Transcript of Armchair Anonymous: Holiday Nightmare II

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts, or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Buck Rogers, and I'm joined by Monica Lightyear. What would the holidays be without crazy holiday stories on Armchair Anonymous?

People got them.

They got them. They're gonna keep coming. These are great. Hopefully, they'll get you in the mood. Let me just quickly glance to make sure no no animals have died prematurely.

No. That's fine. Yeah. I think we're good here.

We're good.

Yeah. Go into the holiday strong with crazy holiday stories.

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Are yours gonna be all about whales? Yes.

Okay.

Good times come and go. Good times take them slow.

Hi.

Hi, Tracy. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you both as well.

Well, thanks for taking my story. When you guys started Armchair Anonymous, I was like, man, I got a story. Oh,

you knew 1 day.

So excited.

So this is a Christmas story that happened about 20 years ago on Christmas Eve. Okay.

Oh, okay. 2004.

Yeah. So our children at the time, Daniel, he would have been about 13, and Abby would have been about 8.

Hold on a second. You do not look nearly old enough to have had a 13 year old in 2004.

I will be 56 tomorrow. Nice.

Also, happy birthday.

Thank you.

Also, you're looking very foxy.

Yeah.

Very foxy. Aging very gracefully.

I'm having about a 100 hot flashes now because I'm a bit nervous.

Okay. That's alright.

As the mom, the head shopper, my goal every Christmas when the kids were younger was to really have a great day. And it's not just about gifts, but a lot of it is about the gifts.

They never hurt.

It's a big deal.

Yep. And it's not about the quantity. It's just about making sure that they're getting what they put on their Santa list. So I'm in sales, and at Christmas time, I'm super busy. So I always try to get everything done before we get into December.

And I think it was, like, December 3rd, I hauled everything out and was going through everything, and we have to have the same amount per kid. The Christmas spirit is happening in that bedroom as well as you get my drift here. So I'm making everything fits in the stockings appropriately, and I'm making lists. Okay. Abby's done.

Daniel needs a couple of things, and it's getting late. It's 12:30, so I tie everything up to make sure that I know where it is. And went down 2 flights of stairs, and we have this crawl space that no 1 goes in because we're frightened to death of the crawl space.

Nothing scarier than a crawl space.

Oh, yeah. It's terrible. I threw them down over the stairs, and I went, oh, no one's going down here tomorrow. I'll put it in the crawl space when the kids go to school. So let's go ahead to Christmas Eve that year, and we're having a great day, visiting family, and I'm having some wine.

Sean's driving. Mom is partaking. Fantastic. Big series. Just having a couple of drinks, And we said, okay.

It's time to go home and get the kids straightened away and read our stories and do our traditions. And myself and my husband, Sean, we sit on the couch, and it's actually a unbelievably beautiful evening. The snowflakes are coming down. We're just getting ready to have a cocktail.

Oh. This is the dream.

This is not the norm. Usually, it's just a gong show. I know I'm a stress bag. Is everything okay? I gotta cook a turkey tomorrow.

Was that out? He looked at me and said, you are doing so good. I said, I know. This is great. So it's getting late.

It's about 10 ish, and I said, let's get everything organized for under the tree so that's done, and then we can just relax for 1 hour before we go to bed. He said, alright. I'm going downstairs and getting everything. So I'm looking out the window, and life is perfect, and I'm just so happy with my family. And I could hear him open up the crawl space, Then I heard him close the crawl space, and he opened the other crawl space.

And when he opened the 2nd crawl space and closed it and he went over to the 3rd 1, I just kind of, like, perked up. Yeah. Yeah. And he called out. He said, Trace, where are the gifts?

I was like, they're in the same place they always are.

Oh, no.

Yeah. And I started to go downstairs. And at that point, tent is thrown out, Coleman stoves, every piece of hockey equipment Daniel owned, every old toy that the kids had from growing up that you just throw in the back of that. Things are going everywhere, and I'm like, what the actual is going on here? Yeah.

I said, it's right there. I know. No 1 opens this door. The kids now look there because they're terrified of it. He's in the other crawl space.

