Transcript of The Habsburg Dynasty: The Most Inbred Family in History

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Welcome back to Right Answers, Mostly, a podcast on what you didn't learn in history class, but you really wanted to. I'm Claire Donalds. I'm Tess Palomo. And welcome back to our September Back to School Month Rammies. Cozy, scolastic vibes are here for you. Exactly. And I think that this one's going to feel like very old-school Ram because it is like true historical. We know you guys like that. Yes. And I actually had never heard of these people before. This is like a true Ram suggested subject. Today, we are talking about the Habsberg dynasty.

You never heard?

No. Did you know? No. No. I didn't know, and I don't I know. I'm still like, what? But it's going to be really great because the Ramies... See, the Ramies teach us just like we teach you. You guys are like, open your hearts and let us guide you. I mean, Tess, today we're talking about incest. Well, isn't that history?

Ain't that the truth. In a sad, sad way? Yeah, really.

So do you know anything about the Hasbergs? Have you heard about them? Never heard about them. Don't know who they are. Don't know anything. I did send you a picture of Charles II last night, and I should have given you a warning. A warning? Yeah. Or send it with invisible ink, but I did not.

So this is what happens when you have sex with your siblings. You look like that.

Yeah. When your family has sex with each other multiple times.

It's probably that in combination with fetal alcohol syndrome.

Oh, I didn't even think about that.

Because I was like, That face is looking crazy. There's a lot going on there.

There's a lot going on. If you don't know what we're talking about, go to our carousel @RightAnswersMotely on Instagram. Follow along. Tough. Time has not been kind to this family. No. No. No. No. Without further ado, let's just get into the Habsbergs. I still am like, what and why? But actually not why, because they were the most powerful family in Europe for a long time. Where? Where? Well, I'll tell you, Tess. All right. The house of Habsberg was one of the most powerful dynasty in the history of Western civilization for centuries. They start as a relatively unremarkable noble family and eventually become one of Europe's, Europe's, not myerps, Europe's most powerful dynasties controlling Austria, Spain, the Netherlands, parts of Italy, territories in America, and repeatedly holding the title of Holy Roman Emperor. Damn. But what they may be most notably known for was the Habsberg jaw, the chin. Were they all Taurus? No. Okay. Well, it was the jaw and the neck area. It wasn't the Taurus, it was the incest. Yeah, yeah. It created this huge chin. Damn. So who the hell are these people? And why do we here? Who are they? Let's get into it.

Tess, We're going to go back to the 900s first.

Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus. I know. When I started researching this, I was like, How could you?

How could you do this to me? I am having a hard time getting into this, but then we did. Yeah, we always do. We pushed through. So the Habsberg family can probably trace its roots back to the wealthy noblemen, Guntrum the Rich, who was a count. A count. Countess Luanne. Countess Luanne. Probably would have loved him. Guntrum the Rich, he lived around the 900s. And a few generations later, one of Guntam's Gupta.

I kept it in from last week's, too. I had to. I had to. I had to, you guys. It's like, I can't. I think maybe we need to do it every single episode. I think we have to. This month. Yeah, you guys just... Because it's like school. Exactly. We're at school. For this diary.

It totally makes sense. So Guptam or Guntam, whatever. Just call him Gupta. I don't actually care about this person at all, but I think... Call them Gupta. This is why we be such back in history? I don't really care about this one. Let's call it a different name. Let's get to the crazy incestive at all. So that guy... Oh, okay. So also the name Habsberg. Back in the day, they didn't have surnames. And a lot of times you get your surnames from your occupation, Smith, a blacksmith. That's where that's from? Yes. Isn't that crazy? That's crazy. I actually meant to look more into this, and then I forgot about it. But it would be a trade or it would be a structure. And so this That's so interesting. Isn't that interessant? So the castle was declared the Habsberg Castle. And so the family that was living there would eventually get the last name Habsberg. Oh. Yes. Okay. So we have the Habsberg family from Gotham, the Rich. So now let's go to 1273. There's this guy, Count Rudolf of Habsberg, and he is elected as king of the Romans. And he received the title Rudolf of Germany, Rudolf the first of Germany.

And so a quick little note, when I say that he's the king of the Romans and he's the head of the Holy Roman Empire, it's actually not Rome. It's basically this huge, complicated collection of territories in Central Europe. Okay. So that's just something to know for your dinner conversation. Rome doesn't exist yet. And I think Rome existed. Yeah, Rome was around for a long time. I think Rome is an O-G. Yeah, that's true. Sorry, guys. I don't know. I don't know. We're in 1200 now. That's true. Jesus. That's a long time ago. It's a really long time ago. Okay, so then he's the head guy, Rudolf. But then there was this guy, King Otacar II of Bohemia. And he was not happy that Rudolf was the king. And he was like, That's not fair for him just to get that title. I refuse to acknowledge you as king. And so then in 1278, King Otacar And Rudolf battle it out, and Rudolf wins. And so he gains the territory of Austria and Styria, which I'm not exactly sure what that is either.

If you're a first-time listener, I promise, stick with us.

We will know something. Yeah, we'll get there, you guys. We'll get there. We're learning together. So he gains Austria and Styria in 1282, which he will later give to his sons. But this is the beginning of the Habsberg's long ties to Austria. They are Austria. Chic. And so this is where they gained that land. So from that point onwards, the Habsberg Empire conducted most of their administrative matters from Vienna. I've never been to Vienna.

I have once. Oh, yeah, you went when you were in high school?

Yes. And I remember, this is so disgraceful, but I was 14, you guys. I was like, I don't want to go to Austria. I just want to go to Rome. Well, of course. We all did. Exactly. But then I went to Vienna, Salzburg, and Innsbruck, and talk about a country.

Can't you do the Sound of Music tour there?

I went in Salzburg, the back of the house. Yeah, yeah. Yes, I did go there. It was so cold. I bet. But amazing. I want to go. So shout out to our Austrian Rammies. Do we have any of you guys? Let us know. Dm us. So we're in Austria now. Now we're going to cut to the 1400s because does anyone really care what's going on in the 12 to 1300s? Not really. We're going to live in the 1400s. Okay. For now. And this is where the most significant era of the Habsberg rule began. We're going to meet this guy, Maximilian I. And he is known as the Last Night. Sounds cool. And he ruled during the early Renaissance. So Maximilian was a true Renaissance man. He kept scholars close to him, and he valued them. He understood the need to revamp the medieval way of life. He was like, Sweethearts, we need to make over. Yeah, let's get a rebrand. Let's get a rebrand. Let's start educating ourselves. Let's get into the arts. Let's freshen this place up. Let's look into science and engineering. This was the time. This was the time. This forward thinking led to domestic affairs as well.

He was like, you guys. So again, this is Maximilian. He's a Habsberg. He was like, I don't really want to fight. I don't really want to die. We could actually expand our territory If we married other people instead of just fighting wars for it. He's like, give peace a chance, you guys.

Give peace a chance. Can I say something?

Say it. Peace. Peace.

Peace. That was exactly Maximilian. We're in a peace necklace.

Exactly. So he's like, Why don't we, instead of fighting to gain land, let's marry and expand our empire that way. So in 1477, he marries Mary of Burgundy, and Mary is one of the richest and most important heiresses in Europe. Love. Love. Her father Charles the Bold, had just died, and so Mary had inherited this incredibly valuable collection of territories, including the low countries, which were the Burgundian Netherlands.

