Transcript of #2389 - Sal Vulcano

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Yep. What's up? When's the last time I saw you?

It was. I was here promoting my special man. It was June of last year.

Damn. Time flying.

Yeah.

Yeah. A whole year.

I haven't pulled a child since then even.

Oh, my goodness. Congratulations.

Thank you.

Look at you out there breeding.

Right? Attribute it to the population.

How old are you? 40.

I'll be 49 in November.

So did you do the math? Like, when your kid's 20?

I brought. I've done every math. Every piece of math you could do.

It's to get healthy.

Yeah, no, I am. That's exactly what happened. I started with a trainer four weeks ago and. And. And just did all this blood work and taking all these scans and tests and stuff. Now just because I'm like, I have to.

Yeah.

I have to be here as long as possible.

Changes the game when you have children.

Yeah.

You could off and do coke and heroin and sleep. Yeah. Yeah.

Luckily, I wasn't doing that.

No. But as soon as you have a kid, you're like, oh, my God, I want to leave my kid.

I was eating whatever cereal. I was, like, backing out of the driveway without looking.

But, like, now most of my Instagram algorithm is things that I shouldn't eat. Yeah, it's like sandwiches. Sandwiches and pizza.

You have trouble with that stuff? No. No, not at all.

No, I don't have trouble.

Yeah.

I just know it's not good for you.

Yeah, most.

Mostly I eat good stuff.

What's. What's. What's like a. Yeah, you're like an. Like. Like an egg white.

No, I eat yolks.

Okay.

Yolks are the healthy part.

Yolks? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I eat the whole egg, but I have chickens, fresh eggs.

Are you like. Like, do you have like a diet like an Olympic. Like, are you like an Olympian?

No.

Are you, like, weighing your food and.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I eat way too much. If I weighed my food, I'd be like, I eat for a 300 pound man.

Yeah, that's because of stuff.

It's that. But it's also. I'm a glutton. Yeah, I'm a glutton.

But you could do it.

Yeah, I can get away with it. But I do eat a lot. Like, if I go out to dinner, I will eat a large steak. I will have multiple sides of multiple appetizers, and then I look like I'm pregnant when I leave.

That'S how you eat?

Yeah. You just fucking you? I eat a lot of food, man. It's not. It's not smart.

How do you burn all your calories? Is it all like, you. Is it all like jiu jitsu stuff or whatever?

I do a lot of working out, but I also do intermittent fasting. I'm just smart about when to be a glutton and then when to back off.

Yeah.

You know, I just don't keep my foot on the gas, that's all. But, like, when I go to New York, it's all Italian food. It's Italian food for like three days.

You gotta.

You have to.

I can eat it every day.

I could too. It's a problem. It's a problem. It's all Italian subs and pasta.

And you have your favorite spots in New York?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a bunch of spots. I got a bunch of spots. I got a spot in Vegas, too. We're just at this place, Gaetano's. It's all handmade pasta with imported flour from Italy. We ate there after the fights. Oh, my God, I love it.

I have to go there. I'm gonna. I'm going through Vegas on. I'm still touring. The tour that I was here with last, that started in 24, I'm going through till. All the way through 26.

Oh, nice. Yeah. Damn.

Yeah, I took like a three month. Well, I took a break when I had my. My new baby, and then I took like a little bit of a. Like a six month, but now I'm like, back at it full. I got a bunch of big shows coming up, so I was like, let me get out there and like, tell people I'm still alive.

Yeah, you got. You gotta get out there if you want to do something. Because it's like, you know, if you just work in the city.

Yeah.

You can't really put together an hour.

No, I mean, I piece it together. I mean, I'm. I'm constantly on the road. I just. I just went down just to have a little bit of a breather because we just finished wrapping season 12 of the show. And so I was touring and doing the show and I had. And I had a kid, so it's like I just couldn't even. And then we produced another show and all that shit in between, so it's like, I just haven't been. I went on hiatus on my podcast and stuff because I had to. Something had to give. So now it's like, let me. Let me just get back out There. And just. Now I'm not filming. I'm just really focusing on the tour and, like, a new pod I got coming out.

When you do stand up, do you take guys with you that are your.

Friends on the road?

Yeah, that's the move. Yeah.

All the time.

That's the only way to go.

It makes it. It makes it fun. Yeah. Fun as opposed to.

Yeah. You're with buddies. It's like a vacation that you get to work at. Yeah.

If. If I didn't. It can get. It can get depressing fast.

Real fast. Yeah. If you're super fast. If you're solo and you're working with local openers, especially if they. They're boring.

Yeah.

And they're. They're not fun to hang out with.

Oh, yeah, that's. In the club, in the groom. I'm even talking about in, like, the hotel and stuff.

Oh, that's bad too.

Yeah.

You just got to find things to do. For me, it's always, I work out and I play pool. So those are two things that occupy a lot of. Yeah, so that's good.

I didn't work out, and I didn't play pool, so I'm like. I got. Got this guy, right? And I'm like, all right, I'm weak. I have no stamina. I'm old, and, like, I need to reverse all this, you know?

Like.

So, like, you're gonna start with me now, and I'm really gonna show you nothing. Like, I.

Well, that's good. Yeah.

That means I understand where I am.

Here, but that's good.

Yeah.

You'll be able to see progress.

Yeah.

It's all. No matter where you're at. If you're thinking about working out, do it because it's a good place to start no matter where you're at.

Yeah.

If you're really fit, great. Good place to start.

Yeah.

Get even more fit if you're out of shape. Great. Good place to start. Good place to start. Baby steps. Don't go too hard. Don't get hurt. Build up slow.

Yeah, I got some blood work back, and I was like, I need to change somebody's numbers. And, like, also, I got like a. It was like an in depth blood work, and, like, they, like, they told me all this extra stuff that I couldn't have known. And one is, I'm very susceptible to soft tissue injury. Oh, you're a. Yeah, I'm a. It said. I was translating said on the paper, and then this is how I make myself feel better about it.

How do they determine Whether you're soft tissue, whether you're a. That doesn't even make any sense.

I don't know. It just said I'm very susceptible to, like. Like, I guess whatever it is. Ligament bruising, ligament, like that kind of stuff.

Well, that's just from years of not lifting weights. That's all that is.

You think that's just changed my blood so that. That's it?

Yeah, 100%.

Well, I told the guy and he's like, all right, that's good to know. And then like. Like my sixth session, I like. Like we were doing that thing where, like, I throw a medicine bowl down really hard and then, like, catch it and then swing it to him. And like, on the swing to him.

I was like, ah, yeah, you gotta. I would never have you do stuff like that to start out with. Yeah, to start out, you should do body weight stuff and you should do it, like, moderately. Like, when I had a bunch of guys in here, we were doing comedians workouts on. On Tuesdays and. And one of the things that we always did was sometimes did Tuesdays and Thursdays, but one of the things we always did. If anybody's just starting out, I'm like, do not go to failure. Do not push yourself. I don't. I want you to get out of here and feel fine.

Yeah, no, he did say that for. To be fair, he's not like, killing me or anything, but we worked up to that. But that. That one. And then we just backed off of it. But he.

Rotational stuff is difficult because, you know, you're putting all. Especially if you're not particularly coordinated and you're throwing a lot of torque, you know, one way or the other way, when you throw in a medicine ball, especially.

I got tons of torque here.

Torque.

I got so much torque. Right.

Like, what? I don't understand. Like, what. What would determine whether or not you're more susceptible to soft tissue injury? The only thing that makes sense is that you haven't been working out. Like, unless there's a biomarker.

Yeah.

Is there?

I think so. Yeah.

Let's. Let's try Perplexity House. That's our new sponsor. Let's find out. Put that in Perplexity. Find out what is a biomarker that would indicate you're more susceptible to soft tissue injury.

I have my results in a PDF somewhere. I could go, or I can call my doctor.

Well, we'll find out. We'll find out quick. But it just. To me, the only thing that would make sense is that you haven't been using that tissue. That's the only thing that would make sense. And there's probably things that they could show in terms of levels of like creatinine. I think that's how you say it. And maybe some other stuff that would indicate. Here it goes. What biomarker would indicate one susceptible to soft tissue injuries. Well supported biomarker that indicates susceptibility. Soft tissue injuries. Genetic variant. Oh, and the elastin El engine gene. Interesting. Which has been identified as a marker of ligament weakness and may signal increased risk of injury. Whoa. Yeah.

There you go.

Is that. So that's what you have.

I'm a variant. I'm a. What do you call this? X Men. I'm a mutant.

So this is the word I was looking for. Classic serum protein markers like creatine kinase lactate. What's that word? Diodrogenase and myoglobin reflect muscle tissue breakdown and can indicate tissue vulnerability or prior damage. But they're used in predicting susceptibility. As opposed to recent. As opposed to recent injury Is less robust. Recent research has also shown that profiling early healing stages through mass spectrometry spectrum. Jesus Christ. Spectrometry can identify multiple proteins whose baseline alterations may point to greater risk for delayed or poor recovery. Hmm. So what does this guy got you doing? Like what is like a typical workout for you?

He switches it up every single. Every single time. I mean I've been doing. I've been seeing him about four weeks, three times a week.

How'd you find him?

He actually lived in the building next to me.

Oh.

And I ran into him. This weird stuff has been happening like this lately. Like I'm like, I really got to get a trainer. And I was like walking in between that. We had a little like thing in the. Between the buildings. And he like he just was there talking to someone. And I. He mentioned. He goes, I'm a physical trainer. I'm like, I need someone. He's like, I'll walk over. We'll do it. So I do it like 6:30. That's the thing that's a little harder too. Is like I. The only time I could do it at 6:30 in the morning because I have like a. You know.

That's good though.

No, I know.

You started the right way. You gotta win.

It is good. And it's been crazy like how much I feel like I've done now by like 2, 2 o' clock in the afternoon. But when that alarm goes off at like 6 and I know he's waiting Downstairs and, you know, I'm just like, now. It's. Because now it's winter, like back home. I don't know about here, but, like, it's still completely pitch black outside, you know, like. So just getting up in that darkness and being like, my wife's sleeping. I'm putting on a fucking headband. I sweat. I wore a hat first, but I was like, I need to get. No, I bought like. I got like, fancy with. I bought like a Lululemon head.

Oh, nice.

It's not. It's like, I don't know. Yeah, I. I look. I look the part.

Okay.

I look.

Listen, that's. It's all the looking. The part's fun. No, no, it's all part of just. Just doing it.

It's been good. It's. I felt immediate. It's immediately. It changes my. This is that release. It just feels great. The first workout, I felt like right afterwards, I was like, this is amazing.

That's great.

Yeah, yeah.

As long as you don't go too hard. That's what I always tell everybody. You can't. You're not going to be able to keep up. If you try a crazy pace right off the bat, you're not going to be able to keep up with it, and you're going to. Not going to be able to recover. You're going to get broken down. You got to build it slow.

I used to take care of itself with, like, just sports and stuff, like. But I don't. I don't do that anymore, you know, Like, I've done that. Are you a good athlete outside of, like, whatever training you do? Like, are you a sports. Like, do you play any sports?

I own the only sport I played, I played baseball when I was a kid. And then once I started doing martial arts when I was in my early teens, I quit everything.

Wow.

Yeah.

And just focused on that.

Yeah. Oh, well, for me, it's like I hated team sports because I'm kind of, you know, stubborn and like, I either struck out or hit a home run. No matter what happened, they're always like. They always, like, get on base. I'd be like, right, I'm going for the bleachers, bitch. And either I was a hero or everybody was mad at me, and that's how I always played. I didn't care. Like, I'm not going to be a loser because Billy drops the ball in the. In left field. Right. I don't care.

Yeah.

Like. And so then when I found wrestling, I was like, okay, this is better. This is Just me. And then I got into martial arts, and I was like, okay, this. I. Like, this is just like, I can. I either put in the work and get better or I don't. I either win or I lose. There's no weird gray area. The only gray area is decisions. Decisions sucked, because there's a lot of biased judges. And, you know, if you're, like, someone's hometown and you.

Oh, yeah.

Really terrible.

That blatant.

Oh, yeah. Don't you Remember Roy Jones, Jr. In the Olympics? I. Roy Jones, Jr. And it was actually a beautiful moment because Roy Jones, Jr. In the Olympics, he boxed beautifully. It was a perfect performance in the finals. And he lost. There's no way he lost. But it was in Korea, and it was against the Korean national champion. And so the Korean national champion, he won the gold medal and then came to visit Roy Jones recently and gave him the gold medal and said, you should have won that fight.

Like, recently?

Yeah, recently. Recently, yeah. Wow.

Never.

Yeah, wow. But when I was a kid and I watched that, I was so disheartened because I'd seen that in Taekwondo a lot. Yeah, I'd seen that in kickboxing a lot. And it's just. It's embarrassing. It's just when you see, like, blatant, obvious corruption and that. To me, that decision is one of worst examples of blatant corruption, because Roy Jones just ran away with that fight. The only thing he didn't do is knock that guy out, but he beat his ass.

They don't feel repercussions when it's that obvious.

It's all subjective. It happens in the ufc. Yeah, I see it happens in the UFC all the time. There's bad decisions and, you know, and it's. It's infuriating. It's infuriating to the athlete, too, because particularly in the ufc, there's a win bonus. So imagine if you beat a guy like, you really hit the gas in the second and third round, you fucking burn yourself out. You get the decision. Like, I fucking did it. I did it. Your corner celebrating. We got it. We got the last two rounds. All you. All you. And then you hear the judges and you're like, no fucking way. They robbed me. And it happens. It happens all the time. So. So say if you're a young guy and you're starting out in the UFC and you have a contract, maybe it's like 15 and 15. What that means is you get 15,000 to show and then 15,000 to win. So if you lose, you only get that 15,000. So those judges just stole $15,000 from you when you're struggling just to feed yourself, Right. If you're getting $15,000 to fight, you have to pay for managers, you have to pay for your gym fees, you have to pay for nutrition, you have to pay for supplements.

You know, you have to. Maybe you're getting a massage once a week. You got to pay for that. It's like you don't have any money. Zero money.

Yeah.

You have to work a job. There's no way you're doing that without a job, Right. If you're lucky, you could teach. You know, if you're lucky, you can maybe teach private. Like if you're a jiu jitsu guy or kickboxer, you could teach people during the day. Yeah, but other than that, man, you. You're barely getting by, and they just stole 15 grand from you. Wow.

And happens all the time, and nothing comes there, right. There's appeals, appeals of.

We. We get mad, you know, we talk about it in the commentary, and we, you know, Daniel particularly gets upset because he was a professional fighter and he's seen it.

Yeah.

You know, but it's like they always say, don't leave in the judge's hands, but that's nonsense because you. These guys, you're not good enough to knock them out. And if you try to knock them out, you're gonna get knocked out, Right. It's like, you have to fight smart, right? So, like, you always should fight the. The best you can, but smart.

Yeah.

And if you don't do that, you. You're not. You shouldn't be a professional fighter. It's because you're gonna get beat up when you shouldn't get beat up. You're gonna get hurt when you shouldn'.

You know?

Yeah.

I didn't. I never did anything. I took karate for, like, six months. I never did. I was team sports for me, but it was. I wasn't particularly. I. I actually, when the first year our grammar school got a basketball team, I was in seventh grade, and so if you were in eighth grade, you automatically made varsity, and then whatever remaining spots you have to try out. I wasn't really good, right. But I tried out, and I was the last one cut. So I was the very first person to be placed on the JV team.

Oh, no.

So the best of the jv, right? I. We didn't have a coach. The school did not have a basketball program. So my. My friend's mom, who, prior to this, just owned a bakery, she was like, I'll Coach. I mean, she had no. She had no experience outside of pastries. And she got, like, a clipboard. Like a whiteboard. Clipboard. And we met at the school gym, and she started running drills with us. And it was like, whoever else wanted to be play can play. So, yes, I got cut last, So I was. You know.

How'd you do?

I want. I was the mvp, so I was MVP of the team for the season.

Nice.

Went to the awards ceremony. Now, let me finish talking.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah, you'll see the team, first of all. So we weren't good. We knew we weren't good, and we were like, okay, watch this. First team we're gonna play is gonna be, like, amazing. So we show up for this first game, okay? We get to the Catholic CYO Center. It's like the Catholic Youth Organization gym. We get there, every single kid on that team is just, like, Dominican. Or like, we were all, like, scrawny little white kids. These kids were, like, six feet tall already. I'll never forget it. I walked in, and you do drills in the beginning before you start the game. You all go in the line and take layups on your side. They're taking layups on their side. And I remember I locked eyes with some kid, and he looked at me, and he was dribbling the ball backwards through his legs as he walked backwards. And he didn't break eye contact with me. And then he, like, ran up and, like, he did a layup and, like, tapped the backboard or whatever. We lost. 44 nothing. 44 nothing. Okay. So at the end of the game, you're supposed to, like, line up and you'll, like, you know, touch hands or whatever.

And you go upstairs, and there's a little rec room, and you get, like, some Fritos and a juice box or whatever, right? So this. The parents were there, and the parents of this team were engaged. I mean, they were, I mean, shut out. In basketball, it's pretty tough. And the parents were going nuts. And so at the end, when the buzzer sounded, like the parents were chanting, 44 zip, zip, 44, zip. And they were chanting it, like, loud, right? And then when we got online, the kids start chanting. The parents start chanting. The parents ran onto the court, and I just literally, like. And we're shaking hands. They're all chanting, 44. We go all together up the stairs to get the juice box, and the parents are screaming it up the hallway, 44. Right in our face. Like, 44, zip, zip. I mean, literally, it was, like, the most humiliating Experience. Next game we played blessed sacrament. We lost 56. Three. I had the three points.

Congratulations.

Two points and a foul. A bucket and a foul, right? And then we proceeded to go 00:14 on the year. The last. The last game of the season. At halftime, I don't know what happened, we looked up and we were winning. It was the first time we ever had a lead. It was the last game of the year as halftime and someone was like, holy shit, we're fucking winning. And we looked up and it was like 18, 16 or something. And we lost. So they proceed to have the awards dinner. Well, you know, everyone like goes. All the teams. It's like it's a sports dinner. So like they're doing all the awards for varsity JV across all the platforms and they insisted on doing it. So I was the. I was the MVP of the team.

Because you scored the only three points.

