Transcript of Local Hour: The Chargers Are In The Cuck Chair

I'm going to say that for more than two decades, close to a quarter century, Zadzlo has been telling me that Greg Cody only writes the most obvious things. He only takes the positions of a columnist that are not controversial, that are just Miami Heat should trade for Shaquille O'Neill or LeBron James or Miami Dolphins should get Patrick Mahomes, just the most obvious things. But Greg Cody of the Miami Hérald has predicted in print, Which is still something the Miami Hérald does for now in print, that the Denver Broncos will beat the Patriots at home as a five and a half point dog. And I do not hear a lot of people saying that. Balls. Greg Cody has come out with the help of an imaginary bird that he consults called the Upset Bird, and it squawks and it tells him what to do. And he has picked the Denver Broncos in a game that I will only watch because I must because of work obligation.

Stick 'Em. Stick 'Em.

Stick 'Em is starting. I thought when you were hovering over a button, you were going to hit the hello. Stick 'Em. I'll get that, too. Yeah, that's what I thought you were going to do because you were hovering over a button. So I went deeper. Yeah, you did. You surprised me. Look at this. It is good that the Cody prodigy has developed a little bit more unpredictable than his father. Zazel, I'm not misrepresenting you when I that it's been more than 20 years. It can't be texting me more than 20 years because I don't think texts are 20 years old. How old are texts?

I remember the first text I ever sent was my senior year of college, so that's 2004.

Oh, so texts are 20 years old. All right, put it on the poll at Lebitard show. Is texting 20 years old? Because I would have thought most people would have guessed that it's not. So texting is about at the advent of social media? Both of those things appeared at roughly the same time?

It It wasn't a super common thing texting. It wasn't the preferred way of communicating via cell phone. But you did have text capability, and I definitely used it.

To text me that Greg Cody had written an obvious column of some sort. I'm not misrepresenting you, correct?

No, no, no. Cody, take a chance once in a while. Say something provocative.

Well, he just did. Yeah. He's picking the Broncos as a five and a half point-In the year 2026 of our Lord. Well, but it's not... I mean, I wouldn't be surprised. Would Should we be surprised if that game was close because Denver's defense was great and they're playing at home and football is weird?

I don't think it's a crazy thing to say, no.

Would you assume that Sean Payton will be typically Sean Payton wacky the way that he was against the Colts in the Super Bowl when he onside kicked to start the second half, which is the single play that I associate with Sean Payton? Are you not assuming that Sean Payton will do some of what Kirby Smart did, where Kirby Smart realized in the Ole Miss game that he wasn't going to stop Ole Miss at all. And so he's doing double reverse fake punts from his own 20-yard line on fourth and long because he's like, I got to try some shit.

I'm just in the group chat smiling at all these people willing Mike McDaniel to Buffalo into existence because, buddy, I am, too.

It's weird. The McDaniel thing... Well, let's just start the show because the McDaniel thing is unlike anything I've ever seen in coaching hires where, Yeah, the chargers are saying, We'll take him. But go ahead, shop around. It's like somebody getting married and allowing their spouse to run around and have sex with everybody else just to try stuff out, see if you see anything better out there.

Like Zaz.

This is the Dan Levatore Show with the Stugats podcast. Have any of you seen a comp for what Mike McDaniel is presently doing? And how are you feeling as Dolphin fans if you're in a situation where you fired a coach who's so pivoted that he just wander around from job opening to job opening, deciding whether he wants or can find anything better than the job he's already been given with the chargers? We're in an agreement. We've never seen this before, right? Where the chargers have hired Mike McDaniel pending him flirting around with other people in the league, including Buffalo, to see if he finds something he likes better with the Raiders, with the Ravens, or with the Bills, which I assume he would delight. I would assume that Dolphins fans would be terrified of having Mike McDaniel at the top of the division with Josh Allen?

Okay, well, first, I would not be terrified.

