Transcript of Hour 2: The Most Cuban Week In Show History

This is the Dan Levatore Show with the Stugats podcast.

I want to figure out what planes to fly over the stadium. Help me fly some planes.

Interesting way to frame that. Probably airspace is going to be restricted.

I want to do some advertising. You don't think you can have just the plane circling around?

I think aerospace is going to be at a premium and restricted, so you may want to pivot. Maybe one of those busses.

No, you don't think it's funny our logo with some joke and a banner to be weaving in and out of military planes? You don't think that's funny? No.

I honestly don't even think our logo would fly with Canes fans either. Are we a playoff team now? Probably even more polarizing amongst Canes fans than Donald Trump. Okay. In fact, I know that to be the case. I've at least seen hats supporting him at the games.

All right, look. Here we go with this. No, we can get into this because I was being heckled from the bowling alley. Greg Chris Cody telling me what their friends are saying about how offensive the things I'm doing are. We'll get to that in a second. People are mad at you. I'm a provocateur. I've been doing this for 30 years. Look, you broke a bottle over my chin 25 years ago because you're mad at me. Don't care. Built the empire around our program. I love it. I went to school there. Did journalism there. Don't care who's mad about it. Didn't care about it 25 years ago. Program has been very good to me. I love it. I've always respected it, and I've always told it's story well. Yes, you have always told it's story well.

Yes, you have always told it story well. I think most Canes fans don't think that you respect it. I know this from the enormous amount of fanfare that I got for yesterday's segment, Defending Mario Cristobal. Dan, I think here's where the confusion is, and let me try to explain this as best I can. You're a guy that has historically put on for Miami better than anybody else. When those heat teams were going and the entire world was against Miami, you didn't give a single flying F about who was coming your way. You do not step to this town and talk shit about it. And when there is a team for a school that you went to, a team that reflects this town better than anyone has ever had, you seem to both sides it. Look, Jeremy, it's great that we have a villain. Billy doing his shit-saring thing, that was cool. But for it to come from somebody that went to the school who already got a reputation working against him. People, I think, incorrectly placed a lot of the sanction stuff on you, as you know. You know about that Pell grant? Yeah. You got scooped on it.

Can you say the one word there incorrectly again? No, let's give people, since we're here, okay, since we're here, look, this is a long time in coming. I have a relationship with the school, the community around the school, speak at its classes, have loved the school, will always love the school, and wildly grateful for all of the opportunities it presented, including the stage right now, because they helped us build this thing with all the things I learned from them and their program.

Look, it's been a rough 20 years. I'm trying to calmly explain why people feel this way about you. In the local hour over several years, rather than trying to be ra-ra about the home team, we are seemingly with all the other sports. Dolphins, we tee off on, and that's understandable because they've been miserable, and we got to find a way to find the fun content. But for whatever reason, when it comes to the Miami Hurricanes, we give the other side more than we give the pro stuff. I I know I am not the only Miami Hurricane fan in this studio. I'm surrounded by them. You're a Miami Hurricane fan. You're a Miami Hurricane fan. These two guys in front of me are a Miami Hurricane fan. The only person that's not a Miami Hurricane fan is Jeremy, who reps UCF and Indiana and whoever Miami is playing. That's understandable. And yet I think it's outsized and has been outsized on this show, giving voice to the dissenting opinions that it's become the opinion. And this is the reality. This is the perception of our show. The show, outside of is largely perceived amongst our community to be an anti-Miami show.

Okay.

And so let me... Jesus, I didn't realize I had to explain this to the audience. Never mind that I had to explain this to you. I didn't think I would have to explain any of this, specifically to you. We're doing a show that has represented our city for 20 years through all of that conflict, and the story starts, okay? Just so we remember what our roots are here. Before our radio station existed, I'm fighting in '90s Miami with the incumbent radio station who's killing me for 10 years while using all of my columns that are about race relations and what's going on really at the University of Miami with its players and who they actually are as everything that's being reported is gun charges and cocaine, and Michael Irvin ran over somebody's foot near the library. For 10 years, that radio station is crushing me and using my columns for content to make them yourselves radio stars. While I'm coming up to that school as a cube in Miami, through the same Miami Cristobal came up through.

Can you please mention how your parents fled to this country so I can get Bingo for freedom?

No, I'm going to tell you the entirety of the story. I know you guys know the story, okay? I know you're bored by the story, but I'm going to tell the entirety of the story because of how I feel about this program and because I've been arrested around it and because I got a beer bottle broken over my face.

No, you're going to also tell the story because you're a writer. Tell it.

Yeah, and I'm the one who runs this show. Yeah. And in running this show, we've created a wonderful journalistic character that represents the University of Miami artfully and with his heart at all times. And we do a national thing that annoys people plenty with all our Miami since ESPN Deportes. And now I am happy for everything that's happening around the program. And I said a word yesterday, reputation Reputationally, a word, a single word is what I said to you, that Mario Cristobal, reputationally, is not trusted in the big games, and that set you off.

Yeah, because it's just not true.

He's 7-0 against top 25 teams, and that is indisputable. Yeah, big games, they show up. But what's also not disputable is they've never won the ACC or played in its championship game. And so the big games are few and far between. And so when you lose double-digit underdogs, it's not unfair to say that before this recent run, he was reputationally criticized as someone who would not win these games.

