Transcript of Ms. Pat | Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino

This episode of Whisky and Ginger is brought to you by Rabbit Hole Distillery, and they're one of a kind, Kentucky Bourbon and rye whiskies. Boy, have I been loving Rabbit Hole? I really like this stuff, man. This is the high-gold. This is their Kentucky straight bourbon, whiskey. This is the OG. The high-gold is very, very good. Honestly, it's a flavor like no other that I've ever had. It's very smooth and clean and crisp. It's got a little bit of butterscotch in there. Some people call me butterscotch. When I'm walking around the yard, Hey, butterscotch, that's me. A little bit of and it's very smooth. Maybe a little pepper at the end on your tongue. You could drink this straight up, or you can have a couple of cubes of frozen H2O on it. Either way, it is very, very good. For the price point, Rabbit Hole, I think, is the best bang for your buck on the market right now. In my personal bourbon drinking opinion, they've got this high gold, they've got The Cave Hill, the Boxer Grail, which is their sourmash rye, and of course, the Derringers. Their delicious sweet sauce finished in that PX Cherry cast by Pedro Jimanes from Spain.

Behind Rabbit Holes, of course, their founder, Kavez Manian, he left a 20-plus year successful career to jump down the Rabbit Hole, create the world's finest spirits. That he did. He got inducted in the Kentucky Bourbon Hall of Fame. Congratulations. Fastest to ever do so. My friends, if you're looking for something unique, that small batch, under 15-barrel small batch. I'm talking the real deal. You've got to try Rabbit Hole. Go, go, pick up a bottle. Go to rabbitholdestory. Com/buy now and use the promo code, Rabbit, for five bucks off your first order. Check them out, rabbitholdestory. Com. They're available all over the place. Please drink responsibly. Have fun. What a Whiskey, Ginger fans. Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time, Joan, on the show, welcome to the show.

We.

Got a good one for you today. Like my man, Steve Harvey, done say.

It's Ms. Pat.

It's.

Ms. Pat.

It's Ms.

Pat.

What am I doing? It's Ms. Pat on the show. Man, I love her so much. She's so funny. She has a brand new show out. She's maybe one of the most entertaining people I've ever seen on television. And she.

Parlayed.

Her hilarious comedy acumen into having her own show where she's judging people for herself. You can take a look at her show out and available right now. So funny, so sweet. Love Ms. Pat. Also, I'm on the road next year. We're going back out and about, my good friends. Go to badfriendspod. Com. Badfriendspod. Com. Me and Bobby Lee are touring all over the place. We're going to Atlantic City, New Jersey. We're in Tameculah. We're in Long Beach. We're in Sacramento. We're going to Windsor, Ontario, Canada. Niagara Falls, Canada. Come see about me and Bobby Lee. Go to badfriendspod. Com. Enough rambling from me. Let's go check out Ms. Pat.

In here, we pour anone. Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

You were that creature in the Ginger, Beard.

Sturdy and ginger. Like the Ginger Gene and the Kirt. Ginger are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey, and.

$75 for.

The.

Horse. Ginger. Oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whisky and Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people I know that I've had the problem, I guess, but I mean, once again, today that was good. It's the return of Ms. Pat. Did you hear how fast.

I got through the intro? Yeah, you're selling cars or black people? Both. Okay.

Get a two for one. Come on down to Santino's Black People or Cars. You don't get to choose. Pick from the bucket.

You'd be a good auction, brother. Damn, is he going to take a breath?

Don't put me out like that. I would not be a good auctioneer. Yes, you would. Four to five, seven to five, seven to nine, and then Miss Pat sold.

Yes.

Miss Pat is back on the show, baby. You told me before the show you throw a party every year that I have not gotten an invite to. I would like an invite formally right now on the show.

So go ahead. Okay, I'm on invite him. I guarantee he's not going to come. So once a year, I do a fan celebration where I just invite all the fans from all around the world, and I throw him a big party with a theme. This year was a sit-come thing. So you invited. Next year is October 18th. I guarantee he don't come.

I'm going to come. I guarantee I will.

It's October 18th in Atlanta, Georgia, and the theme is The Great Gatsby.

The Great Gatsby.

This year was a sit-com. The first year was 90s.

What did you go to? Would you go as the 90s? What did you do?

I just threw on some clothes and it looked like it was 90s. But this year I went as Patricia Carlson from the Ms. Pat show.

It was really easy. Yeah, for you, Sitcom. That's great. That's perfect. Oh, Great Gatsby. I have to think about my outfit.

I give prize money.

I give- The.

Money I like. $1,000 to the best costume. But this year since the Great Gatsby is usually a couple thing. So $1,000 to the best costume and $2,000 to the best couple.

Really? You want to go with me and McCona and we can win both?

They don't come to play either.

Oh, no, it's real. Yes, they- They're spending real money on their costumes just to get the money to win. They're probably going to break even at the end of the day.

Well, I don't think so because I think a lot of them hand sew it.

They hand sew.

Their own costumes? Yes.

Who the fuck are your friends?

They're not my friends, they're my fans.

These fans are at home hand sewing Great Gatsby costume?

They don't know it's Great Gatsby yet, but I'm quite sure they're going to put... This year we had someone, and they were Lucin' Eltha. When I tell you, they look just like Lucen Eltha, but there was so many other great costumes out there. It was ridiculous.

That is really... So what? Name some of the sitcom people that showed up. It was Honeymooners.

It was Honeymooners. It was Martin when her head was stuck in the bed.

Love.

It was, who else was it? It was a Tammy Fay Baker and her husband. Right, the future. It was all kinds of stuff. Everything you.

Saw on TV. Who won? Who won this year?

Lucy and Arthur. Okay. Arthur and Lucy won. Oh, wow. There was one guy is a smurf, so it was all kinds of stuff.

All right, I'm coming next year. Mark it down, McCoain, I'm going. I'm telling you, you say I won't go. Watch my ass go. October 18th. You think that I can't get a flight to Atlanta?

I know you can get a flight to Atlanta, but when I try to invite, comics and stuff, they're like, well, what is it? It's just a fan celebration. I had fans come all the way from London.

Okay, you know what? I'm saying to now we're going to book a show and in Atlanta and we're going to combine like a show tour, Ms. Pat party extravaganza. Because my birthday is October 16th, so it's two days after my birthday. It'll be a birthday for me as well.

Yeah, so book something in Atlanta and swing on.

Through that Saturday. Okay, done. I'm going to do it. You say, watch me show up. Ms. Pat is back on tour. I want to say this. We got sent a clip. I know you have a new show coming out, and I'm going to play it for the fans just for fun. This was you on Judge Joe Brown. How long ago was this?

Early 2000. The fridge was filthy, the stove was filthy, and then you had to dispose of the, shall we say, the toys. Booty beads, and I didn't even know they were booty beads. I'm in there picking them up out the bathroom, and my sister-in-law was like, These are booty beads, whatever. I don't use toys. She told me they were booty beads. I didn't know they were booty beads. I don't decorate my behind. I got scratched more from four kids. I don't need to decorate.

My- Did he know you were a comic?

Well, I told him my profession was a comic, but I sued her in my local courts, and they picked it up.

Wait a minute. This is a cast. This is a casting, right?

No, this is not a casting. This is real.

You sued this woman?

That was my tenant for three years.

Wait, I thought it was casting because a lot of these shows, they pick stories that are real, but they cast them.

No.

No, no, no. This is your tenant, and you really did sue her locally.

I sued her in Clayton County for running out on my rent money and tearing up my house. She wouldn't tell me where she moved, so I went to the water company and the water slipped in some lunch money, and he told me where she moved to. No, he snatched. I said that crap to her house. He snatched her out.