Then he's out in the garage, and the garage door is opening and closing. We're not giving into the panic, but it's just on the surface. And we start to go back to the night that I did all the gifts, and we realized when I threw them down over the stairs, the next day was garbage day.

No. No.

So now it is 11 PM on Christmas Eve, and I'm just like, oh, yeah. What's open? What's open? What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?

And at that point, he actually started to cry. And I was like, oh, no. No. No. No.

No. I hate to cry.

Yeah. I need

to be strong. He was like, I threw them out. And I said, well, I threw them out over the stairs. Oh. I'm thinking I have to get up in the morning

Holy shit.

And tell those 2 little children, 1 who is the big believer of the Christmas spirit

Yeah.

That their parents are idiots and there is no Santa.

And we chucked all your presents. We had gotten you all the stuff you wanted.

Yeah. Oh my god. Listen. And people have really bad shit going on in their lives. I'm gonna tell you, this was the worst feeling I had in my life up to that point.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I got a bit of a hangover starting on top of it. I got a headache. I'm crying. Sean's freaking out. We're just like, we are the worst parents.

And then Abby wakes up and goes, what's going on? My Santa's here, and you guys are awake. And I'm like, just go back to sleep. And there's no cell phone, so I'm not texting my girlfriend and going help. It's getting late.

I called my mom. My mom had just been recently retired, so she would, like, tinker around in stores, in that little gift shops and secondhand stores. She said, okay. I'm on my way. And she brought this box.

I mean, I looked in it, and there was comics from 1982. Oh my god.

Okay. That'll do.

Sister and husband and 2 kids were living overseas in Qatar, and they were home for Christmas. And she's really super organized, so I knew she'd have some stuff in a tickle trunk somewhere. She said, I got goodies. We're gonna come over. I'm just getting so late, and we took all this stuff they had and started poking it in stockings and unwrapping stuff.

And there was gifts that Sean's family. They live in Calgary. They sent to us, and I started unwrapping those saying, could we use some of this?

Desperate times.

Yeah. So now it's 2 o'clock in the morning. I am a broken, destroyed human.

Yeah. You've wrapped up a bunch of bullshit.

We just go to bed. Sean goes, I don't know. This is gonna be bad. I'm like, we are idiots. Couple hours later, Abby wakes up, and she's super excited.

She has no idea what's going on. And she goes into Daniel's room, gets him up. The rules are you're not allowed to go downstairs. Mom and dad have to go down, get the video camera going like it's the old fashioned video camera. There's no phone.

Yep. Me and Sean aren't even speaking to each other. We're just looking around going, this is so bad. Come downstairs, and they start going through their stuff. And because Daniel, I still had to get him a couple of things.

He did okay.

He liked the 10 year old comic books.

These are vintage.

Sean's sister Trudy had a camera with an SD card. That was a gift he wanted. And at the time, this is when brand names like Nike and West 49, the skateboard clothes was get and it was expensive. And he had asked for this specific sweatshirt. Wasn't there.

Anyway, Abby's going through her stocking. So she's this little 8 year old girl that the spirit of Christmas is alive and well inside of her, and she's digging her hands and everything. And everything she takes out, she looks at it with this little look at her face like, what did Santa bring me? And then smile, lays it down. And she goes for everything.

She takes up the comic books, covers off it. I'm like, how do I put that 1 in there? 1979, I'm sure. And she's just like, oh, wow. I am

just

shell

shocked.

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Hello, ladies and gerbs, boys and girls. The Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with 'tis the Grinch holiday podcast. After last year, he's learned a thing or 2 about hosting, and he's ready to rant against Christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire. You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like Jon Hamm, Britney Broski, and Danny DeVito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's a lot to love about the insufferable holiday season. But that's not all.

Somebody stole all the children of Whoville's letters to Santa, and everybody thinks the Grinch is responsible. It's a real Whoville whodunit. Can Cindy Lou and Max help clear the Grinch's name? Grab your hot cocoa and cozy slippers to find out. Follow 'tis the Grinch holiday podcast on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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At the bottom of the stocking, she hauls out this little clear cylinder package, and it's all filled with gold, like gold chains. I don't know what it is. And she goes, mommy, what is this? I said, let's just open this up. So we open up.