Nice. This is a lot of geography on Ram this month so far. Last week, we were going all around the world, and I'm so sorry, but I mean, some of the places I was just like, I don't know.

Well, this is what happens when you get into a scolastic month and you get out of Maryland month. You have to really challenge yourself in different ways. And we are. And we are. We're lifelong learners.

We're doing great.

So he marries Mary Burgundy They get more land. And now the Habsbergs have a massive fit hold in Western Europe. And this marriage is considered foundational to the Habsbergs becoming a European great power. This is where they gained a lot of land from marriage. And This is basically where we get their... It's like their family motto, which was, Let others wage war, but you, happy Austria, marry.

God, they just love to... They really want to hook each other up, don't they? Exactly. They're like, Why fight? But smart, because you don't want to die. Make love, not war. Once again, peace. Peace and love.

From Maximilian. Thank you. So surprisingly, Maximilian and Mary seem to have developed a genuinely close partnership, which is also nice. But unfortunately, Mary dies in 1482 at only 25 after a riding accident.

Oh, God. That is a rich way to go for this time. Yeah. It's gone with the wind. Wow. With her daughter. Oh, yeah. I just had to bring back to Clark Gable. We're still thinking.

We Sure. So they had only been married for about 5 years. However, they did have a son at this point named Philip, who will go on his name, how they have Katherine the Great. He is Philip the Handsome.

Oh, my. Is Did you see? I mean, how can you really see?

Yeah, exactly. How can you- Do you stalk his Instagram? Any painting? I did. They all look the same, and we haven't got to the incest yet, so I guess fine. Damn, but what a title. No What a legacy. That's a real fucking legacy. Wow. So Philip, the Handsome. Now, Philip takes after his father by marrying to expand his power, and he marries Juana of Castile. Now, Juana's parents are very important. Her parents were Ferdinand of Aragon and Isabella of Castile. Now, if you are a true history girly, if you've been around Ram for a long time, you might recognize her parents because Ferdinand and Isabella were also the parents of Catherine Catherine of Aragon, King Henry VIII's first wife. God, they're all connected, aren't they? They are all connected, and they are like a powerhouse. Aragon and Castile are like Spain areas. So they're like the King and Queen of Spain, basically. And so Wanda is like a princess of Spain. Got it. Catherine of Aragon is Wana's younger sister. So we have a Spanish princess and a Habsbourg Prince, Philip the Handsome and Wana. In 1496, 16-year-old Wana is married to 18-year-old Philip, and this marriage was actually designed to strengthen strengthen their power against France, because if there's one thing that we will see throughout this whole episode is literally everyone hates France except for France.

Wow. France was always the odd man out. It was some resentment, wasn't there?

Yeah. And the ultimate girl, so confusing is England versus France. Totally. You guys just hug and just kiss and make up. So they get married. But here's the thing about Wana. I had to go on a whole separate side quest on Wana because we have Philip the Handsome. Do you know what Wana's title ends up becoming in history?

God, it's probably something so fucked up, isn't it? Like the ugly?

Wana the Mad. And I was like, you just don't hear that with women very often. And when you do in history- What does that really mean?

What does it entail?

Exactly. So I was literally like, well, I have to go further in on Wana. Why did they call her her mad? And Tess, it's exactly what she thinks. She's a journalist. And so what I found is that Wana did not seem mad. I mean, she did seem mad, angry and who wouldn't be being a woman at this time. And it's just like that. She just seemed to be a victim of being a woman at this time is really what it is. Of course. So when Wana and Philip get married, from the beginning, their relationship was quite passionate. They were actually very into each other. She especially into him. I think Philip... Well, God, I bet. I mean... Philip's handsome.

I think Philip loved women, and Wana loved Philip. So she always was yearning for his affection. Exactly. That makes anyone mad, you guys. Okay.

Have you ever had a crush before? So nothing will make you feel crazier than a crush. I'm required to love. It's crazy. So he, more or less, is cheating all the time on Wana. So there's that. Also, Wana has to move to where the Habsbergs are. She has to leave her home. She has to go to a whole new court. So she's not super comfortable there. By the way, she's 16 years old. Oh, my God. Then in 1502, after they've been married for a few years, Wanda and Philip traveled from the low countries where they were living to Spain because Wanda suddenly became the heir to her family's throne because all of her older siblings and her nephews died pretty tragically and in a row. So now she will be the heir apparent. So they have to travel back so that they can prep her and get her ready for what it's going to be like when she rules, which is great for Philip, too, because they just inherited even more land from that. So off to Spain, they go. But the thing was that, Philip hated being in Spain. They are super Catholic over there.

And he was Catholic, too, but they were super Catholic, so he couldn't party and cheat on his wife so openly. He was like, I got to get back to the homeland. Exactly. I can keep doing this. And he's like, I really don't love my parents-in-law being there all the time. So he just didn't love Spain. And Juana, of course, is not in the best mental state at this point. She was pregnant. So that will do a number on you. She was grieving all the deaths of her siblings. And she's a teenager. Exactly. And the deaths of her siblings between 1497 and 1500, Juana's older brother, Juan. Oh. Oh, Juan. Juan and Juana. Interesting. Juan died, and then his widow suffered a stillbirth. And then her older sister, Isabella, died in childbirth. And then Isabella's toddler-age son died.

Oh, my God. Poor thing. No, exactly.

Because I feel like in history, we hear these stories of like, Oh, and their siblings died, and you're just like, whatever. No, but it's like she had no one.

No, exactly.

She lost her best friends. And it's like people grieve back then, just like how we grieve now. I I think that must sound so stupid to hear, but sometimes we just forget when we're hearing these stories. No, that's so true. Well, everyone was dying young back then, so it didn't matter. It's like, no, that's your family. Exactly. So she's just really not in a great place right now, and Philip's not supporting her at all. Yeah, I bet. Philip's like, I'm over this place, and you're really bumming me out, and I don't want to stay here with my in-laws anymore. I want to go home. And I believe he pieces out and goes back to the low countries without telling her. So did I call Marisa. She's grieving, and he's like, I'm gone. That's exactly right. And they have the passion in the beginning. Exactly.

And then it's like, Oh, you're sad. I'm not really attracted to you like this anymore.

I don't sign up for that. I wanted you to be my party wife. Exactly. So that's what was happening with Philip and Wana. So he peaces out. And Wana has it bad for Philip, like we said. And she's like, okay, my husband just Irish exited on me. I got to go back to him. But her mom, Isabella, was like, She was overstepping because it's like she's a grown woman and she's like a queen in her own right. But she was like, you're the heir parent. You have to stay here and figure out how we run things. And also you're pregnant, and it's dangerous for you to be traveling, which is not wrong, but it's also like, let the girl go back to her, man. Let her just have a little episode and go find him. Well, speaking- Scream at him, hopefully. Of that. So he leaves Spain in December 1502 while Wanda stayed behind. She gave birth to their son, Ferdinand, in March 1503. So she had cast to give birth by herself. Oh, my God. And after the birth, Wanda desperately wanted to return to Philip and introduce him to his son, but Isabella wouldn't allow it again.

Wanda would deal with this and his desertion by throwing herself against the walls to enter herself by crying herself to sleep. But like... Oh, man. She was throwing tantrums, but also crying herself to sleep.

It's not a big deal. Who doesn't? It's Monday. Oh, literally. Oh, my God. Crying yourself to sleep used to be such a thing in your youth. You would literally just sob yourself to sleep. I feel like we're not talking about that enough.

