Transcript of #2229 - Jeff Dye

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I used to have a dog that had terrible. I mean, I don't know how to. I'm always traveling. And also, like, I'm not real good with discipline of, like, someone else, you know, Like, I don't know how to train a dog. So I just let him do anything. So I think it was hilarious. He'd be like, chewing on something, like, check that out. They're like, he shouldn't do that. I was like, eh, fuck it. Let him, like. I just liked the idea that he was wild. It made me happy.

It's very bad, though, if, you know, your dog bites somebody.

Oh, he's always just humping stuff. And like, he was a Ridgeback.

Oh, Rhodesian Ridgeback. Yeah. Oh.

But in my mind, I'm like, well, why do I want to rain tyranny on this dog and be like, he needs to sit. He needs. I kind of liked it. He was like, this little psycho that.

Would hump things, and that's fun, but you got to be able to control them.

Yeah, I know. I couldn't. Yeah.

How old were you back then?

I was young, like 31 or something at the time. It was, like, young. Not that young to me, dude. I didn't become an adult for a while.

For, like, six months ago.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, about four years, I think. No, but that dog, I would open the door, he would just dart, and I was like, yeah, this dog is unhinged.

I let him. Liked it.

Yeah, I liked it.

Yeah. I've had some crazy dogs, but it's like, you got to train them. They have to listen to you. Well, when I had a lot of pit bulls when I was.

Oh, nice.

You have. They have to listen.

You look like a pit bull.

They have to have, like. They have to have a sense that you're the boss. You have to be kind and sweet. You love them, but you're the boss. Like, you have to train them. I train my dog diligently. It's like, treat, sit, stay, line up. Make them stay for five minutes and then give them a big treat and hug them and kiss them. You got to, like, make sure they fucking listen.

Well, that was the problem, is that I would literally, like, he would be doing something, and I'd be like, he doesn't respect me. And I would think, like, it was just. It was. That's as simple as it was. My dog, he saw me as, like, a cool guy. He didn't respect you.

He was your friend.

Yeah, exactly. So, like, I would leave him with his dog trainer in Sherman Oaks, and the dog trainer would send me videos, and he'd be like, look. And I would. I would think, look at me, my money's going to good. Look at what my dog's doing. He's doing a little turn. And. But it's because he respected that guy. And so then he would come back to my house, he'd just piss on the couch while he's laying there. And I'm going, wait, what was all that stuff he learned? He goes, my dog's looking at me going, not for you.

Yeah. You're my friend.

Yeah, you're the cool guy. You're my fucking roommate, bro.

We were buds. We're both dogs.

Which is a metaphor for my life, too. Like, I was the fun piss on the couch guy. But at some point, you got to grow up and be disciplined.

You really do. Yeah. And you don't have as much fun, but you've the fun that you have, you appreciate.

Oh, for sure.

Yeah. Because it's like, it's not out of control.

Yeah.

My dog that I have now is the first dog that I've ever had that was so easy to train. Is like, I didn't even train them.

And it's a golden. Aren't they kind of dumb?

Dog's very smart.

What's the dumb breed?

They're just sweet. They're sweet so people think they're dumb. But he understands words like, I'll say, not that door, dude. Let's go in the side door. And he turns around and goes towards the side door. Like he's. He gets it. Like, he's a fucking smart dog. But training him was like that really. Oh, my God. First of all, goldens have no resistance. They don't want to fight. They don't want to. They never growl at people. They never. If they bark, if they see something weird, they never bark at people. Like, they're just the sweetest dogs. They just want you to be their friend. So, like, teach them to sit was, like, real easy. It was like, sit. I push his butt down. And then I give him a little treat. And then. And then I'd say, sit. He just sit down.

Love it.

I give him a treat.

Yeah.

And then next day, it was like, sid. He sat, pat him on the head, give him a kiss.

He.

Now he just listens.

Which is also the metaphor for. For humans, we like to have a little approval. Like, it's less than. It's less of the treat and the pat on the head. I made dad happy.

Yeah. They're the most like people, those dogs. They're the most.

Like, what's the dumb breed? Because I don't want to keep doing this.

There's a lot of.

Sometimes I'll see like, a Dalmatian, and then I'll ask that one.

Poor little Carl. Carl was. Carl's not the brightest, but his brains, the size of my thumb. It's not a big head.

They're cute, though. That's the thing.

Love the shit out of that dog. Yeah, he's so jacked, too. Look how jacked is. Little muscles.

He's in constant shape.

Well, him and Marshall, they go to war. Like, he just. When. When Marshall's here. Like, Carl gets so tired from playing with my dog because my dog doesn't fight back, so he just totally takes advantage of it. Just throws himself at him like a torpedo. But when it's over, he, like, can't breathe.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because he was bred to not.

No nasal cavity. It's like.

It is a weird dog that used.

To be a wolf.

They look like aliens, but so weird.

That humans turned a wolf into that thing.

I think it's our best invention.

It's a pretty cool job. Like, not saying it's an ethical thing or smart. I mean, it's kind of like, you know, if you knew what you were doing to a wolf, it's kind of up. But.

But he doesn't need to survive. That thing's. Yeah, he's got jam. He's got us. He's in the safest place in America right now.

Like, when you see those ladies that carry him around, them little purses. Got a dog carrying around with their purse. That's like, they used to be a wolf.

That's wild.

They try to do that to us.

What? I know that's the problem. Just keep your dogs. Don't change me.

They want to do it to everybody. If Kamala won, we would have been one step closer to poodles. Yeah.

Every day, I was getting closer. That's why I'm single, too. Just trying to hold on to any freedom. I got it.

You got to find someone that you jive with that gets you. And that's what's hard. It's like, people want to change People. Girls look at guys. They look at some guys like a project. Like, I know he doesn't want to settle down. I know he doesn't want this, but if I could just get him to start changing the way he dresses I know. And then I get him to do things. Open the car door for me. Like, my hands don't work.

I know. I'm still. I'm the Ridgeback. We were just talking about where I'm going. Just let me be wild. Let me, like, you know, like, I'll spend, like, 24 hours with a woman, and I just enjoy every second of it. I enjoy every, like, all the affection, the door opening. I enjoy these kind of things, you know, taking care of someone's. Showing them how.

Open up the car door.

Yeah, I'll do that. Yeah, I like that. But I'll show them my life, you know, hey, these are my comedy buddies and watch me go kill on stage. And, oh, I got this. I'll pay for everything. And about, like, out of 24 hours of my brain, I'm like, I gotta get out of this. Like, how? Like, how do I reopen dosing?

Maybe it's like binge drinking.

Yeah, man.

You know, if you have a glass of wine with dinner, you don't feel like. Like, oh, get that wine away from me. Drink like Burt Kreischer. You drink boxes of wine. Bert would get on the treadmill. Box of wine on the treadmill.

Burt suffers from the same disease Patrice had. He doesn't know how. Like, he's so this one of a kind person that everything he says and all the advice he tries to give. Don't work for anyone else, because it's one of a kind. So he'll say, here's what you gotta do, and you go, that doesn't apply to me. Do you know what I'm saying? We can't be on a treadmill, drinking a box of wine and then go to a show for 200 grand. We're different people.

He can keep going. I've never seen anyone like him. He's a freak athlete, believe it or not. I believe that Tom Segura played him in a game of tennis, and Tom got a tennis coach. They had this, like, this big tennis match. They even did it on, like, one of those. Your mom's house live screens, you know, like, they made a big deal out of it. Big tennis match. Bert destroyed him.

Oh, yeah.

Drunk.

Makes total sense.

Giant belly, serves like a pro. He said he literally serves like a fucking Division 1 college player.

I didn't know that about him. That's pretty impressive.

He goes, what the fuck?

Yeah, he goes.

His serve is insane.

That makes total sense. I mean, I'm not. Yeah. I'm like, somewhat surprised.

Daily type.

Yeah. Just got it.

Yeah. It just knows how to do. He's also got this bizarre confidence.

Yeah.

That allows him to not have anxiety about trying new things.

Great for this business. Oh, yeah.

Just dives in, takes his shirt off.

Look at me. Well, I just think it, like, because early he went on something where he was gone. If you. If someone tells you to quit drinking, don't stop drinking. Tell them to shut up. Drinking is the best thing. I go, jesus Christ. You know how many alcoholics are hearing this right now, Bert? Like, some people should quit, some people shouldn't. I get what he's trying to do. I get the point that he was trying to do.

But in my mind, smash. Like this.

Boom. Oh, that was beautiful.

What is he doing there? He hit it over the fence.

Yeah, but the form of that was beautiful.

What did he do here? Oh, he did ace him.

Tom's flustered.

Yeah, he's really good.

Tom's just happy he didn't snap his leg here.

Yeah, look how. Look at that fucking serve, bro. It's got a curve to it, too.

Oh, that's great. Also, Bert looks fit here.

Well, it's the outfit that's for him. For him. He's fit. You know, he loses weight. He gets way down. Then he binges up again. He gets crazy again. He lost, like, £60 and got real fit. Didn't drink for like, three months.

Yeah.

And then he just goes crazy again.

Yeah. Has a good time. I love him, though. But I was just saying, like, the advice thing, like, did you ever work with Patrice or know him? Good. Yeah, one time I'm in New York. This is the late, great Patrice O'Neal. I'm going through a thing with a girl at the time. And, you know, people ask you how you're doing, and if you're sad, I'm a pretty honest guy. I just go, you know, this. My girlfriend's driving me crazy. She's back at, you know, the apartment, and when I was in New York, she's back. It's just stressing me out. I need to get on stage, have a good time, have some drinks. I need to, like, just whatever. He goes, here's what you do, man. You're a good looking guy. And I was like, yeah, I'm thinking I'm gonna get advice from Patrice. You know, this would be great. He goes, you're a good looking guy, man.

Bring another girl home, right? Is that what he said?

He, like, goes, I seen the way these girls look at you around there. You find one of these bitches, you have a good Time. Don't worry about what's back at the apartment. Then when the time comes, bring her back. Bring her back to your apartment and say, yo, this is me. This is. You know, you gotta deal with this shit. And if you ain't. And I was like, patrice, Patrice, you're my hero. I love you. Terrible advice.

Terrible.

You're gonna get me murdered.

You're gonna get murdered also.

That's just not the type of women I hang out with. They're not gonna be fine with that. Yeah.

That's a very specific type of woman. I could already probably gonna murder you.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Times ticking on that. Exactly.

So I just read of mine that said that he was gonna. He talked my girlfriend into doing a threesome. And if I had the same exact feeling of someone saying to me, hey, I started making my own bombs. Right?

You go, don't do the track. Yeah, exactly. But I think that that's what you should think when you hear your hero tell you anything. Just. Just. Just know their lives are different than yours.

Yeah. There's some certain one of a kind people that you just gotta say, like, not everybody can do that.

Yeah.

Like, Bert went and got a liver screen and cancer. He's fine. Yeah, he's fine.

He can do it.

He's fine.

He is a machine.

He goes and gets his health checked, and his health is fine.

He's 50 years old. Yeah.

He's still going hard. How old is Bert now? He's got to be deep into his.

40S, but Bert will be like, don't quit drinking. Have a good time. And then some guys, like, I'm hitting my wife again, dude. This booze is.

He was probably drunk when he said that. You know, like, you probably got that. Probably took some time off and then had a drink, start feeling good. I want to tweet some advice.

Yeah, it was one of those things because I love him. And some people. A lot of the comments were like, oh, another comedian not understanding another comedian. I was just. I was like, no, it's not that I love Bert. If you knew our relationship, you'd get it. Like, I. Where we're good. Just want people to know, if you do have a problem, it's okay to quit. You know, you don't have.

Especially you as a person who quits.

Yeah. I was just saying, hey, you know, this is a sensitive subject for some people.

It is, because, look, I have certain friends that have recovered from alcoholism, and this one buddy that I had that used to drink, he would drink and then his eyes would Glaze over like a shark's.

Yeah.

Like, the pupils would be gone and he wasn't there anymore. I go, bob's gone now, this fucking drunk Bob. Drunk Bob. Totally different human being.

Yeah, for sure.

He would blackout all the time, not remember things like, you don't remember what you did. Like, he didn't remember anything.

I was that guy. I would be fun, fun, fun till it wasn't fun.

Dude, I think it's a genetic thing. Yeah, I mean, I am guessing, but I've never had that.

Yeah.

So I've got to assume that it's a genetic. I've gotten fucked up before, right? I've gotten really drunk. I've never, like, I need to get drunk. I've never been like, I need to get drunk. But I have friends that I have one gear. So there's a thing.

Yeah, one gear.

One year.

If we're going to smoke weed, I smoke all the weed. And you know what I'm saying? If.

If I coke, you're going to Tijuana, right?

Yeah, I become king coke guy, you know? Why do one Viagra when I can do six Viagras, you know, Like, I just don't have. And. And that's why also, like, it works to my benefit, you know, the first time I said I'm going to do standup, I never stopped. Like, I was up there, I was obsessed.

Did you ever get hit in the head real hard?

Yeah, I played a lot of, like, sports growing up. So, yeah, I got hit. I've had two really serious concussions where I went to the hospital. Yeah, you think that's it?

Yes.

Oh, interesting. I had two big ones.

I mean, I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, but I do know that that is one of the side effects of brain injury, is that you lose impulse control.

Interesting. Yeah. I've got no governor, which works good, you know, it works good for some things. Like, you know, like I said, when I'm hanging out with a girl, like, I'm best boyfriend ever, I'm king, you know, But. And then it's got to be extremely not right. You know, there's kind of these extremes.

Yeah. You gotta get to know someone. If you're diving in with someone for 24 hours, 48 hours, and you just met them, like, the chances of you guys jiving perfectly are not that good. It's like not even 50, 50. If you get lucky, you find the girl of your dreams and then, hey, we've been together. We hung out together for two days in a row. And Then, fuck, we were married six months later and we live happily ever after. That's real. I've met people like that. It can happen. But generally, first of all, when you meet someone, you barely meeting them, you're meeting the thing that they put on when they want someone to like them.

It's performative. A little. For sure.

I always say to young guys, try to become the person you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid.

Wait, say it again. Try to be.

Become the person that you're pretending to be when you're trying to get laid.

I like that.

Just be that person and you never have to pretend.

I love that. I believe that outside of the idea of relationships. So, like, I always say, like. And I probably heard this somewhere, I read it somewhere. But like, the idea of, like, you can be like, your heroes.

Yes.

You know, like, what do you like about the person you say you like?

Right.

They're kind. Okay. So just be kind. That's what people like, you know? Oh, I like that guy. Because he's down to earth.

Yes.

So then you should try to be down to earth. You know, it's very. So you just. You should be like the people, you know. And you can also have anti heroes. Me and my parents have a very tumultuous relationship, and so that's a positive for me because I'm going, I don't want to be like that.

Yes.

Or that quality. I don't want to be like.

And for me, it was always lazy people. I had, like, a severe disdain for lazy people. Like, aggressive disdain. I'd be angry at people if they're lazy. When I was a young man, because I was so scared of being lazy, I was so scared of being a loser that I. If I saw any laziness in people, I'd get angry.

Which is weird because you love pot.

Yeah.

But that a lot of pot guys are just. They're happy with their laziness. Yeah.

It's not me, man.

I know. You're the opposite. You're, like, the most productive pothead I've ever known.

It's not a. To me, it doesn't slow me down. It makes me think more. And when I think more, I think about all the shit I need to get done. I think about, like, how I'll feel if I don't accomplish what I want to accomplish. Like, if I don't put in the work. Yeah. I start freaking out.

What's your exact strand? Because that's the one everyone needs.

Whatever the strand is, you're Doing like sativas over indicas. But I don't like to get super duper high. I just. I know it's like drunk. It's like I like two drinks. Two drinks and I go on stage. I'm the life of the party.

We're all friends.

Come on, what's up? Four drinks and I'm like, what did I just talk about five minutes ago? Make sure I don't repeat my jokes, you know, make sure I don't bring up something that I'm not sure where it goes yet. You know, I didn't look at my stage. Like, I can't. Four drinks is too much.

Or you go, I'll scrap these first four parts of the bit and just do this joke. And you're like, why'd you scrap those? I was drunk. I just jumped right to that part.

Pop makes me really consider all the things I'm not doing. It makes me call friends and check in on them.

Love.

That makes. Yeah, it makes me, like, way more like kind and compassionate and friendly. I want to hug people.

Mushrooms does that for me.

Same thing. Yeah, yeah.

That one was like a life changing thing for me.

Yeah.

Because I was like, I don't know. I'm trying to explain something scientific that I don't know nothing about. But if I had to describe how it felt, it felt like it connected things for me where I was like, oh, I need to be a little bit more. I need to work on this, or I need to check in with so and so, or I need to let go of that. And that was all because of. I kind of came back a different guy after Mushrooms.

Well, I think one of the primary things that it does is it dissolves your ego. And the ego, I think, is a giant cage that we all live in. And you can kind of see the world from outside the cage. But the ego is there protecting you from reality. Sometimes the ego is there protecting you from your understanding of your own mistakes, which we all have. And some people bullshit themselves, but they keep it in the back of their head. The ego is what's doing all that for you. And it's doing that as like this little shield, this little cage that you put in that allows you to move through the world. And mushrooms just takes that down. And then you just get to see the world for what it really is and see you for where you really are. And then see, like, some of the behaviors that you always regret about yourself. Why am I doing that? Like, what is that? And then you can kind of see the Roots of it all or. And then you see the cause and effect of interactions with people. I remember one time I had a psychedelic experience and I was closing my eyes and I saw positive thoughts as a different pattern.

