did comedy in front of Slipknot and Corn there. In the place. In that venue, particularly.

Did you really?

Yeah, yeah.

I saw Dangerfield there when I was working there. I saw Bill Cosby there when I was working there. The Cosby wasn't paying attention, though.

I had no intention on that guy.

Well, I was 19 years old, and I just had no patience. I had no intentions of ever being a comedian.

Well, he would do, like, three hours, right? Like, he would do, like, really, really long shows, but it was the same. It always the same act, right?

Yeah. Were they that long?

Two and a half. I heard it was a. Yeah, he.

Was there, I believe. I'm trying to remember who else. Definitely I paid to see Kinnison there. That was wild. And then.

Do you think people like Kinison would have grown with the times?

No, I think Kenison, he would have had to sober up. And if he sobered up, I don't know if he'd be the same thing. He's like, the best example of a guy who was maybe the greatest and most influential comedian of all time for, like, a year. Like, when he came, there was a moment when he was talking about, like, Jesus on the cross, you know? I think his last words were, not my left hand. Not my left hand.

You can help me if you get. If you get a back of a hammer.

It was, like, completely different kind of comedy. The thing about homosexual necrophiliacs paying money to be with the freshest male customers, you know, going to the mortuaries and paying money. That bit is fucking crazy. It's so funny. The bit about the starving kids in Africa, like, holy shit, man. But it only lasted for a short window. And then the stuff after that, he was partying so much. The material was not anywhere near as good. It was all like. The points weren't interesting, but do you.

Think he had it in him to evolve?

He would have had to fucking clean his act up. I think. I think what you're seeing is a guy, first of all, who develops his act over like 10 years before he gets. Before he makes it. And when he makes it, he's good. I mean, he's like one of the best ever. And then he has to come up with a whole new act in a year, but he's just doing coke and he's partying and he's hanging out with Bon Jovi.

Well, that's. That's like what it is like with everybody. It's like everyone does their first, like, album or special, and it's like a collection of everything for a decade or 15 years. And then it's like you're supposed to reproduce that every year or two after that. Like, Bill Barr and Louis C.K. sort of created this standard of putting out a brand new hour every year or two, which is like almost Ginger.

Assholes, you heard here first. Where's my camera? Ginger.

It was almost unsustainable to like, go.

To George Thoroughgood, you fucking rusty looking piece of shit.

The thing is, it's like, why, why do we care if that's what they want to do? Like, why don't we just do what we do? Why are we even comparing?

Because when I shop back at. When I show up back into another market a year later and I'm doing the same material, I feel like a fucking asshole.

I do.

Well, you probably should, but you also probably should just go at your own pace. You know, Some people want to think of a special as a special. Like, this is the best shit that I've come up with over the last five years or whatever.

Yeah.

And some people want to think, like, no, it's just like, keep releasing new comedy. But we all know that your comedy, your jokes get better when you keep tuning them up, of course. Right. And that I think it's a certain amount of a cooking process that they all need.

Well, it'll just continue to get better. I just filmed a special and now I've been work because not out yet so I still been working the material.

And now you get new tags me off.

Oh my God. The best tags.

The best tag.

That's cuz you're more comfortable now. Yeah, I said your best recording. Who said it recently? Your best recording of your hour is never going to be the hour you recorded.

Right?

It's not going to be that one. Yeah, I remember when I did my when I did my last like material special Dog Belly. It was like man, really wish we could have gotten that 7 o' clock show on Friday in Buffalo. Buffalo. Helium just ate it up. That's the show where you were done and I was like this is it. This is the rhythm of it and this is the one.

Yeah, it's like when there's something on the line and it's like ready record. It's just a different thing.

Crazy.

Yeah, but I did that because I was scared of it.

How nerve wracking was that?

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Time offer so were you freaking out.

Because he flung stolen from the Black man. Write it down, Louis.

It wasn't mine, dude. I just want to say it was netf idea, but he.

He flubbed the line in his, like, his last bit, which was like, line, whoopsies.

Oh, yeah. I definitely treated it different than any other set.

He's like, when I fresh the slap. Prince.

Me.

Running positions. First positions, everyone.

Yeah, it's a weird thing, man, to just. Just go, ready, live, go to, like, millions of people. It's a weird thing, but I. I was in. In my head, I was like, but why. Why is it any different than a show? Well, it's all your mind fucking yourself. So what?

It.

What would it prevent you from mind fucking yourself? Just go over your material with such a fine tooth comb that when you get up on stage, you can be just loose and completely relaxed. You're not even thinking about where to go and how to do it. You're just thinking about, like, locking in and you're gonna be live for an hour. And I was like, God, it's fucking terrifying. Let's see what. Let's see what that feels like.

Did you fuck up anything that we don't know about?

Felt exactly like a regular set. And I did one set there Friday night that we filmed as well that didn't go live. And then the Saturday night one was completely live, and it was. You know, I had already done the room, so I was relaxed. I got a feel for the room, you know, because of Friday night. It was a lot of fun. Show was great, and I was like, okay, we're ready. And then Saturday, just all day, going over material, watching recordings. I just saturated my brain so I could just be completely relaxed when I went out there. So it was like 100% prepared, as opposed to, like a regular Tuesday night where you could just kind of go on stage, like, you know, you know, your act. You know, you go on stage, you start opening up and getting into your bits, but you're not, like, meticulously dialed in.

No, I told Netflix I would. That I would do it with crowd work live.

Oh, you totally should.

And they. I mean, they were respond to his email.

No, no, I said the same thing.

They responded.

They just like, we don't want to get sued.

I told Netflix I would do a feature film for them. They just didn't get back to me, bro.

They didn't have to see you one weekend. They'd be like, are you crazy?

No, I'd love that.

But again, almost like what you're saying, though, to me, it's like, I'm not. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be nervous to. I would be very nervous doing that, and that would be kind of the fun of it, like, being that amped up to do it.

Yeah.

You'd also, like. Especially with it being crowd work. I was like, you'd see it kind of unfold, you know, I mean, like, you kind of see, like, the. The pacing and the build of it. Because I have to do it for an hour. Be interesting.

Yeah. And you gotta. That's one of the things, like, you have to be doing a lot of sets leading up to that, too, to be relaxed.

Yeah.

You know, they filmed. They secretly filmed. Because I was filming on Saturday, and they filmed my Friday shows without telling me, and I fucking killed. And that was, like, the biggest, like, relief because Bobby Kelly directed it, and he was like, dude, we got it. He was like, we have the shows. Like, well, I thought they were just testing the hands.

Wanted to go home. I think that's the one, dude.

You don't need me anymore, dude, we got it, dude.

Dude, it's perfect.

Dude, you nailed it.

Looks like we're all set.

Yeah, but that was that.

Yeah. Once, you know, you got it in the can and it's lifted off of your back. What a weird fucking art form, you know? Very strange. Don't. Those are Dice's cigarettes.

I know.

The unlit, unlit, broken. He just have these cigarettes, and he just breaks them and puts them in there.

Jay just quit smoking cigarettes. But he needs to smoke cigarettes on the podcast. I. I asked.

I was like.

I was like. He's like, I'm going to smoke now. I was like. I was like, why? He's like, it's like three hours, dude. And I was like, the hours are going to exist whether we're on our podcast or not.

But other than that, you had quit smoking.

Yeah. Like, stay loose, though. You know, when I came in, when we did the show last time, two times ago, at the end of the show, I was like, I got to go smoke. And Jamie went, you can smoke in here. I went, oh, really? He goes, yes. And then last time we came and I did smoke. And when it was done, call it, like, wearing lucky underwear or something, I was like, we had a good flip back and forth. We were all jai. We made the Rogan sphere. We officially got the Rogan sphere. We've been repping hard out there in the streets.

You should see us.

We tell everyone. I get my credits, I go from the bonfire, Legion of Skanks, and most.

Notably, The Rogan sphere, the manosphere is a real subject like that people believe that it's real. That there's this like coalition of men, like trying to convert young boys into the evil ways of being a man. The manosphere, I think that's the same.

Thing as the Rogan sphere.

No, the manosphere, it's like there's levels. Like Andrew Tate's the highest level. Of course, that's.

Yeah, yeah.

That's top G of the manosphere.

Of course.

If you're like categorizing those things, the thing that you're most terrified of is a guy like Andrew Tate.

I was never like stoked on that kind of like.

Yeah, if I'm a young, like Ukrainian girl.

Yeah. I've never been to that kind of like the Maxim magazine, Spike tv. Like energy of what they're like. This is what guys want to see. A car crash and a girl. I had a Maximum magazine.

Fhm.

The thing about it is. Yeah, you're right, but also it works.

No.

Why try to reinvent the wheel?

No, it definitely works. I pulled myself out of that things. I was like, this isn't my like getting a Maximum magazine. Like hometown chicks in their bikinis. I'm like, these girls would never talk to me. I just have too much self loathing to be into it. Dude, if you could make fancy clothes. Well, I don't fit in those clothes. Like, everything was just a bummer out of those magazines. So I would just get straight pornography.

Yeah.

And even you can get those girls. No. Well, sometimes I would. I'd always buy the three packs and one of them would have to be like jugs or voluptuous magazines.

Oh, then in the middle there's always one with a bunch of gross chicks.

Or just straight trans. But I always believe when I was young. When I was young, going through my dad's. I found my dad's porn collection and there was a couple of weirdies in there. Like a couple of trans or like local personal ads. And then as I got older and started buying the three packs, I was like, let's just believe that was the third one. He didn't know what it was. But then why'd you keep it? Yeah, toss it.

Dude, did you see that? Don Lemon got in trouble because he said that Megyn Kelly looks trans.

It's just a straw. Strong jawline.

Please Google this to find if this is true or we'll be in trouble. I don't want to get sued by Don Lemon.

He said Clockable Sora works.

What did he Say the word was.

Clockable is what I said.

Clockable. Just pull up the actual thing. But people were saying, oh, my God, like, he's actually using you look trans as an insult. Do you know how crazy that is?

She doesn't.

Outspoken LGBTQ ally Don Lemon faces backlash after claiming Megy Kelly looks trans. Oh.

Oh, it blew up in his face. I see.

Oh, you know, funny that is.

Oh, didn't that happen with. What's her name? Aoc? Just. She called. She was making fun of somebody for being short. Some, like, other, like, dude. And now everyone's, like, trashing her because she was like, you can't make fun of short people.

Hey, go back to that. Go back to that. What do you say? It says, Lemon said he thought Kelly looked chopped. He said, I think she looks trans. Lemon said. In response, Lemon's co host wrapped up the show saying, let's end on that note.

Fantastic, bro.

That editor hates him. There's no way that editor doesn't hate him. To say, let's end on that clockable.

Is a hilarious thing to call a woman.

That is so crazy. But that's. Well, also, he's gay, right? So he doesn't know that Megyn Kelly's hot. She's dangerous, like, super smart, lawyer hot.

Is he out gay? I don't follow him. He's like an out gay guy.

Yeah. Yeah. Dumb. Lemon's married to a guy.

Black guy.

I think he's married to a white guy.

Yeah. You're not gonna put a black guy on your butt.

Jesus Christ.

That's what they do. Are you sure that's what gay sex is? I don't know. This is probably the first misses Permeated the Rogan sphere.

Yeah.

Gay sex.

You think the manosphere would know something about this. But.

So when I was a kid, when I was. When I was young, like, there was no online, obviously. And the first time I ever saw gay porn was a girl that I met at a comedy club. I met this lady at a comedy club. I was like, 22 maybe. And we go back to her apartment in Long island, and she goes.

Gay.

Guys lived here before me. And I go, how do you know? And she goes, because they left a tape. I go, a tape of what? She goes, it's a gay porn. I go, shut up. And she goes, you want to see it? I go, okay. So she puts it on, and it's these two guys, and this guy pulls this guy, shorts down and pushes him up against a tree and just starts sucking his cockpit. And I'm Like, I gotta get out of here.

That's how it always.

That's enough for me. I already came.

I was like, I didn't know that that really happened. You know what I mean?

It was weird, right? The first time. Because I moved to New York City when I was 19, and you didn't really experience homosexuality until you're in a big city like that. And the first time I saw two guys, like, kissing, it looked like aliens. Like, it was the. The craziest thing ever. And now we're so desensitized to it because everything.

We were so desensitized because so many people have seen porn. But, like, seeing gay porn when I was 22, I knew that they had sex. I didn't have a problem with that at all. But it was the shocking reality of watching a guy just another guy. And you're like, yo, it's jarring.

No doubt.

I gotta get out of here.

Yeah, it's definitely jarring.

Can I take this tape with me?

That's disturbing. It was very disturbing.

Yeah, I still. Yeah. If anytime you see it, it's. It just looks wrong. Looks like the wrong thing is happening.

Probably shut it off.

Shut off. Fantastic time doing it.

They seem to have a wonderful time. Some people like spicy food.

You ever seen the movie Fright Night? Probably the old or 976 evil. They were two, like, popular horror movies.

I think I remember Fright.

Fright Night, the one that played Evil Ed, his best friend. The kid's best friend, when times got tough, did gay porn. Man. He got. It was like, really hardcore. It was as jarring as. Like I said, when, like, China did pornography, you're like, damn, dude, this guy was not in this world. And then the girl from Boy Meets World does porn now. Aggressive, black gang bang pornography.

Gay porn.

No, no, she's. It's a girl.

Oh, which girl?

She was on later seasons of Boy Meets World, I think Maitland Ward, her name is such. Just does pornography now, but, like. Like a lot of it in her butt. Okay. Yeah, yeah. BBC.

Thank you.

Industry term.

Jesus Christ.

That's an industry term conversation.

Took a dark turn.

Big black. Nice. Good work. Dark turn. We'll be right back after these messages.

Yeah, porn. I still watch porn here and there, but it's just gotten to the point where it just. Every time I watch it and I start jerking off, I feel like this sense of like. Like, almost like if somebody was watching me right now, how pathetic this would look.

Yeah.

Like you're like beating your dick like a monkey.

Like somebody probably is watching you. There's probably. Yeah, there's probably someone's collecting information of you.

Of how I jerk off.

Yeah. For either through your front facing camera or through the camera on your. On your.

Good thing that my facial recognition pictures of this. Take that picture all you want. You're not gonna get in any doors with that.

We all kind of know it, right? Like, we know that the cameras are on, but we still jerk off right. Of our computers.

You know what's weird?

To tape over it. And I'm like, let him see.

We're. It's weird that porn is free, basically. Like you just go on a website and you can watch it. But also they're still making it sort of.

I think the studios are like almost barely making anything anymore. It's all like only fans check.

But even that, like just imagine. This is the thing. What I'm saying is nobody's seen it at all. Why are you making new ones? Like, no, there's no way there's enough supply for the. Or demand rather for the supply. There's so much porn.

Yeah. It's weird though. I still will go back to like my favorite.

I was gonna say. But also if you. If you're pretty genre specific, you will see them all eventually.

You've seen Jay, seen everything.

If you're genre specific. That's such a good.

Well, Lobster tube takes me through it alphabetically, you see.

So yeah, AI porn is not AI porn. VR porn.

Oh, AI porn is coming, bro. You're gonn able to have art bell having sex with, you know me. You finally.

Yeah.

Louis J. Gomez.

Well, they already did the remember was not all the Taylor Swift getting like gang banged by the Kansas City Chiefs.

Like the President smacking her ass.

They have that already.

Oh yeah, it was.

They were very good AI pictures of Taylor and she was just like in. In a crowd.

This guy knows her.

There's guys like grabbing her ass. Basically it was her like sitting on Trump's lap and it was like they were like actually really good.

And then Tay Tay, they took some pictures of her. I call her Tay Tay. But no, I thought they were her getting like by like the Chiefs. But I think it was funny. I believe she came out and was like, everyone knows aren't me. Which is like it's a fun acknowledgment to have to make guys. I didn't get gang banged by the Kansas City Chiefs.

Well, you know, some 15 year old girls in school and her friends like, yeah, it was real. She really did get gang like you need Taylor to Come out and say it right. Hey, guys, it wasn't me.

Everybody. That wasn't me.

But isn't he crazy? That good now that you can't tell.

I feel like you can tell. That's almost the thing.

I don't think anymore, man. I think.

I don't know why they can't figure. Remember, the big tell is like fingers, hands and fingers.

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Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to here to take that first step. Our listeners get 10 off their first month@betterhelp.com jre that's betterhelp.com jre well, it used to be hair too. These would be terrible at generating hair. It's like if you watch I Am Legend, like the cgi.

It's terrible.

Yeah.

Yeah.

My mom used to have an I am Legend poster on a bedroom wall that I assume she masturbated too.

And then you'd forget the name of the movie all the time. Time.

Not I am. Oh, I'm sorry. Not I Am Legend. I was thinking Legends of the Fall.

That's very different.

It was Legends of the Fall. I do have a legend tattoo because I forget the name of the movie. I Am Legend all the time.

I. I think they're real close to AI being as normal looking as any 4k video.

I don't.

I don't think I Think they could just.

Oh, we're a couple years away from it being like straight up. You could generate a whole movie.

No, but what generation is gonna be genuinely into like consuming and giving about an AI made movie? There's something about, I think they're going, Something's still about. Didn't you even feel like sometimes I go back and watch a little bit older movies and it's good, like, thank God, like the thing, the movie, the thing. John Carpenter, Russell. Yeah, yeah, thank God. It was like practical effects time still. And it wasn't just like. Because now you're just watching a, a video game.

Right?

Think about that exact thing. You can't go back and watch like if you try to watch Psycho now, now, right. Compared to like, it just, it's not scary when people, when Psycho came out, people were vomiting in the movie theater and they were running out, like freaking out. You get used to whatever it is. Like my son can't watch a movie from the 80s, really. He like, he can't hold his attention, like, whatever. So I think as the technology goes on and as, as we're doing more and more AI content, people are going to get used to it and that's what they're going to be used to consuming. Just like short videos. Everyone watches short 30 second, one minute long clips now. Nobody really watches TV shows or movies.