Porr is saying none of those games actually close at double digits, but I hear you. They were a Louisville double-digit favorite. Right, but the reputation is they don't show up for these games. These are one-score losses. No, I think that's the part where I think there's confusion about. We talked about that yesterday. All right? It's fine. Here's where I want to get at. I understand what you're doing. I understand, especially during some lean years, how my character could be grading and how my passion needed to have people to bump up against. Go on. When it comes to the Miami heat, though, that doesn't really exist. When it comes to the Florida Panthers, though, that doesn't really exist. So Miami Hurricanes fans are sitting back and watching our show over the years, and especially during this run, and are asking themselves, does Dan just need a Pat Reilly fortune cookie wrapped around this story to cape up for his town? Because why is it so outsized that we have to have so many dissenting opinions when this is such a great story for this community, and Dan is supposed to be the Miami guy, and he actually went to the school?

But who disputes any of what you're saying? And how is that not being conveyed by this show through you? How is that not obvious in terms of bursts of great hurricane coverage that they can get not just here, but with the own business that you started because you want to do it differently and you want to be over there actually analyzing for two straight hours the guard play?

I would guess because they want 100% buy in on this show? I think they... Look, our show meets a moment when the team is in the Championship Games, right? People come here from all over the world to hear Bias Miami coverage because we are a Miami show. And for whatever reason, when it comes to this program, and it's irrefutable because I have felt it, because I am often alone when I am touting the Miami Hurricanes, this show has an outsized representation of dissenting opinions when it comes to this program. And I I understand why, and I understand why I, in particular, need a dilution. I don't understand why we need that dilution right now. I have a theory. I have a theory why. I think what you're saying makes sense. And why Dan is like that with the Canes as opposed to not like that when the heat are in the finals or the Panthers are winning the Stanley Cup. Is it because you actually have a legitimate tie to the school? And maybe you don't want to come off as... You want to actually be fair because you legitimately have a tie to the school as opposed to having a...

You never played with my heat.

Well, thank you, Zaz. I am attempting ostensibly, to be fair. Objective is funny because it's an illusion. Now? No, but did you not hear nick Wright yesterday? Were you guys not listening when nick Wright did what he did with the J, capital J, wherever it is that he accused me of just not being you anymore? Right.

Are you just overcompensating? Because you cannot deny that it is different when it comes to this program.

Mike, I'm simply, to our national and regional audience, I am simply also trying to give voice to whatever other side there is here in the name of fairness, while everyone who's listening this knows I love the school.

Right, but you don't do that to the other teams. You don't. When they are in this spot, you don't because you do.

Ask Jeremy how the heat feel about... How did the heat feel about this show?

I don't even know. I don't know how the heat feel. I know as the one person. I'm hearing everything Mike is saying and saying, yes, yes, yes, on the heat side. Recently, Because this entire show for the last three years has been an anti-heat show. Recently. It's fair. We're trying to call them a little bit like we see them. I'm not asking for 100% ra-ra homerism. I don't think that's ever been the case. We've always had someone on the show that is either anti the local team or at least speaks for that section of the audience. I'm just saying the pro Miami stuff is not a majority opinion on this show and hasn't been since probably it started. And that is the perception of the fans. You may feel differently. I'm just telling you how it is because I'm out here in these streets, Dan.

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Context needs to be applied.

Don joke. I thought that context was a plan. We'd like to rip that out of context. I was going for a thing. I have a family.

You're going to pretend here that you don't love Matthew Kachuk more than you love anybody you've ever loved?

I don't love Matthew Kuchuk Chuck more than my daughter. Stugatz. Now, it's pretty damn close. This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugatz.

Where's Tony? Let's see what Tony's doing. Tony continues to be outside. Did you grab a popsicle?

Not journalism. I got it.

I got it.

Did not grab a popsicle, Dan, but mira que yo resuebo. Okay, I went inside. Talked to the nice lady at the front. We're going inside. Let's go.

Oh, this is for him. This is for him. Wow.

Now we're getting somewhere.

. All right, so, Tony, more-No, McGill loves his shop.

So, Tony, just walk around. If you want to interact with anybody, you can. But also just give us all your-Oh, those are the furries. Give us all your football takes as you wander around in there. Just all of them.

Okay. All right, we'll start. Is this a Halloween chat? We'll start in the NFL. It's a bit of a mix. They got costumes. They got certain things going on here, obviously.

Tony, just plow ahead. If there's anything you want to interact with, you interact. But in the interim, just give me football analysis, please. Nothing else.

Yeah, okay.

Here's This is your big moment, Tony.

The Rams. Yeah, the Rams, I think, like we talked about, could be one of the best teams in the NFL, but they have a weird thing with the Panthers where they just can't figure them out. I don't know if it's that the Panthers have their number or if Stafford just doesn't like playing in Carolina. I don't know what it is. But now that the Panthers are out of the way, I think the Rams can go on a run. What do we think about this? Bow and Arrow? It's a little cow-girl situation there. I don't know. There's a lot of costumes here. It's a lot of costumes. Ben Johnson is probably one of the biggest winners, not only of the weekend, but the entire season. Because when you have somebody who goes interdivision and then all of a sudden can do what he can do. Here, hold this for a second. When somebody can do what he can do, which is basically completely flip. I don't think you're using that right. Move more quiet. What?

