Transcript of Chelsea Handler Reveals All! How to Be a Girls’ Girl, Release Negativity, and Experience More Joy!

Today, in this episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show podcast, if you're ready to feel the freedom of being the real you, finally. If you're ready to build better friendships or strengthen the ones you have and truly learn how to be a girl's girl. If you'd like to release negativity and experience more joy in your life today, then this episode with the incredible Chelsea Handler, who shares things she's never shared before is for you. Get ready to laugh, cry, and raise your vibration in more ways than one.

I felt proud that I was able to face that moment. I felt proud that I was able to be an adult. I mean, I'm getting emotional just talking about it because it is so meaningful because all you really want in life is to have an impact on people. That's what I want. I want people to feel impacted by me. I want people to feel better and to know that I'm your sister.

Chelsea, in a lot of the research I've done for today and talking to lots of people, I felt like the through line I heard from people is that you're a kick-ass girlfriend.

That's the biggest compliment you could ever give me is telling me that I'm a great sister and a great friend. That's what I wanted to be, and that's who I want to be. I want to show up, and I would do it for a stranger. You don't have to know me. If you're in need and I know you and I see you and I come across I will help you. You can fucking bet your bottom dollar, I will help you. Pick you up and patch you back together and do whatever I can because we have to stick together as women. All of the blockades that I experienced in my beginning of my career were by women, not by men. They were trying to block my success and tell me I didn't have the value that I believed I had. Yeah, that's success. One more woman succeeding means more It's a success for all of us. It's so much more infectious to be optimistic and to be hopeful and to be happy about people rather than tucking shit behind people's back and gossiping and all of the small vibrational qualities. I've done that in my life and it has yielded the results that weren't beneficial to me.

That is so good. That right there. No, I feel like that is the greatest life advice. To get the thing you want, you have to vibrate at the level of the thing to get it. And what you're just describing is so poignant and so powerful because you're saying, once you want more things for other people, once you say, We all rise higher, all of a sudden, you get more of that in your own life, and you also feel more joyful. Today with you, Chelsea, because this is our first day meeting in person, and I was like, All right, I know Chelsea said her book, she's always on time, so I think she's going to for sure show up.

Oh, I'm early. I love it. I can't be on time, even. I'm such a loser. My parents never picked me up from school on time, so I have never been late to anything as an adult because I just hate the idea of being abandoned and anyone waiting for me. I hate that. I find it to be... I'm always early, So yeah, sorry. I was way early.

Do you feel like you have abandonment issues?

Yes, of course.

At 10 years old, you saved all your money. You bought yourself a first-class ticket, and then the rest of your family was in coach. So you're 10, you're walking on a plane and you're like, Oh, no, mom, I'm going to fly first class. And you figure it out, where did that knowing come from that seems to be maybe different from some of the people that you were raised around?

I always had this feeling like that I was going to have a big, loud life. I said, I'm going to become famous. And I said, I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I have a lot to say, and I'm going to help a lot of people. And my My aunt looked at me and said, Well, you better lose some weight.

You're declaring it out loud. I'm going to be famous. I'm going to impact a lot of people. And then you did something about it, like you went for it.

It was so meaningful, right? And my cousin had the video, actual video of her telling me that if I wanted to make it in a Hollywood, I was going to have to lose weight, which she had been denying. Confidence isn't a gift that everyone receives, right? Everyone doesn't feel confident all the time. So I've realized that my confidence is a power tool.

I felt injected. I felt injected. I felt injected. You can't buy that. You can't fake that.

When I was younger, I would make rash decisions, and I would be reactive, and I would be angry, and I no longer operate that way, and I'm a happier person because of it. I like to play hard, and I like to work hard, and I want all of the experiences.

I'm going to ask you about your ski instructors in a few minutes because I also love living vicariously through you.

I want to be good. I want to be a good girl. You know what I mean? And not the way that I don't want to be submissive. I want to be a good girl because I want to be a good person, and I want to help other people be good women. Being present is the biggest gift you can give yourself. To not be consumed with worry about the past or something that happened, to look at everything and know it's going to be okay either way. Jamie Kern Lima is her name. Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lima in their life.

Jamie Kern-Lema Jamie, you're so inspiring. Jamie Kern Lima. I am so excited for this episode today with the amazing Chelsea Handler. You guys get ready to laugh, cry, and raise your vibration in more ways than one, if you are ready to release and free yourself of negativity, stop taking yourself so seriously and feel more joy. Chelsea is sharing the raw and honest ways she did that she's never shared before and how you can, too. If you're ready to live life on your own terms and feel that freedom of finally being who you truly are confidently and unapologetically, then today's episode is truly going to change your life. Chelsea Handler is a multiple award-winning writer, comedian, producer, TV host, activist, and the author of six consecutive New York Times bestselling books. And her brand new book, I'll Have What She's Having, is going to be her seventh. And as you're listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and follow Chelsea's ultra-popular podcast, too. It's called Dear Chelsea, and it's in its fifth season. She's on tour right now. She has a Las Vegas residency at the Cosmopolitan. You can get tickets right now to see her.