I don't know what it is. Yeah. As it opens up, it unfolds into, like, a Cleopatra costume headdress. Oh, fun.

That's great. It's like a chain mail hat.

Absolutely. So I put it on her little face. Some of her teeth are adult teeth. Some are little baby teeth. She's got this weird old crooked smile.

She puts this thing on. It goes over 1 eye, and

she

looks at me. And she goes, mommy and my princess. And I remember thinking that sweet little child does not care.

Yeah. She doesn't know. Yeah.

She likes that she was thought of by Santa. Yeah.

And I just remember looking at her and my heart just soared and I went, baby. It is beautiful. You are Santa's little princess. This is gorgeous. And just thinking, oh my goodness.

Did we pull this? Anyway, I took Daniel aside. He was older, and I said, buddy, I am so sorry. Buddy. He said, mom, I got everything I wanted.

This is great. Oh. And we kinda just went, oh my goodness. We pulled this off. Daniel knew, but he kinda just parked it in his memory.

And quite a few years later, I've said to the kids, do you not remember that crazy Christmas? And they were, no no idea.

Well, that's hard.

Kinda that's informative. Maybe we put too much effort into it. Just wrap shit up, dump it under the tree.

It was the worst feeling ever. I thought I'm gonna get up in the morning and tell that sweet little 8 year old that there's no Santa, And that crushed me.

Okay. I think this is what I would have done. I would have written a note from Santa, and it would have said something along the lines of Santa couldn't make it everywhere this year, and so he's coming back in a couple days.

Okay. Alright.

And in the meantime, the elves dropped off some trinkets, but the real presents are coming in a couple days because he got in over his head.

Okay. So you throw sand under the bus.

Of course.

Okay. That's what he's there for.

We ended up once everything opened up, we took the kids shopping.

Let them pick out what they wanted.

Shopping spree. Have fun.

Yes. People get cancer diagnoses. Those are worse. But when you have just spent this much time getting the gifts, then wrapping them, then putting them perfectly

on the thing,

there's a lot that's going wrong at once. You've wasted all that time, all that money, and then you have Christmas morning coming. So there's a lot there to be frustrated with. 3rd option, I would have just gone cash. Okay.

Santa brought cash this year. He wanted you to know you're old enough to go shopping, like, made a whole thing about that.

Wow. Okay.

Just just been, like, in a pinch. Right?

But you also want them to be opening the stuff.

We'll rep each bill individually.

Yes. Yes.

Tracy, where in Canada are you? You have the most specific accent, and I'm so curious.

Saint John's, Newfoundland.

I had a weird hunch. Because it's almost got a hint of Scottish in it, doesn't it, Monica?

Oh, it's great. Maybe Irish sometimes.

Yeah. I love that.

Beautiful island on the East Coast of the country.

And home to the cutest dogs ever.

Oh, yes. The Newfoundland dog. They're big.

Big boys.

Wow. That was fantastic.

Thank you, Tracy. And sorry that you guys went through that. I love that the perfect buzz with the snowflakes turned immediately to a hangover. That's kind of my favorite part because I know that moment.

Oh, my head almost blew up my shoulder. When the kids were young, I used to always try to have Christmas day at the house. Didn't wanna disrupt them from their stuff. So my family would come over. So my older sister, my younger sister, we're all, like, little bit glam queens, and they showed up like just superstars.

I'm still in an old T shirt that's carried out my face. And they're like, what the heck is going on with you? I said, you're never gonna believe what happened. This is the worst day ever. Well, not the worst day.

This was just the worst situation.

We threw out Christmas.

Every year for about 10 years after that at 4:30, I would run and just look for the gifts. Just get my eyes on them.

Sure.

Because I knew that everything is closing in about an hour. If they're gone, I can hide Taylor to a Walmart or to a store and just buy something.

Double safety check.

It's a good cautionary tale story as well for people.

Sure. Do a few check ins with those guests leading up. Well, Tracy, that was a delightful story. Thank you so much for telling us. Talking us.

Oh, thank you for having me. Can I get my husband to come in and say a lot?