Do you still talk to this woman?

No, I don't.

She.

Hates you, huh?

I don't give a damn. I don't give a damn. She tore my house up.

Wait, so when she went to move out, she just-.

She didn't pay the last month's rent. She was supposed to be out February. She didn't move out to the middle of March.

And then she didn't pay.

The rent at all.

She didn't pay the rent at all. And then what? And destroyed the shit before she left?

Then her kids tore up the house. She left the house really dirty, and I just told her, You got me fucked up. I said, Three things you don't mess with. My kids, you don't mess with my family, my money, and my food. Those three things will.

Get you killed. Is it in that order?

It don't have to be in order. Which one you pick that pisses me the hell off? I sued her ass, and we went to court.

And you won.

I won.

I sure did. That's so weird you say that we were looking at a new house to move. We were going to move. One day looks fine. We're talking to this real estate agent says, It's going to take a long time for us to get it back to selling condition. I said, What do you mean? He said, Well, the last people that were living there when they were showing the house, they were mad that their lease was done. But the owner had only agreed a one year lease. They said, You got to go. We're selling the house. We're leaving. They clogged up the tub and the sinks and turned on the water and flooded the entire upstairs. It all came down through the walls, so they had to rip out the whole house and redo the whole thing. Yeah, they did so much damage. It was wild. They clogged up all of the holes for all the drains and flooded the entire upstairs from the bathroom. So it ruined all the floors upstairs, dripped down the side of the house. That was like, What are you going to do? You got to get your money back.

He said, Well, just keep security positive. But outside of that, there's nothing they can do. They said they take them to court. It would take them years to get that money back from there. Wow. It was so cold. It was so dirty. And they were a bunch of TikTokers or something like that. He said, They were young kids, and they were like, We're not paying. We want security deposit back. And the owner was like, No, you're not getting your security deposit back. You got to get out because there's already damage they did to the house. And they were like, Okay, we'll show you damage. They clogged up everything and ruined the fucking house.

I'm surprised they couldn't have them arrested.

Yeah, but I mean, how could you prove that it was intentional?

That's the problem. A clogged-up drain, sir.

I mean, yeah, but-.

You never called a homeowner and said that the drain was clogged up.

Well, they figured it out. That's how they did it. They didn't leave it like that. They figured out how they stopped up all the drains and did that, though. But it wasn't like that when they didn't show up to it running. They showed up to the aftermath. They figured out how this all happened because they traced the water lines and where it flooded from. They could tell, Oh, they must have.

Plugged up these things. They could have had them arrested for damaging their property. I would have killed them. I'd have beat.

Their asses. Yeah, I'd have killed them. I'd have killed them. This woman, did you think about throwing fist?

I just cursed her out and get the hell out of my house and give me my... I'm not giving your security deposit back. She was just... I worked with her because she was late a lot. She was a single parent, so I worked with her a lot.

You did the right thing for too long until you were like, It's enough.

It's enough. Then she left. I didn't ask her to move. She left. All right. She left my shit, and she tried to get away with her. I was like, Not me, boo- boo. I sued her. I said, Twenty years got to whip your ass, but I'm going to sue you like white people.

So I sued her. I'll sue you like a white? Yeah, that's the point. That should be some merch. I'm going to sue you like a white. Like a white person. I'll sue you like a white. Just a white. Just a white. I'll sue you like a white.

A white people ain't going to fight you. They will sue your ass and write a letter. Don't you get no soccer mom to write no letter to no school. Shut that motherfucker down. It's the most dangerous thing out there is a white soccer mom.

Yeah, I wish I had one of those. He had a white soccer mom. There's no doubt in my mind. He grew up with that nice Midwest. I grew up with a mom who believed anything, any authority figure. If somebody said I was fucking up, she believed. I never, ever got the benefit of the doubt. I never got like, My son would never. She would be like, No, that sounds like my son.

You was.

Probably bad as well. I was a bad kid. Yeah.

I was a bad fucking kid. Well, where is the benefit of the doubt? You probably did do.

You love me. You're my mom. Show me some love.

What? Why am I.

Showing you some love? You love your baby. They can't do wrong.

Fuck that. Who said they can't do wrong? Boy, it's funny that you say that because I tell my husband all the time, so I have custody of my niece, kid. I said, Hey, these kids from the hood, you shouldn't be just laying your wallet around. All these kids have never still fucking stole $1,600 from my husband. He was like, I can't believe it. I said, I did. That's why I kept my motherfucking money in my titty. I said, You know what I'm saying? I can't believe he took my money. I said, You are so stupid.

I think it's so funny. You keep your money in your titties. Last time you showed me you kept money in your titties.

You've always done that. Yeah, I don't have any of my titties today, but I always keep because you can't snatch these off me.

Yeah, those are hard to rip off. Yes. Something in the crew because one of the young ladies with you, they said, We're going to get coffee. I said, Okay, yeah, there's a coffee place right next door and she has a big bag. She's lugging around. I said, Just leave the bag here. You don't have to carry that around. You can leave it here in the studio while we're recording. She says, I don't trust you all. I was like, We're not going to steal. We're recording. But she's right. We probably would have stole. We probably would have rummaged through that bag. We rummaged through a bag. I mean, if you find a bag sitting on a bench somewhere, are you looking.

Through it? No, I'm not. It could be a bomb.

Oh, really? You think.

Someone's leaving a bomb? It can be a needle. People are so crazy these days. Yeah, that is true. It could be somebody setting up a prank and you think you don't found some money and the police jump out and fucking handcuff you. I'm not doing that. I'm out of my business. You're going the other way. Your bag is your bag. I'm going to keep the foot walking. Dang. This is a world now where you can't really help. You just got to mind your business.

Yeah, you can't help people anymore. See, that's interesting you say that, right? Years ago, you'd feel like the right move to do would be to try to find the owner of the bag. Now you're like, I don't want to get involved.

Well, let me tell you this. When I was a kid, we was at Pik My Park, and I found this man's wallet. I would have money in it and everything. It was not... My mama was with me. It was my stepdaddy. I just know it was a lot of money in there. We contacted the guy. It ended up being a white guy who come to the gutter to pick up his wallet. He was shocked that his money was still in there. I just knew he was going to give me one of them 50s. The motherfucker gave me $10.

Ten bucks? Ten bucks. Well, did you rob them right after? Then I would have robbed him.

No, but I just- Ten bucks.

I'd have been like, all right, dude.

Give me the wallet. I just told myself, I said I would never turn in a wallet full of money again.

Yeah, no, steal all the money and be like, we found it empty.

I didn't steal shit. I mean, I found it. He lost it.

Yeah, you had found money. I gave you back your wallet. There was nothing inside. That's what I would have said. There was no money in there, unfortunately. There was a guy that reminds me. There was a guy that we knew that was a home inspector that would go into these homes and inspect the houses after a death or any of that stuff to sell the house or to put it up for auction. And he said there was a house in Beverly Hills, and these two brother and sister, they were fighting over the custody. Their mother died. They had no relationship with her, rich family. And they wanted to get rid of the house. They were like, Just sell that shit. He crawls underneath the house, and he sees old bags, like old luggage bags from what looked like he said, the '70s or the '80s. And he was nervous because in the past, people had found bodies, all sorts of weird shit buried under people's houses. He called his company and was like, I just want to let you know there's bags underneath the house. I just have to say that before I open these up just in case.

He pulls out the bags. He's at the house alone. The kids aren't there. He starts opening these bags up and it's filled with money and jewelry. Filled.

I have to drag this shit to my car.

