Transcript of #2236 - Protect Our Parks 13

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Black guys can be gay now.

What happened?

Black guys can't be gay.

They were never allowed to be gay. Now they were.

Well, I think the diddy thing let it all out of the closet. Like, hey, what kind of numbers are we talking about here?

Yeah, I need something concrete. I'm gonna try this.

I wanna try this. I wanna try. He's got a new recipe.

Hey, new recipe. New bottle on bodega.

What's the new recipe?

Check it out. Tastes just like Buffalo Trace.

Well, I have Buffalo Trace right here.

He just poured out Buffalo Trace into Bodega cast.

It's better for you.

Oh, it's better for you.

Yeah. Buffalo Trace, racist and homophobic.

It's got blood diamonds in it, too.

Hold on. Okay. Bodega Cat.

It's pretty good.

Hey, that's pretty good.

Endorsement.

It's different. The old one. Yeah, it's smoother.

Is that an official endorsement?

Okay, now, Buffalo Trace, easy. Other win.

You got to do blind taste test.

I'll take it.

You can't. You can't. Pretty good, though. That's an upgrade from last time I'm around, kind of. This is good. This is. The Buffalo J is really good, but that's way better than the first version.

Thank you.

Bodega Cat's good. Like, if I got that at a bar, I'd be like, oh, it's nice.

Yeah, you know, it's fun. We didn't even change it. I lied.

Really?

Ah, you see?

Marketing, really, it's smooth, lying work. Did you not change it now?

We changed it.

I was like, that doesn't make any sense because the first one was like. Like.

No, it's marketing.

The first one kind of had, like, a rush taste to it, you know? Like, if you're doing a gig in Cincinnati and, you know, using whiskey.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? You order a drink at the bar, you're like, what is this?

Low level Brewery?

Yeah, Distillery.

Sorry.

Thank you. Hey, how about some stogies, huh, boys?

I got some right here, boys.

I brought you guys some from Cuba and then.

Really?

They stole them at the airport.

Tsa. TSA owns your ass.

This is you. God damn. They keep beating me.

Got your lighter in front of me.

Screamed at so great. I was in full mode. And Shane's like, whoa.

Yeah. I didn't know you had this trauma with them.

But, yo, imagine being them, though. Imagine dealing with people's stinky feet and bullshit excuses.

And then some giant dude comes in with a gun lighter trying to get on a plane. And you're like, no.

He's like, what the fuck? He's got a dildo strapped to his dick.

I was losing. I hope your wife gets raped.

I couldn't believe I was with Ari once when Ari farted on a TSA person. I said, I just farted on you.

No.

Yes, he did. 100%. He was. This is like, young Ari. Young Ari was even more crazy.

Young Ari was great.

Young Ari was even more crazy. And young Ari was like, this is what you choose to do with your life? This is what you choose to do with your life. Violate people's freedom. This is what you choose to do with your life. He would never. He would never, ever let them put him through the cancer machine. He only would get touched. So he would like, no, no.

I was getting swamped down by an Asian guy goes, isn't this demeaning in your culture, what you're doing?

Young Ari was an anarchist.

Oh. He was, like, uncomfortable. I was like, jesus Christ, Ari. I don't want to go to jail.

So young Ari. What was that?

40 years of calling 91 and waiting.

Don't say 911 at an airport.

I know Ari. Ari's like one of those dudes. He has a switch, and when he crosses over to the other side, you're gonna have to wrestle him out of that room. He's gonna kill somebody.

I spaz. I spaz.

Well, it's just.

I like it. I like.

It's an extreme conviction. Yeah.

He.

He extremely believes in his convictions. And when someone's doing something he thinks is immoral or unethical, he gets furious.

The best one for tsa. You remember that? When they started going like, state your name. I'm like, what? Why is that a new one? And it was only some places. I was like, why? And one guy at LAX was like, I'm like, why? Why do I have to say my name? And he goes, because my boss wants to take more power than other people's. And I'm like, okay, all right. Are you Shapir? That's honest.

Nice.

Yeah.

That's all I want to.

State your name. State your name. I use. I remember the old days, dude, when I first started traveling. You could give your ticket to somebody.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You could just give your ticket to another person. Like, hey, I got a ticket if you want to you just stay here. Do you want to go?

That's all.

And you, boom. You can get on a plane.

That's great for bitches. You're like, I'll find one of them. I'll lock this price in. I'll lock this price in and I'll find a.

You used to have to go wait with your girlfriend at the gate. Remember that?

Oh, you had to. Now you don't have to.

And you can meet them at the gate.

That is one good thing.

That's one good thing. Packed with people waiting to meet their friends. Now all those mutts, they have to be down there at the baggage claim.

People don't talk about the good that came out of 9 11. Yeah, I got recessed that day. That's another one. That was a big day.

That whole area downtown has been rejuvenated.

You remember where you were?

Yes. In eighth grade, bro.

That area killed Donna Summer. She got lung cancer from like some. I think it's lung cancer. Some horrible lung disease from breathing in the toxic fumes from the burn pits.

Toxic fumes.

A lot of firemen will disagree. A lot of those people that had to like, clear out that area, they're all fucked up from chemical burns.

Yeah.

That fire burned for like weeks down there.

No Jews in the building.

Not one little fishy.

That's why TSA is up here.

A text message, like a chat group that you guys are involved in.

One Jew died. He thought he had time to go back and close a deal. He close the deal, though. He close that deal. He closed that deal, bro.

911 is. That's the mother load of conspiracy theories. You will lose your life if you start like going down the rabbit hole of like tower seven.

Oh, yeah, the best is Eddie Griffin with 911. He is a conspiracy guy.

He told us there was gold.

His gold. The trains never stop, motherfucker.

Yeah, he had a whole rail. The gold underneath the trains ran 24 7. Like what? The trains ran?

Transporting gold.

Transport gold on the subway. That seems risky. Have you ever been on the subway, sir?

I transported a box of human feces and I was worried I was going to get mugged.

Why you have that?

For Big J's birthday.

That's an important gift from. In his culture. It's a blessing. I have in this Tupperware for you.

One of the wise men, Mr. Guys.

He missed you guys too. Yeah, miss you guys too. We have to save the world.

It's been too long.

Too long. Shane's been busy making a way in the world.

Shane and I were taking a piss and we're like, dude, it feels like we're about to jump out of a helicopter.

This is like. Before we do this thing, it's just.

Like, let's go, let's go.

On the way here, just looking out the window like, I was so happy.

I know it's a beautiful day and we're gonna ruin it in the studio in the dark.

It's always beautiful here.

I had to remind myself, it's like, dude, we're day drinking with friends.

Yeah.

Yeah. It would be nice though, if you put like a Toronto, like retractable roof in here. It gets.

Oh, that'd be cool.

That'd be a problem. Yeah, that's an engineering issue. It's a safety and security issue here.

In a lot of camps.

Yeah, people could fucking parachute into the podcast. Remember that guy parachuted into holy field fight? Yeah. Holyfield versus Riddick Bowe Wow. The guy parachuted and landed in the ring. And the whole fight up. Fuck the fight up. Because it delayed the fight by many minutes. And then the guys cooled off. I think it was like late in the fight too. See round seven. So here it is, round seven. He, Mills Lane, the referee saying, stop.

His ass beat immediately.

They are beating the out of this dude.

He did not expect this save the world.

You Was this pre 9 11?

Yes.

So they think of terrorism?

No, no, they were just. That dude up.

Oh, the hang glider.

This was the 90s, I believe. I believe it was the early 90s.

Damn.

They're all in there touching them for no reason.

Say what year that is, Jimmy.

It's.

It had to be the 90s, cuz. I. I know. I. I was living in New York. I think I was living in New York when this was happening.

Landing and immediately getting beat up is so.

Did you see that wearing the Howard University shirt with the hat on?

Yeah, that was a bad hat.

Where the is that White House?

Listen, man, like J.D.

Vance, he's got a represent.

He was undercover. He was FBI trying to infiltrate. He's like, I'm cool.

Back then you could wear blackface.

That's true.

Yeah.

I mean, it wasn't that long ago that, you know, Tropic Thunder was wet. What year was that?

2008.

You can still do it if you control your invite list.

You see Jay Leno, he's in full black face. What happened to him? Fell down a hill getting hammered.

Fall down hills.

He owed a hill some money.

What was that?

He fell.

That was a Chris Brown.

He's At a hotel. He saw a TGI Fridays at the bottom of a hill. He said, I'm going to get a brief key.

Well, you got to realize that guy was in a motorcycle accident like, a year and a half or so ago. His knees up, so he's probably very unsteady on his legs. And then before that, he was severely burned. He was severe? Yeah, severely burned.

Like Final Destination three years ago.

But a motorcycle. He's a. Have you met him? No, he's not a robust man. Like, he's a guy that if he fell off of a motorcycle, he's getting up, all right? And he got up. So to me, like, him falling and hitting his face on the ground.

Jesus.

Listen, that could happen to any of us. But if you're this guy, you probably can't stop yourself from falling flat on your face.

He doesn't give away. He's talking to death dude. Yeah, he goes and gets pictures. He goes, yeah, you.

Well, this guy rides a motorcycle.

You're never gonna get me.

He's sober.

He rides a motorcycle all the time.

Looks like a foreman in a mine.

He's got an eye patch.

That's when he got severely burned.

What did the hill do?

He really does look like a Bond villain.

So when you're there, that's the burn. If you get that. So that was two years ago? I guess. So if you get that fucked up by a fire and then you fall on a motorcycle and you break your knees, like, what was his motorcycle injuries? Find out what his motorcycle injuries.

Man, that was Bernie Sanders.

Yeah, he just doesn't look like the same guy. He looks. He looks pretty frail now.

He never complained to.

Broke his collarbone getting closed line his vintage motorcycle clothesline by wireless strung across a parking lot.

What? He's driving through a Hasidic Jewish neighborhood.

He's getting like, Wy the coyote injured.

And that's two months after the burns. So he was recovering from the burns where a engine blew up in his face.

What the damn.

72. I'll be 72 in four years.

The guy, he keeps preemptive strike, turns good. He's still out there turning wrenches. He's 70 years old working on these cars.

He's tough. Everybody's complaining. Everybody's a victim. Not Jay Leno.

I saw us leaving Protect our parks.

Oh, you can see a tire in his face.

That actually looks like a skin graft.

Oh, man.

Yikes.

Yeah, that's what that looks like, dude.

I'm Leno kind of rules for this.

Yeah, he does look the Guy's out there.

I don't want to let him take.

Over the Daily Show.

He's got a hell of a chin.

I don't have the balls to ride a motorcycle. Hell of a chin.

Yeah, you got that right. Damn. Tough guy. Clean comics, they're psychos.

He was really good back in the day.

Really good.

In the 70s when I started, people.

Were saying, obviously with. Everyone was like, prior number one, and then like, who's number two is the only. And then they go. A lot of people said Leno.

Leno was an edgy motherfucker when he was young, but he wanted that job. Man. We got to realize what that carrot was to guys from that era. If you have a chance to host the Tonight show, that is the end all be all. Fuck selling out Madison Square Garden, doing standup, fucking HBO special. The Tonight show was the spot. You were the king, Made you take.

Over Carson, that you were on the level of Frank Sinatra. You guys would be friends now.

Yeah.

And there were like four jobs back then for comics.

Exactly.

You can make other comics, but that was the job.

If you were a guy coming up in the 70s and then in the 80s, that job was the ultimate top position.

Well, this is the Tonight show now. Wouldn't you say that's ridiculous?

But I think it is.

I mean, it's not clean and you don't have to wear a suit, but no one's watching the Tonight Show.

I didn't want this, right?

Oh, this is a Tonight show now. Oh, I get it. Yeah.

The difference is, like, I. I'm not changing who I am to get this because I needed this. Also notice, I think that's what Jay Leno did.

Of course.

I think he was an edgy, like. He was like, leather jacket, talking about people.

Yeah, he was good.

Dude.

You ever see him on Letterman with eating a hoagie. He's just sitting there eating a hoagie with Letterman.

He was good. Also, when he took over, he had a day where he's like, you can host today. He booked Michael Richards. He goes, I want you. He was booking, like, weird, edgy people for his version of that show.

And word, he's. He was a real comic. But I think that job just, like, demands compliance. You have to fit into that position. And then, you know, remember that Bill Hicks bit about him interviewing Joey Lawrence? So, Joey, you got a girlfriend?

Yeah. Well, no. She thinks so.

And then Jay Leno reaches in and grabs an Uzi and sprays his brains out. I used to be a good cop. He unloads the clip and reloads it. And his brains spray out into an NBC peacock because he's a company man to the bitter end, dude. I asked Jay Leno about that bit once. He had a weird response. He was like, yeah, you know, he didn't want to do jokes for everybody.

I forgot. He talks like he's from the 20s, too. He's getting three stooges injuries and be.

Like, oh, Norman, you and Leno should have a combo.

He was a fun guy on the podcast because he was telling these crazy stories about old school shows that he did. Like this mafia guy yelling at a priest. And Jay Leno was screaming and swearing. It was wild.

Wow. You know, his old move, before there were a bunch of clubs around in the late 60s, he would go to a strip club, put 50 bucks on the bar and go, if I bomb, keep it. And if I do well, just give me the 50 back. Really true stories.

Leno.

Wow.

So he would not even be working. He just became a different guy to get that show. That's really what it is.

It happens a lot in la.

That's the sitcom thing, man. You see it a lot with guys that are really good comics coming up, and then they get on a show and they start being careful. They start pulling back. You have a Netflix show. That's a different animal.

Yeah, but also he went in dice style where he's like, I'm gonna be me. And then like, we're signing you for you. Smart. So he can keep being him.

Yeah. Yeah, you can. It's possible to keep being you, but it's. It's very difficult. Most people, they get trapped by the siren song and the, you know, the banshees lead them into the rocks.

Stand up is always the most incentive. That's the most incentive. Yeah, you could possibly have.

It should be, but. But people that are really captivated by the idea of having a show for them, it's like the ultimate. I made it. I have my own show.

Stand up. So much easier.

So much easier.

So much better.

I remember when I found out how much money people would make doing stand up, like if they sold out a whole weekend at the Urban Improv, I was like, that's what I get at a comedy club. What they get at a comic. Clothes I get on sitcoms.

A season.

Yeah. No, no, close. No.

What you're doing is for sure. A long time ago, no one was doing the Wells Fargo. To the Wells Fargo, bro.

Relax.

But you remember when you first started selling out comedy clubs? Like, oh, my God, this is like sitcom money, adding shows.

It's teacher money. Yeah. Teacher for the year money.

Yeah. For a whole year?

Yeah.

What a teacher gets in a whole year. You get in a weekend being dressed.

There's big drunk.

That's kind of a problem.

It's not though, because it's hard to get there. It's you. They could do it too. You don't like teaching. Put it. Put together an act.

It just takes 14 years and build up.

That's the thing like that. The reality of comedy is it really takes 10 years to be any good. Yeah, it's like a 10 year process.

Funny to see the friends from, like, high school go from like, oh, that's cool. But also, like, I feel sorry for him. We're all trying to get big in the business and Ari's, like, barely able to afford McDonald's. And then like, as you start, oh, he's doing okay. And then like, either like, hell yeah. Or jealousy. Like, why do you get this?

Oh, yeah, there's a lot of that for two decades. But you know where the real jealousy comes from? People that don't have any growth in their profession, where it's not possible, like, this is the height of. You can maintain this and you budget your lifestyle and you'll be fine. But there's no dream. There's no chase. There's no thing. So when they see a guy like you chasing stuff, putting together specials, getting more popular. Oh, my God, he sold out.

What?

Oh, that's crazy. That. That sort of like, with people because they realize, like, they didn't make a choice. That's exciting.

You gotta grow. You hear that, Jamie?

Jamie's looking Mexican as fuck now. Jaime Vernon, is it Carumba?

I thought it was.

I thought he looked more Persian than anything, brother.

Like a rug.

That long hair too.

You look good, dude.

That's not. Go crazy.

Relax. Ponytail, mustache.

What does that hat say?

I don't know. Is it my house?

What is that?

I don't know. They sent it to me. I think it's Aaron Rodgers.

Oh, okay.

Camo jmo, pull that up. Is that Aaron Rod? Actually, don't pull it up.

Just.

I think it's Aaron Rogers.

Speaking of jets Bros, 911, we brought it all back.

That's the weave.

That's the weave.

I was like, my black X.

Are you sitting in the Trump seat? How's it feel?

God, the jets feels powerful, bro. Yeah, you can feel Cheetos.

He's got a big fat.

He does have a thicky.

Makes you want a Dick, rump, and that McDonald's.

Oh, I gotta have a dick off of Trump.

Is the RFK junior saying that he was, like, complaining about what he eats. He's like, you get on the plane with him, and it's the heart. It's garbage. It's poison. It's all either KFC.

Shut up.

Yeah. He's like, KFC or McDonald's. Those are your two options.

RFK talks about Trump the way I talk about De Rosa. It's like, stop with the shots already. Having a good time.

Come on.

It's my birthday week. Do a shot.

One shot.

They're talking about RFK for the HHS role. Health and Human Services. Well, you're on a plane with a guy eating poison, and he's running the whole world.

You need Susan Powder to run that.

It's like, maybe I should eat poison.

He's doing great. I had Fruit Loops today. I just feel RFK mad at me.

When you eat cereal from Canada, go to Fruit Loops, use a vpn and get on a Canadian Amazon and have them. Have them shipped across the seas.

You ever heard RFK talking about his son taking mushrooms?

What?

Pull it up.

