Transcript of Perform your Truth with Jenifer Lewis

But I want to know, you love sex, but you have never decided to settle down. Why? Why is that? I've been engaged four times. Not that that is tied together.

No, I'm going to tell you right now. I had the sex addiction in my 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and early '60s.

Until yesterday.

Twenty minutes ago. You missed it. So anyway, listen. You got to love it.

This episode is brought to you by Alloy Women's Health.

Howdy.

Hey, we are back.

We are.

Back in studio, IMO with Craig and Michelle.

What's going on, dude? I'm staying at an Airbnb. You are a guest. I am a guest. But what I was thinking about the holidays because we're going to have people with us on the holidays and more than we can fit in our house.

Oh, you guys are going to have a big- Well, we're going to have more than the people we can- The number of rooms in your house.

That we can accommodate. I was just thinking, what a wonderful idea it would be to get folks Airbnbs nearby.

Yeah.

So that they don't have to go to a hotel.

Tis the season for Airbnb.

Yes. Everybody can enjoy the holiday cheer without having to worry.

Then you can send them home. Then you can be like, Have Have breakfast at your Airbnb. Don't come over here. Well, I'm still going to be hospitable.

Okay.

Did you rent a car this time or are you driving a Rivian?

No, I'm not driving a Rivian. Here, although I would love to have my Rivian out here in the wonderful LA.

We're in LA. There are a lot of Rivian owners in LA. There are. That's because electric cars, efficiency is key in this area.

Rivian outfitted Mich and I with R1s's, but I see a lot of R1Ts out here, which I don't see many of those in the Midwest.

Yeah. I'm excited to get started because we have our guest today who I love dearly. This will be the first time that I get to talk to her talk. Because I have met Jennifer Lewis on several occasions But it's always in passing. It's always, it's good to see you. But we are going to have some conversation. We are. With Jennifer Lewis, you all, the mother of Hollywood. She's about to come on, but it's not yet, Jennifer.

This is great. This is great because you've gotten to meet her. She's ready. You've gotten to meet her, and I feel like I know her, not through you, but just through all the body of work that you She has done. It has been just... I mean, let me tell you.

All right, let's do the official intro.

So folks know. Jennifer Lewis is an actress, an author, and an activist, and she has appeared in over 68 movies and 650 episodic TV shows, four Broadway shows, and concerts all over the world. Out of the 650 episodic TV, I wonder how many I've seen. It was probably of the 650.

Yeah. Well, that's why she's the mother of Hollywood. Yes. Because she has mothered her way through Hollywood on show after show.

She is coming off of a tremendous recovery story that we're going to talk to her about, along with, I love to hear her origin story, but she lives to be of service. She walked into this building and you could feel the energy.

Change the energy.

It just changed the whole place.

For the good. For the good, by the way. Yes.

Now you can come out. Everybody, Jennifer Lewis. Thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you so much.

It's so nice to be with you. My brother, big brother, Craig. Oh, Lord have mercy. The other have helped Jennifer with her chair. Have a seat. I am going. Thank you, Craig.

Thank you. My pleasure. Hi, everybody. Hi, everybody. Oh, I'm so excited.

Welcome, welcome, welcome. What do I call you? Jennifer, Ms. Lewis?

You can call me Jennifer. Okay. I only have my assistant call me Ms..

Lewis, so we can keep the pecking on her right.

Yeah, she's new. She has said some things.

She's, Oh, my goodness.

She came in the first day and said, I was laying up in the bed, diva in the bed saying, I need to call this one and that one. And then I went off. I said, You know, when I was a child, and she She said, Ms..

Lewis, before you go into that side story, we've got four emails to do.

I never knew they were side stories. She scared the shit out of me. I said, Is that what they are?

Is that what they are to you? She's fabulous. Let me ask, how old is your assistant?

33, I think. She's a baby. She's a baby. She is so efficient. She seemed efficient. I'm so grateful to have her because I'm an independent woman. I want to do it myself. But, honey, I turned 68.

I'm not doing nothing by myself.

It's like, have a little help. I need a little mama needs a little help. I'm so still.

Well, it's good to see you. You are looking fabulous.

I feel I am happier than I have ever been in my life. I'm in my skin. I know who I am. I'm far from perfect. Okay, maybe.

Very close.

So close. So close. Oh my girl, just two more inches. But I'm just happy because I did the work. I went and took care of myself.

When did you feel this? Because I'm 61 now, and I've talked about this a lot. There's something about a woman, a black woman in her 60s, where I feel like I am sitting in my wisdom and my confidence in a way that I just never... So it's starting for me, when When did you feel that groundedness in yourself?

Well, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Read about that.

When I was in my early 30s. I wanted to enjoy the fruits of my labor, and I wasn't. I came out with that, Michelle. I came out with hope. My whole childhood was, Come on in here, Jenny. Come on, show it. And I was born with it. It was a gift, the gift of leadership, the gift of joy. My job my entire life was to make people laugh, but I wasn't happy. And I wanted on my face what I left with everybody else's face. I wanted to be happy. So because I went and stayed in therapy, I had to be re-raised.

When did you start therapy in earnest?

I think I was 32. Okay.

Right before the diagnosis.

The AIDS epidemic had happened, and I had so many friends that died, and I had a nervous breakdown.

That's what we used to call it. I read you said you knew more than 200 people who died.