Yeah. I also don't think that this is super unprecedented. I just think the transparent nature of this is what's strange. That's probably true. But I think this is the general understanding whenever a coach hits free agency the way that Mike McDaniel did. You're in honest conversations, especially a coach that's in demand. He really likes it here. He wants to be a head coach, though. So if that's available, please understand that he would take that over this.

He will take the Bill's job.

The public part, this is unprecedented. It's something I have not seen before. Okay, at play out in public where the charges are good with someone they just hired to work with Justin Herbert, wandering around and seeing if he could find something better over the next few months, and also not with a lot of precedent, is a fired coach mocked in this market, having the ability to do something like this, having the power to have this number of choices where you're like, Yeah, this is interesting for now, but I'm going to go do some other interviews. And then the team announcing, No, we're going to make this our offensive coordinator, and we're going to put an asterisk on it.

Diana Rustini has reported that Josh Allen is heavily involved in this process. They will take into account what he has to say on the matter. You look at Josh McDaniel's record against Mike McDaniel, how Mike McDaniel's teams, I know he's not a defensive guy, have game planned around Josh Allen. There have been some bad Josh Allen games there. Miami's probably punched above its weight class, oftentimes against that opponent, and he's probably sat on the sidelines, admittedly impressed with what he's seen from Miami and Mike McDaniel scheme, despite having players that most people don't think are super great in Tua, Helman, the position. So I think it would be a great fit. I'm rooting for it. I'm rooting to see what it does to Dolphins fans that are so not sure that it won't work out.

Zaz is saying he's not terrified. Schefter is saying that the feeling around the league is that Tua has played his last game as a Miami Dolphin. Why would you not be scared of the pairing of McDaniel with Josh Allen? It seems to me that we can agree. Whatever your complaints about Mike McDaniel are, they're not that he can't make offense out of stuff, and he's never had a player to work with like the MVP of the league.

I am surprised. I'm surprised at the amount of tension that Mike McDaniel has gotten. I don't think I'm out of line to say, Have the Dolphins ever fired a coach, and that coach was in demand? I don't think this has ever happened before.

I Do you agree with Mina, though. Outside of Stefansky, I think this is a supply and demand thing.

Gace got a job right away.

But who are the other offensive minds available right now? Stefansky was number one, clearly, and now it's McDaniel. I'm not saying McDaniel is not a good offensive mind, but I do think there's some of that going on here. There's really no other good offensive- You say that, but Brian Baldinger begs to differ.

He says there is a good offensive hire available if you need offensive line play. Not out here trying to play reporter or doing any of that nonsense. But I hear the Steelers are very interested in Mario Cristobal. I think Mario Cristobal actually would really translate to the NFL. I watched his practice in the spring. The way that Mario coached that team reminded me of what old-school coaches used to do. I think Mario could actually transfer to the NFL. Baldinger, you are doing that nonsense. You are doing that reporting in that nonsense. Was that a report? That was a report. Give it to me. That was a report from Brian Baldinger, who is not a reporter, that Cristobal is somebody that he can see going to the Steelers. The sourcing is flimsy on It's just Baldinger saying it with his crooked finger. Watch the practice.

I'm glad that Baldinger can see it because Mario Cristobal is the most college and not NFL coach there is. He's so college. There's no way that he would... First of all, I don't think there's any way he would lead the hurricanes. Number two, I also don't think there's any way an NFL team would want him. He's so college.

Baldinger, though, likes Offensive line play and also likes he longs for the days when guys had to practice and coaches denied them water. Put it on the poll at Lebitard Show. Does Baldinger long for the days when coaches denied football players water?

Usually, things like this are coordinated efforts to leverage an extension. I think Mario should get a raise regardless. I think he's proven that he's the guy. That's typically how these things go. I also don't think Mario is going to leave until he gets the job done. And then once he gets job done.

When you say leave, you mean retire, right?

Right. Well, I think he's looking to get the job done multiple times, not just the one.

But when the time comes and he leaves, it's retire.