That's exactly what I said. Hundreds of thousands of dollars. Hundreds of thousands of dollars. What did he do? Hundreds of thousands of dollars. Listen to this. He digs through all this. There's gold and jewelry. There's all sorts of shit. This old woman must have just been burying stuff under her house for years. At probably never knew. It was under 30, 40 years. He contacts the son and tells them, Hey, we found some stuff under the house. I want to let you know you're the owner of the house. Still, it's your property, blah, blah, blah. Him and the sister come, they keep digging. They find all this other stuff that's out underneath the house, hundreds of thousands. I don't even know what the total was. They get the home inspector, closes out the job, thinks, I'm going to get a little something for the trouble. A week or so goes by and mail comes and in the mail is a letter from the son. He opens it up and it's a note. It says thank you for helping finish off the house. $100 bill. $100. Hundreds of thousand. They gave him $100 fucking dollar bill. I was like, I would have sent the shit back.

I'd have been like, Fuck you. Hundreds of thousands of dollars. You at least got to break somebody off 10 grand.

Now, let me tell you something. I would have easily pull that shit away from the part of that house. Went in there with my own bag. I'm inspecting something with flashlight and been filling my shit up each.

And every day. I know. I would have never said a word. I wouldn't have said shit. We didn't find anything. Everything looks good and clear. House looks good to sell. Yet he found hundreds of thousands of dollars. He said, That's what I get for telling the truth. $100 bill. I said, I would have sent it back just as a... Because $100 is more of a fuck you than no money. No money is like, thanks, $100. It's ours anyway. $100 is a, isn't that weird? It's like a fuck you. It's like, Here's some petty cash.

Yeah, Frank was stupid because my dick would have been so big. I would have been so fat when I were working up on that motherfucker house. I would have been in the car shaking that dirt, taking me so many lunch breaks. They're like, where the fuck is she still up under the house?

Ms. Pat, you're still inspecting the house? I'll be here for another week or two. I need to inspect more and.

More and more. Yeah, I see your choices. They're really.

Loose up under here. Yeah, this foundation seems to be slipping a little bit. We have to... I got to keep looking.

Slipping right in.

My pants. I've never had anything like that. The most I've ever found was, I think I found like 100 bucks one time on vacation. We were in Florida and I found 100 bucks. That's the most I've ever. I've never stumbled upon. I've had people that have found money before.

I've never found a bag of money and they didn't like that either.

$20. Twenty bucks. Yeah.

The wallet with the money in it, but nothing really.

I know.

I wish. I used to hit the lottery a lot when I used to be in the streets. I used to play the Cash Three. What they call it Cash Three? The Daily Three.

Yeah, the Daily Three.

I used to hit that all the time. Did you? Really?

What is it when you hit?

In Atlanta, it's $500 if you hit it straight. I used to just hit that shit all.

The time. Would you play every day?

Every day because there was a corner I hung out on. But I don't play lottery now.

No, you don't need to. You won the lottery. You are the lottery.

I am the lottery. That's right. But I don't play that shit.

It's so funny. Somebody just said this. Looked at something like, what's the biggest one? Powerball, right?

No, that's the one that just hit it in L. A.

1.7 billion. This is the fifth time it's been hit in California or something. Now people are getting suspect because it keeps happening here. Was it? Powerball. How much was it?

1.7 billion, wasn't it?

Billion. $1.7 billion. How many times has a powerball hit in California? That's what somebody looked on the Internet. Somebody goes, This is like the fifth fucking time L. A. Has won 1.7 billion. Would you walk with it? Would you do the one lump sum?

I would do the one lump sum.

100 %. Yeah. People do that slow payout, that's where you could be dead tomorrow. Give me all the fucking money.

I'm gone. Give me all the fucking money. I'm going to have a good time. We're going to have a good time.

Yeah, that gas fee party is about to go off. This is the 14th time someone has won Powerball in California. See? Wow. Yeah, there was a thing on the internet. One of these, like... I talked to people doing conspiracy theory shit where they were like, How come this keeps happening in L. A? Why does this keep happening here?

The people who work for the lottery people know something.

Somebody knows somebody.

I wish somebody would tell me something.

No shit. Leak us. What would you do with 1.7 if you won the lottery like that?

You back down in the millions of the taxes.

Okay, still. What you walk away with what? So if it's 1.7 billion, they take- 900 million. They take 60%, right? Do. Isn't that what it is? They take 60, you keep 40 if you do a walk out. Come on. Let's just say you walk with $800 million. What do you do with $800 million?

I would help people.

Yeah, that's a good answer.

Honestly, I like doing DIY. I probably would go around fixing up people's houses.

Would you really?

That's sweet. That's probably what I would do.

Specifically, though, what... Maria, what people? It doesn't matter.

You just do it all. It's like, what have I passed by? I'm always gathering people, especially with these kids. It's not even about the parents. To me, it's more about giving a child a solid foundation and the need to not need so they can grow and to be great in life. I probably would go around helping people in situations, redoing the houses, getting kids, hair fixed, paying for colleges, stuff like that. I don't need 800 million. Who do?

I mean, I would like it.

I mean, I would like it, but I would like it to give it.

Away, to be honest.

I would like to see other people happy.

I'd like to use it to do something fun with it, like cool with it. I'd like to do something constructive.

It would be blessed. You can literally take 200 million and bless somebody and still not be broke.

Yeah, you wouldn't even think about it. You wouldn't even know it's gone.

I would love to go around fixing up.

People's houses. I like that. Let's do it now. Let's start donating all of our money right now.

Live on the show. I don't have.

That.

Money. I can send you a faucet or a sink or a toilet, but I don't want no fucking $800 million.

Ms. Pat will buy you a faucet and I'll buy you a subcabinetry. We'll start with that. When I was young, I used to do Habitat for Humanity. You know what that is?

Yeah, Jimmy Carter.

Yeah, where you go help build houses.

Helping build houses for the underprivilege.

Yeah, I got to tell you.

There's some.

Shitty houses, too. Fucking hated it. Yeah, it was built by children. I was building it. I was doing it. It was like a thing we did. The church in my neighborhood was doing a Habitat for Humanity. My parents were like, You got to go. That's something you need to do with your fucking little troublemaker ass. I thought, okay, this would be a good deed. They'll be happy. I'll feel good. I went out there. I fucked off the whole time. All I was doing was trying to find cigarettes and booze. I was 14 or something like that, 13, 14, trying to cause trouble. And we were building these... It was so bad. We fucked up these houses bad. I can't believe they let us. They would put us up in the rafters to hammer floors. We didn't know what the fuck we were doing. We didn't do anything correctly, and nobody was checking. They would show us what to do, and then they'd say, Get up there, guys. Get up there. Go ahead. We were 13 years old. So whoever died in that house, I'm sorry that we built.

In South Carolina- I'm sorry you only had two nails in your.

Whole fucking room. Yeah, it was me. Jesus Christ. It was fucking me. They sent children up there. But we did that. I thought that was like a good deed, and then I remember doing it being like, this is a foolish endeavor. I have no skills to build a house. I don't know why you want children building a home for you.

Especially- They wanted free labor.

Yeah, you're.

Free labor.

It could have been a newborn.

That's really what it was. It could have.

Been a 90-year-old. Jimmy Carter was getting paid, huh? You think he.

Was getting paid? No, I don't think he was getting paid.

No, he wasn't doing that. Although it wouldn't surprise me that the fucking government was working a scam out of that whole thing.

Well, you know how the government do.

Yeah, look at that. There he was.

He's still out there. He's still around.

I mean, that is insane. Is that a robotic eye? What the fuck? Is he.

Have- Shut your.

Fucking mouth. What is.

Going on? That is so rude to say that's a robotic eye. Cut it out.

Look at that fucking eye. Ms. Pat, you cannot tell me that it doesn't look like something is going wrong right there. First of all, he got hit.