Sure. Of course.

He's the guy that helped me throw out the gifts.

Hello, Sean.

In my defense, they were in green garbage bags.

That's fair. How would you have known?

You were being a very nice gentleman and taking the trash out. This is not on you. And it's not on Tracy, but it is on Tracy.

No. It's not.

My girlfriends were trying to blame him. I said, no. I threw those down the stairs and should've tucked them away. The green garbage bag at the time was the downfall of that evening. That's

pretty much. Yeah. It's been a fun story for a long, long time.

Well, it's lovely meeting both of you. Yeah. Thanks. Yes. Have a great holiday.

You as well. Thanks so much, guys. Alright.

Bye bye.

Yeah. They have, like, almost Irish accents. The dad did too. Alright. Let's talk to Laurie.

Hi. Is this Laurie?

This is Laurie.

Hi, Dax. Monica, nice to meet you. Are you in your office?

I am.

And what's your university poster I see?

That is Ohio University in Athens, Ohio. So I'm a proud graduate of o u. Currently, I'm living outside of Cincinnati.

In Ohio still, not in Kentucky.

I actually do live in Northern Kentucky.

Ah.

But I work in Cincinnati right across the river, so I have a very nice view of the Cincinnati skyline.

Oh, beautiful. And that's the home of Josh Hutcherson. Do you know that actor? He's a Northern Kentucky boy.

Yes. He is.

Okay. So you have a crazy holiday story.

I do have a crazy holiday story. This happened in Cincinnati as well in 2008, 2009. Some history on me. I had lost my mom about 2 years prior to that, very young. She was 52, and I was going through a lot of grieving, probably self medicating with food and alcohol

and just

letting myself go a little bit. So I decided to join a gym. And gyms kind of entertainment dated me a little bit. So I chose a place. I won't name any names, but it's known primarily for focusing on being for women only.

They were primarily target to older crowd. I mean, I'm 30 at this point. Most of the women who were going to this gym were 20 to 30 years older than me. It was a good start for me to get back into working out. I also got to talk to people who were my mom's age, have some maternal healing there, and actually just talked to other women who had lost their mother.

Yeah.

I was the only 1 at that time in my friend group because I was so young and she was so young. They really didn't have anyone to relate to. You know, met with different ladies, and we start hanging out outside the gym, having dinner, going for a drink, going art fairs, craft fairs.

Yeah. I feel like that would be a good crowd to stumble into. They're like older gals who are making an effort to stay healthy. They're probably engaged in a lot of ways in life.

Yes. It was very good. It was what I needed at that point and realizing that everybody is going through different things and grief doesn't have a timeline. Right. 1 of the ladies was having a Christmas party.

We were doing a white elephant gift exchange. They specifically said, bring something that's already in your house

Okay.

So that you're not spending any money on anything. So a bunch of us go to the party and we start this gift exchange. With this particular format, you didn't open the gift until everybody had picked, and all the gifts were stolen. So, really, people weren't doing it based on the shape and the size of the bag or the packaging.

Oh, they were doing stealing before the reveal. That's different.

That

is interesting. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. If it was heavy, if you get you shake it and make noise. So there was probably 20 of us or so. We get through. Everybody gets their final gifts, and then we're going around the room opening the gifts.

They're getting Christmas decorations. They're getting ornaments. They're getting wreath. They're getting candy. They're getting, you know, just all kinds of different items.

You can say a bullshit from other people's houses.

Yeah. Or things that people are have re gifted. They may have gotten it for Christmas last year.

Sure. Sure.

Then I get to me. Then I pull out this item that looks and feels like it's a vase. Uh-oh. It's got a cover on the top, but the cover almost like a paper that's been taped on the top of it.

So maybe used.

Yeah. I know what it is.

Yeah. Me too.

I pull it out. I'm looking at it. I'm trying to figure out what it is, and I hear a voice coming from the back. 1 of the older ladies said, well, I was told to bring something that I already had, and this is my husband. Well, it's my husband's ashes, and he wanted me to spread them in a local park, and I just can't bear to do it alone.

I couldn't bear to do it at all. So I thought that if I came here

This is not what I thought it was.