Oh, it's wild. He was like, I thought these were all drugs. And then I saw him get better.

He's the voice of a generation.

His son, the one who served.

I don't know, because he fight all the time. You get into arguments and hockey and then, like, took these drugs, and he, like. He's a cooler person. And.

Whoa.

I had to look into it.

One of his sons went and fought for Ukraine. Yeah.

It's like a machine gun. Yeah.

I didn't know that.

You can go do it. They'll. They'll let you go over there.

Nah, they don't want me.

Just get half fit. Do five. Check it.

I've been watching.

Right over there.

You can watch the war.

Oh, yeah.

It's crazy. No, you don't want to watch. It's weird. It's like trench warfare. It's like five on five.

Let's see it.

It's weird.

Whoa, Iowa basketball.

Would you go?

Yeah.

You're watching it the same way people watch those little. What are those little cameras called? It's like a GoPro footage of a guy doing a BMX trail.

Shaky.

Yeah, it looks like that.

Yeah, You're. It's like people. You don't.

Weird. And the drones are shitty.

You're right.

They're like little shitty drones. You see it like a park.

They're suicide drones.

Yeah. And you just hear Them and they, they shoot down.

They just land on you and blow you up.

Damn, man, we got it good.

There's a video of a guy throwing his AK at the drone and the drone explodes in the air and it's what saves him.

And he saves them.

Yeah, saves them.

But for now, different kind.

If we're talking about it. Let's. What are we doing over there?

Yeah, yeah, pull out.

Meanwhile, what is Biden doing? Allowing Ukraine to launch long range missiles.

Into Russia, Trying to go out with a ban.

I love when these presidents do something last minute they know is going to get reversed. They're just like, here, I'll get it. I know. But he's like, yeah, it's like, I'm done. I'll just wait till the next guy comes in, has to change it.

He's messing, he's trying to make it messy. For Trump, it's very.

Well, it's not just messy. It might be a war, might be.

The end of the world.

It could be the end of the world. Could be a hot war where they could suspend this changing of the guard too. Who knows what the fuck could happen?

Aren't they just trying to occupy Russia? Just keep them occupied things.

I don't know if you, if you.

Got a guy that's coming in that wants to find all the corruption and find what happened during 2020 and find out who colluded and check emails and check. There's a lot of incentive to do some wild to keep him from taking that position. I know that's super tinfoil, Hattie.

I mean, it's not Hunter.

Why else?

Why was Hunter at Burisma?

Right, Good question.

What does that mean? What are those terms?

Biden's son was working for Burisma, which is a huge company in Ukraine. He was making millions of dollars for a job. He's completely energy.

He was on the board an energy company in Ukraine while he was, I think it was like while he was on crack.

How about that crazy speech where Biden is on stage with a couple of guys and he's talking about how he fired the prosecutor. He got the prosecutor fired or they wouldn't have got the money. Let's see if you can find that. Because this is, it's so crazy. This guy's ego is so nuts that he said this publicly just to flex. He's basically just explaining the power that he had as vice president while his son was working for Burisma. And he's just expressing it publicly.

Damn.

And it should be a crime. It's like what you're saying sounds like. Doesn't sound like what I want from the President. Sounds crazy.

Yeah.

But for a crackhead, he got a lot done.

He was going wild.

Yeah.

Wow.

That boy was going wild.

A lot of hook.

I actually. I'm coming around on Biden.

A Biden's nice.

Well, Hunter rule, Joe. Now Joe's at the end.

First of all, if you think Joe's idea to launch those missiles, there's no fucking way. Joe. Joe has nothing to do with that. Joe had a giant smile on his face when he's sitting there with Trump. Giant smile.

Just he. Gaffigan's joke about. About that is apparently. Yeah, Gaffigan's joke about. He goes, there's only a couple Democrats that don't. That don't like Kamala, and it's Joe Biden's family.

So, like, play this so we could hear it start from the beginning. Billion dollars.

No, I said, I'm not going to. We're not going to give you the billion dollars. They said, you have no authority. You're not.

The president.

The president said. I said, call him. I said, I'm telling you, you're not getting a billion dollars. I said, you're not getting a billion. I'm going to be leaving here. And I think it was, what, six hours?

I looked.

I said, I'm leaving in six hours. If the prosecutor's not fired, you're not getting the money. Oh, son of a bitch got fired. And they put in place someone who was solid at the time.

So this is reference prosecutor. Oh, he was very, very sharp when he was younger. He was still full of, but he was sharp.

Yeah.

What was that in reference to? See if you can.

Well, they said it was a corrupt prosecutor.

Well, they wanted to get the thing about Ukraine.

They keep trying to get their own Ukraine. Whatever.

Ukraine's corrupt as.

Yeah.

Always has been. Yeah, always has been.

He owes us a lot of money.

He owes me.

That's not a big deal.

Yes, billions.

Tucker told me they had a deal, a ceasefire in place in the UK and the US Were like, nope, no ceasefire. Keep it going.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh, boy. What about Gaza? Ukraine.

Ukraine, I like that. Ukraine. Yeah. You guys, that's a mess. Yeah, just give back those people and just everybody.

I bet those people are all dead, dude.

No, they just got a couple more back.

Oh, really?

Yeah, the women, they're trying to impregnate all the time, so. Oh, they've got tasks.

Well, still, you got, you know, can't blow up a Bunch of kids.

Yeah, give that shit back.

I know. But also, you know.

Yeah, I know. Everybody's shitty there.

How many you guys are here? Pushed out Ukrainian prosecutor because he didn't pursue corruption cases. So whistleblower complaint centering on President Donald Trump's phone call with Ukrainian president has spurred a number of allegations and counter allegations as Republicans Democrats jockey for position amid an impeachment inquiry at the heart of Congress probe into the president's actions. It is his claim that former Vice President and 2020 Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden strong armed the Ukrainian government to fire its top prosecutor in order to thwart an investigation into a company tied to his son, Hunter Biden. But sources ranging from former Obama administration officials to anti corruption advocate in Ukraine say the official Victor Shokin was ousted for the opposite reason. Trump and his allies claim, of course they say, that it wasn't because Shokin was investigating a natural gas company tied to Biden's son. It was because Shokin wasn't pursuing corruption amongst the country's politicians, according to a Ukrainian official and four former American officials who specialize in Ukraine and Europe. That sounds like a convenient narrative. I don't know what's true, but that sounds a little convenient.

Yeah.

Oh, no, no. He was fired because he wasn't investigating corruption. We. We insist that they investigate corruption in other countries. And if they don't, we won't give you the money. In fact, we are so ethical that if we don't look at your papers and find zero corruption, you don't get the billion dollars. Well, son of a bitch. They fired him. Shut the fuck up. What am I, a child? You think I'm a child?

It works.

Trump's gonna pardon him.

They're all doing it. It's just government, Hunter.

Is he.

Yeah, he said that.

It's just government. They're all fucking bullshits.

Imagine that guy being your dad. You'd do crack, too. You'd be out there, get wild, getting foot jobs, filming it, leaving it on a laptop. These guys lost.

Yeah.

He also, when you're making millions of dollars for a job you really shouldn't have, you go wild, of course.

Oh, yeah.

Especially if you're already a cokehead.

Yeah.

Kim Kardashian, you go fucking wild.

Yeah. Stand up comedy. It's like, let me drink. I'm making so much money. Let me drink before work.

Tony Inchcliffe has four thrones.

He has a lot of way more thrones than anyone should have thrones made.

I'm thinking of getting a new throne.

It's Tough dude. Don't get me started on that.

We need thrones. We should get four thrones that we only use and protect our part.

We reel in for this.

How about that? That's fun. What should they look like?

Like a midsommar thing.

Put a toilet in it.

You have to get up.

Ari would shitting it. It'd be just like a bus. Don't on the bus.

We'd be shitting the whole time.

You got that right.

Look at each other in the eyes.

Cats off beat.

You already in a box. What are you talking about? You on stage. A skank fest.

No pissing.

Dude, I went into a public bathroom yesterday at a football game and this guy so bad that as I walked in I could barely hang on. I was like, oh, no, it's a big bath bathroom, like six, seven stalls.

Wait, what? You went to the UT game?

No, no, it was a high school game. Oh, wow.

What?

Yeah, you're not allowed there.

It's fun.

All right.

High school football is fun.

It was fun. So anyway, I go, it was fun.

Hot cocoa for $2 snapper get replaced halfway through.

And they play good. They play good football.

I used to be Fairfax High rules. You'd see people get like swapped out, like, I'm enjoying football.

I'm enjoying football.

You'd be such a good no damn fan.

I'm enjoying it. The point is, like, this guy Danil.

We need your nil. Hold on a second, Joe.

Public bathroom. The moment I walk in, I was like, oh. I was like, I can hold it. I was like, no, I can hold it. Like his shit was so bad that in a big bathroom it just overpowered the whole bathroom.

Football one dude, football bathrooms are up there with like, jfk. Airport.

Airport dumps.

Airport dumps are bad.

Some guy from Senegal lands.

Just a bad camel he ate before he smuggling in water.

I had a JFK. I had an all time. Like, me and O'Connor were at JFK. We landed and got drunk. We got drunk at the Buffalo Wild Wings. It was on a Sunday, so we were watching football and we got hammered. But we started fighting. We always fight about, he's a liberal dude, he loves Blueski. We were getting up arguing about that. And then in the middle of the argument, I went to go take a piss and it was a wet floor. I just fell on the ground at the JFK airport.

He G Leno'd oh my God. Other people's piss.

I was laying in the bathroom at JFK and he walked. We had just been fighting. This is an argument loser.

Yeah.

You know, I mean, you can't be laying on the floor in a bathroom and be like, actually, I know what I'm talking about. Obviously, I'm the biggest piece of shit that's ever lived.

Yeah.

You lose no matter what.

Yeah. If you follow jfk, you're like, what's.

Soaked into your kill yourself. Yeah.

Oh, you go to public bathrooms.

Just soaked.

So.

Walking.

High school. I was the mascot for my high school.

No.

What was it? Which kind of outfit?

I was a cavalier. What's a big head? It's like a pirate.

Oh.

I got fired the first game.

Oh, no.

Well, I was doing. It was when this was big.

You didn't suck it.

And they let me go.

The socket. You're hitting socket as a cavalier.

It was huge.

That's very cavalier.

It's funny when you find out that like. Like, Hinchcliffe was a umpire in high school baseball.

What.

Can wrestle?

Ball was so he can wrestle.

He's more wrestle.

He had a wrestling match with David Lucas on stage at the after hours. That's why you were there. Yeah. He. He. David Lucas up. David Lucas is like £300.

Damn.

Yeah, up a little. I'm being nice. But h. Can wrestle.

3.

He can wrestle. He did a duck under, got behind him, pushed him onto his back. I believe David Lucas was scrambling, trying to get to his feet. Hench. Cliff was controlling him. He was furious.

Who was the top?

He couldn't believe it. Tony was the top.

DAV Was out of.

David was out of breath in four seconds.

Wow.

There's four seconds of exertion, and he was ready to have a heart attack.

Let's go.

He's got the Lizzo, buddy.

Tell that fella. Gotta clean that up.

Hinchcliffe.

He almost lost the whole election.

No, he gained him votes.

They. They were gonna write stories. They had stories already written that if the election went to bide or went to Kamala, they were gonna blame Tony Hinchcliffe.

Who's that?

A bunch of different media outlets.

It would have been the Democrats.

It's so funny how they thought Latinos just hadn't made up their mind yet.

Right.

And this was enough to sway. They're just a bit racist.

Well, yeah.

Democrats, just not fully.

But a bit Latino is a big group.

Yeah.

Act like it's.

It's also. They leaned on it so hard.

Like, make fun of Puerto Ricans. The rest of them are gonna be like, yeah, nice.

If you make fun of Staten island, the Bronx would be like, how dare you?

Right, right.

Exactly. We make fun of Russia. We're white. You know, we're not like, don't fuck with whitey.

It was embarrassing.

It was also. It was so lame to be going after that so hard when there's so much wrong with the world.

Well, they're out of stuff.

Literally every major city is failing under opioids and homelessness, and you're just going.

It'S just bad advice from the beginning. Like, the very beginning is bad advice.

Hey, I mean, listen, it's like the New York Giants. You're putting some fucking local kid at quarterback. He's going to do the best he can. Some lady came in with two months to go. Like, I don't know. Try your best.

Yeah.

Is it true that she got put in because Biden endorsed her as he was leaving and that that wasn't initially the plan? I've seen that. I've read that several times.

I thought he, like, refused to endorse her for a while, right? Actually, I think she pushed him out.

Because she pushed him out. But then once he did, he found out, allegedly, this is what I had read, that they wanted to do a primary, but Biden said publicly, I'll just endorse Kamala. Then he didn't think that Kamala could win. This is the allegation.

So he was like.

Like, you look at his smile on his face.

I think it's dei. I think nobody can tell a black woman she can't be the one.

But the smile's insane. But a primary smile, I heard about it.

I haven't seen it.

If she crumbles in the primary the way she crumbled in the primary for president, then if Gavin Newsom or Josh Shapiro, whoever it is, that gets the words over on her, that person emerges naturally, right? It's just like, she up. She's just not good. It has nothing to do with anything else.

No, I talked to a lot of liberals and they were like, this isn't our. This isn't our guy. We wish we could have gotten our guy.

You know what's real nice? The left is the conspiracy people. Now, they're like, this election was rigged and Trump faked an assassin, dude.

I've heard them talk about how the right. I've heard them talk about how the right has created. I've heard them talk about how the right has created a billion dollar Internet ecosystem of podcasts. All right, but imagine that. But imagine that. Like, as if there's some fucking grand conspiracy where a bunch of people just speak freely. So the right has organ this. And he was comparing it to like, radicalizing Islamists.

Wow.

He was literally comparing it to like, young, confused people get radicalized. And his take on is that they could be brought towards feminism.

No, we're just trying to sell tickets.

I will say woke politics has extremely helped all of us.

Here, here, here.

Coming after us has just raised us up hella.

It also makes you realize you have to say something. Something so insane.

You did that on purpose, dude. You're a sucker. He says hela and he says it wrong.

No, no, I said it right there.

Come on, you boomer.

But he's.

He doesn't know. He's west. He's east coast. I'm west coast.

Yeah, whatever. You're taking what, Oakland.

You live in New York.

Yeah, but I have ties.

You're from Maryland?

No, no, no, no, no, no. You're east coast from birth?

No, none of that. No. I lived in LA for a long time. I became a man in la.

It didn't work.

Lost my virginity. Yeah. Yeah.

Took the hymen. That was your uncle?

Yeah.

How old were you when I met you, Ari? You were like 24.

I was 24, but. But the development of a 16 year old.

You were an odd fella.

24, just out of religion. I didn't know anything.

Well, those old photos of you, you were hideous.

How old were you the first time I took you on the road?

27, 28.

Geez, what was 8?

But that 28 was like. Really was like 22.

Wow. I was just undeveloped because the Diaz story.

Oh, yeah, Diaz just wouldn't.

He wouldn't show up. So you had to hire him as a bad guy.

So instead of just firing your opener, who just wouldn't cut, Joe would be at the airport. Be like, joey, where are you? Goes off. I'm almost there in bed, not even.

Getting out of bed.

And then eventually Joe was like, fucking. I don't have an opener again. Instead of just firing Joey, he goes, I guess I'll take two people now.

Wow.

So it's either one or two, depending on Joey showed up.

Too much fun when Joey showed up. And I knew I had a good friend who was a junkie in New York, my friend Johnny. And he died. Yeah, he was my best friend and he. He died after I was. I was only out here for a couple years and he died. And if. Yeah, I was in LA and I'd met Joey while he was still alive. And I was like, this is the same guy. Like, he's the same kind.

Get it While you Can.

I knew the type. I knew, like. And I missed Johnny so much after he was gone. So it was like, whatever I have to do to keep this guy around.

This was Joey. Joey was still used. He's not used anymore. He's way healthier.

But back then, he was like, the.

End was in sight.

He was using in a crazy way. What was he using? Coke.

Okay, coke.

Or a bunch of other stuff.

One time he was like, yeah, I did crack for six months. I'm like, why? Because the coke dealer was, like, out of the way home, and the crack dealer was on the way home.

It was just easier. Joey was off the rails, but rails? If he loved you, he was your best friend. He was like, one of the best friends you could ever have if he loved you.

Yeah.

And so I was like, I gotta do whatever I gotta do. So I didn't want to push him. So I would always tell him, you know, if you ever need help, I'll help you. He knows I don't need no fucking help. But when we would go on the road, if he would just not show up, I would say, listen, anytime you want to go on the road with me, you're going to get paid. You're going to. You can work with me anytime you want. But I'm going to bring another opening act if you don't show up. That's my own career.

Thank you, Joey, for being such a cokehead.

It was only like, three times over the course of, like, 10 years.

Yeah, it's like three times.

Not that bad.

Not every other weekend, buddy.

We were like, big weekends, you know, Like. Like I was headlining at Rascals in New Jersey.

I was like, this is a big one.

This is a big one. And then. Then they had to use a local guy. So it's like. And I was thinking I was gonna hang out with Joey, and I'm hanging out with this guy. Which is half of the fun of being on the road is being on the road with your friends.

Of course.

Literally, half.

One time we were going to Pittsburgh and I had booked a commercial. I was like, dude, I gotta miss a Thursday show. And Joe was like, that, no, dude, you can't do that. Like, we had a thing. And I was like, I need this for insurance. And he's like, no, that. I'll just use somebody local. And then Thursday night, he's like this. The city smells like suicide. Come down.

