Transcript of Dating Horror Stories w/ Alex and Andrea Botez! Dropouts #226

What do you think about the voice she's been seeing?

I don't think we should talk about that on this podcast. Not today. I got in way too much trouble, so.

Wait, I want to know why you got in trouble. Oh, God. He's going to watch this.

Please cut all this. Cut this out.

He said, I already orgasmed during sex, even though I don't feel it, and then I should be happy with it.

That's such a guy response.

You've been orgasmed so good for so long, and they've been way better.

Is bestiality immoral?

Yes. What are you talking 100 %.

Don't look at the rat when you ask that. Because she was like, Why aren't she staying in F1 for very long? I'm like, Oh, I have to go to my grandfather's funeral. And she goes, Rip.

I don't know what to say.

Obviously, it's sad. And then, Alyssa, your worst one was when they took a wrong fork in the road, right? What? They were two tunnels.

Two tunnels, one train.

There's one train, two tunnels. No. What's up, guys? And welcome to episode 226 of the podcast. What are you What are you laughing at, dude?

What are you squawking at?

Sorry. You're the only one not in costume here. Bird joke, nose joke. Boom.

Why do you call Alyssa the Bird?

Well, actually, Skyler started it. So essentially, Alyssa is, how would you say, distraught and disgusted at her own nose, and she thinks it looks like a beek. So when she does things that we don't enjoy, we pounce on that insecurity.

That's so fucked up. You guys are the worst friends ever.

I'm a rat right now. You guys voted on me being a rat, so I'm going to be throwing some things around.

When he says there's a running joke of people calling me a bird, it's just the people in this house.

That's what most running jokes I would expect.

For our audio listeners, stay on audio. Please do not look what I look like. This is what I don't like. You guys come over here like, We've got costumes for you guys. Okay, Jared Corndog makes sense.

It doesn't make sense.

What do you mean it makes sense? Your Corndog stick keeps poking at me, and I I can't tell how attractive... No, no. Lift it up. I'll rat tail you.

I'll throw this on the table, man.

God, I mean... This is bigger. Dude, mine's got that girth. No, but you got a pencil tip, man.

My pencil tip is the exact girth of your exact stick.

What do you call it?

You guys have a battle with their... What? A sword fight.

Yeah, you guys should have a sword fight. Yeah, we got to cross some streams right now.

No, I don't want to talk to you two because you came in. I'm thinking, Oh, I'm getting a nice costume. And then you guys dress up and be like, Oh, it's just as bad for us. We got sexy pirate and whore lizard.

I brought a non-sexy costume, but Zack said no one would get the reference, so I didn't wear it.

But maybe I'll get it. No, she's like, I'm going to dress as Adam Sandler. You looked like a lesbian. That's all you looked like.

It's exactly what Adam Sandler was wearing.

She had basketball shorts on and a Superman T-shirt.

It's a great outfit, and I will wear it later.

I know the reference, but that's not a costume.

I was so proud of it. I really put a lot of thought into that one. But you know what? This is at the end of the day. We were supposed to go shopping for costumes, but we were late as usual.

They forgot their bird at home. Yeah.

We had a box of costumes in our house. It was just very convenient. These are just the ones that was most It's comforting for them. So it's just the way things work out.

Why was I the rat?

I think we all know why you're the rat.

I get why animals like to be pet now because I just want to touch my body in such a way that it's not sexual at all. No. It just feels like I'm at home. I want an owner. I want somebody to put me on a leash and walk me around?

You know how you get head scratches sometimes? Imagine that just all over. Everywhere.

And that's the thing that I bet Italians love.

Because they're so fucking werewolves.

Hey, we can't even talk into. Are you guys Italian? We're Romanian or it's much worse than Italians.

When Andrea was a kid, her nickname used to be the little bear.

She called me that. No one else except for my sister called me that.

She'd have so much back hair that sometimes we would take baths and I'd draw a little artwork in the back.

I did have a hairy bath. Holy shit.

I got it answered, so it's gone now.

It's not there anymore. It was a phase.

You had to use science to de-pet yourself.

Well, actually, I outgrew it. That makes no sense. But I was a really hairy baby. I remember my mom told me that actually- She was born with a lot of hair in a certain place.

Okay. Oh, my God.

You were bushed up before 9/11? I wasn't pushed up.

I wasn't pushed up. There was just maybe I have a little hair or something. And my mom was like, damn, you're a hairy baby. But you know what? I outgrew it. So it's not like that much.

You outgrew it so there's more hair.

Okay. This is why I don't... Last time I came here, I said my therapist is telling me to do more things without my sister. And now I remember why I should not bring my sister to these things because we always start on topics like this.

I'm going to hit some intro music. We won't be able to hear it because none of us can wear headphones except for Alyssa. So you got to tell us when it's over.

I just go the whole time. I do feel like Alyssa listened to a song. I thinkMajestic. I just wish you would have worn a costume.

It's done. I'm there. Oh, time to plug. If you're on our Patreon, we just got an iPhone, so you guys can text and call us for those of us, for those in the Village Idiots tier. We also do drunk episodes. These two are going to come and get blitzed on a drunk episode. I mean, absolutely smashed, hammered. They won't even be able to enunciate. They're going to get so drunk. So that's the description. Seven-day free trial for spooky season right now. Don't miss it while it's here. And now on to... I hate you guys. We love me, too.

Can we make you guys play our favorite game? Sure.

Yeah. You've already made me look like this. I feel like I need to find a piece of pizza in a subway.

We can't go down anymore.

Accepting who you are and embracing it.

This is not who I am. I was changed into this.

This isn't who I am either.

That's exactly who you are. This might be who I am. As long as you don't bring your stick up anymore, I'm... No. What's more off-putting? If I was to... Okay, imagine you're in a car garage with a a bunch of cars, and a guy comes up to you with a costume, and he just lifts. If he lifts- His tail slowly. Yeah. What's the tail or his stick?

Well, actually, my third Halloween costume was going to be a flasher, and I was going to wear a fake Peewee, and I was going to flash it at people.

So your third Halloween costume was you getting arrested.

Yeah, it's definitely people would not like the costume.

You're going to be an uncle? Yeah.

So I actually think this is the better version of that.

Because I look like I'm flashing people more?

Well, if you're... Okay, it's weird if you do it, but I as a woman, if I'm flashing-Why didn't she wear this costume then?

I could have been a sexy pirate.

I already wore it once, so I've paid my dues.

We do have a costume change for you guys later.

Oh, yeah, we have backup. So when I put on I'm sorry. We have you guys.

We got you guys matching costumes.

I think we should tell them. Okay, we'll save it.

Let's just get into your stupid game, huh?

Okay, so it gives you questions that are difficult to answer.

I'll answer anything.

Is bestiality immoral?

Yeah. Yes. Yes.

Why do you talk about it?

Don't look at the rat when you ask that.

There's a follow-up question.

Just because I'm a rat doesn't mean I want to bang one.

Are you vegan?

No, I'm not vegan.

So why are you okay with killing animals but not fucking them?

Because I'm not I'm actually attracted to animals.

But why is it more moral to kill than to do the other thing?

Honestly, I don't want to stick my thick rat cock in an animal because you're killing-No, someone would be sticking their into you. Just a horse, I assume.

Oh, my God. It's a Mr. Hans situation.

Well, no, Jared, answer the question. Do you want to bang a horse?

No, I don't want to bang a horse. How is this even a question?

The question is two parts. Is bestiality immoral and are you vegan? It's asking how you're able to justify not being vegan if you're not okay with the first one.

Because I like the way the steak tastes like, but I don't like the way the cow cook you tastes like. I don't want to stick my dick in it. I'm not trying to get it. I'm not trying to suck on an udder.

But hypothetically, if it was your thing.

What if someone likes how animals feel the same way you like how they taste?

Then they're fucked up and they're immoral.

I feel like you are. What side of the fence are you guys on?

I think both are immoral. I think you can say that eating an animal is moral and then say the other one isn't.

Wait, do you eat animals?

Oh, yeah, all the time.

So do you bang animals?

I just think it's immoral that I eat them.

But you also would bang one? No. Alyssa, are you banging animals?

I'm not banging any animals. Anymore? No.

You read this one. How about they... Okay.

Okay, wait. I don't have my phone.

A lion kills an antelope, but he doesn't fuck the antelope.

Isn't bestiality when people are banging the animals?

I think it's just in general. If you're banging or you're getting banged.

Yeah, but animal and animal isn't bestiality. They're just in love.

They're just normal.

Well, technically, we're all animals. Okay. And so, what side of the fence are you about to lean on? This is not- Don't bang handsome. We're talking bestiality, technically, is like species to species, right? Humans, fucking animals. I guess we're all animals. Bestiality is wrong. Anyway, I just think- We're clearing that up, bud. Killing them is fine. That's circle of life.

That's I just offended all the vegans in the chat. I don't care.

I'm a corn dog.

Those low-protein bitches.

All right. Second icebreaker. What have you done that you are most ashamed of?

Don't say second icebreaker. You just met me at a party. I was dressed as a rat, and you come up and ask me essential questions.