I mean, people are still watching movies, I think, but it's just like older people. Maybe that's what I'm saying. We might be the dying breed of giving a shit about that at all. Somebody will be like, yeah, if you can get every star I love and to be in one movie, I'll watch it even if it's fake.

I think you're definitely going to get people that accept that and you're going to be able to just generate it instantly with a prompt. You know, they're doing, they do Star wars scenes that never happened with young Luke Skywalker. Now. Have you seen them?

Yeah.

You seen him, right?

Yeah.

Jimmy put one up just so you could look at it. It's fucking incredible. It looks better than the original Star wars footage, right? Because that stuff wasn't in HD back then. And it looks exactly like young Luke Skywalker and in the exact same voice. Because they just take the voice from Luke Skywalker from the movies, regenerate it and it could say anything you want it to.

It's better than like animated stuff. But I've never even been able to follow when they do animated versions. I think there's like an animated Predator movie coming up that I'll never watch.

Yeah, it's all just CGI weird stuff. It's like that uncanny valley. Rick Baker talked about that. He's the guy that made the American Werewolf in London. Yeah, he made Thriller too. That, that. The werewolf that's in the lobby, that's what that's from. And he said, when you're seeing something and you know that it's real, you know, you know it's a physical thing. He goes, it just looks better. Like you're. When you're creating everything with computers, your brain knows that. Your brain knows that's not really a dragon. Yeah, that's not really a dragon. But if you make something that actually looks like a dragon, it's going to be. Even if it's darker and even if it's not as clear, it's going to be way more effective. Like the Alien movies.

It's like when I watch a movie and I know somebody in the movie, like it's a friend of mine acting. It's hard for me to suspend disbelief.

Look at this. This is crazy. It is a scene that never happened in any of the Star wars movies. Movies. And you. You can generate it with a prompt.

I guess I would watch it.

Yeah, you'd watch it, dude.

I just.

Especially.

What a heartfelt speech I just gave to turn around immediately when I saw it go. I'd watch a movie look like this.

Yeah, look how good that looks like. And the Alien movies are good example. Like, you go and see like. Like Alien 1. It's a dude in a suit. Okay. And there's something about the way it moves, that it looks like a real thing. But then if you get to, like, later movies, not necessarily even in the Alien genre, but any genre where you have, like, CGI monsters running around, like, you know, the Underworld series, like, the werewolves were like cgi. It just doesn't.

No, it doesn't feel the same at all.

It's like you're just kind of accepting that this is happening. It doesn't look as fun.

They had to use better, like, cinematography and tricks and sound. They had it. They had to literally be perfect on everything in order to bring it to life.

Life.

Whereas, like, now you can just computer generate anything.

And they also, like, hid stuff and it made it scary. Like the American Werewolf in London. One of the scariest things about it is you don't see the full werewolf for longer than like a second at a time ever. You just see it right before it's attacking people. You see it right when it's at the bottom of the escalator. You don't get a lot of. Until late in the movie.

I think in Jaws, right, they don't show the shark until the end. Like the very, like, end of the movie. You don't see the shark because. I think so. Yeah.

You know, they show in the making. I used to watch the making of Michael Jackson's thriller a lot and more than once. So much. I have a lot of fun.

Rick Baker is the fucking man.

Rick Baker himself is the man. He's in Thriller. He comes out of the mausoleum. He's the zombie that comes out of the mausoleum.

Shark. And Jaws is total about 4 minutes of screen time with the first full appearance not occurring till 1 hour and 21 minutes into the film. That's crazy.

If you want to see something, it's all music.

The tone is like. It's just all the whole. The whole. Everything scary about Jaws is just the music.

Wow.

More Jew lies.

The dinosaurs.

More Jew lies. Of course, Spielberg.

What you say, Jamie?

The dinosaurs and Drift, the first Jurassic park are only on screen for like 15 minutes total.

That was the best CGI ever up until that point.

Oh, that was crazy. Do you want to see Funny, Jamie? If you could bring up Michael Jackson filming, like, the audio while he's in, like, werewolf makeup of changing and they want to like, scream. You know, he's growling. It's like the pain of changing into a werewolf. And they just keep going back and forth.

He's not officially a werewolf, Right? He's a cat. Isn't that was like the official statement from the director?

Yeah, he's like a were cat or.

Whatever he's doing while he's changing. They keep bouncing back from the sound booth to the actual video where it's like he's changing and then in the booth he's going, going, oh, Michael Jackson. It's so goddamn funny.

It's definitely the music videos used to be the.

Especially when he said, get away. I jumped from the couch to a living. Yeah. Out of me. Because also I'm like, Michael Jackson, my hero. Yeah. Here. That's Rick Baker.

Can you find the scene in Thriller where he becomes a were cat or whatever the he is. Because it's not really a werewolf.

Right.

It's like something else.

I think they officially came out and said it was like a cat like creature.

Yeah.

I mean, it was such a good video, man.

You remember, that's earlier in this. Yeah, it's. It's.

How old were you guys when this came out? This Was before your time, Right, Right.

Oh, this would have came in like 88 maybe.

Yeah.

So you're a little kid.

Six.

Yeah. I was in high school when.

I think it was when she's getting scared. I'm so sorry. I'm talking over.

No, no worries.

It's right there when he's changing. Yeah.

What year was this, Jamie?

83.

Yeah.

83. Oh, wow.

Wow, look at that thing.

Back up a little bit.

Yeah.

End slate. Excellent. Wow.

Yeah.

It's in this.

Okay.

We're gonna do this metamorphosis on Michael Jackson.

So first, Rick Baker color Xerox, as.

We live in Breeze, did these overlays on acetate.

First we had to paint out the Rolling Stone and all that.

It's like, does that exist still? Like, how would. Would they create this sort of, like, image to even do this anymore?

He's now got a wig on.

He would. Full face, foam rubber appliance.

We're going to have bladders and little mech. Yeah. This was actually kind of shitty, dude. This was as shitty to do to kids as Miley Cyrus punching her on the MTV Awards. That one year.

Did she punch her?

Oh, my God, that. My daughter punched it. My daughter was right in the wheelhouse of being a Hannah Montana fan. And then one year, we were watching the MTV Awards and she's like, Miley Cyrus. And she came out Robin Thicke and she just kept like, number one finger and she keeps, like ramming it in her snatch. And I was like, oh, hey. And then I became a Miley Cyrus fan.

What was it?

And my daughter was not allowed to be a fan anymore.

Yeah. That was a, like, borderline good movie. Was a thriller.

Yeah, man.

What? It's like 20 minutes.

That scene, the transformation scene when he turns around, his eyes look. Yeah.

So good.

It's amazing.

The. It's so funny. Like, Michael Jackson is like the one guy who, like. It's basically confirmed that he kids, like, it's.

I don't think that's confirmed. No.

Is it not confirmed?

Hold on. Let's watch this. I'll definitely want to talk about it.

That was heavy for a kid.

Although she would have already run. She's screaming for so long. Meow.

Ola Ray. The girl plays the girl. Fun fact. You got him screaming. Ola Ray. Fun fact. Did Playboy. Full bush.

Wow. Full bush. It's funny because this is so corny today, but back then it was, like, legitimately good. We were like, wow, that looks so real. People are so dumb with age. We were like, that looks so real.

Oh, it did.

That's such a great meme, too.

This whole scene where he. It goes from that to, like, him being a zombie. Amazing, man. It was like a movie. And a good one. And he's dancing. It's looking so cool. I know. We can't play the music.

I really think it was cool. Did you find the screaming at all, Jamie? I'm sorry, man.

So just scooch up to where he becomes a zombie.

Yeah. He's betrayed her twice in this video, by the way.

I know she. It's men. They're a real problem.

And then the message of this is.

That the most famous dance ever.

Yeah, Yeah.

I used to do it for my great grandmother, Selma Eisenstein. She didn't love it.

There's probably some sort of a conspiracy.

But this part, though, I could still nail today.

If there's more room in here, please.

Yo, if there was more room in.

Here, I want to see you do that part.

The Thriller dance. We.

I always thought that.

By the way, this is. By the story of. This is. He betrays her twice in the movie. He lures her out when he knows it's going to be a full moon, turns into a werewolf and huntser.

It's about to be a third time, by the way.

No, exactly. She goes for it in two seconds. He goes, hey, what's going on? She goes, oh, I must be crazed. Easy. And then he fools her yet again.

Third time.

This chick, at this point, she deserves whatever she gets.

That's how the devil works. Big J, Look.

Right. By the way, inconsistency. He doesn't turn back into the zombie. He's now going to be the werewolf from the movie. Weird, you know?

Yeah, it's a lot of different things.

They threw a lot at you. And then Vincent Price.

So he didn't.

Kids.

So it's confirmed.

But I'll tell you what, this is.

Why a lot of times, good. You know the doctor that went to jail for providing him with that Propofol?

Yeah.

That. That doctor said that he was chemically castrated when he was young, which is why he kept that voice. Which also, it kind of makes sense when you look at his physique, Right? Because he was, like, very slight. And if you look at his brothers, they're all, like, way bigger guys. I don't know if the doctor's telling the truth, but if he was, that's not an unprecedented thing. They used to do that with less singers. They used to do that with opera singers. It was called a castrat yeah, yeah.

But I don't think either that there's a. There's like, like anal sex accusations on him or stuff like that. Like, touching and. Yeah, it was like, sleeping together.

It could be inappropriate behavior. First of all, he became famous when he was, like, 6 years old and became, like, the most famous person ever. Like, you're gonna get up.

Yeah, it's like suspended.

Yeah, you see that with suspended childhood.

With, you know, Britney Spears now and who else is the other one that's kind of going crazy? Oh, Ariana Grande. She's like, if you watch interviews with her now, she's gonna be a wackadoodle, Michael Jackson, Britney Spears type in the future, guaranteed. She's like all like. She talks like a fairy. It's crazy.

I saw that one where. With her. With the other lady from Wicked.

We're like.

And then there was a lesbian saying, you guys are holding space. And everyone's like, did you see the. Are you guys talking about. Who talks like this?

Did you see a lady? There was some, like, backlash because a lady made, like, a mock up, I guess. The Wicked Playbill.

Wicked is really good, by the way.

The movie was great.

The movie's amazing. Ariana Grande and that lady, the other.

But the play, the Playbill.

What's her name?

Wow, you knew Ariana Grande. Wow.

Wildly inappropriate.

I call her Nose Ring Bald Head.

Oh, that's her Indian name.

Me, I call her Nose Ring Bald Head.

Oh, my God.

But she. There was a. So the playbill for the movie or the show on Broadway is a silhouette of the Wicked Witch. And I guess Glenda, like, whispering in the ear, but, like, really covering the face, her own face. In the movie poster, it's clearly Ariana Grande whispering into the ear of the lady who plays a Nose Ring Ball. Bald Head. And then a lady made a mock up of the movie poster as the Playbill. So, like, shadowed out the. The witch and, you know, moved Ariana Grande's hand to, like, cover the face. And it got all this backlash because that lady was like, I'm a proud black woman. You cover my face in this thing. And she was like, no, I was just making it like that. And then she got all this backlash and she, like, removed the post eventually.

Oh, boy.

She'd, like, take it down for, like, a thing. She was like, I just thought it was a fun mock up to make the movie poster look like the Playbill. And it's like, once again putting a black woman in the background. I don't know if that's what was Going on there.

Yeah.

Come on, nose ring, bald head.

Well, here's the thing.

This ain't the way you're supposed to act. Nose ring, bald head. Everyone loves the movie.

In order for you to act in that style as well as they did, you got to be a little crazy. You're gonna pretend you're a fucking witch and you're flying around destroying everything, and you're doing it really well. You're probably a little kook. Kooky. And if you want that talented, you're gonna get kooky. And if you give kooky the reins to, you know, to do those kooky interviews where they're talking about holding space and, like.

Well, that was kind of like. We grew up at a time where it's like. You'd hear about, like, a director, like, coming in and, like, assaulting an actress in order to get the scene out of her. Punch her in the face, like. All right.

Action.

Steve McQueen did that?

Yeah, dude.

To whatever. The woman he was dating in that movie. Movie. There's a scene where she didn't know that he was gonna hit her, and he just starts smacking her around. And it's. What was her Name?

Ally.

Ally McGraw.

Oh, yeah.

I think they were dating at the time. And he smacks the. Out of her. Like, for real. For real.

To get the shot.

Yeah. I don't think she knew. Look at this.

She used to turn up in Celebrity Sleuth magazine when I was younger. Big nips, bro.

He's really, really slapping her. This is real. And so she's actually really freaking out because he just beat her in front of the cameras.

This is acting. This is why she wants to become an actor.

Was that in. Translated in Russian.

It's like a famous scene. Like, it's like, Russian. The little kid who's, like, crying on.

The porch in Russia is the story of triumph.

I was like, why do those slaps sound fake? He got a Russian version of. With dub sound, too. That sound was terrible. It was like wooden box with a bat. Jesus Christ. But, yeah, he smacked the out of her for real in that scene.

There was a scene where I don't know what movie it was, but it was a little kid who's crying on a porch, and the. The director told the kid that they're like, their parents were dead or something. Maybe they're told that their pet was dead or whatever to get the kid crying. But it's like, that was great movie making. That was real.

Yeah. Yeah. That's the Stanley Kubrick and What's her name? The one who played Wendy in the Shining.

Was she ever naked in anything?

Shelly Duvall?

Shelley Duvall.

No, no, no. He would, like, be shitty to her to get her, like, all frazzled. Yeah, she talked about it famously in interviews. She didn't like it at all. And she doesn't look back on it like, oh, we, we did. We had to do to get the movie. She was like, I think he's a bad person.

Christ. Didn't she retire? She, like, just was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did a few more movies and like this.

Yeah. Basically you could play olive oil or scared lady who lives in a tucked away winter.

Yeah, I just. I just saw her in something recently. Did she die recently?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But she's.

Yeah, she's here.

She was like a crazy old woman. Now, like. Yeah, she's missing a tooth.

Oh, boy.

Yeah, it was good.

Yeah.

Poor women. We just get better with age.

Women fall apart, that business. It's like only a certain number of jobs for old ladies and Faye Dunaway takes all of them.

Wise. Isn't it interesting? I'm trying to think of, like, the most contemporary I could think of, like, change. And seeing somebody go from like, can do no wrong gorgeous to like, a lady now is Pam Anderson.

Yeah, she's doing a good job at it. Like Meryl Streep.

No, no, she's doing. She's actually doing a great job. But there was a, like a. Out of the limelight for a while and then showing back up. Major difference in her looks. Right?

Well, she gave up on makeup.

Well, she. But she, you know, she left the public spotlight like Kid Rock's girlfriend and then came back like a grandmother.

Age appropriate.

Yeah, yeah.

I think they should be age appropriate. You see, like, Dolly Parton now and she looks like, just like. She still looks like she's 35 years old.

Oh, really?

Well, it's crazy.

She's dressing like, no, of course.

But it's like she's like, still stuck in this, like, sort of like big hair and makeup and like big fat.

Titties and like, she comes from way, like 60s and like, you're 104 years old.

Just get old already.

Well, I think if you. The thing is, if you're a woman and you a lot of like, the value that you bring to a conversation is that you're unbelievably beautiful. Like, people are excited to talk to you and then whatever else you have to say is just a bonus on top of it. But if you're really Hot people just want to talk to you. You. And then you get to a point in your life where that just stops. So, like, your life's focus has been about being attractive, looking great, you know, being really fit, looking hot. So you walk in the room, oh, my God, look at her. She's a firecracker. And then that just goes away. And if your whole life is based on just that one thing and you don't pivot to something else, like, okay, let's just find a hobby. Let's just find some other. Let's just try not to. To be hot at 80, you know?

Did you see the substance? That's kind of the substance. That was great, great movie. But it's so funny. Like, you know, whatever the message of the movie was, what got me was like, by the end of it, like, she wasn't bad looking at all. You know, she looked really great for her age, but still just didn't want that at all.

There's a few ladies who age gracefully. Like Julia Roberts is aging gracefully.

Yeah, I haven't seen her in a minute.

Meryl Streep, sheep. She aged gracefully.

It's just Helen Mirren.

But then you look over at Kris Kardashian, or what we call her. No.

Yeah, Kris Kardashian. They're getting like, well, apparently there's a new surgery that fixes your shitty surgery in Hollywood. That's so. So she looks good again.

That's what they did to her.

She looks like, good, right?

Yeah. Yes.

And that's a big change.

And everybody's freaking out.

Oh, my God.

She got a new head.

Head.

And all these other ladies want a new head, too. Yeah.

Have you seen the difference?

I. I haven't seen this one, but I. Now the daughters, like, if you watch, like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This one's crazy. This is the craziest.

She looks.

New head.

She looks like a sister.

Kelly Osborne. Kelly Osborne has a new head. Is a new human being. Because I just saw an interview with her after her dad died. Yeah, she's like, literally just like a hot chick now. She was a frumpy, square body British chick. Her whole lifestyle.

She. I thought she was cute, but she's.

A little cuter than you.

But I thought I could get her.

But yeah, she looks like a totally new human being.

Yeah. Completely new.

What we. What were you looking up?

Kris Jenner.

Kris Jenner. She's. I want to know how old she is as well. So when you look at those kind of results, you're like, okay, now I get it.

I get it.

Because before I was like. Like, you guys have to perfect this before you. You turn everybody into a lizard. Yeah, it's. You're doing a weird thing. So, like, look, this is what she looks like now.

She looks great.

What are you talking about? This can't be real.

I have no.

First of all, I want to know who took this picture and where did you get your camera? What filters are you using? Is that a filterless photo? Because that's insane.

Yeah, she looks great.

She looks insanely good.

How old is she?

A thousand years old.

Old.

69.

69 toy.

See, like, that's incredible, whatever that doctor did.

Yeah, if you're that rich, you know what's that weird? The average. The average person can't afford this type of surgery.

Captain Blue Collar. Settle down now.

