Transcript of Charlamagne tha God Torches the Democrats’ Weak Messaging | The Daily Showography of Jeff Bezos

The Daily Show: Ears Edition
20:43 681 views Published over 1 year ago
Transcribed from audio to text by
00:00:00

Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with ZipRecruiter. Ziprecruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. Right now, you can try it for free at ziprecruiter. Com/zip. Ziprecruiter's smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, ZipRecruiter's powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it, and you can use ZipRecruiter's pre-written an invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let ZipRecruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address, ziprecruiter. Com/zip. Again, that's ziprecruiter. Com/zip. Ziprecruiter, the smartest way to hire.

00:00:58

It's been a three-year wait, but the Olympics Olympics are back, and the CBS Sports Podcast Network has you covered with everything happening in Paris. It's a new era for the US women's national team, and Attacking Third will tackle all the women's soccer action. First Cut will keep close tabs on golf, while Beyond the Arc will follow the US men's basketball team on a quest for another gold. We need to talk now. We'll provide comprehensive coverage of women's athletes at the Olympic Games. Follow and listen to all CBS Sports podcast for free on the Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcast. You You're listening Now, a colleague from across the aisle, Byron Donald, recently said that Black families were better under Jim Crow, which was a period of forced racial segregation. What would you say to that? Yes, I'd say, Is it okay for Uncle Tom, Uncle Bruck, or maybe under this scenario, an Uncle Clarence to try to tell us what it is to be black in America, considering the fact that he is married to a white woman like his uncle Clarence? That would not have been allowed.So, yeah, he probably needs to go back to the history books that they keep trying to take out of our classrooms.Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Rock 'n' roll.Choosing a credit card he developed an appreciation for technology, cheap garbage from China, and underpaying workers. After graduating from high school as valedictorian, Jeff attended Princeton, one of the best colleges for nerds. Socially, I was a little awkward. I didn't really date much until my last year of college. Actually, I set a formal plan to date. I had all my friends set me up on blind dates. None of them worked out very well.Yes. Despite many positive reviews from his friends, women found the actual product wasn't what they had been led to believe. After college, Bezos joined a Wall Street hedge fund. On Wall Street, Bezos also found something almost as good as money, his future ex-wife, Mackenzie Scott. She would later tell Vogue magazine it was Jeff's laugh that made her fall in love with him. Hey, sometimes love is blind and deaf. It was around this time that Jeff noticed that the world was changing. He came across this startling statistic that web usage was growing at 100% a year. So I decided I would try and find a business plan that made sense in the context of that growth. And I picked books as the first best product to sell online. With a quarter million dollar investment from his parents, a garage to work from, and MCAP Hammer khakis, Bezos launched his empire. Within a few years, Amazon went from online bookseller to Wall Street darling to the so-called Everything Store. Third-party vendors could sell literally anything on Amazon's website, from stuff to put in your butt to stuff you shouldn't put in your butt, but will anyway, because you're not a coward.Amazon was taking the world by storm, and while Bezos was still literally the nerdiest person in the My watch updates itself from the atomic clock 36 times a day, if that gives you any indication. He was driving Amazon into the future, a future of nonstop growth. How did Jeff Bezos transform himself into a life-size Oscar statue? By using his big nerdy brain to devise the perfect growth plan to expand his business and his body. Since starting Amazon, Bezos has amassed a net worth of $200 billion, money that he's used to make the world a better place. Sure, he spent some of it on a superyacht that has its own yacht in the world's fastest jet. And like a shit ton of mansions, exotic food, a prehistoric bear skeleton, and some gigantic clock that only takes once a year. But he also gave back. Jeff Bezos paid zero federal income taxes for two years. Maybe not to his country, but he has given nearly 1.5% of his networth to charity. And while he didn't share much of his wealth with Amazon workers, he definitely helped them to boldly go where no one has gone before. Amazon workers have to pee into bottles because of Amazon stringent quotas, keep them too busy to go to the bathroom.You know what they say. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to piss in a bottle while he eats his fish, he only has to take a two-minute lunch break. Jeff's plan was working perfectly, but there was one thing his plan didn't take into account. That all his success would go to his head.The National Enquire obtained nude photos of Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. The pictures and racy text messages from Bezos to his girlfriend, Lauren Sanchez, led to the end of his marriage.With one stupid mistake, Jeff lost the thing that was most important to him in all the world, 38 billion dollars. Jeff had hit rock bottom. He had literally showed the world his dick, but soon he would bounce back by showing the world his bigger, shinier, rocket-powered dick and riding it to the Cosmos. Tonight, mission accomplished. Jeff Bezos launches into space in the first unpiloted, fully civilian suborbitaled flight. Yes, Bezos accomplished his boyhood dream and same day, shipped himself into the stars. Bezos had finally done it. He finally made space travel seem uncool.I also want to thank every Amazon employee and every Amazon customer because you guys paid for all this.And now the world knows the real Jeff Bezos, as well as Jeff Bezos knows himself. I always worked really hard. I was nerdy. You were nerdy. I was nerdy.That hasn't changed, by the way.Explore more shows from The Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11:00, 10:00 on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.Paramount Podcasts.Welcome to the brand new Easy Living Interiors Belgard. It's our 20th store, one of our biggest and brightest yet, featuring two incredible floors styled with our latest home furnishings and accessories. Find your favorite designer rug in our new Cacoon Hub. Enjoy your best night's sleep on a new luxury mattress. Or al fresco dining with one of our beautiful garden sets. And enjoy reduced prices on everything in our massive summer sale. The new Easy Living Interiors store, now open in Belgard Retail Park, Tala. It's been a three-year wait, but the Olympics are back, and the CBS Sports Podcast Network has you covered with everything happening in Paris. It's a new era for the US women's national team, and Attacking Third will tackle all the women's soccer action. First Cut will keep close tabs on golf, while Beyond the Arc will follow the USA the US men's basketball team on a quest for another gold. We need to talk now. We'll provide comprehensive coverage of women's athletes at the Olympic Games. Follow and listen to all CBS Sports podcast for free on the Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcast.