It's his life's mission to win a championship for the University of Miami and bring them all the way back. I don't think there is a job on the planet he would leave for. Totally not in college. I mean, if the NFL comes a knock, and I guess you have to listen, your agent might force you to take that call. But I mean, it's Brian Baldinger on NFL Network at 11: 00 AM. Take that for what it's worth.

I will tell you, unless Mario Cristobal would get fired at some point from the University of Miami, I don't think Mario Cristobal is ever going to be a head coach anywhere else.

I would trust your read on that situation.

I would be offended if I were Baldinger and if I were 11: 00 AM at what you just did. It's 10: 00 AM better?

You all knew what I meant.

I don't understand what you're doing. You all knew what I meant. I don't understand what you're doing.

10: 00 AM is better. That midday.

11: 00 AM. Okay. I don't know what you're doing.

You're too close to lunch.

That's why we stopped the live at 11: 00 AM.

You're too close to lunch? 11 to 2: 00? Okay. Put it on the poll at Levitard Show, is reported Anything less impactful if you're too close to lunch at Levitard Show?

Nfl Network, 11 AM. You got to take that with a grain of salt.

Give me some insight and take Let me inside, Mike, what just happened with the University of Miami and its quick freshman running back, Gerard Pringle. For those of you who do not know, and I really feel like the audience does not know this, the way the portal's working? Eighty to 85%, I've heard a number as high as 90%, these kids who go into the portal just leave college football because nobody wants them. There are thousands of players being ground up by this freedom, and I don't think most people know that the going into the portal doesn't just mean that you actually end up with another scholarship at another school.

Why do they do that?

Well, because they're not happy with playing time, because they're kids, and I think this is underreported as well, and it's dangerous, and it's especially dangerous when you've got these agents involved and these self-interests involved. Family members being upset about a kid's playing time when all of them think they should be playing as freshmen is just a giant problem in that sport. It's why I tell you that I would not want to, for the money that they pay in college football, have to be a college football coach that has to deal with all of the parents who are upset because their kid, because two-thirds of your roster isn't getting the playing time that the families want. Mike, take me inside the business of this where Pringle goes into the portal and, evidently, just renegotiates his deal and then ends up coming right back. What happened there?

Well, most of the time when you have a situation where someone is frustrated, either wants more money or more playing time or a combination of both, it never manifestsends with the player actually entering the portal. In this case, it did, which is rare, especially with how Miami's collective operates. As soon as he hit the portal, usually you get some messaging like, Yeah, that was in the works for a long time. Pringle did surprise, but it was also very quick that the University of Miami made it known to those in the know that they were looking to retain him. It's a strange move because you don't really see it coming out of Miami all that much. It's posturing, and it ended up working out with him. I do know that he was very frustrated. The player was very frustrated by not featuring in the college football playoff the way that he did to close the season. Pringle was a big part of this team, and that late season surged to the CFP. He is a young player, and they didn't trust his pass blocking. I think that was evident whenever he was on the field. And Mark Fletcher is one of the best pass blocking backs out there, and they trust Marty Brown a little bit more.

You didn't get playoff time in your freshman year, and that makes you want to leave?

I'm with you. I think if he sticks around, he's going to be a huge part of the team next year. And if the rumors are true about Mensa and Cooper Parkate, and now they just brought in Damon Wilson, this team is shaping up to be very good next season.

Can Can you take us through, though, what the amount of monies we're talking about? I'm not talking about in this particular case, but if a kid goes into the portal, renegotiates his deal, and then 24 hours later is back at the school, how much more money did he make himself as part of what that renegotiation is. Don't make it about this one kid. Just make it in general about how this stuff works.

I don't know. Clearly, if he went through the headache of entering the portal and then coming back, I do think that he probably got more. In this case, I don't know that to be true. I had not asked for specifics. I do admit that it is odd to see a kid go in the portal that Miami values, because if Miami really values you, you don't enter the portal. You have to understand, everybody is a free agent, year over year. You have to fight to retain everybody, teams, agents, all of it. It is a constant. It's not just during portal time, and people are being renegotiated as the season goes on.

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Dan Levatard.