Oh, you didn't? I thought I thought

it was a dildo. Oh.

That's for sure. Oh, no. I thought that's where we were going.

I knew it was ashes.

You knew it was who would give someone an obligation?

Because death was a part of this story. The

group in

the past.

So this is healing, maybe.

Hello, ladies and gerbs, boys and girls. The Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with Tis the Grinch holiday podcast. After last year, he's learned a thing or 2 about hosting, and he's ready to rant against Christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire. You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like Jon Hamm, Britney Broski, and Danny DeVito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's a lot to love about the insufferable holiday season. But that's not all.

Somebody stole all the children of Whoville's letters to Santa, and everybody thinks the Grinch is responsible. It's a real Whoville whodunit. Can Cindy Lou and Max help clear the Grinch's name? Grab your hot cocoa and cozy slippers to find out. Follow 'tis the Grinch holiday podcast on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Unlock weekly Christmas mystery bonus content and listen to every episode ad free by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts.

You know, I thought that if I gave it to someone that they could help me or they could then take the ashes and dispose of them the way that she wanted them to. And, I mean, she was very emotional saying this, and I was still sort of in grief state.

Now you have somebody else's ashes?

Yeah. The whole room was quiet. Like, nobody was saying anything at this point. You know, I was like, okay, Ruby. I'll help you with this.

So then kinda just sat there, and I wasn't the last 1 to open. So there were still some other gifts that people needed to open, and everyone's done opening the gifts and we're mingling around again. I was 30, so everyone at that point felt so much older than me. Right.

Yeah. Right. If she was 58, you thought she was 70.

I feel like she was at least in her seventies. I go over. I give her a big hug, and I said, Ruby, I'm gonna help you with this. We're gonna do this. She may have, at some point, told me what her late husband's name was.

I don't remember that. But she's like, we'll do this for him, and we'll make sure his wishes are all next.

We'll get Mark all spread out over the

We're not facing each other. We're hugging, so she's on my shoulder. And I hear her, and I think that she's crying, and she's actually laughing.

Uh-oh. Oh. 0. God.

She says, oh, honey. That's not my husband. What? Those dashes are from my outdoor fire pit. And I just thought that this would just make such a funny gift exchange and a fun story to tell.

Oh my god.

Oh, it's a prank.

A holiday prank.

Oh, wow. About their dead husband.

But that's, like, really sick.

She should write for a really dark comedy schedule. Yeah. That's next level.

Crazy. It was not what I expected at all, you know, and expect to get a base of someone's ashes and then come to find out that it's not a base

of someone's ashes. Roller coaster for you.

Yeah. Did you laugh with relief at that point? Like, oh, thank god. I don't have to spread this.

Yes. There was a lot of relief. Grace was hard, so I was just trying to let people deal with things the way they could. Yeah. But it was just a very odd situation, and she did end up giving me a candle that she had bought.

I admire this woman because when the present was opened, everyone got uncomfortable, and that was an opportunity if she was losing her resolve to go, like, I'm just kidding. It's from you know? But she resisted, and she let everyone walk away thinking she was nuts. The commitment to this bit is really admirable. We must tip our hat to her.

But then what does she get from it? The joy of a prank is to then be, like, just kidding.

But she was intrinsically motivated, which we would all aim to be. She just knew in her own heart, this is hilarious. They all think this is real. Oh, I know. That's next level.

That's like Andy Kaufman.

And I think she was known to be a prank star. I just didn't know her that well at this point. But probably about 10 years after that, she herself did pass and a few of us from that gym did go to the funeral, and we heard a lot of other stories of the different pranks and just funny things that she just tried to do to live life and make people laugh and smile even if it was the dark humor sort of.

Wow.

I kinda like her. I would've been friends

with her.

I like you. I am very impressed. I know that I would've felt fucked with Oh. Especially if I was in the middle of grief myself and had lost my mom. Then I was having these ashes, and I'd be like, oh, I guess I gotta do the right thing even though I don't wanna do this, and I gotta help this other person.

And then it was all a lie. I would be so pissed. Okay.

So I'm impressed. I'm not a super confrontational person, so that was probably just letting it ride out.