I knew more than 200. That means that. Everybody's gay on Broadway, and those were my friends, and I was on Broadway at the time. Craig and Michelle, they dropped like flies. That was a pandemic. We were too young to see all that death. We weren't prepared to experience that. So when my best friend and so many others just boom, boom, boom. I had what they call a nervous breakdown. I couldn't hold my self in. And a very good friend of mine who was a social worker, she looked at me. She said, Jenny, you need help. I said, I don't need help. I'm Jennifer Lewis. Yeah.

And life was good.

But guess what? I went twice a week for 20 years.

To therapy.

To therapy, and it was worth every second. I just love myself.

We love you.

We love you, too. I say that on stage all the time. We do love you.

Thank you. I say at the end, I'm going to read some of my One Woman show to you. I say at the end of this show, The show is me telling everybody what that fall taught me, the recovery taught me.

And just so that we clarify, because we're going to get into it. For those of you who don't know, was it two years?

Three years ago. Next month will be three years.

On a trip, and we will discuss this.

You fell 10 feet. But I do want to say that the end of the show says to the world, I just told you what it taught me. But I want to thank everybody Because it was you that caught me. That's why I'm still here.

Talk to them.

Yeah, no.

I like that.

Everybody else taught you, but it was you. I like that.

I never sat down a day in my life, but I got sat down.

Yeah.

Let me go back to Misha's point about you getting therapy. Yeah.

You all keep me on track. I got so many stories.

We will. We want to hear as many of them as we can. But you said for the very first time, when you were 32, you went to therapy. Any time before that, did it ever cost you? Yes, I knew.

I knew something was wrong. I knew something was wrong.

So talk about that, please.

All of my shows in New York when I did clubs, the titles were Jennifer Lewis in the Cosmos. Jennifer Lewis broke and freaking out Jennifer Jeffrey Lewis on the Couch. I knew something was wrong. I was too manic. I couldn't gather my thoughts. And it was the dream. And that's what I want to express today. Say to the people. It was the dream that sustained me. I had to get up, though I was manic and depressed. And baby, that depression was thick. I was sick. But I I didn't know it. Nobody knew it back then. Nobody knew. No bipolar. I told somebody the other day, Girl, I was tripolar. But it was the dream that sustained me. You've got to find a passion in this life. I had to get up and go to dance class. I had to get up and go to voice class. I had to get up.

And you pushed that getting up.

Because I had a dream and the vision was narrow.

Go ahead. Can we talk about where that dream came from? Can we talk about little Jennifer? Because you said you were always this person. You were born with the desire and the ability to bring joy to people. But you also say in your memoir that life was hard growing up.

Yeah, it was. I'm going to read something to you.

It's from your One Woman Show.

This is the One Woman Show where I'm going.

Let me just let people know. Go ahead. Jennifer Lewis is working on a One Woman Show, and we are workshopping here, too. So you all, listeners, are going to get a treat because we're not just going to learn about Jennifer, but we're going to learn about how she processes and creates her gift. Bingo. One Woman Show is coming, which is going to talk about the experience of the fall and what it taught you. Absolutely. So we are going to be referring in and out throughout this conversation.

Absolutely.

Things that are happening. So please take.

And I'm excited because I am not a shy person.

No.

But this is a masterpiece.

It's a masterpiece.

This is my life's work.

And you are not modest. You are not shy or modest.

There's enough people that are modest. I know. Let's have some alpha women come up in here. Let them do that. So after I sing a song about you and some other divas in the world- And I'm not shy I want to hear my song.

It says- If anybody's good cares, I'm shy.

You're so cute, too. We forgot he was here already.

He's so cute.

Thank you.

Okay, here it is. I say, after I sing this song, Black on Crack. I say to the audience, You know I wasn't always this arrogant. I came from great poverty and experienced all the dysfunction that comes with it. I laid it all out in my memoir, The Mother the Black Hollywood, the addictions, molestation, abortions, childhood abuse, all of it for the next generation to use and hopefully learn from the Gen Ws, X, Ys, and Zs, mostly Ys. You got to love it.

Wow. Well, let's go to the beginning. Yes. Tell us about. Jennifer, you were the youngest of seven.

Yes, ma'am.

To a 26-year-old mother.

Yes, ma'am.

In Missouri, a little bitty town. Tell us more about that girl.

I'm going to tell you more because it's right here.

Okay.

I wrote this, and my mother was alive when I wrote it. When you wrote this. And she heard it. I'll just sing it down. In these two rooms, we called a house where we lived for three years. Mama was 26 with seven kids, but all alone with her tears. We were just too young to I understand why my daddy left in '59. Not enough food, not enough clothes.

So how do you learn to dream in that environment? What is it that you think? You know, Michelle, we come in here. You do know that there are kids that are crushed.

We come in here with kids.

From those circumstances. Yes.

It's the parents that got to bring them out. You got to tell your kids they can be whatever they want.

Did your mother do that for you, even at her age and in her fear and their trauma. She saw it.

I think she was a little scared of it, too.

I bet she was.

Although she wasn't scared of much. I sing my first solo in church when I was five years old, and from the reaction of the congregation. This wasn't a shout in church. But baby, when I opened my mouth, they stood up. My mother cried. I'd never seen her cry. The preacher was going crazy. I was standing there with my thumb and my mouth going.