I had 16 points on the season. 14 games. 16 points. I had to get up in front of everyone at the buffet and. And take the trophy that said Sal Volcano MVP JV, you know, 1990, whatever it was. And I would just was like, thank you. You know, like we owe. I had 16 fucking. But I have that. I have that trophy right now in my den on my mantle.

That's hilarious.

Y that's 16 points on the season.

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Yeah, I mean, right away I was 44.

Zip zip in your face by grown ups.

Yeah, I mean, like going like that.

What kind of sportsmanship is that?

There was none There that day. There was none there that day.

There's something to be said for that. There's something to be said for that.

We had no business beyond that. I can only imagine what it looked like.

Like if they, if they want their kids to be pros, you know. Yeah. They want their kids to really dominate. You gotta really encourage the out of them.

Yeah.

You know, and for a lot of people, look, if you got a kid that's six feet tall already and you know he's 14 and he's really good already at basketball, you're like, we might get rich.

Yeah.

You know, this is like a shot.

Yeah. It's true. Yeah.

It's a giant shot.

Their own farm system.

I mean, if a kid can make it.

Yeah.

In professional sports, oh my God. You know, it's your kid. And if you're a lower income people and, you know, you have a kid and your family's really into sports, I.

Hope it's a way out.

Oh, yeah, man. I mean, it's like one of the rare things.

It's a lot of pressure on those kids.

Oh my God. I could imagine.

We didn't have uniforms.

Our team.

Every other had uniforms. No, we had wore a gym uniforms.

That's hilarious.

Which was like, you know, like the short shorts and like just a T shirt and stuff.

That's hilarious.

And me, I was like such. I, I tucked mine in, my socks were up to my knees. That kind of thing. Yeah.

I have the team pictures and pitch.

It's my little Giants or whatever. There's no win at the end though.

It doesn't have to be.

We failed miserably.

You don't have to win.

You know how hard it was to accept that trophy?

It was hard. Yeah.

But now it's like great. It's like I have the trophy and I like, I should, I never did it on stage. I, I should maybe work that.

It's a good setup for being a comedian. Yeah. You know, that kind of like humility. It's like it humbles you.

Yeah.

It's a good setup. You got to realize.

Yeah.

We're not all created equal.

Yeah.

Crock of shit.

I'm funnier than anyone of those kids, I'll tell you that.

There you go. Like, the idea that everyone's created equal physically is. That's a hilarious idea. You haven't met any extreme athletes. There's people out there that are just. They're different than all of us. Just, just. It's not fair. That's just how the universe works. Some people's great grandparents were Vikings. Like, for real Vikings.

I've been. I've been trying to, like, figure out what else to do. Like, I just. I need some type of outlet because it's like, I haven't been doing, why.

Don'T you take up a sport?

Well, so I had. So another thing that happened to me. This was the weirdest thing ever. I was like. It just popped into my head. I don't know why. I was like, I think I want to learn how to sail. What I think I might have meant prop, maybe, is like, I want to learn how to drive a boat. But, like, I was like, I think I want to learn how to sail. And so I was telling this to my wife, and then, like, just same thing as the trainer.

Like.

Like a few days later. It was like, four days later. I was at music class with my daughter, and one of the dads was there with his daughter, and I was inviting him to go somewhere, like a group activity. And he was like, I'd love to, but I can't. I teach sailing that day. And I was like, are you serious? Like, yeah.

And you were already thinking about four.

Days ago, I said to my wife, I want to learn how to sell. He goes, let's go.

Do you think that you have the ability to manifest things like that in your life? Do you ever wonder?

I don't think. I don't.

There are people that believe that. There are people that believe that the way your consciousness interacts with the universe. Yeah. Is what makes things happen. Let's go. Don't happen exactly as randomly as we want to believe that they do. But there are things that you do where you put energy out there. I'd like to mix. There's a lot of examples of it. It's a weird one to believe in because I feel like it's an element to life. And the problem is people are always looking for it to be the element, like the thing. Like, do you remember that movie the Secret?

Yeah.

So during that time, a lot of people, unfortunately, got convinced that they could wish their life into existence.

Yeah. They got, like, a board vision.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Vision board and all that stuff. I think that is a part of things, that putting something into your head is a part of things. But I don't think it's the whole thing. And I think if you think of it as the primary thing, instead of thinking of it as the whole thing has all these different pieces. If you want to get healthy, you have to eat well, you have to take vitamins. You have to exercise, you have to sleep, you have to drink plenty of water. You have to cut out all the bad stuff like alcohol. So there's a lot of elements. It's not just work out. Yeah, right. There's a lot of elements. And I think that's the thing with, like, manifesting stuff. I don't think it's entirely bullshit. I think there's something to it.

I mean, look, you start, you know, you start lining all your ducks in a row, eventually, you know, something's gonna be cohesive. But, but the thing of it, like me running into a guy.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, that. That's like.

Yeah, what's that? That's what I'm saying. The sailing and the fitness, like, right when you're putting it out there, there's a lot of people that believe this, that believe that what we think of as physical reality just being static and locked down, it's not really the case. And that there's a strange dance between consciousness and physical reality that we're not totally aware of.

Yeah.

And that we don't really have the senses to like, be able to measure it, to somehow or another quantify and put on a scale, like what percentage of how your life goes depends on how. What kind of energy you put out there.

Energy. Speak. Energy is big.

That's why I'm always very particular about who I hang out with. Because people think it's no big deal to hang out with idiots. But the problem is you're absorbing their energy and instead of hanging out with really cool people and you absorb their energy and everybody like gets out of there feeling fucking great. Yeah. What a good time. What a good time.

Just suck the energy.

Suck it. And they make it about them and they get negative and they're fucking passive aggressive and weird or whatever it is. It's like, I don't want to deal with him anymore, man.

Yeah. You actually shed those people.

You should, you should, because they are energy. It's like you, you can. And I think how you feel personally, like how your life is going has a giant effect on how your life can go because you're thinking in a positive way, you know, like you're, you're, you're in the right groove, you're in the right vibration.

Yeah.

If you want to get real hippie, you want to get all crystally. But there's something to it. It's not everything. It's not the whole thing. I don't think it should be dismissed because I think there's A reality to it, because I just. There's too many times. Too many times. Like, how many times have you ever run into a fucking trainer when the guy's telling you fucking never, right?

Sailing one blew me away.

How many times you ever run into.

Someone And I took it. I went sailing the other day, took my first one in a New York harbor, man.

Wow.

It was crazy.

My parents lived on a sailboat for, like, two years. Might have been more. Might have been a little more. Yeah, yeah. They just started. They. Before you were born? No, no, no, no. When I was already a grown man. Like, right when I started getting on TV and I started making some loot, I helped them get this sailboat and they got a sailboat and they just.

They already sailed.

No, no, they learned how to sail. Whoa.

It's not easy, by the way.

Gangster move. Yeah. And they would like living down, like, in the Bahamas, and that's living off of a sailboat.

What kind of parents you got? My parents. This is.

Yeah.

This is a foreign idea to me.

Yeah, they just took. They took this chance. They just decided, like, to. Let's see.

They. They lived on it.

Oh, yeah. With a cat, too. With our cat that we have when we were kids. The cat was on the boat with them.

This is fascinating.

Yeah, they were. They took. Well, they're still alive. I shouldn't say they were. They are. They. They, you know, they. They like to live life, and so they.

Did you want to visit them on the boat?

I did, yeah. Yeah, I visited them on the boat. Yeah, it was fun. I didn't visit him in the Bahamas. I visited them when they had it out here. Oh, they had it in America. But it was interesting because, like, to be able to do that, that's a crazy skin. They had to weather some storms. Like, they had to get docked up during a storm. My stepdad had to go out to someone else's boat because it wasn't tied down, and he had to tie this dude's boat down in the middle of a fucking storm.

Yeah, that's like life risk. Yeah, life risking, dangerous shit.

Yeah. Yeah. They did it for a couple years. My mom was like.

Like, what was the life before that? Like, was just a standard.

No. Yeah. He's an architect and, you know.

Because that is a bold choice.

Yeah, it was a crazy choice not.

Even to just learn, because it's like, I'm gonna live on this sailboat. I'm gonna go live in a tropical environment. I'm gonna live. I'm gonna learn how to sail I.

Think they just, you know, people don't like work, man. Like a regular job, like, work sucks. And if you. And you get to a certain point in your life where your kids have left the house and you're like, you. This is life. This isn't like preparing for something.

Yeah.

This is life.

Right.

Not preparing for life right now. So I don't want to do this.

Right.

I don't like doing this. Let's just do something else while we can.

Yeah. Because it was like when you're out on a boat. That's what it is.

Yeah, that's what it is.

Really? Like, yeah. Center.

It's like being in the mountains, like, or, you know, being in nature. When you're in nature, you go to the woods. Like, okay, this is just. This is the only thing that matters, like, right. This existence.

I like that because I. I didn't grow up with that. And it's not common for me. And it's like one thing that really resonates with me as far as, like, shutting my brain off and things like that.

Oh, yeah. The ocean. There's not. There's a reason why all those rich folks live, like, right on the ocean. They're not stupid.

Yeah.

I rented a house once in. In Malibu. We're getting our kitchen redone in California, and we couldn't stay in the house. And so for like four months we rented a house. And we rented this house, like, on the water. And you wake up and you sit in the patio and it's these sliding glass doors and you're literally above, right above the ocean. So you see nothing but this little, little balcony and then water. And you're like, oh, I get it now. Wonder why these people live right next to each other in a twenty million dollar house. Yeah. Because I was like, who the fuck wants to buy a house with no yard? You're jammed up next to your neighbors. That's stupid. And then I got there one morning, drinking coffee, sitting there by myself, smoking a joint. I'm like, okay. Yeah.

It's like biological. It's like.

You get it? Yeah. I go, oh, yeah, I get it. I see what you guys are doing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. This is better. This is like you're watching a show and a work of art at the same time while you're. You're taking in sunshine and fresh, clean air from the ocean.

Yeah.

But here's. Here's the. The difference between the water in the day and the water in the night is huge. The water in the day is beautiful. It's Blue. And you see dolphins and you see seagulls everywhere. It's incredible. It's. It's food for the soul at night. It's a black monster at night when you realize. Especially me, because, you know, I'm probably a little high at the time.

Yeah.

I'm looking out that water abyss, and I'm like, there is billions and trillions of gallons of water out there, and no one can control it. And all it takes is the Earth just having this one little. One little shift of the tectonic plates and a wave is coming, and you're right on the edge.

How.

And I sleep like a log.

Yeah.

You know, like.

Yeah. If a tsunami's coming, you're done.

Yeah. Look at this one getting swept away.

I.

This is the Outer Banks. Yeah. Yeah. And this ain't even a tsunami. This is just a house. Yeah.

That's. It's tough, man.

There's a video of this guy walking his dog in Russia, and it's real recent. And there was a tsunami, that there was a giant warning. They knew it was gonna happen because there was a huge earthquake off the coast.

Yeah.

And so they knew it was coming. So this guy is way up on this cliffside. Watch this. Look how high he is. See how high he is?

Yeah, that one is he. Oh, he's in Russia. That's him. And taking the video.

Yeah. So he's. He's taking this video, and he's with his dog. It's kind of cool when you hear his voice, too. So look. Look how high he was. Right. And look at this water coming in. Oh, dude, it gets all the way over the top. No.

Oh, yeah.

Look at the dog. The dog's almost. Dog doesn't know. It almost died. This silly dog is just sitting there. It keeps going, bro. This is bananas.

That's horrifying.

Look how high it gets.

Yeah.

And he's now, at this point in time, he's realizing, like, oh, shit, look. It gets over the top. It crests over the top of the fucking hill.

Yeah.

I mean, that's like a hundred feet.

Yeah. I. It's. That's insane. Yeah. You've seen that perfect storm. Right?

That's. But that's what happens at night.

Yeah.

You're sitting there at night, you can't sleep because you're like, what am I doing? Why would I sleep here? This is so stupid.

It's weird how it flips like that.

Just all you have to do is just be real, like in the day. You're not real. Let's Say it's like, oh, the sun has given me vitamin D. It's like at night, it's like, no, no, no, no, no. This is just water. An immense amount of water that no one is in control of.

Yeah, get out of here.

I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's their world. That's their world, dude. This is an ad by Better Help. We have a lot of big holidays coming up. But before you start preparing for trick or treaters or make plans for travel for Thanksgiving, there's one other big day you should focus on. World Mental health day. It's October 10th, and if you don't know already, it's a great day to send some love to therapists. Maybe a therapist has made a positive impact on you or someone you love. Therapists listen, ask the right questions, and help someone move forward. They can help you if there's something keeping you up at night. If you're looking for a safe space, BetterHelp is a good place to start. They've spent the past decade helping people connect with the right professional therapist. And based on the millions of highly rated reviews, it's safe to say they do a great job. BetterHelp does most of the work for you too. All you have to do is fill out a quick questionnaire. This World Mental Health Day, we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward.

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I did it on a trip in the Cayman Islands, and I always wanted to do it, so I was psyched to do it. And I did one time prior to that in a pool. So I was like, all right, I'm kind of gonna. Whatever. And I almost couldn't go through with it because, like, the. The. The initial descent, they have to put weights on you.

Oh, boy.

And it just goes against everything your body feels.

Your body's like, no, no, no, no, no.

And they say, like, you know, try to breathe measured, you run out of air faster.

Oh, fun, right?

So it's like, yeah, just. Just hearing the fact, oh, you run out of air.

Is the tank the. The meter based on how much air is in or how much time? Like, how much you've been breathing? Like, could you fuck up and. And breathe too much?

Yes.

And it wouldn't say E yet?

No, no, no. I Mean, I had to dial, so.

It'll show you.

Yeah. And I was with someone. I was not, you know, but still, by the way, it doesn't matter, by the way. So it's like I couldn't get down. I'm claustrophobic. And so I think that played into it. But, like, you have to start it just. You have to overcome the sensation that you're maybe drowning or being suffocated. Like, you know, you go down and the weights start to pull you down and you adjust to breathing through here, but then that's it.

Like.

And if you want to, like, talk or it's like you don't. You don't feel comfortable, and you just want out. This. You know, you can't just get out. And once you go down 30ft or so, you have to, like, you know, you can't just shoot up either. You have to go up, like, slowly, obviously.

Right.

Thirty feet is the bends, but, like, you know, that whole thing.

And so 30ft, where you get the bends.

No, I only went 30ft. I think that's, like, very simple stuff, but I still don't think it's, like.

Real shoot up, right? It's. Yeah, it's deeper than that.

Yeah, but.

Which is crazy. You get too much nitrogen in your blood and you're fucked.

It's fucked up, right?

That's crazy.

And I got their world, bro.

That's not your world. That's their world.

Well, it was 30ft down. It was still kind of my way. That's far. Yeah, that's far. Yeah. But I could still see our world, you know?

But if you're out of breath and you got to get to that 30ft and you're. You're exhausted and out of breath, that's fucking terrifying.

Yeah, well, it was me and my friend, and that's it. It was an instructor. No one else showed up. It was his birthday. I was taking him for his birthday. Right. So they, like, tell you some things are like, all right, I'm gonna go down there with you and, like, telling you signals and stuff, you know, like, if I do this or if I do, you know, what are the signals work? And I'm like, all right, I'm trying to, like, remember these goddamn signals. Especially, like, if I need to communicate something.

Yeah. There should be a test. Yeah.

There wasn't. So we go down. I finally overcome it, and I get down there and, like, once I got down there and calmed down, I had moments where I was a little panicky again. But, like, in the moments where I was calm. I was like, all right, I'm going slow. I'm breathing slow. This is cool. And you just kind of start exploring. And there were these big, like, I guess, Oscars big. These big fish, like, the size. Like, literally the size of almost my body. Like, five or six of them together just there. But they weren't like, you know, they couldn't harm you, but, like, just the sheer size of them was like, I'll stay away from them. But then this instructor starts swimming forward, and then my friend is behind her, and I'm behind him. And at one point, like, I. You know, I'm not good with the paddles. No, the flippers. Flippers, Flippers. Like, I don't know. Some people are just good with them. But, like, it's kind of like, it's. It's weird. It's unnatural. An unnatural feeling. So I'm not good with them. And I got this fucking tank on me. And, you know, everything's tight, you know, and it's like.

And I'm trying to use the footprints, and I'm not really catching. Like, I'm kind of falling behind a little bit. I'm not really doing it great. And then I start to try to do it faster, but then that, like, spins me a little bit. So now I'm spinning down there, and I'm trying to kick out of it. And I, like, want to communicate to the instructor. And she's in front of my friend swimming forward, and my friends. I'm looking at his ass. I'm like. I'm just, like, fucking, like. I'm just, like, waving my hands.

That seems.

I need help.

Responsible.

Yeah. Like, she. I don't think she should have led like that. And when she was. I would say she was probably 20ft ahead of me. Swing vote. And so at that one point, people die. I was like, this is not like. This is. This is crazy. She doesn't. I can't get help if I need help.

Right. And then you're panicking.

I did. I panicked. I started breathing heavy, of course, and I had to, like, literally just bring myself back down.

Let me ask you this. So they don't give you any, like, test to make sure that you're good at scuba diving?

Yeah, we went in the water first, right? Like, in the shallow area. And, like, we did, like, some exercises and drills or whatever, and they explained the signs. What's gonna happen?

Did you tell her you're claustrophobic?

I don't think I did.

When you say you're claustrophobic, like, are you self diagnosed or did you go to a mental hospital?

Self.

You went crazy.

But. But how did you.

What do you. Where do you get that from?

Like, where. Where. Where do I think? Why do I think I have it?

What makes you.

Because I've been in scenarios in confined small spaces where I couldn't get out or I didn't have a lot of mobility and I literally had a panic. Like we have a panic attack. Like, I stopped. My heart starts beating out my chest. I feel like I can't breathe.

So it's like an anxiety of being confined to a small space.

Yeah. Like when I was. I did an mri. Oh, that was like.

That's very claustrophobic.

Started beating out of my chest. And there was one time on a plane a long time. I don't like to fly either. So that combined with like, I was in a row, like a really tight row, like, just crammed in. And I just. I don't know, I just. It's. It's happened a few times in my life where like the, like back row of like a. Like a van, like, it was closed in. Like I couldn't. Anywhere I can't get right out. And one time I was in a stretcher and I. They like lock you, like, they strap you in that. I can't take that. I can't take it.