If there's any time to admit to it would be-How about you start off, Heidi, Heidi, Hey, Heidi, Heidi, Ho.

Good one.

Most ashamed of.

I keep forgetting there's a bird on your head.

I feel like Squeak didn't get a proper introduction to the show, actually. And he sometimes has a lot to say.Squeak.

What do you think about...

Can you put him on my phone? Can I put him closer to the mic, please?

There you go. He tried to fly the other day, and he flew straight into a white wall, and Andrea laughed.

Was it built by Trump? Who built it?

What do you mean who built the wall? It was just that wall behind you. It didn't come out of nowhere.

No, it was just a regular wall that he flew straight into.

I got you. While we're talking about it, though, protect our Northern borders.

It took me, I'm not going to lie, I had to process that joke.

That's also where you guys are from. You guys snuck in, I assume.

We may have.

Through the cracks.

Are you guys citizens?

We're dual citizens. Well, Alex, are you dual citizen? Of course, I'm dual citizen. You weren't born in Canada, but you lived there long enough. Yeah, I lived there long enough.

Where were you born?

I was born in Canada.

Oh, so you're not one of us.

Yeah, but I'm a fake Canadian, too. Yeah, Canadian is pretty embarrassing as well. What's cool about being Canadian?

There was the maple Syrup heist, and it was one of the biggest heists in Canada, and they stole millions of dollars worth of syrup.

That's so cool. What market is there for black market Syrup? Who stole the Syrup?

Did they ever catch him?

They ended up catching him. Yeah, I don't remember. It was some dude.

What do you do with? Where did he get it?

How much Syrup? I don't remember any of the details, but this was one of the biggest heists in Canada. It was really high profile at the time.

That's what we have to be proud of as Canadians, that we stole a ton of makeup. Actually, it's pretty prideful, I'd say.

But what do you do with it once you have that sweet, sweet liquid?

And also, how much is millions of dollars worth of-A lot of cake. Yeah. A lot. Is it just a semi truck full of...

But is there a black market for that pancake topper?

I guess he just goes to the farmer market and starts selling the cereal.

What is this, a 50-year plan?

Yeah, exactly. How is he ever going to monetize this cereal?

I think he just saw an opportunity. A guy was in a truck with a ton of it. The guy went to the bathroom and he's just like, I'm on meth. Might as well steal this.

Oh, my God. Skyler just texted me that Liam Payne died. He fell from a hotel roof in Argentina.

Rest in peace.

That's so sad. That's so sad. Holy shit.

He reportedly fell from a third floor of a roof in a hotel, Argentina capital.

I feel so disrespectful talking about it as we're-I know.

It's rats.

As I'm a rat.

Also, I'm sorry about your My grandpa Andrea told me that.

I wanted to ask you.

It's a long time.

Were you close with your grandpa?

Yeah, I love to.

Because I was asking Alex- Every time I bring up my grandpa because she Why aren't you staying in F1 for very long?

I'm like, Oh, I have to go to my grandfather's funeral. And she goes, RIP.

I don't know what to say.

Obviously, it's sad. Not rip.

Well, I mean, I said, I'm sorry for your... I just never know what to say.

You could have written out Rest in peace. You wrote RIP. You didn't even take the time to put the periods in between.

Then I asked Alex, what was I supposed to say in this situation? He said, Oh, ask him if he was close to his grandpa.

Did you?

No, I didn't. Then she was like, Oh, it's too late.

I have to ask if my phone works. And then she panicked.

Yeah. Well, because I thought, okay, I'd rather make you laugh than just make you think about the deeper stuff.

I was really giggling about it.

Did you not giggle when you read rip? I I think I would have giggled.

If we lost grandpa?

I mean, we did lose grandpa. I'm saying if someone-Did you laugh? No, obviously it was really sad.

It was sad for you to lose your grandpa.

But I'm saying if someone sent me a really stupid response to, I have a funeral this weekend. But rather than be like, I'm so sorry, and blah, blah, blah. You get that from everyone. Instead of being a great friend. I said my condolences.

You said good.

No, I said rest in peace.

You said pieces. Andrea. He was cremated.

If I die before you, my My wish is that you show up to my funeral in the rat costume.

I think that would be as disrespectful as-How mad would your parents be if she showed up like that?It's.

My wish.It.

Wouldn't be surprise.

You need it in writing. Well, we have it here, but again, disrespectful. I might change the costume over time.

I might make it Borat, but I'm dead, my wish is that she shows up either in the rat costume or a borat costume.

We're going to die together, so that's not going to happen because I would never attend your funeral because when you go, I go.

That sounds like you got plans.

It sounds like you're going to kill her. You're not going to just wape her to die and then kill yourself.

We came in this world together. We leave this world together.

You didn't come in this world together.

We're twins. What are you talking about?

Who do you guys think is going to die first in this room? Alyssa.

No, I think she's one of the wisest.

I hate to say, but I'm looking at the corndog.

What the fuck?

Because you're the nicest one out of all of us.

And what? Nice guys die first?

In horror movies, yeah.

Well, you do seem like you'd be a little too nice to a gang member. You get affiliated, they beat you up. I think you'd be too nice. You'd be smiling the whole time because you don't know how to frown. They're like, We haven't beaten them up hard enough. One more kick to the skull. Finito.

Also, in a horror film, you seem like you'd be the first one to take one for the team.

No, in a horror film, I'm the first I didn't want to out of there. Yeah, but you're not even-I won't even play with the Ouija board. I'm not dying. Oh, yeah.

We get to play with the Ouija board. You guys can play with it. Wait, do you guys have more questions?

About dying?

No, you guys had a list of cards.

I didn't want to-I was actually skillfully changing the subject.

I'm just worried that some of them might be too saucy.

Listen here, we live in a subscription world, and if you guys aren't careful, those subscriptions can add up fast. Soon enough, a bunch of them slip through the cracks, and then you're paying for stuff that you don't even use or don't even want. And that's where Rocket Money comes in. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel all of your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and even helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. And take it from me, when I I never signed up for Rocket Money, I had $500 in subscriptions that I was spending every month on things that I didn't even know I was paying for. It was all those pesky little free trials where they take your credit card and then you end up paying for it because you forget to cancel. And I'm not the only one. I'm sure you've had this experience, too, because according to Rocket Money, over 74% of people are paying for subscriptions that they don't even know about. Most people think that they spend on average about $62 a month on subscriptions, but that number is actually closer to 300.

Over four times what people think they're spending. But Rocket Money has helped save it's over 5 million users, a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions. So right now, guys, I am begging you to stop wasting your money on things that you don't even use and sign for Rocket Money. Just go to rocketmoney. Com/dropouts and download the Rocket Money app. Again, that is rocketmoney. Com/dropouts. Thank you, Rocket Money. As many of you know, I've been on a health journey since I was about a senior in high school, and I get a lot of questions about the workouts that I do, but I don't get a lot of questions about the food that I eat. And arguably, what you put into your body is most important. And you might be thinking, I know exactly what's healthy to eat. I just don't have the time in my schedule to prep those meals. But that's where Factor comes in. Factor is the meal prep service you've been missing in your life because their chefs do all of the shopping and chopping for you so that you get fresh, never frozen, fully cooked, dietitian approved meals delivered straight to your doorstep.

So all you have to do is heat and eat. And you might also be thinking, I've tried other meal prep services, but I get bored of their menu so fast. And Factor knows that. That's why they offer over 35 wholesome meals to choose from every week. And I'm talking gourmet plus keto, calorie smart, veggies, vegan, protein plus. Anything you can think of, they've got it for you to fit your lifestyle. And they've got every meal covered. They have breakfast and smoothies and lunch, dinner, delectable midnight snacks. Factor has over 60 additional add-ons on top of the 35 meals to keep you fueled and focused throughout the week. And I'll hype up the food to no end, but that's not even the best part about Factor. The best part is that there's no prep, there's no mess. All you have to do is pop it in the microwave, and in two minutes, you have a delicious, savory, wholesome, healthy meal ready to go. So if you want to see what you've been missing in your life and try Factor for yourself, all you have to do is head over to factormeals. Com/dropouts50 and use our code, dropouts50, to get 50% off your first box and then 20% off your next month.

Again, that is code, dropouts50. When you go to factormeals. Com/dropouts50 to get 50% off your first box and then 20% off your next month. One last time, factormeals. Com/dropouts50, and use our code, dropouts50. Thank you, Factor.

I was actually skillfully changing the subject.

I'm just worried that some of them might be too saucy.

There's nothing too saucy. Oh, yeah? Would you support the use of realistic child sex dolls by pedophiles?

This is the one that we lost a friend over.

Oh, my God.

Okay, let's ask another one, Alex.

How about we just put them in jail? Yeah. Because if we can identify them, when they purchase... Okay, this is what I'm thinking. We let them buy them, but when they purchase them, boom.Okay.

Question though.Priison..

Should it be illegal just to have thoughts?

Or should it be illegal if you're acting on those thoughts?

I think it's illegal. It should be illegal to act on those thoughts. You can't tell if anyone's had the thought, right? Why are you arresting someone- Hypothetically, in the future, let's say they can read minds. It's like minority report, right? But I can think about killing anybody in this room, which doesn't mean I'm going to do it.