Like, I had a negative thought and the pattern turned, like, dark. And then I had a positive thought. Like, oh, no, don't think negative. Anyway, like, flowered open. Love these beautiful patterns. And then it was like the thing like the mushroom was telling me, that's the way to go.

Right. That's the way to go. That perception.

You can lean into negativity if you want to. You want to be a cunt.

I love that.

There's plenty of cunts out there.

Yeah.

But there's people out there that are doing that. They're filled with anxiety. It's wrecking their life.

Dude.

Just.

Nice people love being wronged.

Yeah.

It's such a treat for them to hold on to their wrong. How the things they've been wronged in the. And so, like, that's such a great way to describe that because really, the. My failures and my flaws and the things I want to work on and all that stuff are the connection. Like, that's when, like when I was able to go, man, I think I really have a problem here and I need. I need some help. People were excited to help me.

Right.

Because it gave them a chance to help and serve and connect. And so as opposed to me thinking I needed to pretend I didn't have a problem or they wouldn't be my friends, it made them so much better. Friends knowing, like, oh, we can help them. So. And that's just. I keep using sobriety as an example, but just in general, the connection is.

That, you know, connections, everything. Like, real connection with people is everything. And you gotta have good people around you. Like this whole idea of being nice. Me, cool. Some people can't be nice. They're surrounded by assholes. They're surrounded by people that are with them and taking from them and ruining their life and interjecting in their life. And they're just like, oh, they have to stand up for themselves for sure. But you've got to at least aspire to get into a better situation in life and surround yourself somehow. There's a way. I've done it. You've done it. Surround yourself with nice people.

100.

It can be done.

Yeah, it can be done. Find a group, find a friend, find a church, Find a.

And also whatever that person so that you attract those people again, like, try figure it out.

I was describing my buddy Chris, the other day, like. Like what I think the problem is with kind of like Modern Times. I know that's kind of vague, but it's like, I see. I've always seen my life as like I got dealt a card of hands. You know, some of those cards real good and some of the cards not good. But that's the hand I was dealt.

Right.

We've all been dealt some hand of cards. A lot of people bad ones, some people really good ones that we've just been dealt in. And I thought to myself, how can I play these cards? I didn't start bitching about the rules of poker like I did. I didn't start going, hey, dealer, maybe we should change the whole board. Like, no, I just. All I can do is play my hand. And I think that that's kind of how I'm viewing Modern Times, where people would rather complain about the rules of poker instead of just playing their hands the best way they could.

Well, it's outcasts for the first time, get collectively as a group and then act like bullies. So they act like people have acted to them like the most. You know, it's that old expression, hurt people, hurt people. Right. So the nastiest, meanest people online I find, other than like white radical white supremacists, Nazis and shit.

What?

Just you're talking about social issues. The meanest people with the left wing.

People, for whatever reason, especially now.

And this is not to say there's not some cunts out there that are right wing people. There's a ton of them. Yeah, but I just. It's commonplace for people who consider themselves good kind people to say things like punch a Nazi.

Right.

And then they get to define what a Nazi is and has nothing to do with a swastika. Nothing to do with hating Jews. You know, you just be voted Republican. Oh, you're a fascist.

Right.

Okay, you tell me, first of all, what does that mean? Yeah, you tell me what that means. Tell me what that word. Define that word. You throw that word around so often. Yeah, and there's a word that there's a lot of. There's a lot of definitions of that word right wing, you know, authoritarian government, all that stuff. But also like forcing people to behave and think in a certain way.

That's what they hate about religion.

Yeah.

And it's a claim they hate religion because religious people tell them what to think and do. And then they do a religious act of being like a liberal going, if you don't think like me, you must be bad Racism's their devil. And it's okay to hate the devil, and so they try to hate it.

Do you know who Marc Andreessen is? He's a brilliant venture capitalist, like, super genius guy and been on my podcast a couple times. He broke the whole woke thing down as a religion and like, it is explained how you can get excommunicated and cast out and that's. And people are fearful of that, so they stay inside the lines.

Yeah.

There's a doctrine they all follow.

They're using race because guess what? Who would want to be friends with the racism?

It's also gender. It's also like stupid shit. Like, you could be non binary. If you're a white man, you got nowhere to go. Hey, I can't be. I can't even be like, right. Fucked with like nothing. No one's discriminating against me. You can become non binary. Oh, great.

You can still fuck girls 100%.

You just have to say you're they them.

Well, for like, in my, like, even for what I've like, in my observation, like, the left used to be really like the cool, the progressive side, the nice side, the good side. Whereas to now like, I'm like, listen to yourselves. You don't like rich people, right? You're mad at everyone wealthy. You're mad at the super wealthy. You hate gym bros. You hate frat guys. You hate straight white guys. You hate boomers. You're mad at your grandparents. You seem to not like a lot of people.

Yeah. For being the most obsessed, generalized, just completely generalizing.

Right. Also, where's our empathy? I think if I ever met like a crazy right wing, which I never have met any of these Nazis they're talking about, but if I did meet one, I believe that I could have some empathy for them and some sympathy and go, they're just dumb.

Yeah.

They're not evil.

They're just dumb.

They can be like, convinced otherwise.

They're also. They're also programmed, right? It's generally they're programmed by the people around them.

Yeah, but where's our anthropy? I watched this documentary on Netflix. It was about like the kkk. And the woman who made the documentary was like a kind of a cute Muslim girl, and she like interviewed actual white nationalists and KKK members and she brings them into this thing. And what I learned from that documentary, what I got from it was that like, oh, they don't even really believe this. They just wanted a group. They wanted a daddy. They wanted someone to like, they thought to themselves, I can hate black people. I mean, if they're over there, I don't ever have to confront one and I don't ever have to be. And when we will meet a black guy, they'll go, well, not you. We're talking about the idea. They're not even talking about that actual person. And the girl in the documentary goes, well, you know that you let me in and you've been very nice to me, and I'm a Muslim woman. And the guy's like, well, not you we're talking about. Yeah. So it's because they just wanted a group like you, Right? They just wanted a group. Like black gang members or Hispanic Ms. 19.

Whatever these groups are. Whatever your little lesbian group is, Whatever.

Your baseball team is league.

They've needed a group and their group was like, I can hate some people I've never seen before.

Yeah. And that's why it's so dangerous. Like, groups, like, where they can get entrapped. Because the. The Governor Whitmer case. Do you know that case? These guys conspired to kidnap the governor of Michigan. Michigan. Yeah. And there's 14 people involved. 12 of them were FBI informants.

Oh, yeah. I mean, he got these two dudes.

That just wanted to be in a group.

Yeah, that's it.

Two guys, hey, man, we're gonna kidnap you. We're gonna take over the government.

That's hilarious. Yeah, they just wanted some.

Yeah, Red Rider.

I'm in.

I'm in.

What time?

Probably had a name for their gang. They were cool. They're called. They had a group chat. Probably felt real cool.

Yeah, we're doing it.

We're gonna make some change. We're getting a duct tape.

Vigilantes. Yeah.

Meanwhile, these two guys thought they were cosplaying, and then they got arrested. Like, I know.

I didn't really plan on doing it. I know.

It wasn't even my idea.

It's tricky. Another problem I've noticed, too, like, along these lines is like, let's say we're in a group. Let's say we have some group, and then we find out one of the guys in our group did a bad thing. But we got. We gotta pay our bills, right? We got a group. And also, we do. We do have kind of camaraderie. So a bad thing groups like to do is cover up for that person, right? So, like, it's not like every Catholic priest. I've heard all your terrible bits at the comedy clubs about the Catholic priests from every comic. I know. It's not like all the ones were fine with sexually molesting children. It's just that there were a lot that did, and the church thought, this is not gonna look good for us. Let's cover this up. It happens in the military. Sometimes there's some bad guys in the military, and instead of, like, they don't want people to think if you send your daughters to the military, bad things are gonna happen. So they kind of internally deal with it, you know? And that's a bad thing that groups do is that even our own government goes, all right, let's find a way to cover that up instead of dealing with this.

Because if we just deal with it, it's gonna reflect poorly on the group.

What are we gonna do with this Epstein client list? Is it really helping the world? Does Mr. Gates need this kind of attention? Exactly. He's out there trying to cure polio. Leave him alone.

Exactly. So you start to think, let's protect the group.

Right.

And we do it in all these ways. I think that that's happened with the LGBTQ plus, whatever. I think a lot of gay people are waking up and going, why did we let the trans people in this group? They're making us look terrible.

Well, lesbians are having a real problem with it because there's a lot of trans men who identify as lesbian. Yes. Are trans women. They say they're a lesbian, and they get on lesbian apps, and these girls are like, I'm looking for a vagina.

100%.

What a dick.

And now they're waking up going, maybe this. Maybe the trans struggle was different than the gay struggle. But we've let them in the group, and now.

Well, a lot of gay guys think that the movement is homophobic because you're telling a young gay guy, no, you're a woman. You're actually a woman. Well, it's one of those things that you got to say, some people. It must be true, because it's always been a thing, like, to have real gender dysphoria, to be in your mind, feel like a woman has always been a thing, even if you're a guy. There's more effeminate women that feel like women. So it's like, that's real. But also when you encourage that and you reward people socially for that. And then you have pride day at kindergarten, and you're talking about, like, sexual orientation to people that are nowhere near puberty, which is really crazy. And then you start, like, having people that become trans all of a sudden. They're amazing.

Yeah.

Where they were just really mediocre. Before, like Bruce Jenner. Like, he was the goof of the Kardashian show. First of all, it makes no sense. No one's accomplished shit. This motherfucker was on the COVID of Weedy Star. He was a star. He was a fucking gold medalist in the decathlon, the goddamn Olympics.

He was a national hero.

He was a stud.

Yeah.

And meanwhile, he's on this show with these influencers and he's just getting nothing.

Right.

He's just mocked.

He's like, I could be a pretty girl.

Openly mocked. He becomes a woman. He's woman of the year in six months. In six months, he took over the game.

He's like, he's a winner.

It's like a Chinese autistic kid coming into your math class and up the curve.

How do they get what's going on here? This guy's a J.

He's got a 287IQ. This is not fair. He just came in and took over Superwoman. He's. Everyone loved him until he started saying he was voting for Trump.

Yeah. Now they hate him, which was hilarious.

Like, people are saying it's okay to misgender her. This person. Call him Caitlin. Call her Caitlyn, whatever. Doesn't seem to care.

Right?

Like, is fined with you dead naming her. What are. Like, this is who she is now.

Right?

She's comfortable in her own skin. 60 years old, out of the closet, the whole deal. Yay. But people are. I saw this thing online where someone was saying it's okay to misgender Caitlyn Jenner because she voted for Trump. So, okay, so transphobia is okay. If someone differs with you politically, it's crazy. Like, what are you doing? I'm not being compassionate. You're not being kind. All these things that you said is only with total compliance are you willing to give people this grace. You must have total compliance to our ideology or you're cast out of the kingdom.

It's a leverage of power.

Even if you're a trans woman, which is like at the top of the oppression list, they're above regular cannabis or black people, poor Mexicans, like poor immigrants.

Trans people's attack, they're attacking their own. They're like literally like cannibalists just going like this one. But it didn't fall in line.

Didn't fall. Throw them out.

Yeah, that's the worst. I also think it's like just a big over correction. I think. I think humans are like guilty of always over correcting. So it's like we were racist. Historically, I could go on about that for hours. But, like, let's say that's the idea that we're agreeing with, that historically, America was racist. So now the overcorrection is. Anything that is racist must be. Don't ever even accuse a person of color of something wrong, because we have to so overcorrect. And we have to say how many black friends we have and say how cool black things are. And don't say that their hair is different, because that would be a racist thing. Or, oh, we used to be homophobic. So now if a guy sucks a dick, let's give him a parade.

Let's put him in the White House, celebrate hell.

Exactly.

Let's give him the charge of. It's like the fucking guy in the dress who's in charge of nuclear energy.

Just let him suck.

Stealing women's clothes.

Yeah, just let him suck dick. We didn't need them to be in power.

Not exceptional. Just because they wear a dress.

Right.

That's crazy. That's a nutty person.

You're not virtuous because, like. And that's. And, like, I think that there's a big difference between just letting someone live their life and not. And being kind to them in society and not treating them different. I'm giving them all the same rights as opposed to celebrating it.

I think you're absolutely right. It's just an extreme overcorrection. What we need to do is just let people be themselves.

Right.

And figure out who that is. But what is weird is when it becomes encouraged. And so then you get, like. With girls in particular, they're very vulnerable. Abigail Schreier wrote a book about this, about how many girls that are on the spectrum get convinced that they're trans. And then the problem is there's some states that allow you. I think if you're 15, you can go and get puberty blockers, or at the very least, you can get testosterone. I know you can do that. Do you know that, like, Planned Parenthood is, like, the number one prescriber of testosterone? See if that's true. But I think Planned Parenthood prescribes more testosterone than anybody, which is really crazy. If that's true, that's wild, because I think in some places they help people with gender transition. So. And if you're a girl in some states, you don't even have to be an adult. You can go to them, and you don't have the permission of your parents. And if you. I don't know who you have to consult with or what you have to do. But I've heard it's alarmingly easy. And then now you're on testosterone. And one of the things that testosterone does is it alleviates anxiety, makes you feel stronger, you feel like, more alert, you're more alive.

Like this. This is what I was missing. I was missing testosterone. No, you weren't. No, you weren't. That's not a natural part of your body. You just added something. And now you feel way different. But now you're gonna change your voice. And if you grow out of this, and if this is just a face, well, now you've fucked up your life and you can't ever have children, right? And there's a bunch of those ladies out there, the detransitioners. They're stuck with deep voices for their whole lives. They're stuck with masculine features. They've cut their breasts off.

And I got in trouble for posting adults. I got in trouble for posting this.

Is that true about planned paranoid? I don't want to get sued.

Have you been sued? Anybody ever said?

I did read it in a. I.

See one article, but I don't know if this is legit.

What does it say?

Oh, it says that, but I'm trying to find out. I don't know what. It's the Dallas Express. It doesn't seem like that's the number.

One newspaper on the universe. Everyone's reading Express Plan parent among largest suppliers of testosterone.

Right there.

Let's see what the numbers are. Do they say numbers?

I didn't even go 800 visits per year to more than 2500.

Expression, gender affirming. Care freaks me out, man.

I got in trouble for posting this. I said, if genitals don't define gender, how does removing them affirm it?

Ooh, that's fucking. That's. Touche.

What are we doing? Like, if you said, like, I don't need to have a vagina to be a woman, then why do I need to remove my penis to be a woman?

Whoa, back that up again. The number of gender affirming hormone therapy visits to Planned Parenthood tripled between 2021 and 2023, growing from 800 visits per year to more than 2,500. That's crazy. That shows you that it's a social contagion. And that's Abigail Schreier's position on it. And it's a very compassionate, kind position. And it's about the future of children and them making decisions when they're very impressionable. And boy, did people attack her. They removed it from bookstores. They called her transphobic just for literally talking about facts and statistics. And the numbers have increased and the psychological effect, like, what's going on with them psychologically? Like, why are they being led? Who are these. What is the. What. What is the actual odds that nine friends all become trans? What are the odds that it's almost zero?

Preposterous. It's preposterous. Absolutely. Yeah, it's.

But then again, it is also a real thing. Like, there's always been people that have felt like they should have been a woman. And if you're a grown adult and you want to make that decision. Yeah. You do whatever you want to do.

Yeah.

I've met trans people that say they are very happy with what they've done.

Yeah, that's great, I guess.

But you got to know what the fuck that is. And when you're 13, you don't.

Yeah, I don't know if I'd encourage it, even in an adult. I know that the correct statement for me right now would be like, just leave our kids alone. But I think that maybe I don't even want to encourage adults. We just got to pursue your own things, and I think that's beautiful, and I think that's what our country is about. But in my mind, find a dude.

Who doesn't care about the dick.

Yeah, exactly.

If you're a trans woman, find a dude who actually. Find Jim North.

Oh, yeah, exactly. You can find a Jim Norton. You could have gotten a celebrity.

Yeah, I mean, that's what happened with Jim.

Yeah.

He's got a trans woman for a wife. He's happy. Talks about the dick.

You know, Jim Norton thing is that, like, you know, he's with these tough crowd guys. He's with all my heroes. I looked up to Jim Norton my whole life. I love Jim Norton. I'm a fan. And then they go, you know, he's married to a trans woman. And I was like, the fuck? And everyone's like, oh, you, Jeff, and your trans thing. I was like, no, if I know Jim Norton, he wouldn't have got married. That's really what I was shocked about. The institution of marriage he believes in. That's ridiculous.

This Jim Norton, that's the overcorrection you want to show. This is really your wife. You're gonna marry her.

Right.

Whereas all the girlfriends, all the girls with their little stinky vaginas. Get out of here. Telling anyone you can't take my last name. Fuck off. I'm waiting for a dick.

Yeah, it's Very crazy, man.

That's the overcorrection.

But you wouldn't encourage someone. And I know that I'm gonna take some hits for this, but you wouldn't encourage someone who believed that they were. That their body was fat if it wasn't healthily, you know, like with an eating disorder. And they said.

Joe Carlson said that you don't say, oh, you are fat.