Did I do that?

I said, Oh, this is life. And I never looked back. So the dream, being a baby, my life was See me, mama. I was the baby that was six ahead of me. See me. So my life went like this. See me.

See me. You all better see me.

And then it came into this.

See me.

Oh, you'll see me.

Yes.

And then you see this position, your arms will eventually get tired. So they went down. So maybe you don't need to be seen so much. Look in the mirror and find out who you are, little girl.

Amazon has everything for everyone on your list, so you can shop for everyone with Amazon last-minute deals. So, Mich, what were some of your favorite holiday memories?

When we were kids, the holidays were all about what we wished for. We spent our time going through this list catalog. Wishbook. It was the Wishbook. We waited for it to come. And that catalog, the big, big catalog full of all the toys that you could ask for for Santa. I I think we spent months and months combing through that catalog.

People should know it was a catalog that just had toys. It wasn't clothes, it wasn't appliances.

But there were some special holiday things. You could get Christmas ordinance there. You could in the catalog. So it was all holiday stuff.

It was holiday stuff.

But there was a special double edition toy section. That was just magical to go through. But that's the beauty of being a kid, you're in the position of doing the wishing. But as we became adults and parents of our own, we learned that we were the wish grantors when it came to the toys that Santa didn't buy. And that changed the whole memory of Christmas, because then Christmas became standing in long lines, being frustrated that you forgot the battery for the toys. That's the other thing. You think that all these toys should come with the batteries, but they do not. And then at the last minute, you got to rush out and stand in a long line, or at least we did.

We did, yeah. It was crazy. And the thing about Christmas back then is that if you happen to forget someone or forget something, you ended up in that long line.

And if you wanted to avoid the long line, that person just didn't get anything.

But now Amazon has everything for everyone on your list. Like my kids and my wife who wait until the very last second to tell me what they actually want. My wife, out of nowhere, drops hints about the latest tablet. I'm standing there thinking, Really, all? Now you tell me? And let's not forget every year, it's the same story. We are approaching Christmas, and suddenly we forgot to get our neighbors a little gift. What do you get your mailman? Simple. An Amazon gift card. Amazon's got me covered. With their last minute deals, I can still save big on toys, electronics, beauty for the women in our life, and all of that good stuff. I don't even have to break a sweat running around the mall. Gifts show up right on time, wrapped up and ready to go under the tree. So this year, I'm not stressing. Amazon makes last minute shopping feel like I planned it weeks ago. And that, my friends, is a holiday miracle. Amen. Shop gifts for everyone with Amazon last minute deals.

As you would learn, you had a lot going on in that fabulous mind of yours. Were there any indications when you were that young that you... And I know bipolarism shows up later in life.

The mania made me... I became a leader. Captain of the cheerleading squad. I, President of my class. When I got to college, I didn't look at the call board. I didn't look at the call board to see if I had been cast. I knew you would be cast. I had been cast. You needed me. See, the arrogance, the omnipotence, the delusions of grandeour came with the mania. You're unstable. Bipolar disorder ain't no joke. I would run down the streets of New York. Anybody that came to town to visit, I take them right down to the World Trade Center. And I had this one little spot where I would make them stand and look up. They were beautiful. God, they were beautiful. But I would stand down there with my crazy self and say to them, behold, the only thing bigger than me in this city. But then when I would be rageful and out of control, I wouldn't get the job because they would see.

Hard to go.

She's talented, but no, we can't put up with that.

She's a bit much. This is a bit- Slightly. Can you talk more about those times, those hard times? Because there's mania, there's deep depression, and there's a whole lot in between there.

The depression, the sex addiction started in college.

And do you think it was tied to the molestation?

Oh, absolutely. For sure. Totally. You run around. Once somebody touch you like that, you either withdraw and start eating everything you can see. I had a friend, and she became an introvert. I became an aftervert.

Yeah.

That's why I was shocked that he touched me.

Because I was like, I'm not quiet.

I'm telling. You fool.

But he didn't care.

Girl, I confronted him.

What did you say? Tell us, please.

Well, when I started talking about the molestation in therapy, it all came back. And because he was a man of God, and we had been taught to revere him, there's so many sick people out there saying, I got the power, and only God can come through me. And here, Come and let me touch you. Yes. Anyway, you confronted him. Yes. I called him. I got drunk. I haven't had- Wait, you got...

How old were you when this confrontation happened?

In This was in my early 30s. This is later in life.

He got to keep up. No, I didn't drink back then. Okay.

I didn't think so. She wasn't drinking at 30.

She lived in- No, we were coming from church. Got it. You know how choirs will visit each other.

You do everything right.

And I got to ride with the pastor. Anyway, I called him. There's a chapter in my book, my memoir, and it's titled It ain't that call, motherfucker.

He thought.

I got drunk because it was hard to confront him. And he answered the phone and I said, It's Jennifer. And he said, Oh, Jennifer.

And you like, It ain't that call.

Absolutely. We're so proud you're on television. Jennifer, I said, It ain't that call, motherfucker.

Did you say that you ended that way?

I sure did. Just like that. And I asked him why he did that to me. Because the question I asked him in the car before he pulled over and touched me. I said, Pastor Hur, do you think I can be a star? In seven seconds after he touched me, He took my entire life from me in seven seconds. He tried to kiss me and he felt my breast, and I pushed him back. It was so... God, it was the worst. And he took God from me.