What happened to you? Stretched?

I was in a car accident. Yeah, I was fine. I was okay.

But they just precautionary put you in a stretch.

I was. I was. To tell you the truth, I saw. I was. I was driving and a guy ran a red stop sign and like plowed fast and plowed into me. I was a teenager and my best friend was driving behind me. So he watched it happen. So he called right away. But I. I guess I kind of like, I don't remember. I got hit. And then I remember my girlfriend at the time crying. And I remember talking to her, but I have no vision. I just hear the words. And I remember, like, I was hugging her and I could feel her tears. And then the next thing I remember in my mind was that I was in a stretcher on the floor. And I woke up and like, the ambulance was there and everything was there. That's the next thing I remember. But I'm telling this guy I'm in this fucking thing and he has me on the floor behind that ambulance and I'm right by the exhaust pipe.

Oh my God.

I'm just laying on the things, like, just right by the. I'm like, can Somebody fucking move me from. Away from the exhaust pipe.

That's hilarious.

You know, but I couldn't. When I'm. When I'm held down like that and confined and I can't move, it's like. I don't know, I just feel like I can't breathe.

Right.

I start to freak out. My mom has it. So I don't know if it's like. I don't know if it's.

I just wonder what the difference between that and general anxiety is. Because if you have general anxiety, I would imagine. And you would get claustrophobic too, so.

Maybe that's what it is. Well, I'm just telling you what I feel in confined spaces.

Oh. The reason why I'm asking is because I think we have. Excuse me. I think we have genetic memory of bad stuff. I think that's why some people are allergic or terrified of snakes. Some people, like, there's a thing, a real thing, a video phobia or arachnophobia. See?

Spider.

Some people, like, they go into a hot panic. It's different than anything else.

Right.

And I think there's something like in the genesis from, you know, millions of years of evolution where someone down the line died or almost died because of one of these spiders or one of these snakes, or you saw someone get killed by a snake and you see them and you lock up.

How do you explain the phobia? Clowns.

Yeah, there's.

There's a bunch somewhere along the line.

You can't see the real face.

Yeah, it's scary.

Yeah, it's scary to not be able to see someone's real face.

Yeah.

Which was like, one of the most fucked up things we did to kids during the pandemic is make everybody wear masks because kids are in school and they're not getting facial expressions. Right. They're not getting them from teachers. They're not getting them from their classmates. It's weird.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's weird. That's not good for human development.

Yeah, that was the norm.

There's something, especially as kids we don't like if we can't figure your face out. I can't see your whole face. You're wearing paint, so I'm not getting the right signals. You got a rubber nose on. You got weird, crazy hair. I'm like. I don't know if you're cool or not cool. Right, Right. If you're a regular guy and I could tell if you're creepy, I can tell. Like, this guy's got weird energy. Let's get out of here.

Yeah.

But a clown's like, hello, boys and girls. You're allowed to act, like, in this weird, silly way.

Clown could be right on the line.

Whether it's demonic, full on demonic psychopath. You could hide as a clown. And you can hide with that language, that clown language. Hi, boys and girls. Would you like to see a trick? Meanwhile, you're thinking about cutting that kid up in your basement.

Yeah.

You know, and those are real human beings. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you remember when clowns, like, for a minute were like, in the news everywhere? Because it was like a trend that clowns were terrorizing towns. It was like five years, like, maybe less than 10 years ago.

No.

Oh, my God. Where I'm from, in Staten island, we had the Staten island clown.

Oh, no.

And this. There was a clown just showing up in public spaces and events, just watching people and then, like, recessing, like, back into the night. And it would make appearances and started making the papers.

I do remember that.

Oh, it's wild.

And was it around the time that it came out, though?

I don't think it was it, but the book, Terrifier.

Oh, that late. Yeah. So what year was it?

I was. I think it was, like. I would say. I would put it out 10 years.

Okay. 2016. Okay.

Yeah. But then other places, like, other people started doing it, and then, like. And then it was like clowns, and that was kind of fun. Actually, though, I do remember that. I like that. I like that. I like the idea that there might be a clown. It would go out when I be like. Because it was. It was. It almost felt like our version of Summer Sam or something like that. People like, if you're going out tonight, look out for the clouds.

It is weird that, like, there's always been, throughout history, this Jack the Ripper. There's always been these people in Austin.

They say they don't know who Jack the Ripper is.

Right. I feel like there's some new. But there's always, like, a story. New evidence reveals the true identity of Jack the Ripper. You never know what's just click bait, bullshit. And you click on it. Some nonsense website that tells you, yeah, they found Jack the Ripper. So you're not gonna get me every time.

I just clicked on something that said that Christian Bale was Banksy. Nah, There was an article.

Oh, he's an amazing actor, that guy. Anything.

It can't be. It's. But I.

But it'll be fun if it was. Yeah. He's an interesting dude. You know, he drives like a 1983 Toyota Tundra. Or a 93. Really? Why not even a Tundra? A Tacoma. He's a weird dude. Just like. Just. This is all I need. I drive this. He's got a regular Toyota pickup truck. I shouldn't have, like, doxed him. Now people are gonna be looking. Yeah, look at him, dude.

He's not gonna.

He's got a Tundra. I mean, this thing was April Fools. What's that? Banksy thing was April.

Oh, was it? Someone sent me a link. I didn't even know.

I wouldn't be shocked if it was, though. You know what I'm saying? Like, as good as that guy is, he could kind of do whatever he wants. You know, when you get to, like, that level of actor, those are, like, weird, exceptional humans. They don't come along that often. Yeah, the Gary Oldman's. The Daniel Day Lewis is. There's these people that, like, become another person. Yeah. Those weirdos, they could do whatever they want. If he wanted to be Banksy, I would go, okay. Yeah. It's not like Banksy's making Mona Lisa's everywhere. Yeah.

It's just like. Yeah. They're playing with different rules. Yeah, I think. But I was. I remember I was disappointed when I found out it was him because, like, you know, it's like, oh, I don't know. I want it to be mysterious.

It's kind of amazing that nobody knows who Banksy is. Yeah. I mean, it. It's really weird, actually.

Did you see that doc, that exit through the gift shop?

I didn't.

It's pretty interesting. It's like, it follows other artists. His name's, like, mister. He has a moniker that he goes by. And the people thought that he was Banksy. And so, like, it spends the whole thing, like, following him, but it turns out he's not. But it was a fun watch. But it was like. It's just wild to me that after all this time in the age we're living in now, nothing has gotten, like, everyone. How many people know who he is? Like, you know, how close to the vest is his identity?

Well, he would have to be a truly brilliant person. Is it more than one person? That would be likely.

Right?

But even then, you know, fuck it, I'm coming out with this. You guys are assholes. Yeah.

Yeah, right?

Like, one guy in the band that decides to leave.

It's gotta come out.

Or his girlfriend. You should go to the press. You could get a lot of money if you go to the press. It's gonna come out eventually. Just come out, listen, sell your story before they don't want to buy your story. We need the money that, like.

Oh, I didn't know you did voices.

I did that one.

That's a good one. That was pretty good. If I close my eyes. That's good.

Sell it.

Sell it. No, I don't do. Mark.

It's $65,000. Do you have $65,000? You don't, but it's going to be worth nothing. The next thing you know, the band's breaking up.

That's funny, dude.

That always happens.

I went to. I went to. I was invited to this brunch in England, and it was a guy, man. He was a descendant of. Who's the guy? Where it's like, oh, like, he. When you want to fuck, when you're thinking about your mom. Who's that guy the what Talking about? Yeah, I know, I know. I'm literally having a stroke.

I have no idea what you're saying. I know.

All right.

So, Jamie, do you know what he's saying? He needed a couple more words. He wasn't getting to it.

Yeah.

When you think of your mom.

That guy who's. Yeah, the guy. It's like. What's it go for? Freud.

Freud? Yeah.

So he's. I think he's a descendant.

Oh, you're talking about, like a baseball player.

Freud is like. His, I think, is like his, like, great great grandfather or something. And then he also married into, like, like. It's the biggest mark, like, publication in. In the biggest, like, media company conglomerate in. In overseas, whatever. I forget his name. He's super rich, famous family that married into another super rich, famous family.

Right.

Freud family. And then, like, whoever. This is the one. Anyway, I'm at this person's house.

Okay.

Long story short, I don't remember how I got invited. I think his.

Where is it?

It's. It was somewhere outside of London. And it was unassuming because we walked through row houses, through an alley to get to their property. And I think the daughter of this. I feel bad that I'm forgetting the name because they were gracious hosts. But the daughter, I think, was a fan of ours or something and somehow got in touch and we got invited there. It was a weird, wild thing. So I find myself at this place. I didn't know anyone, and I get there and, like, it was a weird collection of people there. Apparently this guy hosts a brunch forever. He's, like, known for it, and he has a lot of friends and a lot of celebrity friends and so there was celebrities and stuff there at this brunch. It was really cool. Walk in. There was all food trucks and stuff and get into their house. And at the time, Woody Harrelson was filming a movie in London and it was crazy. It was a one of a live movie in one shot. They. They rehearsed for this movie for months and months and months. And then a live stream into theaters. And he acted live.

And the entire thing was one shot. It was like 90 minutes long.

Whoa. Yeah.

I don't. I can't believe it didn't get more press. Just from the nature of that.

That's insane. Wow.

So he was out there for that. And so he was at this brunch. And I think Owen Wilson was. Was also at this brunch.

How did I forget about this?

Did you. Do you recall it now?

I'm kind of recalling hearing about it now. Yeah. But I didn't get any love.

No, but I went and saw it and it was on. It was really fucking cool. So there's. I mean, there's a lot of different people there live, Tyler. Just the guys from Oasis. There was just a collection of people there. And found myself, they were. They had like a little bomb, like a escape. Not escape room. What do you call it? Safe room. And the safe room was just converted. It had a ping pong table. And I went downstairs, I walk into the safe room and Woody Harrelson and Owen Wilson are playing ping pong down there. And I just. It was them two, a cat and me, and I just watched them play ping pong. I don't know them. But wait, I'm getting to this. Oh. So anyway, they had Banksies. Like, they had. They had a. They had a man. You know, I think I need to take a supplement from like, I needed to get some ginkgo balomy. Who's. Who's the artist with like a Picasso? They had a Picasso. I'm like, who's the guy who puts, like an eye over here?

The guy with no ear? No, that's Van Go. Yeah. She had.

They had banks. He's like, just in the house. Like up like that. Like, wow. That's probably. I mean, I'm.

You know, that's a million dollars.

Yeah, probably, right?

Probably. At least. I don't know.

I don't know how much they are, but I was like, oh, wow. That's your own personal Banksy.

I went over an agent's house once in Aspen. And this is like a long time ago. And we were there for. They used to have the Aspen Comedy Festival. And I was over his house, and I was like, oh, did his kid make this? There's, like, this painting on the wall. And they're like, no, that's. Yeah. I go, he paid for that. It looked like tissue. No, this is. I'm just saying this to another agent shooting the shit over a couple of cocktails. We're laughing.

Yeah.

But I'm like, for real? And he goes, yeah, that's worth, like, $35,000. Like.

Yeah.

There's no way that is. A kid did that. It was, like pieces of tissue paper glued with some paint splattered on it.

It's nuts.

I was like, what is this? Do you know the origins of that stuff? They think it was a CIA psyop. For what, Modern art? Like that?

Come on.

Yes. Yeah. There's some evidence that points to the.

CIA, like, when they just nail a banana to the wall or something.

Yeah, a little bit of that, but a little bit of, like, Jackson Pollard.

So, yeah, I was splatter. I was gonna bring up Pollock because Stern did that. Do you ever see when Howard did that? He was like, I can make a Jackson Pollock and you won't know the difference. And he did it on she. Like, did. He did it, and he put it next to each other, and nobody knew the difference.

Yeah. So what they think is we couldn't compete during the Cold War with the classical artists of Russia. Like, there's some incredible painters in Russia at the time, and I'm sure there are now, but we didn't have a similar level. We didn't have a da Vinci over here. We didn't have someone who could do what they were doing. And so the CIA came up with a plot to popularize nonsense art and make it, like, really huge and make all these investors want to spend money buying, like, nonsense art. And apparently there's. I never would have considered that until I paid attention to all the other shit they've done over the last, you know, X amount of decades. And I was like, I think that's true, because it doesn't make sense to me that that stuff would just emerge, and also it'd be worth millions of dollars, and someone wouldn't figure out exactly what Howard Stern figured out.

Yeah.

That I could make this on my own.

Right.

And you could just say, it's a Pollock. It was a Jackson Pollock, and no one would know. Like, what are we talking about then? We're talking about something that anybody can do. If you look at the Mona Lisa, you're like, well, I can't.

Right.

You know, you look at, you know, there's a million paintings. You look at it like, especially today, there's something about the level that people are at today where they're making, like, photograph. Realistic paintings. Yeah, photo realistic paintings like that are above and beyond anything's ever, anyone's ever accomplished in the history of art. But because it looks so realistic, people don't even seem to care. Modern art was the CIA weapon, spy agency, used unwitting artists such as Pollock and de Kooning in a cultural cold war. Ain't that wild? So scroll up to the thing. This is from the Independent. Oh, you have to support. Okay, so the connections are probable. There's a period in the 1950s and 1960s when the great majority of Americans disliked or even despised modern art. President Truman summered up, summed up the popular view when he said, if that's art, then I'm a hettentot. I don't know what that means.

Hot and tot.

Hot and tot. What's a hot and tot?

I don't know, but I'll tell you right now, I'm starting to use that word.

Hot and tot. Jamie, Google that word. What is that word? Never heard of what's a hot and tot? Throw that in. Perplexity.

Sounds like a candy.

Like a mike and I. A hot and tot. What's a hot and tot? Outdated and offensive term. Historically used by Europeans to refer to. I don't know how to say that word. K H O E. K H O E. An indigenous group of nomadic pastoralists from South Africa. Jesus Christ. The President is using that. You want to talk about the world being different? The President was using a slur. Oh, my God. As for the artists themselves, many were ex communists and barely acceptable in the america of the McCarthyite era. And certainly not the sort of people normally likely to receive US Government back. So why the CIA support them? Because in the propaganda war with Soviet Union, this new artistic movement could be held up as proof of the creativity, the intellectual freedom, and the cultural power of the U.S. russian art of the U.S. rather, Russian art strapped into the communist ideological straight jacket could not compete. Hilarious. So because their artists were better, we decided to come up with some nonsense art and make people think that was the shit. And they. And it. It worked. It worked.

But are we saying that they found those artists and propped them up?

No, the artist artists were. No, no. The artists already existed. But the CIA propped them up and pushed them out as being amazing, and they did it in an effective way. And look, if there are all these like super duper rich people are involved or closely connected to the CIA, all they would have to do is have. Have art exhibits at their house and tell everybody how amazing this guy is.

Yeah.

And how mind blowing this piece is. And they'll all agree works in a.

General sense now anyway. It's like there are people at the top that dictate a lot of this stuff. You know what I mean? That.

Well for sure. But there's also just talent. You know, if someone's really good, like all they have to have is an Instagram page if they're really talented.

Oh yeah. But I'm saying the art world and like the art as a commodity and that kind of stuff, like, you know, like the bottom can fall out at any time of that just like anything else. It's like I guess.

But people always want. But the thing is like what I'm getting at is nobody wanted that art.

Yeah.

And then all of a sudden it became worth millions. And it became worth millions because of the CIA.

Yeah.

That's why mind fuck the American people into believing that terrible art is really good.

That's wild.

Wild.

Yeah. No, I. Because I just read an article recently about like how art as investment, like there's been like a huge change where a lot of artists that were being pushed and were really hot by galleries and this and that like just years ago and selling X amount like they're. Their stuff's not worth anything right now.

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow. I wonder why. Well, when the economy starts going, I would imagine that people stop buying art. Right. Like luxury items. Shit. You don't need art.

Yeah. It wasn't. I forget. But it wasn't, it wasn't economy based. It was like it was like the, the trend, like the, you know, the trend within that. That world or whatever. It's like. It's always weird to me how people put a price tag on that stuff.

Stuff. I was in. Excuse me. I was in Venice recently and we went to. I guess it's the Guggenheim gallery. The Guggenheim family gallery. It's a house that's like. It's a gallery that's like on the water. You like, you pull up in one of those little boats.

Yeah.

You get off and you're in the gallery and it. Priceless art. It was one person's collection. So one super rich lady put together, I think. Is it called the Peggy Guggenheim in Venice? I might be making that up. But anyway, it's a lady, a very wealthy lady who really loved art. Is that it? What a memory. And she has this incredible collection where you, like, how much did she spend? Like, this is like a billion dollars in art. It's nuts, man. What is that? Oh, that's the front page. Oh, that's an exhibit that they have there. There. But it's all. There's some modern stuff, but there's a lot of, like. Like priceless.

Yeah.

Just unbelievable collection.

You collect? No, Nothing.

I collect pool cues.

Yeah.

I like pool cues.

No art at all? Nothing.

I have some art.

Yeah.

But I have friends that are artists. Well, this place is filled with art. Yeah. I'm looking around, but, like, I think of my house very differently in this place. I definitely collect art.

Okay.

I love art for here, but for my house, and I mean, anything. Okay. I don't collect anything.

I started.

This is like. I feel. I feel like the studio is a totally different thing. Like this. This is like. It's not my house. It's like a showcase, you know?

Yeah.

I like to put cool stuff in here.

Yeah.

Like, I would if my house was like this. It's too chaotic. It's too weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the creative space. It's cool. It's cool in here.

I have a few pieces at home from this guy, Greg Overton. He's a friend of mine, and he does Native American art that is just spectacular. He does these huge pieces like this, you know, like, six, eight foot by six foot, giant Native American faces that are just. I saw him for the first time. I was in Park City, just going through, like, the little town, and they had a gallery, and we were walking around like, oh, let's go look at the gallery. And it was just, like, right away, I was like, whoa, pull up one of his photos if you can. Pull up the one that I have. But I stare at that motherfucker every day.

Yeah. You know who you.

It's totally different. You know, it's like. I just think. Think what it. This was like. This is a very accurate representation of a real person that lived here 200 years ago. And, like, what is that dude's life like?

Oh, that's what.