That's how we're going to go to the corn dog.

Let's say you had a doll of Zack in your room and you practiced stabbing it.

Alex. Should you be arrested for that?

No, because he's still alive.

Then why would you arrest someone who has a doll?

Oh, fuck. God, she made a good point because that's fucked up.

Stabbing me in the throat. I walk in, stab, and you're like, Can't do anything.

Okay, let's change the topic. Yes, sorry. I'll start with these. Hold on from here.

I have to- Okay. What relatively common experience have you never had?

Love?

No, No, you've had love. That was my answer, too.

I've never had a wet dream. That's not true. Really? I swear.

I just think you're lying.

There's no way. You've dreamt about this bird.

It seems like something little ratty would do.

I'm new to the lifestyle. If I slept in this night, yes, maybe I'd have a wet dream, but I haven't slept in this before.

Even as a kid, a kid, you can't control yourself because you know.

I had a wet dream.

Wait, is wet dreams-Are you thinking of urination?

I think you're thinking of-No, I was thinking of the other one. Yeah, I know.

You're right. That is- Pleasurable urination.

Yeah. No, I haven't experienced that. I don't know if I call that.

Oh, wow. That's fascinating. I had one. I fell asleep in a biology class when I was in ninth grade, and I I had one. Luckily, it was the last class of the day.

What pants were you wearing?

Dark pants. I've always worn dark night rose.

Wait, oh, God. Yeah, it was bad.

I feel like it's more likely to happen when you're a kid and you have all these hormones That's why I was like, maybe as an adult, you didn't. But there's no way. Just puberty is hitting you.

I never experienced the midnight splooge. You should try it. Alyssa, before you transitioned, did you have a midnight splooge?

Yeah. I did. I have.

Tell us about it.

What are you doing? I don't know.

It's just you get... I don't know. Somebody said, Every time I talk, I talk sexual on this thing now. I've just experienced and felt. It's just I've thought about things and then woke up like a little... What'd you think about?

Goosy-goosy. Goosy-goosy. She just wicked up.

I don't like the way she's looking at Squee.

I was Yeah, you do want to bang the Squeak. No. What a... He's a handsome bird. Did that guy message you back? For the people that aren't on Patreon, we did a thing with Alyssa, so she has to go on a date or something, but she met a guy on Hinge.

Can we know the details?

Well, they have been taking my Hinge and trying to get me dates on Hinge.

Okay. Which I did with him. So they're talking for you? Probably 15 seconds of having your phone. Yeah.

I've had Hinge for probably 10 years. But no, I messaged I reached him because I'm going to be out of town this weekend because he asked to go to drinks on Sunday, and I'm going to be out of town. So I just said, Ops, I'm going to be out of town, but here's my number. We can figure something out later. Never texted me.

Well, it was only yesterday.

I'm just saying.What about the other guy?What does he do? Can you give us the... You don't have to dox him, but I like to paint a picture.

Let me pull it up.

Also, while she's doing this, I'd like to say, I do not support pedophilia. Alex is spiraling right now.

This is just a It's a hypothetical question game, and I'm sorry if it triggered anyone. Alex likes to debate. Also, your choker is over here. I think Alex likes to debate both sides, whether or not she believes in any of them. I just played devil's advocate. That's why she's the wise lizard.

That's a fun position to play. Speaking of choker and choking, my common experience, I've never actually choked on something, full-on couldn't breathe. I've just had things somewhat stuck in my throat.

I don't think I have either.

For the heimlich. I don't know how common it is, but I feel like they teach you the heimlich.

There's going to be something that you haven't done that's pretty common. I don't know. You haven't seen Lilo and Stitch?

Oh, I haven't seen Lilo. You know what? I didn't do Senior Skip Day. Common experience, I feel like.

I don't think I did senior skip. Some schools don't have senior skip day. Yeah, but some schools don't have Senior Skip Day.

Well, I don't think it's an official thing. I think the kids organize it.

You've experienced everything. What about you guys? What's something common you haven't experienced?

I never went to college.

Oh, good one.

What about it after senior skip day?

I can't think of something common I haven't experienced.

She's like, I've done it all. I've I've done everything.

I feel like you've had more uncommon experiences, but I guess you've lived a lot of lives.

What were you about to do? You're about to show us some lovers. Oh, yeah.

She was-Oh, okay. So one of them was named Parker. 6'6. 6'6. Love it.

Wait, please tell me he doesn't put his height in his bio.

Yeah. Well, it's him. Yeah.

Okay. But it's not like his bio is 6'6. It's part of his-Yeah, it's part of what I did.

Zack did message him. You messed it up. You said, Apparently you, tall you. So it was supposed to be, Apparently you, tall boy. But he messed that up.

The guy said, What's up? I said, Apparently you. I was trying to get you laid. I was trying to have you burn an egg.

He's probably so confused. He's like, Why is this girl illiterate?

Yeah, literally. And then he said, Oh, I recorrected Zack's mistake. And then I said, Ha ha. He said, Ha ha. No, I think we're the same height. The other guy has not responded.

Wait, you didn't respond to it?

No, I did. I said, Oh, yeah, you're right. You must be really short.

Say drinks, question mark.

This is the worst slurting I've heard in my life.

What do you mean?

At first, I thought Zack's line was bad, but then there was no redemption. You guys need to get on the phone with Jared's girl.

Message him back and say drinks.

Okay, maybe. But he messaged another-You should take him on an interesting first date.

She's never been on a date in her entire life. Really? She said, I'm too scared. She's going to be 48 by the time she goes on a date. And then your egg is going to be dried up. No pun intended, Bird lady. You'll be able to have children, which you want.

What's your favorite activity to do?

I think I would really prefer to do maybe put-put or something where we can be a little competitive.

Okay. I like to do something. What about a shooting range?

For the first one, I don't know if I would want that.

You're going to be a little scared. He's going to grab the gun.

Don't you think it'll help you deal with the nerves if you just had a...

Maybe, but what if he's secretly crazy? I don't know. Then you shoot him.

It's just perfect. Can you just be like, Hey, let's go put-putting? Or maybe you guys could ask a game bar. Don't say maybe, because you're not going to do it. So don't lie.

No, I'm committed to it. What about a nice game bar? Darts and pool and more games.

Yeah, like an arcade or something. I'd prefer anything other than dinner on the first day.

Yeah, that's what I agree.

What about dinner and an activity?

Maybe activity first.

I like to do activity dinner.

Yeah. Just so you can get a little more comfortable around the first day.

Our put-put hour dinner? This could be the rest of our lives we're talking about.

That's a great first date. The first one goes really not fun, then you're just stuck with that.

Then you can cut it off.

Yeah, I guess be like, I put too hard and got to go. I just strained my ankles.

You just trip on your own.

You've never been in a date in your entire life. Here's the thing. I know because you hang out with these two.

No, I haven't been asked on an official, do you want to go on a date with me? Most of the time, they've just been house hangout.

Okay.

Well, those still count like dates, even if they're not labeled.

No, that's not a date. That's a hookup.

That's a booty call. Yeah. Do you think that's more just an issue of the men you're attracted to, or do you think...

Maybe.

Could be. No, she does not try with these men. The men have messaged her, and she stops.

Well, recently, I've been tried, but back in college or earlier.

That also makes sense because I feel like everyone in college just has one goal.

Yeah, or when I recently moved out here. I haven't tried that hard.

Probably college number two. Well, you should try hard now. Message him back. We're all on here. We're not continuing the podcast. You message him back. Everybody be quiet.

What am I going to say? I messaged him already. After the Utah boy, I think this is lost cause.

I think we need a new match and start fresh with a clean plate.

He's been messaging back, though. This isn't like a Lost Cause. I wouldn't.

I was the last one to message back on both accords.

I don't know what Qatar you're talking about. What you need to do is, Hey, I'm leaving town, blah, blah, blah. Let's do something before then.

But I gave the guy my number.

The other guy, the tall guy, Parker.

No, Kyle, I gave my number.

I'm talking about Parker.

We're talking about Parker.

Do you guys have Raya? Do you have Raya? No. Would you ever get on Raya?

I attempted to get on it three years ago, maybe more, and they didn't want me.

Well, now you're a little more clouded. They're in. You're at a two-y. You can put your at a two-y line.

I want to sit on the top of your hair and pull it and cook some hair.

Why are you looking at Aaron like that?

He's got a little curl. I thought if I looked at any of the women, it would have been grounds Yeah, definitely.

I didn't know Raya was like 20 bucks a month, and then everyone complains about how shitty it is. And I was like, why is everyone paying for this?

Because I like more information.

They show you people in like-I never use it, but I was curious.

And then I got- You're paying 60 bucks a month for a dating app you don't even use?

I don't use it, but there was one feature. Oh, yeah, because it shows you who likes you, but I never like them back.

When was your last Raya date?

I had one, and it was the one with the C. And he was a nice boy. He was a very good boy. Sound like my grandma.

He was really nice. What do you think about the boy she's been seeing that she takes to the ocean?

No, I think he's nice. I like him.

I don't think we should talk about that today. I got in way too much trouble. And not for the boy and not for my sister.