Yes, he did.

He took my mother from me. Yes. And he took my career in seven seconds. Oh, I got it back.

Yes. But he tried to snatch it from you.

Yes, he did.

And what did he say?

When I said to him in the confrontation, I said, Why did you do that? He said, Well, I was just trying to get. I said, Shut the fuck, girl.

He was just trying to what?

Trying to prepare me for what being a star would involve. Oh, yes. Girl, I went in. A true predator. I cussed that man. I cussed that I said, And if you hang up this phone, I will fly back to St. Louis and blow that fucking church up.

And he's still the head of the church.

Oh, no, he's dead now. He's good and dead.

During the time when you made the call, he was still. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

So how did it feel for you, too? Because that's one of the things- It felt good.

It did feel good. But they take everything when they touch you.

Yeah.

I got over it because I had another incident where a guy came into my apartment in New York and put a knife to my throat, for God's sake.

Just a break-in?

No, he came in. He saw I was in the New York Post in a bikini. I was young. I was doing a show. I got great reviews, and he must have seen me in the paper. I never knew. Oh, my goodness. But he came into the... He said he had a package, and I had just ran a bath. I used to put just two drops of peppermint oil in the hot water. Well, that day, my little puppy hit my arm, and a whole lot of peppermint oil went into this hot water. So when he came to the door, the peppermint oil, girl, messed him up. Oh, Lord. He couldn't even... He was like, take your clothes off. Where can I know, girl. That's stupid. He was like, I was like, You came into the wrong apartment today. Craig, how can you believe it? Look, Craig.

He said, Look, Craig, look.

Now, I'm all in dance class, me and Loretta Devine. Me and Loretta Devine were taking dance class, Shirley Ralph, all of us. We were all in shape. We were skinny in our 20s because we all did Dreamgirls. But Jennifer Holley got the part. Hold on. He's like, Take your clothes off. I'm standing there like, what are we doing? I wish I could say the word. You know what I want to say? I was like, huh? But yeah, it was horrible. And I ended up talking myself out of it. I told him that was medicine. I said, I'm sick.

Oh, my God.

Girl, it was the greatest performance of my life. You have to read the book. The details are in the book. But I talked myself out of it. I told him I was sick. That that was medicine he was smelling. Yeah. I said, Sophie- Way to think on your feet. Oh, honey. Like I said, it was the greatest performance of my life and escorted him out.

It's like, Thank you.

I sure did.

And be well.

Yeah, I said, I'll help you, Jane.

Here's your knife.

Girl, here's your button It was like a steak knife. Oh, my goodness. I was like, Boy, you ain't going to cut me today, and you ain't going to rape me either.

Well, to the extent that your mania helped you with that courage, that bravery. I was unafraid of him.

I wasn't afraid of him. I wasn't afraid of New York City. I belonged there. The mania belonged in the city. I would walk down those streets, girls, so fast. I'd have a coat slinging behind me. A diva. It was a mask.

You were in the perfect place to wear that mask. Absolutely. Because New York, you probably didn't even stand out.

I People were crazy. It was the '80s.

It was the '80s. Here you are flying around and singing to the Empire State Building.

You know when I had a show, there was a place called Tickets. You go get your Broadway tickets for a discount, you remember. I used to go over there. All those tourists would be in line waiting for their tickets, and I'd go down the line. I lived right up the street on 55th Street. I'd go down there and do my high kicks up and down.

I've seen those high kicks.

Wait a minute, Michelle. I'd go, Come see my show. You don't want to see that shit. You come see me. Do you know I was sold out?

They were like, Yes.

We're going to see her.

We'd like tickets to that.

But I was out of control. But what could not be denied?

What's the talent? What's the talent? Yeah.

Oh, girl.

Because guess what? People wouldn't put with it if you weren't. It's a lot.

It was a lot. As it is right now, my shrink is going to see this interview.

She said, My poor brother, he's just like, Oh my God. You poor thing.

I'm sorry, pumpkin. This is not who I see on TV. My baby, I'm telling you right now, I got so many stories. I want these young kids to go and take care of themselves. You go take care of yourself. Where's my close up? Right here? You go take Take care of yourself. That's right. If something's wrong and you're depressed, come out of those dark rooms. You can do it.

Can we talk about the beginning of your career? Because you mentioned Sheryl Lee Ralph and Loretta Devine and Dreamgirls. Was that your first big- Well, I was hired.

I had already- Quickly, right? Quickly. When you first got to New York, you got a job.

Oh, honey, I got my first Broadway show within 11 days of graduating from college.

You know what? We are not surprised because this person walks into New York and just like, It is mine. It's all mine. It was that. Mine, mine, mine. It really was.

I think there's something to be said about. You had to have some chutzpah.

I had so much confidence. I had no fear in me. I went from Broadway show to Broadway show. Then when I got to Hollywood, I'd had to break down because of the AIDS epidemic, and I didn't know who I was.

Is that why you came to LA?

For what reason?

Because you didn't know who you were. You had to get away.

No, I came to LA to be a star. I didn't care about LA. I didn't know I didn't know who I was until that camera came close. See, I had been trained in the theater to hit the back row, and you can fake your way through that. That was the diva. That was the mask. But when that camera comes into your face, you got to tell the truth. I didn't quite know what the truth was. I'd get in those auditions and go, Listen, girl. They go, Cut. Honey, you got... It had to be, Now, listen, girl. I didn't know. That comes from here.