My algorithm on Instagram is Dan's all boobs.

Stugatz.

It's a good algorithm.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugats.

Zazlo, do you think The average person listening to this understands, knows that thousands of kids are going into the portal and just getting chewed up.

I'll be honest with you. I didn't know up until a few days ago, and it's probably because of Mensa, I didn't know until a few days ago that the team, the school, has to put you in the portal. I thought the player can just say, I'm in the portal now. I didn't know the team actually has to help you with that transaction.

Yeah, there was one instance said I know of last year where the team was not going to cooperate at all.

I didn't know that that's the way it worked. I think there's so much out there, so much minutiae that, by the way, I don't think the sportsman cares about either.

Dan's math on it does make sense. I follow Pretty much, if you were ever a University Miami player, I follow you on Instagram every offseason. I'm like, Where is this guy? Where is this person? A lot of them don't pan out. Unless they go to SMU, that worked out for those guys. But a lot of these guys end up going to much lower ranks and they fall off the face of the earth. I don't want to throw a blanket over it, but if you're entering the portal, it is a rare occasion that you're elite, that you're a big time difference maker. I think that we probably tend to add this perception to it because they make a big deal when you get a transfer that works out. Miami has had a lot of luck, especially at the quarterback position, but I think that's an outsized understanding of what this actually looks like. Most of the Miami players that have left go on to just fade away, and that is the truth for pretty much every program.

So what we're saying here is, as opposed to these kids entering the portal because they're pretty sure there's a better opportunity on the other side waiting for them, they're just going in blind. They're going in blind.

But they're not going in just blind. They're also going in with a lack of self-awareness and a bit of delusion. But I understand how they arrive at it. I thought Prinkle was really good. He obviously gives them something that they do not have. Speed and quickness at the position of that kind they do not have. So I understand in his limited playing time why he and his family would both arrive at thinking he should have played more. And I do understand also why so many of these players think that it's politics or something else that's keeping them from being great. Let's put up the photo yesterday here. I heard people here murmuring. They were all excited because still, after all of these years, the Dolphins have hired eight coaches with no experience, and every damn time somebody gives a press conference, these fans get duped. The sports fan filled with hope, I wish that I were a salesman who always had that as my audience, because the sports fan, Filled with Hope, can get suckered by halfway giving a good interview to the big dog. But they introduced yesterday halfway to the media, and Steven Ross is here, and I simply cannot believe how quickly Basically, the Miami Dolphins have been able to acquire the league lead in forehead.

This is an enormous amount of forehead that the Dolphins are unveiling.

I can put- These are two different guys.

It looks like a family portrait.

I don't like that Steven Ross is taller than them.

From what I understand, that's not very difficult. Someone in our universe said that Halfley looks like both Beavis and Butt head.

He's also a Sweetie pie.

That's a lot of forehead. You guys can't admit, though, looking at this. Chris Cody, you're another one of these suckers. The Big Dog interview got you. You love listening to the Big Dog on the way in. What am I supposed to do?

He's saying all the right... I'm not going to... He's not saying anything wrong yet.

I think I got him tonight on ESPN. Halfway? I think I have him, yeah.

All right. I'm not a Dolphin fan. I do follow college football very, very closely. That guy stunk at BC. He was a bad coach.

Who's good at BC? 22 and 26 was his record at BC.

That's a great question. Bill O'Brien had some success in the NFL, and this was a bad year at BC. What's up, Trevor? But I remember him as a guy that was pretty bad at Boston College, and Chris absolutely applied the right context to it. Also, around the league, the reputation of that Green Bay Packers staff, everyone throws heaps of praise on all the coaches that were on that staff, and Hathley is a big part of that. But I can't quite shake what I've seen him do as a head coach on the college level. It's rare that a bad college football head coach ends up working out in the pros. Are there any examples? What was the success that he had as a headman before? I just can't quite shake that. And there is a Venn diagram of people that are Dolphins fans and Miami Hurricanes fans that should be familiar with that failure. And the ones that I know are a little bit more apprehensive about it, the ones that recall what he did at BC.