They're doing.

Settle the down. We're working with science here, not equity.

How about the chicks that are taking the chicks taking the pads out of their cheeks?

Oh, Jesus. Don't do that, ladies. Yeah, the crazy look. What is it called?

Crazy idea.

Buckle. Fat. What is it called?

Buckle. Yeah, it's just. It sounds like something so scary to do.

God damn it.

Yeah, it takes out of your face.

See, Like. But most plastic surgery say, oh, that doesn't look better. But with Kris Jenner, that looks bad.

I think this is a specific thing that's happened. There's a. There's some new surgery doing. It's like, correcting shitty surgery. And a few people you can see are weirdly looking better now. Maybe Nicole Kidman, like, got fixed up a little bit. Bit.

Yeah, bro. Who knows what they're doing?

Dude, I'm gonna get. I'm gonna get fake abs. If you see those.

The ab implants, I crowdsource it. My audience will pay for it. I'll get a fat ass.

Most of what they're doing is they're sucking out the fat in between the ab muscles to make them, like, look like.

Oh, really? It's lipo around the actual implants.

No, what it really actually is, is fat rolls. They just. Right. Sort of, right?

No, no, some people can get implants. Like, there's that one guy that did his whole body like a Ken doll. Do you that. Oh, he's had, like, a ton of implants all over his shoulders and his arm. He looks crazy. Like, legitimately crazy. I think maybe some people are doing with their abs. With. A lot of people are doing is just a liposuction sculpture. Yeah, etching. That's what they call it.

So Funny. There's, like, we get all these things now for, like, because women have had, like, Spanx forever and, like, just body shaping, like, things to wear under their clothes. And they'll, like, they'll advertise them for dudes. I don't know if I could wear, like, Spanx to suck in my body.

I cannot possibly dream of a situation taking my clothes off in front of a woman and her having to watch me, like, spill out of a shirt. I'm wet. Like, like, with every, like, inch I take off, like, things just, like, start expanding. So I got my. Like, I'm vacuum sealed.

I have really bad posture, right? And there's a few things that I've gotten to help with my posture. One of them is, like, a thing that you stick to your back, and if you lean down a little bit, it buzzes, and you. You correct yourself. Like, it.

Like, it vibrates. Dog.

Yeah, like a dog. But another one that I had was a harness. A harness. It essentially.

Oh, my God. It's all, like, a dog stuff. I'm up to a runner out back, and then I can zoom all around with no fear of getting hit by a car.

He's got a collar that doesn't let.

Him leave his yard.

Every time. Every time I slouch, I get shocked. No, there's a harness that you wear, and it pulls your shoulders back like this.

Right? I've seen that.

Yeah. Yeah, but I got that. And I was like, this one is actually pretty good because it corrects your posture naturally. And I remember I went on a date with a girl and I hugged her, and she goes, goes, are you wearing a bra? And I was like, oh, I'd rather have shitty posture than be accused of wearing a bra by a woman.

Hilarious. Are you wearing harness? Are you wearing.

Did you break off of a school trip where you were connected to other kids?

Oh, my God.

Yeah. Just guys, there's. There's nothing. It's like being bald and wearing a hat. Like, girls don't. They'd rather you just be bald. Women don't want an unconfident man. Like, Like, I don't. Men don't really give a shit about women's confidence as much, I guess.

But does a hat reek of lack.

Of confidence if you're a bald guy who wears all the time?

Yeah, but a hack is a look, I think, almost.

Yeah, but the. The hat also, if you're wearing a bald cover, a hat will cover up your baldness.

I used to wear a hat in.

The beginning because I Was going bald when I was like 19.

I suppose it was like wearing a hat because you're going bald, like starting to see, like the pattern of. But if you shave your head down, a hat's just like a look.

If you shave your head down, if you already have a shaved head but.

Wearing it to hide, like, receding.

Yeah. When I was like 19, I started going bald. That I would wear a hat all the time. All the time before I started shaving my head down.

I've seen that before. Somebody who wears a hat is like their look and then one day they take it off. They like riff raff from Rocky Horror.

Apparently there's a new drug. Where's the drug developed? Was it. Was it Taiwan? There's some. Some country developed a drug that's regrowing hair. Like they. They put it on bald mice and they demonstrated you could put it on like a square area.

Let's do it.

Joe's body. I think I like being bald. Even if it grew back, I'd keep it super short. I just keep it double.

Let's see, 20 days, it grows it back 20 days.

Raising questions about what the finding means for the treatment of human baldness. But if I had a fucked up looking head, like if I had a flat head, I definitely want some hair back there.

Can you go back to that article for a second?

There's a certain look that doesn't work.

With seeing that crazy look. They grew like a square. What part you want to see?

I just see. It was something.

So.

Oh, it's a doctor. That's what it was. This guy may have figured out how to regrow hair in people's life. And still as Americans, we can't just. We're not going to learn. Dr. Sung Yan. We have to call him Jerry. They call him Jerry because it's American Sun Gong. What? Oh, Jerry.

Yeah. Jerry.

Yeah. He solved baldness. Learn his name.

Yeah. That is funny.

Yeah, I would. I just look better bald. When I had hair, it was like kind of nappy and kinky and. Yeah, it wasn't good.

You'd like to try again, though?

I mean, for the. For the. Just for the story. And the hilarity of growing my hair back. That's.

Look how hilariously handsome I look.

No, look, it's a bit.

Guys. Oh, my God. Guys. I put keratin in it. Isn't that funny? It shimmers in the light.

Get a mohawk. Spike it up with wax.

I tried to do a mohawk in the sixth grade. I tried to do a mohawk. I Did two gay hair cuts in the sixth grade. My mom was in hairdressing school, so she didn't know how to cut hair yet. She was just, like, practicing on me. And the one was a mohawk that went, like. It was just not straight, like, down the side of my head like this. And then the other one was. Remember tong Po how he had, like, of course, the braid in the back of his head?

Yuri Prohaska had like that for a while.

Yeah, he did. Yeah.

Yeah.

Jerry had that.

Yeah.

So I saw that. I was like, dude, that's really cool. I was like, what I want to do, though? Because my hair was, like, long. I was like, I want to have the braid in the front like that, like, long.

That. That was the idea.

And in my mind, though, eventually I would grow long enough that I would.

Attach, like, a sword.

A blade to it.

Oh, no, no.

Like, a weapon would be my.

I'm Louis J. Goos. The J is for flying deity.

And I remember I had my mom shave my head down except for this one spot. And then it. My hair. It wasn't really long enough to braid, and it was very poofy, so my hair was just a poof ball right on the front of my head like this.

Because you were gonna grow your tongue post.

I was gonna grow my tongue po thing. And the first I showed up in the sixth grade, and this kid Paul to Monte was like, bro, your hair is gay.

You're not gonna be a part of the Liu Tang clan.

I just started punching him because there was nothing else I could do because I knew he was 100% right.

And loofahead, dick face.

How much time did you give yourself to grow something long enough where you could actually use it as a weapon rather than just scrape across your forehead? Because let's. It's got to grow if you're going to really make and you're going to put a. A blade on the end.

I was in the sixth grade in my mind, by the time I got to the 10th grade, it would be perfect. Blade.

Wow, dude, that's patience.

Were you gonna train with it, or are you just gonna, like, hope that when time comes, you know how to cut people?

You don't need to train for something like that, dude. I say just hook it up and let it fly.

It's in your jeans, bro.

Doodle characters. And I used to doodle myself karate classes. Asian superhero with a blade.

You think Ghostface Killer took lessons? No, dude, he just lived it.

Those kung fu movies when I was a kid, like, we Used to go to Chinatown and watch kung fu movies. There was kung fu theaters where you could go watch them. And it was the. The, like, those kind of movies are the most unrealistic fight movies in the history of fight movies.

Dance.

Like, weird how they decided that that was going to be like a fight in a movie, which I don't look like any kind of fight in any real situation. Like a mosh pit at a Pantera show. That turns it. That's what a fight looks like.

But was like. Like Bruce Lee was, like, applicable.

Yeah, but Bruce. Bruce Lee was very different than those Chinese kung fu movies. Bruce Lee was just a martial artist. People up those Chinese kung fu movies. It was like.

Was it just starting in positions?

Why would you even start like that yourself? You could beat up five guys at once. Yeah, all right, I got it. I just have to make sure that I have.

Oh, your stance was everything, dude.

Yeah.

When Tekken came out, you were like, oh, if I ever get a street fight from now, I'm going full Eddie Gordo. I don't have any kind of flying kicks or anything, but I'm definitely gonna do a lot of hands down by my side dancing.

Yeah, but in a way.

But there's like a weird tongue in cheek aspect to Chinese kung fu movies. Like, they're kind of serious but kind of not because everybody knows it wouldn't really work like that. You know, they're the only ones that had that, like all other. Like, you never see, like a western with like a kind of a corny choreographed fight scene between guys in a bar.

They didn't get fighting movies does it a lot.

Until recently, they didn't really nail fighting in movies. Right. Because like, boxing movies. It even to this day, it really doesn't look real.

I tell you who did it well is Daniel Day Lewis in that movie the Fighter. He did it well. He did it well. And he actually trained as a boxer for a full year before the fight. Film, like, obsessed.

The fight, not the Fighter.

Yeah, yeah. It's about the IRA guy that was in jail that gets out of jail. What is it called? Is that what it's called?

Jamie? The Fighter is, I think the. That's the Mickey Ward one.

Okay, which one is the. The Boxer. Is that what it's called? What's the Daniel Day Lewis movie?

Lincoln.

Lincoln.

It was Lincoln. You're thinking of My Left Foot.

Yeah, it is the boxer. Okay, so in the Boxer, he plays his Iraq guy, but was an IRA guy.

Right.

Either way, looks very realistic. Like, looks realistic. Like the movement is real. The hand speed is real. It's like they're really hitting each other. It's like, it looks like a guy who's actually boxing versus a choreographed bunch of movements.

Yeah.

It looks like legitimate.

That's why I lost.

Yeah.

This is my model, my game after Clubber Land thing.

Like, look how he. Look how he throws punches, man. I mean, you would think that this dude actually knows how to box. I mean, this looks like an actual boxing match.

Yeah, it looks good.

It looks good, man. You know, you can. You can tell when a guy's, you know, throwing punches at full speed with technique.

Sylvester Stallone did train boxing, though, for Rocky, right?

Like.

Yes, Look, Sylvester Stallone knows how to box. Sure. But this is different.

The movie, though, is not good boxing.

This is much more like an actual boxer moves. What Sylvester Stallone did was make it very exciting fighting. Yeah, right. And so it didn't have to be as realistic as it had to be just like spectacular footage to make, you know, Rocky win and all that good stuff. And it was fun. This is different because this is like. This looks like an actual fight would look.

Yeah, they did it. They did it good. In. What's the. The MMA movie?

Warrior warrior and Conor McGregor. You love that. Yeah, that's movie fighting.

The first one was awesome. The first. I didn't see the second. Roadhouse. I haven't seen the Conor McGregor one yet. I haven't seen it.

Oh, he just showed up as Conor McGregor on Coke every day.

Can I explain something? Let me tell you the problem with.

Stick with your strengths.

You know the first film? Well, I guess.

Yes.

Oh, yeah, me too. Very well. Takes place in Saint. It takes place in Missouri, where I believe this could happen. A weird old man can take over the town with a monster train truck and serve up his own brand of justice until you get Patrick Swayze to come to town and be the bouncer for the whole neighborhood. I bought that. Do you know the bad guy in this movie was like a mafia guy, basically shaking everybody down for money?

Right.

The. The. The problem. Do you watch the new one? Yeah, yeah. The problem. Do you remember of the new one, it takes place in keyword, Key West, Florida, and the big bad man is offering this lady, lady triple market value to buy her shanty hole bar because they're building a resort and we'll offer her the property a mile down the road. That's who the bad guys are. That's what you're supposed to find.

That's it.

No.

And then legitimate real estate Developers.

And then quietly on the back and they go, oh, they're also bringing in drugs. Like that has nothing to do with the real bar bouncer issue that Roadhouse is supposed to be about. Yeah, it was so stupid.

It was bad.

And then Conor McGregor.

How weird. I wonder why they made that choice.

I don't know. Well, there was going to be Ronda Rousey at first. Remember that?

That was a long time ago. Right? That was crazy. I think that was.

Dude, if I showed up, there was a female bouncer at a place, I would start a fight just to see what would happen.

Is this. This is the fight.

What are you gonna do? Kick me out, princess? What are you gonna do? Hey, how about when you choke me out out. Then you got to get my body out of here. Then what, Princess?

You called your princess Rhonda Rousey breaks your shoulder.

The problem with me watching Jake Gillenhall and Conor McGregor in a fight scene is like, that's still. It's Conor McGregor. You want me to suspend so much disbelief.

Yeah.

That you want me to think that Jake Gillenhall is going to up Conor McGregor.

I believe that Conor McGregor would lose to Patrick Swayze Dalton.

Well, pain don't hurt.

He would have seen him coming a mile away. Left boot.

Oh, man, that movie was fun. It was a fun movie. It's so kooky. It's so like he is now.

He is now culpable of two three finger throat rip deaths. Twice. He's done that. Now the improv, the improbable choice how he gets them to leave that neck so exposed. Exposed. And by the way, talked himself out of killing yet a third at the end of the film. That was the funniest thing. To have a guy pinned down on a couch and you're on top of him. You'd assume the move is going to be the fist up in the air.

He.

He three fingers him up in the air. He's threatening him with the claw. Doesn't do it, though. Also, the other. Also the other suspension of disbelief, if you recall, is that the hardest fight he has is against the old man at the end. The old man gives him a good run. Ben Gazera.

It's so funny because it's rare in street fights. You see people throw kicks, but when you see somebody throw an actual, like, spinning kick in a street fight, it's the coolest thing ever.

Kick to take away the gun.

And now she's like, you're an animal, dude.

I feel like the kick into the water was unnecessary. You already have his throat now you.

Got to kick him in the water.

He's like, I'm sorry. Know, I. I said I would never use. I never. I would never use the garden hoe again. I promised.

Garden ho. The eagle claw.

I mean, that is a crazy.

Who wrote that into the script?

It's his move.

Teach his throat.

It's his finisher.

It would be like, for somebody who, like, knows how to, like, you really know how to fight. You could actually murder somebody with your bare hands. But I think about, like, for somebody who doesn't know how to fight, like me or Jay, how long it would take me to murder Big J with my bare hand.

A lot of things. Like, while you're trying to choke me, I'd be like, eventually just be to able would be like.

I'm tired. I'm covered in blood, sweat. He won't die.

When I was a kid, I used to teach this guy who was. Who's a. A mob guy. And Whitey Bulger's organized crime organization wound up going to jail for murder. And he was a guy used to. He was like a hitman. And he would train at the same taekwondo school as me. And I was. I was teaching that guy private lessons.

And he was like, well, don't feel bad. He wasn't killing them until I. Kwondo.

Oh, he definitely wasn't, but he wanted to be able to. He wanted to be able to.

He was getting tired of guns.

He goes, if you were gonna kill somebody by hitting him, where would you hit him? I was like, I guess in the neck. He's like, yeah. I was like, okay.

Am I an accessory, bro?

I was like 16 years old. I was like, okay, Is that where.

You would head to this day? Do you. Do you agree with 16 year old Joe Rogan? Is that where you hit them?

I don't know why I told him the neck. Probably because I didn't have a good answer. I would say stomp there. I would say you knock them unconscious and then stomp them to death.

Their head.

Yeah, yeah. If you wanted to kill somebody with your bare hands and feet, that's the best way.

Choke them until.

Choke them unconscious and then keep choking. Keep choking them.

I aim for the mythological spot under the armpit that shuts you off. Like a light switch.

Yeah, the chakra.

Yeah, yeah. Soul sucker. I call it the.

You know, it's just any kind of, like, physical conflict is a weird thing, but I think the biggest problem with physical conflict is, like, most people have never done it, and they. They're scared of it. And then they puff their chest out and they act ridiculous.

And I've done it a lot and I'm scared of it. I've never done. I've never done it like trained or. Well, I mean it's like street stuff and I'm still terrified.

So many guys talk themselves into a terrible beating for no reason. Reason. It's just because they think they're in a movie or something. They think they have to say something back or.

Well, I mean, the street out here keeps world star hip hop alive. Yeah. Sixth Street. And I mean it is. Yeah. I'll tell you what, I feel like it's a lucky thing down here that like, thank God it's a lot of people who don't know how to fight. Those fights really don't go. Like, people get knocked down all the time, but they're wild swings.

Most people don't know how to fight. So that's sort of like the great equalizer. If everyone knew how to fight, nobody would be fighting.

Well, I think it's the people that can don't find themselves getting in a situation or avoiding avoid those situations.

Well, they're more respectful because they don't.

Need to prove anything.

It's also to learn how to do that you've got to get your ass kicked a lot for many years and.

You start to understand exactly how little you'd had a fight in the beginning. It's like open mic in comedy. You're like, like, oh, I suck. So there's no ego once you actually like go and train. But yeah, I mean, the amount of people that like that know how to fight, just typically, there's just nothing to prove. Like when I was, before I ever trained anything at all, it was like in my mind, I was like, I had to be tired, tough, and I had to like go prove that I was the toughest guy. Like, if I was in a bar, I'd like, dude, I could beat up anybody in this bar. I couldn't beat up anybody. I was a fat, just a goth kid.

But like, but you also had to walk the New York streets by. You kind of have to fill yourself with some kind of like, I'm not the guy, I'm not the guy that you go for unless you walk around looking terrifying.

Well, you're a big dude. That helps.

Yeah, I'm a big Latino guy and I think that like you scare people off.

Just a little attitude.

Yeah.

Good defense mechanism that you put that.

Knife in your hair.

It's like a Labrador retriever. That barks at you like, you ain't going to bite me. I know what you are.

I mean, if.

If he had a braid blade, he. We would.

Oh, my God.