So you struggled probably for the first time in the business.

Yes, I did. Yes, it was the first time because I had to find out who I was and how I could continue that passion. See, if I wasn't working. But here's what I did, and I say this in a very famous interview, I created my own jobs, darling. How so? That's why this is a masterpiece, because I wrote my own One Woman shows. If the phone didn't ring, I created something. I was always on stage. Girl, Nina Simone, Lena Horne, the Greats came to see me. I'm telling you, Ruby Dee, they were all there because my shows became underground. Everybody, it was a... I can't think of the word. It was almost... You knew it was something like a speakeasy. You got to go see Jennifer Lewis.

And this was all in Hollywood. You were doing this in LA. In LA, yes. In LA.

In LA For the TV shows. The people in Living Color, they came to see the shows and they moved. They put some of my characters on in Living Color. So what was happening is the industry would come to these clubs to see me. This new girl. They were scouts. They were scouting. Yeah, it was the new girl in town. She's the new girl in town. And there was the sex addiction. Yes. Oh, the sex addiction. I had to have sex.

Jesus.

Right after the show, honey, something had to top that electrifying standing ovation. See, I didn't get standing ovations. My standing ovations were electrifying. People would jump up, and I'd be almost instantly so knowing that the depression that I had to drop from behind. See, hola. Yes.

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It took you some time, too, because once you started taking the medication, you had to find your balance.

Yes. When you get on the meds now, if you get on meds, I ain't pushing meds. You find your story. It's what I did when I finally agreed to do medication because I thought it was going to take my edge. I needed my edge. It was Jennifer Lynes, Mania. When I took the meds the first time, I got side effects, dry mouth. My sexual desire went away. I wasn't having any of it. You just like, We can't do this.

That's the end of the mess.

Yeah, we have to fix that. Yeah, we have to fix that.

So did you find that the work led, helped you in your... Did you see the success?

Did you see- Oh, girl, I started working. I got Fresh Prince. I got this one. I got that one. As soon as I could just breathe. But it took a long time. It took a long time for me to get it. I remember the day I got it.

Talk about that.

Well, Loretta Devine was doing a show down in La Hoya, I think, and I went down there. That's my girlfriend. We've known each other since I was 19. I was with a girlfriend who was a shrink. That night at her party, I got drinking. That was the days of drinking. Got up on the table, up on the table at her party.

Doesn't surprise me, Jennifer. I mean, I'm just like, that's a Tuesday. You said that like, Can you believe it?

I want to say something to you before I finish this. Do you know how funny you are? Girl, you are right there with me. Poor Craig is like, I ain't saying. But she You're right there with me. I'm glad. Good for you. I'm scared of you, too. Michelle is going, Why do you think you're late? Why do you think you slept with it? But where am I? What story?

On the table. Loretta. He goes on the table.

You're on the table.

I'm paying attention. She's telling jokes. I'm paying attention.

You're on top of the table, you lunatic. Jesus. I feel that song and I'm like, and I call everybody, cuss everybody out. But in a play way. Yeah, sure. And naughty. It was Loretta's Night.

Oh, Yeah.

But my girlfriend, who was a shrink, the next morning at breakfast, she said, I'll never forget it. She said, Jennifer, what's wrong with you? She said, What's wrong with you? I said, What? She said, That was Loretta's party. I said, Loretta wanted me to sing. She said, Jennifer, it was inappropriate what you did. She said, I don't think she appreciated it. She It was that thing. I just didn't know. And then the medication had to calm me down. Now I just get on top of a trip.

Now Jennifer is calm.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

You talked about that you started getting fresh prints and then living colors.

Yeah, and rock. Oh, I just started going.

Were you able to enjoy that? Yes. Okay.

Can you talk about- But I was also having sex in the dressing room.

Can you talk about some of the fun times?

The addiction was still there. Until I woke up one day and I actually called my therapist. She was on a train. I'll never forget this moment. It was After I addressed my behavior at Loretta Devine's party. And I called her. And what could I journal? That's why the memoir is so good because I've been journaling- Because you got it all down. Yes, since I was in seventh grade. And guess why I journal?

Why?

Because I knew I was going to be a movie star one day, and I would need my book. And you know what she said to me? She said, That's what saved your life because you were journaling.

But I want to know, you love sex, but you have never decided to settle down. Why? Why is that? I've been engaged four times. Not that that is tied together.

No, I'm going to tell you right now. I had the sex addiction in my 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and early '60s. That's in the yesterday.

That's in the yesterday. Oh, 20 minutes ago.

You missed it. So anyway, listen. You got to love me.

That's in the show.

That's good. I love that. I know everything is in the show. Believe me. Girl, I didn't know it was It's an addiction. I thought everybody was doing everything every night. I didn't know. But after the molestation, yes, you run amok because you're looking for something that's not so ugly. But I didn't know where to look, so I looked everywhere. And because of the mania, I wasn't afraid to bring a stranger to my apartment.

And that's often part of it.

Do you understand? Coming from the street. That's often part of it. The lines, Oh, I'll kick his ass.

But why you just never found the one?

Or did you I was in love with Miguel.

Okay. Was he the- The Dominican.

Yeah, he was the love of my life. He was the first one. I met him in college. He was a mathematician.

