Transcript of Tehran Von Ghasri | Comedian, Netflix Star & Former Lawyer | Coffeez with Joe Shalaby Ep. 304 New

One, two!

What's up everybody? Welcome to a very special episode of Coffees with Joe Shelby. Today I'm sitting with one of the most hilarious people, the Rizz Game Pack. He's featured on so many things from Netflix to Comedy Central to his own residency at the Laugh Factory. Please welcome the one, the only, Tehron.

Thank you, Joe. That was a great intro. I have a question. Do you ever have not a special edition? Is it ever just like, hey guys, it's just another edition with this random not special person? Or is everyone like— does everyone get that rollout, the red carpet?

Bro, you got— I said extremely special.

Yeah, another verb.

Yeah, I wonder if another adjective there.

If I'm somebody else, by the way, and I watch this episode and then I don't get that, I'm gonna be like Hey Joe, like, we need to talk. Like, what's up?

Oh man, I got a lot of comedy questions, some improv to ask you myself, my man. That's what's up. All right, thanks for coming to the show. We're going to dive in today. Uh, so far, how's your drive up here?

Honestly, we love to say it's the worst, but I've been all around the world. It's not the worst here, it's just worst for here. You know how that works? Like, when you go to places like the Middle East, that's real traffic. Yeah, see, in America, two lanes 2 cars. That makes sense. You go to somewhere like Cairo, 2 lanes, 27 cars, 14 camels, 3 goats, and an Indian guy selling water and balloons in the middle of the street. Like, why is that guy even there?

Yeah, exactly. And we complain about that. So they don't— they've never been to Cairo, they've never been to Hong Kong, they don't know what's going on.

Exactly. Go to Hong Kong and see. In Hong Kong, they have people that will come pick you up in a motorcycle out of your car and take you to your destination while someone else drives your car there.

See, that's next level. That's next level. LA will be there in 10 years.

That's where we're at.

All right, Tehran, I like to start the show off the same way I start with everybody. And what is a comedian's morning routine?

Well, that's the thing. A comedian doesn't even have a morning routine. Like waking up in the morning is usually not what a comedian does because our hours of work vary. So the average person goes to work from 9 to 5, 9:00 AM, 5:00 PM. That's their work. We're like 5 to 3:00 AM. We get up in the afternoon, and we go out and start hitting the gigs, you start hitting the clubs. And that's always a nighttime activity. So we're up and out until 2, 3 AM, sometimes even later, then get back in. Now, some of us like myself who write on projects, we then have to wake up and be up by 8 or 9 and get to working because we have these deliverables, we have to turn in our scripts, our punch-ups, our just add-ons to any script that is given towards us. So That's where it works. So I'm always up. I'm 7-Eleven. I'm 7-Eleven, Joe. I'm like you. I never sleep.

It's the grind. That's the Middle Eastern in you.

It is. It really is. Because a lot of people, uh, and for those of you who don't know, my name is Tehran. I'm half Iranian, half Black. So I'm surprised I'm still alive. Like, the fact that I'm in the United States and haven't been deported— the president wants to build a wall just around me. Like, that's the idea of it. But this work ethic background comes from my immigrant side and my Black hustle side. So I work twice as hard as everyone else. I'm trying to be Kevin Hart.

I love it, man. And you're growing so fast. You know, you're starting to really dominate the comedy scene, doing amazing work. I mean, you're on Netflix now. You're doing some just next level type of projects. So I wanna talk about, Tehran, the Black Middle Eastern, because that, and that is such a unique approach to comedy. I think you're the first Black Middle Eastern I've ever met. That's really kind of like the source of your inspiration for your comedy gigs, right?

It's a very big part of my character because it's a part of my experience and part of my life. And to be fair, you yourself, your background is Egyptian.

I'm Egyptian.

So think about it. If you go down from Iran, up from Africa, la la la, Egypt. Like that's how that works. You know, it's basically the same thing. And actually one of my grandmothers, my mother's mother, is Egyptian. She's an Egyptian Nubian. She's Jewish Egyptian Nubian from Alexandria. So it's all part of the same Middle East, North Africa diaspora. And the way it becomes part of my heritage and culture is because I grew up with this Iranian immigrant father and African American mother, and the collision of these two cultures and backgrounds and ethnicities and religions and all the things that happened in between. It was like, it was like an atomic bomb, an explosion. And out of that, I was the radioactive superhero that emerged. I was the person who then takes my experiences to the stage. And it's not just so that people can relate to me. They relate through me because what you realize is that we're all way more alike than we are different. And that's how it is. I'm sure your parents said some of the exact same thing that my Iranian immigrant father said. The same thing. Yeah. I was never allowed to sleep over at a friend's house, you know, like for some reason they always thought that my father thought that that friend would kidnap me or think I'm homeless.

Like, I don't know why it was just those two choices. Those kind of experiences that a lot of first generation, second generation, especially American ethnic diaspora has are things that I bring to the stage and it relates to everybody, whether you're Latino, Black, Asian, Indian, whatever it is, we all have that same common story.

You know what's really unique about you? You're the first comedian I ever met that's as educated as you are. You got a master's degree, you got a law degree, and then from there you're like, you know what, screw this. I just studied the last, you know, 28 years of my life. I'm putting all this to the side. I'm gonna go do comedy. I want to ask you this.

What the heck? Thanks for reminding me how much I owe. Like, thank you for bringing— of course, leave it up to the more giant to be like, this is how much you still owe. Why would you put your money into this?

Yeah, you know what, what is that, half a mil on education?

Don't, please don't. Oh, don't remind me.

Did it get wiped out yet?

Well, no, no. What happened, FAFSA? What happened?

Uh, so that's your mortgage right now.

Yeah, it is, it is. That's your mortgage. Exactly.

So what did your parents say to you coming from a Middle Eastern background? You went down the traditional Middle Eastern route. You did the what they wanted. You went to college, you went to law school.

Well, not exactly what they wanted. I didn't become a doctor. That's all.

I mean, you plan—

my dad still hopes. Yeah, yeah, he still thinks I'm gonna be 'You're gonna become a doctor.' He's like, 'Well, maybe one day.' I'm like, 'No, it's done.' My dad's a doctor, you know.

Oh, it's funny because if you're not a doctor, then you can become an engineer.

Exactly. Doctor, lawyer, engineer.

Those are the— I was like, 'Oh, you're gonna be a lawyer? Fine, we'll take that.' It's exactly—

it's the bottom of the— and if you're not so smart, chiropractor. Like, you can just become a chiropractor if you're not like the smartest person. It's chiropractor. We can still call you a doctor even though the American Medical Association doesn't. It's fine. Well, we can tell people you're a doctor. Well, When it comes to comedy, it's very interesting. Actually, Joe, a lot of comedians are very well educated. There's two types of comedians. Some have law degrees. Law degree is the number one. You'll see people like Jackie Fabulous and Cheryl Shepard and all these people that actually do have law degrees and they're into comedy. It's a very similar skill set. It's, I'm making a point, I am expressing myself and communicating as best as possible. On the flip side, you find a lot of autodidactic comedians, people who are very self-educated. Some of the most educated people are comedians. Who are the modern-day philosophers and, and political scientists? It's comedians. Jon Stewart, Dave Chappelle, Wanda Sykes. These are all people who have learned or took it upon themselves to learn, educate themselves— Trevor Noah— and then relay that information to the common man, the person watching at home.

On television. That's where you find the modern comedian, because good comedy makes you laugh, but great comedy makes you think. And these comedians are the ones who make you think the most. Now, my Iranian father does not think about comedy or about this. My Iranian father still hopes that I become a doctor. And when I pivoted from law school to comedy, there was definitely a conversation But for him, me getting the degree was, hey, now you have something to fall back on and go, go for it. You're probably gonna come back to this in a year or 2 years. And now it's been over a decade and I think he's catching on ever since I bought their house for them that maybe that I'm going to be staying in this path. So that's what I, I hope so at least, you know, even though he does tell my, my am and my aunt, he'll be like, yeah, Ted almost stopped there. Like, No, no, almost doctor. No doctor.

Did you take the bar too?

I did. I did all the things. I wanted to complete that chapter of my life before I got into comedy. And the thing about education is the 3 things: you can never be overdressed, overprepared, or overeducated. You just can't. No one will ever say, oh, you're wearing a tuxedo, you're not allowed in 7-Eleven. It's no shirt, no shoes. And so I feel the same way when it comes to education, especially when it comes to anyone who comes to the United States, whether they're minorities or immigrants or just Americans as a whole, we should be the most educated country because we have the most access to education. Anyone can go to community college. Anyone can go to DeVry if it takes Phoenix or whatever it is. We should use education as a tool to propel ourselves to wherever we would like to go. There's never a time where you thought and were like, oh, why was I— why am I too smart? Oh, I'm Joe Shalabi. Why am I too smart? Your, your intelligence and your, your smartness and dedication into it is what led you to have like this huge company.

Yeah, you know, it's, it's that, that work ethic mindset, the mindset of like ridiculous grit that my parents instilled in me. I mean, I started working at 14. My dad's 76, he's still working.

Like, that's how it works. They never stop.

Yeah, and he's working too. I'm like, yeah, he quit. He's a doctor. He, he retired like 15 years ago, took a job from the state, got his retirement from the state, took a job And then he just took another job.

I'm like, they love it. They love it. They love it. My dad, okay, I will come home sometimes. My parents, my family lives in Washington, DC. I'm based in LA now, but I'll go home and my father will be asleep on the couch. Like he's out, you know, they love to rub the head. They have the red, the bald spot. I don't know if your father has one of the bald spots, but my father has the bald spot and he's rubbing the back of his head and he's clearly asleep. And I'll be like, and I'll be quiet and I'll be like, papa. And he'll be like, huh? And I was like, oh, were you sleeping? He's like, no, I was just thinking about more work. What? Why can't you? It's okay to relax, but it's not in it. It's not in us. It's not.

My dad's just like on a YouTube watching, uh, you know, soccer.

And that's— oh yeah.

Oh, with the— with AirPods blasting.

I don't even call it soccer around him. It's the only football. If I don't call it football, just loses his mind. It's a foot. It's a ball. You hit the ball with your foot. That's the thing. They love it and they get into it. That's the real— you think that we're at war? No. We're at war on the soccer field. You thought the USA-Iran war was a thing? If they play in the World Cup, you'll see real war. That's when all the things come out. That's, I don't know, it's soccer.