Are you being reprimanded? At a holst or something else. You're being reprimanded for just wandering?

No, I was told to not show certain things, which is fine. We're in the costume section, which is perfectly fine. No, what I was going to say was, not only do you have the plus of taking away a divisional opponent's best asset, because they told me to be more quiet. There's people actually, patrons of the store that are looking for stuff.

I don't think that that mask is supposed to go over your eyes. I think you're wearing that wrong.

Look a little like the hamburger.

What?

They have a picture of people over their face.

You can't just put that back. Multiple uses. Yeah, you own that now. That's yours.

No, I'm not buying it. You can't put that back.

Somebody else didn't want to wear that. Be smelling your fumes in that?

Oh, I can put this back in a second. What are you talking about?

That's gross.

Oh, don't do that. People have been wearing that thing for 69 years.

We approve it.

What do you think? There's rules here.

This is a no holds bard place.

What can't you show? They told me what I can't you show? He just said it's a no holds bard.

I can't show the obvious thing. What? I can't show the obvious thing. I've been already told by the higher ups. I didn't confirm nor did I.

We did two shows on that a few weeks ago. You can sell them at a CVS, but you can't show them.

I think it's porn. It can't be any sex toy-related things he can't televise.

No, it is. No, it is. It is ST-related. It's absolutely ST-related. Why did you do that? Rose told me, Hey, you can't do that. So, okay.

Do what? All right. St? Let's keep bringing down the play off. Sex toy.

Keep giving us your football analysis. Were you done with Ben Johnson or do you have more? What is that?

I have a clown horn here.

What is that?

It's a clown horn. Who likes that?

Also, Don't act like you don't think you have the right use for that either. Where does that go?

It's 799.

You became John Maddon all of a sudden. That's such a great bit.

John Sexual jump. You did. Boom.

Okay, so the best thing about Ben Johnson is leaving the lines in a lurch, going over to Chicago, saying that he hates Matt Lafleur for some oblivious reason. We have no idea why, and then beating him, and then giving him the handshake of like, See you later.

It's so good. It's so good. The bears coach does not respect the packers coach and came close to getting him fired with three brutal questions questions. I missed that. Because you never see that. Am I wrong or overreacting when I say that's one of the great football collapses of all time in the playoff?

Points-wise, yeah. They were up by 15 in the fourth quarter. Yeah.

Paint the picture, Tony. All right. No, we're walking through more of... How do I say it? A bit of more of 50 Shades of Gray situation on this side. If you catch my drift, Which put something on.

It's not a put on. It's not a put on.

It's not some money ears behind you. If you want to take those for a walk.

All right, one more football take. You have earned one more football take. Be careful. Don't show anybody on camera. That's Rose. That's just Rose. Okay.

No, we're working.

We're working. Rose doing there. Does Rose have any thoughts? Does Rose have any thoughts?

She can't be enjoying it in there. I'm sure she has a few thoughts.

50% off.

Dan?

That's a blowout sale. Can I pique your interest? Oh, my God. Give me a couple of those.

Can I pique your interest? Wait a second.

Do you want Do you want the Crafty Wish?

Dan's into this section right here.

Oh, I got Dan's kit, the Wizard Kit. Dan, you show up in the Wizard Kit, you're going to dominate.

I should do the livestream dressed as the Sexual Wizard. Bring me one of those costumes back here so that we can, a week from now, build up to this purchased... Get my size, Tony. Make sure to get my size. Thank you. Oh, yeah.

What size is that?

Are you going to go over to Columbus?

No, I'm not going to Columbus today.

Because I think it'd be funny if you got picked up by a school with some of these things in your car.

Tell them, Play things let you in. Why won't Columbus let you in? Would that be funny to you?

All right. It's a good point, actually. The feelers have been out there. We're looking to maybe Wednesday or Thursday being able to do something at Columbus. I've already got boots on the ground working things out. Again, Dan, is there any other costume you would like that would make sense? No. They have a count. Would you want to be a count?

Well, just... One, two, three. I don't want you to...

Count.

What's that, Rose?

He's right about that.

Did you just do the count from Sesame Street? Was that just your count from Sesame Street in personation.

Is there another count? Tony, thank you for your report from over there.

Thank you for your bravery and journalism. You did much better journalism than that woman in Jacksonville. Thank for being on with us. Hey, go Dolphins. What's that? What did you... Oh, is that a go Dolphin thong?

No, it's a garland. They're selling garlands here now. That's nice. You can wear it as a thong if you want, Dan. I can bring this back for you.

Well, actually, now you see, Tony, you laugh. But my next step on this, I'll keep escalating this so that ultimately you're just doing a report wearing nothing but that outside of some place like Bird Bowl in Miami. I'll keep escalating this. Do you realize what a payoff it would be if at the live stream, you debued Nude reporter, Tony, reporting live off the cane. That's good gimmick. Not journalism. No. All right. Bad idea. Thank you, Tony. I appreciate the time. I appreciate the reports. Get into Columbus before the end of the week.

Okay, I will.

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Presidents.

Oh, wow. That's pretty good. It's in there.

It's better.

You think I haven't been practicing?

Stugats.

I didn't realize we had a substitute complicated legacy. Brought you by headquarters Toyota.