Yeah, it was not me.

Everyone else.

No, I think he's actually really nice.

Yeah, I mean-Wait, I want to know why you got in trouble. I got in trouble for publicly talking about it.

Oh, got you.

Oh, God. Are you going to watch this. Please cut all this. Cut this out. All right. I mean it.

Don't wiggle at us.

I mean it. Don't make me take out my fleshlight.Your.

Fleshlight?what the fuck?

My third Halloween costume, I told you.It's.

A fleshlight?I.

Was going to be a flasher. I have a-Oh.

You didn't get it? That's why I said I'm going to be a flasher. I thought you were going to be a pocket vagina. No, like a flasher Yeah, okay.

All right.

So what were the conditionsIt's just not much better because there's still a penis.

Zack, this one's for you. What were the conditions of your last breakup? Actually, never mind. That's a really bad question. I thought about it for 10 seconds.

Don't say this one's for you. What about you? What are the conditions? How can you start us off there?

Hot shot. Sure, I will. It was my high school's sweetheart who I dated for five, six years, and we were very in love in high school. I thought we were going to get married. And then I didn't end up going to college, and I moved to be a streamer and moved to Austin, and he went to college. I'm not that much studied to be a doctor. Then as the years passed, we just didn't have that much in common, and I realized we're not the kids we were in high school, and that it wasn't meant to be anymore.

Maybe that was just chapter one.

What does that mean? We connect with them? Yeah.

Maybe in chapter five, you guys are...

I had random dreams about them, but I was not attracted to them at all last time I saw them, so it was weird. Then my mom kept telling me that I'm never going to find anyone, and she hangs out with his mom and his aunts all the time.

On In the fridge, she only has two photos. One is her dead mom, our grandma, and the other is Andre's first boyfriend.

Is my ex from high school. She's hanging on with the dream that I'm going to move home. She thinks I'm going to live in my childhood bedroom and be with him again, even though we have not talked for 10 years, and I also not really attracted to him at all anymore. But I did have dreams about him, which was weird.

What was the dream?

I think it was just maybe homesick because it was more about being in home. But I remember he was in my dream, and I was confused.

Do you miss the fragrance of his presence? No. I wouldn't say because I haven't fully dated someone since a long time. My last cut off, I just got too busy and life got sad, and then my brain got sad, and then I couldn't fulfill happiness for me or anyone else.

Do you think when you're in a better state of mind, you'll reach back out to that person?

It depends if the gun... What about you guys? What about you, Alex?

Well, I got out of a really long relationship at the start this year, and we're currently in no contact, but we're still friends.

You are not friends.

Did you guys see that man gutded?

No.

With the toy knife. Absolutely not.

I got I'm excited to this super sick event in Miami at the end of the month, and I've been so excited to go, but he's going to go, so I think I'm going to cancel because I-I want to tell them.

No, you got to live your own life.

She had nightmares about it, and he is still trying to F, and I hate him. I told her she can go with a bodyguard. He is.

What if you're the bodyguard?

I told her I would go, but first of all, the event is Hereticon, which I don't know if you guys know what Hereticon is, but it's exactly what it sounds like.

What does it sound like?

Can you read them? Read them the... Okay, pull out the opening.

Am I going to get canceled for this?

No, no, no. Don't worry. You've already talked about BC Alley and pedophilia.

I think it's on the card with Aela game. It doesn't get worse than Aela.

Okay, so let me just pull it up.

Hereticon is great. I actually think you would love it.

I'm about it. Let me hear what this is first before I know if I should punch you.

Okay, let me try to summarize it. This is the greatest invite I've ever received in terms of how well it's written. I'm going to try to summarize it. Heredicon One is a conference for thought crime. Our thinking was simple. Descent is worth protecting. Most new ideas are wrong or useless. Some are even dangerous. But from science and technology to business and faith, progress is a history of persecuted weirdos. So that is where we stand, and that is where we celebrate. No conversation is off limits. Let me just scroll down to the last of it.

I'm a rat, right?

Yeah. Okay. The last part just goes, maybe if you aren't trying to destroy the world, you aren't trying hard enough. I like that part. Just a thought. Come agree and disagree and share your own.

What's the conference about?

Yeah, what are you doing there?

It's basically just people sharing radical ideas, and you could talk about anything you want, and it's just supposed to promote discourse.

You should bring the bestiality question. It's an ISIS recruitment camp.

The girl who wrote these questions would probably be there.

She would probably be there. I actually played this game with the woman who created it for the first time. No way. She's very interesting. She's really dope.

She's very autistic. I should have her on.

Well, I do want to hear more questions, but while we're on the dating trend, did you want to pull up some of the Reddit things that you have?

We're going deep today, not What's it called?

The Worst Relationships? Dating Horror Stories. Dating Horror Stories. We can give our opinions.

Alex has a lot of good ones for this, too.

Personal?

They weren't that bad. I once got ditched while I was in the bathroom Room, and it was in my own house.

Wait, what do you think you did that scared them?

She probably told them about Hereticon or whatever.

I was like, So bestiality, and they're like, Okay, see you later.

Never go full, Alex.

They can't have those conversations. They're not the one.

In your own house is so disrespectful, though.

It was a long time ago.

Guys, it's my favorite time of the year. It is football season. And on top of it being football season, it's also money-making season. And the best place to do that is on Prizepicks. With over 10 million members and billions, that is billions with a B, of dollars and awarded winnings, prizepicks has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all. And it's so easy to get a piece of the winnings for yourself on prizepicks because all you have to do is pick more or pick less on at least two or more player stat projections. And now you can even win up to 100 times your money with as little as four correct picks on prizepicks. Also, prizepicks is the only real money daily fantasy platform that offers an injury insurance policy so that your lineup stays in play even if your players get injured. It's as simple as this. Let me tell you my two picks. I'm going Justin Jefferson for more than 83 and a half receiving yards. He's on my fantasy They're playing the lions. I think it'll be a good matchup. I want him to do well. And then I'm going Patrick Mahomes for less than 267 and a half passing yards because they're playing the 49ers.

I also like the 49ers. They have a good defense, and I just don't think he's going to make the But I'm not kidding. It's really that simple. And if you want to get in on the action, then Prizepicks has an offer for you. All you have to do is download the Prizepicks app, and when you sign up, use our code dropouts to get $50 instantly when you place your first five $5 lineup. Again, all you have to do is download the prizepicks app, and when you sign up, use our code dropouts to get $50 instantly when you place your first $5 lineup. Prizepicks, run your game. This episode is brought to you by Betterhelp. Listen, I know it's October, so 'tis the spooky season to wear masks and costumes. But for some of us, it feels like we're wearing masks all year round, whether we're at work or we're in a social setting or even when we're by ourselves. But therapy can help you learn to accept all parts of yourself so that you can take off the mask, because masks should be for Halloween fun and not to conceal our emotions. And a lot of people think that you need some big traumatic life event for you to even start going to therapy.

But from what I've And in my experience, it's the little things that add up. And talking to a third-party, non-biased person that you don't know in your personal life to actually talk about the things that are bothering you, that is a tremendous help. You can They get things off of your chest that you normally can't talk to about your friends or your family or your parents or something like that. And then they even offer just new ways of thinking and new ways of coping with the things that you're dealing with. Therapy is immensely helpful for learning new things like positive thinking skills or setting boundaries in your life or healthy coping mechanisms for the uncomfortable parts of your life. And I've learned from my experience that a great therapist empowers you to be the best version of yourself. So if therapy sounds like something that you've been missing in your life and something that you're thinking about starting, I would recommend giving Betterhelp a try. It's entirely online and it's designed to be convenient and flexible to your schedule. And all you have to do to get started is just fill out a brief questionnaire and you'll be matched with a licensed therapist.

And if for whatever reason, the first person that you're matched with doesn't work out, you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. So it's time to take off the mask with Betterhelp. Right now, you can even get 10 % off your first month when you go to betterhelp. Com/dropouts. That is betterhelp. Com/dropouts to get 10% off your first month. Thank you, Betterhelp. All right, Alyssa.

All right. So these are dating Horror Stories.

Okay.

So I was raised in a religious house. I'm no longer religious, but because of this, sex was a no-no situation, and that included masturbation. I admit I tried a few as a teen, but nothing came of it, no orgasm or anything. I met my husband, and after leaving home, we waited for marriage to have sex. When we did start having sex, my husband always told me he loved the way I orgasmed on him. I didn't feel much different, so I asked him about it, and he said I would squeeze harder down there when it happened. I told him I didn't notice it much, and he told me that everyone always hyped up orgasming. I went to my OB recently for other issues, and he noticed some sensitivity I had down there, and he started asking me about if it affected my sex life. I explained what my husband told me and how I had not noticed it much. He was quiet for a minute and then asked me some more questions if I'd masturbated, and I told him how I tried, but it never went anywhere for me.

Is this just horny? Is this your diary?

He left the room and a female nurse came in to talk to me. She started explaining things about the nerves in the vagina and how female orgasms work. She He told me to go home and try a few things. I hesitated, but a week later in the week, my husband had to work late, and I used that time to try some stuff. It worked, and I had my first real orgasm. I admit I was so excited. I did it a few more times to be sure I wasn't just making it up in my head.