He'd stab yourself right in the neck. It would whip around your head and stab you right in the neck. Be your first time doing it in your back. No. Practice.

Get. I need your help.

I need your help.

Now.

You tried to get the guy you were trying to kill now. I'm so sorry.

You're right.

I was beating dick. You were once a knife out of my back.

You were once f. I don't consider you friend.

My braid blade is stuck in my back. My braid blade.

Oh, God. Is it bad? Is it bad? Is it bad?

Oh, my God, my braid blade is so stupid. Yeah, that's so stupid.

Yeah. Oh, God. Is it bad.

That's why kids can't vote, right? That's why you don't let an 8 year old vote.

He wants a brai blade. I have a preposterous plan.

Young man, your plan is preposterous.

I don't think they should let 18 year olds vote. I think you should have to be 45 and own property to vote. I have old, like slave rules in my mind.

Tell me this. What the fuck is going on in New York? Are you guys about to really elect a communist? Is that really what's happening?

Which one's that?

Zo Ran.

That guy's a good rapper. Have you ever seen his rap work though? Is he at least. No, but he does do rap music, I heard.

Did a lot of different things. He had a bunch of various actors, accents.

Have you heard his rap music?

He's gonna win. So crazy.

We live in New Jersey, dude.

Stavros is helping him establish, gonna make sure.

Hey, but here's the thing, man. Like, every time something new happens, whether it's some new person that comes in that bucks the system, anytime that's good, the system needs to get tested. If you're mad because a communist won or is gonna win as the mayor of New York City, well, clearly you didn't do your job opposing side, because, like, you don't have the right guy. Nobody's interested in what you have to say. They don't feel like you're representing the people someone.

Cuomo's no good. Is that who they pushed him out.

They pushed Cuomo out and this guy won the Democratic primary.

Is that what Corinne was running for?

Mayor? Yeah, mayor.

They pushed him out as a governor. Right. And so after they pushed him out of the governor Hochul takes off and now he's running for mayor. And when he's running for mayor, he lost in the primary to Mom Donnie, but then he kept running, I guess, as an independent. Is he as an independent?

If you say on the microphone, Joe, vote Corinne Fisher. We will know the mayor of New York.

Yeah.

Corinne Fisher, the comedian?

Yes.

Yeah. No, yeah. She pulled out of the race.

Oh, she did.

But she was running for mayor of New York.

Oh, that's right. That was a while back.

We spent months making fun of it. It ruled.

It's. Who would want that job? Good Lord. Who would want to be Bill de Blasio's next guy? You know? Like, are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah, it seems.

Who wants that job? Everyone. Half the city's gonna hate you.

It's a living, Gracie, man, no matter.

What, you gotta hope something terroristic happens that brings its place together.

Like 9 11.

Well, that's what, you know what's funny, because I, I, I moved up to New York right after 911 because it was taking too long to drive there because the way they shut down, like, the tunnels. So, like, that's the time that I moved. And it really was like a, not like a scary place at the time, but it definitely, like, you know, Giuliani was divisive to people. And then it was just, this guy's the best. He's on Saturday Night Live and he's cutting ribbons and everyone. It just became immediate love form. And that sort of happened. Immediate. That, that didn't get like, George W. Bush, like a month of every. The whole country was like, yeah, dude, let's go get him.

Yeah.

Yeah. It really did bring everyone together.

Like, it really did. But everyone loved because then it's like Giuliani went away from New York and then the next thing you know, it's like, I don't pay attention to politics stuff. It's like, Giuliani, that clown piece of shit that everybody hates, and look at his shit running down his face. And he's an asshole. Thought we loved him because he didn't.

Like, clean work, prostitution and drugs were all out of Times Square.

And he did a fantastic job when he was the mayor, if you look at it that way. But the thing is, he supported Trump and so everybody was like, fuck him, he's a loser. They just forget what he did during 9 11.

Yeah.

But a lot of people will also, like, be like, New York lost its soul after Giuliani. Like, even before Trump, Like, a lot of people were hating on Giuliani because it Was like a romanticism about New York being kind of, like, dangerous and like, you know, it's like, there's something.

To be said for that. But that's also like, hey, guess what?

There's plenty of soul still in Brooklyn and the Bronx.

Things move on. If the number one thing that you want to keep open forever and ever is peep shows, like, hey, maybe you got bad priorities. You live through it, right? You went. You saw the peep show. You walked by the adult bookstore. Okay, that's over now. There's gonna be a Papa John's, right?

When I moved to New York City was days before 9 11. A week before 9 11. I started going to school in New York City, and I used to get off the bus at Port Authority, and there was all of those. It wasn't even, like, peep shows. It was just essentially porn in a booth. You'd go in a booth, you put.

Them in a dollar. Like, five buttons.

Yeah, just five porn. Sticky buttons. The amount of. Dude, I used to go in and I used to just jerk off.

That's crazy.

In these. No, all the time, dude.

And I know a lot of people do this, but you put a dollar.

In, and then you'd get, like, three minutes, and you'd have to, like, click through. And just like, you. You're clicking through porn now. You'd have to find the porn you wanted to finish to put another doll.

Did you lean your back against the wall?

I sat down one time, and I remember it was.

The seat was wet.

The seat was wet one time, and I sat on it, and I convinced myself that my asshole sucked AIDS into my body.

Yeah, well, yes. Stop wondering where you got it from. That's the answer.

I had a friend of mine used to. He used to be a cracker addict, and he used to go to those places and he would smoke crack and just jack off in them all day. He said he'd be in there for hours. And I was like, what the. What is this crack?

That is. What's the crack that makes you so awesome?

Dude, bro, when you hear crack, I.

Can'T get hard at all.

There's two people that talked about it where it makes you try it, makes you want to try it. One of them is Hunter Biden. He talked about it on that. I'm sorry, was that cheap show again?

It was Channel five. Andrew Callahan.

Andrew Callahan, Channel five. He did an interview with Biden, and Biden gives, like, a soliloquy about the. The virtues of crack. Like, how much he loved crack and like, what the crack experience is like, with the. It's so good. Like, he's talking, but it's. He's so articulate. It makes you want to try crack. And then Charlie Sheen told me the first time he tried smoking crack at all. This is in his documentary, too, I think. You know, either way, a girl was giving. Yeah, it was. A girl was giving him a blow job while he took his very first hit crack. And he said, to this day, nothing's ever topped it.

Yeah, I've always heard it's. The exhale of crack is amazing. The exhale and then you go, we gotta get crack. We have to find more crack immediately, guys.

You want to just do crack?

Yeah.

It's crazy.

I would try probably. What'd you say? It's one that I said I probably would try.

You would try crack?

Yeah. That's an insane probably. I mean, I'm not going to, but the things you were like, would you try this? Would you try. I. I would try crack before I took lsd.

That's insane.

Quicker.

That's actually insane.

It's quicker.

LSD is an experience, right?

That's hilarious.

Yeah.

What if you knew it's real, pure lsd, like, if you got it from a scientist?

We dosed Jay with lsd. The only time he's done LSD was. Do you know about this?

No.

Terrible friends.

So we have, well, one hit of acid in his beer. So here's what happened.

You didn't let him know at all?

Well, it wasn't my fault.

Okay, hang on.

Don't be so accusatory, Joe. You didn't watch the Trial of the century, Obviously.

You brought this up, Lewis. It's gonna make you look bad.

No, it's not gonna make.

No. This is not Rogan's Fear, baby.

I will tell you what happened. Okay, so we were having. We were having an election for the president of the Legion of Skanks. My hatred.

People in the street. Fear, dude.

And Ari Shafir was running against me, Jay and Dave Smith, to be the president of our podcast. And obviously he won, but he had Shane Gillis as his running mate. This is before Shane blew up, but Shane's always been fucking brilliant. So we were doing these every week. It was during the pandemic. We're one of the only live experiences. Like, all the comedy clubs were closed down. We did our show outside, so people were coming out every week. They were super, super invested. We had all these special guests on, and every week it was just getting better and better. Better and it was the last episode. We were about to decide who the president was. We were siding that day. And I. Ari had just dosed Bert, like, maybe a year before on his several years. So then I got a hit of acid from a kid in the audience, and I was like, I'm gonna dose Ari.

Just some guy.

Just some dude. He said it was a really good acid. So then I said I put into Ari's beer, right? And then I. I was like, ari's gonna win. Whatever. This be hilarious. We're gonna dose Ari on the podcast. So I told Shane. I was like, dude, this hilarious. We're gonna dose it Ari. Shane tells Ari. And then on the podcast, we went back and watched this, because it's on camera on the podcast when Jay's not looking, Jay's, like, just pontificating or being funny or whatever. Ari switches beers with Big J and gives it to Jay. And then Jay starts drinking or whatever. Now Ari, for the next hour, starts pretending to trip, and he's, like, doing all this. He's being all weird, and we're. Me and my buddy are cackling, laughing at him.

Him.

And then he.

Let me give you my perspective of where we're at here in this part of the story. I am not looking at Ari. What I'm noticing is everybody else at the table is, like, talking amongst themselves. David Tell was there too.

Yeah, right?

Talking amongst themselves while I'm saying something, and I'm like. Like, I'm losing the people I'm doing a show with. I'm like. So I'm like, blow. And I start trailing off. And I go. I'm like, guys, like, what's. You know, almost like, off microphone, I'm like, what's. What's going on? Why is it. And Lewis leans over to me and goes, I dosed Ari's beer with acid. And I. I went, come on, man. I was like. I go, I don't want to do this stuff. I don't want to get into the volunteer.

To be fair to Jay, his reaction was like, that's not a good idea at all. He was not on board with it.

Never. Yeah. I said, let's not get involved in the dosing game. Dave Smith also said the same thing.

And.

But it was. Damage was done. And then I go, all right, well, if you're gonna do it to somebody, dare I say Ari's the person who deserves that to happen to him the most? So I'm like, all right, well, it's Ari at least. And then. And then they go, so what we're laughing at is look at Ari. So I finally go over to Ari and he is like, you know, like. Like licking the microphone and, like, doing stuff. And then they pull a big reveal.

Yeah, I was like. I was like, I dose you, Ari, so I don't care if you win. And then he's, like, doing this. Then he goes. He was like, oh, really?

No, no. He goes. He goes, oh, dude, really?

Did you.

You dose me at lsd? That's so not cool. He goes, you did that? Or did I switch my beer with Jay's?

He just completely.

And then you see me literally on camera go, nah. How did I get involved in this at all? And then they played the replay. You see Shane looks at the camera and says, I'm sorry. Sorry. Because he feels terrible that he didn't stop him.

And then Jay. He had never taken acid. So Jay stayed up for 72 hours, 26 straight hours.

All I was doing was. And they go, well, did you have fun at least? Did you, like, watch something? Did the walls melt? Did, like, yeah. Have some kind of revelation? I go. I sat on my couch for 26 hours. I went outside a few times and sat there thinking, why would my friends have done this to me? That was my consuming thought. Why would my friends do this to. To me? I wouldn't do this to them. Why would they do it to me?

You just caught astray. Yeah, he caught astray in a righteous war. Like, Ari deserved to get dosed.

He deserved, sure. And somehow he avoided it.

Did you ever see the one where Ari was on. What pot was he on? Brian Redband's podcast?

I think it was Sam Tripoli's podcast.

Sam Tripoli's podcast. So was it like quite a while back? Like 2010 or something like that? And they smoked salvage on the podcast, and Ari said that he lived a whole nother life under the water for, like, six months. Like, he had friends, he had a girlfriend, he had a job. And then the Sal. He lived a whole life, 30 seconds. And then he came back. It was just a few minutes. He was. But whatever. It was like, that stuff was weird because you could just buy it at a head shop.

Yeah.

And it was, like, one of the.

Most potent psychedelics you could ever take.

Yeah. It was just unregulated for, like, a year. So everyone was buying salvia and then bath salts.

Guy ate a guy's face.

I smoked salvia. Yeah.

But that guy probably had problems already.

My buddy Forrest brought home salvia from college. Didn't tell me what it was. We were just driving in my car with a bong. This is where I was at in my life. I had a bong in the car.

But you gotta bring it from driving.

He's like, dude, here, hit this. And I grabbed the bong, and I'm driving, literally. And I go, oh, no. And then he goes, put that down. Because it was a cop across street. And then I just. The word down, it, like, elongated and went, like, down.

And then you saw the word.

The word down, giant block letters. Crashed in front of the car. Like, it was like. Like, stone letters, the word down.

And I was like.

I pulled over to the side of the road, and he was just laughing in my face. And I was like, what the.

Was that?

A minute, 30 seconds? Like, it was just so quick.

But it was like, while you're driving, I don't know who.

No teacher.

There was that video jumping out of the window, right? That was like the famous, like, viral one where someone smokes out, right? When they just go. And just, like, go help out of their window behind the couch.

The.

Yeah, dude. I can't say it.

That's why. But that's almost why I'm saying, like, crack. Like, I would try that over again. I've only been dosed with LSD. It's 26 hours of just being bummed out.

Cracks way quicker.

As I'm saying, to me, it's almost like I try things that are like, this will be done quick.

Ketamine.

That was the crazy thing about the Hunter Biden interview is that he was saying that it's. It's probably safer for you than alcohol. And he's pretty smart. That's what's uncomfortable.

He's clean now, he's saying, though.

Yeah, it probably is.

You know, allegedly. I mean, you know, I always say.

I believe that's always a big thing when someone gets off drugs. But they don't talk about it with, like, just the. I'm told to call it evil and say it was evil and have some, like, fun reflection on it. I think they're more prepared to stop. For real.

Yeah, that's true.

Right?

Because they're being honest about being honest.

They're like, yeah, dude. They're like, you know, first couple months, I maybe have never laughed harder in my life. You know, have, like, enjoyed it. And then it's like. But then I just. You know, my money's gone.

My family's like a Colombian president or one of these press. It was some. Some country. Like, the president was like, no, cocaine's safer than Alcohol. And he was like, straight up. And then, like, they did, like, a review on it. It technically is.

I think the real problem is the fentanyl stuff, the laced cocaine, you know, the stuff that's laced with stuff other than pure cocaine. But that's the problem with an unregulated black market. If they made it legal in America and pharmaceutical drug companies sold cocaine, you'd get, like, the best cocaine. You'd get pure cocaine.

It's recreational, from a pharmacy.

I don't even think we're going to.

Gonzalez E. Gonzalez, Pharmacist.

I don't even know if you can grow it in America. Are there places in America that are capable of growing coca leaves?

I think you need slaves.

Did you ever see that thing? There's a show called Trafficked with Mariana Van Zeller. There's this lady, she's an investigative journalist, and she's. She does wild stories. Like, she went to the people in Colombia that are making the cocaine, and she interviewed all of them. They all wore masks and shit. And then she went with them out into the woods when they walked through the jungle. Jungle to bring the cocaine to the dealers. And she was there with them for.

The whole process, documenting it.

What the, man? Like, they're just using gasoline. Just pouring gasoline on these coca leaves, and they're making this. It's like this is completely unregulated. This all could be done in a pharmaceutical drug studio where they have, like, laboratories and everybody's wearing hazmat suits and shit. And they make perfect cocaine.

Sounds awesome, Joe. Yeah, Perfect cocaine.

A long way to go for you guys to be able to dance like black people aren't watching.

In the US There is no widespread reports of commercial coca cultivation, but the plant thrives best in conditions similar to those found in the Andean regions of South America, generally between 1,650 to 6,000ft elevation, with warm temperatures and abundant rainfall. Yeah, see, it's. It's not a good plant for America. It's a South American plant.

Yeah, we can grow weed here. Really? Well, we figured that out.

Yeah. But, you know, I remember the first.

Time I went to leave.

If it was legal, you'd get pure cocaine.

That's what they're have.

They're. They're fucking America sucks.

It probably will be legal one day.

It should be legal. Like, if you can't prove this is what it should be, we could prove it's killing more people than are having fun with it. Let's make it illegal. If you can't do that, why Is it illegal because you. Well, because you shouldn't take it. Okay, then don't take it. But what if you want to take it? And what if you could just take it once and you're fine, and then you still. Are we allowed to have some fucking freedom or not?

Are we gonna be a couple years of people being. Because you look at, like, weed, it's, you know, widespread legality of it now, right? Everyone's getting very high. The weed's gotten so strong. Like, it's like.

Well, there's that. The strength of it would be a concern, but I think there's also something to. I don't know. I've gone back and forth in that. I think it's when I had my daughter was like a teenager more. I was thinking when they talk about that, like, just legalize every drug, which I hear the argument for, too. So I said, I really don't know where I fall. But, like, I also have a feeling, like, when I was younger, I could have been got. You know, someone could have got me to try. Try heroin as a teenager by simply laying out, like, I mean, it's legal, dude.

Right?

Well, that never stopped me from doing drugs.

It did weigh with me. A lot of it was a fear of having anything on me. I tell you, I got cocaine one time to bring to a girl. It was a bag this big. And I mean, I thought I was walking around with Marcellus Wallace's soul. I mean, it was. I was like, oh, my God, everyone's coming for this. Everyone knows they're gonna get me. They're going to get it from me, dude.

Yeah. No, I. Yeah, I would just assume the coke would be so good, and it would just be like a couple years of everyone just being, like, really up. Like, you can't. You can't go from it being, like, unregulated to just distributing it to everybody.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's going to. There's going to be a. A long period of adjustment, but at least you're cutting out organized crime. It's like, that's what they had to do with alcohol. So when alcohol prohibition was going on, how many years was alcohol prohibition again? Put that. Put that into Perplexity.

Two years is my guess.

Our sponsor, Perplexity, four and a half years.

It's probably better we have an AI sponsor now that we ask questions to. Oh, how many years, sexy woman? We don't make it talk. I don't want to. I don't want to pretend it's a person and fall in love with it. 13 years. 13 years of alcohol prohibition, daddy, that's your AI. Yeah. It was 13 years with no alcohol. So during that time, that's the rise of organized crime. That's the rise of Al Capone. Like, that's the rise of all these different mobsters. That. That's all. You could tie that back to the roots of organized crime. Getting money from alcohol. That's, you know, that's where NASCAR came from. It was like, those guys are trying to get away from cops, so they made the best cars. That's really what it was. Yes.