Why didn't you all get married?

I was too young. He asked me when I was 19. Honey, I was like, Baby, mama's going to be a star. I don't want to get married. I have no kids. Because I wanted my mother to love me, Michelle.

Well, let's talk about- Well, let's talk about the fall.

The fall Here it is in a nutshell. The itinerary on this vacation, Lori P. T. Had helped me write my second book, and she wouldn't let me pay her. I said, Girl, then come on, go to Africa.

Your dear friend, and Lori is here.

Where is she? Come on in here, Lori. She's watching. I said, Come on, go to Africa. I never travel with anybody. Lori wouldn't let me pay her. She said, You put money in a friendship, the friendship's over. I'm like, But you're old. She's like, I don't want your money. She's a white woman of leisure. But anyway, you got to love me. I say that in the show, too. And then it was safari.

We've done that safari. In the Tanzanite.

And the Tanzanite. A girl. You see the face of God.

And doing it during the great migration.

Well, I'm getting ready to tell you. I was in the middle of that migration.

And that's the thing to point out, that being there at that time, the Serengeti is full of wildlife.

Millions. Millions are there.

Pray, lion, everything. All four, they're there in the peak. It's peak season because there are times you can be in the Serengeti and It's empty. The animals have moved on. That's right. So you had this incident in these camps.

In the middle of the migration.

The animals are everywhere. And at nighttime is the time they're the most active. So anyway.

Yes, they're out of the heat of the sun. So the next stop was supposed to be the Seychelles Islands. But let's just say I never got to sell Seychelles by the Seashore on the Seychelles.

That's in there, too.

So we checked in, girl, until the four seasons in the Serengeti, hot mess, money. Don't ask me for that. So anyway, I love that line. Still. Okay, girl, let me calm down. You're making me laugh. So Lauryn checked out, went to her room. I ran out to the water hole to see the elephants. Oh, it was so majestic and prehistoric. I had been before. But you're different when you go back, you see. So the sun went down. I stayed and watched the sunset. We all know that when the sun goes down in the Serengeti, ain't no street lights. So my little young African butler escorted me to my room with a very large flashlight. You get it? Anyway, oh, girl, I'm a mess in this job. I said, When he left, I undress for bed.

Well, good. And I sleep naked. At least you let him leave.

Yeah, I let him go. You doing the whole thing. I love you. I love you. At least let him leave. Here I go, after he left the course. He was a cuty patooty, but he was mad. All right. It's never stopped you before. But anyway, you love that line. I took off all my clothes. Oh, you know you've imagined it. Where is it? Yeah. I'm about to submerge my soft, silky, sexy skin onto the silk sheets. But then I see an infinity pool out on the deck. I thought, a little colored girl from Kinloch, Missouri, would go out and take in the fact that she had returned to the motherland. I'm just walking on the deck, pitch black out in the Savannah. And a little light, little bitty light that if there had been a sign, I would have seen it. But I'm like,. Ten feet down.

Totally unbraced, too, because that's like...

But thank God, because had I known I was fallen, I would have tightened and broke something. The right buttocks took the impact. The shoulder hit a stone, but the head, the shoulder protected the head. Girl, how I didn't hit my head. It was boulders and stone.

It had to be rocky, right?

Oh, and that grass that the cat stopped through, that ain't soft.

No, it's not.

That was all in the back. Laurie had to put...

Oh, Lord.

I'm down there and I'm like, I fell pitch black.

And you didn't lose consciousness.

You didn't pass out. I was in and out. In and out. Okay. Girl, let me read this thing to you. It's brilliant. Hold on, because here it is. Let me just read it. All right. It says, here it goes, I fell 10 feet from an unsecured deck off my hotel room into a pit of wild animals. And no, Anthony Anderson. I not drunk. That's in the show. Is that good? That's so good. Isn't that good? Doctors Without Borders came to rescue me and air-vacked me from Tanzania to Nairobi, Kenyan. I underwent a 12-hour surgery at Aga Khan University Hospital. Not Shaka Khan, but Aga Khan. So stupid. I had three blood transfusions, six nights in ICU, and after I cussed out everybody in English and Swahili, they couldn't wait to ship my ass back to the States. Now, from the helicopter, now, while I'm down on the ground.

I mean, in one of your videos, there's a huge water Buffalo roaming.

That was a Cape Buffalo.

Just 10 feet away from me. That was a Cape Buffalo, away from where you fell.

And there was a little... There's an antelope.

And these Buffalo are vicious. Oh, girl. This isn't just yellow stone.

I was down there.

I mean, these are wild, very aggressive Buffalo who will charge.

Oh, they will charge.

And you said you heard a lion roar.

Oh, yes. The lion roared.

So you're sitting there alone waiting for help.

In the dark, the hippopotamus comes over.

Is this for real? No, it's not. Okay. I'm just checking. I mean, they're really- My sister is getting in the way of the story here.

I'm sorry.

I just want to know.

It's hysterical.

Okay.

All right. What I've done, guys, I've taken the biggest tragedy of my life, and I'm going to make you laugh.

