Transcript of How Nicole Jaques Helps Parents Replace Chaos With Connection

Oh, Nicole, what do you do? Oh, I'm a stay at home mom. It was not what I was doing. I was so much more than that. I remember birthing my son and feeling like I had left a version of myself in the past. I'm a businesswoman. Why can't those systems that I had put in place prior to in my corporate career be put in place in the home?

What are some of the things that you put in place immediately that might be able to help some of those moms right now?

As the house CEO, we start to step into our power, and that's when the shift starts to happen. You don't need to be doing more adding to the plate. You just need to be leading it differently if it's not working for you or your family members.

Wait a second. This is more about me just being more aware on a day to day.

Remove the tension and the system will start to work.

Whatever system you put together, whatever you decide to do, create it and stick to it.

There's failure every day in what I do. You'll find that I show up on my stories with my hair in a mess and I have my shirt on backwards.

What's up, everybody? We're back. I have an episode today with an amazing guest that is going to bring massive amounts of value into your home, into your parenting style, and just really doing the best that you can and the best that we can to calm the chaos that happens on an everyday basis once the kids come home from school and all that good stuff. We want to make sure that we connect as families. My guest today, Nicole Jacquez, is an absolute master at this. She's a CEO of the home, a published author. Interestingly enough, she left a career in public relations in the healthcare space, if I'm not mistaken, and things like that, to build systems in her home and help other people live a less chaotic life with each other. Nicole, thank you so much for joining and welcome to the show.

Thank you, Sean. It's a pleasure to be here.

It's really nice to have you. It's so funny because when Paria mentioned you to me and I'm like, Wait, that name sounds familiar. I went, I was already following you. I was already consuming your content because... Hey, listen, let's be honest, in the world that we live in today, it's so busy just in general. The thing that I enjoy about your platform is it simplifies certain things and certain tasks that you can just really, I guess, dive in deeper with your family when you actually have all there under the roof because we live so many crazy lives. We live crazy lives is what I'm trying to get out here, but my mouth isn't working properly right now, apparently. But why don't you just tell the audience a little bit about why you started this venture and how it began and then where you're at right now? Because what I want to do is I want to show them that, A, there's steps to this stuff. It's not just create a platform and all of a sudden you're viral and you're famous and you're doing all these things. I want them to see that if there's anybody out there right now, whether it's a mom or a dad, wanting to pursue a passion but is very, very scared to do that, I want your story to be able to inspire them.

Well, thank you. I truly didn't, in all of my lifetime, never thought this would be my title. But when I decided to remove myself from a public relations space after I birthed my son, I was really caught in the web of what is a stay at home mom? Why do I... Oh, this is my wife, Nicole. Oh, Nicole, what do you do? Oh, I'm a stay at home mom. It was not what I was doing. I was so much more than that. And once I stepped out of working full-time and started diving into really being a house CEO, I realized that there were so many things I wasn't taught in school. Homemack isn't available anymore. We've cut the trade necessities, how to change your oil, just very simple things that I luckily was able I grew up in a household that taught me those things. But I was never taught systems, systems that were going to simplify my home to allow me to get to the core of why I created a family, which was connection. I started thinking, Well, I'm a businesswoman, heart and trade and brain. Why can't those systems that I had put in place prior to in my corporate career be put in place in the home so I could get back to the core of why I do what I do?

To me, it was an immediate like, I need this leadership. I need this outdated narrative to be thrown out the window. But I also want to position other parents like me that are at home to have this feeling of empowerment Because without them, this is built outside of this world, and everyone going into an office don't exist. I didn't grow up thinking this would be my title, but I became a house CEO out of necessity, and now that's basically what I'm able to share here on social media. We started the platform four years ago. My friends were like, You know weird things, Nicole, share them with the world. I was like, I don't know if that's really a thing. In 90 days, we had over 100,000 followers, and people were like, Man, I needed this. Where were you When I was growing up, when I was raising kids. I just kept doing it and built it into our now routine. It's a very full-time business. It keeps me nice and busy.

I love that. I love that. I mean, Listen, and that's the thing, one thing that I'm interested in diving into a little bit more right here is there's a lot of stay-at-home moms out there that are most likely listening right now, and they think of themselves, I'm only... And this drives me crazy. I am only a stay-at-home mom. I truly feel that is... And again, I know you echo this, but it's a business. It is an opportunity. You are truly the CEO of the home. When you talk In terms of systems, what are some of the things that you put in place immediately that might be able to help some of those moms right now?

Time blocking is probably one of my best systems that I have in the house. So we all think chores, our to-do list, it takes longer than we think, but really, you just need the system in place that tells you. I have this giant, very loud and obnoxious clock, and you can set it five minute increments. And the way my brain needs to work, and this is how most multitaskers in the home brains work, is you've got one thing on the stove, you've got another in the laundry, you've got dishes that still need to be done, you've got to vacuum and mop. Those things don't need to be done every day, but you need to be able to know, it's going to take me seven minutes to do the dishes, so I have three minutes to go load the laundry. It's understanding how fast and efficient you are at each task and then building it into the schedule between kids schedules and making dinner and work, whether it's stay at home work and/or just PTA or a book group. All of those are the accessories, the hobbies, the things that we do outside of just being the quote unquote homemaker.

I'm going to from now on refer to this as the House CEO. That is the title because we're managing so much more than just kids schedules and diapers or making making baby food or packing lunches and getting them to school. I think once you start time-blocking your day, you'll realize, Oh, I have a lot more time to focus on things I want to be focused on, which is how I realized then I could start a platform and continue to work and still not need a nanny or a sitter to take care of the kids and run a 12-person business, write a book, and do things like that because it was very efficient in the home at time blocking. That's my number one tip, time block.