No. What is that? And then just wake up and be like, okay. I'm going to go to school now. Yeah. Being a teenage girl. Oh, my God.

I remember having one pillow I had at my mom's house had so many mascara stains. Same. From just crying over a boy.

Exactly. And this is... And Wana is just like us. She's just like us. I think we need to remember she was a teenager. A teen mom. A teen mom. You just wanted her husband to give her a little attention. So people start to see her throwing these tantrums because also she's being held against her will here, and they're like, Yikes. Okay, making a note on that. And And by late 1503, Wanda had been separated from her husband for over a year, and she desperately wanted to get back to him. So she reportedly tried to depart without her mother's permission. And when she was stopped, she threw herself against the front gates of the castle, screaming until she exhausted herself. And she spent much of the night outside or around the castle gates in the November cold, refusing to return to her rooms and demanding to be allowed to go.

This feels like 2009 to me. Yeah. Like, Honey, I see you, girl.

Well, also, it's a time where someone literally has never been like, Oh, you're feeling this way? Let's talk about it. Right. So it's like, Of course, I'm just going to scream then. I don't know how to process my rage. No, and they just judge her, and then they just label her. And she's postpartum. Oh, my God. So then eventually Isabella, her mom, came to confront her, and apparently, Wanda spoke to her mother with such anger that Isabella later described her daughter's behavior as deeply troubling.

There comes a time when you can't hold it in anymore.

Right. Okay. So so far we have that she has a huge crush on a man.

It's literally like Lestean after the most popular boy at school.

But that boy is your husband, but he still doesn't care about you. Exactly. And it's a teenage girl fighting with her mom.

We've seen this film before.

So I'm like, We would have never survived. We would have been burned at the stake. Burned at the stake immediately. Exactly. So again, Isabella was like, Oh, my God. Something is wrong with you. How dare you ever speak to me like that. So strike two for Wana. But finally, she can go back to Philip, and she does find that he has just been partying and sleeping with other women the whole time and hasn't been thinking about her at all. Oh, my God. So they go back to their life together, and then she has her fourth child. And then after her fourth child, he was flaunting his side piece so publicly in front of her. And apparently, this mistress was known for her long, beautiful blonde hair. And Wana was, I'm sure, postpartum, and she was on the brim of freaking out. She's like, I haven't had highlights forever. Was she Burnet? I think so. So it's a tale as old as time. She was a Burnet or maybe a redhead because I think Katherine of Aragon was a redhead.

Was It's blonde, isn't it? It's always blonde. God damn it.

So Wana was like, I've had enough of you, you beast. And she took scissors and attacked the mistress and cut her hair down to the roots. And there's accounts that she slashed her face with the scissors, too.

I get the rage she has. I get it. Yeah. I mean, obviously, violence isn't the answer. No, no, no. Maybe cutting your husband's mistress's hair is.

Exactly. Maybe it just made her feel better from the moment. Totally. She just needed that. It's hair will grow back. I know. And what I will say is, is that an okay and an appropriate response? No. Of course not. But men have done so much worse in history. They just kill each other. Exactly. Exactly. Or they kill their wives or they beat their wives. It's just like, meanwhile, her brother-in-law, King Henry the eighth, is about to become one of the most evil men in history.

And the most popular, too, at the same time. So it's like, you know what? Go fucking cut her. Maybe she's doing her favor. Maybe she'll go with a bomb.

Maybe it's good for her bone structure. We're going to a Pixi cat on.

Yeah. No bangs, but a Pixie cat. Actually, that is a true active hate. Oh, it's a Pixie, not a bob. I mean, they said down to the root. Unless you have an Ali Portman face, it can be tough. You know what I mean? It can be very tough, of course. But it can also be gorgeous.

Yeah, I don't think that's in between. That's what Wana was going for. No in between. But I think everyone saw that and was like, Oh, my God, Wana. Yeah. We have to now start to process everything going on. Exactly. So then we start to see how they use her rage against her and try to take advantage village of her. So then in 1504, Wana's mom Isabella dies, and this made Wana the queen of Castile in her own right. And I was like, Castile and Aragon, like what? So apparently, her parents ruled two separate crowns. Isabella was the Queen of Castile, and Ferdinand was the King of Aragon in his own right, and their marriage connected the dynasties. But Castile and Aragon were legally separated Kingdoms with their own succession. Okay. If that makes sense. So then when Isabella dies, it makes Wana the Queen of Castile and not her husband, Ferdinand. He's still just the King of Aragon. Okay. Wanda has two men who are attached to her that want to take advantage of her. She has her father, who wants to be the King of Castile, and then she has her husband, Philip, who wants to be the King of Castile in Aragon.

Oh, God. Even though it's Wanda. It's like Wanda is alone right now to be the queen. I hope they don't try to kill her. Oh, no. They don't try to kill her, but some might say it's worse. Oh, boy. Both men start scheming on how to get in on Juana's power, and both of them just proclaim themselves co-monarch. So first Ferdinand had coins made that said Ferdinand and Juana, king and queen of Castile. That's her dad. So he was just basically like, I'm just going to make it public that I'm the king.

That's so manipulative and crazy.

Exactly. He was just hoping that that would make it official. And Philip was like, Oh, that's actually a really good idea. I'm also going to coins minted that say, Philip and Juana, king and queen of Castile. Men have always been the same, haven't they? This is literally what the Republican Party is doing right now.

They're just like, Oh, by the way, no one's ever going to need to vote again because we decided that we're going to come up with a full scheme that no one has to. It's crazy.

It's like, Bro, it's just so good. It's just like these men in power. It's always been the fucking same story. Well, it's like, Oh, you are so angry. You're so threatened. It's so insecure. Exactly. So They both are trying to get their own little coins made. Meanwhile, Wana is dealing with morting the loss of her mother and being pregnant and just having more babies, and her postpartum issues just keep getting worse. And Philip and Ferdinand didn't vibe with each other, but they were both like, Eh, what a shit. The enemy of the enemy is my friend.

Which is sick. It's like your daughter.

And your wife. And your wife. So they're like, Listen, we both want to rule. Wanda has been acting mouthy lately, and If we just start saying she's crazy. It's worked. It always does work, though, doesn't it? And there's nothing like a mad woman. Where does she say she went mad?

There's nothing like a mad woman. You made her like that. You made her like that.

As we get more into the story. Here we go. So they start spreading rumors. And apparently, Philip had been doing this pretty early on, when she would have her rage after he was hooking up with so many girls. So they start spreading rumors that she's not fit to rule. And then eventually, Philip and Ferdinand negotiate with each other about the government of Juana's Kingdom, even though it's fucking hers, and the Treaty of Villa Affalia, I believe, in 1506. Sounds good. And essentially, Ferdinand, her dad, was like, All right, you guys take it. You can have it. So in July 1506, they recognize Philip and Juana as king and queens together of Castile. But it's important to note, they're doing all of that making making these decisions for her. But to prove that she was not crazy, that she was mentally stable, they tried to get her to sign documents that would formally strip her of her authority. Her husband and her father both tried to get her to sign these documents. And she was like, Fuck off. No, I'm not doing that. She was of right mind to know that and to be able to make these decisions for herself.