Yeah, Joe.

Joe.

But I believe I should be. And you go, you're dying, dude.

Right. Or it's. No, what he said it about was anorexics. Like, you would never tell an anorexic, oh, you are fat.

And that's real.

Right.

People are really out there believing they look in a mirror, they're a skeleton, but they look in the mirror and they go, I'm gross. I'm fat.

Exactly.

You wouldn't encourage it.

You would never encourage that there's something wrong.

Correct. You would treat it.

I think the other problem is that the whole way they do it, you can't orgasm ever again. Okay. And you don't really have a vagina. You have this hole, right? And then you have to keep that hole dilated. You have to stick something inside it. I think it's like lip jobs. Like, don't get the early ones. Wait till they get this down. Don't let people experiment on you by spicing your dick open like a hot dog. Wait. Just hang in there.

Wait for the ipod.

Gene therapy. Because I firmly believe it might not be in our lifetime, but if maybe in our children or our grandchildren's lifetime, gene editing will get to a place where they will be able to turn you into whatever the fuck you want.

Right?

And it's probably going to be a nightmare because every guy's going to look like Thor and every woman's going to look like a prime Jennifer Lopez. It's like, there's not going to be any variations. Everyone's going to be super hot, Right? There's no. You're not going to appreciate hot people.

Yeah, you will. Big whoop.

Yeah. Because like, you know, when you. When a hot woman walks in a room and there's no other hot women everywhere?

That's the best one. Here, look what I got.

Look what? Look at her. Oh, my goodness. What does she look like? Me. Right? But if everybody looks like that, it's going to be commonplace. And I think we're going to get to a place where every man's going to look like the Hulk. It's just going to be just giant dudes.

Nerds will for sure, 100%.

They're going to be the first to sign up for that. You know what, these fucking dudes that go to the coffee shop and sit there with their legs crossed like this. No working out, they're fucking. Their shoulders slump, they're going to look like the Rock. Just fucking raw. They're all going to be beasts, dude.

You know what's interesting about the, like, comic book? All the guys who, like, they read comics and it's Thor, right? Shoulders like you and biceps like you. He's Hulk.

Hulk.

All these dudes that are just fantastic heroes that can give us justice and beat your enemies. But then if they see you at the coffee shop, you go, look at this douchebag. You go, what? I look like your comic books? Like, if Joe Rogan walked in, they should be going, holy shit, how does he look like that? I want to look like that.

Isn't it also weird that it's like the Feeblest Men?

Oh, yeah.

Really love the super powerful men in these fantasy, but. But not real life.

But they don't want to just work out to look like them.

They was. That's too hard, Jeff.

But just do it. Be like your heroes. They look at me weird. Yeah.

That's so hard. If you're, like scrawny and you go to a gym for the first time, it's so disheartening.

It's tough.

And these girls with those fucking yoga pants on that you might as well be a pile of shit to them. There's all these big Jack guys doing squash.

That's motivation, baby.

Can you spot me? It's like, yeah. And you're sitting there with your little fucking ten pound dumbbells.

My arms. Yeah.

It takes so long, guys.

If you were slamming weights, you guys love to slam weights.

So long to get strong. It takes forever. So many reps. Oh, you got to keep doing it. You shrink.

Yeah. Yeah. Got to come back tomorrow. Yeah. They go, I got to do this again tomorrow.

It's so hard that most people just want to dismiss it.

But it's fun.

If you could do it in a pill, you would all sell to anybody. Can't. If I could give you a pill and that pill would give you more energy throughout the day, you could pick up anything. You can carry things around. You never have to worry about yourself physically.

Yeah.

You're stronger than most people you meet. You know how to fight. Wouldn't. Wouldn't you take that pill?

Yeah.

Well, you can do that pill. Stupid. It's called hard work.

Absolutely.

That's all it is.

That's so true. Yeah. And it'll change everything. It'll change everything for you.

You know how it's boring to take all those vitamins? Take the vitamins, you fucking retard. But open up the cabinet.

We don't know him. I've got to work at Chipotle.

You got enough protein and enough fat. Your fucking cars. A race car.

I don't have the free time. I have a family.

Everybody has free time. You just choose to do it with other things. She's to sit there with your fucking phone out.

Yep.

Scrolling through and checking your likes and arguing with people on Twitter.

Yeah, that's how I feel. Like you got plenty of time to go to McDonald's. You got time to. David Goggins has that great quote where he's like. He says, this guy said to me, oh, the gym memberships too. Except he goes, you got a motherfucking floor where you live. You got a ground where. Where you're at. Then workout, motherfucker. And I love that kind of mentality of like you could do. You could do a whole workout right there.

All you need is a chin up bar. That's the only. And you don't even need that. You can get those things that hang on your door. You don't even have to get like a permanent push ups. They have good chin up bars now that like attached to your door frame. And they're solid and they hold you in place. You screw them in. They're. They're legit. And all you need is that and push ups. Bodyweight, squats, sit ups. There's a bunch of different yoga.

There's rocks outside. Pick up a rock. Free rock. Oh, yeah. It's not a cool kettlebell with a monkey head on it, but, you know, rocks are heavy.

Rocks are awkward.

Tree branch. I know 7,000 parks by my house that have a bar that you wouldn't have to buy on Amazon. You could just go hang from it.

Yeah, yeah. Those are always good monkey bars. Those are great.

I'll do it.

That's the number one way kids break their fucking arms too.

Oh, really?

Yeah. My daughter broke her arm. Monkey bar. I broke my arm in a monkey bar. Really?

At school.

Like, she broke it at school and at this. That school was like, boy, that monkey bar is really high off the ground. Like, this is crazy.

I like that though.

And she's a little reckless.

Ninja warrior.

Yeah. Well, that's what it is. All these kids are just trying to have fun, but they don't understand Their limitations yet. That's why it's dangerous to have them in an environment like that, because they've. You know. But that's how you learn. Like, when we were kids, they had those domes.

Oh, yeah.

Climb inside. Kids were perfect triangles.

There's foots in it, but they fall this way.

So just rip apart those fucking things.

What's the dome one? We had a. We had an actual, like, circular one that was little triangles.

Yeah, we had one of those, too. And there was. But there was one that was like. It was like a half a circle, Right? Like a dome with all these monkey bars inside of it and.

Oh, yeah, that's the one I had.

Yeah, we had that.

And there would always be, like, one bar missing. Sometimes, like, on the thing, you'd be like, what happened here?

And fucking screws sticking out of it.

Yeah.

But kids always bang their head. I bang my head a hundred times on those fucking.

It also forces creativity, too, because you're like, you know, there's no iPad there. There's no, like, video. There's no Candy Crush. So you had to be like, all right, this is our igloo that we're gonna protect. I don't know.

I wonder if that's good. Everybody wants to, like, look back to the days and everyone was bored and say. And, like, romantically. Yeah. When you make your own fun. Like, I think about a video game would have been way more fun. Fun.

Well, we had both. I had the 90s, so we had both. Like, when I was a kid, we would play video games all night. But during the day, there was something fun about wrestling, you know, like the human part of. So we really were making up things with guns and just, like, shooting each other and say, the best of both worlds. Yeah, we kind of.

That was before online media or online.

Oh, yeah. So online playing video games. Either. It was just me versus my buddy.

I think the social media is the craziest part of it. I think kids are just. First of all, they're weirdly connected because they all get on Snapchat, and then they have a Snap map. So they know where all their friends are at any given time.

Yeah.

And so they're constantly, like, paying attention to that and finding each other. And they go in groups and they go to this party and, oh, they're at this party. Let's go to that party. See them on the maps.

They're adults. You just described adults. Those aren't even kids anymore.

They're little kids that are, like, traveling around with their friends with phones and they only talk through text messages.

Yeah, that's adults.

Yeah, but it's weird.

It sucks.

A weird new life. They still do, like, kids today. They still do physical things. They still do sports, you know, but when we were kids, the thing about not having any other influences, especially, like social media influences, you didn't really aspire to be exactly like other people. You know, it's like there was people, There was groups of people that, you know, he gravitated towards being a jock. You gravitated towards being an artist. You got. But you didn't try to, like, completely copy. Whatever trend is going on nowadays. Kids are. They leave their fucking stupid label and their. Their Nikes. Like, what is that? What is that? Where it's supposed to be cool to keep your fucking label on your night?

Yeah. The tag is like, look, it's a limited edition. It's like, it's not. Not.

I made David.

They made a bunch of. Oh, that's hilarious.

Knife out. I go, cut that off. Oh, I go, are you a sheep? Are you a little sheep? You gotta shock your Nikes.

And he did. He comes.

You're right. I go, I'm right.

I love.

Yeah, I'm right. Everyone knows white label or whatever it is. What is it called?

It's called an off white. Yeah, it means that it has that red tag on it. Yeah.

Stupid.

No, you're smart. I love how you did that.

Cut it off right in the green room.

That's a daddy moment for him.

Give him a nice knife.

You give. You. You said, hey, I'm Dad. Here, you need this.

This is nonsense. You are not doing this.

I love that you're not gonna have.

A propeller on your hat.

Keep the sticker on your. On the thing.

Take that propeller off.

Grow up. Yeah, yeah.

You don't have to have that label. When I was a kid, dudes would have labels on their hats.

I hate that.

They'd buy new hats and they leave.

The tag or the sticker on the bill is one of my biggest pet peeves.

The sticker on the bill is stupid. Take that sticker off.

Take the sticker off.

Why do you have that shiny, stupid sticker?

Makes no sense to me.

That's dumb.

Yeah. I think that one thing that I do look backwards and think about, and this is a mushroom thought for sure. This came to me, you know, Whereas, like, my mom would go, why do you need these expensive shoes for school? And I didn't have the intelligence at the time to explain it to her now, but now I look back and I Go. I wish I would have said, mom. My whole social structure is based on this. Because I don't have the Internet, which would later come out. I don't have these things. When. At least in the 90s and the late 80s, when I was growing up, Amber Shoemaker was the hottest girl at our school, which meant Amber Shoemaker's the hottest woman in our universe. I didn't go online and go, well, Amber's not. I didn't have anyone else that's the hottest girl.

Right.

You know what I'm saying? The coolest guy in our school, Anthony Medina, was the coolest guy in the world because that's our world. Whereas kids now could go, who gives a shit about Anthony Medina? I'm following LeBron, and I'm so. Like, we had our own little realities, you know? So it's like, I didn't give a shit about the bulls necessarily. But if Mike Jensen from my school said, the bulls are cool, I like the bulls. I didn't have anywhere to escape to. I need to do what I can. And I think even before me was probably even better than that. I think, like, when cowboys roamed the earth, that might have been number one. No, you don't think so? Because here's why. And hear me now. That cat. Let's say we're cowboys, right? We're on the ridge line.

Cowboys. Yeah.

And we. It's. Sun's going down. Yeah, sun's going down.

House. Kind of the house. Or the kind.

Yeah. No, no, but we're real one. We have a house, but we're now on the ridge line with our horses. Oh. We're on the road a few days. Yeah.

Yeah.

On the trail, they say, hey, buddy, let's. Sun's going down. Let's make a fire.

Okay.

All right. But we got to brush the horses. We got to do our. We're eating our. Can we see all these twinkling lights out there? And we go. We got a picture of our lady in our wallet. Like, oh, man, can't wait to get home to her, you know, say some dirty things about her. And then I would eat my beans. And then I'd say, I wonder what everyone's doing out there. I would just wonder.

Yeah. That is a really cute version of what it meant like, to be a cowboy. Here's what it really was like, you would stay up, and I would sleep. Because we don't want anybody raping and killing us in the middle of the night because the Indians have been following us for miles, and we don't Know they've been following us and we're too.

That would be reversed by the way you stay up when I stupid.

The cold can. Okay. So we started a fire which makes you really easy to spot. And they just wait till that fire starts getting dim and they hear snoring and they come in and they cut you up and they. You. And they do whatever.

No, you're supposed to stay awake and. Well, I mean slaughter them.

We. It's only two of us.

That's true.

Like seven or eight of them. And you know, back in the musket days. Yeah, there's a lot of reload.

I get one of them. Yeah.

That's why the Comanches dominated this area. Because they were using single shot guns. Guns.

But yeah, that's racist. They were just sitting here peacefully.

The Comanches. They would not. The Comanches had multiple arrows on their fingers. So they'd keep like four or five arrows and they would shoot one and then shoot another one. Shoot another one. They were just these dudes up.

I bet it the only thing that.

Saved this entire state. The only reason why people were able to conquer was the cult pistol. Right. When they figured out how to make a pistol with like a chamber. It was cult, right? Wasn't it? I think it was Colt. So they developed. Believe this or not, at the time the military didn't want.

Really.

They're like, what are we doing with these six shots? We got one really Good enough. Yeah.

I didn't know I couldn't sell them. That's ridiculous.

He sold them to the Texas Rangers.

That's amazing.

Smith. That guy who's out in the hallway, that photograph. That's why he's there. That's the original Texas Rangers.

Wouldn't they want more bullets quicker accessibly.

Because it's the government. They've always been retired.

That's ridiculous.

They were even retarded in the 1800s. So this was a novel invention. Yeah. This guy figured out a revolver and it was like you had to take the cylinder out, put a new cylinder in. But every time he. Did you get five or six. Was it six shots or five? So it was the first time ever you could fire multiple times. They just start fucking up these Indians.

Yeah. That was protection. Yeah, for sure. That's good.

It's these guys that like they dressed like Indians. They fucking infiltrated. They cold camped. They would go deep, deep, deep into like uncharted territory.

Those were probably just bad guys pretending to be Indians to make the Indians look bad.

Oh no, no, no. They Guys just. But they were bad guys to go after the Indians. Yeah, they were bad guys. No, but I'm saying were the fucking Indians. Oh, for sure they were bad to each other.

Exactly. They were. Also. That's why I always get so mad about the debate about like, well, you came here, like white people came here and did bet. It's like, dude, you think that they weren't all fighting for land here, they.

Were all just fighting, but they didn't ever, ever, ever surrender.

Yeah, there's lots of tribes.

If they got. If they surrendered, they were tortured and murdered. Like the Comanches used to chop dudes arms off and legs off and then throw them while they're still alive on a roaring fire, watch them squirm around. It was fun. They were having a good time.

I meant mentally earlier, from my early analogy of the cute cowboy stuff. No, no, no, no. What I was saying is that mentally we didn't compare.

It was dangerous.

I know.

I believe all that home on the rain shit is straight up.

What I mean is they didn't compare, all right?

Because they were. Were there were. You hear that sound?

You had too many real things.

Someone's raping an Indian lady, right? You hear gunshots and children screaming.

You wouldn't think, oh, so what, that Jeff dies with me is so what, that he's funny? He's no Dave Chappelle. You didn't compare.

But they did like Billy the Kid. Like, people became famous, they became infamous. These people that everybody wanted to be.

Like Billy the Kid, well, that's one guy that we try to be like right now, I'd go, big deal, Billy the Kid. There's a guy in Japan that can shoot 70. Like the phone makes you have 7 million. You don't even appreciate your wife learning guitar because you go, she's no Bob Dylan, you know, who gives a shit? So that's what I was trying to say.

Really shitty husband. That's.

That guy's mean, but he's thinking, what the fuck?

She just started.

Give her a break, dude. Yeah, but I meant mentally we didn't compare.

I think we are not designed for it, but I think kids will be. I think the human mind is going to adapt to technology and interacting with each other. And I think socially people are adapting to interacting with each other. You know, like the way kids like go after each other online, like they're adapted to it, it's normalized to them. Just like, you know, if you live in a war torn part of the world, seeing dead people, it normalizes to you, I think kids are normalizing to electronic, and people want to resist that, and they want to say, I don't let my kids use electronics. Like, it's part of the world. I use it. It's a part of the world. Does it. It's not a barrier to being a good person. It's not a barrier to living a happy, healthy life.

Yeah.

Just like alcohol is not a barrier, but for some people it is.

Right.

Some people have a real fucking problem with social media. And you see it a lot of comics, especially the unsuccessful ones, when they start falling apart and they get older, just exacerbates their mental illness. And then it becomes all politics.

Yeah. It's.

These guys used to talk about farts and getting their dick sucked. Now it's all politics. And it's all like, life hangs on every decision.

Yeah.

And we're doomed if this takes place. Doomed.

You know what comedian dude does that is Kathy Griffin. That guy does a lot, dude. Oh. You know what I mean? You just gendered. That guy's on Unhinged. You go on there. It's all day just some doom and gloom.

Do you think that that's because, like, that's how they find meaning in an otherwise meaningless existence? Like, what is it about people where their entire life becomes completely wrapped around politics to the point where they're tweeting about it literally all day long and saying these things that they think are profound about all kinds of different issues?

I think it's got to be some sort of virtue signaling, like, it's their way to go. Look at how good I am.

It's also a way to show that you're relevant. You know, you're talking about the things that people care about right now, and you're chiming in and saying the things that need to be said. You're being heard. You know, there's a lot of, like, weird. There's a lot of just. They want attention. There's a narcissism to a lot of it. But then there's also people that are capable of going online and having interesting discussions with people they don't know. And if you can manage that, you can actually get a lot out of, like, Twitter and X and all these different ways. You can get a lot out of it. You can get a lot. But it's so hard to do.

I know.

Because it's like. So it's such an. It's like you're. You're deciphering smoke signals. It's like the person's not even in Front of.

Yeah.