441 Power Line Road, second down of nine.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugats.

My father is here. I Well, I don't want to make excuses, but Sedano is here, my father's here, and Domino is here, and everything's moving too fast around here today. So I got Theo Zaslow next to Sedano, and I'm here with my father and Greg Cody, and I've asked Metta Media to make a game show. Man, the media has collapsed. Hollywood has collapsed. It's the same four businesses that are running everything. Everything's collapsing around here. Game shows, those are cheap. Where's there a game show? And so Mike Ryan says, My hungry off is not good enough. I got a better idea. And so he produces whatever it is we're about to do here, which is Mike, because I've never met Domino before, but I want to tell the audience to support Domino Saturday, January 17th, at CCW's Rumbble in the Jumbly. Jungle. He can get tickets, you can get tickets at ccwtix, t-i-x. Com. What are we doing right now? You think you're going to pull off a game show in 10 minutes?

Well, you want to celebrate all things Cuban, so why don't we have a Cuban-themed game show? Devise two teams, the Levatards versus Sedano and T. O. Zaz, to find out quién es más cubano.

Okay, so the game is How Cuban are you or who's more Cuban?

Yeah, but it's got a catchy little name and some imaging.

How Cuban?

No, it's called Dominion.

Welcome and bienvenidos to Dominión, the game show that settles who is a real Cuban around here. Here's your I'm sorry. I'm sorry. How Cuban are you? All right, so I'm going to go first.

My father and I are one team. Tio Zaz is formidable.

He's got that look in his eyes. It looks like the guy Papi and I beat a domino park that one day.

Oh, that's right. This is legitimate. These credentials are legitimate. Sedano and my father won a legitimate Calle Ocho domino tournament in the streets. It was like 15 years ago. That was a long time ago. I never forget that. The game is, Papi, is to find out how Cuban we are. So first question domino.

. You go into your grandma's house and you see an aluminum can, an aluminum tin, blue, the galletica, the cookies, the Royal Dance cookies. What is stored?.

Oh, they put- A, sewing supplies.

B, nothing bolts. C, galletica, unos cookies. Or D, una pila, unos batteries.

Cookies, cookies, always cookies. No, dad. Dad.

No. Dad.

Bobby.

Dad.

No, there's no other cookies in there.

No, no cookies. The cookies are gone. You already had. Bobby, they're sewing supplies, Bobby. A huge mistake. Domina, what is the right answer?

The right answer, sewing supplies. Everyone knows this.

Bobby. My mind is set up on the cookies.

You guys are struggling already.

So let me tell you, you do have something at your disposal. You can phone a friend at any point in this game, and we have a Cuban expert on the line that can help you out. So just keep that in mind. We move on, Domino.

Okay, la próxima.. Okay, la próxima.

The guy came in hungry. He was like, Chowing on bagel. Oye, attention. Okay.

Dale, perdón, perdón, perdón, perdón, perdón, perdón.. Okay. Go. Quoting, peak boom, is a three-oh fight, or all of the above.

This one's easy. You ready? Yeah. I'll just take it. D, all of the above. All above.

. That's okay.

Okay, next time.

Okay.

They got the point. So that's the sound that accompanies when you get it correct? What was the sound? What was getting it incorrect? We got a new game show. Man, the Metalork Media has a new cheap game show.

Okay, vamos. La próxima. Si tú eres cubano de verdad, y estás aquí in Miami, and somebody says, I'm five minutes away. A, are they five minutes away? B, are they 10 minutes away? C, half an hour? D, I haven't left yet.

Papi, no de la respuesta. Hold on a second, Papi. You're confident here because I don't trust you anymore. I'm hot to trut. That's not an answer to my question.

I would have thought you got the first one.

Papi, I don't want... No, I want to phone a friend. I want to phone a friend. Okay..

But wait, is it going to be him that answers it or Jeff? He's going to give you his expertise. He can decide to follow it.

I want Tony.

I don't want Jeremy. You got Tony. You got me.

You got Tony.

You got me. You got me.. I haven't even left yet..

Are you going with that answer?

I already got the point. It seems to be good.

I said that a lot for Chris Cody.

Everybody's on Cafecito. Todo el mundo anda ahí medio acelerado, frustrado, complicado. No sé lo que está pasando. Okay, number 4. What is the signature scent of a Cuban baby?... C, Baby Powder, or D, Compota.. What is the signature scent of a Cuban baby? A, Talco, B, Agua Violeta, C, Baby Powder, or D, Compota.

All right, that's the I think we need to phone a friend here, Tio Zaz. All right, so who do we get?

No.

No.

Okay, so-No.

Come on. Are you serious? You guys are sandbagging us.

I'm trying to do the translations in my head, and I don't know what talco is. Jesus I think the second one is violet water, but water doesn't smell like anything. Obviously, baby powder makes sense. Compote, is that the rasberry compote they do on Great British Baking Show? I would say I would say it's C, Baby Powder.

Baby Powder wasn't C anyway, right? It wasn't C. That was one. That was C. Talco is one.

Wait, is Talco and Baby Powder the same thing? Yes, you doofus. What Cuban are you? You can choose to follow his advice.

. What is your answer? You're sticking with Baby Powder? No. No. We're going to go with agua de violetas.

Look at the giggle of my dad. Look at dad knows what the baby feels like.. You're a failure. Now you know the answers to the questions. I couldn't answer, though. No, not that one. You had your chance to answer.