I don't think they're gonna play. Are they?

They don't have a chance. I think with the political climate of what's going on right now, plus there's been talks of Iran removing themselves, the Islamic Republic removing the Iranian team,. And that's a whole issue. So we'll see how it plays out. But there is a pride in football, soccer that I've seen in the world that I've never seen in anything else. I've never seen, like, you know, people are like gay pride. No, has nothing on soccer pride. That's when, that's, it's actually the gayest thing. They dress up in all the colors, they paint their faces.

Ah, they, and they go to war out there. I mean, the fan, the fans are electric at those games. I mean, I've been in LAFC game, I've been to, you know, the OC Soccer Club game and the fans are just— of course, it's like an NBA playoff game every single time, every single game.

And it's like, oh, score, 1-0! Like, 1-0? That's— but it's— but if you go to a soccer game, if you go to a football game, it is the most exciting. That energy is palpable in the stadium. It's just like, wow, it draws you in. You start chanting, you start chanting things you didn't even know you knew the chants to. You're like, olé olé olé. Like, how do I know that? Why do I know that?

So I got a question to ask you about just growing up in a Black and Persian family. Which one's crazier?

That's the thing. It's different types of crazy, Joe. It's different types of crazy.

I would say we're the craziest. Middle Easterns are always the craziest.

But you would love to say that. But everyone has their type of crazy. Do I think it's crazy that there are some white American families that eat dinner at 5 PM? Yeah, that's insane. That's insane. Especially coming from a place where I didn't know where— when dinner was. Was it 8 PM? Was it 10? Was it after Jay Leno? It was whenever they told us, you know. So I was like a third grader going to school like, oh, I was up till 2 AM, you know. So it's just a different type of crazy. So when you have Black. When you have Black families, Black families are big, Black families are rambunctious. You have the, you have the different types of uncles. One's the successful uncle, one's the wheeler-dealer uncle, you know. Is he, is he selling cars? Is he selling crack? I don't know what's going on. You have all those. You have the aunts. 3 of the aunts, 2 of the aunts have kids that are going to great schools. The third aunt has the devil child, but that refuses to admit that this child is the devil, refuses. Like, "My baby?" Yes, your baby is Satan.

Like, it's a whole conversation, right? And then on the Iranian side, also big families, also big families, but then it's also a little bit removed because I have a lot of family in Iran. So I've only heard them over the phone more than experienced them in personal and real life. But the ones that come in, It's always the same thing. Is it crazy to be like, no, you eat it, you eat it. Would you like some? And it's like, I don't want the piece of pizza that you just put in your mouth and you're now dangling in my face. I don't want that. Thank you. No, eat it, eat it. It's all just different types of crazy, but it's all good energy, positivity, and it's fun. That hopefulness and that fun is something that unifies through all the cultures.

So did you get like some cool, like, Black fusion Middle Eastern food, like a kubideh with like, you know, fried chicken.

Okay, so did I get Persian Black fusion? No, but there was Persian Black spread. So there was situations where there were like collard greens, fried chicken, soul food alongside Persian food, khormeh sabzi, kubideh, and zereshpolo. So that's amazing. It was like the spread. And so it was almost like they were keeping score on who's eating what. And that was a whole thing. And that would become the basis of afterwards, like, you know, more people ate than Kubi did. Like, yo, what's this? Like, what's— I didn't know we were keeping score.

We were keeping score like that for, uh, for Thanksgiving, you know. Like, we have an American spread and we'd have the Egyptian spread, and like, who's eating what?

What's your favorite Egyptian food?

For me, and it's very similar to Kubi, it's called kofta. It's the same thing like Kuwaiti, but has— I mean, it's arguably maybe better.

I mean, okay, all right, let me, let me explain. Okay, look, and here's the thing, I can't even get— I can't even get on your case too much because you're Egyptian. So out of all of the groups, Egyptians and Persians are the two oldest in that region, the two oldest nations, continuous nations on Earth. And so you get a pass, okay? Because if a Kuwaiti said something, I might be like, oh, again Give me back my oil, you know? But like, okay, fine, I get it. 'Cause you don't know who made what food, you know? Like, I think that the big conflict, the tragic conflict between Israel and Palestine really has to do with hummus. Like, who made hummus? You know what I'm saying? That's why they're Hamas. Like, it's hummus. Who made the hummus? Because you will fight over that. And they have a salad called Israeli salad that in Iran we call Shirazi salad, from a city called Shiraz, and we will fight to the death over this. This is literally— this is really what these things— and the, the same way the conflicts created over food, I really feel like the peace can be made over food if we all just came together in a big, big dinner and they had kufte and koobideh and we got to eat them and not know which one is which, because we really wouldn't unless someone told us, you know.

You could taste the difference. I mean, you know, koobideh doesn't have as much seasoning.

Okay, I will listen. Listen, I will fight you right now. I will. You know what? I will not pay my mortgage and you feel that burn. Okay. It is delicious. Kubiye, kufta has a little too much seasoning. Okay. I have a question. Ever try to make out with someone after you had some kufta? See how fast they repel you? It's basically bear spray.

You're just like, yeah, the garlic.

And that's what I'm saying. Parsley. Exactly.

Exactly. I guess for a date, you know, kubideh may be more reasonable.

Thank you so much. It's the date food. More importantly, which one are you taking as lunch when you're a kid? You're in, you're in 4th grade, you're taking lunch to school. You know how bad kubideh and/or koofteh smell after like day old in a lunch bag?

Oh man, this smells terrible.

Smells so bad, so bad.

And then there's another one we have, uh called paneer. It's like a skirt steak and it's fried, it's breaded.

Oh yeah, that's delicious.

You guys have that too?

We have a version of that, but that— the way it's made now, that's seasoned perfectly. That's sautéed.

Yeah, yeah, that's one of my favorite dishes. That one's Egyptian culture. I mean, listen, I'm a fan of all Middle Eastern food. One of our favorite places here in Orange County is Panini, obviously the chain. It's great. You know, we had it here last week. You could have came.

It's a thing. I'm, I'm just saying I don't feel like enough Americans have had Middle Eastern food. Had they eaten Middle Eastern food, they wouldn't want to bomb the whole Middle East. They would be like, oh, who has the good food? You never wanna bomb places you have great food from. Anyone wanna go to war with Italy? You know? No, because once we were like, oh no, we hate Mussolini, but the spaghetti, like once that hits, you're good. So I'm telling you, the world can be fixed through food.

And that's a lot, a lot of truth to that. Hopefully, hopefully this, uh, this drama in Iran happens, uh, and ends over some koobideh.

Well, that's the thing right now with everything going on in Iran. And it's so funny because my name is Tehran and I wear it with pride. If you don't know, like, I, it's, I branded, I'm, I'm the only Iranian person named Tehran in the world. So it's something I, and I could have easily been Tyrone, by the way. My Iranian father named me Tehran. My Black mother this close to naming me Compton, I swear. Like, she to just— I don't know, they just wanted to make sure I never got through airport security. Like, that's what they were hoping. Like, you're a Joe. Joes are walking right through airport security. Every time I go, colonoscopy, you understand? They're like searching everything. So when they named me Tehran, I became one of those people who was very proud of having that culture and that background. And I've been a very big opponent of the Islamic Republic regime. That government, it's abusive, it's oppressive, it's, it's corrupt. It's all the things And sure, all governments are, all governments are to a degree, but this is just— this is— they're horrible. And so I've been very big on speaking up and being the voice of people inside Iran who want to be free from this government.

And it's not, it's not the people, it's not even the politics. It's over these principles: freedom of speech, the things we take for granted in this country. People don't realize, like, for all the faults we have in America, America is an amazingly wonderful place. America is the best country when you compare it. It's just not great when you compare it to what America should and could be because of who it is, this liberty and justice for all. But those ideas are things that I wish we had in other countries and other places, whether it's Iran or anywhere else where we had that. And I've been a very big— I've been a very big advocate for the people of Iran, and I wear my hat Before, no one knew what Tehran meant. They didn't know. Some people would see the name Tehran and still call me Tyrone. They would still call me Tyrone.

Like your name is spelled wrong.

Exactly. Like they really felt— they were like, oh, Black people spell anything anyway, you know. I know a girl named Absida and it's spelled A-B-C-D-E. Like, that's just literally how it was. But then now people come up to me and they all have learned what Tehran is because of the news, and they come up to me and they're like, oh, I support you. And I'm like, no, no, it's not a political statement. It's just my name. It's just who I am. So I've become the expert now on all things Iran, and I'm really not. I'm learning myself, you know.

I just can't imagine, you know, being the only Black Persian dude you ever grew up with. I mean, I experienced reverse racism as a white dude in a basically Nubian community, and, uh, you know, I got made fun of in Egypt. No, in here, in the US.

In the US.

So when I, when I immigrated in Egypt, everybody loved me. I was like the golden child. Like, look at this kid, he's the first white kid ever in this country.

They're like, oh, he must be Jesus. They didn't even know, you know.

And then I come to America, I'm like, man, these kids are so mean to me. Everybody's dark. I was living in Bellflower, you know, like, yeah, so Bellflower, Long Beach.

Oh yeah, you were in the hood, bro.

I was in the hood.

You were in the hood. Why didn't you drop a rap album?

I mean, I was, you know, identity crisis. Thought I was Eminem for a while.

Oh yeah, I could see that. I could feel the— give me an Eminem verse right now. I mean, no, no, you know one. You know one. Rap it out. Rabbit. It's just us.

We're—

it's Coffees with Joe Shalaby. Let's see, give us the one. Give us the one. I don't give it if I'm— if it's dark or not. Give me something.

You better move yourself to the music.

Yeah, you know, you know all the words though. You know when it comes on in the car, you know all the words.

You know what, if it came out, the song played right now, I'd probably know it by now.

Yeah, you would know.

You put me on the spot.

You're an 8 Mile per— when 8 Mile came out, you were geeked, weren't you?

Dude, every—

you were B-Rabbit. You were B-Rabbit.

Every Eminem song was very, very relatable to me because he was a white dude trying to be Black in the hood.

You know, that's how it works. It wasn't even so much— it's— see, a lot of people think it's like being white trying to be Black. It's actually just a cultural thing. You're— you are, for some part, a product of your environment, no matter who you are. If I took Billy Bob and I raised Billy Bob without him knowing it in the middle of Mumbai, he would have an Indian accent. Like, he— that's not how it works. He'd be like, hello, how are you? And it'd be because he's raised in that environment. It's just people need to realize that it's not just about race. It's a lot of times about where you are.