Yeah, but guys, Big Dog asked him. He said, Hey, around here, we've had some issues. Guys showing up on time. Structure, discipline. You know what he said? Not going to be a problem here. Guys are showing up on time, and if they don't, I'm going to hold them accountable. Check checks out. Why would I hate that? He's saying all the right things, Dan.

Because anybody they hire can say all the right things. It's fundamentally irrelevant.

Right, but it could go either way.

The thing that I was watching yesterday, okay, when I came in here and we started the show is on the television, the question was, because it's a slow content time, Can Harbaugh turn the Giants around in year one? It's a question you can't even begin to answer for several months. You can't even try to answer it until you've seen them do something. But we will apply a hope, and all previous failures will be ignored. It's 25 It's 25 years of them hiring the wrong guy. It's 25 years of them hiring this guy, the guy who presents well in the interview. Except for Mike McDaniel. Aren't you of the assumption that they all present well in the interview, and I ask you a subsequent question. Do you think Andy Reid presented well in the interview? Santa Claus comes into your room, starts mumbling from under a dirty mustache.

I just don't understand what we want here. You'd be You'd be more impressed with the dolphins if it was me up there? Like, wow, that's really unimpressive. No, I want the impressive guy.

No, I think the pushback is they're always impressive, and it doesn't mean shit. Right.

So we should just sit in the middle here. The fact that you guys are saying- No, you shouldn't get excited about it. Okay, but you shouldn't be upset about it. I'm not upset. I've seen you. You've been saying all week, nothing, this guy's not impressive.

No, I've just been saying there's no juice to this dolphin's higher.

None of us should have an opinion. We should have no opinions. We should all You just sit in the middle and say, I don't know.

All I'm saying is that Hope is inherently biased, and it's really hard to conquer, and the customer, in this case, is a sucker, and has been a sucker for 25 years because hope is that bias. So they introduce a couple of foreheads that even with those foreheads, are still shorter than the 80-year-old owner of the dolphins. I don't like that. Even with those foreheads- How tall is Steven Ross here?

Can we look this up?

He can't be taller You think he's a giant?

You think Steven- No, I've heard... My sources are telling me both the dolphin guys they hired, not tall.

Okay, I don't want to do that. I don't want to shame them based on their height.

So the foreheads are good with the height.

That's the line. That's correct. That is where the line is for me. That is right.

I think that forehead shaming is worse than height shaming.

Is it? All right, put on the poll at Lebitard show, which is worse, forehead shaming or height shaming?

There are short kings. There aren't five head kings.

Did you find yet the height of Steven Ross? Because I'm assuming the internet is going to make that hard.

No specific information available.

I think the internet is going to make that hard to find.

I got John Eric Sullivan, the new GM, listed as 5'9. No chance.

When Steven Ross came into our studios one time, and he did do that one time, I don't remember him being particularly tall or short. Yeah, I remember average height. I imagine with age, you do shrink some, right? So once you get into your 80s, you get a little bit crooked and you get less tall. I understand what Zaz is doing when he doesn't like that the leadership of the Dolphins, both the GM and the coach are shorter than the 80-year-old owner.

Everybody knows old people shrink, too, so I especially don't like that. Jeff Hathaway, it says here, he's listed as 5'10. You're trying to tell me Steven Ross is 6 feet tall? No.

Very strong opinion from Zazlo there. Let me get to a couple of other things that I want to get to here. I wanted to ask you guys because we skipped past this, and I was a bit embarrassed by the way that we covered it because there there was a little too much glee about Jimmy Butler being injured when that's not what I felt at all. But one of the things that I didn't comment on, and the Warriors have now lost five straight games when Steph Curry scores 35 or more points. I don't know how that's going to end with the Warriors, but it's over. Everything happening there is done, and it finishes when Jimmy Butler goes down. But you guys did realize when that happened, that Jimmy Butler got the guarantee he wanted in the event that that happened by getting the two-year, $112 million contract from Golden State that runs through next year that the heat were never going to give him. And so Jimmy Butler, for himself, and however dirty it was, got the extra $112 million guaranteed and is now signed through next year. And whatever he makes after '27 isn't going to be very much.