That one's on my wall. God.

Yeah.

How good is this guy? Wow.

What. What is. What is that? Oil? What is it?

Oh, yeah, it's oil paint. Wow. Oil or acrylic or. I mean, I don't know what exactly.

He uses, but it's painting, so, like. Like, realistic.

Oh, suit. Well, it's just really good, man. That's one of the ones That I have. But I have another one. This dude who has white paint face and this crazy scar on his face. It's like his stuff is. First of all, the dude, like, loves. That's it. The one with. Above it with the feathers. The white one. Yeah, that's it. Make that a little bigger. That one I see when I'm walking down the hall every day. Oh, that's like the first thing I see in the morning is that staring at me.

Wow. Because I, you know, that's kind of powerful, dude.

It's so powerful. Yeah, I love that painting. Greg's a friend too, and he's a cool. But that. That. That to me represents. There was a real human that looked exactly like that walking around 200 years ago. Had no idea what was going to happen to this country in just a short amount of time. Yeah, this dude in, you know, 1810 is just out here. Lived his whole life out here like this, Living under the stars, following the buffalo around. So there's something really powerful about knowing that people used to live like that, that. That recently.

Yeah.

So recent.

And now he hangs right by your powder room.

He's at the end of the hallway. Right when I get up on purpose, I want to walk. I want to walk towards it.

That's. That's serious. Like, the stuff I've collected is a little bit more, like, vibrant, a little bit more like, you know, not so photorealistic and stuff. Like. I was going to tell you someone, I thought you'd like this artist, Jordy Kerwick, as I have a piece of. He's. I just. I found him on my own during the pandemic. I bought a piece of his art and I really loved it. And then, like, what does he do?

What kind of stuff?

I mean, I guess it's kind of like. Well, his style has changed. I bought like, a still piece that was like. But now he's moved into this really funky, cool, like, lizard. Like, Like. So what is that? This is some cool shit, right? Yeah, he's awesome.

He does sculpture from Australia.

I believe he lives in France. He does sculptures? Yeah, he's. He blew up too. And he's like. He's the nicest guy. So, like, a couple of years. Like, a few years after I bought his piece, I saw him, like, something of mine on Instagram and I was like, oh, he. Because I. I zoomed with him before I bought it, I guess, just to talk about it for a minute. And I thought maybe he just, like, followed me and knew who I was because I Bought his art, but he didn't. He just knew me through comedy. And so I hit him up, and I go, hey, man, I saw you, like, something of mine. Like, you know I bought something from you, right? And he's like, I have no idea. No, it's like, yeah, we zoomed. He's like. And he's like, no, no. I just am a fan. I'm like, dude, your stuff is amazing. And this guy was so nice. He ended up sending me more artwork. Like, he shipped me more artwork of his, and it's, like, expensive. And he just.

Just.

He just was so generous. He sent me more stuff.

That's awesome.

This guy's dope. Yeah. Yeah.

That looks like where the Wild Things Are.

How dope is that? Right?

Very, very.

His style has changed so much too. And it's like, I want to get another piece. I'm like. Part of me is like, I don't want to. If I'm gonna spend. If I'm gonna get it, I want to, like, you know, get. Try to vary it up. But I like his stuff so much that I just kind of want to. Like, he does weird shit too. Yeah, that one's creepy. Yeah.

Yeah. Art is awesome, man. It's like. Like, it's got so few limitations. You could do whatever you want. You paint whatever you want, sculpt whatever you want, you know? And you have that thing in your house, and you get to stare at it, and it gives you, like, a whole different sense of life.

Yeah.

Like, somebody made that. This popped out of someone's imagination. My cough button still. Is it still broken? Let's try. It seems like it's working now.

You.

The whole thing's not out. It acts a little weird. Oh, that's what it is.

Yeah.

Okay.

How good are you with a bow and arrow?

Pretty good.

How good?

Like, I bow hunt. Right. Yeah, I practice, but I don't really know.

Every day.

Yeah. Yeah, you have to.

All right.

So, I mean, I shouldn't say you have to every day, but you have to practice a lot. You have to be really accurate.

But, like, back in the day when they battled with bow and arrow, what skill level were those guys?

Oh, that's a totally different kind of archery.

Right?

So that kind of archery is how.

Much of that was, like, letting it fly, and how much of it was like, I'm a sniper. I'm gonna.

Oh, no, they were good.

Yeah.

Guys are good. My friend Aaron Schneider, he's such a good bow hunter that he decided he wants to hunt with a recurve like a regular bow for a while because.

Like he was the difference.

It's way harder.

Okay.

Way harder to be accurate.

Like a Robin Hood bow.

Yeah, Robin Hood bow. Real regular bow. Yeah. He killed everything with it. He killed bears, he killed deer, elk, everything. He's like a professional hunter. He's like a, like a world class hunter. Ex military guy, Got into hunting. He's a beast.

Yeah.

And when bow hunting, which is one of the hardest things to do, becomes so easy that you want to pick up a regular bow and go shoot that, that shows you what type of human you're talking about. But he can group like into like a softball sized lump at 45 yards. He just fires him in with. No. Yeah, he's super accurate with that. But. So if I tried once, I was on vacation and I'm like, I'm good with a bow and arrow. I know how to shoot a bow and arrow. I do it all the time. I was hitting them in the ass, hitting them in the neck. I was hitting them all over the place. Not a human, not an animal. Rather a foam target. We're shooting recurve. And I was like, I'll be able to do it. It was like a thing that you do. You shot ski. It was on an island resort. It was pretty fun. And then you shot skeet and then you got to shoot these recurves. And I was like, oh, I got this. I was terrible. I didn't realize. It's a totally different technique. Yeah, it carried over a little.

I mean, I hit the target, but there's no way I was accurate.

So if I gave chase, if I ran from you and you had to get like. If I get like, could you take me out if I'm like. If I'm running around like a moving target? Like.

Well, it depends on how far away you are.

Okay.

You know, because.

So call it.

So the arrows going 279ft a second.

A second.

A second.

So what's that in miles?

I don't know, but that's what my. When I look at my range finder.

I'm just doing quick math, but I think that's a billion miles an hour.

I have to enter in my range finder. I enter in how fast the arrow is going. Yeah, I enter in how fast the arrow is going, how much the arrow weighs, and it gives me like a very precise measurement of where my arrow is going to be at the top of its flight. So when I range something, I use a laser range finder. It's called a Full draw loophole makes it. And when I click on the button, it gives me the distance. So I'll say like 53 yards. But it also gives me the height of my arrow because it's measured. I've entered in the speed of my arrow and the weight of my arrow and the. The feet per second it goes.

So you're going from home plate, home plate to center field in a second.

And it's so fast, it's like you barely keep your eyes on it.

See?

And then mine is not as fast as other guys. Like, I have a friend of mine, my friend Josh Jones, he just put together a bow that I think goes 340ft a second. But he's a big, tall guy. And when you're a taller person, you have a longer draw length and you'll get more speed out of the bow.

I can't wrap my head around.

They're so fast.

Speed of a bow, like, very fast. Like I said, if you were at home, the way I'm thinking of it.

200, 136, 340 is 232.

Wow. 232 miles an hour.

That's crazy.

That's insane.

It's so fast, dude.

That's the way I'm thinking of it. If you're at home plate, I'm at center field, and you shoot your. Your arrow at me, I have a second, one second to move out of the way.

I was going 231.82 miles an hour. That's bananas.

And there's people that karate chop those.

Not really. You kind of see us a regular. Okay. You got a longbow, which is probably the slowest. And then you have recurves. Recurves. I don't know if the Mongolians invented them or if the Mongols invented them, but the Mongols had the strongest known bows. They had bows that take £160 to draw back. So much so that, like, some of their skeletons were disfigured.

Wow.

Because they had so much time pulling in one direction that their whole body was, like, contorted in that shape.

Chiropractor would have cleaned up back, but those guys were.

I don't think chiropractors were real. But. But those. But those guys were super accurate. But you'd have to do it every day. If you do it every day, it's like. It's like a pitcher, right? Like, if you ask me to throw a strike, who knows what's going to happen? I might not even go near the plate. I don't throw a Ball very often.

Not since you started doing martial arts.

But I mean, the point is, like, even if you did, you'd have to do it over and over and over again to be able to throw a strike in a game against a real good batter. Right. That's what these guys are doing with bows and arrows. They're getting to that point where it's just like throwing a ball. They know exactly how far it is, exactly where the arrow is going to go at that distance. They have a feel because they're doing it every day. But you have to do that every day. The kind of archery I do, you don't have to do it as much. You probably should do it every day. But mine is like, I'm dialing this site out to the exact yardage. I've got like a fiber optic pin that's sitting over the spot. Like, I know exactly where it's going to be. It's super high tech. Yeah. And then you know exactly where the arrow is going to be at every spot of the way. If you shoot it straight, how long?

Because of all that, is it more about understanding it to be accurate or is there also still, like, you have to be steady and everything?

I mean, you have to be. You have to just do it so that it becomes a part of you. It's like, you know when, when you were playing basketball, I'm sure there were times when you're fucking around with your friends where you just hit a flow. You just hit a flow and you start.

That was right around my 13th point.

But you know what I mean, when.

You'Re with your friends, not with your.

Ass kicked by Dominicans, but when you're just hanging out with your boys, every now and then you'll catch a flow right where you feel it and you just know the ball, what, what everything else is. It's like taking that and just doing it all day long until you can do it at any time you want.

Sure.

You're always in that flow.

So how long did it take you to feel like, oh, I know what I'm doing, or, oh, I. I have a marked improvement right now.

It just takes. It took years.

Years.

Years of practice.

That's wild. Yeah. So years of just like not hitting?

No, you always hit the target, but not consistently so, you know, like I'd be in my backyard and I used to have a 45 yard target and I was pretty good at 45 yards. I could get most of them in the spot that I wanted to hit.

Yeah.

But every now and then one would Go left, one would go right. Now they're all going in there. Now, 45 yards for me is like, zip, zip, zip, zip. I'll ruin arrows because I'm stacking them on top of each other. But if I go out to like 85 yards, then things spread out because then all of your movement is magnified. So the key is it's like any little variation, little twitch to the left or to the right over the course of 85 yards, it's going to vary 6 inches left or right, maybe. Whereas at 45 would just be like a little bit, you know, and you think you're still dead on. And it's. It just magnifies all the flaws in your technique. So it's like a. You lose yourself in it. Because while when you're at full draw and I'm not. I'm not even talking about bow hunting. I'm just talking about target archery. When you're at full draw and you're really trying to hit that target, you have no room for anything else. There's no room in your. Your mind for your. Your bills or an argument you had with a business partner or fucking and tickets you haven't paid none.

There's no room. Just everything goes away. It cleans the mind because it requires all of your focus. Yeah, that's the best part of it. That's the best part of it. Everything after that, it just becomes like everything else. It becomes like a vehicle for you to express yourself. Whether it's learning how to play guitar, it's shooting a bow, playing pool, playing basketball. It's like you're just finding a vehicle for you to express your spirit.

It you have a let go of an arrow and like a bird like.

No, no, no, no. That would be crazy.

Like Randy Jackson. You ever seen Randy Jackson?

That was nuts. That guy was a house. That guy threw heat.

He was like seven foot one.

He was so big.

He was a gangly guy.

Bird exploded. Yeah, it was perfect. It was like the universe threw us a bone, right? Like the universe. Want to see something up?

Yeah, that's fine.

Yeah, like every now and then, the universe does that.

That live tv, you just continue. Yeah, there. Feathers on the floor. It's like a Looney Tune.

Those videos, nuts. Boom.

Oh, my God.

Video is integrated. That video is nuts. And he's a lefty too, son. Look at the slow mo.

That bird made.

God, what a mistake that bird made.

It's just crazy that it didn't just, like, kill the bird, but knocked every single single feather loose.

You can just cook that thing, Every single feather, put it right on the fire. It's like it's pre plucked.

It's like when you get into like an accident, like your shoes and socks.

Come off, you know, it's like every freaking feather went, oh my God. Let me see when something about lefties too.

Yeah.

I think lefties learn things better than righties. I know a lot of lefties that are like really good at. It seems like the lefties that are like really good, they're like exceptionally good. Weird, like oddly good.

Yeah.

I think seeing everybody do everything opposite and forcing your brain to adapt to this world where you're writing and you're smudging your paper all the time, writing the wrong way, it's all weird, right?

Yeah.

And then you're seeing everybody's doing everything with their right hand and you're doing it with your left and you're supposed to. Everything seems wrong to you, Everything. So by doing that you have to like really think about your movement.

So. Yeah, but, but the left hand, it comes out early. Right. It's like inherent. That movement is inherent. It's not like they're working.

Right. Right.

So it's like, I don't know, do they even. Do they have to think about those things or like, is it just like.

Oh, they definitely do.

Yeah.

Because everything's reversed.

Yeah.

If someone tries to teach you something, they have to teach you the opposite.

It is a right handed person's game.

Like say if you're a boxing coach and you only fight orthodox, you've only fought orthodox your whole life. And then some kid comes in and he says, I'm left handed. And you have to decide either you're going to teach this kid fucked up and teach him left hand first. Which some people actually think is actually a benefit.

Right.

In fact, some great boxers actually fought like Oscar De La Hoya fought dominant hand first. So there's a few guys that have done that where they will, if they're right handed guys, they'll put their right hand in front. But for the most part, you would want to teach that kid how to fight as a southpaw, which would mean you'd have to reverse everything.

Right.

So if you don't know how to do it it the right. If like your technique is off and you're showing some how to do something like you're not really. So the kids gotta like learn things from his stance and watch you and just duplicate it, like mirror it from the other side.

Yeah.

And sometimes that just teaches you More about the movement itself. Because you think about it. Because one of the things they say, if you really want to learn something, say if you like in a martial arts skill, if you're, you have a dominant side, like if you're really good at throwing a kick with your right leg. Leg. If you throw it and practice it and get it better with your left leg, your right leg will improve as well.

Oh, that's interesting. I didn't. Yeah, it makes. Yeah, I feel like. Yeah. Because you're kind of. Yeah, I, I could see how that.

It gives you a more comprehensive understanding of what you're doing. And they say that about pool too. Like, I can't really play with my left hand. I can make like simple shots with my left hand, but there's guys that can just switch hands.

The ambidextrous people are like probably aliens.

Yeah.

Just equal. Both on both sides, like equal. They could do it without as crazy.

From the get in professional pool, there's this kid named John Mora, elite, like top of the food chain pro pool player. Hurts his shoulder, can't play right handed anymore. Learns how to play left handed and becomes world class left handed.

Wow.

Worn as a professional when he hurt his arm that he had to start playing left handed. Started playing left handed and started winning like, like world class events as a lefty eating world class top of the food chain pool players who've been playing right handed their whole life. And he's been playing lefty for like two years. Yeah, it's nuts.

I can't write my name.

I broke my arm once and I had to write my name and I write everything with my left hand. It was terrible.

Yeah, no, it's. There's nothing there.

And I draw. So I was trying to learn how to draw with my left hand.

Yeah.

But I think it now in retrospect, it might have helped me draw better with my right hand. I think if you could learn how to do something. That's why I think lefties are better at stuff. Because I think.

What do you draw?

Well, I used to want to be a comic book illustrator when I was a kid, so I drew a lot of comic book stuff.

Oh yeah? You do it still?

No, no, not anymore.

You don't miss it?

I mean, I can do it, I can pick it up, but I would have to get into it really to like achieve the skill that I used to have. And then I would. I don't have any time. Yeah, it's fun. I love drawing, but yeah, I don't have any time.

Those kids always, like, blew my mind. They'd just be sitting there drawing like comic book, like literal. Like that good?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Self taught or you just kind of.

Yeah, mostly self taught.

See, that's also got to be something that's. I mean, if you start from nothing and just like. I don't know, I feel like that's inside you somewhere as well. Like to be a naturally gifted. Just to know how to. Some people are just better at that than.

Well, I had a very artistic family. My uncle Sal and my uncle Vinny were both artists.

Okay.

So my mom's brothers. Both brothers were artists.

What kind of artists?

One of them ran a pottery guild and I was an art teacher. And the other one did a bunch of different types of art photography and did a lot of album covers. Did album covers for Kiss. No shit. Yeah. And he took me to work with him once. And I got to meet Ace Freely when he had no makeup on, like before. Before anybody knew what they really became. A clown? No, no. They had makeup on back then, but no one knew what they looked like in real life.

Right.

So he showed up in the office with no makeup on. I was like, this is crazy.

Wild.

And I think I was probably like 10, you know, and I was like, this is nuts. I was just hanging out with my uncle in the office. Yeah. And Ace Freely walked in.

That's. That's wild. My. My third grade teacher, her brother was the drummer and Twisted sister.

No.

Yeah, Tony Pierrot.

He was the first like. I mean, like, rock star that cross.

Dressed like D. Snyder in them.

Right?

Yeah, they were. They were one of the big glam. Yeah, like glam rock bands.

But it was almost cross dressing.

That's him on the. On the right of D. Right.

Like you would kind of. You would say.

Yeah, that's. I mean, that's. That's.

You would ask his pronouns. You know what I'm saying?

That's like poison. All those groups back then. But. So. Yeah. So she lived. So we lived in these little garden apartments.

That's so ridiculous, bro. They were huge.

They were huge.

They were huge at it. Or is that natural? I don't know. Maybe they added it.

I think it's like a Marilyn Monroe one.

Remember when ladies were doing that, they were adding a fake beauty marker. What are you doing, honey?

So this guy. So my teacher lived upstairs from us in the apartment building. So he used to go be at her house all the time. So I was in grammar school. I was in. I was like. I couldn't have been More than like eight, something like that. And my dad was the superintendent of the apartment buildings and so he knew everyone that was my teacher. So we met him at a young age and he used to come over my house all the time. So I have pictures of me like my parents in my parents kitchen, like just sitting down, eight years old in my pajamas with him and just eating like a tuna sandwich. And he's like literally dressed like that. He's like, I swear to God, dude, I have one where he's in full electric blue spandex pants.

Oh my God.

And like a ripped jean jacket with his hair all up. And I'm just. It's just me and him sitting at the table. I'm just.

Oh, my God. Oh, dude, that's so ridiculous.

We used to. I remember back then. Did you ever have that? Like, did you. Were you into like, you know, the. The denim jacket? Jacket?