So I just thought that was important to note. Totally. She knows what's up. But Philip only gets to enjoy the victory of them being king and queen for about 3 months because on September 25th, 1506, Philip suddenly dies at only 28 years old. From what? They said an acute illness traditionally identified as typhoid fever. But there are rumors. That's TD. No, but I would love to actually start that rumor here because, Philip, you suck. No, there are rumors that Ferdinand, her dad, poisoned him. Oh, Jesus. Which who knows? Maybe. Maybe. But so despite the fact that Philip was so horrible to Wanda...

Well, she's going to be so heartbroken. She is like... Because she sees him still as she's obsessed with him. So it doesn't matter that he was like, GD on her. Who is Philip the Handsome? Philip the Handsome.

You know? And they have lots of kids together. I think they had their time. For sure. I mean, the beginning was passionate. Exactly. Exactly. So she is just struck in with extreme grief. And just to recap on where Wana has been on her life, she's been consistently pregnant by him now for 9 years. She had six children. Her mother had died. All of her older siblings and nieces and nephews had died at young ages. Her husband was constantly cheating on her, and her father doesn't care about her. Oh, God. I worry for her. So when Philip dies, Well, she refused to part with his coffin? And rumor has it that she would consistently open his coffin and try to hug and kiss him. Oh, no. And sleep next to And, allegedly, she weakened up, burnied him a little bit and would eat dinner with his core and talk to it like it was a person. I also do want to say... Weekend upbernied him? There's... Those are rumors. Because she also wanted the mad, who knows? This is so history is just gossip. Because it was actually customary, I think, at this time for the bodies, for you to be by their coffin for a little bit.

So maybe people were like, maybe she was by his coffin and talking to him and saying her goodbye and grieving in that way. People were like, She's trying to fuck the coffin. Yes, exactly. It's like, maybe she just... She's just a sad girl. She's just a sad girl.

Oh, man, that is a funny thing of her having dinner with him.

She's like, It was such a lovely day, wasn't it?

You know who- It was like, Drink up, honey. Where'd you a glass of wine? Oh, God.

Similar vibes, though, was like, Queen Victoria when Albert died. If If you remember, she was like, could not let it go either.

I mean, it's also been like, she wouldn't open the coffin. Or no, she wouldn't.

Well, the rumors are that she did.

Right. Doesn't it disintegrate after like, you got to keep that shit on ice? And they didn't have ice back then.

Right. No, Ice was not a thing. Tinky. Tinky. Tough. Tinky love. So after Philip's death, Ferdinand returned to Castile in 1507 and took control of the government, her dad. He was like, Well, I'll just take this, even though it was Juana's. So while Juana remains queen in name, she was increasingly stripped of any actual power. And in 1509, her dad confined Wanda to a royal palace in a Spanish town where she would remain essentially imprisoned for the next 46 years. Her dad locked her up so that he could rule. I'm speechless. That's so disturbing. Isn't that crazy? Oh, my God. So then it gets even crazier. So then her dad, Ferdinand, dies, and Wanda now- Yeah. Right. So Wanda now has inherited both Castile, even though she was not allowed to rule it, and Aragon. She inherits both. And of her ex-husband. Well, actually, I don't know if it immediately went to her son. But anyway, she is definitely the queen of her parents realms. So then in 1517, one of her kids was this guy, Charles IV. He's 17 years old now, and he was in Austria, ruling as king from his dad. He and his sister Eleanor met with their mother, Wanda.

They, I mean, obviously, don't know her that well because she's been locked up.

Oh my God, and she's like, I've not been able to see my children.

She didn't want to.

I don't know.

Well, Charles could have released his mother so that she could rule in her rightful place. He kept her locked up. He kept her locked up. And this is called generational trauma. It's called an incel culture. However, Eleanor, her daughter, did arrange things in the Castle Prison such that it was more comfortable and homey for her mother's comfort. She's like, We'll bring in a masseuse once a week.

Okay. And if you want a little snack, you can send me a list. We'll do our best. We'll do our best. Yeah. Jesus. So that your prison can be more comfortable.

How evil. So everyone in her family has just wronged her. It's also money and power. They just ruin families, don't they? So apparently, there are some people in the land that... Every time I say the land, I think, This is not the land.

The land of your people.

This is Glendale. This is not the land. It's Glendale. So apparently, there were people in the land that heard about this, and they were like, revolted because they were like, Wanda is our rightful queen, and this is really messed up.

I got some people cared about her.

Yeah. So then Charles was like, oh, my God, all these people are really pissed off at me. So he goes to his mom and he's like, hey, could you sign this document saying that you're chill with me ruling and you just staying locked up in here? And again, Wanda was like, hey, you can go fuck yourself. So again, she's in the right state of her mind that she's like, I'm not going to sign this. Once again, why isn't this a movie? Why are we not talking about Wanda the mad? I know. I'm like, who am I picturing as Wanda?

You know my friend I played beer pong with?

Oh, my God. I'm picturing- She's stunning. What's her name? She was in... She was in that movie with... God, I'm turning into my mother. With Love and Light to you, Cindy. With Glenn Powell. Yes.

Hitman? Adriana something. A joy, something. A joy, something. Stunning. I'm like, actress, too. I'm like, this should be a movie with her.

Ram should produce it.

We need to get in contact with Hello Sunshine. I just had this thought. I feel like we need to be like, this should be a collaboration.

I was actually just thinking about that because I feel like we're not pitting ourselves out there enough.

Yeah, especially with production stuff because we have been telling all these stories that I think we just need to knock the doors down. We need to get in contact with Reese. Reese. Immediately. If someone has connections to Reese Witherspan, if you don't mind just sliding her over our way. Or anyone at Hello Sunshine. Yes, please. Is it still our 2016 dream to work with them? Of course. I mean, really any production company. Lucky chap. We're looking at you as well.

Lucky chap. Email us, DM us. You guys know where to find us. Reina answers mostly at gmail. Com. All a collaborative effort. Yes. So we would love to tell Wanda's story. And it's just also crazy that in the Habsberg research on so many documentaries that I found and articles. It was just like, oh, yeah, Philip the Handsome married Wanda the Mad, and then they had Charles the Fifth, and it just completely brushed over that. And I was like, Hold on a second. Hold on a second. She doesn't sign that document. But of course, meanwhile, she is starting to show more signs of mental instability, which, come on. She grew paranoid that some of the nuns tasked with caring for her were trying to kill her, which was actually entirely possible, especially with her son looking for that power.

And this time, I feel like everyone was just looking behind their back, just like, who is trying to murder me? He was trying to poison me? Especially her position. What's going on?

Exactly. She's in the most vulnerable position.

She's even paranoid. Oh, my God. I'd be so scared.

Yeah. And apparently, her condition, she just started deteriorating. She required assistance with most parts of her day, including eating, bathing, changing of clothes, and sleeping. And Charles, her son, instructed her caretakers not to let her see or speak to anyone.

Oh, my God. This is making me upset.

It's also like Rosemary Kennedy vibes.

I was literally just like, it's starting to feel that way in my tummy, and I feel like not good.

Tess, Wanda of Castile passed away at the age of 75 on April 12th, 1555, having spent 46 years in captivity.

It is Rosemary Kennedy vibes. Isn't it?

They locked her away, and they're like, This is for your own good. Exactly.

She was so lonely and couldn't see her family.