You know, growing up as a white guy in the hood, it was very relatable to me to try to be Black. It was just like, that's just how you want it.

But that's because you were in a Black hood. There are a lot of white guys who grow up in white hoods and they just become bigger rednecks, you know. We're not— let's not pretend like a lot of Alabama's not the hood. Have you been there? Like, trailer parks are also hood. You know, there's a lot— I've watched a lot of Cops. There's a lot of meth in the hood. You know, meth is the white crack. Like, it's the same thing, same thing. Less energy, worse teeth. Like, let's be very honest, right? So it's just, it's just where you are. But I love that you grew up with that dichotomy because you're basically— you have that fusion of cultures too. Yeah, being Egyptian and coming here, because you, you were born in Egypt, born in Egypt, and then came here, then came here, which is once again Wow. America. Immigrant comes to this country, probably leaving everything behind, comes here, has nothing, obviously, because you lived in Bellflower. No offense. So it's not like you didn't move from Egypt and go to Beverly Hills. You went to Bellflower. So I'm going to go on a limb and be like, ah, you guys didn't— No, we were poor.

You didn't leave with anything, you know, had to start over. But what kept you in there? First of all, the education, your family having that education. They can never take it from you. Second of all, the work ethic. And third of all, just your commitment and dedication to living in this country and being able to utilize it to the best of your abilities and opportunities.

That's right. Actually, my book, "Rising from the Sand," is all about coming from dirt-poor country and now living in—

Oh, what a good title.

Living in Newport Beach, the nicest place in the world. You know, so having the ability to rise from absolute poverty into absolute abundance And you can only really do it here. I mean, in Egypt, what are you gonna do? You're gonna make £200.

There's a ceiling a week. Exactly.

Which is like $40.

It's not a month. There's a ceiling. People don't realize there's a ceiling everywhere else in the United States. And I say this as a real patriot, and but more importantly, is not everyone has seen the rest of the world. We see a lot of people, and it's not about right wing, left wing, it's the same bird. You see a lot of people who haven't seen the world outside, or they'll be like, have you been overseas? Yeah, I've been to Canada. That's just America 2.0. Honestly, 5 years, 51st state. I don't know, but you've never been to other places where you're looking at the world and saying, wow, this is what this is. When we say poor, that's where the— this is what poor really looks like. When you're in the hood in America, you still have things like, I don't know, running water. Little Mbutu does not have that in some random country in, in, in Africa. They don't. And living in a village, he doesn't have that. Having that running water would already be an advantage. So the fact that you were able to utilize that, just coming here, did you know the language?

Did you know English when you came here?

No, no, it was my second language. So I came here, I had to go to ESL too. Add that, you know, like, why does this white kid not know how to speak English?

Yeah, you didn't know how to speak English. You're in the, you're getting raised in Bellflower.

We started in like a really bad part of Van Nuys, then moved to North Hollywood.

Oh, you in a really bad part of Van Nuys called Van Nuys. That's how that works. That's not, I'm not, listen, listen, you don't have to, you don't have to impress. I get it. From the sand, bro. You know, like you went from, you went from Cairo to Van Nuys, basically kind of like a lateral move. You know, I always think it's funny when people move from the Middle East to like Detroit.

Like, why did they do that?

You're like, you're waking up and it's still war-torn. Like, why are we here? You know, that's a lateral move. So then you got in. But my, the real reason I ask you is because I've always wanted a better business mind. I've always wanted that. And for you to develop that? Where did that come from?

For me, my business mind came from just honestly throwing events at a young age. I started throwing parties at 14 years old.

The party thing.

Yeah. And I, I, I looked at parties as like my conduit. I start my first— I, I leveraged my ability to network with other, uh, Middle Eastern owners. So my first party I threw at a hookah bar. I was 14 years old.

Hookah bar, of course. Okay, say you're Egyptian without saying you're Egyptian.

I threw out a hookah bar and I had Vision, I was the first person to bring like a full nightclub to a hookah bar. I had belly dancers and fire breathers and people like—

How old were the— you're, you're in high school.

They're all young kids, all 16 years old, because there was no age limit on, on hookah bars. Oh wow. So I started throwing events at hookah bars, then I moved it to, uh, another— then I started, I tested out of high school early, and then I started, I moved it to nightclubs. Um, and I also— the owners of the nightclub club. Uh, it's called La Mirage in Cerritos, next to Cerritos College. They were Middle Eastern, so I was able to leverage my ethnicity, my language. I spoke Arabic to these people. Everyone's like, wow, this white kid speaks Arabic. Just probably similar to you.

Yeah, speaks Persian. See, people lose their minds.

Yeah, so people lose their minds when a white guy speaks fluent Arabic, and, uh, especially other business owners. And I would come with, you know, lots of charm, lots of energy, and they would just faith in me. I'm like, listen, here's my track record. I've done events here, I've done events there. So I started chasing, uh, throwing events really, really young, and that kind of catapulted me. Plus, I was always wanting to make money at a very young age.

What? But why? It not just because a lot of people just think money. Oh, I want to make money.

I just saw, like, I came from poverty and I had friends who were wealthy, and I'm like, I just, I don't want to live like this, you know? Like, my biggest loss was as a kid, 7 years old. I remember losing $7, and I keep that And that hurt me for years. I still talk about it. I still talk about it now. Like, I remember when I was 7, I lost $7.

And how'd you lose it? Just fell out of your pocket?

Yeah, yeah. I just lost it. I was in the garage and, you know, I'm like, where's my money? Where's my money? I lost $7. Grew up my whole life, you know, Payless Shoes, everything's on clearance, that sort of lifestyle, hand-me-downs. So I just knew that there was a better life out there. I had friends who were— I mean, now they'd be upper middle class in today's standards, but to me they were upper class. And bigger houses, and I just knew that there was a better way than what I was doing. My dad was a doctor, but when we came to the States, he was just like, he started off as a gas station attendant.

Yeah, because that doctor didn't matter once you come here.

Yeah, it doesn't matter.

It happens to a lot of immigrant families where it's like, over there you were a general, and here you're a janitor. And these kids are like, shut up, Mr. Amanach! And you're like, I would kill you, and my God would kill everybody you know, like, you know. So it just becomes a, it becomes a culture clash of that, especially in that environment. And you grew up with that mindset. So for me, money means freedom. That's why for everybody, not my, but that's the thing.

I don't think education is freedom too.

Yeah. Education is freedom mentally, but financially money means freedom. Like you can be very educated and homeless. Like I'm sure there's a couple professors in Skid Row right now. They're like, but E does equal MC squared. Like, it's like, great, bro. But With that freedom, for me, some people chase money. I never wanted to chase money. I wanted to just be more free. So was money like a freeing thing for you?

Freedom. It was freedom. It was just like, I can get out of this oppressed state. And I wasn't really— it wasn't oppressed, but I was like, you know, we were always just like, no, you can't do this. No, you can't. I had to beg for years just to get a video game, right? So now my kids, like, I just bought a $5,000 signed Kobe auto patch card for me and my son's collection. He's gonna— we're gonna have like a quarter million dollar collection. The kid's just like, Dad, we're flipping cards, I'm 10x-ing your money. I'm like, no, I'm investing, you're just a beneficiary of this business strategy. Um, but it's, it's cool. I get to teach my kids entrepreneurship now and how to leverage and stuff like that. But I would have never imagined in a million years to, to, to be where I'm at now.

Do you, do you ever think that, cuz when I see, sometimes I'll see like in Beverly Hills there's these kids and it's like mommy and daddy's rich and you're just living off mommy and daddy. You didn't go through what they went through, you know, whether it's the hustle, the bustle, the work, whatever it is. Are you ever afraid your kids are gonna do that? Because if I had, like, if I had money Like Robin Williams did this thing, comedian Robin Williams. He gave, left all the money for Zelda and all his other children, but said they can't get it until they're 24 and they have to work 1 year at a job that pays less than $30,000. So Zelda worked at a coffee shop. She was just a coffee shop cashier and then barista and made that $30,000 for a year. And then when she got her money, she was like, I'm so glad— like, I hated it, and now I'm so glad my father made me do that.

I ask the question, how do you raise your kids, to a lot of my guests on this show, and it is a real thing because the oppression coming from poverty, that was like a superpower that enabled me to have a different mindset. So I'm always— so how do my kids who are born in abundance, raised in abundance, grow up in abundance um, how are they going to have the same mindset and grit mentality? So that's something I deal with, and I have many strategies as to how I tackle that.

You're a strategy person. Yeah, like everything's like a strategy.

Yeah, so, so it— for me, like, a big part of it, number one, is like they're on there, they have the same grind I do. They crack of dawn, they're at school, then from school, then it's sports, and then it's martial arts, and it's kumon, then it's like— so they're basically busy 8 to 8. And then on weekends it's like church activities. And then like this weekend, we could work— we're sports cards collectors, memorabilia collectors, we, we aggregate all that, and then they're setting up a booth at church and they're going to sell all the product. Hopefully we raise $100 grand and it all goes to the church. So like, but they're slinging it, you know. Like we did the card show this weekend, they got real money. Now we're doing the church card show and that's all going to the church. So I love that. So it's just, you know, kind of instilling that and centralizing their focus on God.

There's a comedian, TK Kirkland, who says, "Who raised you?" Because it's very important. Like, the way people act is a reflection of who their parents were. So I can imagine your children just being these like—

Young hustlers.

—sharks, hustlers.

They're savages. I mean, my son Theo, he was walking around the card show last week. He had a microscope. He was looking at every single card. He was like, and grinding the people on cost. Like, so he's a savage negotiator.

I love that. Annoying, great. You have a microscope, kid? Like, that's what you have? He's the only one. Magnifying glass? Like, why are we doing this? Like, I don't want this kid to buy my cars. Like, I was the dealer, I'd be like, oh my God, oh no, not the Theo kid. Hey Theo! Yeah, he's—

so he's working these kids, these people, um, and I got all the kids kind of in that same mindset, so I had to pivot to Pokémon as well because I get all 4 kids. It has way more margin.

Yeah, yeah, the Pokémon cards. These kids love these Pokémon cards.

You have no idea. There's a portion of people's IRAs will be invested in Pokémon in the next couple years. Hedge funds are buying Pokémon cards, vaulting them.