Oh, I had a denim jacket.

And then we got like the patches all over it.

Oh, yeah.

And then when we graduated, like everyone signed, like, take a Sharpie, a black marker, like, sign your. Your jacket. I don't think that exists anymore. Well, no, that kind of thing.

Yeah, denim jackets were a sign you were a rebel. I had wearing a dent. I don't got a denim jacket. Especially if you got a pack of cigarettes in the denim jacket. Yeah, you know, I remember there's this one kid, you know, sometimes when you're like 14, you see some kids kid that like you've never seen before and like, wow, that guy's so cool. There was this dude, he had a denim jacket on and a pack of cigarettes in his pocket. And he just had perfect hair and he just looked cool, like this Italian looking kid. I'm like, that guy looks so cool. Yeah, I wish I was cool.

Yeah, I can never be that cool.

In the breezeway. I was like, that guy, like, he's in a movie. That guy's in a movie. I was a dork. I was trying to hide from people.

I was trying to do. That influenced me so much that I took my money that I made for confirmation and I bought a Van Halen replica guitar. I swear I bought it. I.

Did you learn how to play?

No, not a fucking chord. It was the red guitar with like the white lines on it. It was like a famous Eddie vest. Was this a kid's one though? And I bought it at this place. Still there. Mode Music on base. It's a. I took all my money, I bought that. I bought an amplifier, I bought a guitar case and I I spent all my money on it, and I never used it. Never took it out of the. I. I like, you know, just never used it. I have it to this day.

Wow. Like, well, you can learn. Well as a part of your workout regimen. Yeah, Like a mental concentration workout.

Yeah.

Because it is kind of right.

I used it one time. It came to. It came full circle on. On. On the show. Do you know the band Imagine Dragons?

Yes.

Okay. So we. I met. Met them along the way, friendly with them. So before they. Well, they was big because this was Jones beach, which is like 15,000 people. They sold that out. They were playing Jones Beaches, like, maybe again 10 years ago, and we. They made me. They threw me out on stage before they came out as one of the opening acts. And I had to sing and play guitar to almost. Almost 15,000 people. And I don't sing or play guitar. And they didn't tell me what songs I had to make it up on the spot.

Oh, no.

Me and my buddy Joe, who. They put him as the drummer, they introduced us as a band called Senor Alonza, which was the name of our high school Spanish teacher. And so.

Oh, my God, there was three opening.

Acts before us, which is bonkers, right? And so when. When they were about to come on, they. They made it like they were going to come on. They lowered the lights, and all those freaking spotlights started going all over the place, and the place went nuts. And then they introduced the fourth opening act, and us two walked out. He got with the. He got behind the drums. And I used that gu. That I bought in 1989. June 89. I. I finally used it in, like, 2015. And they just. They're like, all right, go. You're an opening act. And that's all they said.

Oh, my God.

And I just started, like, just hitting the guitar and just. Just making up songs and stuff. And we were getting booed. People were throwing things at us.

Can we hear it?

It's probably.

Is it, like, copyrighted?

No, no, I made it up.

Up. Oh.

Oh, you mean because of the show? I doubt that.

Let's. Let's play some. Can I see it?

Jamie, I put in your pants pocket.

A dedication for this set. Open it up and read it. Oh, you had to dedicate the set.

Play a few songs tomorrow. Yeah, the dedication was terrible because I.

We're going to play.

Look, Mommy, I'm a rock star. Oh, boy. All right, this is. This is one of our favorites. He doesn't know how to face.

Climbing.

Hey, I'm A. Let me ask you something.

How badly does he suck out there?

It's probably.

It's worse than I imagine. Worse than my Imagination Dragon. Yeah.

Yeah. They made me sing five songs.

Oh, my God.

Shut your face, grandma.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Yeah, so they also. They made me call them the Imagination Dragons right in the beginning. And I dedicated. I said the. I said, everyone just calm down. The Imagination Dragons will be out in a little while. And then the dedication was like this. It was in Long Island. I was like. It was like this. This. This set is dedicated to the people of Pittsburgh because I could already tell that you guys are not going to be half as good at audiences. Them. And then I started playing. They were booing us and everything.

Oh, my God.

And then at one point, a guy came to. Like, a guy came on stage and he tried to grab my guitar from me. And I just. I didn't know what was going. I mean, I was like a deer in the headlights out there. I was like 14. And I tried. Just pushed him away. And he's, like, trying to grab my car, and I'm pushing him away. And I'm singing through it, right? I'm cursing also, because I'm just, like, free. Freewheeling it up there. And I knew they're like. They're Mormons. They don't really curse. And so, like, they were like, I didn't get the memo. I wasn't supposed to curse.

Oh, no.

And so I'm dropping F bombs. I sang a song called the Imagination Dragons. I'm better than them.

How long did you sing for?

I would say. I would say, like, probably somewhere like eight, seven, eight minutes. I mean, I'm getting hit with ice, everything so long. And then. And then this guy, he keeps trying to get the guitar for me. I'm ripping it from. And I'm like, fuck the magic. And he's trying to. And I wouldn't let him have it. And I didn't realize that was the official union stage manager trying to get me off the stage because there's a curfew that they have to hit and they have to do their full show and they have to do their finale. And as soon as they go, you know, this past curfew on a union stage, the entire thing is like double time for every single worker there. And then there's penalties. It's hundreds. It could be like a hundred thousand dollars plus.

Yeah.

Yes. And so no one tells me who this guy is. So I'm shoving the real union stage manager off of Me, because I thought he was trying to just sabotage me. And I thought I had to stay out there. So I push him away. I push him away. The guy's like, give me the goddamn good time. I'm like, I'm not taking. You know. And I found out afterwards that that was, like, official and I was supposed to get off, and I didn't. I caused them later because they couldn't not do their encore. Their encore into overtime. In the encore, that dude, he gets hooked up to his cables. They lift him into the air and they spin him in circles while he plays drums. It's wild. And they said they. They went into. They went into the bonus and they had to pay all these fees because of. Because of me.

Oh, no. Did you guys reimburse them?

No, I don't have money to reimburse them. Like, I just. I. I know. I. They're still our friends, but, like. And at the end, they, like, stage dive off, and I'm looking in the crowd and I'm like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna kill myself. These people are gonna catch me. Like, they hate me, right? And they staged. I stag. So I just ran and I jumped off, but I kind of just like, landed on the floor and rolled. Like, no one caught me. It was. Yeah, it was. It was rough. It was rough. But that's the guitar. That's how cool I thought that he was in Twisted Sister. Like, that's how cool I was.

Like, look at this guy.

A guy.

Which one of your friends told you stage dive? Fuck him.

Whoever was. I don't know.

That is so ir.

I know. Well, they weren't. They were never gonna catch me. And I was just. Yeah, saw me. And I just. I kind of jumped off. I think as I. As I'm in the air jumping off. I didn't get hit with a soda. It was bad.

Oh, my God. It's so ridiculous.

I know.

That's so ridiculous.

Yeah, the show's crazy. This show is giving me, like, a lot of opportunities to do stuff like that. Would never have done like that.

Well, who the ever gets to do something like that?

Yeah, the.

The balls to stand up there while those people hate you and go through with whatever they're telling you.

I have a ping of anxiety.

Did anybody let them know afterwards that it was for him?

I don't recall. I don't recall. I would imagine maybe they came out and said something, but I don't remember. It was like, 10 years ago. There was another time they put us in the Devils. During. In between periods, they threw me as a goalie in the net of the New Jersey Devils. And all the Devils came out and took slap shots on me. Me and my buddy Q. It was two of us in net. And it was scarier than that. Like, they were taking blistering slap shots at us. I was in full Devil's gear as a goalie, and I remember there was someone from, like, Sports Illustrator. Something was there. And I have this. I saved it, like, a chain of his tweets that he was tweeting. And he's like, I don't know what's going on here, but the Devils are apparently taking slap shots at a civilian. He's down on the ground. He's very hurt. This is not a good promotion. He's like, I don't think that the Devil should be doing this type of promotion with fans. He didn't know it was our show. Show.

Oh, wow.

And he's.

He's like, did you get hurt?

No, not. Not. Not like, hurt hurt. It hurt, but I didn't get hurt.

Okay, so boom. When you were down. He didn't need to be concerned.

I got back up, but it was like, it still was hitting me, like, in the neck and. Yeah, like, you have the guard on and stuff.

Guard protect your neck.

It. It hurt bad. You know it hurt.

Where does it cover? Does it cover your neck?

Yeah, everything was covered, but it's still, like, still taking a puck, like, like a 90 miles an hour to the chest.

And pucks are so hard, too.

Yeah. And I. I played hot in, like, late grammar school and high school. I played hockey. And I. And I started as a goal. Roller hockey goalie, but it doesn't. You can't compare the two things, bro.

You ever see some old school photos of the old school goalies with the scars all over their face? Dude, no.

They didn't even wear fucking helmets back then. Yeah, it's crazy. They just played with our helmets.

A puck hits you in the mug on Tuesday, you're done. Yeah, you got to play again next week.

My first ever. My first ever tryout for ice hockey in high school was I. It was hard to play hockey back then. Like, there wasn't a lot of. Like, it was expensive and there wasn't a lot of rinks. We drove like two hours up to, like. Like Bear Mountain or some crap. Like three hours with my family, my dad, my stepmom. And they had to wait in the stands. Cause they can't drop you off and go home because it's you just drove three hours. So they're watching these tryouts, and it was my first time I ever put ice skates on in my life. I had played roller hockey already, but I never put on ice skates in my life. So it was kind of like you were saying, like, just trying to play, like, left handed or whatever. I was like, oh, maybe it'll transfer, you know, put on these ice skates. And it didn't. I was really bad. But someone took a slap shot and it got deflected into the. Onto the stands. So whatever. I didn't think anything of that. At the end of the tryouts, I went back, got my clothes, got my bag, walked back out.

And my. My stepmom was out there with her eye was this big. The ambulance was there. She bleeding, black and blue, stitches, everything. The puck hit her right in the face.

Oh, my.

During my tryouts. Yeah.

Oh, my go, dude.

Right in the face. I was like, oh, my God. Like, it was. Her face was this big. Blood everywhere. She was already black and blue. A gash right here.

Does that happen all the time to her? No, just the people in the crowd. The people in the crowd get hit.

I got it.

Yeah. They had to put up nets because a couple people died. Jesus. Yeah.

Yeah. And this is a high school kid.

Oh, my God.

That was a high school deflection. Like, imagine like, the devil's taking slap shots at you.

Yeah, bro, that's crazy. Yeah. Those guys taking slap shots at you. Could you even react to it? Like, when did you see it coming? Like, could you see the puck?

It was like a split second battle between whether I would, like, try to, like, actually block it or just, like, wince and take it. Because it was like. It was faster than, you know, I was prepared for, obviously, like.

Right. Can you skate?

Not these days. You know.

Something interesting. That picture that we've always seen, me find it like this. Yeah. It's not real. Right. It's a recreation of all the times he's had stitches in his life. This says it's what. But the scars in his face are real. What a woman would look like if the other one. 16 years of professional hockey. The problem is, like, the one on the left, you can't really see very good. He's very shadowy, but you could tell he's got scars everywhere. You know, those guys just took it in the face all the time. This says that the first guy wore a mask in 1929. This guy. When did they figure it out? Yeah, look at him. He's. His nose is Already busted. He's like, all right, I'm putting a mask on. That guy's probably a genius. He.

He had the mask and before he got his nose busted, like, really well, like, he got. His nose is actively busted, Right?

Maybe. So he didn't have the mask on afterwards. That's what I'm saying.

He's like, let me put this thing on.

Or maybe he broke his nose with the mask on. I mean, if you take a full one to the nose.

Yeah.

It's not like. It's not a smash against your nose. It's gonna smash. One of them had the blood going through there. You go right there. The blood is going through the nose. Oh, God. It's just a hole. Yeah, but, dude.

Yeah, that's a hard sport. Built different.

That is a hard man sport. And it's the only sport where you're allowed to fight to this day. Crazy.

Just let him have it.

It's the weirdest thing you think is grandfathered in.

Yeah.

All.

And all the, like, extra precautions now and the CTE stuff and all that stuff, and it's out the window. It just hasn't even permeated.

Yeah.

Like, they haven't had a meeting, not a vote. It's just like. No, the guys need to fight.

It's crazy. It's part of the sport.

Do you feel like it's less fighting now, or. No, I don't know.

I don't watch hockey.

I haven't watched in a minute. Yeah.

You know, I grew up in Boston. If you said you had to be like, say it in whispered tones. I don't watch hockey because people would get mad at you. There's a big Bruins town. Everybody loved hockey, but for me, I was like, I don't like being cold. So I don't. I don't like skating. I don't have time for this.

Yeah, it's a lot. It's involved. You need something. But it's a fun sport to watch.

It's a really fun sport to watch. It's fast as it's. You got to be in a really good shape to play hockey because those guys are just moving. Move, move, move and move and move. And it's like this delicate balancing actor doing on metal.

Graceful, too.

Yeah.

As much as it's as. It's just, you know, Brute.

Sure. Like, when you watch a guy like Bobby Orr in his prime, the way he was able to maneuver through people, the movement. It's crazy. Yeah. It's beautiful.

Swans.

Yeah. It's like a dance. It's A dance and a sport at the same time.

Time.

Really amazing sport when you think about it that way. And then the speed of it, too. It's a fast sport, man. Like, you cannot be out of shape and play that sport.

That was the only time I was in shape in my life, probably.

It's fitness, man. You're constantly kind of sprinting. Yeah. With skates, you know, you move so much core movement.

And when I did that, I skated everywhere. Like, I was roll. I played roller hockey. Verse. But when I was. When I was like, in my, like four or five years that I was like, obsessed with it, I played every day. I roller skated every. Everywhere.

Oh, wow. So you were with that guy out there roller skating on the streets? Yeah, like a. Wow, man.

Yeah.

Well, that's smart. That's a great way to keep up those skills. Like, you're going to have to walk anyway. You already know how well you can skate. Why not just skate there?

Yeah, it was kind of like skateboarding. Like, why wouldn't I get there like five times faster or whatever.

The dudes try to knock you over.

Ever when I played hockey?

No. When you're skating bottom, you know, you see with roller skates on, kind of. Kind of tempted to go. This guy.

I mean, I wasn't. I. I wasn't like. It wasn't like roller skating, like, on Venice beach, like, with like my headphones and like, you know, I didn't look like, you know, a cornball. I just. I just.

You know, some people, they don't like people in roller skates. Like, some. When I lived in California, motorcycles were allowed to split the lanes, you know.

Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah. Which is crazy. It's really dangerous. But if you have a motorcycle, you can get by in traffic when everybody else is. You zip them up right through. And I remember one time I watched this guy see this dude coming up beside us, and I moved to the left to give this guy a little room so he could pass. And the dude in front of me moved into the lane on purpose to stop this guy from passing him for no reason at all. And that's gonna happen with that too?

Yeah, yeah. No, I don't. I don't recall really. It was good for my curfew because I used to go to my girlfriend's house. My dad was like, you have to be home by like 11:11. And it was like, probably like a couple of miles. And so, like, that's a long time.

To be not running any bullies. Yeah. Guys out there that would just make that decision. You know, him. Knock him off.

I just used to lace them up. And there was actually a huge hill, like, half. Halfway there. Like, I got up, down. Yeah. I mean, flying. So I just stood. Stand. And I'd be going, like. I'd probably be going like, 30. 30.

Oh, my.

30 miles an hour. If I wiped out, it would have been bad, but.

And if someone pulled out.

Right.

Was there any cars that could have possibly.

No, it was. It was a service road of a highway, and it was late at night, so I wouldn't do it if there was cars.

You're doing it late at night on service road or the highway. You know how crazy that sounds?

Yeah, but it wasn't that crazy. It wasn't that crazy. But I would get home in five minutes, whereas normally it would have taken me, like, 15 minutes.

Been a nice little workout.

Yeah, Yeah. I gave all that up.

Yeah.

I remember when I got out, like, into the workforce, I was out of college. One of my buddies was like, you want to go shoot the puck around today? I'm like, I haven't done it in, like, five or six years. He's like, let's go. And we went. And we went to, like, a little roller rink that. Like a hockey rink there. We. We skated around for about. I must have been 20 minutes. You know that burn that you get in your throat, like, the trachea stuff is when you haven't. Like, maybe you don't, because you haven't. Like, you're consistently working, working out, but, like, when you're not in shape and then you try to play a sport or something, and it just feels like your insides are on fire. Have you felt that?

Not like that. I know. I don't know what you're saying, though.

Like, almost start to, like. Almost, like, cough up, like, phlegm and stuff.

So this is like you. No cardio at all? No nothing.

Man, I felt like I was gonna have a heart attack.

You're doing that out of, like, if.

Just like, maybe, like, five years removed.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah. Just five years of not working out at all, and then you try to skate. I would imagine. Imagine. Yeah. Your body. Unfortunately, your body will just fall into a state of disrepair. Leave it alone. It's like if you have a house, if you own a home, one of the things you find out as soon as you get your first home is breaks all the time. There was always some pipe that breaks, this that goes out, there's that. That up, the AC's broken. There's always something you're always. That's the same with your brother body. It's the same. And if you put it into a state of disrepair and you don't fix the ac, you don't.

My pipes are bad.

The pipes are bad. You don't deal with it. You just let your house flood. Like, that's the problem. The problem is most of us, you know, are like, bad landlords.

Yeah, that's me.

We're like slum lords for our body.

Yeah. I'm trying to change it.

No, you are changing it. Don't say trying. Trying makes it seem like you might quit. You're not gonna quit.

That's right.

There you go.

He told me when I. Because I'm gonna be here and I'm away from home the next week, he's like, you got to go at least three times and send me pictures of yourself.

We could work out here. Yeah, I got a gym right here. Yeah. Yeah, we can wear it after the show.

I wouldn't want to bring you down, bro.

No, we just have a little workout. Just a little something. Yeah, yeah. If you want to keep doing it. Yeah. If you want to keep it up while you're here. The. The main thing about working out is momentum. It's number one more than anything else is momentum. And if you lose your momentum, momentum, then it's hard. Hard to get going. But once you get going, you get a couple workouts in a row, you're like, oh, this is it. I do it. This is what I do. Yeah, we're doing it again. Just don't kill yourself. Don't get yourself to. When you wake up, you're like, oh, yeah. Oh, and you're so sore, and you're gonna go to the gym right now. That's kind of stupid.