La próxima. Okay. Fill in the blank. Whose fault is it? Por culpa de quién? No, Papi.

Then you answer.

Papi, Fidel.

.

Greg, you answer.

Fidel is out of the equation.

He died about 15 years ago. I need you guys to lock in the answer. You're not on the same page. What do you want to go with?

What is the answer? What do you want to go with? The father's fault? Sure. It's always your father's fault. That's what your mom has tell you.

It's always.... How are we losing this game with you?

How are you the least Cuban? I forgot about Fidel.

Never forget about Fidel.

On your behalf, on your behalf, we'll never forget about Fidel. Out of love for you. What do you mean you forgot about Fidel? I did.

I did. The guy died about 15 years ago. It's not the way I expected it to go. Yeah. Well, we've clinched, basically.

I'm a little distraught because you see, I've lost the accent now. I was brooding for my fellow Cubans, and I don't know what's happening. I'm Cuban, bro.

Etio here is, too.

Somewhat..

Jonathan.

I want to play with a Y. With a Y, Jonathan. I want to keep playing. We have more questions.

Style points. Here we go. We do.

All righty. That's not very Cuban. Someone spills a drink on your floor.

. Keep KFab.

Jim Domino, KFab. All right.

. What are you reaching for to clean? Pinesol? Fabuloso? Mistolin? Oh. Oh, Winde?

Hold on.

Pinesol? I mean, it could either be Mixtolín o Winde. Hold on. Pinesol. I mean, it could either be Mixtolín Fabuloso. Isn't that Pine Saul? Winday.

Bobby, just have a hit. I'm going to go with Mistolin. Bobby, my dad's judging you now. What's the correct answer, Bobby? Fabuloso. That is correct.

Guillaume. Wow. We're going to count that as a steal. Wait, what? Yeah, we're just making rules up. That's a steal. What was it? Also added drama.

What's the answer?

Fabuloso.

It's fabuloso.

Wow, the levator is still. I just made that rule up.

I know. That's as close as I've ever felt to my father.

.

I mean, Mitolina or Fabloso. That was a toss-up.

It's close.

. Next one, for those that don't understand. Who said Elian González en el mar, in the ocean? Oh my God. Fill in the blank...

No? He went off the board. I'm going to go Dolphins. No.

Wait, what's the official lebitard answer?

Papi, the Dolphins. No. The dolphins?

Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah. Wow. Cuban Lord.

Dale.

Dale. Lari Zanca.

It was the dolphins.

Bobby, how are you getting all of these questions wrong? How is it possible that you, the most Cuban among us, has forgotten Elian and Fidel?

Oh, Elian. Yeah, I forgot about Elian.

He must be a man by now.

We got Dolphins had saved him, but we would have accepted Denat O'Dahl-Rimple.

Is this the last one?

The last one. La última. The grand finale. Okay?. What food item will the Miami Hurricanes, in the day of the National Championship at the Tellgale,. Jesus.

I know what it is.

Say it. Well, hold on. My father does not know, and if you say it to my father's face, he's going to get disoriented, offended, and not allow you to say it on the show. Papi, you think you know? Oh, I got it. But it's our question. No, But he's surely going to get it wrong.

Yeah, that's the way this game has been going.

He's going to get it wrong..

Wow, this is really disappointing. Ready? What?

Yeah. Papi, watch this. Just watch what he's about to say here, what Indiana is about to get, okay? We won, D.

O. B.

Good job. Even with Jeremy, sorry, Ashley.

Cazzo killed it. Yeah.

Cazzo was great. As the host of the show,. Domino, thank you for your time.

I will tell the people again, to support the people who support us, Saturday, January 17th, CCW's Rumbling the Jungle. You get tickets at ccwticks. Com. I want to play Domino again on Monday night during the live stream. Can we get him back here?

He's looking at Las Roses.

My father, really, I can't believe, Papi, you were not more-Papi,. You were great, pal.

Gracias, mano. Where'd you go to school? Yo fui to Classes 6, Christopher Columbus.

Of course.

Oh, wow.

Another Columbus guy. Another one. Yeah, whatever.

Whatever. Sedano, Columbus is gloating right now. Now, listen. Sedano, you feel this as a lifelong... Thank you, Domino. I'm going to pace high school to the core guy. It's okay. So we know what the private school-We know what the private school-We know what the private school-We know what the private I went to the private school with black people and girls.

I mean, so that was-Mine had girls.

Sedano. We did it in Broward. But the private school Cubans in Miami, Columbus has been the most annoying. They never get to be this best at Everything. Never in Miami. Columbus doesn't get to be better than Northwestern at football. No. At basketball. They just had the booser twins for that sake. Yes. This has never in the history of Miami happened where you've got this absurdity at the top of this Have you seen the arms race, though?

Bellin is trying to keep up with Columbus in basketball. Really? Interesting. They have a good team. My Pace High School was ahead of the curb because we were the first to have, I don't know, all the races in the one school. Now everybody else has followed suit many years later. Well, Palaka will do that. Yeah.

Yeah. Bobby, I can't believe what happened to you in that game. Nobody can believe what an upset that was. Cody, what level of stunned are you that my father among us, that Diozaz His ass kicked Papy's ass?

I know. I think it's the seat.

I think it's the seat. I swung him miss a couple of times, that's all.

You're the Wiffer, buddy.