And hidden from history. And her family was fucking her over. Exactly. Justice for you, Wanda the Mad. Justice for you, Wanda. It should be Wanda, Wanda the... Wanda the survivor. My God. I'm a survivor. I'm a survivor. So we're thinking about you, Wana. Oh my God. I'm literally devastating. Yes. So we're going to go into Charles the fifth, That Asshole, Her Son. With his mom's death, he basically wins the biggest inheritance lottery in European history. So through his grandparents and his parents, Charles IV inherits Spain, Spanish possessions of the Americas, the Netherlands, Burgundian territories, Austrian Habsberg's land, and eventually the title of Holy Roman Empire. His holding stretched across multiple continents, and there were so many lands that he was called the heir to the world. So yeah, I would guess that he probably was having the nuns poison his mom. For sure. To get that. So this is where the Habsbergs become a true global superpower.

I don't like them.

Yeah. Well, and on that note, we do have to acknowledge, when we say that Charles controls Spain and territories in the Americas, we have to acknowledge what that means. During the Habsbergs, this was during the Spanish Conquest time and the colonizations of the Americas and indigenous civilizations are being destroyed. Indigenous people are being exploited and enslaved, and the enormous amounts of wealth are flowing back towards Europe, towards the Habsbergs. Really not good. The Habsberg family's wealth and power is also intertwined with European imperialism and colonial violence, which is like every single royal family. Yeah, I was going to say.

That's how it goes, isn't it?

Yeah. Charles IV will spend decades dealing and battling with France, the Ottoman Empire, he really has to deal with a lot of religious conflicts because he was Catholic, and this was during the time of the Protestant Reformation. But he was a true Catholic daddy, and he wasn't into the Protestant at all. And there was like, rebellion going on everywhere that he was trying to keep under control. And also this Protestant Reformation came about because of his... What would this be? One of his uncles, King Henry the eighth, because he was like, I'm going away from the Catholic the church because I want to get a divorce.

It's cherry picking.

It's just a little cafeteria style of what you want to do. It is. In history, it's all just so intertwined. It's crazy. So he had to deal with a lot, with great power comes great responsibility. And towards the end, he was like, I am on the brim of freaking out. He didn't really want all of this? No. He truly was like, I can't do this anymore. And so in the 1550s, he essentially starts giving it all up. And this is where we see the Habsberg dynasty split into We have two major branches. We have the Spanish Habsbergs, where Charles' son, Philip II, gets Spain, the Netherlands, overseas territories, and other possessions. And then we have the Austrian Habsbergs, which Charles' brother, Ferdinand I, gets that land. So we have the Spanish Habsbergs and the Austrian Habsbergs, but they're still familia. Okay. So we have our Spanish cousins and our Austrian cousins. And this is at the point in our episode where we get into, you have your cousins, and then you have your first cousin.

Talk about it. We're going to talk about it right after this break. Come back for the incest.

.

Okay, Tess. Since the Habsbourg have accumulated an enormous amount of land and political power, mainly through strategic marriages. But here's the thing. Marriages can also make you lose land. If your daughter marries some random prince whose family eventually gets your land because they have a little bit more power, so then you lose it through a marriage. Right. And also the pool of people considered socially and politically appropriate for European royals was small at this point. And we have to be on the same page with religion and all of that stuff. So our dating pool is getting quite small. Exhausting. So small, you could say that it's like, let's just look in our family.

Let's just date your sibling.

Date your sibling, date your cousins. Why don't we just marry each other so that our family just gets stronger? Tess, the Spanish Habsbourg Kings contracted 11 marriages marriages between 1516 and 1700s. A genetic study found that nine out of the eleven were between third cousins or closer. There were two uncle-niece marriages.

Oh, my. That is like my true... Okay, continue.

What cousin, Danielle? A first cousin marriage and a double first cousin marriage. And I said, well, hold on now. What is a double first cousin marriage? What does that mean? Not familiar. So a double first cousin is basically someone who is your first cousin on both sides of your family, on your mom's side and your dad's side. Oh my God. Normally, First Cousin share one set of grandparents. Double First Cousin share both sets of grandparents. So I'm just going to walk you through Try to do this mental game in your mind. So for example- I don't want to. I don't want to. You have to. So two brothers from family A, marry two sisters from family B. Okay. Brother A, marries sister A, and they have a child one. Brother B marries Sister B, and they have child two. Child One and child Two are double first cousins because their dads are brothers and their moms are sisters.

We get the point. You are just your cousins on both sides. If it's a single cousin, a double cousin, it's all bad.

And this brings us to probably the most famous physical characteristic with this family, and that is the Habsberg jaw, like we were talking about.

So incest will always make you look a little weird, but it takes a different form. Some people have wonky eyes, right?

I think that you can get away with incest your first- Couple of times? Couple of times. Don't. I mean, don't try. Don't try. They're like, We're not. Disgusting. But I think the more you do it, the more it is. The jaw widens. Exactly. So again, check out right answers mostly at Instagram, and check out the carousel, unfortunately. Sorry. You'll see it in portraits. It's a prominent lower jaw, lower lip, long facial features, and sometimes a bit of an underbite. Sounds like a monster. Oh, Tess. Oh, you just wait to see what we're about to be dealing with.

Underbite is like... It's I swear. It's like the Keira Knightley.

I'm nice, so I swear, am I nice?

That's such a good Keira Knightley. I love it. Every time we do it. I'm like- Literally. Anyone can do it if you just accentuate the jaw.

I can't do it. But it comes out of you. It has to be released if you do the jaw. I'm going to Do it. Do it. Do it for my impediments in acting class. Do it.

No, please do it. Be like, I... You need to work on my jaw. I would like to work on my Keira Knightley. For sure.

So yeah, that's the Habsberg jaw. And it's a feature that appears in multiple members of the dynasty, and modern research has found evidence of an association between the degree of facial deformity, visible in Habsberg portraits, and calculated levels of inbreeding. But you know what's also crazy is like, royal families... I mean, I think that the Habsbergs were like the O The Incess fam. But like, Queen Elizabeth II? They all did it. And Prince Philip were like, third cousins. Too close. It's crazy. You guys, go listen to our Queen Victoria episode because we say how they are cousins from Queen Victoria. Oh, sorry.

When you're getting into what constitutes as incest, if you're 14th cousins, is that incest? I don't think so. What's the line? I've never had that thought before. When is it like, don't? Yeah. I I think I would like to get to double digits. For sure. Yeah. Maybe even triple. We're 150th cousin.

But then maybe, aren't we all? Exactly. For me, I would definitely want to get past fifth. For sure. Yeah. Because I have relationship- I have had a relationship with a cousin. I am in contact with my second cousins. I keep up with them. That's crazy. Yeah. You do? Mm-hmm. Second cousins. On my grandma's side of the family. Your second cousins, your second cousins are your parents' cousin's kids. Oh, yeah. So your parents' cousins are your first cousins once removed. Your parents' cousin's kids are your second cousin. That's right. And that's where my knowledge stops. Same. That's even like, whoa. Okay. So much cousin talk today.

We have always said cousin love is a special love, but not that cousin love.

And then the Habsburgs took it too far. It did. That was a good thing. Okay, now we're going to get into really how it does affect things, that incest. So this guy... So Philip II is Charles, the 5th's son. Charles, the fifth, was Juana's son. Ashole. Ashole. So Philip II is Charles' son, and he becomes the king of Spain. And he needs to get married. So he's like, All right, let me look at the women in my family. Who's the hottest one? Exactly. How about my double first cousin, Maria Manuela of Portugal? And they had a coefficient of relationship of 25%, which is the same as if they had been half siblings. Oh, no. Being the double first cousins of all. Oh, no. So they get married on November 12th, 1543. And in 1545, they have a son named Carlos, after which Maria will die 4 days later due to hemorrhage from birth. Oh my God. Really, that I can get a child birth at any time is just wild. Yeah, truly. So they have a son Carlos, and he has a huntback. He does. Oh my God, you guys. No. And he's also quite...