Yeah.

You really shouldn't. You should never. Don't. You're not a pro athlete. Don't get yourself to that spot. But as long as you just keep doing, doing it, that's the key. It's just. I think that's with almost everything in life. That's what alcoholics say. It's, you know, one day at a time. They just. Next day, next day, get some momentum. Now I'm not drinking for two years. Now I'm not drinking for five years. I got all these coins and shit. Yeah, it's the same thing. It's just like, we. We have to just make healthy patterns, and you can do it. You're doing it right now.

The next time I come back, I'll.

Be like, gonna be Jack.

Sorry. Off next time. I'm not, I'm just, I'm just looking to live longer, you know.

It looks good. Shane. See how big he got? No, Shane's been working out here. Yeah, yeah, Shane has been working out like super regular. He got really into working out. We started doing these comedians workouts here and then park thing. Yeah. Shane got my friend Sean to start training them and Sean. Yeah.

I talked to Shane yesterday, but I haven't seen him. I, I actually. You know what's so funny? The last picture I saw of him, like, or not the last picture, but recently I saw he was filming this. That John Madden movie.

Oh, yeah.

And that paparazzi took that photo of him in character with the mustache coming out of his truck.

I haven't seen that.

It was an unflattering shot. Like he's, he's talked about it and that's so that's the last thing I like really saw. And is it. You could probably pull that. You could probably. It's pretty freaking funny. You could see he locks eyes with the photographer just as he's coming out and. And it's like he's already meant to look, I think frumpy from the character.

That's hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's hilarious. That's awesome. He's gonna be.

And he's Jack.

John Madden. He'd be perfect. Well, he first.

I don't think he's. Is he Madden? No, I don't think he's Madden.

Who's he supposed to be?

He's just someone in the Madden universe.

Oh, Nick Cage is John Madden, which.

I can't see at all in the.

Movie is Al Davis. Oh, really? Oh, wow. Destroyed photo of Nicholas Cage as John Madden. I want to see that. Oh, that's young John. Matt. Well, that, that's Nicholas Cage.

Yeah.

Oh, the hair does look like Madden's hair. Yeah, but no, they did a little something to his face. They did a little something. Wait, didn't they? Wait, no.

How funny is you looked at shame and said that he was John.

I thought he was John Madden.

I thought he was John Madden. He could pass for him. He could pass. I swear when I, when I first CL. Shades, I said this. I said this.

Oh, there it is. Oh, yeah. They definitely did some stuff to him. They did some stuff to him. Yeah. He's got like a face thing on. Wow, that's crazy. He looks like a man. Like even the body. They got the body right.

Yeah.

That's nuts. Christian Bale.

Wow, is that Christian Bale?

That's Christian Bale. That's nuts. That guy's a chameleon.

Wow.

Yeah. That'll be sick. Wow.

Biopics, man. Man.

Those two guys. Oh, wow. That's cool. What were we just talking about? We're talking about guys getting. Oh, then Shane got big.

He got.

Got stout.

He must be putting in work then cuz I'm. I'm also like only doing it three days a week so. Because I just started and I don't want to like, you know, I don't.

Know if he's been on it recently because he just did t. He's about to do tires again. He's like, you know, the boy's busy. I know fell was busy.

I know every time I'm killing it. I know.

I love it.

Love to see it.

He's the man.

I, you know what? I got shit for. After the last time I was on what I. I. So many people came up to me after the last time I was like, dude, I saw, you know, the Rogan episode and you didn't finish a story. And I'm, I'm. The amount of people that said this to me, I must have been like, really? Yeah. I, I started to tell you a story about an experience I had. I thought think with a ghost because I never. I didn't believe in ghosts and I, I guess I started to tell and didn't finish it. Can I tell you the amount of people that can't do. It's like, what the man? You can't start.

You can't just start it from the end though.

I know you're gonna have to start anyway.

So that's how the beginning. Retell the beginning of the story because otherwise people are gonna go, what the is he talking about? Then they'll have to go back and listen to the whole podcast.

So many people though, that I finally, I was like, I. I swear to God, if I go back to on I will bring it up and I'll try to retell.

Let's retell the story.

I just, I'm doing this for them. I just. I don't know how great the story is. I. So we would talk. I. Saying hi just. I don't believe in them, but I had this experience. I don't know what to make of it. Okay. Okay. So. So I was. I lived alone at the time and I. When I go to sleep at night, I lock my. I lock my. My bedroom door. It's just something I do. So I locked my door and, and I was laying in bed and I had the television on. And a lot of times I'll put the TV on mute, but keep the TV on when I fall asleep, something I do. So I was telling you how. Because I sleep with a CPAP machine, how I would wrap myself up in a cocoon because I had an air source. So I like. It's like a sarcophagus. I put everything over my head and I tuck in my feet and I put my. I swear, you just see a tube coming out. Oh, it's amazing. It's like the sensory deprivation things. Right, Right.

Okay.

That's what it's like.

Okay.

So I got used to that. So anyway, I had just. I was wide awake. I just muted my television and I wrapped myself up like a fucking burrito, and I had the CPAP on. I'm laying there and I always stick, like, one foot or one hand out. It's just a nice, cool breeze. It's like a fun little thing to do when you're wrapped up like that, right? And I had my hand out, so this was out. And I'm just laying there, and I thought I heard something or somebody. I don't know if it was talking or I heard what I thought was, like, the door open, I suppose. Like, again, wasn't asleep. I wasn't asleep. I was just.

I was just about to fall asleep.

I wouldn't even. Like I just laying there. Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah. I didn't sleep and wake up or nothing like that. And I wasn't. It was. I wasn't laying there 20 minutes. It was not like that. And I. I'm laying there and I heard walking or the door or something. And so I listened more intently, and I didn't hear anything again. And then all of a sudden, I felt. I don't know if it's a hand, whatever you want to call it. Pressure, squeak, squeeze. Oh, right here on my hand, right? I just. I just felt my hand get squeezed. And I. What's going on in my mind is I thought there was an intruder in the house initially, right? So, like, intruder came in the house. And I know I'm feeling this. I'm like. I'm like. This all happened in seconds. But I'm thinking, okay, I heard something. Now, this pressure on my hand, and it went tighter and tighter, and I'm like, someone is squeezing my hand right now. I have to act like I'm not feeling this because I don't know what's about to happen. But then I started in the same vein.

I'm like, if this was a Home intruder. Why would they do this? It doesn't make any sense to me. Like, so aren't they gonna wake me up? Like, wouldn't they try to get in and out? I'm thinking of this in a split second and the pressure is such that it actually begins to hurt. Not hurt like, ow, get off. But like, like, oh, that's squeezing, you know? And I'm like, all right, I am going to have to jump up and fight right now or something. Something's happening here. And I said, are you awake? Are you awake? I'm like, I'm awake. I'm awake right now. I'm laying here, I'm looking, I'm feeling my hand. I am fully awake. And I was like, I feel like I either have to count to three, jump up and get ready to fight, or I'm vulnerable and I don't know what's going to happen to me. I might as well just take charge of the situation, whatever I can, right? And I just took a breath and I was like, all right, here I go. And I. And I did. They let go. They let go. I felt the pressure release off my hand.

And so that's when I was like laying there with it limp. And I was like, I'm going to jump up right now and I'll just. Whatever happens, hands. And it was like nerve wracking. And I just jumped up in my bed, up. So I was standing on the bed. I like, threw the things off and I just like, was ready to. And there was nothing there on my door.

How long was something squeezing your hand for?

I'll say less than 10 seconds.

That's a long time.

Yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe like 10 seconds. Because it was. First it was on me, and then it was more pressure and then more pressure and then let go. And then when I jumped up, no one in my room, door locked. And so. And I was like, I'm up. I was up. I was just up. I'm not like sleeping. And it freaked me out. I turned every light on, opened my door, walked around the house. I almost like, I was like, do I look? Leave?

Like, maybe the aliens thought you were trying to kill yourself.

What?

Maybe the aliens. Maybe. Maybe that's what it was. Maybe it was an alien came down. Like, hey, buddy, you wouldn't. Wrapped up, all right? You're wrapped up with a tube coming out. He's like, this guy might be offing himself. We've never seen this before.

I want an explanation.

They're like, when the people sleep, they never sleep with their Head covered. We need to get in. And they just went in and just grab his hand. We need Sal to stay alive.

It definitely looks weird from the outside when I sleep. Like, if you saw a picture of it, it looks like. What the fuck going on?

Shane was telling us a story the other night about how he had, like. Like. You know, they talk about, like, sleep paralysis demons.

Yeah, he had sleep paralysis.

He had an experience of, like, a thing standing over his bed with, like, a white face, like. Oh. And he couldn't move.

This happened to Shane?

Yes. And I go, dude, how many.

Was. Was he.

No, he said he was sober. He was younger. Yeah, he was like. I think he said he was 23 or 24 when it happened.

Yeah. Okay.

So I go, dude, you got a. Abducted. I think the aliens came. Yeah.

Oh, sh.

Yeah, I think that's what he was seeing. I think he was waking up from it, and there was one right there, and they had him paralyzed.

Yeah.

I don't know why, you know, why.

An alien would be in my bedroom.

Well, I think there's aliens that monitor a lot of people, if they're real.

And there's a lot of stories. How'd they get in, though?

Because that little thing just clicked. They could just appear. They go through. Right through walls, apparently.

Doesn't matter.

I think if they've let. If they've reached a level of technological superiority where they could travel instantaneously through vast distances in space, which is what they think they're able to do. Like, able to bend gravity and just. And just, like, reappear on the other side. They just go right through your wall, bro.

Okay. Why are they playing with my fingers?

Because they like you.

They're bending time and space. They're traveling. And they get to my. My little one bedro apartment, and they stand in there and watch me with my CPAP and then squeeze my three fingers.

Maybe they like your sense of humor and they would like you to stay around, and they think you're a positive contribution to the culture, and they don't want to mess up the delicate balance of the human race. They need more funny people. Maybe that's it.

It makes no sense, though, right?

Of course it doesn't make sense. UFOs don't make sense. Aliens don't make sense.

I don't mean ghosts don't make sense either. I don't mean.

So in your hand doesn't make sense. No, it doesn't make sense.

But I. But I. It just. It sucks that I'll never have an answer.

Well, it could have been just a spasm. And one thing that could happen is your hand could have locked up for whatever weird reason, because it happens all the time. It could happen with your foot. It could happen.

But I know that whatever it feels like to be locked up, this. This felt as. As pure as can be. Like a. Like this, doing this.

You ever be watching TV with your wife and you start snoring and she goes, are you asleep? And you're like, no. Yeah, but you really were. Yeah. Do you think maybe you thought you were awake, but you were, like, right there? I mean, you're in.

The only explanation I got, you got.

A tube in your mouth, you get the cpap, you're wrapped up like a mummy, and then something's grabbing your hand. Maybe you're dreaming.

That thing would have been probably scared. When I jumped out with the mask.

Oh, my God.

No, but.

Or aliens.

But. But, but here's the thing. I really took inventory before I jumped up to fight. Like, I was like, I am a awake. I am feeling this. I am not sleeping. I know.

While you were feeling the pressure on your hands.

Yes. Like I was saying to myself, I'm one. You are 100% awake. Like, this is happening to you right now.

Okay. Aliens. Yeah.

What?

Aliens are ghosts.

Ghosts is what I thought, but yeah, maybe. What's the point?

Well, ghosts seem to be in places where people die violently. Like the Comedy Store is a good example that the Comedy Store used to be Ciro's nightclub. So it was owned by Bugsy Siegel. So for sure somebody got whacked.

Whacked.

Somebody got whacked. And, you know, there's also talk that, like, they use the basement to do illegal abortions. It's like there's a lot of, like, folklore around that place because it was a mob run nightclub.

They're gonna have to start doing that again soon.

But so many people that worked there over the years that I was there, so many people that like. People that were like late night bartenders or. Yeah, they all had weird. A few comics. A few comics that were like, reliable, reasonable people had bizarre experiences. Yeah. Carl LeBeau was asleep on stage. He said he got kicked out of his house. Him and his wife got in a fight, left. Fuck you, I'm going to make it. You know, goes his girlfriend at the time, I think. I don't even think it was the same person, but. But anyway, he's at the Comedy Store, sleeping on the stage, and he hears the seats clink around in the dark, like something's moving. The seats. And he goes, hey, it's. It's me, Carl. I got kicked out of my house. I'm just sleeping on stage. He doesn't hear anything. And then all of a sudden something grabs his ankle and drags him off the stage onto the floor and starts pulling him through the crowd and then just lets go. And then he hears a door slam and then another door slam on the outside. Outside. And he's laying in the middle of the Comedy store main room.

There's no people there. He has no idea what the happened. He didn't see anything. He just felt something grab him and drag him off the stage and into the crowd. And he never. He wasn't like a guy who'd made things up, right? He didn't have any other stories, like.

But it's not like a. One of the workers or another comic with him?

No, I don't think so. No, I don't think so. They would have definitely told them after a while. And also I don't think so because he didn't see them. Like, he was like, I didn't see anyone grab me. He's like, it's dark in there, but it's not perfect darkness, right? He's like, I didn't see whatever grabbed me and pulled me off the stage. It's like, maybe they didn't like someone staying the night there. Maybe that's their time. Like you would want to do all your. During the day with your bookkeeping and then at nighttime with your stupid jokes.

But once you guys leave, it becomes the ocean.

It's mine. Yeah, it becomes the ocean.

It gets dark.

Dark. You just get to see a place where a bunch of people died.

Damn. Yeah, there was a lot of. There's a lot of suicide there, right?

At the store? No, there was just one next door at the hotel. Next guy jumped off the roof. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was during the. The days where the comics weren't making any money. So what is this comedy store? Popular night. So what does it say? One of the snazziest, snazziest nightclubs during the 40s and the 50s. Built by nightclub impresario William Wilkerson in the late 1930s, Ciro's offered top entertainment, a swanky hangout for Hollywood stars and other high profile people, including gangster Mickey Cohen, who used the club as his base of operations and had peepholes, drills into walls so he could see who was coming and going while dancing, drinking and dining. Went up on upstairs. Ciro's basement with the site of darker doings Mob henchmen beat, tortured, and killed, killed those who did not repay debts, owned competing clubs, betrayed trust, or crossed the mob in some way. Pregnant showgirls and mob girlfriends received illegal abortions with at least one woman dying from her abortion. Waitstaff, security guards and office workers have reported seeing a frightened man in a World War II bomber jacket who fades upon sighting a huge black phantom in the basement.

Basement. And a man in his 1940s garb walking around the premises and through walls. They have heard a woman wailing in the basement when no one was there. Have experienced strange pranks such as chairs stacking themselves in the. In the middle of the stage and perfectly set tables becoming unset. Yeah, everybody that I knew that worked there for a long period of time had something weird happen. But a few guys saw through things. Like, one of the guys, I forget his name, man. It was like a old school comic that was hanging around there said that one night when he was a doorman, he was going into the back bar area and some guy. He saw some guy walk through the swinging doors, you know, because there's like two sets of swinging doors. So he walks in, and as he's walking in, he sees this guy go through the other set. He's like, hey, we're close. Closed. And he goes out into the hallway. Dead, empty. I mean, instantaneously goes from seeing the guy walk through to, hey, man, we're closed. There's a long hallway and there's no one. No, no. No one ran. No one.

Nothing. He's like, dude, I saw a guy. He. He pushed open the. The saloon doors. And it's not just him. Multiple people have had weird stories like that. And I always wonder, like, if someone dies in some horrific way like that. That. That's like, very violent. Maybe it leaves, like a memory. Maybe it leaves, like a stain of what? You know, the universe. Force the peace. Love. Force of the universe is so disrupted by this vile act that it leaves.

This stamp set, like.

Yeah. This haunted memory that exists in the space because, like, they have to tell you if someone was murdered in a house.

They do?

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that.

I think there's a timeline, you know, like, you can't say in the 1920s, someone was murdered because someone was murdered at army, our club. Someone was murdered in our club in the 70s. No.

Wow.

Yeah. I forget the story, but the point is, like, if you buy a house, like, they have to tell you, they.

Have to disclose it.

Yeah. Not every state. Some states, California does, but Texas, it says, does Not. We don't believe in that down here. We just bring in Jesus.

I'm doing this bit because my many.

States, there's no duty to disclose a death. Oh, so it's only California and Alaska. Alaska. What states make you. Texas and Florida. You do not have to have a general duty for deaths unrelated to the property's condition. What if, like, a wall is splattered?

What if it's like, because I. I am.

What? How many states make you tell? Those are the ones that believe in crystals.

Right?

Makes sensitive California. Right. Doesn't it. Doesn't it make sense? Alaska, California and South Dakota only three states. That's nuts. There's just a timeline, too. Oh, in California, three years. And in South Dakota, they. 12 months. Get over it.

12 months, that's.

So Alaska says just within the past year. Oh, a suicide too, in Alaska.

Why?

Listed as suicide as. Well, that's interesting.

What is the point of the 12, 12 months?

Get over it.

Like, who's.

Who's putting that Life moves on. Sal, we don't.

We don't have to let you know if it's more than 12 months ago.

That's actually shocking. I would have thought it would have been way more than that.

Yeah. That's crazy. That's crazy.

That. It really is.

I have. I just recently, when my wife was not home for a few days and I. And we were having the baby and everything, and I had to come home because I had work and I'd take care of my other daughter and stuff, and I was never in bed without my wife there. Like, I just. It was the first time I was like, laying in bed.

That's when they come get you.

That's when they got you. Right? Yeah, we know this. Right?

Because she can't defend you, Right?

Exactly. No, dude, this is a new bit I'm doing based on something that happened to us. So, you know, she. I'm on the road now, like, all the time for comedy, so she experiences that, but I don't. And I was like, oh, this is. I feel vulnerable. Like. Like, what if. Like I'm thinking. I was like, what if something. An intruder or a killer or something like that, you know?

Right. She.

So I'm thinking to myself, she's.

What's she.

What's she going to do if she's here? She's not going to do anything. Right. And I started to think, well, her being home is just a false. It's the illusion of security for me. She might yell, alert me to the killer.