And we are so fortunate that she has taken a moment right in the middle of her tour to be here in person in Southern California in the Jamie Kern Lima Show podcast studios to share this powerful conversation together with you and me today. Chelsea Handler, welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show.

Oh, my gosh. I'm so grateful to be here. You're just an absolute delight. Thank you.

Have you ever arrived with multiple types of ice?

No, but whoever my next lover is needs to pay close attention to this, because if they have my Diet Ginger ale that I love and multiple options for ice, also another love and passion of mine. Yeah, that gets you in. That That really hits all the right notes for me.

I do my homework. Thank you. I do my homework.

Thank you so much.

Your book is amazing. Like, your book is amazing. I read it cover to cover, and I feel like the sign of a great book, like a real great book, is And just when it entertains you or takes you, but also really shifts you. And I felt like your book, I left reading your book feeling shifted. I felt shifted. I felt more empowered. I almost felt like I was able to borrow your courage to be more bold is how I felt, and I think that's really powerful. So I just want to say for every person who wants to learn to use and discover their own voice, or maybe for every person who is on a healing journey, every person who is about to leave a relationship and say, I'm not going to trade myself for being in this relationship. I'm not going to settle for that, or for anyone who really wants to embrace the power and freedom of being who they truly are and to stop apologizing for it, I feel like there's so much in this book that I took away. So I just want to say congratulations, and it's going to impact a lot of people.

Thank you so much. My hope has been, especially with this book, is to inject optimism and female empowerment, any empowerment, really, to anyone who feels disempowered, and to highlight that it is always possible to capture light in darkness.

You dedicated the book to flight attendance and said you've been on so many flights, and if anyone is being an asshole, they can just tap your shoulder, you're going to step up and have their back. Have you always had the confidence to speak your mind and say how you feel?

Yeah. I mean, misplace confidence in the beginning, because I was like this as a very young girl, which I also talk a lot about in the book. I've always been resistant to injustice and authority figures, quite frankly. But injustice, very much as I've grown older and And realize that confidence isn't a gift that everyone receives, right? Everyone doesn't feel confident all the time. So I've realized that my confidence is a power tool, and I have to use that judiciously. And And I feel when people are being treated badly or unfairly, that is the best use of my voice. And I've never seen anything happen more consistently or more terrible treatment happen consistently than I have on planes. And the way that our flight attendants who are our sisters in the sky are treated during COVID, during post-COVID. We haven't really ever recovered from COVID. Id, socially and what people think is appropriate to do on planes or the license they take. And I find that to be completely disrespectful to flight attendants. They are stuck with us in a tube of air for however long your flight is, and they deserve to be respected. And they deserve to be...

It's more than respect. They're taking care of us, and they're like our nannies. So we really need to value them and treat them well.

When you look at the studies, it's It's shocking that the majority of women are people-pleasers, and we're scared to speak our mind or to say the truth, or, Oh, it might offend somebody. Are you able... And you talk about doing it for injustice, which is such a great... By the way, for anyone listening, this is such a great hack. If you're like, I don't know how to speak my mind, when you make it about someone else, it's almost easier to do it. Like, Oh, I'm actually helping this person. And it's easier to stand up for yourself and say how you feel. Are you able, Chelsea, to do that as fearlessly when it's for yourself?

That's a great question. No, not always. Sometimes I suck it up because I know I can. I can be like, Okay, well, that's not about me. That's not going to impact me in a deleterious way that it might impact another person. So I would say I'm more protective of others. You know what I mean? Because I want to make sure that if people don't feel empowered, I've got your back. I have that attitude. But I'm not I'm shy about standing up for myself. Sometimes I just feel like it's not worth it. I don't need that. I don't need to do that. But very recently, I did stand up for myself in a big way, and I had to make a move in my life that was a bummer, but also I needed to take care of myself. I'm proud of the way that I am able to make decisions at this point in my life. I'm proud of the woman that I've become. I'm proud of all the work that I've put in to become this more self-aware kinder, still bold and still brave person. And all I want to do is inject that into other people.

I want everyone to feel this way.

Yeah. When you walked in today, that's what I was saying, that I was very not... And I never try to have any expectations when I read a book and I just think, Oh, this is someone's offering to the world. What a gift it is for me to read it is how I approach it. And I felt injected. I felt injected. I love it. I felt injected from your book. And so it does that. And that's why I think I'm so passionate about it right now and fired up about it, because you can't buy that. You can't fake that. I really felt that. When you say you did that recently in your life, are you referring to ending a relationship and choosing yourself over your relationship?