The local was terrible.

What was the commercial? Can we watch that? Was it Activia?

I think it was. I don't know. Which one? It was IBM maybe, or something.

Oh, wow.

I did a lot of them. I used to do a lot of commercials.

Were big back in the day. Day.

Yeah.

Everybody wanted a commercial first that was, like, attainable. If you got a commercial, you paid your bills.

It was a substitute teaching or dog walking.

And then if you got on a sitcom, that was the. The Holy Grail.

Yeah, that was.

Gaffigan was the Hemi guy. Remember that?

No, no, no, no, no.

Sorry.

Yes.

No, but Gaffigan did, like, 80 commercials.

He did a ton of commercials.

He's got that new special out. First special on Hulu.

Oh, no.

Is that right?

Yeah, I was gonna say. That's not.

Comics choose how they're gonna comedy promote.

How about just Hulu Comedy. Shut the up. Like, don't do that. Don't do that. Don't get. Go.

All up in your business is Joey Comedy's Hunter Biden.

Oh, he's a completely unique human. He's not anybody's anything. He's a. He's a one of a kind, sweet guy. He's the best. And he's great now. Still amazing on stage.

He borrowed 200 bucks to me when I was starting, and I didn't have it. And he's like, I brought 200 bucks, but it was like. Like, this is bullying for sure. And then, like, I gave it to him, and I'm like, okay. I had to be like, all right, at least I'll never have to give that to him again. And then, like, four days later, he's like, here you go. Thanks.

Whoa.

Oh, okay. I guess we're not. That's a Big friends.

That's a setup.

Can I get a thousand now?

Yeah.

And then he vanishes. That's when he's going back to Colorado. He gets a thousand out of you, you know, he's giving back to you. Yeah. Joey's the best.

He's doing sets again around town.

Beautiful.

Oliver Jersey.

Yeah. He was supposed to be here for a weekend in December, but I think he canceled.

Yeah.

You don't say.

I think he was on for a couple days. It's like he wants to. Wendy's here. He's back in the flow of things. He realizes how much he misses it, but it's hard to get the energy to fly to another state.

And he's so fat. Yeah, it's got to be tough.

That's not.

He's been fatter. He's.

Oh, really?

Oh, bro, he got.

Yeah, I didn't think he looked as.

Yeah, he's fine.

When I met him, he wasn't fat at all. When I met Joey, he was like a linebacker. He was huge. He was like this big guy, like intimidating guy. He was thin, like big barrel chested dude. And then when he got fat, he got really funny. That's literally what happened. He stopped giving a about being on tv. He's like, this is a pipe dream, it's never gonna happen. Stopped giving a about being in movies and he just started being himself.

He would do the Cuban egg roll. He'd get a towel from the back that the handyman used to use and he'd get. He uses a cape dirt. And he just walk and he shake his pants down. Big influence on me. Shake his pants down. Just flop out.

His pants never fit right. Cuz his belly would push his pants down. Down. Yeah, yeah. Did you ever see my magazine? My. The. The album that I've recorded in like 1999. I took a bunch of pictures of Joey and they're in the album sleeve and one of them is Joey buck naked with combat boots on. I think he has Timbalands on and he's got a cape.

Cape.

And he's got this cape on but he's completely naked. It was inside the album cover. He's big belly hog hanging out.

That was fun.

We used to be allowed to like show a guy's dick inside of a CD cover back then, right?

It did. On a man show. It came out.

It came out naked or like Ed.

Well, we did two versions. Comedy Central insisted that we do one where Joey wasn't naked. We did. It was fine. And then we did it with Joey. Came out naked and like, let's get this party started. And it was huge. Everybody died laughing. I'm like, like, yeah, listen to me. I know what I'm doing here. This is, this is.

Let's try just a man in clothes coming out.

You can't have a show like Joey if you were gonna do.

What is that then?

If you were gonna do a Joey show with today, you cannot do it with any sort of a network or corporation. You'd have to do it like Gillian KE style or you're in control of it. Like imagine the only fans dad. Imagine someone giving you production. Not notes on only fans dad. Production notes are show me only fans dad. Jamie, go to only fans dad.

You gotta figure out a way to tell him that.

Oh my God.

That'S such a visceral laugh.

Wow, he's like the Rizzler.

Go to only fans dad.

Was that a fun gig?

No, it Wasn't. It was a disaster. It was a disaster. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Because it all happened right around the same time that the Janet Jackson nipple thing happened. So everybody panicked and all. A bunch of stuff that we had gotten approved. Like a bunch of ideas. Doug had some ridiculous ideas. But everybody was in a pain. It was just the mindset in Hollywood.

Yeah.

Was like, tone down all the outrageousness. You can get in trouble.

By the way, not even that great a nip nipple.

I didn't think her nipple was out. I thought there was a pacing on it.

It's. No, it was. They show the actual nipple. I. I think I was.

I would have remembered. Me and my friends stood up and cheered.

It was a huge scandal. If it was just a Macy. That's crazy.

Yeah.

There was no ring.

Let's see it. Don't show it on screen. Let's see it.

Show it to the ring. That's a real nip.

That's a black nip.

Let's go.

Ring.

She's got a crazy sun on that. That's a hypnotic Eyes Wide shut ring.

I like it.

Look at that. They made it set up.

But why would you have a tear away?

That was a Super bowl show. Some titty damn. Let's go. Let's have some fun.

Thought my mascot job was bad.

So that freaks so many people out that they stopped like anything controversial.

It was a quarter second.

Oh, look at Kylie or Kendra or whatever the. Her name is. The Kardashian.

Mark's just hard.

Oh, yeah.

She's the hottest Kardashian, I think.

Oh, yeah.

I think so.

You've got choices.

Well, there's so many of those.

Kim looks like an alien. Kim looks like a full alien.

Does she?

Yeah.

She still looks good.

Made from it. Made in a lab.

Is that TR because you know what she used to look like or is it because.

No, I saw a picture of her on a billboard like, what the is that? And someone's like, that's Kim Cordette.

No, she's pretty.

Pretty, but like, it's like an AI. No, she's hot.

She still looks like baby right now. He was inside those guts.

Didn't he, like burn her name on his arm or some crazy shit?

Oh, boy.

Well, I have no idea.

Pete's altogether.

That sounds like a good move.

Yeah.

Yeah. My bad. Two weeks later, you go, fuck.

I don't know what I was thinking on that one.

Yeah, yeah. Don't get any tattoos of ladies. I think Johnny Depp got Winona and then he changes to wino.

Yeah, he got one on his fingers too.

Yeah, Tony Deaf Fuck Winona Beck. Fuck Winona too.

No way.

Buck wrote a whole album about her. Beck was all about her.

Damn.

Forgot about Beck.

What do you guys. I don't remember.

Yeah, see, Change was all about her. He said he couldn't write it for two years after he broke up with her.

Jesus.

Everyone knows your name or something like that. It's all about like. You fucked everyone in this town. I gotta deal with this.

Whoa.

It was one of the greatest albums of all time.

Time.

Come on.

Yeah. No, it really was. Never heard of an amazing breakup album.

Beck's a weird one.

Scientologist is a Scientologist.

Is he?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Me and Bobby went to see him at a Scientology show.

What?

Hollywood?

What's that like?

I mean, it was just about the music, but only Scientologists. And me and a hooker were Scientologists.

For a good time though, they were great. They're probably nuts.

They were great. They were so.

Yeah.

They know the guy who wrote it. There's video of them.

Elron.

There's a video of him. He was a completely insane person. He was a completely insane saying. He wrote the most words fiction ever in human history.

Whoa.

More than Shakespeare, more than everyone. He never had a second draft.

This gibberish.

No, no, no.

Oh, really?

Oh, it's horrible. His. His science fiction is hard.

It was like a bestseller. He was huge.

No, no, no, no. Not really. Dianetics was a bestseller. But he just post just a lot of these, like crazy science fiction stories in like these magazines and books that. They used to be like monthly publications in the 50s.

And had that machine too. What was that machine? That, like Eer Eater.

Yeah, it's all nonsense.

It's just. It's just two. It's just two cans with the strings.

Yeah, I did it. He pulled it off.

Yeah, I did it. You did it. I was in San Diego.

How clear were you?

I was. I'm clear as, bro.

No way. Like, we don't need you. You're good.

The dude I could tell, it was really kind of like he was super unmotivated. He was a guy who's a member who they're forcing to go and try to like recruit people. People. And I was out there filming for a television show in San Diego. And so I went to this. They had like a thing in the park and I just went, oh. We had downtime. So I'm like, what are you guys doing?

Yeah.

And he's like, oh, you know, Dianetics this and that. Have you ever had your E meter tested? Whatever.

Fired up.

I got time fired up.

I was asking to do a bunch of questions. I was high, so I was asking to do a ton of questions. Just like, what is this?

You were high. They're probably getting you.

Where did you. Where'd you learn all this stuff from? Like, what's. What's the story behind your religion? I start asking, and you could tell the dude just didn't want to do it. He was not interested in recruiting anybody. He was just like.

Like, I have to do for the credits.

You have to do it. Yeah, he's cool. Credits.

But the problem is you got nothing to hide. All those Scientology queefs, they're all hiding something.

Dude.

I went, how much of it is the gay?

I went with Natasha Legero, went down to the one in Holland, Vermont, be gay. And we went in there. You watch a video. It's all like mid level, 80s actor. And then they say, this book is for ages 8 to 8,008. And I'm like, what does that mean? The guy's like, don't worry about it.

Fucking nothing.

Yeah, well, it's more advanced.

You're not ready for that. Yeah.

And then they go, can we get your address so we can send you more stuff? And I was like, oh, I don't know. Like, let me just get your address. I'm like, okay. And Natasha's like, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.

Bobby Lee's address. My name is Bobby Lee. Lee could be a white guy. You give me a Bobby Lee?

Yeah.

Robert E. They were sending me.

They were sending me for a solid decade.

You know who I still get calls from? The ivermectin people.

Nice.

For four years. They want me to buy more drugs. I'm like, I'm not gonna buy. They go, it could come back.

You know how risky.

Shut up.

How much of a risk taker do you have to be to say, what else you got? What else you sell?

I'm still getting hit up by Tim Walls. I get text.

What's Tim up to?

They want more money.

He needs money.

They lost a lot of money.

A billion dollars. Tim Walls, the vice presidential candidate.

Oh, the other one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Device.

He's the vice.

The fake hunter, fake football coach.

He's a full online.

About football.

Yeah. Everything's crazy.

That's Shane. Stolen valor. That's his most.

I didn't care about lying about going.

To War or going to war. Being in Tiananmen Square.

That was a while.

You lied about everything.

Being a head coach. And you were a dork assistant.

Yeah.

You're carrying water.

Remember Hillary Clinton did it too, with. With Benghazi. Right. She was like, I was there. We're under fire.

Yeah.

Who's Benghazi?

Wait a minute.

McDonald's was a lie too, wasn't it?

Yeah, that was a lie too. Not only that, but they did photoshopped her face on an existing photograph of a girl from the 1980s that did work at McDonald's, and it was a white girl. So they photoshopped Kamala's face. Just some Internet jackass did it, I'm sure. And said, oh, we have proof. But they were trying to pass it off as it was real.

But why is working McDonald's good?

Because it's victim. It's like the lowest level. It's the lowest level job.

But why is that? Who cares?

Working class in these days when you're not brag about your.

Yeah.

What?

You're from McDonald's Donald's to the President's pretty sick.

Also, when you're a person who's, like, trying to con their way into a job where you're gonna make an insane amount of money, it's really cool to say, started from the bottom now.

Yeah, yeah, I see.

I see.

Started from the bottom.

I talked to some Puerto Ricans about. About the block.

Oh.

And they were like. She was like, I got a ham sandwich with Fanta. If you know, you know. And then they're like, Dresher was like, that's not a thing. What are you talking about? You heard it from someone.

Fantasy. She's been famous for 80 years. She doesn't even know what means to be normal. Yeah, like, why are you pretending? You know what? You were a fly girl.

They all love pretending.

Everyone. Everyone wants to be real.

Yeah, it's hard.

You feel insecure. If you've made it too far, you should go.

No, My dad was an academic, and I grew up in wealth. That's why I'm smarter than everybody.

Well, I knew friends who worked at McDonald's. They would hide it.

They were like, that's a very re take on things, though.

Yeah, you're well trained.

No, it is fun to be like, oh, sorry. My dad worked hard.

What are you talking about?

Your dad was a loser. Left your mom and my dad worked really hard. Really hard.

Good luck with your campus job.

That you'll never understand the struggle. Cuz you never had to Struggle. That's what it is.

Yeah. She really blew it.

My favorite multi million dollar Hollywood saying. It's hard. Terrible.

Did I miss it?

You said, get it.

I should have known. It's over.

It's over.

Get it.

I was listening to it like it was a statement. I should have known. I should have known better.

She blew it and she lost the election.

Oh, I get it.

All right.

That was a blow job joke.

There's a bunch of those out there.

Willie Brown, really good in her pride.

That's what I was getting at.

Who, Kamala? Yeah.

She was hot when she was young.

I bet she.

Oh, yeah.

There's videos of her with Montel Williams.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, Mountaintop. Is that your daughter? They said and.

Oh, that was with Willie Brown. No, she got real mad. No, this is funny. That was funny.

She's working her way up. That's something to brag about.

It's a strategy. Why is that any less of a strategy than a pharmaceutical executive strategy?

Yeah, it's the same.

Why is it. Why? Why is it, like, using your good looks to your advantage and making your way into a political system that's completely corrupt? Why is that negative? Matt R. Did it.

Yeah, he did use those looks. Why not?

He did.

Smart move.

Yeah, he's hot.

It's pretty shocking. Adrian Apolucci has a special.

Yeah, but that just shows you how funny she is. It shows you how funny she is.

Joey Diaz, buddy.

She's lost a lot of weight.

Has she?

Yeah, she lost a lot of weight.

Big mistake. Fat is funny.

She's still.

She's still fat. Don't get me wrong. She's still holding it.

But she's not as.

Not as. Should be a categoria.

Not as funny lady.

Oh, she rules.

Fearless. Goes for it. Just goes for it.

Yeah, I think she doesn't give a.

She doesn't give a. I don't think.

She understands to give a. Like, she actually doesn't care. She's pretty great.

When people walk out angry, she goes, yeah, I guess I get it.

She's moving here.

No way.

She's been loving it so far.

We talked.

Yeah, I talked her into it. Ari helped me. He reached out to me, said, you got to talk Adrian into moving here, and I had her on the clock. Well, she was already convinced.

She was like.

She was already.

Did you tell Rogan on me that I might be.

Yeah, she's funny, man. We need more. She's funny in a different way. Like, she's got her own vibe. She's not like Anybody else? It's fun.

Yeah. I like her.

It's so, like, at both sides. Both of you. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yep. Everybody.

And just serious. Never smiles once on stage.

Yeah. From the Bronx.

Yeah.

Yeah. The reviews of her special is either I haven't seen it yet or it's great.

Oh, that's awesome.

Yeah.

Her mom was a cop comic.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right. Tell me that story.

Really?

Oh, jeez.

Who.

Who booked you that?

Oh, no. Oh, God, that's tough.

Didn't her mom start doing it again after she had been doing it a while? Didn't her mom try to do it again?

Maybe?

Am I remembering that right?

O.

That's tough.

Imagine going to a club, see your mom there.

Like, God, bro, it's probably better than your dad.

Yeah.

Sucked as a comic.

My dad thinks he's really funny. And he was.

He was. It's funny.

My dad's very funny. But he was like, put me. Put me in tires. He was, like, joking. But I could tell my mom, like, my mom was like, just put him in the show. I'm like, I'm not putting my dad in this show.

Why not?

I don't know if he could ask.

Well, you gotta get, like. You gotta give him, like, one line. It doesn't work.

One line. Get him out of there.

Go.

Start dead body.

I would like that. But then he had a heart attack, so he's on the sidelines for a while.

Is he all right?

Yeah, he's good.

All right.

But he's bad. He's not allowed to drink, which is tough to watch the old man.

Poor guy.

Having. Watching him sit there watching football. You gotta get sober.

Weed.

He's. He's working his way back so he can drink.

Yeah.

It's an inception.

He's just like.

Literally, he's working. He's working on his heart, so he has to do, like, cardio. Like, he just goes on long walks. He's like.

For Phil Gill.

So crazy. He's like, I need my poison.

I need it.

I'll do whatever, dude. He was in the hospital. Hospital. My mom didn't tell me how bad it was to, like, not freak us out. And then I got there and he was like, Like. Like he had fluid in his lungs, so they couldn't operate. So he was like, this could be it. And we're sitting there, and they were like, yeah, well, you're gonna have to stop drinking. He was, like, 68 years old at a hell of a run. I was like, yeah, dude.

What?

It was a nice like, no. Hell of a run with drinking. It was just very nice to be like, yeah, you did get him on edibles.

Get him started. At least give him an option.

I don't know how I'll handle it. It'll be fun.

This is. You start him with a 5 milligram. Just a little jammy. That gives you a little smile on your face.

He's gonna.

Makes the colors look a little bright.

Give him a couple to get started.

High and be like, I know he's gonna pass for 5,000 yards.

Yeah.

Maybe he'll have good intuition. Oh, yeah, he might have, like, some.

He's skinny now. He's walking around. He's. He's in hell, dude. He's in hell. He's stuck in the house with my mom all day. She loves it.

Is he eating healthy?

Yeah, he has to. But we'll catch him. We'll catch him some wings burgers.

He's eating them at night.

By the way. He actually is like, you'll be over there. You'll see him at the fridge, like.