You know, like, you're getting these weird interactions with people. There's a lot of like. Like, what does this guy mean by that?

Is he right?

Shitty? Is he just being honest? Like, what is this?

Yeah. It's very tough to translate their.

To suck your way to communicate.

What are they doing? Like. Like, what is that? Where they trying to be funny right there? Were they trying. Yeah, it's very tricky.

Well, I'm very lucky. And then I get to talk to so many interesting people, so I don't need to have as many interesting conversations online with people.

Yeah. And also your comedian. My favorite thing about being a comedian is I get heard a lot. Yeah, we get to be heard. Even when I'm wrong, I get to be heard.

So, like, wrong and still funny.

Yeah. That's the beauty of it.

That was Patrice's whole act.

Yeah. Yeah. 100%. I'm often. Sometimes wrong, and it's just so funny. They go, oh, yeah, Like, I like this guy.

It's funny. And also, this part of being wrong on purpose, like, I say things that I know is wrong on purpose because it's funny. It's funny.

You're going for the laugh.

Yeah. I'm just trying to be silly. I'm trying to be silly. That's what I like. That's the kind of comedy I like.

Right.

So I'm gonna do that. And you can like it or you don't like it.

Hundred percent.

What infuriates me is when people try to take jokes or talking shit and just conflate it and pretend that it's a statement.

I know.

Like you.

It drives me.

Any friends I know? Do you not have any friends?

You don't joke. Yeah, exactly. You wonder why comics want to go to the right. It's because freedom of speech is a pretty big deal to us. Yeah, naturally. It's a pretty big deal that we can say whatever we want. Because here's the thing. Racism is bad.

Yeah.

But it is kind of funny sometimes.

It's very funny.

Sexism is about white people, but it's pretty funny sometimes.

Sometimes, yeah. If it's well made, it's funny.

If it's funny enough, good meme.

A solid meme.

Great.

Love it.

Yeah, exactly. Things are funny and people go, well, that's racist. You go, and it's racial and it's funny. But don't just assume that it's this blanketly bad thing. Yeah. It's such a silly.

Like, it's funny no matter who gets it.

Right.

It's Funny if white guys get it, it's funny if white women get it, it's funny if Indian guys get it. Yeah, things are funny when people get it. When they get them jokes, it's funny.

And they don't care about the racial stuff. When. When it's like a comic of any other race doing it right. You're like, if you're gonna use that same measuring stick, go to the laugh factor. You could cancel all 12 comedians that are on stage making easy racial remarks, but they're like, but he's Persian. I know, but it's still a racial.

Remark, you know, Especially if you're cracking on white people. You could crack on white people as hard as you want right now. It's great.

Which is so vague, too. I don't know if this is a smart idea or not, but it's something I always think is like. It's so vague. These shitty comics like Hari Kondaboulou are like, white people. White people. What white people?

Which ones?

French, Canad? Canadian? Do Jews count? Croatian. What a great lump. You've done all white. You know how many countries that covers? And then you go, well, that's why we're saying it, because we don't mean a specific country we're talking about. But then. So then that's racist. You go, well, white's not a race. It's just a. It's a color of the. Well, then how come black is a race? Because black would be Haiti. It would be tons of parts of Africa. You know? So I guess my point is, like, then. Then it's not racist when I say black if it's not racist when you say white. Because you're over glomming a big thing.

Yeah, it's ridiculous. Also, how much do white people vary?

There's so many white people.

They vary so much.

It's so vague.

Just say white men.

Like, oh, you must be rich because you're white. You're like, do you. Any poor white people? There are.

Go to Kentucky.

Most of them are poor.

Yeah. Go to where the fucking coal mines are. Those coal mining communities where people have just been popping pills since the 80s.

Meth.

Yeah.

Never heard of white trash. Like, we dominate the poor community.

Have you ever seen the wild and wonderful whites of West Virginia?

Yeah, dude, Jessica White fucking those dancing skills.

Didn't Johnny Knoxville produce that?

That's how I saw it was. I don't have a Johnny Oxford, but Jack Hole Productions or whatever.

Yeah, Knoxville made that. It's fucking incredible.

Amazing.

That's white people too.

Yeah.

Okay. These poor white people are. They're just a victims of their environment, man.

They're teaching college kids that, like, if you're a straight white guy, they just hand you suitcases full of money and that you have no troubles and the cops don't target you.

It's like, cops, do you see what Trump said today? I'll send this to you, Jamie, because this is wild. This is a wild move. I'll send this to you, Jamie. It is what he said about colleges.

Oh, I love it.

And DEI endowments.

I love it.

I'll send this to you, Jamie. He's doing so much crazy shit because he only has one term. You know, like all the different things that he said so far about completely banning all of these gender transition clinics for kids, hormone therapies for kids, puberty blockers for kids. Like, stop that. And you know, and he even called them out for the expression gender affirming kids. That's a crazy, like a literal dystopian euphemism.

Right.

For what you're doing.

And he said Marxist multiple times. And people are gonna go, they're not Marxists. Do you know BLM self proclaimed themselves as Marxists?

Yeah.

So you can find hundreds of times where they say, we are Marxists.

Yeah.

So before anybody comments. Well, they're not really. They've called themselves Democrats.

Yeah.

Yes.

I think a lot of people, like, blanketly support that just because it seems like a smart idea. Yeah. Black lives matter. Of course they do. Yeah. There's. Cops have killed people. We've seen it. Okay. Yeah, it's definitely good to support that. But then you find out all the other stuff behind it, and then you find out that the people that were running it were fucking buying real estate.

Do a little homework. They gave all your money to trans people. They didn't help. The black community at all is not.

Only going to tax but confiscate endowments of every university the Department of Justice finds has engaged in illegal discrimination under the guise of equity, which is basically every university in the country. But it's especially true with the Ivy League, which is, if this happens, we'll die. They will crush. Okay? But this is, you know, who suffers the most from this discrimination from discrimination is Asian people. Do you know why? Because Asian people score so high and they work so hard, they make it more difficult for them to get in. They have to have higher grades and they have to have a higher score. They like, they score them based on, like, social interactions, which is crazy. Which if you're studying 18 hours a day, like a lot of these Asians.

I'm gonna win.

Yeah, well, it's their culture. Their culture is this like nose to the grindstone, hard work, disciplined culture. I had a buddy of mine, and.

No one in America is mad at them for succeeding. We encourage it. It's good.

I had a buddy of mine that was a national taekwondo champion while he was going through his medical residency. He was Korean. And his f. No matter what he did, this guy won the nationals. He was the national taekwondo champion. And he wasn't like talented either. It wasn't like he was hard work. It was a hundred percent hard work.

Yeah.

And this fucking guy, like would work all day long at school and then put his books in his backpack and walk upstairs to get a workout in.

I love it.

He would just do flights of stairs over and over again while he was at school because he had to do something and then go back to school. School, won the fucking nationals like that.

And that's beautiful.

It's this kind of crazy work ethic that some Asian households instill in their children. And it's tough to compete with them. So what they've done is they've, you know, there's been lawsuits about it. I believe Harvard was sued, right? Was Harvard sued that they were discriminating against Asian Americans. So they have like ways that. What they're saying is, with the. What they were complaining was that there's ways that they have, have that like accentuate certain attributes like that let you get in, like think social things that you do, different things you do that give you extra points that they felt like was designed just to keep less Asian people in. Crazy to push some of them out because so many of them were getting in there and dominating. Yeah, dominating the fucking move.

But that's great.

Yes. Well, listen, man, if you come from best to the best, a hard working household, and you, you develop that work ethic, you can, you might not be happy. That's part of the problem.

Yeah, well, I like that they complain about their tiger moms and you're like, dude, they made you successful.

Right? You got to figure out how to be happy.

Right? That's up for you to do this, is it?

The lawsuit a threat to Ed? What happened? An organization created by anti race conscious admissions activist Edward Blum, citing itself Students for Fair Admission, sued Harvard alleging that the university discriminates against Asian Americans and seeking to prevent Harvard College and other colleges and universities from using a wide ranging and thorough admissions process that considers the whole person.

Love that.

Interesting. So this, that's interesting though, because on paper that sounds like a good thing. A wide ranging and thorough admissions process that considers the whole person. Like, if you want to educate a child, right, you want a kid to go from being a young teenager to being an adult and you're educating them. There is a social aspect to it, right? Like you don't want to develop like complete sociopaths that just go to work, but you can't also, you can't like stop that option. Like there's. People want a quality of outcome. It's a very important point. But there's not a quality of effort. There just isn't. And in the mad Dog race of life, you're occasionally going to get a Michael Jordan. You're going to get a guy who works harder than everybody and he's gifted and he's going to exceed lead. He's going to pass you all and there's nothing you could do about it. Nothing you do about Mike Tyson when he was 22 years old. Get the out of the way, pick up tennis. He's going to kill you.

Yeah, he's going to want to be number two. Maybe.

If you want to be number two, you're eventually going to get to have fight number one.

And that's not going to be a lot of fun.

This is the world's not fair. Yeah, right. And that guy, when you saw the way he trained when he was a young man, he trained like a person possessed. He lived. He watched film all day.

Yeah.

He was obsessed with fighting.

That's all he had.

And talented and gifted. So if you have those things altogether, the world is not fair. And you can't make it fair with laws and you can't make it fair with rules. And it doesn't make you any better to suppress someone in some sort of a way by diminishing their success. And that includes someone who's a fucking complete psychopath who studies 18 hours a day and dominates and starts a business when they're 19 and becomes a billionaire by the time they're 26. And then all of a sudden, you know, buys Twitter from Elon Musk. You can't stop that.

Ask one of these crazy people who doesn't understand these kind of things or has never even thought of it, say, oh, you know, you're watching. I noticed you're watching the WNBA game. Do you think it's unfair that Brittney Griner makes more than her teammates and they'll go, no, she's the best.

Right, right, right.

Just like anyone else that's the best. Makes more money. How can you understand that Brittney Griner makes more than her team? But you can't understand that the NBA generates more money and is better, makes more than the wnba.

Right.

How can you in brain?

Well, what people get scared of is the amount of control and power that you have with that kind of money. And then some people want to make decisions for all of us. Like Bill Gates, like one of the wackiest ones. He's talking about like blocking the sun, putting particles in the sky to block the sun to cool the earth. Like, hey, fuck head, maybe not a whole lot of people on earth. You don't get to say for all of us. You don't talk for all of us just because you have $100 billion. That's crazy talk.

Right?

That's what people are scared of. What people are scared of is that when you really do have ultimate money and ultimate power, with most people there's this desire to control people. It's part of the gig. And some of them, when they decide they don't want to go into politics, they start like influencing things behind the scenes. They start donating. They have funds, they have a giant fund. And their fund donates to all these different organizations. And Bill Gates's case, it prevented them from criticizing him because the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation, they donate all this money. These media corporations and all these companies. Look at all the money you've given you to help global health and whatever the fuck it is. But what it really does is it buys off people from criticizing. And then you start doing wild shit like telling everybody they should eat plant based food. Yeah, fucking buy whatever they want you to do.

Yeah.

You start controlling people. Just like people like to pull strings on people. The George Soros is of the world.

Scares me so much.

Get DAs elected and then put a even more progressive DA to go in after him and see if you can fuck with things by letting people out of jail and defunding the cops. And it's like they're playing these weird monopoly games with the whole world.

You know where you saw like a great example was when Barack Obama got into office. Michelle Obama's whole thing was like nutrition. Like that was what she was gonna like really like work on. And dude, it was almost like after two weeks, someone brought her in the back, was like, listen bitch, we hear what you're saying about the food industry. I don't know if you know how much bread we're putting in your husband's pockets. And then she immediately Was like, maybe fitness, maybe your kids could run around 10 minutes a day. How about that? Is that better?

She gave up the food stuff.

Gave up the food stuff. It just was immediately.

What is that, Jamie? Is that the same thing?

No, I just have it muted. Wasn't supposed to play it.

Oh, sorry.

But then it was like all of the. All of it. All the focus went towards, hey, just 10 minutes a day, have your kids go outside and play. It was all the food stuff gone.

Wow.

Yeah. And you. And you realize, oh, there are other things. You know, there's like all these other things that are at slack.

Other things.

It's money.

Billions and billions of dollars. When you're that far ahead of the game. You know, if you're playing a game and you cannot. You cannot beat the game. There's no way to beat it. You're on level one, There's a million levels. The people that have been playing it that you're playing against, they've been playing for 30 years. They have all the armor.

Oh, yeah.

They got all the magic spells. You're not going to win that game. And that is what people are really scared about with people who have a lot of money, is that they don't just have a boat, they don't just have a house. But then they start influencing what people can and can't do. Then they start funding studies to talk about particular types of energy because they've got an enormous amount of money invested in this green, renewable energy or whatever it is. But what it really is is money. They're not ever doing anything for you, ever. Whether it's climate change or whatever the f. Whether it's energy, it's always money. And they'll flavor it.

Yeah.

With. It's for you, it's for us.

Right.

We have to worry about the environment. We have to. Didn't Al Gore become the first guy to make a billion dollars off of climate change?

I know he's definitely the face of it for a long time, but I.

Read that that Al Gore. Could be bullshit, but I read that that Al Gore was the first climate change billionaire. Interesting things that he invested in that movie that he put out. That scared the fuck.

Oh, yeah. We're all like, we got to do something. Yeah.

I saw not a single thing. Not a single thing was accurate. Not even close.

Yeah.

Not.

Might as well have been made by Michael Moore because might as well just been.

Michael Moore is more accurate. He was, at least back in the day. You watch Roger and Me, Michael Moore in the early days made some Great films.

Well, like, I think a lot of it was just bull crap.

Well, not the first one. Not Roger.

Remember when he like show. He did a scene where like these kids go into a bank and they buy a gun over the counter from the bank. And I was like, yeah, it was of his gun 1 bowling for Columbine or whatever. And I remember seeing that scene as like I worked at Hollywood Video at the time and I was like, this is terrifying. We got to get rid of these guns. And then I looked into it years later when the Internet kind of grew and I was like, oh, total bullshit. It was like a made up scene.

Made up a scene.

Yeah. Which that's why we weren't even allowed at Hollywood Video to keep Michael Moore's movies in the documentary section. We weren't even allowed to keep it in that section because it's not counted as a documentary.

Oh, see, it didn't used to be like that. I kind of gotta be honest. I don't think I watched Bowling for Columbine. I might have. It was so long ago. But I do remember Roger and me being very impactful because it was about the auto industry moving out of Flint, Michigan.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And about how the town collapsed.

Collapsed? Happened in Pittsburgh. I was just in Pittsburgh and you see all these abandoned in warehouses where Americans used to work.

Yeah.

And you go, oh, wasn't it better with Chinese slaves making you $300 sneakers? Like, it's. No, it's not better.

Not better.

It's not better at all.

Not better for anybody. Yeah, it's crazy what they did. And they just did it for money. They did it for money. They shipped over things overseas because they can get people to work for nothing. Which is so crazy that you can't do it here, but you do it there. That's why I was talking to this person who ran a plant in Mexico. We were getting a little. And I didn't like that. Justifying this procedure of doing that. And they were trying to tell me that these people would starve to death if it wasn't for that plant. I go, those people have been there for thousands of years.

Yeah.

I go, and you know why they don't have any money? Probably because we bribed their government and we gave them loans they couldn't pay off. And then we took all their resources and then we moved plants over.

And the pollution of the plants is like just insane too. Like they live and fog filled cities.

We can go back to the entire areas run by the cartel because we have drugs, illegal in this country, Unless they're prescribed. Yeah, and then you have the sacrifices.

No one's worried about that.

Slavery. What about all this?

Nobody's worried about that. Slavery. Everyone wants to talk about slavery that we abolished in this country.

Right?

Everyone wants to talk about that slavery.

But not a slave.

But not the current slavery that made this. Or my shoes or all the things you wear. Or how about the sex trafficking? How about the women that are slaves right now?

Well, how about the.

Let's get to work on that.

Probably been smuggled across the border. We don't even know what those numbers are.

If I put together enough money, right? I'm not super rich, but I've got some money. If I put together like my life mission is to fix that, they just kill me in a month. What are you doing, dude? Tell jokes and talk about baseball. Why are you trying to help in something that matters?

Yeah. Imagine trying to shut down the cartel. Oh, and you live in a normal house.

I'd make it a week. We wouldn't let you go.

What happened to Jeff, That's a billion dollar a month business. What the fuck are you talking about? They're not gonna let you get away with that. They kill everybody. Why wouldn't they kill you? So you've got all these problems and then, you know, shipping things, shipping these factories to these other places. It doesn't keep people from starving to death. It's just we were doing an unethical thing. Like you can't do it on this patch of dirt, but if you just move it to that patch right now, you can do unethical things now.

It's fine.

This is crazy.

What is this, a casino cruise ship?

Not only that. Like, now that we know. So they did that back then when there was no Internet. You know, you sneak it across the board. Nobody. I'm still buying. Look, my car is $5 cheaper. Yeah, and you don't care.

Yeah.

And so everybody. You hear some stories about Michigan. If you don't live there and whatever. I'm over here in la. I don't give a fuck.

Exactly.

I got a nice car. But your car is made in Mexico. And it's like we don't even realize like, what the impact of that was. But now that we have the Internet. Internet. Now you can see it. And we still do it, right? Like, we. It's like it's grandfathered in that you buy your phone from a company that uses slaves. And the factories literally have nets around them to keep people from jumping off. And we're like okay.