It was a professional relationship, so it wasn't a personal relationship, but it was a professional relationship. I left my agency recently, and I had been there for a really long time, and that was a difficult decision to make, one that I thought about long and hard because there were a few people at that agency who really were working so hard for me. But at the end of the day, I had to step up and decide what I want my future to look like. I know I made the right decision. It was difficult, but I faced it. I didn't cower away from an uncomfortable conversation. I didn't do anything. I'm never craven. I never take the easy way out or let someone else make the call. I'm very intentional about, I'm going to tell you that our relationship is over. I'm not going to have someone else do it. I'm not going to take the easy road out because I'm a conflict avoidant or any of that. I'm not any of those things. And while many conversations are uncomfortable, there's a lot to be said about being face to face with someone and giving them that news in a careful, delicate way and an honest way.

And so I'm proud of that also.

How does your agency, your old agency, handle it?

They were so gracious. They were so gracious to me because we've been in a relationship for many years, and they know me well, and they know the type of person that I am and how hard I work. And some other parts of the agency weren't really working in concert, so they understood. And that was another example of the way that my relationships have been built. Like, The fact that there wasn't anger or resentment, and you're always welcome here. If you ever want to come back, please come back. And that's exactly how I want things to end. When I was younger, I would make rash decisions, and I would be reactive, and I would be angry, and I no longer operate that way. And I'm a happier person because of it.

Well, they should say you're always welcome back because before today, I always knew you as somebody blessed by your talent, but as someone that watched it, watched you on television, was blessed by your talent, doing the research for the past few weeks for today, and tell me if this is right. You have to be a crazy hard worker because the number of shows you have executive-produced, launched out into the world that are in partnership with other people, ones that you've done. I mean, I'm talking about the things that you done in your career so far. I mean, and you're on tour right now. You have a residency. You're about to film another Netflix special. And in the middle of it, you're driving up here to see me in Montecito to do this show. So and I'm looking at all that. Have you always been, and are you now, just a really, really, really hard worker?

Yeah. I want to be a hard worker. I'm a hustler. That's what this business is, hustling. I've been doing this since I was... I mean, when I became very successful, probably '30, '32 was when Chelsea lately began. But I had a lot of success before that that wasn't as big, right? So my career started taking off. I published my first book when I was 27. I was on a show called Girls Behaving Badly. I had a few development deals. So I had little pockets of success, and the drum beat was going in the right direction. But since I can remember, even when I was on Chelsea lately for seven years, I did that show five days a week or four days a week. And then I would be on a book tour every single weekend. I would fly to three different cities or two different cities and do anywhere from three to six shows a weekend, fly back on a Monday morning, do all of that again. And I've always been able to really hit it hard. I take long breaks when I have time. I'll take a month off and go to my house in Spain.

I'm about to leave for Whistler for a month because I like to play hard and I like to work hard, and I want all of the experiences. Yeah.

I'm going to ask you about your ski instructors in a few minutes. Because I also love living vicariously through you as well, as everyone who reads this book is going to. It's going to be quite an adventure. With you, I wanted just hit on something you I just said because it's really powerful. You said when you left your agency... Because here's the thing, I think about everyone listening and watching us right now who's in a friendship that they know is not serving them, but they don't want to hurt that person. And so they don't tell the truth, or they're in a relationship, or whatever it might be. And you being in an agency for a long time, probably working a partnership with a lot of people there, you're saying, no, I'm actually going to do the best thing for me, even if it maybe lets other people down. What's your advice for doing that for someone listening who's like, I don't want to disappoint everyone else, or I don't want Or they've been there for me in the past, and they're okay now, but I know that I deserve so much better.

I think that in life, it is a measure of your character to be able to meet the moments that you in, and especially difficult conversations and handling difficult emotions is character growth. And we are tested so many times throughout our life to be that, to step up to the plate, to be an honorable person. I want to be moral. I want to be ethical. I don't want to lie. Sometimes we have to lie, or it's the best thing to do, too. But when you are coming from a place of integrity, which is not a word that can ever be underused or undervalued because really, integrity is just the most important thing. So many parts of the world are lacking or so many areas are lacking. So it's so important to when you're making a decision or you're breaking up a relationship and you're doing it because of your best interest, there is a very gentle way to do those things. And the other person can receive that when you are mindful and intentional about how you are relaying that information, it's not really your problem how the other person receives that. All you have to do is honor both of you in that conversation.