Thank you for that. Thank you because I wanted to give the audience some context. Again, time blocking is one of those things that you just have to sit down and commit to and just understand how long it takes you to do a task. But then to build out that system, to be like, Okay, from this time to this time, I'm doing this, and then I can do this. But you mentioned something that, to me, was very interesting right there, and I want you to dive in deeper to it because one of the biggest things, I know during the summer, my wife won't be teaching and she's home. It's like this whole summer flies by, and she's done nothing for herself. That, to me, when you mentioned time blocking, so I can spend more time doing things that I want to do or that fulfill you so you're not just this home CEO. Can you walk me through in the audience through some of the things that you like to do and why it's important for the home CEO to pour into themselves as well?

When you become... I remember birthing my son and feeling like I had left a version of myself in the past, someone I don't know anymore. I desperately wanted to sit down with her and have coffee and say, You have no idea the beauty, but also the chaos that comes in parenting. Because I was so naive. We all are until you have your first kid. I think that that's fair to say. But I think what I realized that I never really valued prior to having kids was rest, that I underutilized rest. I think that this is going to tie into this, so stick with me here. Absolutely. The mindset of rest is not just a necessity. I'm not talking about just sleep or taking a nap. I'm talking about resting your body on a couch or doing something that just allows you to escape. Rest is just as important as work. If you're not giving your body rest, you're never resetting your nervous system, which never really resets your mood, your sleep, and everything else that helps you really take care of you. My number one thing was, how do I get back to rest? Once I started being able to do the rest, meaning 10 minutes, maybe 20 minutes reading, I started understanding how I could time block my schedule better to effectively go out and get a new hobby.

I currently ride horses with my daughter. That takes up a lot of time. Barn time is like Actually, the whole horse industry is monopoly money. But at the same time, I was like, How am I going to allow for a three-hour time block to go take on a new passion that is very technical and challenging to do, but so rewarding. And so I thought I had a goal in mind. I want to get to where I'm so efficient in my home and it's running so well that I'm able to take three hours out of a day and and pursue a hobby. And so that was critical for me. But it started small. It started as 10 minutes reading a book or maybe joining the book club or creating a cookbook club at my country club and being able to get out there for an hour or small things that still brought me a lot of joy within my joy circle. Then just really working hard to get to the bigger picture. That's essentially what I'm doing now.

I love that. I Because I'm going to share something with you because you had mentioned, and I think that the people listening and watching this will relate to it. I don't see how they wouldn't. I could be naive, but you mentioned rest, not just sleeping or taking a nap. It's really hard as a creator, and I don't know how you deal with this, but for me, I sit down and my mind never stops. It's like, what do What do I need to do to get to another level? How can these things get better so I can be better and my guests have a better experience and the audience have a better experience? So it's like, I always feel like I'm in the background still moving, and I just find so much value in being able to actually just shut down and rest. Some of the things that I'm starting to do, we had a conversation last week about screen time. For me, during the day, If I have a two-hour block that I'm not doing anything, I'm going to watch something. Because for me, that does shut my brain off. I think there's too many people judging what's real rest and what's not.

For me, I'm going to dive into a show. I might like it, I might want to do a piece on it. But for me, that's what takes my mind and slows it down so I can recharge.

Absolutely. It's understanding your battery. What What fulfills your battery? Sometimes for me in the week, it's quality time with my husband. Sometimes in the week, it's me alone. Sometimes it's yoga. But we're not creatures of every single day, I'm going to do this, and this is how it's going to be, and this is going to be restful and make me feel good. I just noticed as the house CEO, when my husband would get home from office, okay, and sit on the couch and scroll and/or watch a show, I was building resentment. But the real resentment It wasn't that he wasn't doing anything. It was that I didn't know how to rest. So I was trying to figure out, how do I remove these blockades, right, that are making my system within my home and/or my relationship It's not gel as well. And really, it's an indicator when you feel something, this trigger inside like, Hey, my partner or my kids are doing X, and I'm not able to. It's a reflection of how well you're balancing, not them. And when we take accountability for that as the house CEO, we start to step into our power, and that's when the shift starts to happen.

We remove it, we say, I'm in control of that feeling. I am in control of figuring out how I can do that. They are not. It's getting back to that, you are the creator of your business, and you are going to then run that the way that feels good to you. But you got to get back to removing the resentment.

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Go to therabody. Com At checkout, the code is determined. Let me know how you guys like it. Until then, stay determined. I really like that. Again, it seems pretty basic, but a lot of times where I'll get upset at my wife about something, and it happens, and she gets upset with me. A lot of times it's how we view the world, how we view things. It's our perspective. I will get upset at something because of my paradigm. Then we have a conversation about it, and then we come to the conclusion, whether it's her upset or me upset, it's like, Well, this is my issue to handle because your intentions are pure. I don't know what happened to you during the day, because a lot of times, and this is another That's a great point, we don't truly know how much each other go through. I only know of what my wife tells me that happens to her at school between the students and administration, everything like that. I only tell her certain amount of things because not to hide things, but it's like sometimes I just get so overwhelmed, I can't live that again. We are not living separate lives, but we're not communicating everything, so it's harder to understand what that person is going through in order for them to be...