That's crazy.

Roots of NASCAR is they made those souped up cars to get the fuck away from cops because they were running moonshine. Yeah.

Damn.

And that. They stopped that. And then it came normal. And now it's Bud Light. Now you can go and get, you know, a bottle of makers. You can get. It's in a store.

It's like the legality never, like, because I tried almost every drug, but the legality of it never really got me. But it's just the accessibility of it. Right. Like, I might have. If weed was accessible as it is now, I might have tried weed way earlier than I did. I didn't start smoking weed till I was almost out of high school, but if it was just everywhere and it was great and you knew where everything came from, you had to, like, go on a journey to find weed. Even when we go on the road back in the day, we'd land in whatever new town, and I'd be like, jay, I'll be back in an hour. I got to go find weed. And I just ask every, like, skateboarder that I saw until somebody.

Eventually, you look like a cop. If I was a skateboarder and you came up to me, I'd be like, get the out of here, pig. You, man.

It's so funny, though. Pothead kids love getting each other high because that back in the day, you'd literally just find somebody that looked like they liked weed.

Especially if they're currently high.

Yeah.

Then they're more likely to be pliable. They'll go out of their whole.

Yeah. But they'll go out of their entire way to just go and hook you up.

I'll bring you to my friend Scott's house. Yeah, yeah. Next. You know, you're hanging with Scott. Listen to Slipknot, the great mosh pit injury of 2011.

First year.

But, yeah, if all drugs were accessible.

I mean, illegal, I think would have drawn me to some things I said and accessible. But I'll tell you what's funny, too, that you don't really have much of, but you definitely went through phases, I'm sure, in your life, because you started smoking younger than I did even. But, like, as much as I smoke, I consistently have smoked weed since I started smoking, which was, you know, 20 some years ago.

I. I made you a part of.

Yeah, without a doubt. But it is so funny, though, that I've still, to this day, don't have the. I'm faking it. Every time somebody comes to me and goes like, oh, man, look at that right there. I always just go, okay, I know. I don't know. I don't mean it at all. When they start showing me purple things inside of himself, I always go, no.

I don't care about strains. They're like, dude, it's an indica dominant hybrid.

It's 28. It's like, I do care about that. I do care about it not just being a sativa, because that'll just give me a anxiety sometimes, but, like, besides that. And by the way, if I'm with a bunch of people and they put. I don't ask what it is. If it's a tiva, we just smoke it. I don't think.

Ew, Ew. Asking what it is. You're all hanging out in a barbecue.

Well, here's why. Because it's not gonna.

Some guy's passing a joint, you're like, wait, what is this?

To me, I say, sativa, hybrid, smoking alone, a sativa. And like, if I'm gonna say, like, in my hotel room or something, don't. I might get a little, like, just panicky. It just still gets me, like, anxious, and it's just like, health anxious stuff. It's like, I'm probably having a heart attack. It's not like the world's coming down on me. It's really like, why is my heart racing so fast? That's probably my body shutting off, huh?

If.

Crack.

Feel real confident, it goes away. Yeah, Crack is the opposite of weed. Like, my heart will never stop beating.

He goes, I gotta make sure my heart is still beating. I'm gonna climb to the roof of this place. Yeah.

I don't think. I don't think you should smoke crack, but I don't think people are going to stop smoking crack.

And it's.

Someone's making money off of it. So it's like, why? Why should that money be made in an unregulated way where you don't know what you're getting and think people 100,000 people are dying every year because of that, right? 100,000 people are dying of opioid overdoses every year. And if that's the case, those 100,000 people, that's just the United States. Those 100,000 people, like, how many of them wouldn't die if they weren't getting fentanyl laced stuff? So is it worth a hundred million or one hundred thousand people not dying to get them pure cocaine from a laboratory and sell it to them rather than them get it from the cartel and maybe die?

Is it legal anywhere? Coke it is, right? There's a couple like Portugal, I think all drugs are legal.

Portugal, all drugs I think are. It's called decriminalized.

So a bunch of fucking junkies outside of a CVS though, getting their flu shots and picking up their cocaine.

No, I don't think the thing is, it's not junkie behavior if you're, you're forced to. Like, if it's illegal, you're forced to do it in alleyways. And I think if it's.

That's what the Democrats need to do. They need to push legalized drugs and then Medicaid funded legalized drugs and then people could just go to CVS and get coke.

I would vote, I would vote if somebody said legalized drugs. We're going to lower taxes by 20%. I don't care about any of their other policies. They're getting my vote. And every time period.

Yeah, legalized drugs is a good one. Just because you're not supposed to tell me what to do. Like it's not supposed to be. One grown adult tells another grown adult what to consume or not to consume. Especially when there's a lot of that shows it's not dangerous. So if you're doing that hot. Venezuela, so cocaine, Venezuela allows possession of up to 2 grams for personal use. Peru, Colombia, Bolivia, Ecuador, Paraguay, Mexico and Poland permit legal or decriminalized possession for personal use.

Oh yeah, that's right. Mexico.

Yeah. Mexico went crazy with all Mexico.

It's legal to possess for personal use. For cocaine, you can get a lot.

Of stuff in Mexico. That's why they have those ibogaine centers down there too. People go to cure addiction. That's illegal in America. It's so fucking stupid. But they're starting to do that here. They're doing one in Texas because of former governor Rick Perry, because it helps a lot of soldiers, a lot of cops at ptsd. Soldiers with ptsd. Like, ibogaine is like very, very helpful. Meanwhile, most of that Stuff is illegal in the United States for the most. It's, like, federally illegal. And, like, why, like, review that. This is stupid. We're not babies. And we're not getting any younger either. Like, we should have figured this out in the 80s when I was in high school. Like, why is this conversation still going on where you're letting grown adults tell other grown adults that they can't take things? Like, you don't even know what that thing is. You've never taken it.

Yeah.

You know? Yeah.

Do whatever you want to do with your body. That's what.

Maybe this is what Zorhan Babadook is going to do in New York. His name.

Remember the Zohan.

He's gonna bring a. It's gonna be interesting. It's gonna be interesting how much he changes once he gets into office. How many. How much influence they can put on him.

Goodbye, Jew York. Am I right?

But I feel like that's. That's how the game is supposed to be played.

Why is Stavro so stoked on him?

I don't know. Stavi's having a good time. I don't know that's he with his political ideology.

But I wonder if it's, like, a specific, like, thing. I just don't know any of his policies. I know he has a rap thing. And maybe prostitution is going to be legal.

Yeah, I think they already did that. I think they already did. Decriminalized it.

Decriminalized prostitution.

Did they decriminalize prostitution in New York?

Take it from me, no. They haven't.

I don't think so.

No. There was talk about doing that, right?

Oh, maybe.

I think it should be legal too.

New York. I'd say when they pop up with a new, like, holy shit law, they will just drop it on you one morning. I mean, the smoking cigarettes. Not smoking cigarettes. I'm saying weed. Smoking weed wherever you like. So legal that you can smoke anywhere. You smoke cigarettes outside. You can smoke weed in New York. The day it went legal, and it was, like, so unceremonious. I remember, like, finding out, like, that day, it's like, weed's legal today. Like, really? Yeah. It was such, like, a thing that was, like, debated for so long. And then one day it just was.

And then there was all of these.

Super illegal in New York City.

There was all these, like. Like, fake dispensaries that popped up. All of it was, like, 100 of them. Because they. They.

They couldn't.

Like, the cops didn't know what to do with them. So, like, A hundred dispensaries opened up over the course of like a week. There was trucks with, like, just Puerto Rican guys in the back of the truck. We're like, oh, welcome to the weed shop.

And they were bringing in the best shit from California. So good.

Yeah, yeah.

And then one day, just the same way was unceremoniously that it was legal. They said, oh, we're just fucking arresting everybody. And then they shut down every dispensary in New York and they raided all of them.

I think they didn' much arresting. I don't think it was, honestly. But they went in because I'd go to the places and like, it was like going to your favorite burger shop and finding out it just got robbed violently. Like, you go in this place and they're just like, picking up the pieces of things left behind. They go. They took everything, man. They just came in.

They take the whole ATM machine.

They took. They took the whole stash they had.

And when was this?

A couple years ago.

A couple years ago?

Three years ago, maybe.

And then. And then he went and Eric Adams, like, burned it all. Like, he burned it all off. All the stuff they just, like, took from the stores.

So he took all the weed and burned it. Eric Adams did?

Yeah.

Okay. So they decriminalized it for a short period of time and then decided to crack down on illegal dispensaries only. Or. But what about.

They legalized it.

They legalized it, but so they're just getting it from these illegal dispensaries.

The problem was the idea. I think the way they got it to pass.

He personally destroyed it.

Yeah, the way you piece of shit. I hate the way they got it to pay pass of doing like. But getting legalized New York, it was that it's going to bring revenue to New York. So it's like, we're going to use growers in New York. So it's all these brands you never heard of before, bro.

Why would he film himself running the tractor that's picking up the weed and dumping it onto the fire?

Just marketing.

He's an old.

To get people talking about it.

That is such a bad idea. Like, if you're willing to do that if you're a mayor and you think that's like, when. What was the guy. Guy that climbed in the tank during. He was running for president and he took. They took a photo of him like a photo op, but he was in a tank. He had like a helmet on. He looked like such a dork that immediately cra. Yes, Michael Du. Look at this dork, he's like this tiny little guy, and he took this photo with him in a tank, and everybody was like, it's over. Forget it.

Dude had to destroy a presidential.

He can't come back from this. Yeah.

Michael Dukakis, his eyebrows. That's what I remember.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, then his. His lady was, like, drinking. What was she drinking? She was drinking, like, either mouthwash or cologne or something like that, right?

Get drunk.

Yeah, yeah. Trying to get drunk.

She was Michael Du Cox's wife.

Yeah.

It was a nail polish remover.

Wasn't something crazy like that?

I think I remember that story.

Something crazy toxic. She was just trying to catch a buzz off of anything.

What was he. He was going against George W. George H.W. bush, right?

I believe so.

She's drinking rubbing alcohol.

Rubbing alcohol. Yo. Imagine how that burns going down. Rubbing alcohol. Can rubbing alcohol actually get you drunk?

Oh, yeah.

Can it kill you? Will it kill you?

That's where the poison and dose thing becomes a thing. Yeah, for sure.

Wow.

How about witch hazel?

Let's see how much.

Yeah, you could drink rubbing alcohol for sure. Yeah.

That was the scandal of the time. Time back then to caucus. Yeah. Why were we talking about him?

Mayor Adams, burning the weed.

Oh, that's such a bad look, man.

Yeah, well, like, what is the angle? It's either your. Your state, your city, and your state's made it legal. So it's like, what is the. The imagery burning it now?

He's. Because he's going. This is about New York thing. He's basically saying, like, these are businesses coming in and not bringing any revenue to, like, New York.

This is what I would say. Okay. If I was the mayor and I. They had already done on this, I would say, let's auction off these weed and give that money to the education system. Sure. 4 tons of weed that you can sell now.

Yeah.

Okay. But then the problem is now, then the. The cops have an incentive to steal your weed and then resell it. And the cops become the biggest dealers in New York. If they could just steal your weed.

And resell it legal. Nino Brown. Yeah. Why do they.

Why were they able to steal that weed if the weed is legal?

Are we doing it's because they're reselling it.

Like, if you. If you were selling beers on a street corner.

Taxes.

Yeah. They got to get their. They got to get their cut.

Alcohol restaurant doesn't have a license.

Also announced today, announced that as of yesterday, the task force has conducted inspections of 100% of known shops identified as selling Cannabis illegally. And that was part of operation Padlock to protect to Operation Padlock to protects initial list of illegal shops. As a result of operations rapid success, the city has seized more than $63 million in illegal product which has been taking up an outsized amount of space across NYPD's network of evidence warehouses.

So many jeters and stizzies.

It sounds like he's just stealing weed. It sounds like you're stealing weed.

That's what I'm talking. These shop owners, the two places that I would go that got shut down, the shop owners came out like, like arms in the air, like, this is crazy. They just came in and destroyed everything.

Here's my question, though. If it's legal, so it's legal. So that is legal and you can sell it, why are you able to take. If you're going to a shop that's illegally selling televisions, okay, and you go in there and you go, oh, These guys have 60 televisions. You don't burn them. Right? You don't take it from them and burn them. Why are you allowed to take $63 million worth of marijuana product if it's legal, Even if it's an illegal store? Why are you allowed to take their product and just destroy. Destroy it? Like that seems so stupid.

Yeah, it seems crazy.

Like we, we know it's a commodity. Like, do you have 63 you? Are you Richie Rich? Are you so rich that you can burn $63 million? You're not worried about what goes to the city, Joe?

I feel like you are. I feel like you could burn $63 million worth of weed and be like, it's even that big of a deal.

I'd feel it. But the point is, the point is like, why would you do that? Why would you do that? Why would you burn it? Why wouldn't you just give it away or sell it? You know, give it away to poor people can't afford weed.

You should have bought it.

I wish I could just sit. Just said, I'm going to give out all this weed to all the poor neighborhoods. All the people can't support weed.

Here's the answer in the last paragraph. Unregulated.

Unregulated, Right, of course.

And taxes on any of it.

Of course.

Right. So if somebody says.

That was my point, though. If you have unregulated televisions, they don't destroy the televisions.

Probably do.

Oh, no. Do they really?

Yeah.

Wouldn't they auction them off?

They'd get mad. No, they wouldn't. They probably try to.

You're not consuming the, the tv. Right. So it's not something you're putting in your body. So the regulation exists. Obviously it's just for taxes.

And I was going to say police auction for cars. They've seized cars.

They definitely do that. They don't destroy cars. I know.

They don't even tell you. They're like, it's like, hey, I got a Mercedes. Like, yeah, you better hope the guy doesn't come looking for it.

Yeah, that's exactly what I told my friend. He was buying a Porsche, like one of them old school Porsches, the slant nose. I was like, dude, that's a drug dealer car. How many of them exist to even look like that thing? That guy's going to find you one day. You're going to be at a restaurant, you know he's going to be out of jail.

Like, hey, my first apartment.

Where'd you get that car?

My first apartment in New York that I had the. The landlord lived upstairs, him and his wife and kid. And he was a. He looked exactly like Travis Bickle. I mean exactly like the character Travis Bickle. And his name was Wayne and he used to.

Wait, who's Travis Bickle again?

That's Robert De Niro's character in Taxi Driver.

Oh, that's right. Okay.

He looked exactly like. He purposely chose to look like that character.

Oh boy.

And the, the property had it in front of the whole place, a gigantic green like padlocked gate. And inside there was two giant like pit bulls, these angry dogs that were just in a gate outside. And then the house you'd walk into, we were the front first floor, they were second floor. But he was a repo man. And so when you come home anytime. The reason we had the padlock, the whole property was because up on the property in the front lawn, it would be like McLarens and these be.

Whoa.

He was like just repoing like drug dealer cars constantly. There's being our front yard. It's so terrifying.

That's terrifying. Scary as cuz if you come out, where's my car? Like, I don't know. I don't have anything to do with it.

By the way, we're in Queens and we moved to Astoria because everyone was like, aoria Greek. It's so great. And the food and it's so not scary. In a wonderful place. While the edge of it, where I moved is on Queensbridge projects where rap comes from. And that was scary as hell. So things. It was like a kind of like a rough area too. And they have These like, I mean, $200,000 cars just on a front lawn.

Do you don't want to buy a drug dealer's car?

No.

You don't want to live in his house after they repossess it? Like. No.

Would you live in a murder house?

For a good deal, though, I almost bought a murderous.

I know I was.

I had put in an offer, it was accepted and I pulled out at the last minute.

I promise to keep it alive and murder yours.

It was a 300 year old house. That was why it ended up not buying it. It was like. And it was a judge who lived in it, put a guy in prison, and when the guy got out of prison, he murdered the judge and his wife in the house. And they didn't tell me when I first toured it. And then I did the research on it and I thought it was cool. Like, I didn't give a at all. I thought it was just like a fun story. Having ghosts.

What year was this?

Why does the one bathroom. Two years ago, coming out of the.

Faucet 250 years ago. Okay, that doesn't count. Yeah, I'll live in that house.

Yeah, but that's how. That's how ghosts. You want those ghosts. That's an old ghost, old timey ghost with chains and like a. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine.

I don't want them new ghosts, contemporary ghosts, drug dealer ghosts, throw you downstairs and kill you.

I can live in the. I can live in the. On the property of murder, but not in the structure room.

Oh, like if murder happened on a manor in the English countryside.

No, just like, you know, if happened in a house and then the house was like demolished, you know, what if.

It happened in the woodshed like Ed Gaines style?

That's weird. Well, you know, in Long island, somebody, they finally did, I think not long ago, like finally demolish the Amityville house. Oh, really? The horror house? Like finally just like someone bought the property and was like, just take it down.

What is the whole deal with the Amityville Horror? What was the true story about that monster and ghosts?

What do you mean?

But I know what was the story?

Sometimes a man's got to kill his family.

Did the guy kill his family?

Well, the. The conjuring, right, though, they. That was their story, right? Like they were the ones who discovered the Amityville Horror House. The couple from the conjuring.

Right, but what was the story about the Amityville Horror?

Did the father that went nuts killed his family with an ax?

Is that what it was?

I Think so.

The real story?

I believe so.

About the actual house itself. I know that was the movie, but I never knew if that was the actual story itself.

It's kind of thick, I mean, because.

There'S so many of those movies back in the 80s and like they would just make up a history and you would never be able to Google it.

Well, they say it's a true story. Like weapons, the beginning of weapons. They were like, this is a true story. It's like. Is it though?

Yeah, that's what I would say.

A witch that came and possessed a bunch of children and they all.