He had a lot of anger issues. So he had physical abnormalities and behavioral issues that were often attributed to inbreeding. His childhood... No, it's not funny. It's not funny. No, it's not funny. Because this is also sad. No. His childhood was emotionally deprived because his aunts became his caretaker after his mom died. It's not funny.

No, I just have the giggles. I know.

It's just like... No, me too. No, okay. Okay, so his mom died, and then his dad was just being king and going off all the time. So he definitely wasn't taking it after him, classic. So his aunts became his caretakers, but then his aunts got married, and so he was just left alone. And so Carlos endured a total lack of affection in his childhood, and it produced some issues. Well, that's sad. As it always will. When you first said aunts got married, I was like, to each other? No, no.

Not yet. They're like, incest is okay, but you can't be gay. You can't. No, absolutely not. Especially, you can't be lesbian. Exactly. Come on. Okay, so he's going through He's going through a hard time.

He's going through a hard time. And he did begin exhibiting violent behavior at a young age, often directing his aggression towards servants and animals. Yeah. Oh, no. And he reportedly once tried to force a shoot He reportedly once tried to force... Sorry. He reportedly once tried to force a shoemaker to eat shoes that he found unsatisfactory. It's not okay. That's crazy. I think he shoved the shoes in his mouth. Oh, my God. Yeah. I am getting hot. He's laughing so much. And his conduct and his behavior did gain negative attention at court. A Venetian ambassador wants said that Carlos was, quote, ugly and repulsive, which that's just hurtful. He can't help that he's a hunchback. No, exactly. And that's hurtful. You're born with a hunchback? Yeah. You're born with it. I wasn't.

Right. Not you. But one is born.

One is born with it. Yes. So another Venetian guy wrote that Prince Carlos wish neither to study nor did he take to physical exercise, but he only took to harming others.

Jesus Christ.

And then things got especially bad after a major He had an injury in 1562, when he fell down a staircase and nearly died. He survived after doctors performed a operation on his skull in 1562. Can you imagine? They're just like, they just cut into this staff and do it with a knife I think that should work. I wonder how he even got to sleep because they didn't have anesthesia. Anastasia. Back then. Cup of oil for my hands. But accounts suggest that his behavior remained extremely erratic afterwards. So one time when he's 22 years old in 1567, you know how everyone needs to just toss stuff out the windows, like water and... Pea and poop? Yeah, exactly. Well, one time he was walking under a house and they just tossed water out of the windows, but some of it accidentally splashed on him, and he demanded that the house be burned down.

This is what happens when men are not figuring out what's really going on inside. This could happen now, too. It's truly just neglect of male emotion. I'm pretty sure we're seeing it happen live.

We need to raise good boys. Yeah, exactly. Well, so Carlos often complained about his father's resistance to giving him positions of authority. And Phillips is like, Yikes. How can I keep him at bay? Because I do not want to give my son more power with the way that he's acting. So he was like, Okay, I'm going to increase his sense of responsibility a little bit. So he made Carlos the President of of the Council of State in 1567. However, Carlos was truly like, meh, I don't really want to. It was truly like- Yeah, it doesn't sound fun. I'm going to have another baby. I want to travel. No, that was literally Carlos. And so he showed no interest in being in the council or familiarizing himself with political matters. So then Carlos reportedly discussed fleeing Spain, and he tried to raise money for his escape, which I'm like, how? He had a car wash. He was like, he's a good fund me. He had a car wash. And he made threats against people around him. So his dad, Philip, hears about this, and he's like, Oh, my God, Carlos is a liability. So in January of 1568, Philip personally went into Carlos's room with armed men, and he had his own son arrested.

And Carlos was confined to his room. He never came out, and he died about 6 months later at only 23.

From just like...

It's saying that he became extremely ill while imprisoned, and he also engaged in self-destructive behavior around food and fasting, which further weakened him. Oh, damn. God. Yeah. So that's the story of Carlos from Philip II. But we do need to go back to Philip II and who he's been marrying, because remember that Carlos's mom died after childbirth? Right. So after his double cousin, I mean, his first wife, died. He then marries Mary the first of England as in Mary Tudor, as in King Henry and Catherine of Aragon's daughter. Amir. Wow. Also known as Bloody Mary. Say her name. Three times. Three times. In a mirror. I remember doing that. I think I only did it twice, and I chickened out at home. I would chicken out, too. I would still chicken out. I wouldn't do it. I'm not inviting that behavior into my home? Absolutely not. We cannot risk it. If you remember from our Queen Elizabeth, the first episode, Mary is Queen Elizabeth's sister, and Mary got the name Bloody Mary because she was a devout Catholic. She had more than 280 religious protestants burned at the stake for heresy at that time because she was trying to reverse what her father did to the Catholic Church.

Yeah, crazy. When he married Anne Boleyn. Anne Boleyn, I'm so sorry.

I feel like- You need to stop apologizing. No. Every time I bring her up, I have to apologize.

No, but you did a whole statement about it. I did.

You wrote her a letter in our Queen Elizabeth episode. Like, literally, and it was powerful.

Check it out. So Mary is 11 years older than Philip. She's super Catholic, and politically, the marriage ties England to Habsburg, Spain. And they're like, this will make us stronger against France. England is not thrilled about this, but Mary needed a Catholic heir to prevent her Protestant half-sister Elizabeth from taking the throne. The marriage never produces a child, and she experiences what we think now to have been false pregnancies. And so then after Mary died in 1558, Philip loses his position as king of England. So for a while, the Habsberg Empire was in charge of England as well. So he's like, damn. So he actually looks to to marry sister, Queen Elizabeth, because he's like, well, my dead wife has a sister. So would you want to get married? Let me call her up. Why don't you just call- Why don't you just call Lizzie up? Call Lizzie up. Well, Elizabeth was like, which we know she will go on to be known as the Virgin Queen. And she was like, Hell no, I'm going to rule by myself. I do not want to marry you. Saving herself for the right man. Which was not Philip.

So Philip's third wife was Elizabeth of Valos. I don't know. During their marriage, they conceived six children, though only two of the daughters survived. Elizabeth died a few hours after the loss of her last child. Oh, my God. And then, Philip's fourth and final wife was his niece, Anna of Austria.

That's a chic name, though.

Anna of Austria? Yeah, it's like star power. So, it's totally star power. So Anna's mother is Philip's sister. And Anna's father is Philip's first cousin.

Do you I don't think there was ever... Did they feel weird about it? Was her mom like, This probably isn't right, or do you think they were just so used to it?

I think that they were chill with it. But Pope Pius IV initially refused to grant Philip the dispensary.

Dispensary.

Yeah. Have you seen that?

Yeah, it's dispens...

It's dispin- Dispensation. Dispensation. Dispensation. Dispensation. You guys, that doesn't sound like a hard word to say, but when you have been researching- Also, you're not seeing that word every day on a text message.

No, you're not. We're doing our best.

Needed to marry Anna, citing biblical prohibitions and the danger of birth defects.