Give me that cheese, daddy.

Oh.

He goes in there, eats, and then pulls out one water, rolls the car.

In neutral out of the driveway, starts it on the street so he can go off to Burger King overnight.

He's eating like Trump.

You push again. You push starting at the neighbor's house.

It was what he was eating when I got home. The last time I went home to see him, he was literally standing at the counter eating a cheeseburger. And I was like, bro, damn.

He's like, what?

He needs a vice.

He's the. The boy's working his way back to beer.

He's lost weight. That's good.

Yeah.

You should have him on Phil.

Have Phil on Phil on those guys.

Some good stories.

I bet he does. But then he's like, look, I've been in the jre. Tires is next.

Tires.

Tires is next.

Come on.

It's likely second.

Are you garbage? I bet he's got some stories.

He was garbage. Yeah, he was.

He was.

He was from, like. He lived in, like, a.

He went on our garbage.

No, no, I'm just saying.

I saw.

You were serious.

The island of Puerto Rico should go on. Are you garbage?

You son of a.

We gotta. That's the last. We gotta remove that from the Internet.

No, I love Puerto Rico. San Juan, baby.

That's the Tony joke. The up thing is that joke was based on his. His need to, like. He. He gets freaked out about the environment. He gets freaked out about the pollution.

Path while he's in a throat.

We were super high. We were super high in the green room. In the regular world. He's like, how long have there been plastic? There's only been plastic for six years. It's bigger than fucking Texas. It's in the. So he sits getting obsessed by garbage. Then he finds out about Puerto Rico. And so then he comes up with this joke. There's an island of garbage. I think it's called Puerto Rico.

Yeah.

And it's like. But the joke was actually out of his concern that Puerto Rico smothered by garbage. He actually loves Puerto Rico.

Protect our parks.

He's just a.

He's a male.

People don't know the whole back story you're doing in a Trump round.

Defended him. You should have come out and just been like, he's.

I kind of did. I mean, I basically said that, like, this is. This is where it came from. Like the. Tony's just. Yeah, he's a insult comic. He's the best insult comic in the country. If you want to watch that roast, watch that Tom Brady.

Oh, it's so funny watching John Stewart go like, that's terrible.

Props to Stuart. I talked to Stewart. He's a real comic.

He's a funny guy.

Yeah. It was wild also, that they saw that joke and everyone was angry within one minute. And it's like, no, nothing to like. Let me analyze the arts. Let me just figure out what this is. But instantly, I know what it is. I'm done with it. It's just demeaning to everything.

It's exactly what we were talking about earlier. That does happen to people where they can become someone else. But Stewart has not done that. Yeah, he's still goes on stage with Chappelle. He still goes on stage with Chappelle. He still. He does podcasts. He's very reasonable when he does them. I think he also got disillusioned by that Apple gig where they canceled his show because he wouldn't do. He was. Want to do a thing on China and they're like, no way.

Really?

And like, that was it.

China.

You can't talk about China. You can't even tell the truth. You can't say if you're on an Apple show and Apple has this insane manufacturing deal with China, all their phones, slave labor, everything.

Think about that.

Slave labor.

It's the craziest thing. What about the weaker signaling people like Schultz?

Anytime the liberals get at you, just go using an iPhone. Fuck off.

Shut your mouth. Go get a Samsung if you really.

Yeah. John Cena. He had to do a whole thing. Remember that?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That was fast.

He nailed it.

Nailed it. Got the language down. That's when I was in the streets before he did it.

I had a bit about that for a while. Like, that's when I knew that China was going to win because they already got our mascot.

They got our guy.

He's the most American looking guy ever. That's true.

Cena rules, obviously.

His wrists are so big. It looks like his forearm is fake. It looks fake.

It's crazy.

It looks like his arm should be way longer. Longer. But they moved his hand up his forearm. Like he's got no look like that. They're hams, bro.

Damn.

That's the down syndrome communities, bro.

He is the number one down.

Hitting a salute, running in jean shorts, people up.

He's Mr. Make a Wish.

He is.

That's our Batman.

I bet Cena.

Yeah. I didn't like with Tony. With all the comics weighing and that really was the most.

You're always going to have that from weak people that aren't happy with where they are. That's what it is.

Also people waiting to jump on Tony.

That's it. That's it. Like what? Now that he can't fight back, I'll jump in there, Right?

Exactly.

They never shit on some low level guy.

He's doing great and you cannot like.

Him if he's doing low level. Guys.

Yeah.

This racist piece of.

You're allowed to not like him if he's doing great, but if you're attacking him like you don't know what he was doing. You don't know what he was doing. He was just doing what he always does. He's an insult. Come. Are you saying you don't like insult comedy? So you don't like Rose?

So say that two months ago. Why are you saying saying it right now?

Listen, man. Roasts are one of the things that's going to save comedy because they're so funny that it's undeniable to Netflix. So Netflix gets the highest ratings they've ever had ever on this Tom Brady roast.

Can't wait.

Completely non PC. It's some of the wildest jokes. Tony calls him a confederate fag. Like it's Some of the Wild and it's killing and it's so funny. People love it and they keep sharing it. People keep sending it to their friends and clips are made out of it. It's huge for Netflix. Without that, you don't get the freedom to do whatever the you want on stage.

I make fun of Tony a lot, but that was. That was like, a nice moment. I was sitting gangster when he did the roast.

He killed it.

And I gave him a joke right before. And this is how, like, in the pocket he was because he, like, stood up from the table.

I was like, hello.

I was, like, genuinely happy. I was, like, watching him kill.

Yeah.

And then the joke I gave him, he did. I gave it to him right before.

What was the joke went on?

I don't want to say.

All right, Puerto Rico.

It was a insult, personally, at one of the comedians. I was like, tell them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So then I pretty much know already then.

But, yeah, I know, too.

Nikki.

Trash Nikki. I love. I like Nikki, too, but no, I actually do.

I do, too, but I love Nikki.

Right before he tells the joke, he looks. He literally looked over at me. He was like.

Yes, nice.

And he. To go up in the. From the audience like that. That ain't easy to walk, you know.

They wanted him to do his set seated, and he was like, this is stupid.

See, they didn't respect him. Any store guy, like, no, you're not one of the cool kids. So it's like, dude, off. Just let the guy shine.

Wow. Resistance to him with the power without a hungry. A lot of resistance to that hinge clip.

So much.

But just say you're mad. He's at a Trump rally. That. All right. That I get.

Okay.

Why are you going to use the joke as a vehicle to get angry?

Both things. The joke is nothing but the fact that if the joke just released on YouTube and people would get mad, maybe the Kamala Harris camp would use it to show that this guy is a Trump supporter, but it's not connected to Trump. The fact that it's at the Trump rally, which is so crazy that he did it.

They should have never.

But they're also waiting. It's like Alexander Cortas Cortazio sitting there.

Yeah.

You have been doing that duolingo.

She's sitting there waiting, like, what can I be angry about? And she's like, that's why. That's not the target market.

They're trying to win, man. They're looking at it like they should be reasonable. Why would they be reasonable when they're trying to win? They want to exploit every last possible thing. And Tony gave him a bunch of rope.

Yeah, yeah.

And they hung him.

Well, they. They were already calling it a Nazi rally.

Right, right.

And then you have a comedian go up there that probably a lot of them had no idea who he was sure.

Right.

Even, like the people talking about it. And then he's. I mean, the watermelon carving joke, that was the one that should have been.

That was so stupid. That was an improv.

I know.

You could tell.

I gave him that one.

I thought it was funny. I don't know.

Well, yeah. At a comedy club. Not at a comedy rally. At a roast club.

He's granted a roast battle.

Yeah. Once they made it a Nazi rally, then it's like, well, then nothing's going to work here to you guys. It's a full journey.

Israeli flags. A Nazi rally. I saw four Israeli flags from the rafters. Yeah, there was Israeli flags that people brought. The whole idea that was.

Maybe they're just pro genocide.

They. No one believes it, man. That's why they're not talking about it. Might have to flag that one.

Pull that one out. But yes, there's a guy named giving it up now.

I like.

I like when the comics do, like when they'll try to defend somebody, but they're so scared of the backlash, they go, look, I didn't like that joke. But it's his right to say it's like, bro, comment on the. You don't like jokes.

How about when Patton took a picture with Chappelle and he had to take a photo of him writing an apology on a piece of paper?

I was weak. He. I think he felt really bad about that.

He did. That was the height of all pressure.

He felt bad about that.

Wait a week. Let the press pressure go away. Then if you have to weigh in.

Well, the Internet coming at you is scary. People panic.

Don't read it.

Tony handled it really well.

So hard.

He goes, take a job off. And then just not another word about it.

I. I had to read the thing about the View because I just thought it was funny about me. Dragon lover. I was trying to say that I believe in dragons.

Wait, what is this? I just heard about it.

Checked it. I checked it. And then the lady goes, did you double check this? She goes, I checked it. He believes in dragons.

Should be like people.

Wait.

It was from a wildlife biologist who came on my podcast. Was from Forest Galant. Galante. G. Galant. How do I say his last name?

A great guy.

I love him. He's awesome. But saying there are.

There are off.

Jmo, let's do it.

You have a call. Anything up?

Forest's clip where he's explaining dragons.

Now that Jamie looks like a Mexican. He's lazy.

This is where it came from. The View decided from this and from me talking about it with Adrian Apolucci the other day, explaining what Forest says and saying that I don't think that there was pterodactyls living with people. I said it. No, she said, maybe they did leave it this. I'm like, no, I thought.

I.

My position is it's probably crocodiles or some big Kodo dragon or some big lizard that did kill people. And so people fought them with swords and. And they came back with a story and then the artist drew it. And these.

You saw one of those at night and you had a stick.

Yeah.

Be like, I throw out pterodactyl.

I thought a picture of Joe Rogan in a unicorn.

All throughout these same time periods, there's been giant lizards. All throughout the same time time periods, there have been Komodo dragons, there been crocodiles, been here for hundreds of million years or whatever. The. For probably more. So the idea that. That people didn't encounter giant reptiles is stupid. And then there's the other thing is, like, people were really bad at describing things that they'd never seen before. So if you're a European traveler and you go to the Nile river and you see a crocodile, what is that?

Take a guy.

Yeah. What is that?

What the fuck?

What is that?

So let's hold any weight. There's actually dragons.

I mean, we know there were large.

Flying lizards during the times of dinosaurs.

Right. The only weight that it could possibly hold is that a few of those somehow survived much later than we previously thought.

Do I think that there were dragons.

Attacking human beings and civilizations?

No, I don't.

J.D. vance.

It's so much cooler if there were the fact that we know that pterodactyls did exist. That's cool, right? Would be way coolers if they existed with people.

Right. 2,000 years ago.

Why is that? Why is that so much cooler to us? I don't know. It's like I would be. I would. I mean, people would dedicate giant chunks of their life trying to find out if pterodactyls did coexist with human beings.

Oh, yeah. I swear, I thought. I thought you had pterodactyls on your shirt there. And I was like, yeah, this is the most autistic.

The problem is you're taking Joey, Joey Behar, whatever her name is, as like a news source.

Hey, this is the most important part. This is right after she was saying, we are run by ABC News. You should trust us, not Joe Rogan, who believes in dragons. So she. By saying we should Trust them because they're double checked by ABC News. And then making the stupidest fucking statement like, you didn't listen to what I said. You didn't listen to what the wildlife ballot. And that's only a part of what he said. I can't believe the other part of what he said was there was something before that where he was explaining encountering with giant reptiles. And there's also.

Listen, it doesn't make sense to me that a middle aged woman could be dumb.

When you're worried about losing your job and you're worried about podcasts taking over and who's the source of news. And we said Donald Trump was Hitler, but half the country disagreed with us. And he won. And this is fucking great. And Joe Rogan believes in dragons. It's just frantic.

If you believe that Donald Trump is Hitler and everyone who supports him is a massive racist and if you are in any ethnic or gay, you need to get the out of this country because if you believe all that, it's bad for you.

Here.

But Sunny Hostin, she makes some good points.

Who's that?

She's the other one that's not gonna clip.

Well, I'm just saying, like, like if.

They really believe this, what are you still doing here?

Jamie, There's a photo that I had on my Instagram.

You gotta stop drinking.

Jamie. There's a photo I have on my Instagram of a whale that's on a wall in an old Italian church. It was from like 2017 or 2018. I was in Ravello and there's this. That's. It's so old. The church is a thousand years old, but it's built on top of another church and they don't even know how old that church is. There's like a glass floor and you look down, you see the old church. They don't, they have no idea how old it is. But they had a painting of like the whale from the, from the Bible. Who is it? Job, who is it?

Jonah. Jonah. Jonah.

Jonah.

That's right. Jonah. So look at this, folk. This is this ancient, ancient church. But there's a photo of a whale that's in. Is it in that around the same time? I know I put the photo on Instagram.

Oh, Italy.

That's the church. But in that church there's the whale. Doesn't look nothing like a whale. The whale looks like a monster dragons. So that's what it's like.

Here we go.

Their drawings was like, they came back and described those mercenaries couldn't draw. So the Guys who came by, the savages, the animals that were hacking off Congo, they don't. They're not drawing.

I've been real busy.

And then the artist draws it. And they could probably barely remember because it's probably so traumatic.

Yeah.

A 16 foot crocodile comes launching out of the river and takes one of your boys and eats them in front of everybody's. Like, that's it. So that's what they thought a whale looked like.

A whale.

That's a. That's a crocodile.

That's a strange. That is the story from the battle. They had never seen a whale before. So they drew this thing.

Look how blown up bad they got the guy guy.

Right.

I mean they knew what guys looked like and they were struggling.

Yeah, they weren't good.

It looks like a alien monkey.

They're doing it in tile in all the mess. It's a very difficult medium to work with.

What's that higher prime rate?

That is this.

Look at that guy.

Isn't that wild though?

So that is what bros.

So their version of things that we know that what looked like were all up already. So that's probably what dragons are. What dragons are probably giant crocodiles.

There you go.

And there's some people that went to the Congo in the 1800s that said they saw crocodiles bigger than their boats, 40 foot boats. And crocodiles were bigger than their boats. The thing about crocodiles is they don't. They don't die, Right. They just stay alive until something kills them. So they keep growing. So if you got a crocodile, it could be 300, 400 years old and that would be like a 60 foot crocodile. And really they might have seen those.

They get that old.

And that's when people had guns, right. So the people with the guns are probably killing all the ones that are really big. So those ones that are really big, they've been eating other crocodiles. They've eaten everything, cannibalize each other, everything that moves. So to get to that point is so hard that when you whack those dudes, the ones that are left are like 30 years old, 50 years old. Like you probably have smaller crocodiles. It kind of makes sense. That's probably what dragons were. Probably where a bunch of people that never experienced crocodiles before and just got up by these 20 foot crocs.

Imagine seeing that and not knowing what it is.

Dude, what does Joey Behar say? Whatever.

Joey Behar when she's.

When people tell like, hey, so that's. That's not true.

I just want to say for the record, I have no hate for Joey Behar. If I saw her, I give her a hug. I don't care. I'd probably say the same thing about me if I was her. It's no big deal. I don't care. But it's a silly thing to say, and it undermines your own personal credibility. If you say, we're so good because we're. We're supported by ABC News, and then you say, Joe Rug Pleasant dragons in.

The next sentence, and no chance she comes back, goes, oh, guys, I was wrong.

If it was a joke, that would be. I know she wasn't joking, but it would be hilarious. Joe Rogan, the guy who believes in dragons.

I wonder if there were some kind of flying lizards at one point in human history. You know, this is what the Bigfoot myth is about. The Bigfoot myth is about a thing that really existed. It's called Gigantopithecus, but it lived, like, a hundred thousand years ago. So by the time. Time, at least we think it did, we know for sure. No, later. I mean, later than that, for sure. 100,000 years. We don't know earlier. It might have been earlier. It might have lived 50,000 years ago. We just don't have an example of it. But that was a thing that was passed on in stories. It's dead now. It doesn't exist anymore. But people were telling a story about a thing that was real. That's probably what dragons are. It's probably people telling a story about a thing that was real. And if 100, 200,000 years ago, there were some reptiles that could fly. Lie. We know that pterodactyls were real. If they just find one of those things, it would change everything. And you got to realize they've only been finding dinosaurs for 200 years. 200 years ago, they didn't know what.

When the Jews started burying those bones?

Well, there was a bunch of dudes who had fake dinosaurs.

You're trying to trick us.

Don't attack us. It's been nice weather today.

You know, there was a bunch of dudes who put, like, other bones and claimed they were dinosaur bones. There's a bunch of frogs.

Jewish dudes. I heard there's money in bones.

Jamie, when did they. When did they discover dinosaurs?

All right, you look like a pterodactyl.

Imagine discovering dinosaurs going, oh, is this still around?

I think most of them at the White House. Pelosi, get out.

She just filed for reelection.

She's, like, 79.

She's 84.

84 with those she just fired for.

Yeah.

Pretty huge. Can it is.

When did the. 1824. Okay, so exactly. Exactly 200 years ago, they found the first dinosaur.

Damn.

Known about dinosaurs for 200 years.

Wow. What?

And there's a giant chunk of the planet that has not been discovered. Like, we had a podcast the other day. They've only like, looked at 5% of Sub Saharan Africa. They find whale bones in the Sahara Desert. Whale bones in the desert. Who knows what the fuck's out there? It's not impossible to imagine that since there used to be flying lizards, that at one point in time there were. 1677. Someone discovered it. 1677. Created with discovering the first dinosaur bone. But his best guess as to what belonged to was a giant human. Oh, wow.