You can't take care of someone else's emotional reaction to what you've said when you're coming from a place of self, not preservation, even, but integrity. This no longer works for me. I'm so sorry, but I respect you and I appreciate everything we've been through together thus far. You have been a huge addition to my life. Right now, this doesn't make any sense for me. It doesn't make sense for me to move forward. And I really have to think about myself because who else is going to think about me if I don't think about myself? So while the nuances may differ depending on what relationship you're ending, I think there's always a loving, gentle way to let someone know that we're going to put this on pause. Nothing is final. I don't think that is good language to use. Slamming doors and keeping them closed forever isn't loving. There's always a possibility that we could circle back around. And I think that's also a nice way to let people know, maybe we will come back together at some point, but this isn't the right time right now for me. And I need you to respect that.

And while people's reactions may vary, and some people be angry or hurt or feel rejected, there's nothing bad that can come from acting with integrity. That is so good.

There's nothing bad that can come from acting with integrity. I think just a quick call out also, what you just said in the past 90 seconds is going to be so good for so many people to just rewind and listen to over and over because whether they're looking to borrow your courage or borrow your wisdom on how to put their foot down in something a lot of people are. I mean, you You've been in Hollywood for a long time, too. It's amazing how many people I meet that on the outside are very, very accomplished, but on the inside cannot do what you just did with your agency. They're too scared to stand up for themselves or to put their foot down, or they're too insecure. When you did it, because a lot of people fear, Oh, well, what if my... In this example, what if my next agency is not as good? Or what if I'm giving up on something where they really know me or any of the other things? How did it feel right after you gave them that news? How did that feel?

Well, I mean, one of my conversations with one of my agents was quite emotional, actually, because she and I had a personal experience a few years back. That was very meaningful and a difficult time in her life. And so we were It became emotional. But again, I got off the phone and I spoke to my other agent who I had for many years, and I felt proud that I was able to face that moment. I felt proud that I was able to be an adult. I felt proud that we got emotional, that connection. You know what I mean? I'm getting emotional just talking about it because it is so meaningful because all you really want in life is to have an impact on people. That's what I want. I want people to feel impacted by me. I want people to feel better and to know that I'm your sister. And in that conversation with her, that was really... She reminded me that I was a good sister to her, and I had forgotten that. So I think with all of this, it's hard. Conflict is hard for so many people, but it doesn't have to be conflict.

You saying your peace or standing up for yourself. It doesn't have to be conflict. It can be easy.

What I love so much that also happens when we do it is we're showing another woman how to do it.

Yes.

Which is also beautiful, even though I'm sure they don't want to hear it at the time. But it's like they're seeing an example of how to do it. And you taking us through right now is also... And talking about how you felt proud that you were able to do it. And then you're reminded of your connection with that person. I want to say, Chelsea, in a lot of the research I've done for today and talking to lots of people, I felt like the through line I heard from people is that you're a kick-ass girlfriend. You're an amazing girlfriend of people. You're an amazing family member, but also friend. And I know that you're doing that now for... There'll be so many people that maybe you'll never meet in person, but through your book and through the things you're sharing, you're going to impact them.

Yeah, I hope so. I hope so because, listen, that's the biggest compliment you could ever give me is telling me that I'm a great sister and a great friend. That's what I wanted to be. And that's who I want to be. I want to show up. And I would do it for a stranger. You don't have to know me. If you're in need and I know you and I see you and I come across you, I will help you. You can fucking bet your bottom dollar, I will help you. Pick you up and patch you back together and do whatever I can because we have to stick together as women. I remember coming up in this industry and it being... It was just like we've been ingrained in women, that we have to compete with each other. And all of the blockades that I experienced in my beginning of my career were by women, not by men. And I was like, what's going on? I was threatening to them. And in turn, they were trying to block my success and tell me I didn't have the value that I believed I had. And I found that so confounding.

And so when I started doing my show on Chelsea lately, I had my own issues with people I've worked with before where I wasn't gracious maybe, or we had friction between us or we were competitive. But once I felt that directed at me, I made sure that I was never going to move forward professionally in that way. Once I felt it, once I got Chelsea lately, I was like, I'm going to share this spotlight with as many women, gay men, marginalized communities. I People of color, everyone was going to be a part of my playground because I didn't want anyone to ever experience what I experienced. I'm going to come welcome you here on this show and share this with everyone. And that became that show. And that's why that show was successful, because it was inclusive, not exclusive.

It's shocking when you're a woman and there's enough things to worry about, but then we see that happening. And I'm 47. I have done plenty of things in my career, and I just had that happen to me recently. And I was shocked with something I did in Hollywood. I'll tell you off camera. I'll tell you another time. But I couldn't even believe it by another woman who had so much success. I've come to believe in my life that our own... Whether someone believes in God, the universe, I believe our path is diviny orchestrated. I don't think anyone else's success has anything to do with ours or can take ours down or impact ours. I really think we're on our own. I think we're the only ones that can lower our vibration and think we're not worthy of something and mess it up. So I feel like when people are that way, it's such a bummer, but especially women. And so have you had that happen since?