If we're laying in bed and she's scrolling for 30 minutes, that shouldn't offend me. I should be saying, Well, if that's what she needs right now, then let it be. I'm cool with it. I just think that the accountability portion, though, to understand like, Hey, this is my issue. I really want to dive into that because if we can take more responsibility for our own feelings, our own triggers, then we can communicate much better, but also relieve some of that tension that we're creating ourselves.

Absolutely. Really, whether you work outside the home, inside it, or both, someone is running the system. You don't need to do more or you don't need to be doing more or adding to the plate. You just need to be leading it differently if it's not working for you or your family members. And that's really what a house CEO does. Day in and day out. Both my husband and I work, we have a very different... Systems, he runs these and I run these. And then we collab on X, X, and X. Sometimes it's like, Oh, but doesn't that feel sterile? Or it's not flexible. No, it's completely flexible. But if you are overwhelmed in your home or you feel that you are the default parent or you are triggered by something your partner is doing that you feel is affecting that system, you have to break it down mechanically in order to get back to it emotionally. That's just the way our brains process things. I found it to be a very remove the tension and the system will start to work. Hands-on approach.

Very well said. You mentioned default parent. That's very interesting. Let's dive deeper into that for the people listening because I think that resonates. For me, there are certain defaults that we have in our home. If it's a meal, I'm the default parent. I make all the meals, and I enjoy doing it. If it's something for the kids, like spirit week, Jackie is the default parent. But while it works sometimes, it's hard to break away from that. Let's go into that default parent because I know there's a lot of people out there thinking like, Wow, why do I have to be the default for this? There's There's some dangers there, too, I think. But if it's understood and spoken about, then it should be understood and it should flow much easier. But what is your definition of a default parent?

It isn't emotional, it's operational. There's ops, there's marketing. If you look at how businesses are run and/or how you would run your own business if you had it, here is your chance. I didn't become the default parent because I wanted to control it all. No, I became it because someone had to design the system that would work for the family. This takes into account everything, right? Your schedule, Sean, how you're running, what you're doing, where you are having to be plugged in and when you can plug out. And everyone has a different system because of how it works inherently in the home, right? I think if we can talk When you talk about burnout with the default parent, that may actually help cure some of the feeling there because burnout happens when leadership has no structure. If you're feeling burned out by being that default parent, again, the accountability, please calls to you. My husband and I were struggling with this, by the way. I didn't just come up with this and my life is perfect. I'm far from it. We are lucky I showered this morning and curled my hair. But at the same time, it took systems to get me to this podcast today in order for me to show up with my hair done.

I didn't just like, Oh, my system is in place and everything's working. I am primarily the default parent unless I have to tag out. It's really understanding a partnership system. For the longest time, my husband and I were confused on, How do you even do that? Because schedules change how much, Sean?

I can only speak on mine, and it's so fluid. It's just like my wife can ask me, Hey, what do you have tomorrow? At that time, it could be nothing. Then 30 minutes later, I could have three or four different things, right? Yeah, that's difficult.

It's difficult. I think that that's something we struggle with both parents are going to struggle with. I basically decided with my husband, Tyler, that we were going to stop trying to escape being the default parent and just professionalize it because it's really what it is. You're the organizer of all of the systems, the timekeeper, the mealkeeper. There's a funny reel that circulates every now and then, and it's typically a woman standing there in the house, and it's like, Johnny has a game at 07: 00 PM, and it shows her calculating all the way back to 11: 00 AM, all the things she's going to do to get them there by 07: 00 PM. I'm telling my husband, I need your brain to work like that. How can I help you help me? Because I think commonly with default parenting, we forget that it's not that you need their help. I hate that. I think any listener can understand, Oh, can you help me with the dishes? I'm sorry, everyone ate off the dishes, Sean.

Yeah, exactly.

Everyone ate off their plates. Instead of like, Can you help with mornings? I moved it to a written morning flow. Written down, my head was stellar. Or I I shared my expectation. Hey, my expectation tomorrow to get on this podcast is X, X, and X, or predictable handoffs. Less nagging, less explaining, more consistency will drive that default parent out of burnout and into empowerment.

The thing that I'm really loving, Nicole, is the way you've been able to not just explain, but implement real systems into the home. I think that everybody's listening right now and is probably very intrigued on types of systems. I know you talked about time blocking, but I want to dive into these systems because a lot of times, When there's a stay at home mom, or for me, I made a joke yesterday to my kids and to my wife, I'm going to say, I'm going to stay at home dad. Because I'm literally... There's weeks where I'll have five recordings, there's weeks where I'll have one. I'm home. The one thing that I don't do well is create these systems inside my home like I do here. We all have systems here. I have my thing, my production team has theirs, My partners have theirs. We have these systems in place. But I really want to educate the audience on how they can implement certain systems and some examples of those into their daily habits, their daily lives.

Absolutely. I I will say that there's so much that is in the background of this as well. I do try to break down easy tips and tricks on my social media, hacks to make dinner a little bit easier, or how to make your own cleaners so you can just offload the actual running to the store, grabbing something. Convenience is no longer king. The luxury is that you're able to make it low talks in your home. Some of this is taking the power back of those systems as well. But I think the biggest thing we need to address, because It's something that we really don't always talk about, but it needs to be talked about as the mental load. It isn't invisible. It isn't invisible. It's undocumented. If we start documenting If you made a list and made those lists become systems of everything you do in a month for your home, those systems become shared. They're able to be talked about and shared amongst the family members. Then the shared becomes sustainable and successful. I started thinking of, Okay, well, I was really having trouble getting the kids out. I'm going to give examples, and then I'm going to ask you for something you need help with, and we'll bounce it on and off with each other, okay?