This is why sometimes I get annoyed at having like a Persian dad, Black mom, because I'm sure that there are cards, baseball cards, Pokémon cards, comic books. I know for a fact I I have some number ones that are valued, and they just didn't understand about— because they only know what they know, you know. So did you keep any of the trash? Oh, they threw them. They were— they couldn't wait to throw them away, you know. It's like, well, you just threw away my 401k. I hope you're happy. That's, that's a building, and that could have been a building, because they understand building. They understand.

Now the parents understand. Yeah, now the shows—

yeah, now they're like, why are you going to school? Let's get back on that Twitch. Come on, Jimmy. Come on, Jimmy Jr. Let's get on that Twitch stream. What do we— don't need to read. We don't— AI will read for you. Let's get back on, get back on the street. Yeah, get back on the street on that stream.

That's right. A lot of parents understand the power of building their own personal brand. Yes. And YouTubing. Yes. Matter of fact, no CEO can get away with not having a social media presence now. So 100%.

I mean, there are going to be a time where your kid's born and the same time you give them a name, you get their Instagram handle. We're already doing that for my kids. Yeah, you get that right then, because if not Someone else can get it and charge them $100 grand for it. There's a lot of comedians, okay? There's a lot of comedians who are, are great. I bought their, I bought their .coms before because I, I saw the value. If they don't see the value in themselves, they'll just have to pay me for it. And there's a lot of comedians, I won't say their names, but it's very big comedians right now who have had to get their domain names from me. Look at you. That's a real thing. Who paid the most?

I mean, don't say the name. How much of the most you got?

Honestly, Honestly, I've been very nice to the ones who are my friends. So the biggest ones happen to be the people who are my friends, and so they've paid what I could have probably got tens of thousands dollar— tens of thousands of dollars for. I gave them at cost. So they are—

because lifelong friends will do shows for you for free now, probably. They owe me shows.

I tell them, hey, when I have a lineup and I need you, you're on the show. But then there's you know, there's a comedian who paid me $15,000. Another one has paid me $25,000— well, their agency paid $25,000 for their website, and I paid what, $40 on GoDaddy?

Yeah, comedians, you now know this guy is chasing your name.

Oh yeah, listen, I'm— I tell people, I'm like, if you don't think you're gonna make it, that's on you. I, I see the potential in you. That's what it is to be a trendsetter. I I see it's sight beyond sight. I see in you what you don't see in yourself yet, because the greats always know they're great before anyone else. That's how you become a great. It's, it's a, it's the best kept secret. You know what it is. And if you get frustrated by it, it becomes very difficult. It happens to the best of us. Comedy is a path, any art, but especially, especially comedy, because with something like music, with music, you can say, oh, well, I'm a talented musician. I can do this note. I can do this. And while it's subjective, there is a mitigating level of this is what music is. So if you have a good voice, you know that you have this much percent chance. Comedy is all subjective. What's funny today may not be funny tomorrow. What is offensive today may be exactly what happens tomorrow. There is no A to Z. It's— there's a path. So becoming a doctor, my sisters are doctors and they, It's not easy, but it's simple, meaning they know what to do.

You go to school, you take your MCAT, you get into med school, you do your residency, you do a fellow, and then boom, you become a doctor. And as long as you go that path, that'll— that is what you'll become. A, B, C, D, E, F, G. But it's a pain.

Every single one of those.

100%. Very difficult.

I never got a fellowship. I dropped out. Passing the MCAT, never passed the MCAT. Difficult.

Of course you have to work. But at least it's, it's drawn out for you. Now, as far as art, comedy, music, whatever, rap, whatever you put out there, entrepreneurship, entrepreneurship. Exactly. It's A, C, B, L, Q. You don't know which way is going to happen. You don't know. And every failure is the end of your life, but could be the beginning of the next one. If I told someone, hey, if you fail 20 more times on the 21st attempt, you will be a billionaire. How quickly would you rush to fail 20 times? Well, when you don't see that end in sight, it's not there. You can be digging and digging and digging, and you don't know when you're about to hit that gold, strike that oil. You don't know. You just have to keep going. And that's the difference.

Let's talk about failure. You know, being a comedian, you just fall a lot, you know, and a lot, and the, the path to building the road to wealth in comedy is really long.

It's almost impossible.

Talk to me about some of your greatest failures and then your success. I mean, you got an AP, you got a nice necklace.

I'm half Persian, so. Okay, like. Buddy, buddy. So as a comedian, the worst thing, the biggest fear of people is public speaking. You would think it's sharks or guns or whatever it is, but it's actually just public speaking. Yeah, speaking in public. In the South, it's Black people, but the truth is it's public speaking. You know, you see this, you see people just talking about things they've never ever experienced. You see a whole group of America who's never actually met Black people, it's like, I'm afraid of them. Well, meet— you, you'll trust me, that one you'll overcome. Public speaking though is something that some people never overcome, no matter what, no matter how many times they try it or go up for it. And it seems easy because it's like all you're doing is speaking, but no, it's in front of people. It's all of your insecurities. It's all of the uncomfortabilities all at the same time. Right? So getting on stage and then speaking, but not just speaking, but expecting a result. Now I'm not just talking about things that I know, I'm creating art live in front of you. A musician goes on stage, plays an instrument, and the sound they make is music.

Comedian goes on stage, the, the instrument they play is the audience and the music they make is laughter. That is where that is. It's a similar skill, except it's not as containable. So when you go on stage and you bomb, it is the worst feeling. Like, think about even on ESPN, you watch the highlights. Sure, someone gets dunked, this, that. Getting dunked on is the— like, they show that guy's face like, like they love showing that defeat. Getting rejected, that's like, dun, dun, dun, dun. That'll be a top 10 play. You are getting rejected and dunked on 3, 5, 10 times a week. It's not easy. And you think that comedians, we go up, everyone's bombed. Dave Chappelle, who's in my opinion the best comedian of all time, he has bombed. We've all gone through it. And I'll never forget the way you didn't forget that $7. I'll never forget the time I bombed the most. I was, it was early in my career. It was basically the only time I ever bombed. And I went up this comedian. Before me goes up and just destroys— I mean, uh, Chris D'Elia, he goes up and destroys.

And Dane Cook is next, but Dane Cook is running just a little late. And so they throw me up there without me even being ready or prepared or anything. And I go up on stage, and for 5 minutes, crickets. It wasn't even boos, it was crickets, which is even worse. And so bad that someone was like, good luck next time, as I got off stage. That's the worst. That's like— and that was the funniest joke. Exactly. Like You didn't have to do that. Ah, and so I don't know who— Casey Anthony killed the kid. Like, why would you do that? So I get off stage and I go, and at that time Christina Shams was the manager of the Laugh Factory. She's now the managing, uh, partner in Matt Rife's career, and Matt Rife is huge right now, killing it. So big shout out to Christina and that whole team. I love them. So Christina gave me this little pep talk, was like I was so down. I was like, why am I here? Why did I move from DC to here? Why did I give up this possibly lucrative career in law to be here?

I had businesses, I had things. And she was like, well, that's the thing about comedy. There's always tomorrow. And I thought about that. I was like, wow, that's like a very deep thing that there's always tomorrow. And the thing about tomorrow is if tomorrow wasn't just something that happened, most people wouldn't even make it to tomorrow. Like, most people wouldn't have the grit and wit to get to tomorrow. If tomorrow wasn't something that just— you wake up and the sun's there, if we had to work for it, who would get there? And I then realized I need to work for tomorrow. I will always be prepared. So the next time situation like that happened— Tony Rock is a phenomenal comedian, Chris Rock's little brother. He has another brother, Jordan, who also does comedy. A lot of people don't know Tony Rock is amazing. He went up destroyed. I went up right after him and I was prepared. This time I was prepared. I learned the tricks of the trade and practiced because nothing does better. Practice makes perfect. And I crushed. And that gave me the confidence to know that I'm in the right place, I'm in the right field, and I'm doing the right thing.

And I kept going.

Okay, I got two questions.

One, who's funnier, Tony Rock or Chris Rock? Okay, so that's a very good question. The truth is Tony Rock is funnier than Chris Rock. Rock. Wow. I'm gonna be very honest, Tony Rock is funnier than Chris Rock. I'm gonna get in trouble for saying this. Tony Rock is funnier, but Chris Rock says bigger jokes. So Tony Rock overall, if you're just listening, Tony Rock, you are laughing the whole time. But Chris Rock says jokes that are— remember when I said laughter versus thinking? The funniest thing that can happen to you in comedy is when someone goes, 'That's so true.' And that's who Chris Rock is. He's the 'that's so true' comedian. You sit there and you listen to him, whether it's a joke about, uh, every bullet should cost $5,000— that is a 20-year-old joke that stands out in my mind. It's just brilliant. It's a brilliant persuasive idea that he made funny, because that's the best comedy, is that it's a spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine, truth, go down. And that was just— that's perfect sugar, you know.

My second question is, you know, you came in here, your aura is so bright, right? You got—

you're just funny. It's the Riz game. You got that, Alyssa? It's the Riz. I'm a green, green matcha, green tea matcha guy. Yeah, yeah, that's why, you know, if I was like English, I mean, like English breakfast.

But when did you get that Riz game? Like, was it comedy that drove that? Was it law school that drove that? Was it being a Middle Eastern Black dude that drove that? You know, like, where— and then you didn't have that Riz game when you failed on stage, did you?

I didn't have that Riz game that time.

Okay. So it's a new thing.

It's— see, I would love to say it's new, but the thing about it is I am just exponentially me. So to be okay on stage, you are vulnerable. That is the best. Authenticity is everything. You feel the same in music. And I sometimes equate comedy to rap because it's very similar. It's just you. Uh, with music, when it comes to Beyoncé, she has a whole orchestra backing her up. With rap, it's really just the, the person rapping, the words they're saying. And if we believe them, is 50 Cent really a wankster or a gangster? So with comedy, it's the same. It's authenticity. I would love to be like, this is something I've grown into this and that. But it really came down to a specific thing that happened to me when I was 4 years old. When I was 4 years old, usually my mother, my Black mom would come pick me up from school one time. My Iranian father came to pick me up and being mixed, even though we're so normalized by it now, at that time was not much like having a white Egyptian. If you know the Middle East region, you'll know there are a lot of people who have fair skin like you, but most people don't know these things.