Hell, yeah, girl.

I waited until the next time my husband asked for sex to show him, and he asked me where I learned this. I explained my doctor visit, and he got really angry. He said, I already orgasmed sex, even though I don't feel it, and then I should be happy with it.

That's such a guy response.

You've been orgasmed so good for so long. And they've been way better.

I told him that it wasn't difficult to try this one extra thing during sex, and I didn't see the problem because we both orgasmed in the end. He said he didn't want to be bothered with it and that if I was going to insist, we shouldn't have sex anymore. I agreed and told him we would wait until he came to his senses and realized that it was not a difficult ask. He said if we weren't having sex anymore, that we should just divorce and he could find someone else. I told him good luck because with a dead sex life, failed 10-year marriage and two kids' baggage, he won't have many options. Am I the asshole for this?

Now go off, queen.

I would throw that man into the ocean.

But that's where you want to be with him anyway.

No, but to the big white shark.

There's a lot of uses for the ocean. You can either find love or you can kill love. Exactly.

Let's call back to our last episode if you didn't know.

What a bastard.

I hate him. Essentially, she went to the doctor, learned about her body, came home, told him he didn't know about her body, and then he got mad that he didn't know about her body and couldn't accept it. So he refused to have sex with her, and then they got divorced?

Yeah, basically, they didn't say they got divorced, but apparently he couldn't satisfy her and how he wanted.

Sounds very selfish. He couldn't satisfy her. He was not even willing to try.

I'm not understanding she was orgasming.

You don't get it. She was tensing up down there because it felt so good. Is there someone behind? Everyone looked over there.

When I heard you say, Felt so good. I was like, I can't take you seriously in the corn dog saying that.

Yeah, no, I get that.

Do you think your sex coach of a lover would have Felatio within that costume?

That's also what I I meant to ask. I don't know if it was too much.

Well, I have a good story of that.

Wait, first you answer.

No one's had sex in this costume.

What is the weirdest thing you've had sex in?

Nothing weird. Actually, I've never done any role play or anything like that, unfortunately.What.

About you?Yeah. Okay.

So one time we had to dress up as grandmas for a video. Oh, no.

They put us in full prosthetics.

It was really It was my ex. No. The guy I was seeing, I wanted to know if he was really into me. I invited him to my hotel room and I came out as the grandma.

They did it as she had a prosthetic grandma suit. This was my ex, yeah. Shut up. I thought this was the wildest story of all time.

Was it better or worse?

Well, I started doing the grandma voice, and he started to be like, Please stop. That was too much.

Did he finish faster or slower than normal?

I'm not going to get into the details.

Way faster. Did grandma finish?

Actually, you're my sister. I don't want to know. Never mind. I call you back. I'm not interested.

Did grandma have a talk with her doctor?

Okay, I want to show you guys. I don't have my phone.

We'll send you guys the photos that were actually horrific.

What's up?

Wait, of the grandma.

Okay.

Yeah, not of anything else.

I was like, You already put me to rat costume. I'm traumatized enough.

You guys don't know how bad it was. Oh, gosh. It was a legit grandma-looking costume.

Was it an ultimatum? If you were really attracted to me or if you wanted this to continue, you're going to bang me with my wrinkles?

No, I just... Okay, this is, by the way, this is us.

I was looking at the top of you. Okay. Yeah, I could be down for that.

So when you asked him-We look more saturated in the... We look better than we did in the thumbnail.

I can't really see it, but I'll see it later.

Pull it up.

I mean, she said that she was going to send that photo.

Okay, man.

Come on, guys.

Dude, the corn dogs are crazy.

Come on, leave the corn dog alone. Can you give us your best rat joke? You have your rat a two E lines. I expect you have a extra- That's all he's got.

You've got an arsenal of rat jokes because you had that one.

That's the word of the day, arsenal.

Go ahead.

Sorry, I'm going to fail.

Tell us a joke, funny man.

I don't think I can think of one. Rats.

Nice.

Thanks, guys.

Hit the...

Fuck.

Okay, my turn. Hit the green button.

No, talk.

Whatever. I think it's the light blue one, the teal one.

There we go. I can't hear anything, so we don't know what's happening.

Okay. God damn.

What's a pirate's favorite letter in the alphabet? R. That's what you would think, but it's actually sea.

The The Sea, The Ocean. God, is that the reaction I get?

That's really good.

I got all of you guys in the first half.

I did it in the edit. I did a fun voice. Can you add fake laughter to it like they do at Jimmy Kimmel? I got you.

Yeah, that'd be nice.

Do you have another one?

I think this would be better if everyone shares it from their personal life. Their worst dating stories.

Worst dating story.

I just talked about grandma prosthetics.

Come on.

There better not be crickets in the trip.

I don't think there's any... Yeah, I agree. Alex set the bar pretty high.

She did set the bar pretty high. I mean, I've got a story. I don't know if I've told it on Dropouts, but I know I told it on Bradley and Jake's podcast. But there was one time I went on a date with a girl. We went out to go get some drinks, get some food. Nothing crazy.

Maybe corn dogs.

But actually, there might have been Corn dogs involved now that I think about it because it was this German place. I told you you you were meant to be a corn dog. Then she invited me back to her apartment and started making out in her bed. We didn't have that much to drink. We might have had one pint each or something. All of a sudden we're making out, and then she just goes like, What? I was like, What was that? And she goes, I don't know. I didn't hear anything. I was like, Okay. So then we continue some more, and she goes, What? I was like, What is going on? And she's like, What are you talking about? I don't hear anything. And then finally, then we continue after that. And then she goes, like that, really wretches this time. I was like, I'm not fucking crazy. Are you going to throw up?

Gaslighting you. That is not fair.

She looks at me, she goes, I don't know what you're talking about. I was like, I'm going to... This doesn't feel right.

This turns me on more. The fact that she just committed. That's I'm serious, guys. Yeah, I know.

I have to say it's actually impressive.

It was impressive now that I look back on it, but I was like, this doesn't feel right. I'm going to go get your roommate. Just make sure that she takes care of you. You're okay. I think I'm going to head out. And so I get up and I start walking out, and she's standing in the doorway of her bedroom as I'm getting my things. And she's like, why are you being so sus right now? I was like, what are you talking about? You almost threw up on me three times. And she goes, you can leave if you want. I like that you're the one that's way back at the end. I'm the fucking crazy one.

That's hilarious. She sounds amazing. What do you mean? This is incredibly funny. I love when girls are just batshit crazy. They just don't back down. I think it's hilarious.

I get it. She was standing on business, so respect to her.

Maybe she just doesn't know.

Maybe she truly did not know.

Yeah, maybe-And then, Alyssa, your worst one was when they took a wrong fork in the road, right?

What?

They were two tunnels.

Yes. Three tunnels, one train.

It was one train, two tunnels.

No, I don't think that was the worst thing that's ever been done, to be honest.

What would be the worst?

I don't know.

I don't want her to share. But again, this is not a you problem.

This is the guy's fault. I know. I've always gone for the worst type of guys. I get that.

Do you think you're ever going to change your taste?

The thing is, my taste is everyone. Well, not everyone, but I have such a specific-He does need a girlfriend. I have such a nonspecific taste. I can do surfer boys, I could do artsy boys.

Having a white type isn't bad, but it's more just like model idiots.

Maybe you're asexual.

No.

She said she likes all these guys.

In the two years we've known her, we've never seen her approach a man.

That's true. But maybe you're thinking about type wrong.

Do you guys all live together? Or Alyssa doesn't live here?

She lives here, but she won't. She's never brought anybody back.

That's what I was going to ask. Are you embarrassed ever to bring a guy here? Because then they have to deal with these two idiots.

But she could go to their place.

You don't know if I have or haven't.

I know you haven't. I have.

Maybe she has.

When was the last time?

Here's the thing.

Was it the last time that you lied to us about going to Rachel's house?

No, I don't remember the last time. It has been a while. Okay, it's been a while.

Which is okay, but we're just trying to get you out The thing is, I do feel like you guys are almost not a parental figure, but I feel awkward sometimes being around boys because I feel like you're just judging myself. We're the ones actively asking if we can go up and wingman you.

Yeah, but when you wingman, you're sabotaging.

No, I'm going up there. You won't believe her tits. What is this guy? You won't believe how supple she is. I will say I was-We have a camera in her bathroom. Trust me.

I will say I am a really good wingwoman, and Jared can attest to this because we're at the... I remember I was wingwomaning someone at the office.

Oh, yes.

Did they end up dating, going on a date?

No, I tried. I just went up to him, started talking, and then 45 minutes later, we're all just having good conversation.

They followed each other on Instagram, and then the next day, he unfollowed them.

What a shit. Spoiler, he had a girlfriend or something. And then she's like...

What about Sam? You could hook up with Sam.

Sam from... I'm not even going to comment.

Why are you laughing, Andrea?

He had a girlfriend. We just got out of a relationship, so it's probably a little too soon to be like, Hey, you should... And Sam's our good friend, so it just made me laugh.

I like how you've been holding the sword the whole time.