Somebody fucked him up. We all hit him up. We all hit him up.

Yeah, the ground fucked him up. Earth gave him a smack.

He won't sit down. He's 90 years old. He's in hospice now.

Look, he's chewing on a branch.

No, that's a glove he pulled off his hand.

Go ahead, Google how old is Jimmy Carter?

I think he's 90.

He's got to be older than that. 99. I say he's got to be close to 100 by now. How old is he? 99 years old. By the way, he just turned 99 in October. Happy birthday, Jimmy Carter. Sit down.

Well, I think he's in hospice now.

That's terrible.

Him and his wife is still alive.

She's still alive, too? Mm-hmm. God, do you even know who that is, McCone? You so young you don't know who Jimmy Carter was. Do you?

Well, that's one thing they teach everybody in school.

Who all the presidents are. Yeah, but he's an idiot. He didn't learn anything in.

Fucking school. Neither did I. But I know, you have to learn the fucking president and the capitals of every state and your ABCs. That's all manager. He knows none of that stuff. No capitals. He didn't learn capitals.

No, capitals? He didn't know that. You didn't learn capitals? They stopped doing that shit years ago.

They.

Don't teach kids anything anymore.

No, you.

Have to teach your child. They give them a vape and an iPhone, and they say, Figure it all out. That is really what they do. They say, Here's a vape. Here's an iPad. Here's an Adderall. Here's an Adderall.

Yeah, show up if you can. That's the problem, Adderall. Because they want to diagnose every child with something. 80% of them kids just need a good old ass weapon.

You need to beat the.

Shit out of them. Yeah. I have a granddaughter who's nine or 10, 10 years old that got a fucking iPhone. But I have a 15-year-old that lives with me and don't have an iPhone because you can't put the world in the palm of their hand. I tell people that all the fucking time. It wasn't like when I was coming up. You literally had to go outside and get kidnapped. You know what I'm saying? These motherfuckers kidnapped your child for an iPhone. Come on, we're going to look for Pokemon, and I'm going to cook you, and I'm going to fuck you, and then they're going to be looking for you when they find your eyeballs is going to be up your ass pretty much. In here we pour whiskey. Remember the.

Days when you tried to create a website and you just didn't know how to do it? There was moving parts and pieces that overlaid one another on your site and it looked so bad. Well, Squarespace is the place to take care of your site. They will help you build something so wonderful you cannot believe that you did it with your own two stupid hands. I've been building sites for a long time as a comedian who's touring to show you guys videos and links to my shows and clips and all sorts of stuff. And it's been a challenge until Squarespace has come along to pick up all the pieces and show you exactly how to create a new and engaging website that's beautiful with a fluid engine, next generation website design system from them. It's never been easier for anybody to unlock unbreakable creativity. Best in class website templates customize every single design piece, reimaginated drag and drop technology. You want it there?

You put.

It there. They got online stores for custom merch that you might be an asset library that helps you organize all your content into one little place, flexible templates, and also these great email campaigns to drive sales, collect all that information through their analytics to help you grow your business and blogging tools. If you're someone that likes to get on there and say, I'll tell you what I think of Killers of the flower moon, we'll throw it up there. You can share stories, videos, categorize and share and schedule your posts to make content work for you when you need it on your site your way. If you're looking to make a site, I don't even know why you'd turn out anywhere else other than Squarespace, they're the best. Go over to squarespace. Com for a free trial. Check it out when you're ready to launch. Go to squarespace. Com/whisky to save 10 % off your first purchase of a website or domain. Go try it out for free, enjoy yourself. Then go to squarespace. Com/whisky for 10 % off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hey, this holiday season, it's tough to buy for some of our favorite people on Earth, so you don't know what to get them.

Aura Frames has got you covered. Aura Frames is probably one of the most.

Beautiful.

Clean, crisp, cool digital picture frames I've ever seen. They were nice enough to give me one that I was going to give to my mom if she's good this year. They come with a premium gift box. It just looks so nice when you give to someone. It looks very high end, but it's actually well priced. Here's the problem. You walk in to somebody's house, you see the same pictures you've seen for the past 25 years. Take them down. We know you went to Greece, okay? Aunt Judy, we get it. All right, time to switch it out. This helps you, man. This is the best way to do that. You can switch out kids, pets, vacations, something funny. You can preload the Aura frame with something to give it to somebody with all pictures of you if you'd like. Whatever makes you feel good, but it's probably one of the best gifts this year, especially for someone that's hard to buy for. This is beautiful. You set them up in minutes. You start sharing your favorite photos and videos using the free Aura app. Unlimited storage. It's super secure, which is very good to know. So you can stay protected and happy trading images of your loved ones back and forth to the picture frame.

Aura frames is great. You got to get somebody that you love a gift like this. Aura frames, digital picture frame is the best from now through Black Friday and Cyber Monday, Aura is having their best deal of the year. Listeners can save $40 off on their best selling Carver mat frame by visiting auraframes. Com/whisky. That's AuraFrames, A-U-R-A, frames. Com/whisky. Use the promo code Whisky to get $40 off their best selling frames, terms, and conditions of life. Ginger.

I.

Like.

Toddlers.

You had to get kidnapped the old school way.

Yeah, momma got to circle your block. Kidnappers ran out of gas in our neighborhood. Shit, we're Black. We're fast as fuck. You ain't just going to snatch us up.

It's hard to catch these little black kids in this neighborhood. They're running out of gas.

Yeah, they're running out of fucking block. The most we had was somebody to ride by, jack in the dick. We had to call them the Dingling Man. The Dingling Man. They locked the Dingling Man up. Now there's a motherfucker on apps and shit. He don't even drive no more, ain't burning no gas to get.

Your kids. That is sad. You don't get perverts in public anymore. You don't just get a guy playing with his dick in the park.

Yeah, they come up and just flash you no more. They don't flash. They lock.

Them up. The good old days when you could just get a flasher in the neighborhood. He's showing his weiner.

And the teacher was saying, look the other way. Now, five, Motherfuckers. Tell you got your dick out, but your child got an iPhone, so they're going to Google dick anyway.

They're going to see it.

They're going to see the Dingling Man alone.

Let that Dingling Man do his thing. I was on a field trip when I was a kid. We were in downtown, and a guy was taking a shit on the side of the road and smiling at us with his dick in his hand. The teacher was like, Come on, come on, keep moving, keep moving. But that was an experience of life. That was a learning lesson. You got to let that guy do his thing.

You take the kids to the zoo and sometimes your kids might walk up on a blow job. Monkeys and apes on your foot. Where they getting on at? They getting on right there in front of the third graders and she suck at this dick and turn around and they shit and sling it at you. No, Monkey, you can't fuck today. Yes, I can. I didn't tell you to bring the ugly back in to see me. I love to see Monkey fucking when you take your kids on field trip. I think it's hilarious what they fuck. That's what you get for fucking putting them in them cages. You know, this shit ain't natural to them. They used to just jumping down out of trees into the pusses. But now they got to get the pussy on the branch because you don't tuck them out of their fucking habitat.

I'd love that they throw shit at people. That's one of my favorite things. When you get those videos on the internet, they'll be getting people throwing shit. Monkeys throwing shit at people. It is proof that they're sick of being in a cage.

Even when you go into the area, they throw shit at you. They do more armed robbery than any motherfuckers running out the department stone. They would takeyour purse and take off with that bitch.

Yeah, look at this. Yeah, just go ahead, stare at me for a little while. Watch this. I'll throw shit right at you. Yeah, you think I'm cute? Look at they hook it from underneath. That's genius. That's genius.

Did it.

Get on her? Yeah, it hit that old woman right in the fucking face. Play it again. Play it again.