Sure I have. I love what you just There's so much more coming up in this episode.

You are not going to want to miss it. But first, I wanted to share this with you. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy: How to Believe You are Enough and Transform your Life for You. If you have some a self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, worthy is for you. In worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back. Build unshakable self-love, unlear the lies that lead to self-doubt, and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness. Overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, a achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook. Com or the link in the show notes below.

Imagine Imagine what you do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with worthy. Imagine what would you do if you fully believed in You. My weekly free inspirational newsletter is packed with tips and tools to help you find out. It's called One on One with Jamie, and it's delivered right to your inbox each Tuesday morning. It's a love letter from me me to you, from my soul to yours. And I hope it brings you the words and messages you need at just the right moment. Plus, when you're a part of my free inspirational newsletter community, you'll be the first to get behind-the-scenes content, inspirational messages, and be the first to learn about upcoming events and more. It's the place to be, and I sure hope you'll join me there. So if you're not on the list yet, you can sign up for free at amamekernlema. Com, or click the link in the show notes below. And here's to Becoming Unstoppable Together. And now more of this incredible conversation together. When people are that way, it's such a bummer, but especially women. And so have you had that happen since?

Sure I have. I love what you just said. Blowing out someone else's candle doesn't make yours brighter. That's not a real thing. And it's hard in the world we live in. I am a victim of this, too, where I look at someone else's success who's succeeded beyond mine and been like, Oh, I wish I had done that. And it's a constant reminder to remember what you just said. That is not your path. You're on your path. If anything, use that as a motivator. Change that drum beat in your head that, I don't like They got that or they got that. Change that drum beat like, Yeah, that's success. One more woman succeeding means more success for all of us. You have to always change those negative thought patterns around to be optimistic and to be hopeful. And it's so much more infectious to be optimistic and to be hopeful and to be happy about people rather than tucking shit behind people's back and gossiping and all of the small vibrational qualities. I've done that in my life, and it has yielded the results that weren't beneficial to me. When you change your attitude and you change the way you look at things and that you want success for everyone, I want success for women and for people who don't feel seen.

I want everyone to feel successful in life. And when you spread that around, first of all, you see more of it. And you realize that it starts to infuse you with joy and happiness for others in a way which you were maybe unfamiliar with feeling in the past.

That is so good. That right there. No, I feel like that is the greatest life advice. People spend so much time trying to figure out how to get what they want. Is it okay if I stick? Oh, Oh, yeah. You sit however you want. People try to figure out how to get what they want, and then this, and then that, and they think, Oh, if I tear someone else down, or, Oh, if This, that. The other thing, I'll never forget Chelsea, Oprah, once saying that to get the thing you want, you have to vibrate at the level of the thing to get it. And what you're just describing is so poignant and so powerful because you're saying, once you want more things for the people, once you say, We all rise higher, all of a sudden, you get more of that in your own life, and you also feel more joyful. And when I launched this podcast and every second I was doubting, is Oprah going to show up? I was like, I have to vibrate at the level of truly... Today with you, Chelsea, because this is our first day I'm meeting in person, and I was like, all right, I know Chelsea said her book, she's always on time, so I think she's going to for sure show up.

Oh, I'm early.

I'm early. I love it.

I can't be on time, even. I'm such a loser. My parents never picked me up from school on time, so I've never been late to anything as an adult because I just hate the idea of being abandoned and anyone waiting for me. I hate that. I find it to be... I'm always early, so yeah, sorry. I was way early.

Do you feel like you have abandonment issues?

Yes, of course. I mean, I I've worked through a lot of them, and I've had them. I would say now, no, I don't feel... I don't have a fear of abandonment. I don't have the same needs that I used to as a younger... Say in a relationship, a romantic relationship, I don't have the constant need for reinforcement or revalidation or reassuring. Are they coming? Are they coming? Are they going to call when they say they're going to call? Are they going to do that? I don't longer attract people like that in my life, so it's not an issue. And I don't feel worried about whether or not someone is going to follow through with something with me because I don't have people like that in my life anymore.

Yeah. And That's good.

And it just like, if I say I'm going to do something, I will do it.

Yeah. So I want to ask you about this. I love that quote, Success leaves clues. And when I learned, and you guys will all learn about this. When you get Chelsea's book, I'll have what she's having. I'm always fascinated by these things that you can tap into and be like, huh, and think back to your own childhood. But when you were a kid, I want to ask you about the first time you're on a flight with your family, the first time you're on a flight, and you guys walked past the first class, went into coach, and you asked your mom, why aren't we sitting there? And she explained, oh, we have a family. We couldn't ever sit there. And I want to read something. Well, first of all, you said you thought to yourself, speak for yourself, right? Like, speak for yourself. And you had this knowing. You said, In my family, or if my family were content, flying coach the rest of their lives, we weren't on the same page. And at some point, I'd have to split ties with them. And at 10 years old, sold lemonade and sold spiked lemonade. And then you called all the hotels, I think, summer and said you were 15, not 10, so you could babysit for anyone who needed it.