Yeah. Wow. Interesting.

Baller prank, especially at all ladies, some widow Christmas party.

Yeah.

Yeah. Something you might expect at a fraternity or the Friars Club.

Sure.

Sure.

Right. But it was something I'll never forget, and I have just a silly story from it.

She gave you a gift.

Yeah. I know that I've told it to the masses, it's not something I could do in the future. Just try to pull a prank on someone.

Well, Laurie, we're grateful that you told us that. I like that woman, this now past woman.

Yeah. Rest in peace.

Spunky gal.

She was very spunky. It was great.

Well, happy holidays to you.

Thank you.

I hope you get a legit present this year at, White Elephant.

I better.

Alright. Take care. Okay. Last 1, David. Bring us home, David.

Oh, can you hear us now?

Hey. Hey.

How are you?

Wonderful. How are you, David?

I tell you what. I'm doing okay. Thank you. You wanna know something so bizarre? Yeah.

I have that painting of the Great Dane. You do have

You have this painting?

Exact 1?

The exact same 1.

No. How did you discover yours? My mom. Oh. Wow.

I had a house for a long time with nothing on the walls, And she's like, there's a Great Dane, and it's the exact same 1.

0 my god. Is it a famous painting?

Well, it

is because of 2 of

those. Obviously.

I would probably get some stock in it if I could.

Yeah. So, David, I had moved into a house. It was completely empty. I didn't know what to do. I just started surfing around the Internet looking at images I could order, and I stumbled upon this 1.

I'm like, I love that Great Dane. And I have another 1 that matches, and it's a whippet.

Oh, yeah. That's Frisbee dogs.

Sure. Sure. They're lightning fast. Where are you at, David?

I live in Gilbert, Arizona.

Where's that?

Just outside of Phoenix, but I'm originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Okay. Very similar vibes to Detroit.

Yeah. Very much. I think we did a little bit better in the Rust Belt, but, hey, what can you do?

Both heavy industry towns with a lot of drinking.

You got that right. Funny you say that.

Uh-oh. Ding. Ding. Ding. Yeah.

It's what this story's about.

Okay. Wonderful. Please tell us about it.

This is a long time ago. 89 to 91. Not even sure if I remember. But on New Year's Day, there's the polar bear club. And my friend, Billy, had a house with an in ground pool, so he had a party every year.

I don't know if you can see.

Oh, lovely. Right. So he chopped a little hole by the ladder.

So we hop in, swim to the wall, and back and out.

Oh god.

A bunch of us did this and kept going back inside drinking a lot of tequila, a lot of Sierra Nevada pale ale in a keg back

then. Oh.

Which was, like, unheard of, especially in Pittsburgh.

That's an expensive keg.

We had to special order it in. But, anyway, got his fireplace going. We're having a great time. We decide, hey. Let's go do it again.

Hop back in. We're having a blast. We come back in, drink more tequila, throw more firewood in the fireplace. Then the next thing you know, there's smoke pouring into the house. Oh.

We don't know what is going on, but there's about 12 drunk guys, I mean, really a mess, obliterated drinking this much tequila and beer. Have no clue what is happening. So, anyway, we end up trying to get people out of the house. And, of course, you know, I'm bulletproof at 22 years old. So I pull the attic open, figure that's gotta be where the fire is.

Okay.

So I peek up in there, and then the whole roof just starts to go in blaze.

Oh god. Oh, okay.

So we get everybody out of the house. You know, other than the house burning, everything seems to be okay, but it doesn't stop there. My friend Billy, whose house it is. Now back then, he had a Nissan Pathfinder. So Billy said to me, please move my Nissan Pathfinder.

So sure. I go out there, put the key in the lock, and it snaps off. So not only did his house burn down,

but the

Pathfinder melted along with that house.

Oh my god.

Wait. What hap did the fire it was just from the fireplace?

I think

they've put

too much well, you tell me. Do we know postmortem what happened?

Well, yeah, we put too much wood in, but he barely ever used his fireplace, and there were cracks in the flue up top. So the Oh. Sparks were going up. Oh. And going out through the, Oh.