I'm the Wiffer. That's right.

Do you remember the Wiffer?

Yes. My father would call Jean Carlos Stanton the Wiffer when it was only the three of us on an elevator. But I will tell you a story from the other day that my father revealed to me that I was not aware of, that he rekindled a really funny childhood memory. Bobby, what was the the name of the double reverse with a pass that we ran for your offense in the huddle? What would that play be called? The Coochee Coochee with the keys. That's also incorrect. That's his play.

That would have been quite a name.

It's the Hoochee Coochee with a kiss. What? Like Charro? It is not the Coochee Coochee with a Kiss. I would never use you as a cultural appropriation to exploit your Cuban for my uses. I would never do that. Zazlo, congratulations on you and Sedana winning the game show. Oye. Oye? Oye. Papi, pankun pinga. You missed that. What happened?

Pan con timba. Might have aged out of domineo.

Pan con pinga. Oh, I thought that was the difference between pinga and timba.

Genuine shock on his face. Don Levatard.

I ain't never met nobody in the world that's done hate on Blues clothes, bro.

Great nomination.

Who don't like Blues clothes, bro? If you don't like Blues clothes, you're a loser.

Stugatz.

Look, you get one pop print, that's the first clue. You put it in a notebook. Now, what do you do? Blues clothes, blues clothes.

Sit on the chair and think about it. This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugatz.

Let's get Bryant McKinney in here, played for the Dolphins. This is, well, not just the Dolphins.

Maybe we introduce him as Phil McKinney first.

Thank you. Bryant McKinney, yes. I don't think he ever allowed a sack at the University of Miami. I don't think in practice either. I know it wasn't. I know he never allowed a sack.

Tis the legend.

But I don't think he's allowed one in practice either. Mike, I've never associated University of Miami with offensive lineplay. It's Leon Searsy, it's Bryant McKenny.

You never did? I mean, the one in '01 was pretty great, especially- He just said, Why is he here to Jeremy? We say that daily, pal. Don't let him-I don't know what to do right now. You don't have to stand next to him. Don't worry about it.

I don't know what to do. I'm a little bit panicked. Yes, it's nice to see him. You think I have it wrong, though, Mike, when I say I don't associate, generally, the University of Miami with producing first-round offensive linemen like Bryant McKenney?

Well, that's not what you said. You said that you don't necessarily associate offensive line play for the University of Miami. Now, if you've only been watching for the last 20 some odd years, I understand where you're coming from. Very few high draft picks. But when this program was rolling back in the day, When Mouria was either in those trenches or helping bring some of those guys in the trench along, Bryant can speak to it plenty. That early 2000s offensive line was something special, and this is probably the closest thing we've had since Oh, absolutely.

I think Mario has done a great job, him and Maribal. Bringing them bigger guys who are athletic, who can move, and who can block, and who can run block, pass protection. I feel like this is the closest thing that we've seen in a while.

What do you make of it? I don't know how you watch the football games. When you watch football games, are you watching them like a fan, or are you watching to see what the right guard is doing?

I watch it. I watch the line first, and I see who is getting off the ball, see if there's a misassignment because I can tell there's a lack of communication somewhere. So I'm watching it more as a player first. Then once we get into the secondary with a running back or something, I'm watching as a fan.

How are you watching it, though, on the offensive line? When you see what Miami has done, I didn't have before all of this started, Oh, really? Miami is going to try and reinvent the game by just having the toughest team in the trenches. It makes sense with their coach, but that's not how a lot of people are doing it.

Right. But I feel like, I've always said this, that the trenches, so far as the offensive line, they are the motor. You can't go anywhere without the motor. The quarterback is the driver, receiver, tight-end, and running back or the wheel. So everything starts out with the motor. They got to get the engine going first, and then we can move forward. So getting those big guys to be able to move, and you see they're getting four or five yards per carry, and they're able to control the time of possession, that's big for us.

Can I ask a favor of you? Can I ask you to stand up just so that people can see the size disparity between you and Jeremy? You did ask when you came in here, why is he here?

Because it looked like he does have on the Indiana show. What's going on?

Doing a thing.

What do you mean? You're doing... No, wait a minute. You're not on the frame.

Oh my God. Look at what's happening.

Jeremy. Guys, you can't.

He's apologizing, man. You can't.

I'm jumping.

I'm jumping. Oh, no. You can just go ahead and drop him.

This is You're doing a thing. You're not supposed to be doing a thing.

I do love Fernando Mendoza. That guy rocks. He's just like me.

Bryant, when you're watching these games, and I tell you Miami has a—I want you to stand up again. A 50-pound advantage. What does that mean? An average 50-pound advantage. I think Indiana has probably had something like that most games, and it's fared just fine.

Right. I just feel like with us, as far as the weight advantage on run blocking. I feel like it should be more of our favor to be able to drive these guys off the ball and then just keep leaning and wearing, tearing on guys. After a while, by the fourth quarter, they should get a little tired.

There must have been games when you were playing at the U where you look across the line of scrimage, you're big, and you look at the other guy like, What is this?

Some guys, if they were like a freshman, that was my senior year, something like that.

Well, but hold on. I remember the game, Dwight Frini got caught in your belly button all day. You would never allow to and still haven't allowed a sack. But is the legend true that you never allowed one in practice either? That seems like- That's true.