I need to hold something because I'm a fidget It's a little bit shorter and it just makes me feel better.

I get it. It's similar with the tail. Yeah. No wand? That's more of a-It's a little small, but-Well, that's pretty fucking average. That's a phenomenallyIt's a giant story. This is one of the bigger swords I've ever seen.

I should grab an egg from the kitchen.

An egg? I don't have anything to hold. What was it? Harvesting?

Oh, yeah. I like that. Get into character.

I'm a chicken.

This is good.

We're all embracing. And then maybe Zack can crawl around the sewage or something.

We could grab a slice of pizza.

We could roast Jared.

It was some scary rat noises.

Alex can cast, I feel like...

Zack, what's your dating horror story?

I had a girl. This isn't really a horror story, but more for me, where We were at a comedy show pretty close to the front row, and she said it wasn't funny. She wanted to get up right then and there and leave. The door, everyone could just see us walk out the door. She gets up and I have to follow her.

That's my nightmare.

In the middle of someone's set, and I'm just like, oh my God, this isn't fair.

Then they recognize you and they're like, That's Zack, the funny guy. Not funny anymore.

He hates comedy.

Alyssa, if you met your dream man, but he had Zack's rat feet, what would you do?

God. Well, they're So we use for a reason.

Socks stay on in bed.

Socks always are on. And I can just... What have you done? We will never shower together.

Jared girl. Jared's ex-girlfriend used to pee on him in the shower.

Well, maybe you were stung by a jellyfish or something.

No, she would just do it. Actually, something funny, going back to when we were talking about doing activities on first dates and stuff. I was thinking about the time I took a girl. She said that she liked bowling, so I took her to go bowling. And thank God, it was A, dark in the place, and B, night time, because I legitimately started sweating while I was bowling.

It was getting heated because she was competitive, and so it had to get serious.

That sounds like a good date, though. But I was so embarrassed. I was like, Why the fuck am I sweating while I'm bowling?

I don't think that's embarrassing. I think it is. I think going hard is like...

But I think that's also a good litmus test because if she thinks it's embarrassing, that's not the girl you want.

Maybe she thinks it's hot that you're all sweaty. Maybe she likes it.

Maybe she likes a stinky little corn dog. Yeah, a little wet.

One could only hope. Sweat without stinking.

I don't know if I... No, I stink.

What is, if you are with someone on a date? This is for everybody, what At what point do they do something personality-wise or maybe do something like how they treat you where you're like, This could go for a second one.

So they do a good thing?Yeah.

Because when you're saying it, it sounds like something where you're like... After that, we can say what's the immediate cut off of this.

Okay, so what's the That's the thing. It's just a sign that the date went well? All right, Ms. Wizard. Give us the wise best.

I haven't been on a date in over four years. Even when I started dating someone, we had never gone on dates.

Alex is actually so funny at dates. She can never read the guy, and it's so obvious that they're interested in her. He's texting her like, I want to give you a massage. And she's like, I can't tell if this boy likes me.

I thought a boy that was at our video, I don't want to say any names, that we were in the other day might have had eyes for you.

Wait, we can believe it.

I feel like he's a handsome boy.

I thought you guys were experiencing...

Oh my God, Alex fell in love and I didn't know. I am unfortunately extremely picky, so it's tough for me.

What are the items that they have to check off?

It's more people I vibe with personality-wise, I have to really like someone to be attracted to them, which is why I usually just don't see anyone, and then I start seeing someone, and then we either date or not, and then I stop seeing them and then someone else.

They also need to be very intelligent to the point where most of them are on the spectrum. It's hard to keep up.

Probably every boyfriend I've had has been on the spectrum.

It's just fantastic.

It is, but unless they're psychopath manipulative and using their wits for things that aren't good.

You don't want her to date anybody, essentially.

I would love her to date someone who I get along with. But the last one, we did not get along. And he also-We got along sometimes. About business, sure. He's a smart guy. I think a big sign is whether or not your significant other gets along with your family and friends. And that was a big red flag.

That is important to me. Someone still has to be really smart.

I'm flexible. Okay, let's say looks. No, no, no. Physical. No, yeah. That's why I was going to ask you to rank everything. Intelligence. I have to be attracted to them, and then they have to be kind.

That's my new list. It's just those three. I don't really care about the rest.

Okay, that's fair.

What about the things in the date that would make you want a second one?

This is hard for me to gage because Usually my first date is really fun.

You have a lot of first dates.

First dates are fun, but then I don't really like going on continuous dates because I feel like the thrill that I like about dating is like, oh, catch them all, like Pokémon. It's It's fun to play a character and like, new and spontaneous. And then cool. But then you get to know each other unless they're really interesting and you're learning more things about them that you find interesting and having more interesting conversations. I feel like you usually have all the really interesting conversations on the first date. And then for the rest of the dates, I feel like I'm on the job and I have to ask them more questions to be entertained. So I actually have a lot of fun on first dates. It's the ones after that, that's the problem.

You're a serial dater.Do.

You know Dr. Huberman?yeah. He was my biggest idol, and then he got canceled recently because apparently he has multiple wives, and it was really fucked up and the women didn't know. But he was just like, I'm addicted to the feeling of making someone fall in love with me. And I was like, I felt that.

I think we're all the same.

Because Andrea's serial dating, I'm like a serial monogamous. I get really obsessed with one person.

Wait, so you're saying-I'm also not going on that many dates. People always assume that whatever, but I'm not going on that many.

But you do What do you enjoy when people fall in love with you?

I enjoy the thrill of meeting someone new and then making them fall in love with me. I wish that I also... I would love to continue having feelings, but usually, they're just don't... I don't want to say they don't keep me interested that long, but that's usually what happens. But maybe that's a me problem, not them.

But I felt-So you're addicted to the honeymoon phase.

Yeah, exactly. Then as soon as it's over, I'm like, Well, that was fun, but that's the best part. But that's also for a lot of factors. It's I'm always working, I'm always traveling. I'm not really into, I don't want to say commitment, but I guess what having a boyfriend would be. I also think it's just that's not really where my priority is because work is number one, and then having a person is number two. Usually, that just doesn't work out.

Would that be a classification of love bombing?

I was thinking about that. I was like, That's really fucked up. I would apologize because I'm like, I don't even mean to do it intentionally. I didn't even realize. Because I would get really obsessed at the beginning. I'm like, I'm so excited to see this person. I want them to like me back. Then they like me back. Then the butterflies are just gone, and it's sad. I wish I didn't feel that way.

You like the chase.

Yeah, exactly. I like it best when I also can't get them.

Someone said it was a relationship therapist or something that they say that they see less divorce in people where one partner really likes the other one a lot more.

Really? Interesting.

Can you look that up and make sure I'm not getting it wrong?

The guy probably needs to like the women a lot more because women are harder to date. Lesbians have a much higher divorce rate than gay men. Gay men have the lowest divorce rate. I did not know that. And they're really good at open marriages as well.

Why is it harder for women to be attracted to the men? Do you think I don't think it's attraction. I just think... That is not true. I think it's easier for guys to like women than it is women to like men. What did it say?

It says, No, divorce is not less likely if one person loves the other more.

Maybe not divorce. No, this was a lady. A woman said this, not me.

And we believe women.

We believe women. Yes.

We take everything they say as a fact.

I will say whenever I meet a guy and I'm very attracted to him, it doesn't matter if I'm friends or if I'll see him again, I Maybe this is a toxic trait, maybe, but I will constantly think about him and think about an alternate life that I've got to have had.

That's the whole fun part of all in love.

It's like a fantasy. It's like a fantasy.

Yeah. I feel like that's really common.

Well, I think people are the most It's interesting when you only know them. You just see them passing. You build this life around them. Then you get to know them, you're like, You suck, dude. You're not a prince or a princess.

I think, though, to answer your question, small acts of chivalry. Chivalry? Chivalry. Am I saying it right? Yeah, you got it. Okay. Not just opening doors, but-Opening legs. No, get home text or-Being a gentleman. Like gentleman-y things that gives you your jacket if you're chilly, you're like, little things like that. I also noticed I really like-Or makes you chilly if you're close.

That should just be the standard for men. I think the issue is that LA guys, no offense, don't have manners, and that people are raised right. That should be the norm.

But do LA girls have manners?

I think I do. I'm allowed to say it.

Drop the mic.

I think I'm considered when it comes to manners. What do you think?

We know what the guy's tropes are. It's like, Okay, open the door. Just traditional, open the door, be considerate. What do you think the girls should be?

I like to do most of the same stuff. Obviously, I I like to do everything that the guy does as well. I always offer to pay. I always want to help in whatever way. I would say it's the same stuff, no?

I remember there was one boy in LA who you were paying for all of his stuff, and you were starting to lose attraction to him, though.

Yeah, but I think that's because me paying for stuff was tied to more traits about him, and wasn't really just about me paying. I'm happy, especially if I'm making more money, I think that makes sense.

You'd be okay with a stay-at-home husband?

Yeah. I The issue is it's hard for me to be attractive to a person who would be a stay at home husband. But I think having someone who cares for you and is there and helps you is really valuable. It makes sense that, okay, you're the breadwinner, but they're there for you emotionally and they try to help. I think that balance is great if it works for you. Would you be attractive to-I'm a rat.