00:10:31

Now, a colleague from across the aisle, Byron Donald, recently said that Black families were better under Jim Crow, which was a period of forced racial segregation. What would you say to that? Yes, I'd say, Is it okay for Uncle Tom, Uncle Bruck, or maybe under this scenario, an Uncle Clarence to try to tell us what it is to be black in America, considering the fact that he is married to a white woman like his uncle Clarence? That would not have been allowed.

00:10:59

So, yeah, he probably needs to go back to the history books that they keep trying to take out of our classrooms.

00:11:06

Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Rock 'n' roll.

00:11:11

Choosing a credit card he developed an appreciation for technology, cheap garbage from China, and underpaying workers. After graduating from high school as valedictorian, Jeff attended Princeton, one of the best colleges for nerds. Socially, I was a little awkward. I didn't really date much until my last year of college. Actually, I set a formal plan to date. I had all my friends set me up on blind dates. None of them worked out very well.Yes. Despite many positive reviews from his friends, women found the actual product wasn't what they had been led to believe. After college, Bezos joined a Wall Street hedge fund. On Wall Street, Bezos also found something almost as good as money, his future ex-wife, Mackenzie Scott. She would later tell Vogue magazine it was Jeff's laugh that made her fall in love with him. Hey, sometimes love is blind and deaf. It was around this time that Jeff noticed that the world was changing. He came across this startling statistic that web usage was growing at 100% a year. So I decided I would try and find a business plan that made sense in the context of that growth. And I picked books as the first best product to sell online. With a quarter million dollar investment from his parents, a garage to work from, and MCAP Hammer khakis, Bezos launched his empire. Within a few years, Amazon went from online bookseller to Wall Street darling to the so-called Everything Store. Third-party vendors could sell literally anything on Amazon's website, from stuff to put in your butt to stuff you shouldn't put in your butt, but will anyway, because you're not a coward.Amazon was taking the world by storm, and while Bezos was still literally the nerdiest person in the My watch updates itself from the atomic clock 36 times a day, if that gives you any indication. He was driving Amazon into the future, a future of nonstop growth. How did Jeff Bezos transform himself into a life-size Oscar statue? By using his big nerdy brain to devise the perfect growth plan to expand his business and his body. Since starting Amazon, Bezos has amassed a net worth of $200 billion, money that he's used to make the world a better place. Sure, he spent some of it on a superyacht that has its own yacht in the world's fastest jet. And like a shit ton of mansions, exotic food, a prehistoric bear skeleton, and some gigantic clock that only takes once a year. But he also gave back. Jeff Bezos paid zero federal income taxes for two years. Maybe not to his country, but he has given nearly 1.5% of his networth to charity. And while he didn't share much of his wealth with Amazon workers, he definitely helped them to boldly go where no one has gone before. Amazon workers have to pee into bottles because of Amazon stringent quotas, keep them too busy to go to the bathroom.You know what they say. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to piss in a bottle while he eats his fish, he only has to take a two-minute lunch break. Jeff's plan was working perfectly, but there was one thing his plan didn't take into account. That all his success would go to his head.The National Enquire obtained nude photos of Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. The pictures and racy text messages from Bezos to his girlfriend, Lauren Sanchez, led to the end of his marriage.With one stupid mistake, Jeff lost the thing that was most important to him in all the world, 38 billion dollars. Jeff had hit rock bottom. He had literally showed the world his dick, but soon he would bounce back by showing the world his bigger, shinier, rocket-powered dick and riding it to the Cosmos. Tonight, mission accomplished. Jeff Bezos launches into space in the first unpiloted, fully civilian suborbitaled flight. Yes, Bezos accomplished his boyhood dream and same day, shipped himself into the stars. Bezos had finally done it. He finally made space travel seem uncool.I also want to thank every Amazon employee and every Amazon customer because you guys paid for all this.And now the world knows the real Jeff Bezos, as well as Jeff Bezos knows himself. I always worked really hard. I was nerdy. You were nerdy. I was nerdy.That hasn't changed, by the way.Explore more shows from The Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11:00, 10:00 on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.Paramount Podcasts.Welcome to the brand new Easy Living Interiors Belgard. It's our 20th store, one of our biggest and brightest yet, featuring two incredible floors styled with our latest home furnishings and accessories. Find your favorite designer rug in our new Cacoon Hub. Enjoy your best night's sleep on a new luxury mattress. Or al fresco dining with one of our beautiful garden sets. And enjoy reduced prices on everything in our massive summer sale. The new Easy Living Interiors store, now open in Belgard Retail Park, Tala. It's been a three-year wait, but the Olympics are back, and the CBS Sports Podcast Network has you covered with everything happening in Paris. It's a new era for the US women's national team, and Attacking Third will tackle all the women's soccer action. First Cut will keep close tabs on golf, while Beyond the Arc will follow the USA the US men's basketball team on a quest for another gold. We need to talk now. We'll provide comprehensive coverage of women's athletes at the Olympic Games. Follow and listen to all CBS Sports podcast for free on the Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcast.

00:14:37

he developed an appreciation for technology, cheap garbage from China, and underpaying workers. After graduating from high school as valedictorian, Jeff attended Princeton, one of the best colleges for nerds. Socially, I was a little awkward. I didn't really date much until my last year of college. Actually, I set a formal plan to date. I had all my friends set me up on blind dates. None of them worked out very well.

00:15:04

Yes. Despite many positive reviews from his friends, women found the actual product wasn't what they had been led to believe. After college, Bezos joined a Wall Street hedge fund. On Wall Street, Bezos also found something almost as good as money, his future ex-wife, Mackenzie Scott. She would later tell Vogue magazine it was Jeff's laugh that made her fall in love with him. Hey, sometimes love is blind and deaf. It was around this time that Jeff noticed that the world was changing. He came across this startling statistic that web usage was growing at 100% a year. So I decided I would try and find a business plan that made sense in the context of that growth. And I picked books as the first best product to sell online. With a quarter million dollar investment from his parents, a garage to work from, and MCAP Hammer khakis, Bezos launched his empire. Within a few years, Amazon went from online bookseller to Wall Street darling to the so-called Everything Store. Third-party vendors could sell literally anything on Amazon's website, from stuff to put in your butt to stuff you shouldn't put in your butt, but will anyway, because you're not a coward.