You would definitely... Somebody from practice, somebody would have stepped up and said, Well, I got one. Nobody's ever said that. They walk.

Do you ever hold it practice because you were close to giving one up and you're like, I can't.

I don't know. That's not something I remember. I don't know.

But that's not lore. That seems to be if I were to wander around and say, Give me an impressive statistic from the history of University of Miami football, any statistic you like, Bryant McKinney never allowed a sack in a game or at practice playing against- Sounds good. No, but playing- Yeah, give us some of the names.

Who was lined up against you in practice?

You had Jamal Green, you had Andrew Williams. I think Quincy Hips was over there in my earlier years. Mcdougal. Yeah, McDougal will come over every once. That's why he played on the other side. But when I had a Dwight Freen and somebody had a good get-off, so I would ask McDougal to come over and practice his get-offs on me.

All right, McKinnie, I've done a dangerous thing here. Juju, I've done a dangerous thing here. I have allowed Tony to pick out my outfit for the livestream on Monday. We are doing the entire week building up to the livestream on Monday. So Juju, it's a terrible decision. I remember one time, many, many, many years ago, Boog Shambi allowed me to pick his Halloween costume. And so a Ginger was in a giant heart, and it was embarrassing to him, and he'll never make that mistake again. I've aird terribly allowing Tony to make my outfit for Monday night. Have I not, Juju?

I don't know. Stay tuned. I got to see what my boy working with right now because I heard satin was in play. If it's some satin in play, I think we got a winner.

All right, let's see what we've got here. Let's go out to Tony McKinney. You please help me and tell me whether I can pull this off in any way, pull off this outfit on Monday night. It's the most Cuban game ever played, and Tony has picked out my outfit. So what do you have, Tony?

Hey, Dano. Shout out to Juju. Shout out to BM in the back. Thank you for putting Jeremy in a headlock. You're actually lucky because if I would have let Rose pick your outfit, you would look like Craig Sager, and it would have looked terrible. So this is not... She keeps holding this thing up. Rest in a piece of crack sugar, by the way. She keeps holding this up. This is not what we're doing here. But Fidel here at Havana Collection did allow me to have a little bit of some Bazzello rum. Extra, $500 a bottle here. We're going to sip this as we go.

They're taking care of you, Tony.

Yes, sir. Smooth. You know how we do, Dan? When you love the city, the city loves you back, Dan. Remember that. All right. All right. So this is what we're going with. This is what we're going with. First, we'll go from the bottom up. These are the shoes That's what we're wearing right here. Look at this. Look at the style on this. Look at that. Giovanni shoes. All right. I was surprised when I heard your shoe size, by the way. Wood bottom. Hard. Small?

Yeah. A little small. I saw it. Size 11. Small. Well, small. For a man, that's close to 6'3.

What I heard was 10. 5.

Really?

What I heard was 10.

5, which I didn't like it.

I was like, Wait, Dan. There's no way Dan is 10. 5. Run that again.

They're like, I'm a 14. No, for sure. 14, I am. Big poker.

Yeah, I'm sure. What size shoe are you? All right, so that's the shoe. Eighteen.

Oh, my God. He's a size 18 shoe.

That's like two of Dan's shoes put together. All right, Dan, so the bottom, here are the pants right here. Look at these. They're even all right, stylish right here with this baby blue, and then we're going to put this shirt on top with a nice blue. That's a good look.

I thought for sure you were going to dress me as a clown. People are going to say this is going to be... This should be my look.

Why would I dress you as a clown?

It should be your look.

Why would I dress you as a clown?

I can't believe how loving that outfit is. Now, I'm not going to be able to pull it off, but my guess is you're going to actually make me look good.

There's the hat. Brings it all together.

Yeah, that's a good look. Look at the hat. Look at that. With these shoes on with some tanned socks underneath. Dan, you're looking… Dan, nobody's going to be better dressed than you. They're going to come to you and be like, Whoa, how did you put all this together? This is incredible. Then you're going to say, Yeah, man, I just love the city. The city loves me back. They give me all this for free.

All right, I need a makeover, McKinnie. Explain. Thank you. Tony, excellent. Bring that over. I'm looking forward to enjoying this with you guys on Monday night. Go ahead and buy that. Done.

Can we expense a $500 bottle of Buitzell Rum or no?

Yeah, go ahead. Bring that over here for Monday night. Yeah, go ahead. For Monday. We're going to be doing a big party on Monday night. Look, McKinney can tell you some of the stories. Mckinney is not ashamed to tell you about the money spent on bottles during the Super Bowl. I don't imagine, right? He would admire a man who buys some liquor. Am I going to look okay, Bryant? Because I need your help in reinventing myself. Some people in Miami are mad at me. They're saying that my journal... Mike, explain what it is that I've done wrong, that we need Bryant McKinney's help to endorse me because Miami's mad at me. Cuban Miami's mad at me.

Dan's not caping up for the Canes the way that he would cape up for a Pat Reilly team. I guess he needs Pat Reilly to dump his head in an ice bucket for this team to resonate. A lot of Miami people in the streets are like, Dan forgot about us. He doesn't cape up for us the way that he does for the other teams.

Well, I think he did a good job. Maybe I would change the shoe color. Yeah, but other than that, I feel like the outfit and the hat is a good one.