She just said, Would you be attractive? I said, I'm a rat.

I meant to say attracted to-A woman?

Yeah, I love women.

No, a woman who's, let's say, she's not as ambitious Ambitious, but she is there for you?

Probably not. Well, I think there's different types of partners. You can have someone, because I'm very ambitious and I work a lot. So either you have a cheerleader, which is someone who's greatly rooting you on and doesn't care that you're working all the time. It's still valuable. Or you have someone who's against that, that's just not going to work. Or you have someone that's equally ambitious, which I love. That way we have stuff to talk about. I don't have to see you five days out of the week. I could see you on a Saturday. Definitely see you on a Saturday. We have so much to talk about, so much to do. It's wonderful.

Zack is down for a relationship, but just one day of the week.

That's great. You just want a weekend wife?

Yeah, I think you just want-No, not a weekend wife. But I'm focused, I'm doing my thing. She's doing her thing, but there's no weirdness about it. We just come together. How was your week? We'll see each other at night, I'm sure, but there's no pressure like, I haven't seen you that much this week.

That would be nice.

I also think there's levels to it. I I want to work. I love working, and I want to be that person to do that, very ambitious. But when I have kids and when we start a family, I want to stay home with the kids at that time.

Yeah, it's a whole other stage.

It makes sense. But then I would want to get back to working. So I think there's definitely levels to that stay at home stage.

Let's say you find the stream person who is as ambitious as you are and working a ton, really successful. But wouldn't you feel like... I guess the deep connection of being in love and having a partner I feel like it'd be hard to find that if you're both constantly on the grind. Well, but maybe not.

Or what if that keeps the honeymoon phase going? Yeah, I agree. Because you don't see each other that often.

That's what happened in my last relationship.

That's true.

But you guys were so together a lot, though. It worked out so well.

We were long distance. What do you mean?

Yeah, I mean, he'd come to our house all the time. I had to see him all the time.

He came over twice.

No, he lived with us. Oh, my God. Also, I'm really excited for the Ouija board segment because we have a lot of stories from living in a haunted house. But when we lived We lived in this haunted house, which was also a content house, he lived with us for many months.

What's the scariest story that you ever had?

One night and all the roommates-This was the first week we moved into the house.Okay.

Wait.and this is in LA. This is the backstory, and then you tell the story. So when we first moved to LA, we moved into a content house. They all fail, spoiler. And it was the weekend's old house. It was the last house on the hills in Hollywood Hills. Obviously, Hollywood has a lot of lure for crazy Really shit that's happened. We heard rumors that someone died in our house, and that's why it was cheaper. And it was definitely a glass house, and the house is the weekend's things about, and there's a lot of stuff really off about it. And we live there with two other content creators with big personalities. This is one week that we're living in to the house.

We are all in our bedrooms, and we have a group chat.In.

Our beds.

We start hearing footsteps in the house. We keep texting. There's no one home. We're all hearing footsteps at the same time. Then the light start flickering in a really creepy pattern as you're hearing the footsteps. Then all of a sudden, the wireless speakers go off and start seeing these weird noises, and none of us knew what had happened.

We're all texting each other in group chat. Stop fucking with us. I'm like, Alex, don't prank us. Alex is like, No, I thought you were. We text our third roommate, our fourth. Everyone is literally like, I'm in my bed right now, and all this is going off. I think later we all get out of our rooms, and there It was a lot of old shit in this house that we moved into from previous people who lived there, old content houses. And there was this music box, and it had moved. So that was the first night.

I don't fuck with music boxes.

No, it was a lot of spooky shit in this house.

Then we also had this guy who was staying at our house named Slicker.

Got canceled for scamming everyone.

He was basically scamming a lot of people. He kept asking me for money. I didn't think much about it.

Who would have thought that Slicker was a scam of people.

Yeah, I know. The name is even give scam artists.

But I think the ghosts were on our side because he was overstaying his welcome.

We couldn't kick him out of our house. He was staying us for three weeks, and we're like, When is Slicker moving away? But we were never home, so it wasn't our problem.

And then when we'd have friends over, he'd ask them for money as well.

Yeah, but he was in the shower one day, in the upstairs shower. And we had a friend there, Amalangevin, who has really distinct hair. It was split in half. And he thought she was banging He's on the bathroom door telling him to get out. And he goes out and he sees Emma walking down the stairs. And then he goes and asks our friend and Emma, who were staying on the first floor. And he's like, Why were you being such a bitch? I was in the shower. Why are you banging? And she's like, That wasn't me. And he was like, I literally saw you. And he saw a woman. So sometimes the ghost would work on our favor by spooking the people we didn't like. But one time, our roommate got so scared. He had this one tree where he was always smoking his cigarette. And the one night, he was home alone, and he kept hearing dragging sounds outside of his door as if someone's dragging boxes, and then his speakers were going off. Then he went out to smoke a cigarette, and there was a little sign where he usually puts a cigarette and rolled the paper and it said, Get out.

Then he booked a hotel that night. It was like, I'm done with the shit.

There was a sign that said, Get out.

There was a tiny paper rolled up on the tree where he puts a cigarette. But I actually thought the ghosts were cool, and I fucked with them, and I liked them. Yeah, because you were never home. No, I sometimes had panic attacks, but not because of the ghosts. I think they were on our side, to be honest.

That was a whole lot of the stalker.

Yeah, well, and taking edibles. We had a stalker. It was terrible because we lived in a glass house. We had a security guard live with us for months. When I was home alone, I would I walk around with my stun gun, my taser, because I was so scared because the house was so big and everyone could see through the windows that when you'd go to the kitchen, it's really cool, it's glamorous, but it's totally not livable. So yeah, I'd have.

I'm surprised you don't have more stalkers.

Yeah, me too. Well, after that one, I tried to be really self-conscious, not self-conscious, I don't know why I said that. Self-aware. Self-aware, but it's not like it's much better. But being a streamer, you're extremely parasocial, which is a fun part of it because I love talking shit all day long and talking to people, and I love meeting them, too. But then it's also just extremely parasocial. Everyone thinks that you're a friend, so it makes sense. But then we stopped streaming. So there's a couple of things that I think led up to less stalkers. But actually, that was the only one, but he did He'd follow me across the countries. I had to get a four-year restraining order and go to court with him, and he'd show up at my house all the time, and he'd leave notes on my car, and he'd follow me everywhere. It was really scary.

Did he ever wear anything similar to what I'm wearing?

I think it would have worked in this. Maybe if he wore the Rats, I'd be like, Okay, you're committed. Fine. I'll be your girlfriend.

Yeah. Do you ever think maybe that was the one? That's the thing about soccer, is they love you so much. They don't even know you, and they're willing to give their life to you.

Yeah.

I think you need to God, I don't want to encourage the soccer.

He sounds like a good guy. He was leaving you love notes.

He could be in our bushes right now. What?

He was honestly the most romantic person I ever saw. He'd get me little gifts all the time and leave them on my card.

So he'd never try to harm me?

No one's ever thought about me. Yeah, I'm trolling.

Did he ever do anything scary, show up in your bedroom or anything?

He left me a lot of notes, and the notes got really scary towards the end.

He'd show up at the front door.

Got you. He'd ring the doorbell. I'd call the police all the time. But the worst thing about it, and especially for females in Twitch, is that the police don't do anything because unless they're actually threatening to take your life or hurt you physically, you're like, Oh, this guy is showing up and following me. They're like, Oh, well, there's no violent sign, so we can't do anything about it. So it was really hard to even get the police to do anything about it.

Although I have heard that story a lot, but I actually think the police were helpful because they came quickly, and then they helped you get a temporary restraining order.

Because I did have threats from him. My friends who have had the same scenarios but don't have enough evidence Even though this man's doing all this insane stuff, didn't get the same treatment. But I had enough evidence from his DMs that he did threaten to do crazy stuff to me.

How often do birds defecate?

They actually poop pretty often, but he knows to not poop on shoulders. I'm surprised. No, if he really has to go, he'd poop.

No, he's never pooped on a shoulder. He's respectful.

How does he know that?

He's definitely pooped on me. Will he poop on a head?

Yes. Yeah, he pooped on my head.

He poops on hats. He'll poop if he's sitting on your knee. But for some reason, shoulders is where he becomes a gentleman.

He's been a good... I wish there was a word for the pirate's bird.

Isn't it a petee?

A peti? Is it? Is that it? Yeah, peti. He's my peti.

Isn't it when bird poops on you? It's good laugh. Oh, my God.

He's sleeping. I didn't even know. Listen, I swear, if you put a Stanley Steamer on my chest, I'm going to be so mad.

Has he made you guys want to get a bird? No. Really?

But he's been so nice and chill. No, he's been very nice.

Can we put him on your hairy leg? Yeah, I think you guys-He's going to poop on your ratness.

That's true.

This is your rat thing.

It's fine. It's a gift. I get to keep this. Okay, corn dog or rat, or maybe- Maybe. I actually think-He thinks he's so comfortable. Okay. I just want to put him on someone else's head. He brings Alex so much joy.