I was having a really difficult time getting my 8 and 10-year-old, which, by the way, they can pack lunch at this point, and they don't. It's a whole nother topic. Getting them out the door on time. It was always a struggle and/or borderline. One was going to have an emotional meltdown, and I was like, Dang it. There's got to be a better way. My system is in place and I'm implementing it, and I'm coming into a roadblock. But I don't view roadblocks as failure. I don't have guilt over them. Guilt is something somebody gives you that you can give back to that person. It may come from childhood trauma, it may come from parenting, how you were parented, it may come from spousal. But give guilt back. No one needs that in parenting. You don't need the guilt. No, thank you. It's hard enough without this chirping in your brain. So what I did is I bought these sticky lights. They're like little light, you bop it on and off. And I put them on the wall, one for my son and one for my daughter. And I made it into a game. They're 8 and 10.

This isn't like a toddler game. And I turned on all the lights in the morning with everything they needed to do to get out the door at the right time. E All the lights are lit. They come in. They are the one who's going to turn off all the lights in order to get out the door on time. And by the way, it gives suggested time in which this task should be done. Wow. So Where's the kid clock? And guess what? We have zero issue, zero tantrums. Expectations are set. It's a fun game. The siblings sometimes get competitive, and it's great. And that's all it took was a simple fix of implementing another system system for efficiencies. So that was something I recently just did. What's something you're currently struggling with or your wife is currently struggling with with the kids? Let's see if we can put a system in place to help.

Great question. This is something that I think we're both struggling with, and I want to be able to help out with it more. I value... My wife is a teacher. She has her own students to deal with, and then she handles the homework and the things with the kids. Then there's the laundry. I would like to remove that completely from her plate, but at the same time, it's like I'm super overwhelmed realm, too. You know what I'm saying? Because I have a lot going on, but I would like to create some times during the week where I could maybe just put a den in that for her. Not just I just put it in the washer and throw it in the dryer because that's easy, right? I love that. I hate folding and putting away. But I think the major sticking point for her is, Man, I just went through this whole week, stressful Stressful job, stressful with getting the kids to do their homework, and now I got to do all this damn laundry. If I could help out in any way, Hey, man, that'd be great. I do the dishes. The downstairs is all mine.

I do all that, and I make the bed, and I do all that of stuff. My wife always laughs at me. She goes, That's your domain. You handle that, and you don't do anything upstairs. I'm like, Baby, that is not true. That is not true. But yeah, I would say finding a way to collaborate to help her out with those tasks so she's more free and happier when she is home.

I love that. Laundry is not emotional. It's just close. I really like the mindset that people give like, Oh, how fortunate are you to be able to have these clothes to clothe your kids? I love that. I love this cement. That, to me, though, makes it emotional. For me, I made it really simple. I have one detergent, I make it myself, one oxygen boost, one stain stick, and one dryer bowl. If you simplify the tools you're using to get cleaning done, naturally, it's going to be a simpler, easier process. So number one, I always start with, Simplify your products. That's critical to me. I'm a big basket lover. Every kid has their own basket. That basket just lives in the place they throw clothes. I watched them for a week on where they throw their clothes, and that is where the baskets go. Because naturally, we are creatures of habit. My husband loves to throw his socks right in front of the couch as if they should live there. Well, guess what now lives in front of the couch? A basket. Okay. Because to me, having somebody say simply just like dishes, for example, they bring the dish that you fed them on to the sink, it feels like respect.

This is the same thing. It's a system. It's easy. Now it's in the basket. Now I know what I need to do. I run a weekly schedule. Mondays are towels and rags, Tuesdays are lights, Wednesdays are dark, Thursdays are kid clothes, Fridays are sheets, weekends are off, and it's an emergency-only situation. But It doesn't always work for everybody. So really, my biggest thing is to help you not have to catch up on laundry. If that pile could talk, I swear I want to do a series on my close talking because most of the time they're going to say, Nicole, I've been sitting here for two days. When is my turn to go back to the closet? Truth be told, you're going to figure out what works best for you. But I wake up and when I sip on my first cup of coffee, a The load is going in the dryer. So if you look at your washer, most washers now have a Timer that you can preset the night before the clothes wash when I'm sleeping, like Santa. You wake up and you're like, And then you put them in the dryer. By the time I'm ready to take the kids to school, they're already ready to be folded.

One load a day will save you for years. One load, that's it, because that's your only task that day. Get that one load put away. You know what? One load is really much easier than 14.

Oh, no doubt.

I looked at how to never have the pile up. Then I simplified the system down all the way to the detergents I was using. I think for me, once you find the system that works for your home, that those emotional things go away and it just becomes the task at I love it.

Does that help? No, that's beautiful. Thank you. It's still funny because we have this conversation. It's just the majority of the listeners are in our age group that do have children that this will be a high amount of value for. As I'm listening, I'm like, Wait a second. This is more about me just being more aware on a day to day. Really, that's all it is. It's like, Okay, tomorrow, I don't have any shows scheduled. Can I do a load or two? Yeah, I absolutely could. But if I don't schedule it, if I'm not aware of it, then I won't do it, and then it piles up, and then it's left for my wife to do. This all is very interesting to me because we're all trying to do the best that we can in this busy-ass lifestyle that we have. A lot of the things that you create, the systems and the checkpoints in your own home, give you the ability to calm the chaos in your day-to-day, but also it allows you to spend more quality time family time with your family. I really want to dive into that because there's parents listening right now, and even some kids that are listening is like, Wow, we don't eat dinner together at the dinner table.