He was like, That bitch is ugly. Let me put on some makeup. The time I see them do that, I'm fucking ducking.

Yeah, you need some bronzer, bitch. Here you go. Here's some contour for that face. Oh, my God.

That is fucking horrible. Grandma.

Put her back in the home. She wants to say, That's just why I don't want you to take me anywhere.

That's.

So sad.

Put.

Her back. Put her back. You know what's so funny? When you said about Jimmy Carter, none of my grandparents and my family on either side ever went to a house. We never had to put them in a home or anything like that. We got lucky. Well, health-wise, because all my grandparents that passed, they passed when they were supposed to pass. Do you know what I mean? It wasn't like a...

What do you mean when they're supposed.

To pass? Well, it wasn't like a long drawn out. It wasn't like long drawn out death. It was.

Like- So grandpa just didn't wake up one day. Grandpa got hit by a bus.

Yeah, he got hit by a bus.

What.

Made you think? My grandfather got hit by a bus. Thanks for bringing it up.

What I'm.

Saying- No, Thanks a lot. It was a city bus, too.

What did you.

All do? Yeah, we did. We got some money.

Did you really get hit by a bus? I was.

Like, What the fuck? No, I mean, it was just when people die pretty quick, within a couple of days, it's a lot easier than when you hear, I've had family members that are in hospital for months and months and months and months and years.

Do you want them to die?

I think you should die. I want to die fast. I don't want to be drawn out. If I'm ready to go, I got to go. I don't want to sit in a fucking hospital for seven months while I slowly die. No, thanks. Get me the fuck out of here. Let me go. If I get really sick and my family and they're like, Oh, man, he might be in and out for the next four or five months, I'll tell my family, just put me outside. Just put me outside.

Well, what's going to happen if they put you outside? We're going to eat you.

Whatever gets me gets me. Raccoons, coyotes, let it get me. Just let it get me.

Don't nobody want to eat your.

Sick ass. Yes, they do. Raccoons will eat anything.

Well, then tell if you really feel like that, just say, take me down to Alabama and throw me in an alligator.

Okay, throw me off the side of a thing. Yeah, that's fine. That's my hospice. Throw me off the side of a thing.

Why don't you just tell somebody to fucking smother you?

No, because then someone has to be responsible for my death, and that's got to weigh on their brain a little bit. Wouldn't go.

That's why I said leave me outside. Let the earth.

Take you. No, just let somebody give you, I mean, just get your ass up and make your own cocktail.

Okay, that's fine too. That's what I'm doing right here. I'll be done on the show soon. That's why you have so many kids. You have how many people were in your house? How many kids did you raise at once?

Right now I have my four and two of my other kids sick. So at once was eight at one time.

They better take care of you when you're older. One of these motherfuckers.

Well, they're so close in age we probably take care of each other.

You all be in hospice together, feeding each other.

I tell them all the time, You all better fucking take care of me. I don't want to go no old for long and catch no crabs. I just want to stay here and watch my fucking TV.

Yeah, why do they all get... They all.

Get STDs. They fuck a lot.

Yeah, but how? You see half of them can't walk.

They just.

Wheel into.

Each other. They can eat each other, I guess. I don't know what old people do when their asses are sagging.

The STDs in nursing homes is unbelievable. What someone said at the all time high was syphilis, which isn't even fucking around anymore that much.

Well, he probably fingered her and then he ate lunch. Yeah, the snack. And so he called Snick.

Where did you put my pills? Right here.

He's fucked up, part of it. You really sound like a little white man.

I am a little white man. According to the CDC, STDs have reached a historically high level amongst elderly Americans. Stds in America, 65 or older, 260% they've risen.

Damn. That's insane. How is old people fucking more than young people?

Because young people are all just on the phone. They're not fucking. Kids aren't fucking. Didn't they say sex amongst youth is at its lowest now? First-generation have less sex than their parents in the history. So the millennial generation is having less sex than the older generation. That's the first time it's been that way.

Well, according to the nursing home.

It's true. Yeah, well, they're fucking. Look at this. That says three in 10 Gen Z males have had.

No sex. I know why. It's no fucking on everybody's turning into everything else.

Yeah, who knows what everybody is anymore? Yeah.

Everybody's turning. That's why no babies are being made.

Yeah, everyone's flipping. Yeah. Everyone's going back and forth. That is so funny to think that 30% of teens said they've never had sex. That's down 10% in a year. That's so many people are not fucking. I think it is because they're all on their phones.

No, that's because sometimes they really don't count sex with the same sex as sex.

Sex with the same sex as sex? Yeah, they do. Yeah, that is. That's got to be the same shit.

I've heard if you do, if some kids think or sex is not sex. But to me, if somebody ate you, they broke your hymen and what I fucking call it up and down. You're hymen.

Hymen. That's a good restaurant. I've been there. I'm on the West Side. Welcome to Hymens. I know what you mean, though. A family friend of ours said a couple of years ago she had a son in high school, senior in high school. One of the girlfriends confessed. She said blow jobs are like handshakes. She's like blow jobs amongst their group of friends was not a big deal. It wasn't like, Oh, she blew him and he blew her. It was like, Yeah, blow jobs are a thing that people give and get no one, nobody cares. Like if a girl blows all your friends, that's a totally normal thing. Wow. I know. She said no sex, though. They're not having sex. They don't.

Want to have sex. Low jobs used to be on special occasions. Big time. These bitches give my life blow pop now. Please. These are not suckers, whores. I don't know why they want to suck, Dick. It actually stop your, what's your back teeth called?

Your.

Molars? Yeah, from coming down. No. When you start sucking dick too soon, it fuck up your TGMI right here, your cheekbone, whatever.

The fuck. The dentist's nose. Have you been sucking a lot of cock recently? Yeah. Your molars are.

Coming in weird. No, yeah, they're coming in sideways. Can you pull in all your teeth to the front of your mouth? You shouldn't do that.

That is insane. That is wild to think you're both your fucking wisdom teeth. Mine haven't grown in. What does that mean?

You must have sucked a cock.

When you- Wait a minute, Ms. Pat.

I don't know. Somethingsomething and stopped your wheels and two of them coming in.

No, two of them are impacted inside. They never.

Came down. Did they cut them out?

No, and the dentist was like, we should cut them out. I said, fuck, do we have to? I said, is it a health issue?

No, but it will. It would eventually really fuck up your sinuses.

No, fine. Whatever.

Fuck it. Well, not when your nose are constantly running, your eyes are constantly running.

Why? Did you have the same problem? How did you.

Know that? No, my son had them and they.

Cut them down. I don't want them cut out of my... Don't cut my shit. It doesn't hurt. It's not supposed to be there. Huh? It's supposed to be there, I mean.

No, it doesn't. Yes. Why is it there? Let me ask you this. God made all of us different, but they also made people in the world to fix things. Some of us didn't pick the right sperm to create babies. If you come out and your fucking teeth turn sideways, you can't really blame that on God. You got to blame that on who your mama let nutted in you. Right. We got dentists here to fix those things. So whoever nutted in your mama, their mouth are compacted in the back. They didn't get their teeth cut down, so your teeth didn't come down. Right, that makes sense. You need to go in there and get it done right because you done nutted in your wife, and you don't want your baby to have no compact mouth. That's just my philosophy.

You're saying basically God is so busy with the production line of people that sometimes he's mispicking.

No, he's not mispicking. You all are mispicking. We mispick. I mean, he crazy. He said, This is what we're going to have this problem. We're going to have that problem. Just so happen you don't check the fucking history of the person and you have a baby boy. Okay.

You already here for Ms. Pat. Make sure you're picking the right person and not inside you. Otherwise, you're going to have an impacted jaw.