Wow.

So funny to find like a giant femur and be like, God, bro. Damn, that guy was huge.

That's my favorite conspiracy. The giants used to roam the earth and that. You know, they were created by the Anunnaki breeding with people.

I believe it. I'm down.

And that the government the Smithsonian has been hiding giant bones.

You know, they made Yao Ming. They got the two tallest people in China to.

No, that's a good move.

Yeah, but that's a good move, Ying.

I mean, how many Division 1 football players are out there because their parents said, listen, you're a big lady, I'm the big guy. I think we can make some kids, can make us some money. Let's go.

Talk about you.

If you're really into football and you're a big fella and you see this big lady at the bar with some nice hands. Look at those hands.

I need hands.

Yeah.

I need a lady with a grip. If you have a lady and she's tall, but she's got some dainty hands, you could have a brittle kid. Yeah, you don't want a brittle boy.

I believe in giants. I saw a. I went to an NBA game and I met Zack Edie. Yeah, jmo, bring up Zack Edie Edie, if you saw that guy, if you lived back then, saw a guy like Zack e. Don't with those.

What's that guy? The mountain from Game of Thrones, bro.

How about Shaq? Just Shaq is a legitimate.

Jack is.

He's a seven foot human.

He used to come into the store and it was like, he's only 10 inches taller than me. But.

Yeah, what is he, Siberian or something?

He looks like Mongol.

Oh, okay. He looks.

No, he's.

What is funky.

Oh, this isn't Yao Ming. Who's this Guy?

Oh, he plays for the Sixers.

What is his national nationality?

He looks a little shy.

Chinese nationality. I believe he's an American bro.

Yeah, but.

Right, but what is his family's background?

Oh, never mind. Toronto Wayside.

Nice as heck.

7 4.

Jesus Christ.

I took a picture.

What is his nationality?

I looked like a.

Other than Canadian fat lesbian. What does his family come from? Chinese immigrants. Should play for the WNBA if I will.

Was short.

He played ice hockey and baseball.

That's a good athlete. Especially ice hockey. Ice hockey would be tremendous for any sport. Right? That's a hard ass sport on your legs.

Oh yeah.

Well, the best players only play 20 minutes a game.

Wow.

They play like a third of the game.

It's that hard?

Yeah, yeah, but it's. They play so many games non stop every other day.

Yeah, well, yeah, you just can't.

You can't play a long shift.

I think the hardest, I think the hardest is soccer. Those. There's no, there's no commercial breaks. They're sprinting the whole time.

There are some breaks. Every single time a guy gets touched, they all lay down. But that, well, that is on purpose. Everybody in America is like, oh, get up. It's like, bro, they're so tired.

Yeah, that's true.

They're all like, yes, Rugby.

Rugby might be it. Rugby might be it.

They don't stop.

They don't stop.

They don't stop in there. No pads.

It's American football.

Rugby.

No, American football is the. The reason it's a three second play is because they would die.

There's total.

Such a full sprint. Crazy, crazy amount. Full power.

Those are giants.

Giants.

But the cardio, the non cardio in terms of that they might be soccer or rugby or Aussie football.

All right then. Cross country is the craziest.

When we went to Dallas, we were at the. The Cowboys versus the Jets.

Went to.

This is my first NFL game I've ever been to. And we were like not far away from the players and you see how enormous they are. You're looking at 350 pound humans just walking, running, walking with mortals faster than us.

Yeah, yeah. They're so fast.

Who's that one guy that was almost 300 pounds and he ra a 4 second, 4 second plus 40.

Aaron Hernandez.

I mean there's a. Now, now you're just swinging at anything.

You just swing it.

It's an island of garbage.

Yeah. You know, you know what they thought? Mermaids. Those were manatees.

Yeah, that's how, that's how drunk and they were.

I Know, I've heard that rumor. I. I don't believe it.

It's a dark. They got chicken vision. They've been poked in the eye since they were two.

They're drinking rum all day.

Poking them. Guys poke them. Every time they get in an argument, they just poke each other in the eye. Nobody could probably see at all. There's no glasses. You just went blind. You're eating terrible food.

Yes, they were blind.

By the time they were 20, they thought a manatee was a woman.

I don't believe it.

A nice plump woman. Like really rich ladies that eat the grapes. Yeah, the ones that. What do they call those? Rubin?

Lizzo.

Lizzo.

That was hot back then because nobody could get fat because everybody was starving.

That's true.

True.

It meant you had money.

Yeah. You were hot.

And now fat people are poor.

Right. So back then, that was a hot fat lady.

We flipped it.

Fat lady floating around. Yes, we did flip it. We did flip it. It's super easy to get fat now.

Jennifer Aniston's Rail Thin and Gwyneth Paltrow, they're all billionaires.

Yeah. Cheeseburgers are 39 cents on Wednesdays.

Exact. Amundo.

Yeah. Even, like, Oprah keeps trying to lose weight.

She's always been. Huh?

Always.

She's like. She's like. Comes the best of Sherry shepherd coming out. Do you ever see that one on the View?

Sherry Shepard came out.

She lost. She lost all this weight. Came out in that orange, like, bathing suit, and they're like, we did it. I lost all this weight. They wheeled out a cart of ribs for her to celebrate. She's in a bathing suit eating ribs. Getting fat again, Jamie.

Sherry Shepherd's.

Why would they do that to her? That's such a hater.

It's really funny. You'd be like, hey, I'm done with alcohol. And they go, let's go.

Here you go.

One year sober. Let's celebrate.

Damn. Yeah, that OIC's taking over.

But what. That's crazy. They did that to her.

Yeah.

Celebrate, bro.

You remember the time Oprah had that lady on. It's an inch crazy. Oprah had that lady on who got her face bit off by the chimp.

Stay there.

And she showed her face on tv.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, she had. The lady was wearing a veil over her face. Like, let's see your face. Come on. She pulls the veil away like a note. Are you doing.

She should go Muslim. Cover it up.

May as well go Muslim at that point.

Trick a man. Oh, can you imagine being a Good Muslim, man. You go, this lady seems cool as well.

She doesn't have any eyes.

It's like Jay Leno.

She doesn't have any eyes. You can see it coming.

Really?

Yeah. Her whole face is gone.

Damn.

She's like, you sound like a man for me.

Yeah, this is.

That's it.

That's crazy.

Oh, yeah. She looks good.

Everybody.

Wait, that's that Phil, no.

Wow. Sherry's bathing suit body.

Damn.

Now you can eat. No, you can't. Now you keep not eating.

Oprah fluctuates. She's like, elliot, when do they move.

People off that show? Sher's not on that show anymore, right?

I don't know.

No, she's not. She started going back to clubs 15 years ago. She was one of the real comics.

There you go.

I knew her as a comic way back in the day.

I didn't know. Who's Sherry?

Sherry shepherd, comic. And then she got on the View for, like, I don't know, three to 20 years.

Right?

Damn, that's a tough gig. I think the View is gonna get canceled.

No, it'll keep going forever.

Views killing it right now. They're all spazzing out. It's hilarious.

Yeah, that's true.

Well, you're dealing with these two matriarchs, right? The older ladies kind of set the tone of the show, if, you know, that's the part of the problem. They're kind of Star Trek, and the other one, they're out of touch.

One of them's pretty hot.

Whoopi Goldberg's like, did you see what she did? That Staten Island Bakery?

Yeah.

No, crazy. What bakery? Their boiler went down, and she placed an order of cupcakes for her birthday and.

Hold on, hold on. I can't imagine yet how this would go back. Okay, go ahead.

So she places this order. They say, we can't promise you that we can do this because our boiler is down, so we can't. We can't fulfill this order. And so then the next day, the boiler is back up. She has someone else call the same bank bakery, and they get the order in because now the boiler's up. She claims the reason why they didn't take her order is because they didn't like her politics. And so she says this on the View. So then the bakery has a press conference where they say, we've been in business for 150 years. This is not what happened at all. We don't discriminate against anybody, regardless of anything. We just had a problem with our boiler, and she's singling out a family run business. And then there's a line around the block for the bakery.

Nice.

It's bananas.

Nice.

And then she doubles down. She made a video and she didn't even apologize. In fact, she said the same thing.

I like how they can't even see a possibility where it's just in. Her best.

Was like. Wasn't it like the Holocaust? And she was like, that's white people problems.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

She got kicked off the show for a couple days.

That's right.

Remember?

Yeah. They were like Oprah. Oprah or whatever name I might have song Covid.

I told you you were sad. What's going on?

These people are just too out of touch to be running that show.

Mitch McConnell.

Didn't they just put it. Didn't they put Mitch. Mitch McConnell in charge of something?

He's probably.

They just did. He's locking up like a Windows 95.

He's got the spinny wheel.

He just locks up all the time. And they just put this guy. What? They just put Mitch McConnell in charge of. Jamie.

Comedy Central.

Something about a point back.

Put it on Futurama.

Defense, all things comedy. He's gonna take over Futurama. What is it? Defense spending, which you run anything by that dude. He can't count.

The Senate appropriation subcommittee on defense and chairman of the Senate Rules Committee.

Get him up there. That's what we need.

Yo, that guy locked up twice on tv.

Oh, yeah.

Fully locked up. Like, didn't know where he was. They had to grab his arm, take him off the st. Yeah, you ever see him lock up?

He's got the turkey neck.

Jamie, pull up the video of Mitch McConnell. Lock locking up.

He was like the face of evil for a while.

Watch this video. He just stepped down. He's gonna step down.

People thought that he was going to step down, but he did that. This is an old clip. He can't step.

Oh, he was over a billion years ago, bro.

But it's. The way he locks up is terrifying. It's like. It's almost like the guy's having a stroke. It's very strange.

Maybe the women at the View are geniuses because we're all talking about it.

Look at this.

Oh, this is great.

This week has been good B parts and cooperation.

Jesus Christ.

His lips aren't moving.

Hold on.

It's like when a girl eats your ass. You didn't know she was going to.

You're like, oh, wow, this is going great.

Bro. Bro, look at this guy's. He's waving back and forth like he's ready to go.

They're all looking like, what.

What's going.

Oh, he's melting.

Look at the extras, dude.

This is a full lockup.

Oh, man.

Anything else you want to say?

Let's go back to your house.

Yeah, I'm done.

Oh, my God.

So that guy just got a new job.

He's running.

Is that Canada's top general? Megan Rapino.

That's Emma Willman as the top general in the country, bro.

How bizarre is that? That. That guy just got a new gig.

That was Lavine.

He's so done. Who's running?

Thought you had it. Oh, there it is.

Who's running?

Yeah.

Who?

You're saying shoes, but at least it should be.

Young Jews own it, man. Your people are running.

Yeah, we run everything.

Ancient Jews, Pelosi's in Italians, timeless Jews. You guys are like crocodiles.

Our noses go bigger and bigger until we're dead.

Yeah, I think she Pelosi.

That sounds.

She's got them Italian yams.

She's got a photo with a JFK back in the day.

Yeah, she was like a kid.

Oh, yeah. She gave him some head.

Damn it. I have to pee. I was trying so hard.

Hang in there, buddy.

Nice. That'll make me go soon.

Easy, fellas.

Quit that rough house. Yeah, it's a wacky time to be alive. I can't tell if it's a great time.

Oh, it's a great time.

As soon as that happens, it's a great time. If you're at all running a company, which the government is right. You should be like, oh, hey, no, we're replacing you.

That's something.

You can't be in charge of it.

Yeah, you're. You're. You're so. It's not like, give your attention now. Did this like Fetterman. Fetterman had a stroke.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's like. That's an old guy.

You can't. You take away their license if they do stuff like that?

100%. That guy could be at a red light just locked up. Or just go right into an intersection and not even know he got his foot off the brakes.

You ever. You ever be at a red light high and fall asleep and then when you wake up and somebody honks, you go, yeah, I should pull over.

Yeah.

This is wrong. Jesus Christ.

No, me neither. I just heard about people.

I've never gone like that.

You ever texting for like 20 minutes, you look up, you're like, damn, that was dangerous.

Yeah.

Holy.

No, never.

Yeah.

I use the apple carplay thing.

Oh, yeah.

Press the text. You say text Mark Norman, what would you like to say?

Write it, Margaret.

And then it says it back to you. Sometimes it it up, which is a real problem. If you have any weird naming street or something like that, that won't work.

That's Bert. Every time Bert sends a text, it's like, what is this? He goes, oh, it's speechless text. Like. Or fat fingers.

Yeah.

Or slurring speech to tasks is really easy if you're busy because you can get away with doing it, like in five seconds. What would take you, like, 20 minutes to type out?

You know, the best was Dana White would went to a flip phone so we could feel the buttons so he could have a business meeting. Tell me if I'm wrong.

Yeah, you're wrong.

I'm wrong. And text under the table.

He definitely texted under the table, but that's not why. He just started out with a flip phone. And when everybody was going to smartphones, he's like, I can just text with my finger.

Yeah.

And he was so busy, he's like, I don't have time for apps. Like, what are you doing?

But isn't that T9? That takes a half hour.

He would feel the buttons.

Do it without looking.

Damn.

Him and I were having dinner and he sent me a text without looking. He goes, I'm gonna send you a text right now. I don't have to look at my phone.

Was it accurate?

It was accurate. I was like, wow. I mean, it wasn't crazy. He used like the letter U for you. That's when that started. That used to drive me crazy. Even back in the T9 days.

Don't you do this. Two of them now. You son of a.

Even in the T9 days. I. I used y ou.

Why even that?

Yeah, not you are either. Y apostrophe R E. I don't know if I did that. Could you even do an apostrophe back then?

You can.

Yeah. You could do.

It's a four button thing.

Oh, yeah. We're talking to Mr. Flip Phone right here.

I got to get back there. I got to go back. Like the island.

Well, Dave attell still on it.

That's true.

Dave has like phones.

I saw him the other night. He had some killer new. He's so timely and relevant. Always 2 minutes on white Lotus. It was gold.

What's White Lotus?

Was TV show on H got a.

Giant fake in it that really tricked me.

Steve's on got your heart.

No, the season two. Oh, it's like a real hot guy and he goes in and changes while girls.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

Did you see Peaky Blinders? How about that scene where that. That lady sucking or that guy sucking that other guy's.

Pull it up.

Remembered that lady.

No, lady.

He is literally sucking a guy's rubber. What? Yeah, there's like an orgy and this lady is. It's either a lady or a guy. 100.

That's true. Bar mitzvah video.

I got a pizza.

Some guy was sucking another guy's peaky blindness. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna peek too.

The Irish movie.

You go first.

It's gonna be me and Ari.

Yeah, you guys can do it?

Yeah, we can do it.

Talk about.

I'm gonna hold it.

Get in there.

I had some. I had a few at the Delta Lounge.

Nice.

Oh, you had some drinks on that?

Well, I'm so hungover, I had to get a beer.

What did you do last night?

Oh, yeah, I did a show in Charleston. Great school, great crowd. But yeah, after it. That's a drink in town.

Norman. Norman got me into the lounge once and I was like, oh, let me get a drink. He's like, what are you. There's free drinks. Why'd you order that? They have a whole list of free drinks. Norman's jewelry.

That I am definitely.

Yeah.

I've seen Norman eat wings off a plate. Going to the kitchen at the cell. He's like, whoa, that sounds like.

Oh, yeah, we had that steak last night at the stand. Or two nights ago.

Whose stand? He's just like, let me just have a piece. A third of it. It's in his mouth.

Never got caught. Yeah, I don't know who's that was. Hey, buy some bodega cat. But everybody, while Joe's in the.

It was a funny defense of believing in dragons.

Yeah.

And I'm going, sasquatch.

Sasquatch is real, though. I love when you're like, you could have got me on a real thing.

You could have got me on Sasquatch. Now the view rules. What's going wrong with you? Oh, you seem up. I know that's the worst thing somebody can say to you. So I do a seem up?

I don't know. You just got. When I got here editing my special, I got a special coming out.

Oh, nice.

Oh, a new one.

January 14th.

You already covered.

Drink up a little.

Get fired up.

Dude, I'm doing whiskey all day. This is my third one.

We started before you got.

You had three drinks and we started before we started. Yeah.

Start before we started. You're drooling a mess.

And we're back.

All right, now I got a wee wee.

Yeah. We have no leader with Joe Rogan going floating. Things are weird.

Yeah. I was just like, what's going on? Are you okay? We had nothing.

It is. I mean, it is a fun time. It's a fun time. It really is. You can't. It's scary, but it's a fun time these times. Yeah. As long as the war doesn't really break off. A real actual hot war. If. If they can stop these from doing that.

She keeps telling me to chill because I keep falling. That. What it fucks me. That fucking lady's nuclear war book.

Who?

Oh, yeah. Jacobson. Yeah.

Terrify One from Broad City.

No.

Yes. This lady wrote a book about what would happen during a nuclear war.

Well, I would die.

We all would.

Yeah.

But. Yeah.

And how it's getting nuked first and.

How dumb it is and how quickly it, like, both have a policy that's like, all right. Yes. Like, if they think there's a nuke.

I was in Cuba, so me and Bobby were like researching like the Cuban missile crisis and the Bay of Pigs while we were there. And man, how close it was with that submarine. Three out of four Russians were like, we can't talk to Russia. So, like, there must be a reason for that. I bet they're attacked. We should launch. And one out of the four was one guy. Hold on, though.

Saved the entire world.

Let's wait an hour.

Yeah.

Jesus.

That's how close it was. And if he launched. And then America would have to launch.