We don't have breakfast together. Everybody's moving around. There's no connection. How have these things allowed you to connect with your husband and your children more?

Basically, what I always think is, and by the way, I did not mention having the kids be part of these systems, but they can be. My son empties a lint track, or my daughter's really good at folding socks. I got them a little Amazon board, and it actually helps them fold their clothes. My daughter likes to fold her clothes. It's always fixing the system to help you. Basically, that can be a bonding, connecting time. It's a teaching moment. It helps them feel more independent, which kids naturally seek, sometimes in weird ways, if they're not given home CEO, house CEO tasks. There was a study that was done years ago that talked about the most successful children coming out of families right now are the ones that are put in the system to help the house run, not the ones that get excused from it. I think it's always important to have someone have a job. Most of the time, I don't over-dictate that. I ask, what part of this system do you want?

I love that.

Because it allows them as their kids, do you remember the fight between the red bottle and the pink bottle? And I want the pink bottle. I want the red bottle. I know. I'm basically just treating it that way. You give them two options. They get to choose. That's it. And they will choose the one that's appropriate for them, and then they feel empowered. They made the choice, and or they're more committed to the task at hand. And really what it's done is it's an open time where we have connection each day, whether be at the dinner table or whether it be playing a game or whether it all be reading or whether it being all enjoying a TV show. I think a lot of it is just looking for how to make things less stress, less mess and more success for your family unit. Stop feeling like you're burned out or it's unmanageable or something is endless. Just put a system in place that works and move on from it. Don't overthink it.

No, it's a great point. I think having the children take ownership of their part in the system is really massive because the power of choice in this world is everything. You can either feel like you had a vote or you can feel like you're being forced to do something. If I know as an adult, 47-year-old man, if I feel like I'm being forced to do something or told to do something, I don't do it with very much intention at all. I'm like, Well, to hell with this shit. I'm checking off the box here. I'm in and I'm out. But if I'm included in the You're making process of, Hey, what part of this would you like to take? It's much easier to digest and then really become fully immersed in. The other thing that I really enjoyed there is the multiple ways to connect. I just dinner table. I mentioned to you this last week when we were talking on the phone. There's nothing at the dinner table that can even border criticism or constructive criticism. It is, how was your day? What did you love best about your day? Who did you help today?

What could you have done better? And that's it. We don't interject on that. But I want them, my wife and I, want our kids to start thinking about their day of What did I give? Who did I help? And what can I improve upon? And it opens up this dialog. But then you go on to talk about maybe it is enjoying a TV show or maybe it is playing a game or reading. The more you speak and tell me about the things that you guys do, I start to realize, wow, me and my wife are doing a pretty damn good job. We're playing games at night. We played Old Maid last night with our six-year-old. Love that. Love that stuff, right? But those are important moments. I think that in this world with so much... We said the word chaos so many times. I'm going to say that. And distraction from screens. Screens will bury our children. I think the most dangerous thing is to replace parenting with a screen. I don't believe in that at all. I think there's a lot of people out there doing it. You'll go to a restaurant, you'll see a table full of five people, and all of them are looking at a screen.

I'm like, What in the F are you even here for? You're not connecting. Might as well just eat cereal at home if you're not going to talk to each other. But I also think it's important to understand that there should be certain guardrails around these things. I want to shift into to that part of the conversation of, Man, when we were kids, screens were not raising us. We did not have these potential issues like predators on Roblox. Like these sextortion rings and everything that's going on right now is so scary. You and I both spoke about this initiative called Wait Until eighth Grade. It's where for the audience that's not aware of this, it is a pledge within your school that you will wait on a smartphone for your kid until they're in the eighth grade. We signed that pledge, and you told me you guys did, too. Why do you think that's important?

I think that there's a lot tied into it. Technology is something that we've had to adapt to, and it is light years ahead of our adaptation. All animals evolve and adapt. This is something that I'm not sure we may ever catch up to. It's so far ahead of us. Phones are the enemy, unbound accesses.

Does that make sense? One thousand %.

I think we have similar to how we run a day to where we build connection, which I really do implore anybody listening to Create Daily Anchors, choose choose one to two anchors a day. It doesn't have to be every time you're with your kid. I'm going to give you something super tangible here and then relate it to the phone. But choose one to two anchors a day, morning send off, after school check-in or right before bedtime. Short, consistent beats long and rare. Does that make sense? I think these are just non-negotiables, even on the hard days, because we're human and we're parenting for the first time and living this life for the first time, too. Right? Right. So hopefully that helps. A lot of me for my house CEO rules, is phone down, TV off, multitasking, pause. I like that you ask your kids questions like that. I do that, too, and I think that's really important. Something as consistent as Sunday pancakes goes a long way. The goal is not Pinterest, it's just belonging. Do you know what I mean? I think with the phones, for me, I work in it. I tell my husband, I have the ultimate pull that mommy works in it and sees the dark side, so no.

But that's not going to work on a teenager. It's almost barely working on my eight-year-old because she has enough sass for this neighborhood and yours. But I do think that I have redefined phone-free zones, and that's not all day. We pledge to wait till eight. Our kids do not have a phone. We've looked at giving them a '90s childhood as long as we can, which means one TV in the entire house, not in the bedrooms. No tablets. We don't have those. When they use them in school, they have blue light glasses that they're able to put on so that they can protect their eyes and brains. And then in addition to all of that, we have a lockbox that my husband and I put our phones in from 5: 00 to 9: 00. We don't need them. We have a landline. We're living in the '90s. The '90s worked. It's fine. And the kids We actually just are about to receive 10 can phones. Have you heard of these? No. They're WiFi-based, which you can only call your data log. So only your friend's 10 can phone to the other 10 can phone, there's no crossover.