And also, I'm not pretending I'm better than anyone else. Right. Like, I promise that. But I don't yammer on, on my social media about slavery all day.

Right.

I'm aware that I'm in this system or this network. It's just so hypocritical when I hear like LeBron talk about slavery that happened in our country over 100 years ago while he's dripping in Nike. Do you. How dumb can you be to pretend to care about slavery while you're making what, a billion or something from Nike?

Do you think that if you're a person that is in mainstream world acceptance, whether a sports star or any kind of media personality, there's certain things you feel. Feel obligated to call out and to talk about?

I would think so. I only know how I would behave. And like, I just think there's honest money and then there's dishonest money. And I've never had the stomach.

You mean like the money they paid the people to endorse Kama Harris?

Oh, yeah, that's pretty dishonest money right there. Cardi B. Beyonce.

Did you know that was even legal?

Fools.

Did you know that was even legal?

It shouldn't be legal. The Vogue, the, the View keeps yammering about how Elon Musk shouldn't be allowed. Or you know, I saw a video yesterday about you. Oh, the Joe Rogan's of the world or influence you like.

Oh, that's that, that feminist guy.

Yeah. And like they're so.

Say that there's this multibillion dollar right wing ecosystem that's been developed just like a terrorist network.

Yeah.

That radicalizes young people. Like what? By talking to scientists, Tell them to.

Be good guys, to tell them to be honorable to their partner. Radical. That's a radical.

Radical.

Also, let me ask you, on it for this podcast, how much money did Donald Trump give you to endorse him?

$100 million. No, he gave me nothing.

Gave you zero, Jimmy.

Nothing.

He gave you zero because you thought, I think that this is what's best for the country given the two options.

I know, I knew the resistance that it would face.

But how much did Beyonce get?

She had 10 million dollars.

10 million.

Hold on. She talked for like three minutes. That's good.

What do you mean that's good?

I mean that's enough.

That's too much.

No, no, it's plenty. It's perfect.

10 million.

It's a good deal. The taxpayers money. I mean, it's a good deal. All these people that Are like donating money to Democratic Party. And then say you the crazy thing mutants. There are $20 million. They spend a billion dollars. They're $20 million in debt. And Trump offered to pay their debt. He's like, we have a lot of money left over because most of our media wants to call it earned media. I had a look at up. So earned media is essentially whenever he's in the news.

Yeah.

Or when he's getting interviewed on shows or on podcasts. That's earned media. And that's what he did.

Well. I just love people go, why are you getting so passionate about this, Jeff? It's like it's right in front of your eyes.

Right.

You have to pay someone 10 million to endorse A. But then like B is doing it for free because they believe in that, like, idea. Which one seems more nefarious?

Eminem took 1.8.

1.8.

How do we know that's true? True.

Because I said it.

Found any evidence that supports this stuff?

I think it's all legit.

Some of them being asked and said I was not paid.

But wait a minute. Oprah was paid. There was an FEC thing. She.

Her.

Her company was paid to host an event.

Okay. They paid her company a million dollars. Dude.

I'm just saying. That's right. I don't know what happened and where they hosted it. Just. She was not dollars.

What. What did she do that hosted an event? Event. Did she put together an event? Like cater an event?

Campaign finance. I'll try to put on the screen show that they paid Harpo Productions for event production. It was paid for post live streaming event.

Huh.

Which I don't know how much that cost.

Production costs of a live stream event. That could be money since she was.

Not paid a personal fee for the event. She said I was paid nothing.

Right. But they. She didn't donate her company to do this. She. She got paid for it.

That's right. I don't know. Like.

So this is where I got it out.

So she got a gig is essentially what it is. She got a million dollar gig.

5 million to Megan Thee Stallion. 3 million to Lizzo. 1.8 for Eminem.

That's in this article. But it doesn't show like 1 million for Oprah.

That could be made up.

Okay.

This is an Instagram list.

I didn't make it up. But I wanted to.

I want it to be real.

Yeah.

Yeah. Well, if it makes me believe in our Earth. Better if they didn't. If they just did it for free.

It makes Me believe in the earth. Better if they did it, because I don't want to think that Eminem really believed that shit.

Yeah, exactly. It's always naughty people that do this thing.

You went out there for 1.8. There's no federal records showing campaign payments. Eminem or Megan Thee. Stallion. So when it says mostly false, like, where did that rumor emanate from?

Someone put it on Instagram and it goes run. People run wild with it because it sounds fun.

Damn, I thought it was fun.

Yeah, it is fun. If I'm wrong, I'm willing to. You know, again, I read it and I. My blood boiled. I was like, what is going on?

The Beyonce one is crazy.

There's no evidence that it's true. It might be true. Doesn't mean it's not.

Just no current evidence today, mostly false. But this is political.

It could be a rumor that PolitiFact is.

Well, if it's not true, then it's not true. But let me tell you, if it is true. Is that league crazy?

Is that legal? Was it legal to pay Beyonce $10 million to talk at a political rally?

I don't think so. There's all these, like, little companies.

They pay her that much. That seems crazy.

That does seem desperate times.

Yeah, but she doesn't need the money.

No, I'm saying desperate times for the campaign trail. And then they go, I was going to endorse her anyways. I'll just do it for, you know, a little. My time is worth money. My private plane costs money. Can you cover that? You know?

Well, it seems suspicious, you know, because when someone's got that kind of money to do something that people are going to look down upon if they find out if it's true. That's what makes me skeptical. Because, like, someone who has that kind of money for her $10 million. It sounds crazy to say this, but I believe that for Beyonce and Jay Z, $10 million is not noticeable. It's not going to change their life at all.

No. Change their life, but you still notice.

Like, I think they're billionaires, dude.

They. Beyonce's got almost a billion dollars.

Yeah, I think he has a billion as well. I don't think they're gonna notice. So that's like, not gonna change your lifestyle, but it could get you out.

Of your house to go do a thing that puts you in the news.

Is that what she wants?

Well, think about the Super Bowl. All those people that perform the super bowl halftime get paid $0.

Right. But why do they do it? Tremendous advertisement because they do it, but they perform. She wasn't even performing. She was just talking. I mean, maybe, maybe 10 million bucks is 10 million bucks. You can't help it even if you got $2 billion in the bank. But part of me is like out. Maybe I'm just looking at how I would look at it. Like I wouldn't do shit.

Yeah, well, I always think, and this may be my naivete to like rich people is that like they don't have to be bought anymore because they're rich. Like you'd think that that's how I think about it is that like I wouldn't do anything against. It's easier to do things against my moral compass. When I was brought, you'd say, jeff, we'll give you $500, go steal this thing. Because I'd be like, you know, I need 500 bucks. Whereas like now I can be a little more generous with my money. I can be a little more ethical because I'm, I'm in a place where I don't have to worry about the $500 isn't worth breaking some ethical code for me.

Right, but money isn't your existence. And for some people money is a sum score of how well they're doing in life. And they get addicted to numbers. They get addicted to this idea of constantly. Yeah. And they compare themselves to all the other people.

Fox News, this is from Fox News. They have Washington examiner reporting that money was spent in ways I guess you could argue maybe, well, they spent six.

Figures building the set for Caller Daddy. But that seems that people are saying that's outrageous. But that's not that outrageous. $100,000. You build a set, you have to lease a building, you have to bring in cameras and all that shit. I could see that being $100,000. Campaign spent at least $15 million on event production. FEC record show with many payments lining up with high profile events and concerts with celebrity attendees or performers.

And that's how you do it because it's a performance.

Right. So you pay them for, so you.

Can pay them to perform. That's the difference.

That's the difference. The truth is just an epic disaster. This is a one billion dollar disaster. Linda Lindy Lee Harris surrogate and DNC national finance committee member told Fox and Friends weekend on Saturday. So they did. They definitely spent a lot of money. Harris campaign cut multiple six figure paychecks in September. Left leaning groups that have been vocal about defunding the police, reparations that are tied to radical activists who have supported Notorious anti Semite Louis Farrakhan. Fox News digitally previously reported. That's wild. So they cut checks to left leaning groups. So they spend money to get people to talk about.

They give it to the groups. The groups pay the performers and the people that speak.

Well, no, also the groups like you're paying them to be vocal. Goal. Yeah, like by saying I cut multiple six figure checks. Like you're funding these people to go out and do these things. The FEC camp filings also spent north of $56 million on payroll and payroll taxes in just three months. That's crazy.

That payroll is your performers also show.

The campaign gave in excess of $100 million to various consulting and marketing firms including Gambit Strategies LLC, Dupont Circle Strategies LLC and Bully Pulpit Interactive LLC. That is so crazy. They gave those folks a hundred million dollars. Yeah.

So like $1 million to Eminem could have been lost in there. But I'm just saying that.

Yeah, no, there it is.

You have to find the evidence to Brian.

I think with a guy like Eminem too, he doesn't like performing. Like he's, you know, he has agoraphobia. Like he's like. He doesn't like leaving the house, which is crazy. I saw him, he killed it. I saw him over here at the racetrack. Really played at Cota. Yeah, it was awesome. It was like a hundred thousand people were there because it was. I don't know what the real number is. I might have made that up. But a lot of people, A lot of people, because it was there, people were there for Formula one and they have this enormous place. Like I saw the Stones there and I think it was, I mean, how many people? Coda seat. I mean it had to be 80,000 people. It's one of the biggest crowds I've ever seen. It was insane. But I saw Eminem there. He was great. But he performed so rarely.

My buddy was at an F1 thing recently and like at one of the concerts that was performing afterwards or something. Or maybe it was just F1. I don't know, maybe there wasn't a concert. Whatever it was, Michael Jordan was just hanging out. Michael Jordan had a hat on, a hood on. He had like the things over his ears from the noise of the car. And my buddy's like, hey man. Like I, you know. And then Jordan took like a selfie with them, chatted him up for a few minutes, was like, that's how popular it's getting. Yeah, like you said, the Eminem was performing at an F1 thing.

Yeah, yeah, he performed you know, they had the race, the races, and then one night he performed.

That's crazy. Before.

I think he performed Sunday night or Saturday night. I saw just how Post Malone there too? He was just there two weeks ago doing his country show. Yeah, he's doing like, it's great. It's fucking. I love that dude.

Post the best.

He's so much fun. He's such a fun dude too. Just fun to hang out with him too. Get to see him and give him a hug. People 100,000. So it was just in sane. Huge crowd. He killed it too, so. But he doesn't like to do shows. So to get him out there for a political event, you gotta come with the chat.

Yeah.

You better pay the guy especially. He doesn't do a lot of shows a year, 1.8 will go a long way.

Yeah.

Lives in Detroit. Place to live in there is not that. Not that deep.

Yeah. You know, I think that you. I also think that it's. People care about money, you know?

Yeah. Well, especially if you're a person who thinks about money all the time. That's what I was saying about, like, I know rich dudes. I know dudes who are billionaires who get uncomfortable with them when they're around 100 billionaires because they feel like losers. That's wild.

It's hilarious to my breaks my brain. It's like when you showed me all the planets in a row and I was going, like, that's what you just did with money.

Because there's always layers to it. Like, I'm pretty wealthy, but I'm very poor compared to my friend Elon.

Yeah.

Like, I'm a popper. I'm like a dude living in shitty studio apartment compared to that guy. Like, that's what it's like. There's like crazy levels to it. But also he works in a way I am not willing to do.

He doesn't sleep. That's one thing people don't talk about these really. Even Bill Gates, whether you agree with him or not, like, the dude was willing to, like, sleep like a fish. Where he'd take. Like, he'd sleep for like 15 minutes and wake up and program again. Like, he worked really hard to become Bill Gates.

Oh, yeah. There's no doubt. And without Microsoft, like, who knows where we'd be without the Windows operating system.

Oh, my.

Everywhere.

Yeah.

It was everything.

He's also cured, like 500 things. These, like, small, like, little nonprofits will say, well, there's this disease called this. You go, how much you need? They Go. A million bucks, we think maybe. And then he just gives them a money and then they close. They go, what are we going to work on now? We cure it, you know? Yeah, sure about that? Well, that's what I've. Is this another one of these ones I got wrong?

Yeah.

Let's ask a bill.

Just throw capitalism. Okay. And philanthropism is. You're acting like a philanthropist, but you're making a lot of money through this. Like, he invested a lot of money in the MRNA vaccines and that's why he was promoting it. He made like $500 million.

Sure, sure.

Then after he dumped his stock, start talking shit about it. It wasn't really that good. The virus wasn't that dangerous. Like, what?

Yeah.

Where was this guy?

Well, but I'm saying, like all these. I don't know how to look up if he's cured any diseases or anything. I don't know how you'd look that up. Is there a way to look that up?

They've invested in efforts to develop cures for those. For diseases for sure.

They've also invested in.

But they didn't fix it.

No, no.

The only one I know that's close, I think is sickle cell. But I think. Didn't they just pull back?

We would have heard about that if they cured sickle cell.

Cell came from.

I thought that he cured all these small ones.

You know where sickle cell came from?

No.

It came from resistance to malaria. Really not crazy. Yeah. The people that experience malaria, that's tracked down in their genes and they pass it on to their ancestors. That's where sickle cell. I had a buddy of mine died from sickle cell. When I was a kid. A guy used to do taekwondo with dude named Walter. Awesomely talented guy, but like, he would get like real sick, man. He just couldn't train. Couldn't come in for months. Yeah.

There was a new drug that came out this year, I think that they thought was going to be like ending it, but they had to quickly pull it off.

Brought to you by Pfizer, of course. Died. They died from it.

Anticipated number higher than an anticipated number of deaths reported in trials.

Yeah. Indicating that the benefits of the drug no longer outweighed the risks. So it kills people quicker than sickle cell.

I guess that's a solution of sorts.

There's been so many of those drugs, you know, 33%. Is that what it is? 30 something percent of all drugs the FDA approves get pulled like, whoopsies.

We tried. What's the Matter, you know. You ever heard that book? I think it's like 19. I don't know the name of the book. It's named after a year. 1984, I think.

It's not the George Orwell book.

No, not George Orwell. It's called.

That would be ridiculous.

Gosh. It's a.

What's it about?

I'm trying to look in my. In my audible for this book, but the. Basically the premises. This guy cures cancer.

Why don't you search and type in the number one?

Maybe. But it might be called 2020.

You don't remember?

No, it's a. Listen to a lot of books. What's it called Here, I'll find it. But the. The premise is this guy cures cancer and then ever and ever. At first, everyone's great. He becomes the richest guy in the world. Everyone's happy that he cured cancer. But then. Then people start to resent him because they're like, you know, I should have already had my inheritance by now. This guy's playing God, keeping my parents alive longer than they should. It becomes like these ideas of like, no, he's wrong for doing this. He's affected society. Like, there's no real estate being freed up as quick now. People should just die. However they die naturally. And it's. It's a fun little. Yeah. It's not obviously not real or nothing, but the. The was an interesting kind of way to look at things.

Well, that's a sociopath way of looking at things. Imagine that. Like what you're thinking is, if someone dies, I get their stuff. Why don't they just die?

It's disgusting. But I could see how groups would start to think that, you know, like, that's how like. Like life is. You may. You do look at the systems that we put in place, like back in the day. And now everyone looks like that was just their way to trap people in the projects. You're like, at first it was like a really nice idea like, that they wanted to give people that couldn't afford places in the city. But it's all been.

That's why how people react to that. One dude is trying to live to be 2000 years old. You know that one guy who gets like, young guys blood injected into.

Oh, yeah.

Just do anything different things. It's like, I've seen so many people ma. At them. If everybody lived, everybody lived 500 years, the whole world would be overcrowded.

Yeah. But everyone's not trying to do it. Yeah.

Also, if I could give you a pill and you would be healthy. Just take this one pill, you'll be healthy for 150 years. You're not going to take it. Shut the fuck up.

It's called 2030 by Albert Brooks.

Okay, 2030.

But it's interesting, just kind of like. Yeah, because you start to do. See how, like, over time, people just misconstrue things. Enough time goes by, people are willing.

To do all sorts of mental gymnastics. I mean, that's how this whole gender affirming care thing goes through. We would never let kids get tattoos. We're letting them get their dicks chopped off. Says who?

What? 30 years ago, if you said that, we'd be debating or even having to have a conversation that's controversial about whether a guy can be a woman.

Right.

They would laugh in the streets at us, you know, and now it's real. So I just like, that's kind of how the book does a really good job of describing being like, they would just resent that guy after a while. They would hate him for curing cancer.

Some people would. There's always going to be weak bitches in this world, and they exist. You just like, you're talking about your parents. I don't want to be like that. Yeah, that's what we are there for. Their weak behavior, jealous behavior. You learn from it and you go, oh, okay, I see what that guy's doing. I don't ever want to be like.

I feel like that with a ton of people in my life right now.

Hell, yeah. You're going to open always that they're there. They're always going to be there. There's some people that just. They're not going to keep up. And you can't keep them in your life either. You just can't. You got to keep moving. Yeah, some people are never going to run out of problems and they're never going to run out of friends to throw those problems at.

Yeah. I was telling you this earlier, but like. Like the day after the election, like, I, like, woke up. I was with my buddies, just sitting there, and I was about to open up my phone for the first time since. Since Trump wins the election. I just took a deep breath. I was like, I'm gonna lose a lot of friends today. I was about to post some shit and like, just like I was.