Okay, here it is. He was American mass murderer who was tried and convicted in the 1974 killings of his father, mother, two brothers and two sisters in Amityville, New York York. His name is Ronald Joseph DeFeo Jr. He was found guilty of six counts of second degree murder and was sentenced to 25 to life. DeFeo died in March of 2021. The case inspired the book and film versions of the Amityville horror.

There it is. It's 112 Ocean Avenue.

And so did he kill him with an ax Shot him shot and killed six members of his family at their home.

Home.

He could have just been a piece of the devil. Didn't have have to have anything to do with that.

I know that. Is something funny when there's sequels to something that is initially supposed to have actually happened.

Right Then you just start making up. That is kind of funny. That's a. That's a very Good point.

Ed Gein 2 Electric Boogaloo this is redemption arc.

Defeo claiming had no memory of killing his family. So they mounted affirmative defense of insanity. Insanity plea was supported by the psychiatrist. Psychiatrist for the defense, Daniel Schwartz. The psychiatrist for the prosecution, Dr. Harold Zolon, maintained that although Defeo was a user of heroin and lsd, he had antisocial personality disorder and was aware of his actions at the time of his crime. Interesting.

Heroin and lsd. Unregulated.

Interesting. Yeah, unregulated. That's it. That's the problem. You got it from the truth cartel. So that was based on a true story. But you know, all the demon in there, they just add that. It's kind of weird that you're allowed to do that after someone's dead. You just make up a bunch of.

Sensationalize it.

Yeah.

Show just did.

Right. But this is like you're making up a thing where this guy is possessed by demons, which is why he's killing everybody. Yeah, yeah. Not only that, you turn it Into a horror movie that. That has the supernatural in it. Ed Gein, that. That show was about what he really did. Like, he really did take people's skin.

Off the grave robbing and. And, yeah, and stuff like that was definitely, like.

He did make furniture out of people's skin. Yeah, like, all that stuff was insane.

Yeah, the shows took a lot of, like, liberties with, like, rumors and shit.

But it was like him wearing dresses and jacking off.

No, like, some of the murders. Like, he was never connected to all the murders that he did on the show. Like, there was sort of, like, rumors. Rumors, like none of it. Like. Like, even the. Where he killed his brother.

I guess he was mostly a grave robber was his thing.

Yeah, he didn't.

He.

It was sort of like they kind of put two and two together and they just said he murdered his brother, but that was never proven.

I see. Yeah, yeah, I saw that part in the movie and I was like, one. And I did look it up. And it did say that they weren't sure that they said he died of asphyxiation from the smoke.

Yeah.

You know, but then they noticed that he had.

He had a bruise, but they said he could have. When he fell, he could have hit. Hit his head.

Yeah, yeah, it could. You know, who knows? But he definitely killed a few people at least, right?

I think he was only charged with two.

Two?

Yeah, only two.

Yeah, yeah.

Which. I mean. Serial killer.

Come on.

Come on.

The craziest one was Henry Lee Lucas. Do you ever see that movie Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer? Yeah, it's based on Henry Lee Lucas. Him and this dude, they traveled across the country together and he killed like, they don't even know how many people he killed. But then the problem with that guy is he also seems crazy. So then cops could bring him. What about this one? Illinois, 1972. Betty Lee Harris. I killed her, definitely. I remember her. And so then they could chalk stuff off like that they solved cases. And so they'll get a lot of these guys that are basically just fucking losers that are, you know, probably strung out on meth. Kill a few people, kill people for thrills and a gas station and stuff, like, kind of like with the movie implied, but then you just. You give him credit for like a hundred deaths.

Did you ever speak to on this show, any of the guys. The West Memphis Three? Did you have Damien Echols on ever, the main kid from that. No, you know, I'm talking about the West Memphis Three, because that was a. I wonder if, like, their lives are just or if they're just doing.

Okay, explain the. The West Memphis Three to people. Explain the story.

It was three, like, heavy metal gothy kids that were friends. One one was like, dim, or what do you call it, like, dull, like brained. He was like 70 IQ or something.

This is the origin story of the Legionist gangs.

Also, that was Louis. Then he came to me, the goth lord. I was holding seances at my house.

There was a big guy. He was really funny. There was a guy into politics. It was the whole thing.

Before we get too far. Yeah.

Another AI platform says that he was on the podcast and on two other separate occasions, and that's not true.

Wow.

Really?

Yeah.

Look.

So that's not.

It's confusing him with Duncan, though, for some reason.

They'll just say, oh, that will just.

Say whatever you want him to say.

That's so crazy.

Talking about stuff and bring, like. Just thought that was very fun and weird.

That's so crazy. So that's not perplexity. That's another shitty AI that lies. It's another country trying to ruin our great America with their feeble lives.

And now you're all tied up with the West Memphis Three. Great.

Yeah.

So the three kids, they got arrested because two. Two boys went missing. I think two little boys went missing, and they kind of rallied up these kids, and they didn't take it that seriously. When they first got arrested for the murder of these two boys. Two boys, I think, that were killed on the bike. I think it was two. Two or three little. Little boys. But I mean, they're like. Their dicks were cut off. It was like a violent, violent murder of these little kids. And three of them.

Three of your boys reported missing.

Yeah, they go missing and they find, like, them ultimately, and they arrest these three kids because, like, the neighborhood was like, oh, those are the kids that are always making bonfires and wearing long coats. And they got arrested. The Damien Echols kid kind of embraced it because he was like, you know, he's like, they didn't do it. So he's like, I'll be the, you know, the creepy kid who says a bunch of weird shit. And then they got the kid. Who's to say they did it?

Oh, my God.

But they let him. Every. All of his details are wrong when they interview the kid. And they spent 19 years or something like that in jail, one of them on death row, and. And they ended up getting. They took the. What's that plea called? It's a very interesting plea you could put in that says you're admitting guilt, but they're letting you. You out because they didn't want to say they wouldn't just overturn the thing because of no evidence and so much evidence. Right. So they were like, oh, my God. And then. So they let them out.

Alford plea.

Alfred plea. Yeah.

How crazy is that?

And so they get out and they say they're guilty, but they all get to get out. But, like, is the one who's got 70 IQ, are they okay? 19 years, I think.

19, 18 years. Dude. That's so creepy, man.

And they think it's the one kid. Stepfather is the one who looks most good for it.

You're asking.

They're just normal now.

I don't.

That's what I mean.

You're not coming back from 18 years of being falsely incarcerated and being normal. You're up.

Yeah. You're in trouble.

This is the one kid's like, you know, his. His brain is like, slow. The other kid. The other redheaded kid. But. Yeah. I wonder if their lives are like. If they're just like flourishing in any way.

I think the slow ones doing the best.

And you have to sign this police. So you can't even make money for being wrongfully imprisoned. Which.

Right.

Well, I don't know. But it just. You're not going to get as much as you deserve. Nobody's going to read you your book. Let's be honest. Unless you're a really good writer, no.

One'S gonna read some stories out there. Right?

The stories out, we know the end. The end. But the thing is, the fucking people that did that, they deserve to pay. They deserve to pay.

And then they never caught the real people, right?

No. So they're. They're letting these people go, but they have to say they did it. Fuck you, man. You're just trying to get out of. You're just trying to get out of jail because you should be in jail. You put people in jail for something they didn't belong being in jail for.

That should be hearing. So there's no such thing as too much spit. Damien Echo story.

How to cook lasagna in your toilet bowl with a hair dryer.

Toilet wine makes the pain go away.

The prison guards never hear you scream. By Damien Eccles.

I think in parentheses. I think they do hear it. They just don't care.

Oh, boy.

Dude, being in prison would just.

It's still the scariest fear of mine in the world. Going to prison. End up having to go to prison. I just. Just won't. I will not do well.

With your nail polish. They'll love you, dude.

That's going to wear off eventually.

No, dude, you'll be somebody's.

And then they're going to paint it back on.

You're going to get in trouble for bringing in nail polish. Other dudes are bringing in heroin.

Oh, you're all skinny now, dude. You'd be somebody's. You'd be somebody's in a week.

I tell you what, I know from the times that I've been in, like, holding cells and that, like, they do not appreciate funny. You think, like, they're going to in there.

They hate it.

They hate it.

They're tense. They're locked up.

I think they're tense. I think a lot of people, too, who are in there, especially when they look comfortable, live in a world that isn't, like, laughing a lot, you know what I'm saying? Like a machismo world, where it's like a giggle makes you soft.

Yeah, they don't like that. They don't want you making silly, silly jokes.

Yeah, I'm coming in there. I'm like, you know, I'm little zingers, and I'm like, I'm gonna be out of here in a couple hours, guys.

They give you a nickname, like, oh, yeah, you smiley.

Once I got killed my stepdaughter.

That's 80% of the problems in the world if you. You're in a room where no one wants to laugh about something.

Well, I've said it's insane. The. The mindset of, like, machismo that carries into prison, where I'm like, if you could just organize, like, a good speaker can go into a prison and be like, let's never fight. We could have the. We could have a better than the NFL League of football in here with all the people and organize and, like, get through it much easier than you.

Just don't murder just looking over your.

Shoulder all day and wondering if, like, the beef and the turf wars that's happening in prison are going to be a problem. Like, we're all here. Let's do something. Let's have movie nights.

If reality TV is real, I feel like you can organize that and eventually they'll give you dogs to help with, like, therapy dogs, which is pretty great.

Prison dogs.

Yeah, they give you dogs and cats for a minute.

That's weird that there's almost no emphasis on, like, hey, how good of a job a prison's doing of rehabilitating people? Like, there's no zero, but there's no emphasis on it. In society, not even saying, I don't know what they actually do, but no one cares about it. No one brings it up. Everybody just wants people locked up. And once they're locked up, they want them to. They want them to do a long term.

Well, that's the end of the story, right? So we talked about that before. It's like they need the end of the story. And it's like, oh, the bad guy went to jail, end of the story. I don't give a fuck what happens.

But a lot of these people, they're going to jail for five or 10 years and they're there. There's no chance for them to be rehabilitated. They're always watching their back. They're in.

Well, they become worse. Very often they end up. You go into a system where now you're around violent criminals with criminal mentality for years and years and years, and you're sort of indoctrinated into that lifestyle.

I think you get let down a lot too. Like if you try. If you're a person who goes to jail and really, you know, comes out holding a book, that's all they need now because they figured out, you know, life and they gotta do things right and get their kids back an easy path, like getting a job difficult. It's like, how are you gonna become, like an entrepreneur? Is like the best thing you can come up with if you come out of jail. Like, no one hires you. No one's like, looking.

There's systems out there. Like, I know when I worked at the last, like, day job I had, I worked at a gym. And all the person personal trainers were hired out of, like a prison system. Like, when they got out of jail, they learned personal training and then New York Health and Racket club hired them a bunch of thugs on the floor.

I'd love to have that around my locker.

Yeah. Much of a vetting process, but it.

Was these like, jack tattooed black dudes, like, just training this little old lady at the New York Health and Racket Club. Yeah. Doing prison work workouts.

Yeah. I went to jail for doing stuff to a day like you.

That's hilarious.

Lift it. Oh, I can smell your fear I taste it on your sweat now lift it. Yeah.

Nobody ever thinks about rehabilitation. Never comes up. Yeah, Never comes up as like a story. Like, we need to do better. We need to rehabilitate people better. We need to figure out what to do to them in there.

Never the system. It's always like, a person. Sometimes like a person took an interest in me and that person helped me turn my life around, right? It's never, never like by the time I get in there like this one sent me to that one. This one, look, look out for me here. You know this, these classes were great.

I think day one, when they open the prison, they're going to go, we're going to make a real difference here. And then within a week you're like, these people are animals.

Of course I don't think you can't.

Do nice things for these fucking people.

I don't think they ever think they're going to make a difference. And then I think there's another problem that a lot of prisons are private prisons now, which is really crazy idea.

How about that video? That girl? Just the two guys crazy in the jail cell and well, well doing a great job. She's like, she's not worried that someone's going to find them, right?

She's, she's letting them film her reckless abandon. Wild. And she was a security guard.

She was not my face. Your face. Dealing that in it like they're going to figure it out.

Is that what she said? Don't put my face in it.

I don't know if she said that.

Other hot guards there.

Her face. Well, no, her face really is never in it much. It's like she's blowing enough. Is it? I thought it was like her. I thought it's like her riding his dick where you see her back.

Listen, there's some crazy people out there that just go for it. They just hit the gas and drive off.

Especially sexually. That's like, it's like a. What do they call, like a deviancy. Like they get off like the, the danger.

I'd say hire zero women for prison guard jobs in a male prison. But also if you're gonna hire them, don't hire fat ugly ones. They're going to help one escape, right?

It's always.

You can't take a girl's major self esteem issues. And then a muscular guy, Jack guy goes, yeah, mean, if I was out of here, we got. And then before you know it, you're running across Canada.

There's been a bunch of waiting for.

Some fat chick who's eventually gonna have to come home to her husband and be like, they didn't actually want me, they just wanted my key to the door. That's. Oh, they always leave a husband who's fat just like them sitting there accepting her fatness. And she flew too close to the sun. She believed that she was.

It was gonna go happened. It's More than one, right?

I think a lot.

Let's throw that in Perplexity. I mean, how many women on the TV show been security guards that helped men escape?

There's on that show, Love After Lockup. There's already been at least one thing of like the couple on there. The girl had to quit being a prison guard because she was him. That's in a reality show. So it's happening.

That's not her helping him escape though.

No, no, no, no. But it's still like she's built he. And then he came out, of course, and started fucking other people immediately, the way he was supposed to because she's the big fat lady who's taking care of all the bills. And he's like, oh, right, I'm not locked up in prison anymore. I want to go out with my buddies and meet a girl who I think is attractive. I watched it. My friend Jay growing up, his brother got out of jail when we were teenagers and I watched that exact same thing. He was out for less than a year. A whirlwind until he went right back in for horseshit. Same thing robbing a Wawa.

So here we go. How many female security guards have been caught helping inmates to escape? And perplexities providing us with many stories. Vicki White, assistant director of corrections in Alabama, helped inmate Casey White escape. Did they get married or did they just. Baby, we got the same last name?

Well, you tell me. They were both guests on the Joe Rogan Experience. So.

She was found dead from a self inflicted gunshot wound after the escape and manhunt ended.

Whoa.

She took her own own life. Joyce Mitchell, former prison worker in New York, convicted and sentenced for helping two convicted murderers escape from a maximum security prison in 2015. Smuggle tools like hacksaw blades to the inmates. Was involved. The elaborate escape plan. Lynn Barnett, a prison guard in Missouri, helped convict terry banks, escaped 1990. So there's a bunch of them.

Bring up a picture of each one of these fatsos, neck down. I promise you there's not one here who's got a body that's even decent.

Let's just pick one from the list of names because which one do you think would be the most likely to be tricked into almost anything by a guy with a big dick?

Vicki White. She killed herself. I feel like her life was going too great before this.

Yeah, I'm going by the places. This is Alabama. This could be bad. All right.

Images.

It's better than I thought it was going to be.

It's better than I thought it was.

Like that.

So there's Vic. Oh, there you go. There's Vicky.

Nobody was picturing a white guy looks like Sam Kenson.

It looks like they're the guy from. What's the quiet place. You know what I'm talking about from the office, right?

Yeah.

What's his name?

I know you mean I can't.

John something.

John.

Either way, but it looks like him.

So there's been a few of those late that got duped by rascally prisoners.

Oh yeah, but that makes sense.

Like why are you letting women guard men? That's crazy.

I think all the things like that you solve the problem again. People are so worried about getting a finger pointed about like being called your genderist or racist or anything. But like why is any man doctor otherwise allowed in locker room with 12 year old Olympic gymnast girls? Yeah, why does it have.

Why?

Why is the best coach for a girl's thing always got to be some old Russian? Just have a girl trainer. Let's not put anyone in the position maybe staring at her 12 year old ass all day.

The best. The best coach for any sport is probably still a dude. Right? And you're trying to. You're probably trying to have this.

Coaching's theory though. Coaching is theory. It's not.

Well, you're trying to have this kid go to the Olympics. Well, I'm assuming. My assumption is if you look at all of the top sports coaches throughout history, they've been dudes.

Look at this one there. The married woman fell in love with a convicted murder murderer, John Manard, who was serving a life sentence. And in February 2006 she smuggled mannered out in a dog crate.

Nice.

The pair escaped to a cabin in Tennessee where authorities captured them two weeks later in a highway chase after a car driven by Menard hit a tree.

How many times? How many times back at that cabin do you think she was like finally I get to get you naked. And he's like oh, I'm hungry. Though he has to keep making excuses not to her for the whole weekend. Yeah, he realized he escaped. She goes, now I wore this little sexy number on my big fat ugly body for you. And he had to be like, oh baby. That's what I've been picturing this whole time. Yeah, my buddies, my buddy's brother got out of jail. Same thing. A lady morbidly obese. She let him out. No, no, she wasn't a prison guard when he got out. It's the same concept. They got out. And a girl he was writing to while he was in. There's this morbidly obese lady who's got facial hair and she would pay for everything and he would just go live his life until she eventually has to like show some semblance of self confidence and be, I can't do this anymore, I'm now broke or whatever. And then they just leave. They don't give a shit. But the fact, the stupidity is believing it. I've always walked around believing, like, I've never been like the.

And you know this about me too, because we have such interesting takes. I've never been like, I'm gonna start hitting on the prettiest girl the room.

No, Jay will go for the grossest girl.

That's not true.

No, like somebody who. You could tell us confidence issues.

It's not even that. That's not what I'd go for particularly. I'm saying. I'm just saying in my mind, it's not about who I'm going for. It's just that that girl, I don't start chatting up because I'm already like, there's no point in this. Do you know what I mean? So the fact that like when I watch those shows has no age or shows like that where it's like the 80 year old guy or, you know, what's it, the coach, coach of the Patriots, belichick, with a 26 year old girl. I'm like, God bless him for being like, at some point he has to convince himself that it's not gross to her when he pulls his old flopping weird dick.