00:16:22

Amazon was taking the world by storm, and while Bezos was still literally the nerdiest person in the My watch updates itself from the atomic clock 36 times a day, if that gives you any indication. He was driving Amazon into the future, a future of nonstop growth. How did Jeff Bezos transform himself into a life-size Oscar statue? By using his big nerdy brain to devise the perfect growth plan to expand his business and his body. Since starting Amazon, Bezos has amassed a net worth of $200 billion, money that he's used to make the world a better place. Sure, he spent some of it on a superyacht that has its own yacht in the world's fastest jet. And like a shit ton of mansions, exotic food, a prehistoric bear skeleton, and some gigantic clock that only takes once a year. But he also gave back. Jeff Bezos paid zero federal income taxes for two years. Maybe not to his country, but he has given nearly 1.5% of his networth to charity. And while he didn't share much of his wealth with Amazon workers, he definitely helped them to boldly go where no one has gone before. Amazon workers have to pee into bottles because of Amazon stringent quotas, keep them too busy to go to the bathroom.

00:17:41

You know what they say. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to piss in a bottle while he eats his fish, he only has to take a two-minute lunch break. Jeff's plan was working perfectly, but there was one thing his plan didn't take into account. That all his success would go to his head.

00:18:03

The National Enquire obtained nude photos of Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. The pictures and racy text messages from Bezos to his girlfriend, Lauren Sanchez, led to the end of his marriage.

00:18:15

With one stupid mistake, Jeff lost the thing that was most important to him in all the world, 38 billion dollars. Jeff had hit rock bottom. He had literally showed the world his dick, but soon he would bounce back by showing the world his bigger, shinier, rocket-powered dick and riding it to the Cosmos. Tonight, mission accomplished. Jeff Bezos launches into space in the first unpiloted, fully civilian suborbitaled flight. Yes, Bezos accomplished his boyhood dream and same day, shipped himself into the stars. Bezos had finally done it. He finally made space travel seem uncool.

00:18:55

I also want to thank every Amazon employee and every Amazon customer because you guys paid for all this.

00:19:04

And now the world knows the real Jeff Bezos, as well as Jeff Bezos knows himself. I always worked really hard. I was nerdy. You were nerdy. I was nerdy.

00:19:16

That hasn't changed, by the way.

00:19:20

Explore more shows from The Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.

00:19:27

Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11:00, 10:00 on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.

00:19:39

Paramount Podcasts.

00:19:42

Welcome to the brand new Easy Living Interiors Belgard. It's our 20th store, one of our biggest and brightest yet, featuring two incredible floors styled with our latest home furnishings and accessories. Find your favorite designer rug in our new Cacoon Hub. Enjoy your best night's sleep on a new luxury mattress. Or al fresco dining with one of our beautiful garden sets. And enjoy reduced prices on everything in our massive summer sale. The new Easy Living Interiors store, now open in Belgard Retail Park, Tala. It's been a three-year wait, but the Olympics are back, and the CBS Sports Podcast Network has you covered with everything happening in Paris. It's a new era for the US women's national team, and Attacking Third will tackle all the women's soccer action. First Cut will keep close tabs on golf, while Beyond the Arc will follow the USA the US men's basketball team on a quest for another gold. We need to talk now. We'll provide comprehensive coverage of women's athletes at the Olympic Games. Follow and listen to all CBS Sports podcast for free on the Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcast.

Episode description

Charlamagne tha God stops by to let Democrats know they are fumbling the messaging battle against Republicans and implores them to speak like normal people. Plus, The Daily Show presents the story of the most powerful nerd in history: Jeff Bezos. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.