Even in the own communities that you're from, like in Iran, they don't know there are Black Iranians in the South, an entire group of Afro-Iranians or, or Asian looking Iranians. To the east, all these things. So I'm at school, I'm in preschool, kindergarten, and my Iranian father comes to pick me up. My teachers have no idea who he is. And he is there, he's like, "That's my son," basically just pointing at me. He has an accent, he has the mustache, the thick mustache. He's got the hair, you know, it's just like the chest hair in the air. And they're just like, "This Black kid can't be your son. Like, you're kidnapping this kid." And I remember in that moment feeling something for the first time. I felt shame, and I didn't even know what it was. I just felt ashamed, like, what is going on? But then my father did something the most Middle Eastern of all things, without like— not with the best articulation, nothing— just kind of pushes everyone aside. It's like, this is my son, and picks me up and holds me. And when he did that, I felt such a surge of love in that moment that I realized it didn't matter Who I was or any of the other things.

It only mattered that he loved me and that I was loved. And that's when I started realizing to love myself, right? So that love myself has grown into that Riz today, which is just narcissism. I'm a narcissist. Like, this isn't by coincidence. Like, I don't even remember your name if it wasn't on the wall. It's just Teron. Teron. Okay, no, but it's self-love. It's really just knowing yourself and self-love is different. Self-worth and, and, and self-value. People don't know, they might have self-confidence, but they don't have self-worth. You need both. You need to know your own value. It's quality over quantity every time, whether it's in your personal life, your relationships, your friendships, whatever it is. And so these are things that carried with me throughout. And then you stagger that with the things that my mother used to tell me, you know, made me believe I was the best of myself. And, and the rest is all just history. And I'm growing. Obviously, I'm not where I need to be, but I am thankfully one of the top 5% in comedy. I make a living making people laugh. There is no better feeling than that.

You know, I'm sure like you must feel good when you make a living giving people homes. Like you're literally housing— like people get their dream homes and they come to you. Sure. You're also a shark. And I'm sure there's these corporate takeovers that you help too. But then when you see that one family, that immigrant family that didn't think they could get a home and you get them into a home, you're like, wow, that feel— that feeling is something that you can't, you can't ever replicate. That's joy right there. Exactly. And it becomes addicting. So me making the audience laugh and making them think and making them enjoy themselves and, and having a good time, cuz people might not remember what you say, but they'll always remember how you made them feel. That to me is, is what I do. That's my drug. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't even drink coffee. I had tea. I've never done those things. I've never had hookah, but that's my drug.

Gents, can I get you guys a refill on anything?

You know what, that and beautiful women. How crazy is that?

That's my drug too. I know, great. That's amazing.

Thank you.

Good on you. I got you.

Amazing smart women. I'm addicted. If you're smart You're smart and good-looking, you're a winner. Yeah, that's right.

You know, so, uh, any pressure from your parents to get married yet?

Okay, so my parents would love for me to get married. They would love it. You know, you know this, you know what it is.

I mean, I was forced to get married.

Immigrant, I get it. Arranged marriages. He's Egyptian. No, it's like Listen, it was like— I'm sure your wife is listening to this. No, no, ex-wife. Ex-wife. Oh, you want to be like— yeah, no, when it comes to marriage, my parents have understood that you just want to be a playboy forever. To the game. No, I'm married to my career. I don't think that you should be married until you are on the at least see the finish line because that becomes a huge problem.

There's no finish line in entrepreneurship, baby.

There is none. But there is, there is a part of a path where you're like, oh, I'm running good here. I'm running.

But you're running great. You got a brand. You got, you know, Netflix is a Joke series going on. I mean, you're starting to hit big numbers on, on your showings. You got big, great ratings.

My audiences are packed. My I would love to meet a person. So in Farsi, when we're talking about our significant other, we use the term yar. And a lot of people think yar means lover or wife, husband, because Farsi is gender neutral. And it doesn't. It actually just means teammate. So if I was playing soccer and, you know, all the stands were cheering, that person I passed the ball to, the Ronaldo, would still be my yar. And I'm looking for like a teammate, and it's not easy to always—

you're looking for Ronaldo, bro. We're not gonna get a Ronaldo team.

Why not? The, the— what's Ronaldo's girlfriend's name who got the Ronaldo? Georgina got a Ronaldo, and she was just working at a store. She was working at Gucci. It was just like a store, and then Ronaldo walks in, it's like, you, it is you. And then they were like, ah, beijo, beijo. And the next thing you know, she's got an allowance, you know, a million dollar a month allowance. Thank you more than probably that. Yeah. So it's like one of those things where it's like, my thing is I'm looking for my Yara, but it's not necessarily financial. It's someone who can handle me being with a comedian. The hours we work, it's not easy. Our sense of humor is not easy. Like, I get it, your dad died, but haha, like, you know, knock knock, who's there? Grim Reaper. Like, it's just like, you know, it takes a special type of person to deal with an artist, you know? Even Kim couldn't put up with Kanye.. I don't know who could, but it's that. It's like, who do you deal with?

You know, it's like that with even like extreme entrepreneurs like me. Like women can't deal with like, I'm like an artist entrepreneur, like crazy entrepreneur. So it's a different mindset. So we're talking about entrepreneurship.

You're an entrepreneur effectively. Of course. I'm a business. I'm a small business.

You're a small business. What's it like? I'm my business. Running your small business, obviously you're building your brand. What kind of glass ceiling are you— is there a glass ceiling for you?

So there's standards set and we have two amazing comedians that set these standards, Dave Chappelle and Kevin Hart. And they are so different and they're both still grinding and they're still grinding. Hard workers. Dave is a legend and a genius. Kevin Hart is the hardest working, most EQ, high EQ, high IQ person in comedy. And if you know their stories, you'll realize how hard they work to get what they are. Kevin Hart did comedy for 20 years before anyone even knew who he was. 2009 was his breakout year, but he had many little bumps and ups along the way. Dave Chappelle clearly had a very famous downfall that everyone watched a spiral happen on just in the public eye and then watched him bounce back. So when you say, is there a glass ceiling? When it comes to small business and when it comes to having a partner, whether it's a woman or a man, anyone who has a business, like for yourself, the hours that you put in, the dedication, the time, whenever you're in a relationship and that person wants to be the priority, love wants to naturally be the priority, it becomes very difficult when your business is the priority.

It is A, B, C, and D. It is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 on your top 5 list. And it, it almost goes be before family. It, it goes, sometimes you think of things and go, wow, my sister's wedding is inconvenient cuz I have a meeting that day. So as a small business, what I would love to achieve is I would just like to find my foothold. And I've been finding that more and more where I fit into the comedy lane, the comedy experience. I'd love those opportunities to have my own podcast, radio show, these kind of things. Some of the things that I can go out and hustle and just get on my own. But some of the things are opportunities that need to present themselves. And for me to get quote unquote lucky or be an overnight celebrity, an overnight success, I need to be prepared with my 10,000 hours, my 20 years, my 10 years of working hard at something. So as far as a business, I've been working on my brand. A lot of people obviously know it. It does help that I'm the name of a capital city in Iran.

It gives that recognition, but then it's time to deliver. It's not just to be known. You have to be grown. You have to be ready for what it is when the audience comes in and they consume your product. My product is my comedy, my jokes that I tell on stage, my presence, the awareness, my Terror on Thursday show at the Laugh Factory every Thursday, 9:45, shameless plug. All those things that happen are part of who I am. I'm growing my business just like you. I own a McDonald's, except I'm the cashier, the manager, the janitor, the drive-through person, the person who fixes the sign, all the things by myself.

And the bigger I get— you're running operations, 100%, 100%. And you gotta— like, how do you even, like, you know, assign anyone those tasks? You can't.

You're the one doing it all because it's a, it's a brand built on your personal perspective. I can't, I can't basically form out my, I can't farm out my opinions to someone else for them to go and say them live on my Instagram or on a show or on stage. I can't do that.

You can't delegate any work. Exactly.

Only like your calendar. Exactly. It's just me. And you have to be everywhere all at once. Even fi— something in that situation, I would've had to go up to the audience and grab the trash and move back. So, It's one of those things where it's, it's very difficult with your business. I think you have 900+ employees.

We have 950 loan officers. Loan officers. We have about maybe a couple of thousand other people like operations involved in there.

And that's a lot. And still you have to be on top of everything.

Well, so it's funny that you say that. I'm just the CEO.

Just the CEO. Oh, you know, me and Jeff Bezos.

Hey, Elon, we're just the CEOs. I have my partner who's our president. He's in the office basically from 8 AM to 7 PM every single day. And it's kind of like unfair because I'm here podcasting and he's over there grinding. But yes. It's unfair now.

Yeah. Because you've already done the legwork to get to being unfair. Putting in that legwork to get to where it is, because that happens in comedy too. I will be approached by people to do private events and they will offer me X amount of money and I'll say Y and they'll think Y is too much. And they'll even ask why, why, why? And I say, you're not paying for the 45 minutes or an hour I'm on stage. You're paying for my 15 years of building the fact that you want me on stage for you. That's what you're paying for. And if you think about that, you're getting a very good deal. That's a good way to put it.

Yeah. Yeah. But they don't know your history.

They know. That's why they're coming for me. That's why they're coming at, at me. To go, hey, I need you on this. So when that happens, that's when you need self-confidence meeting self-worth, where you value the thing you do. A lot of people, including myself, suffer from imposter syndrome. Sometimes we don't think that we deserve the things we get. Society kind of enforces that on us too. Humility, this, that, oh no, I'm sorry, you're right. All these things are great. And then you realize Guys, closed mouths don't get fed. If you don't speak up, you know what a lot of part of success in Hollywood is? Staying there, just being around long enough that it's your turn. And they go, hey you, what's your name again? Your turn. And you get up there. And when you work for it and you deserve it, you've earned it, you stay there. That's why Kevin Hart has been on top for so long, cuz he worked for it so hard that he knows not to ever let go. And that's the thing about it. It's that perspective where you deserve these things. You deserve better. And we can all do that.

We can all look within ourselves and say, hey, I want more. And that's okay, as long as it's not at the expense of other people. I don't want more and other people have less. I want more. That's when we're walking at night and you look up at the night sky and there's, uh, a sky full of stars. We look up and we're like, wow, this is beautiful. If it's only one or two stars, you look down and keep going about your day. I want there to be other stars. I just want to be one of those stars too.

Your turn's coming. Yeah, I feel it.

I mean, you know, I feel it from your mouth to God's ears, you know. It's just one of those things.