What shoes would you go with? Tony, would you be willing to take some advice from Bryant on the shoe, or Can't you maybe get two pairs of shoes, or am I insulting you right now? Can I get a black shoe? Am I insulting you by offering?

See, here's the thing, Bryant. Can't go black. Now, respect to Bryant, okay? Loved you as a cane, loved you in the NFL. But the problem is you can't wear a black shoe with the navy and the baby blue. You can't do that. That doesn't work that way. That color scheme does not work. We need a Cuban color scheme.

White shoes. White shoes is better.

Okay, let me see. He doesn't like the shoe.

White shoes a little bit... Pops Witherspoon. Dan's a younger guy.

Yeah, Jon Rookespoon. Great shot.

Exactly. There's a thin line between Cuban and pops Witherspoon. That coordinated.

We could do some of these right here. Do we like this one better?

What do you think? It's your Brian. We're in here with you. You get to pick the shoes.

Can I see it next to the outfit?

Look, we are allowing you to pick my shoes for the Monday night watch party. Tony, thank you for doing this for Brian, but thank you for helping him as well, because I don't want to be embarrassed. I want to look good.

Exactly right. Here's the two collections of the shoes.

That looks better. It's a That's a good one.

That's a good one. He's great. In my better way, he means. Can I see it with the hat? Can I see it with the hat next to... There you go. Nice and right.

He's great.

I'm team Brown.

You're right.

Of the two is a good option.

Who's team Brown?

Not me. My issue is that this color is a little bit more cream than white. So this, I think, matches a little bit better.

All right, Juju, final vote. You're good?

Yeah, I'm with it. I'm with the team. Lock it in.

All right, they're dressing me up. Tony, thank you for the work. We'll see you again tomorrow. We're going to get to Juju here in a second, and Thursday Thunder, and a number of other things. But, Bryant, I did want some more of your insights here because you have something in the way of real expertise. When you see Fletcher run, You know what good running backs look like when you see this offensive line play the way that it does. Obviously, I've never seen a Miami team do these seven-yard rugby scrubs down the field. But I've also never seen University of Miami team led by the size and toughness of its offensive line. We want to control the game. Yeah, there are any number of things that we want to happen in this game. But one of the things that we want is our identity as our coach insists on, We're going to play from second and three because we're going to take seven yards from you, even though you know we're going to take seven yards from you on a run. So when you look at Fletcher running with that offensive line, what are you seeing?

I'm seeing, one, a patient runabad because I feel like he allows things to develop. But two, he gives a lot of second effort, too. He breaks It's the first tackle and he's able to get to the secondary. So I like seeing it. And then O'Line is downfield, still just knocking people out the way.

Brian, I'm sure a lot of people want to ask you about Markel Bell because of the dimensions and the sheer mass of you two. In Cuban Spanish, there's a saying grande por gusto. This was a guy that was in- Grande is big. Large. Yeah, but grande por gusto usually means big for nothing. We usually see, and that's not what Markel Bell is, but Markel- Neither. Yeah, neither are you. Marquel Bell was a guy, even though he's 6'9 and looking as huge as he does, he was a guy that came over from junior college. So how difficult is it? I know a lot of people think mass kicks ass, and it definitely does, but there's a lot of technique involved. How much more It's not really difficult for big guys like you is it to hone in on the technique from a coaching perspective?

Yeah. So with big guys, you're tall, but some people can get under you and have a little more leverage. So you have to know your leverage. So you have to know your points. You have to have knee bend. You have to know hand position, things like that. So as you get the older and the more you do it, you'll realize putting your hands in certain places will give you more leverage and power. You look stronger than what you actually are just because you know how to move people. So sometimes it's not about moving a lot of weights. It's just not how to move a person's body. And I feel like he's getting good at it.

You're going to be at the game Monday?

So they told me yesterday, say, Hey, we're working on your tickets. So I was patient. The group chat was going crazy. So I just stayed quiet and I just waited. And luckily, I got a call yesterday, said, Hey, we're working on your tickets.

Who's being the most impatient right now in the group chat?

There's a few people. A few people because people-Romdog?

Is it Romdog?

He's definitely one of the candidates. A lot of guys just feel like we were part of that great team. They just feel like, Well, we should be in there. But I understand that the college football is the one who's over the tickets and everything. So it's like you can't really blame the university. You just have to be patient to see what comes about.

We're going to go to Juju now. I've never known a hurricane of the excellence of your caliber to concede too much respect to someone who came after him in a way that would suggest that that person could beat him. But if Ruben Bane played his prime years against Bryant McKinney in practice, would Bryant McKinney have allowed a single sack in a hurricane practice over his entire time practicing for the hurricanes?

Ruben Bane, he's like a detaquer, right?

They move them around.

Yeah, but mainly detaquer. With his limited amount of attempts to go as a defensive end, I doubt it. Because he's more inside.

What about Mesador?

Yeah, Mesador. No.

There you go. That's it. You're trying to put Ruben at the tackle even more, so we didn't have to answer that question. We all saw what was happening.

Thank you, Bryant. No problem. I appreciate spending time with you.

I saw what he was doing with the Ruben thing.

That was amazing. Yeah, that's about the highest phrase. Look, these canes begrudgingly give the respect to the people. That's about as high as Ruben's going to get.

He won't put Ruben on the edge nearly as much. He doesn't have to answer that question. We got highs. We know we're fours lined up.