You're going to have a lot of shit. I mean, you think about it. If you have a baby boy across a cross-sided person, there's a good chance your baby might be cross-sided.

I.

Feel like there was a midget. What's the midget now? Oh, I can't say that word. No, yeah, you can't say that. What's a little short guy named? Brad Williams. If I had a baby by Brad Williams, do you really think I'm going to have a basketball player?

You and Brad Williams, by the way.

Should make a baby. We're going to have a little black baby. Do you really think I'm hoping.

For a- He could be a hooper. He could be a hooper, your little baby. You're a little short-played.

You know what I'm saying? You're in a.

Bad mood.

So think about it. I'm one.

Of those little rooms. I get it. I get it. Be more selective. Be more selective.

Well, a lot of people, it's like I don't think we select it when we're looking for a relationship, but when women go to the sperm bank, they want to know everything about that nut.

Yeah, that's right.

They ask what the race is. They ask the type of person that person was, all kinds of stuff. But you see the man who had over 200, he was selling his sperm all the time. He had almost 200 kids, and they told me he can't donate no more nuts because he got too much of his kids.

Running around. He has too many kids, I know.

Yeah, that's how he was making his living, nothing in the cup.

Well, God bless. It pays good money. That's what I've told him to do. Mccone, donate some sperm or some plasma. They don't take my nuts anymore. They won't take Redheads. Sperm banks won't take Redheads.

Why is that that?

Then look it up. Sperm banks won't take a red-headed sperm because nobody picks the babies. No one out of it when they pick and they see that the donor was Redhead, they don't want them. Nobody wants me. Oh, Ms. Pat, nobody wants me. Look at this. No, go down. There's a bunch of Sperm banks. See Sperm bank, Redhead's not wanted. Don't bother donating at Ciros International. This is BBC News said this. Ciros International put out an article that said that they're not taking Red Headed Babies anymore, nothing against Red Headed Donors.

They're trying to get, they're.

Trying to- They have 140,000 doses of sperm from Redheads, and no one's taking them. And that's enough. That's what they say. They don't want them anymore. Enough is enough. We need brown eyes, Scandinavians, Caucasians, Mediterranean donors, and other ethnicities who are located in Scandinavia. That's the problem. Nobody wants redheads up there. In Ireland, they don't need any sperm donors because all they're doing is fucking and drinking. That's all they're doing.

Over here, they just trying to...

They're trying to get rid of me, Ms. Pagg. They want to get rid of me. They don't want any more Redheads to exist anymore. Don't you think I'm a beautiful specimen? Don't you think I should last?

I think it's because your skin burn faster.

Don't you all burn faster?

No, I have as much melanin in my skin as.

You do. Now, you ain't got no goddamn melanin.

You and I have the exact same skin tone.

Boy, boy, I am black. I'm black? Yeah. You think- You cut off the lights. You ain't know you'll burn like a fucking French fry. You ain't never see me with no red neck.

I have never, ever been sunburned in my entire life. Really? No, I'm sunburned.

Right now. I know, God damn it. Because my friend, my co-host on my podcast is red and he stay burnt up. Yeah, that's some hot. I used to have these white girl who are really close to me, and I took her to a barbecue one time and she burnt and I felt so fucking sorry for her. I was like, what do white people do to go where they could just walk around on fire? We were putting everything on this bitch. Ice cube, Suntan lotion. Her neck was like a fucking like if you stick your thumb and something and it's smashing and blow up red, I felt so.

Sorry for her.

Yeah, poor girl. We put a towel around her. I was like, How the fuck do you all live like this?

We don't. It's tough. So she got invited to the cookout and she got burnt.

Yeah, we didn't know she needed sun. Look at that shit. Yeah, that's us. We didn't know she needed sun tan lotion.

Yeah, you better.

Believe it. This nigga put Batman on his chest.

That's funny. But you know, if I get invited, if black people burn too. Black people burn too sometimes.

I was at a trip me years ago with a kid and sat out all day long. The next day, my skin was just peeling. I was like, Why my fucking skin peeling? It went on and on and on for about a week. I went to the doctor and he's like, You some burn. See? Then I said, We don't burn. He's like, Yes, the fuck we do.

Yeah.

Everybody burns. Yeah. I didn't know we burn. We burn like ashes. You all burn like hell. You all be walking with a barbecue grill on you all fucking day.

You get into a Fenderbender, we get fatal accidents.

That's what it is. You should.

Have fucked up. Yeah, that's a bump. That's a Fenderbender. That's a bump. And we get a car flipped on the freeway. That's how bad we burn. It is awful. I mean, it is debilitating. I burned the top of my feet one time when I was in high school on vacation in Florida, and I almost went home. It was so bad. I couldn't fucking move. I could not move. I couldn't even walk. It hurt so much because it all singed the top of my feet. I couldn't put my feet in shoes. Even sandals hurt. Putting on socks hurt. Feel my plight, Ms. Pat. This is what I have to go through.

I don't understand.

Show her my Instagram. Show her what I just put up a picture of. Here, I'll show you. I was outside for a photoshoot. For about 10 seconds, I took this photo. Look at that. Butt naked on the beach drinking white wine, living my life, and I didn't burn.

You were not there long enough.

No, I was out there long enough to take this photo, and after that, I went right back in the shade.

I bet you you did.

But look at it. Look at the cake, Ms. Pat. Give me some props on the cake. Look at there's a little bit of cake back.

There, little cookies. All I see is a butt all the way down to your face.

My butt goes from my neck to my feet.

He is... I'm like, if you think that's cake, then all right then.

All right, there's a snack. It's a little tiny snack cake. Yeah, it's a little baby treat. This theater tour that you're doing, are these all new theaters that you've never done?

I've never done them.

That's wild. I think last time you were on the show, you had just started to maybe book theaters maybe because you were doing clubs. I was doing clubs. Yeah, but you were selling out all the clubs that you had said you were starting to book theaters.

We were starting to talk about it. So now I'm moving into theater. It's so wild. Now you're back big.

Theater mama. That's so fun. You've done a few.

Already, though. I've done about five or six already. So I'm excited. How huge. The stress of theaters, though, because you could be in a 3,000 seat theater and then you got a week over the whole weekend to push those tickets. But when it's a theater, it's one fucking night. Yeah, he's like, Oh, a lot of these tickets ain't going to sell. It's hard. When you go out your first time, you really want to do well. But I've been blessed. It's been rocking and rolling.

Yeah, you've been doing good. I've seen you've been killing it. They should bring up the dates again so I can see. But it is great because I think the thing that the fans don't know from a comics perspective is we love clubs just as much as I love theaters. I mean, I love the clubs because it's a different vibe. But what's wild about doing theaters is I think sometimes it's hard for the fans to understand how amazing it is to perform in these big rooms. I don't know, it's a big point in my career. It was like a holy shit moment because it's beautiful, ornate theaters and it just is overwhelming because clubs are intimate and dirty and small. There's something incredible about performing in the theater to get to that level.

The scroll down. The energy is just-.

It's different. -it's different. Yeah, it's just different. And you're sprinkling a couple of clubs to keep it low. That's why I like that. And the Vick in Chicago, my hometown. Two shows, mama. I got two shows. Let's go. Two shows. That's what it says, right? It says new date unless one is switched out. Oh, no. Okay. Yeah, maybe one switch. At the Vick, January 12th, Chicago show up from my girl, Ms. Pat, January 12th in Chicago at the Vick Theater. That's one of my favorites. That's where I shot my first special at the Vick Theater. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's big for me. Like, What for you, the Wilbur in Boston? Love that. Was there ever a venue for you that you were like, Man, I want to play that venue? Do you have one like that or no?