But, you know, I know we're supposed to support the bro, but the guys on the fucking nuclear subs that, like, they're only. They're gonna just destroy the world. And then. Then what? You surface?

Yeah.

And go, all right, well.

Right. What are you coming back to?

Yeah. Stay down there.

As long as you coming back to a destroyed world.

Yeah.

Don't.

Not like there's spots you can go to. Like, the whole world's cooked.

The whole thing's going.

Iceland. Not even that.

Where. That we're so close. The Russians had to warn the United States they were launching that missile at Ukraine.

Yeah.

Because it would end the world.

Yeah.

Whoa. Is that why the first time one.

Of those missiles has ever been used? It's based on an intercontinental ballistic missile, but they call it a mid range. So it's a mid range ballistic missile. And it easily could have a nuke on it. So when they launched it they had to let the United States know that they were launching it. But they didn't say if they had a nuke on it or not.

Oh really?

No shit.

I don't think they said let's Google that. Because what I read said I thought.

They had to say. They had to have said there's no.

Way give it a go.

Do they you think they said this.

Is just a show. I hope that's true cuz I didn't ended the world.

The thing that I read said that they didn't. I do not know if that's true though. But there's so. It's so hard to know what's true and what's not. There's so many different stories out there.

You know what I would like to know is that footage of those.

Do I believe in dragons? Do I not Hard to know.

Bigfoot's real.

They the video of that missile landing though, was that real?

Yeah, cool as that was awesome.

Looks like lightning.

Yeah, like it sucked down.

Yeah, just land.

I mean these are some ex. Basically experimental things that's landing, you know.

I drunk enough for you now?

The stuff that we've seen is so small in comparison to the stuff that we have. We have stuff that would wipe. Wipe out entire shelves of the continent.

Let's do it.

You would, you would kill like everyone in the UK Instantaneously.

Good. They're all just.

They wanted to go ham, you know if there was some sort of a real nuclear war and a bunch of them launched and you, you hit Chicago with three big missiles with nukes on it. Those things are a thousand times stronger than the Hiroshima bombs.

A thousand twice would be enough.

Let's see what the top what the total is. How what the. What is the most powerful ballistic missile that carries a UFO bomb? What can it do?

Look at this.

Whoa.

What?

Whoa.

Whoa.

Are those real?

Nothing's.

It almost looks like the reverse footage of missiles firing.

Yeah, it does.

Jamie, how much more powerful is are today's nuclear bombs than what they use in Hiroshima? It's some.

And how much more powerful today's weed than the 70s weed?

Don't you think there were some people in the 70s that had the real probably right? Yeah, probably.

This guy's getting cooked.

When Jay, when Jay came to used to come to LA and he goes New York weed is as good as LA weed. I'm like challenge accepted. And he, he assumed his weed was good. Do you remember the 70s must have been that a bunch of doors going oh, this weed is good. And the heads Were like, no, no, no.

Remember time we up, we went to Philly and we fucked up because we disregarded their wheat weed. Philly weed. Silly Philly weed. We got obliterated. And we could barely talk on stage.

Heroin.

We got a blittery. It was fun.

It was fun.

Show.

That's like anything. Blow. You can get blow out there.

So how much bigger is it than Hiroshima? Okay, so look how tiny this is.

Rogan's club.

So hiroshima.

Yeah.

Simpson versus kil.

Tony.

15 kilotons for little boy. And the Russian ICBM has 800 kilograms tons.

Oh, my God.

I don't know what that means.

That's a lot.

It would just suck.

It would suck so hard.

A hundred.

Look at those New York maps and see where I live.

So crazy great.

We'd just be on fire. Be in the fire zone.

I would love to be someone later generation to come to see me. Like playing video games. Frozen. Jacking off. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Pompeii.

Yeah, Pompeii Jack off guy.

That's true. A couple of those guys were gay.

How do you know?

Pull it up.

No, no. They were trying to say they were gay because they just want.

They love Abraham Lincoln.

These guys were dying in the middle of a furnace of ass.

We may as well try some.

Don't you think? They just hug each other. I mean, what. What would you do with your friends? With.

I would not hug you. I would not hug any of you during that.

What the. You would hug to each other?

Let's hug.

There's a dog like mid run, bro.

You would cling to each other. You would cling to each other. You'd be. You'd be all cooking together. I could use a hook instantaneously.

Oh, she's eating her out.

It could have been some guy just hanging out with his friend too. You what? Leave him?

Could have been a mom and a daughter.

But it wasn't everybody gay back then, though.

Historians love putting gay on everybody.

I'm gay.

Go back up.

Go back up. Nice, Nice.

That thing.

To an open atmosphere surrounding sexuality and sex. Multiple depictions of penises and sexual acts in statues and wall paintings. Oh, maybe they were gay.

Thank you.

How about maybe everybody was gay back then? Maybe it's like Afghanistan.

He's like that Spartan guy from Segura's podcast.

Look at that.

Why not go gay? What do you got to lose? There's no cameras.

Alexander the Great was not gay.

What? Come on. I thought he was gay.

Not gay.

How do you know?

There's no his real name Is there's no record of him being gay, but he put up some statues of bros.

How about that, Rasputin?

So what is the rumor for him being gay? What's it come from?

Came from the movie Alexander.

No way.

Really? Just gay? The whole movie?

Really? Somebody had. I mean, back then though.

Yeah.

Oh, they were all gay.

They were all gay.

If Diddy was. I mean, is it like Diddy gay or is it like a real gay. I think it was Power Guy.

I think it was. Did he get. Was having orgies?

It's unknown if Alexander the Great was gay, but historians believe he likely had relationships with men. So he might not have engaged as he dudes.

What?

It's just like you're so sick of these Joe Behars that you're like, let me just. Dude.

So long ago. They're just making up.

If it was Street Whoopi Goldberg and Alexander the Great, he's getting.

At least I can talk to the guys.

Ancient Greece. Many men engaged in same sex relationships without shame. Yeah. I think everybody was gay back then.

Why not?

I think there's a lot of.

They could.

They're going to say that about us.

They're going to go, look, man, every billboard was guys kissing.

No, no, no.

Guys just had an excus me.

This is like climate change. This is a blip that goes up and it's going to come down. Guys. That's what it's like. Yeah. Guys sucking each other all over the place. It's like, hey, never got style.

I don't know. I saw that Jaguar ad.

There's always going to be a certain. That just killed Jaguar. Like fucking Kid Rock killed Bud Light.

I mean, what were they doing?

What was that?

What are they doing? You didn't see the Jaguar ad?

I get most of my news from being on this podcast.

The Jaguar, good. This is reliable. Unlike ABC News. The Jaguar ad is the fucking craziest speech. The guy gives a speech like it's four years ago. Wait, like he's in the throes of the BLM movement and like the. The wokest of woke times.

Really?

He should be wearing a mask when he does this speech. See if you can find the speech.

The.

The ad is ridiculous. This? Yeah. This is Jaguar.

What is this, the Olympics?

This is sports cars.

All right, well, it's not so bad.

It's kind of cool.

Yeah.

What exactly? Cars.

A lot of colors.

Well, this is just weird. Which is fine. I like weird Target. Yeah. But I'm asking for the press conference.

That Megan Rapinoe so The.

The press conference is where the guys started starts talk. The ad is just weird. But in the press conference the guy talks about how inclusive they want all diverse. And this is. You got wrong ones.

Jacksonville Jaguars shout out Gabe Davis gay, gay, David just see.

And a bunch of nonsense. And the way. The way they say it, it's just like, what do you. Are you selling cars or not? Why are you selling this Political ideology.

I thought you made sports cars Century the self.

Yeah, hell yeah.

They're no longer selling the thing that has Adam Kurt. They're no longer selling the thing that has the value. So like pianos stop going from like, this is a good Steinway piano with good sound to this will bring your family together. And when you see the guy from True Detective going, the freedom I get from driving on the road. It's nothing to do with your motor that they're selling that to everybody on every front.

It's like Subaru made with love thing you're selling. This thing you're selling is not your audience.

Yeah.

Your audience is.

Yeah.

Oh, dude, the Jaguar. See the commercial Bad ass.

Pretty cool.

They are badass. They make. That's the problem for guys like us.

The Jaguars always in the shop. That was the. That was the.

That's true.

The new ones are more relaxed about every. No, no, I think the new ones are owned by Ford. Actually.

They bought them.

Yeah, look, the new Jaguars, the V8 Coupe is a beast. It's an amazing car. I don't know. I think this is a different.

They hired a guy.

Did you find the price? Press conference.

J. Mos scrubbed it.

Type it in.

It's just people complaining, like making videos.

Complaining about.

I guarantee you can find it.

Remember the Trump Joe Rogan episode? You search Joe Rogan, Donald Trump, and it was like they us a bunch of reaction videos came up. First they us.

They made it impossible to find the video. And we had a complaint and they said it was an accident.

But like, how did this accident happen?

They wouldn't say. See, here's the thing. Like, maybe there's a way that you can. This is me completely speculating. Okay, but maybe there's a way. Like I don't like Ari Shafir and.

I run some sort of very well known.

I run sort of sort of a super pac or I think Ari Shir has a podcast that's dangerous and it might. I might be able to do something by mass complaining about your podcast. Like mass flagging it, right? Like if I. If I have a bot system and I can get like A million people to mass flag your video. Maybe it gets put into a category where it's more difficult to find.

They do that.

I'm just imagining if I ran a company and it was potentially like a beheading Taliban video and it got mass flagged, you'd want it really hard to find. So you would hide the actual title of it. You would make it so it's difficult to search. Yeah, I just. I'm just being as charitable as possible.

Okay. Right.

That's what I could imagine. So they want people to know that that's possible. Possible. So when you ask them how did it happen, they don't give you a straight explanation. Because if that's the case, and this is again completely me speculating. But if I'm speculating, you find out that that's a thing. And I bet somebody does know it's a thing. If it is a thing, they definitely don't. Aren't publicly known. Because then all these other foreign countries, anybody who wants to stifle any kind of news story, anything, could just start using this process to hijack.

No. Anytime I've come under public fire, it's like the videos that have nothing to do with it go lower because people are just like, let's just flag them. So you have, like you said, a thousand people flagging it. The bot goes, this is probably problematic.

Yeah. And they don't. They don't have the time to be searching everything. The amount of that gets posted Every second on YouTube is mind blowing.

Yo, can we talk about that every year? Trump speech about going, we're not going to do that anymore.

Oh, yeah, that was nice.

That's.

That's the only one I've tried to explain to people like what I'm trying to in the kindest way possible. And this is where. What I've come up with when I make fun of the dead golden girl. They can't ban me for bullying anymore.

Betty White.

Yeah, they'll have to go, that's definitely not bullying. We won't ban your account. You can actually get an answer. But I want to hear what he said because it was so. It hung me up.

What he said is that you cannot have censorship on social media sites and you can have the government interfering with free speech.

This video anywhere.

I only watched the video, Jane. I watched.

You didn't. I'm just saying I can't find.

Okay, we'll keep looking.

You need some regular. You can have Faces of Death.

Keep looking because I know you can.

Find it doesn't it only Shows that this is the source of it is the Financial Times. It says it was an interview.

Yeah, but I watched it on Instagram.

I did too. Typed it all over the place. I'm not seeing it.

Did you type it on Instagram? Jaguar ad? Yep. Or Jaguar press conference. I typed in the guy's name.

Damn. Do they scrub it?

Maybe.

That's crazy.

They might.

Wow.

Did you see they scrubbed Jeffrey Epstein's connections to Bill Clinton off of Clinton's Wikipedia?

Boy, Clinton's slippery, huh?

Really?

He's good.

Yeah.

Yeah. Duncan changed my Wikipedia. Ari doesn't have any Jew gold, but he's hidden it among his friends.

How the do I know? Boy, you can't find it. Jamie. You're right.

Also, the only people type in Jaguar.

And that guy's name literally says no results.

This is crazy. They pulled the video. It must have been such a disaster. They must be so terrified of thinking things like this, of people like us talking about it.

Shane's about to get into the sponsorship.

Yeah.

See if you can find his quotes. So get his quotes.

I've always loved Jaguar.

Bud Light and Jaguar drinking and driving.

Look at those freaks.

Jaguar managing director. How do you say his name? Raw Don Glover. Hold on. The intended message had been lost in a blaze of intolerance on social media. And denied that the promotional video was intended as a woke statement.

You. It wasn't, Joe. If you put his name together, it's raw. Dong lover. Think about that. You ever think about that? Dong lover?

You just blew my mind.

We need to re establish our brand and completely different price point.

It was a tweet. I saw that. Oh, okay.

A little too smart.

Look at this. We need to move away from traditional automotive stereotypes. Glover said that while the overall buzz of the new campaign have been very positive. Look, that ad didn't bother me at all. I thought the dad was cool. The things that he was saying. Vile hatred and intolerance in the comments regarding the individuals that appeared in the video. Well, that I don't agree with. But what I do agree with was the things that he was saying were like, crazy. Like, you're supposed to be a car company. Tell me how awesome your car is. What are the quotes, though? That's not his quotes.

You got to look at Matthew McConaughey talking about Lincoln. It's got nothing to do with the car. It's the same shit. They all do the same shit.

Press conference.

There's no car.

Okay, but this was a guy on stage that was saying all these crazy things that's what it. Everybody exploded about. That's what you can't find. You can still find that commercial because the commercial is cool. Like I don't give a. If you want people painted up and dancing in a commercial. It's visually interesting.

Yep.

It's like Apple.

But now Jamie Google Jaguar. Top of the line coupe. Whatever it is. The VA V8 coupe.

Jamie, type in 8008.

The top of the line. Whatever their fucking new one is.

Is it called coupe?

Do you actually. Is that how you say it?

That thing is a beast, dude.

Is it not cool?

Give me some volume. So look here with the sound.

Hold on a second.

Wait, hold on.

Time out.

Is it not?

They say coupe in England.

It's like Porsche.

Yeah, exactly. See if you can find one that has sound. Cuz the thing sounds incredible.

It's a good looking ride.

Looks like a D280SX.

Yeah.

Talking about.

What do you mean?

Go to videos. J.

What do you.

You hear this thing? Now this. This is the type of car that you're. You're not gonna.

I love you, buddy.

Give me some like. Go to where they're driving it. Welcome to Extra Throttle House. Here we go. Right there.

Okay.

Go to where they drive it. Oh, he's driving an Aston. Here it is. It's quite interesting.

Getting out of something that's hundreds of thousands.

These two guys are gonna get caught in a volcano. So at each other like Pompeii.

Let's go to the woods where no one can see us.

Let's test the steering Throttle House. It's.

I'm excited. With electricity and what's an amazing car.

Rear end.

Me. That's all I have to say.

I would have bought one.

I would have bought one before that press conference.

Well, the 69 Jaguar is like the most coveted collectible.

Well, it's a coveted collectible.

I drove one of those. Let me drive one of those for a while.

Elon used to have one of those.

Really? They're cool.

It's got the long front.

Yes, exactly.

They're interesting. There's a company that takes them and makes them Resto mods now so they make them drivable. So you could drive one today and don't feel like you're gonna die every time you hit the brakes.

Yeah, they're unreliable.

Try right. If you drive in a 1969 car today, they're garbage.

I got a 73 Beamer and I've never had one problem with it.

The guy. This is the guy.

This says head of marketing.

Oh my God, listen to what this guy says.

Mateo's up there telling us what to do.

Who this? And at Jaguar, we are passionate about our people. And we're committed to fostering a diverse, inclusive and unified culture that is representative not only of the people who use our products.

Why they hire American Man.

Cuz he's got a great shirt on. Can bring their authentic selves.

He's dominating in that shirt.

He's like George Michael.

Journey of our own. Driven by a belief in diversity, inclusion.

But we're trying to sell a car motors.

Most importantly, tires. Action. Over 15 DEI groups such as Pride, who are here tonight. In the back.

Yo, what's up, bro?

Shout out Pride.

Thank you guys for coming. Women in engineering and Neurodiversity Matters. We've launched major policy.

This is so kind of Bud Light.

Transitionary. Transitioning at work.

Transitioning at work.

Super power training fluid.

Oh, my God. It's so crazy that it has nothing to do with the product.

That's what I'm saying.

It's crazy.

This is what you're doing. You're pushing an ideology on a bunch of people that just want cool cars.

Like, why?

I don't disagree with any of those things. I want everybody to be happy, but shut the up when you're selling.

What am I buying?

I think personally, like, the annoyance is like that level of like, politicizing a brand that's like a big company.

Yes.

Jaguar on the right. The only. The only time you see like a right wing. It's my pillow.

Yeah, right.

It's literally gold coins in my pillow. Those are. The guys giving speeches are like, this country, we need a. Yeah. And it's like my. I mean, those guys. That's funny. But when it's a major company and they're like, we are gay.

You the most. He listed eight things and not one of them was the steering wheel.

Right, bro? Letting their employees be their authentic self. What does that even mean? Letting them be there. You're putting that.

I'm gonna come at you tomorrow when I get that.

You're putting that above.

Think about that for three days and then come back at you.

You're putting that above making a good car. And that's all anybody gives a about.

Yeah.

You guys are stupid.

Boeing, Boeing cut out the Di.

Well, they're all cutting it out because it's killing their business.

It's what kill the dark Democrats.

We could use a little on this show. A couple old honkies talking.

He puts the glasses on because he doesn't like what he just said, we.

Gotta get a Brian Simpsons, Kathy Griffin something.

Let's do the Kathy Griffin.

That poor lady Trump head.

Kathy Griffin got the raw deal.

I hope that was a wild one.

That was.

That trumpet. Especially when she had been on the show. That's even crazier. She was on the Apprentice.