To be fair, Jared hasn't held him yet.

I held him for a second on my finger, and then he got off immediately.

Did you have any other segments before we wanted to do the Ouija?

Yeah, I had one where it's similar to box of lies on Jimmy Fallon. I made some objects. You have to either describe the object to a T or lie, and the other people have to say whether you're-Oh, I'm down.

We practice this.

We did this other day, actually.

Another video. Oh, really?

Let me go get them.

Now, nothing I say can be clipped out of context.

I got it. We're not doing it.

Holy shit.

I didn't even notice you had that on.

I trimmed the staff. Just a side note, the pedophilia question. That one. Yeah, now we can say whatever you want because they can't cancel us because no one knows who we are. Okay, everyone, let's talk shit.

The game is essentially you have an object or items in your box. You have to either describe them to a T.

I don't even know what the fuck this is. How am I supposed to know? Why are they bleeding? Who murdered them? Is this a metaphor?

What does this mean?

I assume she's telling the truth. You're supposed to either make up what's in the box or say truth, what's in the box.

Oh, so they're supposed to be weird.

Kind of, yeah.

Why would I lie, though? Would I get points if I trick them?

We need to get as if you're lying or telling the truth of a liar.

You want to either You're lying, and then they think you're telling the truth, you get a point.

All I've talked about is murder. They don't know what are the objects.

You could make up a lie and it could be different. Also, don't just change one detail. Make it different.

Okay, so it has to be entire. Yeah, okay.

I assume there's blood.

It could be raspberry juice.

Andrea, can you try lying? I don't understand what this is. I don't get this.

Not my babies. I'm so confused.

So it's dead babies?

Okay, take it out of the box. They're murdered peeps. This is so fucked up. In front of a squig.

I hate this game. This game sucks. I just want to be Adam Sandler. I don't get this, but I want to eat of them. What is this? Red dye? Yeah, just this color. What was this supposed to represent? It's just something weird.

And that's why she's saying not my babies. It's not what it is. It's just your head is cut off. Look at it.

This is so sad. This is so sad.

You're trying to tell them-It's supposed to be so off-putting that people might not believe it.

Oh, that makes sense. You should have told me that. I would have tried to... Okay, let's move on.

Because when you look at it, you're like, Oh.

I do like so.

What we have here is...

Okay, I don't like this.

Okay, I don't want to look at this anymore.

Well, that went well.

Now you're Moses.

Oh, my God. Sorry. I'll try that harder next time. You want to give me the box?

Yeah, give Zack the box.

There we go. Is this considered bestiality? If you start humping Zack's head.

He's humping me?

No. He has a mating dance.

He does, but he's not doing it.

He's dancing right now.

I saw one thing in it. Okay.

Alex can't put.

But only one thing. Okay, I won't guess.

Okay, let's see how good Zack is at it.

Okay, so I either lie or tell the truth. Yeah. And then you guys decide whether I'm lying or telling the truth, except for Alex, because she's a big fat cheater. Yeah. Sweet. Exactly. It looks like a series of cantaloupe.

He's lying.

Don't look at me like that.

Final answer.

Okay. You don't want me to continue? No, continue. It's a series of cantaloupe with googly eyes and what looks like a small dog. But is there-It's halfway inside a cantaloupe.

The dog is inside the cantaloupe? Yeah. And the cantaloupe has googly eyes.

Well, some of them.

So there's multiple.

Some of them are cyclopses, and some of them with googly eyes have definitely fallen off. But it's definitely a dog now because it is a monopoly piece that is stuck halfway in, but the head first. So I guess it could be a cat. This is such a fucked up game.

This is so tough because you have an imagination that can run wild.

That's true. That's why I went with telling the truth.

Are you telling the truth? Okay, you know what? Fine.

His mouth flinched when he said that. My mouth will...

But that was calculated.

Fine. I'll go. You're telling the truth. I'll trust you.

I wasn't. I knew it.

Can you show it?

It was Sprinkle City, population, weird pastry with tickets in it.

How did you come up with the cantaloupe and dogs?

Because I eat cantaloupe every day, so I thought you'd know that. So we thought you'd think that we had cantaloupe.

That was really specific.

And I don't know what this is. I don't know what tickets-What's a ticket?

What is that supposed to represent?

It's just-It was crazy.

Child abuse. I thought, well, you created a murder scene over here.

When you come up with these, Alyssa, are you looking at inspiration or you're just pulling?

Everybody closed their eyes. When she gets the next one.

I'm more interested in the creative process for this game.

Jared, you got the next one.

I got the next one.

We should have a punishment for the loser. He can fly. Whoever loses at this game.

Brother, you didn't know how the game worked.

I couldn't play the last one.

Also, you look like someone who I wouldn't want to be stuck in a room with. You look like your hands get a little dicey around your nephews.

They are always dicey. Oh, never mind.

He's going to tell the truth. Okay.

It's a plate with a bunch of words that say, Help me, help me, get me out, get me out. Lots of help me and get me out. And then there's a grapefruit wrapped inside of a condom that also has the word help me.

Where did you get the condom?

That's what I want to know. It's a very thin condom.

What brand is the condom?

I can't tell. It's just very thin. It honestly looks a little old.

I say nothing.

I'm going to go with lie.

Me too. Okay, I'll say truth.

Okay, it was a lie, but it was a banana inside. I only changed the fruit because I couldn't.

Well, that's it.

I said it's just gone with the truth.

A gray fruit in a condo? I thought you had to make it more blatant lie.

Yeah, me too, but he's a corn dog. There's not much we can do.

I'm not a good- You are so bad at lying.

I'm bad at lying.

It was really funny. You were struggling from the beginning.

I should have just gone with the truth.

Is that Squeak?

Yeah. He's calling. He's talking. No, no, let him Squeak. That's why his name is Squeak, because that's all he knows how to do. These are disgusting.

Alyssa, I mean, this is beyond fucked up.

Where did you get the condom? You don't use condoms. Skyler's not using it.

I'm honestly just more impressed with Alyssa after this. Yeah, these are horrifying. I think she's the most impressive out of all of us.

Why are you looking at me?

I'm just trying to decide what way to go with this.

I think the beard is to your advantage. Honestly, yeah. Because you can't see if you're smiling or not.

She's a poker player. She's a very good bluffer. God damn it. She can lie.

So I bet she's. My eyes are close.

So there are two pieces of bread, and one of them has a smiley face, the other has cherries.

That's it?

That's all that's going on in that box. What's the smiley What's the place made out of?

It's made out of TicTax.

Oh, I did see TicTac's in the kitchen earlier.

I think if she wanted to tell me, Icing, but TicTac's is pretty specific.

But did she see me eat TicTac? Because I did eat two earlier, and I can't remember.

I did see TicTac's in your kitchen, actually.

But yeah, I saw the TicTac's in the kitchen.

And some of them were missing.

What's on the second bread? I do love TicTac's.

And the second bread is cherries.

Like fresh cherries or jammed cherries?

They look popped by chance.

They're cherries that are red, and that's all I can I'm going to tell you guys.

Based on the TicTac thing.

Hold on, what type of bread?

Well, I can't tell you because I don't know what bread you have in your kitchen. Damn.

Specifically, it's the bread that's in your box.

It's bread that you could put things on top of. It's sliced.

Okay. Sliced bread.

What color are the TicTac?

Well, you're using the knowledge of what's in there.

Can't say.

Yes, you can. You're looking at them.

Their color, I think, is interesting flavor.

Interesting? It's off the beaten path?

I could be saying they're a colorful one and not a white one.

What do you have against YTS?

The color that you were eating earlier, or it could have been exactly what's happening.

So you did know I was eating them earlier?

Well, because you told me.

I just don't remember having cherries. This is the real problem.

The cherries are the kicker.

Yeah, I don't remember.

With the tic-tacs, though, they're so specific.

These teeth are so tickly.

My head's getting itchy. I don't know how you guys have been wearing this shit all day long.

If Alex saw me the tic-tacs, then it's a good lie. But if she didn't-Such a calculated lizard.

I'm just going to go with truth. I can see her eyes.

I'll go with lie just to be different.

I'll go with lie because I think she'd want to flex on all I was telling the truth.

Fuck, yeah. That's why I figured. Tictac for the win. Tictac, right? No. Okay. It was you, wasn't it?

No, I just saw them in the kitchen. I didn't know you were in the kitchen.

I don't like opening my eyes and seeing you. Lift your mic up.

Now you know what we feel like.

I wanted to come up with stuff, but then I realized I don't know exactly what you have in your kitchen.

Oh, that's hard. The only thing you guys have an edge.

Can we Ouija board now? No, I don't want to touch the Ouija board.

You can Ouija board all you want.

Okay, thank Thank you, guys. We're going to do the Ouija board. We'll do it on the after-school special on Patreon. Ouija time. Jump over to the Patreon. If you want to call or text us, obviously, become Village Idiots on our Patreon tier. We've been FaceTime, and we've been doing the whole thing.

This week, we are shouting out Jonathan, Purple Wolf Beats, Patty Cruz, Abby, and Diego Madrid. Shout out to the Village Idiots. Stay tuned to hear your name next week. Yo-yo.