So you're not losing friends, though. You're losing friends that weren't really your friends. They were friends with conditions. You know, Ron White is a giant Kamala Harris supporter, believe it or not. Ron White always Votes blue. He's one of them low information voters. Like, you start giving him facts, he falls apart. But he'll fucking tell you, that guy shouldn't be the fucking president.

He's like, that's a good president.

Yeah, I love him to death. He's one of my best friends. I don't care.

That's how things should work.

That's how it's supposed to work. Is different political ideas, is different ways of thinking about things. That's fine.

It's broke my heart that a lot of people have treated me the way. Because I feel like people were fine with conservative Jeff. They were fine. They knew that I'm a Christian and that I'm. That I lean, you know, right. And especially now, lean even more. Right. And then. But they didn't really draw a line until I became like, supportive of Donald Trump. Like, that's when they drew a line and they go, we don't want to talk to you.

I don't think I moved.

And that broke my heart.

I didn't. I don't think I moved right at all. I stayed.

But the, but the whole thing is moved. That's what I'm saying. That's. I haven't changed many of my thoughts. It's just that it's gone. I. What was a republic, what was a Democrat, is now Republican.

There's a few of my thoughts that I used to, like, be all in on. And now I'm like, and this is like just about like human psychology. Like, I was all in on universal basic income, which I think is going to be necessary in the future because I think automation and it's something Andrew Yang talked about when he was running for president. I think he's correct that automation and AI is going to just consume so many, especially AI, it's going to consume so many jobs. There's going to be so many people that have to like, rethink their life and figure it out. And I think if we don't compensate those people, somehow or another, we're going to have a real fucking chaotic problem on our hands just to keep people happy and healthy. I think universal basic income might be the way to go. But I used to always think, like, hey, maybe if we gave universal basic income to people, then, you know, they would still be ambitious, but they'd be ambitious in, like, pursuing their own career or developing their own business or, you know, taking that money and using it to be free.

But now I think that human nature, if you give people, there's so many people that if you don't give them a difficult problem to solve. And if you provide them with all their needs, their food and their shelter, they just get lazy 100%. So there's two. Which is what you don't like, right? So there's two things going on simultaneously. It's one, we have to address the fact that there is no way to get around the fact that automation and AI is going to consume a lot of jobs. And I think universal basic income is probably the only solution for some of those people. But then there's also the psychology aspect of it. Like, if you do tell people you never have to work again, most people never have to work again, and they're going to regret it someday one day they're going to look at all these people they admire that have accomplished things, that live these fun, exciting lives, successful lives, and they. And they're gonna fear, envy, and they're gonna feel despair, and they're gonna feel like they could have done something more with their life, but they got trapped. The siren song of comfort led them into the rocks.

That's the devil, the comfort. 100%. Like, all my friends, right? My friends, not all my friends, but during, like, Covid, they're like, what am I gonna do? And this is, like, really stressful, and I don't have any right. And then they got their government money right for, you know, being out of work. And you know what they did, Joe? They bought guitars and baseball cards. And it's like, I don't think you were as struggling as you thought you were.

Well, they needed something to make.

Never enough, you know, so it's like you've got, like, if you give them, they'll say, well, this isn't basic. This basic income. It's not enough for me to really live, because what is really living, you know, like, so it's just always going to be more, right? So it's like it's flustering to try to solve that. You know, the hard works. The answer. Answer.

Well, you're not going to feel happy with no purpose. And that is another thing that we found during COVID One of the things, like, people were so at each other's throats at during COVID it's because everybody was at home, they were all bored, and they're all drunk, freaking out, and just like attacking people over every. Wear a mask.

I know.

Like, everybody was out of their mind.

I lost my mind.

It's like most people did. Especially if you're seeing your life go way because you Maybe you've worked 30 years to develop a business. Then all of a sudden some new thing comes along and you have to shut your business down for a year and a half.

That's not going to work.

I don't have money.

Right.

And you can't get a loan. And like, oh, my God. And the lease payments for the building, they keep coming in like, what am I going to do? And then you're on to crush all.

Small businesses that they claim they care about.

They crush so many fucking restaurants.

Yeah.

They almost crushed the Comedy Store.

Oh, I haven't made money in six months. And now a different group is going to break the windows out of that place that I didn't. So all at the same time.

Yeah.

That's enough to make people.

And people are saying, defund the police. At the same time, you're like, oh, this is great.

That's enough to change my political opinions. And it's enough for a psychopath to grab a gun and go, hey, maybe don't knock out the windows of my store. Like, it was just too much at once.

If someone comes along from the left that is an objective, sensible person that's making sense of, like, immigration, foreign policy, then I'm still left.

Right.

I'm still the same person. I'm still. Because socially, I'm left on almost everything. On almost everything. The. The, you know, the hard right is to me, just like the hard left. The crazy fucks that are out there in the fringes and they, they sort of define the left and define the right for everybody. Like, you define the right by, like, white supremacists. Kkk. You've defined the left by antique, like, right. Jesus Christ. Most people are, like, right here.

Sure.

Most people are like, I just want rules and law and everybody be kind and healthy in a prosperous society and no pollution. And. Yeah, I feel like we could all work together and do a better job of all these different things.

But like Jordan Peterson says, who's, like, my favorite human in the world. I love him so much. But he was saying, like, it's really easy to identify and rebuke the far right. Like, we're very good at identifying it and going, I devour or disavow or whatever the term is. We get. We don't want that.

Yeah.

But then with the left, the very extreme left, we kind of celebrate it and we post it and we brag about it and we go, look how good I am.

I think they thought would finally we have thugs, you know.

Yeah.

That. It's one of those things.

I'm against the far left, it's the bullies.

It. I am.

And the far.

And the far right, it's the bullies. It's the bullies on both sides. The people that just want to use a group and have a bunch of people. They're all together and attack.

Yeah.

And just go smash windows and light things on fire. And then there's also. They get funded to do that, too.

Yeah.

All this shit that you're seeing where the Harris. Where they funded all these different organizations. People fund through political. Through packs. Through all sorts of different methods. Fund all sorts of organizations, Donate to all sorts of organizations. Some of these organizations cause problems.

Yeah.

And they do it because they want them to do it. They want problems.

Yeah. Black lives matter.

When you see stacks of bricks laying around.

Yep.

I'm not buying it. I'm not buying this. Someone left $30,000 worth of bricks around. They were just doing construction. Just conveniently happened at the same time. The protest is here.

Everyone loves coincidences. They think. They think it's all conspiracy theorist.

Yeah. But it's just, you know. And that is another group thing, you know, about being a part of the group. If you're a part of a group that's yelling and lighting things on fire, you know how much fun that must be.

Oh, yeah. For that. Yeah. It's happening.

You're doing it to support black people.

Who doesn't exactly light up Starbucks. Yeah.

You know, and Starbucks is like, what did I do? I didn't do anything.

Yeah. At least when I supported my group, I didn't get a free Xbox. You know, saying like, that's. I don't think you really care about what you believe in. If you. If you're getting lamps and shit.

And then in New York, they have the dumbest way of handling it. They just let people burn themselves out. It's crazy that de Blasio was the worst. You know, it's not even his real name.

No.

Yeah. What's de Blasio's real name? It's some crazy, like, villain name.

His real name's Mookie Bets.

No, it's like a villain. He sounds like a. Like a. A villain. What's his real name? He changed his name to fit it with Warren Wilhelm.

Wilhelm Jr. Bill the. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a. That's a evil name. Warren De. Yeah. Warren Wilhelm Jr.

I like to call myself Jeff D. Jeff D. Senior. And people like, oh, is your son. Oh, no, no, no, no. But if I, you know, just Jeff D, Senor.

If I ever. A Kid. Jeff Junior? Yeah, Jeff Senior.

Jeff Senior.

Yeah. Just preparing for.

You're Joe Rogan Senior.

This is so funny, though. The guy changed his name to make it ethnic. Oh, yeah, the Blasio.

Hey, the Blasio.

The Main, right?

I'm the guy.

Gaba de the Blasio knows how to take care of you. Eat the fries. Get a vaccine. Come on.

William. What happened?

No, no.

Bill. Are you. Are you old man Wilhelm's kid?

You know, that's not me.

That's really.

I'm the guy who pays taxpayers money to interpretive dance performers with masks on in the middle of the street.

You're like Alec Baldwin's wife. You remember her?

Did you ever see the black. Oh, that's. That lady's great, dude.

She's from, like, Connecticut and she's like. How do you say, orange? Is it orange? I'm from Spain. She made up a national. Just made up a whole. Like. That's crazy to me. That's mentally crazy.

She must be sexually.

Yeah, amazing.

I bet she's fine. Any kind of gal to pretend she's a different name.

That's wild.

That lady. That. That lady's fun.

100% percent.

What was I just asking? Oh, the. The video where de Blasio had the performative dancers.

Oh, yeah.

Listen to this. Take it from the beginning so you can hear how stupid this is. Look at this. They all have masks on outside. We need a recovery that brings back the life and the heart and the.

Energy of this city and that everyone.

Gets to be a part of. We're going to do that.

We're going to really bring back the heart and soul in New York City. We need our arts and culture back.

And we need people to see it and feel it, to participate in it.

To know that that essence of New.

York City has not been defeated by the coronavirus. Peak quote come back strong in 2021.

Month after month in 2021, as you.

See the city come back to life, culture will lead the way. Culture. Culture is another step towards a recovery for our city. We're launching with 115 street locations in all five borders. And it brings stations, our neighborhoods and.

Culture to the heart of our neighbors.

I wonder how many of those 115 people in 115 neighborhoods shot at those dancers.

Although when I think of New York City, I do think of people spazzing out in masks like that. I do think of them going like this, like on drugs, asking me for money. That's what I think of when I think of New York this is peak woke.

This is absolute peak woke insanity. Stupid, shitty, out of rhythm, dancing to terrible music while everybody's wearing masks outside. And they spent money on this. And this was his way of bringing the city back through culture.

It's just so unlikeable.

It's peak woke. This is this. I think this moment, this video, this is. The historians will look back at this like, this is.

Oh, yeah.

This is when they clearly lost their fucking mind. The biggest metropolitan city on earth, the one.

Right.

If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere where that mayor, and this is what he's doing with the taxpayer money while he's got the whole city shut down and he wanted to defund the police. They won't believe you let people riot and smash windows and steal things. We need to bring our culture back. Yeah, you need to leave the job. You're terrible at this job.

But people are gonna go, oh, you believe that that wasn't real? You go, look at it. Right? Yeah, yeah. They're gonna go, oh, come on.

Woke insanity. If you try to do that at any other time in history.

Yeah.

If that was in 19, 1990, and the mayor of New York had people dancing with masks on in the street, everybody like, what the is this?

Someone bully them immediately. Yeah, like, what is happening? How did you lose your mind?

But they. That was when everybody was so confused and so mentally ill. I think as a society, we mentally had a cold. We were all like. No one felt healthy. The whole country was mentally ill, like, legitimately.

And that's.

That's how they.

Yeah, that's peak. You know what? I'll say, Joe? They go, that was 2020, dude. Because they'll dismiss it as crazy. They'll go, that was. That's different. 2020. He's going to bring up 2020 again.

As 40 months ago.

Right.

Let it go.

Exactly. Where's the apologies?

What's the big deal?

Where's the.

Hey, we were coming.

Hey, you know, maybe we were wrong about that. When are you ever going to hear that?

Not only do they not admit that they were wrong, but now they're the victim. Victims.

Yeah.

You know, everybody else is spreading misinformation and we have to censor online speech. What about you guys? Yeah, you got us into the Iraq war with misinformation, you cunts.

I've been wrong all the time. And I just go, yeah, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't. I've been wrong on this podcast right now. But, like, the left will just go, no, that's different. Like, I'm like, just. Can you just at least say we're sorry for calling you a super spreading jerk because you wanted to leave your house to get coffee. Can I get one? Yeah.

They were wrong about everything. And they gaslit the whole world. And they got away with it. And they got away with it. And they almost got away with demonizing their political opponent and putting him in jail. They almost caught him in jail.

Oh, my God.

They came real close.

Yeah.

That's convicted of 34 felonies for things that aren't even felonies.

And also, people can't even tell you what those felonies are. They just. It's more fun. It's more to fun to call someone a felony.

Yeah, well, that's why he got convicted in the first place. It was all political.

It was like name calling.

The whole world just lost its mind. In four years. In four years, everybody just. It was like there was so many contributing factors of the hatred of Trump. And then there was the coronavirus, the chaos, and then the racism, the sexism, the George Floyd thing. And then Biden seems to be dead and he's still running the country. Like, what's happening?

I know.

And then, you know, and then now, finally, when Trump won, it was like the first time in a long time. I was like, yeah, maybe we're going to be okay.

Well, see, the stuff that he's saying, I'm very optimistic about it. Yeah.

This is like what most logical, sensible people have been saying.

Well, and also like, like the, the double standard is just really fascinating to me is like, like, what's the Bosa guy from the 49ers? He comes in, like, while they're interviewing the guys that were the stars of the game, he runs up and puts his MAGA hat on. And then he, like, leaves. And everyone's like, well, he's gonna have to be fined for that. Like, you can't make political statements. I'm like, I don't know if you remember that BLM that was like on the field, like all their helmets.

That's not a political.

Pretty political.

Yeah. It's a cultural statement more than it's a politician you're supporting. There's a big difference between.

You don't find that political. Stop. Don't shoot. Isn't political.

It's not political in a sense where someone's running for office. The difference between, like, you're promoting someone running for office while it's on television. Television. And they don't want you doing that on television. The other thing Is like you're taking a cultural stand. It's a different thing. It's got political aspects to it. It's political in nature. It's supported primarily by the left. Right, okay. But it's not the same.

It's not vote for so and so.

Okay, Right. But if you were. If he had a vote for Harris hat on, I bet, Right. Give a fuck.

I don't know. Yeah, but that is the interesting. Like I remember seeing that going, we're gonna have to find all those other players who war defund the police on their things and yeah, you know, little different.

It's different. It's a social issue. But I think the point's the same. It's like these guys are you. It's also, it's like how many of these fucking dudes who do this stuff just do it because they know they're gonna get social media cred.

Oh yeah, that's tough to figure out too.

Yeah, there's a lot of that in the world today. Like when people know that you can say certain things get. It's hard to know what you really think.

Right. I've gotten accused of pandering right there. Like, oh, he's pandering to the right or whatever. You know, finesse. Mitchell goes, you got real political lately to me. And I was like, we're just saying what I think. Also, like I said too is like when I was in Seattle, you know, and I was like making jokes like, nobody goes, wow, you're really leaning into this left stuff. You know, like when comics are going up and talking about all the things they talk about, I don't go trying to make that Obama money. Huh? Like, no, they just are saying what they think.

Yeah.

Nobody ever accuses people of pandering until you do it like on the conservative side. Well, then they think you're pandering.

People do. Like when they catch people pandering though.

If you can catch them. But how do you know?

Well, they like to accuse people of pandering if they disagree with what that person says. Yeah.

Bingo. And our community, like as far as stand up comedians has been very left leaning always. I've never once gone, oh, you're pandering to fit in here, or you're pandering to get on the Tonight show or you're pandering to get on Jimmy Kimmel.

Definitely do though, for sure.

But I never accused him of that because how am I supposed to know if they really feel like that way or not?

Right? But then I say something I really don't care as long as it's funny. Right. If you're pandering, but it's really hilarious. But the problem with me, what I really get grossed out by is clapter.

Oh, yeah. I'm guilty of it sometimes lately for sure. Just in certain scenarios, I've done it. Yeah.

Where people just the only one say things that people are going to clap and agree to punchline. Like, hey, you missed a whole part of this whole formula we're all participating in here. This is a comedy club. We're coming here for funsies.

100%.

Yeah.

Yeah. And I think also too, it's like, that's why it's hard. That's why it's really rough to accuse someone of it.

Yeah.

Because you don't know, like, what is the difference between pandering and just playing to a crowd, Joe? You got to read the crowd, right? Well, what's the difference between pandering and reading the crowd?

Yeah.

I guess reading a crowd is pandering. So then I guess, yes, in a way I'm a guilty of it, but we all are.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess I've never been one for reading a crowd.

I was like, you just do your thing.

Let's find out.

I like that.

Let's find out how much of this.

Stuff works in Madison, Wisconsin. They go, did or no, I was in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, somewhere in Wisconsin. The people after the show go, I bet you don't do that material in la. I go, damn sure I do. Yeah, I do. Yeah. I do this material in LA for sure.

Yeah. People have this bizarre idea that you change your act depending upon who's in the crowd.

Right.

You know how hard it is to come up with all this stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

Takes me like fucking six months to come up with 20 hard to one.

New jokes needs to be blossomed into a thing. It needs to be watered. But I will say, like, I'll change, you know, read a crowd. Like, if it's a corporate event, I'm gonna do different material. I'll do different words of the same bits and things if I have to, like, I have to adjust, you know?

Yeah. Oh, that's a different gig though, right? Yeah, the corporate gig is just I'm only like hiking up my skirt and stick my ass up in the air, dude. That's all it is.

That's the real luxury of being a successful, like, as successful as, you know, a lot of you comedians are.

You don't have to do that.

You don't have to do that.

The corporate.

I don't have to, but I still get offered it and I say yes, and I'm going, oh, stuff.

Yeah. Ron White did one. He goes, I did it because they offered me a fuckload of money. And it was the worst experience I ever had in my fucking life. Stressful.