Was she really?

Yeah, she's a guest.

But it's like, I don't.

Kathy Griffin on the Apprentice.

But who took her out? Which side took her out?

The right.

Right. The right. Because the right.

The right.

Either.

Such is a lot of them are as gay as the left.

The woke. Right. They call it the woke.

Right.

Yep.

Kathy Griffith says Donald Trump smelled really bad on the Apprentice. Yeah.

Okay. It's funny.

I bet Kathy Griffin didn't still smell that great.

Yeah, she smelled pretty better.

So I could smell you over me.

Yeah.

That was from an award show that they sponsored. It's called the Attitude Awards, where it's.

A lot of awards.

What was that?

Jaguar.

The Jaguar. Oh, so he's just there to speak about that.

He's talking about Jaguar.

That's the problem too. Like, we're hearing it about Jaguars, but he's just there to speak to that audience.

Yeah. Which is either way.

Yeah.

You're still. You're publicly addressing the, you know, Jaguar. Like you're representing Jaguar.

But I mean, if we're talking about like the horror wars and we talk about Tony's thrones, it's like, what about his comedy? Like, that's not what we're doing here today.

That's true.

If I went to the gay arena show, I'd be like, jaguars, gay.

Yeah, I'm trying to sell Jaguars.

Everyone's gay.

The problem is if it gets online. Right. And then people are talking about it.

Always. The problem is when it's shown to an audience that's not your intended audience.

Right.

Same with Tony. I'm just here to perform for these people.

Exactly.

It's like the Daniel Tosh joke. They took it out and put on the news.

Right.

But with need to be attached to anything like that. We don't want a company. We want a company to just sell cars. I don't want you to get politically active.

No, it's.

It's frustrating. I don't want it on either side. If Ford was like really heavy in on right wing issues and constantly chirping about right wing politics and Christianity.

Getting.

All Jesus people drove people to abortions and fors. Shut the up. Yeah, you know, like, shut the up. I don't want to hear it. I want you to sell cars. But I get if that guy's there.

To speak to people.

But the thing is he's speaking as they did.

I can type it in.

Yeah, every single one.

That's actually. That's what I was arguing about.

The Budweiser can had a gay can every June.

Every single one does.

Well, they sponsored Pride.

Yeah, that's what I mean. Give 50 bucks to a party in Chelsea.

Yeah.

All of them.

Yeah.

Look, we all like gay guys.

Of course they're funny as great.

Well, I hate discrimination. And imagine being gay and all of a sudden someone's telling you you can't be gay. Like. Well, Ben Shapiro had the craziest take on it. Ben Shapiro.

Oh my.

He thinks you should treat it like. You treat. Like not murdering somebody. It's like it's a sin. There's a lot of things you want.

To do Jewish thing. It's. You treat it like gluttony, drunkenness or whatever. It's like. It's a. It's a. You just got caught with that desire. You should overcome it. What do you Jews do to relax with you?

You just. What are the Jews are involved in like gay activities? Do you like keeping on the hush hush?

Yeah, they literally did dig underground.

Do you dig underground? That's for storage.

That's for storage, dudes.

That's for storage. But no, we keep.

How come you haven't.

Listen, there's plenty of yeshiva rabbis who are kids. They report them, they go to jail sometimes. Sometimes they cover it up.

But wait a minute. Isn't it more Catholics?

It's way more Catholic teachers, more kids than priests now. Yeah, the girl teaches.

They just busted another lady.

See, I'm sure she was hot as she got busted.

She was big old. The priest is creepy crazy. Look at her eye.

It's all about boy sex.

Bring up some hot ladies.

Jamie, search pornhub.com. use a VPN J.

Bring up some hot child rapist females.

I think this lady had. She had the kid porn on her computer. Computer too.

Oh, the Asian.

This is her.

Not bad.

Oh no, not Asian.

Dude, you would work for that at a bar. These girls are hot.

What are they doing?

Because they want to the guy that they couldn't in high school.

That's Adrian's joke.

Is that what she says?

How bad do men. How bad are men? Women have to turn to a 14 year old boy to fulfill their desires.

This wasn't happening in the 80s.

I think they see a guy that's gonna be a stud and they Say, I want to get him first. Look at that. Oh, my God. Bite that lip, glass. Damn, you dirty lady.

Let her.

Let her tell me about scripture. Do you have your magic underwear?

Set it loose.

And the kids are into it. So that makes it also okay?

Yeah, the kids are hard as a rock. They can come 30 times a day.

And they become prom king after this. You're the most popular kid in the city.

Yeah, but they got big mouse, these kids.

Yeah, well, that's what it is.

She made sex tape.

28 of them. With a 13 year old. What a wild Missouri goes asking other students to keep watch.

She was having sex with NFL team is what happened.

She was asking other kids to watch. Watch. Why? She banged a kid.

The honor.

What? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I'm sorry to be over, everybody. We're just watching it. She's asking other kids to watch out. Look out.

One of them. One teacher.

They were on the lookout.

Who's this lady holding a fish? Dude, if she a kid, I'm gonna be she.

All the kids. That's her, man. Look at her. Florida middle school. Always Florida.

Always Florida.

14 year olds. Yes, ma'am. You did it. You did it. Good job with the fish and the legs.

Too many GMOs.

That lady goes to the gym. She a freak. She can't take it, man. She's. She's born to be wild.

She's not a hot male pedophile.

Born to be wild. Look at her, bro. She's always got a can of alcohol in her hand.

Dude, we can't do what we're doing.

She's ready.

She's like that Vegas senator.

Do they go to jail, these gals?

I hope not. Please let them back.

J was picking the just bleach their hair. Got that mustache and ponytail. You sex pervert.

He bookmarked it.

You're finding the hottest rapist teachers.

Jesus Christ.

Well, if it's. If it's consensual, just d change your name.

Move her around like they move around those Catholic priests. That's what I say.

Do a bumper sticker like the honor roll.

Move her around like they move those Catholic priests. They should have a new division of the Trump administration. Just move freaks around to some kids who don't know how to write.

That'll motivate you.

Yeah, get some kids who know how to keep their mouth shut. We found a group of boys.

You give me, give you the d.

Understand that I keep a secret these little rats.

This is Billy Madison.

Want to touch the hy.

Can I Have a beer too.

Yes, sir.

That nice lady sucked your dick. Got her locked up in a cage.

Veronica V. So hot.

There's so many of them and they're hot.

They're all hot.

That's what's crazy.

Also, these kids can get a boner.

You can't get.

That's the thing.

They got a lot of boners.

They know wrong is right.

I lost my Virginia to like a 50 something year old and I think she was just like a guy who can get hard.

Nice, Rogan. Nice. Nice.

We're back. That's what we do.

It's good to have you back.

Thank you.

That's what we do. Jamie, what type of music are we going to listen to while we bong these beers?

Something without a copyright.

Born to be Wild. I think we need to hear that. Jamie, give me that.

Find a cover. Get a cover version.

Yeah, we're gonna do it on Spotify.

Oh, sick.

We release these only on Spotify, so we can still go wild.

No.

Yeah. That's what we do now. Didn't we disagree? Yes.

Can we do clips on YouTube?

Yeah.

Palestine.

Yeah.

Whoa. Yeah. What a country. What a country.

What a country. Were you guys happy when Trump won?

No.

I'll tell you why.

Work for Netflix.

It was funny because I've done it the last three times with Trump. The first time he won. I've never voted.

I don't vote.

So I wasn't like, I still have that. But I didn't think I wanted Trump to win until he won the first time. And then when he won, I was like, yes.

My crypto went way up.

I'll tell you what, me and Bobby didn't find out who won till Saturday.

Bobby Kennedy, Bobby Kelly. Oh.

And I am feeling in New York, liberal area, a calmness.

Yeah. They're all chill.

Dad.

They took a day, Daddy. Some. They took. They took like a day to be.

Like not feeling it. I'm feeling a sense of kind of relief.

Yeah.

I'm not. I'm just like an observed observer.

Got to know they're out of control.

Well, people were more mad at Tony than the whole Trump winning.

It felt like that's got the comic.

That's just cowards and traitor.

You say if you go cowards and tr.

Tell anyone, you go Tony Hench. Do you remember that? I don't know.

Right.

That's just our world.

He's easy to hate.

That's true.

Especially if you don't know him.

He's trying.

He's trying to get hated. He likes being Hated. He's a villain in a pro wrestling.

He's a heel. And the. The heels went wide and it became a different, different vibe.

Yeah, when.

When it was Stone Cold, I think goes in Kansas City and goes, kansas City. Your women are all ugly and your barbecue tastes like ketchup and cardboard. Stone Cold. I think so. Yeah.

You better not have.

And it was just like, he's just healing.

It's fun.

Clearly just a Down syndrome guy at wrestling.

Healing is fun and that's what Tony likes to do. But it's like if you're one of those people that's not doing well and you see this guy selling out Madison Square Garden in 40 minutes, be a reason people get mad, angry.

David Taylor said this. He's worded so well. He goes, all the comics got mad. I'm not gonna say any names. You know them, the ones that got mad at Tony because they spent eight straight years trying to be politically relevant and none of them could really do it. And they were earnest while they were doing it. And then Tony, with some jokes, became the national talking point of politics and it tore them apart.

Ooh, that's. That's.

Damn. Tony should flip it. He goes, if you hate me, you're homophobic.

Yeah, but he's not.

Thank you. He's not.

No.

He's somehow against all odds.

These are cold. These are cold.

You don't need to.

Jamie, you got a song to go with this?

I want to hear Born to be Wild.

Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.

Jamo.

Jamie, put on Born to be Wild.

Let's go. Jamie looks like the my pillow guy.

Now Jamie does look like Mike Lindell.

That's the name.

Wait, wait on it. Wait for the hook. Head on the highway.

Yes.

Looking for advantage.

I let him start now.

Oh, he's going.

I can't believe I was worried about this day. Day drinking rules. Let's get two more Exploded to space.

So cool. Keep it going, Jamie.

I'm gonna air a couple of these out. I'm gonna warm a couple of these out.

You gotta do it.

Yeah.

You haven't finished it.

So cold.

No, Mark takes 10 minutes with this.

I'm a liquor guy.

This is your cold plunge.

Come on.

Fire all your guns it once and explode into space like a true nature child we were born born it be wild we can find.

Sorry I let you know.

Can you imagine not being American, how gay you are?

You're jaguar gay. You're Jaguar gay.

I take back all I said about the Jaguar guy.

I kind of see the Jaguar I.

See the point now that I realized it was a big old pride meeting.

Yeah, yeah. He was speaking correctly for that environment. He was doing what Tony did. It's just a pride and it was given to the wrong audience.

Let go of Tony.

I mean, I love him. I don't know.

I love him too.

We all love Tony.

He's fine. He gets on stage now, it's like, Richard Prior just arrived. They go nuts, which is good.

That's what he needed.

I need.

I.

When I was. I introduced him a couple. A couple of times. Like right after it was happening. The pop was insane.

I got legitimately distressed over comedians coming after comedians. It really bothered me.

Yeah, it's a bomb.

I'm like Santa Claus. I'm making a list, checking it twice, of course.

But also, how are you surprised by this? Comedians across the board are dildos.

I don't feel like they used to be.

We keep talking about a time that I. I've never been around when.

That's the LA times. The LA times in the peak. It wasn't like that.

It wasn't like that. They would on us being dirty but not public.

I was never around.

It was fun. The LA times before everybody went woke like 2014 to 2018. It was fun.

The LA times.

The LA times. When we were in LA with the Comedy Store, when you filmed your special. You filmed your special in 2014. I came back to the store. It was popping. It was popping. And it was super positive for a long time.

The only thing that would get you on is you're too lowbrow.

All right, that's fair.

But it wouldn't be a public admonishment of your material.

Social media that up.

Well, also, like, people don't feel like they're getting enough attention for what they're.

Doing and who also, like. I don't know. Again. I'll say it again. I was never around when comedians were positive.

You were in the wrong spot if you were with us in la.

It was all versus Main Street. I wasn't even doing alt versus Maine.

New York was pretty positive, but in.

New York, we hung out with the alt people.

We hung out with them.

People like Patents.

They were mad at us for being better than them and we're. And we were mad at them for being witty.

Well, the thing was, we were free. We were free. We could do the stuff still that they did when they used to do. If you go back to, like Patton's earlier albums, he get canceled for a lot of those bits.

Oh, the.

He's Got a.

But also, all we saw was funny. All we saw with Pat was so tag heavy.

Yeah, well, he's a great comic. He's a great comic. And especially back then when he was.

Free, his KFC bullshit was great. It was like, God damn this. That's set up. Tag, tag, tag, tag, tag, tag.

You know what I said once? It is totally true. He's like, the best I've ever seen at making a premise work where I would have never imagined he'd take a premise. Where's he going with this? I can't believe this is working.

Calling his TiVo when his daughter called.

Someone at Starbucks a monkey. Yeah, remember that? They're great bits. They're killer bits. He's funny, but you get captured, man, if you're on a bunch of other cowards and everyone's, like, backstabbing everybody and there's this, like, weird compliance thing where you have to completely adhere to an ideology. 100% hook, line and sinker. Or you're cast out as a Nazi.

Yeah, but he doesn't because his. His true self is.

Oh, cool.

Chappelle wants me there. I'll do.

But isn't that why we got into this? We got into this to be free.

We got into this to hang out with other people.

You gotta have a bunch of people like us. You have a bunch of. Where we're all friends and we all are free. And if you don't have that, you don't know what the fuck to do.

Bro, I barfed in Shane's toilet and blamed on O'Connor.

I knew it was you. I knew it was you, you scum.

O Connor's like, you barf. Like, bro, that. You were so drunk. Must have been.

Yeah, I knew that was you.

And then Kyle was like. Was like, were you here? I'm like, did you get my present? I knew it was you. Obviously.

That was when we did the 999. That was a mistake, bro.

When you did Skank Fest and in that Tupperware and they opened it up, I gagged watching the video he show Legion of Skanks. Legion of Skanks. What did I say?

Skank Fest. I just. On stage. I'm done now. That was.

How did you.

How did you get the note in the turd?

Shoved it up my butt.

No. Jesus, son.

Shoved it up my butt.

Wrote in, you know, GG Allen sucked.

Oh, musically, yeah. Me too. Comedically, I've got nothing, but I'm number one.

You're a prop comic now you're on stage.

He's the only comic. If somebody tries to on stage now, they're like, oh, you're stealing from arm. You can't tell. You take your shirt off anymore. You're. There was a bunch of guys who used to take their shirts off, right?

There has to be your turd Chrysler.

I can't believe that Bert was the only guy in the history. Stand up, take his shirt off on stage.

He's the only one who did it two times. Times in a row, right? And then 1,000 times in a row.

Right? Like, did Joey ever take a shirt off on stage? He took his whole clothes off.

Nope.

Just bottoms. Just bottoms. Kept his top on always.

Okay, well, that's.

So there's gotta be a person. There's got to be a person other than Bird. Is it possible that Bird invented taking your shirt off when you do your set?

Probably.

Janet Jackson.

There's no this not happening. The thing is, his last recorded set with his shirt on.

Really?

Yeah.

Pull it up.

Well, every time he used to do the or, he used to leave a shirt up because he felt like the or. It was like he felt bad. He took his shirt off.

Minnesota, Penn State. Pull up the score.

Pull the score.

Now he takes his shirt off every time he gets on stage. You're trapped.

He gives away his shirts. He throws them to the crowd.

I don't think he's even trapped doing it. I think he's.

If he wanted to, but it's also.

Like the crowd legs that he likes it.

Who cares?

Feels free.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What happens if he gets ripped?

That'll never happen.

Oh, yeah. What happens if Chrysler gets ripped?

If he. If he finds his true self, he's on the tee.

If he gets under £300, it's a massive coupe.

Coupe.

Jamie. I was. I was expecting the Golden Gophers. Penn State score. Oh, I like that.

Whoa.

I never forgot what they did.

Penn State never forget what happened.

They raped a bunch.

Oh, that's right. How crazy is that? They covered a bunch. How crazy is. They covered that up forever?

The best was Sandusk going, well, I can't just live next to a children's school. Like, yeah, that's it.

If you look. If you look into that one, though, that's one. That's like. That's a conspiracy one.

What do you mean?

Well, that's the problem.

That's not one guy. He. He was running. It was called Second Mile Foundation. It was bunch of kids. It was for, like. It was like Boys Town in the. What's the thing from Nat Nebraska. Well, yeah, whatever.

So he was running like a child.

Yeah, yeah, he was. He was running like Second Mile was for like kids without parents.

Who would tell.

Oh, those are the best.

And it was. And he. It was.

Yeah.

He dead?

Sandusky? No, he's still kicking.

Really is. He really is in prison.

He's in prison.

I'm surprised they didn't get him because they hate child.

He's too old, though.

Oh, what are you talking about? They would kill him.

Yeah, yeah. I'll kill anybody.

If he got a general population, I mean, he might be protected.

Yeah, he's probably protected.

Maybe they're playing football.

Protect our pervs.

I heard, I heard somebody, somebody. What's the name? Lee was. Was Harvey Oswald dating somebody who worked in prisons? She was talking about. And she goes. And she goes, Petley. And she goes. Anyone who's at all a celebrity at all screech level gets watched a thousand minutes a day. And for Epstein to be unwatched is undoable.

Also that was under. That was under the Trump administration. Yeah, well, when Epstein got killed.

Listen, it didn't matter what administration does that is some very powerful people. Nothing to do with who's the president.

No, I know, but he, you know.

Why has that come out?