So he did get to cash in by making that last mess for an extra $112 million that the heat absolutely were not going to give him.

I saw that unfold, and that was exactly the way that most people had it. Jimmy's body breaking down, him making a big stink because privately in his heart of hearts, even though he's a psycho, would admit that he was also worried about that, too, which is why he wanted the contract that he got. And Miami didn't meet him there because they were worried about that. That is exactly the way that it was always going to happen.

Can you imagine the reaction if this happened, then he was still in a heat uniform? Like, Pat Bradley was right. He was right. It was ugly, but he was right.

Well, I guess they both were, if you're going to say they're- They both were because he got his money.

He got what he wanted, and he got sent to a glamor franchise, too. Everybody got what they wanted. It was just an ugly way to get there.

Well, but everyone got what they wanted, but is now worse for it because all of these entities were better before any of this happened. The Golden State Warriors are now finished. What I just said to you, I'm going to give you the stat again because it's problematic. They've lost the last five games where Steph Curry has gone for 35 plus. I don't know how that's going to end, and I don't know how it's going to end for LeBron with the Lakers, but it's over.

And Miami is better for it right now. I just don't know how to quantify what that whole headache was last year because it was a wasted season.

Well, that's what I'm saying when I say they're worse for it.

Yeah, because we threw away- They're in a better space now.

The move that they made and what they acquired back for Jimmy was really solid because what they ultimately got out of it was a 19-year-old rookie point guard, Andrew Wiggens, Davian Mitchell and Norman Powell once they moved Kyle Anderson. That ends up being a win, but they wasted last season by not preemptively making that move ahead of the sabotage that came during the season. But Dan, the way that it ends potentially is take that Jimmy Butler contract and move it. He's got 50 something guaranteed next year. We know how this league feels about expiring contracts. If you're some franchise that is willing to take money into that space, there have been rumors already that DeMar DeRosen is the type of guy they could look to to at least create the similar downhill motion in their offense that Jimmy creates. It's not the same replacement.

It's not 50. It's $61 million a season is what Jimmy Butler ended up getting from Golden State. 56.

8 is what I've got here for next year.

Two years, $112 million is the deal that he signed. The Heat are now 9 and 15 over their last 24. They lose last night to Portland because they went nine of 45 from three.

And no one ever plays. No wear, no hero. No one ever plays.

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Don Leverthard. And then that staffer threw him 25 and two. Oh, there's a brand new kid in town out of B-Y-U. Stugatz. They call him Puca, Puca Nakuwa. His quarterback is not named Tua. Yeah. Where he is Puka, Puka-Nakuwa.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugats.

The Warriors are the worst three-point shooting team in the league, and they went 20 for 50 from three. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, the Blazers. They dragged the heat last night. I want to play for you since we were talking about the Warriors, something I did not have happening. I've got Draymond Green saying both that Pela Larson is a dirty player. I'm really surprised that he knows who he is. I'm surprised that he knows his name. But then Draymond Green is also saying, And everyone knows I'm not a dirty player.

I've played a bunch of Europeans. They do little dirty stuff. It's a different seat. People get mad at me and be like, Oh, Draymond dirty. I told you Drayman not dirty. Drayman will you up. I'm not dirty. I don't do dirty things. I play for Tom Izzel. And if you did dirty things, it didn't work. I don't do dirty things. There's not a player in the NBA that could tell you Drayman is a dirty player. Don't do it. And European, though, there's a lot of Europeans that play. They do dirty stuff on a basketball court. And for Deep Book and Demar to get mad like that, he's doing something that we ain't see. To his credit, you got a tech on Deep Book, you got Demar thrown out. But if you're going to keep doing that, you got to stay on that because people are going to start going at you. And that comes with a reputation, and that's a whole different thing. So I don't know Pele Larson to be that guy. However, I don't know much about Pele Larson. If that's who he's going to be, commit to it and stay there because guy is going to start going at you like that.