You saved all your money. And then I think it was on the trip to your grandpa's funeral, you bought yourself a first class ticket, and then the rest of your family was in coach. Yes. Okay, this is what I want to understand because I find this fascinating. Because you look at how successful you are in your life right now. You look at all the things that you've done, all the things you continue to do, everything happening this coming year. At that age, at 10 years old, because Oprah has this in common where she was a little girl and her grandma was like, you're going to have to learn how to hang clothes and the clothespins work for a nice white family. And she says at this little young age, she had that knowing like, no, grandma, I'm not. So you're 10, you're walking on a plane and you're like, oh, no, mom, I'm going to fly first class. And you figure it out. But I want to ask you, where did that knowing come from that seems to be maybe different from so many of the people that you were raised around.

I always had this feeling that I was going to have a big, loud life. And I just felt like the instinct and the knowing are two different things. You have a feeling, but you don't really know what it's going how it's going to materialize, right? I had never heard that about Oprah, which I love, and which makes total sense because I feel like she's our mother on this Earth. She's someone I I obviously look up to immensely. And I've always, I mean, almost every book I owe to her because of all of her inspiration. So I love that you're talking about her right now. She's such a force of nature. And When I was little, I just thought, this isn't going to do it. I looked around at my family and our house, and I'm just like, this isn't enough for me. I'm going to need a more consistent A, housekeeper. I'm going to need a housekeeper. I don't know what my parents were thinking. They had six children. I was watching the braided Bunch with the six kids and the mother and the father, and they had Alice. I was like, Where's our fucking Alice?

There was a materialistic sense when I was young because my parents, we lived in this middle class, upper middle class neighborhood, and we were not on the same level as our neighbors financially, and that stuck out. So there was a materialistic aspect, which is not the only drive driving for us, nor should it ever be. And then there was a feeling of I have so much to say, and it was filled... I had so much angst as a child, especially after my brother died. I was so angry and no mechanism to understand how to digest that anger until much later in life. So it was a lot of delayed grief. But in those moments, I was motivated by my discontent. You know what I mean? I was like, this is... I am going... My childhood was a placeholder. And even though it was filled with all these vivid, beautiful memories, and my family, I have this big, huge family that we're all so close, and we have these great relationships, except for a couple right now because of the election. But most of them, I just had a motivating anger. There's this book that I love called Letting Go by David Hawkins.

Have you read that? Not. Okay. It's very powerful and it's metaphysical and it's really about your energy. But he talks about the levels of kinesiology when you're in your most... You had your highest vibration. And this is measurable scientific stuff, but obviously it's not as talked about all the time as other things. So when you're in anger, you are actually accomplishing a lot because you're motivated by your anger. It's not the highest vibration to be in, but the vibration right above anger is courage. So once you can get rid of your anger and turn your anger into action, it becomes courage. And I think that was very true for most of my adolescence. I was so torn. I was emotionally stuck at that nine-year-old little girl level because I didn't really compute my brother's death in a real way. I didn't have therapy. I didn't talk to anyone. And that drove me, that combined with my family life and just I just thought, I'm going to be a woman who stands out and stands up, and I'm going to figure out how I'm going to do it. And when I moved to LA, when I was 19 years old, my aunt and uncle lived there.

They had nine children, and they lived on Beverly Glen Boulevard, and I moved in with them. I had no money. I drove across country by myself, and I hustled. I didn't have any connections in this industry. I didn't know anyone except for my aunt and uncle, and they were not in this business. And I remember my aunt sitting down at the kitchen table and I said, I'm going to become famous. And I said, I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I have a lot to say, and I'm going to help a lot of people. And my aunt looked at me and said, Well, you better lose some weight. And I looked at her and I said, Okay. Just like, not okay, I have to lose some weight. Just like, Okay, that's how you're reacting to desire to say something that's embarrassing to say, I want to be famous. What does that mean? You're just an idiot. That doesn't mean anything. But I didn't understand then what my purpose was. Something was driving me towards the public eye that could have been thought of as shallow. And sometimes when I think back, I go, God, all you want to do is be...

Now I know why I wanted to do that. You know what I mean? Now I know why. Now I know why when I go on stage and I get to perform in front of 3,000 to 5,000 people and people have paid their money to see me, and I get to watch strangers sit next to each other in an audience and laugh together next to a stranger, that I get to provide that, that I get to go out on that stage and provide joy and sunshine and healing and let people forget about this craziness that we live in every day. That is a gift. That is my purpose, being able to write my stories and share my love and my success with all All of these people, people I've never met get to share in my success. That is really what it was about. But I was too young to understand that. Now I understand that that was the purpose all along. That was what that drive and that motivation was. I was going towards something, but I didn't really understand the magnitude of why I wanted it to be successful and why I wanted it to be in the public.