You're one of the most talented people, you know, that I've ever even spoken to on the show, especially when it comes to your rizz. Yeah, the rizz game.

The rizz game. Okay, let's get that. That's charisma for those at home. For all of you millennials and up, that's rizz game, okay?

We got this new segment that I like to do. It's called Viral Moments, and, uh, you're just gonna respond with what you feel immediately, okay? Black mom or Persian mom, whose guilt trip hits harder? Black mom.

Black mom. Black mom. Black mom says things that are just— Black mom's like, I carried you in my stomach for 18 months. That's not even how pregnancy works. That's not even how pregnancy works. What do you mean? Like, Black mom's like, I went through slavery. No, you didn't. No, you didn't go through slavery. Like, well, someone did, and now you're mine. Like, Black mom. Black mom. I used to get hit for stuff other kids did. I could be in the grocery store and there's like another kid, it's like, shut up, Mom. And my mom would just hit me in them, like, don't even think about it. I'm like, I wouldn't even think it, that's him.

That's him. Next thing, law school or stand-up? Which one has more lying?

Law school. Oh yeah, you just listen. In stand-up, actually, we use lies to tell the truth. In law school, you use truths to tell the lie. You're just, you're using, you're manipulating the truths to tell that lie. And so law school, you're lying for sure. You're lying, you're lying with the kids. You know, the number one lies, hey, oh my God, how are you? I like you so much. No, you hate everyone in that Yes, you hate everyone in your school, so it's just— it's lying.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, what's the worst bomb of your career and what did it teach you?

Worst bomb of my career was that time at the Laugh Factory right before Dane Cook. What it taught me was that a Middle Eastern Black person named Tehran should never bomb. Like, that's not— probably not the way that should go, so I'll never do that again.

Is cancel culture killing comedy or making it better?

Cancel culture is killing some comedy, but in other ways it is making it better. Stop going for the low-hanging fruit. Pick higher. Do better. Just because you're offensive doesn't mean you're funny, but just because you're offended doesn't mean you're right. There's a fine line in between, and that's comedy.

You're gonna like this one. What's the craziest thing you've ever seen at Laugh Factory?

Craziest thing I've ever seen? I can't even talk about that. I can't even talk. I'm around comedians all the time. The craziest thing I've ever seen at the Laugh Factory— okay, make it like so. Yeah. I saw big-time comedian, okay, big-time comedian hooking up with Hannah Montana at the Laugh Factory. That's one of the craziest things I've ever seen. And number 2, hooking up, fully hooking up. And I've seen pop star X who was dating pop star Y at the Laugh Factory and smack pop star Z in the face. Like, I can't even tell you these names, you know. I can't, I can't. Wow. I've seen, I've seen a lot when you're around the world in these things. And it's not— it's not— you've never seen, like, it's not the Puff party things, Puff Daddy parties that everyone thinks. It's not that stuff, because obviously Puff Daddy didn't think I would make it because he never invited me to the after party. Like, I never got invited to the extra after party. That's not— he never— he took—

so there's one after party and then there's the extra?

There's a Puff Daddy party and then there was the after party, then there was the after party. That's when all the things went down. That's where all that stuff went down. I was barely invited to the first party, let alone the second, you know. So you got to go to the first one? Yeah. Oh yeah, Puff party. I've been to a puff party in my life. Absolutely fantastic. The after party, that got him arrested. That part got him arrested, you know. After the party is the— it's the after party. Yeah, that, uh, that got him— or go down the list of the after partiers. My advice, stay home.

Don't go to the after—

don't go to that. There's nothing good ever goes on at the after party. No, nothing good ever goes on at the after party.

If a single joke joke could change the country's politics, what would it be?

Single joke that could change the— anyone's joke? Anyone's joke. If anyone's joke, I would have to say it's, it's probably a Dave Chappelle joke. I'm sure it's one of his jokes. His jokes can change the country's— it changes people's minds all the time. So his, his jokes are just phenomenal. Maybe his Jim Carrey joke. His Jim Carrey joke. Which one is that one? It's the one where he basically meets Jim Carrey who was playing the role of Andy Andy Kaufman. And because he's so method, he stays Andy Kaufman. And Dave is like, I wanna call him Jimmy. But he's like, no, you have to call me Andy. But he looks like Jim. And I don't know what to say. He looks like Jim Carrey. I can't call him Andy. It's like, you have to call me Andy. And he's trying, but he messes up a couple times. And he's like, that's what it's like to be around transgender people. It's just a very funny joke with the idea that slow motion is better than no motion. And you'd have to understand comedy to see that he's not coming from a hateful place. He's actually coming from a place of grace where he's saying some things are difficult for us, but he's saying it in a funny way.

It's not that we're not willing to learn, is that sometimes it just takes time. And I think that's the overall thing with any type of politics. Let's just take our time.

Now, what's one thing every comedian learns that everyone should learn?

Practice makes perfect, and being yourself is the hardest thing to to do. Those two things are the most difficult things that a comedian knows, learns, and I wish everyone could learn. No cheat sheets, there's no tricks, there's no— anyone, even if a joke goes viral and now you're all of a sudden famous, when you go on stage and now you tell that 30-second joke and now you have to do the rest of your hour and no one's there laughing, that's when you learn that. And that's the same thing, I'm sure it's the same thing with your business. You do one mortgage, they're not the same. You have to learn the idea, the algorithm. Some people just learn one piece of paper, know how to do paperwork. No, you have to learn the concepts. It's reading and comprehension. So it's comprehending comedy and then being yourself.

That's right, always staying authentic. What's one thing you would tell your 22-year-old self before you walked away from law school?

Wow, buy Bitcoin. If I could— listen, I would have bought— Bitcoin was what, what, like 0.001 cent or something back then, I would have definitely bought Bitcoin. I have bought some— like, I bought so many things that are just like, why do I even have these shoes? I would have just bought Bitcoin. Only Bitcoin. Buy Bitcoin. And you could still—

that, that's— that theory still applies.

It's still cool, but, but it's 80 grand. It's exactly— it's at 80 right now. Even gold's at 47. You need it. Like, I would have Bought Bitcoin, you know. I talk about this with Maz Jobrani, one of my mentors and favorite comedians. Uh, him and Maximini are these two Iranian comedians who opened the door for other Iranian comedians. And Maximini is killing it right now, and Maz has had such a critically acclaimed career just all over. Maz bought a house in 2004. If he had bought Apple stock, it would be worth like $50 million today, you know. And it's just like, that's the thing we would go back and tell ourselves.

If comedy was a mortgage loan, what's the biggest down payment that people need to succeed?

Your lives. You have to— it's not, it's not a hobby. You see a lot of people go into comedy, they made two of their co-workers laugh and they did an open mic, and now they call themselves a comedian. That is not it. It is a lifestyle. It is a 24/7 grind. As you stated earlier, Kevin Hart's grinding.. And that's Kevin Hart. You know, there's this amazing story that I, I'll never forget. A really good friend of mine went to, played in LA, played basketball in LA. I played basketball and he played basketball in LA at high school, went to UCLA, then got drafted by the Lakers. And that's like a dream. Had Kobe's pictures on his wall, everything. Love that he got to play with Kobe. For some reason, Kobe just hated this kid. Won't say his name. Game. So he was upset. Then they asked Kobe in an interview, why do you— Kobe, why do you hate this kid? Like, why do you hate him? He seems to be a nice person. He's like, yeah, he is, but he's always late to practice. Now, if you know this person, he's never late. This is the guy that shows up at 10 PM for a nightclub because we said we'll go out.

Like, he's an on-time person. And practice is from 10 to 4. He's always there 10 to 4. They ask him, he's there 10 to 4. They ask the coach, he says he's 10 to 4. I don't know why Kobe would say that. Then they asked Kobe, coach said he's never late, player says he's never late, other player says he's never late. Kobe, why did you say player is always late? And Kobe said, I get to practice at 8 and I leave at 6. What time should player X get to practice? That's the realest thing. It doesn't matter if practice is 10 to 4, put in the extra effort. Put in the extra effort. Everything deserves extra credit. And when it comes to comedy, it's all the extra effort. You get what you put in. So it's your life.

That's the down payment. Well, that's the coolest Kobe story. And we know Kobe to, to be the hardest working guy in the game. Yeah. And, uh, but his work ethic was like surreal.

Like, sure, but we can all replicate that. I can't—

nobody worked that like Kobe. Nobody. But, but we could.

That's the thing about it. We could. You know, no offense to your empire, We could have done what you did. We could. I can't be LeBron James physically stature, right? But we could have done what you did. We can replicate the things that people do. We choose not to. How many days did you sacrifice fun for work? How many times did you sacrifice sleep for 6:00 AM meetings? How many times did that happen? Oh, all the time. Exactly. So now you get to be unfair. Now you get that we can do that too. That's what happens with people. A lot of times we look. And we think, oh, I want that thing over there. So the door's right there. If I got up and ran to that door, it would take me 3 seconds to get there. And that door right there, if I walked, it might take me 5 seconds. If I crawled on my hands and knees, might take me 1 minute. But if I sit in this chair and go, man, I wanna get to that door, but never get up to actually get to that door, you know how long it'll take me?

Forever. And that's what most people do. They sit in their chair and they go, hey, I wanna get there, but they never get up and get uncomfortable and try to actually go there.

Well, they also sit there and talk a bunch of shit on the— about—

exactly, about the people who are on their way to there until they get to that door. So when that happens, when that happens and you're around people like that, because that happens too, then other people sit in chairs next to you and they make you think you're doing the right thing by sitting in chairs, and all you're doing is talking about the people who are making it to the door. And you know what they're talking about? They're talking about the door. They're not talking about you. So that's the thing. We can all do those things. It's achievable. It's believable. There are certain things I will never paint like Picasso. I'll never dunk like Michael Jordan, but work ethic, that's something all of us can do. We can all work hard. We can all try harder. We can all learn more. We can all do those things. It doesn't matter. And it's exponential. It will help you regardless to whatever degree. Whatever extent that you need it to, it can do that for you. And you're a perfect living example of that. You're not— you didn't invent teleportation. You didn't reinvent the wheel. You took a— you took a party idea that any other kid could have done and you did it.