No.

Is there anything in Atlanta that you've always wanted to play or no?

I want to play the Fox Theater.

Yeah, right.

So there are- Yeah. So right now, on December the 16th in Atlanta. I will be playing.

Center Stage. Center Stage. Oh, yeah.

Center Stage. I would love to play the Fox Theater one day.

It's big, right? How many seats is Fox? That's the Fox Theater in Atlanta. That's a big, big theater. That's so funny. We all have these 4,500. Is that what it is? Yeah. That's a big, beautiful theater. You'll play that next year.

I'll play that next year. I'm going to put that on my little to-do list, play the Fox.

Theater next year. Now, would you want to get to the point of doing arenas, like all these comics are doing now? I mean, not all these comics, but guys like Chapelle and there's guys that are doing arenas. Yeah, of course.

Yeah, a bigger theater.

Have you played an arena before?

I played opening for Kat Williams. Yeah. The one big one down in Louisville.

Is he still doing arenas? No?

No. I don't know what he's doing, but...

Do you not talk to Kat anymore?

No, I don't talk to him. I would love to. I don't have his phone number. But that's when I knew I wanted that energy.

Yeah.

When you... I walked out and there was 30,000 people. I was like, What the holy fuck.

Yeah, it's unreal. I want this one. That feeling is... We did a couple with Bert. Bert had a. Are you going on a cruise? No, I'm not doing the cruise. I'm doing a cruise. You're not going to catch me on a boat. I can't do that. No, thank you. See that is not... I'm a landman, dude. Well, we also were on tour. I told them, they asked if I could do the cruise. I said, I wish. Our tour dates overlap. This last tour I did with them, we snuck in a few dates. I did four, I think, or five or something like that. But the cruise thing, just the timing doesn't work out. But also I said to LeAnne, I was like, I'm not good on boats like that. I'll take out a boat with you on the weekend. You know someone that huts a boat. Let's go have some fun out on the boat. But living on a boat, sleeping on a boat.

I.

Get nervous. Ms. Pat, I get nervous out on the ocean. I get nervous. Fuck, I get nervous when I go far away from home, out of the country. There was always like, I have a moment. I have a day where I'm like, I'm so fucking far away from home. And that gets in my head a little bit. Like, if something happens, I can't get back. You don't ever feel that way when you're gone? No, you don't give a shit.

You're about to grow them.

Yeah, you're right. What do you got to get back to? Not like on the islands. When we went to this island, I just felt... Anytime I do that, if I go to an island of Hawaii or something like that, I always get nervous. I said on the boat, I don't know if I could do it. Where's it going? To Mexico?

I think it's going to Jamaica. I can't remember.

Oh, shit. Okay, that could be fun.

I can imagine a bunch of white guys with no shirts on.

Yeah, you see a.

Lot of sunburn.

You see a lot of fucking sunburn.

Out there. I'm going to take some lotion and sell it.

Instead of shirts, your merch is just fucking sunscreen, SPF. Have you ever put on sunscreen? You've never put it on?

Not really. Never once. Well, now I'm older, so it comes in a lot of makeup now.

Yeah, I've seen this. My wife uses this tinted shit.

Yes, it comes in moisturizers and stuff like that now.

Yeah, because she doesn't need to put on sunscreen, so she can just do that.

Yeah. Lucky. I'm wearing it right now. I leave the house, I have to put it on.

What? Sun tent?

Yeah, if I don't put it on, I'm-.

I'm quite sure the sun is shining.

I know. I live here. I know I should move.

Shoot you?

Yeah, I should probably go to a place with less sun to go to Seattle or some bullshit like that where I get to get the sun twice a year. You want to be random?

Yeah, fine. Well, take your ass back to Chicago.

No, thanks, man. I don't want to get killed.

I don't blame you on that one. I don't like Chicago.

No, yes, you do. You love Chicago.

I love the people. I love my fans, but it's just too much for me. I don't get to see what the news show you because I don't go to that side of town. I'm usually in and out, but it's a place that I don't care the tour.

It's funny, man. I love Chicago.

So much. They got some good ass food in Chicago. I will find the food during a day at the right time. But other than that, no.

It's too dangerous. But Atlanta is not dangerous at all. Atlanta is dangerous too. Yeah, Atlanta's got a shit, too.

Everybody got these shits.

This is not for a head or anything. I mean, Chicago is better at it, though. We're the best. Chicago is probably the best at murder.

Yeah, we might be number one or two. We're the best at shooting babies.

Well, not me. There are some people out there shooting babies.

Yeah.

Not me. But I think we might be number one. Are we trending number one right now? Who's got number one? Cleveland.

God damn.

Cleveland, show up. Good for Cleveland, man. Cleveland's got to be the number one spot. Is that the highest.

Murder in 2023? Well, they got to kill somebody.

Because- No, Baltimore, Maryland. That's number five.

All right.

Cleveland, number five? This is like a letterman. Remember, letterman's top 10? Top 10 places to get murdered in the US. Dallas. I didn't know Dallas was bad like that. Keep going. Phoenix, Arizona.

Really? Wow.

Philadelphia. Fucking, there you go. And Chicago, number one, highest murder rate in the United States, 2023. You got to be number one at something. Chicago, congratulations. Yeah, my parents, it's so funny. It's like, I love Chicago. I do love my city, but I don't... I don't know, it's too expensive to live there anymore. It's gotten so expensive and so priced. They priced out everybody. So everybody is broke.

Atlanta is doing the.

Same thing. Pricing out everybody. So then what ends up happening is people commit more crimes when you price them out of their own living situation.

So what do you think is going to happen? I try to tell them. I say, Well, you showed up. When you show underprivileged people what you got, they come to get it because they want to live right there.

Well, also, especially if they can't live where they used to live. If people used to live in a place and it prices them out of their own neighborhood, how could you be surprised that they come back to get something from you?

I'm not surprised.

At all. No. When I was a kid in Chicago, there was a place called Cabrini Green was the projects, and they ripped them down. I don't even know. I don't even know what year they stopped, what year they demolished a lot of those buildings, but they flipped that whole neighborhood, Cabrini Green. 2011? Yeah. So when I was a kid, we didn't live too far from Cabrini Green. It was not a far away trip to get over there. One of my schools that I went to was near it. We just knew as kids like, You just don't go over there. You don't belong over there. Don't go to the projects. You'll get caught up. So then they ripped it down and they put in super high end, high rises and condos and all sorts of shit. I think that was the beginning of that shit, overdeveloping, underdeveloped neighborhoods with a lot of money, a lot of fucking new money. And that's why I don't think crime is contained in Chicago at all. I think they think it is. People are going to come get it if it's there. You're going to show it off.

I know some people are going to come get it.

That's why you're not flashy, are you?

No, I'm not flashy.

Do you have any flashy shit? You got some flashy shit.

I have some flashy shit.

Do you hide it?

No, I just don't post it.

Right, exactly.

I walk the street with it, but I'm like, Hey, look what I bought. I'm 51 years old. I don't have time for that shit. What am I going to do? I don't live for the ground. I don't have no need to impress anybody. I go to work every day and do what I'm supposed to do. There's no reason why I got to make you sweat or got my foot on this bitch's neck. I don't have to impress you all. That's why I don't do my stand-up online. I'm not going to run in a grocery store and do nothing silly just to make you motherfuckers happy. I don't want to put on this fucking makeup. You see how many.

People with me today?

I don't do this bullshit.

I'm not going to- There was two beautiful women in here doing your makeup, and I didn't get asked once if I wanted any touchup or anything like that.

That's because you already rock.

Come on, baby. Come on. No, you don't put any of that bullshit online because you don't want to... Because that's the new game now, right? Is the new stand-up game is putting clips online?