Not a word, not a list, not a thing. Nothing.

Well, jizz is still there.

Yeah. What's going on with that?

And I would imagine, imagine it's not going to either.

No.

Trump gets in office, the Epstein. Yeah, yeah, right.

He's gonna tell himself.

It was fun. You were on an island.

Yeah, we would have all gotten on that plane. Let's be honest.

And the reality is they were running that for a long time. And there's probably a whole network of connected, powerful people that told you it was cool. Nothing's gonna come of it. We're gonna have a good time. We're gonna go to the island, meet Steven. No one probably told you these girls are 16. All you knew is there girls there.

Designed to be the parties, right?

Yeah, same kind of situation. You get there, you get loose. First of all, celebrities do not feel comfortable unless they're around people that are like them.

Celebrities.

Yeah, if you're Jamie Foxx, like Jamie Foxx is cool when he's around Kevin Hart because Kevin Hart is famous too.

Yeah.

Taking a photo.

Oh. So you know these people that are like super powerful world leaders. What's their peer group? Other super powerful world leaders. Then they mix in a bunch of scientists and a bunch of like very influential intellectual people that are interesting to hang out with.

Yeah.

And then you get a free trip to an island. You're partying and then they're telling you it's cool. We do this all the time. And you're like, okay.

All of a sudden you see.

And then you go to.

I bet there was a bunch of like, house.

He's got the Clinton picture up.

It's like.

Imagine if you're Clinton. You go to. Hey, man, what's the picture? What the is that all about?

I think there was some above age sex too. Where like, like and like. Wait, what's going on? That room. Like you're not cool 100.

Yeah, I'm sure there's a bunch of ladies. The whole thing is they're all married guys. You're all in trouble. You're all busted. Also, if you're a bunch of girls and you're supposed to be some guy who talks about physics. No, I don't want to listen to you about physics. I got video of your dick. Get out of here, you creep. You like pleasure? You like dick pleasure. Unlike me, I don't. I don't.

I don't want my.

So there's all these people that are a bunch of hypocrites that are judging a bunch of people that went to this island that you would have went to too, especially if you didn't know what the was going on. And you're some dork who teaches complex mathematics, Princeton.

And you're looking for some money. You're looking for a funding for this. They're like, hey, there's gonna be some rich guys there. Oh, there's kids here.

And Epstein would fund science. He funded a bunch of different science projects.

Damn.

You have well designed trap that would trap literally any human on earth.

Israelis know what they're doing, right, Ari?

Yeah, they do know what they're doing. That. Dude, that pager thing was.

That was diabolical.

Slick.

Great. It was.

You gotta appreciate that James Bond.

I mean, you had to go from like, they're gonna buy from this site.

It was the packages.

Who buys a pager?

Because everything was compromised. Because in today's day with Pegasus. The Israelis have Pegasus. They listen to any phone they want. They listen to your phone, my phone, anybody's phone they want to. Even when your phone is. Is off, they can listen to it.

Yikes.

These murderers would take their phone with them to bury a body, dumbass. Leave it at home.

Leave that phone at home. They can't help but check.

Tick tock. Yeah, but you don't want to watch.

Tick tock they're addicted to the reels.

But the P. Diddy. Why can't we get anything concrete? All we really have is the hotel hallway beat ass.

That one, that one is in the process.

At least I don't know it's going to be.

But hold on. He's in jail. There's a lot going on. There's a lot of lawsuits. That one is like we're going find out. Jamie Foxx just recently said that P. Diddy poisoned him and that's why he got that stroke.

I've heard that he talked about it on stage. He said it.

He said it got poison.

He said it.

He goes, I didn't have a heart attack because of the vaccine. It was Diddy shutting me up.

See if we can find that. Cuz he said it on stage.

Did.

He was poisoning people, bro. I think there was some crazy going.

On like Cosby like drugging did.

He wasn't even that big.

It was, there's, there's alleged murders, a bunch of people that got pneumonia, a bunch of convenient that died of pneumonia. Jamie Foxx addresses whether Diddy was responsible for 2023 hospitalization while filming Netflix special. Holy Jamie Fox special.

They not care about at all. Stand up.

Jamie Foxx is hilarious.

Audience members, oh, I see him at.

Clubs all the time working out his bits.

What does that share respect. The audience members had varying accounts of the comedian's words. Two of them claimed that Fox said Diddy was responsible for what happened to him. That he's the one who called the FBI on Diddy, who's currently in prison awaiting trial and sex trafficking charges. A source close to Diddy insisted to Daily Mail that there is no truth to Sean Combs putting Jamie Foxx in the hospital.

There's no chance it was a joke.

I mean, yeah, it was a joke. But jokes based on truth or not truth.

It is possible. That's Daily Mail. That's totally possible. But it's also possible he was explaining why he wind up going to hospital and he hasn't talked about it since. He never talked about it. Look at this big homie. Cc a celebrity security guard claimed in an interview with Cam Capone News last week that Fox was poisoned by Diddy. I know Combs poisoned Jamie Foxx and Jamie Foxx reported him to the FBI because of it. Jamie Foxx reported this man because to the FBI because of this. He claimed. So I've seen that video where that guy's talking about how Jamie. Jamie Foxx report is poisoned three times.

I think in it.

Oh, he said it as well.

He says, like, why do I have cyanide in my system?

Jesus Christ. Why do I have. That's a good. That's a legit question. Why do I have.

Jamie Foxx wipes away tears as he gives his artistic explanation of mystery illness.

I love tears in a comedy special.

What is that? Artistic explanation of mystery illness.

I know we're on a weird site and that's how. Want to clickbait. Oh, boy.

So I don't know if it's true. We won't know until we see the actual Jamie Foxx Netflix special, which Ari has bookmarked. He's ready to go.

Did you see the Rosie O'Donnell like, like a bunch of, like, stuff if we're talking about it.

She looks like Steve Bannon.

Her just making jokes over the years about Diddy and him going to jail and what he's doing wrong.

Really?

It was like. It was like Cosby was like.

Was joking about.

It was like we all. They all knew about it, but you can't quite talk about it.

Meanwhile, all these people. Europe.

That's right.

How wild is that? Like, Ellen just moved to England. Like, see it.

Well, better healthcare.

Is he talking about it?

Here, pull it up.

This is December 10th.

That's why I couldn't get a December date.

He's a tell.

What happened was. Wow. It's called what happened was.

Ooh, that's going to be a big one.

It might be like a one man show. Rather than stand up.

If they make a trip trailer like that. That's like, what happened. He's like, I got drugged by Puff Patty.

Right.

So funny. Yeah.

So I wake up and I'm sucking LeBron's dick. I don't know how I got here.

Another guy scared of China.

LeBron.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Although I we. I was talking with my friends earlier. I don't think LeBron. LeBron's one of the only famous guys that never got hit with a pedophile accusation.

He might have. Never child.

LeBron might. Crazy is that LeBron might. Might be the main.

Do you ever say fake reading Malcolm X's book does these interviews where he.

Shows up with a book. He's in the locker room, can't put this book down.

I defend him on that. We've all.

We've all done that.

I've read the first. We've all done that book on Earth.

Have stuff on our bookshelf.

I went over Callan's house once and he had something like Catcher in the Rye sitting on his coffee table. I go, you're not reading that. I go, you have that out there when girls come over. He goes, you're right. He goes, how did you know? I go, you scumbag. I go, that's, like, so awkward. Who would have thought?

It's also a serial killer book.

Karen was so nutty. When I first. When I first visited him, when I first started hanging out with him, he didn't have a lock on his door, and someone broke his doorknob off, and he left it off. And so, like, he didn't have anything. He had, like, clothes and a couple of books that he pretended to read. And a lady. A homeless lady walked into his apartment while he was sleeping and was cooking breakfast. And he goes downstairs. He smells something cooking. He goes downstairs as a homeless. Homeless lady in his kitchen cooking. She's like, you got it going on, honey. Look at all the stuff you got here. And. And he's like, you have to. You have to leave. Like, what? Like, Callum was wild.

Damn.

He didn't have a doorknob. His doorknob was broken up. There was a hole in the doorknob area where you could just push open the door. So he would just shut that door and go to sleep in Venice.

Damn.

You'Re gonna die.

He's got to be careful because squatters, they're hard to get rid of.

Well, back then, there was no squatters. There was none of that back then. I don't know when all that started happening, when people decided they could move into people's houses. But it wasn't a common thing back then.

They have laws. You can't get rid of those people.

I know. It's crazy. Especially.

He had, like, homeless people on his. On his, like, porch. He's like, whatever.

Oh, well, the homeless guy.

Yeah. And he goes, got. Whatever. Just don't be weird. But it's fine. And then he comes home, the chicken stabbed the dude. He goes, you guys gotta go. They go, no, no, we're cool. He goes, it's too much, you guys. You gotta go.

She had too much. He videotaped her blood on her hand, and she's stand staring in her hand. She goes, I'm a c. I'm a. I'm a c. I'm a. She was sounding like crazy.

She was like, no, you're just a c.

She was completely schizophrenic. These people were, like, camped out. Oh, Stan Open had a house in Venice that had the American flag painted on the side of the house. The whole House was the American flag.

That's fun.

It was hilarious. And we parted at his house multiple times.

Yeah.

And he was just such a silly boy. And he let these people just sleep in his. I'm you letting these people just sleep there. Do you know him? He goes, yeah, they're good friends.

Venice is. Venice is creepy. There's something weird about that area.

He loved it. It's perfect for Santa.

It is perfect for him.

He fit in, like, OJ's glove. It was perfect.

Is he still in Bisbee?

Yeah, he's the king of Bisbee. Why would he leave?

Didn't his house catch on fire or something?

Another one.

Oh, yeah.

You can live in a teepee out there. Never gets hot. Never gets cold.

Gets hot.

It doesn't get too cold.

All right, boys. Do it for America. Yeah. America versus Israel. Oh, that's the end of that. Israel's done. Not bad. Not bad.

Did you see Tony play drums on.

Stage with Jelly Roll?

Jelly Roll, that rules. He played simple, man. He played drums.

He killed, ruled.

He killed it. Jelly Roll's the man.

Good guy.

He's the man. He was out here the other day, hangs out at the club.

I so cool. I DM'd him like, hey, buddy, we've never, like, really hung out. We should, like, everybody I know likes you. Like, like, let's hang out. If you're in New York, come hang out. And he was like, yeah, dude, that's great. Here's my number. Text me. And he gave me a fake number.

No, you got jellied.

No, I was like, what complaint? That was an accident.

Rules.

He probably gave you an old number and he forgot because he was high.

Damn.

I doubt he did that.

I thought it was cool.

As I doubt, like, hey, man, it's all right.

Nothing. I'm like, well, nice.

Severely doubt.

Yeah, he wouldn't do that. But yeah. That is very.

That is very funny. Yeah.

I told do it to you.

Yeah.

The Kid Rock watch story last time, right?

That was great.

That was good. He gave us a fake watch and left. And he's like, I want you to have this fake diamond. Me and my friends fought about it for 20 minutes. I was like, oh, this is from Amazon. This is a five dollar watch. He wore it all night to trick us.

How crazy was the the Garden with all those guys?

It was crazy.

Kid Rock. Yeah. White.

It was nice.

Jon Jones bowing to Trump. It was like the gladiator bowing.

The pop. When Trump walked in, the building was like. You had to be there to understand. It was like, it always is a huge pop when he shows up every time. But this was like, triple that. It was a five minute standing ovation.

Five minutes.

Five minutes.

Wow. It is crazy. We've lost sight of, like, a president elect is coming in. This is awesome. We've just lost sight of, like, what that means President.

Definitely judge someone by how I experience them. And I like the guy. It's fun, but it's funny.

He on you and then you. He comes on. I like that.

You can still.

Basically, he barely.

Something kind of crazy, though. It's like, I wonder how loud I'm gonna get booed at the ufc. Like, out of all the places.

Maybe at the Mothership, but also.

Also Shane at Kiltoni msg, which is sitting on as Trump on Rogan. And then Rogue coming out. It was so funny watching from the sideline of they All Knew. And then you come up, the applause, and Shane's like, okay, that means he's here. I don't have to turn and just going, what a great guy.

Slowly, Trump would do.

Yes.

That was great.

Great guy. I always loved him.

There's nothing weirder than being a part of a presidential election.

It's real weird.

Weird.

Nothing weirder. Especially, like, Ari, you were here. The. You were in, like, episode three or some, you know, of this podcast. Imagine, like, this thing somehow or another affects that we used to do in my spare bedroom.

I was just talking to somebody at, like, an airport or something. Like, does he do that from his house? I'm like, no, he used to. And then he had enough porn stars on that go, you shouldn't be around my family.

I didn't want Andy Dick at my house. And then there was a few other people. I was like, we have to have a location. And then we did it at red bands for a little while, but that was too.

First one to get a studio.

Yeah.

Whoa. Fleshlight was in there.

Yeah.

I was like, I gotta get out of my house. I have young kids and I have too many weirdos coming over the house.

Yeah.

Like, I gotta.

Me alone. Shouldn't be a.

You were over there before the podcast, but it was like one of those things where I was like, okay, I think it's growing, so I probably like, let's accept it and move on. The next move is the ranch boys.

I can't wait.

Oh, I've been looking. I've been looking. We're gonna do something crazy.

Can't wait.

That we're gonna have a helicopter pad.

We're gonna have some guns and.

Oh, we're gonna have that. I'm gonna make a tactical range. We're like blown out cars and let's.

Blow up a cab.

I'm looking at locations.

They're trying to fight Russia. Let's hurry up.

I don't, I don't really think Putin's that stupid. I think he's gonna realize what's going on. And I think they're probably working this out. Alex Jones said that Trump is having secret meetings at Mar A Lago. At Mar A Lago. I hope it's true.

I hope it's true.

Trying to come up with some sort of a Mark. Zelensky tried to. Come on.

Whoa.

Yeah, they tried to get Zelensky on. I was like, what are you talking about?

When you get an offer for somebody, they must come at your bookers or whatever. Do you like, stop and like, hold on, let me think about this. Whether I want to be part of the story or not, whether it'll be interesting.

Well, I wanted to stay out of the presidential election ship.

Yeah, Gross.

Because I feel like I had to. I feel like this is so nuts. This is so nut. When that Tim Waltz guy, that guy's. It's so nuts. That guy was going to be the vice president. You're telling me, you tell, you tell me this whole thing's fake, then you're telling me you don't care if someone's a liar. You don't care if they lied about their military rank, where they served. You don't care if they lie about being an assistant. You don't care if they lie about T. Tiananmen Square. There's too many things. This is so crazy. You, you would get fired if you were an assistant manager at a oil changing company. You would get. You Jiffy Lube would fire.

So let me ask you a question, though. In two years from now, there's no more comma, there's no more Democrats for a while. We're deep into the next thing. Can all these people now make fun of the current president?

Yeah, they should be able to.

They should be able to.

They should be able to. You, you should always be able to make fun of people.

Yeah.

And if Trump does something stupid, we're going to be right here making fun of him.

Great.

It doesn't.

Yeah, he's the best chance to avoid World War Three.

Also, J.D. vance, Tulsi Gabbard, all these people. RFK Jr. All these people.

The anti war lady, Tulsi Gabbard going to Trump and the pro war guy, Dick Cheney going To the other way. That should kind of tell you what you need to know about international wars.

How about the fact that the left was, like, openly embracing the fact that Dick Cheney avoided. Comma. They weren't.

Get out of here.

Endorse Kamala. Rather. They weren't going, like, what?

That's like. No, endorsing you.

No one was standing back and said, this guy's responsible for, like, how many fucking people.

You ever see Vice, the movie about.

Yeah.

Kind of made me a fan.

About who?

It was supposed to make you not like him, really. Probably. I. Jamie, have I talked about this before? No, he was in the movie. There's a part where he's, like, a drunk piece of shit. Like, who?

Who?

Dick Cheney.

Oh.

He's doing, like, power. He's working on power lines and Wyoming or some. And he's. He's just getting in drunk bar fights. And then his wife lynch is like, are you going to be a loser your whole life?

Yeah.

And he's like the Howard Stern movie.

No, I won't. And then he conquers the world.

Right. And kills a million.

But is that.

Remember when he shot his friend, by the way, Dick Chain. No.

No offense.

I love you. You think you're great. Remember he shot his friend?

Yeah, he shot him in the face.

Friend apologized.

Baller.

Beast.

Yeah. Pretty crazy Beast.

That's right.

That's a. Of pop. Sorry, I. I was in the wrong place the wrong time. That's on me.

You shot me in the face. That's on me.

I. I should be aware that you're telling. You were drunk. You got a shotgun.

Jesus.

That's. That's Randy Marsh saying, I'm not against big toilet paper.

No, we love Dick Cheney.

Republicans buy sneakers, too.

What?

What?

Sneakers.

Sneakers. Real close.

That was close.

That was real close. Satellite got Snickers sneakers.

We need something else.

Sneaker, please.

Mix it up. What's another good patriotic song?

Hold on, hold on.

Oh.

Oh, the Hulk Hogan America song.

That's actually great.

That's a good one.

Let's go with that one.

Is that. Yeah.

No, it's not a. Yeah, but it's great. It's. It's probably the number one song.

How crazy is it? They had Hulk Hogan rip his shirt off at a political rally, and how.

Could you not be behind it?

It's Wacky Ties.

Damn. This does hit.

My childhood.

Simone's getting hard.

Damn, he's brown.

He's getting his. Look how brown he was. Is that brown face.

That was me as a mascot.

Who sang this? Who Sang this him? No, this Hulk?