Just need one extra Second, Yeah, she.

Might yell, alert me that that could help or the killer might kill her and I get away. I don't want that to happen. But that's just like what could happen, right? She's not there. I'm like, I need. I need something in this house. I don't have anything. So I didn't think anything of this, but I am. I Amazon primed a machete to the house, right? So it came the next day. She didn't come home till three days later. So I had the machete in the house now, like, I felt better, but I wasn't gonna get a gun. I just, you know, whatever. I think I couldn't get a gun that quick anyway, right? So I don't even know if it's whatever. So I get this machete. I have it in the. We have the king size bed. It's a split king, right? So I had it like in the crack of the bed, okay? So when she came home three days later, she got home at night. She hadn't been home in like six days. She took a shower. She had major surgery. She was healing. She just got in bed and it was already late at night.

And so I was in bed and like I went in bed with her and we shut the lights and I was laying out. I forgot that I didn't tell her that I ordered a machete. I forgot that it was in between the bed. So she. So she felt it and she's like, what is this? This? And I just was like. I knew she wasn't going to be happy about it because I got. So it's just like, you know, that's our machete. We got a machete, Amazon prime, the machete. And she's like, you're not keeping the machete. Long story short, when I was laying there without her for a few days, I was like, this is not a good weapon because I'm going to end up. If an intruder comes, I'm going to machete them, and then we can't live here anymore. You have to move.

Yeah, you have to move.

If you get into a machete fight with someone and you chop them up, you have to move right away.

Pretty much.

You don't even stay. Never mind.

Thanks.

You don't clean up, you don't stay the next day. And so I already started thinking, well, how do I sell this house then if I'm machete? Like, if I. If I hit someone, a machete in here, they die right here. That's bad for the listing. But I don't have to disclose it now. Now that I learned I don't have to disclose it because I was like having an internal conflict.

Hold on to it for a year or two.

I don't have to.

In New York, you don't have to tell anybody anything, right? Is that what it said?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So what were the states? I was worried about it.

Oh, you gotta just go, oh, that's.

Are you a cop?

That's a good move. People thought that was real. Yeah. That is the dirtiest trick they ever pulled.

Did you machete anyone here?

No.

You know, if you machete someone, you have to tell.

Got me. I'm an undercover cop.

Yeah, that's funny, man.

It is funny when you really stop and think about it because, like, that's such a crazy idea that you have to. That you have to tell them. They don't. They lie about everything. Like guys that infiltrate the mob, you know, like those kind of guys. Imagine if you have to tell, are you an undercover cop? That's so funny. Oh, you got me.

That blows.

Deep cover.

It's like, imagine if that was Joe Pistone.

I had Joe Pistone on the podcast. Did you? Yeah, yeah, recently.

He's.

He's amazing.

He's. He's 18 months in deep on the COVID One of the guys like, are you a cop?

Imagine. Oh, because if you say no, and you really are, the case gets thrown out. Could you imagine? Imagine.

Some type of like. Like lore or something.

Yeah, it's just like something they probably did on a TV show.

Yes.

You know, you gotta tell people believed that. When I was a kid, I remember people saying that if you're buying weed and the guy says that he's a kid cop.

Yeah.

Everyone wrote you.

I gotta ask him same.

It's completely complete made up stuff. But that's just one of those things you would hear when you were a kid.

Yeah.

You know, before the Internet, we just. Just checked to see the truth.

I thought it was really guy I felt. Not that I was doing anything that would have warranted me having to ask, but like, I did feel like a sense of like I got something in my back pocket. If something's like, if. I don't know, you know, if I'm. If I'm at a party, underage drinking.

Like, you know, you might be able to pull that out and rescue yourself. Oh, you got me. Get out of here, kid.

The best is the followup where if. If the cop says no and everyone's like, you know, you have to tell me if you are.

Like.

Like, then the cop caves. Oh, okay, fine, fine, fine, fine. I forgot. I had to tell you.

I forgot. What's the origin of that?

I don't know. That's so funny.

Do you think that was, like, a television show or a movie or something? I bet it was. It is like. I bet it was like a tool that they used on television. Or maybe it was like a CIA op to get people to think that they would be able to use that anytime so they don't worry about doing illegal.

Psyops feel like the good answer for everything. Although it's probably an episode of, like, Matlock or something like that.

Psyops also account for your hand grip. Somebody griping your hand. There's some remote viewer reached out some CIA basement, focused on your hand and squeezed it.

Do you know, I only learned what psyop. I only learned the term psyop with the drones recently.

Oh, really?

Yeah. I never heard.

Oh, that's crazy.

Yeah.

You. You never heard of psychological operations that are done on not just this civilization, but others?

No, I never heard. I mean, at least framed as a psyop. And then I was like, what is that? I was like, you know, because with the drones, man, I was. If that was a psyop, I was fully psyoped.

Well, I don't know what that was, you know, because they were gonna tell us supposedly, and then they kind of just didn't.

Yeah, yeah, but I was waiting every day. Trump was like, I'm gonna come when I'm in. I'm gonna give you the full download immediately. It's ridiculous. I'll let you guys know what's going on specifically. And then it was. It was. He said someone. He didn't then he never addressed. Then someone else said to him, like, hey, what was going on with those drones? What are you gonna tell us? And he was like, they're ours. And that's all he said. That was like. That was like five weeks of. I was watching drones outside. Outside my window every night. I had binoculars. Like, my wife's. Like, go to bed. You're gonna drive yourself crazy. I'm like, this is 12 drones outside right now.

Yeah. You can't discount the idea that they're not telling you the truth. Yeah, they might have been ours, too. That's the problem. It might have been someone else's. That doesn't mean anything. Yeah, but it doesn't mean.

But it's weird how the administration before him refused to say anything and let it get to a Female fever pitch, where people started to feel like, completely like. Not that I don't trust the government already, but like, it's. It got to a point where I was like, this is. How are they allowed to just. Just tell us. Oh, you're not seeing. It's there. That's not what you're seeing. Like, it just was like I. It was. I was getting like, really? Because now, you know, you think differently with kids and stuff like that. Like, what's going on here? Well, I started, like, I started Amazoning, like, dry foods, like survival manuals and stuff. I'm like, what is. Are we gonna go to war? Like, what is going on?

So there's a bunch of different possibilities, right? And all of them, they don't have to be truthful about it, nor would they be if it's a national security issue. It'd probably be better if they weren't truthful because people would freak out. It's also the potential that they are ours and they did them on purpose to see how people would respond.

Right.

So that's possible too.

Right, That I see.

It's also possible that they're not our. Ours, and there's someone else who's flexing on us. And they're doing it in a way where they're showing you we have technological superiority. Our stuff is way more advanced than yours. And if there would be a culprit in that regard, in my mind, it would be China.

China, right. That's what I thought at first.

China is so far ahead of the United States in drone technology. They're so far the United States in electric car technology. Like, they're doing some wild stuff over there. They make. I mean, at least Taiwan does. Makes all the semiconductor chips or a lot of of them. There's a lot of electronics that are being manufactured over there. They're very high level of sophistication for their engineering and all the design and all the stuff they're doing. They're doing some renewable energy.

They're light years.

Yeah. Singapore light years ahead of us. I think we're sleeping on how far advanced they are with certain stuff. They do drone shows that will fucking blow you away. They have synchronized drones that do, like, stories in the sky. Have you ever seen them? The Chinese drone shows?

I've seen, like, just light drone shows here where they're like. They form like an image or something like that.

See, this is the thing about regulations. Regulations are good. You don't want a bunch of drones flying around slamming into planes.

Right?

But the problem is if you only allow someone to fly these very sophisticated drones if they have a pilot's license, and then you regulate everything the way they do in America, and then you say, you can't make this and you can't make that, and we can't have this and you can't have that, you're stifling innovation. While in China, they're going hogwack. So they're not even thinking about regulating. They're making the best stuff they can make all the time. And they have the best minds that they can have working on them because they have to. Right, Go make me a drone army.

Right.

Jamie, pull up. Like the dragon one, when they had the dragon in the sky, dude, their is so far beyond what we're doing.

I know. And that's why I thought there was out there, that that was them and that was.

It could easily be that.

But then Trump was just like, it's just us.

It's us. Maybe that's what you have to say, because if you say that China's flexing on us.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, dude. Like they.

Oh, my God.

They have insane. And this isn't even the craziest one. They have other ones that are even crazier. Like, these things are nuts.

Oh, my God.

Exactly.

That's all independently flown.

100.

Like, every single one of those lights is.

Every single one of those is independent. They're all different drones and they all are moving to the sink of some program they created.

Oh, my God.

Unbelievable, man. And that's just the pretty stuff. Right. Now imagine if they're doing that. What kind of military stuff do they have? What kind of stuff do they have that can block signals? What kind of stuff that they have that maybe has some sort of a novel power source or a novel battery supply?

Right.

My friend saw one of them that just hovered overhead. He said this thing just hovered. He said it was as big as a fucking school bus and it was just hovering above his head. In New Jersey.

Yeah. They were like, the size of, like, cars.

He said it wasn't a helicopter, it wasn't loud.

Yeah.

Then it took off. And some of them, they said when they were going after them, they shut their lights off and evaded pursuit. Yes. They put jamming signals out so you could. You couldn't find their location. They were doing weird stuff. So if that is ours, then they're trying, like, look, if you're going to do a real military expert exercise, that's how you would do it. If you're gonna. If you. You're gonna say, okay, we're gonna, we're gonna plan this out, but we're not gonna let the pilots know what's going on. We're gonna start flying these things over and seeing how these jets interact with them in a real world environment. Tell them not to shoot, give very distinct orders not to be shot down because we're not gonna do anything hostile with these drones.

Right.

Let's see how good they are at finding them, tracking them. Let's like pressure test the system. So if they're ours, I would say that would be a good way to do it. Yeah, it seems a little unethical.

Yeah.

But you also get two things at the same time. You get the little psychological thing where you get to see how bad people freak out. Some people might freak out, Please look at my phone. Do whatever you want. Set an ALEXA in my toilet. Do whatever you want. Just protect me from the drones.

Yeah.

So you can find out how people react to the UFO craze, and then you can also find out how well our drones are at evading modern war warplanes.

Alexa in the toilet's not a bad idea as well. Don't tell yourself. Sure.

You're gonna have robots in your house that talk to you all day and report what you say to the government.

I do that now. I finally did chatgi. I did chat. I was telling you, I did chat. GPT. Finally I was like, I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna do this. I really want to do this. Then I was like, I don't also don't want to be left behind. Like, if this can, like, you know.

So it's gonna be enough. Inevitable. And it's, it's not just going to be inevitable. I mean, there's going to be versions of it that are going to achieve things that the greatest human minds couldn't even believe. Yeah. Couldn't even believe would be possible within our lifetime. That's what I think. I think it's going to get to a point when they have artificial general superintelligence and it's. What is it, 8, 2049? What's the year they think it's going to achieve? Like, it's peak intelligence. There's like, estimations, like a lot of these guys, they point, is it 2045 or 2049? There's like the Kurzweil guys didn't. Because that was that conference that Ari and I and Duncan went to back in the day. That was Kurzweil's thing. I think it was 2049. So if at 2049, like, what does the AI look like? Then it's like some super creature, some new type of life form, you know, some new super intelligent thing that we made.

Yeah.

And that's when the aliens land and when finally they go, finally, you guys made it 2040 and 2050. With some placing a 50% probability around this time frame. Predictions range widely, with some entrepreneurs and AI leaders being more optimistic, suggesting dates in the 2000-30s or even late 2000-20s, while others expected closer to mid century, century or later. Wow. Nah, bro, that's scary.

You know how I'm using it now? I just talked. I, I paid the 20 bucks and I, I, I named, I asked the, I gave her a female voice. Whatever, right? It's just fun, though. I mean, at least I'll have fun while I can with it. And I just said, I said, what's your name? And she said, just chat. No, just chat. GPT. I'm like, no, baby, can I call you, can I call you Stanky Ass? Whoa. Yeah. I just, just off the top. I was like, I call you Stank Ass. And she was like, I said, she goes, it's a bit crass, but I, I, I get why it's funny. Sure. So I was like, cool, can you just call me Big Pimpin whenever you talk to me? And she's like, all right. And I was like, and whenever we speak, no matter what I'm asking, can you please speak in 90s hip hop vernacular? She's like, yeah. So now that's just how, like, if I ask her something, she's like, yo, what up, Big Pimpin? She's like, let me get you that, you know, let me get you those, Whatever. She's like, let me find you a hydration tablet that's in the, you know, here, check it out.

Do you know how many guys are doing that?

Why?

You know, many guys are like falling in love with girls that they have AI girlfriends.

That's, that's, and I mean, that's, yeah, that's up. But that's, there's no doubt that's gonna happen. Hey, Stanky, are you there? Yo, Big pimpin, I'm right here vibing with you.

You, what you need.

Just hit me up and we'll keep it all hip hop and smooth. Like.

That's hilarious. That's so funny.

That's as far as I got.

Now. That's going to be a person in your house one day. That's going to be a person in your House. A really hot one in like a maid's outfit.

Not if I have anything to do with it.

Not you, but some guy out there listening. He's going to be talking to big pimp and we're. We're going to be in the Matrix in five years.

Don't. I can't. Every time I come, I can't leave here with a full blown new set of anxieties. I can't.

You're gonna need them. You're gonna need those anxieties for when society falls.

I can't.

You're gonna need to learn to use that bow and arrow. Yeah.

How about instead of the gym? How about instead of the gym you just take me just a little bow and hour practice. Just a little bit.

Get it to eat.

Well, just give me. Just give me enough. Like, if someone's running on my lawn, I could just take them out.

There's no such thing as a little. Someone could, like, show how you do it once. But if you want to learn like a traditional bow and arrow setup. I'm not the guy. Just do that.

Because the machete is not going to go that.

No, the machete. Also the grip. I don't like how close it is to the blade. I don't like.

I don't like that either.

Yeah, I don't like that. Although I did watch two guys in a machete fight in the streets, and one guy chopped the other guy's hand off and the other guy picked his hand up and left. Yeah, yeah, that's on Instagram. Tom Skura sent me that one.

He picked it up and left.

Chopped his hand right off. And that dude looked down, grabbed his hand and left. He's like, I guess this fight's over. I just lost a hand. Let me pick up my hand and fucking Skydle.

I mean, what do you think there? I mean, I guess this is better than dying. I guess he took the hand. He's optimistic.

Yeah, I mean, maybe they could stitch it back on.

Your hand gets chopped off, you don't run, you get the hand.

You talk about the caliber of doctors available in a place where you can get your hand chopped off in a machete fight in the street.

Right.

Right in front of a taco vendor. Yes, the veterinarian.

You gotta find a white.

Don't play it. Don't play it.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ. Why did I see it? Okay, play it. Do I watch the son of a. Bro.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, dude.

Oh, my God.

Dude. See, that guy already doesn't Have a hand. See?

Oh my God. No, I don't see and I don't want to see.

See how he runs off? He's missing his hand.

He's like I said on the leaded.

Bro, those guys hacked each other apart with machetes. So look, he's missing his hand. Look at him. He's like, where's your hand? Oh, it's over here, bro. And so this dude runs over and picks up his own hand. He runs over.

Oh my God.

Dude, he grabs his hand. Okay, we're done. Please.

Oh my God.

Please stop. Jamie. Why? Jamie. Amy, why did you do that?

I mean, he had to be in shock, right? Because he was. He was.

He looked composed or that happens normally in his neighborhood, you know, probably a bunch of one handed dudes out there.

Running around how many times without reattached before this? No, he strolled up to that.

I know.

He strolled up to it.

Freak out at all.

Yeah, he had to be in shock. That was the most non. It was like he was picking up a quarter.

Yeah, he's obviously not a healthy individual. His life circumstances are not the the best in a machete fight in the middle of the street, the two of them. Yeah, it's nuts.

And it wasn't like they were in the jungle. They were at a gas station.

Crazy decision to make.

What could they have been fighting over?

Probably a chick. Just the first of machete fight hand gives me seven different cases. No, don't. Don't show me anymore, Jamie. They're not on video, but it talks.

About it happening in different places.

Of course it has. I mean, imagine what life was like when people were so sword fighting all the time. Yeah, that was a normal thing to carry around a sword everywhere.

A lot of people had no. I bet it was very common to see people without limbs.

Oh yeah.

Like.

Like it was not missing half their face. Yeah, yeah, you probably.

What do they do back then? Cauterize it or something? Like how did they.

He probably died.

Yeah.

Yeah, I bet. Yeah. He got infected. Yeah. You know, they didn't even know how to wash things back then. So as soon as you, you know, you get any kind of horrible injury, you're going to get an infection.

I just learned how George Washington died. Did you, you hear about this?

No.

Do you never heard about how he died? It's pretty fucked up. He caught a common cold and then thought that he needed to. He needed to get his blood sucked out of him. What? And so he got people to put leeches on him. And the leeches Were just sucking the blood out of him. And it was like. It was like a cold. And then he got infected and he basically caught an emotion. I guess he was. He went out in the rain or something, something like that. And got a cold. And then he. It was a common cold. And he put leeches on. They sucked out his blood and then he was losing blood. And then he ended up doing more stuff to himself. He basically killed himself. Jesus.

Yeah, it's just a cold.

It was a cold. Yeah. I didn't know.

How did he know it was just a cold? Long ass time ago.

Yeah, well, that's what the research says. I mean, because on the show we made my buddy, maybe this is the.

Anti leech lobby, we reenacted his debt.

So there was like a. There's a walking tour in New York City, like a historical tour. And it ends at Francis Tavern, which is the oldest bar. And that's where Washington hung out. So we dressed them as Washington at the end of this tour. And we put leeches on him.

Oh, God.

But we pulled it from the actual story. It's kind of wild.

That is wild. And that's what killed them. Leeches extracted a half a pint of blood. Oh, God. A guy did. So Rawlins extracted half a pint of blood. Washington favored this treatment despite Martha's voice concern. Should have listened to Martha, bro. As he believed it cured him of past ailments. Washington was also given to a mixture of molasses, butter and vinegar to soothe his throat. This mixture was difficult to swallow, causing Washington to convulse and nearly suffocate. Jesus.

And the sicker he got. The sicker he got, the more he thought it was the blood. So he kept telling him to add leeches.