We're going to put that in our house and see how that goes. But non-negotiable zones for us are dinner table, bedtime routine, and morning send off. Just no phones, no parents, right? Those are connection anchors. I think I think that that alone has helped us the most. Eliminating charging stations for convenience for parents is a really good one. Put that charger where you have to really think about going and picking up that phone.

I like that.

I I like that. For me, I think I have to model it first. I say it out loud when I do it because I'm human and sometimes things come up. I'm putting my phone down now. I will say it out loud so my kids hear me say it. And I will look at them and say, You have my full attention. That is helping model it first so that they see that when they do get a phone at some point in their life, there's a respectful way to use your phone and a disrespectful way to use your phone. The phone is a tool, and it's important that we teach them how to use it appropriately because we can't... It's out of the box, right, Sean? It's Pandora's box now. All of this is out there. We're talking corn, and we were worried about getting kidnapped in the front yard. I'm worried about a lot worse popping up on my kid's screen.

Yeah. Nicole, that's the thing, right? As adults, I mean, you and I both work in social media. We work on our phones 24/7. I see the dark sides, but I also see the beautiful side of social media. It does take a certain individual to dive into the positive side of things. I use it for connection. I'm connected with Paria, now we're connected. I build solid, real relationships off social media to where a lot of times, these friendships that I create out of thin air from a social media app, I can trust more than people in my own community that I've known for about 10 years. There is a beautiful side about that. But we're also, I'm in my 40s, and we can We have better discernment, I guess. The thing that scares me about the current landscape with these phones, and I see eight-year-olds on TikTok all the time. I have friends that give their kids this smartphone, and they're on TikTok. I'm like, You honestly do not understand what you are opening up for your child. Right then and there, there's that pressure to be accepted, the comparison. Am I pretty? Am I ugly?

Am I fat? Am I skinny? All these different That's the thing that these children are going through right now that we don't have any idea what this current generation is going through because we grew up on tech mobile, riding bikes, and shooting hoops in the front yard and maybe playing tackle football with our buddies. That's what I grew up on, and then I would go to baseball. But we didn't have everything we have here. For us, in order to save that development of their brain and that discernment, it's like, Okay, we're not going to do this. But I will say it's becoming challenging in certain ways. My oldest is in sixth grade. He's in middle school. He's on middle school soccer. He's in a bus. He's doing X, Y, Z. I want to be able to get a hold of my son. I want him to be able to get a hold of me. We thought, not smartphone, because we signed the pledge, we're going to follow through with that. It's crazy. We're only a year and a half away from that. He's almost halfway done with his sixth grade year. I know. It's sad.

It's like, soon my little man is going to be in high school, and I'm not going to know what to do. But we've been thinking about, is a Bark phone safe? Are these other types of phones safe to where he can text us and call us if he needs to.

I'm going to say something, and it may be a little controversial, but I do think that this is the right way to handle a phone because it's Pandora's box. We You're going to have to teach them how to use it correctly. Screens are exciting. Brains need breaks. We protect our focus like we protect our sleep. Just simple things that are part of your systems already, and your kids are going to hear that because you're going to frame it as brain care, not control. I think if we talk about why an age-appropriate... To be honest, I'm not really sure that it's appropriate for me a lot of the time. I'm 38, and we did all the things.

I don't even need to be watching this. Yeah, exactly.

I'm just saying there are times I'm like, Oh, my gosh. Yes, I use social media to connect and make friends and go on vacation with them, and I trust them, yes, almost more than sometimes people in my community. But I will tell you that there are some days I'm in my bathroom crying over someone I've never met who won't be at my funeral or my daughter's wedding or any of that over something she said. I've had to put in production for myself. There are things men write to me that should never be heard. That's really sad. I see it. I see it. I live it, I hear it. I think a lot of it is you're going to replace the phone. Don't just remove it. Connection fills the gaps, phone leaves, which is something you are great at, Sean. We've talked about this. Family walks, games, cooking together, reading out loud. Empty space invites scrolling. That is how I feel. When my husband's on the couch and scrolling, I'm like, Oh, is there a space I could fill or help you fill right now? If he's like, No, I just need 10 minutes, whatever it is.

But I want to make sure that that filled space invites connection rather than just leaves it plain and empty and dry. You will scroll, they will scroll. I think so much of it is to repair when it slips and not add shame. If you go back to the things that really matter in our generation, no shame would have gone real far in parenting. It would have saved me a lot of therapy bills, probably. But repairing teaches resilience. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Not fault. I think You can say, I missed that moment. I'm here now. When he gets his smartphone, he will do the same things you do. It's inherent that sons look up to their dads. You're a hero in a lot of ways, and he's going to mimic that before he even starts doing it. I think so much as we don't compete with phones in any home, but you're going to design a life so that connection comes first, and they're going to see that. Connection first, all these other things. When I do slip, I know how to repair. Does that help? Because the phone is inevitable. The smartphone is inevitable at some point.