It's just what comes.

I stand corrected. He doesn't know Pele Larson's name. He's calling him Pele. But then last night during the game against Dallas, which the Warriors lost, here's Draymond being dirty.

Just actively throwing a chicken wing.

That is a good chicken wing.

It looks like a flop on.

And then going after the ref.

That is a good chicken wing. The idea that Draymond would say with a straight face, Everyone knows I'm not dirty, and totally believes it.

There's no player in the league who would say Draymond's dirty.

I mean, he is more guilty of kicking people in the junk than any player in the history of the sport.

The man got suspended from the finals for smacking someone in the junk and lost his team a championship as a result of it. The only reason he was suspended is because he was doing it so often.

He's quite possibly the dirtiest player in the history of the league.

There is no other player that has as many I kick you in the junk controversies as Draymond. I remember there was a two and a half year period where I was examining on television pretty consistently Well, maybe he's got a reflex problem with his leg where he just can't control the fact that he keeps kicking people in the junk, that there's some issue that he has, that how is he the one who's always guilty of this?

This is like Luis Suarez saying it.

Luis Suarez saying that he doesn't bite people?

You won't find a single person that'll say, I'm a dirty guy.

You won't find anyone who will say that I spit on people and bite them.

The Dream on Green show, it's like the diary of an insane person.

Put it on the poll at Lebitard Show. Is the Draymon Green show like the diary of an insane person?

There was a time where it was statistically more possible for a soccer player to be bitten by Luis Suarez than a shark.

I saw that.

It's true. I don't know. He did two and back to back. It was over a year and a half span. Get in at the World Cup.

I told you guys yesterday that Michael Irvin has a new podcast on Netflix. I can't believe he's calling it White House. The White House, for those of you who do not know, are what the champion Dallas Cowboys, used as a home that their wives did not know about to have sex with people who were not their wives during their Championship heyday. The podcast is called White House. Here, they're talking about cocaine, a different white. Michael Irvin seems to be pissed off that people think he can only have five hours of energy if he's snorting coke.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. First, First of all, you all know damn well, coke don't last five hours. You all know damn well, coke don't last five hours. And I haven't partake it in 20 years. But if you got some five-hour stuff, let me know. That's just what I'm saying, man. Stop it. Stop saying this stuff. You know what I mean? You've been looking at me for the last five hours. There's no way I could do something on this sideline. But they're not doing it out of They're doing it to get to you. You know what I'm saying? They're the reality. Another thing I want to say. You know what? When I used to get high, that's exactly what I would say no matter who I saw. Oh, he high, too. Because you high. That's the way You want everybody to be high because you're high.

He's like, So the first hour, you nailed it. Hour five, it's done then.

I love that still of Michael Beazley when you consider what Michael Irvin just said.

How high does Michael Beazley look Look there, and how high was he when he went into the closet to fetch both that hat and the pants that you'd see normally on a Sherpa while climbing Everest because of the amount of fur that he has on his lower body. That's Brandon Marshall, Michael Beesley, and Michael Irvin. People do wonder, and have wondered for a long time, where Michael Irvin gets the energy. I told you before that Michael Irvin's workouts when he was with the champion Cowboys, wouldn't end until he threw up for the second time. So he's always been a bit of a maniac when it comes to energy. He's approaching 60 now. So the idea that he still has the energy for 5 hours of that sideline stuff, there aren't a whole lot of 60-year-olds I'm seeing with that energy.

I get it that he feels that way. I wouldn't want to, especially if it's true that he hasn't done cocaine in over 20 years. You don't want people every time that you're excited about your football team to say that you're high on cocaine. I get it.