Attic.

Yeah. Holy shit.

All the fire trucks show up. Everybody's outside. I see the fire chief's suburban, and I just crawled into the back seat and took a nap.

Oh, went straight to sleep.

I am done.

Wow. Oh, wow.

So the last thing I remembered was the fire chief waking me up saying, hey. You can go back in the house.

Oh. All

that was left was the 2 brick walls on this side.

Oh, Jesus. Oh, fuck. It burnt all the way down.

All the way down. Oh. He did rebuild. Every year after that, he had the burn the mother to the ground party.

Oh my goodness, guys. Is he alive still?

No. You know what? Sadly, he passed away from alcoholism, addiction.

Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah.

Yeah. Years ago.

Yeah. And what's your journey? What had happened with your drinking?

I'm very moderate. You know, I like a beer now and then, a glass of wine now and then, but that's it.

I can really relate to the scene you were at. I was at a lot of those scenes.

Oh god. Yeah. It was just incredible. When I saw that you guys wanted stories about winter holidays, I figured, she can't even look.

Yeah. I mean, the whole house burning down.

And the car.

And the car mounting.

That was a hot car in the day, the Pathfinder. That

was yeah. Everything burned.

I mean, it really speaks to addiction in some ways because that wasn't his bottom, and he kept going.

Yeah. You've lost helmet

to your body. Everything. Yeah.

Yeah. It does suck, though. I have a son. He's an addict. He's in recovery over in Oceanside right now.

He's doing great, though. He's doing the steps. I think he went through step 8, finished up this weekend.

Oh, awesome.

So very proud of him doing that. Yeah.

Yeah. Good for him.

Yeah. But I found out about you guys through Bridget and Crystal, 2 beautiful souls that are in my life. They say hello, and they love you. Oh,

wonderful. Nice. Hello, Bridget. Did you say Bridget and Crystal? Correct.

Hello to them.

Yes. Big shout out. Thank you for sharing that.

Yeah. What a great story. I'm really there. It sounds like a Michigan party or 2 I've been to.

No doubt about it. I appreciate you guys.

Happy holidays to you. Thanks so much. Happy holidays.

Alright. Bye.

Alright. Take care, David. Bye. I love that the swimming under the frozen

That was a red herring.

It was a red herring. And for people who didn't see the photo he put up, there's just 1 little hole chopped by the ladder. So they're swimming under the ice.

100% someone was gonna get stuck on

the bottom. We thought for sure this is a drowning story.

Yeah.

Everyone, the tequila and the the cactus

here in America. They kept going back in there doing it.

More more wood, more plunging, more more more more.

Oh, wow.

More more. I found

the artist of your Great Dane painting.

Oh. 0, you did? Is it famous?

Christine Merrell. She's America's most extraordinary painter of dog portraits.

Oh, that's Oh, I

agree with that assessment.

My it actually says her name on it.

Oh, okay. I've never looked.

Yeah. We

Yeah. It's from Baltimore.

From Baltimore.

Just went.

And it also says the name of the painting, but my eyes are bad.

Recumbent Great Dane.

How weird that he has the same 1. How funny.

Must be a popular print.

I guess. Yeah.

It's on art.com. Art.com.

The Dolly, like the melting clocks, and we didn't know it.

Yeah.

Anyway, well, happy holidays to all.

Let that be a warning of the holidays that are upon us. Keep your eyes peeled

for The whole thing was a cautionary tale.

I guess with a prompt like crazy holiday stories, it's gonna be it does make me miss grandma's on fire, nana's on fire story. Remember that 1?

0 my god. Yeah. That was Thanksgiving.

Is it Thanksgiving? Uh-huh.

That was funny.

And nana was fully ablaze. It wasn't nana. It was like Mimi or something cute.

Mimi. They called Ramon. We've had some great stories over the years.

We have. These hollies, they keep producing terrible stories. Alright. I love you. Happy holidays, everybody.

Jingle jingle.

Do you wanna sing a tune or something? 1 of the theme

song? Okay. Great.

We don't have a song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of armchairs, we'll get some suggestions. On the fly rind dish. On the fly rind dish. Enjoy.

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