Why'd you do it? You shouldn't have done it.

He'll do his fucking. Terrible.

Yeah, stressful. It also is kind of exciting, though. I kind of crave those moments where I'm, like, nervous again. Like that. Like in February, when I came into the mothership for the first time, I was like, oh, this is exciting. Behind the curtain. Little nervous.

Yeah.

A little nervous to go out there. You're up in the balcony. Why? I'm going. I'm a little like. I like this. Like, the first time I did the Tonight Show, I had all these, like, butterflies. Like, that was. I like. I live for those kind of moments. So, like, you know, sometimes I'll take a corporate.

I'm going to do it live. I'm pretty nervous.

I'd love to.

Yeah, that's.

I'd love to.

That. I did that because it made me nervous. I. I said no to it at first.

Really?

Yeah. I was like, it's done.

One shot.

Yeah. But then I thought, why being pussy? Then I called my manager back. I said, don't say no yet. Let me call you tomorrow. I called it the next day. I'm like, all right, we're good.

I love it. I think that's the future.

Well, it's definitely. You prepare for it more and you think about it in a different way than a regular show. Like, I prepared so much more than I ever do normally.

We didn't have to sit around approving edits from people at a big corporation with a bunch of laptops who aren't creative, who go, maybe this bit. And you go, I'm the comedian. Why are you editing that? And so, like, I think lives the future.

I had to do that once with a Comedy Central. I had a Comedy Central deal to do a special and I bailed on it.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Just after the phone call, like, yeah, can't.

Yeah.

So it's like, you can't say that. I'm like, why not? What are you talking about? Do you guys want funny or not funny? Cable, they've changed their standards, though. And then, like, by 2014, I got away with a lot. I got away with a lot when I did a Comedy Central Special in 2014, but they now. I don't even know what they make anymore. Other than South Park Central. I mean, do they even have south park anymore?

I'm not sure if they're making new episodes, but they have that. They play a lot of reruns of things, and then they also have all those Daily Shows and all that stuff does good for them.

Okay, Daily show, but, like, they used to have so many shows.

I know. I just don't think TV can compete with Internet anymore.

No. And they had an app, too. I know. Comedy Central had an app for a while. I don't. I don't know if they still have that running. They still have a Comedy Central app.

You want to hear a good story about.

That? Makes sense. And that's where the new south park episodes are. Right.

What's that comedian's name that Joe List just made a documentary about? Gosh, he's a great guy from Boston. He now lives in the Keys of Florida. He's a Boston comic, kind of a legend.

Tom Dustin.

Tom Dustin, yeah. There's a great Tom Dustin story in Boston where the women that ran Comedy Central were, like, in the crowd, and it's like a showcase thing, and the owner's like, just keep it clean. This is, you know, that's the thing. And Tom Dustin is already kind of a controversial guy as far as, like, the booker was like, you know. You know, our reputation here, and we're letting you do this because we want to help you, but, like, play ball. So Tom Dustin goes out there, and he's struggling a bit, and then he just. In the middle of set, he just decides, I don't want to do this, you know, Like, I don't want to jump through these hoops. So he goes, I heard Comedy Central's here. And everyone clap. And he goes, how many fat, bearded, unfunny are you gonna put on the network this year? And everyone's, like, mortified. And then he's like. Like, he. Like, they're lighting him. Get off the stage. Get off the stage. And then he. He raps.

He's.

Ah, that's it. I'm out of here. And then he comes back and he goes, oh, I forgot, you're all a bunch of N word cunts.

Yeah.

Just says that to the. The audience and that. Like that, like. Because he just wanted to stick it to the comedy club and the. And the people that. Yes, I'm Dustin. Yeah, yeah. Great funny guy.

Dude. Must have missed him.

He's, you know, he's grinding. He's grinding it out. One of those Boston boys.

And where does he live now?

Now he Lives in the. He started a comedy club in Key West.

What's it called? I know there is a comedy club in Key west that a lot of people go down to. It's supposed to be a fun game.

Doug does it, just Stanhope does it. I know Swartzen. I don't know Swartz has done it, but I know Swanson was down there when I was down there.

So he just works his own club?

Yeah, just made his own. Started his own club. He's happy. Pretty cool.

Kind of what I did, comedy.

You guys did it in different ways. Joe.

Joe List.

Oh, yeah. There you go, Sam. Talent. That's pretty cool. Hell yeah, it's great.

Be fun to do a gig down there. Just for funsies.

Yeah. That help him out a lot too.

It's a fun area. Those people are wild people. I mean, that's been a wild place for a long ass time.

Very unchartered territory.

Yeah. Like, you know, no mats. It's pretty cool.

I like it there. Yeah. And you can't just fly into the Keys. I mean, I. If you can. I didn't know that you could because I had to drive. Dave Williamson drove me for like three hours, like a week. Like, how long have we been in the Keys? He's like, the gig's up here, don't worry.

Cruise ship, that's.

Well, yeah, I think that's how they get there, actually. Yeah. Have you done cruises? Been on cruises? No.

No, not me, dude.

Not into it.

Yeah, no.

Well, you know, it's funny about the cruise ships. While we're talking about like corporate corruption, it's international waters. So, like the casino, you kill you. Well, the casino, you're like, this kind of is. This kind of feels unfair. And they're like, who are you gonna complain to?

No one.

There's no pit boss that goes, don't worry. This is all sanctioned by get you.

Drunk and steal your money.

Oh, and the games are rigged. Just steal it. You go, I would like to talk to the casino commission. They go, shut up. You're in the middle of the ocean, you know, and you talk to the guy that works there. You're like, hey, buddy, how much you, you know, make? I make like a dollar a week or what, you know, like, it's like some crazy thing you got there. They're just allowed to do that.

They give them free food and a bed. Yeah.

And the guy's more than where I live, you know?

How about those folks that, like live on cruise ships? You know, those certain folks, they gave up their house and they just on a cruise ship all year round.

I will say, and I promise, I'm not trying to be contrarian here, because I love Tim Dillon. I love, like, all these guys who will on cruise ships. And they're right. Every bit of criticism that my favorite people in my life criticize about cruise ships. The other side of that coin is some people just want to eat and look at things. They want to be. There are some people. It's nice for my dad, you know, like, he's. He's happy to just go, okay, what are they playing? Rush Hour two. All right. Like, it's okay. Those people are enjoying it. Sure.

It's a vacation. And you wear with a whole bunch of people sunburned. You're all sitting around, you got water slides and all kinds of to do.

And yeah, yeah, it's fine for that.

I get it.

Yeah.

It's not my brain. Right.

I don't want to do it.

I don't think up that nightmare for me.

But then every three days, you get to waddle your fat ass off the boat and see, you know, Puerto Rico for three hours, and then you get back on the boat. Some people, that's. That's a pretty cool deal.

Some people.

Some people, yeah. Yeah.

I don't want to perform on those things. Well, how many times have you done it?

Oh, I've only been on a cruise ship, like, probably three times, and I got, like, some special deal.

Where are you doing stand up? Or were you.

I got to do stand up, Joe. What a thing. One of the other comics, Tom Cotter, goes, you don't be here.

I know Tom.

Yeah, Tom's awesome. He was the other comic on the boat. He saw that I was doing it. He goes, dude, you don't want to be on here. He's like, go. Got the rest of your life to be on a cruise ship. Like, if this is where you want to end up. And. And he was speaking to the comedy aspect of it, like, it was just pretty.

That's a dark state.

Depressing. Yeah.

Because Tom's my age.

Tom's awesome.

I've known Tom since we were open mikers.

Really?

Yeah. The first time I ever went to an open mic night, I saw Tom on stage. Really?

I just found out that Greg Fitzsimmons was a Boston guy.

He started a week after me.

Really?

Yeah, we both started. Started together.

Do you consider yourself a Boston guy?

Yeah, that's where I started.

Nice.

Yeah. I think you develop a kind of sense of comedy and of urgency and like, the audience's attention span and like, the comics from Boston have, you know, at least back in that day, they had a sharp material. They're like you. There were too many good comics. It was. It was also like a real. It was a real pressure cooker because you had these guys that were these national levels, old comics that could have been some of the best comics in the country, but they never left Boston.

Right.

And so you're always working with these guys, these Steve Sweeney, Don Gavin, Kevin Knox, Lenny Clark. They were monsters.

Yeah, Lenny would have been pissed if he didn't say him right there.

Oh, he's a monster. He was the first guy, the second guy actually ever get paid to open for.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

Those guys are rock stars. And then they stayed put. And so you guys have to compete with the rock stars.

Exactly. So Lenny got out and he did a lot of TV shows and a bunch of stuff, but a lot of those guys, they stayed put and they. They were still like Steve Sweeney. He's to this day one of the greatest killers on stage I've ever seen in my life. They got destroyed back in the day. I mean, destroyed. And Boston did a dirty thing. They did a dirty thing. The dirty thing was like, say if you're a famous comedian and you're coming to play Nick's comedy stop for the weekend, like Billy Crystal. They would put on Don Gavin. Oh, just Barry, Kevin Knox, Steve Sweeney. Oh, was hell. Mike Donovan.

I like that.

And they would just eat.

Gotta earn it.

And they would love that. These guys would eat.

I like that.

They bring in a head. They pay him all this money to go perform at this club. This is a club, by the way, that would pay you in coke or cash.

Oh, yeah, that's old days. Yeah, right there. I've only read about that, which makes me so happy. Like, you want coke money or just coke or just money?

Back in the day, there was a club that used to do that.

I like that.

And I think probably more than one.

Oh, for sure.

I mean, these were partying people.

I would hear about that all the time.

You know how they all got hit up, though?

Oh, yeah.

Getting paid cash. Well, they all didn't pay their.

I remember opening for Greg Geraldo as like the club that I started at. Like, we were. He just used the open micrs as free openers and like. And also, like, pick up the comedian at the airport. And we wanted to pick up Greg Geraldo and Chris Porter, all these guys. We were excited to pick up the comics from the airport. But that was his way of not having to pay a car service to pick up the comics from the airport.

Or the club owner did that.

Yeah, the club owner. And then. But then he'd also be like, you guys are all going to do short sets in front of the headliner, which we're excited to do. But that also means he doesn't have to pay us to open, so he doesn't have to pay for a middle or host. So it was a trick. But we were happy to be part of the trick because we just wanted stage time. You get to hang out with Greg, Geraldo, how you're being an intern. Yeah, it felt like that. Yeah. And I was happy with the trick. You know, that stage time is valuable, but I got to meet all like my heroes, you know, that came through. And I remember Greg Giraldo. You know, he's tore. He's. He's clean now. He's trying to be an honor, honorable husband. And he's, you know, he's got the fix. And he would just be like, you know, Jeff, if this was back in the day, we would been knee deep in coke. And I'm like, let's do that now. Like, why, why do I. How did I miss it? You know, like, I'm reading about all these tales.

It's unsustainable.

Yeah.

The only guy who's been able to sustain partying for entire career, Stan Hope.

Yeah, well. Or they die. Dangerfield was doing it till the end.

He did it to the. Yeah, he was smoking pot and doing lines to the very end. Yeah.

But he was committed.

Oh, come on.

Yeah. Well, this is comedy.

The notes.

And you saw me browsing those last night. I was pretty into that.

Yeah.

How'd you get them?

His wife. His wife gave him to us.

Really?

Yeah. Whitney knows his wife and when she found out we were opening up the club.

I love that. I love stuff like that.

I want to do something like what he did, where he had Rodney Dangerfield and Friends, where he did those HBO shows.

Oh, yeah.

Introduce you guys to like some of the best comics. I want to do something like that.

You'd help a lot of guys, let me tell you.

Because. Because doing that like from the mothership would be fucking amazing.

That would help a lot of guys.

I think there's guys out there that could use it too. There's guys out there that have like 10 minutes of murder and just put those 10 minutes of murder together and, you know, have four or five guys on a show and have some fun.

Would you be Able to commit to picking the guys you like as opposed to the guys that Netflix wants you to plug?

No. If I was going to do Joe Rogan and Friends, it would have to be people that I really think are fun. I love that, whether I know them or not. Like, people that are really admire. And that's what he did. What Rodney did was different than anybody else other than Carson, who wasn't really a comedian. Right. So Johnny Carson was the way that everybody got famous.

You got on the Tonight show, the new Carson.

You get to sit next to Carson. Like, holy shit, I'm sitting next to Carson. And like, he likes you so much. You made it. You were headlining comedy clubs after that and traveling around the country. And, you know, these guys, like, Rich Jenny did like dozens. Dozens of.

Yeah, Richard Jenner was great.

Amazing.

A very unhappy man, but, like a talented man.

Super depressed.

Yeah.

But then you had Rodney, and what Rondi did is he introduced people to the HBO special comedians. So these weren't comedians, like, Tonight show clean comedians. These were guys like Robert Schimmel, Dice Clay, Bill Hicks, Sam Kinison, Dom Herrera. Killers, Lenny Clark. Killers. Killers.

Yeah.

And, like, headliners already. Like. And then they all got HBO specials and they. They all became, like, national talent and, like people that would see them everywhere. But it all came out of Rodney because Rodney had this desire to introduce these comics to the rest of the world, whereas nobody else was doing that.

And I love that. That's like, that's how you help people, is by going, hey, I know this guy isn't famous. He doesn't have a sitcom. Yeah, but I. Right, I'm. I'm funny. Here's the guy that I think is funny. I think. I think our Rodney Dangerfield is dipping. Joke, joke, joke, joke. Just crushing killer. I think our Larry the Cable Guys, Theo Vaughn, like, you know, like, it's got the voice and the things and the. You don't know what is a story and what is a joke. You know our Eddie Murphy's Kevin Hart, you can cut. You know, our Normie is. Or Norm MacDonald is kind of a Mark Norman. Like, we have these kind of next guys sort of.

I think they're all their own thing.

They are their own thing.

Yeah. I mean, I don't really think it's our this or. I don't think about it that way.

Well, you don't think styles influence people?

Yeah, they definitely do.

For sure.

Sure. I. I think, you know, like, if you listen to Stephen Wright, then you listen to Mitch Hedberg.

Yeah, that. And that's Great.

Yeah, that.

That's that beautiful.

Absurdist non sectors. Yeah.

I'm very inspired by Norm and Patrice and Simpson. Like, if you watch my act, you can go, I can. I know all the things this guy watched for.

I think it tells his own thing. Like, it tells. I think he's one of the greatest of all time. I really do.

Oh, I think so too.

I saw him at the Mothership one night. I came in just to watch the set. It was amazing.

Machine gun joke.

And he's so in the groove. He's just this Zen master on stage. Every. Every beat is perfect. He's a master.

I love him.

He's so good. He's so good at just talking shit too. When he has everybody come on stage with them, he gives everybody a microphone. They just start shitting on him.

Yeah, he's the best. He also, like, has still, like, he still maintained people. Like, when you don't change, you know, like, if you're a fat celebrity, you better stay fat. We don't want to see you skinny you. And if. And if you're a skinny person, you get fat. They go, what happened? You know, like, we don't like any. That's why kid child stars are doomed because they're going to have to change. And, you know, I liked him when he was a cute kid, you know, But I think the same thing is true with, like a tell. He still looks like he's broke.

Yeah.

You look at a tell, you like that guy is.

He dresses the same way every time you see him. Even on his special is wearing a. It could be 80 degrees outside. He's got a jacket like a do.

Rag and a hat. I love that. And I love that. Like, you're like, you're like, is he okay? Like, that's one of the best comedians in the world. He's crushing it.

Yeah, but he's really in his own little world. Like, he really does still read newspapers and he writes jokes in a coffee shop. And his flip phone, he texts you.

No. From a flip phone. I didn't know that.

Every time I get a text from him, I appreciate it because I know how long it took to make these fucking things take forever. And he was in here in the studio and he was sitting there. He had text somebody.

He was going, what are you doing? Yeah. You're like my dad. That's wild.

But he's right, right. If you don't want to be connected to that world, you don't want to be influenced in. Just stay in the zone. And who's better at staying in the zone than him. Nobody.

Yeah.

Who's better at coming up with new material? Nobody.

Yeah, he's awesome.

He. So he's just, like, found this area to exist in. He's like, I'm good. Yeah, I'm good.

I love it. I. I think he's one of the greats. So I. Or we agree that he's one of the greats. I had a. A couple of friends. This is a long time ago. We just went to a theater show. We saw this comic. He wasn't very funny. They love to do that. I saw the special. It sucked. You know, like, they love to shit on it. Better than just going, we enjoyed it. And so I go, who'd you see? And they go, I can't remember his name, but we'll text you if we can remember, or whatever. And I was like, okay, these are good friends of mine. And so then, like, later on, they're like, oh, it was Dave Attell. And I go, oh, you were wrong. You are just wrong. And they're like, no, it was really bad. I go, wrong. You're wrong. There's just no way that that is. And I think that that's, like, the discipline disconnect of, like, maybe a theater show also, or, like, a Netflix special.

You know, talking to your friends. Were you looking at your phone?

They wanted some crowd work or something. I don't know what they expected, but I was like, you're wrong. Like, that's one of the greatest.

Yeah.

I think sometimes if a venue's too big, you know, and the person's all smart, like, maybe that's. There's a disconnect there, maybe, But I don't know.

But there's usually screens. Yeah, it's. People have shitty tastes.

Yeah. I couldn't believe it.

Yeah, I've heard things like that before about other comedians that I think are awesome. Like, shut up.