Craig Robinson here. As the holiday season comes closer, it's time to plan our holiday travel. You know, As our family gets older, it makes it harder for all of us to cram into one hotel room for an extended period of time. We have six or seven adult-sized people traveling simultaneously now that the kids are getting older. We need a little more space. We need a little more freedom. That's why booking a stay on Airbnb makes so much sense for our family. Imagine heading to South Carolina with friends for a cozy fall weekend or taking the family to Orlando over the Thanksgiving break. Instead of being stuck in a hotel lobby or eating takeout food on the bed, which can be fun, you've got a living room to gather in, a kitchen to cook these great holiday meals and make memories. You even could cook out outside, which I love doing in the fall weather. It makes the trip feel warmer, more personal, and way more more memorable. It's those little things, more space, more privacy, and staying in the coolest parts of town that make an Airbnb trip better than a hotel. Welcome back to IMO.

We made it, folks. It's December. The holiday hustle is just starting to wind down, which means it's a perfect time to switch into new year, new moves mode. What's one big move you want to make in the new year? Whatever those big moves are, you You need a plan. You need a strategy. You need a partner. You need Shopify. The end of the year is when you review your yearly numbers, clean up your strategies, and lay the foundation for what's next. They help you plan, launch and grow so that the start of 2026 is way ahead of the game. With Shopify, you can keep track of everything from the palm of your hand. You can tag and sell your products globally and across all all major social media platforms, making it possible to sell right where your customers are. Whether it's a side hustle or a storefront selling locally or globally, Shopify takes the guesswork out of starting a business. They have the tools to help you navigate whatever chaos the new year brings. Whether you're selling merch, products, or the next best idea, make sure you do it via Shopify at Shopify. Com/imo. For $1, it's time to put that business idea into action and start the next chapter.

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But then I heard them, the animals, grazing and munching and crunching and We're having sex. Girl, I got a joke in this show about it.

I was about to say they were doing it without me.

You are good, but everything you say is in the show, and I'm trying to be nice. Then I say, Now, I couldn't see the animal, but I know what having sex sounds like.

Girl, I feel like I'm in your brain now.

I said that there were two little pink booty baby baboons that came and swung out of the tree. They said, If you're going to fall this close to our tree, you need to be properly grown.

Let's help you out.

Then there's a little antelope in Tanzania. It's officially called a dikdik. D-i-k, D-I-K. Now, you can make this up. What do you think I did with the dick dick? And I didn't have any clothes on. So the dick dick was grazing. Listen here, Craig. The dick dick, no, no, no. Look, it was an animal. The dick dick was grazing nearby, and he mistook my private area for grass and began to graze. I grabbed him by the back of his neck.

You didn't expect that, did you?

Listen here. I grabbed him by the back of- I'm enjoying this show. I grabbed the little Dick Dick by the back of his neck. I grabbed a little dick dick by the back of his neck. I said, Now you listen to me, Mr. Dick Dick. Under any other circumstances, I would enjoy what you're doing. Is that good?

You can't make it. That's good.

But anyway, Dr. Oroko, because I'm going to tell him to watch this. When I got to see the Sinai, Here in Los Angeles, after they brought me home, the doctors there saw the X-rays. I fractured my acetabulum, by the way. And That's the- Here are the femur bones, and here's the hip bone. There's a socket that holds the femur in the hip bone. So when my right buttocks hit, this is what happened. Don't ever fracture your acetabium. It was horrible. So when we got to Nairobi and he said, You fractured your acetabulum, I said, I broke my head.

It's like the last thing.

And he says, We have to get you to the theater, Mom. I said, The theater? Broadway? Where? And he said, No. That's not that theater. The room we perform the surgeries in, Ms. Lewis has called the theater. I said, Well, then get me to the theater. That mess is all in the show. But they did. They did a 12-hour surgery. I didn't call my family, Michelle. What were they going to do? Fly down there?

When did you tell them? When did they know?

I told them about three weeks after. I couldn't.

Well, you talked about that. Because I shared that with Craig when I heard you say that you needed all of your energy for healing.

I needed all of me. When I came out of that first MRI, X-ray, whatever it was, and the girney rounded A corner. I said to myself, You ain't telling nobody. You're going to need all of you. And did nobody push you, Ms. Lewis, you pushed yourself, and now you get her. I didn't want none of you all to know I had fallen. And no one did. Until I was able to tell you how I got up. I had to wait a year and a half before I called Robin Roberts. I had to be able to tell you all how I got up. Anybody can fall. You can fall out of love, fall out with your parents, fall on the ground. How do you get up? How do we get up? I couldn't separate my knees for four months. Talk about karma. I know you were coming in, girl. No, you were coming in. I couldn't walk for 13 months, Michelle. You see, I'm walking and I got the high kick back. You see that?

There you go.

Where's that angle? I want a good angle. You see that?

We got the angle.

A girl that could not separate her knees. She's back, you all. The bitch is back. She's back. That's right. No, and that might be the name of the show. But I'm very excited. I'm very happy. I'm very happy in my life because I didn't know how not to come back.

We try to help our listeners with your stories and the stories that we have on here.

You've been doing that throughout this entire conversation.

You have really bestowed on us a lot of- Guys, I've had a lot of energy.

I shouldn't have drank this coffee. My strength is going to kill me. But listen, when you look at death in the face, if you come back, you're different because you ain't scared no more. I wasn't scared, that scared before, but now I'm unstable. But with love and with grace and gratitude. I filled every... I took an imaginary water holes and filled every room in my house with liquid gratitude and swam in it throughout that physical therapy. You got to hold on to life. You got to know something's coming. Be ready.