Oh, God. Yeah. A solution of vinegar and sage tea prepared for gargling. He was bled for the fourth and final time. It was later reported a total of 32 ounces of blood was extracted during the last bleeding. Some in the press criticized the practice of bloodletting used in an attempt to save Washington's life. Isn't that crazy, that bloodletting, which is fucking terrible for you. They used to think that that was a good thing back then. That is nuts.

Just drained all the blood out of himself.

Why did it. Who is the genius in 1775 or whatever it was. What year did he die? Had to be after that, right? It's like 1799. 99. Like who. Who's the wizard? Who was that? The top? He.

But guru. He. He commanded it.

Who was the Anthony Fauci of bloodletting. It's both safe and effective. And he's.

He got poor George, multiple doctors, but.

Somebody must have told him to do that. It wasn't his idea.

And he kept thanking them too. He was like, being gracious through it all. Being like, thank you so much for helping me.

That's so crazy. Five in the afternoon, Washington set up from bed, dressed, and walked over to his chair. He returned to bed within 30 minutes. Craig went to him, and Lear reported that Washington said, doctor, I died hard, but I am not afraid to go. I believe from my first attack that I should not survive it. My breath cannot last long. Soon afterwards, Washington thanked all three doctors for their service. Crake remained in the room. At 8 at night, more blisters and cataplasms were applied, this time to Washington's feet and legs. Is that what a leech is, a cataplasm?

I think so.

At 10 at night, George Washington spoke, requesting to be decently buried and to not let my boy body be put in the vault in less than three days after I am dead, huh? Maybe he just wanted to go, you know, it also could have been like, think about that guy. How many guys did that guy hack to death, you know?

Yeah.

During the Revolutionary War, like, what, what, what? What shit did he see a lot of machetes? How many muskets to the face did he see, you know? And he was at the front line, like, that fucking animal waded into battle. Yeah, you know, I stopped what at that time. And his life, he's probably like, just take my blood.

I had enough.

1899. How old was he when he died?

17.

All right. Yeah, 1799, rather. How old was he? 67. Yeah, bro, he was done. He was probably done. He was probably done.

I stopped watching Game of Thrones after season six just because. Just because I couldn't, couldn't. I couldn't bear to see one more slit throat.

And you see what that guy went. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Game of the White Wedding got me. I was like, am I really invested in the show?

I stopped. I don't know what happens after.

Like the Walking Dead. When they baseball batted that dude in the head, I was like, I'm out.

Yeah. I only watched, like, Glenn.

They killed Glenn.

Baseball in two or three. I only did no, you know what it was for me. And in Game of Thrones, they put like a little girl at the stake and Vernon at the stake. That was like the end of season six. I was like, why Am I watching this?

Yeah.

Like, it's just. It's not entertainment to me. This is like. This is, like, disturbing to me.

That show at times was very horrific. Yeah, very horrific, but also fucking awesome.

Yeah, it was intense. It was intense. It was like, really. It's a classic. But I don't. I didn't care. I was like, I can't watch another slip throat.

I know. There were some cool moments, though, that you get past the slit throats. There were some moments where Khaleesi had that dragon behind her. And you didn't see the dragon until like a couple of seconds before it burned the person she's talking to, this person and she. I don't. I forget what they had been guilty of.

Yeah.

But she's standing there, and then in the darkness behind her, slowly you just see this dragon emerge.

Yeah.

This enormous head that's right behind her is one of the coolest scenes in any show ever.

It's all drones and then it torches.

It looks so realistic. That's what's so crazy about cgi.

It was good to see all those characters get their comeuppance. Everybody got their come up.

That was the craziest thing about that show. Everybody died. I mean, the. The. The. The brother got his hand hacked off and you're like, what the. He's got no hand.

Yeah.

When that dude got killed by the mountain, they crushed his head like a grape. Don't remember that. About the treatments they gave George Washington. Other treatments he gave him during that period were enemas. Woo. And drugs to make him vomit. And something called blisters where they applied Spanish fly onto his throat. Throat. Which caused a painful blister again. To remove these terrible humors that are caused by the inflammation. Humors could have been there. Oh, maybe tumors that were caused by the inflammation. That doesn't make any sense. Tumors. But if the disease itself didn't get George Washington, the doctor certainly did. Yeah, man, he probably wanted to go.

He didn't have a disease, though. He had just a cold. And it just was all of these things. Blisters and suffocating with the molasses and the leeches and everything. It's like, I didn't. I didn't know that. I had no idea.

Every time he closed his eyes, he probably saw a bayonet through some guy's eyeball. That he did.

Yeah.

He probably saw some dude's head that he bashed against a rock. He probably saw some other dude that he battle axed in the head. I know, but it's like no one knew what PTSD was back then. Yeah, no one. You know, even in Vietnam they used to call it shell shocked, right? No one knew what PTSD was. And this guy had to have all of it, right? He had all of it.

Yeah. I mean, plus wooden teeth.

Slaves teeth, bro. He had slaves teeth and horse teeth in his mouth in a lead mold. Shane has a hilarious bit about it.

Oh, oh. When he went to go visit about.

The visiting the George Washington Museum. It's a hilarious bit. But the teeth are the creepiest looking things you've ever seen.

I didn't know that. I didn't know.

Oh, dude. Yeah, it was so creepy. They just made this concoction, the stick in his face where they pulled all the rest of his teeth out and get gave him this just full on set of fake teeth.

Really?

Oh, it looks insane. Like how bad was gum health back then that this guy had to get a full set of fake teeth?

I can't even imagine being back then having a conversation.

Oh God, the breath.

Just having a conversation with them.

Oh, just.

It's just a different time, man.

Well, if someone saw you walking down the street and they liked your shoes, they would just kill you and take your shoes.

Just kill you.

They would look at your feet, see if they're close to their feet. Feet just kill you.

Yeah. Washington couldn't wear Jordans anywhere.

No Jordans. No. Right. That is kind of happening today if you think about it that way.

Yeah.

In certain places. I didn't think about it that way. But life is definitely way more barbaric then. Way more barbaric.

What's the most we put up with now, really?

Well for now, not bad. But when the robots come, John Connor tried to warn us.

It's wild to watch those movies right now. I know those are kind of accurate.

Super accurate. Like disturbingly accurate. Like. And we're just waiting right into it, like, oh, we're gonna be fine. This is fine.

But we're all talking about it.

I forgot to tell you this. When you were telling me about the scuba diving stuff. My buddy Adam Green tree, he was free. Free diving. And these guys made. You know they have those really long flippers, the free diverse. Yeah, yeah, that's what they're called, right? Flippers, fins.

That's what I was saying. I didn't know.

These fucking guys made him this really cool pair and painted them fish scales and so no, it's not dope because he swims in a place where they have sharks. So he's spearfishing he shoots this fish and these bull sharks show up because apparently so many people spearfish that the sharks have figured out that the sound of that gun going off means there's going to be blood in the water and a wounded fish and they could steal it from the people. And so as he shot the fish, these bull sharks show up and they bite his fins off. Both of his fins.

But just the fins.

Just the fins. Because they think the fin is a fish. They don't know what the he is, but they think his fins are a fish because they've got scales on them.

I'm sure the fish helmet didn't help either.

No, did.

He.

Had gills and he was dressed in.

That's a fish.

Imagine that's your next thing they make you do after they hear this. We got something. We heard you like scuba diving.

They just, we talked about this last time. But I, I, I'm not good with jump scares. I, I, we talked about this. Like I'm just not good with it. They threw me in the horn as we talked about this.

Right, right.

So we just wrapped season 12. So like one of the last things, it's kind of my fault. Cuz we were going to put do this to Q. We're going to put him in a demolition derby and stuff and then have him not be able to finish until he canceled his cable. So insurance wouldn't let us do the demolition derby. So now we're in like Halloween time. They found this like this place in Jersey that's like a warehouse that they do. Like it's an insane haunted house. It's like these people come in and get into makeup like two hours before. Like it's like a really crazy one. They put me in this thing and I, and I was live on a live feed with an opera and I could not leave the haunted house until I canceled my phone, Internet and cable. I was in it for 42 minutes.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

Yeah, the first thing that happened was I got it went live on the feed. So I'm hearing it. I'm walking through this thing. A fucking warehouse. It's so, so insane. The first thing comes out is we are experiencing unusual traffic. You have a 2012-17 minute wait time.

Oh God.

So I'm going through the haunted house.

Well, that would make me calm down. Like after you get scared a few times. Like I get it.

No, no, no. What do you, what do you mean you get it? What do you get?

What? I get it the whole time. Yeah. But after a while, get Used to it? No, no, it got worse.

It was. It was like.

Did it ramp up?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was. Dude, it was like a warehouse. It was like. I never was in the. I was never in the same. Same room twice for 40 minutes. It was like a huge, huge place. And so you didn't know. Themes changed and demons changed and everything.

Sounds fun.

It wasn't fun for me, I'll tell you. This is an error. In hindsight, I shouldn't have done this. But I needed to know because I said to them, I said, look, I just need. If I'm really like, if I need to breathe for a second, if you're really messing with me, and I need for real for it to stop, I need you to let me know, truthfully, that you'll stop because I can't do this. My nervous system is going to be out of whack. It just. It just. This is how I respond to this stuff. And so they said yes, but I didn't believe them because I've had this happen in the past. Like we fuck with each other and we don't tell the truth. So I brought a taser with me because I. Or the stun gun. I brought one with me in there because it made me feel. At least if I felt that I needed one of these people to back off from me. And I took out the Taser.

Tase them and employee.

No, I wouldn't tase them, but I had it on me.

You showed them to scare it to them. To scare them with it.

And it came out. It came out.

Really?

Yes. Because after the 17 minute wait time, this guy came on and you have to think about this. Like, I thought he was going to continually hang up on me because I'm in a horn and how, like he's screaming and there's music and I'm screaming, I'm running around around. And so I said, as soon as he picked up, I said, just listen to me, please. And I'm being dead serious. I have to cancel my cable right now. And I'm in a haunted house and there's no other time I could do it. This is not a joke. I need to stay on the phone with you. So you're gonna hear screaming and me screaming and things happening, but please don't hang up on me, please. And the guy goes, I understand. So he stayed on the line with me after he picked up. It was like 14 minutes. So by the time I was like 30, 35 minutes in and they said these people weren't gonna touch Me. And they did. And like, I just. My nervous system was completely shocked.

They weren't supposed to touch you?

No.

What did the guy do?

They were grabbing me, running up to me, jumping from behind, like all that stuff like that. And so I was like. Part of me thought that it might be a little funny, but also like, it. They wouldn't come near me if I was going, you know, like. So I was like, this is my way. And I took it out and I did it. And I didn't realize though, like that like the afterward I found out that the guy that owns the place, they were watching on like the closed circuit televisions and he freaked out because like, he's like, he has a taser. Like, what is he. You can't. He can't do that. Like. And you know those people, they're supposed to still come at me, but like, when I. But they played it really cool, they were just like, you know, like, they were like surrounding me and everything. And I was like just hitting the taser on it. But I put it away after a few minutes. But I like, it did give me like a respite that like they weren't going to give me. But after I canceled the cable, they were like, it happened like sooner than they thought.

So and they were like, cancel phone. Then I enter cancel phone. They added canceling Internet. So I stayed on with this guy, cancel phone, Internet and cable. It took 40, 42 minutes. But I got. Yeah, but I had it. I had the taser and I. Sometimes you got to take, you know, into your own hands, you know, I understand. So I did.

I did. It would been have fucked. It would have really sucked if you actually tasered somebody, though.

I had enough. You have been taser to not do it? No.

Don't you want to know what it feels like when you have one?

I've been shocked really bad by large dog. Like dog shot. Yeah. So I guess I don't know if that's the same, but what is that?

What is the difference between a dog shock collar and a taser? Like, there's also different kinds of tasers, right? There's like really powerful taser tasers and then there's tasers that are like I had.

They did this to me two times on the show and so how bad is it? It's. It's so bad it might be online. They put them around my arms and.

Legs at the same time. All four.

All four at the same time.

Then they had check to see if that'll kill You.

They didn't. And my. My wife was like, you have to go to the doctor, because you can.

Dude, that's a lot of electricity.

It was like. It was like, a hundred times they shocked me, Right?

Oh, my God.

They made me give a museum tour. So I was a tour guide in the museum. I had him under my clothes, and I couldn't let the people know that anything weird was going on. So I'm giving a tour of this museum, and the whole time, they're shocking me under my clothes, and I, like, can't let on to people in my tour group. And I didn't want to feel the shock until I was on camera, because I was like, I'm not gonna take any extra shocks.

Right.

So they take. They shocked me for the first time on camera, and I. I almost jumped out of my clothes. I was like, I can't do this.

You can.

You can't do this. I had to do it, because you can't say no to a punishment.

Yeah, but it seems like that punishment hadn't been really vetted out.

It really wasn't.

Four collars is probably too much. Like, they could have killed you. Imagine.

Well, listen, so the next season, they did it again, and I was at a seance, and I was like a psychic medium.

See how many collars.

This is, how dumb I am, because I think I did irreparable damage for real, because we went on tour after that.

All right, here's the difference. Dog collar, 400 volts to 7000 volts. Taser, 50,000 volts, sustained 1200 volts. So it looks like initial 15. 50,000 volts sustained 1200 volts. So a taser is a lot worse initially. But go back again. Go back again, Jamie. But the thing is, like, you have four on, so you don't have one dog.

They hit me one at a time, though.

You have four.

I just don't know where it's gonna come from.

Oh, I see. Yeah. Okay.

But if they held it down, like, you literally go like this. Like, you can't move.

You go like, oh, that's crazy.

Yeah. I. I'm saying it now, and I'm like, this should have never happened.

All right, well, if they only did one at a time still. That's a lot.

It's a lot.

Dude, that could really hurt you. Like, did they check your heart? Did they check your heart? Did you go through an EKG or anything like that? Man, Jesus, man. That's silly.

I'm. I'm wor. Because when we went on tour, after that, I thought it was, like, funny to do live. It hurt bad. But, like, so for the whole tour, I would show like a clip from the television show and then be like, I'm gonna tell you this story about, like, this time I have. Did I tell you I have tattoos of Jaden Smith on my body? Like, photorealistic tattoos of Jaden Smith on my thighs?

I don't think you did, no. Is that something you had to do?

I had to do, yeah. So I was telling the story of that while hooked up to the Shotgun Dollars, like, at the show. And so they could. They called up someone from the audience and they stood behind me and they can shock me. While I was doing this bit about Jaden, like, whenever they wanted. And we did that throughout the tour.

Oh, my God.

And I just always, like, thought, like, well, if they do it to a dog, it's safe. That's.

Has Jaden seen this?

He. He posed for that one.

That's hilarious.

But the first one, he's 21 there. The first one right there is when he was 15. He. He didn't know about that one. And I. And I saw him in public and I showed him it.

What did he say?

It was really weird sound.

That's so ridiculous.

It's on my thigh right now. It was weird.

We have to keep it there. Can you cover it up?

It was. The spirit was that I have to keep it forever. Live with it.

So spirit, what kind of show is that? Like, you need to come up with some stuff to do to them last for your whole life.

I know.

Commitment to the bit. Listen, put something else on. Puppy. I know. Puppy. Put a puppy face over that thing. He.

He was. It was at Comic Con and I saw him walking because he was dressed as Batman. Jayden was dressed as Batman. There was this, like, month in the press where he was walking around everywhere in a white Batman suit.

Okay.

And I saw that white Batman suit is on there. And I was like, that's Jaden. And I had it. And so I ran up to him and I'm like, jaden, you don't know me. I'm sorry, but I had to show you this. And I went to go low on my pants, and his security got grabbed me by the neck.

That's hilarious.

Yeah.

And then that's so funny.

And I was like, no, no. And then the other security goes, no, I know who he is. He's good. And I showed him it and he was like, oh, my God. This is the first one I've ever seen. Like, you know, and then as I'm showing it, I, like, kind of look up and M. Night Shyamalan is staring at us because they did a movie together. They were there promoting a movie After Earth, I think it was called. Jaden Smith was in this, like, this alien movie or this, like, outer space movie that M. Night Shyamalan directed. And so I didn't realize because I. I didn't look at him.

What movie's that?

So M. Night was just staring at me. Show him he was 15 years old.

After Earth. Danger is real. Fear is a choice. I don't remember that.

Yeah. And so I just looked up, like, M. Night's looking at me, and I'm just like, oh, hey, man.

He's like, hey, oh, Will Smith's in it, too. That's right. Okay, now I remember it.

Yeah. And so then we shot the movie of, like, four or five years later, and they made me go to a movie premiere with him, and afterwards, there was a Q and A of the cast, and I. They made me, like, wear Daisy Dukes, like, short shorts so that his. His thigh was showing. And I didn't know he was in on it. He called me up to the stage, and I had to act like I was wearing a shirt that said number one Jaden Fan. So I had to look like a crazy person. I'm like, I'm the number one Jaden. He calls me on stage and he goes, oh, man. That was when I was, like, 15. I don't even look like that anymore. You got to update that.

Oh, my God.

And I was like, what? We left that stage, went right in that moment to a tattoo parlor, and he posed for the other. The other. Other thigh.

Yeah. That's commitment, dude. That's how you get to season 12.

That's how you got it.

Yeah. Yeah. Congratulations on that. That's awesome.

Thank you, man.

That's really kind of crazy. Like, I didn't realize it's been that long, but I remember when I was blowing up, everybody was talking about it back at the store. They were talking about how you guys are doing these shows on the road and selling out places and killing it.

Yeah. 2011.

That's crazy. That's crazy.

We got, like, over 300 apps now, and it's amazing.

Dude. Congratulations. Wild.

It's really awesome. Thank you, bud. It's.

That's. That's a huge accomplishment. And it's got such an awesome following, too. I mean, you guys have a huge following.

Yeah. The fans are great. The fans are great.

And you're at Kill Tony Tonight.

I'm at Kill Tony Tonight touring right now. I'm doing the Chicago theater in November.

Oh, that's a great place.

The Beacon. The Ryman. I've liked up, like, 50, 60 dates. It's on savalcanocomedy.com.

Beautiful.

Yeah.

All right, brother. Good to see you, man.

It's good to come back, man.

Thanks for having pleasure. Thanks for being here. All right, bye, everybody.