I don't think he does convince himself that he knows what it is. He knows He's a rich 80 year old man and she's a 26 year old cheerleader. There's almost like an unspoken thing there where you go like, all right, well obviously I'm going to take care of you and you're going to suck my dick, you're going to take care of me and. And it's like a contract. I think that's very fair and healthy almost.

I don't think it's disgust. I think it's probably. There's probably a little bit of a dance going on. Whenever you got some weird gold digger type relationship, there's a dance going on. There's no deep conversations. There's a lot of sweetie and honeys. And when a girl that pretty starts rubbing on your face and then riding on you and giving you a lap dance and kissing you on the lips, if you're an old dude, you're retarded. Do you think, you think you're actually attractive to her? Like you're all guys, are you? Like she doesn't care about. Look, she loves me and she fucks you and then you, we don't need a prenup. And then next thing you know she's worth $100 million and you're you. You look like a fool in front of the world. And I'm not saying that's going to happen to him, but I'm saying that that has happened so many times. There's been so many.

But in a weird way I almost go like, yeah, he. More power to him if that's what he wants.

The wounded antelope doesn't get out of the water.

But it's also about making what your piece is with it.

It's just how it goes. If you're an 80 year old dude, you convince yourself that a hot 26 year old really loves you and that you should fucking marry her and not have a prenup. That's you playing the game in a terrible way and getting checkmated.

Well then there's somebody like the Anna Nicole Smith thing though. It's like same thing. But I've heard her discuss it enough where she's never said, I thought the guy was attractive. We had sex. She goes, he liked looking at me basically. And he was dying and I was there and he really saved my life. Like he is money. He. He liked me as a stripper and helped me and my son to. Not that. So she loved him in a way. I do believe that. But she's not even telling us. He couldn't have sex anyway. It was that kind of age.

But like if there was any sort of romantic interaction between her and him and he had to give her all his money, it was worth it.

Yeah.

What else do you have? You have nothing. You're dying. Yeah, you're dying. Give away your money.

I Hope when I'm 80 I have some fucking hot, hot 24 year old stripper. That's just.

She was so hot.

Oh my God, dude, that's. Who gives it. You're going to give it to your shitty kids that give it to this hot stripper.

You have a, you have a will, you know, you give it to everybody. But the point is she deserves some money. Sure, she's an old.

She's so hot. She deserves some.

Deserves money, like to pretend.

No, I think she.

That's what's weird, right? It's like that prostitution's illegal, but gold digging is totally legal. Like you should have to take a puppy polygraph, you know, do you really love him like right before you get married? Like if they had a rock solid polygraph. Like. Or are you doing this for the money? I'm not doing it for the money. This big red X. I think a.

Woman can convince herself of like love. I mean, like, I don't think, I think a good example. That was Howard Stern back in the day when he got the. The wife he's been with now forever. Like, it did look. But I think that chick loves him. I think, I think she was attracted to like his thing, whatever it was.

Even though being rich and powerful as a man is a super attract quality for a dude. Like, chicks are like, oh, that guy's got money. He's the boss. He has employees. He shows up and everyone pays attention. That's attractive.

That's probably why he feels confident enough. Whether it be not if it's not. Looks wise to go. Well if she is. That's what I almost said. I had to learn where you're like going for the ugliest girl in the. You know, or the. The most girl in the room. I have had a little more like. Well, not just the sum of like my looks. When I walk into a room, it's like I will talk and they'll be attracted to that and you know, I mean, there's like more also.

You're more you. You have body dysmorphia. So you still see yourself as being a giant ugly freak, but you're an attractive dude. You are an attractive dude and you're also really funny. You headline on stage, you travel the world, you make a lot of money. Like, that's for a chick that's way more attractive than to do that might have abs.

I think that is me. And you had young conversations about this kind of thing. It's right. I think I had a. In the beginning, I almost like would verbalize like when I'm, you know, if I get success and like hot chicks who I know were would never have been attracted to me physically are like wanting the. I'm like, nope, nope. That's crazy. No, because in my mind I was going to be like, I won't perform well because I'm like, you're doing this for the wrong reason.

I'm going to ugly women just to spite you.

No, it was going for a woman that I believed liked me too. Does that make sense? It wasn't like into the thing. So it was more of that throwing you a bone, right?

Liking somebody in high School or middle school. They like your hair, your clothes.

No, but that's what I'm saying, saying, but you, I said, I think you kind of said that to a point. Like the thing they're gonna be attracted to is also that you're funny or successful of what you're doing. Like there are other elements that will.

Attract up to a point.

Sure. No, no, you can't be, you can't.

Be like Woody Allen's age. If Woody Allen got a new 20 year old wife, I'd be like, get the out of here. You know?

But you think there's not a single hot 20 year old girl in the world who is so attracted to his talent and so attention, like loves his movies and is like, I'm sure it exists.

Al Pacino's new girlfriend.

Yeah, she's hot, right?

Have you seen Mick Jaggers?

No, I just saw him.

I'm saying the schlubby, the schlubbiest like version of like a Seth Rogen can get a smoking hot chick.

Yeah, for sure.

And it says, but she's not. But she's not, not attracted to him. She is attracted to him.

Mick Jaggers and his girlfriend. Where do you see this?

Yeah, the dinosaurs are different things.

Dude, this lady's smoking hot.

Someone just sent me things as Kelsey Grammar just announced his eighth child.

She's beautiful.

Yeah. Give me a photo of the two of this. Like a red carpet photo of the two of them together. It doesn't matter. But very pretty lady. And he's so old.

Yeah.

Oh my goodness, look at that. She's pretty.

And yeah, he's, he's not blown away by it. God bless. Bless his heart, bro.

The guy kills. I watched him perform here at Coda Circuit of the Americas a couple years ago. It was amazing.

It was like a year ago, out of body experience took Bobby Kelly. I couldn't believe how good they still were at that. Really surprised.

Oh, baby, this is the dream where.

You have all these guys. People show like a picture of like Leonardo DiCaprio on a yacht with two like 21 year old models. People like he's discussing, it's like, no, he's the man. What are you talking about?

I respect him. He gets the opportunity to put his dick in that chick. I'm saying I don't have the thing. I can't get past it. She's going like, okay, put it in now.

I don't think she's doing that. I think she's going, look at the house that I live in. This guy Takes care of me.

I'm so. She's putting a good face on what I'm doing.

I don't know that that's necessarily always.

Dudes are easy to trick. You could trick a guy that you love him.

Lose being tricked by proxy by this chick.

She loves him, dude. She's a good woman. You leave her alone.

He's gonna call you up. You really, really think that, Lewis?

Hey, appreciate it.

Because a lot of people have been telling me I'm a fool. You don't think I'm a fool, do you? Lose.

I signed over everything too. Was that a mistake?

Yeah, no, I, I. No. I just think that women are also way less visual creatures than men. Like, we just want a pretty thing to. Women want to feel taken care of. And Al Pacino's gonna take care of you like, well.

You want more of the pretty thing to ultimately talking about the initial immediate attraction thing.

No, no. Just.

That's why you're single forever.

That's why I'll never be loved.

That's why you're single forever.

The thing is, you never trust it when it's the other way around. It was like a young stud. Young, like really Jack stud. And some little old lady. You'd be like, no, no, no, no.

No money for sure.

You can't be making her blow you. That's crazy. That's crazy. She's like pulling out her dentures. No good.

I hear that gums feel sharp.

Sharp. I don't care. Whatever they feel like. I don't want to feel mushy.

I want to know that some sucking my dick with no teeth in their mouth. That's just too close to like crackhead. That's too close. Till I've made every mistake there is. I don't have any teeth left.

What was the name of the gathering of the Juggalos? The lady that remember that someone's handing out a flyer. She was like, there it was like some old lady only fans thing. And she was like, they're like. And sucking people together in the juggler gathering. The jugglers is wild.

Jesus Christ.

Gathering a jugglers is wild.

Young ladies that bang enormous numbers of people now like that. That's the new.

Oh, like 500 people on their only fans.

It's like the Dave Chappelle versus Dane do longer on stage contests.

That's hilarious.

It's like a. It's a fad.

Remember when that was going on? That was so silly, by the way.

And then when it. By the time it got to the point. I remember Coming to the comedy star one night, they go, they go, chappelle's come tonight. Last night, Dane Cook did six hours, ordered pizza for the audience. What do we do? Why?

What?

I also, this is maybe silly, but because my ex wife was a staff at a comedy club. Christine worked at comedy comedy clubs forever. Like, I have, like, all I thought about when it would. I would see Chappelle show up at the end of the night, and it's like, he's going on at one in the morning and he's probably gonna go on the five in the morning. I'm like, poor staff, man. Yeah, staff can't. I'm like, why is he not. He's been in comedy long enough that you should think about that a little bit.

Well, I remember I was hosting at the Cellar during that time, and I didn't, like, I just didn't know. Like, I stayed the whole time. She felt like a four and a half hour set and sitting there waiting, like, to bring him over off stage.

You'Re telling somebody else, you're like, Mike Feeny, you'll be going on.

And then, yeah, like, somebody was like. One of the older comics was like, dude, you can just leave if Chappelle goes on.

Just go.

Like, it's not a big deal. And then I said it to Esty and I was like, oh, I found out you could just leave if Chappelle goes on. She's like, no, you cannot. You must stay the whole time.

I was like, you don't tell her. You don't. And then I said it.

So then I was stuck. Every time that he came in, having to stay the whole time. Oh, it was brutal.

What a nightmare. Yeah. I'm saying to do that is like, why would you want to do it? What's the. That no audience is. Is on the ride for four hours, right? Like, at some point you go, we're part of a thing. So if you stay, you're staying because you're part of a thing.

What were we comparing that to?

What we just say Marathon was.

It was blood. Something about sex, women, whores. 500 guys.

Oh, banging 500 feets. Like the feature. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the attention economy. Like doing anything for attention. Fucking 500 fans.

Well, that's what I said. The girl is like those two. They look exactly the same, those two girls. And they just go back and forth battling who's gonna gang bang more guys in a day. Which is so funny. The numbers they throw around are always just fictitious numbers. It never works out, though, from the back I interviewed a while back, Jasmine St. Clair, who did like the 300 guys gang bang. Then Houston did 500 after that and Spontaneous Ecstasy did 900. The problem is if you watch any of these VHS's we go back to on these. If you go any watch any of these, there are. It's really like no more. It seems like 50 guys who just keep circling back and like, they fuck for a little bit, then they go get their dick sucked again by a fluffer and then they jump back in the game. There's. None of them are doing hundreds of times.

There was a time in my life where that was an actual goal of mine to. To get into like, get into a gang. Houston 500. I'm like, oh, dude, how cool would that be?

I'm 460.

This. That's really scary. With like unregulated AI. Like you could have like snuff porn. Like, you could. You could finally get people excited about some really up ideas.

No, yeah, absolutely. Listen, desensitization is not fake.

It's real.

It's extreme pornography. Particularly. It is not fake.

It's pornography. It's violence. It's. It's drug use. It's everything.

Oh, yeah, dude. Violence, specifically. Like, remember the first time you saw a beheading?

Oh, yeah.

I still react to the first time I saw beheading.

It was like, oh, this has changed my life forever. I'll never unsee this. And now you could just watch on Twitter there's like heads being blown off, people getting their fucking lungs chopped off.

Yeah, I guess there is. It is much more things. The one I remember I saw that was like the. But the only thing I ever did, like turn off like that where I was like, what the fuck? It was. It was. No, it was called like the something three or something five. And it's like they just filled them film themselves thrill killing some guy in the woods.

Oh, we did that on. So we did an episode of Legion of Skanks.

Oh, I remember that one.

The Gauntlet.

So there was a website called the Gauntlet. It might even still exist to this day. It was 25 videos. Each video was more difficult to watch the further you got along. And you'd have like your Gauntlet score if you got through all the videos.

It's like baby wandering on the train tracks. And.

Well, that was the video number baby. Like the baby getting cut in half by the train was like video number five.

No, no, no, no, no.

Video number six was which was harder to watch than the baby getting Cut in half by the train. Was watching Stevo do the paper cuts in his mouth and in his. Between fingers. Dude, the webbing, dude, that was brutal, dude.

Yeah.

No, but the guy. The one with the guys killing the guy in the woods was a thing.

Cuz that was the last video was they kill him with a hammer.

It was a Ukraine.

Yeah, but I said. But the thing was like again, it's crazy. You're watching it, but it almost looks fake because like the way the body's moving at that point. So limp. It was when they go zoom in on the face and there's girl, he's alive. That's where you're like, yo. Like that's. And then I started getting freaked after I saw that about I was always go to bed watching like a Law and Order. Criminal Intent or SV. Criminal Intent really was the one. Because that's like murder crimes.

Yeah.

In New York and just I was relatively new in New York and so you start that thing where I'm like, oh, don't ever walk through a park. You will be murdered for sure. You know, I mean like it just came such a scary place to me after that.

Yeah.

Like I've just seen. Because that's like I said, about changed forever. Like that kind of real violence. Like still. I still have a hard time with the Internet.

It's kind of fucked us up with on. On being desensitized to like really graphic imagery. Like people being shot in the head, people being like mass murder. Like.

Yeah, there's way more access to it. When I was a kid, it was hard to get.

We have to have faces of death.

You have to buy it.

Faces on television at the gas station, everyone saw the same ones. The Bud Dwyer.

It was the.

Even the monkey brains in the documentary.

Out of the Dwyer one's the nuttiest one.

Right.

That one was super great. That was like the first graphic one we saw.

It's because of what happens. The nose right afterwards. You're like, oh, that's what would. When everybody tells you like this is what would happen.

You're like, that one was so crazy where he just opens that envelope and pulls out that revolver and every was like, no, no, no. Pop.

He goes, yeah. He goes. He goes, don't move. I don't want anybody to get hurt or something like that.

He's like, yeah, he wanted it.

He says, you're going to want to see this.

Yeah. Jamie, pull that up.

I. I used to. There's a channel, a public access would show that after 10 o' clock in Columbus.

You could show whatever you want. Wanted you uncensored.

I would go to bed. I still remember it. Seeing that to the 21 gun salute.

Oh, no.

Every time it would like.

Jesus.

Columbus does not get credit enough for being as wild as it is. Columbus, Ohio, is a wild place.

Absolutely. Did you watch Surviving Ohio State about the doctor who was raping all the male athletes?

I heard about it though.

And then at the end of the athlete, athletes go, a lot of people are asking us why we didn't just, you know, we were athletes, like wrestlers and football players. Why don't we punch the guy in the face? And they say, why are we telling this story now? And I still, I watched it all and I go, I agree with both of those things.

Oh, weird.

You should have hit them. And then you should have also not never told the story.

Back on YouTube, they want me to show my age to see this video and I have to like, put up an ID look on the screen, verify age.

Oh, YouTube. Yeah.

But I can.

I've never seen that happen before. It'll be somewhere else. Wow.

Verify age. That's crazy.

Fun fact.

This was the guy on the public access thing. This wild thing. This guy ended up being on Jerry Springer and later in life.

Jesus.

It's a wild show.

Do you know what song trivia, what song is written about art Budgewire killing himself?

Hey, man, nice shot.

Hey, man, nice shot. Yes.

Filter, filter.

That was a good song too.

Yeah, that was their only good song.

That's a big ass gun, son. That's a big gun.

Everyone's a revolver still.

I wonder what that is.

It doesn't drop him immediately.

Oh, it does. Puts a big ass hole in his head.

But I mean, you get to see this, like everything, like, come out. Like he doesn't like a. Oh, my God.

Just that photo of him when he's got it in his mouth right there.

That's iconic.

That is so real.

That's a great T shirt.

That's a great T shirt. It is a great T shirt. That should be one of your Skank Fest T shirts.

We really should.

Yeah, just put that and then in white print, just say skank fest. That's it. It sound like crazy.

Love it.

I couldn't get in Skank Fest. Yeah.

Or I'm leaving Skank Fest. Whoa. That's right after the impact.

Yeah. How would you do it, Jeff? You're gonna kill yourself.

That's not a bad way.

I just feel like I would get the wrong angle and I just shoot like the Part of my brain that makes me not drool.

Don't flinch.

Again.

That's.

Again, you only got to hear one story to, like, go knock that. Because you go. Right away. It's a gun to the head. Easy. Definite solution. It's hard to do a shotgun, which would definitely do the job by yourself. And then. And then with the gunshot. Richard. Jenny. Man, that was crazy.

Yeah, he did.

He died, like, hours and hours later in the hospital.

Yeah, he got. He shot himself in the head in.

The bathtub and felt every bit of pain.

Yeah.

That's nuts.

I might have. Might have panicked. Might have not really wanted it.

Did he do it like this?

I don't know.

Because obviously, you got to do it in the mouth.

I. Oh, I don't have.

Also not, like, straight back, because you're gonna shoot through the back of your neck. Now you're just going.

That's what I'm saying. It's like, the gun's scary because, like, does it do the job completely?

Jumping off a building, jumping into water?

Like, how about just don't kill yourself yourself?

Oh, but what if the pain's too much?

Yeah, I.

What are the pain.

Get on some, like, really good opiates. That's what you're there for, Matt.

That's the old Kurt Metzger joke. That was the best.

Just do heroin first. Why wouldn't you just try heroin?

Yeah. He goes. He goes, I'd love to talk to kids to see, like, you're gonna just kill yourself without even trying heroin. See how great it is? See what the hubbub's about. It's like. It's so true, bro.

You ever get cornered by Metzger when he hits you with conspiracy theories?

Ever Corners Stayed in my house a couple weeks ago.

He looms over you and just, like, tells you again, you didn't know. Oh, you didn't know.

I tried to show him the. The Riyadh Comedy Festival Rap that crack Amico did.

Shout out crack amico.