Well, I don't put my stand-up online. I do put my crowd work online. Sure. So... And people are shot, they be like, Oh, I thought she just had fucking crowd work. No, I'm going to give you an hour, and then I'm going to talk to you at the end.

Yeah. So you do an hour of your stand-up?

Stand-up. A hour and a half of stand-up, and then I do some crowd. I mix it in, but I have a set.

So what do you do? Like a two-hour show?

I try to really do an hour, hour 15.

Yeah.

Because any more than that is- I'm coming out of an hour that I've been working with for over a year, so I'm also writing another hour. As I pull those old, them new jokes out of the old set, I have to take up a little more time. Of course. I don't just go cold turk and throw everything away unless I shot a spaceship.

Are you shooting another special soon?

No.

Good. See, that's so funny. I think it's a generational thing that the older generation above me was much more patient. I think the newer generation now is I get it out, put it out, get it out, do another hour, do another. I'm not impressed with the idea. I'm not saying the people or the material. I'm saying I'm not impressed with the idea of it's got to be out another hour. You got to put one out every year. No, I don't have to be out. I don't think there's any weight to that.

I mean, before- It don't be good because I'd have one special. You all were here something crazy. I can rewrite all of those jokes way funnier than they are now. Because sometimes when I look at that special, I'm constantly tagging.

Those jokes. Well, that's what happens.

Oh, how the fuck? I didn't think of that. I just said, I'm not interested. I'm selling out theaters. I'm going to change my set every 15 months. What I want to do is I want to do it like I've seen Ali Sadik do it. I've seen Ar'Shafeele do it. I would like to put my spec, feel me? And sell it to you.

Right.

So I can have some.

Rights to it. Do it your own way.

I want to do it my.

Own way. Yeah, I mean, that's the move. Then you own the material.

Yeah, or drop it on Netflix. I mean, or drop it on YouTube and.

See how that goes. Well, then you can push it around now, right? There's guys that put it on YouTube, then you can put it on Amazon, then you can move it somewhere else in the year. I mean, the beauty of you owning all that shit is what we should have had from the beginning. It's what we should have taken the note from the music industry when you hear about musicians and artists finally owning their own shit. I think we should have done that years ago. We were all duped. I was when I was young, Comedy Central signing these record contracts, two, three record contracts when we didn't know any better because I just wanted a couple of thousand dollars in my pocket. So if they guaranteed you a couple grand, I thought, fuck, I'll sign anything. I don't give a shit. I needed the money that bad. So now that we know we can own stuff, I think that's the new reality of our world. It's like, Fuck that. I'll just own it. And I'd rather take the loss and then make it back later because you're selling tickets, than being at the helm under somebody's thumb again, because we all did that shit.

I don't know. What was the first TV appearance that you did?

The world's funniest mom, I think, was Rosanne Barr.

Really? That was your first? That's wild. World's funniest mom, is that what it was?

Rosanne.

Barr. Oh, that's fucking great. How was she, by the way? She was great. Yeah, she's fucking wild.

Well, she is. Look at that photo, by the way. The world's funniest mom. What year was it? Do you remember?

No.

Forever ago. Before comic view, right? Before BT's.

Comic view? Before I did comic view, yeah.

World's funniest mom. No, but back then, you put your shit out there and that was what it was. Then you got a couple of bucks for it and then you hope for the next TV hit, the next TV hit.

You just keep hoping for the next TV hit. You just want to get some... There it is right there. Go up to come and close. It's not there, right there. Go down. That was my audition.

America's Funniest Mom. At Good nights.

Good nights is still there.

In Raleigh, right?

Raleigh, but I play the improv.

Yeah, Good nights in Raleigh. I think I did it one time. How much time did you do on the show? Five minutes? It's so funny. Do you remember the feeling that you had when you were doing that? Because that's a long time ago. I was nervous. You had to be new, right?

Yeah. 2007. I thought it was three, four years in.

You remember those feelings when you did those showcases you were nervous as fuck.

Yeah.

But fun. Wasn't that fun, nervous, though? Don't you miss that? When you perform now, you don't get those nerves anymore. You get like...

It's a different type of nerve you get walking out there and all those people out there for you, and they standing up. One of the things I always ask myself, how did I get here? Do I deserve this? I worked 20-something years to get there, and people always say, I hate standing ovation.

You hate a standing ovation? Yes. Why? I don't know. They're just showing you love.

I know. They love you. I know, and I come out to it, and I'm learning now to accept it more. I just want to get to my set. To me, it's like showing off. I don't like to show off. But my team, I was like, Pet, you got to take it in. You got to take it in. So I'm learning to take it in.

Take it in. Look, people love you because your talent, your presence, your ability, who you are and the thing that you bring. You do have to enjoy that shit because look, people aren't going to be standing and clapping for us forever.

No, they're not.

I appreciate it. So soak that shit up.

I'm.

Learning, too. Yeah, you better soak that the fuck up. I think that's worth it. I know that is hard. It's difficult sometimes to let it sink. But we try to do it as like a team when we all tour together. I remind each other. After the show, sometimes we'll sit and we'll soak it up because I think it's fucking amazing. In San Diego, we did 5,700 seats or something. I don't even know what it was. That was the biggest we had ever done, me and Bobby. We looked at the venue when it was empty. I was like, Isn't that fucking amazing? All those people. I mean, it's amazing. I think it's incredible. We're blessed. So it feels really good. People are going to keep coming to see you until you sell out fucking arenas and never talk to me again.

Well, make sure you all come to Minnesota and everything else on mispatcomity.

Com. Yeah, go to mispatcomity. Com and go get those fucking tickets. When does the show come out, by the way? When does your judge show.

Come out? October 18th?

Oh, it's out right now. As of right now- Funnie.

Funnie. Please go watch it. Bt. You can go see it.

Hulu. On BT, on Hulu.

Well, it's on BT, but you can watch it after the air.

Hulu streams it, yeah.

Everybody streams it.

Yeah, well, that's the move. Go watch it. Yeah, go watch it right now. What's it called?

Say it again. Ms. Pat settles it.

Ms. Pat settles it. That settles it, baby. Ms. Pat settles it. Right now you can see it all over the place. Go to Hulu, go to if you want, but probably streaming it because that's what everybody does now. No one watches anything fucking live anymore.

No, they don't.

Look at that. And you film in Georgia? Do you.

Film in Atlanta? I film in Atlanta, yeah.

Is this a Steve Harvey production? No. I feel like he does everything down there.

No, he doesn't. No? You mean Taliban.

Oh, yeah, but yeah. But no, but no. But doesn't Steve's production company down there too?

I guess. I don't know, but no, it's 495 and Ms. Pat production.

Is this not the at the end of at the end of Family Feud, the, Made in Georgia. You know when they do that? That's one of these too. They said at the end of your show.

You have to. There it is.

Right there. They have to do that if it's shot in the state of Georgia because of the tourism or whatever. That's so fucking funny. I hear that ring in my head every single time I see that show. Go watch Miss Pat settles it right now on BT and/or Hulu. Go see Miss Pat on tour, one of the funniest, coolest comedians working today. It's a pleasure to have you on the show, Miss Pat. Thank you for having me. Look into this camera, you beautiful, beautiful woman. We end the show the same way. One word or one phrase to end the episode whenever you're ready. One word or one phrase. You go ahead when you're ready.

Do you? Because can't nobody do you like you do you?

Perfect.

In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk.

Do that creature in the gingerbeard. Stirring and ginger.

Like the pepper, the ginger gene is accrued. Ginger are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey and 75.

Dollars for the horse. Ginger are hell, no.

This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger.

I like genders.