When also the stadium's laughing and going, this guy's the best. And then my dumb friends are gone.

Cheap jokes. You mean my favorite kind. Shut the up. I like a good, cheap joke.

Yeah, exactly.

A cheap joke that makes me laugh.

Did it work?

Yeah, I'm not. Yeah, I'm not necessarily connoisseur. I'm just here to have a good time.

Well, that's. I do think that's a good thing, too, about taste. Like, I think it was in Dave Grohl's book where he was like, I'll eat, like, I'll drink shitty coffee from, like, a gas station, but also appreciate Like a nice espresso. And I think that's a good way to like, think about even, like, jokes.

Yeah.

I'll take a one line or a cheap joke. I'll take a story, a misdirection. I'll take anything.

Just let me make me laugh.

Yeah. I like the good stuff and the bad stuff. Yeah.

But the thing that's hard for comics is to maintain an audience enthusiasm. Right. Like, to watch comedy, like, and appreciate it like you used to before you were a comic, because you know the tricks and this. It's one way to. You, like, when you see someone doing hacky stuff, you're like, yuck. But just fun. Just have a good time.

Yeah.

Don't start breaking down someone's bits. Or cricket. See, comics, they can't laugh. Watching things and everything is like, I don't know, a little extra time to get to this joke. Could have edited that out a little bit better. You start, like, you know too much.

Right. I did that early. I'd police guys, Right. Like when I was, like, a passionate obsessed with comedy, open micro, I would be like, you know, so and so has a bit about that subject, and it's like, yeah, like, we're all talking about the same subjects, you know? But I would be the guy that would be like, well, you shouldn't do that because Daniel Tosh has a thing, you know, like. But it was all bullshit. It was just me being so passionate about it that I was over.

You're probably applying those standards to yourself too.

Yeah. Oh, for sure.

Yeah. So that's part of it. You see someone who's like, come on, man. You know that Gilbert Gottfried had a bit about that.

Yeah. But, like, also just. You don't want to overthink it. I think you're 100% right. Like, have fun with the crowd. Be out there.

Yeah. And just be able to enjoy different kinds of comedy, too. And just some people just can't. And there's so many people, particularly left wing comics. Like, comedy has to align up with their ideology or they just won't. They won't get into it. They can't.

I hate it.

I used to see that with Dice Clay. That was the big one. And we were talking about this last night because, like, I came in as, like, a Dice Clay fan when I was a kid, and by the time Dice had gotten kicked off of MTV and it was like, in fashion for comedians to call him a sexist and a pig and like, this guy is. It's a character.

Yeah. What are you talking about?

Also, it's like, shut the fuck up, right? And then there was, like, so much jealousy. There's a jealousy about him too, because he was the first comic that ever sold out arenas. So he was selling out arenas when everybody else was, like, struggling to, like, fill a weekend at a little comedy club. Like, what? And these guys all started with him. And he was one of those guys that got on running Dangerfield special and just took off.

Interesting.

He did his own special, I think it was just, I think was called Dice Rules. And that special took off. And then, dude, he was everywhere. And it wasn't. It was different than any other kind of comedy because everybody knew the nursery rhymes and they wanted to say it with them, the hit. So it was like going to a concert. Yeah, you know, what's in the bowl? And everybody go, yeah.

Which different. If anyone was to criticize, you know, like, I know a lot of the old dogs in Boston would be like, these guys aren't doing anything different. But. Right, that's different.

Yeah.

So you get something that's different that's working, and then people will kind of get mad. They, you claimed you wanted something different, and it's working. It's working and it's different.

Just because you do a different thing, like, if you're an observation comic, because you do a different thing, doesn't mean that that thing that all tens of thousands of people are screaming and cheering for is wrong.

Right. 100%.

That's a crazy way of looking.

I'll give you a great example. I was at Skank Fest, right, this year in Vegas, which. What a tree. And so grateful to them for having me. So I don't ever want to make it sound like I'm not grateful, but I went and watched Carrot Top. Scott Thompson, right. I went over to. I went over to the Luxor, I watched the show, and then I come back to Skank Fest and I was like, oh, we were at Carrot Top, you know, and people were like, carrot Top. I was like, he's better than all of us. Just so you know.

It's funny.

It's great, Joe. 90 minutes of not missing it was relevant as far as, like, he was doing topical things. He had P. Diddy joke that happened, like, the night before I saw him. Like, he had all the, you know, it wasn't all props. There was a lot of topical stuff, tons of Trump stuff, political stuff. There was like three, like maybe a one minute segment where I was. Because I was going in with an open mind, like, if it's gonna be Shit. I'll say it's shit. And if it was great, I'll say it's great. And there was one little chunk that I was like, that's a little hacky. And it's like a Vegas Luxor joke about how they made it a pyramid, because if you try to jump out the window, you'll just end back up at the casino. I've heard that kind of thing. But then I started thinking about it. I was like, no, he probably wrote that. He's been doing this for 29 years. Sometimes you watch Prior and he'll be like, black women are like, that's white. And you go, that's hacky. No, he did it first. In my mind, I was like, 90 minutes of not missing.

And he's the nicest guy in the world, and he's crushing it. It's a great, great, great show.

Well, he was a guy that in the early days when he was taking off, everyone shit on. Everyone shit on, including Hicks. Hicks had a whole bit about Carrot.

Top, which sucks because he's so good.

It was just a jealousy thing. It was just shitting on the guy who was doing this thing that you think is somehow another coloring outside the lines, which is crazy to make any sense. And then he also kind of was alienated from everybody because he did. Then he did a residency in Vegas. He was like one of the first big guys to just do it. He's been in Vegas forever.

29 years.

That's so crazy. That's a long time.

And that means it must be pretty good. Like it was.

It does well.

Oh, man. I want you to see. Have you seen it?

Really nice guy.

I want you to. Oh, you saw. It's so good. And I couldn't. He was. Couldn't have been more humble and like, it was just like such a nice guy. And I said this to him. I wanted him to hear that. Like, you know, all the hate that my, like, comedy friends do is just because it's become a thing.

Yeah.

It's not because it's real. So, like, I think this happens in life. Like, people go, henry Winkler. Jeff, you worked with Henry Winkler. Isn't he the nicest guy in the world? Yes, Henry Winkler is the nicest guy in the world. But so are a lot of people.

Right?

But we've learned Henry Winkler's the nice. So we just repeat it, you know? Oh, Taylor Swift only sings about her ex boyfriends. Every musician sings about their X's. Why is that Taylor Swift's thing? It's just got A lot. But it's just something we've heard and we repeat as, like, a hacky thing. And I think that's the same with Carrot Top. It became hack. It became, like, a trend to make fun of him. But, yeah, he didn't deserve it. That act is killer.

Yeah, there's a lot of that. That's Trump as a Nazi, right? Yeah.

It's not fair.

Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of that. There's narratives, there's headlines, clickbait. Narratives that just get spread.

I don't know. I hate it.

It's easy to define people in a certain way.

They'll say, oh, I see it in, like, small things. Oh, you know, you swallow 10 spiders. Spiders a year ago. They don't. What, are you sleeping outside with your mouth open? What are you talking about? Why are people repeating these things that aren't. Oh, you know, you lose a million hairs a month. You're like, no, you don't. Like. Where are these things being repeated or perpetuated?

The Internet. Just like we were talking about how much Lizzo made.

Yeah. Just like. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Which I'm probably gonna wear that a little bit, but I think we got to the bottom of it.

Well, we probably. Probably. Or at least semi accurate. I just wonder who came up with that list in the first place.

Well, but that's the difference between me saying something wrong on your podcast and millions of people repeating a thing that they heard about Carrot Top. You know what I'm saying? I don't understand how that becomes a reputation. And now this guy lives in some world where he goes, everyone hates me, and even Family Guy's shitting on me. I don't deserve this.

Well, one of the things he said that after he came on my show, he started getting a lot of love. Oh, good. Said it was way different. A lot of people.

That's great.

Shows that had, like, fans of my show and then wanted to come see him and.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's like he turned a corner, and he should have never had to do that. I never met the guy.

Right.

I didn't meet him until I did a podcast with him.

Yeah.

So for me, it was like. It was cool to just, like, just.

Yeah. Just chill.

Have fun with them. Let him get out of that.

Right.

You know, he's a comedian. Yeah. And he's a nice guy.

Yeah.

He's not hurting anybody. Sweetheart of a guy. Right.

I feel like, what happened to more prop comics?

They all went away because he's so successful. He defined prop comedy.

He's like Weird Al.

Yeah.

You don't see parody music anymore. Weird Al goes. I got 50 albums. Who's next?

You don't see anybody smashing Watermelons Gallon. That's the only one.

Yeah. Well, I guess Bo Burnham does musical parody, but it's not the same.

Sure, he does it, but he started on YouTube, right?

Yeah.

That was like.

But it isn't like he doesn't taste. Take a song. You know how, like, Weird I would take Michael Jackson's song. So you knew the song and then you'd repeat. Yeah, yeah.

Which is great.

Yeah. I loved Weirdo. I haven't thought about him in a long time.

But like. But Prop com, it's over. It's. It like puppet comics, they went away. You have Jeff Dunham and that's it.

What was the guy? I know you'll know this.

Otto and George.

He was the best. So funny.

Oh, my God.

Dirty.

I used to work with. Do these prom shows at Dangerfields. So when I first moved to New York City, Dangerfields was one of the clubs that I worked at the most because it was like, first of all, I couldn't believe it was Rodney Dangerfield's club. And they actually filmed one of Dangerfield specials there.

She was like a fan of Dangerfield.

Oh, huge fan. And we do these prom shows. The prom shows would start like 7pm or whatever it was, and they would go on until 4 o'clock in the fucking morning. And it was kids, like, from the Bronx and Staten island. They'd come in on busses and limos and they'd all be drunk and they would fill up these little clubs with these kids and then just want you to do the same material the next show so the kids leave. So they never had the kids leave. So they would tell you, hey, you gotta stop doing new material. Do the same material every time. I'm like, I'm not doing the same material.

Why?

I'm not gonna bomb. Yeah. I'm here to do my set. You can't tell me what to do. You've got me here for five sets. If you got five. If I look in that same drunk kid is in the front row. Yeah, I'm gonna do a new set.

Yeah, that's great.

You know, I have another 10 minutes grow.

Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it was ridiculous, but the shows would go on forever and ever. And I did a bunch of them with Otto.

Oh, wow. I'm so jealous to hear that. Do you think that the Internet has a lot of Otto and George? Like, you can find stuff because you.

Had to see him live. Because you couldn't believe what the fuck he was saying. He was so wild. He would say the craziest and then he would say to the. The puppet, I George, what the are you saying? Can't talk like that.

Yeah. Which is great. You got it out. But it's your hand that's the. Oh, here we go. Yeah. It's so funny.

Dirtiest dozen 1988.

I love it. I love that this is on the Internet. I'm uncomfortable here. Got to take a and everything. Sorry. I had a ride here in the chunk of the car. It sucked. It was boring. I turtle waxed my dick. I was so fucking bored in there. Johnson's Turtle Wax. Three coats. I want to see the water jumping off of it. That's right. I got a wooden cock. I was circumcised with a pencil sharpener. At least I stay hard when I'm drunk laughing off your fucking hot arms.

Georgia, please watch it.

There are ladies here. There's ladies here. Blowjobs, protein Slurpees. Check it out. He's like a star to me. Who saw this movie E Goes Down Blowjobs. My girlfriend gave me skull last night. She did a good job. When she was done, my looked like a totem pole and her face looked like a glazed donut. I just love the idea. Like, the premise is preposterous.

But you had to see him live. If you saw him live and you were in the room with him, it.

Was so fun on that in that that's been a like. I know everyone talks about blowjobs now, but like back at the time, that's pretty like edgy stuff.

This is 88, right?

Yeah.

So he was a kind of a wild dude. And, you know, unfortunately that kind of cost him a lot of substances. Oh, wow. Yeah, well, yeah, A little off the rails, a little crazy.

We had a couple of guys through these knuckleheads who lived in Seattle, but we looked up to him because anyone that was, you know, anyone who's like an older brother or somebody in comedy was a big deal to us. And they did a thing called Robo and he had his own MySpace page and everything. And it was just this terrible robot. It was a trash can that they just put a box head on and they had like two button, like it was on a race car kind of thing, so it could only spin and the eyes would light up. And then when you hit like a thing, it would make his mouth make a little line of lights and the guy would Just be in the back. A comedian would be in the back reading his jokes off the notepad. Well, Ro. Oh, here it is, Robo. And the jokes were just so funny. His head would fall off sometimes. But he'd be like, why do women wear makeup and perfume? Cuz they're ugly and they stink. And then he would like spin around.

Over here, some of it.

The bathroom, to take a leak. I need to get that fixed. I can't understand it.

No.

There offered me some cocaine. I said, no thanks, I'm already wired. Get it? Just terrible shit. But like, yeah, you would just be like, why do women get their periods? Because they deserve it. And then all you, like spin around and people would leave. I mean, it's an open mic. It was not like at least Autumn George had like a sold out. This would be two guys just drunkenly having a good time with terrible jokes and putting it on the robot, which.

Is actually a really good idea.

Oh, funny.

What's cool, because you can get that robot to say things. Just like you can get south park to say things. They're not real people.

It's not me in the back with a microphone. It's the robot.

Yeah, it's Cartman.

Right.

Human. There's a big round thing.

He said one time they got booked too. Like our actual. Like the first time someone tried to book them. Like, hey, Rob, oh, we would love to have you at our venue. It's like, no, it's Robo. Like it's not like that. It might have been an automated thing or something, but they thought it was so funny that someone tried to book them off of a video like that. I love that kind of stuff though.

Well, somebody probably thought that was a real act. Yeah, you could take it somewhere.

I love it.

You probably could have. I mean someone could easily do that.

Yeah.

I mean, how hard is it to do?

It's so funny.

Have you seen that comedian on Kill Tony? What is the gentleman's name that has? He has some sort of a neurological condition where he can't talk. So he has a Bluetooth speaker.

Oh yeah.

Does his jokes.

I haven't seen him on Kill Tony.

Comedy Club in like two weeks.

Oh, that's calendars. Aaron B. Aaron B. Very nice guy. Funny too.

Yeah, I know. I've seen this guy on AGT or something.

Right. That's what it was. It was on America's Got Talent.

Yeah, I've seen him. I. I almost did a thing after I had to follow him somewhere.

I can't remember.

It was. And oh, but it was for, like, Lewis J. Gone was one of these shows where being mean is like, okay, you know? Yeah. They were like, yeah. It encouraged. It was like, louis J. Is like, you gotta tell your most fucked up joke first and then try to get out of the hole. And in my mind, I'm like, this sounds like a nightmare. Yeah. But they tell us to do that. Yeah. And every comic made the same mistake where we. Where we came out and went. We tried to get a, you know, we, you know, comics, we try to play. We try to get around the rules a little bit. I was going. He told us we had to say the most fucked up joke first. So we all did that kind of buffer. So it just didn't work for any of us. But that guy was before me. And so I thought about just recording into my phone like a thing and acting like I'm him as like my first thing. And I was like, this isn't gonna go over well. I'm just gonna. Yeah, yeah.

No one's gonna be on your side.

Right? So. But I was like, I. You get a little more brave.

That guy's incredible balls to do that, but can barely walk, you know, can't move his arms.

Well, playing your hand. Yeah, he's playing his hand and dealt that.

Yeah.

And he's making the fucking best of it.

He's headlining the Key West 100%. Yeah.

I love it.

That's a great example.

Yeah, yeah, he's in. Go. Oh, this is bullshit. Send me money.

You have to piss so bad.

What's up?

I have to piss so bad. All right, should we wrap this up? Yeah, let's do it, dude. Last Cowboy.

Yes. Last Cowboy in LA comes out today. Today, right. This comes out tomorrow.

Where can people see it?

Yeah, yeah. So it comes out today. When you. If you're hearing this, it's on. 800 pound gorilla is the name of the production company. So, like, just go to YouTube site search Jeff Dye, last cowboy in LA. You can find it.

Hopefully you can search it. Yeah, hopefully you're algorithm.

There's some of this Died Trump and Interview. Oh, yeah, let's. Can we watch this? Would that be all right?

I mean, technically hasn't premiered yet.

I know, but this is a little. This little trailer. Can we watch the trailer? Is that all right?

Yes. Watch the trail and we'll wrap this up. Everybody go see it.

Rock bottom in Hollywood, California. That is a bad place for rock bottom because everyone is mean to you there in Hollywood. Everyone. My entire career, everybody in Hollywood's been like, you're not even famous. I've never heard of you. You're not famous. You're not even famous. You're not famous. I have never heard of you. You're not famous. You're not even famous. Right? And then I have one bad day, and it's like, famous comedian crashes car fights cop. I'm like, God damn it.

Where'd you film this?

Nashville? Yes. Yes. Also, I. If I'm honest, I actually like trans women better than I like regular women. I do. Have you ever talked to a trans woman? They're great. They're like dudes. Just raw dog in life, you know?

Was this at Zany's?

No. Music venue.

Goo dog.

This is brave, what I'm doing right now. Hit him with the power Tree. Like, no, not. I like her. She likes naughty words. You know, it's probably not a smart subject to do on my first special, but, you know, started, canceled. All right, last cowboy.

Last cowboy. Check it out, brother.

Thanks for having me on, man. Appreciate it.

Bye, everybody.