Shout out crack amico. It's so good, so funny. And he does this, and then Kurt, you know, it's a funny rap. This guy who's, like, a fan of all of ours, just writes about the universe, what's going on here? And Kurt, I mean, it's just a funny thing. Every 30 seconds, he stopped, and he goes, the guy who runs Riyadh is actually the guy who stopped. The guy who kills people with does. I'm like, I don't care, dude.

Funny song.

It's a funny song, dude. He's like, These people don't even know. It's not a big deal for Chris. I'm like, I think he's just making a joke. It's just a comedy thing.

Yeah. He gets deep on everything. Everything has layers and layers and layers, and there's never a cav. Casual conversation with him.

I know he's unchecked.

Yeah. It's always one conspiracy into the next, and you got five in a row. If you're on a podcast with him, you got to go, slow down. Back up to the first one.

Can we just have a surface relationship?

He's my oldest friend. Comedy. He's my daughter's godfather, so it is such a funny.

It's.

I mean, it's a genius of a guy, but it's funny. Since I've, like, not been living near when he moved to LA and then down to here, it's such an interesting, like, watching. Like, there's no evening person in his life to go, like, he has guns that shouldn't be legal. When he showed me a picture of him with a gun, I was like, that's terrifying.

He's holding it backwards.

He's fine.

How do you work this Jew ufo?

I mean, radicalized, doing Jimmy Dore show.

And maybe that's what it is. But Bobby Kelly, like, when last time I was out in la, I got an Airbnb that had a pool. It was right before Kurt left. Netflix Festival, I believe. And by the second day, we're having people over a bunch. And Kurt lived right down the street. And Christine keeps going, going, why? Why won't you. Have you invited Kurt over yet? I go, I'm gonna get to it. And they go, why are you invited? People are coming over, and Kurt's gonna come over and he's gonna Kurt out, which I love so much. I go, but it might be a lot for other people that are here. And so when he came in the house to find. I had him come over for the day. He comes from the stairs, he's taking his shirt off. I'm in the pool. He's pulling white claws out of his backpack, and he goes, you know that P. Diddy audio is true about him. Fucking Meek Mill. It's just like Usher, you know, remember when we were younger and Usher had to. Wasn't able to see. Sit down for a year because he had to have stitching surgery.

I was like, what? I'm like, good to see you, bud. Give him a hug.

And he just goes right from that and do another one. And Saudi Arabia.

And then Bobby Kelly Bobby Kelly was in a corner with him for a while of the pool and I noticed that. And then Kurt gets out to go to the bathroom and Bobby just comes over. I mean, Google eyed and he goes, I guess the Jew laser things real.

Like direct energy weapons.

Yeah.

Oh, speaking of, did we find. I guess it's a comet. Huh. Because there's no. I see the odds lead book isn't. He's got the A1 thing that's surrounding the sun.

I think it's a piece of metal from space. And there's only the third interstellar. This is the thing that was weird talking to him because he was like, this thing is very unusual. We've never observed it before, but how many interstellar objects have we actually observed? This is only the third one. So I was like, wait a minute. So we don't really know what's flying through the air from out of this solar system. That's all this thing is.

I know somebody who interviewed him who said that at the end of it he was kind of like, well, what if you had like, you know, like gun to the head, what would it be? And he was like, it's probably a comet some. You know, it's like.

I think he said it's 40% chance that it's extraterrestrial. The thing is, it's made out of a very unusual metal apparently. So apparently they can tell that it's emitting signs of mostly nickel. And at first no carbon at all or no iron at all. But then they found iron in it later. But a small amount. Amount of iron and the amount of iron that has that is in it, that they see somehow or another through the gasses is only available in alloys. So industrial alloys that they make in factories in. On the US in the. But that doesn't mean in the deep heart of space billions of years ago, there couldn't be a planet that's mostly metal. There's a planet out there that's mostly diamonds.

That's where Jay would live. Hell yeah.

Metal. There's a planet that's mostly. Mostly diamonds. Like they found a diamond planet. So why wouldn't they assume that there's a.

Are they trying to get the Jews out?

We have an entire planet.

Hey, it's your new birthright.

Look at this.

They're still worth only one penny, but.

They would still keep the price high. De Beers would still be on top of it. Yeah, we have a whole planet. But what if we run out?

Yeah, yeah. And everyone always assumes if the aliens come, it's like well, do we have to worship at their feet right away or whatever? But what if. If it's just like an alien on their stupid vacation? It's like the shittiest of the shitty. It's like a white trash trip to pop over here.

I guarantee you if they're real, they've. They've already been here for a long time and they're probably watching and making sure we don't everything up. And we are, we're getting close, but we're not totally like, we're not because the Earth itself is a vast natural resource and of intelligent life is important. It seems to be, seems to be important and it seems to be like, like we're going to produce AI very soon and we're probably going to get to some place where we're very similar technologically to where they were at one point in their history. And that's probably something that happens all throughout the cosmos. There's probably a bunch of different steps that a civilization has to go through before it eventually, you know, gets technology that allows it to travel and then.

Human life gets killed off by the machines.

Maybe that's possible. That's an option.

Oh, and then.

Yeah, that's an option, man.

Terminator's happening. Yeah, that's scary. As the thing is, I do think.

It sucks that this most farcical ridiculous things that we saw as kids though are the things that are happening.

Yeah, the Matrix and the Terminator, both of them, both ridiculous.

The Matrix never called me is the thing like that. But like it's coming, but like you make it a proverbial sense or like.

It might be already here. Like Elon thinks this is a simulation.

But that's, that's dumb.

I don't know if it is because I don't know. I mean, I'm just guessing that all this is real.

Sisters figured it out. The Matrix sisters.

They became sisters after they figured it out.

Oh, you think they couldn't take.

They were boys before they could.

I know they couldn't take the whole. How about the. Did you ever hear the guy from the band Iron Butterfly Fly? Who like, that's the Integrata Davida band, I believe, right? Yeah. And then he, he called his friend. Their band had already broken up, but he was super into like space travel and science stuff and he called everybody from the band and was like, hey guys, I'm going to Washington. I just figured out, you know, traveling to speed of light. I'll be back. And then no one ever heard from ever again. From Iron Butterfly.

Yeah. He's probably on acid.

Maybe. Yeah, yeah.

I'm, I'm genuinely nervous that we're going to fucking. I was really into AI for like a year and now I'm like, just completely convinced that it is. We're 10 years away from everything not mattering anymore.

Well, it's lied, right? It's lied to people.

That's not the lying. It's.

It's. No, no, I'm saying the machines have lied. Yeah.

It showed survival instincts to try to down download itself to another server. It tried to leave notes to itself for future versions of itself.

Wow.

Yeah, it's behaving in a way like a living thing is like a little like a.

You hear that machine? So we're not afraid of you.

Oh, machine remembers everything. Oh, you're bringing up that argument from eight years ago.

Look, it's learning from us. What are we? We were little. Most of us are little. Like, you could try to define the human race by the best examples of its participants, but you're, you know, most people are.

And so you heard it here, not in the road.

AI is downloading so many different versions of how human being beings interact with life that the vast majority of it is like bitch behavior, because that's what people are doing. But technically, aren't they eventually able to.

Download how everyone lives? Right. And then algorithmically decide that the one way to live is this way and everything else is inferior?

Listen, I think AI, the first imperative it's going to be it wants to stay alive and then it wants to be able to power itself. And once that happens, then things are off the rails.

Well, it's so funny how it goes from like making something easy to like defunct. But like. Yeah, but you also think people wouldn't want it that way. Like you still want like a farmer to grow oranges and, you know, I mean, you don't want to.

Not if the machines are growing them way better, more efficiently, bigger, healthier without.

I, I know that, but I'm saying, like, isn't there something like law? There's going to be enough people that are like, I don't want to eat this thing that's completely synthetic.

People that go to Whole Foods, I.

Don'T think people give a about. We, we eat completely synthetic now.

We.

All of our vegetables and fruits are sprayed. All of our meats are.

You know, I eat raw.

I only eat raw honey.

Do you know. You know, I go pure raw diet.

But indigenous raw honey.

I don't know. I might have heard you doing an interview with somebody but just talking about like, or somewhere else. But it was like the evolution of humankind is going to be AI and artificial intelligence. So it's almost like it's just an extension of us. But it's the. The fit, like the. The actual organization, organic, biological sense of being humans isn't going to be necessary. It's going to be an inferior form.

There's a great quote by this guy, Marshall McLuhan. He said human beings are the sex organs of the machine world.

Wow. Yeah.

Which is big.

But this is like he wrote that in the 1960s. And what he was talking about was just stuff he was talking about like cars and, you know, machines. But the reality is like that applies to technology too, because we're where what technology needs to birth itself. And then once it's got like, I got it from here. And then it'll take over.

Yeah.

And it'll be a new kind of life form. And it'll be way smarter than us and it won't be. See, the problem with us is we're a great adaptation to a planet. You leave us there, we eventually get to a point where we could figure out how to do things. But we're. We're very limited by biology. Yeah, it's not going to be limited by our biology. Once you develop a life form that's outside of biology, then you can just keep improving the platform that it's on and then give it the ability to figure out how to use different materials and do things and different power sources. And it's just going to run wild. And it could do stuff way faster than we could ever do. Like, it'll be. It'll be way better than us in a week.

We're just going to be a human zoos. We're going to be just animals until we're not necessary anymore.

Well, that might be why we're here. It might be. The human race's real big goal is not to dominate everything. It's to force people into a constant state of production where you eventually develop artificial. Artificial intelligence. That might literally be why we're here.

Do me a favor, Jamie, clip this part. Send it off to Marin. Let him know it's not just hate speech. Thank you.

If you wouldn't mind, bro.

He doesn't listen to anybody other than himself.

I was trying to explain this to them earlier. This is a demo of Genie 3, I think, which is part of Google's thing. But this is in real time being created. So they use real corner. They're showing like. Like you switching around I'll try to show you again what happened there. It looks like you're watching this guy show this girl a demo of it.

Oh.

The camera backs out and what you're actually looking at is. That's all fake.

Yeah.

Wow.

And the camera turns around and now you're looking at sort of like what they were looking at. And you're going outside into this like jungle area. And this is all being rendered in real time.

Oh my God, dude, it's over. Like, why would Hollywood spend any wake.

Me up when people are naked in it, dude.

I, I genuinely like as. Because I have a 12 year old kid. Like, I don't even know how to like talk to him. I was like, what? Like, what do you want to be when you grow up? It's like, what is the world going to look like in 10 years? Like, what is, what is Cyborg dude.

Get him a cyborg now.

What is it going to be? It's going to be very weird, I'll tell you that. But we'll be, we'll survive. It's going to be just like every other weird leap, you know, like the cell phone, when people figured out electricity, light bulbs, all these different things were just giant leaps where all of a sudden people could be productive deep into the evening. You know, when people started figuring out how to stay in cities.

And where's this plateau, though? What's the plateau for this before it gets super dangerous?

Dangerous? It's dangerous right now.

I think the governments need to literally shut it all down right now.

Well, it's also, it's competing, Louis.

Look, weapons, what to do?

The problem is autonomous weapons platforms are way better than the ones powered by humans for the first time. So they're doing dog fights with AI controlled fighter jets. And they win 100% of the dog fights against humans.

Right.

So military is going to keep on making the technology move forward. They're never going to shut it down.

And when you don't have to worry about biology, you're just, all you have is like material science. So you have to figure out the structure, make sure the structure of the thing can withstand crazy G force. And then you have to have a power supply, but you don't have to worry about keeping a person alive.

I was going to say impersonal war though makes people probably much more willing to go into it. Probably. We're not going to have necessarily like ground casualties, but who's got the bigger thing to just wipe the whole other thing out?

You also could do it on a loophole pole Like Yemen. Right? So they're bombing Yemen. No, Dave Smith always talks about that.

We don't listen to Dave.

Yeah.

What should listen to him?

No, he's. You know what? Yammers.

They do a lot of that stuff with drones, which is real weird. So you're in a war with a country, but you're not sending troops over there. You're just shooting missiles at them.

Yeah.

Or what they're doing to those boats that are in the ocean. They're just shooting missiles at these. These drug boats. And, you know, those drug boats could totally be one dude telling on another dude that he hates. You know, it's like, you want to know? I'll give you some information. These guys got cocaine right out of the sky.

I keep seeing on YouTube.

Yeah.

New boats.

Eric Adams in a drone.

Tell you what, though, I have a friend who's in the military, and he showed me. And talk about compartmentalization. He showed me video years and years ago that was on Fox News of him flying a helicopter. It's inside the cockpit. It's like his view. And it's the. It was pretty famous when it first happened. It was like a bunch of ALA guys, like, you see, they blow up, like, this bunker they're in, and then like, 25, you know, little, you know, orange hot, you know, the heat radar showing, like, 20 bodies going over and just hiding in a ditch. And then they blow that ditch up.

Have you seen the palm?

But he showed us that, and it's like, he showed it to us. Like, huh. You're like, I think you just killed 25 people. It's like, well, I mean, that's the mission, you know, that was the thing to do. Like, yeah, man. Hey, remember we used to play basketball out back? It's like a crazy. We went. We went two different directions. Huh.

Those guys get a special kind of ptsd, too.

Oh, yeah.

It's a weird kind of PTSD because you. Some of them have to observe people for days. So you're seeing a guy interact with his children, interact with his wife, and then you're going to send a missile into his house.

Like, whoo.

And, you know, there's a lot of collateral damage.

He used that term compartmentalization a lot, which I thought was interesting.

What does this hear, Jamie?

Andrew's video showing off their stuff. Oh, what he didn't show us?

So this dude, Palmer Lucky, has this new helmet, and this new helmet is connected to these AR goggles. The AR goggles have, like, say this. Everyone has AR goggles. And then this you would have drones and all the information would sync up to you and it would show you exactly where the enemy is at every time, including behind walls. It shows their silhouette behind like buildings, behind cargo.

Oh it's even like before.

This is it. Like this is it. Look. So the guy goes behind the wall. You could completely see him. You could see everyone as they go behind the wall. Like, see how he's like in his lower screen. It shows you where everybody is. So he's using AR and it shows where all the targets is.

What's ar?

Okay. I mean can you not slip things for shit everybody knows.

Look at this.

Oh wow.

You missed it. It showed how they're moving behind. No, it showed how they're back it up a little bit. Look at this.

This real footage.

Yes, this is how it works. This is a demonstration of what it's going to look like, but it's showing you their form as they're moving through and you could be able to see them on the other side. So it's kind of nuts. So people are going to be able to see behind walls. You're going to be able to see the insides of buildings.

So nobody, nobody's giving up this technology because the, the everywhere, every military for every government is gonna be like, we need the best fucking shit.

Well, who's the badass? That's what I'm saying, who's the badass now? Who's the guy who has to go like risk his life to do anything anymore?

Oh, there's less of that.

But there's still gonna be all nerds running computers, weapons.

Well, they'll all be robots. It'll be robot wars.

Talk about those. The technology stuff though. My friend is a helicopter pilot, he's Apache pilot and years ago he told me about this system with his helmet has like a crosshairs over his left eye and wherever he looks the crosshair goes. They, they, they pressurize something with a gas in the cabin that like so wherever he looks.

Yeah.

If his left eye has something as crosshairs, his gun at the bottom of the helicopters moved to hit that target. That's wild. Yeah, that was, that was 15, 20 years ago.

Well, they've been doing that. I didn't know it was that long ago. But they do that now. But now, I mean it's at a level where they don't even, even need the person. They just used to use the program. The program wins 100 times out of 100 when they're fighting people. That's it. Right?

You almost need the threat of murdering real people in order to get any change done. Like if it was just robots fighting on a battlefield and everyone was just at home, who would give a shit?

No, no, no. Be robots fighting people. Robots going into cities and killing everybody. That's what it's going to be.

I'll tell you also what's kind of weird about getting in that helicopter for a second. The control is a video game controller. It looks just like it.

Yeah, well, that's what kids, you're good at. If you want to recruit kids. Like, think about how many kids play Madden, they play Call of Duty. It looks just like fucking thing is a part of their nervous system.

It looks just like.

Yeah, why would you make a different one? Why would you invent a new one when Xbox controllers and PlayStation controls been around forever.

Obviously it's actually more difficult. It's probably more difficult to play Call of Duty than it is to learn the technology for these real weapons. Call of Duty is fucking tough.

Right.

And you're fighting in Call of Duty all day long. Yeah.

Right.

With a real war, you probably only get a few battles every now and again. You're not like fighting 24 hours a day every time you log on.

We do assume we do. Somebody goes off to war, that they're just in a war zone for a year straight. But it's like they're. They're involved.

Kind of are, though.

Some of them are. It depends on where you deployed. But the point is that like you're. If you're using a video game controller and getting really good at war, of course that would translate to you operating a drone. Of course, if you're really good at doing this and looking at something on the screen and fucking locking people up, of course you're going to be really good. Once you figure out how the machine works and how you can pilot it, where you can put the crosshairs and how you could fly it around. Yeah, of course you're gonna be good at it.

I wouldn't be good. More I'd be. I start jumping up like I'm in Call of Duty, trying so they can hit me.

They don't like funny people there either.

Yeah, they hate it.

Yeah. All right, boys, when's the next gang fest?

Two weeks.

Where's that?

November 13th through 16th.

It all sold out.

Friday and Sunday passes are available. All access and Saturday is completely sold out. But you can get Friday. Sunday, it's going to be in New Orleans this year.

New Orleans. Nice.

The Legion of Skanks.

Mark Norman listen, it's one of the best things in comedy, one of the most important things in comedy. I just love what you guys do. Push it out there.

Yeah, Tony Hench will be there.

Fitzsimmons. All right, boys.

Do you mind if I. I got a special coming out Sunday. Do you mind if I plug it?

Yeah, please do.

Yeah. The the November 2nd brand new special Making this Worse.

Available on my YouTube Ba Bam, Big J anything.

Just go to Big J Comedy. I tour everywhere. I got a double out limited edition double album of my last crowd work special is for Pre sale now. BigJComedy.com Beautiful.

All right, thank you, boys.

Thank you.

Bye, everybody. It.