Yeah. In what my wife and I do, If we're in a blockout session or a section of the day, typically it is when I'm making dinner, I'm not on my phone. When we're sitting down, I'm not on my phone when we're eating, obviously. Then before they go to bed, we try not to be on our phones. If something does happen, we own up to it. Hey, I'm really sorry. I need to take this. Are you guys okay with that? Or, Hey, sorry, guys. I really had to take that. I know it's during this time. Are you guys good? If it upsets one of them, I'm like, Well, do you forgive me? Here's why I took that call. It was important, not more important than you, but also Daddy has a job, mama has a job, and we have to make sure that these things are done. I just think that owning up and communicating, if you have to do something and you do apologize about it, that goes a long way with kids.

Yes, it does. It teaches them to do the same, which is more important. We talk about legacies we leave. Well, that would be a big one. Phones don't steal connection. We're really good at blaming something about our ourselves. Yeah. You don't need perfection either. I'm not preaching perfection. I'm anti-perfection, if anything. But phones don't steal connection. Lack of boundary does.

That's a great point. That's such a great point, Nicole, because we all talk about how social media is destroying America or youth and how phones are taking away from the family. But really what it is, it's these decisions and the choices that we're making surrounding that device. It's not going to make us do it. The phone doesn't have a heartbeat. It can't tell me what to do. It can't tell me to look at it every five seconds. I make that choice. If we work backwards there and say, Okay, this can only steal from us if we allow it. Again, boundaries are such an important thing when we're speaking about phones, when we're speaking about run in the household, but just overall relationships, too. Interpersonal relationships. There has to be boundaries there.

Yes. That's something I think our generation has had to learn how to manage, to be frank. Now we're dealing with it in a technology the age as well. And there is something to be said for understanding healthy boundaries and inserting them with love and respect. But it's the same here. And simple things just to implement right away, if you're struggling with this at home, is a family phone agreement, a little one-pager, kids friendly screen schedule. So they see it and understand how to utilize it. That's giving them a system, a one minute phone connection spiel on the way home from school or a partner alignment agreement, sometimes you guys both agreeing on how to script it to your kids about phones and then hearing it from mom and dad or dad and dad or mom and mom, hearing it from a set of parental figures is very impactful for a kid. If you guys are saying the same words about it, they're hearing it from all sides and it becomes core. I think it doesn't have to be this whole system in 20 minutes of this or an hour of that, or I have to overthink It's real simple, simplistic, and it just takes implementing it today in five minutes.

You don't have to wait till Monday or Sunday or a new month or a new year. It's very simple to say, I'm struggling with this and I need to fix This feeling inside. It doesn't feel good. Let's put a system in place and make it happen.

I like that because the whole cliché or the saying is Rome wasn't built in a day. But anytime we try to start something new, whether it's going low talks in the home, building systems, systems, a nutrition journey, a weight lifting journey. We all like to feel like we have to go from zero to a thousand right away. I think what it really is, is we have to make small steps forward every single day. In fact, as we run down on time here and closing out the show, it's like what I always try to bring people is, when I started this platform of the Determined Society, it was me wanting to wake up in a society that people chase their dreams no matter how they feel emotionally at that time. One of the ways to do that is to remove the emotion and look at the system. What is my process? What is my standard that I set? That's what I go do. I'm going to do one thing. If I leave here today saying, You know what? Tomorrow when I'm sitting down and I don't have a recording, maybe I will do a lot. I'll do a load of laundry.

I'm going to put it in in the morning, and by the time I'm done with my breakfast, it's dry, and then I can fold and put it away. But if I don't do that, then I'm just creating a whole different mess. To me, that's not determination, nor is it discipline. We have to follow through what we say we're going to freaking do, period, end of story. That's what I really love about Everything that you're speaking about because you're putting systems and guardrails in place. You have amazing guides for... I mean, guys, listen, what's the website? It's Nicolejackez. Is that what it is? Dot com?

Yeah, dot com.

It's Nicolejackez. Com. I want you guys, and we'll put it in the show notes, I need you guys to go look at this because there's systems everywhere in there. There's stocking stuff for ideas. There's low talks, cleaner ideas. There's all these different things that she has built in order for you to create something amazing for your home, but also leave enough time to connect with your family. That took a lot of discipline from you and a lot of holding to your standard. That's what I to really take from this is whatever system you put together and whatever you decide to do, create it and stick to it.

Yeah, absolutely. It's showing up again when no one's clapping or it's building a system instead of burning out. It's protecting your values on ordinary days, not just the hard ones. I think determination and leadership in the small moments of life, the choice to simplify, to repair, and to try again are really what matter, essentially. It isn't loud grit all the time or endless hustle, like I was told. It's the quiet decision to keep choosing what matters. That is at the core of what I try to do and teach and share, because essentially I do this same as you, is for the connection and to help somebody else.

Your definition of determination is absolutely beautiful. Oh, thank you. Absolutely beautiful, and not because it's the same as mine. I mean, it truly is the same as mine, because if you really dive into it and you just realize that there's going to be days, and for the people listening, the audience, there's going to be days where you don't even feel getting dressed. But those days where you don't feel like getting dressed, just get dressed because that's a win. For some moms and some dads, taking a shower that day might feel like the most daunting task. Take the shower. You've won. You've literally... The things that... And this is why I like to point this out, Because when you can take control of the small things like that, I'd be like, I emotionally don't want to do this right now. It's hard. There's a lot of people right now that are listening like, How is taking a shower hard? Because you don't walk a mile in everybody's shoes every day. That's really an thing for moms when they have babies and sometimes showers turn into this elaborate thing to where they can't even do it. I'm not talking about just do it for them.