Well, we have a listener question, and I think it speaks to We have a young woman who is asking for advice.

Lynn from Illinois.

Let's hear what- Let's hear the question from Lynn.

Because I think this- Her question- Hey, Lynn, girl. At 23, I sometimes I sometimes feel like I climb forward only to fall back to rock bottom, carrying burdens and responsibilities heavier than most of my age because of where I come from. How can high-achieving young people from disadvantaged backgrounds keep finding their strengths and hope to chase their dreams when life feels overwhelming and the systems feel like barriers? Lynn. My My love for people is tough love as it is for myself. You might have heard at the beginning of this conversation, you heard me say, There's no time for despair. Nobody stopped me or kept me from all the horrors that I experienced in life. But I say to you, have yours. Have them because they will make you stronger. They will give you courage. Life is hard, baby. That's what life is. It's lesson after lesson after blessing. And if you hold on, I promise you, I give you my word, and that's a word, darling. It's right around the corner. It's right around the corner. You got to get up.

And it starts there. Like you said, it's the belief in herself. Yes. And understanding that she's going to run into people who don't believe, who don't have her best interests at heart. But in the end, all of that is noise if she can hold on to the light that she knows she has. I mean, just like Jennifer said, she was born knowing that she had a light, a gift. I believe that all of us are born knowing that.

You've got that light.

Yeah. It's there.

No one- It's there. Everybody was given. We're all God's babies, whatever that means to you. You keep that light on. Nobody's better or worse than you. The day I became a true star was the day I realized everybody was one.

And you also talked about the importance of having a dream.

A dream, a passion. A passion. And people say, How do you find your passion? What makes you smile? What in a day, if you're walking around not laughing, laughing and smiling is different.

Two different things.

You can't fake a smile. You can fake some laughter, but not a smile. People who go, You can see that. You know they felt shit. Yeah, right.

Bitch, please. That nice, nasty smile.

What made you smile yesterday? But more important, what's making you smile at this moment? That's your passion.

And that's part of the journaling process, too. Absolutely. Because if you're writing down your experiences and if you're paying attention, because writing it down means you're paying attention.

Yeah. And the other thing, one other thing I say is, and especially in these days right now, what we're living in, you have only one weapon. There's one, one weapon. Know thyself. What are you going to do when they come to the door and it's coming to them? What are you going to do? You're going to run. There's nowhere to run. I tried to run, and I got money to run, but you meet yourself. You will meet yourself when you get there. So there's no running. So go in here. Go in here and straighten your spine. You sit up. When you walk in a room, you hold your head up. I'm sitting up. Yes. Sit up, stand up, get up. You can have despair for two minutes and get up. That's what I'm saying. Go on, Craig. Craig, you talk too much.

I just want to thank you for the wisdom.

I didn't get to say nothing.

No, that's okay. Listen, I get to say plenty. I'm not coming back here no more. No, you are welcome back here all the time. She is laughing because she talks too much.

I love it. But when she talks... You know what? And that's another thing about you and you. You have watched the show. Everything you all say ain't no frivolity going on. Ain't no like some dumb shit. It's like they said something.

That's a word.

All right, I'll tune in next time.

Thank you. That's really nice of you.

It has been fun. It's been heartbreaking. It has been true.

It's been entertaining.

Yes. We're part of the audience.

My Shrieg is going to say, Did you take your medication, you lunatic? That was for Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Why didn't you take some extra meds?

But this is what I am always about. I said it at the outset, we've met on several occasions, but this is the beginning of knowing. Okay, I do still want to hear. But before we go, I want to hear my song.

Okay, Here it is. It's so good. It's so good. This is the best one. Here it is. It goes a little bit like this. Now, don't clap because I'll go off rhythm. Because I'm just- Yes, please. I've written some- White people.

Because you're going...

Baby, when the white people chime in on the rhythm. I want you to know something now.

I love you all. We'll cut this part out. We want to keep our white audience.

Listen, I love my white people. I do. But you all just... When we start doing things, just sit still. Now there's Ms. Diane Carroll, Lena Horne, and Eartha Kit. They stayed on top for ages, but their looks never quit. Now, when white women get older, their skin gets creased and lined. But because of my race, look at my face. So there's a baby I'm behind because black don't cry. I tell you, Black, don't cry. Now, Cardi B and Beyoncé certainly know to make a buck, but being sued for fights or on Grammy nights, they don't need no nip and tuck. Now Harriet's got her railroad Sojournal's got her truth. So Kamala Hatton and Jasmine Crockett could be a choice at the voting booth. Oprah Winfrey's got her billions, and Michelle's got Obama, and I still look good out in Hollywood, playing everybody's mama. I tell you, don't cry. So white girls, get your facelifts to your foreheads on your back, because I'll be having fun out in the sun, because baby, but I don't I. And then, Sha-ga-con. That's the orchestra going, Sha-ga-con.

You got to love it. All right, that way, we got it.

That was fun. Jennifer Lewis.

Yes. Stay tuned. Staying tuned for that one woman show.

I will be right there.

Oh, I hope so.

I will be right there. Thank you.

Love you. Thank you.

Thank you for being here, for sharing.

Thank you for doing the work.

All right. That Craig don't talk so much next time. I didn't enjoy this because I didn't get a word in. No.