Then you met people because your net worth— your network is your net worth. Then you took that skill set and then pivoted to mortgages, which you saw a rising need for. Anyone could have done that. That's the realest thing. And you're opening the door for other entrepreneurs, whether they're Middle Eastern or not. You had the most, most handicaps when you came to this country, and now you have all the success and all the privileges. Where did that come from? Had nothing to do with anything but you. That's the realest thing.

And that's a winner's mindset. They look at someone, they I can replicate that with the right mindset, with the right grit, with the right resources, with the right mentality. And for me, with a lot of hopes and prayers, you know, I—

Well, things had to work out for sure. You hope, but how do you know? You dribble, you shoot. Yeah. And I'm saying all this to you because I actually need a better rate on my mortgage. You can actually just like, it's like there's 6%. What happened to those 3% days, bro? What happened to those 3% days, man?

Man, you know, we're hoping after this whole thing blows over in Iran, rates come back down. We got the new Fed chair in, and see, we will see how it goes.

I mean, that's the one thing, like, hey, hey, President Trump, look, we put up with a lot of stuff. Fix the economy, my guy. Fix the economy. That's like, I don't— look, all this extra stuff, this and that, I don't want to— fix the economy. That's the one thing where I honestly, if gas goes under $2, bring back slavery. Look, I'll be happy. Like, we got to do something. There's got to be something here.

Here, you know? $8 a gallon in LA, right?

$8 a gallon. That's why I have an EV. I have an EV. Yeah, who—

you'd be crazy not to have an EV right now.

Yeah, yeah, EV. Like, a lot of people don't like EVs. I'm sorry, I understand until I got the EV.

Yeah, and now I only drive EVs.

Now I only drive EVs. I will have a gas car, sure, in case of apocalypse, which is sooner than, than we think, but other than that, I'm EVing it. Like, I have spent maybe it this whole year, maybe $200 charging it the whole year. And I have an EV, a Hummer, by the way. I love it. Like, I'm going EV. Yeah, it's the best.

Yeah, it's the best. Now this last segment, okay, it's called Approved Loan or Foreclosure. Okay, so after I give you the whether it's approved or foreclosure, tell me why. Okay. All right. Kevin Hart pivots to become a serious motivational speaker only. Approved. Okay, why?

One of the most motivating people I've ever met. Kevin Hart remembers everyone's name. He's so dedicated and ambitious. He, he does motivating— motivation speaking, just not in public. He does it for comedians behind closed doors, opens the doors for all the people. He helps so many people. He does all the stuff. But just even look at the guy, he's so in shape. He's 5'1", he's basically a Smurf, and he's got a six-pack. Like, he works hard, I'm telling you. Yeah, he is He is the Josh Holoby of comedy. This is a guy who works so hard. He worked to becoming an entrepreneur. He became all the things, Jumanji 14, all the things.

Yeah. Oh, he's spoken at my friend Dan Fleischman's conferences, $100 Million Masterminds, and it's all motivational stuff. Love it. Definitely approved. Okay. Tiffany Haddish launches a luxury meditation candle line.

Approved. Tiff— Tiffany, this is another story. Foster kid did comedy camp, which I do— I host with Tiffany at the Laugh Factory. It's for— it's for children between the ages of 9 and 15, 16. We teach them comedy. A lot of these kids come from a foster home background. Tiffany Haddish herself came from a foster care background, came in, had all the demons in the world has made herself successful, has made herself all the things she wanted to be possible, and is big into that meditation, spirituality, healing things. So her candle, I would definitely buy the candle. I definitely do the meditation. Does the candle smell, smell like cocoa butter? Probably, maybe, you know, it says cocoa butter, but it would be amazing, you know.

Maz Jobrani runs for president.

Approved, approved. Maz is one of the most fair-minded, nice, kind people I've ever met in my entire life. This guy's just a wonderful person.

I love it. Dave Chappelle becomes a real estate investor here in Orange County.

Oh, I think he already is. Dave Chappelle bought Ohio. I don't know if you know this, but he has this city in Ohio that's just his. Like, when you go to the city, they don't even ask you where you're going. They're like, for He lives here. Like, he's the only— like, he— everything's like the Chappelle. It's the Chappelle Restaurant, the Chappelle Bank, the Chappelle Auditorium, everything. He bought this Youngstown or whatever it's called. He owns that whole city in Ohio. So, wow. Yeah, so I'm sure he already does.

Yeah, he probably has a place.

Yeah, he already had a place. He probably just has a whole— I mean, it is called Newport Beach and he smokes Newport, so I think Chappelle would definitely have something.

Now, a comedian bombs on stage and blames Mercury retrograde.

I would foreclose on that. However, I'm pretty sure that happens a lot. I'm pretty sure that that has happened. I think maybe Whitney Cummings has done that. Uh, Elijah Schlesinger also never bombs. Whitney never bombs. But if they did, it could be a Mercury retrograde. It's a great situation. Uh, I think that— I think that Gary Cannon has done that. I think there are comedians that have done that. But I foreclose on that. It's never the audience, it's always us. Well, I don't know, I don't know how I do in front of a KKK audience, but other than that, I think it's never the audience, you know.

Now, um, buying a mansion the week after your first Netflix special drops— oh, foreclose.

That's just— you're MC Hammering your life. You are just throwing away money like that. I don't think people realize, like, when you buy things taxes. I don't think people realize that taxes never stop. They don't— they don't care if you're sick, they don't care if you're— you're dead. You just pay taxes forever, and that's a percentage of that thing. So unless you have a Netflix deal after Netflix deal and $100 million Chappelle deal, never, never. Unless you're Dave Chappelle. Yeah, I mean, that deal, yeah, for sure.

A comedian writing off emotional support sneakers. On his taxes. Approved, approved.

I write my sneakers off, so I'm like, approved. You know what, and now I'm gonna add the words emotional support. I'm going to add the words emotional support. That's actually— you know what, sometimes I do caress my shoe. I do caress my shoe.

You guys, you got nice shoes, man.

It's part of the rizz game. I don't always have someone to cuddle with, but I always have shoes, you know.

4 comedians splitting rent in Hollywood— in Hollywood Hills house.

I would love to say foreclosed on that, but I approve. Sometimes you want to be around that success. 4 comedians splitting rent, also not uncommon. Like, that's like— actually, it should have been like 6 or 8, but 4 comedians splitting rent, not uncommon. Maybe you want to be, depending on how much that house costs, and if you can do it, go for it. Uh, that success might motivate you.

Doing open mics at night while working a mortgage desk job by day, approved. Let's go.

That's, that's, that's the realest thing right there. Here. Some people come to Hollywood and they think as soon as they step off, hey, I was prom king and prom queen in my city. Yeah, well, you're coming to Hollywood to be a whore, okay? You are coming here to just work at Katsuya. You're not the— that big fish in a small pond anymore. You are a small fish in an ocean, and you have to find your way. So if you have to work mortgage, if you have to do anything, drive Uber— some people are ashamed to talk about jobs that they work, and I'm like, are robbing banks or selling crack? Because scammers are always proud of scamming, and yet people who have amazing 9-to-5 honorable jobs are ashamed of talking about it. And that's something backwards in society, you know? So we should be— hey, you have a mortgage job and then you do at night? I, I wish you the best, Tom. I hope you do great.

I tend to think this one's okay, but buying a house based on TikTok advice— whose advice?

Am I buying it off your advice? If you— if I had a— if I'm on, on the Joe TikTok, that's how I know so much about you. If I'm on Joe TikTok and Joe's like, oh, looks like it's time to buy in this there, you know, and it could be anything, be like buy in Compton as soon as they open up a Starbucks. Bye-bye. Because Starbucks did a billion dollars in research, and if you're willing to buy a $10 cup of Java, okay, Coffees with Joe Shalaby, then you're willing to buy, you're willing to increase the price of a house. So if you gave me the advice, it's true. But a lot of times it's like, hey, my name's Homeless Hank and I'm giving you advice. It's like, ah, hey, Homeless Hank, blocked. Like, I'm not listening to— I'm not listening to that.

A lot of good advice, you know. I would sit with surgeons who are telling me things that they learned on TikTok. I'm like, you're learning med school on TikTok now?

Maybe not go to that person. I might not.

That's a little— I don't know if I want you operating on my arm.

Yeah, I'm not like, oh no, Trust me, I just watched it on YouTube. You're up.

Like, no wonder Luca's taking so long to get back, man. 100% because surgeon was watching TikTok videos.

That's what I've used YouTube to put together an IKEA something, and it never looks like the thing it's supposed to. That's gonna be your arm. Like, that's not good. Okay, rapid fire movie picks. Rapid fire movie picks.

I'm gonna name a celebrity, a city, and a profession, and I just need you to fire off a fake movie title. That's it. Michael Jackson, city is Tehran, Uber driver. Perfect.

It is called Wrong Direction with Michael Jackson. It is about a group of singers in a boy band that are just going the wrong— why are you there? Why are you there? Why? Let go of the Pepsi, your haircut's on fire. Let's go back, let's go back. Wrong Direction, Michael Jackson and Wrong Direction.

Sydney Sweeney, Detroit, Detroit, tax accountant.

Shaving Ryan's privates. Hear me out. Sydney Sweeney in Detroit as a tax accountant. And the way she's keeping this job, because I, I love Sid, but not letting her do my taxes, you know what I'm saying? Shaving Ryan's privates.

You're gonna love this one. Kim Kardashian, Cleveland, school gym teacher.

Foreskin Gump. Hear me out, okay? It's Kim Kardashian as a teacher. It's like, come, Forrest Gump, come. Maybe she'll pass the bar, maybe she won't. Do I want Kim Kardashian teaching my kids? Unless she's teaching them BBLs, probably not, you know. But Kim has done a lot to save, uh, for criminal reform in this country. So that's what it is. I get it. I love it. Yeah, she's like— if you think about the last decade plus, Kim Kardashian has been at the center of every single monumentous historical event, whether it's the presidency, whether it's Kanye, whether it's every NBA team and their championships, the Kardashians have been right in the middle. She is the Forrest Gump of pop culture. So you had brought up if I think it's a good idea to buy a mansion right after a Netflix special. And it's interesting because especially in Hollywood, so many people lose everything everything. And it's oftentimes over that property, over whether it's Mike Tyson— and sure, he bounced back, but you remember that fiasco when he lost everything, basically bankruptcy. MC Hammer— I can go down the list littered with the horrible financial advice. What's great advice for you that you think that comedians or any entertainers should have when it comes to mortgage finance, and above.