What I love, too, that I just want to call out, especially for everyone listening, is So you had this knowing, I guess, that this isn't going to cut it from my life. I want to have a big life. I wanted this, that. You are now at your aunts, your aunt and uncles, and you're telling your aunt, you're declaring it out loud. I'm going to be famous, I'm going to impact a lot of people. And then you did something about it, you went for it. And I think that's so important, even back to when you were 10, you didn't just think, Oh, one day I'm going to have a first class ticket. You declared it, like you said to your mom, and then you did something about it. You took action. And through a lemonade stand that was lemonade and hard lemonade. I think your sister, right? Your sister had 50 %. It was like a 50, You split, and you thought that was too much. You fired her. You hired Nelson. He got 10 %, right? So then you got 90 %. All the things you hustled from that age and you made it happen.

And I want to call that out because I think part of your impact, I I think part of what's so beautiful is that sometimes we can go through experiences and people can take shortcuts in their own life because of them. And I'll never forget, Chelsea, you just reminded me of something. I was eight years old sitting in my living room watching this interview where Barbara Walters interviewed Oprah, and Oprah said on this program, and she was early in her career, but she said, I always knew I was destined for greatness. And I remember sitting in my living room as a little kid feeling like me too. I have this feeling. And then she got so much... Oh, my gosh. She got just horribly attacked in the press for saying that. I think people weren't used to a woman. No. Of course not. I was speaking so confidently at the time. No, of course not. At the time. But I remember having that whisper. And I remember when I launched Beauty Company, my living room, same thing. I didn't know anyone in the industry. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I just was like, you know what?

I feel like I'm supposed to do it. And then it was like taking action. And so I just want to call that out because if you think about the circumstances you were in at 10 that you describe, and then you're with your aunt and uncle and all their kids and all the things that you're doing, your circumstances don't have to define whether or not you can go for the thing. And I think a lot of people right now have a whisper like, oh, maybe I'm supposed to impact people, too, or maybe I'm supposed to... But they're not declaring it. They're not And then they're not doing anything about it. And so I just want to call that out that I think that that's a recipe you just shared that's really powerful because it happened when you were younger. It happened before you were famous. Look at you now. Look at all the things that you're doing.

And a great... Sorry, I I'm not going to interrupt you. I guess I do because I just... But anyway, I wanted to cap off the story before I forget with regard to my aunt. So my aunt, for many years after that, when I started to become successful, we would always tell that story, all of kids. My cousins are very close to me. My cousin is on the road with me every weekend. I grew up with those kids, right? And they're still my... Obviously, they're very close to me today. So whenever we tell that story, I remember my aunt His name is Gabby. We'd be like, remember Gabby when you told Chelsea she was fat and she wasn't going to be successful? And she would be like, I never said that. I never said that. I never said that. So about 10 years ago, she was in a tough spot, and I was able to buy her house, and we surprised her. I went with my two cousins, and she had just come out of a divorce, and we bought a house for her in the Valley. We brought her to the house to look at it.

And as we were looking at it, we were like, This is your house, and had a pool, and she loves her grandchildren. So it was so meaningful, right? And my cousin had the video, actual video of her telling me that if I wanted to make it in a Hollywood I was going to have to lose weight, which she had been denying. And this is so our family. We're rough on each other. You know what I mean? We really give it to each other hard. And so we go back into the house, and my cousin puts the tape in the VCR at the time when they still had VCRs and said, By the way, mom, this is what you said never happened. So on the day that I was able to gift her this house, we had that footage, and they played it for my aunt, and it was just so funny because it was such an emotional And we, obviously, our family's not that great at emotion. We try to make each other laugh more than we try to make each other cry. So it was a really funny, full circle, gorgeous moment in my life.

That must have felt incredible, gifting her house.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah. You know what I think is so beautiful in your book is so many people know your humor and your power and your advocacy and how tough you are. And you also have so much empathy.

Yeah. Well, I had to pick that up in therapy. Apparently, I didn't have empathy for a long time.

I've heard you say that before. I'm watching you cry about gifting your aunt a house, which is such a generous, empathetic thing to do. It's just... Yeah. So can you learn empathy?