All right. But the The past includes what I'm about to tell you, which is I was one time at his mother's home when the newspaper lands on the lawn that a police officer in Dallas is being arrested for trying to have Michael Irvin killed because his girlfriend was in a motel room doing God knows what with Michael Irvin. This has been a long time that he has this reputation. It has been earned. He's not given? And he's also somebody who, at the height of the Dallas Cowboys or the biggest thing in America, he's got criminal charges and is walking through the courtroom with a fur and a fedora because he's like, I'm playing to my constituency. I don't know who he would have to blame for this reputation other than himself.

He was the poster child for those crazy Dallas Cowboys mid-nineties teams, yes.

And he's the poster child for two things because he's the poster child for those crazy Miami teams, too, as well. And he was a first-round pick, and he's been relevant for 30 years, at least in part because his charisma is something that is weird. It's unusual to have that much charisma. You can make the argument that in sports, honest to God, that no one has made better television for the last 30 years than Michael Irvin. It's a good argument that you can make on his behalf.

Right. And he's suffering from a reputation, which is, you could also fairly say, no one has ever been more associated with cocaine.

In sports, do we have that?

That's why that's hanging over him. I understand. And I understand if he's indeed clean, why that would be offensive to the man. I truly get it. But the reputation is there for a reason.

Let's think about this for a second, though. If I tell you sports only category, sports only category, who do you associate most with cocaine?

It's Maradona. Immediately. Wide golf. Huge golf. Mean intergalactic golf.

Chris Foster.

You can have grains.

I don't know. Maradona- I cannot fairly articulate how wide this golf is between Diego Maradona and everybody else. But then you start getting into the Irvans territory.

Maradona did cocaine on the field.

That I saw in a documentary and was really shocked by that, that a trainer just- That shocked you, did you?

In a game, Chris. In a game?

No, I'm making- In a game. It's the most shocking thing you could ever see. After a goal.

After a goal. A trainer came on the field. Yes, I'm watching a documentary. I thought I was familiar with Maradona's cocaine use.

How did he do it?

They just came out and gave it to him. He just did it right there on the field.

Was it a bump? Did they bring out a mirror?

After a goal. It was a baggy. Yes. Zaz, they brought out a Led Zeppelin mirror that you buy at the carnival. Nobody brought out a mirror. I want to know how this was accomplished. The footage, I don't remember the documentary that I was watching. It was obviously a Maradona documentary, but I'm watching the footage of a trainer run on the field, and they're like, Yeah, he's just giving him cocaine. I'm like, Wait a minute. That's a stadium full of people. That's a fairly famous person at the center of it. You know all eyes are on you. How is this not something that is being done more discreetly? How is it possible? How is it possible that this is just happening? That's a performance enhancer.

The referee didn't care?

It didn't seem like anybody cared. It just seemed like that this person had a habit, and this is how you fed the habit. Everyone understood that this is how you keep Maradona continuing to play soccer for you.

It's got to at least be a yellow.

Just a yellow card? Put it on the poll at Lebitard Show. If you do Can you cocaine on a soccer field as a player, should you get a yellow card? Yes or no? I want to go back a second because I want to go to this photo again. Get the telestrator, please. Get Zaslow the telestrator so that we can just enjoy how giant the Gulf is, as big as Maradona and the second biggest cocaine user in soccer, between the dolphins leading the now in leadership forehead and every other team in the league. Because I believe that what the Dolphins unveiled yesterday is, I thought, I thought that one of those guys, when I saw him, man, that's a lot of forehead. But then I see the three of them, and I'm like, they're competing for maximum forehead here. It's a ton. Thank you, Zazlo. That's the biggest one. That's the biggest distance between nose and top of the head that there is there. Yes, also big over there. Yes, thank you.

Getting really close to drawing a dick.

I could see it on your face.

You want to. No, it's in the middle. I know you want to.

It's in the middle.

That's perfect. Oh, damn it. Steven Ross is in this photo. I know you want to.

The penis is Steven Ross. Where's Steven Ross? I can't find him. At his body.

There it is. We did it. Really?

It's irresistible, isn't it? I don't know how these NFL guys do it. I'd be drawing dongs everywhere, man.

Chris Cody came in shaking his fist because Halfly won the big dog interview.