So actually- Oh, so they knew about the birth defect. Well, they were probably like, Look at Carlos. They're like, We didn't really have to do much research. Look at this family. Look at the jaw.

Look at the hunchback. With love and light. Yeah. Pope was like, You probably shouldn't marry your niece. Yeah. Who's also... Her dad is also your cousin.

Yeah, that's so true.

But then, Philip threatened to abandon the Holy League and their fight against the Ottoman turks. I think he was like, Well, we're just not going to be Catholic anymore if you don't grant us this. And Pope was like, Yeah, right.

He was like, Fine. I can't risk much more.

Their marriage produced four sons and one daughter. And his wife, Anna, died of heart failure 8 months after giving birth to her daughter, Maria, in 1580.

Damn.

So this will lead us to who people really associate with the Habsberg Empire and inbreeding, and that's a real fucking legacy, Charles II. And this is who I sent you a picture of yesterday. Yikes. It's crazy. So stick with me as we go through the journey of how we get to Charles II. Philip II and his niece Anna's son was Philip III. So the guy who married his niece, they had a son, Philip III, who eventually marries his cousin, Margarita Austria.

I love the name Margarita.

Philip III and his cousin, Margarita, have a son, Philip IV. And then Philip IV marries his niece, Marina of Austria. She was 14 and he was 44. And then they go on to have Charles II. Okay.

So it really...

You don't need to keep up with all of what we said. It's all bad. How could you? What you need to take away from that is everyone was marrying their niece, their cousin, and then they kept doing it.

Oh, my God.

Then this gives us Charles II. So he was born on November sixth, 1661, Scorpio King. Oh, no.

Scorpio men can be a little scary, can't they?

I'm so sorry to Scorpios. I'm so sorry to Charles, honestly. We love Scorpios. No, I'm a Scorpio rising. We love Scorpios. One of my favorite ones. My mother, yeah. Of course. Maria Trinette.

But I feel bad for Charles, too, because he didn't ask for this life. I know it really is generational trauma, where no one is really helping each other out. The Habsbergs give a whole new name to generational trauma. Talk about it.

Because previous generations had also repeatedly married relatives, Charles is much more genetically inbred than you'd expect from one uncle-niece marriage alone.

Which, what a sentence. What a sentence.

So the 2009 analyst calculated his inbreeding coefficient at 0. 254. For comparison, the expected coefficient for the child of a brother's sister or parent-child pairing is 0. 25. What was he? He was 0. 254. So he's basically the same inbreeding of a parent-child. Yikes. But it's just because his relatives had all been just inbreeding. So he has serious health problems throughout his whole life. This is crazy. He was fiscally weak and suffered from numerous illnesses. He had severe developmental delays. He wasn't able to walk until age six. He couldn't talk until age four. Oh, man. And he was breastfed till age four.

Wow. So he was crawling until he was 6 years old like that?

And he had rickets, which left him unable to walk unaided until he was... And required him to wear leg breaches until he could officially walk when he was...

Oh, poor thing. He didn't ask for this.

No, I know. That's what's so sad. And it was reported that the Habsberg jaw was so prominent on Charles that he swallowed his food without thoroughly chewing it because he wasn't able to, which led to frequent stomach problems. And his tongue was so enlarged that few could understand him when he attempted to speak.

Have you all seen... Have you seen Midsummer? No.

You would not like that. I don't. I'd stay away from it. I just know I'm not going to like it. It's not for you. It's not for me. But there is a character that is this vibe from Inbreeding, where it just... I mean, of course, of course. He also had an elongated skull, and apparently, his skull didn't fuse together until he was four or something like that. And he breastfed till he was four. He went through something like 14 wet nurses because it was so painful when he breastfed because I think of his mouth. This is a nightmare. No, it's literally a nightmare.

This is hell. Oh my God, the jaw breastfeeding must have been crazy. And the tongue.

No. Horrible. So Tess, he became known as Al Hechizado, which translates to the bewitched or the hext, because people at the time obviously didn't understand genetics the way that we do. So some believe that his condition had supernatural origins.

I mean, it must have been shocking. Shocking sight to see. Does.

Yeah. King Charles II of Spain married twice. He had to get married because he's still royalty, and his wives were repulsed by him. It's so sad. Oh my God. It's This is so tragic. It's so tragic. So first, he's married to Mary Louise of De'Orléans in 1679, and later to Maria Anna of Nedberg in 1689. I don't know why the first one didn't work out. I don't know if she died. I don't know. I don't know.

She was like, I cannot take it.

No, literally. A second longer. And both unions produce no children due to its impotence. I saw some accounts that he couldn't get it up. I saw some accounts that he had He came too quick.

Look, I'm sure you are struggling with ED if this is your journey in so many ways. You know what I mean? Of physically, emotionally. Of course. Like that poor kid. That poor kid, and also those poor women. Oh, my God. Everyone involved. It's not okay.

It's so sad. So not producing an heir is a major problem, and everyone in Europe is basically waiting for Charles to die so they can fight over who gets to rule after him. So by the late '16 1990s, Charles II was in terrible health. Eventually, people around him began seriously entertaining the idea that his illness and infertility were caused by witchcraft. They were like, It's the devil. So in 1698, Charles Charles' confessor, I guess he had a personal confessor for the Catholic Church, a friar named Friar Díaz. You know what I think of with friar?

Wait, yes. What?

Saxon City, Samantha.

Totally.

Friar fuck. I'm sorry. Totally. Sorry, the graphic, it's not me. It's my queen, Samantha Jones.

Yeah, she said it.

So this friar became involved with investigating whether Charles had been bewished or not. He's like, I got to get to the bottom of this. Oh my God, guys, use your time for something better. I mean, this was the future of their country. That's true. So he was like, I got to get to the bottom. He was like, I actually know a guy. He's a friend of mine, and he's been working with some possessed nuns. So I'm going to talk to him about this. Oh my God. So he goes to the other friar to talk to the guy who had been exercising the possessed nuns. And the exorcist was like, Oh my God, no worries. I will just ask the demon who's been possessing these nuns. He's like, Why don't we call him right quickly? Just see what he thinks. You got a second to talk. So he was like, I'm going to ask the demon possessing the nuns if they know anything about the demon possessing the king. Of course. So according to the account that emerged from this process, the demon was like, actually, yes, he is possessed. Yes. He has been bewitch. And I do.

I got to tell you. And I have details. Oh, details. I have details. So the alleged demon, the alleged demon claimed that Charles had been cursed on April third, 1675. Every season. Of course. And supposedly, the curse had been administered to him through a cup of chocolate.

Oh, didn't they used to think chocolate was like, nasty? You know what I mean? They were like, oh, chocolate. I thought it was like woke chocolate.

I think it was a waste of time. I think it was a waste of time. Well, they said that this concoction was alleged to contain body parts from an executed criminal, including material intended to damage Charles' mind, health, and ability to father children, and the supposed motive to prevent Charles from producing an heir and allow others to maintain political power. So apparently, that demon said that all. We believe the demon. The demon. Of course.

That's such a great... Yeah.

The alleged demon. Yes. Legitimate. God, I love history. Isn't it wild? That is fun. That is an example of history is just gossip. Truly. If I've ever heard it.

I talked to the demon, and he was because of chocolate. They're like, Okay, then he can't. He can't roll. He's disgusting.