Number one, don't go too big. You gotta stay within your means. You can't go, I'm gonna buy this mega house, because nothing is— income's always all over the place, especially when you're an entrepreneur.

It's arbitrary for sure.

So I personally go, you know, as just live within your means. Don't go too big. Second off, a lot of comedians don't even know they have the ability to can even buy a house because you're self-employed. So they don't realize what kind of options even exist for self-employed borrowers. Like, do you own your house?

I thankfully have a building. So I have a building, I have a couple buildings, commercial buildings. I have apartment buildings.

And you live in one of the units?

I live in one of the units.

That's the smartest thing to do. So what you did, you got sound advice. Your dad's Middle Eastern.

I mean, he's like, do this. Actually, it was my Black mom that was I'm like, you better buy that shit.

Your strategy is what I would advise anybody buying real estate that's, you know, single and young and doesn't have kids yet. It's house hack. And the easiest way to house hack is to buy units, but you can also just buy a house with 4 bedrooms and rent out every single room. Sure. And that also works just as well. So if you want to buy a single-family residence, you know, what's a room going for these days? $1,200, $1,500 a room. Easily. Easily. So house hacking and buying multi-units and doing it with income that's based on your bank statements or just a larger down payment. So you could buy a 4-unit or, you know, a 3-unit building in LA with just your bank statements. And then you put down 10% and then you rent out all the units. You house hack your personal unit. Maybe you live in the 2 or 3-bedroom. You're making money all over the place. You're able to mitigate your mortgage expenses and you get all of that interest as a write-off. So it's not— and you get the assets, the depreciation, the appreciation on the property, the depreciation on the property. So real estate is, you know, multi-phase game.

It's not just singular. I'm just going to secure my payments. By the way, that's a big thing in LA right now, right? People are suffering from rent increases all the time. That's why you have all the time. So this is a great way for you to secure your living expenses. And right now, because the market's just, you know, kind of in a pit, it's actually a great time for people to start thinking about buying because houses are sitting on the market longer. So you could come in 15, 20% under asking. We haven't had a moment like this in history for decades where you can get properties way under market value.

My question in regards to that is because a lot of entertainers don't know that they can buy, honestly. And it's not just entertainers, it's anyone with a W-9, anyone who's a consultant, business owner, whatever it is, especially small business owner. It's easy when you're making like I make $100 million or whatever it is. But when you're just making salary.

Yeah. Or you're making 90 grand a year.

Exactly. How do you do that? What is the—

They go based on your gross deposits. So we can use all of your gross deposits as your actual income to purchase a property. And if you're just buying an investment property, you can actually use the air— the projected Airbnb income to qualify the property. What do you mean? So if the property rents for $200 a night, you know, you multiply that, $1,400 a week, you know, $6,000 a month or whatever it is. They use that income as the actual expense ratio, 1 to 1. So if the mortgage is $6,000 and you're making $6,000, the bank will qualify.

So when that happens, you no longer need income at all. Well, it's the thing is like, remember the guy who has that, the mortgage job during the day and the comedy at night? You don't need that. That? Because you have— that's what I've always been— when it comes to passive income, where does, where does property fall?

So right now, sadly, in California, you're not making much income. The people who are buying in California right now are usually like, you know, investors looking to flip deals or, you know. But where you're making big money on passive income is going to be other states like Ohio, Arizona, Mississippi, Colorado. I mean, basically everywhere outside. How is it—

how hard— how difficult is it to buy out of state?

It's just as easy as it is to buy in-state. You just hire a property management company, you're hands-off. I mean, it'd be good for you to see the property, but we as a— we're a bank and a broker licensed in 48 states, so people are always buying out. What are the two states you're not licensed in? Massachusetts and New York. Oh, you know why? Those are tough states.

Egyptian. They were just— they're out for you, you know? They don't like us. Yeah, the marathon, and they're just like, oh, no more, you know? You have those two Wow, those two states. I know, I thought you were gonna say Hawaii and like Alaska.

I don't know why the bomb— but that was a Muslim that did that. Yeah, it's not even important.

A lot of people don't realize that there are different— first of all, it's not even based on religious. Bad people are bad people. But secondly, you know, there are people— don't they forget there are Jewish, Christian, Muslim, and above and beyond different types of Middle Eastern? It started there. It all started there. But they just, you know, lump it on the other.

That Boston Marathon dude was a jihadist. He's a crazy dude. That's a crazy guy. Just gave us a bad rap. Now I can never get my business license in Massachusetts.

It's just horrible. Like, jihadi, horrible. Jihadi girl, maybe great in bed. I don't know. It's just, you never know, you know. It's willing to go down. No, I'm kidding. This is comedy. Comedy. So if I want to purchase in Alabama, I do what?

Step A.

Uh, step A, uh, make sure you got at least 10% down, because I, I've been I actually went to Alabama for a show and I was like, wow, I was surprised. I didn't expect Alabama to be as beautiful as it is. It is. It's very nice, very modern.

So step A is step A, contact Joe at eMortgage Capital. You know, you know the deal. Reach out to me. I'll walk you through the whole process.

That's amazing. Yeah, because you're, you're A through Z. A through Z, baby. Except in New York and Massachusetts.

But we do business in New York, Massachusetts, just but just investment properties. I love that.

Well, that's what I would love to get into. How easy is it to get into investment properties? Like a lot of people come to you because they want to buy their home. But what about I want to buy their home, meaning I want to purchase someone's home because I want it to be my passive income.

It's, it's as easy as you just calling me. Call me and we'll get, we'll make it happen. I'll even go as far as talking to the real estate agent for you. And, you know, I'm grinding them.

I love that. I love it because it's, it's something more people ownership is definitely something more people, and it's just not all people, American people, people of color, minorities, immigrants, ownership is definitely the path.

It's the start of your net worth. It's the start. If you are looking at how to become wealthy, you start with the basics. Start with real estate.

What are the books that I should read on how to build things like this?

Rising from the Sand by Joseph Shalaby. Your book. But no, seriously. No, it's a serious book.

That is serious. I do talk about that.

That, uh, obviously becoming wealthy through real estate in that book. But I mean, one of the biggest and most inspirational books for me was the book Think and Grow Rich, just because it just changes your mindset about how to become wealthy.

Were you a big Rich Dad Poor Dad fan?

Yeah. I mean, Robert Kiyosaki is amazing. Yeah. Yeah.

And also great motorcycles.

And he, he did, he did pin down how, how to really leverage, um, from, you know, us, the bankers, you know, how to use that to build your wealth. I mean, Robert Kiyosaki till this very day is very, very leveraged, but his net worth is, you know, hundreds of millions. Wow. What is leverage? He's using our money, the bank's money, to buy bigger properties. So he'll use a couple million dollars from us, he'll roll it into a big commercial building, you know, it's worth $20 million, he borrowed $10 million, it appreciated, he'll flip it. So he's been able— he's not like using his own money. Actually, a big example of this is Donald Trump. I mean, Donald Trump at some point was so overleveraged, he was negative $100 billion, right? Or some negative $100 million. And he would make fun of himself, like, look, to his wife walking around the street, like, see that homeless man? I'm $100 million poorer than him. But then boom, everything takes off. The real estate turns, the market turns.

But see, to be very transparent, to someone like myself, that just seems— with the buildings, I saw a good investment and I had someone to kind of guide me and tell me, hey, you should do this or do that. But everybody needs a good— unachievable, like, how do you even do that? How do you get into that? How is that not the scariest thing ever?

Everybody needs a good accountant and everybody needs a good loan officer. It's just something that you have to have. You have to have someone to consult with consult with when it comes to your health, your doctor. You got to have someone to consult with when it comes to your taxes. You got to have someone to consult with when it comes to buying real estate, you know, and taking cash out to leverage your existing real estate. It's just part of the arsenal you have to have. And the fact that you don't got one now, you do now.

I love it. I need to— I need— I want to do more. That's why. And you make it seem so— it's easy. I don't want you to say easy, but it's digestible. Yeah. You say it in a way that even I I understand, I can comprehend, I can— I feel like, oh wow, I can do this.

Just like your comedy, bro, you make it digestible.

Yeah, that's the thing about comedians and mortgage brokers. We make it look so easy, everyone thinks they can do it. And the thing about it is, when it comes to mortgages, everyone can. When it comes to comedy, please don't. Please stop, you guys. Stop.

Please, please, please stop. Tehran, you've been an absolute pleasure to have on this show. You're hilarious. Your talent is just through the and the Rizz. I was about to say, that Rizz game, bro, it's on another level. I appreciate you. Any big projects you want to plug in before we tune out here?

Well, of course, look for me on Netflix, Comedy Central. I have a movie out with Cuba Gooding Jr., Angels Fall In. I have another one called American Typecast with Dane Cook. He directed it and our good friend wrote it. It was very well done. Also, I have a weekly show at the Laugh Factory, a residency Tehran Thursday. It's the funnest show in Hollywood, every Thursday, 9:45 PM. If you find me on social media, everyone at home, I promise you I'll put you on the guest list. My name is Tehran. Find me at @iamtehran all across social media. And if you don't know how to spell Tehran, just watch Fox News. They literally talk about me every week, every, every hour. They literally blame me for everything. Because the thing is, when you watch news and you hear the word Tehran Tehran. Most people think, oh, the city would— but I think me. I think me. This is my name. I don't think, oh, immediately— like, if you hear Joe, you're not thinking Joe Rogan, you're thinking Joe Chalabi. Like, you're thinking yourself if someone said this, this Joe. Well, I think that when they're like, it's Tehran's fault, we blame Tehran, we must kill Tehran— like, why?

What did I do? Oh yeah, yeah, okay. I appreciate you for having me. Thank you so much, Alyssa. Thank you so much for the amazing green tea matcha. That's who I am now. I'm a green tea matcha guy. You know, that's how it goes. So thank you so much for making that amazing concoction. I appreciate you for doing this, and I appreciate you for having me.

I learned a lot. I learned a lot.

Yeah, I learned a lot. It's a competition. I learned a lot. You know, we all learned a lot. I just feel like I'm gonna talk to you about these, uh, leverages and mortgages, and I'm gonna have you speak at our next conference. Well, bust some jokes. I want to go $100 million in debt. I want to be president one day, you know, like, you know, I don't want to do all the other things he did to get there, but that part I can do. Appreciate you. Thank you so much for having me on the show. I can't wait to tell you about leveraging comedy and then hopefully you tell me about like leveraging mortgages because I need to, I need that in my life.