Yes, you can. You can totally learn empathy. That's the greatest update ever. The two things I was so scared about when I went into therapy was, A, first of all, I didn't know I had empathy. I lacked empathy. I did not have it. I just lacked it. I had sympathy and I had generosity, but they're not the same thing. I wasn't thinking about what it would be like to be a different person. I would only go, Oh, that person's in trouble. Let me help them. I never thought, What is it like to be them? What is it like to be that person? So the The good news is you can gain empathy because it's just like turning a light on that's not on. Thinking about walking in another person's shoes is now something that happens to me daily, regularly, all day long. I think, Oh, that person, what they must be going through, or is that person Okay, and don't take this personally. That person could be going through something and thinking about what they might be going through. The biggest fear I had about entering into therapy when I did was that I was a narcissist.

I I asked my therapist, this guy, Dan Siegel, who's incredible and just changed my life forever. I said, Am I a narciss? I need you to really be honest with me. He was like, Typically, narcissists aren't looking for feedback. And I was like, Hallelujah. I was so paranoid that I was this bad person, and I was never a bad person. I have been angry, and I've been confused, and I've been hurt, but I've not ever been a bad person. And I think so many people can get confused in thinking that we're bad because we have negative thoughts or we have human thoughts. Your humanity is going to create dark thoughts. We all have a shadow self. We all have a self that's not our best self, that is always trying to get us to lower our vibe. But we're innately good. And so that was a relief to find out all of that information. Ation because I want to be good. I want to be a good girl. You know what I mean? And not the way that I don't want to be submissive. I want to be a good girl because I want to be a good person, and I want to help other people be good women.

Yeah. You know what I think one of the things, too, that people get confused about is most people aren't honest about who they are. They hide their shadow self, or they hide, frankly, parts of them that are perfectly great, but other people might judge them Or they hide all these things, and then they show up on social media with their highlight reel with a thing as their representative, the person that they think. And a lot of people get this so wrong, I feel, Chelsea. I think that people feel all this pressure like, Oh, I need to show up as my representative for other people to like me. When you look at all the data, it's impossible to have a real human connection unless you're fully who you are.

If you're presenting. Yeah. If you're presenting. If you're presentational and you're coming... If I were coming here and thinking, how am I going to impress you? I hope you like me.

Yeah.

That's much different than me coming in and being completely present with you so that there's not even any of that. Of course, we're going to like each other. Be real. Whoever you are is fine. You don't have to impress people with your humor or your personality. That all comes naturally as long as you are present. And that's something Oprah talks about all the time. I remember listening to 10 episodes between her and Eckartole about presence, about presence. And I was like, what the fuck are they talking about? It took me so long to click in, and they had this series, and people would call in and ask the questions that I was wondering, okay, how does this apply to eating? How does this apply to friendship? And it's like, presence. How can you do that? How can you achieve that in the society that we're living in? Very easily. It's a minute by minute thing. Being present is the biggest gift you can give yourself, to not be consumed with worry about the past or something that happened, to look at everything and know it's going to be okay either way. Either way, it's going to be okay.

Whatever the outcome is, whether it works in my favor or doesn't, I will survive.

Coming up this This conversation is so incredible, so transformative, and also so inspiring that we made it into three parts. And if you're ready to learn how to be an incredible girls girl, choose yourself over a relationship that's asking you to abandon yourself. Build the courage to be more bold, confident, and free. Get what you want in life and step into your purpose, you are not going to want to miss part two with Chelsea Handler. Coming up in the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show. If you love today's episode, my only ask is that you please click the follow or subscribe button for the show on your app and give it a five-star rating or review, and then share this episode with everyone you believe in. Share it with another person in your life who could benefit from it. Post it and share it with others online or in your community who just might need the words and tools and lessons in this episode today. You never know whose life you're meant to change today by sharing this episode. And thank you so much for joining me today. Before you go, I want to share some words with you that couldn't be more true.

You, right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams, and all the unconditional love in the world. And it's an honor to welcome you to each and every episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show. Here, I hope you'll come as you are. Heal where you need, blossom what you choose, journey toward your calling, and stay as long as you'd like because you belong here. You are worthy, you are loved. You are loved, and I love you. And I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show. Do you struggle with negative self-talk? Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting. I know because I spent most of my life in that habit. The words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful. And when you learn to take control over your self-taught, it's life-changing. And I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if this is something that could benefit your life. It's called Five Ways to Overcome Negative Self-Talk and build self-love. And it's a free how-to guide to overcome that negative self-taught to build confidence and develop unshakable self-love so that you can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals.

Don't let self-sabotaging thoughts hinder your progress any longer. It's time to rewrite the script of your life when filled with self-love, resilience, and unwavering belief. If you're ready to take charge of your narrative, build unwavering confidence and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams, you can grab your free guide to stop overthinking and learn to trust yourself at jamiekernleema. Com/reli. Com. Resources, or click the link in the show notes below. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious, and so is self-belief. And I love to hang out with you even more especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you, delivered straight to your inbox from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernleema. Com to make sure you're on the list, and you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl.

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