That's it. That's all it is. So they actually try to cure him, and they try to perform an exorcist on him, an exorcism. And then they propose a remedy that was for Charles to consume blessed exercise oil while fasting. So he just starts starving himself and just consuming oil. Like olive oil? I think like... Car oil. No, that wasn't around here. I think like whatever, like oil back then.

Oil from a candle.

I think it wasn't when Jesus was born, they gave him some oil? I don't know. Like some myr and stuff. Okay. Just like oil. Just oil.

Like oil. Oil. Oil of this I would think- It doesn't seem like it's going to be healthy for him.

No, Tess. It's not. He stays the same. So they're like, the spell was not broken. It's like, yeah, you guys, he's just a victim of incest. Oh my God. It's not his fault that he's ugly. No, it's not. No? It really isn't. He's not. He suffered from constant fatigue, epileptic seizures, chronic diarrhea, and fevers. Oh, this poor man. I know. If it were me, I don't know what I do, actually. I know. Well, in 1700, Charles II does die at 38 years old, just shy of his 39th birthday. Kind of a long time, though, for all these issues in this time. I agree.

I mean, just chronic diarrhea alone, I feel like- Dehydration. Exactly.

So he dies on his 39th birthday. And usually, they didn't do autopsies on Kings back then. But because all the talk about witchcraft, they were like, Well, we should probably open them up, see if there's a demon in there. After the autopsy, the reports of the findings were horrific. So this is what the guy said. Oh, my God. He had a very small heart the size of a pepper corn. Like a little mouse. Like a little mouse. His lungs were corroded. His intestines, putrid and Green-greenness. In his kidneys were three large stones, which that probably actually was true. Oh, he probably did. He had a single testicle, black as coal.

This is now just cruel. I'm like, You know what? This man's been through enough. Let him rest. I'm just be like, And you know what? He had a huge dick. I'll give him something. I'm so sorry to be crass, but it's like this man needs something.

We could start the tumor here. Start the tumor here that he did have all these things, but he was well... What's it called? Endowed. Endowed. Well, maybe he was, and maybe he just had one little testicle. That's fine. You don't really need it for much. But that also could explain why he couldn't produce an air. Right. And his head was filled with water, and he had no blood. No. Oh, vampire. He was a vampire. He was a vampire. Which also, I'm like, was he just like, embalmed? And then they They're like, And now look at him, how crazy he looks. So that was Charles II. Poor thing. Poor thing. Justice for Juana and justice for Charles. They should have found each other, and I think they would have at least...

Well, they were related. On did. Yeah. They would have ended up hooking up?

Yeah, they probably would have. They probably would have. So when Charles II died without an heir in 1700, basically all of Europe fought over who would inherit his massive empire in the war of Spanish succession. And then the Spanish Spanish Habsberg Line does die with Charles II. But the Austrian Habsberg keeps going. And in 1740, 23-year-old Maria Teresa inherits the Austrian Habsberg land after her father dies without a surviving son. Stick with me because this Maria Teresa, you might recognize her. So she marries Francis Stefan of Lorraine, and they have a casual 16 children. They all survive, the kids? I believe actually most of them did. But the most important, the most notable of Maria Teresa's children was Marie Antoinette. Marie Antoinette is a Habsberg. Wow. Yes. And if you remember Maria Teresa stuck with her family's vibe of marrying, strengthening your family's empire, but not through incest. She was like, I am going to marry my family off to other people. If you remember, Maria Antoinette's mom was giving Christian her vibe. It's like mama-ger vibe. Totally. She was like, My family will be the most powerful empire.

When's the 25th anniversary of the movie again?

In October? October. She's going to be released. No, I know. And also I'm so devastated because they're doing a screening at the Academy Can you see him with Sophia and Keke? You're going to be gone. I'm going to be seeing a Ryan Bady show. Oh, that's right. I want more than anything for us to do an event for the anniversary. I know. You guys- Once again, if you know anyone. If you know anyone, connect us to Sophia, please. Yes.

This is Claire's. This is her greatest wish in life.

I mean, they're coming out with a documentary of the making of the film, and I'm so excited to see it.

This is going to give you shingles. This is going to be my Hilary Duff concert.

It's so true.

It's so For real.

Because you can get them easily.

Yeah, you really can. One child had a dream crushed, and you'll end up with shingles on your arm. It's crazy.

It's coming for me. Where was on my stomach? Everywhere. Maybe everywhere.

It was definitely on your arm. No, it was on my arm. Yeah, I remember. It hurts so bad. How could we forget? But anyway. This isn't about my shingle experience. I feel like it's appropriate for this episode with the- Health stuff.

Exactly. Exactly. So, yeah, she, Marie Antoinette. Listen to her Marie Antoinette episode. It's so good. And to wrap it all up, the Habsberg drama continues for another 150 years, all the way through Emperies Cici, the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, World War I, and eventually the end of the Habsberg rule in 1918. But honestly, it's like we did not have the time to continue that. So maybe if you guys want, we can do a Habsberg part 2 episode later on down the line, because apparently there's a lot of drama that's been happening with this. I'm sure. It's an assassination in here. So maybe we'll continue with that later. But for now, that is the Habsberg Empire. That was great fun. I'm so glad that you liked it.

Truly, it was just very fun and very historical Ram vibes all the way through.

I hope our O. G. Historical girlies feel fed. We always think of you And thank you for suggesting that, you little weirdos. But history is weird.

Yeah. So guys, all of the episodes that we're doing this month have been suggested by our premium Rammies. We do try to collaborate with our premium community and everybody, but that is a perk of being on our premium channel that we say, what do you want to learn about? And you write in and we do it.

Exactly. And we do that from our close friends list on Instagram because also when you become a premium Ramy, you get on close friends. And there are so many hidden posts and stories. If you go to our Instagram right now, If you're not a premium Ramy, there's a lot of posts that you don't see.

You can just see what we're doing pretty much every day. Exactly.

Thoughts we have. Exactly. So please join premium if you want more of us. You also get a catalog of over 100 episodes. We have full history episodes in there. We have a lot of pop culture episodes. We did a dating advice episode. You can get to know us personally better and our lore. So the link is in the show notes. And the most important part, you support our show. And there's a discount right now for it that you get for 3 months.

So it's a very A generous discount, so make sure to sign up. See if you like it.

You can cancel if you want, but most people do not. Exactly. The last thing I want to say about premium, Tess and I are independent creators. We don't have a huge production studio behind us. We do it all ourselves. We do literally every part of the show on our own. So premium is what helps keep the show going. So thank you for supporting if you do. And if you would like to support, again, link us in the show notes.

Yes, it's very important to us.

Yes. And we will be back next week with a very special premium episode.

Yes, it's going to be main feed, of course. We'll get similar to last month. We'll probably get close to an hour, and it will be a longer episode all about Yoko Ohno. I can't wait. It's so interesting. It's like we're going to talk about her childhood, World War II, living in Tokyo, then get into her as an artist in New York, and then get into Vietnam, and obviously her relationship with John Lennon, which is the least interesting part of her life. I'm so excited to cover her. It's going to be really, really fun. Oh, I can't wait.

It's going to be good. I can't wait. Well, we love you, Ramy, so much. We love you guys. Goodbye. Bye.

. My teeth bring me up. These shoes are too tight. Do you still wear these fine things? I mean, aren't not all shoes so shaped? No, you need Altras.

Altras? Altras are formed like your feet, with a foot-shaped toe box. Just a lot more comfortable. Get your run with your heels.

Okay, that sounds dreamy.

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