I'm talking about every day life, just pick the task that you don't really want to do and just do it. Because true determination and discipline is doing those things. It is never loud, it is never gritty, it doesn't boast, and it sure shit doesn't show up when there's motivation there. It shows up all the time. That is the most common misconception of determination. It's what I thought early on in my journey, Nicole, was, I'm going to work out seven days a week, I'm going to do it twice a day, and I'm going to tell everybody I'm determined. This is what I do. It's ridiculous because that's not what true determination is.

No. I want to leave everyone with this because I think they're like, Oh, well, Nicole has all these systems and they work so well and good for her. High five. There's failure every day in what I do. You'll find that I show up on my stories with my hair in a mess and I have my shirt on backwards. Not every day I show up looking like this. I walked into the room yesterday and I couldn't remember why I was in the room. That's real. I think so much of this is it's relatable, but it's also very doable because I am human. I want it to feel that way. So the way I started this was choose three things and just get those three things done in the day. They take a shower, do the dishes, put something in a crock pot. But they could also be take a 20-minute nap, do yoga, have lunch with a friend. But three things. If you can wake up every day and just choose three things to do that are not work outside the home related. That's all you need.

I love it. Just start there. I love it. I want the audience to... I forgot to say something about your website, and then I want you to After that, I want you to tell everybody else where they can find you and how else they can dive into your content, how they can learn more from you, your books, etc. But I encourage you guys, when you go to our website, it's nicolejackets. Com, sign up for a newsletter. I did. Why not? Literally, if you want to find better ways to run your home and connect more with your spouse and your children, what do you have to lose? You can always unsubscribe later if you don't like it. She's not going to be tormented by that, but you probably won't unsubscribe. I just wanted to throw that out there because I think it's a great way to learn about what you're doing and how you implement things is through your newsletter as well. Where else can people find you, like your Instagram handle, and other ways that they can learn from you?

So essentially the blog is great because it's just small tips and tricks. It's not so overwhelming. I live a low tox lifestyle for a health condition, which I talk about on the blog.

The EOE, right?

Yeah. I have a Cienophilic esophagitis, and so I actually choked. That whole journey is there, too. And low toxing was Very similar to House, becoming the House CEO. Actually, there was a piggyback and benefit off of that. I have an e-book, but the e-book actually is now becoming a published book. Love that for you. Which is way more dialed in and really has been a full turning moment. That should launch in 2027. Keep your eye out. I know it's far away, but it'll be here tomorrow.

I know the deal. I'll go through the same thing myself. It's like all the edits, they're fun.

The newsletter is great because I send out really mindful tips. I like it to be like you and I are texting to each other or I'm sharing my personal journal with you. Usually, people take away things that maybe they haven't heard. Instead of gift guides right now, I'm talking about how to hold on and make core memories and take the pressure off of perfection. I'm giving you permission, and here are three things I'm doing that have helped me. And then my handle, I'm on all platforms, anywhere from YouTube Shorts. My main handle that you'll see me on every day is on Instagram, and it's @itnicoel. And then the last name is J-A-Q-U-E-S. It's unique. And then you on TikTok as well. But my primary connection is Instagram and the blog and the newsletter. Those are my people. And I have to say that it is a community community that's real rare on social media. Very kind, loving, giving, and real light lighters, which really makes me stay.

Agreed. One more thing I want to acknowledge real quick before I let you go and give the audience their little call to action to share this with everybody they know is I had a great grandmother named Ruth, and your grandmother was named Ruth. And growing Every Labor Day, we would go to my great grandparents for family reunions right around Labor Day, and there was all this food. It was this love language that when I read your About Me section, I'm like, damn, I can relate to this. I started seeing visions of going to Clear Lake, California, and being there with my great-grandparents and my cousins and my uncle and everything. Everything, plain croquet, badmitten, listening to Randy Travis on the gray boom box, cassette tape. That's how long ago that was. But just know that by you sharing something small like that, it allowed me to go back and honor some core memories. So thank you.

That's why I do it. That's the best gift. And it's the connection you talk about, and it's a connection we're all seeking, whether it be with another human or in our homes and with just a more simplistic, happy life. But yeah, Ruth is a driving factor in a lot of things in my life, along with Pam, my mom. But I... Man, the grandma Ruth, that got me. You know how you get those goosebumps? I call them glimmer, like little glimmer feelings inside. That gave me one. So thank you. I needed that. That was awesome.

Absolutely. I noticed it, and it was important to me to mention it to you. So thank you so much. Much for coming on. I enjoyed this conversation, and I know this is the beginning of a great friendship. And anything I can help you with in your book launch, I'm in. I'm all in because I want your materials to be in the hands of a lot of different homes. So more homes run more efficiently and have more time to connect and just enjoy the human experience a lot more.

Absolutely. Well, it's been an honor to be here, and I agree. So much to learn and so much connection. So many simple points that are identical in a lot of ways, but different. And I think that that's exactly why people are brought together. Absolutely. So when you feel more good, make that connection and keep it, keep going. But I appreciate you having me on, Sean. This has been awesome. A great way to start my Tuesday.

Yeah, girl. I love here, my friend. And for the audience, please do me a favor. Share this episode with someone you know, love and trust. If this is your first time listening to the show, please Please hit subscribe and follow and dive into the content. And more than anything, if you like the show, please leave us a written review on Apple and a rating on Spotify and show up on YouTube as well. And just let us know what you love about the platform. We bring great stories and great systems to your ears and your homes by way of amazing guests like Nicole twice a week. So I thank you guys very much for listening. And until next time, stay determined.